Is hetero dating different from gay dating?

[Eleanor Ritas]

So, I was shooting pool with a gay guy, a professional masseuse from the South, and he was telling me that "you straight guys are stuck in the pigshit."

I asked him to elaborate, and he claims that as a gay man, he exists in a fundamentally different dynamic than I do as a straight guy dating women.

His claims:

1. Straight dating is complicated by "the baby bullshit", which he elaborates upon as being the various pressures and difficulties that come with people pursuing dating and marriage as a means to having children (which I don't think is unique to straight people, gays can adopt, etc, but he says that's rare). He talked about "women and their biological clocks" and their "crazy hormones".

2. Gay dating skips all the socio-cultural baggage that comes with the various traditions and customs regarding how a man should treat a woman. I told him that was not something all straight people buy into, but he says that "so many girls and guys do buy into it, it clutters up the dating pool with frog-shit that people still carry around with them because of how their parents behaved".

3. Straight dating involves "meeting her parents and all that dogshit". I suggested that gay people probably do introduce their partners to their parents or whatever family and friends they have, but he said, "Yeah, but it's not the same expectations and goatshit as 'bringin' your girl home to your ma'."



So, I'm not gay, but I'm guessing every gay person is different. I think some are very traditional and conservative, and some aren't. So my opinion is that every dating situation is different, but that whether it's gay or straight isn't really a heavy determining factor in what it's going to be like.

Is this guy yanking me, or what? What do you think, NSG?

[New Aerios]

This guy seems to have a fixation on animal feces.

[Greater Weselton]

One type of dating is moral. The other is not.

[Benuty]

One type of dating is moral. The other is not.

According to your myth worship anyway.

[New Aerios]

One type of dating is moral. The other is not.

Inb4 liberal jewluminati lizard overlords will give your children the gay.

[Wisconsin9]

One type of dating is moral. The other is not also moral.

FTFY.

[Benuty]

One type of dating is moral. The other is not.

Inb4 jewHebrewluminati lizards giving your children the gay.

Fix that for you.

[Benuty]

One type of dating is moral. The other is not alsomoral.

FTFY.

RFTFY.

[Fortschritte]

One type of dating is moral. The other is not.

They're both moral, and one of them is fabulous.

[-Shie-]

I believe in God but dating is easier for gay men from what I heard, I don't know about lesbians. Most women aren't interesting on a platonic level. If you're in it for love then change your priorities if you're ugly. I feel terrible for the ugly guys that women ignore in their prime years for jocks. They have to wait a decade before women get old and start to consider them because they're less fertile and need a provider.

[Lykens]

Huh. Well, that's true, there wouldn't be any pregnancy scares, or running out of time to have kids. But I've met my fair share of guys with crazy hormones.

I don't really know how to respond to the second part. It's kind of hard to emulate how your parents behaved, because your parents are straight, and you aren't.

It's not exactly the same, as your partner's parents could be biblenuts, and meeting them might not be in anyone's best interests. But if they were non-biblenuts, I don't see a problem meeting them. But I guess it's a case-by-case basis, some people would, others wouldn't.

[Grand Britannia]

You should ask him for his tumblr account.

[Dread Lady Nathicana]

Given that whoever you are, it boils down to what you're looking for when dating, I think this is hogwash.

Anyone can be looking for simply a good time.
Anyone can be looking for a more meaningful relationship.
Anyone can have hangups.
Anyone can have fears.
Anyone can have concerns that are grounded in 'history' or 'societal acceptance' or 'familial acceptance' or the like.
Anyone can be afraid of being hurt.
And of course, anyone is capable of being as much of a prude, a jerk, a snob, or a downright wonderful person as the next, thus, no one is immune to the positives or negatives of the dating scene. It all depends on the individuals involved.

It's common sense that there are certain unique problems that may not be as great a concern, if any, simply due to the mechanics involved (pregnancy for gays for example), but still. For the most part, the emotions and efforts involved /can/ be rather similar.

I know the heartache when things go poorly for someone invested in a relationship certainly is, whatever your gender, preference, sex, what have you happens to be. Part and parcel of being human.

[Olivaero]

From personal experience as a bisexual who has dated in no particular order Straight girls, Bi Guys and Gay guys (no bi girls for Oli :'( ) At least one straight girl didn't give a fuck about all that stuff, however the majority, 3/4 to be precise did. 2 quite a bit so. Guys on the other hand the minority majority is flipped the other way only one strongly cared about the commitment stuff (the current one funnily enough) and the rest, again 3 out of 4 did not care so strongly. St least not enough to mention it beyond very occasional idle speculation and one of those was a 2 year relationship. So whilst my personal experience would seem to suggest there is usually a different dynamic depending on which sex you stick your dick in I actually think it has many contributing factors some which may tie into gender, after all if something is repeated to people often enough times that is the way they will eventually act because they feel like they are meant to, it's basically the whole principle of socialization, there are also many other things that cause these types of issues to be brought up such as personal Insecurity and how mature the person your in a relationship is or wants to attempt to be.

[Conserative Morality]

Dating is very cultural, and LGBT individuals sometimes are involved in aspects of a subculture that's risen up out of the exclusion of their relationships from societal acceptance. So, maybe? It can be? Sometimes?

[Eleanor Ritas]

Dating is very cultural, and LGBT individuals sometimes are involved in aspects of a subculture that's risen up out of the exclusion of their relationships from societal acceptance. So, maybe? It can be? Sometimes?

I would think there would be a lot of those subcultures, yeah?

Like, a guy man in 1970's New York may be part of a different subculture than a gay man in modern San Francisco or a gay man in Tehran on any day of the week?

Reflecting on what he said, his main thrust seemed to be that gay guys can hook up easier, and if the sex is good, they can do a relationship, but straight people do it backwards and go for the relationship then add the sex (I don't think that's always true, but he claims it's an observable difference that gay guys, at least in places he's lived throughout america, fuck more freely and easily, but I don't know if I buy it.)

[Conserative Morality]

I would think there would be a lot of those subcultures, yeah?

Like, a guy man in 1970's New York may be part of a different subculture than a gay man in modern San Francisco or a gay man in Tehran on any day of the week?

Probably, yeah.

[The Lotophagi]

Speaking as a gay male, there is a bit of a difference. The ubiquity of apps like Grindr and the hookup culture mean that no-strings-attached sex is more readily available, but that's also a function of how hard it is to find other LGTB people 'in the wild'. The field of people available is smaller, and if you're looking for something other than a one-night-stand, it can be really hard to find the right person. Doubly so considering that the 'hookup' culture evolved as a protective mechanism against being outed, which is somewhat inevitable in a relationship - going that next step can be hard for people that are still in the closet.

[Evil Twin of Val Halla]

Well, considering that I am only in my first relationship, I can't say for sure, but I don't think that how you date somebody goes on their gender, but more on their personality and peers. Some guys might like to be courteous, while others may take a more off the hook way.

[MERIZoC]

I guess it's different, but it doesn't have to be. A lot of these cultural pressures that exist around relationships are outdated.

[Herrebrugh]

Speaking as a gay male, there is a bit of a difference. The ubiquity of apps like Grindr and the hookup culture mean that no-strings-attached sex is more readily available, but that's also a function of how hard it is to find other LGTB people 'in the wild'. The field of people available is smaller, and if you're looking for something other than a one-night-stand, it can be really hard to find the right person. Doubly so considering that the 'hookup' culture evolved as a protective mechanism against being outed, which is somewhat inevitable in a relationship - going that next step can be hard for people that are still in the closet.

And there is a much larger chance that the person you end up fancying is absolutely incapable of having such feelings for you... >.>

[Kaztropol]

Is hetero dating different than gay dating in any meaningful way?

I think it is different, but I'm not sure on the meaningful.

Not really first-hand experience, however, based on conversations with my daughter, who went on many dates with boys before coming out as a lesbian, then:

choosing what film to watch at the cinema appears to cause less arguments in a gay dating scenario. Oscar-winning romantic drama vs former bodybuilders fighting alien nazis with lasers. The gay couple seem more likely to want to watch the same film. (I remember far more occasions when my daughter said "i wanted to see X, he wanted to see Y, and I didn't enjoy it", than her saying "I wanted to see X, she wanted to see Y" )

Gay couple seem more aware of how clothing and footwear affect a date. More appreciative of the fact that walking around an art gallery or museum in heels in the afternoon means you might have sore feet by the evening.

But that stuff is pretty trivial, and not really specific to hetero/gay, more to do with empathy and consideration.

[Serrian]

This guy seems to have a fixation on animal feces.

I kept reading the thread after the OP just for this reply.

You did not disappoint.

[Eleanor Ritas]

Well, considering that I am only in my first relationship, I can't say for sure, but I don't think that how you date somebody goes on their gender, but more on their personality and peers. Some guys might like to be courteous, while others may take a more off the hook way.

Okay, here's what I propose. For all your relationships, you should continue to regard each relationship as a unique experience while minimizing expectations based gender, culture, whatever, for the rest of your life. Then right down your experiences before you die.

Then find a friend also on their first relationship and have them base their relationships on rigid external expectations like gender roles and cultural norms. Then when they die, have them email their report to you (or quantum entanglement telepathy packets or however you fucking kids communicate).

Then we'll compare notes.

[Cannot think of a name]

Whenever someone tells me that media has no effect on culture or people's perceptions I think of stories like this and laugh and laugh...