The Issue
A group of concerned parishioners and soccer moms has petitioned the government of Soviet Chernarus to outlaw heavy metal music, which they fear is a bad influence on youngsters.
The Debate
"Heavy metal music is a plague in our good nation and its God-fearing people!" argues local priest and easy listening advocate Margaret Dovey. "Just the other day, I heard a song by some group called Hell's Irate Puppies with a sinful quantity of bass and drum... oh, and there were probably some lines about killing parents, too, I'd imagine! It's vital that we ban this music, and remove this terrible influence from our children's lives! Think of the children!"
"Whoa, man... what's with the, like, censorship and stuff?" asks Tim Summers, scruffy-haired bassist of the popular speed metal band The Destroyinators. "You can't, like, censor the music, man. That's how we express ourselves! Every bass beat is me baring my soul! Every howl is me complainin' about how my parents tried to kick me out of their basement! Besides, what's wrong with Satan? He's just misunderstood anyway. I say promote the arts, man!"
"You know, this heavy metal issue has me thinking," says Randy Woolf, your brother, over your weekly game of cribbage. "If these long-haired freaks want to put out their devil-worshipping metal, why don't we let them? Of course, we'll put a little subliminal propaganda into every song... after all, don't these guys owe their freedom of expression to you?"
