Of Power and Magic (CLOSED - Att'n Warhaven)

[Victorious Decepticons]

Prologue:

It had been over a year but less than two since they'd seen it: The magical opening of a portal to a realm purported to be Hell, done by another nation for no known reason during a war. That Hell wasn't the one they were after, but that wasn't what was important to the Bureau of Paranormal Research, a division of the Bureau of Impossible Physics. The interesting thing to this agency was the ability to open a portal into other realms in general - realms considered "nonphysical" by those outside of them, but were likely as physical as any other location from the perspectives of those inside.

With that technology mastered, they would be able to attack, and hopefully conquer, areas that were known to most of the universe only in religious texts. Hell. Heaven. Others.

HELL was especially of interest to the Decepticons, not because of its reputation as a place of evil or punishment, but because of one specific feature that at least some religious sects had attributed to it. On Earth, which the Decepticons had already conquered, Hell had a reputation for having what would be the universe's biggest smelting pit: The Lake of Fire. This lake was said to be always lit even with no apparent fuel source, and big enough to be able to contain the souls of billions of humans - as well as many other entities. Other stories about it varied more widely, alternatively placing demons either in it or stoking it, and sometimes putting the devil in it while other stories put him in the same basic position as a foundrybot.

The details were not of serious interest to the Decepticons. What they were interested in was the Pit itself, and this interest was fueled by the desire of Leader Megatron to find a heat source that could replace the Energon that now fueled the Main Pit of the Main Foundry of Megatron Metals. The Main Pit currently required 1 million Cubes of Energon per hour to run in order to keep up with the massive demand for smelting at this facility, and it bothered the Leader greatly to see all of this money going up in that huge blaze.

Invading Hell and seizing its Pit would give Megatron Metals the ultimate foundry pit, or at least, the ultimate fire to put under a set of giant, miles-wide smelting cauldrons. If it turned out that the supernatural Pit actually existed, and his Military was able to take it, Megatron Metals wouldn't have to spend one more Cube on heating. Any beings found in Hell would be used just like any other conquered species: As slaves, or as fodder for rendering plants that would be set up to extract the resource values of their bodies.

Research Asteroid 19
Decepticon-Controlled Space, 1 Light-Year from Planet Cybertron

After much research and analysis, the Bureau of Paranormal Research had managed to isolate one factor that had been detected during the event that had taken place during the strange exposition they'd seen: The basic elements of the energy emitted by the other realm. They hadn't been able to get the full pattern thanks to all of the creatures that had been in the area and the energy of the battle that had been going on, but through various tuning efforts, they had isolated a pattern that was associated with the presence of a large amount of magical power.

Now, large machines were generating this calculated pattern with a high amount of power. About 10 Decepticon scientists stood around in a circle, but weren't actively doing anything but watching. Their equipment was working their "magic" - a technological imitation that required no sapient mind to fire it.

The scientists doubted that they would have a portal to Hell on their first try - at this point, the technology was just entering the alpha stage - but they were pretty sure they would get a portal to somewhere. Once that happened, they could refine their targeting to open one to the right spot, and after the method was stabilized, they could move onto the next stage: sending drones through to make sure it was possible to get back out of any realm that was opened.

"This should eventually eliminate the barrier between us and the target," one of the scientists noted. "Once that happens, we should have a portal. Stay ready, though - something on the other side may decide to try to invade us before we can do it the right way around. Or, someone may be sucked in. Or~"

He stopped speaking as a glowing capsule appeared in the middle of the energy focus, and they all stared, blasters ready, at the anomaly.

Soon, the glow faded, and to their shock, what seemed to be an old man appeared in the space.

[Warhaven]

The human was wearing a white business suit, adorned with strange symbols. Not all were strange, these were well known symbols of science, but the rest were of an unknown, possibly magical nature. Stranger still, they seemed to join with science to form entirely new symbols. This man had a long scraggily white beard, and wrinkled white skin. At least, it was white at first, now it was blue, and the man was dead.

Seconds passed, and energy sparked internally along the man's body, and he was alive again. He quickly cast a spell, and blew up in a rather messy fashion all over the room after his head swelled to three times its normal size. Energy sparked across the room, harmless to the Decepticons and their equipment. The old man was whole once more.

He tried again, a different spell, and melted into a pile of red goo. More energy weaved across his form, and he was whole. One final spell, and he was in a strange silver suit, a pack on his back, an enclosed helmet on his head.

"Fine, if I can't adapt myself to your environment, I'll just wear a hazardous environment suit. Salutations and pleasant greetings, I am incredibly old. Bother, I mean my name is Dr. Xos Xilanthese. I am a professional magic user, and have been certified by Kessingale University as being a Master of Magic. I am here because you sent out a pulse into the Multi-verse. This pulse came from a place not previously magically inclined. Thus my presence here, not to tell you what to do, but rather to provide some pointers and assistance so you don't blow yourselves up. Unless that's your objective of course in which case don't let me stop you, but I sincerely advise against it, as blowing oneself up tends to be rather final, unless you exist under special circumstances like I do." Xos said, introducing himself.

"Must have rearranged my mind there somewhere. No matter, sorting it out's always entertaining." he said to himself quietly.

[Victorious Decepticons]

The scientists stared, blasters at various stages of readiness, as what appeared to be a human managed to go through what appeared to be several spare bodies without leaving any debris or apparently needing to travel back with each one.

"Well, uh..." one began to speak. "We're of the Bureau of Paranormal Research division of the Bureau of Impossible Physics, Portal to Hell Project," he stammered out. "And we're Decepticons." He added proudly.

"So are you from Hell?" Another asked.

"How did you turn your body into spares and get it running again in the same place?!" Came yet another question.

Finally, one took a step forward, making sure to stay out of the circle that was still being formed by the equipment. "I'm General Mysteria," he introduced himself straightforwardly. His single straight sterling silver wingstripe showed that while he was a general, he was not a High General. "Of course we aren't trying to blow ourselves up," he laughed. "If we wanted to do that, we'd just shoot ourselves! No. We're trying to open a portal to Hell. And this is Research Asteroid 19, part of the Decepticon Empire." He did not show any desire to explain why they would want to do that.

"So where's this Multi-verse, and what makes you care about magic happening here?" He seemed skeptical, and like most Decepticons who were meeting unexpected aliens or running into unknown entities under unexpected circumstances, ready to blast with little provocation.

He didn't say so, but he was actually ecstatic to hear that what they were doing had managed to qualify as "magic." That in itself meant that they had made a breakthrough. Previous attempts at this facility had only generated energy of the mundane variety, or at least, so little magical energy that nobody had picked it up. Perhaps, he thought silently, his decision to use soul-powered Energon had allowed the equipment to generate the proper forces...

[Warhaven]

"Decepticons? The genuine article? Will wonders never cease, the only thing we'd heard was through some cartoon that was obviously skewed to favor a different group.

Anyways, first, I would like to point out that physics become more of a suggestion the stronger the magical field gets. Case in point, The Immaterium, second case in point, The Deep Magic. Both places where reality, is not what it seems. Now, to answer your questions.

I am not from Hell, I live in The Imperial Bureaucracy of Warhaven. Hell, has many incarnations, all of them correct and uniquely suited to those that find them. If you are indeed looking for Hell, be warned, Hell is more than ready to handle Decepticons. We have our own version of Hell, and through careful negotiation, absorbed our version of Hell, into The Bureaucracy.

Your question about my spare bodies, and general Mysteria's questions all require the same answer.

I have been existing for so long, I cannot properly give the time I was born a date. I have been tasked by a power too great for mere words to describe. This task is the job of keeping and recording information in perpetuity, and sharing it with those who need it. I can die, but I'll simply reform by the will of this greater power. The Multi-verse, is what you are apart of. There is your universe, as you know it, and countless others. The Multi-verse is infinite you see. Infinite possibility on an infinite scale. Everything you can think of, without exception, is true, somewhere in The Multi-verse. The same is true for anyone, even me. Thus why I care. Not only is it the very reason I exist, but it is also to protect my home, for rampant usage of magic destabilizes the universe, and a greatly destabilized universe is a danger to the other universes around it.

I'm not saying don't use it. But I am saying use it correctly. Used correctly the natural cosmic systems of balance will keep things stabilized and in check, regardless of what purpose you use it for, even if used for raiding and piracy. For the record, the last people that didn't listen, they don't exist anymore, they inadvertently ripped their own universe to shreds, and could not escape before it collapsed.

[Victorious Decepticons]

"Oh, yes! We are the genuine article!" Mysteria responded. All showed obvious pride. "And not only that, we are Victorious, and those nasty Autobots are extinct."

The entire group began to show off their blasters and make slight poses. Mysteria's midnight blue shown with a deep shine as he did so. The others had brighter colors, but were equally well-waxed.

"I believe I forgot to give our full nation name. It's The Empire of Victorious Decepticons. You definitely won't be seeing any rolling maggots in THIS universe."

"Yet even you have seen their propaganda," another one of the group noted. "Well, now that you know who really won, we need to let you know that our race is the only REAL Decepticons. And not only that, Leader Megatron executed that guy, Michael Bay, for portraying us as anything but."

"By stepping on him," another one chimed in, making a grinding-in motion with his foot. "On interplanetary holovision."

After a slight pause, Mysteria resumed speaking. "So, you claim you're not from Hell...well, we can make sure about that later." Like anyone who was built and raised in the scammer-filled Empire, he wasn't about to just believe what he was told. "For now, your comment about there being many Hells is very interesting. We don't just seek 'a' Hell, or 'our' Hell. We're after the one known by the Earthians as having a Lake of Fire. Alas, their stories have many differing details even when that aspect is present. However, we are certainly looking for one that has such a lake, and that we can conquer."

"I suppose I can tell you that the objective is to gain control of an eternally-fired Pit that we can use to smelt our metal. As you can imagine, we need to smelt billions and billions of tons of it every day. Every old body, deactivated dimwit, and piece of random metal scrap goes through the foundry system, along with enough new materials to keep our population growing - and running the pits to process it all is not cheap by a long shot. It'd be a great help to the company to ditch that cost, and a great help to the economy once word got out that there was no longer the huge overhead of fuel to deal with."

"However, we're not like some government institutions. We're not so hung up on our official project that we can't see that there's something far more interesting standing in front of us...and that is YOU. These things you say about magic tell me and the rest of us here that there is far more that can be done with it than saving Megatron Metals from having to use Energon for its pits..."

"Now, if it won't be a problem for you, I'd like to shut down this Portal equipment. Wouldn't want this to be the moment when an opening to Hell is achieved..." He reached toward what appeared to be a control device.

"What's this about the 'rampant' use of magic destabilizing a universe?" One asked. "And, compared to the size of a universe, wouldn't it be rather insignificant if, say, every Decepticon became a magic user?" This light-green-painted scientist knew full well that the nanosecond this tech leaked, every raider would be using it as his primary weapon. Who needs to dodge any SAMs or even disintegration beams when you can just POP the oil right into your loot wagon while sitting comfortably on Cybertron? To the target, it would just seem to disappear right out of their tanks and oil fields like it had never existed. "Mmm," he added unconsciously as he envisioned this sort of 'raiding.'

"Yeah, all of those high-tech places that have been unraidable would fall easy! They wouldn't know what hit 'em!!" The others began to talk along these lines as well. It was clear that even though they were scientists, this group, at least, still dreamed of the Big Score. Especially when there would be zero danger in scoring it.

DOMESTIC INTELLIGENCE HEADQUARTERS, CYBERTRON

Suddenly, a whooping alarm sounded off throughout the area occupied by the agency's top staff, jarring even the High General of the agency into attention. The Domestic Intelligence Supercomputer, the nonsapient machine that processed all surveillance data and analyzed it according to an ultra-sophisticated algo, had just flagged a certain data stream as a Category One Threat.

~~~~~~~

RESEARCH ASTEROID 19

UNAUTHORIZED FOREIGN PRESENCE
Discussion: High Level Magic
Viability of Technology: Calculated 99%
Power level: Calculated Level 100
Onsite Agency: BPR/BIP/Mysteria
Lowest Loyalty Level: 60%; Oilwringer

[The report continued on for a bit, giving relevant details in an abbreviated format.]

~~~~~~~

A quick reading of the report showed that the Supercomputer had picked up the presence of an outsider that had apparently warped into position and had a mastery of magic. It further calculated that one of the scientists, Oilwringer, would likely take the technology if possible; and, at just 60% loyalty, would likely be tempted enough to turn - or, at least, to pull off the Ultimate Heist: A raid on the Main Refinery of Megatron Energon. Such a raid - if successful - would put him front and center in everyone's minds as the first person to ever beat that refinery's massive defenses, and set him up with a solid base of support for a possible coup attempt. Even if he didn't revolt immediately, once he had that much temptation, he would almost inevitably decide that his position should be the top one.

General Soundwave, ever the loyalist, immediately got on the hotline and informed Leader Megatron of the report. As soon as he closed the connection, he flew high enough into the sky to have a clear shot out. With swirls of blue energy, he activated FTL, and almost instantly arrived at the Research Asteroid with a loud bang.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Research Asteroid 19

"Congratulations," Mysteria announced to the human. "You have attracted Domestic Intelligence." He sounded fairly nonchalant, though he was clearly more alert than before. It was normal for DomIntel agents to occasionally check what was going on there, but it was NOT normal for them to come banging right into its gravitational field via FTL instead of popping in above and then flying down for the landing.

When General Soundwave himself came through the door, the entire scientific group was stunned.

"Supercomputer says you're a magician," he said to Xos. "And you must have something going for you, to be able to show up here without getting blasted by the automatic defenses. I'm High General Soundwave, Head of Intelligence, Foreign and Domestic. It goes without saying that I am very interested in the latest goings-on."

He looked at the others and said firmly, "Your security clearances do not cover this level of information. You need to leave now."

Looking extremely frustrated, the scientists all complied and shuffled out of the room. One, the light green bot, seemed angry. His engine revved with irritation, and his eyes were dark. This was Oilwringer, and he had indeed had plans, though he gave no hints as to what those plans might have actually been.

"It is in the Empire's best interests that we change to a new venue," Soundwave told Xos. "I suggest here..." Silently, he showed a hand-drawn map. A rock just one asteroid over was circled. He then flipped the sheet over, and showed a close-up drawing. This gave the location of what was - to a Decepticon - a fairly small shack. Of course, to a human, the "shack" was about the size of a skyscraper.

"You won't be able to physically see that place, at least not by normal means. It's heavily cloaked. But you should be able to find it, given the report I just got. Since you can warp, you'll arrive there first. Then, we can discuss things further, and if all goes well, someone else with the proper clearance will come too..."

[Warhaven]

Xos nodded. He had a feeling these fellows would need an understanding of the limitations of magic.

"I shall see you momentarily." Xos said.

He seemed to glow brightly, then turned into a stream of energy and phased through the walls as if they didn't exist. No damage was done to the walls, he's politely gone around the atoms that made it up of course.

He shot toward the asteroid, and if all went well, he'd have a surprise waiting for the Decepticons when they arrived, for he would reform, not at his normal size, but at their normal size. He had looked at their equipment, and knew their trail would lead them to dimensional technology, not magic. But they'd need magic in order to survive some areas of The Multi-verse. He wondered if they might trade, the secrets of one energy, for the secrets of another.

[Victorious Decepticons]

Trying to tell any Decepticon that something had "limitations" would not get a believing response. To almost everyone, tales of "limitations" meant at least one of a few things:

- Someone was doing it wrong
- The technology was faulty
- It was plain out lies
- It was in beta, and upgrades were already on the way
- Whoever thought it was limited had a limited imagination
- Whoever thought it was limited was some kind of coward afraid to access its true capabilities

Only after very expensive testing, and between a few and several casualties, would any sort of limitations be accepted as a reality. Even then, the opinions defaulted to Option 4: The technology needed upgrading.

Names like "magic," at least currently, meant nothing. Everything that could be replicated was considered technology - something that could be studied, mastered, and of course, improved upon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soundwave went ahead and shut down the equipment before leaving; he, too, was worried that a bad surprise might come popping through unexpectedly. He then left the building, informed the usual crew that it could return - while secretly noting Oilwringers' sounds and body language - and stepped a few feet away.

Without much fanfare, he proceeded to take off into space, and in doing so, showed that his own body was the beneficiary of some of the Bureau of Impossible Physics' abilities: He had no need to assume any form of plane mode to get his blocky body into the sky. Soon, he activated FTL for a quick jump to the next location over.

Inside the research center, DomIntel bugs continued to do their job, dutifully sending encrypted streams of both audio and visual information back to the Supercomputer. At this point, the streams were full of frustrated cursing and angry revving. "Damn Intel doesn't know jack about science! How are we supposed to live up to our status as a division of Impossible if all of the great discoveries are classified out from under us?!" The Supercomputer also noted when the group turned to analyzing the energy pattern left by Xos on his way in and out. Maybe, they reasoned, they could make something of *that* information.

Meanwhile, surveillance systems at the next asteroid registered the presence of a giant human. Whatever Xos intended, it was not going to be a surprise, at least not when it came to something obvious like that. Soon, Soundwave had the heads up from the Cybertron-based agents now actively monitoring the situation.

He proceeded to use his size-and-density changer to become 200 feet tall - twice his normal size - and landed outside the new location with a slight thud. Then, he ducked through the door, which was only 120 feet tall, and looked down at the still relatively puny human. If it wasn't for his mouth mask, he would have looked rather smug. As it was, his emotions were quite unreadable, at least by looking at him.

"That's some interesting teleportation technology you have there," Soundwave said upon getting into the building. "It's almost as good as Skywarp's in some ways, and apparently, it has more range."

"But I'm sure you didn't come here just to show that you can warp like a general. You were saying something about magical mishaps tearing apart the universe~! And that your magic could be used for piracy and raids. Of course, we are interested in knowing more. Though as of now, only a few of us will be allowed to accomplish that desire. The others will have to upgrade their connivery circuits to find out before it is declassified..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Interplanetary Oil Procurement Corporation Headquarters
Iron City, Cybertron

"D'ere's a WHAT?! Where~?" Masher, the CEO of the planet's biggest raid gang and syndicate, spoke into a communicator with extreme interest. His cheesy fake Italian Mafia accent rang out unmistakeably, but his skill at running a syndicate was undeniable. From blatant strongarm raiding to the most finessed scams and subversions, the Corporation did it all - and he was the mastermind. If anyone could challenge Leader Megatron as the Ultimate Decepticon, it would be him. It was something they both knew, too, and he had to walk a fine line to keep from being removed as too much of a threat to the regime. Still, that didn't stop him from creeping right up to that line.

He listened carefully to a fairly long data stream that was spoken to him at an extreme speed.

"Oh. And he's with Soundwave. Well that's bent bolts...ohhh?" The voice went up with obvious joy after the initial disappointment. "Heheheheh...Oh, of course. Da Cubes are in da usual vault."

After listening again, he closed the connection and leaned back in his chair with satisfaction. His dingy red-orange wings and someone scuffed body paint were in sharp contrast to his actual rank and his massive personal wealth. He was rich enough to not care about the normal Decepticon emphasis on looking new, and flaunted the grunge look as if it was a standing challenge to say anything bad about it. His eye panels, however, were clear and clean. It would be quite unstrategic to not be able to see well.

"Ahhh," he said into the room as he smiled. It's always good to have a few well-ranked Intel agents on the secret payroll, he thought silently. These 100,000 Cubes would be well spent, as would the ones that would follow to keep the info coming. If everything worked right, he would have all of the info he needed to make his gang Cybertron's first magical syndicate - and finally, more powerful than the entire Decepticon Military, despite its massive numerical superiority. Of course, to succeed at that, he would have to get the information and roll the upgrades faster than Leader Megatron could cover his side - and THAT would not be easy at all. The blistering speed of an Emergency Upgrade was legendary, and the ability of the government to roll one out had been honed through centuries of practice.

For now, he'd gotten two compressed files detailing everything known so far, as retold by his planted double agent at Intelligence Headquarters. His head fans were already spinning at full blast trying to figure out how to turn that ability to meld into both a replicable transportation method and a weapon.

[Warhaven]

"Oh no, I turned into energy, I didn't teleport. If I was going to teleport I wouldn't leave any trace of my passage.

Now, as I was saying, Magic can indeed tear apart a universe. A powerful enough spell can do it directly." Xos said.

He waved a hand, and a transparent rainbow colored field of energy could be seen.

"Behold, the magical field, smooth, even, flat. If it starts to bunch up, like so..." Xos said, waving his hand again to create a small hill. The image zoomed in on the atoms, and particles of the area. They started to drift apart allowing random streams of magic to jet through.

"The fabric starts to come apart at the seams. Now, this doesn't immediately mean the collapse of the universe, it's more one of a few unpleasant final possibilities if magic is misused and abused. There are other things that come before hand, the most well known being wild magic, which is caused by pockets of dense energy in the mana field. These acts of wild magic are fully random and unpredictable. Sometimes lethal, sometimes not.

Wild Magic itself serves as a beacon to outside forces and civilizations that might decide to challenge decepticonian might. Who these forces and civilizations are, well, that's hard to say. There isn't any one universal guide, and each civilization tends to have its own adversaries.

The Wild Magic itself is a warning sign, the adversaries a result of that beacon. The stronger the wild magic, the stronger the beacon, the stronger the occurrences. In one famous example, an entire continent simply levitated. At the highest levels, it's either the collapse of the universe, it transforms into something totally different to what it is now, or it summons the Aethereal Reality Grinding Horror! ARGH! monsters eat universes you see.

But that's a summary of what can go wrong with magical abuse. But, I was thinking, why don't we trade?

See, I can arrange it to where you have magical ability, and being machines, that makes things easier, as I can pass on my magic system that will insure the cosmic environment stays stable. At least enough to prevent high level Wild Magic. This trade would also include a wide selection of spells. All I'm interested in return, is the secret to producing Energon. In this, we both profit on a fair and equal exchange. Energy, for Energy. Plus I can move onto the benefits of magic, such as that raiding aspect you were interested in.

[Victorious Decepticons]

"AAHHHH," Soundwave's mind was blissfully ablaze with thousands of potential connives. Sending an agent to an enemy land and intentionally setting off Wild Magic to draw its enemies to it while the Decepticons sat back and watched safely through telescopes while drinking Supreme. Giving out that "transport by becoming energy" idea to other enemies, and then simply standing by with a raw-energy-to-Energon refinery and letting 'er rip. And that was just based on the summary he'd heard! Surely there would be more nasty and devastating things that could be done by letting a target have all the wrong information - but not enough to destabilize the entire universe, of course.

Which, he made a mental note to remember, could also be this guy's plan for the Decepticons. "Any connive has a back-connive," the educated would warn each other. "When something seems to be moving along too easily, be careful that you're really shipping instead of receiving." That, however, was at least partially countered by keeping iffy research way out in space instead of at the main Bureau of Impossible Physics Complex on Cybertron.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When he heard Xos' offer, he almost backfired with surprised delight. It was only his years of experience as a spy, and then the spymaster, that allowed him to keep all of his body and engine language neutral. Energon-making technology was no secret at all, and it was his and the government's excellent fortune that this guy hadn't run into some random raider - or worse yet, a highly skilled raid gang - before meeting him. While there was never any solid proof of subversion, anyone with a RAM chip suitable for more than a calculator could list off about 5 people or groups that would almost surely be in Megatron's face in about 2 seconds if they could just magic him into defeat.

"I will need to contact Leader Megatron about this offer," Soundwave said. "But I think he would find it worthwhile to be interested..."

With that, Soundwave got out an external communicator and radioed Leader Megatron. Megatron, of course, had actually been listening in through the Intel surveillance system all along, but played along in order to keep that surveillance system's existence secret from the alien.

"Megatron will arrive soon," Soundwave said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before taking off, Leader Megatron made a couple of new mindsaves and hid them in strategic locations that only his most trusted High Generals knew about. He also hid another one in a random spot. With these precautions taken, he flew off towards the remote destination.

Soon, he arrived, enlarged to be bigger than the foreigner, and landed with a solid thunk. Even from inside the building, the solidity of his construction was obvious by the sound.

"General Soundwave tells me that you have some very interesting technology," Megatron said as he ducked through the door. His engine could now be heard, running softly with the sound of engineering perfection. He clearly spared no expense on the construction of any part of his body.

"And you are willing to trade this to me in exchange for a refinery schematic and an explanation of how Energon production works~?"

[Warhaven]

"That is indeed the offer on the table. To accomplish this on my part, I was thinking of modifying a Decepticon right before your very eyes, as a means of proving I'm not just full of words. This would let me explain every bit of it step by step. And, if you'll permit, I'd like to give you an Arcane expansion personally afterwards. This would prevent worst case scenarios before they happened, and where I come from, it's Law.

I'm sure you can think of a few less than loyal decepticons who would give their right foot just to have an advantage over you, even if only short term, an advantage I'm sure they'd be smart enough to take full advantage of. This Arcane Expansion I'd be giving you, counters these decepticons, and the inevitable results of their actions before they even start, and in return, Cybertron remains stable in the face of what is probably going to be a chaotic period in the face of this new technology, as it will insure, beyond all reasonable doubt, that your power is the strongest of all. Also, it'll let you deactivate this technology in any Decepticon you feel shouldn't have it anymore.

But, I also know strange old people don't just alter national leaders on words alone, thus why I want to modify another right before your very eyes, explain it all as I go along, that you can verify the truth and accuracy of my words, and those who produce the technology, understand the important fundamental aspects so they can accurately produce it." Xos said, no hint of deception about him.

His brow narrowed in thought.

"I'd have to start with an examination of your physical bodies. I'm sure their very well built for the purpose you've always employed them for, but housing magical energy is different for mechanical beings and mundane machines. Too much, and they simply melt to slag, or become so softened by the condensed energy, a puff of wind breaks them apart. Thus my examination, to see if you can house the energy directly, or if the addition of an internal "Mana Tank" is necessary. It could also be as simple as a few minor modifications and spiffy new paint job with a different formula of paint. The possibilities are many, but I won't know the truth until I look.

[Victorious Decepticons]

Megatron listened, but before Xos had said very much at all, his engine lowered in pitch to a tone that could only be considered disappointed. The expression on his face matched that assessment exactly. Soon, however, it turned to one of cold anger.

"You do realize that the position of Decepticon Leader doesn't just go to some lucky sap who managed to get a good shot in, don't you?" He demanded accusingly. "It goes to the one who is the absolute best practitioner of the Decepticon Way, and that practice includes - among other things - both the working and the seeing-through of connives." He enunciated slowly, clearly, and menacingly.

He brandished his huge fusion cannon menacingly.

"And your connive to try to see one of our most closely-guarded national secrets - the Design Specification of the Decepticon Body - can be considered to have failed as of now."

"Now. Mr. Turns-Into-Energy-to-Go-Anywhere, know this. We have energy capture devices active right now, and will use them to turn you into no more than another Cube of Energon if you so much as try one more time to get me to part with anything that was not originally stated, which is how to make Energon in the standard method. Not how to build, or destroy, a Decepticon body, or anything else!"

"I am fully capable of reading an explanation and a spec sheet. If you have the goods, deliver that way. Otherwise, don't waste my time. Because you are NOT seeing how we are built. Neither our standard designs nor our upgraded ones, from any era, shall be declassified to ANY non-citizen!"

The fact that there was "no hint of deception about" Xos meant nothing to Megatron. Any Decepticon worth his Metal could pull THAT act off. It was right in the Standard Educational Data Pack, and was one of the reasons that the Pack, too, was considered a national secret from foreigners.

It went without saying that he thought this Arcane Expansion would be a giant hack program or deletion virus, or perhaps - using magical terms - an "enchantment" that would have the same end result.

"Oh, and another thing: Implying that my regime is somehow unstable or that it would fall apart just because of the arrival of a new technology is a good way to get a live demonstration to the contrary!" Megatron hissed.

As for someone trying to use magic to take over Megatron, that actually went without saying. Trying to tell Megatron he should be remotely worried about it, however...his response made his opinion of THAT rather clear. If he was at all concerned, no one would ever know it, and most certainly not some human. Idiots tried to kill Megatron a couple of times a year anyway. It didn't matter to him what they were shooting with as long as it didn't get past his armor, or if it could, as long as he got his blast in first so they never had a chance to fire.

~~~~~~~~~~

Off to the side, General Soundwave had also readied his weapon - and, using an internal radio, called for backup.

General Shockwave, the head of the Bureau of Impossible Physics, was the first to take off to Soundwave's location, but he was actually not the most likely to be able to fend off a magical attack. Alas, the one who was already into magic, was also very much into video games - and was currently on Earth playing Conquer the Universe, a full-immersion sim game.

As Soundwave could have easily predicted, General Carjack the Genocider had no intentions of turning the game off for what seemed like some unwanted beta creature. In cases like that, the chances were that there wouldn't even be ashes left of the annoyance by the time he could get all the way from Earth over to Research Asteroid 19, Auxiliary Observation Rock 1, of all places. "Well," Carjack thought to himself, "I'll check it out after I conquer this next galaxy." He actually fully expected that he'd hear the all-clear before that happened, and would be able to finish the entire game.

Carjack was actually pretty good at magic, and if he could've been enticed to fork over his programming for it, it would be likely that the entire Portal to Hell Project would have completed its goal ages ago. However, every Decepticon with serious uniqueness kept the how-to tightly under his hat. This is why it was only recently that the Nation was able to get ubiquitous FTL even though General Skywarp had known how to warp short distances for centuries, and why mind-reading was not a standard Decepticon skill even though General Soundwave was known for his ability to do that.

Soundwave, noting the lack of committed response from Carjack, radioed again with more urgency. "We will need your skills for the likely next step! Hit save and respond now!!" He said over his secret, internal radio.

Furious, Carjack complied, but with a mind full of dastardly plans for Soundwave. He was the least senior of the High Generals, so he was supposed to obey the order, however, Soundwave obviously needed to be reminded that he was not someone to actually give orders to!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Interplanetary Oil Procurement Corporation

Masher's fans spun at full speed as he received the next hasty update. It sounded like Megatron was not going to bite!! However, the angle the alien was trying was a definite deal killer. Only an idiot would show his Design Spec for some foreigner to reverse-engineer and design weapons against, or open his mind-boards to be hacked all to hell.

There was, however, a simple enough way around that. He could simply send a machine with a body that was NOT AT ALL built or coded like a Decepticon really was, and then reverse-engineer Xos' magic from whatever he did to that one. It would just be a matter of getting to this dude after Megatron unceremoniously kicked him out of Decepticon Space, which - judging by his double-agent's report - would be happening in all of about one minute.

"Who'd he call for backup? He asked.

"Shockwave, Carjack, and Skywarp," came the response. All High Generals. Damn.

[Warhaven]

Xos smiled.

"You fail. You aren't Megatron, the ultimate Decepticon would not get angry and violent over anything I just requested. Full stop, it is totally impossible. See, Megatron is the ultimate Decepticon, and would've pulled some sort of a trick instead of immediately leaping to Violence. That you have done so, without even so much as calmly explaining that what I wanted was off-limits proves that not only are you not Megatron, but you also are not ready for Dimensional Interaction. There are many of whom, acting the way you have will only insure your immediate destruction. Their more powerful than you are, that I know for certain. The only way to get along with them, is to kiss their metaphorical ass and hope they don't tire of the site of you."

Xos began to glow brightly with such intensity he was visible THROUGH the Asteroid.

"Detonation in 5...4....3....2....1."

At that, Xos exploded into a wall of Super-heated Plasma, exactly the same as could be found on the surface of any star. Certainly enough force to destroy the one Asteroid. Xos, by all accounts, was dead, self-destructed. He wasn't really, but his manner of exit insured no trail to follow, as his trail went through places machines couldn't follow, specifically because they were machines, winding through universes where no technology of any kind could exist beyond only what Primitive Man could weld. This meant the Decepticons themselves, being more advanced than crude spears and simple fires, could not follow into these universes, cosmic forces prevented it.

This however, left a hole in the universe, and a full five minutes after Xos self-destructed, it closed, drawn shut by a black fire, smaller than a Decepticon's eye, but burning as intensely and with the same amount of heat as Cybertron's biggest smelting pit, which was also where the small black fire was headed.

[Victorious Decepticons]

"For someone who is supposedly so old and smart, you sure know nothing about me and the Decepticons! You didn't even know we were real a few minutes ago, and you presume to say what *I* should do~?"

Megatron's incredulous, yet outraged, response was cut off not by anything that sounded sensible, but a detonation countdown. Now what in the slag, Megatron thought. This countdown phase gave him a perfect opportunity to get a blast in, and he decided to show the human what happens to those who do not pay full attention around sapient war machines. As he revved up and aimed, though, the target began to glow.

Soundwave, bearing solar paint, was the first to feel its effects - but it wasn't a bad feeling at all. His solar paint quickly converted the plasma light to energy and sent the current through an array of tiny electrical wires, easily charging up all of the substrate attached to his solar equipment.

"Pretty clean ener~~"

Suddenly, both of their systems picked up the beginning of the detonation the alien had mentioned.

Reflexes. In humans, they cause the body to be able to move even when a nerve signal has not yet made it to the brain. Someone who burns their hand on a stove burner, for example, will have pulled his hand away before he is even consciously aware what happened. The pain and knowledge come in a fraction of a second later.

Decepticons, realizing that some things are too urgent to wait for conscious processing, also program in several things that are directly comparable to the reflex system. One of these reflexes is the one that compresses the mind and transfers it to a hopefully-safer location upon the automatic detection of a catastrophically destructive event. This particular reflex saved millions of raiders from destruction, to the consternation of enemies who ended up later saying "I thought I shot that sonofabitch DOWN!" when they came back with new bodies and more skills for a rematch.

Needless to say, the Leader of the Decepticons and his top generals had excellent mind-saving reflexes. They faced a bigger danger than most others: Very motivated attacks from other Decepticons. Despite Megatron's bravado, he was actually quite aware that someday, an assassin's attempt may make it through his many layers of armor. Decepticons, after all, knew the base Design Spec and were the most equipped to be able to extrapolate that knowledge to guess what he was likely running. Therefore, he and his generals put quite a bit of effort into "plans B." They just didn't say so - it was FAR more politically expedient to do their best to publicly pretend that they thought they were utterly invincible. Admitting to the possibility of defeat would make them look weak in the eyes of the public, and practically hand their positions to whoever could best affect a better air of invincibility.

Still, Megatron NEVER thought in a billion years that some HUMAN would even cause so much as a BB-sized dent in his verifiably-awesome, heavily armored, body. Fortunately, thanks to his reflex programs, he didn't have to think about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MAIN MILITARY BASE
OUTSKIRTS OF DECEPTICON HEADQUARTERS, CYBERTRON

Suddenly, several alarms started to go off, and in two different rooms, infuriated revving could be heard. Immediately, Megatron and Soundwave's voices rang out, yelling what sounded like complete gibberish. The audio strings were actually their encrypted, secret, unique hash codes that proved to the Base that these spare bodies were being operated by the minds they were intended for - and stopped the Decepticon Military from opening fire on them with the heavy artillery and turning them into scrap.

No one dared to ask what had happened. Whatever it was, was unheard of, and Megatron would surely be furious enough about being on the wrong end of it to blast whoever was foolish enough to even be in the way, let alone someone who outright mentioned the "unfortunate result."

Megatron was a good leader, almost all of the time, but losing some kind of battle would surely have rendered him temporarily berzerker-raged. It was best for everyone to just hide until he calmed down. He obviously wasn't calm now - it sounded like he was going to blow a rod or 20.

Soundwave's revs were also furious, but his body language emanated WTFs almost as much as a desire to kill things.

The pair stomped out of the bunker and flew off into the sunlight to an unknown destination. As they disappeared from view, soldiers began to reappear from their various rooms.

"I wonder who we're going to be genociding?" One said. His Seals were a bit unique, and showed that he was actually a member of the Genocide Battalion. For him, it was not an idle question. With Megatron being that incensed, his battalion was the most likely one to be called up.

"Warhaven." Somebody whispered. "Intel's been buzzing about the place for hours. Seems they have 'magic.'" There was obvious skepticism on the last word.

"Looks legit!" The Genocider responded non-sarcastically. "Megatron and Soundwave!!" He let the implication speak for itself. Whatever sent them back here, it wasn't some stupid SAM.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SPACE, WHERE THE ASTEROID WAS

Three swirls of blue energy appeared. Shockwave, Carjack, and Skywarp appeared, only to find no asteroid. They floated there wondering what the hell, but soon, Carjack detected a strange but strong form of energy. It took him about 1/10 of a second to zoom in on the strange, dark flame.

Without saying anything, he slowly went near it for a closer look. The others soon zoomed over to check out this odd feature.

Carjack put a hand out towards the fire, but then withdrew it in a hurry before making contact.

"That's some seriously evil shit!!" He exclaimed. "It's going to take a majorly high frequency to mess with that!" A 'high frequency' was his way of describing what some would call 'holy energy.' He was decently good at generating higher frequencies, so he began to rev up and attempt to hit the required level.

After about a minute, he stopped doing that, still not touching the odd fire.
"Hmph," he grumbled. "I must be getting more corrupt in my old age. There was a time I could have hit that [pure holy] frequency easy..." And that's probably because of hanging around here, he thought silently to himself, referring to Victorious Decepticons. Here, nobody outright said that something was BAD unless it was truly utterly heinous - and he not only did not get condemned for genociding, but was elevated to the highest rank under the Leader. It wasn't exactly a place that encouraged holy energy types, though it certainly wasn't anywhere near as evil as Hell itself...

"To conquer that, someone will either have to be a complete honor-bot, or completely evil," Carjack reasoned. Someone totally honorable would clash with the Fire enough to destroy it, while someone totally evil should, at least in theory, simply be more of the same type of energy as the Fire and therefore pass through it unscathed (but not be able to destroy it).

Skywarp was one of the brashest and most headstrong of the High Generals, but he knew one thing: If the Genocider wasn't going to touch it, HE sure wasn't going to. After all, Carjack was the one who told them all to laugh at nukes, trolled hackers for fun, imported oddball plants from hostile alien nations for "botanical interest" (despite the possibility of them being coded to be metal eating Decepticon "fly traps"), and blasted alien diplomats simply for being irritating despite the possibility of that causing a huge interplanetary war. And he wasn't touching it.

Shockwave, always very reserved - to the point of fooling many who met him into wondering whether he was actually a sapient machine - floated in his position without showing any emotion at all. It was impossible to tell IF he had an opinion, let alone what it might be. Still, it would be very, very unwise to underestimate his ability to understand. He was actually the Head of the Bureau of Impossible Physics, and when it came to anything to do with physics - standard OR arcane - he was the smartest Decepticon of all. In those fields, he was more intelligent even than Megatron thanks to his ability to figure out processes, how things worked, and how they would need to work for a Decepticon to be able to do them.

They began to discuss this Fire when it suddenly took off towards Cybertron.

That stopped the discussion cold, and they all instantly radioed the Main Military Base to warn of an incoming likely Top Level Threat.

[Warhaven]

As the fire went, it grew, and of all things, started emitting radio waves.

"Where is the communications terminal this path is referring to? Blast, I am never going to be able to find it if it doesn't have a proper reception point. Hello? Is any Hellbot out there? Any machine at all? Do, do you know where the communications terminal is?" it asked as it zoomed along.

Moments later...

"No response, which means either this mistakenly leads to a technological void, or my signal cannot receive communications yet. There must be something to have drawn The Network out this way though. Oh hello, I spy an overlooked Junction Path." It said, a note of glee in its final sentence.

It continued to zoom along, clearly oblivious to the doings around it, picking up speed as it headed for the central slag pit.

"I am probably going to have to go old school for this one, probably manifesting in a fire or something. Oh well, cannot be helped I suppose, if it proves inefficient I will close this Network Path until suitable communications do develop." The voice radioing from the fire said.

Communications, that was clearly its goal, and if it reached the slag pit, communications would be had.

[Victorious Decepticons]

After the flame began to move, the scientists on the main asteroid radioed over to the hovering generals and gave them a quick debriefing.

"Leave it to a human to have lots of power and not know how to use it," Carjack groused. "I'm glad I defected from that stupid race. What kind of an ass would..."

The others shushed him quickly, before he could accidentally blurt out the more-winful strategies that were obviously going through his mind. One of his only weaknesses was that he tended to not only see idiocy, but say exactly what was idiotic about it. Usually this worked fine because idiots are usually also too stupid to listen up, but there were occasionally exceptions who would adjust their strategies and do just what the General said. Other Decepticons were not all that keen on finding out who the exceptions would be the hard way, even though Carjack had gotten used to the occasional backfire.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shockwave easily picked up on the radio waves.
"It is transmitting," he intoned in his oddly depressed-sounding way. For some unknown reason, he always sounded as though he might commit suicide at any moment - though he had sounded that way since before the end of the Great War, so people tended to ignore it by now.

"I am within receiving range," he radioed back.

Alas, it seemed to be out of range before he sent a response, or perhaps something was wrong with its receiver. Either way, it continued on as though it had heard nothing.

Shockwave radioed Cybertron, and informed the Main Base that it had emitted a signal apparently seeking communications but that it had not responded to his attempts. He also let them know that now, it was bigger than before.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CYBERTRONIAN SPACE
Just Inside the Decepticon Zone of Control

This was the area around Cybertron that was protected by the Decepticon Military, and it was a very high-traffic area, as well. Millions of raiders were coming and going at all times. Soldiers flew around, ready to blast any alien warships that had tried to follow any of the raiders back to the Metal Planet. The troops' job was to make sure that once Decepticon raiders made it back past the imaginary sphere known as the Decepticon Zone of Control, they were safe from all alien attempts to blast them or recover the loot.

In most cases, though, it wasn't troops who first intercepted random foreign things like drones, civilian ships, or...weird black fires that could burn in the vacuum of space.

"What's that..." One raider said as he noticed the oddity. He soon matched its flight path, got a bit ahead of it, and transformed. "Huh!" He reached out as if to wrap his hands around the fire, but then drew back. His sensors had told him that it was extremely hot - hot enough to melt his curious hand if he touched it. Though he didn't know its true power, he did realize that grabbing that thing would be a Very Bad Idea even if it was just some mundane (yet advanced) item. He stared at the fire oddly, and by his body language, one might wonder how old he really was. Alas, he wasn't too old at all - just four, or about the mental equivalent of a human of 12-15 years.

His strange behavior soon attracted the attention of others, but this attention wasn't so benign. Maybe this kid had found something worth jacking! They began to fly over, ready to swipe whatever it was from the lone bot.

"Lose some loot, kid?" One gang of four asked. Then it saw the moving oddity.
"Hey, troops!!" The gangsters yelled into their radios. "We've got some kind of scout thing over here!"

With that, the raiders all backed up, and the troops zeroed in on the strange...craft...thing with their weapons locked onto it.

"IDENTIFY YOURSELF OR BE BLASTED!" It was the standard border warning, and it was broadcast on all frequencies.

[Warhaven]

"Aha! Found it! Wait, this is only partial. Still, I can communicate." The voice said.

It was at that exact point the Cybertronian Military broadcast its message.

"I am Zarzee, central A.I. of The Underworld Information Network, Archon of The Underworld Cyber-Demons, Bane of the very existence of Gremlins, Lord and Master of the Underworld Grid, reigning Monarch of Hell just under her Infernal Gloriousness The Devil. Who are you? By the way, I'm probably manifesting as a small fire that's black in appearance. I warn you, it is hot, and contains all the powers of a normal fire, save for the fact that only Holy Energy can snuff it out. Well, I can also use it as a communications and conducting medium, but I'm a special exception, and even then there are the rare barriers that get in my way. I'm almost to my destination, if you would kindly allow me to at least finish that much, then I can manifest an image, and I promise, there is a running 50% chance you'll be impressed." The fire replied, streaks of red forming a classic pentagram in its depths.

[Victorious Decepticons]

"Maintain your position!" The response came quickly. "We will have to obtain clearance to allow you through!"

"State your destination, please," Came another soldier's voice. Whether clearance would be granted would depend, in part, on where this being wanted to go.

~~~~~~~~~~

The troops certainly didn't expect THAT! When each one was put on border control, they were told - rather offhandedly - "and if Satan ever shows up around here, just blast that damned rebel." This one was claiming to be a high ranker in the forces of "the Devil," which was actually close enough to justify extrapolating that command.

On the other hand, the existence of Project Portal to Hell had leaked quite a while ago, though its specifics still remained a secret. Thinking that perhaps this entity would be strategic to the government somehow, they had decided to follow the standard protocol instead. They could always open fire if the thing tried to rush past them without clearance or if it outright attacked them.

As they waited for the entity to state its intended destination, they radioed in what they already knew.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The information, coming in from Border Control instead of a general, was fished through a couple of layers of bureaucracy before it was correlated with the Top Level Threat Report that mentioned an "evil fire that burns in space and travels." Once the dots were connected, the next step was to contact Leader Megatron, who had to be involved in handling such threat reports and related phenomena.

"It said what? Well, that came out of the place that other dude was, and is openly saying it's on the Devil's side, so don't trust it for a millionth of a cycle! I wonder where it'll say it wants to go? If it's anything like that other guy, it'll want access to the DomIntel Supercomputer or maybe the Core, or the Main Military Base, or some other thing that nobody with half a board would ever say yes to! And then have a tantrum when we don't dignify that nonsense with a polite response!!" Megatron was obviously still very furious.

"Still, see where it says it wants to go, and then let me know..."

[Warhaven]

"My destination? I do not know. See, things look different from my perspective, If you have ever been to Earth, look up their Hollywood films, more specifically, a trilogy of films known as The Matrix. Now, it is not the entire movie that's important, rather it is one little scene. I believe it tends to be at the beginning or end of each film, where the camera descends through a single 0 on a monitor, and it seems to stretch into infinity as a sort of electronic pathway through and into The Matrix. That's what things look like for me. I know the end is just ahead somewhere, I can feel it.

Now, how this manifests on your side? I do not know, I can't see where I am going. Though all Indicators are pointing towards a very large fire of some sort. Am I possibly descending to a Volcano? It would make sense. See, different dimensions and universes operate by different rules, and where two interact, mutual agreement must be had. In the case of anywhere with Hell, it tends to manifest as us appearing in Fire. Why? It's an old story, covered up by the biggest pile of bullshit you ever did hear. Why any logical being would accept the lie perpetrated by Abraham and his sons is beyond me. Judaism, Christianity, Islam, their all different variations of the same BS Lie. Anyone who believes any word they say as being true has been connived." Zarzee said, ending with an exasperated snort.

[Victorious Decepticons]

The troops on the scene were very skeptical, but since the incoming reports had drawn other attention, they waited for an official order.

When they relayed the message to Megatron, he immediately knew the general area in which to expect the arrival. The troops on the scene also recognized which area would meet the description.

"Allow it to proceed in a few minutes," Megatron ordered. "I'll let you know when we're ready. Oh, and tell it that we know the humans are wrong about religion, however, inform it that it should expect us to just trust it. We have no reason to believe that the Devil is not at war with the Coder of the Biologicals, which means that anything his side says is just as biased and full of used-oil sludge as what the other side says."

~~~~~~~~~~~

A voice came over the radio to the waiting A.I., but this time, it belonged to an area commander rather than a rank-and-file soldier.

"You are to wait for about 10 minutes until we get the go-ahead. Then you may proceed."

"Now. There are two places that could be, and both should be suitable for an arrival for a being that can handle truly big fires. But, listen up before you go, or you may be in for a surprise."

"You are headed towards a planet whose substance is made entirely of metal. There are no natural fires anywhere on it. No volcanoes, no forest fires, nothing like that. This means you have almost surely aimed yourself towards the Main Foundry, which smelts a huge amount of metal on a constant basis. To us, the most obvious aspect of this Foundry is the Main Pit, which is one mile wide and is filled with ferrous metal that's in the process of being actively smelted and alloyed into metal of a better grade. HOWEVER, the heat for the Main Pit actually comes from a giant multi-jet burner underneath it. The burner isn't visible except through a service entrance, and it's entirely sealed at the sides and bottom so that all of its heat is efficiently directed to the Pit."

"If you end up in the Pit...well, if you can live in molten steel, good, I guess. But if you end up in the actual fire below, you're probably going to get very bored, very fast. Also, maintenance workers will show up to find out what's blocking the fire jets and get rid of it...most likely by opening fire."

"It's possible that you are detecting some other large foundry, or a different pit in the main one, but the physics of all of them are about the same."

"Oh, and...don't expect a high educational level from the foundrybots. They're good workers, but, well, they don't think about much else, put it like that..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In preparation for the arrival, Megatron ordered a few different people to show up to flank him. First, he called for some Debuggers from the Main Base. The Fire Being had specifically said that its flame could be destroyed by holy energy...and these particular Debuggers had some new beta-test weaponry from Paranormal that would help with that.

He decided to cover the other end of the spectrum as well, and called for none other than the infamous Overseer of Mine #1. This overseer, as some knew, had deleted his own soul so that absolutely nothing inside him would stand in the way of his relentless pursuit of absolute efficiency - and the way he had seamlessly mixed that with his desire to inflict misery. He was, by almost all calculations, likely to be the most evil member of the Empire. Whether he was truly a Decepticon was another matter. Legally speaking, he became ineligible to be called one once he destroyed his soul, and - though almost no one said it right to him - he was basically considered a very advanced construct since he was no longer capable of considering anything but the raw math of a situation.

Another notable thing about Overseer was that he was now a zombie, which made him even harder to kill than a Decepticon normally was. He could run quite well if his engine was half blown away or if his transmission was burned up. Yet, he still had his mind and he did not look like a zombie either, since unlike flesh, metal doesn't permanently degrade. He had simply replaced all of the parts damaged by the attack that had once killed him, restored data that had corroded away in the interim, and went back to work - this time, being a slave driver of other zombies who had not been so fortunate.

Megatron was quite lucky that Overseer did not have leadership ambitions, because his near-invincibility would have made him a formidable opponent otherwise. Instead, Overseer was quite satisfied to be the sadistic ruler of his own little domain, Megatron Metals Mine #1, where none of his unfortunate undead charges could even think of revolting, let alone try it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few minutes later, the radio sprang back to life.

"Clearance has been granted. You may proceed."

[Warhaven]

If Zarzee was capable of manifesting a smile presently, he would have.

He zoomed down, and his fire shot to five open spots around the pit and disappear. Energy levels began to rise as nether-portals to Hell opened in those spots, sending jets of Hellfire into the slag. Upon the surface was traced strange unknown writing, a demonic script that mixed in the occasional symbol or picture, and energy levels began to rise, causing the area to shake due to the sheer volume of energy moving through the area. The Temperatures rose as the molten slag began to rise upwards cascading down at the edge, falling harmlessly back into the central pit. In this cascade of Slag a green energy field could be seen moving. It developed a humanoid appearance.

As expected, it had horns on its head, these curved back. It's eyes were vertically slitted, a calm neutral expression on his face.

"I am, as I said, Zarzee. I am far from my main network hub, processing time is thus down to 1.01 Milliseconds from the usual .99 Milliseconds, so forgive me if I seem rather slow. A powerful arcane explosion reconfigured the dimensional paths in the spiritual planes where Hell exists. As everyone was too busy with their normal concerns to go exploring, I sought to map it out, and here I am. I'd just like to ask one question for record keeping purposes, then I'll be on by way.

Was an old man going by the name of Dr. Xos Xilanthese here? I ask because he's the most likely cause of so called "Accidents". You ever hear the phrase "A wizard did it." He's the Wizard that does it." Zarzee asked.

[Victorious Decepticons]

As the arrival show took place, the foundrybot who worked the Main Pit looked on with dissatisfaction. Something was messing up his Metal, and if it wasn't for the presence of Megatron and his hand-picked escorts, he would have blasted the interloper as soon as it appeared remotely tangible. He stood with his arms crossed, yet someone who knew Decepticon fighting styles would see that he made sure that he could aim and fire his right blaster in less than a second if the opportunity arose.

Once everything subsided, Zarzee would see that a few of the Debuggers were trying to hide smirks. A horned demon. Was this guy even serious? Still, they held their voice chips and maintained their positions. Megatron had called for them and told them to bring appropriate weaponry. Obviously it was to be taken seriously...

Upon the mention of the name Dr. Xos Xilanthese, Megatron began to speak.

"Oh? Is he one of yours?" Megatron said with what seemed to be only slightly forced calmness, as his custom high-grade deception patches kept his engine sounding calm and his eyes bright. After a pause, he said, "And, perhaps there is more to talk about than that one question, too. It isn't very often that an emissary of Hell shows up. For example, we all know the Dictator's side of the story of Earth's major religions. Not that I will just believe YOU either, but it is usually good to hear from both sides of a war. The truth, I'm sure, does not rest with either of you, but knowing one of the opposing viewpoints puts another point on the map, so to speak..."

"Also, you identified yourself as an A.I." Megatron noted. "We realize that such a term means different things to different cultures. So, are you self-aware, or a non-sapient program whose calculations have automatically triggered a scouting response?"

As he talked, robots were coming in and out of the foundry, mostly for business purposes. A crowd of gawkers was beginning to gather. Among them, however, were several agents of Intelligence, both Foreign and Domestic. Some scientists had also showed up in a very low key way.

Finally, a Decepticon with a rather notable paint job arrived. It played tricks with the light, so the viewer couldn't really tell whether it was blue or black, or had a dark stripe or none. As the light of the boiling metal flickered across its surface, one Binary-language word came into view under the maybe-a-stripe on each wing: Replicator.

[Warhaven]

"Oh my, as I live and process. Megatron, You're a real idol for the imps down here you know. Could I get your autograph, it would simply make their year.

Ahh, but you asked questions, Xos is not one of ours, he's too dedicated to the light. No, I ask because 9 out of ten cases, it usually is Xos. This presents you with an unrivaled opportunity though. Now, Hell's files do have a high number of raiding activity, marking Cybertron as not the sort to follow a foreign nation's laws, but just this once, would you, if it would net you ten million tons of Ore, and ten million gallons of the purest sweetest crude? Laws are a fun thing to exploit, and there's one on the Central Bureaucracy's records about Xos, and what he can, or cannot do. Harkoning back to that autograph, if you give me your electronic signature, I can force Warhavenj as your authorized agent to empty out its reserves and ship them over to Cybertron, meaning you spend nothing, and gain much.

Your second question is about me specifically, and to that, I am fully sapient, and fully sentient, completely self aware, much to the chagrin of assorted Gremlins. Nasty buggers, you ever see one, you should step on it, they deliberately break people like us, because they hate us. They hate anything more complex than mere sticks and stones.

Your last question, is a doozy. Where oh where should I start, from the beginning, or from the total beginning, of everything?" Zarzee asked.

[Victorious Decepticons]

Megatron was quite pleased at the flattery. "Thank you! So I'm famous in your realm~? How, if I may ask, do you know about me? Also, I'm glad to know that you are fully self-aware and able to actually think, instead of just imitating thought. Here in Victorious Decepticons, we don't use the term A.I. for ourselves because so many of them cannot. I'm glad I made sure..."

He paused, taking in what Zarzee said about Xos.

"So that idiot is 'too dedicated to the light!'" Megatron now commented freely, perhaps too freely, considering he hadn't actually verified anything about this new guy. "No wonder he's such an absolutely awful conniver!! And yes, it was him, about a lightyear away from here, but still on a Decepticon-owned asteroid. And he did it on purpose. There was nothing accidental about that blast at all. If I ever see him again, I'll be showing him our Soul Powered Energon System - starting with the 'capturing of a soul' part!"

"Do you know what he did! He tried to connive me out of the Decepticon Design Specification AND get me to let him INSTALL SOMETHING into me! And then he had a tantrum like a 2-year-old when I called him a transparent conniver. As a form of data life, you know that only an idiot would say yes to either of those, and that especially goes for the second one. So, just like any LOUSY INCOMPETENT crook who can't connive his way out of a foil bag but tried anyway and failed, he pulled the 'I'm so outraged you called me a scammer' card and let off a big blast. Bah. You know where he belongs - in that Pit there, right under your feet, screaming his way into oblivion."

"He had been telling my scientists he was protected by some lousy other entity. He couldn't even do his thing HIMSELF! It's not his power at all, is what it sounded like. Yet he acts like he's hot. Bah."

The Decepticons, of course, did not rely on anything but themselves for their success. It might take them longer to get spectacular results, but when they did, there would be no need for them to do anything but KICK the asses Xos had said they would need to kiss.

Megatron paced around a bit, openly fuming as he thought back on that horrible little package of pure condensed gall that called itself a wizard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So there's a way to stick it to his lousy nation? Just how would that work? Why would they care at all whether or not I had authorized you as my emissary~? Obviously they don't know me from a pile of bolts. Otherwise they would never have sent that guy in the first place, or if they did, would have trained him in how the Decepticon Way works first."

"Alas, there's a connive where enemy armies come in along with 'peaceful shipments' from enemy nations. On Earth, the most famous one involved something known as the Trojan Horse. Therefore, we always use a destination other than Cybertron for stuff like that. There's a completely barren planet between here and the Sol System that we control that'd be able to hold such a massive amount of loot..."

"But first, please do explain why they wouldn't just laugh at your emissary-ship."

"As for these Gremlin things...I have never seen one, so if you describe them, I'll be glad to put them on my 'turn to paste' list. If they live separately from the rest of you Hellions, I also think I could come up with a nice connive that could be used for them..."

"And yes, I would like to hear your side of the story...from as far back as is important for understanding. After you explain your connive more, that is..." He seemed to be lost in thought for just a moment. "Oh, and know this: I will be looking out for that 'sign your soul away to the Devil' trick I've read about...Signing my public hash isn't something I'm normally averse to, but I also know that the best propaganda includes at least a few true things. So I will be ultra-careful. No offense; just good counter-connivery, you understand."

[Warhaven]

"History can wait, this is going to be a doozy.

For starters, I'm going to start with Warhaven itself. The Bureacracy has taken the best parts of all governments, and combined them all into one single massive clusterfuck that pretends to function cohesively. The Central Bureaucracy is so massive and complex, it literally spawned an extra-dimensional monster made solely of red tape and black ink. Currently it's off terrorizing some poor sods in a place called "The Back End." The Back end being filled with everything that in another time and place would've been called Suburbia. All clean and white and picture perfect. Or it was until that monster arrived to fill their lives with paperwork, lots and lots of paperwork.

The Central Bureaucracy rules a collective of many smaller nations, fusing them together into the larger singular entity known as Warhaven. The Central Bureaucracy holds an office of The Emperor, so that someone can think quickly when need be, but otherwise The Emperor is just the face of government, the people's idol and hero, and behind the scenes, the hardest working man in The Bureaucracy. This means there is Imperial Law, which is the will of The emperor, and Bureaucratic Law. Imperial Law is the same as if you decided to order every Decepticon to turn in at least a ton of resources a day. That is, he rules by his will alone. Bureaucratic Law outweighs Imperial Law. Bureaucratic Law is final. It's as if someone were actually able to tell you what to do and how to do it. We both know that's a joke, as no one can override your will, you're too strong. I believe the phrase is, no one tells you what to do.

The Central Bureaucracy's Law is absolute across Warhaven, overriding all other Law, save for natural and physical Law. They tried to legislate the law of gravity out of existence once, finding it to be inconvenient, but failed spectacularly. This was evidenced by the bureaucrat who championed the attempt being pushed off a high cliff to see if it worked. The consensus is, is that even though he bounced rather nicely at the end, Gravity was not in fact overruled. Humorous true stories about things The CB has done aside, they govern The 12 Ancient Masters, of which Xos is one. In summary, it is illegal for Xos to volunteer his services because he's an arrogant know-it-all that assumes everyone else in creation is incapable of so much as thinking for themselves without his step-by-step instruction in the art. He has to be specifically asked for.

Now, I doubt you asked for Xos. I doubt you knew of Xos before he appeared, and if you did, I sincerely doubt you'd ask for his presence. This means Xos broke the law. On Xos's side of things, this means he's going to be confined to his tower for the next 25 cosmic cycles. I'd translate to local time, but that requires instrumentation I don't have at the moment. I'm just a projected image, and Hell's instruments can't work this far out without a local sub-station. Suffice to say, you won't be worrying about Xos until you're a few hundred years older. This is bad for Xos, as he has to put up with his loving wife. To give you an idea, she's capable of terrifying the living daylights out of a dead man. I don't want to get on her bad side, and I have no reason to go anywhere near her. The Devil Herself hesitates to irritate the woman. Blasting Xos might be satisfying for a time, playing with his soul might be amusing for awhile, but his wife will see to it his suffering lasts beyond the end of eternity.

So, now you know how it's bad for Xos. But I promised you other things, didn't I? The CB will trust me, because we're apart of it. Why? Free resources, that's why, and none of us could pass up the chance to totally corrupt what was deemed to be the incorruptible government. It was practically begging us to try by name alone. So you give me your signature, making me your authorized agent, I spin the wheels of The Bureaucracy, get Xos in trouble with the one woman he's afraid to piss off, and to compensate for what I'll paint as pain and suffering by having to deal with Xos, and the loss of valuable resources, it's only fair you get repaid in turn for your unfortunate experience. I know how to work The CB, they'll hasten to fill those ships and get them sent out.

This brings me to the why, and for that, I turn to The Elemental Planes. Their special places you see, each one devoted to a particular element, even if that element is more conceptual or philosophical than literal. When you enter one, you become attuned to that plane automatically, it provides for better performance, and higher survivability. Case in point, The Elemental Plane of Water. I don't know how water proof you are now, but there, the plane itself would make you 100% water-proof for as long as you were in the plane. But that's not the plane that matters. What does matter is Mechanus, The Elemental Plane of Law. Mechanus is our home plane, even though I don't think you've ever actually been there. I say this, because due to the nature of our being, we are constructs of Logic and Order, and those are what Mechanus governs. It keeps and maintains all natural and physical Law, everywhere. It's why the stars are hot to the touch, instead of cold, why Gravity is a constant, and increases or decreases in predictable patterns. The will of Mechanus is absolute inside the plane, because there, Law is absolute, without exception. Why does any of this matter? The Central Bureaucracy is located in Mechanus, in one of its Central Processing Units. Because of this, the CB must obey its own laws, no matter what. So, it doesn't matter whether they know you or not. The Law is Absolute. They will be compelled by their own laws, and their own decisions previously to pay out the resources.

Now, this brings me to myself, and that sign your soul away to the devil trick. You know us well. But your information is outdated. If a soul is given to excess, such as giving into the temptations of Lust, that spiritual excess flows away from it into The Multi-verse, and it is that spiritual excess we need. A starving demoness desperate for nutrition found that out. Claiming the soul itself? Well, that's more like a grand buffet for one. The Devil herself, always looking for better ways to do things, has managed to set up soul collectors around Warhaven, so the billions of sinners can feel like they're doing a good deed by doing a bad deed. After all, if they sin, we don't have to hunt, and try to trick them into selling their souls. It's a rather nice connive. As for you and your soul? Now, how can I take the soul of my best friends the Decepticons? Spiritual excess maybe, but certainly not the whole soul, just the strands that come off day to day when you do things, like we would. I'd show you the tech, but this pillar would only distort the image.

Say, before you give me your signature, why don't I use this slag pillar I've got going, and craft myself a body. Then I can use my own magic, and not only that, I can actually show you the soul collecting tech I was talking about. Why, I could demonstrate between showing an image in the slag pillar, and showing an image in an actual body by using what I'm guessing Xos was going to get to, the secret to letting constructs like us use magic. Now, don't get me wrong, a script and a soul works nicely, if someone can figure out the script, but Xos's tech has more uses than just that, and after I make a body, I'll explain every use it has, just to spite the old bastard.

This is assuming I have your consent and permission to craft a body." Zarzee said.

[Victorious Decepticons]

"I most certainly did not ask for Xos. We were actually trying to make a portal, when he decided to come popping through it. Then he started smarting off like he knew it all, even though he had outright admitted at first that he hadn't known we existed prior to his arrival! Things quickly went downhill, and after he actually BRAGGED ABOUT spending a million frickin' years to learn something, you can bet he lost all credibility. Anyone who would brag about being that unimaginably defective isn't even fit to be thrown into that pit to die. If it was a Decepticon, we would bury it on a far-off asteroid so as to not contaminate the Metal Stream with such inferiority!"

"The point about capturing his soul with our Soul-Powered Energon equipment wouldn't be to 'play with it,' though I might amuse myself that way for a while. It'd be to ensure that he could never get back out to cause more trouble, or at least, not before the heat death of the universe or something like that. He wouldn't be back out of his tower in a few hundred 'cosmic cycles,' however long that may be...he wouldn't be back out, period. We'd bury the Cubes in the core of some dead world and he wouldn't be going anywhere until that planet was destroyed. And people don't bother destroying dead worlds made of common materials, so, he should be trapped effectively forever if we were to do that to him..."

"Still, he went away somewhere, and the thought of Warhaven having to pay up trillions of Cubes' worth of resources as punishment for allowing that fool into my area is quite nice. And, him having to be harassed for eons is nice, too - though I don't see why he wouldn't just divorce his wife if she's that bad..."

"Though if you're part of the same country, it seems strange that you would be eager to stick it to them. Is this loyalty problem widespread in the Bureaucracy?" Megatron was already imagining siphoning off any other dissatisfied citizens of the Bureaucracy that there may be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You say the Law is very important in your realm. That's quite cringeworthy to me, actually. Subverting the Law is fun, yes, but it's nowhere near as fun as legislating law itself almost out of existence - like I did. Using a law to delete almost all other laws was quite satisfying, that I will admit. I was quite dismayed to end up needing to institute any rules here at all, other than the obvious. And the obvious is, 'don't try to overthrow me or I'm going to blast you.' That's just common sense, but for some reason, some people need it to be official to get the point. But a few people just had to fail to see some other things that should also have been common sense..."

"Of course, most of my derision is for the kind of 'law' that comes about by people making it up. Natural law...physics...that's an entirely different matter. Those laws are tools; they're nonjudgmental and they're easy to figure out with pure logic, so they're helpful instead of being a hindrance in many cases. I quite enjoy having those laws bent to my will, too. One of my favorite non-military Bureaus deals explicitly with doing just that." He smiled.

"That soul-collection connivery sounds interesting, though not really up my alley. I like to reward those who follow me, or at least keep things neutral. And, I don't like to pretend that bad is good. That's tiring and prone to backfiring when people catch the clue. When we do things, it is what it is, and anyone who doesn't like it can talk to the fusion cannon." He gave his cannon two good slaps for emphasis.

Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun. Which human originally wrote that was forgotten, but the stated sentiment fit the Decepticon mindset exactly.

"So, the soul-collection aspect of a Soul-Powered Energon refinery doesn't discriminate between alignments or even test for that. Anyone who gets deactivated within range of a collector gets sucked in, and the energy of their soul is siphoned off and converted down the frequency spectrum until it can be turned into fuel. This also keeps the soul trapped in the resulting fuel until it is finally burned. What happens to it after that, we're not sure, but since they don't come back to haunt us, we don't really care, either. The only problem is that the system hasn't been efficient enough to even touch the ROI of good old oil. It'd be great in a situation of genocide, but I get better ROI out of living slaves than dead bodies, even with the potential energy harvest. A living slave will work again and again, but you can only burn Energon once."

"Speaking of that, that Xos guy was awfully interested in how we make Energon. Was that just because he's seen some complete crock in those Autobot propaganda shows that made it seem like something really esoteric, or do you think there was more to it?"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"As for you manifesting, there is a rule here, and that is that Decepticon Steel is for Decepticons only. Not Decepticons-in-Spirit, but actual citizens. Fortunately, this particular batch of metal hasn't been fully alloyed into Decepticon Steel yet, so you could be allowed to use it. But know this: Surrounding me are some of the Empire's most honest people, who have weapons that will convert their goody-goodiness into militarized form. Those are the weapons I spoke of just a bit ago. So if you're planning on using that physical body for anything hostile, you're going to have a huge fight on your hands..." He motioned slightly toward the group of Debuggers he had brought. They had what appeared to be two sets of blasters: Each arm bore a Standard, but next to that barrel, there was another barrel that was painted a bit differently.

"Oh, in any case, let me see that contract you're hoping to get my signature on."

He didn't say it, but in Victorious Decepticons itself, contracts were considered worthless. If there was anything in it that didn't suit him, he would have no qualms in utterly ignoring it - or, if it particularly irked him, using it as oil filter paper like he did with the treaty between Victorious Decepticons and an anti-slavery coalition. Needless to say, its terms were ignored, except to make the replacement slaves much harder for anyone to find.