[PASSED] Commend A Slanted Black Stripe

[Crazy girl]

This is my third attempt at this proposal (the other two didn't reach quorum, but I know what I did wrong there), so constructive criticism of all kinds (especially grammar and spelling) is strongly encouraged. I've incorporated AMOM's edits.
The Security Council,

The Security Council,

Observing that on August 16, 2008, a group of nations calling itself the “Empire” invaded and took over the The East Pacific (which was inactive at the time) and that their occupation lasted four months: a significant amount of time for an occupation of that magnitude,

Recognizing that the Empire managed to wrestle the inactive Pacific giant into a stranglehold and that breaking this power required an extensive amount of effort from the regions local and legitimate stewards,

Understanding that, prior to the invasion of The East Pacific, the nation known as A Slanted Black Stripe did not participate in the regional government of The East Pacific and that the invasion and subsequent actions of the Empire stirred A Slanted Black Stripe (ASBS) into action,

Noting that the Empire arbitrarily ejected over 100 nations from The East Pacific out of spite and noting that many of these were WA member nations loyal to the legitimate government of the region or simply disinterested, a grievous abuse of the powers of the delegate,

Realizes that said ejections stirred ASBS into action and, with the help of a few prominent members (Kandarin, who gave advice on influence, and 1 Infinite Loop who game advice on the type of campaign needed to remove the Empire from power) of The East Pacific government, started an unendorsement campaign along with Dannistaan, a trusted member of The East Pacific, to rid the empire from power,

Further Recognizes that the main reason that ASBS's unendorsement campaign worked was due to its honest and straightforward message, whilst the Empire's primary means of combating the campaign was through deception, a tactic their members (such as “Lord Rahl”, AKA “Biyah”, who helped organize a number of phony and failed “liberation” attempts of The East Pacific) were very familiar with,

Further Observing that the Empire, after being severely damaged by the resistance it met from loyal TEP locals such as ASBS, resigned December 21, 2008 and that on December 24, 2008 ASBS was elected delegate of The East Pacific alongside vice-delegate Dannistaan,

Admiring the diligence of ASBS as not only interim delegate of The East Pacific, a position which ordinarily requires the dedication of much attention and work, but as the key nation responsible for rebuilding and reforming the legitimate government of The East Pacific (the Confederacy which still thrives today) after the Empire's coup,

Further Admiring the diligence of ASBS in this trying position, admiring the nation's dedication and loyalty to the sovereign development of its home region. admiring its involvement in the drafting of TEP's Concordat (the Confederacy's constitutional document which guides The East Pacific to this day), respecting this nation's contributions as an election commissioner after its term was over, and believing the actions of ASBS worthy of recognition and acclaim,

Hereby commends A Slanted Black Stripe.

[SkyDip]

Character count might come into play here. Other than that, still not overly-impressive material, in my mind.

[Ramaeus]

Character count might come into play here. Other than that, still not overly-impressive material, in my mind.

Fair enough. If you don't mind me asking, what about it isn't overly-impressive?

[Who and What is Happening]

If you are going to push this again, I suggest you get in touch with Todd McCloud first. I believe he had offered to campaign for this on your behalf.

You need to personally reach out to most WA delegates if you want this to have a shot, and he can help you with that.

[Emad]

You should buy some telegram stamps if you really want to reach out to all the WA Delegates. To do this, it would be sensible to buy the "Postmaster-General" from the NationStates store.

[Haxstree]

That really isn't necessary, especially since many WA campaigners use scripts instead, which are free.

[Ramaeus]

If you are going to push this again, I suggest you get in touch with Todd McCloud first. I believe he had offered to campaign for this on your behalf.

You need to personally reach out to most WA delegates if you want this to have a shot, and he can help you with that.

I know.

You should buy some telegram stamps if you really want to reach out to all the WA Delegates. To do this, it would be sensible to buy the "Postmaster-General" from the NationStates store.

I know.

That really isn't necessary, especially since many WA campaigners use scripts instead, which are free.

I know. Scripts ARE what I plan on using.

[All Good People]

Notes that the Empire ejected over 100 nations from The East Pacific, a grievous abuse of the powers of the delegate,

You will need to explain how this is a " grievous abuse". I've banjected well over 100 nations as TWP Delegate: recruiters, adspammers, offensive names, offensive customized fields. No one describes that as "grievous abuse".

[Ramaeus]

Notes that the Empire ejected over 100 nations from The East Pacific, a grievous abuse of the powers of the delegate,

You will need to explain how this is a " grievous abuse". I've banjected well over 100 nations as TWP Delegate: recruiters, adspammers, offensive names, offensive customized fields. No one describes that as "grievous abuse".

I just edited it. They were ejected out of spite/to anger nations.

[Slafstopia]

Your first link to A Slanted Black Stripe doesn't work right. The second one does though.

[Ramaeus]

Your first link to A Slanted Black Stripe doesn't work right. The second one does though.

Thank you.

[PrussianEmpire]

This bill has my full support. ASBS is a good man and well worthy of getting commended. Spread the word my friends!

[A mean old man]

The Security Council,

Observing that on August 16, 2008, a group of nations called the Empire invaded and took over the formerly inactive region known as The East Pacific and that their occupation lasted four months, a significant amount of time for an occupation of that magnitude,

Observing that on August 16, 2008, a group of nations calling itself the "Empire" invaded and took over the formerly inactive region known as The East Pacific (which was inactive at the time) and that their occupation lasted four months: a significant amount of time for an occupation of that magnitude,

Recognizes the inherent difficulty in keeping a region the size of The East Pacific, regardless of the circumstances which allowed for the original invasion,

I don't think that this clause contributes to the resolution. This is what I would suggest replacing it with:

Recognizing that the Empire managed to wrestle the inactive Pacific giant into a stranglehold and that breaking this power required an extensive amount of effort from the region's local and legitimate stewards,

Understands that, prior to the invasion of The East Pacific, the nation known as A Slanted Black Stripe didn't participate in the regional government of The East Pacific and that the invasion and subsequent actions of the Empire stirred A Slanted Black Stripe (ASBS) into action,

Understanding that, prior to the invasion of The East Pacific, the nation known as A Slanted Black Stripe did not participate in the regional government of The East Pacific and that the invasion and subsequent actions of the Empire stirred A Slanted Black Stripe (ASBS) into action,

Notes that the Empire ejected over 100 nations from The East Pacific out of spite, a grievous abuse of the powers of the delegate,

Noting that the Empire arbitrarily ejected over 100 nations from The East Pacific out of spite [color=red]and noting that many of these were WA member nations loyal to the legitimate government of the region or simply disinterested, a grievous abuse of the powers of the delegate,

Realizes that said ejections stirred ASBS into action and, with the help of a few prominent members (Kandarin, who gave advice on influence, and 1 Infinite Loop who game advice on the type of campaign needed to remove the Empire from power) of The East Pacific government, started an unendorsement campaign along with Dannistaan, a trusted member of The East Pacific, to rid the empire from power,

[box]Further Recognizes that the main reason a simple unendorsement campaign worked was due to its honest and straightforward message, whilst the Empire's primary means of combating the campaign was through deception, a tactic that the Empire was quite familiar in, as evidenced by Lord Rahl, better known as Biyah, being involved in various planned liberation attempts on The East Pacific, none of them succeeded,

Further Recognizes that the main reason that ASBS's unendorsement campaign worked was due to its honest and straightforward message, whilst the Empire's primary means of combating the campaign was through deception, a tactic their members (such as "Lord Rahl," AKA "Biyah," who helped organize a number of phony and failed "liberation" attempts of The East Pacific) were very familiar with,

Further Observes that the Empire resigned on December 21, 2008, and that on December 24, 2008 ASBS was elected delegate of The East Pacific, with Dannistaan as vice delegate,

Further Observing that the Empire, after being severely damaged by the resistance it met from loyal TEP locals such as ASBS, resigned on December 21, 2008, and that on December 24, 2008 ASBS was elected delegate of The East Pacific alongside vice-delegate Dannistaan,

Believes that reconstructing a government is difficult work and reconstructing the government of a region the size The East Pacific to be even more challenging,

Superfluous; I recommend removing this line.

Admires the diligence of ASBS, they were not only interim delegate of The East Pacific, a position which requires quite a lot of work, but they were also one of the key nations in reconstructing the government of The East Pacific, a confederacy which thrives today,

Admiring the diligence of ASBS as not only interim delegate of The East Pacific, a position which ordinarily requires the dedication of much attention and work, but as the key nation responsible for rebuilding and reforming the legitimate government of The East Pacific (the Confederacy which still thrives today) after the Empire's coup,

Admires the diligence of ASBS, they were not only interim delegate of The East Pacific, a position which requires quite a lot of work, but they were also one of the key nations in reconstructing the government of The East Pacific, a confederacy which thrives today,

Admiring the diligence of ASBS in this trying position, admiring the nation's dedication and loyalty to the sovereign development of its home region. admiring its involvement in the drafting of TEP's Concordat (the Confederacy's constitutional document which guides The East Pacific to this day), respecting this nation's contributions as an election commissioner after its term was over, and believing the actions of ASBS worthy of recognition and acclaim,

Hereby commends A Slanted Black Stripe

[Ramaeus]

Alright, I just incorporated AMOM's corrections into the proposal.

The Security Council,

Observing that on August 16, 2008, a group of nations calling itself the “Empire” invaded and took over the The East Pacific (which was inactive at the time) and that their occupation lasted four months: a significant amount of time for an occupation of that magnitude,

Recognizing that the Empire managed to wrestle the inactive Pacific giant into a stranglehold and that breaking this power required an extensive amount of effort from the regions local and legitimate stewards,

Understanding that, prior to the invasion of The East Pacific, the nation known as A Slanted Black Stripe did not participate in the regional government of The East Pacific and that the invasion and subsequent actions of the Empire stirred A Slanted Black Stripe (ASBS) into action,

Noting that the Empire arbitrarily ejected over 100 nations from The East Pacific out of spite and noting that many of these were WA member nations loyal to the legitimate government of the region or simply disinterested, a grievous abuse of the powers of the delegate,

Realizes that said ejections stirred ASBS into action and, with the help of a few prominent members (Kandarin, who gave advice on influence, and 1 Infinite Loop who game advice on the type of campaign needed to remove the Empire from power) of The East Pacific government, started an unendorsement campaign along with Dannistaan, a trusted member of The East Pacific, to rid the empire from power,

Further Recognizes that the main reason that ASBS's unendorsement campaign worked was due to its honest and straightforward message, whilst the Empire's primary means of combating the campaign was through deception, a tactic their members (such as “Lord Rahl”, AKA “Biyah”, who helped organize a number of phony and failed “liberation” attempts of The East Pacific) were very familiar with,

Further Observing that the Empire, after being severely damaged by the resistance it met from loyal TEP locals such as ASBS, resigned December 21, 2008 and that on December 24, 2008 ASBS was elected delegate of The East Pacific alongside vice-delegate Dannistaan,

Admiring the diligence of ASBS as not only interim delegate of The East Pacific, a position which ordinarily requires the dedication of much attention and work, but as the key nation responsible for rebuilding and reforming the legitimate government of The East Pacific (the Confederacy which still thrives today) after the Empire's coup,

Further Admiring the diligence of ASBS in this trying position, admiring the nation's dedication and loyalty to the sovereign development of its home region. admiring its involvement in the drafting of TEP's Concordat (the Confederacy's constitutional document which guides The East Pacific to this day), respecting this nation's contributions as an election commissioner after its term was over, and believing the actions of ASBS worthy of recognition and acclaim,

Hereby commends A Slanted Black Stripe

[Abacathea]

Alright, I just incorporated AMOM's corrections into the proposal.

The Security Council,

Observing that on August 16, 2008, a group of nations calling itself the “Empire” invaded and took over the The East Pacific (which was inactive at the time) and that their occupation lasted four months: a significant amount of time for an occupation of that magnitude,

Recognizing that the Empire managed to wrestle the inactive Pacific giant into a stranglehold and that breaking this power required an extensive amount of effort from the regions local and legitimate stewards,

Understanding that, prior to the invasion of The East Pacific, the nation known as A Slanted Black Stripe did not participate in the regional government of The East Pacific and that the invasion and subsequent actions of the Empire stirred A Slanted Black Stripe (ASBS) into action,

Noting that the Empire arbitrarily ejected over 100 nations from The East Pacific out of spite and noting that many of these were WA member nations loyal to the legitimate government of the region or simply disinterested, a grievous abuse of the powers of the delegate,

Realizes that said ejections stirred ASBS into action and, with the help of a few prominent members (Kandarin, who gave advice on influence, and 1 Infinite Loop who game advice on the type of campaign needed to remove the Empire from power) of The East Pacific government, started an unendorsement campaign along with Dannistaan, a trusted member of The East Pacific, to rid the empire from power,

Further Recognizes that the main reason that ASBS's unendorsement campaign worked was due to its honest and straightforward message, whilst the Empire's primary means of combating the campaign was through deception, a tactic their members (such as “Lord Rahl”, AKA “Biyah”, who helped organize a number of phony and failed “liberation” attempts of The East Pacific) were very familiar with,

Further Observing that the Empire, after being severely damaged by the resistance it met from loyal TEP locals such as ASBS, resigned December 21, 2008 and that on December 24, 2008 ASBS was elected delegate of The East Pacific alongside vice-delegate Dannistaan,

Admiring the diligence of ASBS as not only interim delegate of The East Pacific, a position which ordinarily requires the dedication of much attention and work, but as the key nation responsible for rebuilding and reforming the legitimate government of The East Pacific (the Confederacy which still thrives today) after the Empire's coup,

Further Admiring the diligence of ASBS in this trying position, admiring the nation's dedication and loyalty to the sovereign development of its home region. admiring its involvement in the drafting of TEP's Concordat (the Confederacy's constitutional document which guides The East Pacific to this day), respecting this nation's contributions as an election commissioner after its term was over, and believing the actions of ASBS worthy of recognition and acclaim,

Hereby commends A Slanted Black Stripe

Better to have this in the original post than down here, no one's going to see it otherwise and all feedback will be given off the O.P.

[Abacathea]

Alright, I just incorporated AMOM's corrections into the proposal.

Remember, post this to the Original Post. No for feedback, blue = comment, green = criticism.

The Security Council,

Observing that on August 16, 2008, a group of nations calling itself the “Empire” invaded and took over the The East Pacific (which was inactive at the time) and that their occupation lasted four months: a significant amount of time for an occupation of that magnitude,

4 months doesn't seem that significant, just depends on the counter invasion force, in any case, so for not relevant to your candidate as such/

Recognizing that the Empire managed to wrestle the inactive Pacific giant into a stranglehold and that breaking this power required an extensive amount of effort from the regions local and legitimate stewards,

More preamble, and pretty standard for a counter invasion...

Understanding that, prior to the invasion of The East Pacific, the nation known as A Slanted Black Stripe did not participate in the regional government of The East Pacific and that the invasion and subsequent actions of the Empire stirred A Slanted Black Stripe (ASBS) into action,

This preamble is taking forever, is this point really essential too?

Noting that the Empire arbitrarily ejected over 100 nations from The East Pacific out of spite and noting that many of these were WA member nations loyal to the legitimate government of the region or simply disinterested, a grievous abuse of the powers of the delegate,

Simply disinterested? Explain this to me, they ejected apathetic nations? Then surely they wouldn't have given two shits? As for the other ejections, thats pretty standard in an invasion, it's not like T.E.P hadn't the capita ratio to warrant a 100 odd loses either.

Realizes that said ejections stirred ASBS into action and, with the help of a few prominent members (Kandarin, who gave advice on influence, and 1 Infinite Loop who game advice on the type of campaign needed to remove the Empire from power) of The East Pacific government, started an unendorsement campaign along with Dannistaan, a trusted member of The East Pacific, to rid the empire from power,

Are we seriously only getting to ASBS's interjection in this invasion now, the seeming crux of your commendation, after how many lines? Furthermore, if they had help, why aren't the others being commended?

Further Recognizes that the main reason that ASBS's unendorsement campaign worked was due to its honest and straightforward message, whilst the Empire's primary means of combating the campaign was through deception, a tactic their members (such as “Lord Rahl”, AKA “Biyah”, who helped organize a number of phony and failed “liberation” attempts of The East Pacific) were very familiar with,

Nothing special here

I've honestly read enough, there's more to be analyzed here and I know that, but this far into it, i'm pissed off with reading preamble and thats what the bulk of this is. Where's the flesh? All I have here is skeleton. No offence to your candidate but this far into the text you've failed to convince me that they are commendation worthy, as a result we stand opposed.

[SkyDip]

Our regional opinion can be summed up in the following:

Most NS players today weren't even around when this happenned. Surely if this was worthy of a commendation it would have been done years ago...

Reaching this far back into the past for a relatively non-significant event is not Commendable. I will be voting AGAINST this proposal.

[Ramaeus]

4 months doesn't seem that significant, just depends on the counter invasion force, in any case, so for not relevant to your candidate as such/

Remember that it's TEP that was invaded, not some region that has 30 nations.

More preamble, and pretty standard for a counter invasion...

TEP's government was in shambles, so it was difficult to get anything organized.

This preamble is taking forever, is this point really essential too?

Yes, I'm pointing out that ASBS had no government experience prior to the invasion.

Simply disinterested? Explain this to me, they ejected apathetic nations? Then surely they wouldn't have given two shits? As for the other ejections, thats pretty standard in an invasion, it's not like T.E.P hadn't the capita ratio to warrant a 100 odd loses either.

I'm saying that a large majority of the nations were apathetic at that time due to the local regional government being an inactive mess. They had no reason to be interested in the region beyond the fact that they were locals there.

Are we seriously only getting to ASBS's interjection in this invasion now, the seeming crux of your commendation, after how many lines? Furthermore, if they had help, why aren't the others being commended?

Yep. All the clauses before were necessary in order to establish what happened when the Empire invaded. You see, most people don't know what the Empire was.
Lots of commended nations have had help, so I don't really see your point.

Nothing special here

Oh? Removing a powerful tyrant from power is nothing special?

I've honestly read enough, there's more to be analyzed here and I know that, but this far into it, i'm pissed off with reading preamble and thats what the bulk of this is. Where's the flesh? All I have here is skeleton. No offence to your candidate but this far into the text you've failed to convince me that they are commendation worthy, as a result we stand opposed.

You can't read 9 clauses (I'm not counting the description or the hereby part.) Read Condemn Automagfreak. It's 11 clauses. http://www.nationstates.net/page=WA_pas ... 2?start=80
I guess you can't convince everyone.

[Ramaeus]

Our regional opinion can be summed up in the following:

Most NS players today weren't even around when this happenned. Surely if this was worthy of a commendation it would have been done years ago...

Reaching this far back into the past for a relatively non-significant event is not Commendable. I will be voting AGAINST this proposal.

I see. Nothing wrong with representing your region.
This wasn't an insignificant event. The Empire and ASBS shaped TEP into the region it is today, so I fail to see how that is "non-significant".

[A mean old man]

Reaching this far back into the past for a relatively non-significant event is not Commendable. I will be voting AGAINST this proposal.

A disappointing sentiment.

[Abacathea]

Our regional opinion can be summed up in the following:



Reaching this far back into the past for a relatively non-significant event is not Commendable. I will be voting AGAINST this proposal.

I see. Nothing wrong with representing your region.
This wasn't an insignificant event. The Empire and ASBS shaped TEP into the region it is today, so I fail to see how that is "non-significant".

Is it your goal to go around commending all the delegates for actions that took place in the antiquity days too? As I said above, removing a tyrant from power is not a light feat, but it's done every day by Unibot and his clan I see no one running out to give him or his troops a commendation as of late, and in fairness they'd deserve it more than ASBS.

I'm not saying he hasn't done well. He's just not at a level I feel worth it yet. Each to their own. Also, for future record, mudslinging another authors proposal back at them in order to defend your own, does not in a good light paint. Especially when your attempt at a stab couldn't have done less to back up your argument.

In any case, i've left my thoughts on this here, each to their own as I've said. You have your view, I have mine.

[Ramaeus]

Is it your goal to go around commending all the delegates for actions that took place in the antiquity days too?

Nope, just the ones that deserve it.

As I said above, removing a tyrant from power is not a light feat, but it's done every day by Unibot and his clan I see no one running out to give him or his troops a commendation as of late, and in fairness they'd deserve it more than ASBS.

UDL does do some impressive work, but it's not everyday that a feeder is conquered.

I'm not saying he hasn't done well. He's just not at a level I feel worth it yet. Each to their own.

If you don't think significantly influencing a feeder region is worth it yet, then so be it.

Also, for future record, mudslinging another authors proposal back at them in order to defend your own, does not in a good light paint. Especially when your attempt at a stab couldn't have done less to back up your argument.

Fair enough, it was in poor taste. I've removed it.

In any case, i've left my thoughts on this here, each to their own as I've said. You have your view, I have mine.

Agreed.

[PrussianEmpire]

As I said above, removing a tyrant from power is not a light feat, but it's done every day by Unibot and his clan I see no one running out to give him or his troops a commendation as of late, and in fairness they'd deserve it more than ASBS.

Unibot doesn't do that everyday. In fact, he hasn't done it in several months.

[East Malaysia]

Reaching this far back into the past for a relatively non-significant event is not Commendable. I will be voting AGAINST this proposal.

A disappointing sentiment.

Yup.

I can't wait to see the sentiment when we try to get Loop a commend.

[Todd McCloud]

Reaching this far back into the past for a relatively non-significant event is not Commendable. I will be voting AGAINST this proposal.

A disappointing sentiment.

Summed up very well.

This event is very much a turning point in TEP's, and the NS world for that matter, history. Unfortunately, though, historical significance is lost on those who never experienced it and decide to glibly cast it off insignificant.