World Cup 58 RP Thread

[Antoletia]

If you are depressed you should probably see a doctor, if your not depressed than why are you watching porn?

[Qazox]

Chenkorya Stop Streak, Dobbs Hurt in 4-1 Loss

Chenkorya did it again to keep their hopes alive with an impressive 4-1 over Qazox this afternoon. Doreen Dobbs was injured on a fluke play in the 11th minute, and was carted off the pitch, and her injuries have not yet been determined. But the loss of one of Qazox' better forwards, forced Zaki's hand and he sent out Soai Fu'anuoa, who has been a nice spark off the bench.

But the Chenkoryians doublemarked her all match long, and Qazox just couldn't keep up with the visitors, who were lead by a pair of goals from both Joshua Prekith and Quinten Timmermans. Qazox did manage to get the first goal, as Rene Martin scored from 25 yards out, but the Eagles couldn't maintain any momentum.

Despite the loss, Qazox is still in first place in the group by 4 points over Virabia and now only 6 over Chenkorya. All three team have 4 games remaining, and there is still a meeting between Qazox and Virabia left on the board, and Virabia and Chenkorya meet on the final matchday.

Qazox will next face Kalumba at home before the second Virabia match.

[Wight]

.

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

This is your RP Cutoff

QPeMA must have had a rough day...I will place the scores where they go.

MD14 Scores

[Ko-oren]

Ko-oren Sports Network

Ko-oren wins four in a row!

And again, Ko-oren records a victory on the way to the World Cup. Now, after 12 matches, the green-blue team accumulated 21 points from 6 victories, three draws and three losses. Goal Difference: +8. Ko-oren has a hard time scoring (18), but concedes on average less than one goal per match (10 out of 12). Where Ko-oren now ranks fourth in group 19 (one point behind Allamunnic States), it would rank third or sometimes even second in almost any other group.

Ko-oren should also be alarmed that losing any match from now on means game over for qualification. Although no team in group 19 is yet sure of qualification, already number 5 Ossidiacqua is definitely eliminated for the tournament.

The Sélésáo is full of confidence after winning their last four matches, all of which against the four lowest ranked teams of the group. Only now every match counts; and those matches are against the top three of the group (and the team ranked directly below Ko-oren).

[Dorian and Sonya]

Story of the Queen


It was a day much like any other during that time. The sun shone bright across the hills as the wind stirred the brilliant green grass and played with petals on dandelions and buttercups that dotted the landscape. If she had not known any better, Sonya Flamelocks of Durintown would have thought it quite beautiful. But she did know better and she knew full well of what dangers would face the small company of friends. If they all survived to see the morrow it would indeed be a miracle.

Sonya thought back over the past few months since the group had been thrown together to combat the forces darkness that threatened to swallow the world. It had been one hell of an adventure for a simple Elven hunter who had no desires to rise above her station. It had been the massive Paladin, Dorian Sabre, who had convinced her to join their cause. Something about the young man’s dedication to truth and justice had made her feel obligated to do what she could to help, and so she had joined what would seem to most as an odd set of companions.

There were six of them in all. Herself and Dorian. And then there was the gigantic barbarian they called Badger. As a pure fighter he had few equals and his morals closely mirrored those of the Paladin even if the two often disagreed on just how to go about things. Mathym Eyehawk was the loner of the group. Another elf and a Ranger, he was more of use and at home scouting ahead for trouble - and he was damn good at his job. Efink Mesick was perhaps the strangest of the group. The Pixie idolized Dorian and strove to be just like him. That even carried over to the diminutive fairy wearing his own version of full plate armor and carrying a lance when riding his “War-Psuedodragon”. If nothing else Efink was the comic relief they all needed. And then there was the wizard Davin Deldairie. Sonya had never trusted the brash young man who seemeed to carry too many secrets in his soul. But Dorian trusted him and that was enough.

They sat atop the small hill and looked eastward to the smoking mountain known as Demon Forge and contemplated what should be done next. Badger would simply ride in through the front gates and chop his way to the dungeons where King Edward of White Hall sat in shackles. He was the reason they had come this far. It was the King who had backed their cause and put this group together. They owed it to him to return him to his throne.

Badger’s plan had its merits. In the small tunnels of the mountain fortress, he and Dorian were more than a match for any two or three of the Orokai that could get at them at any one time. The problem came when reinforcements closed in from behind them. To ask Sonya, Mathym, and Efink to have the same odds would be a bit much. Sonya was better with a bow while Mathym disdained hand to hand combat. Efink would be game but was a Pixie underneath all his bravado and that meant one never knew quite what to expect. Davin couldn’t be counted on either. He was just as likely to disappear and meet them under safer conditions.

But the lack of any other real plan kept them arguing over just what should be done for most of the morning. In the end it was an off-hand remark from Sonya herself that decided things.

The six friends silently saddled their mounts, save badger who chose to run. It would be a long ride followed by blood and sweat - and hopefully a fast paced escape.

To be continued…

[Khytenna]

Khytennia eliminate Kandorith

Kandorith: 0

Khytenna: 2

Firestone 3rd
Blaylock 67th.

After a disappointing draw and a shock loss at home, Khytenna get a vital win against struggling Kandorith, who now thanks to Khytenna have no chance in qualification

Khytenna really had complete control of the game but for the most part lacked the finishing touch, wasting great opportunities at goal, this was not the case in the 3rd minute of the game, when Firestone tried his luck a range, smashing a short form 30 yards out, it curled in to the top corner of the net, a super shot that the keeper just stood and watched as it went in to the game, Khytenna was one nil up and would have to wait till the second half to get another goal.

Khytenna just couldn't get that second goal in the first half, they got great chances to, but they went begging, Firestone was the most guilty of this, in the 23rd minute, he was left a gap a mile wide to get into the box, he received the ball, the keeper was in the wrong place, the goal was open, but Firestone skyed it, a rare sight from a prolific goal scorer, he held his head in his hands wondering what happened.

Blaylock got Khytenna second a vital goal in the 67th minute, this came after three shots at goal during a corner, Thorne crossed the ball in, Firestone headed the ball but it hit the post, Pellett tried to volley it in, but a defender headed it to outside the box where Testerman was, he smashed the ball low, but the keeper deflected it with his leg, however, Blaylock dived with his head towards the ball, putting the ball in the set for the second goal, Blaylock punched the air in delight, Coach Dresden looked more relived then happy.

The game ended 2-0, with Khytenna taking points from a vital game, Kandorith however will have to wait till next time for a chance to qualify, as now it is impossible for them to do so.


Khytenna's next game will be against Nifferite, after they have a bye, which will be important as they need to win that game to stay in contention fro qualifying

GK 13. Leo Hay ( 21 Portside fc)
RB 3. james Ursua (31 Blue bay)
LB 14. Max Showman(26 Central FC)
DC 17. Nelson Bohannan(27 Alterdamm Merchants, Gray harbour)
DC 15.Oliver Testerman ( 24 Dunboor FC, Cafundeu)(capt) )
RM 7. Casey Thorne (27 Central FC)
LM 16.Trever Evelyn (22 Blue Bay)
CM 4. John Carmichael (22 Central FC)
FW 9. Fergal Firestone (21 blue bay)
FW 10. Lini Pellett (21 Atlético Jutense, Cafundeu)
FW 20. Lyle Blaylock (22 Kings’s District Athletic))

[Jeruselem]

Jeruselem Government News

A guide for foreigners to Jeruselem talk (J-Talk)


Baby bus - Mother with more than 6 kids.

Beerboy - Man who prefers to drink beer than pick up women

Bostonians - Bostopians who love Emperor Boston

Camwhore - Girls who love attention on front any camera.

Christmas present - Women who don't wear underwear.

Dallasite - A member of many Dallas fan clubs

Dragon - Bad-tempered but good looking woman like Princess Sofia

Little dragon - Daughter of a a dragon

Hot ride - Not good clean fun (clothes optional).

Nudecasters - Girls who work for Naked News.

Nudies - Qazians, or people of Qazian descent. Includes people like Queen Isabella and her mother Queen Lilian Dazza Greenly. A lot of Naked News girls are Nudies.

Perry - Girl who changes her hair colour a lot eg Princess Sofia

Polar Bear - Hairy people who come from cold countries

Polegirl - Poledancer

Poor Princess - Single Mother

Star people - Starblaydians

Tabletester - People who dance or have sex on tables.

[Vilita]

FINALLY! VILITA WINS AGAINST BOTTOM SIDE

Jungle Cats Slide Ends with 2-1 Victory over Elmonia

For two straight World Cup Qualifying campaigns, the Vilita Jungle Cats have had no problem competing for a playoff position by playing strongly against the core of their qualifying group, in most cases recording victories. There are two categories of team the Jungle Cats had NOT beaten, either in World Cup 57 Qualifying or World Cup 58 Qualifying. The first category is the group leaders/favorites. The Jungle Cats have not beaten the #1 seed in their group. During World Cup 57 Qualifying, this was Krytenia. The Jungle Cats played a strong game in the first match, losing only 1-3. In the second match the Jungle Cats got destroyed in a 0-6 result. Fast forward to World Cup 58 Qualifying, and the Vilita Jungle Cats have certainly improved as a team. Squaring off against top seed Mytannion on Matchday 2, Vilita fell to a slim 0-1 defeat. Thereby, there was much anticipation as Vilita travelled to Mytannion on Matchday 12, sitting level second in the group and controlling their own destiny in their path to the World Cup Finals. Then Calamity hit. Not only did the Jungle Cats lose to Mytannion, but the followed it up with defeats to Sargossa and, of all nations, Tymason. It was the first time since World Cup 50 that the Jungle Cats had dropped 3 consecutive results.

As a result of the string of defeats, the Jungle Cats have virtually been eliminated from World Cup Qualification. The only chance the Vilita National Team has of making the World Cup Finals is if Saugeais fails to win each of its final three matches, and loses at least on the final matchday to Vilita. Highly unlikely, however, and Saugeais will confirm its position in the World Cup Playoffs with any victory. The Jungle Cats can still take something from this World Cup, however - even though it looks as if they may end up with a lower point total than they had during World Cup 57 Qualifiers. That is category 2. Teams in last place. Just as they had trouble beating first place teams, they have also had trouble beating last place teams. The defeat to Sargossa being an outlier, The Jungle Cats have had little problem avoiding defeat against teams ranked 2-7 in World Cup Qualifying the past two campaigns. But they had a big fat goose egg in the 'Wins' column against teams ranked dead last. That all changed on Matchday 14 as the Jungle Cats broke the snide with a 2-1 victory over an Elmonia side that had already cost the Jungle Cats two crucial points that could, like the unexplainable results against Brendino the 3rd during World Cup 57 Qualifying, cost the Jungle Cats a chance at Qualification once again.

Coaches Kris Wrice and Tika Massa decided to make a change to the lineup for the Elmonia match with Sirkii Moliaudo getting the start over Kristofer Kilpter. It would prove to be a rewarding day for Moliaudo, but the Jungle Cats made their first moves in the 19th minute through Rexii Tzikas. Tzikas worked a shocking play with Jomur Hulyer, the two players switching field 100% from side to side twice before Tzikas made a sprint to the box. Hulyer played it in high, but with a slightly different trajectory than the two previous switches, catching some of the Elmonia defenders off guard and Tzikas was clear behind the defense when he received Hulyers cross. Tzikas quickly and cooly redirected the cross past the outstretched arms of the Elmonia Goalkeeper and in the back of the net to open the scoring for the Jungle Cats.

Then came half an hour that Sirkii Moliaudo put on a one-man show, making 5 different scoring attempts. The first was blocked away by the defense for a corner kick. The second found the back of the net, giving the Jungle Cats the 2-0 lead. The third, a bit of an ambitious effort, may still be orbiting the planet. The fourth was saved well out for a corner by the Elmonia goalkeeper and the fifth also struck a defender and went out for a corner, an extremely productive run of play for the Forward who has not gotten many chances during this World Cup Qualifying campaign after spending the previous V-League season in the Declasse.

In the second half, Vilita continued to control the play for much of the half. The coaches made some substitutions after the hour mark. Jian Lejsrma entered for Retiso Buran; Resaie Kentiak replaced Steffyn Siazzu and then, in the 76th minute, goalscorer Rexii Tzikas was replaced by Kristofer Kilpter.

As the match wound down, complacency cost the Jungle Cats in the goal differential column, as they conceded in the 87th minute, setting up a potential grandstand finish. The excitement never really came, however, the Jungle Cats professionally played keep away for the closing moments to secure the 2-1 victory.

The 15 goal differential between the Jungle Cats and Saugeais essentially equates to a full point in the standings, unless Vilita can come out with a pair of 8-0 victories in their next two matches against BrightonBurg and Landerein, a highly unlikely situation considering the style of play that has gotten the Jungle Cats to this point sees them with half as many goals scored than the group average, barely averaging a goal per game. The defense has been strong, conceding less than a goal per game, however they have conceded in 4 straight matches where the Vilita National Team offense had not scored coming into the Elmonia match, certainly the prompt that saw Kilpter end up on the bench for the Elmonia game. At this point, all the Jungle Cats can do is sit back and watch their opponents, hoping that each of Saugeais' opponents plays them strongly, and takes at least a share of the points against them.


Vilita Goalscorers::
19' Rexii Tzikas
36' Sirkii Moliaudo

Elmonia Goalscorers::
87' Leim a o e I

Vilita

Best Player: Sirkii Moliaudo
Worst Player: Viliaka Morasita
Shots on Target: 5
Corner Kicks: 9

Elmonia

Best Player: Oo a Ee
Worst Player: Ood aou
Shots on Target: 4
Corner Kicks: 0


Vilita Jungle Cats (3-(1-4)-2) ::

(For Future Statistical Reference)
GK :: Nycflala Kater 9

D :: Miiara Makose 7
D :: Kadi Molali 10
D :: Eda Shindhi 7

DMC :: Retiso Buran 6

ML :: Jomur Hulyer 10
MC :: Steffyn Siazzu 7
MC :: Viliaka Morasita 5
MR :: Rexii Tzikas 8

FC :: Viji-mara Lawaai 7
FC :: Sirkii Moliaudo 8

Vilitan Subs Bench:
FC :: Kristofer Kilpter 5
FC :: Xcnaio Bansoa DNP
M :: Astara Daiili DNP
M :: Resaie Kentiak 6
U :: Jian Lejsrma 6
D :: Niubo Deneli DNP
GK :: Jungrii Canopii DNP

[GK] Nycflala Kater, [D] Miiara Makose, [D] Kadi Molali, [D] Eda Shindhi, [DMC] Retiso Buran, [ML] Jomur Hulyer, [MC] Steffyn Siazzu, [MC] Viliaka Morasita, [MR] Rexii Tzikas, [FC] Viji-mara Lawaai, [FC] Sirkii Moliaudo
BENCH::
[FC] Kristofer Kilpter, [FC] Xcnaio Bansoa, [M] Astara Daiili, [M] Resaie Kentiak, [U] Jian Lejsrma, [D] Niubo Deneli, [GK] Jungrii Canopii

Vilita Substitutions::
(65) - Retiso Buran >>> Jian Lejsrma
(67) - Steffyn Siazzu >>> Resaie Kentiak
(76) - Rexii Tzikas >>> Kristofer Kilpter

[Turori]

MANAGER SHOWDOWN BEGINS AGAINST VIRABIA
Eels eliminated from Contention, but Hurst and Anxscht still have work to do

After Niko Marek wasted his opportunity to advance to a final collapsing to a 0-4 defeat at the hands of Qazox in Turori, many expected Gerard O'Shaughnessy to show Kalumba who was boss and cruise into the Showdown Finals. Absolutely not. O'Shaughnessy's side were fully over powered by a Kalumba side that Landereien's Frederick Anxscht had so confidently beaten on Matchday 5. The crashing defeat by the O'Shaughnessy led side allows Civil Citizenry's Kirby Hurst to back into the final showdown on the heels of his 0-0 draw with Chenkorya.

So the Showdown is set, and Eels fans can't wait for it to end. Although they were mathematicaly eliminated from any final hopes of qualification on Matchday 14 (Although they are 12 points back with 12 points to play for, Chenkorya and Virabia still play each other on Matchday 18, and there is no permuatation of results that allows either team to be less than 13 points out of the Eels reach, even if the lose all other matches), The Eels are looking for stability and decided once and for all on a manager will provide that. Turori fans believe that had the Football Association of Turori just picked a manager from the start and let them control the team, they could still be in the Qualification discussion, close defeats to Switzida, Homelands Our and Wolfmanne are looked at as the results that could have put the Eels 3 points behind Virabia going into their matchup on Matchday 15 with destiny in the Eels hands. Instead, Turori will be playing Virabia for Pride, and, as the opening match in the Manager Showdown between Frederick Anxscht and Kirby Hurst.

Anxscht has drawn the first two matches, a difficult pairing at home to a Playoff-chasing Virabia side followed by a matchup against the same Sjovenia side the opposition Kirby Hurst defeated on Matchday 7 for one of the Eels 3 victories thus far. Anxscht will set the bar for Hurst, who will follow up finishing the Eels Qualifying campaign by taking control of the matches against Homelands Our and Wolfmanne.

The Football Association of Turori has announced that they will decide the manager after the conclusion of these two matches after reviewing each managers 'body of work' - and should the Eels be lucky enough to get an invitation to the Cup of Harmony, or, should they enter any other competitions, that manager would be in place for the duration of that competition, regardless of results.

Turori Eels WC58 Coaching Trial Schedule
MD1: Lambert Spiedel (CH) @.Switzida [L 1-2]
MD2 BYE
MD3: Brian Ying Uing (TAE) @.Chenkorya [L 0-3]
MD4: Gerard O'Shaughnessy (ANC) @.Qazox [L 1-2]
MD5: Frederick Anxscht (LAN) v.Kalumba [W 3-1]
MD6: Mikael Gibbons (DAR) @.Virabia [L 1-3]
MD7: Kirby Hurst (CvC) v.Sjovenia [W 1-0]
MD8: Vladimir O'Shea (EFL) v.Homelands Our [L 0-1]
MD9: Niko Marek (PIS) @.Wolfmanne [L 2-3]

MD10: Frederick Anxscht (LAN) v. Switzida [W 4-0]
MD11 BYE
MD12: Kirby Hurst (CvC) v. Chenkorya [D 0-0]
MD13: Niko Marek (PIS) v. Qazox [L 0-4]
MD14: Gerard O'Shaughnessy (ANC) @ Kalumba [L 0-2]

MD15: Frederick Anxscht (LAN) v. Virabia
MD16: Frederick Anxscht (LAN) @ Sjovenia
MD17: Kirby Hurst (CvC) @.Homelands Our
MD18: Kirby Hurst (CvC) v.Wolfmanne

[The Kytler Peninsulae]

Security was tight around the Zube National Stadium. The previous team had been exposed as double agents, mystery men who may not even have been Kytlerians at all - oh well, it's not like they haven't lost Tuu Dufu unfairly to Seunem anyway, SO-KP must have thought. Besides, those mystery men were doing awfully well for a long time, and rumour had it they didn't even have access to RP-inin...

"We remain highly sceptical that RP-inin is as effective as its proponents have claimed," read a sombre SO-KP spokesperson before the match against Pays de Horreur, "and researchers of the University of Zube have reported side-effects that include but are not limited to: swearing at goddesses, cruelty to chickens, injuries from mishandling rubber, acne, bipolar depression type MXCIII, bipolar depression type CMLXXXIV..."

And a lampshade fell on his head.

------

"SLANI!" cried the less-unusual-looking man in the Margaret Institute press office. A rather busy press office, because this little department at the University of Zube studying sport science and culture has become internationally infamous of late. Why did that lampshade worry him? Well, it wasn't the first time.

"I know EXACTLY what it is!" cried a young woman with her hair dyed in a vivid shade of a colour that must not be mentioned to a Bettian. "WHAT?", the man replied. "WHAT IS THIS LAMPSHADE ALL ABOUT?"

"Have you not heard of lampshading?"

"Oh... OH!!"

"We need to find out who's responsible for these lampshades. They're always happening when recurring themes come up!"

"It's not one of us... please for the love of Margaret let it..."

And a lampshade fell down on his head.

[Cafundeu]

THE NEWS SOURCE
We bring you news

---

There is new hope for the Cafundelense National Team, and a very promising one. After struggling in the initial parts of the World Cup qualifying stage, now the team is winning some territory over its opponents, reaching the second position while tied on points with surprise leaders Northern Bettia. The two teams, the Fire Ants and the Monopolists, are right now sending the famous monks from The Archregimancy to a third position, which would completely eliminate them from the dispute. Perhaps this would be a punishment for them for becoming so famous, instead of keeping their humble ways and not reaching a superior position as top seeds. But which are the reasons behind this better phase of Cafundéu in the competition? The specific team playing, if it is composed only of men or women, cannot answer this question, as some supporters of these teams who oppose the other may claim: after all, the teams played the same number of matches each, and against similar opposition... it is not that one is performing much better than the other. They are, in fact, both performing much better than they were at the beginning of the qualification process, and now Cafundéu seems close to qualifying, which would bring much relief to the population.

Back at home, things are still tense. The confusion created by unsatisfied groups of Cafundéu's society spread, and the discontentment with the current Emperor Raúl I reached an all-time high in the whole history of the Cafundelense Empire. Speeches from the leader promising more actions and the answer for some demands didn't work well, and neither the words from some royal members more popular with the citizens, such as the former Empress Alice and former Prince Regent Miguel. The complete anger is directed at the lazy emperor, and his relatives cannot convince the people that he can do a better job. Understanding that the moment for the Emperor to resign is near, just like what happened with previous monarchs, the royal family began to haste in search of a solution that wouldn't dissolve the monarchy. DNA tests are being made with potential bastard children of Raúl, while his wife is making some crazy treatments in order to get pregnant. An emergency solution would give the throne to Miguel's son, Raúl's cousin, Paulo, but he has little support of the people. Members of the parliament, on the other hand, are already preparing new laws and preparing the terrain for a new Republic, which is the dream of some Cafundelense groups.

Surely the players know of the current situation in Cafundéu, and perhaps we can consider this to be one of the reasons behind their good performance. After all, they love their country and want to represent it well, and at the same time serve as examples to all the people living there. So, a Cafundelense qualification for the World Cup could give some relief to the ones who cannot see a clear future for their country, distract themselves and have some good news in form of positive football results. More than this, the union of the men' and women' squads for the objective of sending Cafundéu back to an elite group of football nations also is a good example of an union of different groups, something that is needed in Cafundéu: a compromise between the ones loyal to Raúl and the ones opposed to him. But it is necessary for the Cafundelense players to be cautious: while they are winning, they can become heroes. But in case of a humiliating defeat, they'll end becoming negative examples, just as one of the opposition leaders claim: "We pay fortunes, and nothing works. If I am going to pay that much, at least things have to be perfect, we have to have success."

[Chetkosk]

Huffin' and Puffin
The somewhat bearable musings of a moderately tubby man
- it's Yuri Stempov's Football Blog

Well that's us fucked.

You know you haven't done well when you are relying on the failure of other teams for you to be able to qualify, or even simply reach the play-off stage. Chetkosk have surpassed this level of failure and are actually reliant on the failure of three other teams. Aren't we great?

No.

Fair play to the unnatural Wight squad with the convincing victory, it's pretty much ended world cup finals dreams for the Puffins this time round. But hey ho, we evidently didn't deserve to get through. The subject of suspicion this week appears to be the ageing squad that Chetkosk has. Byshovetsiy, providing he manages to withstand the tidal wave of public uproar and media craziness that is bound to follow this failed campaign, is surely going to mix things up with a couple of grass roots players at the next cup.

I wouldn't be too sure that Scherbak will keep his position either. He may be a young star, but his inability to keep a clean sheet will hamper him. Because, you know, generally, allowing no balls to get inside the goal is typically a good trait to have, you know, as a goalkeeper.

Anyway, please feel free to fill up the comment board of this post with irate mumblings about the Puffins and how you, Joe Public, could do a better job with your legs tied together.

---

---

Chapter IX : Saint Otto and Vimprawyrm


This story in the Chetislav Mythology is unique in that it can be accurately placed in the timeline to within a few years, and occurs around the year 1002.

After the collapse of the North Byzanti Empire, a man by the name of Otto Zervlodic led the Slavic-Sovans to a crushing victory at the Battle of Uzstergrad. This was the climactic ending to the long civil war that signalled the end of the Rhomanian rule and Zervlodic went on to, by popular demand, become Tsar of the new Slavic Tsardom. However, before he could take up his throne, it was decided by a council of elder bishops of the Chetislav faith to send him on a test to prove his worth as not only a fighting man but a man of politics - a man who was truly worthy of a ruling position. This task was to defeat perhaps the most intelligent of all the demons placed upon the earth by the primal giants Rovt and Sjelag - Vimprawyrm, demon of Deceit and Treachery.

Vimprawyrm was a dragon, small by the standards of other dragon myths, and highly intelligent. She would descend from the mountaintop now known as Vimprasevo ("sevo" being the Chetkoski word for "summit") to spread lies and deceit into the ears of those of mankind who would listen. This was almost every mortal, as she was sometimes referred to as Vodyyakzt, or water-tongue, for her way of manipulating the language of humans.

Vimprawyrm's influence was thought to have shaped the course of the Slavic peoples for a very long time, long before even the Rhoman Empire rose. The lies, the corruption, the falsities and fallacies and non-truths and white lies that emerged from her mouth diseasing the development of the human race for centuries and centuries. If any human was going to defeat such a champion amongst demons, it would have to be a champion amongst men such as Otto Zervlodic.

The trek to the summit of Vimprasevo was the easy part. Leaving behind his royal escort, Otto climbed the last passage alone and found Vimprawyrm crouched upon a dead tree. Instantly falling back on what he knew best, Otto drew his blade and advanced upon the dragon.

"Not so fast, Tsar Zervlodic. The weapons of mortals cannot harm me." Otto paused for a moment and glanced at the rock hard scales that adorned Vimprawyrm's body all over and decided perhaps it was true. Luckily, the demon pointed him in the right direction.
"There is another way you can attempt to vanquish me, however. But it would require some extraordinary intellect in yourself - something which I have found the human race to be quite unsurprisingly lacking in."

If anything the rudeness of this denizen of Holheim prompted Otto to engage in conversation with her.
"So what would you have me do to best you?"
"Why, a little competition of the mind would suffice I think... a game of true or false."
"So be it, demon." Vimprawyrm smiled a crooked smile and composed herself, sitting with a straight back and with a curved neck pointing her head down to the human.

"Let's start with something easy, shall we? I...am a dragon." Otto opened his mouth to answer true almost immediately, but caught his breath at the last moment, before slowly replying "False! You are a demon." Vimprawyrm smirked and congratulated the human, before signalling it was his turn. Otto thought for a moment before proclaiming his statement.
"I have a wife."
"Hm! I think not. Your kind have a way of displaying the answer to that statement about your person, and you are not indulging in it," she said, the tip of her tail gesturing vaguely towards Otto's ring-less fingers, "but you have a mistress, I'll wager." Otto's silent glare revealed the truth.

"I tire of this game, mortal, I propose a different one. A game of riddles. If I fail to answer correctly, I will be defeated, and my physical form will disintegrate and vanish - if you fail to answer correctly, I shall devour you whole."
"Deal."
"Then let us begin." Vimprawyrm hopped from the tree and, in an act of intimidation, slowly strutted around the noble human, eyes ablaze with hunger and guile.

"I have a golden head, I have a golden tail, but I have no body."
"...you are a coin."
"Correct." Otto's turn.

"You feed it and it lives, you give it drink and it dies."
"Oh please, it is fire. A harder one next time." Vimprawyrm scoffed, then continued.

"I am the beginning of the end, and the end of time and space. I am essential to creation, and I surround every place." Otto was stumped for several seconds. He repeated the riddle to himself over and over, thinking about what could be such an omnipresent answer. Vimprawyrm continued to prowl, shifting closer slightly just as Otto yelped the answer.
"E! It's the letter E!"(*) Vimprawyrm scowled but gave a nod to indicate Otto was correct.

"The person who makes it, sells it. The person who buys it does not use it. The person who uses it is not aware that they do so. What is it?" This one made Vimprawyrm think for a moment, for her knowledge of mortal customs was not without limits. However, the answer came before too long.
"A coffin. Deliciously morbid for when the stakes are this high."

"I drive men mad for want of me, easily beaten but never free."
"Gold. How far can a blind man walk into a forest?"
"As far as halfway in. Say my name and I disappear."
"Silence. The more you take, the more you leave behind."
"Footsteps. Only one colour, but not one size. Stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies. Present in sun, but not in rain. Doing no harm, and feeling no pain."
"A Shadow."

The back and forth of riddles continued for a long while, and the sun had time to rise up to the top of the sky and begin to fall again before the exchange reached it's conclusion. Vimprawyrm had had enough of this mortal's surprisingly sharp smarts and ended it all.

"If you squeeze me I will pop, if you look at me you will pop. I never travel anywhere, and yet I never stop. I stand atop the world in a hundred different places, and yet I am as low as any underground spaces. Can you guess the riddle?" This, Otto did not know. He searched his mind for the answer to this seemingly impossible riddle, all the while Vimprawyrm stoppped circling and instead sat in front of the human, claws digging shallow trenches in the ground, a display of strength given that it was hard rock.

"Well?" Otto was dumbstruck, lost for words, and almost certainly doomed.
"Well then, you know what must happen now." Vimprawyrm raised a sharp talon and prepared to strike down the mortal.
"No!"
"We made a deal, mortal. You cannot answer, so I may kill you."
"No, the answer. The answer is "no"." Vimprawyrm paused, looking at Otto with narrowed eyes.
"There is no answer to the riddle. I made it up, it is false, it does not work."
"The answer is "no"." Vimprawyrm began to get angry.
"There is no answer. I made a riddle up such that nothing in the world or any other could fulfil the terms." Otto smiled broadly, having found the hole in the demon's lie.
"Of course you did, but that was not the final question you asked me was it?"

Vimprawyrm was confused at first, but then recent events were replayed in her head, and she frowned at her own mistake. She had recited the imaginary riddle, and then asked...
"Can you guess the riddle? No. No I cannot because you made it up. The answer to your question was "no"." Vimprawyrm screeched a demonic curse in frustration, before grinning wickedly, her teeth glinting in the afternoon sun.
"Of course, you missed the original lie. I was never going to let you win, I was never going to vanish, you were always going to get killed." Otto did not seem phased, in fact, he was still smiling, and he drew his sword once more.
"No, that wasn't the original lie," he said, raising the long shining fang of cold steel and thrusting it into Vimprawyrm's body.

The original lie, the first thing the demon said to Otto, was that her scales were impervious to mortal weapons. Instead, the blade of the Tsar cracked the scaly skin as if it were but a thin layer of weak ice. With a terrifying death scream Vimprawyrm's body melted away form the blade like butter from a hot knife and she perished - the lifeless dragon corpse sizzling away into nothing.

Otto Zervlodic returned from his task victorious and was granted with not only the Tsardom but also sainthood, forever remembered in the scriptures of the Chetislav peoples. Thus the sins of deceit and treachery were forever confined to the hearts and souls of mankind and another of the primal demons was vanquished.


(*) Funnily enough, this riddle works in Chetkoski just as well as it does in English, except not with the letter E or even the Chetkoski vowel that produces a similar sound - it is the letter П ("enat").

---

---

-------------- Deity Spotlight --------------

Zimokan is perhaps the most mysterious of all the deities of the Chetislav Pantheon. Along with Wielov the Shapeshifter, the Wanderer is bound to the mortal world and can never step foot in Hestzhall. Instead he travels the world constantly, rarely ever remaining in one place for any long period of time. Some say that it is because he micromanages the snow and ice of the world, others say he must move where the seasons take him - but the dominant theory is that he simply dislikes fraternising with any living being other than himself and thus avoids contact with the humans who so dearly wish to document more about this ever-absent enigma.

In perhaps the best recording of mankind interacting with this deity, an injured, lonely warrior took care of the god when he was injured and nursed him back to good health, thus giving rise to the seasons and granting the Chetislavs with some warm months of the year, thus identifying compassion as a trait of Zimokan.

---

---

BYE
Jedi8246 3-1 Chetkosk
Chetkosk 1-1 Branta Island
Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk 0-2 Chetkosk
Chetkosk 4-1 Wight
Vergenskia 2-0 Chetkosk
Chetkosk 2-0 Soviet Canuckistan
Puerto Candelaria 1-1 Chetkosk
Chetkosk 2-2 Kulverint

BREAK

BYE
Chetkosk 8-1 Jedi8246
Branta Island 1-1 Chetkosk
Chetkosk 7-2 Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuk
Wight 2-1 Chetkosk
Chetkosk v Vergenskia
Soviet Canuckistan v Chetkosk
Chetkosk v Puerto Candelaria
Kulverint v Chetkosk

[Ko-oren]

Ko-oren Sports Network

Melbergia - Ko-oren 0-2

Ko-oren beat Melbergia in the first away match in a long time, score after 90 minutes was 0-2 for Ko-oren. This is the fourth win in a row, as this network pointed out earlier today, and this can only mean good things directly before Ko-oren has to play four matches in a row to the toughest opponents in the group. Luckily for Ko-oren, most of them still have their bye round to go. Melbergia was not an opponent of that caliber, the goals were easy and the possession was 69% in favor of the green-blues. In defence, Norn played instead of Buhen because of a minor injury, but this did not prove any difficulty for the Verdazzuri.

The first goal fell after 41 minutes, after a good 10 minutes from the midfield and attack and formed the perfect reward for this period. Shiribeshi was released right in front of the goalkeeper, and did not fail. The other goal was a nice chip shot from a distance by Dehenat, the central defender, as he has done more than once this qualification. Melbergia got two big chances, but neither were finished even remotely well. Apart from the two goals, Ko-oren had little other shots on goal, as the Melbergian team had a handball defence going on. Overall, the match was quite boring, and Ko-orenite players did not excel. They did what they had to to win the match, but showed no extra's. Are they saving up for the upcoming matches versus Cotdelapoms and Astograth?

Team Performance: 7
Asgard: 8
Norn: 5
Dehenat: 6
Nidog: 6
Leire: 6
Fenner: 6
Hel: 7
Idrasil: 8
Talmis: 9
Shiribeshi: 7
Tokachi: 8

Group 19 Standings

   Team                    P  W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
 1 Cotdelapoms            13 10  3   0  35   9  +26  33
 2 Astograth              12  9  1   2  52  17  +35  28
 3 Allamunnic States      13  6  4   3  14  12   +2  22
 4 Ko-oren                12  6  3   3  18  10   +8  21
 5 Ossidiacqua            13  5  2   6  22  33  -11  17
 6 Carasatoga             13  4  4   5  15  22   -7  16
 7 Melbergia              12  2  4   6   8  22  -14  10
 8 Luziyca                12  2  3   7  12  26  -14   9
 9 Actaris                12  0  0  12   2  27  -25   0

[Ipeland]

A History of Ipelandic Football

Part 2: The Rise of the Professionals

Welcome to the 2nd part of this feature on Ipelandic football history. If you missed part one it is available in the archives. If you just want to see the results click here or scroll down to the bottom of the page. On with Part 2.

This Part of the series begins in 1928, around a year after the first professional came about, for the mid-table Walkden Town. Not many professionals had signed since then, as many people were suspicious, saying that professionalism could ruin the game, and some even suggesting that turning professional should be considered cheating, as it gives them a feeling of superiority over the rest of the players, neglecting the fact, the rest of the professional's team was probably amateurs, and would, by their logic, give them a disadvantage in the dressing room.

In 1931, for no apparent reason whatsoever, a sudden explosion of footballers wanting to sign-up as professionals happened. The most common reasoning for this was the recession going on at the time, which only lasted for 3 economic quarters. Some say football actually helped the country get out of recession. Clubs folded during this time as well, the most notable being Walkden Town, which folded in July 1932. Quickly a new club was formed, Walkden F.C., which started at the bottom of the league system.

A league for fully professional teams started in 1935, and quickly received a lot of applicants. The 64 applicants had to go through a knockout competition called the IFA Cup. The top 16 teams went through to Division 1, the next best 16 teams went through to Division 2 etc. The winner of the cup was Melberton Town, who beat Caelon County, 3-0, in the final.

The IFA became a regular football calendar cup in 1951-52. By then, there were 10 leagues each containing around 20 teams. Divisions 1&2 automatically qualified for the cup proper, leaving the 8 lower league teams scrapping it out to get the 24 places in the first round. The 1952 final was played between Melberton Town and Caelon County, both of Division 1. The first giant-killing run of the cup came when Walkden F.C., of Division 4, knocked out 5 Division 1 opponent and eventually won the cup, beating Division 2's Eccles City, 1-0 After Extra Time.

That brings us to the end of Part 2. Next Week will be Part 3: Money, Money, Money

---

Neo Japan 0-1 Erikkesh
Cosumar 1-1 Octinstine
Burchadinger 1-1 Ipeland
French Scandinavia 0-2 Gyatso-kai
BYE: Darmen

# Team                     P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
1 Cosumar                 13  11  2   0  42  11  +31  35
2 Erikkesh                12   6  2   4  12  16   -4  20
3 Burchadinger            12   6  2   4  19  15   +4  20
4 Ipeland                 12   6  2   4  24  20   +4  20
5 Gyatso-kai              13   5  4   4  22  16   +6  19
6 Darmen                  12   4  5   3  16  12   +4  17
7 French Scandinavia      13   3  4   6  11  16   -5  13
8 Octinstine              13   3  2   8  14  27  -13  11
9 Neo Japan               12   0  1  11   4  31  -27   1

[Baleyaroh]

Matchday 14

Bostopia 2-1 Baleyaroh. Not a bad result considering that the last time the "protesters" met Bostopia got 5 goals, at home. The fans will be happy that their team did a good performance, even though the shadow of the 1-5 glided over them as Bostopia scored their first goal in the 6th minute. Instead of surrendering Baleyaroh put themselves together and fought hard to get their best. Bostopia controled the game while Baleyaroh concentrated in counterattacking which, due to the lack of intensity of the first, as they after such a start probably had thought the game would be theirs without much work, although fruitless, mostly thanks to Bostopia's goalkeeper brilliant performance, has improved in comparison to the last three games.

And so minute 39 arrived, just when Baleyaroh were piling on their chances after several mistakes from Bostopia's midfield, in a corner against the "protesters" Bostopia's DF Steven Driver collided against GK Hilma Kellish who fell to the ground unconscious. She was sent immediately to the hospital where after several checks it was confirmed that she wasn't injured altough she will miss the next three games. Jeromy Jubyna came in from the bench to play his first game with Baleyaroh national team and did well.

In the second half Bostopia came back fully focused and willing to close the game the soonest, which was made clear after only 4 minutes, when they scored their second goal. A terrible hit for Baleyaroh, as until then they had thought they could come back. Still, the team didn't give up and kept on playing and generating chances to finally get their reward in the 69th minute after RD Florencia Nygaro, who came in three minutes before replacing Buck Moreci, put the ball into the corner of the net with a long shot. It's her second goal of the tournament (third if we count o.g.), which makes her the top scorer of the team. The rest of the game was under Bostopia's rule and if it hadn't been for GK Jeromy Jubyna Baleyaroh would have received a severe corrective.

Group 1
Sativaville 2-2 Mapletish
Bostopia 2-1 Baleyaroh (69' Florencia Nygaro)
Cheergirls 0-1 Mangolana
West Angola 1-0 Yesopalitha

Tactical Update: Despite the team's good performance, coach Vernetta Lavongsar will replace all players (GK Hilma Kellish obviously due to her injury) with the exception of DF Milan Mizee.

4-2-3-1 Formation
GK - 13- Jeromy Jubyna (18)
RD - 2- Florencia Nygaro (21)
LD - 5- Palmer Pav (19)
DF - 3- Digna Anoe (20) - Captain
DF - 15- Milan Mizee (25)
DM - 16- Hobert Mamone (24)
DM - 6- Alonso Heitmuller (28)
AMC - 7- Carletta Mihor (23)
RW - 10- Nga Braver (32)
LW - 22- Sid Dellon (18)
FW - 19- Alejandrina Berley (18)

Subs
GK - 1- Risa Brittsan (31)
RD - 20- Buck Moreci (25)
DF - 4- Lurline Gals (30)
DM - 8- Hiroko Lipkovitch (30)
AMC - 17- Walton Deralph (35)
LW - 11- Ellsworth Kellem (25)
FW - 9- Henriette Lighthart (25)

Reserves
GK - 23- Hilma Kellish (32) Injured (3)
LD - 14- Rudolf Delgadillo (19)
DM - 21- Jere Obermuller (16)
RW - 18- Diamond Argudin (32)
FW - 24- Jin Havekost (34)

MD1: Cheergirls vs. Baleyaroh (0-1) MD10: Baleyaroh vs. Cheergirls (0-0)
MD2: Baleyaroh vs. Erathore (0-1) MD11: Erathore vs. Baleyaroh (2-0)
MD3: Yesopalitha vs. Baleyaroh (1-1) MD12: Baleyaroh vs. Yesopalitha (1-1)
MD4: Baleyaroh vs. Mapletish (0-1) MD13: Mapletish vs. Baleyaroh (1-0)
MD5: Baleyaroh vs. Bostopia (1-5) MD14: Bostopia vs. Baleyaroh (2-1)
MD6: West Angola vs. Baleyaroh (1-0) MD15: Baleyaroh vs. West Angola ( - )
MD7: bye MD16: bye
MD8: Mangolana vs. Baleyaroh (0-0) MD17: Baleyaroh vs. Mangolana ( - )
MD9: Sativaville vs. Baleyaroh (1-1) MD18: Baleyaroh vs. Sativaville ( - )

[Gyatso-kai]

The History of Avatarian Football
.::A Continuing Series::.

Printed in Volume CLXI, Issue 38, 2012.1.02.07

"In the beginning, there were nine."

---

Part Two
The Early Years

The Founding Nine teams of the EKMCU

In the augural season of the EKMCU, the nine teams which comprised the new Union were spread across what is today the Northeastern Earth Kingdoms of Ba Sing Se, Guan’ai as well as Shantai; originally, there were no Mandalorian-based teams, as many in the Earth Kingdoms still did not dare to enter the ‘barbaric lands to the south of civilisation’. Instead, the only Mandalorian team was found in the Shantai Crossriver Province on the future nation of Mando in 1876 and was known as MC Mando. As it stands, the team is still a part of the RPFL , even though the provinces which became Mando earned independence in 2011.3.

In the beginning, teams either carried the initials “MC” or “MU”, which stood for “Meshgeroya Club” or “Meshgeroya Union”, respectively. The two terms were interchangeable in practice; though in theory, a club was a single-town or single-village entity where as a union was comprised of multiple towns or villages constructing a single team. The first team created in the EKMCU was the Beijing Meshgeroya Club, which soon became known as Beijing MC: Founded in 1869, Beijing MC continues to live on this day through the present RPFL team known as FC Beijing, with the team headquarters stationed literally centimetres away from the founding building of Beijing MC. In the following year, the members of Beijing MC travelled to various towns in the far eastern reaches of the Earth Kingdom, inciting interest in various well-known areas of meshgeroya fans. In the town of the second team --- MU Hikoru --- it took the combined effort of five local villages and the main town of Hikoru to establish a monetary base so as to establish their team, MU Hikoru. Wearing the same uniforms they wore in the 1857 match against Ba Sing Se, MU Hikoru would go on to win the five touring matches against Beijing MC.

Over the next seven years, seven more teams would join the EKMCU until a satisfactory number of nine teams was met. After MU Hikoru, the next team founded were their 1857 opponents, Ba Sing Se, which given the vast number of districts of the massive walled city, was the first team to have a dedicated stadium built. Known as ‘Old Rocky’ in the more relaxed social circles, the Royal Stadium has been in existence since 1869 and has been upgraded constantly with each new code of football devised and played by the citizens of the great Impenetrable City.

Once the trio of Hikoru, Beijing and Ba Sing Se had been established, a fourth team was deemed necessary, and it was decided by the Board of Governors --- which at the time was composed of the Presidents of the three teams as well as en elected fourth member --- to expand into the Mandalorian regions; seeing as meshgeroya is a traditional Mandalorian sport, it only made sense to have a pure Mandalorian team. However, what was discovered through various polls at matches throughout a six-month period was that people in the Earth Kingdom were not ready to ‘brave’ the Mandalorian regions. As it stood, in 1871, there were very little in the terms of transportation into the Mandalorian regions south of Hikoru and Ba Sing Se; no rail tracks had been established at the time, and all transport in and out of the region was by animal. As it stood, the hopes for a Mandalorian team would be put on hold and instead, a team closer to Beijing was founded: Named the She Pass MC (‘She” coming from the Avatarian word for snake, 蛇) , the team would go on to defeat both Hikoru and Ba Sing Se in its inaugural season, yet lose to Beijing 5-nil in their first game.

The fifth and sixth teams were both founded at the same time, yet, due to a natural disaster, only one played in 1872. The MC Northern team and its sister team, MC Southern, were both awarded the franchise charters in the autumn of 1871, however, while MC Northern managed to build a stadium and collect an impressive fan base, the region in which MC Southern was founded suffered a terrible drought; this, combined with the high number of people displaced by torrential dust storms, lead to the still-under-construction stadium being abandoned shortly before 1872. MC Northern would play just three games --- against Beijing, Hikoru and She Pass --- in the last half of 1872, while MC Southern would finalise their stadium in the last month of 1872, only to play MC Northern at home on the second day of 1873.

In 1874, the EKMCU would see the addition of an eighth team, which would be the first team fielded by Mandalorians. However, as construction of the first Trans-Kingdom railroad had not yet been completed, the team would reside in the southern-most province of the Shantai Kingdom. They would be the first Mando team, even though they were in the Earth Kingdom. To reflect their Mando-heritage, they would be named “Kotyc’yaim” which means “Strong Home”; given their proximity to the Mandalorian regions, they became the unofficial Mandalorian team, which was seen by many to be a way of keeping the original origins of the sport fresh in the people’s mind, as well as to supply the game with a constant infusion of fresh Mandalorian culture; this beginning of the sports in the Mando way would continue on into the present day, with many of the best athletes in the Avatarian Republics coming from either the Mandalorian nation or Mandalorian borderlands.

However, the days of a Mandalorian-based team would be soon coming, as in 1875, with the finalization of the Trans-Kingdom railroad, which ventured into the first dozen kilometres of the Mandalorian-controlled lands. Known as MC Mando, they would become the ninth team and would complete the expansion of the EKMCU for the next ten years. MC Mando would experience many difficulties in the first few years of their existence, from low funding to non-existent fans to even a near-empty stadium for most of their games: It would become such a problem that MC Mando would rarely play away matches, instead utilising the strong followings of other teams to fill their seats.

[Bears Armed]

“Hrrather a disappointing hrresult, that was, for true.”

“Ayyuh. After the scale of our girls’ victory over them last year, and with the situation in our group as it stood before this game, the Kay-Kays were evidently determined to put not two-eightSquareds in the yonk (OOC: = “200%”…) into making sure that none of the Belles scored at all this time around… even though that meant having to stay fully on the defence, and not trying to attack at all, themselves.”

“That’s hwhat it smelled like to me, too. I mean, they could hardly have foreseen the ball bouncing off of that low-flying goose to give them a one-nil lead just after half-time”

“Unless they maybeso hired the bird for that actual purpose?”

“Hwhat?!?”

“Ayyuh, going by reports from some of the previous World Cup competitions there are certainly sapient Geese out there somewhere and hwho’s to say that none of those hwould accept such a job-offer?”

“Hr’rmm, maybeso.
“Anyhows, it was fortunate for our chances of qualifying that after Harrashia o Redwood had been brought on to replace Samarra o Hramm eight-and-one moments (OOC: = nine moments, which converts to just over thirteen minutes…) before full-time that she managed to emulate her great-great-aunt Harroya by scoring a last-moment goal just hwhen our girls absolutely needed one.”

“Ayyuh, that it was.
Hr’rmm, I wonder how the group’s other games today will go?”



___________________________________________________________________


(Meanwhile, elsewhere, we see a group of four Ursines whose most recent appearance before this was in Wight’s latest RP…)


“This doesn’t exactly look like hwhat I was expecting,” Urra SunBlesséd remarked after taking a quick look around the room into which the ‘passage’ through which the four Bears had journeyed after meeting each other in Portsea had led. “I thought that that was supposed to be our way back home, but it looks like we’ve ended up inside a garden shed — and probably, going by the sizes of the tools and that chair, a human’s garden shed at that!”

“Ayyuh,” replied Marra SunDaughter. “Presumably Raven or his servants could have given us ‘portals’ leading straight back to both Bears Armed and Armed Bears, but according to the briefing material that I was given He said that he wouldn’t do so because of consideration for the local spirits’ wishes. So, He’s arranged for somebody hwho actually lives in this Reality and hwho owes Him a favour to send us back instead, but they live a bit away from hwhere we met and it will be easier for us to travel to there in the day tomorrow. This shed, which is in a town called Havant, is”

“Did you say ‘Haven’t’? Just hwhat haven’t — or hasn’t — it got, or done, or hwhatever?”

“No, Honey, not “Haven’t”, it’s actually “Havant” — with a second ‘A’, and no pause — instead.

“Anyhows, this shed was chosen as hwhat people in the spying business call a ‘safe house’, hwhich means that it’s a secure location hwhere we can shelter temporarily. There should be some food and drink in that basket waiting for us over on the hworkbench, there’s an oil-stove that we can light if we feel too cold, and if hwhat I was told is correct then the suitcase that’s lying over on that shelf contains some blankets that we can use tonight as well. Then, in the morning, we need to take a train journey, not a long one, the actual trip should only take about two-thirds of a watch (OOC: = “about one hour”…) and there are plenty of services running along this route so we shouldn’t have to hwait too long for one neither, east from here to a town named Worthing hwhich is hwhere that person lives… and if things go as planned then he’ll meet us at the station there.”

“Ur’rmm.. but I was told that this is an all-Human hworld. Won’t we attract too much attention, and maybeso get stopped by the locals, if we try to travel in the daylight?”

“The people back home thought of that, too, and sorted things out for us. Our tickets have already been bought and given to me so that we won’t need to deal with the sellers ourselves, there’s these coats and hats we two hwere issued that will help to cover us up and the disguises that our new friends are wearing too, and I was given hwhat sounded like good advice about how to respond if anybody along the way does suggest that we look a bit more Ursine than they’re accustomed to as well…”

“Oh?”

“Ayyuh. You see…”


___________________________________________________________________________________


(OOC: I’m out of time, alas, so this story will have to be continued tomorrow instead of finished today as I’d hoped would be possible…).

[Stachland]

Stachland Reds

Election 2018: Sudamartinese Petition Advanced Before Popular Congress
by Isaac Lowell

(Live and Replayed Deliberations in the Stachlandic Popular Congress are Available on SNVTG, the Stachlandic Network for Visibility and Transparency in Government)

The petition of the remote island nation of Sudamartina for admission into the Stachlandic nation has been advanced before the Popular Congress this morning, with Majority Leader Shahal Areebuy (G-Rouse Vetel) presiding over the initial proceedings. After an hour of preliminary exposition and limited debate, Mr. Areebuy departed for a previously scheduled conference at the National Plainslands Biological Park, while Minister of Domestic Policies Tahut Malkushvi (G-Nostachal West) was confirmed to assume his responsibilities for the remainder of the session by unanimois voice vote.

The petition was officially advanced by a coalition of four MPCs from the four major parties in the Popular Congress: Raims Chamsby (G-Viscare East), Sigmunt Casi (L-Gingerfield East), Sinclair Simpson (C-Wolseley Community), and Vanessa Waters (CD-Flaxhell East). Primary opposition to the proposal has heretofore come from the conservative elements of the legislature, including several dozen Labor MPCs who have declaimed the Sudamartinese petition as "importunate and profoundly inopportune."

"While I would be loathe to outrightly reject any petition to join the Stachlandic union, the Sudamartinese have failed to factor several important issues into account," expounded Simon Mund (L-Bristleton Village). "I would like to highlight the distinct differences in infrastructure between Stachland and Sudamartina at the present. According to current laws established by both the present Areebuy administration and the preceding Miesco and Farsan administrations, a massive modernization of the island's energy and transportation systems would have to be undertaken to bring them up to our standard, which could inflame relations with the more radical elements amongst the Sudamartinese, which violently oppose integration."

While MPC Mund's concerns are not without merit—roads are largely in disrepair or are entirely nonexistent in some more remote regions, and Sudamartina is powered largely by a massive deposit of petroleum beneath the island—Green Party legislators declare that they do not constitute reason enough to reject the petition. "The modernization may be expensive," responded Nathan Zengo (G-Verdi), the current Minister of Infrastructure, "but let's not lose sight of the fact that the Sudamartinese requested to join our union. They fully understand what is to be expected of them if integration does occur."

The debate is scheduled to last for a maximum of three sessions before voting is conducted on Thursday. Minister Malkushvi is likely to preside over the deliberations until voting procedue is initiated, at which point Majority Leader Areebuy is expected to return. The results are expected to be in favor of accepting the petition, as the Green-Communist coalition should vote unanimously, and be joined by several independents and rebellious Labor MPCs.

Predictions, Chevronia Capital Polling:
Green Party: 52%, 282 seats
Labor Party: 31%, 168 seats
Central Democratic Party: 12%, 58 seats
Communist Party: 3%, 18 seats
Conservative Party: 1%, 12 seats
Independents: 1%, 7 seats

Predictions, A.S.U.P.:
Green Party: 55%, 293 seats
Labor Party: 30%, 169 seats
Central Democratic Party: 10%, 45 seats
Communist Party: 3%, 19 seats
Conservative Party: 1%, 12 seats
Independents: 1%, 7 seats

*Number of seats based on predicted results of individual electoral contests; percentage of the vote is solely a statistical curiosity.

[Socialist States Owen]

FSSO edge out Albertasby

FSSO 2-1 Albertasby

Two late goals from Lee Sharp and Steve Thompson gave the FSSO a crucial victory over Albertasby.

In a dull first half the Albertasby had the only chance on goal, their centre forward shooting narrowly wide from 10 yards half an hour in. The FSSO were booed off at half time after another uninterested performance, which clearly had an effect on them as they came out roaring for the second half. Lee Sharp tested the opposition keeper with a shot seconds in, shooting with his first touch on a long ball straight from kick off. James McCroft then tested the keeper again with a curling 25 yard free kick on the right side, that the keep acrobatically flicked over the bar.

Albertasby then took the lead against the run of play, as Dennis Arnold continued his abysmal form by poking a cross into his own goal. Arnold then made another mistake, miscuing a clearance from an Albertasby corner, freeing the ball up for an Albertasby midfielder on the edge of the box to drive the ball at goal - only for it to hit the bar and go over. As the game continued it seemed the FSSO were set to suffer another dissapointing result, but in the 85th minute Lee Sharp collected a Josh Stevenson cross on the edge of the box, and drove it into the top right hand corner with finesse and calm. Veteran Steve Thompson then completed the comeback in the dying seconds of stoppage time, sidefooting in from a similar position after James McCrofts shot hit the post and rebounded to him.

[Valanora]

"So much for going undefeated through the Qualifiers."

"Eh, can't be perfect, not even if you're an elf."

"Would have helped to reclaim some of the lost ranking spots though."

"Perhaps, but those tend to come more after successful Finals campaign and less so than the Qualifying campaigns."

"Well, the whole formula makes that so, I suppose."

"Indeed, but still, it would have been an impressive feat. We've only done it two or three times before."

"Ah for the golden age of Vanorian footballing."

"Well, we still are in it you know, since most of those players are still on the squad."

"Huzzah for long lives and the continuation of skill?"

"I suppose that will do."

"It's better than saying laziness at picking new squads."

"Hush now, don't give away the secrets!"

[Pasarga]

"You idiot, you made a mistake!"

"What do you mean I made a mistake? I don't make mistakes, mistakes just tend to happen around me."

"You said that the Wanderers still had their bye date."

"Oh... so I did."

"And everyone knows that we had our bye date on the first day of qualifying and first day of the second half of qualifying."

"Ah, well... maybe I got a little confused with that there other nation."

"Which one?"

"That one!"

"Where?"

"Over there! Can't you see it?"

"Are feeling alright?"

"Not really. Been having weirdo sleep issues."

"Gone to the doctor?"

"No, why in heavens would I do that."

"That could see if it is something physical or if it psychological."

"Pfft, I don't need a doctor telling me why I am having sleep issues."

"Just like you don't need someone to tell you that you got the Wanderers schedule wrong?"

"That was a one time instance that was a simple mistake of mistaken identity!"

"Likely caused by sleep deprivation."

"Lies."

"Right... anyhow, just a few games left now and a four point gap over Dorian and Sonya. Two more wins and we're guaranteed to be in the playoffs."

"We also have a game in hand over Pretty Awesome Persons as well!"

"But we also have to play them."

"So, we beat them and we are a shoe in for the playoffs and maybe even the group title!"

"Oh this is going to be an exciting few weeks."

"Indeed!"

[The Archregimancy]

The Diary of Fr. David of the Woods

This is the worst day of my life as a monk.

What's worse is that maybe the Cafundeu media have it right. Maybe it is a case that "Perhaps this would be a punishment for them for becoming so famous, instead of keeping their humble ways and not reaching a superior position as top seeds". I wish I could be participating in the Winter Olympics, where we can be honest about our desire not to win things. Here in the World Cup, we have to pretend we want to win.

But I don't want to win.

Please don't ask me to say anything else. It's bad enough that the Northern Bettians are such awful, terrible cheats. Certainly they haven't an ounce of Christian charity anywhere in those cheating bones.

I shall repair to my cell for the evening, and hope that tomorrow I can offer a more objective opinion on this evening's events.

But what shall I do if we don't even make the playoffs?

This is the worst day of my life as a monk.

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

Holy Empire Herald

Purple Knights Win

Woot!

[Baltskandio]

Sport ja Elu

The bloom is off the rose, now that the Wave were blanked by lowly West Guiana and have fallen into Group 9's basement in World Cup 58 qualifying.

But it's been a ride with some positive signs for the future. Aside from the shocker against Kagdazka and Pazhujebu, the offense has deserved better than it's gotten in general. Until yesterday's loss, we had scored in every match against every opponent save the mighty Bumblebees of The Babbage Islands, fourth in the world. We have as many goals as half the teams in the group! Not only has midfielder Ella Rasmussen distinguished herself, but both Sebastian Olesen and Gert Pedersen have had solid performances in the attack. These three players in particular are just 20, 23, and 24, still young by international standards. (Rasmussen even got written up in Tegan Nash's blog -- and that estimable lady knows a thing or two about playing attacking midfield.)

And the defense is not awful -- take the Bumblebees out of the mix and we've conceded 20 in 11 other matches, not exactly a winning average but not really last-place fodder, either.

I expect the Ministry of Sport and Culture to examine the elite sports club regulations after this tournament, with a view to improving the clubs' ability to engage professionals and raise the general standard of play. It's a truism that in order to play like the best, you must first engage the best. That's what we're doing, painful though the raw record may appear, and that's what we need to do more of in domestic football. Nominating clubs to the UICA events is also a positive move. Mark my words: McAllister and his staff have accomplished a lot with very few resources. They're here for the long haul, or so we can hope.

We have three more matches to play, and then the future. If that future includes a Cup of Harmony invitation -- and it could; selectors have invited low-ranked teams before, and fair play counts for a lot -- it would be a big boost. More games against quality sides is exactly what we need right now.