Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

by **Nephara** » Thu May 19, 2016 3:45 am

Season 63 Preview

LAST SEASON

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Brinemouth               46  31  10   5  129   52  +77  103
  2 Crisisbless              46  32   3  11   86   37  +49   99
  3 AFC Treason              46  26  11   9   81   51  +30   89
  4 North Laithland          46  25  13   8   68   41  +27   88
  5 Chatswood                46  23  14   9   62   36  +26   83
  6 Sabrefell Moths          46  23   7  16   66   56  +10   76
  7 Brookford Otters         46  21   8  17   87   73  +14   71
  8 Sabrefell Athletic       46  19  12  15   69   50  +19   69
  9 Maximum City             46  18  14  14   50   42   +8   68
 10 Violence Chariots        46  18  12  16   66   60   +6   66
 11 Vermillion Rage          46  18  11  17   66   67   -1   65
 12 Cranequin Wanderers      46  16  15  15   48   46   +2   63
 13 Starling                 46  17  11  18   65   66   -1   62
 14 Goodfeather FC           46  17   9  20   50   55   -5   60
 15 Cranequin City           46  16  10  20   55   68  -13   58
 16 Coret Hawks              46  14  14  18   51   67  -16   56
 17 Creed United             46  14  12  20   51   66  -15   54
 18 Maximum Rovers           46  13  11  22   49   67  -18   50
 19 South Laithland          46  13  11  22   53   76  -23   50
 20 Cypher Town              46  13   8  25   42   71  -29   47
 21 Crisisbless United       46  13   5  28   58  101  -43   44
 22 Chenoworth Rovers        46   9  13  24   29   56  -27   40
 23 Parrhesia United         46   8  14  24   43   74  -31   38
 24 Sheridan                 46   7   8  31   28   74  -46   29

  1 Raven River                  46  31   8   7  89  45  +44  101
  2 Newrook City                 46  27  12   7  68  41  +27   93
  3 Southfell United             46  25   7  14  97  57  +40   82
  4 AFC Serpentine               46  24   6  16  83  51  +32   78
  5 Armstrong                    46  21  14  11  53  33  +20   77
  6 Chenoworth Harriers          46  21  12  13  70  45  +25   75

TOP SCORERS
31 - P. Amokachi (BRI)
26 - I. Cantor (BRK)
24 - Juquinho (BRI)
23 - A. Zozula (TRE)
21 - A. Engstroem (CRI)
19 - F. Keller (SFA)
18 - M. Lynwood (CRW), N. Loeher (STA)
17 - S. Levy (BRI), J. Kessler (CHT), C. Scafidis (CRC), A. Johnson (SFM), T. Runen (VRR)
16 - H. Matheson (CHT), G. Vastano (COR), D. Farrier (CRD), Curio (SFM), K. Quinn (VIC)
15 - P. Bradburn (BRK), S. Portsgate (GDF), Rui Mokanga (NLA)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Penumbra Amokachi (BRI)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Penumbra Amokachi (BRI)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Scheherezade Meier (SFM)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Prisca Stenet (NLA)
Team of the Year: Marciak (CRI); Christener (SFM), Stubbs (CHT), Scharner (CRI), Vyntra (TRE); Stenet (NLA), Locke (BRI), Bosetti (BRI), Amokachi (BRI); Zozula (TRE), Cantor (BRK) - Bench: Katsouranis (CHT); Everheart (BRI), Katskalidis (TRE), Cirrincione (BRK), Murdoch (TRE), Vesper (TRE), Engstroem (CRI)
Manager of the Year: Gerhard Thunder (BRK)

by **Nephara** » Thu May 19, 2016 3:46 am

by **Nephara** » Thu May 19, 2016 3:47 am

by **Nephara** » Sat May 21, 2016 3:57 pm

The first match of the season, and it already looks like it’s going to be a long stretch of the year for Serpentine and Cranequin City. Goals on debut for Candela and Bottlegreen, a hattrick for Scafidis and one off the bench from Rachel Sable fly past the helpless Gareth Hartson, with Mick Armagnac not bothering to celebrate a consolation that made it, at the time, 5-1. The new-look Vermillion look fantastic, with Cruz notching up a brace and Purrington getting a hat-trick of assists as their powerful front five smashes through a hapless Cranequin City. What might be worrying is at the other end, where the Rage don’t seem aware of the process of marking at set pieces. Kelsey Sutton aims them flawlessly, first clipping one past a terrible wall and past Seward to make it 2-1 before Sutton gives Crane an easy free header to nod home. The other newly-promoted sides had a mixed record - Raven River were undone by a last-gasp Portsgate winner, Southfell United dominated the Woodsmen away but couldn’t actually get any of their shots on target or past Katsouranis, but a man-of-the-match performance from Gideon Fletcher in goal paved the way for Arjen Clijsters to loft an elegant winning goal past Pawlo Marciak. An away win over Crisisbless to kick-start the Rooks’ season? Better than they could reasonably have hoped for.

Okay, Treason vs. 1830 is final material, not qualifying material. But, hey, that’s the luck of the draw for you - and as dismal as the Stags were tonight, they’d probably have lost to anyone. 1830 walk all over them. Kingsgrove had somewhat harder going over North Laithland in a finely-balanced tie, veteran striker Cheney Scherzer crashing in late for the odd goal in five.

OAS Royal come to Nephara with some Premiership experience under their belts in the shapes of former Crisisbless United midfielder Pablo Corderro and Sabrefell Moths youth product Oskar Montag. Away from home, they unsurprisingly opted to buckle down and stay compact against the Otters, and Cromwell had to do exceptionally well to tip marquee man and former Alianza teammate Bregoo’s thunderous shot onto the crossbar for one of his two saves. Still, the Otters eventually won out through Brigid Kestrel’s low, raking shot just inches past Boakye-Yiadom’s outstretched arms, leaving the tie finely-poised.

The Stags get their first win of the season, albeit an unconvincing 1-0 against a compact Cranequin Wanderers, and elements of the crowd are already calling for Brightwater’s head. Not even Puntoriero’s chip over a stranded Brennan helps, and Scuffett smashes a late free header against the crossbar that could so easily have gone two inches lower. Southfell United manage another brave and fluid performance, their firepower down the middle even causing Brinemouth problems. But as Toreador and Radlinger take the Tanners into a commanding half-time lead, Schroeder lets Bottlegreen beat her at her near post in the 70th minute before, just three minutes later, Juquinho’s spectacular diving header opens his account for the season. Maximum Rovers’ Raquel Naeher almost has a dream debut, the 19-year old midfielder coming off the bench to smash a 3-3 equaliser past Cromwell from 20 yards in the 89th minute. Perfect! Until four minutes later, deep into extra time, a scrap in the box sees the ball fall to the Otters’ Nikita Loeher who stabs the ball past Middleton for her first goal.

Treason at least manage to be solid, but don’t actually… score. New signing Padrione clips a winner past Diandra Ballard in a tie 1830 never looked like losing. North Laithland host the Royals, score early through Prisca Stenet and, while they’re denied any further goals by Jakk Winterfyll’s many and varied interventions, they look set to go through. Until - of all people - Callia Woods, bought from Kingsgrove in the offseason, rises above everyone else from a perfect Carroll corner to head home an equaliser on the day and a winner on aggregate.

Brookford come storming out of the gates and thanks to the good old-fashioned method of Paolo Cirrincione’s cross headed home by Paul Bradburn they lead within nine minutes. But Royal stabilise after fifteen minutes of terror, and set forth in search of the three goals they need to win. They get one of them, Corderro curling a long shot past Cromwell in the 37th minute, but the Otters (thanks in no small way to Hadrian Belfast) hold out for the aggregate win as the traditional misfortune of Cosumarite sides in UICA tournaments continues.

Some matches get high billing - the Stags manage to hit the ground running in a 3-1 win over Vermillion, Sabrefell Moths edge Violence Chariots in a surprisingly tight match - but the best viewing is, as is often the case, lower down the table. Specifically it’s between nothing teams hanging around midtable, Rovers vs. Hawks, a game that has everything. 5th minute, Rouwen Seeklander opens his account for the season as the gangly striker flicks a header past Godsflock, but ten minutes later Antonio pulls the Hawks level. On the stroke of half-time there’s a low cross put in by Kirschester that Kuepper stabs in, and a feisty game gets just that bit more niggly after an off-the-ball argument between the aptly-named Bickermann and Rovers’ confrontational Lilith Paterson. Second half, Neustadt heads home a perfect corner before a terrible backpass from Halfpike allows Antonio to dash in, bear down on goal and get brought down by Middleton, who’s promptly sent off. Malta Hawthorn shows up off the bench, goes low to her left and tips Antonio’s penalty away. The ten men in orange and black rally, captain and legend Reinhard Drake comes off the bench to thunder home their second of the match before the last kick on the game sees Rebecca Kelsey almost level the scores… but it’s called back for Drake having impeded the goalkeeper. The referee is flooded, but he presses the final whistle to his lips and blows hard enough to near-incapacitate the Rovers mobbing him. 3-2 Coret. Bloody hell.

If only such a great advertisement for the Premiership had happened abroad. Instead, Treason managed only a late home win over Club di Dio and the Spiders couldn’t even manage that against Sorcuvov side Paccard. On foreign shores, things were looking precarious for the Otters before a bullet header from Jess Carragher saves the day. Things remain precarious for North Laithland, however - they’ll probably need to win in Sorcuvov, though that shouldn’t be too difficult on the day.

Some strikers don’t celebrate their goals against former clubs. But when Birgit Sternberg scores her first two goals of the season against Crisisbless, she doesn’t do it by halves, both times making use of the NFA blatantly ignoring instructions on booking players who remove their shirts. The first time in the first half she dives into the nearby home crowd. The second in the 85th minute, she runs the length of the away. The one-time international has said she struggled to earn respect in the Heelers, and she made full use of the opportunity to stick one back in a decisive 3-0 win for Starling. Another of her former clubs, Vermillion, also has a pretty poor day at the office. Gerhard MacMillan’s squad has yet to be involved in either end of a clean sheet this season, and this match is the most gratuitous goalfest of all. Sadly, most of them fly past Seb Seward in a second-half blitz that pulls 2-1 to Rage into 6-3 to Athletic, Preston sent off in the 57th minute for trying to kill Ole Oehman, Woodbine following suit in injury time. Amidst all this, it’s Cypher Town’s tight, disciplined 1-0 win over Serpentine that may prove most decisive when the dust settled - the Eagles have 8 points from their first four matches.

Pretty dismal stuff, really - but that’s nothing new, Premiership sides usually disappoint in the qualifying rounds. Treason unconvincingly scrape past Club di Dio while Brookford put up a strong fight but falter to Cedniaville, who are strong opposition in their own right. Paccard, for their part, can already count their UICA campaign a success after bringing down a sluggish and ineffectual North Laithland. It was, in fact, too difficult on the day.

Cranequin City get their first point of the season - and, somewhat inevitably, just as they’re crashing towards a defeat only kept down through many Kilgallon saves, it’s Reinhard Buchanan who smashes home a 20-yard belter past Marciak. Because… well, of course it is. There’s a couple of other important matches, too - North Laithland have never been fond of AFC Treason, but they still haven’t remembered to find their shooting boots after making a hash of the Paccard game, and though Steed Corren does his best in their goal he can’t do anything against Marcel Labonne’s smashed effort from just outside the box. Oh, and there’s the small matter of a Sabrefell derby, too - and both sides look genuinely dangerous. The Moths’ new shape gives them the best of the first half, Hargreaves pulling the strings and Meier (a particularly joyous local lass) and Johnson putting the finishing touches in but not before Mueller scored a wonderful opening goal. In the second half, it was the forward momentum of the Athletic midfield that told - Orion Etzebeth cracked under the pressure, let Gawain dispossess him and fire past Caravella before Levin Castellan’s run from midfield to find Kurtis Rakeruth’s cross and power the header past Caravella proved decisive. Though it could have been different, as the last kick of the game from Kirsten Cliving rattled the crossbar.

Creed United are expecting another ‘just happy to be here and safe’ season, but a 2-1 victory over Brinemouth will be a nice memento. They stayed compact and took their chances - Farrier scoring and then drawing a penalty from Finnan which Leadbetter coolly dispatched. Tanya Bottlegreen finally beat the resolute Aidan Kennedy in the 79th minute but it was no use, and Brinemouth, beaten only 5 times last season, have already lost two straight. The other top-two side from last season are struggling as well, as Jess Mortlock’s decidedly in-transition Chariots peg the Heelers back in their tracks - Crisisbless have won just once so far this season. In the northwest, a tasty affair between Treason and Maximum City ends all square - one goal and one red card each. Typical fare for the occasion, really.

Brinemouth are reeling (relatively speaking) after back-to-back defeats, visited now by an unbeaten Cypher Town coming off the back of four straight 1-0 victories. Is a shock on the cards? Nnnno. A Locke’s on the cards, as the former Nephara international runs everything from the centre of midfield, all Candela’s passes hit their mark and Matt Vintner doesn’t even need to make a save. Lukas Sparr, impressive to date between the sticks for Cypher, makes seven - and it doesn’t help his side’s case as they get smashed 4-0. AFC Treason get an early away goal over struggling Crisisbless, Zozula heading home Lienke Vesper’s cross, and they resolutely hold the lead all match - Ballard particularly impressive in repelling the efforts of Cantor, Engstroem and company. Chatswood score four whole goals against a Vermillion Rage side that might boast a lot of attacking talent, but can’t get past Chatswood’s compact back four (besides with a wonderful Purrington free kick) while their defensive weaknesses are ruthlessly shown up - two goals from set pieces, another two on the counterattack, and a 4-1 defeat.

Crisisbless manage just their second win in a torrid start to the season, but battling against that adversity to stick two past Lind Pressinger in the Athletic net went some way to silencing their critics as, at last, the Engstroem-Cantor combination roared into life, two assists for the former and a brace for the latter. Newrook City have had an unlikely few wins under their belts so far but a 4-1 away win over the Chariots borders on the obscene. Nevertheless, it’s what goals from Connolly (twice), Ideye and Roe get, helped by stellar defensive work. Novice manager Catheline Keenan might just keep her side up after all… oh, and Brinemouth smash Brookford 6-1 away, helped by a second yellow card for Karassalidis in the 60th minute. Chrysanthe Scafidis notches up a brace for herself and sits primed as the league’s top goalscorer, just a season after being shipped off to Cranequin City on loan - truly the gulag of the Premiership.

Starling’s seven-game winning streak comes to an end against Brinemouth - even then, it’s a good away point to take as Kurtis Warner cuts into the box and fires high past Vintner in the 89th minute. Nine matches in and you’d probably already say they’re safe from the drop - now the Passerines can enjoy the rest of the season. Treason capitalise on the fact that they own Gideon Fletcher, and so club stalwart Gerhard Mackan steps up in goal for Newrook City. He does decently, too, though Puntoriero does beat him at his near post - which means that if they’d had Fletcher, Alysia Stokes’ clinical header would likely have been enough for the Rooks to beat Treason. Cranequin Wanderers pump Creed United 4-1 in a match that was only going one way after Arran Kearney pointlessly destroyed Seth Rook out on the wing - sent off in the third minute. It didn’t even work - Lowen Falkirk, brought on to replace Rook on the wing, got two assists.

The Moths and River, unusually for two clubs so geographically close, genuinely seem to like each other - there’s a big ‘Welcome Back’ sign amongst the Moths’ fans, and it seems to even be unironic. Well, it’s fair to say that River outstay their welcome with a great team performance - the harrying, irrepressible striker Gerhard Schanzer gets his fourth of the season with an elegantly flicked header past Caravella, but Cooper (who’s been just a little dodgy so far this season) should have been out there to sweep for a pass that Johnson ultimately puts past the stranded goalkeeper. Johnson then puts it on a plate for young Scheherazade Meier before Cooper redeems herself with a string of good saves and a late brace from Morgan Kendall in midfield wins the day for the Ferrymen.

Brinemouth are pretty sure they have a commanding lead away in the first match of the group stage, Bottlegreen and Candela ensuring they go into the first half 2-0 up and retain that lead for most of the second - but a flurry in the last ten minutes sees Weaver pull one back, Beckcamp come off the bench to put the ball in the net for Brinemouth only to have it called back for a tight but correct offside decision before Laketown captain Falvey heads home an injury-time equaliser. Crisisbless manage to be significantly more solid in their opening fixture - never really threatened and only sporadically threatening, a typical Igrene Cantor goal smashed in from the corner of the box is enough for the three points.

Szavda forward Mijo Nikazic is the hero for Azoth, first seizing on a bad pass from Uidhir to slot low past Caravella before adding to his tally with an impeccable dipping volley. The Moths make a lot of shots happen but even when they do hit the target Varlessal is equal to the task, and Allison Swan’s piledriver makes it 3-0 in injury time. Treason make reasonably short work of Gorfalle Town in their first convincing international performance of the season, but across town, Chatswood are laid low by a diligent Ramusok United well-drilled by Nepharim Premiership-winning manager Gareth Bournemouth - club hero Robin Geirsson the one to finally beat the indomitable Evan Katsouranis on the day.

Cranequin City are yet to find their first win of the season, but Maxwell von Maelstrom drives the side on against his first professional club. He assists Sander den Johannes’ first Premiership goal before looping City’s second past Vintner. They almost hold out, but Kilgallon brings down Juquinho in the box. It’s a penalty and Kilgallon’s earlier yellow card for dissent comes back to bite her. Zoe Cathcart does actually save the penalty, but with 20 minutes to play the Dockers rip them apart anyway, edging it 3-2. It might have been 10-2 had they been given another 90 minutes to play around with. Starling, down 3-1 at home after the first half, manage a remarkable comeback as Hansi Westerlow comes up off the bench at the interval to score his first two league goals for his new side, one with either foot.

The lower reaches of the national pyramid has its traditional face-off with the usually-semi-pro regional fifth tier, and.. well, wins, most of the time. Corby Hubris, a club which has steadily fallen from grace since their heady days in the second tier, has the best of a tremendously entertaining 6-4 with the stubborn powerhouse that is The Strongest, while another fallen side in Forge Carpenters are bodychecked by a grimly efficient Gridlock East, 3-0. The clubs newly-promoted from the state leagues rarely get far in the Cup, and so it proves - Gonen’s Bridge, Boltcroft Thorns, AFC Corvistone and Southfell Dilmao all crash out at the first time of asking. The first three of those clubs have strong foundations and high expectations to burrow their way comfortably into at least the middle tiers of the pyramid - Dilmao, founded by immigrant workers, are locked in a relegation battle.

Treason’s first defeat - Starling streak to a four-point lead at the top, a 2-0 win over Treason while missing their best midfielder (Gallagher, a Treason loanee) thanks to a Sternberg brace. It was… genuinely comfortable, though the fact that the excellent Just Hargrave was in goal certainly helped that sense of comfort. The Moths are second following a surprisingly goalshy win over the Otters with Maximum City and, surprisingly, the Hawks in hot pursuit. North Laithland, Crisisbless, Vermillion and Violence are all mired in lower midtable, though it’s obviously too soon to be making predictions, while Cranequin City (thrashed 4-1 by the Chariots today) have just two points to date. This time you have to get the sense that they might just not make it.

A good win for Brinemouth, who are firing on all cylinders despite mixed performances back home - Tanya Bottlegreen looks worth every pound of her 20-million price tag, notching up two assists on the left, switching flanks after Juquinho sustained a knock and then scoring from the right. Crisisbless haven’t been great domestically, either - but yet again, they get a clean sheet, this time away against world-class opposition. And, yet again, Cantor scores after an inch-perfect Engstroem pass set her up past the entire Directus defence. She really should just slip it into the far corner, but of course she belts it past Endre before collapsing on top of the Pasarga international instead.

The tables turn in the Globe Cup - a second-half Meier brace secures the Moths a hard-fought win, and Chatswood will be happy that their ability from set pieces (Stubbs and Matheson sticking away clinical Corsie efforts) earns them a draw against still-world-class Hastmead Diamante. Treason, though, travel poorly and get stuck 3-1 by Alianza FC, Marcia Danmark managing to chip Ballard from thirty yards in the closing stages of the game rubbing salt into the wound.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Starling                 12  9  2  1  24   9  +15  29
  2 Sabrefell Moths          12  8  1  3  23  14   +9  25
  3 AFC Treason              12  7  4  1  15   8   +7  25
  4 Maximum City             12  7  3  2  14   7   +7  24
  5 Coret Hawks              12  7  3  2  14  10   +4  24
  6 Brinemouth               12  6  3  3  27  14  +13  21
  7 Cranequin Wanderers      12  7  0  5  14   8   +6  21
  8 Sabrefell Athletic       12  6  2  4  18  14   +4  20
  9 Raven River              12  5  3  4  13  12   +1  18
 10 Cypher Town              12  5  2  5   7  13   -6  17
 11 North Laithland          12  4  4  4  14  11   +3  16
 12 Chatswood                12  4  4  4  14  14   +0  16
 13 Crisisbless              12  4  3  5  14  12   +2  15
 14 Newrook City             12  4  3  5  12  14   -2  15
 15 Brookford Otters         12  4  3  5  16  20   -4  15
 16 Vermillion Rage          12  4  3  5  18  24   -6  15
 17 AFC Serpentine           12  4  3  5  13  19   -6  15
 18 Violence Chariots        12  4  2  6  19  19   +0  14
 19 Creed United             12  4  2  6  13  20   -7  14
 20 Maximum Rovers           12  3  3  6  17  19   -2  12
 21 Goodfeather FC           12  2  4  6  11  17   -6  10
 22 South Laithland          12  3  0  9  12  21   -9   9
 23 Southfell United         12  1  5  6  13  18   -5   8
 24 Cranequin City           12  0  2 10  10  28  -18   2

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Parrhesia United          12  9  2  1  28   9  +19  29
  2 Crisisbless United        12  7  1  4  21  11  +10  22
  3 Belgrave                  12  6  4  2  20  11   +9  22
  4 Vermillion Wanderers      12  6  3  3  25  11  +14  21
  5 Leichhardt                12  5  6  1   8   4   +4  21
  6 Extreme Hills             12  6  2  4  18  13   +5  20
  7 Armstrong                 12  5  5  2  16  12   +4  20
  8 Chenoworth Harriers       12  6  2  4  16  14   +2  20
  9 Sheridan                  12  5  4  3  11   7   +4  19
 10 Rochford                  12  5  2  5  11  14   -3  17
 11 Strephonage               12  4  5  3  12  17   -5  17
 12 Bishop                    12  5  1  6  16  12   +4  16
 13 Coret Rovers              12  4  4  4  12  14   -2  16
 14 Morningstar               12  5  1  6  19  22   -3  16
 15 Ritter Town               12  4  4  4  15  19   -4  16
 16 Iron City                 12  5  1  6   7  11   -4  16
 17 Corvette Maulers          12  4  3  5  23  19   +4  15
 18 Chenoworth Rovers         12  3  5  4   8  10   -2  14
 19 Crossroads Town           12  3  3  6  16  18   -2  12
 20 West Brinemouth           12  3  3  6  11  17   -6  12
 21 Iron United               12  2  5  5  15  25  -10  11
 22 Martella Jazz             12  2  4  6   7  19  -12  10
 23 North Sabrefell           12  2  2  8  11  18   -7   8
 24 Sutcroft                  12  2  0 10  11  30  -19   6

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Diamondqueen                 12  9  0  3  22   7  +15  27
  2 Locksley                     12  7  2  3  28  14  +14  23
  3 South Parrhesia              12  7  2  3  27  16  +11  23
  4 Dross Rovers                 12  6  5  1  20  11   +9  23
  5 East Laithland Harriers      12  7  2  3  20  15   +5  23
  6 Hackett                      12  7  2  3  18  13   +5  23
  7 Stonegrave                   12  6  2  4  11  13   -2  20
  8 Brindleton                   12  5  4  3  15  11   +4  19
  9 Rhagant Schadenfreude        12  5  4  3  11   8   +3  19
 10 Fenland Albion               12  5  3  4  12  14   -2  18
 11 Project +90                  12  5  2  5  17  14   +3  17
 12 Crisisbless Athletic         12  5  2  5  15  15   +0  17
 13 AFC Shale                    12  4  4  4  11  13   -2  16
 14 West Hook                    12  3  6  3  16  12   +4  15
 15 Greygate                     12  4  3  5  16  17   -1  15
 16 Mainstream Fist              12  4  3  5  14  17   -3  15
 17 Rushe United                 12  3  5  4  19  23   -4  14
 18 Dartmouth Terriers           12  3  3  6  13  16   -3  12
 19 Long Lake                    12  2  6  4   9  13   -4  12
 20 Ox River United              12  3  3  6  12  20   -8  12
 21 Kensey Town                  12  3  1  8  10  17   -7  10
 22 Senway Town                  12  2  3  7  14  24  -10   9
 23 Franchise FC                 12  2  2  8  13  31  -18   8
 24 Falston Town                 12  1  3  8  15  24   -9   6

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brookway Town          12  11  1  0  28   4  +24  34
  2 Corby Hubris           12  10  1  1  29   9  +20  31
  3 Riverkey               12   8  2  2  29  12  +17  26
  4 Mantlegrove            12   8  1  3  23   8  +15  25
  5 Southriver             12   8  1  3  21   9  +12  25
  6 Iberia Chenoworth      12   8  0  4  29  15  +14  24
  7 Gridlock Rovers        12   6  2  4  16  10   +6  20
  8 Sutcroft Athletic      12   6  1  5  20  15   +5  19
  9 Grovebank              12   6  1  5  13  13   +0  19
 10 Boleyn Town            12   5  3  4  19  11   +8  18
 11 The Strongest          12   5  2  5  16  17   -1  17
 12 Courser                12   5  2  5  13  17   -4  17
 13 Ringway                12   4  4  4  15  22   -7  16
 14 Fischer                12   4  3  5  12  15   -3  15
 15 Bodkin Road            12   4  3  5  13  18   -5  15
 16 North Dubstep          12   4  3  5  12  17   -5  15
 17 Gridlock East          12   4  2  6   8  15   -7  14
 18 Chaker Town            12   4  1  7   5  19  -14  13
 19 Blaze                  12   3  2  7  14  24  -10  11
 20 Dubstep Rangers        12   3  1  8   7  17  -10  10
 21 Camwell Road           12   2  3  7   7  19  -12   9
 22 Masculine Town         12   2  1  9   7  22  -15   7
 23 Vermillion Spite       12   1  3  8  10  23  -13   6
 24 Kommissar              12   0  3  9   8  23  -15   3

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bellamy               12  8  4  0  27   8  +19  28
  2 The Hanged Man        12  7  5  0  16   7   +9  26
  3 Falston United        12  6  5  1  16   6  +10  23
  4 Boltcroft Thorns      12  7  2  3  25  16   +9  23
  5 Gridlock              12  6  5  1  13   5   +8  23
  6 Gosforth Swans        12  6  4  2  22  14   +8  22
  7 Swag Hill Rovers      12  6  2  4  23  16   +7  20
  8 Ramsay                12  5  4  3  13  10   +3  19
  9 Gonen's Bridge        12  4  6  2   8   6   +2  18
 10 Harrington            12  5  3  4  10  11   -1  18
 11 Nay Town              12  3  7  2  12  10   +2  16
 12 Forge Carpenters      12  3  6  3   9  11   -2  15
 13 Geoff United          12  3  4  5  15  21   -6  13
 14 Tryst Athletic        12  3  3  6  12  13   -1  12
 15 Perrett               12  3  1  8   9  17   -8  10
 16 Surfeit River         12  2  2  8  14  20   -6   8
 17 Fully Sick XI         12  1  4  7  13  25  -12   7
 18 Barcastle Rovers      12  1  4  7   8  20  -12   7
 19 Norton Road           12  1  4  7   4  19  -15   7
 20 Thratewood            12  1  3  8   8  22  -14   6

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 South Brill                12  6  5  1  21  11  +10  23
  2 Rookwall                   12  6  2  4  17  10   +7  20
  3 Pillars of Southfell       12  5  5  2  14   9   +5  20
  4 Downsparrow                12  6  2  4  16  12   +4  20
  5 Ballardine FC              12  6  2  4  20  17   +3  20
  6 Peregrine                  12  5  4  3  20  16   +4  19
  7 Violence Tigers            12  5  4  3  14  11   +3  19
  8 Getton Town                12  5  4  3  18  16   +2  19
  9 Twelvetrees                12  6  1  5  13  12   +1  19
 10 Sandrock                   12  5  3  4  17  14   +3  18
 11 Rochford Pilgrims          12  6  0  6  18  19   -1  18
 12 Stamper Road               12  4  4  4  18  13   +5  16
 13 AFC Corvistone             12  5  1  6  25  26   -1  16
 14 Southfell Dilmao           12  4  3  5  16  18   -2  15
 15 Norpike                    12  3  5  4  13  19   -6  14
 16 De La Patria               12  4  1  7  19  26   -7  13
 17 Clay Terrace               12  3  2  7   9  14   -5  11
 18 Lackerrun                  12  3  2  7  13  19   -6  11
 19 Inner-East Fairywrens      12  3  2  7   7  14   -7  11
 20 Markoni                    12  3  2  7  13  25  -12  11

by **Nephara** » Sun May 22, 2016 6:17 pm

Cranequin City pick up their third point of the season, this time against the Stags - maybe it’s the Maximum City connection, as former Smith Sheila Kilgallon returns from suspension to make nine saves. Either way, Kelsey Sutton drops a corner onto big midfielder Buchanan, who scuffs it into the net for an early goal that it takes the Stags seventy minutes to undo, with Leonhard Mixe’s first goal for his new club cutting inside and thumping a left-footed effort beyond Kilgallon. Violence Chariots give Brinemouth a proper thumping, helped by the return to form of the decidedly streaky Maxine Edelgrau. Vintner, for his part, chooses a bad time to develop a flappy streak. The lurking Voeller and Quinn make the most of it.

Well, the Stags’ table position has looked rosy enough but their performances have been unconvincing, and Kurtis Quinn always has a point to prove whenever he returns to the Gauntlet - he never wanted to leave, but he was squeezed out by the increasingly unpopular Brightwater. Staggeringly, he makes the difference all on his own - five shots and four goals, all of which he resolutely refuses to celebrate. When he’s substituted off in the 85th minute, the entire stadium applauds him, and he applauds back - Monica Brightwater looks less than pleased in the technical area. It’s not a great time for Treason to swoon with Brinemouth next up in line… though they haven’t beaten a non-Cranequin City opponent in six matches following a mutually frustrating 1-1 draw with a profligate Vermillion.

Hondo FC look slightly the better team against Brinemouth but the Dockers hit first, Bottlegreen with a perfect dipping volley past Vanlond. But Diana Cooper, freshly bought off Maximum City, looks rejuvenated in the Eternal Empire and while she doesn’t score either goal her hard running helps Negri and Holt get Hondo into the lead they deserve, and Vintner is forced into a number of strong saves. In injury time, though, Scafidis (who had been on a mini-drought of late) flicks a long ball from Rosewood past a stranded Vanlond, and the Dockers take a hard-fought point. Crisisbless manage a much more routine job against Bassabrook, 2-0 the final score with goals from Sundu and Tarrant proving decisive.

Korriga prove feisty opposition - three times the Moths put themselves in the lead, three times their Daineri hosts equalise. Vimala Uidhir looks, it has to be said, somewhat vulnerable in the heart of defence - a centre-half must be a priority for the Moths next season, as the excellent Weiss can’t do everything on her own. Treason run Snake Strike into the ground, a late consolation no solace in light of the unstoppable Adnan Zozula rampage. “THE ZOZ HUNGERS,” as the chants and signs go. Near the end of the match, 20-year old Ana Kuijer scores her first goal, too. Chatswood make similarly short work of Volcano FK, tight enough at the back that when Matheson finally opens the scoring in the 53rd minute it already feels over, Kuralay’s strike adding security six minutes later.

The Chariots are fresh off destroying Treason and Brinemouth (and the two sides now play out an exhilarating 3-2 win for the Dockers) away, so now at home against fierce rivals Sabrefell Athletic they… well, they capitulate. A number of excellent saves by Lind Pressinger helps, although one from Kurtis Quinn eventually squirrels past him, but Edelgrau’s left exposed by her defence. Especially after Riviello hacks down Felix Keller in the 29th minute with the scores 1-1 and takes a red card for it - without their captain, the Chariots are destroyed 4-1. Starling simply refuse to return to their rightful place in midtable, the flock of Passerines attacking Goodfeather with pace, drive and ruthlessness. Three things that the Quakers lack, and Just Hargrave faces just a single shot on target from well outside the box in a resounding 4-0 win. “Things look bad for us,” Goodfeather manager Hydrangea Dimitriades admits, before the inevitable “but we’ll sort it out.”

There’s a few proper stompings here, as regional semi-professionals get stamped out by proper, high-end clubs with Premiership experience. For instance, Third Division high-fliers Southriver are cut down to size by Third Division relegation strugglers Gridlock East 6-0! … Wait, what? Yes, the punchy little outfit from the Mainstream put aside their financial ruin for a second to gut-punch a side firmly in the ascension. There’s plenty more bullying to go around, of course - Coret Rovers visit tiny semi-pro Getton Town with their B-Team and thumps them 9-2, a welcome distraction from a gruelling relegation struggle, while Iron United do the same to relegation-battling Bodkin Road of the fourth tier. Iberia Chenoworth (standard mention of 13-0 defeat here) are happy to escape Crisisbless United (who only barely edge weak fourth-tier strugglers Camwell) and can focus on curtailing the upwardly-mobile ambition of Ballardine FC with a 5-0 win. On the whole, though, few major shocks at this early stage and the only Conference side left in the fight are the middling Rochford Pilgrims, giddy with anticipation at the thought of a big payday visiting a Premiership side.

Goodfeather do not sort it out. It’s Cranequin City’s first win of the season! The Quakers are back to their bad old ways of stumbling around the pitch ramping up the possession stats but unable to actually get the ball to Sabrine Portsgate, the only player on the team interested in scoring goals. Gilchrist in goal is very much an acrobatic shot-stopper, very much at the expense of her ability to deal with tall men like Crane and den Johannes. And yes, it’s the journeyman Crane with a goal and an assist as he knocks down Tenenbaum’s cross for the substitute Louise Merson to bury. Even so, City are almost definitely gone after repeatedly defying the budget, their critics and the fact that their manager is 72 years old. Just… people are starting to wonder if the Quakers might just follow without some serious changes.

The Champions’ Cup sides swap places - this time it’s Brinemouth with a casual home win over a Hondo side understandably far stronger at home, Candela pulling the strings masterfully from midfield, and it’s Crisisbless who drop points for the first time and rely on a late, ugly set piece to be scuffed home by Malachite Scharner for them to salvage the draw.

Yet again, the Moths’ early lead over Korriga is equalised but, this time, Kirsten Cliving’s thunderbolt off the stanchion does silence the visitors. Meanwhile in Ceni, the Snakes Strike back - once bitten, Stags score twice in reply, but in injury time Ruisheart Wight threads the perfect pass through the defence for Belarmin Worsaw, ex-patriot Western Borderlander and naturalised Cosumar international, to stab home through Ballard’s legs. Chatswood are left to reflect on a poor defeat that leaves them needing some good results in the last two matches to progress.

A day for big scorelines, evidently. Most surprisingly of all, Newrook City score five (!) against Brookford Otters - yes, the one that Hadrian Belfast plays for - thanks largely to the blistering pace of Alysia Stokes and Casper Roe causing all kinds of problems. “They just pulled our arms out of the way and nutted us,” as Brookford manager Gerhard Thunder admitted. Cranequin City bask in their one win hard enough that Chatswood punch them out of their daydreaming stupor. Four times. City don’t manage a shot on target and Maxwell von Maelstrom, their best technical player, limps off injured. Catheline Harper is afforded a very warm welcome at former club AFC Treason shortly before watching the side she assistant-manages get destroyed 4-0, with Puntoriero (whose consistency post-serious-injury has suffered) flickering and then flaring into life with a hat-trick. And while they weren’t as dramatic in their victory, Cypher Town’s clean, professional win over River through well-taken Muscat and Rafferty goals sees them snap a streak of four straight draws (decent enough in itself) with a win that could prove crucial. The Eagles genuinely look in good shape this season, and are building a buffer away from the drop zone.

Goodfeather FC finally get themselves together for an impressive 3-2 win over AFC Treason, aided by the Stags missing Calliope Katskalidis and a yellow card hampering Murdoch’s all-action style leading to them taking the full Easter egg defending approach - hard on the outside, hollow in the middle. Sabrine Portsgate, who has been craving the prospect of midfielders actually playing the ball in front of her and playing to her strengths, scores twice and sets up Hochmeister for a last-gasp winner. Maybe they can loan the hapless Langerak back and solve some of their defensive issues...

Rangers get their first win, Brinemouth pick up a first defeat and a late reminder to put players on both posts when defending corners. The Dockers were 2-1 up at half-time but it’s reinforced a trend that they tend to overpower teams quickly in the first 60 minutes and gradually wear themselves down as the match goes on. Crisisbless prove far more resilient, solidifying their position at the top of the group with a dogged win over Aeropag.

It’s a tight-run thing in Sabrefell, but the Moths manage to outclass and outrun their Cenian opponents, striking up a comfortable 3-1 lead with ten minutes to go. Andrew Daren makes things a little tense by smashing past Caravella in a beautiful strike off the stanchion, but the Moths keep them from another shot on target after that. Gorfalle Town lose their Farf cred by managing to win 1-0, Arquean’s elegantly skidding shot from just outside the box tucking neatly into the bottom corner and proving enough to beat the Stags. Jonasson, Geirsson and the always lethal Theberge demolish Chatswood to consolidate Ramusok United’s place at the top of the group and leave Chatswood in need of a win next match.

Brinemouth look to put their shaky recent form behind them much as they put five goals behind Adrian Middleton in the Maximum Rovers’ goal - it’s a proper thumping that leaves the Rovers grateful to even have three shots over the course of the game, one of which even forced Vintner to stand still and wait for Kelsey’s floating shot to thump into his arms. In a bitterly raining Treason derby, both sides get stuck in properly but there’s still just something a little lightweight in these Stags. Nobody could ever say that about Chatswood. Even Gary Corsie manages to contribute by slipping in the mud and crashing his considerable weight onto Olivia Schwarzer’s leg, forcing the unlucky winger to be helped off by physios. Corsie doesn’t last long himself before all the physicality gets a bit too much for him but he does manage to pick out Kessler through the fog, and the incisive striker smashes home neatly from just outside the box - a forceful Matheson header doubles the lead and while Olenna Jaspenner rewards Brightwater’s faith in her (or at least her ability to not be injured, unlike Puntoriero or Cautcher - and she manages to give Melker a good kicking in the process) by stabbing home past Katsouranis late on. It isn’t enough. In Sabrefell, domestically-flagging and internationally-flawless Crisisbless manage to properly take the fight to the Moths in a frantic, forceful 4-1 victory.

Starling, Starling, Starling… Brinemouth make full use of their squad depth against them, to be fair, but the Passerines deploy a full-strength side (plus Cup goalkeeper Helena Middlesbrough). They’re rewarded with a goal either side of half-time, Middlesbrough makes an impressive string of saves and Brinemouth are knocked out of the Cup by a side that stubbornly refuses to fall from its peak in the league. Rochford Pilgrims don’t get their big payday, but they do hold out against second-tier Iron United for 80 minutes before the fatigue finally tells and they collapse, United striker Dirk Conomore (formerly of Cranequin Wanderers) scoring a quickfire double. Rachael Schroeder has endured some criticism in goal for Southfell United but 23-year old understudy Bittroff, given an audition in the Cup against Serpentine, is directly at fault for two and probably could have done better for a third goal of the 5-0 thrashing the Dragons - away! - inflict on them. Chatswood crash out against Crossroads Town on penalties, while Vermillion Rage need extra time for bandy-legged Kamasutra Fernwood to come to their rescue with a powerful drive from 20 yards to ensure that Extreme Hills can’t upset their fellow orange rivals. In fact, that’s just one part of a theme of this week - recent Premiership sides are laid low by actual current Premiership sides (Hills, Ritter, Corvette, Leichhardt, Crisisbless United, Sheridan, the Chenoworth sides...) while Treason (beaten soundly by Crisisbless to intensify the calls for Brightwater’s head) and Goodfeather (despite two Keel saves, beaten on penalties) complete the early top-flight departures.

Cypher’s run extends to eight matches unbeaten (three of them wins) as they manage a last-gasp winner over the otherwise-thriving Hawks, who probably should have won were it not for the rangy figure of Lukas Sparr between the posts for the Eagles. Sabrefell Moths remain winless in five as they are left kicking themselves to concede late to AFC Serpentine. The Dragons might have been tipped by most publications and even their own manager to go straight back down, but they’ve been putting up a reasonable fight in the top tier - thanks in no small part to the surprising form of Audioslavian striker Grigori Swanenburg, brought in on a free agent drifting in the national Audioslavian tiers. Starling’s excellence can’t last forever, and Brookford smashing them 4-1 (prominently using their own former striker, Nikita Loeher, who nobly refuses to celebrate either of her goals) might not be the sort of result that stood out at the start of the campaign but it certainly does here - the Hawks are also in the surprisingly-good-form boat and Cypher does exceptionally well to keep yet another clean sheet in yet another 1-0 win. It helps that Lukas Sparr had another excellent game, and that John Godsflock flapped weakly at the ball when Forrest fired it in at his near post, one of Cypher’s two shots on target all match.

Brinemouth’s victory over Yuba United, thanks to an early goal from Juquinho and a late winner through the substitute Beckcamp, secures top spot in a narrow group. Crisisbless were already feeling pretty bloody secure - Engstroem’s clinical strike past Endre ensures that Crisisbless finish with a 5-1-0 record, six points above Aeropag in second and ten above Directus themselves in third. Brinemouth are drawn against Avenida Leal while Crisisbless come against Spatula City - both Nepharim sides going in as narrow favourites.

Mliona-Lpaka’s scoreless draw against the Moths isn’t enough to take first spot away from them, and thanks to Caravella’s clean sheet Sabrefell tops the group and the two sides progress together. AFC Treason take Alianza’s perfect record away from them in a furious 2-2 draw but are indebted to Snake Strike beating Gorfalle to let them progress. The final standings in Group A and K are, in fact, in the same order as the seedings. Not so in Group L - Chatswood needed to beat Hastmead Diamante, and the draw does nothing for them. They crash out. Treason have the tricky task of beating Fligsive FC while the Sabrefell Moths will have to avenge North Laithland by putting an impressive Paccard side to the sword.

Brinemouth can’t capitalise on their chances with a heavily-rested squad and concede yet another late goal - Chapeleta have definitely shown enough to be a threat at home, one the Dockers can’t risk resting their squad for, but they’re fighting on so many fronts by now… Crisisbless are more resilient against Phalanx, with Auburn Tarrant returning from a hamstring injury just in time to belt one past AJ Ramires.

A crazy matchday, packed with goals - nobody draws. Brookford thump Cranequin City but, well, that’s not out of the ordinary, and neither is the comprehensive 3-0 win over Serpentine by North Laithland. Cypher’s usual defensive solidity (and Lukas Sparr’s reliability) crumbles in the face of thousands of Wanderer crosses, and Scuffett’s header, Rook’s dipping volley and Lynwood’s neat pair of finishes secure a 4-0 win for the green half of Cranequin. Sabrefell Athletic tear Southfell United apart on a day where nothing seems to work for the Tanners, 30-year old centre-half Kirsten Gerrard enduring probably the worst 90 minutes of her career, while Sol Harm doesn’t need ninety minutes to undermine himself - the son of Baptism of Fire veteran and colour commentator Rook smashes down Puntoriero, who’s had bad luck with homicidal defenders recently (though escapes mostly unscathed from this) as his father bellows “GET IN, MY SON” from the commentary box broadcast across the country. The scores were locked at 1-1 by the 17th minute. Sometimes teams can play better with ten men than eleven. River do not. Treason win 8-1. Over to the south, meanwhile, Catherine Purrington has been gracing the front pages of the tabloids rather than the back after being seen walking out of a nightclub with an old flame in Crisisbless leftback Catheline Stockinger. It doesn’t seem to distract her, given that she manages two goals and two assists in a 6-1 pumping of the struggling Southrons.

Neither opponent goes down quickly, but a flurry of Nepharim goals is enough to overcome both Chapeleta and Phalanx. Given the strength of both sides in the competition, even if both are struggling in the league, the bookies are really favouring the odds of a Nepharim champion come the end of the tournament.

Speak of the devil - the two sides face each other, and both bring their international form. Brinemouth’s irresistable force is resisted by Crisisbless’ immovable object, and following a typically exuberant Cantor opener it’s their best immovable object in club legend Espen Knutsen (who turned 35 recently) hitting an elegantly dipping free kick past Vintner to secure a valuable victory. River play against Sabrefell Athletic, the only team River don’t like besides Sheridan - an Athletic fan knifed a River fan (non-fatally) a few years ago soon after a Violence-Athletic derby, and the fan - Catheline Temple - now works as a physio for the club. The camera lingers on her look of satisfaction when captain Daniella Strauss comes off the bench, smashes home a brace in the last 26 minutes of the game and, following the winner, comes over to embrace the physio and, impressive considering her fairly sturdy build, lifts her off the ground.

The axe falls on Goodfeather manager Hydrangea Dimitriades after a third straight defeat, 5-2 at home to Southfell United, which not only lifts the Tanners away from the drop zone but keeps the Quakers five points from safety in 23rd. The rather uninspiring replacement, Malta Fletcher, is fast-tracked in - but before her career started its downturn, Fletcher was a hard-working, promising young coach renowned for promoting hard-working, promising young footballers and playing quick, blue-collar football, which had landed her an (unsuccessful) stint with the Nephara U21s. Exactly what the Quakers need, really. The Southrons keep the faith in Bruno Hawke but old problems rear their head again - the side runs hard and fights harder against their friendlyish Northern rivals, but the strikers are simply not good enough (Markosian’s nature-defying purple patch last season is over) and the clinical Spiders win out 2-1. Hawke’s squad sits four points from safety following a third straight defeat and eight winless matches. Cranequin, despite a hard-won draw in the derby, are thirteen points from safety and it would surely take something spectacular for them to stay up. Crisisbless’ 3-0 thrashing of AFC Serpentine (a point above 21st-placed Newrook) can’t lift them out of midtable, but just six points seperate 2nd from 12th. It’s the Moths in 2nd now, with a frustrating scoreless draw against Cypher meaning that Starling, despite a draw of their own, remain… nine points clear at the top. Yes, Starling. Oh, and Coret Hawks (following a tight and barely-deserved 1-0 win over the freefalling Chariots) are third. What a season.
It’s also worth mentioning that Spike Turnbull’s Parrhesia United in the second tier are currently 9 points in the lead, 17 points over 5th-placed Chenoworth Harriers, have won 18 matches, boast a +45 goal difference and barring a spectacular capitulation are on their way up. Armstrong and Crisisbless United also hold moderately strong if surmountable positions going into the second half of the season. Sheridan are back to their upper-midtable ways, while there’s some surprising names in the relegation zone - not only West Brinemouth (who had a good spelll in the Premiership fairly recently) but, a spot below them in 22nd, Chenoworth Rovers are desperately battling the prospect of consecutive relegations. The fact that they’ve already fired two managers and somehow contrived to score just 13 goals probably has something to do with that.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Starling                 23  15  5   3  42  20  +22  50
  2 Sabrefell Moths          23  13  2   8  36  28   +8  41
  3 Coret Hawks              23  12  5   6  24  21   +3  41
  4 AFC Treason              23  11  6   6  39  27  +12  39
  5 North Laithland          23  11  6   6  31  19  +12  39
  6 Maximum City             23  11  5   7  25  18   +7  38
  7 Brinemouth               23  10  6   7  46  30  +16  36
  8 Sabrefell Athletic       23  10  6   7  37  26  +11  36
  9 Cranequin Wanderers      23  11  3   9  32  21  +11  36
 10 Chatswood                23   9  9   5  31  23   +8  36
 11 Crisisbless              23  10  5   8  32  22  +10  35
 12 Vermillion Rage          23  10  5   8  39  36   +3  35
 13 Brookford Otters         23   9  6   8  40  37   +3  33
 14 Cypher Town              23   8  8   7  20  27   -7  32
 15 Creed United             23   9  4  10  27  33   -6  31
 16 Violence Chariots        23   8  6   9  38  34   +4  30
 17 Maximum Rovers           23   8  4  11  30  37   -7  28
 18 Raven River              23   7  7   9  26  37  -11  28
 19 Southfell United         23   5 10   8  32  34   -2  25
 20 AFC Serpentine           23   6  5  12  24  43  -19  23
 21 Newrook City             23   5  7  11  26  39  -13  22
 22 South Laithland          23   5  4  14  22  39  -17  19
 23 Goodfeather FC           23   4  6  13  25  44  -19  18
 24 Cranequin City           23   2  4  17  18  47  -29  10

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Parrhesia United          23  18   3   2  61  16  +45  57
  2 Armstrong                 23  14   6   3  38  17  +21  48
  3 Crisisbless United        23  14   3   6  47  26  +21  45
  4 Belgrave                  23  13   5   5  39  26  +13  44
  5 Chenoworth Harriers       23  12   4   7  32  29   +3  40
  6 Bishop                    23  11   4   8  30  19  +11  37
  7 Corvette Maulers          23  10   5   8  43  31  +12  35
  8 Iron City                 23  10   4   9  17  20   -3  34
  9 Martella Jazz             23   9   6   8  28  30   -2  33
 10 Sheridan                  23   9   6   8  18  23   -5  33
 11 Vermillion Wanderers      23   9   5   9  42  28  +14  32
 12 Extreme Hills             23   9   5   9  28  26   +2  32
 13 Leichhardt                23   7  11   5  18  17   +1  32
 14 Coret Rovers              23   8   6   9  23  28   -5  30
 15 Rochford                  23   8   6   9  19  25   -6  30
 16 Ritter Town               23   7   8   8  27  37  -10  29
 17 Strephonage               23   6  10   7  24  30   -6  28
 18 Morningstar               23   8   2  13  31  43  -12  26
 19 Crossroads Town           23   7   4  12  30  38   -8  25
 20 Iron United               23   5   9   9  23  37  -14  24
 21 West Brinemouth           23   6   5  12  21  29   -8  23
 22 Chenoworth Rovers         23   4   8  11  13  25  -12  20
 23 Sutcroft                  23   3   4  16  17  48  -31  13
 24 North Sabrefell           23   2   5  16  18  39  -21  11

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Diamondqueen                 23  17   2   4  48  15  +33  53
  2 Locksley                     23  14   4   5  49  26  +23  46
  3 Stonegrave                   23  13   5   5  27  18   +9  44
  4 East Laithland Harriers      23  12   5   6  39  30   +9  41
  5 Dross Rovers                 23  10  10   3  32  22  +10  40
  6 Mainstream Fist              23  11   6   6  31  23   +8  39
  7 Hackett                      23  11   5   7  37  33   +4  38
  8 South Parrhesia              23  11   4   8  45  32  +13  37
  9 Crisisbless Athletic         23  10   6   7  42  28  +14  36
 10 AFC Shale                    23   8  11   4  23  17   +6  35
 11 Rhagant Schadenfreude        23   9   7   7  23  19   +4  34
 12 Fenland Albion               23  10   3  10  21  31  -10  33
 13 Brindleton                   23   8   8   7  32  28   +4  32
 14 Project +90                  23   8   6   9  29  29   +0  30
 15 West Hook                    23   6  11   6  27  23   +4  29
 16 Dartmouth Terriers           23   7   6  10  27  31   -4  27
 17 Greygate                     23   6   8   9  27  28   -1  26
 18 Long Lake                    23   5   9   9  19  27   -8  24
 19 Kensey Town                  23   6   5  12  25  37  -12  23
 20 Ox River United              23   5   8  10  19  33  -14  23
 21 Rushe United                 23   4   8  11  29  50  -21  20
 22 Senway Town                  23   4   7  12  30  48  -18  19
 23 Falston Town                 23   3   5  15  24  41  -17  14
 24 Franchise FC                 23   2   3  18  21  57  -36   9

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brookway Town          23  19  3   1  51  14  +37  60
  2 Mantlegrove            23  17  2   4  41  15  +26  53
  3 Southriver             23  14  3   6  36  19  +17  45
  4 Corby Hubris           23  12  7   4  41  23  +18  43
  5 Riverkey               23  12  6   5  44  23  +21  42
  6 Boleyn Town            23  12  6   5  36  17  +19  42
  7 Iberia Chenoworth      23  13  2   8  49  29  +20  41
  8 Grovebank              23  11  3   9  25  23   +2  36
  9 Ringway                23   9  7   7  34  36   -2  34
 10 Gridlock East          23   8  8   7  17  21   -4  32
 11 North Dubstep          23   8  7   8  30  31   -1  31
 12 Gridlock Rovers        23   9  3  11  26  24   +2  30
 13 Sutcroft Athletic      23   9  3  11  33  38   -5  30
 14 Bodkin Road            23   7  8   8  33  38   -5  29
 15 Courser                23   6  9   8  25  37  -12  27
 16 Fischer                23   7  5  11  23  34  -11  26
 17 The Strongest          23   7  4  12  35  42   -7  25
 18 Camwell Road           23   6  7  10  19  33  -14  25
 19 Blaze                  23   5  8  10  34  40   -6  23
 20 Dubstep Rangers        23   5  6  12  19  32  -13  21
 21 Chaker Town            23   6  3  14  12  33  -21  21
 22 Kommissar              23   4  6  13  24  36  -12  18
 23 Masculine Town         23   4  4  15  19  48  -29  16
 24 Vermillion Spite       23   3  6  14  24  44  -20  15

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bellamy               23  13   7   3  40  18  +22  46
  2 The Hanged Man        23  13   6   4  27  15  +12  45
  3 Falston United        23  12   7   4  39  18  +21  43
  4 Gridlock              23  12   6   5  27  18   +9  42
  5 Gosforth Swans        23  11   8   4  41  23  +18  41
  6 Boltcroft Thorns      23  11   6   6  42  28  +14  39
  7 Swag Hill Rovers      23  11   5   7  40  35   +5  38
  8 Gonen's Bridge        23   9   9   5  23  16   +7  36
  9 Ramsay                23   8   7   8  28  23   +5  31
 10 Harrington            23   8   7   8  18  20   -2  31
 11 Nay Town              23   6  11   6  25  23   +2  29
 12 Forge Carpenters      23   7   8   8  20  21   -1  29
 13 Perrett               23   8   5  10  24  28   -4  29
 14 Geoff United          23   6   9   8  26  33   -7  27
 15 Tryst Athletic        23   6   7  10  34  36   -2  25
 16 Fully Sick XI         23   6   6  11  30  48  -18  24
 17 Norton Road           23   5   7  11  15  32  -17  22
 18 Thratewood            23   3   7  13  16  38  -22  16
 19 Barcastle Rovers      23   1  10  12  15  37  -22  13
 20 Surfeit River         23   2   6  15  22  42  -20  12

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Downsparrow                23  12  6   5  39  24  +15  42
  2 AFC Corvistone             23  12  4   7  45  32  +13  40
  3 Pillars of Southfell       23  10  9   4  28  16  +12  39
  4 South Brill                23  10  9   4  30  19  +11  39
  5 Sandrock                   23  11  6   6  29  20   +9  39
  6 Rookwall                   23  11  6   6  29  21   +8  39
  7 Getton Town                23  10  6   7  31  28   +3  36
  8 Rochford Pilgrims          23  11  2  10  32  33   -1  35
  9 Violence Tigers            23   8 10   5  27  22   +5  34
 10 Stamper Road               23   7 10   6  35  30   +5  31
 11 Twelvetrees                23   9  4  10  20  20   +0  31
 12 Peregrine                  23   8  6   9  35  35   +0  30
 13 Lackerrun                  23   8  5  10  27  28   -1  29
 14 Ballardine FC              23   7  7   9  31  35   -4  28
 15 Southfell Dilmao           23   7  4  12  25  34   -9  25
 16 De La Patria               23   7  3  13  31  47  -16  24
 17 Markoni                    23   5  8  10  24  36  -12  23
 18 Norpike                    23   5  8  10  24  39  -15  23
 19 Clay Terrace               23   5  7  11  17  25   -8  22
 20 Inner-East Fairywrens      23   5  4  14  15  30  -15  19

by **Nephara** » Wed May 25, 2016 3:49 am

Maximum City can count to understudy goalkeeper Matt Bowerman as the reason they made it to the Fifth Round, and with the goalkeeper set to be sold at the end of the season due to wanting to be a regular Premiership starter, this was his chance in the shop window. He did pretty well - earning a clean sheet basically single-handedly against Cranequin Wanderers, who played for 68 minutes with a man advantage, before saving two penalties and watching Paul Bismarck thump his against the foot of the post. Yep, pretty well. Meanwhile in Cranequin it turns out that the worst team in the Premiership with two wins and 18 goals from 23 games is good enough to thump the worst team in the First Division with two wins and 18 goals from 23 games 3-0, Claudia Oakwood scoring two of them in the traditional ‘pick me boss I can’t possibly be worse than those other idiots’ Cup audition. Apostolos Tsattalios also impresses - he’s just 19, and set for good things. Starling perhaps understandably fields a squad of B-Listers and gets pummelled by North Laithland - by now, they need to focus on securing UICA football, and making sure it’s a particularly good flavour of UICA football. Cypher Town are edged by Vermillion, the South Laithland U21s break downs Newrook B’s determined resistance and Danica Farrier knocks out Crisisbless in extra time to complete the Premiership sides to bow out in what hasn’t been a particularly scalp-heavy competition, though God does Parrhesia United - promotion probably sealed and Spike Turnbull hungry for glory - go for it against Sabrefell Athletic. Despite what looks to be Telfair’s late injury-time equaliser to finally beat the impressive young goalkeeper Orpheus Clement, Levin Castellan scores a later injury-time winner to ensure Athletic’s progress.

It is a bad day to be one of the traditional Big Sabrefell Teams - though it’s an alright one for Raven River, who will be content enough drawing 1-1 with the Quakers in Malta Fletcher’s first game in charge. Her squad showed newfound urgency, but still lacked a cutting edge with River’s goalscorer, the harrying, disruptive presence and ruthless finishing of Schanzer, displaying precisely every attacking quality Goodfeather lack. And the Chariots win away in Cranequin. But no, it’s a poor day for the Moths and Athletic - Starling smash the former by three unanswered goals and allow Coret, who edge Treason 1-0 with Antonio’s dipping volley, to stay in second. The Moths are the closest traditional title-challenging team to the top and they’re twelve points adrift, Treason fourteen. With Brinemouth and Maximum City also dropping points, Athletic could steal a march on a very open UICA places, but Brookford Otters don’t think much of that prospect and smash them 4-0, Nikita Loeher proving on the day that while, yes, Starling might have gotten even more from Sternberg this season, there is still a reason the Otters paid six-million to them for Loeher to replace Cantor (who scores both goals against Newrook today).

Both CEdC sides start out relatively easy, the chance to stretch squad depth a bit - it’s actually a belated first start for Karin Drinkwater, daughter of legendary journeyman poacher Croft Drinkwater, and she rewards Frew’s faith by turning in Bayliss’ cross at the near post for the winning goal. Crisisbless make reasonably short work of Blue Coast at home, but away fixtures are never easy, and there were genuine signs of a late Avelione-inspired fightback quashed only by the acrobatics of Pawlo Marciak.

Okay, so Starling just lost to North Laithland in the Cup, but that was just, you know, kind of a phony war, right? Uh… no, actually, as the Passerines finally stumble. To the Spiders, again - Chloe Rudden the star here with her infinite low whipped crosses along the box, Prisca Stenet and Adelaide Mathers converting one of them each while the midfield and compact defence stoutly refuses to be caught on the break by accurate long balls, leaving Starling rather at a loss. Also, weirdly, there’s six 3-1 wins - one of them belonging to a suddenly resurgent Goodfeather FC. Sabrine Portsgate looks so happy to be on the receiving end of forward passes again! She’s still being mysteriously linked with a move abroad at the end of the season, though.

Two disappointing but adequate draws for the Heelers and Dockers, each of whom lives dangerously through resting players against obscure but confident opposition. Gaston Avelione, who clearly still has it at 34, single-handedly drags Blue Coast back into contention and level on aggregate before Lukas Rashford strikes back a second-half brace.

What seperates South Laithland and AFC Serpentine? Rutger Connacht, evidently - the former international and homegrown hero scores two as he continues to step up to the task of scoring the Southrons’ goals. Serpentine sweat and sweat, but they can’t finish (though their one goal - through Steelbridge - is a spectacular whirling volley past a stationary Yossarian) and their purple opponents, well, can. Or one of them can, anyway, and the veteran Cheney Markosian celebrates his 34th birthday with a late goal as well. As for the other Laith teams, Cypher manage an energetic draw with Crisisbless while North Laithland annihilate Cranequin City in a performance that highlights how the Terracotta Army have lost all discipline, cohesion and competence. Sheila Kilgallon, a rock until this year, manages to catch a high cross and then falls into her own net - registered, very charitably, as a Stenet goal - before a perfect Sutton corner sees Crane and Harridan both rise for a free header, somehow miss each other and clatter into one another, Harridan needing to be lead off with concussion. So, yes, the worst team in the league are now without their best centre-half for a couple of matches. Newrook City manage to be about as solid as any team conceding three goals can be - the key being that following Connolly’s impressive flicked header to open the scores, the Rooks stay ahead the whole game, forcing Brinemouth to overextend and open themselves to the counter every time. Othello Ideye is a colossus in the heart of midfield, the big 6’6” man flying across to take people out with his elbows in a truly heroic performance, while Gideon Fletcher makes ten saves. Vital for their survival, and entirely unexpected.

CD FAS’ squad tears themselves away from their contract disputes just long enough to rip Brinemouth apart in the last 30 minutes, bringing the comfort of 4-1 to the terror of 4-4. The Whirl Island champions, meanwhile, cause Crisisbless their own troubles - but they have a home leg on their side next up.

Birgit Sternberg, who was so resoundingly spiteful upon scoring in the reverse fixture, is booed with every touch of the ball in Godswatch. She plays within herself, hardly touches the ball and is substituted for Westerlow within 62 minutes - in fact, the Passerines just generally play badly apart from the Fowler-McNessa axis in defence and goalkeeper Hargrave behind them, which, of course, isn’t enough to stop Ror Jevdjevic-Hadsic twatting one into the top corner on the hour-mark. Westerlow, thrown on not long after, does test Marciak a couple of times but can’t turn the game around. Jevdjevic-Hadsic’s replacement at his former club, Cranequin City, the equally long-named but far older and less good Maxwell von Maelstrom, scores the only goal in a 1-0 victory over Maximum City. “I won’t be impressed until we string a few more of those together and really give ourselves a chance,” City manager Edmund Agincourt told the press - well, they can hardly accuse him of being too optimistic.

They may as well go for a Cup run, right? Apostolos Tsattalios, now barely 20, impresses yet again in a 2-0 win over North Laithland. Ulrich Crane breaks a ten-game goal drought, but it’s journeyman Own Goal who seals the deal for City as Tenenbaum’s low cross is bundled in by the hapless Julian Parable. The last two lower-division teams - First Division Belgrave and Martella - are both eliminated without so much as scoring a goal. Elsewhere, Violence Chariots leave it until literally the 119th minute to finish off a resilient and exhausted 10-man Coret, with 20-year old Vedran Tarashaj hugely influential for the Hawks and setting up Antonio for their goal. Creed and Serpentine, helped by the incompetence of backup goalkeepers Farthing and Searle, play out a proper end-to-end classic, even if the technical ability on hand isn’t always great - 2-2 at the interval, Creed just run out of energy after Corvid Alemane puts them ahead and concede three in the last 30 minutes, the final goal in injury time coming off an excellent counterattack as Mariska Woodspur (on a hat-trick) hits a low, hard shot. Farthing gets down quickly and makes an excellent fingertip save off the post! Where it hits him in the back and bounces in anyway.

The less said about Brinemouth’s utter capitulation, the better. Crisisbless will have to beat FAS next round, a reward they earned after smashing Eastburg (who wilted under the fierce scrutiny of Godswatch) against the rocks 4-0.

The effects of the Cup pay off - Tsattalios makes a first league start for Cranequin City just in time for Crisisbless to waltz through the defence repeatedly and fire three goals past him, while Vedran Tarashaj looks to have patched up the Hawks’ weakness in central midfield as he gets the team past an always-difficult Chatswood in a man-of-the-match performance. It’s a match of few chances - Antonio converts both shots on target she gets, while Chatswood lead for 35 minutes despite only have three themselves. A couple of derbies play themselves out, too - Treason can’t beat a determined North Laithland in a match where both goalkeepers excel, with Rui Mokanga probably marginally offside when he touched in Stenet’s winner and finally beat the indomitable Ballard, while Sabrefell Athletic overcome being hit against the run of play by Hargreaves to fight their way back in a pulsating, speed-over-technique fashion. This has been a breakthrough season for Levin Castellan, who strikes up a goal and an assist for Ole Oehman who slots a winner low and hard past Caravella. Aptly, given that Caravella and Pressinger are fighting over the starting role for Nephara at the moment, both have excellent games.

Northern Union have recruited a lot of talent with the windfall they got for goalkeeper Mathis Woodgate (15 million pounds and their current backup goalkeeper, Nathan Musendo), but former Crisisbless midfielder Diandra Kilbane is unable to flourish as Reinhard Shale’s squad look better all over the pitch. Cantor and Jevdjevic-Hadsic get the goods, and a clean sheet at the other end puts them in good stead for the away leg. Brinemouth are profligate, and when Sigmund Levy comes off the bench to thump home an 87th-minute header off an immaculate Bottlegreen cross, there’s a collective sigh of relief around the stadium.

Malta Fletcher tried giving the big, burly, cross-catching Dan Keel a go in goal against the Wanderers last match. It didn’t work - he did okay, but they lost 2-0 - but restoring Gilchrist appeared to give the stagnating Nephara youth international a shot in the arm and she performed excellently in what was maybe the worst-defended match in the league this season. Coxswain, deputising for the injured Hochmeister (Wrexham, now 32, has been frozen out of the squad since Fletcher’s arrival) weaves through a stationary Vermillion defence and hits past Seward for the first goal before a rare Baroni strike doubles their lead, but Goodfeather forget to defend during a stunning Purrington set piece that drops the ball on Ronan Preston’s head. Things get wilder in the second half - Cruz puts the Rage level with an elegantly swept-home volley before Kurtis Woodbine gets sent off again for them. In comes Tiberius Eckhart. A good player… just, a 35-year old one. Coxswain, unsurprisingly, runs rings around him and orchestrates assists for Baroni, Portsgate and, making an impressive foray from leftback, Heather Garrard. One suspects that Hochmeister may struggle to reclaim his starting position. Newrook City quietly defeat an out-of-sorts Starling, largely due to Gideon Fletcher’s form between the posts and a thunderous Arjen Clijsters free kick.

Two 1-1 away draws, both adequate for Nepharim purposes. Northern Union and Tschemanda both fight hard and well - the former reinforcing that the A-League is not a spent force with the Mareibat sides absent, the latter highlighting the massive upward momentum of the flourishing Banguelan league - but while Union simply can’t break through Crisisbless a second time before Cantor scores an equaliser out of nothing, a clearly endangered Brinemouth throw Konrad Gosforth off the bench in the 60th minute with Clube 1-0 up and threatening more. Single-handedly, the 20-year old saved the day, threatening several times going forward before finally setting up Juquinho for a late winner. And now, in the semifinals, the sides are set to face one another...

Starling no. 1 Just Hargrave must be a very frustrated man. He’s done everything he can for his side, but the Passerines have just lost all of their ability to actually score goals and in the end he’s left exposed when Cruickshank hooks a cross to the far post for Rutger Connacht, stealing a march on the flat-footed Starling back four, to race onto and smash in. Beneath them, most of the heavy hitters win - Brinemouth utterly smash Cypher, the Moths beat up Goodfeather, Athletic edge the dismal but well-marshalled Smiths and Treason, thanks to Lienke Vesper’s banana-like hooked shot, edge out Crisisbless. Oh, and there’s another tight Coret win - Tarashaj starring yet again as Hadrian Kuepper smashes home a late header to break River’s resistance. They’ve been in and around the business end of the table all season, and Anna Cliving’s surely got a case to be manager of the season… especially if Starling can’t halt their dramatic backslide.

Starling are held by Cypher, but Newrook City demand the plaudits for the way they comprehensively outplayed the Chariots on their way to a 3-0 win. Sadly for the Chariots, Hearn (who turned 30 the day before) has regressed into a midtable midfielder, Riviello and Quinn are old, Edelgrau has another nightmare in goal, Roenoujya could be forgiven for courting other clubs and Belgrave must be wondering why he left North Laithland for this. The Laithlanders, incidentally, leave it late to dispatch a Goodfeather side in serious trouble.

This could prove a turning point. Starling, at home, are brave and resilient but Sternberg hasn’t been the same since the Crisisbless match and Braunbier hasn’t scored in ten, Moody is injured and Warner’s starting to look fatigued. Ultimately, McNessa cracks under the pressure and a weak header away is thumped home on the volley by Tanya Bottlegreen. One mistake is all it took. Now things are looking shaky for the Passerines as both sides seem to regress (or impress) to their mean - just looking at the form book tells you that much. In the past six matches, Brinemouth have six wins… and Starling have one goal. Elsewhere, a Fletcherless Newrook City still manage to break Treason down 2-0. Meanwhile in Coret, Gabriella Antonio has plenty of reason to feel aggrieved - she smashes a hat-trick past Cromwell, but the Otters score four goals through four scorers at the other end, leaving her to pick up the match ball in a fairly hollow personal victory. But, hey, at least she got Hadrian Belfast’s shirt.

Two tough away fixtures but both Nepharim sides come out strong. Ruy Monrazon is the saviour for Avenida, scoring both their goals from midfield in an end-to-end match, but Vintner in goal is in fine form and Brinemouth are (slightly) more clinical. 2-0 up at half-time through Bottlegreen and Candelo, they’ll be content enough with a high-scoring away draw. Crisisbless snatch a win late on when substitute Sante Sundu gets the ball into the box with his first touch immediately before being kicked in the shins and falling over - Engstroem doesn’t feel the pressure, coolly slotting home the injury-time winner.

Fligsive FC might be a diminished force given the diminished state of, well, Fligsive, but they still have what it takes to give Treason a hell of a match. Despite Syversen taking full advantage of Langerak dwelling in possession, Treason hammer Sean Patterick’s goal for most of the match and get the result they deserve in the end… just not from the source that might be expected, when 18-year old substitute right winger Saskia Kantaroff finds space just outside the box, figures she may as well try her luck and ends up with her first senior goal. North Laithland may have underestimated Paccard but the Moths weren’t about to, bombarding Deroux’s goal for 90 minutes and getting goals through Johnson and Cliving. Freeman eventually hits back on the break, but the Moths are still in a strong position going back to Sabrefell.

“It’s been a while since they had a proper competitive fixture,” manager Reinhard Shale tells the press before the match. “They’ll wear out, believe me. You can’t just magic that kind of competitive edge back when you need it.” Well FAS apparently fucking can, since they win 4-3 on a night where, at 2-2 in the 57th minute, Malachite Scharner decides the time is right to kick someone in the throat. The time was not, in fact, right for Scharner to kick someone in the throat, mostly because the referee was looking. Still, there’s just one goal in the balance, a ton of away goals and all in all the Heelers probably have the edge given the home leg to come.

The Passerines get back to winning ways, but it’s at home against Cranequin City, which doesn’t really count. Brinemouth and the Moths keep up the pressure with decisive victories over decent opposition while Crisisbless midfielder Auburn Tarrant sinks her old club with a brace, continuing Crisisbless’ return to their rightful place near the top of the table. The best viewing - though Vermillion Rage’s failure to learn how to defend against counterattacks against a team that sits back and hits them with counterattacks for all 90 minutes, ultimately winning 3-2 - comes in Southfell, as the Tanners’ early momentum gets them goals from mildly ineffective striker Eleazar Harnwell and the hard-working Theo. But as they press for a third, Chloe Rudden hits them on the break all the way from Corren’s perfectly-timed and pinpoint-accurate quick release from a corner, and that seems to deflate them. Three more goals - Rudden again, Brickwalk, Rui Mokanga - fly in unanswered until half-time. The Tanners are bruised but unbowed, and come out flying in the second half. It takes them until the last five minutes to finally break through, Makhone Djite utterly beasting their defence to head in Radlinger’s chip over the back and then beasting through about four Spiders to retrieve the ball. Unsurprisingly, the 6’6” brick of pure, unadulterated muscle smashing through most of the Spiders’ defence leaves them a bit shell-shocked, and the Tanners fly out from the kickoff to score within 29 seconds of the restart when veteran midfielder and impact substitute Claire Rusland drifts into possession and far too much space on the edge of the box, picks her place and hits the ball low and hard under Corren.

So good in the away leg, Brinemouth fall apart at home, Ruy Monrazon again running the show from midfield. Crisisbless fare significantly better, but they have to be brave about it - leading 2-1 in the 53rd minute and pressing for a third decisive goal, St. Cleer gets the first sending-off of her Crisisbless career for a second booking. But Augustine Brandon (now 33 and leaving the club at the end of the season) comes on, the Heelers stay compact and at the end of the day keep the bloodletting to just the one goal - and that’s enough to take them through.

A couple of fairly underwhelming performances sees a fairly toothless Treason crash out (admittedly, Sean Patterick made his share of saves, but so did Ballard) while Weixelbraun rotates a lot of players and nearly pays for it. She throws on three first-team attacking players in an attempt to seize back momentum late on but it’s ultimately understudy leftback Ashley Kresinger who breaks through a space in the weary Paccard defence to find Nikita Lundgren’s throughball and tap it lovingly past Deroux.

Oh, come on.

If Edmund Agincourt hadn’t already managed so many magnificent escaping acts for City, you’d have to imagine he’d be gone by now - if not before this match, then surely after Brinemouth put seven past young, traumatised Apostolos Tsattalios who starts strong, prevents several goals but eventually his nerve fails him and he’s culpable for the fifth and sixth. Cranequin City have three wins all season - this is Brinemouth’s eighth in a row, and after being so underwhelming for the first half of the season they are now third. Starling, after another worrying defeat to the Chariots, are in freefall - ahead of the Moths (who crush Creed) on goal difference, a point above the Dockers. North Laithland could finally have overtaken the Passerines… but Sigrid Cooper, unreliable all season, keeps a strong clean sheet against them as Raven River’s often-underwhelming striker, Casper Lindgren, clips in a beautiful strike past Corren in a hard-fought 1-0 win. Coret Hawks, for their part, missed their chance to re-enter the Champions Cup places with Maxine Lynwood’s last-minute winner for Cranequin Wanderers (stemming from Cheney Ralston’s long throw). A point below, Crisisbless and Treason manage decisive home 2-0 wins over Chatswood and Cypher, and round out the top seven just five points from the top. Newrook City are beaten by Maximum Rovers, but it’s their first defeat in ten matches and they’d won six games in that time - they and Cypher are punching above their weight to float in the lower-midtable category, along with the Rovers. Despite their win, River are fourth from bottom after a run of just eight points from their last twelve matches, the Southrons’ hard-earned 3-3 draw - another late Markosian goal to give them a point at Athletic - enough to keep them in 20th. Serpentine (5 points from safety) and Goodfeather (10) play out a 1-1 draw that helps neither of them and mostly just illustrates why they’re in the bottom four to begin with - they need to start picking up points fast. But, back to Cranequin City… one suspects their long race in the top flight is finally run.
In the First Division, the Saints have started to slip but not nearly enough to be in danger of failing to promote (they’re still 17 clear of 5th-place Belgrave), but Crisisbless United are just six points adrift. Armstrong, powered along by a pair of Chromatika internationals, and Chenoworth Harriers, powered along mostly by tradition, round out the top four - the Rovers are still in real danger of relegation.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Starling                 34  19   6   9  50  30  +20  63
  2 Sabrefell Moths          34  20   3  11  57  40  +17  63
  3 Brinemouth               34  18   8   8  77  40  +37  62
  4 North Laithland          34  17  10   7  54  31  +23  61
  5 Coret Hawks              34  18   5  11  43  40   +3  59
  6 Crisisbless              34  17   7  10  53  34  +19  58
  7 AFC Treason              34  16  10   8  54  38  +16  58
  8 Sabrefell Athletic       34  15  10   9  53  39  +14  55
  9 Cranequin Wanderers      34  16   4  14  46  36  +10  52
 10 Chatswood                34  13  12   9  43  33  +10  51
 11 Brookford Otters         34  13   9  12  59  55   +4  48
 12 Violence Chariots        34  13   8  13  52  48   +4  47
 13 Maximum City             34  13   7  14  33  29   +4  46
 14 Vermillion Rage          34  13   6  15  53  58   -5  45
 15 Creed United             34  13   6  15  38  49  -11  45
 16 Newrook City             34  11  10  13  41  48   -7  43
 17 Cypher Town              34  10  12  12  28  42  -14  42
 18 Southfell United         34   8  17   9  48  49   -1  41
 19 Maximum Rovers           34  12   5  17  42  55  -13  41
 20 South Laithland          34  10   7  17  40  55  -15  37
 21 Raven River              34   9   9  16  35  53  -18  36
 22 AFC Serpentine           34   8   8  18  37  63  -26  32
 23 Goodfeather FC           34   6   9  19  41  64  -23  27
 24 Cranequin City           34   3   6  25  23  71  -48  15

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Parrhesia United          34  24   5   5  79  28  +51  77
  2 Crisisbless United        34  22   5   7  80  39  +41  71
  3 Armstrong                 34  18  10   6  49  27  +22  64
  4 Chenoworth Harriers       34  18   9   7  49  37  +12  63
  5 Belgrave                  34  18   6  10  53  39  +14  60
  6 Bishop                    34  17   5  12  44  30  +14  56
  7 Sheridan                  34  15  10   9  29  27   +2  55
  8 Leichhardt                34  13  14   7  38  23  +15  53
  9 Extreme Hills             34  13  11  10  41  34   +7  50
 10 Corvette Maulers          34  13  10  11  56  47   +9  49
 11 Vermillion Wanderers      34  13   8  13  62  47  +15  47
 12 Martella Jazz             34  13   8  13  43  49   -6  47
 13 Iron City                 34  12   7  15  25  34   -9  43
 14 Morningstar               34  13   3  18  54  57   -3  42
 15 Coret Rovers              34  11   9  14  36  47  -11  42
 16 Rochford                  34  11   7  16  27  42  -15  40
 17 Ritter Town               34  10   9  15  34  57  -23  39
 18 Crossroads Town           34  10   7  17  44  61  -17  37
 19 Iron United               34   9  10  15  32  52  -20  37
 20 Chenoworth Rovers         34   8  11  15  23  37  -14  35
 21 West Brinemouth           34   9   7  18  30  42  -12  34
 22 Strephonage               34   6  14  14  28  46  -18  32
 23 North Sabrefell           34   7   7  20  36  52  -16  28
 24 Sutcroft                  34   5   8  21  24  62  -38  23

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Stonegrave                   34  22   5   7  44  23  +21  71
  2 Locksley                     34  21   7   6  75  36  +39  70
  3 Diamondqueen                 34  21   5   8  63  27  +36  68
  4 East Laithland Harriers      34  19   6   9  60  45  +15  63
  5 Dross Rovers                 34  17  12   5  42  28  +14  63
  6 South Parrhesia              34  16   7  11  64  45  +19  55
  7 AFC Shale                    34  13  15   6  34  23  +11  54
  8 Crisisbless Athletic         34  14   9  11  55  39  +16  51
  9 Brindleton                   34  14   9  11  45  36   +9  51
 10 Hackett                      34  14   8  12  48  44   +4  50
 11 Rhagant Schadenfreude        34  12  13   9  31  25   +6  49
 12 Mainstream Fist              34  13  10  11  40  41   -1  49
 13 Project +90                  34  12  10  12  47  44   +3  46
 14 Fenland Albion               34  12   8  14  28  43  -15  44
 15 West Hook                    34  10  13  11  38  34   +4  43
 16 Greygate                     34  10  12  12  41  38   +3  42
 17 Dartmouth Terriers           34  10   8  16  38  46   -8  38
 18 Rushe United                 34   9  10  15  48  72  -24  37
 19 Ox River United              34   9   9  16  29  47  -18  36
 20 Senway Town                  34   8  10  16  46  62  -16  34
 21 Long Lake                    34   6  14  14  27  40  -13  32
 22 Kensey Town                  34   7   8  19  35  57  -22  29
 23 Falston Town                 34   5   9  20  34  62  -28  24
 24 Franchise FC                 34   3   5  26  31  86  -55  14

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Mantlegrove            34  24   6   4  64  22  +42  78
  2 Brookway Town          34  24   6   4  71  32  +39  78
  3 Riverkey               34  21   8   5  63  28  +35  71
  4 Corby Hubris           34  20   8   6  60  33  +27  68
  5 Iberia Chenoworth      34  20   4  10  75  39  +36  64
  6 Boleyn Town            34  17   9   8  53  31  +22  60
  7 Southriver             34  17   5  12  47  30  +17  56
  8 Ringway                34  14  10  10  54  51   +3  52
  9 Grovebank              34  14   7  13  36  39   -3  49
 10 The Strongest          34  13   8  13  59  59   +0  47
 11 Sutcroft Athletic      34  13   7  14  47  49   -2  46
 12 Gridlock Rovers        34  13   6  15  42  39   +3  45
 13 Fischer                34  12   9  13  44  45   -1  45
 14 North Dubstep          34  11  12  11  42  45   -3  45
 15 Courser                34  10  11  13  32  48  -16  41
 16 Bodkin Road            34  10  10  14  41  58  -17  40
 17 Gridlock East          34   9  12  13  28  41  -13  39
 18 Camwell Road           34   8  11  15  28  49  -21  35
 19 Blaze                  34   6  15  13  49  58   -9  33
 20 Dubstep Rangers        34   8   7  19  32  49  -17  31
 21 Vermillion Spite       34   7   7  20  36  63  -27  28
 22 Kommissar              34   6   8  20  31  50  -19  26
 23 Masculine Town         34   6   7  21  35  73  -38  25
 24 Chaker Town            34   7   3  24  16  54  -38  24

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Falston United        34  20   9   5  61  26  +35  69
  2 Bellamy               34  19   9   6  55  27  +28  66
  3 The Hanged Man        34  19   8   7  41  23  +18  65
  4 Gridlock              34  17   8   9  42  29  +13  59
  5 Gosforth Swans        34  15  11   8  55  33  +22  56
  6 Boltcroft Thorns      34  15   9  10  57  42  +15  54
  7 Gonen's Bridge        34  13  14   7  33  23  +10  53
  8 Harrington            34  15   8  11  37  37   +0  53
  9 Swag Hill Rovers      34  14   8  12  62  57   +5  50
 10 Ramsay                34  13  10  11  44  37   +7  49
 11 Nay Town              34  10  15   9  33  33   +0  45
 12 Perrett               34  11   9  14  32  38   -6  42
 13 Forge Carpenters      34   9  14  11  26  28   -2  41
 14 Norton Road           34  10  11  13  31  43  -12  41
 15 Fully Sick XI         34  11   7  16  46  66  -20  40
 16 Tryst Athletic        34   7  12  15  50  61  -11  33
 17 Geoff United          34   7  11  16  31  49  -18  32
 18 Surfeit River         34   5   9  20  37  61  -24  24
 19 Thratewood            34   4  11  19  26  53  -27  23
 20 Barcastle Rovers      34   3  13  18  23  56  -33  22

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Pillars of Southfell       34  18  11   5  44  21  +23  65
  2 AFC Corvistone             34  18   7   9  70  42  +28  61
  3 Getton Town                34  16   9   9  48  40   +8  57
  4 Peregrine                  34  16   7  11  59  44  +15  55
  5 Downsparrow                34  16   7  11  47  34  +13  55
  6 Rochford Pilgrims          34  17   3  14  43  41   +2  54
  7 South Brill                34  14  11   9  39  32   +7  53
  8 Sandrock                   34  14   9  11  36  32   +4  51
  9 Rookwall                   34  14   9  11  40  37   +3  51
 10 Lackerrun                  34  14   7  13  49  42   +7  49
 11 Stamper Road               34  12  11  11  52  48   +4  47
 12 Violence Tigers            34  12  11  11  35  36   -1  47
 13 Twelvetrees                34  12   6  16  27  31   -4  42
 14 Ballardine FC              34  10  10  14  41  52  -11  40
 15 De La Patria               34  12   4  18  50  67  -17  40
 16 Norpike                    34  10   9  15  35  54  -19  39
 17 Clay Terrace               34   9  10  15  29  34   -5  37
 18 Southfell Dilmao           34  10   7  17  32  47  -15  37
 19 Markoni                    34   8   9  17  37  58  -21  33
 20 Inner-East Fairywrens      34   6   7  21  22  43  -21  25

by **Nephara** » Wed May 25, 2016 8:36 pm

Now, the Quarterfinals are where things get serious. Rest a few players in earlier rounds, people don’t blink an eye, but by the last eight the gloves are off. Serpentine have even retired designated Cup goalkeeper Camilla Searle, mostly because she’s terrible - Hartson rewards the faith by keeping an impressive clean sheet as Mariska Woodspur drags the Dragons across the line against Sabrefell Athletic. Athletic’s two main rivals face off in Sabrefell, the Chariots winning it late on through Cardinal Belgrave’s thunderbastard in the last five minutes. The Chariots probably have the most reason to focus entirely on the Cup, their top seven prospects probably gone - as do the Otters, but they’re outthought and outfought by canny Erica Brewer’s well-marshalled defence and Lucy Curren’s sheer pace. She scores a brace and really could have had three or four, but Malta Hawthorn ensures they have the advantage after an excellent showing between the posts. Sheila Kilgallon is restored to a starting lineup following Tsattalios’ role as victim in the 7-0 shellacking. She performs competently enough, and between her and Reinhard Buchanan’s goal the Terracotta Army are in with a shot. But River dominate, and the goals of Lindgren and Marinello ensure overturning that result won’t be an easy process.

Sorry, what? Well… okay, then! Brinemouth aren’t suffering from serious injuries, suspensions or cards - they’re just utterly punched into the ground by Crisisbless and then jumped on over and over again until they’ve learned their lesson. They barely threaten all game, with Igrene Cantor, Tarrant, Cantor again, Stockinger, impact substitute Knutsen and, um, Cantor, showing them the error of their ways.

And they’re back. Sternberg volleys Starling ahead in the third minute, Treason draw level in the 7th through Vesper, and it’s a thrilling match with both goalkeepers doing fantastic work. Until, finally, the breakthrough - and from an unlikely source. Sleipnir Woodwind, 19 years old and playing due to Gallagher’s loan status and a 35-year old Rafferty’s inability to realistically go toe-to-toe with Labonne and Murdoch out of her favoured position for a full match, makes a run that Murdoch fails to pick up. Surman - very young herself - is released on the overlap by Warner to force the Treason defence back before cutting back the cross to midfield, just in time for Woodwind’s run… and she snaps it smartly into the bottom corner with her left boot, first-time. But Brinemouth keep pace, despite an unconvincing performance against the Wanderers - the Moths, however, fall away after being utterly smashed by Brookford Otters. Gerhard Thunder in the Brookford technical area looks a little guilty at the final whistle.

Oh dear. The Chariots thump the Moths in truly heroic fashion as Sabrefell simply aren’t able to settle to the task at hand and continue to display their desperate need for a fitting partner for Weiss. Kurtis Quinn scores four as a little fuck-you to the critics who said he was past it at 33, while Belgrave and Roenoujya pump up the scoreline. Sabrefell Athletic pull a goal back within two minutes, Mueller picking out an unmarked Oehman at the far post, and then… well, that’s it, actually. Serpentine rally, stay compact in the first half and score a quick brace (Woodspur and Aveline) out of the traps early in the second half. 4-1 on aggregate - “Maybe we can bring some of that form into the league next time around,” Bronwyn Sadler drily tells the press. Brookford Otters pull a goal back in a match they dominate, but their finishing is off and Malta Hawthorn between the posts is most definitely on song, making a string of fantastic saves to let the Rovers scrape through on away goals. Cranequin City pull out an inexplicable 3-0 first-half lead, but in the interval River manager Hildebrand evidently a) gave them a stirring team talk to stiffen the sinews and lend them the aspect of the tiger, and b) reminded them how to defend set pieces. That helpful advice in tow (and Daniella Strauss off the bench), River get the two away goals they need to edge through.

Well, with the fixture basically sorted out and fixtures very congested, both teams bring out all the stops. As in, pretty much anyone but established first-team players. Surprisingly enough, this isn’t a very good or interesting game, both teams with their eye on next league match.

Not that it helps them - both CEdC teams draw their next matches in what is a frankly bizarre week that sees almost all the top sides trip up. AFC Treason concede an (admittedly offside) late equaliser in a 3-3 draw with Cranequin City, for Christ’s sake. North Laithland are outrun by Brookford, the Moths concede within a minute to Hadrian Kuepper’s header and only equalise against Coret in the 70th minute, unable to add to it, while in midtable Cranequin Wanderers catch the eye with a 4-1 away demolition of Vermillion Rage. Gerhard MacMillan has done wonders for that club, but after spending so much money on the squad and having this poor a season, he might be for the door. But none of this compares to a result you wouldn’t blink twice at last season - thirteen minutes into the game, Just Hargrave comes out too adventurously against Abigail Mueller and takes her out just as the ball’s taken away from him. Red card and a penalty, and Fowler is also sent off in the 54th minute. The Passerines fall to pieces, and Athletic take them apart in a gleeful 4-0 thrashing. The moment someone below them gets their shit together, you sense Starling are going to sink.

This might be the end of the road for the Moths - they’re tired, overstretched and forced to deploy the under-par Shay Vahlen in a starting role as injuries and suspensions mount up. It shows - they’re well beaten on the day in front of their own fans, and can thank Caravella for keeping the score down to a manageable level.

Starling survive the absence of Hargrave and Fowler, just about - but you sense that one of both of them would have stopped the very routine process of Dobrovolskas’ cross headed back by Seeklander to empty space, quickly occupied by Aziz Senturk, who casually clips it into the top corner. Still, Sternberg powers home an equalising header in the second half, and at least they have a point. But Brinemouth and the Moths both show up with proper champions’ performances - Brinemouth pulp Vermillion 4-0, while the Moths graft out a 2-1 away win in hard, damp conditions in Cranequin (against the Wanderers, of course - across town there is nothing hard about the way Athletic cuts down City). At the bottom of the table, the Rovers will be happy enough with their point but still have to look over their shoulder - Cypher Town barely scrape a late equaliser against Goodfeather FC in a game they could and should have lost 3-0 (yet again, thank Lukas Sparr in goal), Newrook City graft a heroic late winner of their own against Southfell and River’s poor form continues when Grigori Swanenburg’s elegant diving header secures three points in a frankly terrible match against Serpentine. In an ugly (if goal-packed) slugfest in rural Crownsend, it’s a sixth straight draw for South Laithland… which in turn had followed a run of three straight wins. It’s fair to say that Bruno Hawke’s squad are determined to survive.

The Moths strive for glory. They lose 3-1 on aggregate to a team that is literally on strike. That’s some protest.

Treason and Brinemouth is arguably the least exciting match of the day, both sides poised to counterpunch and neither seeming to actually punch. Even when Brinemouth does punch, which does sometimes happen, Ballard’s sheer force of will keeps them from actually scoring. At least Starling get back into form, thumping a Goodfeather FC side who really, really, really, really, really need to get their shit together if they want to avoid becoming the highest-profile relegation since, er... Parrhesia United last year. And, well, this season has been far more dramatic and suspenseful than whimsical, but the Moths’ 3-0 deconstruction of Vermillion is a nice story. For one, after another homicidal late tackle and apologetic look to the referee, Kurtis Woodbine has a third red card of the season, one off Brescia Stubbs’ record. He’s kind of made a habit of that without ever really seeming to mean it, but Orion Etzebeth’s season is over regardless. But, in the 88th minute, a young woman vaults the stands and races over to Scheherazade Meier, lingering on the left flank, phone out. The stewards run full pelt after her, but she manages to take a quick selfie - Meier poses helpfully - before a neat switch of pace takes all the stewards out of the game - one spear tackles Vermillion rightback Elisa Defaye by mistake - leaps back over the hoardings and melts back into the crowd, who cheer. Later, it emerges that her identity is 16-year old AFC Corvistone rightback Leona Rafford, celebrating her team’s promotion from the Conference East. And, a day afterwards, she secures a preseason trial with Crisisbless… who, yes, cited that run as part of the reason she was hired. Now that’s pure Premiership.

There are thirteen goals in eleven matches… with the outlier being one of the key matches of the season. First off, though - Starling edge Chatswood, and seem to be mounting a recovery. Cypher and Newrook lose, while Raven River draw with South Laithland where they really needed a win. Fifth straight defeat for Vermillion Rage, and the axe is surely hovering over Gerhard MacMillan’s neck by this point. The experiment simply hasn’t worked - there’s no balance in the side at all. It turns out, you can’t just invest in a front five and then pray the rest takes care of itself. And now back to the stars - the Moths, of course, without Etzebeth thanks to Woodbine’s accidentally-murderous challenge, without dos Santos through an earlier hamstring strain, without Christener through an ill-timed accumulation of cautions, dropping Uidhir after poor form. But they fight - oh, they strive for victory, Hargreaves smashes home from 16 yards but at the other end Bottlegreen nets one and sets up Locke for another. Moths’ centre-half Pryor lashes a free header against the crossbar and at the other end his partner, Weiss, perfectly times a last-ditch tackle to dispossess Juquinho, who was through on goal. Candelo and Scafidis increase Brinemouth’s advantage in the second half, but the Dockers get complacent - and Meier strikes. Then Curio comes off the bench and tries an audacious scissor kick with his first touch. It goes in. 4-3, five minutes to play, the Moths pressing… but an attack breaks down, Vintner catches Tawney’s cross and hurls the ball down the left, Hasselbaink perfectly times a pass to release the lurking Scafidis, who manages to get around Pryor. Pryor grabs her and drags her to the ground, but she kicks Pryor in the face and gets to her feet, somehow rides another blatant foul as Lundgren clips her heels and, staggering, hooks a forward pass with the outside of her right boot to put the ball somewhere between Weiss and Griffiths. The referee continues to play the best advantage of his life - and substitute Theresa Wintergren, normally the orthodox winger of the side, breaks out into a full sprint past them both, hurls herself forward and, with Caravella coming out and the defenders chasing behind, chips her. What a fucking goal. What a fucking win. What a fucking team this is.

Oh, nevermind, they’re actually shit and Sabrefell Athletic hack them to pieces in a brutal, no-holds-barred, no-prisoners-taken 6-3 win that sees a red card on each side. “As long as this win doesn’t let the fucking Moths lift the league trophy,” hat-trick hero Felix Keller growls to the press after the match - how far he’s come from the callow youth knocking them in for Ritter Town with amazing pace and absolutely no reliable finishing. The Moths have their own reasons to celebrate, utterly outplaying North Laithland in Crownsend, while Starling thump Southfell United. Cypher Town have been poor of late, but Raven River miss a glorious opportunity to steal a march on them when profligate finishing allows young, jetheeled winger Andrea Bereveskos to put a thunderous shot beyond Cooper in the 90th minute. Serpentine’s late bid for survival meets the exhaustion of Coret Hawks, and despite Tarashaj’s wonderful opening goal it just takes two rather routine strikes from Steelbridge and Emmerich to give the Dragons the three points. The same cannot be said of Newrook City - bluntly, they’re annihilated by Brookford.

1830 Cathair FC huff and puff, but Brinemouth’s often underrated defensive solidity and ability to keep the ball under pressure - talents more commonly utilised in international matches than domestically - hold them at bay, right up until the time is ripe for Candelo to release dynamic substitute Christian Beckcamp past the entire Catharan defence. With his trademark needless cockiness, he chips it casually over Nuremburg and is left to sweat, horrified, as he almost fucks it up… but it glances in off the inside of the post and he tries to play it off like nothing happens. Yeah, not fooling the commentators, Chris - Pendragon and Harm crucify him to an international audience. Crisisbless visibly miss Luxulya St. Cleer’s calming presence in the heart of midfield, but Augustine Brandon’s nothing to sniff at either. Certainly a more proven player than young Diogenes Kutris, depth-strapped Zozi’s backup defensive midfielder brought in on loan from Raven River. But Kutris is on the bench and Zozi are tough as ever - Cantor scores one either side of half-time, but, yes, of course it’s Labourious Hawk who volleys in a crucial away goal.

South Laithland finally lose after twelve unbeaten matches - conclusively so, even, as Brookford batter their second straight relegation battler 4-0. Nikita Loeher might be forgiven if she regrets leaving Starling, but she seems philosophical about it at Brookford - and hey, she’s clearly having a field day with all this relentless service in the penalty area. Violence Chariots have not had a good season, but they’re favourites to reach the final over lowly Serpentine, and destroy Chatswood 6-0 - Kurtis Quinn, as a former AFC Treason stalwart, gets a tasty reception. He silences it with a perfect second-half hat-trick, when the gaps start to form and the cautions pile up. But lowly Serpentine have their own victory to celebrate, a 4-1 destruction of Cranequin Wanderers reminding everyone they aren’t done yet, while Cranequin City manage an impressive run of two games unbeaten.

One through and one out - the survivors to play one another in the semifinals. Brinemouth keep it tidy and clean, with a clinical Bottlegreen finish enough to take out 1830 - they’ll be facing Zozi, after they held Crisisbless at bay with some typically determined Audioslavian defending, Labourious Hawk threading the perfect pass through for Apexarena to hit past Marciak in the 76th minute. Bottlegreen later revealed in an interview she was looking forward to showing Zozi what they were missing out on by shuffling her out the door when Hawk showed up - well, it looks like she’ll get her chance.

Brookford seem to relish their duty as crusher of dreams - arrayed against three of the sides struggling to avoid the drop, they have scored 11 unanswered goals, the latest three against a worryingly hapless Cypher Town who can’t even threaten the most open attacking team on the break. The one chance they do get, the entire front three against Cromwell and Belfast, Forrest fucks it up by playing a pass square that Belfast slides in to hook to safety. Serpentine’s good feelings take a battering from Vermillion Rage, who might be underwhelming this season but still have Catherine Purrington shambling around the midfield. And it’s Purrington who puts the ball on a plate for anyone willing to finish the job - four assists without ever even deigning to enter Serpentine’s penalty area, as Cruz, Runen, Xidhas and Reid do the dirty work.

Well, congratulations on the final, Chariots - Jess Mortlock’s side is already ahead within five minutes when Jess Hearn rifles the ball into the stanchion from 30 yards, the kind of goal that is just unfair against a Serpentine side sliding towards relegation, and by the end of the day it’s 4-0.. In Maximum, however, the match is left finely poised - neither side is willing to overcommit, and it’s a cautious match marked by moments of sporadic brilliance - Hawthorn making a spectacular double save in the 17th minute, but unable to stop Adrian Heffernan, the Junkyard Dog, utterly smashing the ball into the net from 28 yards for his first River goal. In the second half, the Rovers strike back - unable to break the Harm-Weaver axis in open play, Aziz Senturk finds the top corner with an exquisite free kick. River vice-captain Morgan Kendall thinks she’s secured a late winner as she rifles a late shot into the underside of the crossbar, but it just bounces on the line and Vidurvoerdr gets back in time to clear it away, nanoseconds before Schanzer (trying to convert the rebound himself) smashes into him and both get tangled in the net.

Oh dear. Vermillion seem to be taking out their frustrations on teams weaker than them, the ultimate flat-track bullies, as Purrington and Cruz seem to have a real understanding for players with almost one season’s experience in the same side. Bringing them against lowly Newrook is like bringing a stick of dynamite to a police baton fight - Gideon Fletcher probably stops the game hitting double figures but still concedes six. At the top of the table, Starling, Brinemouth and the Moths march inexorably on. There’s no talk anymore of the Passerines being in a slump, while Brinemouth’s recovery from mediocre early form has been electrifying and the Moths, well, they’ve kept themselves in and around the conversation all season. Each wins a home match by two clear goals.

Serpentine post a second-string and just try to focus on not getting eviscerated, which they pretty much succeed in doing. There’s far more intrigue in the other fixture - Maximum Rovers surprise River by going hard for victory, but Sigrid Cooper between the posts for River finally shows her best form and denies them. River settle back into the game, go ahead when Kendall’s corner is flicked home by Solomon Harm, and hold out for a deserved victory and a Final appearance on their return to the top flight.

By now, Goodfeather FC have been relegated - but manager Malta Fletcher, whose future at the club is unsurprisingly in doubt after failing to orchestrate a turnaround, is unusually blunt in the pre-match interview. “If we can’t win this match for ourselves, let’s win it for Starling. If the Dockers win the league for a third season in a row, even after the start they’ve had, this league risks becoming a one-club show. If Starling win it… it’s a reminder that, in Nephara, you get the same slot on the pyramid and the same 11 players as everyone else, and the same 46 matches to prove what you can do. I want the Passerines to win the league, and I’m pretty sure everyone else who doesn’t support Brinemouth or the Moths is feeling the same.” True to her word, Goodfeather fight hard against Brinemouth despite going down early to Rutger Locke’s powerful strike from distance, and eventually, young Marisa Leitner in the midfield is the element of chaos they need - she slips through the congested battle in the centre of the pitch and slips the ball through the defence, where Sabrine Portsgate is, inevitably, waiting to slot the ball hard past Vintner. But not everyone’s willing to give Starling a free pass - though Newrook are dashed against the rocks by Sabrefell Moths, just as Athletic crush Southfell, each by five goals. Coret Hawks have slipped a bit of late, thanks in no small part to the resurgence of the big clubs to overtake them and their penchant for tight wins eventually counting against them. But they hold on tight against Starling, who, upon being handed the initiative, can’t break through. Sternberg crashes a late header in at goal but John Godsflock, the least spectacular goalkeeper in the league, somehow manages to get fingers to it in a flash and tip it onto the crossbar, where Ulrich Neustadt heads it well clear. It just isn’t their day. But it’s so close...

What happened? Labourious Hawk happened.

Well, the battle at the bottom of the table is finally sorted out. Newrook City have lost their last two games by a cumulative 11-0, but they scrape a draw that is enough to keep them afloat as Cypher’s terrible 12-match winless streak condemns them to relegation. Not that they didn’t try - they gave it a damn good shot, a side that had scored roughly two goals for every three matches suddenly coming alight onto Vermillion. Forrest scored first, but they couldn’t hold onto it - Sparr was well-beaten by Cruz’s volley, then Purrington’s brace of free-kicks. Still, on the stroke of half-time, Bowyer pulls one back - and soon after returning from the interval, Kurtis Muscat draws them level. And yet, with one fluid motion from Runen to get him past Koufos and another to drag the ball agonisingly past a wrong-footed Sparr at his near post, Vermillion are ahead, and Pokrovski doubles their advantage. Claire Neill comes off the bench, hoping to be the heroine of the day. A diving header, spectacular in its execution, looks to have brought Cypher back within reach… at least, until Persephone Xidhas rifles home Vermillion’s sixth in injury-time.
At the top of the table, disaster strikes for the Passerines - they seem to crumble under the pressure at the death as the realisation that, yes, they could put this all in their own hands finally gets to them. Scuffett, Lynwood’s brace and a killing blow from Paul Bismarck (a former Brinemouth midfielder) is enough to see them stranded on 86 points, with an inferior goal difference to their rivals - both their rivals, for that matter, as Sabrefell Moths obliterate South Laithland 5-1. Brinemouth play late in the day, and are heartened at the news of Cranequin’s victory - but they’ve already been beaten 6-0 by Crisisbless this season. And then Igrene Cantor scores within six minutes. Engstroem, in the eleventh. Is it happening again? No. Brinemouth claw their way back into the game with Rutger Locke’s thumping header just two minutes later, and both sides hunker down for the rest of the half. But in the second, Tanya Bottlegreen lofts an elegant strike past Marciak, and suddenly the breathless charges are on again. Crisisbless hold out. They remain unable to so much as strike back, but they hold as best they can. Until, in injury time… yes, Brinemouth, the team who have always relied on breaking teams early, throw on giant Sigmund Levy alongside big, powerful Chrysanthe Scafidis, switch to 4-4-2 and have another substitute, Theresa Wintergren, get a ball in the mixer. Scafidis flicks it on and Levy pushes through Scharner to land a stooping header perfectly past Marciak. Brinemouth are top of the league… on goal difference.
In the second tier, Parrhesia United have already won the league at a canter, with 98 points and 99 goals. Crisisbless United are already in three digits and have secured second, while Bishop are all but mathematically ensured of their return as well. Armstrong, just like last season, sit fourth needing only a draw to secure their promotion, this time with a rejuvenated Chenoworth Harriers lurking. This time, they’re determined to see it through.
But all this talk of winning the league or securing the glory of Premiership football is missing the real prize - Cranequin City, if they lose, can set the record for the most defeats in Premiership history!

Brinemouth look distracted, not that it’s any excuse. They do try to break Zozi down but it just isn’t happening, and though Tanya Bottlegreen does drive herself harder than anyone else (and, model professional though she is, is utterly furious to be substituted off in the 70th minute) Apexarena’s 28th-minute volley pretty much secures the tie.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brinemouth               45  25  11   9  102  55  +47  86
  2 Starling                 45  26   8  11   69  42  +27  86
  3 Sabrefell Moths          45  26   5  14   85  57  +28  83
  4 Sabrefell Athletic       45  22  14   9   84  50  +34  80
  5 North Laithland          45  20  14  11   64  42  +22  74
  6 Crisisbless              45  20  13  12   71  49  +22  73
  7 AFC Treason              45  19  15  11   70  54  +16  72
  8 Coret Hawks              45  20  10  15   54  53   +1  70
  9 Brookford Otters         45  19  11  15   82  68  +14  68
 10 Chatswood                45  17  16  12   57  47  +10  67
 11 Maximum City             45  19  10  16   48  38  +10  67
 12 Cranequin Wanderers      45  20   6  19   62  51  +11  66
 13 Violence Chariots        45  17  13  15   74  62  +12  64
 14 Creed United             45  16  10  19   51  62  -11  58
 15 Vermillion Rage          45  17   6  22   77  84   -7  57
 16 Maximum Rovers           45  15   7  23   51  70  -19  52
 17 South Laithland          45  13  13  19   54  74  -20  52
 18 Southfell United         45  11  18  16   57  68  -11  51
 19 Raven River              45  12  15  18   46  64  -18  51
 20 Newrook City             45  12  14  19   48  74  -26  50
 21 Cypher Town              45  10  16  19   35  60  -25  46
 22 AFC Serpentine           45  12  10  23   50  84  -34  46
 23 Goodfeather FC           45   8  15  22   55  82  -27  39
 24 Cranequin City           45   5   8  32   31  87  -56  23

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Parrhesia United          45  30   8   7  99  40  +59  98
  2 Crisisbless United        45  27   9   9 100  54  +46  90
  3 Bishop                    45  26   6  13  64  35  +29  84
  4 Armstrong                 45  24  11  10  65  37  +28  83
  5 Chenoworth Harriers       45  23  12  10  65  47  +18  81
  6 Sheridan                  45  20  13  12  41  36   +5  73
  7 Leichhardt                45  19  15  11  52  31  +21  72
  8 Corvette Maulers          45  20  10  15  69  60   +9  70
  9 Extreme Hills             45  18  13  14  58  50   +8  67
 10 Belgrave                  45  20   7  18  66  64   +2  67
 11 Iron City                 45  18   7  20  35  44   -9  61
 12 Ritter Town               45  16  12  17  52  69  -17  60
 13 Martella Jazz             45  15  12  18  59  72  -13  57
 14 Vermillion Wanderers      45  15  10  20  85  72  +13  55
 15 Morningstar               45  17   4  24  68  69   -1  55
 16 Rochford                  45  15   8  22  37  56  -19  53
 17 West Brinemouth           45  14  10  21  44  52   -8  52
 18 Chenoworth Rovers         45  13  13  19  38  46   -8  52
 19 Crossroads Town           45  13  12  20  55  72  -17  51
 20 Coret Rovers              45  13  12  20  45  65  -20  51
 21 Iron United               45  11  12  22  39  68  -29  45
 22 Strephonage               45   8  17  20  32  62  -30  41
 23 North Sabrefell           45  10  10  25  49  70  -21  40
 24 Sutcroft                  45   8  11  26  38  84  -46  35

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Stonegrave                   45  29   7   9   59   30  +29  94
  2 Diamondqueen                 45  28   6  11   88   35  +53  90
  3 Locksley                     45  26   9  10  103   57  +46  87
  4 East Laithland Harriers      45  24  10  11   83   61  +22  82
  5 AFC Shale                    45  19  17   9   50   33  +17  74
  6 South Parrhesia              45  21   9  15   79   58  +21  72
  7 Dross Rovers                 45  19  15  11   54   44  +10  72
  8 Mainstream Fist              45  19  12  14   61   54   +7  69
  9 Hackett                      45  18  14  13   69   60   +9  68
 10 Crisisbless Athletic         45  17  14  14   66   49  +17  65
 11 Brindleton                   45  17  13  15   61   55   +6  64
 12 Greygate                     45  16  15  14   60   53   +7  63
 13 Rhagant Schadenfreude        45  16  14  15   44   41   +3  62
 14 Project +90                  45  16  13  16   66   65   +1  61
 15 West Hook                    45  14  17  14   56   46  +10  59
 16 Fenland Albion               45  12  14  19   33   56  -23  50
 17 Long Lake                    45  10  19  16   39   50  -11  49
 18 Senway Town                  45  12  13  20   60   78  -18  49
 19 Ox River United              45  12  13  20   38   56  -18  49
 20 Dartmouth Terriers           45  11  14  20   48   61  -13  47
 21 Kensey Town                  45  12  10  23   46   70  -24  46
 22 Rushe United                 45   9  16  20   62   99  -37  43
 23 Falston Town                 45   8  10  27   52   86  -34  34
 24 Franchise FC                 45   4   8  33   41  121  -80  20

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Mantlegrove            45  31   8   6  84  32  +52  101
  2 Riverkey               45  29   9   7  95  36  +59   96
  3 Brookway Town          45  29   8   8  89  49  +40   95
  4 Boleyn Town            45  25  10  10  69  38  +31   85
  5 Corby Hubris           45  24  11  10  73  47  +26   83
  6 Iberia Chenoworth      45  24   7  14  96  56  +40   79
  7 Southriver             45  24   7  14  63  39  +24   79
  8 North Dubstep          45  18  13  14  63  53  +10   67
  9 Ringway                45  18  12  15  68  63   +5   66
 10 The Strongest          45  16  11  18  69  80  -11   59
 11 Courser                45  15  13  17  50  60  -10   58
 12 Grovebank              45  16  10  19  47  59  -12   58
 13 Gridlock Rovers        45  16   9  20  54  51   +3   57
 14 Sutcroft Athletic      45  16   9  20  59  66   -7   57
 15 Fischer                45  14  13  18  52  61   -9   55
 16 Bodkin Road            45  14  12  19  58  78  -20   54
 17 Blaze                  45  11  18  16  63  68   -5   51
 18 Gridlock East          45  12  15  18  37  58  -21   51
 19 Dubstep Rangers        45  13  10  22  45  58  -13   49
 20 Camwell Road           45  11  12  22  36  66  -30   45
 21 Masculine Town         45  11  11  23  52  86  -34   44
 22 Vermillion Spite       45  10   9  26  48  85  -37   39
 23 Kommissar              45   9  11  25  43  70  -27   38
 24 Chaker Town            45   8   4  33  22  76  -54   28

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bellamy               38  21  11   6  62  30  +32  74
  2 The Hanged Man        38  21  10   7  47  25  +22  73
  3 Falston United        38  20  11   7  64  32  +32  71
  4 Gridlock              38  20   8  10  48  31  +17  68
  5 Gosforth Swans        38  17  12   9  59  35  +24  63
  6 Boltcroft Thorns      38  17   9  12  62  49  +13  60
  7 Gonen's Bridge        38  15  15   8  39  30   +9  60
  8 Harrington            38  16   8  14  41  46   -5  56
  9 Ramsay                38  15  10  13  49  42   +7  55
 10 Swag Hill Rovers      38  15   9  14  67  64   +3  54
 11 Nay Town              38  12  16  10  39  37   +2  52
 12 Norton Road           38  12  11  15  35  46  -11  47
 13 Forge Carpenters      38  10  15  13  29  32   -3  45
 14 Perrett               38  11  11  16  35  44   -9  44
 15 Tryst Athletic        38  10  12  16  58  65   -7  42
 16 Fully Sick XI         38  11   9  18  49  72  -23  42
 17 Geoff United          38   9  11  18  37  56  -19  38
 18 Barcastle Rovers      38   4  16  18  27  59  -32  28
 19 Surfeit River         38   5  12  21  40  65  -25  27
 20 Thratewood            38   5  12  21  31  58  -27  27

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Pillars of Southfell       38  19  13   6  47  24  +23  70
  2 AFC Corvistone             38  20   7  11  76  44  +32  67
  3 Rochford Pilgrims          38  21   3  14  57  43  +14  66
  4 Downsparrow                38  19   7  12  55  38  +17  64
  5 Getton Town                38  18  10  10  57  50   +7  64
  6 South Brill                38  16  12  10  44  37   +7  60
  7 Lackerrun                  38  17   7  14  56  48   +8  58
  8 Stamper Road               38  15  12  11  59  50   +9  57
  9 Sandrock                   38  15  12  11  41  36   +5  57
 10 Peregrine                  38  16   7  15  61  51  +10  55
 11 Rookwall                   38  15  10  13  43  41   +2  55
 12 Violence Tigers            38  13  14  11  40  39   +1  53
 13 Ballardine FC              38  12  10  16  45  58  -13  46
 14 De La Patria               38  13   6  19  55  73  -18  45
 15 Twelvetrees                38  12   8  18  29  38   -9  44
 16 Clay Terrace               38  10  11  17  34  42   -8  41
 17 Norpike                    38  10   9  19  38  63  -25  39
 18 Southfell Dilmao           38  10   8  20  34  52  -18  38
 19 Markoni                    38   9  11  18  41  61  -20  38
 20 Inner-East Fairywrens      38   8   7  23  27  51  -24  31

by **Nephara** » Thu May 26, 2016 3:53 pm

DRAMATIS PERSONAE
Starling manager Amethyst Fegelein: ”Yeah, of course there’s pressure - and I’m gonna be honest, I think maybe we started to feel it these past few weeks, started sliding back. But we shouldn’t lose track of what an amazing season this has been, and no matter if we finish second or third or, God willing, champions, I couldn’t be prouder of my lads.”
Vermillion Rage manager Gerhard MacMillan: ”It’s just another match for us. We’ve had a disappointing season, so the sooner we get it behind us and start rebuilding for next time the better.”
Chatswood manager Emery Lineker: ”We’re going to destroy them. I’ll tell you straight-up, I don’t want those overpaid, glamourous little children who care more about their hair and their manicures than about good, honest sweat and toil to lift a trophy again, three times in a row - what kind of message does that send to children? Starling are a proper team, and since this has been a shit season and we’ve got nothing else to fight for, we may as well fuck the Dockers up.”
Brinemouth manager Stephen Frew: ”We’re here to do a job. We aren’t thinking about Starling, not thinking about Vermillion. If we get three points, we get the trophy.”

Ninety minutes. Everything else is sorted out - well, okay, technically the Hawks can grab 7th and fringe Globe Cup qualification, but make no mistake, this is about glory.
This is about being champions of Nephara.
Starling limp into their final match, missing captain Kurtis Warner through injury but still feeling confident against a Vermillion side with nothing to play for. Brinemouth enter Chatswood knowing that a win will ensure they win the league, and it’s those two sides, Chatswood in sky blue and Brinemouth in their all-white away kit, who eye the trophy hungrily as they march out. Brinemouth are more or less unscathed, but Chatswood captain Brescia Stubbs has vowed they won’t end the match that way. Chatswood are gloriously partisan. They just don’t like Brinemouth, standing at odds with the flashy easterlings in every way possible. And now they are determined to wrest the title from their grasp.
A man in the Starling end holds up a sign reading; “Do it for the Narrative.”
The first half in each match is tight. Very tight. Starling find space behind Vermillion but their finishing isn’t what it was, Sternberg seeming to crumble under the pressure as, one on one with Seward, she fires it straight into his chest. Xidhas tests Hargrave harshly between the posts, as does Runen, but Purrington seems more or less to have given up, cheerfully meandering around the midfield and doing party tricks. Brinemouth and Chatswood are all business, but Chatswood are getting stuck right in, leaning on the line. It’s hard to give a booking at Westcroft - the crowd will be on your back any time you blow the whistle - but Beresford warrants it for the attempted murder of Candelo in the 10th minute, Chaplain soon following after poleaxing Juquinho.
Brinemouth take the lead regardless.
It’s typical Brinemouth, really - a forward surge with the man in possession picking the perfect pass, Juquinho escaping the throng of the box and Bosetti just hitting it straight to him. He fires it low through the mass of bodies and somehow finds the far corner, Katsouranis clawing desperately at it and missing. The pressure is on.
The half-time whistle blows. 15 minutes of calm before 45 of storm.
Starling need to win. They come out of the traps determined to do better this time, but the first scare is Vermillion’s - Christa Cruz manages a fantastic salmon-like leap to hook a header on goal but despite the initial scare it’s actually quite an easy catch for Hargrave. MacMillan suspects Purrington doesn’t give a shit about beating Starling and in fact wants them to win the league, and hooks her for Eckhart. The problem is that replacing your top scorer and standout best player with a 35-year old man isn’t generally a good idea, and that just lends Starling even more freedom - Malachi Gallagher smashes down the middle at full pelt, a neat one-two with Warner and he hits it with the outside of his right boot, stretching, willing the ball past Seward.
1-0.
They press for a second - and in the process of getting one, Kurtis Woodbine sets a record with his fourth red card of the season when he clumsily attempts to murder Malachi Gallagher. Wincing, the Crownsender plays on.
Brinemouth hammer at Evan Katsouranis’ goal. He does not give in.
2-0 Starling. Warner hooks in a vicious low cross, and Konrad Braunbier, whose underwhelming finishing doesn’t prevent his sheer work-rate and effort from being appreciated, gets in before everyone else to hook it in. Vermillion look sunk.
Attention turns to Treason. Chatswood hold out. Brinemouth overextend. Katsouranis releases Chaplain, who releases Corsie, who wallops the ball upfield. Somehow, Matheson gets to it, gets it away from Calabrese and fires on the turn at goal. Easy enough for Vintner in theory at his near post, but the shot takes him by surprise and he can only claw it away for a corner.
Corsie comes to take it. He shuffles back, looks as if he’s basking in the actual silence of the stadium. A nice change from the regular unkind scrutiny. Brinemouth’s nearby away fans notice, and give him a hearty serenade of ‘you fat bastard’. Corsie frowns again, sighs, and hoofs it into the box.
There’s a look in Matt Vintner’s eyes. The look of a goalkeeper who knows that his team is the best in the league, plays the best football in the league and has it within their own grasp to win a third championship in a row and has scored over a hundred goals in each of those seasons.
The look of a goalkeeper who realises, in the 83rd minute, he has only one fear.
The Narrative.
Vintner flaps at the corner and Brescia Stubbs heads it in.
This is Brescia Stubbs’ last match - the 35-year old has had a long and distinguished career, all at Chatswood, and she also picked up 22 caps for Nephara. To put it another way, she has no fear of post-match tribunals giving her suspensions. Her celebration reflects this.
She whips off her shirt - unsurprisingly, she’s a centre-half and wasn’t expecting to score and have any shirt underneath with unkind messages on it, but she still waves it around her head as she does a lap of the Brinemouth supporters, two middle fingers raised, tongue out and eyes wide like some kind of ancient, grimacing warrior mask, whipping a couple of the more unruly fans with her shirt. Some microphone, somewhere, is picking up everything she’s saying and it’s enough to give the next day’s match replay an M15+ rating. In Nephara.
The referee books her for unsporting conduct. It doesn’t matter.
Because there may be the rest of the match to play, but by God, Chatswood hold.

Depending on who you talk to, Starling is either a large town or a small city of 320,000 or so people, acting almost as a bridge between the rural Northern Vale and urban Crisisbless. In practice, this means that both Valesiders and Crissiders look down on them for one reason or another.
But today, there’s a helicopter flying there rather urgently from Treason.
Inside the helicopter is the Premiership trophy, where Kurtis Warner, thoroughly drunk on champagne, is waiting to lift it.
And scattered around the country, a handful of idiots who put a pound on an anonymous midtable club to win the league are getting one thousand, two hundred and fifty in return.
They really have done it.

The aftermath, then.
The Cup final is something of a celebration between two clubs who like one another and are both happy enough to see Starling have won the league. Raven River, for their part, are happy to have stayed up (even if it wasn’t as comfortable as they’d anticipated) while the Chariots needed victory to salvage the season. River play hard and fight hard, always pressing, and while the Chariots lead through Asher Voeller’s goal for most of the game Gerhard Schanzer comes flying out of nowhere in the 91st minute to head home Rook Cypress’ cross. That’s all River has in the tank, though, and they’re too exhausted to hold out in extra time - with a sense of inevitability, Nate Walker comes off the bench, finds space just outside the box and smashes it into the top corner.
Crisisbless are unlucky to crash out of the CEDC Final in extra time to, yes, CD FAS. After the match, Reinhard Shale confirmed what the press had long suspected - after Theresa Riether’s shock resignation after her World Cup triumph, the well-travelled Shale would be the new Cormorants manager. Upon his recommendation, his former assistant Erica Brewer was drafted in to replace him at Crisisbless, leading Catheline Harper to take up the managerial role at the Rovers yet again, this time permanently.
Other departures were less spectacular. Monica Brightwater was unceremoniously sacked at Treason, Gerhard MacMillan given the chop from Vermillion, Jess Mortlock agreeing a release from the final optional year of her contract at Violence. Going down, Cypher, Serpentine and even Goodfeather FC kept the faith in their current managers to bring the sides back up, but the elderly, gentlemanly Edmund Agincourt retired from football - a foundation manager from the first UICA-era season, where he managed a high-flying Parrhesia United. He’d already done so much for Cranequin City, and nobody could blame him when this season was a step too far.
Speaking of Parrhesia United, they celebrated their title with a 1-0 victory over Ritter Town, Crisisbless United and Bishop also secure going into the last match. Each looks powerful coming into the new season. Armstrong, like last time, lived dangerously… but this time, Damien Harbour rose high to smash home a cross from Daniel Lucas to ensure fourth spot. They’ll have to cope with the loss of Lucas and Zlastica Ellen, their entire left flank, as the players return to CD Barrio in the Guayabalense league now that the contract standoff has been resolved. Still, the newcomers should prove ready and eager to give the Premiership a fight.
It comes to light that Malachi Gallagher’s loan with Starling came with a 3.5-million buyout clause. It was anticipated that this was more than he was worth, and if it wasn’t, he’d then want to come back to Treason anyway. Given that Gallagher played every minute of every league match that wasn’t against Treason and scored six goals in the process, Starling unsurprisingly activate the clause. Despite Treason’s open courting, Gallagher fobs them off and gladly puts pen to paper for the first side he’s ever felt loved with - the Passerines.
When the Players’ Union submit their votes for the NFA awards, the voice of the public is clear. Player of the season? Hard to look past Leo Hargreaves, who also narrowly wraps up the debutant award ahead of Osman Candelo. Under-21s? Well, she might have been relegated, but Mariska Woodspur carried the Dragons as best she could, scoring 11 goals and chalking up 12 assists. Treason are already thought to be tabling a bid, ready for whatever new manager they can find. The Iron Boot went to Aaliyah Johnson - the Osarian forward had lost her way last season but was given new lease of life by the fluid new midfield unit behind her. She notched up 25 over the season, many of them beauties.
But Team of the Year?
There was only ever one answer.

PREMIERSHIP RESULTS
Chatswood 1-1 Brinemouth
AFC Serpentine 2-3 Crisisbless
Southfell United 2-2 Goodfeather FC
Newrook City 1-0 Maximum City
Raven River 0-1 Maximum Rovers
South Laithland 1-2 North Laithland
Creed United 3-2 Sabrefell Athletic
Cypher Town 3-0 Sabrefell Moths
Brookford Otters 2-3 AFC Treason
Starling 2-0 Vermillion Rage
Coret Hawks 1-0 Violence Chariots
Cranequin City 0-1 Cranequin Wanderers

FIRST DIVISION RESULTS
Rochford 0-1 Sutcroft
Belgrave 1-2 Martella Jazz
Crossroads Town 0-1 Corvette Maulers
Morningstar 2-0 Leichhardt
Strephonage 3-0 Extreme Hills
Sheridan 3-0 Vermillion Wanderers
Parrhesia United 1-0 Ritter Town
Chenoworth Rovers 0-1 Armstrong
Crisisbless United 1-3 West Brinemouth
North Sabrefell 1-2 Bishop
Iron City 1-2 Chenoworth Harriers
Coret Rovers 6-0 Iron United

SECOND DIVISION RESULTS
Kensey Town 1-1 Project +90
Senway Town 3-2 Crisisbless Athletic
Fenland Albion 1-0 West Hook
Franchise FC 0-2 Rhagant Schadenfreude
Rushe United 1-8 South Parrhesia
Hackett 2-2 Mainstream Fist
East Laithland Harriers 1-0 Long Lake
Diamondqueen 3-2 Brindleton
Locksley 1-3 Dartmouth Terriers
Stonegrave 0-2 AFC Shale
Falston Town 2-1 Dross Rovers
Greygate 0-1 Ox River United

THIRD DIVISION RESULTS
Sutcroft Athletic 4-0 Chaker Town
Bodkin Road 2-1 Blaze
Fischer 0-2 North Dubstep
Grovebank 2-0 Southriver
Kommissar 0-3 Mantlegrove
Iberia Chenoworth 1-1 Dubstep Rangers
Boleyn Town 0-1 Riverkey
Gridlock Rovers 2-0 Ringway
Brookway Town 4-1 Camwell Road
Vermillion Spite 2-0 Gridlock East
Courser 1-4 The Strongest
Corby Hubris 4-0 Masculine Town

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Starling                 46  27   8  11   71  42  +29  89
  2 Brinemouth               46  25  12   9  103  56  +47  87
  3 Sabrefell Moths          46  26   5  15   85  60  +25  83
  4 Sabrefell Athletic       46  22  14  10   86  53  +33  80
  5 North Laithland          46  21  14  11   66  43  +23  77
  6 Crisisbless              46  21  13  12   74  51  +23  76
  7 AFC Treason              46  20  15  11   73  56  +17  75
  8 Coret Hawks              46  21  10  15   55  53   +2  73
  9 Cranequin Wanderers      46  21   6  19   63  51  +12  69
 10 Brookford Otters         46  19  11  16   84  71  +13  68
 11 Chatswood                46  17  17  12   58  48  +10  68
 12 Maximum City             46  19  10  17   48  39   +9  67
 13 Violence Chariots        46  17  13  16   74  63  +11  64
 14 Creed United             46  17  10  19   54  64  -10  61
 15 Vermillion Rage          46  17   6  23   77  86   -9  57
 16 Maximum Rovers           46  16   7  23   52  70  -18  55
 17 Newrook City             46  13  14  19   49  74  -25  53
 18 Southfell United         46  11  19  16   59  70  -11  52
 19 South Laithland          46  13  13  20   55  76  -21  52
 20 Raven River              46  12  15  19   46  65  -19  51
 21 Cypher Town              46  11  16  19   38  60  -22  49
 22 AFC Serpentine           46  12  10  24   52  87  -35  46
 23 Goodfeather FC           46   8  16  22   57  84  -27  40
 24 Cranequin City           46   5   8  33   31  88  -57  23

TOP SCORERS
25 - A. Johnson (SFM)
24 - F. Keller (SFA)
23 - C. Scafidis (BRI)
22 - N. Loeher (BRK)
21 - I. Cantor (CRI)
20 - Juquinho (BRI), K. Quinn (VIC)
19 - M. Lynwood (CRW), S. Portsgate (GDF), B. Sternberg (STA), A. Zozula (TRE)
18 - T. Bottlegreen (BRI), G. Antonio (CRH)
17 - P. Bradburn (BRK), D. Farrier (CRD), M. Puntoriero (TRE)
16 - A. Stokes (NRC), Rui Mokanga (NLA), C. Purrington (VRR)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Aaliyah Johnson (SFM)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Leo Hargreaves (SFM)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Mariska Woodspur (SRP)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Leo Hargreaves (SFM)
Team of the Year: Hargrave (STA); Hastings (STA), McNessa (STA), Fowler (STA), Surman (STA); Asif (STA), Gallagher (STA), Sutton (STA), Warner (STA); Sternberg (STA), Braunbier (STA) - Bench: Pressinger (SFA); Rosewood (BRI), Duguid (NLA), Hargreaves (SFM), Candelo (BRI), Johnson (SFM), Bottlegreen (BRI)
Manager of the Year: Amethyst Fegelein (STA)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Parrhesia United          46  31   8   7  100  40  +60  101
  2 Crisisbless United        46  27   9  10  101  57  +44   90
  3 Bishop                    46  27   6  13   66  36  +30   87
  4 Armstrong                 46  25  11  10   66  37  +29   86
  5 Chenoworth Harriers       46  24  12  10   67  48  +19   84
  6 Sheridan                  46  21  13  12   44  36   +8   76
  7 Corvette Maulers          46  21  10  15   70  60  +10   73
  8 Leichhardt                46  19  15  12   52  33  +19   72
  9 Extreme Hills             46  18  13  15   58  53   +5   67
 10 Belgrave                  46  20   7  19   67  66   +1   67
 11 Iron City                 46  18   7  21   36  46  -10   61
 12 Martella Jazz             46  16  12  18   61  73  -12   60
 13 Ritter Town               46  16  12  18   52  70  -18   60
 14 Morningstar               46  18   4  24   70  69   +1   58
 15 Vermillion Wanderers      46  15  10  21   85  75  +10   55
 16 West Brinemouth           46  15  10  21   47  53   -6   55
 17 Coret Rovers              46  14  12  20   51  65  -14   54
 18 Rochford                  46  15   8  23   37  57  -20   53
 19 Chenoworth Rovers         46  13  13  20   38  47   -9   52
 20 Crossroads Town           46  13  12  21   55  73  -18   51
 21 Iron United               46  11  12  23   39  74  -35   45
 22 Strephonage               46   9  17  20   35  62  -27   44
 23 North Sabrefell           46  10  10  26   50  72  -22   40
 24 Sutcroft                  46   9  11  26   39  84  -45   38

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Stonegrave                   46  29   7  10   59   32  +27  94
  2 Diamondqueen                 46  29   6  11   91   37  +54  93
  3 Locksley                     46  26   9  11  104   60  +44  87
  4 East Laithland Harriers      46  25  10  11   84   61  +23  85
  5 AFC Shale                    46  20  17   9   52   33  +19  77
  6 South Parrhesia              46  22   9  15   87   59  +28  75
  7 Dross Rovers                 46  19  15  12   55   46   +9  72
  8 Mainstream Fist              46  19  13  14   63   56   +7  70
  9 Hackett                      46  18  15  13   71   62   +9  69
 10 Crisisbless Athletic         46  17  14  15   68   52  +16  65
 11 Rhagant Schadenfreude        46  17  14  15   46   41   +5  65
 12 Brindleton                   46  17  13  16   63   58   +5  64
 13 Greygate                     46  16  15  15   60   54   +6  63
 14 Project +90                  46  16  14  16   67   66   +1  62
 15 West Hook                    46  14  17  15   56   47   +9  59
 16 Fenland Albion               46  13  14  19   34   56  -22  53
 17 Senway Town                  46  13  13  20   63   80  -17  52
 18 Ox River United              46  13  13  20   39   56  -17  52
 19 Dartmouth Terriers           46  12  14  20   51   62  -11  50
 20 Long Lake                    46  10  19  17   39   51  -12  49
 21 Kensey Town                  46  12  11  23   47   71  -24  47
 22 Rushe United                 46   9  16  21   63  107  -44  43
 23 Falston Town                 46   9  10  27   54   87  -33  37
 24 Franchise FC                 46   4   8  34   41  123  -82  20

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Mantlegrove            46  32   8   6  87  32  +55  104
  2 Riverkey               46  30   9   7  96  36  +60   99
  3 Brookway Town          46  30   8   8  93  50  +43   98
  4 Corby Hubris           46  25  11  10  77  47  +30   86
  5 Boleyn Town            46  25  10  11  69  39  +30   85
  6 Iberia Chenoworth      46  24   8  14  97  57  +40   80
  7 Southriver             46  24   7  15  63  41  +22   79
  8 North Dubstep          46  19  13  14  65  53  +12   70
  9 Ringway                46  18  12  16  68  65   +3   66
 10 The Strongest          46  17  11  18  73  81   -8   62
 11 Grovebank              46  17  10  19  49  59  -10   61
 12 Gridlock Rovers        46  17   9  20  56  51   +5   60
 13 Sutcroft Athletic      46  17   9  20  63  66   -3   60
 14 Courser                46  15  13  18  51  64  -13   58
 15 Bodkin Road            46  15  12  19  60  79  -19   57
 16 Fischer                46  14  13  19  52  63  -11   55
 17 Blaze                  46  11  18  17  64  70   -6   51
 18 Gridlock East          46  12  15  19  37  60  -23   51
 19 Dubstep Rangers        46  13  11  22  46  59  -13   50
 20 Camwell Road           46  11  12  23  37  70  -33   45
 21 Masculine Town         46  11  11  24  52  90  -38   44
 22 Vermillion Spite       46  11   9  26  50  85  -35   42
 23 Kommissar              46   9  11  26  43  73  -30   38
 24 Chaker Town            46   8   4  34  22  80  -58   28

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Bellamy               38  21  11   6  62  30  +32  74
  2 The Hanged Man        38  21  10   7  47  25  +22  73
  3 Falston United        38  20  11   7  64  32  +32  71
  4 Gridlock              38  20   8  10  48  31  +17  68
  5 Gosforth Swans        38  17  12   9  59  35  +24  63
  6 Boltcroft Thorns      38  17   9  12  62  49  +13  60
  7 Gonen's Bridge        38  15  15   8  39  30   +9  60
  8 Harrington            38  16   8  14  41  46   -5  56
  9 Ramsay                38  15  10  13  49  42   +7  55
 10 Swag Hill Rovers      38  15   9  14  67  64   +3  54
 11 Nay Town              38  12  16  10  39  37   +2  52
 12 Norton Road           38  12  11  15  35  46  -11  47
 13 Forge Carpenters      38  10  15  13  29  32   -3  45
 14 Perrett               38  11  11  16  35  44   -9  44
 15 Tryst Athletic        38  10  12  16  58  65   -7  42
 16 Fully Sick XI         38  11   9  18  49  72  -23  42
 17 Geoff United          38   9  11  18  37  56  -19  38
 18 Barcastle Rovers      38   4  16  18  27  59  -32  28
 19 Surfeit River         38   5  12  21  40  65  -25  27
 20 Thratewood            38   5  12  21  31  58  -27  27
Promoted: Sirencall FC, Stekelenbright

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Pillars of Southfell       38  19  13   6  47  24  +23  70
  2 AFC Corvistone             38  20   7  11  76  44  +32  67
  3 Rochford Pilgrims          38  21   3  14  57  43  +14  66
  4 Downsparrow                38  19   7  12  55  38  +17  64
  5 Getton Town                38  18  10  10  57  50   +7  64
  6 South Brill                38  16  12  10  44  37   +7  60
  7 Lackerrun                  38  17   7  14  56  48   +8  58
  8 Stamper Road               38  15  12  11  59  50   +9  57
  9 Sandrock                   38  15  12  11  41  36   +5  57
 10 Peregrine                  38  16   7  15  61  51  +10  55
 11 Rookwall                   38  15  10  13  43  41   +2  55
 12 Violence Tigers            38  13  14  11  40  39   +1  53
 13 Ballardine FC              38  12  10  16  45  58  -13  46
 14 De La Patria               38  13   6  19  55  73  -18  45
 15 Twelvetrees                38  12   8  18  29  38   -9  44
 16 Clay Terrace               38  10  11  17  34  42   -8  41
 17 Norpike                    38  10   9  19  38  63  -25  39
 18 Southfell Dilmao           38  10   8  20  34  52  -18  38
 19 Markoni                    38   9  11  18  41  61  -20  38
 20 Inner-East Fairywrens      38   8   7  23  27  51  -24  31
Promoted: Hartford Glade, Brunyard FC

by **Nephara** » Sun Jun 26, 2016 4:54 pm

Season 64 Preview

LAST SEASON

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For   Ag  +/-  Pts
  1 Brinemouth               46  31  10   5  129   52  +77  103
  2 Crisisbless              46  32   3  11   86   37  +49   99
  3 AFC Treason              46  26  11   9   81   51  +30   89
  4 North Laithland          46  25  13   8   68   41  +27   88
  5 Chatswood                46  23  14   9   62   36  +26   83
  6 Sabrefell Moths          46  23   7  16   66   56  +10   76
  7 Brookford Otters         46  21   8  17   87   73  +14   71
  8 Sabrefell Athletic       46  19  12  15   69   50  +19   69
  9 Maximum City             46  18  14  14   50   42   +8   68
 10 Violence Chariots        46  18  12  16   66   60   +6   66
 11 Vermillion Rage          46  18  11  17   66   67   -1   65
 12 Cranequin Wanderers      46  16  15  15   48   46   +2   63
 13 Starling                 46  17  11  18   65   66   -1   62
 14 Goodfeather FC           46  17   9  20   50   55   -5   60
 15 Cranequin City           46  16  10  20   55   68  -13   58
 16 Coret Hawks              46  14  14  18   51   67  -16   56
 17 Creed United             46  14  12  20   51   66  -15   54
 18 Maximum Rovers           46  13  11  22   49   67  -18   50
 19 South Laithland          46  13  11  22   53   76  -23   50
 20 Cypher Town              46  13   8  25   42   71  -29   47
 21 Crisisbless United       46  13   5  28   58  101  -43   44
 22 Chenoworth Rovers        46   9  13  24   29   56  -27   40
 23 Parrhesia United         46   8  14  24   43   74  -31   38
 24 Sheridan                 46   7   8  31   28   74  -46   29

  1 Raven River                  46  31   8   7  89  45  +44  101
  2 Newrook City                 46  27  12   7  68  41  +27   93
  3 Southfell United             46  25   7  14  97  57  +40   82
  4 AFC Serpentine               46  24   6  16  83  51  +32   78
  5 Armstrong                    46  21  14  11  53  33  +20   77
  6 Chenoworth Harriers          46  21  12  13  70  45  +25   75

TOP SCORERS
31 - P. Amokachi (BRI)
26 - I. Cantor (BRK)
24 - Juquinho (BRI)
23 - A. Zozula (TRE)
21 - A. Engstroem (CRI)
19 - F. Keller (SFA)
18 - M. Lynwood (CRW), N. Loeher (STA)
17 - S. Levy (BRI), J. Kessler (CHT), C. Scafidis (CRC), A. Johnson (SFM), T. Runen (VRR)
16 - H. Matheson (CHT), G. Vastano (COR), D. Farrier (CRD), Curio (SFM), K. Quinn (VIC)
15 - P. Bradburn (BRK), S. Portsgate (GDF), Rui Mokanga (NLA)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Penumbra Amokachi (BRI)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Penumbra Amokachi (BRI)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Scheherezade Meier (SFM)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Prisca Stenet (NLA)
Team of the Year: Marciak (CRI); Christener (SFM), Stubbs (CHT), Scharner (CRI), Vyntra (TRE); Stenet (NLA), Locke (BRI), Bosetti (BRI), Amokachi (BRI); Zozula (TRE), Cantor (BRK) - Bench: Katsouranis (CHT); Everheart (BRI), Katskalidis (TRE), Cirrincione (BRK), Murdoch (TRE), Vesper (TRE), Engstroem (CRI)
Manager of the Year: Gerhard Thunder (BRK)

by **Nephara** » Sun Jun 26, 2016 4:57 pm

by **Nephara** » Sun Jun 26, 2016 4:58 pm

by **Nephara** » Fri Jul 01, 2016 11:25 pm

Talk about a statement. Newly promoted Armstrong were sent on a trip to Brinemouth as most people’s tips to go straight back down. It didn’t work out that way - an outstanding rearguard effort from the defence, Kurtis Woodbine’s brutality in defensive midfield finally unshackled by the demands of having to contribute to attack and excellent saves from former Kingsgrove goalkeeper Knight kept the Dockers at bay before in the 78th minute Tanya Chilton’s free kick was smashed home by Damian Harbour in only his sixth touch of the game. He wouldn’t get another - but that was enough to hold on to a 1-0 victory. It somewhat overshadowed some of the other results in a red letter day for the newly-promoted sides - true, Chatswood dispatched Bishop pretty easily but Parrhesia United dominated Maximum City, Swabia Rademacher ultimately scoring the only goal of the game. Crisisbless United came home to a derby that they won through Rook Klinsmann’s sharp volley - it wasn’t a good day for Crisisbless manager Erica Brewer, as the club she’d left, Maximum Rovers, destroyed Southfell United 3-0. The Rovers fans had never really warmed to Brewer, but Catheline Harper, in the first match of her second stint in charge? Always was and will remain a hero. South Laithland were another relegation favourite by the bookies but they impressively held out for 90 minutes against a tireless Moths’ onslaught, while Hector Rossizzo’s first match in charge of the Chariots saw them comprehensively outplay Amethyst Fegelein’s defending champions on course to a 3-1 win.

Two narrow but deserved home wins leave it in the balance going into the away leg. Scheherazade Meier was a cut above anyone else on the pitch at Gargoyle’s Court, scoring the opener and setting up substitute striker dos Santos for the winner late on, and she would’ve had more of her own were it not for the efforts of Nikolai Thorben between the posts. Oehman gave Athletic an early lead and Lucassen doubled it not long later but, after Mueller was brought down in the box… Gawain thumped the penalty against the crossbar. From there, the Valladars had the best of it but were unable to score more than the once.

Okay, so being matched against a tough Vilitan side in the preliminaries is hardly ideal for the Stags but they still need to have done better here. They find themselves lacking that little bit of pace or energy up front, not having the penetration to break the Coast down and barely testing the agile Cilamara Issah between the posts. Sipke Tarala, who hits a brace, shows them how it’s done.

Brinemouth lose again, this time to plucky Bishop. Both sides were spirited, but Bishop’s star striker Casarine was clinical, dispatching both her shots on target. Brinemouth thought they’d levelled it in the 89th minute as a defensive lapse saw Bottlegreen glide through on goal and slot home past Brinemouth youth product Scannell… but it wasn’t to be, as it was called back for the narrowest of offside calls. Armstrong, for their part, chalk up their sixth point of the season as they fight back from 2-1 down thanks to a late brace from Damian Harbour, now equal-top scorer of the league. He shares that with Atherton Telfair, as the Cosumarite centre-forward scores a brace to help the Saints to a surprisingly breezy 3-0 win over Chatswood. Fegelein’s Passerines are back to winning ways - on a day where both their Hargrave and Treason’s Ballard were in excellent form, just as the former is angling to replace the latter for the national team, it took until the 82nd minute for - of course - Starling’s latest signing from Treason in Claudia Cautcher to smash home a through-ball from Starling’s other recent signing, Gallagher.

Convincing wins on aggregate for the Sabrefell teams, though Athletic’s win over Bezieres swung in the balance and could easily have, were it not for six strong Pressinger saves, gone the other way - though there was no stopping Gawain’s thunderous shot, revenge for the missed penalty in the first leg. The Moths, however, are comfortable in their victory over the Senators, Johnson and Hargreaves coming up with the goods.

Coast were thoroughly the better team in every area of the pitch, and took the lead within seven minutes. Needing three goals by that point, Treason only managed three shots on target at all the whole game, and disappointingly crashed out.

Theresa Riether finally gets off the mark for Vermillion Rage. Hector Rossizzo hasn’t exactly made defensive organisation a priority, and it showed as a largely stationary Catherine Purrington ran the show and got all three assists, a goal for each of Vermillion’s explosive forwards and a totally unnecessary red card for Stiin Siorrha'Asione - booked twice for dissent, five minutes either side of scoring a late consolation goal. Brinemouth held a commanding 4-1 lead by half-time at home against Crisisbless United. What happened? Weiler pulled one back through some sloppy defending before immaculate Aveline set pieces levelled the scores - one a perfect diagonal ball which Klinsmann nodded in before simply blasting it past Vintner from 30 yards.

Due to the way that the Premiership draw is made, Brinemouth generally start their campaigns against all four promoted sides in sequence. This season was no exception… apart from the fact that they took just one point from a possible twelve. The Dockers are simply never allowed to settle as the Saints charge at them again and again and again, Klavier making a number of excellent saves as Rouseff and Telfair secure a deserved 2-0 win. Parrhesia have a perfect record so far. Armstrong lose theirs, however, edged out by a Raven River side that had lost every game by a single goal and were keen to reverse it.

Brookford Otters win their fifth game from five in a strange match against Chatswood. Strange because Chatswood, defensively, are utterly abysmal, cut apart far too easily and by the time Beresford is sent off for a tackle that injures Carragher the game’s already over at 3-1, though Loeher does hammer the final nail in the coffin in injury time. Brinemouth win their first three points of the season, and not especially convincingly - they rely on Kirsten Gerrard senselessly hacking Juquinho down in the box in the 86th minute to win from the penalty spot. Vermillion Rage blow Sabrefell Athletic in a devil-may-care match where they just. Kept. On. Scoring. It ended 5-3. Ben Randall’s Stags finally put their foot down - 2-1 down by half-time against the Moths, they were outstanding at the back in the second half, got one back when Puntoriero headed home a perfect Woodspur cross before a wonderful 80th-minute counterattack sees the substitute Sabrine Portsgate stab home a late winner.

Oof. A great week for football. Not a great week for the Otters, who aren’t able to break down a resilient Bishop defence and get sucker-punched on the break by Casarine. Neither is it great for Parrhesia United, who suffer their first defeat… 4-0 to South Laithland, the team that has no way of scoring goals. Well, Bantambridge scores his first two of the campaign and Ramsey also gets off the mark, Rutger Connacht - who else? - finishing them off. Vermillion Rage annihilate Maximum Rovers 5-1, Runen and Pokrovski dancing all over the inexperienced fullbacks Selford and Westmead while Lilith Paterson’s repeated attempts to murder her Brenecian compatriot Purrington never hit the mark. Purrington might be one of the slowest runners in the league but it turns out she’s quite agile at jumping over agricultural sliding challenges. Treason click into gear as North Laithland are soundly defeated 4-1, Puntoriero looking revitalised in the supporting role. Creed and Crisisbless United try to steal the show in a fiery 3-3 draw, but the plaudits must go to an explosive Sabrefell derby. The two sides were determined to outdo one another in the quickfire attacking stakes, both Pressinger and Caravella making plenty of saves to keep down a 4-3 scoreline, Aaliyah Johnson’s second-half hattrick making sure the Moths got the better end of it as her provocative celebrations ensured things kicked off in the stands.

A fairly grindy matchday for the most part. Maximum City grab a barely-deserved winner against Treason thanks to Sable’s long through which Devante knocked in, Jelic implacable in goal. A much-anticipated tie between North Laithland and Sabrefell Athletic devolves into a scoreless draw as it turns out neither team can finish. And so on. However, there’s one standout exception - Rook Bantambridge, buoyed by his first goals of the campaign last match, scores the opener. Newrook City put four past Yossarian in return. The second half kicks off and almost immediately Cruickshank’s shot deflects in past Kolar off the unlucky Marquon? Is the comeback on at 4-2? No. It finishes 6-2.

Chatswood, who have been - at times - abject so far this season, pull themselves together at the best time… away against local rivals Treason. No matter what got thrown at them, they rode out the storm before Helmut Chilmark notched his first goal of the season, floating a shot over Ballard from 20 yards. A beautiful goal for an ugly game, and it’s three points that Chatswood badly needed. The Moths seem to be making a habit of high-scoring matches against other top opposition - they crumble following Cliving’s red card in the 80th minute with the scores level and as Cantor rifles home just her second goal of the season the Moths lose by the odd goal in seven.

The suspicion is that the Stags might just be suffering from a lack of cutting edge. With Zozula rested, Portsgate hits a post once but can’t find the net as Bishop ease themselves to a 1-0 win courtesy of promising young winger Silkman. It’s Treason’s third consecutive defeat by that scoreline. Vermillion Rage utterly crush Crisisbless United - they play the same game, but Vermillion are better, and far more clinical. The difference? United scores 1 - Vermillion score 5. Brinemouth have been… terrible, bluntly, so far. This time they’re well-beaten by a solid Creed United who just get all the basics right and are clinical with their chances. In Maximum, meanwhile, the Rovers are profligate and a bad Hawthorn error paves the way for a 2-0 City victory through Anika Redmayne’s brace.

Cheney Morgan has already been dropped by a floundering Crisisbless United, but Andreas Sparwasser, 23 year old, made a strong first impression. The big, ursine goalkeeper was more or less impassable as the Moths hammered on him all game, and he came through with the deserved man of the match award. Maximum City play very, very cynical anti-football at home against Crisisbless to try and shut them down, and despite a scoreless draw - not a bad result to take against the Heelers - the fan dissent reaches a crescendo. “Are you trying anymore?” they ask of players who manage just three shots all match on 32% possession.

Starling’s maiden UICA match sees them defeated by fourth seeds Bassabook Old Boys of Zwangzug, who will surely struggle to progress through a group which also includes Directus. Still, they deserved their win today, watertight in defence and lethal on the counterattack as the Passerines tired late in the game. Brinemouth manage to get a bit of form back, but they aren’t entirely convincing in attack against a Rozelle side with a less than stellar UICA record over the past few years - still, young Konrad Gosforth gets his side the win with a powerful shot past Nkutu. Athletic are poor in attack and reliant upon a tight defence, but one goal is enough for Fligsive FC to take the three points. The most open match of the lot also turns out poorly for the Nepharim - Sabrefell Moths draw level with their hosts late in the second half through Meier, but are overwhelmed in the second half. Orion Etzebeth’s red card late on doesn’t help.

Crisisbless are tight and disciplined against a tight and disciplined Anomalies side. Carrol Liam almost scores off a corner and former Corvette Maulers striker Sue Hackett lashes a shot against the bar but eventually, Emma Kelly’s poor pass straight to Jevdjevic-Hadsic is rifled home by the Farfadillis international, Neovak without a chance in hell of saving it. North Laithland are anything but tight - they blow Michaeltown away, young guns blazing with Dimitra Tsikitsiris running the game from attacking midfield.

The top two last year, Brinemouth meet Starling. But this time, the Dockers’ morale is low, only the young, fearless Gosforth and the veteran Tanya Bottlegreen seeming to care. Also of interest, Stephen Frew - normally so quiet, so composed - gets lost in the emotion when Brinemouth snatch an early goal against the run of play. The microphone picks it up - “Come on, come on! Keep going! Shove these bastards back into the First Division where they belong!” Amethyst Fegelein, herself one of the mildest managers in the top flight, freezes. Even Frew looks like he regrets the comments immediately, but it’s too late. Cautcher equalises and then, galvanised further by those words in the half-time team talk, the Passerines obliterate the Dockers in the second half. Vintner keeps the scoreline down, but Cautcher (again) and Asif secure victory in a heated match - and there’s plenty of physical bite, too. Elsewhere, Violence Chariots continue to be, if flaky, a terrifying team on their day - South Laithland are pulverised 4-0. 31-year old veteran Jess Glaive - normally more at home in the heart of defence - is given the nod at leftback, assigned to hack Stiin Siorrha'Asione down to size - but the young Farf dances around her all game, two goals and an assist. The second goal, third for the team on the night, he turns to laugh in Glaive’s face… and gets a booking for unsportsmanlike conduct, matching Glaive’s booking for grabbing him by the throat.

A day for the fallen big names to reassert themselves. Rushe United, who have definitely had better days than their current plight in the fourth tier, pulverised the Fully Sick XI who were, well, anything but on the day as nine goals flew past their librarian-goalkeeper Darren Sundrich. Kommissar, who were relegated from the Third Division after having, at their peak, fifteen players out injured, were annihilated 7-1 by North Dubstep. Blaze might be suffering by dint of having lost their star Schiavone international, Adams, but in his absence still managed to outshoot Falston United in an explosive 5-3 away win. But the award for the biggest talk and the least reward goes to Sandrock, another side fallen on hard times pitted against the explosive rise of AFC Corvistone, based in Nephara’s possible future capital. Manager David Rushell was determined; “we’ll show those nouveau-riche bastards how it’s done.” They didn’t - Ethlyn Effenburg’s perfect first-half hattrick dispatched them with scarcely a fight.

Starling retake top spot in sensational fashion, destroying a hapless Cranequin Wanderers side 4-0. Claudia Cautcher, so prone to niggling injuries and lapses in fitness… has scored nine goals so far and played every minute of every game. Good thing, too, as it seems that Sternberg is slowing down. Newrook City pull away from trouble - and dump Sabrefell Athletic into it - with an astounding away 4-0 win of their own, scoring from all of four shots on target in what has to go down as a poor day for Lind Pressinger. Athletic are now in the relegation zone! Brinemouth leapfrog them with a mighty… uh… scoreless draw against Coret. Southfell United, Raven River and Crisisbless United all lose to round out the bottom 4, as Maximum City’s staggering 5-1 win over the last of them precisely doubles their goal tally for the season so far. Crisisbless, who edge Bishop 2-1, are mired in midtable, with Armstrong (in spite of defeat to a recuperating Chatswood) above them in 10th. Parrhesia are the best of the newly-promoted sides, however, a 2-2 draw with Maximum Rovers putting them in 8th. Creed United’s draw with Vermillion Rage puts both in the top five along with Violence Chariots and Brookford Otters, a match that ends 1-2 respectively in a tireless match.

In the First Division, Chenoworth Harriers and Martella Jazz both win to keep ahold of their positions at the top of the table, with Extreme Hills and Goodfeather FC rounding out the top four. Rochford, who most predicted to struggle, are only outside the promotion spots on goal difference. However, the other newly-relegated teamse are faring poorly - Serpentine draw with West Brinemouth to make it to 11th, Cypher, beaten by Chenoworth, languish in lower-midtable, while a shambolic Cranequin City draw with the Vermillion Wanderers to remain mired in the relegation zone.

Starling are in defiant form. Directus, well… they’re the victims tonight. Starling are every bit as good as last season, plus in Claudia Cautcher a wonderfully talented, exuberant and confident striker given her first-ever run of consistent first-team football, and she lashes a first-half hat-trick home. Ulsa have it somewhat better - Sinclair, Szalai and Campbell chalking up a goal apiece against a decent but inadequate and confused Brinemouth. Meanwhile, it’s a good day for Cenian sides in Sabrefell - Cenial United snatch a late and deserved point as Ryan Arivelo chips a stranded Isadora Caravella from just outside the box, but Kormin Tenshar’s men from New Oxford have far more to boast, better all over the pitch for all ninety minutes in a dominant performance over a woeful Sabrefell Athletic who let themselves down horribly. Surely one of the best results in Myrmidon’s history - meanwhile, with Athletic in the relegation zone (somehow) questions are being asked over Miriam Aragon…

Two tough matches against LigAnaia opposition - Crisisbless wilt, Brenecian winger Naphtali Thatcher dominant in an injury-enforced baptism of fire for 17-year old Leona Rafford in her first start for the Heelers. “It may have come a bit too soon for her,” Brewer admitted to the press - as the players were pacing outside. Unfortunately for her, Rafford heard it. “Did it fuck!” came the retort from outside. Both sets of wingers excel in Audioslavia - Itzi’s veterans Karlstrom and Aiza each chalk up an assist, the Spiders’ young lasses Rudden and Stenet each get a goal, it ends a well-contested 2-2.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Starling                 12  8  1  3  24   8  +16  25
  2 Vermillion Rage          12  8  1  3  29  14  +15  25
  3 Brookford Otters         12  7  3  2  19   9  +10  24
  4 Violence Chariots        12  7  2  3  26  16  +10  23
  5 Creed United             12  6  3  3  21  14   +7  21
  6 Sabrefell Moths          12  6  3  3  22  17   +5  21
  7 AFC Treason              12  7  0  5  15  10   +5  21
  8 Parrhesia United         12  6  2  4  20  19   +1  20
  9 Coret Hawks              12  5  4  3  15  13   +2  19
 10 Armstrong                12  6  1  5  11   9   +2  19
 11 Cranequin Wanderers      12  6  1  5  12  13   -1  19
 12 Crisisbless              12  5  2  5  17  19   -2  17
 13 Chatswood                12  5  2  5  12  15   -3  17
 14 North Laithland          12  4  4  4  15  18   -3  16
 15 Maximum Rovers           12  5  1  6  13  18   -5  16
 16 Bishop                   12  4  3  5   9  12   -3  15
 17 Newrook City             12  3  5  4  17  13   +4  14
 18 South Laithland          12  3  4  5  13  18   -5  13
 19 Maximum City             12  3  3  6  10  11   -1  12
 20 Brinemouth               12  2  5  5  15  20   -5  11
 21 Sabrefell Athletic       12  2  5  5  15  22   -7  11
 22 Southfell United         12  2  2  8   8  24  -16   8
 23 Raven River              12  2  1  9  11  23  -12   7
 24 Crisisbless United       12  1  4  7  15  29  -14   7

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Harriers          12  8  2  2  21  10  +11  26
  2 Martella Jazz                12  8  2  2  23  20   +3  26
  3 Extreme Hills                12  8  0  4  23  12  +11  24
  4 Goodfeather FC               12  6  4  2  14   6   +8  22
  5 Rochford                     12  6  4  2  10   4   +6  22
  6 Sheridan                     12  6  2  4  13   7   +6  20
  7 Chenoworth Rovers            12  6  2  4   9   8   +1  20
  8 Belgrave                     12  5  4  3  16   8   +8  19
  9 West Brinemouth              12  5  4  3  14  11   +3  19
 10 Morningstar                  12  6  1  5  14  12   +2  19
 11 AFC Serpentine               12  5  3  4  15  11   +4  18
 12 Iron City                    12  5  3  4   9   8   +1  18
 13 Corvette Maulers             12  5  3  4  14  15   -1  18
 14 Ritter Town                  12  5  1  6  15  15   +0  16
 15 Leichhardt                   12  4  2  6   8  11   -3  14
 16 Vermillion Wanderers         12  4  2  6  14  21   -7  14
 17 Diamondqueen                 12  4  1  7  11  17   -6  13
 18 Cypher Town                  12  3  3  6  11  12   -1  12
 19 Stonegrave                   12  3  3  6   8  16   -8  12
 20 Coret Rovers                 12  4  0  8  13  22   -9  12
 21 Cranequin City               12  2  4  6  10  18   -8  10
 22 Crossroads Town              12  3  1  8   9  17   -8  10
 23 Locksley                     12  2  4  6  11  20   -9  10
 24 East Laithland Harriers      12  2  3  7  14  18   -4   9

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Greygate                   12  7  3  2  19   8  +11  24
  2 Senway Town                12  7  3  2  17  12   +5  24
  3 Rhagant Schadenfreude      12  6  5  1  14   4  +10  23
  4 North Sabrefell            12  7  2  3  21  13   +8  23
  5 Riverkey                   12  6  3  3  20  14   +6  21
  6 West Hook                  12  5  6  1  18  14   +4  21
  7 South Parrhesia            12  5  3  4  22  14   +8  18
  8 AFC Shale                  12  4  6  2  10   8   +2  18
  9 Hackett                    12  5  2  5  17  15   +2  17
 10 Dross Rovers               12  4  5  3  12  10   +2  17
 11 Ox River United            12  4  4  4   9   8   +1  16
 12 Dartmouth Terriers         12  4  4  4  15  19   -4  16
 13 Project +90                12  4  4  4   9  15   -6  16
 14 Brookway Town              12  4  3  5  19  15   +4  15
 15 Iron United                12  4  3  5  15  18   -3  15
 16 Brindleton                 12  4  3  5   6  11   -5  15
 17 Mainstream Fist            12  3  5  4  17  17   +0  14
 18 Crisisbless Athletic       12  3  5  4  11  15   -4  14
 19 Long Lake                  12  4  2  6   6  11   -5  14
 20 Mantlegrove                12  3  4  5  15  19   -4  13
 21 Sutcroft                   12  3  2  7  11  18   -7  11
 22 Strephonage                12  1  5  6   8  15   -7   8
 23 Fenland Albion             12  2  2  8   5  15  -10   8
 24 Corby Hubris               12  1  4  7  12  20   -8   7

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Corvistone            12  7  4  1  17   6  +11  25
  2 Ringway                   12  7  4  1  19  10   +9  25
  3 Boleyn Town               12  7  4  1  12   6   +6  25
  4 Bodkin Road               12  7  3  2  21  10  +11  24
  5 Kensey Town               12  6  3  3  23  14   +9  21
  6 Gridlock Rovers           12  6  3  3  15  10   +5  21
  7 Bellamy                   12  5  3  4  13  11   +2  18
  8 Falston Town              12  5  3  4  15  17   -2  18
  9 Sutcroft Athletic         12  5  2  5  12  11   +1  17
 10 Blaze                     12  4  4  4  16  14   +2  16
 11 Franchise FC              12  4  4  4  12  12   +0  16
 12 Rushe United              12  4  4  4  11  14   -3  16
 13 The Strongest             12  4  3  5  20  17   +3  15
 14 Gridlock East             12  4  3  5  16  16   +0  15
 15 Southriver                12  4  3  5  19  20   -1  15
 16 Grovebank                 12  3  5  4  13  14   -1  14
 17 Pillars of Southfell      12  4  2  6  13  17   -4  14
 18 North Dubstep             12  4  2  6  11  16   -5  14
 19 Courser                   12  4  2  6   9  15   -6  14
 20 Camwell Road              12  4  1  7   6  13   -7  13
 21 Dubstep Rangers           12  3  3  6   8  17   -9  12
 22 Fischer                   12  2  4  6  13  18   -5  10
 23 Iberia Chenoworth         12  2  3  7  18  28  -10   9
 24 The Hanged Man            12  2  2  8   8  14   -6   8

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Gosforth Swans        12  7  3  2  22  10  +12  24
  2 Kommissar             12  7  3  2  19   7  +12  24
  3 Forge Carpenters      12  7  3  2  13   8   +5  24
  4 Nay Town              12  7  2  3  16  13   +3  23
  5 Tryst Athletic        12  6  2  4  24  22   +2  20
  6 Fully Sick XI         12  6  2  4  13  17   -4  20
  7 Norton Road           12  6  1  5  15  10   +5  19
  8 Gridlock              12  5  4  3  15  11   +4  19
  9 Falston United        12  5  3  4  11  13   -2  18
 10 Harrington            12  4  5  3  15  12   +3  17
 11 Barcastle Rovers      12  5  2  5  14  12   +2  17
 12 Boltcroft Thorns      12  4  4  4  18  15   +3  16
 13 Perrett               12  5  1  6  16  17   -1  16
 14 Ramsay                12  3  5  4  12  17   -5  14
 15 Swag Hill Rovers      12  3  4  5  26  24   +2  13
 16 Geoff United          12  4  0  8  10  12   -2  12
 17 Gonen's Bridge        12  3  3  6   8  12   -4  12
 18 Sirencall FC          12  3  2  7  11  23  -12  11
 19 Vermillion Spite      12  2  3  7  16  27  -11   9
 20 Stekelenbright        12  0  4  8   5  17  -12   4

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                    P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rochford Pilgrims      12  8  3  1  30  14  +16  27
  2 Ballardine FC          12  7  4  1  23  10  +13  25
  3 Brunyard FC            12  7  2  3  21  12   +9  23
  4 Downsparrow            12  6  4  2  15   9   +6  22
  5 Hartford Glade         12  4  7  1  19  12   +7  19
  6 Masculine Town         12  5  4  3  19  15   +4  19
  7 Twelvetrees            12  4  7  1  17  13   +4  19
  8 South Brill            12  5  4  3  15  12   +3  19
  9 Lackerrun              12  5  2  5  21  22   -1  17
 10 Peregrine              12  5  1  6  23  18   +5  16
 11 De La Patria           12  3  6  3  17  21   -4  15
 12 Rookwall               12  4  3  5  12  17   -5  15
 13 Norpike                12  4  3  5  12  17   -5  15
 14 Sandrock               12  3  3  6  10  12   -2  12
 15 Stamper Road           12  3  3  6  13  18   -5  12
 16 Clay Terrace           12  2  4  6  10  19   -9  10
 17 Southfell Dilmao       12  2  4  6   6  15   -9  10
 18 Violence Tigers        12  1  6  5  13  16   -3   9
 19 Chaker Town            12  2  3  7   7  19  -12   9
 20 Getton Town            12  1  5  6   8  20  -12   8

by **Nephara** » Thu Jul 07, 2016 1:40 am

Miriam Aragon got Sabrefell Athletic through the darkest hour of their history back into the business end of the table, then won a Premiership title. But right now… she may have lost the dressing room. It’s a terrible, disjointed performance and they’re lucky that South Laithland are so blunt up front - it could have been far worse than a 2-1 defeat. In another profligate but deserved 2-1 win, Southfell United bury Maximum City, a side who are essentially Jelic at one end, Redmayne the other and then, just, nine guys. Meanwhile, a top-of-the-table clash! … Starling vs. Vermillion Rage. Imagine saying that two years ago. Anyway, it’s a great game. The Rage go out in a blaze of glory, trying to score double-digits, but the Passerines are just too solid and compact, and Hargrave has a fantastic game. Instead, it’s a flicked header on the counter-attack that catches Malone out for the first goal before Gallagher rifles home a shot in injury-time to seal the deal.

Brinemouth continue to get back on their feet, but they make tough work of it - put down early through Valentine Nemeth’s well-struck early goal, it takes a canny switch on the wings from Frew as Bottlegreen completely has the measure of the 20-year old liability Geordan Selford, chalking up both assists for the comeback win. Vintner’s sterling form between the posts helps too. Vermillion Rage seem unsettled at one defeat and rapidly chalk up another, the incessant long-ball of the Wanderers eventually paying dividends in somewhat slapstick fashion - Scuffett overruns Roebuck’s cross and it smacks into the back of his head. Maxine Lynwood, in patchy form but still canny, nips in and hooks the ball home anyway. Just her third goal of the season while Scuffett, out of pure fortune, notches up his first assist of the season. Statistics really don’t tell the whole story sometimes.

Starling quite comfortably sweep Spatula City aside, and Claudia Cautcher, drunk on the fruits of her brace (and actual alcohol), declares on Twitter “who the fuck is Xi Foureleven?!” Unsurprisingly, she’s not very popular in 95X anymore. Brinemouth struggle against RGS Athletic, undone late on by Temperance Nkembe’s own goal as he displays, unfortunately, why he hasn’t really made his mark in the national side yet. Sabrefell Athletic get plenty of chances against Mâ Alâmëómë. Lucassen converts just the one. It’s a tasty reminder of the homecoming heroes Tanith Rainsford - who shuts down the midfield to an extent but has trouble getting ahold of the slippery Castellan - and Penumbra Amokachi who at the other end scores a late and deserved equaliser. Lind Pressinger was man of the match for his eight saves, which says it all. Oceanside score early against the Moths, and that’s about the only chance they get all game - Meier levels in the eleventh minute and Johnson secures the points in the sixteenth.

Crisisbless should do better against Flanders FC, but they’re flat and disjointed, and lacking cutting edge. Which… is more or less how they’ve looked since Brewer took over. She even looks a little disappointed with Jevdjevic-Hadsic when he breaks from script by hurtling himself into the box on a jinking solo run to smash home and pull one back in the 82nd minute… but it’s too little, too late. North Laithland have plenty of chances but are, ultimately, lacking the conviction to put them away against Jamaica. It’s not Rui Mokanga’s finest hour.

The Saints, last season’s second-tier champions, are flying high. The Chequers, who finished just a place behind them, could scarcely sink lower, and Matilda Heisenberg just doesn’t seem to have the pieces she needs to keep in the match. Their entire back five is terrible and goalkeeper Andreas Sparwasser doesn’t inspire confidence once he lets a shot trickle under him at his near post. That’s just the opening course, though - the Saints are just so much better man-for-man than their opponents, clinical in front of goal, while Crisisbless United are totally demoralised and disjointed and, well, probably going down. The final score? Rademacher, Beckett, Telfair (twice) and Hexmark complete a 5-0 victory. Starling, weirdly, get thumped 3-0 at home by North Laithland. Admittedly, Malachi Gallagher’s godawful challenge on Brickwalk in the 17th minute lead to a straight red that probably didn’t help. Brinemouth, meanwhile? Simply outplayed by Vermillion Rage, their greater skill accounted for only with an incredibly beautiful Candelo strike that’s a goal of the season candidate but Vermillion’s greater intensity tells in the end.

How far Chenoworth Rovers have fallen. They played in the Premiership two seasons ago. Brunyard FC were playing in the Chardonnay State League a few months ago and the guy who scores the first goal is a qualified carpenter with a beer gut. It takes until extra time for Gareth Moxey to come off the bench with a sigh and smash home a brace. He couldn’t get into the team back in the Premiership but, by now, is one of the First Division’s established centre-forwards. Goodfeather FC show the Rovers how it’s done - they annihilate Boleyn Town while playing a reserve team, intent entirely on promotion. They’re outdone by one by South Parrhesia, who smash eight past Twelvetrees and allow a comedy own goal at the other end as Brenecian journeyman Simon Conroy elegantly backheels a cross into the stanchion. Colossal journeywoman striker Matilda Voeller, who spruced up an unimpressive season to date with a hat-trick on the day, feels they could have improved on the tally. “I wanted us to get a goal for every tree,” she solemnly tells the press.

Just as eggs are eggs, just as day follows night, just as the Violence Chariots hate Sabrefell Athletic with a passion, jumped-up arrogant elites with knife-happy fans. And yet, to a backdrop of many red flares on both sides, Rowan Gawain has the game of his life - four assists in what somehow becomes a 5-1 win that rejuvenates Miriam Aragon, who was badly in need of a good result. The Moths deal with Vermillion in a novel way - they’re patient, they’re composed in possession, they don’t rush themselves and, yes, they’re a little dirty. It pays dividends - Caravella scarcely needs to make a save, the hugely impressive Meier arcs a beautiful curving shot beyond Malone and Cliving, somewhat more direct in her methods, smacks one into the underside of the post from 25 yards.

Well, no team lost today. Not normally cause for celebration on its own but, hell, Athletic have genuinely been that garbage so far. Not that their draw against Mâ Alâmëómë is anything to turn the nose up at… in fact, buoyed by victory over the Chariots, they genuinely do (almost) match their opponents blow-for-blow, 1-1 a fair result. So are comfortable wins for Starling and Brinemouth, while neither Oceanside nor an off-the-pace Moths finds that decisive touch to really get test the opposing goalkeeper, even if both teams snap shots against the post.

Both Nepharim sides in the Globe Cup do significantly better this time around - Crisisbless even throw the shackles off a bit in attack, Igrene Cantor having a good afternoon by the end of which she’s scored more goals in the Globe Cup than in the league. North Laithland rely on a couple of canny substitutes to get them through Jamaica - the impressive Keogh and, admittedly largely from a hit-and-hope 30-yard thunderbastard, 18-year old holding midfielder Rasunda Vanderlei scores her first goal for a late winner.

And Sabrefell Athletic go straight back to being dreadful, entirely shown up by Ben Randall’s disciplined, efficient Stags. Garnet Langerak, who has been… frankly, awful, since being signed, slips and falls over to somehow fail to keep up to the lumbering Zozula, who simply toepokes Woodspur’s diagonal ball between Pressinger’s legs. Puntoriero tries his luck from just outside the box after Athletic’s defence seems just so determined not to press him in any way or try at all to stop him from drilling the ball low past Pressinger, which he promptly does. Pressinger isn’t happy. Langerak gets subbed off for Matt Breen, who the away crowd cheer, and he gets red carded five minutes later for putting Puntoriero on a stretcher. Predictably, Woodspur and Katskalidis finish the job.

Raven River have been in worryingly poor form. They’re utterly abject today against Newrook, sloppy in midfield, constantly turning the ball over and being punished for it, Clijsters and Mendehlson in fine form. Stokes strikes a brace and is then flattened by Bowerman, who is sent off, for a penalty. Eager for her hat-trick, she… hammers it against the crossbar, but Seward nods home from a corner and Jacobsen finishes the side off, as backup goalkeeper Sigrid Cooper lets a near-post shot trickle under her. Positivity is the key in Maximum, certainly Ludd’s Hammer, where Jelic is by far their most active player. Vermillion just hammer them into submission, winning 3-0 by the end and it could well have been more. The third real convincing win? That belongs to Brinemouth, who chew Athletic up and spit them out. At the Barbarossa. The home fans are in open revolt by now.

Starling get their revenge on Bassabook Old Boys, though they leave it late - Hansi Westerlow comes off the bench to make the difference late on with a classy, powerful volley. Rozelle get their own revenge on Brinemouth, narrowly the better team as former Crisisbless midfielder Markus Stubbs heads home a late winner. A third straight 1-1 draw for Athletic is… not really good enough considering the hole they’re in, internationally as much as domestically, but that’s far better than the comprehensively beaten Moths.

Crisisbless run the show against the Anomalies, stretching the defence and then playing the forwards in behind it. For once? Just as planned, in spite of conceding a late consolation. North Laithland can’t quite find purchase in Omerica, but they don’t need it - Tsikitsiris’ corner is headed home by the wonderful leap of captain Rook Kennedy. “Just leading by example,” the man of the match tells the press with his most winning grin.

This might be the nadir for Sabrefell Athletic. They just… show nothing against Maximum Rovers, who come in, hype themselves up like the underdogs and just dash through them for 90 minutes. The Rovers, whose holding midfielder has shown the approximate consistency of paper. Whose manager has admitted to thinking of tactics in, to put it nicely, broad strokes. The Rovers, relying on a 20-year old Naeher and, due to injuries, sticking another 20-year old at leftback. That leftback, Saravakos, lays off a great pass through the flat Athletic defence for Naeher to stick home from a narrow angle before Rouwen Seeklander’s wonderful looping header completely strands Pressinger. But the bookies’ favourite in the sack race is overtaken by surprise contender Paige Hildebrand following a pretty dismal 3-1 defeat to a superior South Laithland, the worst team in the league on paper. Assistant manager Misha Nechemevic is promoted with Daniella Strauss taking her place as assistant, both part of the playing squad last season - they’ll be tasked with turning this mess around, as the Ferrymen are in real, tangible danger at this stage.

The Premiership sides enter the fray, and that’s always good for some headlines. Middling Third Division Ringway host Sabrefell Athletic confident of a result - they get flattened 8-0. But that just sets up Ringway captain Andre Sandford to throw some frankly incredible shade - “I guess they’ve finally found their level,” he casually tells the press. Savage. Another strong win comes courtesy of the Saints, who thump Brindleton 5-0. The Flaxmen are completely unable to defend set pieces, leading to hulking centre-half Constantine Beckett scoring two early goals from corners before, after Berisha is felled in the box in the 90th minute, being handed penalty duties. He doesn’t disappoint, completing his hat-trick and a 5-0 rout. Vermillion Rage - or their B-listers, anyway - hit a brick wall named South Laithland who pull out all the stops. 3-2 to the good late on but with Rage pressing for an equaliser, Hawke makes a triple substitution to freshen things up with Ratchford, Honeyward and the teenager Malinder. Ratchford picks up a brace in that time with each of the others supplying an assist to overtake Ramsey’s goal tally for the season so far - credit’s also due to 20-year old Jason Petratos in goal for a surprising first start where he performed strongly. Maximum City do what they do best - knock out AFC Treason against the odds, somehow putting four goals past an unimpressive and rusty Gideon Fletcher. Admittedly, early red cards to defenders on both sides probably helped open things up a bit. A cracker of a game in Southfell sees the hosts knocked out in late controversy - both sides deep in relegation battles, mostly bringing their reserves and playing with nothing to lose, and it distinctly looks like Markus Schoenauer’s first goal for his club, late in extra-time… was punched into the net. A suspicion confirmed when he coolly informed the press that he punched the ball into the net five minutes after the final whistle. Third Division Sutcroft Athletic manage impressively to hold Crisisbless until extra time - where exactly is the penetration from Brewer’s squad? It takes, of all people, Leona Rashford to totally ignore instructions to hoard possession and just… cut inside and slot home in the 116th minute. Mainstream Fist recapture some of the glory days - now in the Second Division and visiting Starling, they concede early to Westerlow’s flicked header but Tosca Bournemouth’s powerful shot equalises two minutes later. They hold on for 75 minutes, conceding at the death after a scrappy corner falls to Clint Ferguson, who smashes the ball into the roof of the net. Third-tier promotion favourites Greygate take on Third Division promotion favourites AFC Corvistone. Both sides play expansive, attacking football, and both defences do well to mostly negate one another to a 1-1 scoreline… and then in extra time both sides run out of steam. Corvistone manage to have striker Rodrik Paulen fall over in the box and then barely manage to scrape home a penalty. They just have to defend it! They concede three goals in the remaining 20 minutes. Now that’s a match.

Immediate results for the Audioslav Nechemevic. “I went back to basics,” he tells the press flatly, and it shows - Brookford Otters come to their ground expecting River to follow their preferred strategy to date; ‘fold when anything runs at them’. Aided by Solomon Harm making a welcome return from injury, the son of Nephara’s most notorious defender in history starts out the match by annihilating Otters stalwart Paul Bradburn and is ultimately declared man-of-the-match for his efforts repelling both the on-fire Loeher and the Bradburn replacement Curtis, though Kestrel’s unstoppable free kick adds gloss to an eventual 3-1 scoreline. Chatswood are also in dismal form - they get destroyed 3-0 by Sabrefell Moths without even offering a shot on target.

A 1-1 draw was enough for Starling to consolidate their place in first - it wasn’t, however, enough for Directus. Heavily damaged by the 5-1 defeat to the Passerines, they’re edged out on goal difference, with Bassabook joining Starling in the second round. Brinemouth paste Ulsa to take a very narrow Group E in which just three points seperated the Dockers from 4th-placed RGS. Athletic die out at the foot of Group F after a truly dismal campaign, deservedly out of international competition. In spite of the recent impressive win over Crisisbless, Miriam Aragon is fired. Group G is strange - Cenial United’s 0-0 draw with the Moths is enough to take them through with four draws and just one win - the Moths, stranded a point below, were profligate today and paid the price.

Two dull scoreless draws are enough for the Nepharim Globe Cup sides to top their group - Crisisbless joined by the Anomalies, North Laithland by Itzalovalle in a match that inevitably draws accusations that the sides settled to a mutually beneficial draw. But it takes two (well, four) to tango - the frustrated 3rd- and 4th-placed sides, Michaeltown and Jamaica, played out a 0-0 draw of their own to cap off a strange group in which just two points split 1st from 4th.

Straightforward stuff for the Chariots. Voeller and Nemeth kill the game off fairly early, but Siorrha'Asione - brought off to rest in the 68th minute - throws a strop, kicks over a few water bottles and storms down the tunnel. Paula Morgan, the 30-year old being brought on, looks nonplussed at the whole fiasco.

Well, it’s not his usual scene, but former Maximum City and Electrum national team manager Daniel Brunet is brought out of his sabbatical as interim manager of Sabrefell Athletic. “Right now, the Reds need results to consolidate their position for next season,” he barks confidently in his first press conference. “I am the man who will deliver those results.” It mightn’t be that simple - Athletic struggle mightily to bring down a resilient Armstrong and as soon as Gawain scores at one end Harbour evades his markers to nod home a corner at the other end. But Alexa Ferryman, off the bench, neatly sets up the experienced Ole Oehman to finish the job. Treason, meanwhile, utterly smash a hopeless Crisisbless United who just do not look good enough for this level at this stage, 5-1 the final score and only sterling work from Andreas Sparwasser keeping it from creeping up yet further.

Two strong away performances from the Nepharim which should ensure comfortable progression to the next phase.

A dull match pretty much lacking in end product. It’s a heavily-rested team, but the likes of Muskerry, Robinson and Morgan don’t do a whole lot to showcase why they should be given more chances. Still - it’s enough.

The Ferrymen show belated and much-needed signs of life against a hard-hitting but flaky Violence side. A stalwart show between the posts from Matt Bowerman doesn’t hurt, while Dimitriades and Harm punish Voeller every time he shows up around the box. At the other end, classy low shots from Fenwick and Mathers, neither having been in good form to date, secure a win in spite of Hearn’s late strike. Parrhesia United have all the spirit and pace in the world to outbattle a flaky Moths side who are n a recent drop in form. Southfell United, meanwhile, capitalise on a red card. Treason thought they could cruise given a 3-1 lead by 27 minutes, even when Marcel Labonne’s careless challenge on Franzi Toreador put them down a man. They were wrong. In spite of poor depth and a lack of capable centre-forwards, the Tanners are doing just fine.

Starling breeze past Mpulo and are set to play another Banguelan side next up. Racing Xinhua Baoyam put up a brave away performance and honestly have the best of the chances, but the Barangayans can't trouble Vintner enough to stop both Nepharim sides going through.

This is turning into a weird goddamn season. Treason and Starling capitulate to a resurgent River and a quietly capable Coret (for each, their second straight defeat) to hand first place to Vermillion after a scoreless draw against South Laithland, with the Rage now four games winless. No team in the league has more than 42 points - that’s significantly less than two a game! Who’s fourth? Oh, yeah, a traditional powerhouse… Parrhesia United. Who also lost. Crisisbless, in fifth? They didn’t win either, they’ve been unconvisncing all season and their equaliser against Armstrong was offside. Brookford? Brookford won! They edged out a Cranequin Wanderers side looking over their shoulders - mind you, the whole league’s looking over their shoulders at the moment. River are seven points adrift despite their win, Crisisbless United (smashed 3-0 by the Rovers) have just two wins and remain 13 points from safety… meanwhile, Maximum City’s convincing 3-0 thrashing of Bishop puts them closer to safety. Chatswood in 21st, having scraped a terrible 0-0 draw against Brinemouth, are a point away from Newrook City in 15th. The Moths are 13th (having lost three games in a row), Brinemouth themselves 14th. Sabrefell Athletic’s recent resurgence has brought them to the heady heights of 18th as Brunet maintains his perfect record of three wins from three after edging Southfell at home.

It’s a little more sane the next league down. Chenoworth Harriers, comfortably dispatching Serpentine, are nine points clear in pole position and fifteen ahead of 5th - Sheridan, Goodfeather FC and Chenoworth Rovers cling onto the other promotion places. There’s plenty of strong contenders to take those places, though, in a fairly close upper-midtable - Corvette Maulers, for their part, showcased their credentials by battering East Laithland 7-1. That’s not a conversation that freshly-relegated Cranequin City are taking part in, though - after a godawful scoreless draw against a woefully profligate 21st-placed Ritter Town, the Terracotta Army are now propping up the table. Again.

Greygate’s reward for their extra-time heroics against Corvistone? A relatively forgiving home fixture against First Division strugglers Ritter Town! … They lose 3-1. What a waste. And a few more Premiership clubs get wasted too - Chenoworth Harriers wipe the floor with Bishop, which should reinforce the impression that they’re good enough to make the step up (and stay stepped up this time)... Corvette Maulers also impress against Crisisbless United. Luna Castelen, incidentally, is meant to be pressing for a starting place at the Wanderers. She hasn’t helped that when Lara Mundon smacks a ball against the post, Castelen goes diving… and the ball bounces off the post, onto her back and in for an 81st-minute winner. Extreme Hills, through Chris Britton’s thunderous free kick that almost snaps the crossbar in half and then from Cath Allardyce’s neat jink past Marquon and dink over Summersteen, secure the last of the scalps… though somehow Cranequin City come close against Crisisbless, holding them to a 1-1 draw through the magic hands of Sheila Kilgallon. It goes to penalties. Nine of them are perfect - Henna Morgan claws away Sutton’s effort, however, and the Heelers scrape through. Chatswood and Sabrefell Athletic also lose shootouts to fellow Premiership opposition while Parrhesia United and North Laithland also bow out feeling aggreived at the luck of the draw.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Vermillion Rage          23  13  3   7  40  24  +16  42
  2 Starling                 23  13  2   8  35  19  +16  41
  3 AFC Treason              23  13  2   8  36  23  +13  41
  4 Parrhesia United         23  11  5   7  41  33   +8  38
  5 Crisisbless              23  11  5   7  34  29   +5  38
  6 Brookford Otters         23  11  4   8  34  26   +8  37
  7 Creed United             23   9  9   5  34  26   +8  36
  8 North Laithland          23   9  7   7  28  27   +1  34
  9 Coret Hawks              23   9  7   7  26  26   +0  34
 10 Southfell United         23  10  4   9  29  35   -6  34
 11 Maximum Rovers           23  10  3  10  24  27   -3  33
 12 Violence Chariots        23   9  5   9  36  34   +2  32
 13 Sabrefell Moths          23   8  7   8  37  34   +3  31
 14 Brinemouth               23   8  7   8  30  31   -1  31
 15 Newrook City             23   7  8   8  33  26   +7  29
 16 South Laithland          23   7  8   8  27  31   -4  29
 17 Cranequin Wanderers      23   9  2  12  22  28   -6  29
 18 Sabrefell Athletic       23   8  5  10  35  42   -7  29
 19 Bishop                   23   8  5  10  18  25   -7  29
 20 Armstrong                23   8  4  11  24  25   -1  28
 21 Chatswood                23   8  4  11  20  28   -8  28
 22 Maximum City             23   7  6  10  21  21   +0  27
 23 Raven River              23   6  3  14  24  40  -16  21
 24 Crisisbless United       23   2  9  12  25  53  -28  15

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Harriers          23  17  2   4  37  18  +19  53
  2 Sheridan                     23  13  5   5  28  14  +14  44
  3 Goodfeather FC               23  12  7   4  29  15  +14  43
  4 Chenoworth Rovers            23  11  6   6  23  17   +6  39
  5 Martella Jazz                23  10  8   5  34  29   +5  38
  6 Rochford                     23   9 10   4  21  13   +8  37
  7 West Brinemouth              23   9  9   5  24  20   +4  36
  8 Morningstar                  23  11  3   9  31  28   +3  36
  9 Corvette Maulers             23  10  4   9  35  30   +5  34
 10 Extreme Hills                23  10  3  10  38  29   +9  33
 11 Iron City                    23   9  6   8  20  18   +2  33
 12 Belgrave                     23   9  5   9  28  21   +7  32
 13 Cypher Town                  23   7  8   8  22  20   +2  29
 14 Leichhardt                   23   8  5  10  23  25   -2  29
 15 Vermillion Wanderers         23   8  5  10  27  33   -6  29
 16 Coret Rovers                 23   7  6  10  30  38   -8  27
 17 AFC Serpentine               23   7  5  11  21  28   -7  26
 18 Diamondqueen                 23   8  2  13  20  31  -11  26
 19 Crossroads Town              23   8  1  14  26  39  -13  25
 20 Stonegrave                   23   6  6  11  19  28   -9  24
 21 Ritter Town                  23   6  5  12  25  31   -6  23
 22 East Laithland Harriers      23   6  5  12  29  43  -14  23
 23 Locksley                     23   6  5  12  24  43  -19  23
 24 Cranequin City               23   5  7  11  23  26   -3  22

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P  W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rhagant Schadenfreude      23 10  10   3  22   9  +13  40
  2 AFC Shale                  23 10   9   4  22  12  +10  39
  3 Dross Rovers               23 10   8   5  25  17   +8  38
  4 West Hook                  23  8  12   3  33  27   +6  36
  5 Senway Town                23 10   6   7  29  26   +3  36
  6 North Sabrefell            23 10   4   9  31  27   +4  34
  7 Riverkey                   23  9   7   7  31  28   +3  34
  8 Dartmouth Terriers         23  9   7   7  28  31   -3  34
  9 Hackett                    23  9   5   9  29  26   +3  32
 10 Brindleton                 23  9   5   9  18  23   -5  32
 11 Greygate                   23  8   7   8  25  20   +5  31
 12 Sutcroft                   23  9   4  10  28  31   -3  31
 13 Mantlegrove                23  8   7   8  25  30   -5  31
 14 South Parrhesia            23  9   3  11  34  28   +6  30
 15 Long Lake                  23  8   6   9  15  19   -4  30
 16 Iron United                23  7   8   8  28  27   +1  29
 17 Ox River United            23  7   8   8  16  19   -3  29
 18 Project +90                23  7   8   8  19  29  -10  29
 19 Crisisbless Athletic       23  6  10   7  24  30   -6  28
 20 Brookway Town              23  6   8   9  29  28   +1  26
 21 Strephonage                23  5   9   9  22  26   -4  24
 22 Mainstream Fist            23  4  11   8  26  31   -5  23
 23 Fenland Albion             23  6   5  12  19  27   -8  23
 24 Corby Hubris               23  4   9  10  23  30   -7  21

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Kensey Town               23  13  5   5  42  28  +14  44
  2 AFC Corvistone            23  12  5   6  35  21  +14  41
  3 Boleyn Town               23  11  6   6  21  17   +4  39
  4 Bodkin Road               23  11  5   7  34  25   +9  38
  5 Bellamy                   23  10  7   6  28  26   +2  37
  6 Falston Town              23  10  6   7  37  24  +13  36
  7 Ringway                   23  10  6   7  31  27   +4  36
  8 North Dubstep             23  10  4   9  27  25   +2  34
  9 Sutcroft Athletic         23  10  4   9  26  24   +2  34
 10 Gridlock Rovers           23  10  4   9  22  22   +0  34
 11 Courser                   23   9  6   8  26  29   -3  33
 12 Rushe United              23   9  6   8  29  38   -9  33
 13 Pillars of Southfell      23   9  4  10  28  29   -1  31
 14 Franchise FC              23   7 10   6  25  26   -1  31
 15 The Strongest             23   9  4  10  33  36   -3  31
 16 Gridlock East             23   8  6   9  34  30   +4  30
 17 Grovebank                 23   8  5  10  31  31   +0  29
 18 Iberia Chenoworth         23   8  5  10  34  40   -6  29
 19 Southriver                23   7  7   9  34  35   -1  28
 20 Blaze                     23   6  7  10  27  33   -6  25
 21 Dubstep Rangers           23   6  6  11  23  34  -11  24
 22 The Hanged Man            23   6  5  12  19  26   -7  23
 23 Camwell Road              23   7  2  14  16  26  -10  23
 24 Fischer                   23   5  5  13  23  33  -10  20

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Kommissar             23  15   4   4  39  17  +22  49
  2 Nay Town              23  12   4   7  28  25   +3  40
  3 Gosforth Swans        23  12   3   8  38  28  +10  39
  4 Falston United        23  10   8   5  23  19   +4  38
  5 Fully Sick XI         23  10   6   7  26  29   -3  36
  6 Harrington            23   9   8   6  30  19  +11  35
  7 Gridlock              23   9   8   6  30  20  +10  35
  8 Perrett               23  10   5   8  27  25   +2  35
  9 Gonen's Bridge        23   9   6   8  23  20   +3  33
 10 Forge Carpenters      23   9   6   8  19  19   +0  33
 11 Tryst Athletic        23   9   5   9  38  40   -2  32
 12 Boltcroft Thorns      23   8   7   8  36  31   +5  31
 13 Barcastle Rovers      23   8   5  10  24  28   -4  29
 14 Sirencall FC          23   8   5  10  25  34   -9  29
 15 Norton Road           23   7   6  10  24  28   -4  27
 16 Ramsay                23   5  11   7  24  32   -8  26
 17 Vermillion Spite      23   6   7  10  35  41   -6  25
 18 Swag Hill Rovers      23   5   7  11  36  44   -8  22
 19 Geoff United          23   5   6  12  15  22   -7  21
 20 Stekelenbright        23   1   9  13  13  32  -19  12

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rochford Pilgrims      23  13   7   3  52  26  +26  46
  2 Ballardine FC          23  12   7   4  39  25  +14  43
  3 Lackerrun              23  11   4   8  41  34   +7  37
  4 Brunyard FC            23   9   7   7  30  22   +8  34
  5 Twelvetrees            23   7  13   3  31  26   +5  34
  6 South Brill            23   8  10   5  26  21   +5  34
  7 Hartford Glade         23   7  11   5  38  30   +8  32
  8 Masculine Town         23   8   8   7  32  29   +3  32
  9 Peregrine              23   9   4  10  35  31   +4  31
 10 Downsparrow            23   8   7   8  28  28   +0  31
 11 Chaker Town            23   8   7   8  21  28   -7  31
 12 De La Patria           23   6  11   6  31  33   -2  29
 13 Clay Terrace           23   6   9   8  22  27   -5  27
 14 Rookwall               23   7   6  10  25  36  -11  27
 15 Southfell Dilmao       23   7   6  10  15  27  -12  27
 16 Norpike                23   6   8   9  22  29   -7  26
 17 Sandrock               23   6   6  11  21  25   -4  24
 18 Stamper Road           23   6   6  11  23  37  -14  24
 19 Violence Tigers        23   3  12   8  21  26   -5  21
 20 Getton Town            23   3  11   9  22  35  -13  20

by **Nephara** » Thu Jul 14, 2016 1:06 am

Starling thump Violence Chariots. The Chariots are good on their day - this is not their day. Conclusively outplayed all over the pitch, with their temperamental Farfish winger comprehensively in Surman’s pocket all game, they look like… well, what they are. A team in transition. Meanwhile, it’s 12 points from 15 since Misha Nechemevic took charge at River - it’s an ugly, bitter victory over Sabrefell Athletic settled by a single Petkovic volley. The Crisisbless derby, meanwhile, exposes the problems of both sides. Lack of any real urgency from Crisisbless, who are outrun all across the pitch by the Chessmen. The problem is that all the Chessmen are terrible and Sparwasser drops a cross for Engstroem to smash home in the 77th minute - that’s all the win takes in the end.

At home against Banguelan opposition, history repeats itself for the Passerines - another 4-0 win. Brinemouth perform distinctly worse against Union, with Aleksandra Skorupska and Dani Pendragon sparking a second-half comeback that makes things really, really difficult.

Armstrong started the season well but now sit 20th following a poor run of results. What’s the perfect cure for that? Hosting the frankly dreadful Crisisbless United (and their lengthy injury list doesn’t help their cause right now). The final result? 5-1, with the mercurial Chilton at the heart of things, the powerful Harbour proving an indomitable spearhead for the attack, Olenna Knight almost keeping a clean sheet on her 35th birthday. There’s a good-natured and entertaining Laith derby to catch the eye as well. South Laithland take a surprising lead early on through Rutger Connacht’s strike against the run of play before Gratia Barker’s first goal of the season, a thumping hit past Corren, puts them two ahead going into half-time. Stenet finally ensures that the Spiders’ dominance is rewarded early in the second half and when Bella Yossarian flattens Rui Mokanga in the box and gets sent off, with Karl Devine’s first league match starting with him going the wrong way for a perfect penalty, it looks like the match is only going one way. And, well… instead of that happening, Connacht’s corner is slammed home by the forehead of big centre-half Rook Campbell, who remains arguably the league’s most prolific defender. 3-2 it remains, though Devine is tested more than once to keep the score that way.

Starling breeze through Zambare. Brinemouth get the goals they need past Urquhart, it’s just a shame that they’re leaky at the other end - Vintner making a rare mistake, passing straight to Maddon who fires right past him, doesn’t help.

There are eight draws this matchday. The wins are all a little significant, one way or another - Southfell United continue along their Globe Cup charge, their silky, quick interchange enough to defeat Armstrong. South Laithland edge a damp and dreary encounter in the Covenground, Maximum City seemingly sleepwalking to a 2-1 defeat. Russ Reucassel has switched around just about every aspect of her squad and it just doesn’t seem to work. Treason, down to 10 for most of the match following a Murdoch red card, still claw their way to a 2-1 victory over a Cranequin side in poor form. Violence Chariots, meanwhile, defend with rare efficiency as Maxine Edelgrau keeps a clean sheet that they need - a clinical counter-attack is finished by Asher Voeller to secure the points and knock Vermillion off their perch.

Metropolis are too tight at the back, Chariots are… exactly not that. Siorrha’Asione goes missing and when he goes missing it’s never pretty - Edelgrau makes six saves but even then they’re beaten soundly.

A weird, weird week - one where six-pointers like Raven River snatching three points late on over Armstrong and Vermillion getting a late equaliser to hold Treason get overlooked. Daniel Brunet has worked on the very basics with Athletic, and it pays off. Pressinger is an excellent goalkeeper, Rough/Breen/Moravec/Rakeruth a solid back four, Sarracena a class holding midfielder. At the other end, Oehman, Castellan and the substitute Murdoch secure victory. Crisisbless United find the final touch they’ve wanted for all season, and they dominate a reeling Southfell United. Starling? Starling surprise us all… going down 3-0 to Maximum Rovers? What the hell? The decent but unprolific Rouwen Seeklander notches his first ever Premiership brace, Naeher the other, and it’s a strong clean sheet for Hawthorn, who’s developed well. Meanwhile, the Coret Hawks have been very quietly on the edges of the Globe Cup all season, trying not to be noticed in case it all comes crashing to a halt like last season did. Well, the Spiders noticed - though the timing helped as their marquee offseason signing, 11-million attacking midfielder Louis Rhodes, finally makes his starting debut after a metatarsal injury that just didn’t seem to go away. The result? Two goals and an assist.

First Division hopefuls Extreme Hills and AFC Serpentine both bump off other second-tier opposition to make it into the quarterfinals but other than that it’s all Premiership - trophy-hunting Harriers put two past Helena Middlesbrough, Starling’s second string puts five past Hammond, Brinemouth ensure there’s no repeat of that notorious 5-1 against Corvette, the Moths make rather a meal of crushing the last Second Division team in the competition, Crisisbless Athletic, while Rochford put up a good but insufficient fight against Crisisbless. Thanks to Paul Bradburn’s late penalty, Brookford topple the Chariots in the marquee clash of the round which saw some great end-to-end football while South Laithland rely on penalties and a strong showing from Jason Petratos on his 21st birthday to get past the Smiths.

The Chariots bow out with some pride, but until Fortin’s 87th-minute strike from the corner of the box, it could have been so much more than that.

Someone evidently made North Laithland angry. 4-1 last week? 6-1, away, this week, against the Chariots. The Hawks’ fullbacks were average. Geordan Selford is an underdeveloped liability and Westmead was injured, paving the way for Machalat Sauber, who is a teenager. Later on a shellshocked Sauber was replaced by Bruyne, a talented 20-year old centre-half, who was very, very obviously out of his element and his depth. Then Riviello went down with cramp, and Bruyne shifted into the centre (where he looked far better) and defensive midfielder Kieran Hancock was wedged into rightback, where he, too, did not show up - though at least he had an excuse. Well, whatever the personnel, nothing worked for Hector Rossizzo on the day and his side are looking a little over their shoulders. Crisisbless United chalk up a second successive win for the first time all season, much of it due to poor River finishing at a very, very bad time. Southfell, who the Chequers had beaten, ultimately relied on a man-of-the-match performance from Sabrefell Moths’ loanee Carsten Thunder in goal before Sasha Radlinger thumped home a decisive free kick.

Real Cintore make a good fist of things, and almost secure themselves a win. But they’ll take a beefy away draw. “We need to be far tighter at the back next time, or they’ll rip us to shreds to the music of a baying home crowd,” sighs a poetic Fegelein.

Southfell’s depth was stretched as it was - the problem is only exacerbated now, Toreador now out for two months joining Rusland, Stark, Alexandros and Gerrard on the list of medium-to-long-term absences owing to the brutality of Solomon Harm. Felipa Medina, with a long history of injuries herself (rumoured to be retiring at the end of the season when her contract expires) expected to make her first start of the season next match. River’s early lead through Schanzer, however, is denied late on by the normally frustrating Tanners striker Eleazar Harnwell. Crisisbless United’s run of good results is cut to an end with brutal efficiency by Ezekiel Statham’s Oathmen - their defence has no answer for dizzying right winger Corvid Alemane, who lays on an assist each for Leadbetter and Farrier before notching up a late strike for herself. Meanwhile, Brunet’s stability has nothing on the individual stars that the Sabrefell Moths can bring. It’s already 1-0 from a stunning Meier strike before Matt Breen, the homegrown captain, annihilates Johnson for basically no reason and gets sent off. Sterling performances from one-club men in Pressinger and Sarracena keep the scoreline down as does, off the bench, an atonement from Garnet Langerak after an abject start to her career at Athletic, but when Sabina Tambor comes off the bench to curl a shot perfectly into the stanchion, what can any of them do? In the northwest, a feisty encounter between North Laithland and Treason ends deadlocked, thanks largely to Diandra Ballard.

They are tighter at the back. The impetus is on them to score, but Cautcher has that covered in five minutes. Then they just sit back, absorb pressure and then Cautcher’s chipped long shot secured the victory late on.

Ben Randall has established himself as the man to return the Stags to glory, and the fans have taken to him like a duck to water. Mostly it’s for setting up his side the right way on the pitch, saying the right things off it and giving the general impression of someone who knows what he’s doing, unlike the rudderless Brightwater years. But here, as Treason comprehensively trounce Maximum City for once (“We’re sending you down/we’re sending you down/Maximum City, we’re sending you down” the fans chant incessantly and possibly accurately) in a match that only Jelic prevented from running up to four or five, it’s his clear pleasure at defeating the Stags’ most hated rivals on the touchlines that catches the eye. Brookford Otters annihilate Parrhesia United 4-0, the direct and hard-running approach simply causing the lumbering Saints’ defence to fold under the pressure. Coret Hawks, meanwhile, are derailed late on by a surprising storm from Bishop. 2-0 up and cruising in the 70th minute, the small, slight Nat Casarine pops out of nowhere during a free kick to head past Godsflock. That’s fine. Still against the run of play, in the 76th, Casarine’s powerful low shot trickles through John Godsflock’s hands, 2-2. Not fine. And then, in injury time, a low, hooked cross is lashed in by Jess Silkman. Who pulls out a scissor kick from nowhere to beat Godsflock? Nat bloody Casarine.

South Laithland put up one of the most remarkable backs-to-the-wall performances to almost, almost get a result. Scafidis’ brace sees a resurgent Brinemouth seemingly dominant when a fairly innocuous foul sees Rook Campbell sent off for a second yellow in the 42nd minute. Seething at the injustice, the Southrons notch one back through Rook Bantambridge’s header before Rutger Connacht’s decisive shot equalises, but this time, Brinemouth have control over the narrative - Candelo’s free kick arcs over the wall and past an unsighted Yossarian to restore the Dockers’ lead. Chatswood have been truly dismal this whole season, but at least they can drag Treason down with them. As Ben Randall conducts a press interview after the match, a voice identified as Treason captain Markus Anderton shouts “Those fucking inbreds!” in the tunnel and then puts his fist through the wall. The press room wall. Emery Lineker, in a wretched season, finally looks like the cat who has the cream.

Chatswood go back to basics away against Athletic. Gary Corsie, who has had probably his worst ever season for the club, is finally dropped, and with him all the side’s creativity. The more physical Thorn replaces him, while Quebecois captain Miller continues to replace Beresford in holding midfield, and in Miller’s absence from the back line it has to be said that 20-year old Dieter Konoval has been nothing short of exceptional. Chilmark, another rare bright spot in a terrible season, thumps home a late winner against the aggrieved Reds. In Maximum, there’s a bizarre and yet fantastic derby to enjoy. Aziz Senturk rifles home from just outside the box to put the Rovers ahead, but it’s equalised by a rare goal from Solomon Devante, headed past a sprawling Hawthorn three minutes later. Whitesmith then hits a post before Redmayne is dragged down by Jurist for a penalty… which is saved by Hawthorn. And then the Rovers, against the run of play, retake the lead when Naeher’s excellent through-ball is tapped home by Curren… and five minutes after that, Whitesmith goes one better than her earlier effort to level the scores again. In the second half, yet again, it’s tit for tat. The Rovers’ dominance pays off in the 66th minute through Reinhard Drake, who’d strode off the bench to make an immediate impact - out of nowhere, Redmayne volleys home to atone for her penalty miss in the 70th. The only way out of the cycle, then, must be to score in the last minute of extra time, Vidurvoerdr heading home Senturk’s corner with the last touch of the game. There’s no way back from that - the Rovers win 4-3, and Catheline Harper in the technical area couldn’t be happier.

Brinemouth are destroyed in the Heights, but there’s a light in Ceni. Myrmidon may regret selling their 30-million striker Tathtuare, who scored at the frankly insane rate of over a goal and a half a game last season - they got plenty of chances but their forwards simply could not get past Hargrave. Cautcher opened the scoring, a raking ball from Onasi placed nicely into the corner of the net drew the hosts level but the Passerines deserved their victory, won through the handsome Kaspian.

Mixed results, but all can be recovered. North Laithland will be thankful that Louis Rhodes could rifle home a late goal back, though, giving them a vital away goal - Crisisbless steamrolled an ineffectual Taeshan though they’ll hope conceding late to a sloppily-marked corner won’t come back to bite them as the Moths were evenly matched by Directus. That’d be fine if it’d been away, but an intimidating trip to Eura awaits...

What the fuck? There’s almost no real shocks this matchday - okay, maybe the fact that Brinemouth and Brookford failed to score against each other, Armstrong get a creditable win over the Spiders to be unbeaten in five and Maximum City, their next opponents, seal an important and unexpected away win over Crisisbless - but what really takes the cake is Crisisbless United! Smashed 4-0 last match! Beating Sabrefell Moths seven goddamn nil! Unsurprisingly, after the match is over, a match in which Nephara international Nikita Griffiths makes a 32-year old Rook Klinsmann look like Wesley Kane in his prime.

As expected, there was no way back for the Dockers. Starling, meanwhile, closed out a pretty simple home fixture, scoring early thanks to Fowler and late through Gallagher.

Shamefully bad performances from the Spiders and Heelers and the lack of an exceptional one from the Moths make for a clean sweep of Nepharim representation in the competition.

Starling, it’s fair to say, have taken a firm dislike to Brinemouth - seemingly entirely due to the Dockers’ supposed superiority, while Dockers fans themselves are increasingly upset about the manner of their defeat last season. As a result, it’s a hard-contested match, both sides snapping enthusiastically into tackles with Hargrave and Vintner both in good form, ending scoreless. It gives Vermillion an opportunity to crest the league again, which they do as they enthusiastically crush River 4-0. Treason’s draw against Newrook City probably isn’t what they were hoping for, on a day where they squandered many chances and Rutger Kolar smothered many more, a single flicked header from substitute June Connolly proving the late kick in the teeth - the Stags are now third, with Brookford 5th and the Moths, recovering nicely with a comfortable 3-0 win over Southfell, 6th. A whole bevy of sides are within striking distance, and the Otters are just four points away from 11th-placed Creed United. Sabrefell Athletic’s reasonably comfortable 2-0 victory over Parrhesia United brings them to 14th, which isn’t great but at least it’s probably safe. In a decisive six-pointer, Maximum City’s cruise to predictable safety is promptly halted by Armstrong, who beat them soundly 2-0 - Violence Chariots remain in 19th place despite a frankly incredible 7-0 thumping of South Laithland a place above them on the table. In the drop zone are Chatswood (surprisingly, though an ugly 1-0 win over Crisisbless away points to signs of recovery), Newrook City (a win from safety), Raven River (six points adrift) and, in spite of a creditable point against 7th-placed North Laithland, the probably-relegated Crisisbless United. But it’s just so close… discounting United, no two places on the table are split by more than four points, and that only happens once. From 5th to 20th, it’s twelve points of difference.

It’s on far less of a knife-edge in the First Division and it has to be said that it would take a spectacular collapse from the top two of Chenoworth Harriers (fourteen points above 5th) and Sheridan (eleven) to deny either of them a place in next year’s Premiership. Morningstar consolidate their surprising grip on 3rd with an ugly 1-0 win over Rochford and Goodfeather will take a decent point away to the Harriers. Cypher Town continue to float around midtable with a typical 1-1 draw with Iron City, though Lukas Sparr is establishing himself as one of the best goalkeepers in the second tier - Cranequin City grind out a dull scoreless draw with West Brinemouth to pull themselves away from the drop zone as they now stand 19th. Locksley, Stonegrave and Crossroads Town all lose 3-0 away to cement their places in the drop zone but 22nd-placed East Laithland’s emphatic, slightly unlucky 2-2 draw away at Leichhardt showed plenty of signs of recovery.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Vermillion Rage          34  19   5  10  57  33  +24  62
  2 Starling                 34  19   5  10  51  30  +21  62
  3 AFC Treason              34  17   7  10  50  34  +16  58
  4 Brinemouth               34  15  10   9  43  37   +6  55
  5 Brookford Otters         34  15   8  11  48  36  +12  53
  6 Sabrefell Moths          34  14  10  10  57  51   +6  52
  7 North Laithland          34  13  12   9  47  38   +9  51
  8 Crisisbless              34  15   6  13  44  40   +4  51
  9 Parrhesia United         34  14   8  12  54  51   +3  50
 10 Coret Hawks              34  13  11  10  42  41   +1  50
 11 Creed United             34  13  10  11  47  38   +9  49
 12 Maximum Rovers           34  14   5  15  44  44   +0  47
 13 Bishop                   34  13   7  14  32  36   -4  46
 14 Sabrefell Athletic       34  12   9  13  45  49   -4  45
 15 Southfell United         34  13   6  15  38  54  -16  45
 16 Cranequin Wanderers      34  13   5  16  33  40   -7  44
 17 Armstrong                34  12   7  15  38  36   +2  43
 18 South Laithland          34  11  10  13  42  56  -14  43
 19 Violence Chariots        34  11   9  14  53  56   -3  42
 20 Maximum City             34  11   8  15  35  37   -2  41
 21 Newrook City             34   8  14  12  39  37   +2  38
 22 Chatswood                34  10   8  16  29  42  -13  38
 23 Raven River              34  10   5  19  34  55  -21  35
 24 Crisisbless United       34   5  11  18  41  72  -31  26

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Harriers          34  20   6   8  48  29  +19  66
  2 Sheridan                     34  18   9   7  41  21  +20  63
  3 Morningstar                  34  18   5  11  47  36  +11  59
  4 Goodfeather FC               34  16   9   9  40  27  +13  57
  5 Belgrave                     34  14  10  10  39  28  +11  52
  6 Martella Jazz                34  13  13   8  40  36   +4  52
  7 Chenoworth Rovers            34  14   9  11  33  27   +6  51
  8 AFC Serpentine               34  15   5  14  37  37   +0  50
  9 West Brinemouth              34  11  15   8  34  31   +3  48
 10 Rochford                     34  12  12  10  27  25   +2  48
 11 Vermillion Wanderers         34  14   6  14  47  48   -1  48
 12 Extreme Hills                34  13   7  14  53  42  +11  46
 13 Cypher Town                  34  12  10  12  33  27   +6  46
 14 Corvette Maulers             34  12   9  13  43  42   +1  45
 15 Diamondqueen                 34  13   6  15  34  39   -5  45
 16 Iron City                    34  11  11  12  28  29   -1  44
 17 Ritter Town                  34  12   6  16  37  40   -3  42
 18 Leichhardt                   34  11   9  14  33  36   -3  42
 19 Cranequin City               34  10   9  15  36  37   -1  39
 20 Coret Rovers                 34  10   9  15  40  51  -11  39
 21 Locksley                     34  10   8  16  34  56  -22  38
 22 East Laithland Harriers      34   9   9  16  39  58  -19  36
 23 Stonegrave                   34   8   9  17  22  39  -17  33
 24 Crossroads Town              34  10   3  21  31  55  -24  33

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Hackett                    34  17   6  11  48  36  +12  57
  2 Senway Town                34  15  11   8  48  43   +5  56
  3 Rhagant Schadenfreude      34  14  13   7  29  19  +10  55
  4 Dross Rovers               34  14  11   9  36  26  +10  53
  5 AFC Shale                  34  14  11   9  29  21   +8  53
  6 Greygate                   34  13  11  10  39  26  +13  50
  7 North Sabrefell            34  14   8  12  52  44   +8  50
  8 Brindleton                 34  13  10  11  26  31   -5  49
  9 West Hook                  34  11  15   8  39  38   +1  48
 10 Riverkey                   34  13   8  13  42  43   -1  47
 11 Ox River United            34  11  13  10  29  30   -1  46
 12 Mantlegrove                34  11  12  11  34  42   -8  45
 13 Dartmouth Terriers         34  11  12  11  40  49   -9  45
 14 Crisisbless Athletic       34  10  13  11  37  40   -3  43
 15 Brookway Town              34  10  12  12  42  41   +1  42
 16 Strephonage                34  10  12  12  35  35   +0  42
 17 Project +90                34  10  12  12  31  41  -10  42
 18 Sutcroft                   34  11   8  15  34  40   -6  41
 19 Mainstream Fist            34   9  13  12  45  43   +2  40
 20 Fenland Albion             34  11   7  16  28  33   -5  40
 21 Long Lake                  34  10   9  15  22  33  -11  39
 22 Iron United                34   9  11  14  36  42   -6  38
 23 South Parrhesia            34  10   7  17  46  46   +0  37
 24 Corby Hubris               34   8  13  13  43  48   -5  37

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Kensey Town               34  20   6   8  58  37  +21  66
  2 Boleyn Town               34  16   8  10  32  22  +10  56
  3 The Strongest             34  16   7  11  58  49   +9  55
  4 Rushe United              34  16   6  12  52  51   +1  54
  5 Gridlock Rovers           34  16   6  12  36  35   +1  54
  6 Bodkin Road               34  15   8  11  52  42  +10  53
  7 Sutcroft Athletic         34  15   8  11  38  37   +1  53
  8 AFC Corvistone            34  15   7  12  46  37   +9  52
  9 Courser                   34  14   7  13  40  39   +1  49
 10 Iberia Chenoworth         34  14   7  13  56  58   -2  49
 11 Bellamy                   34  13  10  11  38  40   -2  49
 12 Grovebank                 34  13   8  13  43  43   +0  47
 13 North Dubstep             34  14   5  15  42  43   -1  47
 14 Pillars of Southfell      34  13   7  14  40  40   +0  46
 15 Falston Town              34  11  11  12  48  40   +8  44
 16 Gridlock East             34  12   8  14  42  41   +1  44
 17 Blaze                     34  11   9  14  49  48   +1  42
 18 Ringway                   34  11   9  14  44  54  -10  42
 19 Southriver                34  10  11  13  51  53   -2  41
 20 Franchise FC              34  10  11  13  36  45   -9  41
 21 Camwell Road              34  11   7  16  28  36   -8  40
 22 The Hanged Man            34  10   7  17  27  34   -7  37
 23 Fischer                   34  10   7  17  36  46  -10  37
 24 Dubstep Rangers           34   9   6  19  30  52  -22  33

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Kommissar             34  19   8   7  56  37  +19  65
  2 Fully Sick XI         34  18   8   8  41  35   +6  62
  3 Nay Town              34  17   6  11  45  37   +8  57
  4 Harrington            34  15  10   9  43  34   +9  55
  5 Falston United        34  14  12   8  32  28   +4  54
  6 Boltcroft Thorns      34  14  11   9  53  44   +9  53
  7 Gosforth Swans        34  15   7  12  58  43  +15  52
  8 Forge Carpenters      34  12  11  11  26  28   -2  47
  9 Gridlock              34  12  10  12  37  29   +8  46
 10 Gonen's Bridge        34  13   7  14  35  33   +2  46
 11 Sirencall FC          34  12   9  13  39  46   -7  45
 12 Norton Road           34  12   8  14  40  37   +3  44
 13 Tryst Athletic        34  11  10  13  51  55   -4  43
 14 Swag Hill Rovers      34  11   8  15  52  59   -7  41
 15 Barcastle Rovers      34  11   7  16  42  49   -7  40
 16 Perrett               34  11   7  16  31  41  -10  40
 17 Ramsay                34   9  12  13  36  45   -9  39
 18 Vermillion Spite      34   8  11  15  49  58   -9  35
 19 Geoff United          34   7  13  14  25  32   -7  34
 20 Stekelenbright        34   6  11  17  22  43  -21  29

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rochford Pilgrims      34  17  10   7  66  43  +23  61
  2 Lackerrun              34  18   6  10  66  46  +20  60
  3 Twelvetrees            34  13  16   5  43  32  +11  55
  4 Brunyard FC            34  14  11   9  44  35   +9  53
  5 South Brill            34  14  11   9  42  36   +6  53
  6 Peregrine              34  15   7  12  52  42  +10  52
  7 Ballardine FC          34  13  13   8  47  37  +10  52
  8 Hartford Glade         34  12  14   8  59  47  +12  50
  9 Masculine Town         34  13  11  10  52  41  +11  50
 10 Downsparrow            34  13   8  13  40  40   +0  47
 11 Chaker Town            34  11  13  10  33  38   -5  46
 12 De La Patria           34  10  13  11  45  46   -1  43
 13 Clay Terrace           34   9  14  11  34  38   -4  41
 14 Norpike                34   8  14  12  35  42   -7  38
 15 Violence Tigers        34   8  14  12  33  44  -11  38
 16 Rookwall               34  10   8  16  35  52  -17  38
 17 Sandrock               34   8  11  15  29  37   -8  35
 18 Stamper Road           34   8   9  17  34  52  -18  33
 19 Southfell Dilmao       34   8   9  17  21  41  -20  33
 20 Getton Town            34   6  12  16  36  57  -21  30

by **Nephara** » Thu Jul 14, 2016 4:31 am

Well, okay, there is one clear shock here. Serpentine not good enough to resist Brinemouth, the Moths matching Starling, the Southrons holding out against Crisisbless? Fine. All as it should be. A Britton-inspired 5-1 thrashing of the Otters? Now that’s… well, it’s bizarre, even with an early red card to Baumann and a late injury to Bell without a substitution left to replace him - finishing the game with nine men or not, you should not be losing like that.

Textbook stuff from Starling, though Ace Newman’s early shot wasn’t in the script. Reprisals from Cautcher, Asif and Sternberg? That’s a bit more like it.

Well, the final stretch of the season kicks off with a bang. Specifically, one aimed squarely at John Godsflock, whose days as a Premiership goalkeeper might be numbered after he’s bombarded by the Dockers for 90 minutes and largely, along with his defence, found wanting. 5-0 is the final score, with the Hawks not exactly managing much bite in return. Brookford Otters destroy Violence Chariots - two lethal attacks, only one capable defence marshalled expertly, as always, by the heroic Hadrian Belfast (who it has to be mentioned knocks in a header at the other end). Bishop scythe down Crisisbless mercilessly as well, effortlessly unlocking the uncharacteristically open Heelers time after time until they’ve racked up a 4-0 lead. For a late consolation, Cantor puts her foot through a free kick and all her mounted frustration and anger at this season with it, and when Scannell retrieves the ball, she finds out… it’s burst.

The Otters fight back from the brink against the Hills and almost get there - at the end, however, two goals short. Serpentine, staggeringly, fight back to level with a complacent Brinemouth. Then, in extra time, Grigori Swanenburg completes his hat-trick with a powerful driving header, and though Juquinho smashes past Hartson late on Serpentine qualify on extra time away goals. Starling keep tight and compact, Helena Middlesbrough with a strong audition and a clean sheet as Brigid Sternberg’s header settles it at the other end. Crisisbless have what it takes to unlock the Southrons, and while the men in purple do manage an away goal, Connacht’s effort only arrives in the 89th minute.

Another Newman goal complicates things but Starling yet again are comfortable from that point, even in a hostile atmosphere. Cautcher’s ridiculous run of form continues.

Virgil Slaven starts in goal for the Hawks against Violence Chariots. It. Doesn’t. Go well. The Chariots avenge themselves brutally upon the Hawks and Slaven, whose contract expires at the end of the season, proves weak and ineffectual to stop them. Yet again, the final score is 5-0, with an injury to one of the Hawks’ best players (Tarashaj, thanks to the notoriously cynical Paterson) rubbing salt in the wound. Bizarrely, Starling simply evaporate upon their trip to Vermillion Rage - 6-1 the final score! Six one! Treason lose their second straight match as their forwards simply find no way past Hadrian Belfast - that said, when Labonne lashes in a shot, the relatively inexperienced Rook Alphonse fumbles it into the net. It hasn’t been a marquee season for goalkeepers outside of a small elite, that’s for sure… not that it matters, as Belfast smashes home a header off a set piece for the second straight game to take home the points.

Surprisingly, Crisisbless United wipe the floor with Bishop 3-0 on a day where Alexis Spurlock’s squad simply do not show up. It’s little better in the sliding (but safe, probably) Parrhesia United, as their squad just seems to have run out of steam while the Paladins have the energy to just smash them into the ground, repeatedly. In fact, it’s a good time at the bottom of the table in general - an injury-depleted Southfell United edge out Chatswood by, in a feel-good story, Felipa Medina’s first league goal for the Tanners, while South Laithland comprehensively outplay Maximum Rovers and Maximum City kick River into submission before Redmayne has a tap-in at the other end. Coret vs. Treason ends one-all and has the feel of two aging boxers taking a breather after a couple of successive pummellings apiece, but there’s no such complacency in Brinemouth, where an utterly fearless and mental Violence Chariots bring down the Dockers in a blaze of glory. Stiin Siorrha'Asione has been either invisible or on the bench for the past ten matches. Here he scores a brace.

Violence are on a warpath! They’ve smashed Coret 5-0! They’ve outshot Brinemouth 3-2 away! They put two past Diandra Ballard, goalkeeper for a Stags side that have failed to win in four! They lose 8-2. Armstrong, meanwhile, are too solid for Newrook City at the back and undo them through quick, decisive passing moves - Harbour lashes home one of his many chances before former Starling winger Espen Havenaar continues his recent prolific streak to finish the Rooks off - the Paladins are now unbeaten in ten. Brinemouth’s rise has seemed little short of inexorable sometimes, but Vermillion do their best to exorate it, Catherine Purrington casually scoring a brace from midfield despite all the fruitless hard running of the Rage’s front three. Malone pulls out an excellent game against his twice-former club, and Gosforth’s late consolation is, well, little consolation.

The end of the season is glorious. With no hope of actual concrete success for Rossizzo’s squad, his Chariots are just out to develop a squad and have a good time. Sabrefell Athletic have an actual plan, and pulverise them 6-2 away - the home fans, unsurprisingly, less than pleased by this! Oh well. Brinemouth, wobbling in the first half but not yet punished by a creaking, injury-hit Stags, come back out with a vengeance after the break - breakout star Gosforth, Bottlegreen and Scafidis secure a 3-0 win. Vermillion Rage lose ground in the battle for first, too, as they’re undone by a Tzavellas red card and a resolute Moths team that hits really hard and fast on the counterattack.

With just one win from six, Treason’s campaign is picking exactly the wrong time to stall. 1-1 away at Athletic isn’t really that bad a result… but they’re out of room for ‘not that bad’. They need, well, ‘good’. Bishop utterly thump Creed United 3-0 - Alexis Spurlock has almost casually guided a very poor team on paper into safe midtable, and has brought a new dimension out of mild-mannered but ruthless counter-destroyer Nat Casarine. River and the Saints run at each other, constantly testing each other and Matt Bowerman - who’s been impressive this season - has to pull out a variety of key saves to enable his team to win 3-2. Not without controversy - shortly before knocking home River’s first goal, Schanzer elbowed Brun in the face. Hard. The referee missed it completely, and on review Schanzer is suspended for key fixtures against Newrook City and South Laithland. That’s… bad. Very bad. Marios Tzavellas, meanwhile, might just be Vermillion’s keystone - no wonder people are calling for him to get a Cormorants callup. Without Tzavellas, North Laithland rip through Vermillion’s fragile underbelly and tear into the innards, winning 3-2 in a match where Louis Rhodes pretty much did whatever the hell he wanted on her way to a goal and two assists.

Facing potentially tough Turorian opposition, Starling produce a marquee performance to dominate them from start to finish. Cautcher nets a brace, one either side of Kaspian’s dipping strike.

Brinemouth continue to be in absorbing, ebullient form. They utterly destroy Athletic, not allowing them to be on balance for even a second. Well, okay, apart from maybe the second that Linden Lucassen spents sidefooting the ball unmarked past Vintner, but four goals at the other end rather even things out. The stuttering Coret Hawks finally get back into form as they pick Armstrong’s packed defensive lines apart with some patient passing, not exactly the most common or beloved of tactics in the Premiership. It works, though, mostly through the normally high-octane Tarashaj who this time has an almost telepathic understanding with Gabriella Antonio, who ends up netting a cool hat-trick to put the Hawks back on track. Schanzer’s suspension, meanwhile, proves costly for River - in a low-quality six-pointer near the bottom of the table, they can’t capitalise on their chances without him, Casper Lindgren and Adelaide Mathers continue to underwhelm, Rook Fenwick does strike in the 79th minute but, cruelly, Alysia Stokes’ bullet header equalises in injury time.

Far closer in Turori, and Cednia edge a deserved victory on the day. But by the time Gallagher had rifled home Starling’s opener and it became apparent that Cednia would need five, the tie seemed over already.

The Hawks are no longer on track - a doomed Crisisbless United side manages to run at them a lot really fast, Sparwasser’s in fine form and a simple mistake - Eva Valkanis slipping on the slick pitch - clears the way for Laura Weiler to run past her flailing legs and dink the ball past Godsflock. Treason, meanwhile, breeze past Crisisbless 2-0, simply having more intensity… it’s a theme that sticks around. First off, North Laithland pulverise Brinemouth 4-0. Brickwalk is out suspended after accumulating a fair pile of cautions but Ross Finlay, the Licentian picked up last window, excels in his stead and helps keep the midfield clean. Up front, Rhodes runs the show again - “He’s fitting a full season into the half he’s been fit,” Speare drily tells the press after the match. Starling, meanwhile, lose the talented but hot-headed Malachi Gallagher, a late bolter into the World Cup squad, when he is sent off for dissent. “Referees should be thicker-skinned,” he tells the press with mild indignance. Even so - they were already 2-0 down to a flying Parrhesia United and ultimately lose 5-1. To such a backdrop, Vermillion might feel fortunate to get a point off Chatswood after a thrilling 3-3 draw.

Grigori Swanenburg, who is one of the second tier’s most prolific strikers, smashes home within two minutes - but Hills have the best of the game as a whole, and Allardyce’s brace secures a deserved victory. Still, it remains in the balance. Surprisingly, Starling vs. Crisisbless is a far inferior game in terms of entertainment value swinging on one moment of brilliance - Jevdjevic-Hadsic beating Middlesbrough from 30 yards with a wonder-strike.

A tightly-matched set of fixtures, only one being won by more than a single goal. Seven draws, too, which doesn’t help a number of teams at both ends of the table, so it makes sense to focus on those that did bag the three points. Treason won back some ground at the top of the table when Zozula’s brace of headers is enough to break down a determined, plucky Armstrong - Tanya Chilton’s 89th minute free kick arcing beautifully over the wall for a final reminder of what the side is capable of. Violence Chariots sweep aside Crisisbless United in a display of how far the team has come since… well, the start of the season, really. Parrhesia United beat Cranequin Wanderers through the scrappiest of goals, a loose ball in a packed box being hammered home by the opportunistic Rademacher. The Hawks rely on a volley from each of Antonio’s feet to secure a victory over Southfell United - but 4-1 becomes 4-3 in the last ten minutes to add some tension to a fixture they believed dead and buried. Oh, and in a surprise to nobody, Maximum City scuffed home a scarcely-deserved win over the Spiders through Anika Redmayne’s strike. They are going to be fucked when she leaves and Jelic retires.

A dull, grinding affair in the Laith in which enterprising fullback Hippolyta Whitesmith comes closest to scoring with a cross that catches in the wind. That’ll do the Hounds, you’d imagine. They’ll be facing Crisisbless in the final, who scupper Starling’s bid for an unprecedented quadruple with an early goal, Cantor striking on the break as Starling overextend and then waiting out the rest of the game. A highly-motivated Sternberg notches one back - but the Passerines needed three.

The Vermillion derby. Alternatively, the Persephone Xidhas derby - because Vermillion’s prized young midfielder, formerly of Parrhesia United, is hardly a popular figure. Unsurprisingly, Matt Sebastian - now 34 and well past Premiership-starter quality, but always eager to strap the armband back on - spends the 90 minutes thumping her while the home crowd bays her on, and Telfair opens the scoring by literally chesting home Rouseff’s cross. Rouseff hits the post not long afterwards but on the stroke of half-time Catherine Purrington, benefiting from not being the one everyone clusters on, uses her space to saunter between the lines, jank the ball past Brun and hammer home a shot from 28 yards that Klavier was left sprawling for. With that and other surprise results elsewhere in their favour, Starling steal some ground on the rest of the top sides with a comfortable away win over South Laithland.

Centralis are an even better underdog story than Starling, at least at international level. They give the Passerines a fair run for their money - McCormack’s neat little turn-and-shot gives them the lead in the 8th minute before Mirko Koehler cuts inside, tries his luck and gets rewarded, beating a wrong-footed Lemona at her near post. The Heart regain the lead not long into the second half, this time through another Schottian in Kennicot, but Warner (off the bench) and Cautcher put the Passerines in front before Ursa Dimitar’s introduction into the midfield stifles the match to stay how it was. It hangs in the balance.

So it comes to this. Locked 1-1 with Brookford Otters in injury time, both teams desperate to win, the very literal pin-up boy Lucius Kaspian clips in a last throw of the dice for the Passerines through the corner. Hadrian Belfast, 37-year old legend on these shores and just having secured another year’s contract extension, goes for it… and is, somehow, beasted by Starling’s centre-half Steed Fowler, who in the clash of rock-hard muscle manages to guide his header beautifully into the top-right. It’s all slipping from Vermillion Rage, who lose 2-1 to a determined Newrook City after three straight draws - they fall to second but still within striking range of the title, Treason’s hard-won victory in a tense clash against Starling securing them third and with a good chance of the Champions’ Cup, the Otters now in need of a result to keep them ahead of 5th-place Brinemouth, North Laithland’s 1-0 win over Bishop enough for 6th. The Sabrefell Moths’ very real chance of being in that title conversation were torpedoed because they haven’t actually scored a goal in the past four games, and were freshly annihilated by a very impressive Parrhesia United.
That result keeps the Saints - as well as Creed United - in the hunt forthe Globe Cup and assured of being ahead of… yes, Bishop, in 10th-place. The same Bishop that was tipped for relegation. They’re ahead of Sabrefell Athletic (who have given Brunet a permanent contract for his capable work in restoring the side), Coret Hawks (who fell away near the end of the season) and, following their fairly feckless 3-1 defeat to Brinemouth, a hugely disappointing Crisisbless. Murmurs in the club suggest that Shale’s hand-picked successor, Erica Brewer, is going to be axed. Nobody will complain - especially the subdued striker Igrene Cantor who has made her displeasure perhaps a little too clear on social media. Violence Chariots can be happy with the first signs of a larval revolution at the club - Rossizzo will take them far. Just not this season. Maximum City lose 2-0 to a Chatswood side scrambling to escape relegation. The Smiths have contributed nothing to an incredible season, Russ Reucassel is heading out the exit door and nobody can complain. Thanks to their victory over Vermillion, Newrook City are essentially safe unless Southfell United can score roughly twenty goals and every other side beneath them wins.
At the bottom of the table, Misha Nechemevic’s River have come so far. They’ve battled so far. They’re unbeaten in seven. But they slip at the worst possible time - Rook Fenwick, who has very much powered this resurgence, fires home early on past Edelgrau to give the faithful hope. But it’s dashed against the rocks when, late in the match, the Chariots manage a deserved equaliser as substitute Jess Hearn smashes home a trademark free kick into the stanchion before, cruelly, an overextended River are caught on the break and dismantled by Stiin Siorrha'Asione. The brash teenager ensures he will never be bought a pint within eyesight of the Canal again after he latches onto a long pass, nutmegs the sprawling Bowerman, waits for him to come back across, promptly nutmegs him again, runs into the net, stops the ball on the line, drops to his knees and heads home. He gets to his feet. Solomon Harm has, by this point, had a good few yards to jog to run up and send his foot, laser-guided, into his groin. Siorrha'Asione’s scream catches nicely into the cameras. The referee pretends to have seen nothing. What a season.

And, in the second tier, we can officially welcome Chenoworth Harriers (probably as champions - they just need a point against Serpentine), Goodfeather FC (less decisively than hoped) and, surprisingly, Sheridan back to the top flight. The sides ranked 4th and 5th are only seperated by goal difference, so it comes down to the wire - West Brinemouth host Goodfeather FC while Morningstar host Sheridan. Chenoworth Rovers, ultimately, fell just short. Probably because they’ve only scored 44 goals in what was an especially cagey second-tier season. Serpentine lurk just outside the promotion places as they rebuild, Cypher Town are mired in lower-midtable, while it’s set to be an interesting battle near the bottom of the table. Or, well… maybe not. Cranequin City and Ritter Town are 19th and 20th, and they play each other on the final matchday. East Laithland Harriers are 21st, two points below and with an insurmountably bad goal difference. I’m sure you can do the mathematics on that one.

Somewhat underwhelming? Maybe. But a game low on quality, settled by Gallagher’s through-ball leading to Sternberg’s tap-in, is enough for the Passerines to make it to the final. And, of all teams to play in the final? Groupmates Bassabook Old Boys, whose 1-0 win in Zwangzug was Starling’s first-ever taste of UICA action.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Starling                 45  23  10  12  65  47  +18  79
  2 Vermillion Rage          45  23   8  14  77  51  +26  77
  3 AFC Treason              45  22   9  14  68  48  +20  75
  4 Brookford Otters         45  20  13  12  66  44  +22  73
  5 Brinemouth               45  20  12  13  72  56  +16  72
  6 North Laithland          45  19  14  12  66  49  +17  71
  7 Sabrefell Moths          45  19  13  13  69  64   +5  70
  8 Creed United             45  18  14  13  56  45  +11  68
  9 Parrhesia United         45  19  10  16  76  65  +11  67
 10 Bishop                   45  17  12  16  47  46   +1  63
 11 Sabrefell Athletic       45  16  14  15  60  61   -1  62
 12 Coret Hawks              45  16  14  15  53  60   -7  62
 13 Crisisbless              45  17  10  18  53  55   -2  61
 14 Violence Chariots        45  16  11  18  75  84   -9  59
 15 Maximum City             45  16  10  19  47  50   -3  58
 16 Newrook City             45  13  17  15  54  47   +7  56
 17 South Laithland          45  14  13  18  52  69  -17  55
 18 Maximum Rovers           45  14  12  19  51  56   -5  54
 19 Cranequin Wanderers      45  15   9  21  43  54  -11  54
 20 Armstrong                45  14  11  20  49  50   -1  53
 21 Southfell United         45  15   8  22  51  76  -25  53
 22 Chatswood                45  13  13  19  38  51  -13  52
 23 Raven River              45  13   8  24  46  70  -24  47
 24 Crisisbless United       45  10  11  24  54  90  -36  41

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Harriers          45  25   7  13  67  46  +21  82
  2 Goodfeather FC               45  22  13  10  56  33  +23  79
  3 Sheridan                     45  22  12  11  53  30  +23  78
  4 West Brinemouth              45  18  18   9  49  38  +11  72
  5 Morningstar                  45  22   6  17  60  54   +6  72
  6 Chenoworth Rovers            45  18  14  13  44  37   +7  68
  7 AFC Serpentine               45  20   8  17  51  47   +4  68
  8 Belgrave                     45  18  13  14  49  40   +9  67
  9 Corvette Maulers             45  18  11  16  53  50   +3  65
 10 Vermillion Wanderers         45  18  10  17  71  60  +11  64
 11 Iron City                    45  17  13  15  39  36   +3  64
 12 Martella Jazz                45  16  15  14  53  56   -3  63
 13 Leichhardt                   45  17  11  17  48  46   +2  62
 14 Extreme Hills                45  17  10  18  62  54   +8  61
 15 Diamondqueen                 45  18   7  20  50  54   -4  61
 16 Cypher Town                  45  16  12  17  47  41   +6  60
 17 Rochford                     45  14  14  17  36  41   -5  56
 18 Coret Rovers                 45  14  14  17  55  62   -7  56
 19 Cranequin City               45  13  15  17  49  49   +0  54
 20 Ritter Town                  45  15   9  21  47  52   -5  54
 21 East Laithland Harriers      45  14  10  21  56  76  -20  52
 22 Locksley                     45  13   9  23  43  78  -35  48
 23 Crossroads Town              45  12   5  28  41  68  -27  41
 24 Stonegrave                   45   9  12  24  27  58  -31  39

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Hackett                    45  22  10  13  62  46  +16  76
  2 AFC Shale                  45  20  13  12  42  29  +13  73
  3 Dross Rovers               45  20  12  13  47  35  +12  72
  4 Greygate                   45  19  13  13  54  39  +15  70
  5 West Hook                  45  18  16  11  53  44   +9  70
  6 Riverkey                   45  19  11  15  56  52   +4  68
  7 Rhagant Schadenfreude      45  17  16  12  36  28   +8  67
  8 Senway Town                45  17  16  12  58  55   +3  67
  9 North Sabrefell            45  19   9  17  62  58   +4  66
 10 Brindleton                 45  17  15  13  38  41   -3  66
 11 Ox River United            45  16  16  13  42  38   +4  64
 12 Brookway Town              45  14  16  15  57  54   +3  58
 13 Sutcroft                   45  15  13  17  48  47   +1  58
 14 Project +90                45  15  13  17  48  58  -10  58
 15 Iron United                45  14  15  16  51  53   -2  57
 16 Mantlegrove                45  14  14  17  44  55  -11  56
 17 Dartmouth Terriers         45  14  13  18  46  61  -15  55
 18 South Parrhesia            45  15   8  22  56  58   -2  53
 19 Strephonage                45  13  14  18  47  49   -2  53
 20 Crisisbless Athletic       45  12  17  16  52  56   -4  53
 21 Fenland Albion             45  14  10  21  35  45  -10  52
 22 Corby Hubris               45  12  14  19  57  67  -10  50
 23 Long Lake                  45  13  11  21  30  43  -13  50
 24 Mainstream Fist            45  11  15  19  54  64  -10  48

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Kensey Town               45  25   7  13  69  47  +22  82
  2 Rushe United              45  23   7  15  69  62   +7  76
  3 Boleyn Town               45  21  12  12  46  30  +16  75
  4 Gridlock Rovers           45  20  11  14  50  47   +3  71
  5 AFC Corvistone            45  20  10  15  63  46  +17  70
  6 Bodkin Road               45  19  13  13  66  56  +10  70
  7 Pillars of Southfell      45  19  10  16  54  50   +4  67
  8 Sutcroft Athletic         45  18  11  16  55  55   +0  65
  9 Falston Town              45  17  13  15  66  47  +19  64
 10 The Strongest             45  18  10  17  70  76   -6  64
 11 Gridlock East             45  16  13  16  54  49   +5  61
 12 Franchise FC              45  16  13  16  54  54   +0  61
 13 North Dubstep             45  17  10  18  53  56   -3  61
 14 Courser                   45  16  12  17  54  55   -1  60
 15 Iberia Chenoworth         45  17   9  19  68  78  -10  60
 16 Fischer                   45  16  11  18  53  53   +0  59
 17 Southriver                45  14  16  15  66  63   +3  58
 18 Ringway                   45  16   9  20  56  71  -15  57
 19 Bellamy                   45  14  14  17  47  55   -8  56
 20 Grovebank                 45  15  10  20  50  61  -11  55
 21 Camwell Road              45  14  12  19  44  52   -8  54
 22 Blaze                     45  13  13  19  70  70   +0  52
 23 The Hanged Man            45  13  11  21  38  47   -9  50
 24 Dubstep Rangers           45  10   9  26  39  74  -35  39

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Fully Sick XI         38  22   8   8  54  39  +15  74
  2 Kommissar             38  19   9  10  57  43  +14  66
  3 Boltcroft Thorns      38  17  12   9  64  46  +18  63
  4 Harrington            38  17  12   9  51  39  +12  63
  5 Nay Town              38  19   6  13  50  45   +5  63
  6 Falston United        38  16  13   9  36  34   +2  61
  7 Gosforth Swans        38  16   7  15  63  50  +13  55
  8 Gridlock              38  14  10  14  43  34   +9  52
  9 Gonen's Bridge        38  14  10  14  38  35   +3  52
 10 Forge Carpenters      38  13  13  12  28  29   -1  52
 11 Tryst Athletic        38  13  11  14  56  58   -2  50
 12 Sirencall FC          38  13   9  16  43  55  -12  48
 13 Norton Road           38  12   9  17  42  47   -5  45
 14 Vermillion Spite      38  11  11  16  60  60   +0  44
 15 Perrett               38  12   8  18  36  46  -10  44
 16 Swag Hill Rovers      38  11  10  17  54  65  -11  43
 17 Ramsay                38  10  13  15  38  50  -12  43
 18 Geoff United          38   9  14  15  32  39   -7  41
 19 Barcastle Rovers      38  11   8  19  43  56  -13  41
 20 Stekelenbright        38   8  13  17  27  45  -18  37

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rochford Pilgrims      38  21  10   7  74  45  +29  73
  2 Lackerrun              38  19   7  12  72  53  +19  64
  3 Twelvetrees            38  15  16   7  47  40   +7  61
  4 Brunyard FC            38  15  12  11  46  38   +8  57
  5 South Brill            38  15  12  11  45  40   +5  57
  6 Peregrine              38  16   8  14  61  49  +12  56
  7 Ballardine FC          38  14  13  11  55  44  +11  55
  8 Masculine Town         38  14  13  11  58  48  +10  55
  9 Downsparrow            38  15   9  14  47  47   +0  54
 10 Hartford Glade         38  12  17   9  62  51  +11  53
 11 De La Patria           38  13  14  11  53  50   +3  53
 12 Chaker Town            38  12  15  11  38  40   -2  51
 13 Clay Terrace           38  10  16  12  37  41   -4  46
 14 Norpike                38   9  16  13  39  46   -7  43
 15 Violence Tigers        38   9  16  13  39  49  -10  43
 16 Rookwall               38  11  10  17  38  55  -17  43
 17 Stamper Road           38  10  10  18  39  59  -20  40
 18 Sandrock               38   8  13  17  31  42  -11  37
 19 Southfell Dilmao       38   8  13  17  25  45  -20  37
 20 Getton Town            38   8  12  18  38  62  -24  36

by **Nephara** » Fri Jul 15, 2016 1:50 pm

THE RUN-DOWN
At the Top
It’s down to two. Starling host a Coret Hawks side with nothing to play for. Vermillion Rage, meanwhile, visit a South Laithland side for whom there is a remote chance of relegation. Two from Treason (75 pts, +20 GD, River away), Brookford (73, +22, Cranequin home), Brinemouth (72, +16, Chatswood away) and North Laithland (71, +17, Parrhesia away) will join them in the Champions’ Cup. Mathematically, the Moths are also in that race, but their goal difference is dismal.

At the Bottom
Only Raven River and Crisisbless United are relegated for certain. The worst two of seven sides will join them in the second tier next term, and Newrook City’s record of being the best relegated team with 52 points has already been broken. Respectively they are;
16. Newrook City - 56, +7, Moths home
17. South Laithland - 55, -17, Vermillion home
18. Maximum Rovers - 54, -5, Crisisbless United away
19. Cranequin Wanderers - 54, -11, Brookford away
20. Armstrong - 53, -1, Crisisbless home
--
21. Southfell United - 53, -25, Athletic home
22. Chatswood - 52, -13, Brinemouth home

First Division
With three teams already promoted, Chenoworth Harriers can secure the title with a point over AFC Serpentine, who host them.
West Brinemouth host Goodfeather FC. The hosts need to match Morningstar’s result against Sheridan, while if the Harriers lose, a victory for the Quakers hands them the title.
While all this is going on, Cranequin City and Ritter Town will probably have a mutually beneficial draw to keep safe between them at the expense of East Laithland Harriers.

KICK-OFF!
1 mins - Notably, the NFA has (not for the first time) ignored the WCC ruling that only one person needs to be in the centre-circle for a kick-off, President Markus Rensenbrink noting that “two guys standing over the ball waiting for the whistle is an iconic image for the sport.”
2 mins - GOAL! Well, that was quick! It’s Casarine, of course it is! Put through on goal by Theresa Wintergren she hurdles a filthy Sutton challenge and then stabs the ball past Jelic as she’s falling. Funnily enough, out of the entire round, this is the only dead rubber… BIS 1-0 MXC.
3 mins - Three minutes in and already nerves are starting to show. There’s pressure on everyone to perform. Starling rightback Koehler misplaces a pass early on but Antonio shoots first-time, forcing Hargrave into a decent save where there could have been more.
4 mins - First caution of the match. Of course it’s Chatswood’s - Gareth Flynn crunches Konrad Gosforth. These two teams really have it out for each other...
5 mins - Oh, that was close! Gratia Barker misses Xidhas with a challenge as the first player to move directly from the Saints to Rage dashes forward in search of glory. A neat one-two with Runen sets her up well, she shoots when she should pass to Cruz but the shot cannons off Campbell’s back. Yossarian, lurching left, quickly has to try and throw herself to her right and manages to slap the ball away - Milner clears the danger. Close one!
6 mins - Something doesn’t look quite right in the Rovers’ body language. They look complacent, and granted they’re against the weakest team in the league but even they are no pushovers. Should they win, they’re on track to be the best last-placed team ever (equal to Rochford in the first modern season), and the 44 points they’d have has been enough to stay up in fairly recent seasons.
7 mins - GOAL! Oh, well. Speak of the devil. The Rovers’ defence - admittedly weakened by injury - crumbles under the hard-running Crisisbless pressure, and stand-in centre-half Florian Schneider (a holding midfielder by trade) deflects Klinsmann’s shot past a wrong-footed Middleton. It’s the Quebecois’ last game, and captain Reinhard Drake’s, too - presumably they were hoping for a better send-off than this. CRU 1-0 MXR.
8 mins - Maximum City’s first shot on target against Bishop… and it’s a free kick that just gently glides into Scannell’s arms from 30 yards. Bishop have been fantastic this season - solid at the back, clinical at the front and built to dissemble teams on the break. Maximum City just stand back and ground out results.
9 mins - It mightn’t work out as planned, but Rademacher almost opens the scoring for the Saints. She twirls around the wrong-footed Gunnar Brickwalk, threads the needle between Duguid and Kennedy and her last touch lets her down, juuust allowing Corren to slide in and hook it away.
10 mins - GOAL! That was ugly. Smiths winger Katsamatis hoofs a cross into the mixer, everyone kicks each other but Anika Redmayne just has enough about her to dink it away from Rosenbauer before knifing the ball home. It was Scannell’s near post, she should have covered it better, but it’s BIS 1-1 MXC.
11 mins - To be fair, Redmayne’s a legitimately good striker - Rosenbauer, the former Project +90 graduate, has also had a great campaign. Both are being linked to bigger and better things.
12 mins - GOAL! Well, that’s how to spoil a party, but the Southrons are in (admittedly remote) danger of going down and aren’t about to lie down and die for Theresa Riether’s squad! It’s straightforward stuff, Cruickshank’s cross headed home by Rook Bantambridge, no chance for Edelgrau. SLA 1-0 VRR.
13 mins - In an otherwise fairly dozy match between Newrook City and Sabrefell Moths, the lads in green surge forward and catch the Rooks off guard. At least, in theory - Meier’s first shot with her left thunders off Seward, who collapses, she volleys it again with her right and Kolar palms it away, Johnson fires it home… almost. It’s stopped by a diving header from Francesca Marquon! Spectacular stuff.
14 mins - Crisisbless are fucking the ball around in midfield. Armstrong have packed ten players patiently behind the midfield with Damian Harbour defending from the front by clattering people. Cantor, as frustrated with it all as the fans are, wins and immediately co-opts a free kick, takes a huge run-up, and blooters it over the stadium and, presumably, into orbit.
15 mins - An important thing to remember for Starling - they’ve rested a couple of players due to the Champions’ Cup and CEDC finals they’re to contest within the next week. Importantly, this includes the injury-prone Cautcher and the jaded-looking Asif, and while Westerlow’s always sporadically dangerous, captain Kurtis Warner filling in on the right isn’t getting much purchase against Jess Beck.
16 mins - GOAL! Oh dear. Relegation is on the cards for the Rovers, remember, and Rook Klinsmann’s far-post header gives him his first brace of the campaign. Within sixteen minutes. CRU 2-0 MXR.
17 mins - Dangerous-looking corner for Brinemouth, sent swerving in by Candelo at Scafidis. Katsouranis rushes out and, in the act of punching the ball, also handily punches Scafidis in the face. Claims innocence. Referee’s not buying it. Second booking for Chatswood already.
18 mins - Morningstar have taken the lead against Sheridan. They’ll be set to be the only Premiership debutant of those promoted as it stands, and only entered the pyramid in the expansion a few years ago. Long enough ago that West Brinemouth were establishing themselves in the top flight.
19 mins - GOAL! Deserved goal for the Chariots against the Oathmen who seem to mostly be phoning it in right now. Not for the first time this game Michelle Trelawney’s pass is cut out by Paterson who immediately scythes a pass across to St. John, who chips a hopelessly wrong-footed Russ Beresford. CRD 0-1 VIC.
20 mins - Both those sides have had plenty to be optimistic about, of course. Creed United are now an established midtable Premiership side - the Chariots, though flirting with danger in the first half of the season, have recovered and just really look like a team that’s got upward momentum on their side.
21 mins - Bishop are getting a lot of joy out of just squeezing the Smiths with a high line and a lot of cross-field balls, Jelic has been under a lot of pressu-
22 mins - GOAL! Yep, there it is - Cunnington releases Silkman who dashes through the defence and dinks the ball past Jelic. BIS 2-1 MXC.
23 mins - First booking for Brinemouth! Bosetti puts his studs through Corsie, who shrieks. The away fans stop chanting about how they’re going to put Chatswood in the second tier for one hearty rendition of the classic “you fat bastard” song. They’re really getting into the spirit of this rivalry.
24 mins - That’s more like it! Raquel Naeher splits open the United defence (which is really easy in all fairness), Lucy Curren slides in and… somehow slices the ball into the crossbar, from like four yards. Catheline Harper howls on the touchline.
25 mins - Cranequin Wanderers have just sort of passed under the radar this campaign, and their mid-50s points tally is normally enough to glide through on mediocrity. Not this time around - they’re under the pump against Brookford, understandably, and they could be in trouble. Really, no matter how this pans out, there will be surprises in the First Division next season.
26 mins - GOAL! A bittersweet campaign for Treason might still have one trick up its sleeve as a disappointing, relegated River continues to show signs of recovery. Misha Nechemevic pumps his fist as the dirty but efficient Gerhard Schanzer knocks home a header past a sprawling Ballard. RVR 1-0 TRE.
27 mins - GOAL! Harper will not be pleased. Jeers from the away end as Aveline thunders a shot low past Hawthorn from outside the box, going totally unchallenged by any defender, no pressure at all! The Rovers are really looking over their shoulder now. CRU 3-0 MXR.
28 mins - Armstrong have managed 26% possession, but as usual with Crisisbless this season… no penetration. Crisisbless have scored more goals outside the box (as a percentage) than any other team this season, but Knight is dealing with them comfortably.
29 mins - Starling are pressing hard going forward but just not getting purchase. Rumoured with being sold in the offseason after an unconvincing season, John Godsflock is doing everything he can for that new contract - that was a world-class save just now to tip Cautcher’s shot onto the upright.
30 mins - GOAL! Oof, that was deserved, you’d have to say! Purrington smashed a shot at goal and Yossarian could only palm it at Pokrovski, who finished the job. Vermillion just need another goal… SLA 1-1 VRR.
31 mins - Brock Stalbury from Brinemouth tweets in to ask why Athletic and Brinemouth were so bad at the start of the season, why Crisisbless were so bad at the end and, with Chatswood currently battling to stay up, if a truly big team might go down? I’d be inclined to say it’s possible. The genuine giants of the Premiership need to start splashing out if they’re to return to dominance.
32 mins - GOAL! That… was soft. Edelgrau has reasserted herself as a good goalkeeper, but it’s incidents like ‘jumping up to claim Arran Kearney’s cross, fumbling it as she bounces off Leadbetter and drops it over the line’ that give ammunition to her detractors. Charitably, it looks like Kearney will be credited. CRD 1-1 VIC.
33 mins - Creed are sort of like a slightly worse Starling - very motivated, hard-running, compact 4-4-2 with a ruthless (albeit Brenecian) striker. You wouldn’t be surprised to see them in the Globe Cup sooner rather than later.
34 mins - GOAL! Ross Finlay has worked his way into the side over the course of the campaign, and here he gets his first goal - cracking one in off the underside of the crossbar from 25 yards! Klavier never stood a chance. PAR 0-1 NLA.
35 mins - Amazing tackle from Hye Min Jeong denies Samuhel Ramsey a very, very rare goal as he’s lumbering through on goal - seemingly just Malone to beat but then Jeong just slides in and picks his pocket. He’s held a pretty much nonexistent defence together this whole season, maybe one of the best buys of the campaign.
36 mins - Edelgrau atones for her calamitous earlier error by tipping over a beautifully-dipping Alemane strike. But what will be the one people make Vines of? Trick question because in the four minutes since that goal it’s already gone viral.
37 mins - GOAL! Against the run of play, maybe, but does Cranequin ever have the run of play? Bismarck’s corner is turned home by a scarcely-marked Ciprian Jantzer. BRO 0-1 CRW.
38 mins - This has been an enthralling set of games, if not always high in quality. Everyone’s so tense...
39 mins - GOALS! The big boys can take heart. Jevdjevic-Hadsic smashes a half-volley past Knight (you guessed it, from just outside the box) and Adnan Zozula’s header restores parity against the Ferrymen. ARM 0-1 CRI. RVR 1-1 TRE.
40 mins - Coret almost take the lead over Starling - Antonio gets the ball in the net, but she’s marginally offside. Tight, tight call… the away fans aren’t happy.
41 mins - GOAL! Sloppy from Cliving, whose pass is cut out by a surging Roe, who lumps the ball forward. Jacobsen leaps like a salmon, the ball loops onto the crossbar and Jacobsen leaps over a weak Caravella to nod the ball down to Clijsters, who smashes it in from eight yards. Incredibly ugly, but effective from Newrook. NRC 1-0 SFM.
42 mins - GOAL! Toreador more or less decides to score, surging past Sarracena, Breen, shrugging off Rough and smashing past Pressinger. Unexpected, but nice to see. Most neutrals want the Tanners to stay up. SFU 1-0 SFA.
43 mins - Just think for a second that Starling are in line for the triple.
44 mins - GOAL! Deserved. Loeher hangs off Jantzer’s shoulder, takes a pass to feet, turns him effortlessly and then rifles it home past Brennan, who gets fingers to it. Not enough. The Otters are level. BRO 1-1 CRW.
45 mins - Armstrong come close, reminding Crisisbless that, yes, there is a team here, not a collection of traffic cones. Tanya Chilton rifles a free kick off the crossbar, though Marciak probably had it in any case.
Injury time - Quiet and cagey. It’s a tense atmosphere, so most teams are happy to just wind down to the interval without conceding.

HALF-TIME!
Chatswood 0-0 Brinemouth
Armstrong 0-1 Crisisbless
Bishop 2-1 Maximum City
Crisisbless United 3-0 Maximum Rovers
Parrhesia United 0-1 North Laithland
Southfell United 1-0 Sabrefell Athletic
Newrook City 1-0 Sabrefell Moths
Raven River 1-1 AFC Treason
South Laithland 1-1 Vermillion Rage
Creed United 1-1 Violence Chariots
Brookford Otters 1-1 Cranequin Wanderers
Starling 0-0 Coret Hawks
--
Goodfeather FC 0-0 West Brinemouth
AFC Serpentine 1-1 Chenoworth Harriers
Morningstar 1-0 Sheridan

Starling to retain the title.
Armstrong and Chatswood going down.
Chenoworth Harriers to take the First Division title.
Morningstar coming up.

KICK-OFF!
46 mins - A lot of teams going for it straight up - both Vermillion and Starling could really use a goal. So could pretty much anyone in lower-midtable.
47 mins - Corsie thwacks the ball at goal from half-way and it catches nicely in the wind - Vintner is forced into a scrambling save just to tip it over the bar. Almost humiliating for Brinemouth, in a really funny way.
48 mins - West Brinemouth just took the lead against Goodfeather FC. It has to be said that whoever gets promoted out of West Brinemouth or Morningstar is unlikely to stay up, same with Sheridan - but then people said that about Armstrong and Bishop. Armstrong do need a goal, mind...
49 mins - GOAL! Samuhel Ramsey scores a goal?! Cruickshank, who has not had a great season, lofts in a high cross - Ramsey slams into it with all the force of a steam-train to power it past Malone! Vermillion need two goals now! SLA 2-1 VRR.
50 mins - Cheers in Starling when the Vermillion result gets to them. Who’d have thought two years ago that these teams would be contesting the league title head to head?
51 mins - GOAL! Armstrong equalise against Crisisbless! Harbour forces a corner with a thunderous shot, Chilton lofts it into the far post where the big centre-half Hagicostas nods it home! This sets up… it has to be checked, but as it stands Maximum Rovers are going down! ARM 1-1 CRI.
52 mins - Hilda Banyard from Crisisbless protests. “Someday pundits like you are going to have to accept that Starling are one of the big players. We keep being bombarded in this narrative of Starling as heroic underdogs.” Well, they are! Look at their budget!
53 mins - Brinemouth denied a penalty they thought was clear, the away fans are not happy! Bottlegreen’s ankle was tapped as she ran into the box and threatened to turn Miller - she tried to keep running but couldn’t maintain her balance. That… was probably a foul, yes.
54 mins - GOAL! This is turning into a comfortable victory, Rui Mokanga sidefooting home Stenet’s cross past Klavier. PAR 0-2 NLA.
55 mins - Chatswood starting to exert pressure. Even Corsie, by now, is huffing and puffing about the midfield, the entire team just pressing Brinemouth relentlessly, stopping them from progress.
56 mins - Catheline Harper is frantic. Maximum Rovers have been pressing hard, so hard to get back in the game but their finishing and great work from Sparwasser are denying them.
57 mins - GOAL! Oh, what?! Vermillion get caught on the break - mostly because Xidhas hammers a diagonal ball into Gratia Barker, who collapses. But Woodbridge is there, smashes it along for Cruickshank who hooks home a shot past Malone at his near post. A disappointing goal to concede, even in the circumstances. SLA 3-1 VRR.
58 mins - Even at 37 Belfast remains world-class - he just effortly nicks the ball out from under the rampaging Scuffett’s feet. From behind. In the penalty area.
59 mins - GOAL! Ohh, that’s rough. Bickermann releases Tarashaj who impressively leaps to head the ball over Sutton, runs onto it and fires it low and hard past Hargrave! Both title contenders are losing! STA 0-1 COH.
60 mins - GOAL! Oh, that was sloppy! Nkembe dwelled in possession, a slightly heavy touch taking it away from the inexperienced homegrown defender and towards Kuralay, who sprinted onto it and lashed it, first-time, past an apoplectic Matt Vintner. CHT 1-0 BRI.
61 mins - GOAL! A flurry here in the middle of the second half. The Otters take the lead for the first time, Belfast hammering home a corner. Revenge on Ciprian Jantzer, who can’t compete in the air with him. BRO 2-1 CRW.
62 mins - Even if Starling turn this around to win this they’re set to be the champions with the worst record (on goal difference) in modern history. Meanwhile, whoever goes down will have the best relegated record in history. It’s been that kind of season.
63 mins - So nearly a second for Chatswood, as Matheson rifles a header in that skims over the crossbar!
64 mins - GOAL! And this is more of what Catheline Harper was hoping for! That, from Aziz Senturk, is a shot she would have been proud of in her playing days, Sparwasser never stood a chance. Harper has gone from looking like she wants to murder everyone on the pitch to ecstatic in one stroke of Senturk’s left peg. CRU 3-1 MXR.
65 mins - GOAL! That could be a fly in the ointment for Karin Vermaelen’s men. Linden Lucassen spruces up an ultimately disappointing season with a tidy finish past Carsten Thunder. SFU 1-1 SFA.
66 mins - GOAL! Well, more reason for Harper’s joy now! Of course Reinhard Drake gets a goal in his last match, and it’s a trademark one - taking Chaulker’s cross on his chest, holding off Curran and turning to hammer it into the roof of the next past a helpless Sparwasser. CRU 3-2 MXR.
67 mins - No matter what happens here tonight, three sides can consider themselves very unlucky to be going down. It’s been a very strong season at the bottom with no truly dominant teams at the top.
68 mins - GOAL! The narrative strikes again! Atherton Telfair was never really given a chance in the limelight at North Laithland but the Cosumarite has well and truly found his home at Parrhesia, the 30-year old hammering home from just outside the box when Frei’s raking long ball found its way to him. Corren left with no chance. PAR 1-2 NLA.
69 mins - Another yellow card for Chatswood - two, actually. Vlahos flattens Bottlegreen and then Beresford is booked for dissent.
70 mins - Spare a thought for Coret Hawks, currently defending their slim lead with gusto against Starling. They may have fallen to the wayside near the end of the season, but they’re a side with great young talents (Hastifer, Draxler, Antonio and especially Tarashaj) and very clear weaknesses at rightback (sorry, Beckett) and goalkeeper. Patch those up and there is a side that could seriously be in contention for the Globe Cup places...
71 mins - GOAL! The Rovers up against it again, undone by a simple, stupid defensive error. Vidurvoerdr passes the ball back to Hawthorn under no pressure, or more precisely about four yards short and to the left of her. Weiler swiftly occupies that space and stabs the ball home. Harper is not a happy woman. CRU 4-2 MXR.
72 mins - Chatswood may have had a terrible season, but Chilmark and Konoval look like genuinely great players in the making. Chilmark’s troubled Vintner a few times and Konoval’s- oh. Oh dear.
73 mins - PENALTY TO BRINEMOUTH! Konoval hacks down Juquinho with precisely ironic timing. He gets gingerly to his feet to take it… hits it left, KATSOURANIS SAVES! He saw that coming the whole way, parried it away and Konoval came in to hack it clear of danger!
74 mins - According to our mathematicians, the ball from Igrene Cantor’s first half free kick has just landed in a small pond, fifty miles south of Cranequin.
75 mins - Brinemouth are pressing hard for that equaliser. They really want to bring Chatswood down. From a corner, Gosforth hammers a loose ball into Chaplain, standing on one of the posts. Konoval clears, the crowd breathes a sigh of relief.
76 mins - GOAL! In a match that had been more or less simmering to a close, the Chariots get ahead with just a bit of quality from Nemeth. CRD 1-2 VIC.
77 mins - Adnan Zozula is one of those players who just wreaks havoc and destruction in the box, even at 34 and linked with a move abroad - as is Puntoriero, his strike partner, but it’s Zozula who smashes through Dimitriades and leaps mightily to hammer a header against the crossbar, Bowerman stranded.
78 mins - GOAL! Cranequin scrap their way back into the match with a Scuffett header which… which… uh… anyway, it screws around with who’s being relegated, probably. It’s Maximum Rovers and Armstrong now? Probably? Or, no, the Tanners… God, it could be anyone! BRO 2-2 CRW.
79 mins - GOALS! Some scuffling in the box gets called as a penalty for Maximum City - Reucassel’s pressure paying off again, evidently. Jezek slots it past Scannell. Meanwhile, in Newrook, the Rooks are ending their season on a high after Clijsters gets his second of the match. BIS 2-2 MXC. NRC 2-0 SFM.
80 mins - If those rumours are true, Treason will need new forwards. Could Igrene Cantor, so subdued this season with Crisisbless, be one of them? Violence’s Voeller has also been linked… and maybe, if Redmayne can bridge the gap of her current club...
81 mins - GOAL! The Passerines draw level! Of course it’s Cautcher!! STA 1-1 COH.
82 mins - #FegeleinForCormorants has been trending for the best part of a year, which seems harsh on Shale considering how he’s set the Nephara national team up pretty well and just had them glide into the World Cup, a process which is traditionally… painful.
83 mins - GOAL! A third for the Chariots, deserved - Creed switches off at the back, Machairas (much improved this season) splits them with a pass and Voeller swats it home. CRD 1-3 VIC.
84 mins - It’s heating up. People are looking at the clock, weighing up their current position, and-
85 mins - GOAL! - and Cranequin Wanderers’ current position just got a whole lot worse for them! Whiteforest’s cross drifting in, a late run into the box from Kestrel and BOOM! What a goal, first time with the left peg, Brennan sprawling! BRO 3-2 CRW.
86 mins - Shockingly, in one of the dullest matches ever played, Cranequin City have betrayed the script as Reinhard Buchanan drills home a shot past a sprawling Fairweather. It might even put Ritter Town in the third tier if East Laithland had any kind of finishing - as it stands they’re slinking to defeat against Corvette.
87 mins - The Harriers, meanwhile, may be losing to Serpentine… but West Brinemouth are comfortably ahead of the Quakers. The Harriers should make the title from this point and the Gulls are promoted barring a late comeback from Goodfeather.
88 mins - GOAL! Gerry Malone is thrown into the box for a last-ditch Vermillion corner. It doesn’t work out as planned. SLA 4-1 VRR.
89 mins - GOAL! Oh, what?! Starling press for a winner to secure victory in style, but it’s almost their worst nightmare as Antonio curls a shot past Hargrave, 2-1 to the Hawks, but it won’t matter! People are checking the scores in the Laith and it just doesn’t matter! STA 1-2 COH.
90 mins - GOAL! Well, this is just getting ridiculous! SLA 5-1 VRR.
Injury time - Cranequin Wanderers - they’re next for the drop? Probably? - throw everything forwards goal! Scuffett shoots, he misses! Alphonse saves from Rook, the Otters strike back and miss, and, of… that’s a GOAL! Brinemouth are deflated when Vlahos crosses, Cohen flicks it on and Helmut Chilmark cuts through the middle to sidefoot the ball past Vintner! CHT 2-0 BRI. And… as the final whistles ring, that’s how it ends. Vermillion sinking to their knees, wondering how they could ever let it slip. The Wanderers and, after a check of the notes, Southfell United are relegated along with River and Crisisbless United. A reprieve for Starling, the weakest champions in history… but they won’t give a damn. The fairytale has repeated itself, and it may yet multiply.

CUP FINAL
But first, there’s another fairy-tale to crush. Extreme Hills may have benefited from a slightly fortunate run to the final but, make no mistake, they deserve to be here at the Farham Arena. Can they quash Crisisbless’ last chance to save their season? Will Chris Britton, surely one of the players of the Cup, lead them to victory?
Well, no, as it turns out.

Extreme Hills 0-8 Crisisbless

CEDC FINAL
Sadly, the Passerines’ bid for the triple was torpedoed at the last - Leonardo Conavacio cruelly putting an end to their dreams in extra time.

Alianza FC 2-2 Starling - 3-2 after extra time

CHAMPIONS CUP FINAL
But it scarcely matters, because they’re back again in the Champions’ Cup final, of all places. Against Bassabook.
Some matches are all about the moments of quality. Some are epic struggles of two or more hours, a battle between legends. Others are the valiant struggles of David against Goliath. Some of these tales need to be documented.

But sometimes…

You can just let a scoreline speak for itself.

Bassabook Old Boys 2-3 Starling

For the first time ever, a side hailing from Nephara are champions of the world.

PREMIERSHIP RESULTS
Chatswood 2-0 Brinemouth
Armstrong 1-1 Crisisbless
Bishop 2-2 Maximum City
Crisisbless United 4-2 Maximum Rovers
Parrhesia United 1-2 North Laithland
Southfell United 1-1 Sabrefell Athletic
Newrook City 2-0 Sabrefell Moths
Raven River 2-1 AFC Treason
South Laithland 5-1 Vermillion Rage
Creed United 1-3 Violence Chariots
Brookford Otters 3-2 Cranequin Wanderers
Starling 1-2 Coret Hawks

FIRST DIVISION RESULTS
Martella Jazz 2-0 Rochford
East Laithland Harriers 0-1 Corvette Maulers
Locksley 2-2 Leichhardt
Diamondqueen 1-2 Extreme Hills
Stonegrave 2-2 Vermillion Wanderers
Cranequin City 1-0 Ritter Town
Goodfeather FC 0-2 West Brinemouth
AFC Serpentine 3-1 Chenoworth Harriers
Cypher Town 2-2 Coret Rovers
Belgrave 1-0 Iron City
Crossroads Town 1-0 Chenoworth Rovers
Morningstar 1-2 Sheridan

SECOND DIVISION RESULTS
Crisisbless Athletic 2-1 Project +90
Corby Hubris 3-6 West Hook
Brookway Town 0-2 Rhagant Schadenfreude
Riverkey 1-3 South Parrhesia
Mantlegrove 2-1 Mainstream Fist
Sutcroft 2-1 Long Lake
North Sabrefell 1-0 Brindleton
Strephonage 0-0 Dartmouth Terriers
Iron United 2-0 AFC Shale
Senway Town 3-1 Dross Rovers
Fenland Albion 1-0 Ox River United
Hackett 1-0 Greygate

THIRD DIVISION RESULTS
Blaze 4-1 Sutcroft Athletic
AFC Corvistone 2-1 North Dubstep
Pillars of Southfell 1-1 Southriver
The Hanged Man 1-1 Dubstep Rangers
Bellamy 1-1 Ringway
Franchise FC 0-0 Camwell Road
Falston Town 2-1 Gridlock East
Rushe United 3-4 The Strongest
Kensey Town 0-0 Courser
Bodkin Road 0-3 Gridlock Rovers
Fischer 1-3 Boleyn Town
Grovebank 1-1 Iberia Chenoworth

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Starling                 46  23  10  13  66  49  +17  79
  2 Vermillion Rage          46  23   8  15  78  56  +22  77
  3 Brookford Otters         46  21  13  12  69  46  +23  76
  4 AFC Treason              46  22   9  15  69  50  +19  75
  5 North Laithland          46  20  14  12  68  50  +18  74
  6 Brinemouth               46  20  12  14  72  58  +14  72
  7 Sabrefell Moths          46  19  13  14  69  66   +3  70
  8 Creed United             46  18  14  14  57  48   +9  68
  9 Parrhesia United         46  19  10  17  77  67  +10  67
 10 Coret Hawks              46  17  14  15  55  61   -6  65
 11 Bishop                   46  17  13  16  49  48   +1  64
 12 Sabrefell Athletic       46  16  15  15  61  62   -1  63
 13 Crisisbless              46  17  11  18  54  56   -2  62
 14 Violence Chariots        46  17  11  18  78  85   -7  62
 15 Newrook City             46  14  17  15  56  47   +9  59
 16 Maximum City             46  16  11  19  49  52   -3  59
 17 South Laithland          46  15  13  18  57  70  -13  58
 18 Chatswood                46  14  13  19  40  51  -11  55
 19 Armstrong                46  14  12  20  50  51   -1  54
 20 Maximum Rovers           46  14  12  20  53  60   -7  54
 21 Cranequin Wanderers      46  15   9  22  45  57  -12  54
 22 Southfell United         46  15   9  22  52  77  -25  54
 23 Raven River              46  14   8  24  48  71  -23  50
 24 Crisisbless United       46  11  11  24  58  92  -34  44

TOP SCORERS
(TBA)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): (TBA)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Hadrian Belfast (BRO)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Vedran Tarashaj (COH)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Hye Min Jeong (VRR)
Team of the Year: Hargrave (STA); Koehler (STA), Belfast (BRO), Jeong (VRR), Vyntra (TRE); Gosforth (BRI), Labonne (TRE), Purrington (VRR); Scafidis (BRI), Cautcher (STA) - Bench: Ballard (TRE); Röènôùjýâ (BRI), Gallagher (STA), Meier (SFM)
Managers of the Year: Theresa Riether (VRR) and Alexis Spurlock (BIS)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Harriers          46  25   7  14  68  49  +19  82
  2 Sheridan                     46  23  12  11  55  31  +24  81
  3 Goodfeather FC               46  22  13  11  56  35  +21  79
  4 West Brinemouth              46  19  18   9  51  38  +13  75
  5 Morningstar                  46  22   6  18  61  56   +5  72
  6 AFC Serpentine               46  21   8  17  54  48   +6  71
  7 Belgrave                     46  19  13  14  50  40  +10  70
  8 Chenoworth Rovers            46  18  14  14  44  38   +6  68
  9 Corvette Maulers             46  19  11  16  54  50   +4  68
 10 Martella Jazz                46  17  15  14  55  56   -1  66
 11 Vermillion Wanderers         46  18  11  17  73  62  +11  65
 12 Extreme Hills                46  18  10  18  64  55   +9  64
 13 Iron City                    46  17  13  16  39  37   +2  64
 14 Leichhardt                   46  17  12  17  50  48   +2  63
 15 Cypher Town                  46  16  13  17  49  43   +6  61
 16 Diamondqueen                 46  18   7  21  51  56   -5  61
 17 Cranequin City               46  14  15  17  50  49   +1  57
 18 Coret Rovers                 46  14  15  17  57  64   -7  57
 19 Rochford                     46  14  14  18  36  43   -7  56
 20 Ritter Town                  46  15   9  22  47  53   -6  54
 21 East Laithland Harriers      46  14  10  22  56  77  -21  52
 22 Locksley                     46  13  10  23  45  80  -35  49
 23 Crossroads Town              46  13   5  28  42  68  -26  44
 24 Stonegrave                   46   9  13  24  29  60  -31  40

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                        P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Hackett                    46  23  10  13  63  46  +17  79
  2 West Hook                  46  19  16  11  59  47  +12  73
  3 AFC Shale                  46  20  13  13  42  31  +11  73
  4 Dross Rovers               46  20  12  14  48  38  +10  72
  5 Greygate                   46  19  13  14  54  40  +14  70
  6 Rhagant Schadenfreude      46  18  16  12  38  28  +10  70
  7 Senway Town                46  18  16  12  61  56   +5  70
  8 North Sabrefell            46  20   9  17  63  58   +5  69
  9 Riverkey                   46  19  11  16  57  55   +2  68
 10 Brindleton                 46  17  15  14  38  42   -4  66
 11 Ox River United            46  16  16  14  42  39   +3  64
 12 Sutcroft                   46  16  13  17  50  48   +2  61
 13 Iron United                46  15  15  16  53  53   +0  60
 14 Mantlegrove                46  15  14  17  46  56  -10  59
 15 Brookway Town              46  14  16  16  57  56   +1  58
 16 Project +90                46  15  13  18  49  60  -11  58
 17 South Parrhesia            46  16   8  22  59  59   +0  56
 18 Crisisbless Athletic       46  13  17  16  54  57   -3  56
 19 Dartmouth Terriers         46  14  14  18  46  61  -15  56
 20 Fenland Albion             46  15  10  21  36  45   -9  55
 21 Strephonage                46  13  15  18  47  49   -2  54
 22 Corby Hubris               46  12  14  20  60  73  -13  50
 23 Long Lake                  46  13  11  22  31  45  -14  50
 24 Mainstream Fist            46  11  15  20  55  66  -11  48

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Kensey Town               46  25   8  13  69  47  +22  83
  2 Boleyn Town               46  22  12  12  49  31  +18  78
  3 Rushe United              46  23   7  16  72  66   +6  76
  4 Gridlock Rovers           46  21  11  14  53  47   +6  74
  5 AFC Corvistone            46  21  10  15  65  47  +18  73
  6 Bodkin Road               46  19  13  14  66  59   +7  70
  7 Pillars of Southfell      46  19  11  16  55  51   +4  68
  8 Falston Town              46  18  13  15  68  48  +20  67
  9 The Strongest             46  19  10  17  74  79   -5  67
 10 Sutcroft Athletic         46  18  11  17  56  59   -3  65
 11 Franchise FC              46  16  14  16  54  54   +0  62
 12 Gridlock East             46  16  13  17  55  51   +4  61
 13 Courser                   46  16  13  17  54  55   -1  61
 14 North Dubstep             46  17  10  19  54  58   -4  61
 15 Iberia Chenoworth         46  17  10  19  69  79  -10  61
 16 Southriver                46  14  17  15  67  64   +3  59
 17 Fischer                   46  16  11  19  54  56   -2  59
 18 Ringway                   46  16  10  20  57  72  -15  58
 19 Bellamy                   46  14  15  17  48  56   -8  57
 20 Grovebank                 46  15  11  20  51  62  -11  56
 21 Blaze                     46  14  13  19  74  71   +3  55
 22 Camwell Road              46  14  13  19  44  52   -8  55
 23 The Hanged Man            46  13  12  21  39  48   -9  51
 24 Dubstep Rangers           46  10  10  26  40  75  -35  40

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Fully Sick XI         38  22   8   8  54  39  +15  74
  2 Kommissar             38  19   9  10  57  43  +14  66
  3 Boltcroft Thorns      38  17  12   9  64  46  +18  63
  4 Harrington            38  17  12   9  51  39  +12  63
  5 Nay Town              38  19   6  13  50  45   +5  63
  6 Falston United        38  16  13   9  36  34   +2  61
  7 Gosforth Swans        38  16   7  15  63  50  +13  55
  8 Gridlock              38  14  10  14  43  34   +9  52
  9 Gonen's Bridge        38  14  10  14  38  35   +3  52
 10 Forge Carpenters      38  13  13  12  28  29   -1  52
 11 Tryst Athletic        38  13  11  14  56  58   -2  50
 12 Sirencall FC          38  13   9  16  43  55  -12  48
 13 Norton Road           38  12   9  17  42  47   -5  45
 14 Vermillion Spite      38  11  11  16  60  60   +0  44
 15 Perrett               38  12   8  18  36  46  -10  44
 16 Swag Hill Rovers      38  11  10  17  54  65  -11  43
 17 Ramsay                38  10  13  15  38  50  -12  43
 18 Geoff United          38   9  14  15  32  39   -7  41
 19 Barcastle Rovers      38  11   8  19  43  56  -13  41
 20 Stekelenbright        38   8  13  17  27  45  -18  37
Promoted: Mapleford, FC Seierstad

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                    P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Rochford Pilgrims      38  21  10   7  74  45  +29  73
  2 Lackerrun              38  19   7  12  72  53  +19  64
  3 Twelvetrees            38  15  16   7  47  40   +7  61
  4 Brunyard FC            38  15  12  11  46  38   +8  57
  5 South Brill            38  15  12  11  45  40   +5  57
  6 Peregrine              38  16   8  14  61  49  +12  56
  7 Ballardine FC          38  14  13  11  55  44  +11  55
  8 Masculine Town         38  14  13  11  58  48  +10  55
  9 Downsparrow            38  15   9  14  47  47   +0  54
 10 Hartford Glade         38  12  17   9  62  51  +11  53
 11 De La Patria           38  13  14  11  53  50   +3  53
 12 Chaker Town            38  12  15  11  38  40   -2  51
 13 Clay Terrace           38  10  16  12  37  41   -4  46
 14 Norpike                38   9  16  13  39  46   -7  43
 15 Violence Tigers        38   9  16  13  39  49  -10  43
 16 Rookwall               38  11  10  17  38  55  -17  43
 17 Stamper Road           38  10  10  18  39  59  -20  40
 18 Sandrock               38   8  13  17  31  42  -11  37
 19 Southfell Dilmao       38   8  13  17  25  45  -20  37
 20 Getton Town            38   8  12  18  38  62  -24  36
Promoted: Lazuli Diamonds, Coral Bay

by **Nephara** » Sat Aug 13, 2016 6:47 pm

Season 65 Preview

LAST SEASON

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Starling                 46  23  10  13  66  49  +17  79
  2 Vermillion Rage          46  23   8  15  78  56  +22  77
  3 Brookford Otters         46  21  13  12  69  46  +23  76
  4 AFC Treason              46  22   9  15  69  50  +19  75
  5 North Laithland          46  20  14  12  68  50  +18  74
  6 Brinemouth               46  20  12  14  72  58  +14  72
  7 Sabrefell Moths          46  19  13  14  69  66   +3  70
  8 Creed United             46  18  14  14  57  48   +9  68
  9 Parrhesia United         46  19  10  17  77  67  +10  67
 10 Coret Hawks              46  17  14  15  55  61   -6  65
 11 Bishop                   46  17  13  16  49  48   +1  64
 12 Sabrefell Athletic       46  16  15  15  61  62   -1  63
 13 Crisisbless              46  17  11  18  54  56   -2  62
 14 Violence Chariots        46  17  11  18  78  85   -7  62
 15 Newrook City             46  14  17  15  56  47   +9  59
 16 Maximum City             46  16  11  19  49  52   -3  59
 17 South Laithland          46  15  13  18  57  70  -13  58
 18 Chatswood                46  14  13  19  40  51  -11  55
 19 Armstrong                46  14  12  20  50  51   -1  54
 20 Maximum Rovers           46  14  12  20  53  60   -7  54
 21 Cranequin Wanderers      46  15   9  22  45  57  -12  54
 22 Southfell United         46  15   9  22  52  77  -25  54
 23 Raven River              46  14   8  24  48  71  -23  50
 24 Crisisbless United       46  11  11  24  58  92  -34  44

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Chenoworth Harriers          46  25   7  14  68  49  +19  82
  2 Sheridan                     46  23  12  11  55  31  +24  81
  3 Goodfeather FC               46  22  13  11  56  35  +21  79
  4 West Brinemouth              46  19  18   9  51  38  +13  75
  5 Morningstar                  46  22   6  18  61  56   +5  72
  6 AFC Serpentine               46  21   8  17  54  48   +6  71

TOP SCORERS
23 - Loeher (BRO)
21 - Redmayne (MXC), Voeller (VIC)
20 - Johnson (SFM), Cautcher (STA)
19 - Antonio (COH)
18 - Scafidis (BRI), Telfair (PAR)
17 - Farrier (CRD), Rui Mokanga (NLA), Lucassen (SFA), Zozula (TRE)
16 - Harbour (ARM), Weiler (CRU), Stokes (NRC), Bantambridge (SLA), Purrington (VRR)
15 - Lynwood (CRW), Cantor (CRI), Rouseff (PAR), Puntoriero (TRE), Siorrha’Asione (VIC)
14 - Silkman (BIS), Curren (MXR), Jacobsen (NRC), Cruz (VRR)
13 - Bradburn (BRO), Kuepper (COH), Schanzer (RVR), Runen (VRR)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Nikita Loeher (BRO)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Hadrian Belfast (BRO)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Vedran Tarashaj (COH)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Hye Min Jeong (VRR)
Team of the Year: Hargrave (STA); Koehler (STA), Belfast (BRO), Jeong (VRR), Vyntra (TRE); Asif (STA), Gosforth (BRI), Purrington (VRR), Meier (SFM); Scafidis (BRI), Cautcher (STA) - Bench: Ballard (TRE); Katskalidis (TRE), Röènôùjýâ (BRI), Belgrave (SFM), Gallagher (STA), Labonne (TRE), Loeher (BRO)
Managers of the Year: Theresa Riether (VRR) and Alexis Spurlock (BIS)

by **Nephara** » Sat Aug 13, 2016 6:48 pm

by **Nephara** » Sat Aug 13, 2016 6:49 pm

by **Nephara** » Wed Aug 17, 2016 3:12 am

The football is back. The football is back! And it starts in emphatic fashion with a Brinemouth derby, the first in years. The match is entirely one-sided… except on the scoresheet, as Player of the Match Henna Morgan keeps an impressive clean sheet and makes eleven saves on debut. “Everyone’s written us off, but we won’t be seen off without a fight,” Gulls captain Maximillian Pembroke roars after an impressive performance to hold off Bottlegreen. Intrigue in Treason - the Stags struggle to outplay South Laithland and are ultimately undone by a goal on debut by flying striker Tarquin Ulster (the assist coming, of course, from Connacht) while Chatswood look liberated, like Raskine has really thrown the shackles off them as they comprehensively outplay Goodfeather en route to a 3-0 lead and then concede from a corner. Exciting new beginnings! Sheridan impress as well, holding out against Crisisbless before goalkeeper Aldridge hoofs it upfield and Kilner’s vaulting header takes the ball over a stranded Marciak. A goal in two touches from the goalkeeper, pure route one stuff. The Harriers win as well, and it has to be said that the Smiths do not look great - outplayed by a thoroughly more modern side, taking a quick lead against the run of play from the tidy Dejan Corvell before Peta-Gaye West silences anyone who felt that she’d struggle to adapt with two crisp volleyed finishes past Jelic. The defending champions, meanwhile, struggle to break down the Hawks in a match where both sides seemed a little rusty, though defensive reinforcements in Starling’s Marquon and the Hawks’ goalkeeper Lethbridge acquitted themselves very well.

Roisin Carroll slams a shot against the post within ten seconds and Kezia O’Byrne puts the Brenecians ahead in the tenth minute. But though the Royals dominate the rest of the first half, Rook Alphonse in goal has a day to remember and when the Otters do see the ball, they devastate down the centre, Loeher smashing home a 70th-minute equaliser. Both sides will feel they should have won it.

Lexington score within three minutes and hold out for a valuable victory and clean sheet. The Moths underestimate the wonderfully-named Chalk Wharf and are shown up for it, Tumbran steel enough for a famous 2-1 win. The 1 only came in injury time, Haldenstadt’s driven header keeping the Moths in with a chance of overturning the deficit. “If the lads are that complacent again I’ll kill every one of them,” says the disgusted Weixelbraun.

Just like last season, Brinemouth - despite their uniquely breezy start to every season - are off to a slow start. Though it’s a sign of how great they are, according to Bosetti, who explains how “everyone raises their game to play us” - there might be some truth to that, but Maxine Lynwood’s crisp finish, her first Quakers goal of likely many, gives them a lead on the stroke of half-time. Jess Silkman equalises not long after, as Brinemouth’s sustained pressure along the wings pays off, but the Quakers hold out for a point. Parrhesia United annihilate Maximum Rovers without really a heed for the defence, though Sternberg gets her first Rovers’ goal, thumping a shot right at Klavier that just slips under her body. But that just makes it 2-1, and it’s 5-1 by the time that Naeher smashes home a consolation from 24 yards.

Well… okay, then. Brookford annihilate Kingsgrove as Rivers, Kestrel, Loeher and, for her first goal for her new club, Janne Heitinger all score. No contest.

This, on the other hand… terribly disappointing. Treason look to be cruising until a late ‘consolation’ means an away goals win for Lexington, while Chalk Wharf complete an aggregate rout over the Moths with a defence that simply refuses to buckle.

Worrying signs in North Laithland, still without a point to their name. Unlike their first two limp 2-0 defeats, they do show desire against Creed… they just can’t defend, at all, with Danica Farrier notching up the first hat-trick of the season. It’s a good week for goals in general, as Goodfeather and Chenoworth play some great football… and both Gilchrist and Hammond make a couple of pretty calamitous errors as the Harriers win with the odd goal in seven, another classy finish from the prolific Peta-Gaye West. It’s far better viewing than West Brinemouth’s grinding scoreless draw with Armstrong, the worst match the Premiership has seen in years. In Vermillion, Riether’s Rage utterly crush a Chariots side rocked by the first tabloid appearance of the season for Siorrha’Asione, taped being dragged out of a Sabrefell nightclub by security while yelling “- and another thing, Nepharim girls are fuckin’ ugly as shit!” Surprisingly, 17-year old Brigitte Coppinger takes his place. More surprisingly, she scores - shame about the six at the other end.

The Harriers didn’t go into this season with the tightest defence but conceding 1, 2, 4 and now 5 goals, the problem appears to be getting worse before it gets better. For all the good work that Feist and Weber manage up front in an undoubtedly effective attacking force, Hammond runs into a post trying to tip over a shot, fully half of her replacement, Dankworth’s, goalkicks end up as throw-ins, Culpepper and Everheart run into each other trying to track the rampaging Silkman and the Harriers lose 5-2 at home to Brinemouth. Their next opponents, Bishop, beat the Quakers 4-1 as they overwhelm the established Premiership side with pace down the wings, simply outmaneuvring them on the front foot as well as demolishing them on the counter.

West Brinemouth’s first win of what could be a very long season - and second goal, courtesy of Morgan Kirschester. Being worse than even the Gulls is a really bad sign for South Laithland, who have been spirited so far this campaign but looked both limp and clueless against muscular opposition and a determined goalkeeper. Kirschester’s former club, Brookford, enjoys a prolific away day as they thump Crisisbless 5-2 - the Heelers are ahead 2-1 on the stroke of half-time, then defensive midfielder Condotta attempts to murder Kestrel, gets sent off, Kestrel floats the free kick past Marciak and the Otthers net another three after the break as the Heelers’ structure collapses completely.

Third defeat in a row for South Laithland - this time at home to lowly Sheridan. Tarquin Ulster up front is struggling to adapt to this level and Bella Yossarian is guilty of being beaten at her near post, not the sort of mistake that the Southrons’ goalkeeper can afford to make or one that Hawke - once a goalkeeper of mild renown himself - will easily forgive. Tension in Treason as North Laithland - whose start to the season has been rocky at best - come to town. Easy Stags win? You might think so - but without actually logging a goal or assist, it’s Ross Finlay whose indefatigable spirit and tireless running powers the Spiders to an unlikely 3-0 win. Rui Mokanga’s first two goals of the season, if you’d believe it - Stenet with a late kick in the teeth. And in Sabrefell, another derby - a proper derby, really. Ophelia Lovelock becomes an immediate fan favourite when she nutmegs and then outruns Christener before slipping the ball past Caravella, but within three minutes the Moths hit back through an Aaliyah Johnson overhead kick. She’s brought down for a penalty not long after but Pressinger atones for it by saving it - but there’s nothing he can do in the 60th minute where a spectacular half-volley from homegrown lass Meier smashes home off the underside of the crossbar. The Moths have had a tough draw so far, but they’re rolling with the punches - well, bar their disastrously early Globe Cup exit.

Providence Mitford may have pledged a new era of positivity and respect but it’s clear that the Stags have no room for that spirit as within 11 minutes Logan ‘34 years old and really should know better’ Murdoch is given his marching orders for attempted homicide upon Rosmalen’s knees. Well, Rosmalen hits the crossbar with the resulting free kick and Dejan Corvell twice forces Ballard into exceptional saves but the Smiths overextend and get caught out, Katskalidis robbing Corvell and then hoofing to Cantor, who smashes the ball into the net from 30 yards with Jelic drifted well off his line to sweep. The Smiths do eventually take a lead - Rosmalen’s clever no-look pass releasing Corvell who finally beats Ballard with his first-time shot - but in the 89th minute, with a set piece… boom, it’s Reinhard Armstrong who clambers over a protesting Sutton to nod home Woodspur’s corner at the near post. The master utterly thumps the apprentice as Portia Thrift can only look on while Riether - who she worked under for years - just sends her Vermillion side forward to victory. Corvid Alemane continues to be terrifyingly good - the erratic but gifted Tsattalios, on his 22nd birthday, keeps an acrobatic clean sheet.

Treason derby, and not an especially exciting one - Labonne stands on Corsie all game and while Chilmark threatened intermittently, the Stags were dominant on the wings and it was the least they deserved when, in the 87th minute, Woodspur went surging down the right, a neat one-two with Mixe destroying Chaplain’s career before she hooked the ball low past Middlesbrough, who had a good game. Crisisbless, out of sorts, have just one point from their past four matches - their latest executioners a fluid, high-pressing Moths side who are building themselves into title challengers, Meier with a brace to seal it. Daniel Brunet is warmly received by the travelling Maximum City support - he does his reputation with the club no harm when his Athletic team wilts in the face of sustained pressure, Niko Rosmalen expanding his reputation with two assists, Dejan Corvell and, off a beautifully-floated free kick, Devante are the scorers.

And now the Smiths move back home for the derby against Catheline Harper’s Rovers - they don’t get off to an ideal start, Birgit Sternberg’s header putting the away side ahead within four minutes. But in the face of a wall of “We’ve got a vision / you’re in the First Division” chants that illustrate how far they’ve fallen, Jelic makes a variety of impressive saves to keep them alive into the second half, where Rosmalen smashes home from just outside the box. But it’s not to be - the Smiths might be winning back some of the momentum, but that’s no object to Aziz Senturk, invisible for 80 minutes before abruptly smashing in a shot that deflects heavily off Sutton to leave Jelic stranded as it bounces past him. A good, tight match in a good week for proper thrashings in front of clubs’ own fans - Sheridan muster a heroic 23% possession against Vermillion Rage as they lose 2-0, Chatswood do not manage a shot on target as Athletic destroy them 3-0 and Goodfeather FC are crushed into a fine dust by AFC Treason, 6-1 the final score. Gilchrist might be a good shot-stopper, but the 31-year old is, frankly, remarkably terrible in the air.

The Moths lose for the first time all season… you’d never guess to who. Yes, local legend Asger Stubbs’ homecoming results in a heroic defensive performance followed by Kilner heading home an elegant Alnwick corner. Gared Aldridge is building a fair reputation for himself. Creed United, meanwhile, annihilate Brinemouth - they’re 1-0 up when late in the first half, Bosetti’s challenge on Bittner is a second yellow. The Dockers’ structure collapses and the Oathmen finish the job, Bottlegreen’s late goal little consolation. At least they do better than the Saints - ripped apart 6-1 by the Hawks, whose reputation continues to blossom day by day. Goodfeather have definitely fixed their lack of a goal threat, with Schanzer and Arisilde putting them 2-0 up by half-time against Athletic, but they really need to fix their glass jaw - they lose 3-2, vulnerable to pace down the centre and crosses due to Flappy Cathy between the sticks. Meanwhile, Chatswood snap their run of five defeats on the spin as they show resili- well, okay, no, they’re still made of paper and cardboard as Curren scores an effortless brace, but Corsie lofts home past a stranded Hawthorn from twenty-five yards before Daniel Archer finishes the job with a low, powerful drive. They’ll take it.

Northern Union have ramped up their challenge for international honours but they can’t get past the impressive Rook Alphonse - their defence almost holds firm, too, but then Kestrel splits the defence with a sweet no-look pass, Curtis taps it aside past a despairing Urquhart to Loeher and, well, it’s an empty net for the Premiership’s most prolific goalscorer. Taeshan City score first and last against the Passerines and are utterly outplayed for the 70 minutes in between, soundly beaten. In a reasonably marquee fixture against 1830, well… Pokrovski might insist it was a shot that beat the stumbling Batmacumba, but it was totally a cross. They all count, though - and Ceballos’ emphatic strike, a properly clean finish into the bottom corner, certainly does. As expected, an aging 1830 have the skill to threaten from anywhere on the pitch but Tsattalios is equal to the task and, at the other end, Alemane smashes a shot against the post that rebounds further down than she was, Xidhas outruns Soldarian to it and belts it past the fallen, luckless Batmacumba.

Less thrills, more spills in a COCANEFA-tinged Globe Cup. Brinemouth will take a decent point away from home thanks to Gosforth’s thunderbolt but the Spiders just looked disjointed and without a hint of penetration.

Andrea Betancourt rolls the dice - 23-year old Raven Forster gets her first-ever league start between the posts for the Quakers against Maximum Rovers. She doesn’t have a whole lot to do, but she does repel the inevitable Senturk Nearly Scores Out Of Nowhere From 30 Yards Moment that’s just sort of a fact of life when playing the Rovers. EIther way, she keeps a clean sheet, Lynwood knocks home a Dukakis cross against her former club and the Quakers take home a valuable three points, just their second win of the season to lift them off the bottom of the table. West Brinemouth occupy that slot now, simply having nothing in the tank capable of breaking down the typically-disciplined Smiths. Rosmalen, yet again, has what it takes - one goal and an assist for the flourishing Katsamatis. Meanwhile, a heated Vermillion derby is a typically free-flowing, close-run thing. Hexmark, Telfair and Rouseff hammer Tsattalios’ goal but it’s Rademacher who gets the first goal in the 71st minute, celebrating exuberantly… which just inspires the Rage to make a comeback. Klavier should have done better when Xidhas, the most hated player on the pitch, slips a low, powerful strike under her but Alemane’s air-ripping volley was unstoppable, goal of the season so far.

The opening rounds of the Cup, always fodder for the weird and wonderful. Take Blaze - their attempts to go straight back up to the Third Division are going great, unbeaten so far, streaking happily away at the top of the Conference East, hosting Kommissar (freshly-promoted to the fourth tier themselves)... they lose 7-0. AFC Corvistone’s promotion campaign has not been going to plan, and their manager’s job is under threat… but thumping Hartford Glade 5-0 away from home is a good morale-booster. Meanwhile, the new entrants to the semi-national tiers traditionally enjoy a baptism of fire - Mapleford, who won the Barossia state league, the Western playoff against Huysegem and the national States Cup… well, they might have reason to consider themselves hot shit, but Bellamy show their professional teeth by annihilating them 5-1 away. Fellow promoted state side Seierstad fares better, beating Gridlock in extra time, while Lazuli Diamonds and Coral Bay also edge their opponents. Either way, the big boys (relatively) show up next round, that’s where the real fireworks start.

In a tight, hard-fought contest that sees plenty of terrible, terrible challenges from the Passerines, the unsettled Dockers can’t find any momentum and Vintner can only watch as Kaspian fires in a cross and Cautcher ghosts in to tap home. The only surprise is this isn’t a top of the table clash, both sides in and around upper midtable. So what’s the situation?
Vermillion Rage maintain their hold on the top despite only a disappointing 1-1 draw with the doughty Southrons, Tarquin Ulster grabbing just his second goal of the season as a late equaliser with midfield reducer Gratia Barker easily the player of the match. Brookford are also in a good position to overachieve a second time in a row, Loeher’s brace putting down Coret to overtake Sabrefell Moths, who draw with the Saints. The Chariots find the odd goal in five, through the returned Siorrha’Asione, to edge Creed and maintain their hold on the Champions’ Cup places. Athletic and Treason both win to maintain UICA places.
Beneath Starling are the impressive Harriers, fresh off destroying Maximum Rovers 5-2 away from home - how good has Konrad Feist been this season? How crap is their defence? - with Creed underneath them. Brinemouth will be disappointed with 10th.
At the other end of the table, Crisisbless and North Laithland will be happy enough to have beaten their opponents but less than pleased with lower-midtable overall. Sheridan, by contrast, will be extremely pleased with 18th! They draw with Maximum City, who are locked level on points with the Rovers just above the relegation places. South Laithland are in the playoff space following their impressive away point to overtake Armstrong, utterly thumped 3-0 by North Laithland. Buried at the foot of the table, Goodfeather FC’s and West Brinemouth’s issues are obvious. The Quakers have no defence - they’ve contrived to let in 30 so far, so one in the two games since installing Forster is really impressive. Meanwhile, there are no goals in the Gulls. They’ve scored just three so far, none in four games and Apollo Demetriou, as yet scoreless, missed a sitter that would have put them ahead of Chatswood. What doesn’t help is that he seems to have been practically born offside. Chatswood, thanks to Chilmark, win 1-0.
In the second tier, Corvette’s 5-0 thumping of Shale and River’s 6-0 annihilation of Ritter Town keep them hot on the heels of AFC Serpentine at the crest of the league, who edge Belgrave. The entire top five win, in fact - Southfell United currently occupying fourth, a point over Leichhardt. Cypher Town are also in some danger, having scored just six goals by now, four from winger Andrea Bereveskos. A 1-0 win (yes, Bereveskos) over Rochford assuages their fears. Ritter Town are at the bottom of the table, a decent Premiership team in recent years in shambles.

A mixed week. Bassabook gets some revenge over Nepharim sides by beating the Otters down on the counterattack, but Starling fare somewhat better against an Oceanside… uh… side, that is still reeling from the retirement of star forward Xi Foureleven. Noviodunum’s goalkeeper, Elliot Horn, won the Terranean league’s best player award last season. His performance against Vermillion shows exactly why. Inyaki Marton smashes one past Tsattalios almost immediately and the Rage spends the entire rest of the match shooting straight into Horn’s gravity force-field while almost being undone by Kira Koromin on the counterattack (Tsattalios does a wonderful job sweeping and Koromin’s one major chance is fired straight into his legs). Finally, Alemane hits Runen’s head with a perfect cross and Runen tips it into the top corner in the 71st minute, and the two sides are stalemated to pick up a deserved point each.

North Laithland were really good last season missing their best player for half of it. Now Rhodes is fit and they are … terrible? Tanrisal admittedly are no slouches, Harcourt’s angled header almost but not quite finger-tipped over the net by Corren and instead fingertipped into the ceiling of the net before Sander Balliol jinks through Finlay and Kennedy before smashing past Corren. Brinemouth fare better against the Revolutionaries but will be kicking themselves for conceding a late goal - under heavy pressure and with ten men through Nkembe’s sending off, it’s Rosenthal’s low cross that ultimately gets tapped in by… uh, Calabrese, actually.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Vermillion Rage          12  8  2  2  24  11  +13  26
  2 Brookford Otters         12  8  1  3  22  16   +6  25
  3 Sabrefell Moths          12  6  5  1  21  12   +9  23
  4 Violence Chariots        12  7  2  3  29  24   +5  23
  5 Sabrefell Athletic       12  7  1  4  21  13   +8  22
  6 AFC Treason              12  6  3  3  22  16   +6  21
  7 Starling                 12  6  2  4  18  13   +5  20
  8 Chenoworth Harriers      12  6  2  4  22  25   -3  20
  9 Creed United             12  6  1  5  25  19   +6  19
 10 Brinemouth               12  5  3  4  21  15   +6  18
 11 Coret Hawks              12  4  5  3  18  12   +6  17
 12 Parrhesia United         12  5  2  5  20  19   +1  17
 13 Newrook City             12  5  2  5  14  13   +1  17
 14 Bishop                   12  4  4  4  12  14   -2  16
 15 Crisisbless              12  4  3  5  17  20   -3  15
 16 Chatswood                12  4  3  5  15  19   -4  15
 17 North Laithland          12  4  1  7  19  21   -2  13
 18 Sheridan                 12  3  4  5   8  11   -3  13
 19 Maximum City             12  3  3  6  15  19   -4  12
 20 Maximum Rovers           12  3  3  6  16  23   -7  12
 21 South Laithland          12  2  4  6   8  17   -9  10
 22 Armstrong                12  1  6  5   8  18  -10   9
 23 Goodfeather FC           12  2  2  8  15  30  -15   8
 24 West Brinemouth          12  1  4  7   3  13  -10   7

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Serpentine            12  9  1  2  25  12  +13  28
  2 Corvette Maulers          12  9  0  3  22   7  +15  27
  3 Raven River               12  8  2  2  25  11  +14  26
  4 Southfell United          12  8  1  3  29  22   +7  25
  5 Leichhardt                12  7  3  2  18   5  +13  24
  6 Cranequin Wanderers       12  6  4  2  18   8  +10  22
  7 Belgrave                  12  5  4  3  21  19   +2  19
  8 Iron City                 12  4  6  2  14   9   +5  18
  9 Extreme Hills             12  4  6  2  20  17   +3  18
 10 Vermillion Wanderers      12  5  3  4  19  18   +1  18
 11 Crisisbless United        12  5  2  5  20  17   +3  17
 12 Dross Rovers              12  5  1  6  16  16   +0  16
 13 Rochford                  12  4  4  4   9  14   -5  16
 14 Martella Jazz             12  3  6  3  16  13   +3  15
 15 AFC Shale                 12  4  3  5  11  16   -5  15
 16 Cranequin City            12  4  2  6  12  16   -4  14
 17 Morningstar               12  4  1  7  17  17   +0  13
 18 Chenoworth Rovers         12  3  4  5  11  12   -1  13
 19 Diamondqueen              12  2  5  5  13  16   -3  11
 20 Cypher Town               12  2  4  6   6  17  -11  10
 21 West Hook                 12  3  0  9  11  29  -18   9
 22 Coret Rovers              12  2  2  8   7  18  -11   8
 23 Hackett                   12  1  4  7  10  25  -15   7
 24 Ritter Town               12  1  4  7  13  29  -16   7

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Riverkey                     12  8  3  1  21   6  +15  27
  2 East Laithland Harriers      12  8  0  4  18  11   +7  24
  3 Mantlegrove                  12  7  3  2  14   9   +5  24
  4 Senway Town                  12  7  1  4  20  19   +1  22
  5 Greygate                     12  6  3  3  21  10  +11  21
  6 Iron United                  12  6  3  3  21  15   +6  21
  7 Crisisbless Athletic         12  6  3  3  16  13   +3  21
  8 Project +90                  12  6  2  4  22  16   +6  20
  9 South Parrhesia              12  6  2  4  21  20   +1  20
 10 Stonegrave                   12  6  1  5   8   9   -1  19
 11 Brookway Town                12  5  3  4  17  12   +5  18
 12 North Sabrefell              12  5  3  4  14  11   +3  18
 13 Ox River United              12  5  2  5  18  14   +4  17
 14 Locksley                     12  4  4  4  14  13   +1  16
 15 Rhagant Schadenfreude        12  4  4  4  11  11   +0  16
 16 Boleyn Town                  12  4  4  4  11  11   +0  16
 17 Crossroads Town              12  4  3  5  14  11   +3  15
 18 Dartmouth Terriers           12  4  2  6  11  10   +1  14
 19 Rushe United                 12  4  1  7  15  27  -12  13
 20 Brindleton                   12  3  2  7   9  18   -9  11
 21 Sutcroft                     12  3  1  8  19  23   -4  10
 22 Fenland Albion               12  2  2  8   9  21  -12   8
 23 Kensey Town                  12  2  2  8  14  31  -17   8
 24 Gridlock Rovers              12  2  0 10   8  25  -17   6

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                       P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Long Lake                 12  9  2  1  21   6  +15  29
  2 Strephonage               12  9  0  3  19   5  +14  27
  3 Iberia Chenoworth         12  6  5  1  21  10  +11  23
  4 Gridlock East             12  7  2  3  13   9   +4  23
  5 Southriver                12  6  3  3  20  10  +10  21
  6 Falston Town              12  6  3  3  21  12   +9  21
  7 Pillars of Southfell      12  5  5  2  12   6   +6  20
  8 North Dubstep             12  6  2  4  16  11   +5  20
  9 Ringway                   12  5  4  3  14  12   +2  19
 10 AFC Corvistone            12  5  3  4  21  18   +3  18
 11 Fischer                   12  5  3  4  21  18   +3  18
 12 Kommissar                 12  4  4  4  11  10   +1  16
 13 Bellamy                   12  4  4  4  14  15   -1  16
 14 The Strongest             12  4  3  5  16  22   -6  15
 15 Fully Sick XI             12  3  5  4  14  12   +2  14
 16 Sutcroft Athletic         12  3  5  4  13  16   -3  14
 17 Bodkin Road               12  4  2  6   9  13   -4  14
 18 Corby Hubris              12  4  2  6  11  19   -8  14
 19 Courser                   12  4  1  7  10  18   -8  13
 20 Lackerrun                 12  3  2  7  16  23   -7  11
 21 Mainstream Fist           12  3  0  9  14  25  -11   9
 22 Franchise FC              12  2  3  7  14  30  -16   9
 23 Grovebank                 12  2  2  8  12  22  -10   8
 24 Rochford Pilgrims         12  1  3  8   8  19  -11   6

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Falston United        12  8  4  0  22   8  +14  28
  2 The Hanged Man        12  7  5  0  19   7  +12  26
  3 Forge Carpenters      12  7  4  1  12   4   +8  25
  4 Mapleford             12  7  4  1  15  10   +5  25
  5 Gridlock              12  6  2  4  11   9   +2  20
  6 Ramsay                12  6  2  4  15  14   +1  20
  7 Boltcroft Thorns      12  6  1  5  15  13   +2  19
  8 Harrington            12  4  4  4  15  15   +0  16
  9 Nay Town              12  4  4  4  13  18   -5  16
 10 Camwell Road          12  4  3  5  10  14   -4  15
 11 Gosforth Swans        12  3  5  4  18  14   +4  14
 12 Sirencall FC          12  4  2  6  19  20   -1  14
 13 FC Seierstad          12  3  5  4   9  11   -2  14
 14 Gonen's Bridge        12  4  1  7  10   9   +1  13
 15 Swag Hill Rovers      12  4  1  7  14  16   -2  13
 16 Tryst Athletic        12  2  6  4  12  17   -5  12
 17 Vermillion Spite      12  3  2  7  16  20   -4  11
 18 Norton Road           12  3  2  7  12  17   -5  11
 19 Geoff United          12  2  4  6   7  15   -8  10
 20 Perrett               12  1  3  8   8  21  -13   6

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                  P  W  D  L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Blaze                12  9  3  0  24  10  +14  30
  2 Peregrine            12  8  4  0  26  13  +13  28
  3 Ballardine FC        12  7  4  1  26  11  +15  25
  4 South Brill          12  7  2  3  17  11   +6  23
  5 Rookwall             12  6  3  3  22  17   +5  21
  6 Stamper Road         12  6  3  3  18  15   +3  21
  7 Downsparrow          12  5  4  3  13   9   +4  19
  8 Dubstep Rangers      12  6  1  5  12  11   +1  19
  9 Violence Tigers      12  4  6  2  16  14   +2  18
 10 Lazuli Diamonds      12  5  2  5  18  17   +1  17
 11 Twelvetrees          12  5  1  6  11  11   +0  16
 12 Coral Bay            12  5  1  6  13  19   -6  16
 13 Sandrock             12  4  3  5  10  12   -2  15
 14 Masculine Town       12  4  1  7  20  19   +1  13
 15 Norpike              12  3  2  7  14  17   -3  11
 16 Brunyard FC          12  3  2  7  18  27   -9  11
 17 Clay Terrace         12  2  4  6   7  16   -9  10
 18 De La Patria         12  2  2  8  12  26  -14   8
 19 Chaker Town          12  2  1  9  10  23  -13   7
 20 Hartford Glade       12  1  3  8  11  20   -9   6

by **Nephara** » Fri Aug 19, 2016 5:47 pm

Okay, so… this is one of the most interesting weeks in Premiership history. Let’s outline the reasons!
Top of the table clash! Vermillion Rage come to Brookford, go down early to goals from Loeher and Rivers, strike back through Runen, Purrington, Purrington and Pokrovski. Kestrel’s deflected strike wrongfoots Tsattalios but Belfast !!!misses a tackle!!! as the substitute Aveline rushes in to sidefoot home at the end.
Bottom of the table clash! Not such a hit and miss affair. Demetriou is dropped, finally, and Hurriston can’t really do anything but fire straight into Forster’s chest as Goodfeather play on the floor, dazzle the Gulls and, through Candelario and flying leftback Garrard, win 2-0.
Emery Alnwick’s penalty and Kate Mullen’s arcing long shot take out Chatswood to ensure unfancied Sheridan take one more step towards safety - similarly, South Laithland’s heated affair against the Moths that ends 10v10, split by Bantambridge’s injury-time header.
North Laithland have been terrible for much of the season… and they pulverise Parrhesia United away, the frustratingly quiet Rhodes finally flaring back into form in terrifying fashion with a hat-trick of assists.
The Chariots had made it all the way to fourth, belying their transitional status. Starling feel like they need to remember humility, and walk through them 4-0.
But… christ, there’s no more avoiding it. Brinemouth host Coret Hawks. They’re favourites. Then Montague scores with a thunderbolt from 30 yards. Okay. Then Montague sets up her countryman Antonio. Twice in the space of 10 minutes. Lethbridge, at full stretch, tips over an explosive Bottlegreen free kick. Second half. Gosforth kicks Tarashaj, who lashes back on the ground - both are booked. Tarashaj scores two minutes later, then sets up Kuepper for his first. Antonio completes a hat-trick. Bottlegreen is stretchered off, Brinemouth used all their substitutions at half-time, and Trifon Draxler finishes the humiliation. Seven fucking nil, away.

The thrills never stop! Such as West Brinemouth’s fourth goal of the season, Connor Hurriston the hero as he jackboots home Siri Cattalock’s - a 20-year old leftback playing on the left wing due to the sheer lack of other options - cross. Four goals, incidentally, as many as Brookford score in one match! Sabrefell Moths, frankly, collapse in the face of the onslaught.
North Laithland have had a really bad season to date, especially taking UICA into account… but they’re stringing up a good run domestically, unbeaten in five and with four of those five being victories, three clean sheets, the latest in the Friendly Derby against kindred spirits, the toothless Southrons.
Brinemouth show spirit to bounce back from their recent spectacular failings to pour salt in the unfortunate Chariots’ wounds - Rossizzo’s side, despite their explosive side, have now managed an unspectacular four points from their past six games, conceded eight in their past two.
The Passerines show their strength against Treason in a match where Nicola Costello is the start of the show, running everything from central midfield. You’d think Treason of all clubs would be familiar with the exceptional qualities of Osarian veteran midfielders. As it stands, Cautcher and Gallagher (of course - the Narrative!) secure a 2-0 win with some crisp finishing and Ballard does well to keep the score down from there.
Meanwhile, Goodfeather have gone from the worst defence in the league to conceding just one goal in the past four matches. Incidentally, those are the four matches Forster’s started and Gilchrist has cooled her heels on the bench, and while correlation might not always mean causation, Forster has plenty of chances against Sheridan to helpfully showcases her ability to not implode under any ball higher than six-foot-even off the ground.

Brookford struggle to find their feet in the first half, kept in the game through some excellent Alphonse saves, but they fight back in the second with goals from Curtis and Whiteforest to sneak the three points from struggling Yuba. Two visits to Eura finish the day off, Starling doing well to match Spartangrad with far less possession and a compact, hard-hitting counterattacking unit - just as Spartangrad finally take their foot off the accelerator in the last few minutes of the game Gallagher absolutely leathers one past the ‘keeper and that’s that. Diana Ashworth is probably the weakness of Riether’s squad at leftback. Ashworth’s injured. With Eleanora Scherer, a left-footed holding midfielder, crowbarred into the position in her first UICA start, well… it’s not the match to be directly matched against Adnan Szalai and really the Rage do well to only lose 2-1, considering.

Spiders… they’re crushed by Firing at Saintland, which is to say that they fail to beat them handily. Brinemouth, however, get… well, actually, factually crushed by Matthew Senators.

Simple enough for the Heelers against the Brigantii cup champions, noses kept clean at the back with goals for Anika Redmayne and 18-year old Leona Rafford. “First of many,” barked the young defender, a strange statement for her position.

Vermillion win their third in a row… away against Brinemouth, the most surprising aspect the 1-0 scoreline. Tsattalios, again, is exceptional, and they might be slightly fortunate for this. Coret Hawks are on the warpath, with the Moths being next to fall. Draxler and Montague dazzle the Moths’ classy but aging fullbacks, each chalking up a goal by the end of the game while Caravella has to be at her best to stop Antonio getting on the scoresheet. They’ve made huge gains this offseason and with a young squad… just a shame that the Tarashaj-to-Treason rumour simply refuses to go away.

Cats are thrown amongst pigeons. Corvistone, for all their bravado, turn out to be pigeons - their scalp a handy morale booster for a struggling Cypher. The surviving three new clubs are all taken out pretty easily, too. It’s a chance for, say, no-hopers like third-tier mediocrities Brookway Town to annihilate the Swans 8-0 away, and Hackett to take a break from getting pumped day-in-day-out in the First Division to go and pump Iron United 5-0. All in all, though, there’s a disappointing lack of upsets in a crushing re-emphasis of the status quo.

Wilbraham’s early goal adds some intrigue to the match but Tarrant notching up an away goal finishes the tie as a contest. It’s a fairly straightforward victory for the Heelers in the end, with Lukas Rashford making the most of a rare start, scoring an almost casual brace.

WHAT THE FUCK!?
Vermillion Rage bleed. They can be stopped. What happens? Jeong limps off with a hamstring in the 13th minute, Vermillion trailing 1-0. Who’s next off the bench? … Wait, Brendan Blake’s still got a career?? He’s only 33??? Anyway, they lose 6-0 to the fluid, transfixing, unstoppable Moths. Crisisbless thump a compact, stolid Creed United 6-1 which makes Ezekiel Statham punch through the glass wall of the dugout. He’ll have a few new stitches by their match against the Gulls… who just won a game, a thoroughly decent Newrook City side simply outpunched. Kolar letting a weak shot from Cattalock slip between his legs didn’t exactly help. Athletic pulverise the Chariots who look like the dog who caught up to the car at the moment. And all this, impressively, manages to drown out the Stags’ functional, efficient and deserved 2-1 win over a Brinemouth side that just hasn’t quite worked this season.

Positive results - another win for Brookford though a spectacular late own goal from Haubeck adds plenty of tension, but Starling scrap their way past Spartangrad with Cautcher having… well, a Cautcher game, two goals, on a hat-trick and then flattened, injured for probably around a month. She’d stayed fit for so long, too… Szalai scored on his Nepharim homecoming but Alemane levelled the scores late on with an impressive half-volley for a point that the Rage will probably be okay with.

First win of the campaign for either of Nephara’s Globe Cup representatives at a stage at which it’s really too late to be getting first wins. At least it’s revenge for the Dockers. North Laithland can fuck off, they’re doing the coefficient no favours.

Without their Cautcher in the Rye, Starling lack the penetration to break Crisisbless down, with Westerlow and Kerrigan seemingly enjoying firing shots straight at Marciak. There’s a lot of big matches in general, actually, and for the most part they’re slow-burning affairs, Brinemouth and Sabrefell Moths locked in a midfield battle punctuated with enough technical brilliance to end 1-1. Daniel Brunet returns to the Gauntlet, emotional personally - it was after all under him that the Treason/Maximum City rivalry began, so he’ll be pleased that his fluid yet uncompromising side took a 3-1 win away. He’s brought the best out of the initially-underwhelming Lucassen while the Castellan-Sarracena-Ferryman midfield axis is one of the strongest in the league. The Rovers continue to be inconsistent, and good value for money either way - they roll over a Chariots side in poor form to the tune of a 4-1 win. Birgit Sternberg, just as people start to gently question if she hasn’t been slightly disappointing this season, scores a hat-trick. Of course she does.

Oh, dear, the Smiths… a run of four draws in a row has been followed up by three straight defeats, the most recent seeing Vermillion come to their backyard and pump them 5-0. Catrine Kisel, whose sole job is to destroy, seemed to have a nonaggression pact signed and sealed with Purrington, who happily ran the game from her vantage point in the opposing half, while Tsattalios only needed to make one save all game. North Laithland were similarly pumped by the Moths - the Spiders have just been, well, bad, all season. Athletic stands up heroically to Brinemouth after going down two goals in the first 20 minutes - in the 24th, Ferryman notches one back, Pressinger saves a 53rd minute penalty but it seems like all their pressure is going to be wasted as they tire in the closing stretches… until Oehman bends an elegant stoppage-time free kick over the wall and beyond a collapsing Vintner. “The crowd sucked that one into the net,” Oehman says after the match, with some satisfaction. West Brinemouth, for their part, will be glad to scrape a point over a Starling side that couldn’t break through their defence. The one issue? Connor Hurriston stretched too far in pursuit of a Cattalock cross. His hamstring went. The only other recognised centre-forwards in the squad? Demetriou has already been a miserable failure once… Brun Terry is 19 and has never started a league game in his life. What they wouldn’t give to borrow a castoff or two from the affluent centre of the city...

Northern Union have the better of the match against the Otters, goals from Maddon and Kilbane seemingly enough until a second-half fightback from Brookford against the run of play sees a smash and grab point gained that they’ll be happy to take. Starling drop points for the first time in a wildly successful Champions’ Cup group stage so far, resting a couple of players against winless Taeshan City and paying the price in the scoreline. Vermillion, though? Outgunned, outclassed and deservedly edged late in the second half. Might’ve turned out different had impact substitute Cruz not lashed against the bar from four yards out in injury time, though...

The Spiders do it for the coefficient. They’re still screwed. So are Brinemouth after being, frankly, terrible at home.

Another crazy week, christ. From the top, then!
Brinemouth and North Laithland, united in being fucking shit in the Globe Cup, fight out a 3-0 win for the Dockers as they just glided through the fractured Spiders’ defence with ease - Speare’s squad has now gone three league defeats in a row without scoring. Sabrefell Athletic pulverise the Rovers 4-0, the Moths destroy the Smiths 3-0 and the suspicion is starting to dawn that neither Maximum side is very good. Treason and the Heelers grind out a scoreless draw, the canny Marcel Labonne man of the match - but there’s controversy, as Redmayne’s neat flicked goal is called off for a very marginal offside. Vermillion Rage thump Chatswood in the Pies Derby - Dieter Konoval is a great young stopper, but he’s also, well, 22, and looked exposed next to a class but slowing partner in the face of Vermillion’s flowing attack. West Brinemouth see a real opportunity against Violence Chariots, who have lost six straight, scored just 5 and conceded 21. Apollo Demetriou gets off the mark for the season, flicking home from Pembroke’s long throw, the home crowd groans… and then the Chariots score six unanswered goals in the first half, and the match ultimately ends 8-2. The criticism people have sometimes levelled at Starling is their struggle to break down determined, defensive bricks like Sheridan - evidently that’s not the case as they bring down that wall to the tune of 5-1. Brookford destroy Chenoworth 7-0, Creed - Creed! The Oathmen! - destroy Armstrong 6-0. There were three hat-tricks! Lucassen for Athletic, Cautcher for Starling, Farrier for Creed, Antonio would have had one for Coret only she missed the chance to make it 3-1 over the Quakers when her penalty was clawed away by a sprawling Raven Forster. Not for the first time this season, the highlights show that gets shipped abroad is stepped up from an hour to 90 minutes of content.

The big boys arrive, and as usual many of them end up infighting. In a breathtakingly dull affair between the Paladins and the Knights, it’s settled with the third shot on target of the game in extra time when Morgan decides to let Woodard’s acute shot in at her near post. Presumably she was as bored with it as everyone else. Coret bring a strong squad to the Harriers and proceed to be edged in a pulsating fixture between two technically-classy sides really giving it their all - but the Harriers, thanks to Weiss and West, have the finishing touch to set them apart. Decidedly not giving it their all is Brinemouth, who find their second-string knocked on their arse and given a good thrashing by third-tier mediocrities Rhagant. Starling are annihilated by Vermillion 4-1 in a match that suggests Melissa Aspen is a pretty bad goalkeeper and that the Passerines should be very thankful Hargrave’s yet to suffer a major injury in his career. There’s a Treason derby thrown together, too, and again both teams bring their strongest (bar Treason bringing their Cup goalkeeper, Fletcher) squads. But at the end of the day, Chatswood are sharper, stronger, better - Konoval the man of the match before Chilmark fires an electrifying shot from the edge of the box beyond Fletcher’s reach. The Woodsmen really need to keep the two homegrown stars if they’re to return to their peak, but Starling are already nosing around Chilmark and pretty much everyone wants Konoval. Southfell United’s push for an immediate return to Premiership - stalled by losing Radlinger and Toreador, their best players, in the offseason - gains some legitimacy as they edge out Sabrefell Athletic with goals through Harnwell and Schwarzer as well as a heroic performance by rightback Markus Rhein - an Athletic youth product and former Nephara international returned after a sour end to his career in Valladares that ended with him training with the reserves as he lacked the crucial ‘is the manager’s nephew’ criterion that Tannenburg had for the rightback position. Leichhardt, known for their defensive solidity and stability, just kind of throws the kitchen sink at the Chariots… who have a sink and a half to throw back in a chaotic match that ends 6-4 with Siorrha’Asione scoring a hat-trick and getting sent off - as the referee carded him for a celebration that tried to wind up the away fans, he made the fantastic decision to snatch the yellow card out of his hands. Great work, Stiin. Rossizzo’s post-match comments? “Boys will be boys.” North Laithland and Maximum City round out the rest of the eliminated Premiership sides, both to top-tier opposition. But the fun’s not over yet - Rochford, solid but goalshy as hell after their star striker, U21 international Levi Pratchett-Knight left on a free, find it within themselves to pulverise fourth-tier strugglers Courser. Meanwhile, it’s a bad day for many of the sides struggling to keep afloat in the First Division. Hackett get done 5-3 by Dartmouth a tier below them, Ritter Town manage a scoreless draw against Second Division promotion hopefuls Greygate and then miss all three of their penalties, West Hook take East Laithland (again muddling around midtable of the third tier, having only just been relegated) to extra time before, under little pressure, Brenecian journeyman defender Robyn Intyre under no pressure at all sends a routine headed backpass to the goalkeeper… only, she loops it over the goalkeeper and into the net. But Cypher pay the deepest price of all - after 120 minutes at home of failing to get the ball past the Rochford Pilgrims - a side who turned professional about six months ago - they finally manage to win on penalties despite the boos echoing around the ground. Which means, of course, that they’ll have to keep dividing their attention...

The Smiths snap a five-game losing streak but they still haven’t won in nine - Corvell still can’t finish but Odette Longstocking, making a rare start on the basis of ‘she can’t do any worse than the idiots we have’, manages to float a late equaliser over a stranded Steed Corren. In truth, were it not for Jelić, they could have conceded four or five. Injuries hadn’t helped, of course, with Ellen Mifsud starting at rightback to mark her 19th birthday and proceeding to spend the entire match in Chloe Rudden’s slipstream. A terrible Gallagher challenge in the 16th minute is punished by a straight red card and, as a result, Starling lose their structure and much of the threat from their spine. Armstrong lead 3-0 within the first half and though Starling mount a goal back off a well-worked corner they ultimately lose by four clear goals. “Just one of those days,” Fegelein sighs. Sabrefell Athletic continue to impress. Lind Pressinger may have handed in a transfer request in the offseason but without it coming to fruition he’s returned professionally to the task of being one of the league’s foremost goalkeepers, showing that here - and a rock-hard core of Gerhardt, Sarracena and Moravec stops Crisisbless from any real penetration, anyway. At the other end, the reinvented floating winger Oehman sets up assists for his countryman Lucassen and the redoubtable Castellan in an impressive 2-0 victory over a Crisisbless side that just cannot cope. West Brinemouth, impressively, win a game. More impressively, it’s against AFC Treason. Culden’s diagonal cross in the 70th minute is complacently allowed to float by Reinhard Armstrong… not expecting the much-maligned Apollo Demetriou to come flying out of nowhere to beast it over Armstrong, past Ballard and into the top corner. It helps that Henna Morgan makes nine saves, a fair few of them impressive.

Brookford are beaten by Bassabook but the weakness of Union and Yuba ensure the two were going to make it through regardless. That said - they do lose top spot, and will face Sonoma Centre next. Starling’s reasonably comfortable victory over Oceanside ensures an unbeaten group stage as they sail through in top spot - an impressive response to recent domestic reverses. Their next opponents, Baskita, will be rough… but manageable. Vermillion thump Celtic but despite a superior goal difference to Ulsa, they still finish 3rd on head-to-head. At least it means Nephara has representation in the Globe Cup...

Neither side has a chance, both draw, both crash out in third. Ugh.

Felswyr represent a challenge for Crisisbless, with a strong Osarian contingent as well as a return to Nephara for former Belgrave centre-forward Maria Scribe. But neither Scribe nor journeyman strike partner Peterson can get past Marciak while Urso and the lively Lukas Rashford finish crisply past Pellegrini to take a decisive lead to Chromatika.

In the tabloids’ favourite match, North Laithland vs. Chatswood… well, it doesn’t come to fruition, as Elrik Raskine leaves Corsie on the bench citing a mysterious minor knock sustained in training. Desdemona Schuster mounts a fair case for inclusion in his stead with an energetic, active performance that sees her notch up an assist for Daniel Archer, arced neatly beyond Corren… just, at the other end, Rudden and Rhodes have already won the game. Apollo Demetriou manages an impressive and unprecedented run of form in front of goal by scoring two games in a row - but Ferryman and Oehman show their class at the other end to put the game beyond the Gulls. Still - West Brinemouth’s showing signs of fight, at long last. Sternberg, who has been inconsistent at the Rovers and, well… old, sees Saravakos’ cross and manages to turn and crash a powerful volley as she falls past a stationary Marciak. As she rises to her feet, she celebrates extensively across the length of the away end. Urso equalises six minutes later, but you’d imagine Sternberg would be pleased with the result regardless. Missing Gallagher through suspension and Cautcher and Asif through injury, you might think this would be Parrhesia’s time to take the defending champions down a notch. It isn’t. They lose 3-0, Westerlow, Costello and inverted-wing 33-year old captain Kurtis Warner all getting on the scoresheet.

The strain of fighting on many different fronts takes a toll on Vermillion and Starling, neither convincing at home against resilient, determined opposition. The possibility of a double exit at the first stage is on the cards.

Ultimately comfortable for the Heelers, as they buckle down in defence and midfield, dominate possession before late goals off a set-piece (Gallardo heading home) and on the counter (flying substitute striker Klaus Breisgau chipping a stranded Pellegrini) ensure a well-deserved victory.

The Smiths finally win, after a wait of eleven matches! A stretch of eleven games over the course of which, in related events, a jaded-looking Dejan Corvell has managed just one goal. He scores another here, Rosmalen and Teagan finishing off the victims, a hardly-secure Chatswood... both managers are under serious pressure. Armstrong do not win. Armstrong do many things in their match against the Stags, such as ‘selling their defence short with Morgan’s routine pass, so weak and aimless that Cantor runs at and hammers home with her first touch’, or ‘having, in Garrett Leonard, a rightback whose immediate response to the overlapping wing play of Vyntra and Vesper was to try and slide tackle both of them at the same time and fall over’, but none of these things are ‘win’. It is the Stags who win. 5-0.

Both sides cut it close, but ultimately - despite a late scare for Vermillion and with the help of the triumphant return of Claudia Cautcher for the Passerines - see their way through to the next round.

It’s another very tight, strange season on the cards here - though in a different way. Vermillion Rage slip a little at the summit, unable to crack a determined Newrook City as Sanna’s crisp 21st-minute strike seals it for the visitors, but they’re still on track for a hundred points come the end of the season. Brookford can’t capitalise during a scoreless stalemate against 4th-placed Starling, but hold onto second - Athletic, for their part, also draw with Armstrong to hold 3rd. In fact, as the Moths lose at home to Bishop, Creed (who are somehow in a Globe Cup place) beaten soundly by Coret… the first team to actually win their match is the Stags, who thump the Saints 5-0, a second successive win by that scoreline. They’re finally starting to click. And the results… well, they speak for themselves. Despite their poor recent run of form, the Chariots remain 8th, only behind Treason thanks to their unimpressive goal difference. Mired in midtable, surprisingly, are Brinemouth, Crisisbless and North Laithland despite victories for all three. Combined with terrible performances in UICA, questions are being asked for the first time of Frew and Speare - though the fans are understanding of Thrift, it being her first job of a team in transition. And, well, the fact that she’s a club legend. And national legend.
Gaps are starting to open up at the bottom, though, as Aziz Senturk’s dazzling thunderbastard leaves Aldridge with no chance - the Rovers’ resulting 1-0 win over Sheridan sees them pull three points away from the bottom five, away from their 20th-placed local rivals in the Smiths, who are simply outplayed by a comfortable, recovered Goodfeather side in good form and midtable safety. West Brinemouth, simply without a sniff of the action as Crisisbless choked them to death, have still somehow gotten ahold of the relegation playoff place - Armstrong’s impressive draw against Athletic is their 11th of the season, still seeing them mired in the relegation zone to join Sheridan and, at the bottom, the Southrons. Bruno Hawke laments a fourth straight single-goal defeat - his side are playing well, but not finishing their chances and giving away cheap defensive errors, that’s the difference between now and last season. And, regrettably, at 34 Rutger Connacht has finally stopped being evergreen and started looking distinctly off the pace. This might, you have to feel, be it for them… then again, it might not. They’re two points from safety, after all.
Meanwhile, following the dismantling of the Repechage49 the First Division now has a distinction as arguably the strongest second tier in the world. It shows, judging by the competitiveness at the top… and the very real struggles of Cypher and Ritter at the bottom, though the latter clambers a little towards safety after a strong 2-1 win over Crisisbless United. The top 6 all win, Extreme Hills by a 6-0 scoreline over hapless West Hook, the Maulers, Dragons and Cranequin Wanderers keeping on track for promotion but it remains close as hell. Well, at least in the top five - seperated by three points, while 5th-placed Leichhardt has an eight-point, thirteen-GD lead over 6th-placed Hills. Oh, and it may not be relevant to the promotion or relegation battles - Morningstar lost Crinion, Ulster (to the Premiership) and Ferry (to Super Llamaland’s Olympic East on a free) in the off-season and are mired in midtable, bearing little hopes of another promotion push like last season (made worse by the very strong field) but Diamondqueen coming to their ground and thrashing them 7-3 was still not exactly on the cards.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Vermillion Rage          23  16   2   5  46  25  +21  50
  2 Brookford Otters         23  14   5   4  50  28  +22  47
  3 Sabrefell Athletic       23  13   6   4  43  22  +21  45
  4 Starling                 23  12   5   6  40  24  +16  41
  5 Sabrefell Moths          23  11   6   6  45  27  +18  39
  6 Creed United             23  12   3   8  43  34   +9  39
  7 AFC Treason              23  11   5   7  45  31  +14  38
  8 Violence Chariots        23  12   2   9  51  50   +1  38
  9 Coret Hawks              23  10   6   7  37  23  +14  36
 10 Bishop                   23  10   5   8  24  23   +1  35
 11 Brinemouth               23   9   7   7  37  31   +6  34
 12 Crisisbless              23   9   6   8  35  31   +4  33
 13 Newrook City             23   9   6   8  23  23   +0  33
 14 North Laithland          23   9   2  12  36  38   -2  29
 15 Goodfeather FC           23   8   4  11  34  46  -12  28
 16 Chenoworth Harriers      23   7   6  10  34  51  -17  27
 17 Parrhesia United         23   7   5  11  29  41  -12  26
 18 Chatswood                23   6   6  11  26  36  -10  24
 19 Maximum Rovers           23   5   8  10  31  44  -13  23
 20 Maximum City             23   4   8  11  27  42  -15  20
 21 West Brinemouth          23   5   5  13  13  29  -16  20
 22 Armstrong                23   3  11   9  21  40  -19  20
 23 Sheridan                 23   4   7  12  15  30  -15  19
 24 South Laithland          23   4   6  13  20  36  -16  18

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Corvette Maulers          23  16   1   6  40  19  +21  49
  2 AFC Serpentine            23  15   3   5  44  25  +19  48
  3 Cranequin Wanderers       23  14   5   4  43  20  +23  47
  4 Raven River               23  14   4   5  50  26  +24  46
  5 Leichhardt                23  13   7   3  33  10  +23  46
  6 Extreme Hills             23  10   8   5  42  32  +10  38
  7 Southfell United          23  11   5   7  45  37   +8  38
  8 Belgrave                  23  10   8   5  34  29   +5  38
  9 Vermillion Wanderers      23  11   4   8  33  29   +4  37
 10 Iron City                 23   9   8   6  26  23   +3  35
 11 Morningstar               23  10   4   9  32  28   +4  34
 12 Cranequin City            23   9   4  10  21  24   -3  31
 13 Crisisbless United        23   8   5  10  35  35   +0  29
 14 Diamondqueen              23   7   7   9  34  33   +1  28
 15 Martella Jazz             23   6   9   8  33  35   -2  27
 16 Rochford                  23   7   6  10  19  27   -8  27
 17 AFC Shale                 23   7   5  11  20  27   -7  26
 18 Dross Rovers              23   7   4  12  25  32   -7  25
 19 West Hook                 23   6   3  14  18  46  -28  21
 20 Chenoworth Rovers         23   4   8  11  18  30  -12  20
 21 Cypher Town               23   3  11   9  13  26  -13  20
 22 Ritter Town               23   5   5  13  23  43  -20  20
 23 Coret Rovers              23   4   5  14  18  36  -18  17
 24 Hackett                   23   3   5  15  22  49  -27  14

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 East Laithland Harriers      23  16  2   5  42  21  +21  50
  2 Riverkey                     23  14  5   4  41  17  +24  47
  3 Crisisbless Athletic         23  14  4   5  35  24  +11  46
  4 Locksley                     23  12  6   5  45  25  +20  42
  5 North Sabrefell              23  10  6   7  32  23   +9  36
  6 Project +90                  23  10  6   7  39  35   +4  36
  7 Greygate                     23   9  6   8  34  25   +9  33
  8 Stonegrave                   23  10  3  10  25  20   +5  33
  9 Ox River United              23  10  3  10  27  24   +3  33
 10 Mantlegrove                  23   9  6   8  29  31   -2  33
 11 South Parrhesia              23  10  3  10  35  43   -8  33
 12 Brookway Town                23   9  5   9  33  30   +3  32
 13 Iron United                  23   8  8   7  27  30   -3  32
 14 Rushe United                 23   9  5   9  35  43   -8  32
 15 Sutcroft                     23   9  4  10  35  31   +4  31
 16 Boleyn Town                  23   8  7   8  23  24   -1  31
 17 Dartmouth Terriers           23   8  4  11  28  25   +3  28
 18 Rhagant Schadenfreude        23   6  9   8  17  20   -3  27
 19 Senway Town                  23   7  6  10  32  42  -10  27
 20 Crossroads Town              23   6  8   9  28  29   -1  26
 21 Kensey Town                  23   6  7  10  31  46  -15  25
 22 Brindleton                   23   5  7  11  17  32  -15  22
 23 Fenland Albion               23   4  6  13  18  33  -15  18
 24 Gridlock Rovers              23   2  4  17  12  47  -35  10

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Strephonage               23  16  4   3  40  13  +27  52
  2 Iberia Chenoworth         23  15  6   2  46  17  +29  51
  3 Long Lake                 23  15  4   4  40  15  +25  49
  4 Ringway                   23  13  6   4  31  20  +11  45
  5 Falston Town              23  12  6   5  36  23  +13  42
  6 AFC Corvistone            23  12  5   6  45  30  +15  41
  7 Southriver                23  11  5   7  37  23  +14  38
  8 The Strongest             23  11  5   7  44  39   +5  38
  9 Gridlock East             23   9  7   7  20  20   +0  34
 10 Pillars of Southfell      23   8  7   8  22  18   +4  31
 11 Bellamy                   23   8  7   8  29  28   +1  31
 12 Corby Hubris              23   8  5  10  23  30   -7  29
 13 Fischer                   23   8  4  11  30  32   -2  28
 14 Sutcroft Athletic         23   7  7   9  28  30   -2  28
 15 Kommissar                 23   6 10   7  25  28   -3  28
 16 Mainstream Fist           23   9  1  13  32  41   -9  28
 17 Courser                   23   7  5  11  25  34   -9  26
 18 Fully Sick XI             23   5  9   9  32  37   -5  24
 19 North Dubstep             23   6  4  13  24  29   -5  22
 20 Grovebank                 23   6  4  13  19  38  -19  22
 21 Lackerrun                 23   6  3  14  37  54  -17  21
 22 Franchise FC              23   5  6  12  27  49  -22  21
 23 Bodkin Road               23   5  3  15  19  45  -26  18
 24 Rochford Pilgrims         23   3  7  13  19  37  -18  16

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Falston United        23  15   5   3  36  15  +21  50
  2 The Hanged Man        23  14   7   2  31  16  +15  49
  3 Boltcroft Thorns      23  13   4   6  38  26  +12  43
  4 Forge Carpenters      23  11   7   5  22  12  +10  40
  5 Harrington            23  10   7   6  27  21   +6  37
  6 Gridlock              23  10   6   7  23  19   +4  36
  7 Mapleford             23   8   9   6  25  24   +1  33
  8 Camwell Road          23   8   9   6  20  19   +1  33
  9 Ramsay                23   9   6   8  29  31   -2  33
 10 Gosforth Swans        23   7  11   5  39  31   +8  32
 11 Sirencall FC          23   9   3  11  38  37   +1  30
 12 Swag Hill Rovers      23   9   2  12  36  30   +6  29
 13 Tryst Athletic        23   7   7   9  32  42  -10  28
 14 Vermillion Spite      23   8   3  12  33  38   -5  27
 15 Nay Town              23   6   8   9  19  31  -12  26
 16 Gonen's Bridge        23   7   4  12  18  22   -4  25
 17 Geoff United          23   5   9   9  22  31   -9  24
 18 FC Seierstad          23   6   6  11  19  28   -9  24
 19 Norton Road           23   4   6  13  20  33  -13  18
 20 Perrett               23   2   5  16  16  37  -21  11

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                  P   W  D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Peregrine            23  16  6   1  49  21  +28  54
  2 Blaze                23  15  3   5  41  26  +15  48
  3 Ballardine FC        23  13  6   4  45  23  +22  45
  4 South Brill          23  13  4   6  34  24  +10  43
  5 Rookwall             23  11  6   6  38  29   +9  39
  6 Downsparrow          23  10  8   5  33  20  +13  38
  7 Stamper Road         23  11  5   7  39  34   +5  38
  8 Dubstep Rangers      23  10  5   8  34  29   +5  35
  9 Violence Tigers      23   9  8   6  28  24   +4  35
 10 Brunyard FC          23   9  5   9  35  39   -4  32
 11 Coral Bay            23   9  4  10  23  34  -11  31
 12 Lazuli Diamonds      23   8  6   9  35  41   -6  30
 13 Norpike              23   7  5  11  23  25   -2  26
 14 Twelvetrees          23   7  5  11  23  26   -3  26
 15 Masculine Town       23   7  5  11  34  38   -4  26
 16 Sandrock             23   5  8  10  17  24   -7  23
 17 De La Patria         23   5  5  13  26  46  -20  20
 18 Hartford Glade       23   4  6  13  23  34  -11  18
 19 Clay Terrace         23   4  6  13  14  29  -15  18
 20 Chaker Town          23   2  4  17  16  44  -28  10

by **Nephara** » Thu Aug 25, 2016 1:51 pm

Greygate continue their list of high-profile scalps, this time aiming two divisions up. Parrhesia put out a strong team but were let down by goalkeeper Simon Ardley’s inability to deal with, well, anything. Greygate were clinical and determined, and it didn’t hurt that Hexmark managed to blast a shot into the side netting from six yards at a not-remotely-acute angle. Rochford and Violence, the six-goal thrillers from last time around, are far more measured when they come face to face. Rochford’s holding midfielder Bernard Eschneider was sold from Armstrong upon their promotion - they didn’t think he was good enough for the top flight. Maybe they were wrong, given the way he put Machairas in his pocket throughout and clamped down efficiently and dirtily on Nemeth from time to time. When Machairas is free, she manages to tuck a deflected free kick past the wrongfooted goalkeeper, but Kinnan and Morraine manage to tip the balance back in Rochford’s favour and they take home the win. Chatswood are surprisingly dominated by Martella, but make the most of their 30% possession. Whenever they get the ball, they threaten - trouble is, only Matheson can finish, and they ultimately pay for it in extra time. Crisisbless find Rhagant a banana skin, but Irsa Croxteth finds a good time to score her first goal for her hometown club, sticking a shot away from 18 yards in extra time as the disciplined 5-4-1 of Rhagant starts to fray at the edges and finally leave some space. South Laithland and Maximum Rovers aren’t about to follow in their footsteps, handily thrashing recently-relegated River and Cranequin Wanderers to keep them in their place.

Pulverisation all round. Starting off with the Brinemouth derby - the plucky Gulls held a scoreless draw in the away leg of the fixture and they do one better here, Demetriou again on the scoresheet. Shame that, at the other end, they get torn to shreds - six different scorers with a goal apiece. Sabrefell Athletic are another side doing well for themselves of late, and they stamp their authority by stamping down the Saints. 2-1 down in the 65th minute and perhaps prematurely having used all their substitutes (the last, to be fair, injury-enforced as Asteinza was stretchered off) Cheney Gestede’s second yellow card for brutalising Castellan was the catalyst for the collapse of their entire defensive structure. It ended 5-1. Armstrong fight their way out of the relegation zone with a vital and emphatic victory - Rovers simply lacking organisation or determination as the Paladins steamroll over them with Harbour, Hearn and Chilton all getting on the scoresheet, and but for better finishing Harbour could have ended with a hat-trick. As it was, 3-0 is bad enough. As Vermillion slip to a 2-1 defeat to Creed with Karena Bittner scoring a rare brace from midfield, the Otters take advantage, obliterate the defensively-naive and injury-hit Chariots 4-0 - a baptism of fire for stand-in goalkeeper Olivia Selkie - and climb to the top of the table on goal difference.

Oh. Yeah. That’s more like it. Lokomotiv and Mansestra both get pumped by four clear goals in Nephara as the Premiership sides assert their authority with their strongest sides - helpfully meaning they can take the opportunity to rest some players in the opposite fixture.

The summit almost changes hands yet again. Vermillion have taken one point from their last four games following a scoreless draw with Starling, Brookford are happy enough to take a point away from a trip to the Gauntlet… and it’s now three sides on 51 points at the top as they’re joined by Sabrefell Athletic, who edge a plucky but ultimately inferior South Laithland 1-0. Brookford are still on top… on goals scored. Brinemouth are not in the mood to stop for anyone. Goodfeather FC are next, in a match that young Raven Forster between the posts will want to forget in a hurry as Rachael Loxley, now 36 and simply unable to keep up with a rampant Brinemouth midfield, is substituted at half-time. It’s 5-0 by then, and Schanzer at least puts a glister of respectability on the scoreline before Bottlegreen (for her second) and Beckcamp finish the job. At the bottom of the table, there’s important wins on the board. Maximum City would be happy enough with a point against Bishop, you suspect - Niko Rosmalen powering home a late equaliser through a mass of bodies - were it not for the Rovers securing a 1-0 win over Parrhesia across town through Curren’s opportunistic poach, Armstrong’s resilient performance as Maxwell heads home a corner for a plucky 1-0 win over Crisisbless and West Brinemouth managing to force two goals past Sheridan.

Lokomotiv are annihilated. Again. Vermillion might be slipping at the summit domestically, but they give their second-string a chance to stretch their legs abroad. Judging by Cruz’s hat-trick, impressive performances from Rathlinker and Aveline and a strong audition at leftback from Christian Ledger, maybe Vermillion’s depth is better than advertised. Mansestra have better luck in their native Ethane and do manage to force Starling into a good, solid fight, but the Passerines throw on Estrella Hawke off the bench. The flying centre-forward’s diving header secures a win on the day, a thumping aggregate victory overall.

Sheridan end their match against Brinemouth down five goals and two players - Cardluck and Steele - with just 18% possession and no shots on target. The Dockers are in imperious form. South Laithland score early through the flickering Ulster but are pegged back by Maximum Rovers’ superior midfield, Naeher in particular dazzling with Chapin and Luitgard rounding out a 3-1 victory - the bottom two are finally starting to look a little like they’re getting cut adrift. Yet another six-pointer - Armstrong vs. West Brinemouth is exactly as terrible to watch as expected but Knight brings down Demetriou in the box late on and gets her marching orders. Aveline, Cruz and Ledger are rewarded for their dominance over Lokomotiv by being elevated to the starting lineup against a depleted Chariots side - it gets worse for them when Olivia Selkie flattens Cruz in the area, gets her marching orders and finds herself replaced by 20-year old Stefan Bolander… who with his first touch for the senior side pushes Cruz’s penalty out onto the post. It ends scoreless.

Celtic have already faced Nepharim sides this cycle - they’ve learned from those experiences. Talismanic goalkeeper Eliot Horn continues to work his way onto the shortlists of the world’s big clubs with another excellent performance that paves the way for Kira Koromin to get a crucial away goal, but in the second half the determined Celtic line breaks and Redmayne and Urso get the breakthrough Shale’s squad deserved. All in the balance for the next leg...

Brinemouth’s last four fixtures have ended with an aggregate scorelines of 26-2, and this latest victory has been the most crushing of all. In this time, Konrad Gosforth has ascended to a higher plane of existence and achieved an almost perfect state of footballing genius and GOD FUCKING DAMN IT, SHALE, CAP THIS MAN. Treason get in on the party, too - an injury-hit, slumping Vermillion put to the sword 5-1 with Alemane the side’s only real spark, even an 80%-fit Purrington looking jaded and subdued. Knight’s suspension bites Armstrong, hard, at a really bad time. Gerry Hewett, who is pretty terrible, starts between the posts for them in a crucial fixture against Sheridan and when Arrington sends in a cross in the 71st minute, Hewett flaps hopelessly at it, slapping it perfectly in the path of the onrushing midfielder Britton who just has to angle his head and guide the rebound into the net. Aldridge holds his ground at the other end, with Green and Steele having the measure of Harbour and Cardluck stopping any hope of midfield production in the first match all season where Sheridan enjoy the bulk of possession.

What is it with Greygate? They’ve beaten Coral Bay, sure, but gone on to conquer Ritter Town one division up before sweeping both of Vermillion’s Premiership representatives out of the competition. In general, it’s a good day for scalps as the lower-league sides who’ve gotten this far, well… prove why they’ve gotten this far. Bishop try and play through the lines and Vermillion Wanderers aren’t having it, Lucian Corvin making a variety of strong saves. Nothing he can do after a raking crossfield pass from Wintergren lets Dragana calmly sidefoot home but Sonnett takes it into extra time, Pennyfeather collects a second yellow card for a late challenge on Corbray and Morgan Keyes lashes home a heartbreaking half-volley in the 119th minute. In what the tabloids quickly picked up was ‘the battle of the former Nepharim international strikers who are now managers’, Cheney Bittencourt got one over Gerhard Thunder, veteran midfielder Christian Tobruk lashing home from 30 yards past a flat-footed Morgan Bell for a late winner. Armstrong and Crisisbless succumb to Premiership opposition in extra time while Belgrave, facing off against a Rochford side that has had a run to remember to date, rely on a string of saves from former Crisisbless United stopper Mateo Cataphract before Cosette Blake powers home a strike from just outside the box. So, of the last eight, two will come from the second and one from the third tier - not bad, really.

Oof, there it is. Yet again, Eliot Horn is excellent when called upon, but that’s not to say this is a case where the Heelers dominated and should have won - Celtic stood up to be counted on home soil and are worthy semifinalists, Inyaki Marton’s goal enough to see them through on away goals.

Maxine Edelgrau finally returns between the posts for the Chariots and helps arrest their recent slump with a number of flying saves, inspiring Violence to a narrow victory over the Spiders as Siorrha’Asione gets his first goal in a while and Walker, off the bench, finishes them off. Sheridan get another important win - every win’s important for them, after all, as the Saints’ inability to mark them down at set pieces screws them over, Kilner and Green securing the win. Elsewhere in the relegation battle, South Laithland spend a frustrating, dominant 90 minutes just not having the required end product. Connacht’s legs are gone, he’s done, just trying to do the things he could have done five years ago with a body that isn’t up to it anymore, while Ulster continues to be a really good First Division striker and an inadequate, wavering Premiership one - Bantambridge hits a post in stoppage time, but the Gulls take a barely-deserved point away from Covenground. The Stags are building up a fair bit of steam, and a Sabrefell Moths side reduced through injury to deploying Valencia Ashburner, an 18-year old winger, at leftback, among other catastrophies - the young guns try their best in trying circumstances and Rune Haldenstadt actually manages the first goal of the evening before Caravella gets bombarded and concedes five in return. Igrene Cantor in particular has looked for a while as though whenever she has the ball she will score. It’s all open at the top...

Still hurting domestically, but Vermillion’s second string are more than capable of sweeping Prime Para aside to pave the way for a comfortable trip to the Boring Paradise. Starling host Rozelle, a Brenecian side with plenty of threat but, thanks to the Passerines’ diligent defensive efforts, simply can’t break through. Cautcher and Gallagher come up with the goods at the other end.

Vermillion finally win after a run of two points from seven matches that has jeopardised their title challenge - even then they rely on a heroic performance from Tsattalios in goal to stop Maximum Rovers taking at least a point that they probably deserved, with Hawthorn beaten at her near post by Alemane at the other end. They’ll take it. Two thorny rivalries live up to the reputation - just not to exactly high footballing standards. With the Sabrefell derby ending with 10 men apiece and no goals, North Laithland do at least find a way past Ballard courtesy of a wonderful, crisp shot from Stenet. Kennedy concedes a stupid penalty at the other end by hacking down Portsgate but Murdoch’s penalty is beaten decisively away by both of Corren’s hands, and the Spiders hold on for the win. At the bottom of the table, Sheridan need to continue their good form and have the perfect opportunity to hosting South Laithland. They’re off to a good start, Chris Britton scoring a precious goal from 20 yards, placement and power past Yossarian, and with the Southrons’ traditional struggles to get it together in the final third they hold back in two banks of four (with a defensive midfielder marshalling in between) and it almost works… but it just takes one chance, doesn’t it? Woodbridge slips a ball between Green and the stranded Mreijkhlaar, Bantambridge seizes the moment, runs onto it and cuts the ball past Aldridge. Still, a point… until Connacht, off his game all season, steps up for a free kick, sizes up his chances, and lets fly… into the top corner, in the 89th minute. Still time for Sheridan to almost take it back with a long ball up to fresh substitute Taggart… whose heavy first touch leaves it open to be desperately clawed out of danger by Yossarian, picked up by Schuster (another substitute) who arrows it at goal after sorting her feet out but sliding in to intercept the shot is rightback Gwen Saunders, body literally on the line as it hits her solidly in the chest, Milner hooks it away and Sheridan don’t have time to take the corner.

Prime put up a much better fight at home, and Rozelle this time get on the scoresheet through Cosumar international Tevin Lilley while late on captain Niko Moss has a penalty palmed away by Hargrave. In neither case, it’s enough - early goals from Cruz and Asif all but ensuring ultimate victory for the Nepharim with an extra goal from Westerlow in the 71st minute providing extra security.

Brinemouth’s reign of terror is over. Eight straight wins including that… frankly monstrous streak in the middle of it. Someone had to step up, and it was Spike Turnbull’s quietly impressive, refurbished Saints, a side which has not come close to relegation since their immediate, decisive promotion two seasons ago. Within three minutes they were ahead, Rademacher smashing one past Vintner from 25 yards, soon after Telfair came close to heading home but Vintner did exceptionally well to tip it onto the crossbar before Rouseff made it 2-0 anyway from Alexandros’ long ball over the top of the high Dockers’ line. Beckcamp, who had forced his way out of Parrhesia a while back, was starting due to a knock to Silkman - a classy 31-year old luxury player who Alexandros, only just signed from Southfell, pretty much put out of the game before he was quietly substituted in the 51st minute. By then, Candelo had pulled one back from distance but when Rowan, a homegrown substitute, found the perfect pass for Hexmark to run onto and then unselfishly set aside for Telfair to tap into an open net… that was game over. Treason take great satisfaction in hammering another nail in Maximum City’s coffin and Providence Mitford’s squad doesn’t manage so much as a shot on target as Cantor’s brace sees them sunk. Not that the Rovers fare better - Johnson, Belgrave and Christener are finally fit enough to start, with Cliving brought off the bench. That’s far more quality than the Rovers can cope with, apparently, as they’re crushed 5-1.

The glorious inconsistency of the Rovers as North Laithland get dumped 6-3 - 3-3 at half-time, sure, but the Rovers actually start marking and defending and the Spiders don’t get the memo. Losing Bianca Condotta has really proven to be their undoing, though Finlay is a fine replacement - it’s Gunnar Brickwalk that’s struggling to keep up the pace by this stage, and Senturk/Chapin (replaced by young Jasmine Colindon)/Naeher rampage through them for the three in the second half, Birgit Sternberg a constant nuisance and Curren an increasingly accomplished poacher. A Treason derby is a fairly quiet affair, surprisingly - a lot of the needle has exited this Chatswood side, after all. Chilmark releases Matheson who stabs it past Ballard… he’s offside, though. Cantor lashes past Middlesbrough just outside the box - she isn’t. Meanwhile, Armstrong get utterly fucked again by Brookford Otters, a side looking for change in the next offseason but wildly overachieving with the either not-especially-great or exceptionally old side they have regardless. Well, it’s part the Otters are good and part that Armstrong is fucking rubbish. The extent to which First Division trashmen like Havenaar, Whitehawk,

Vermillion have well and truly pissed their title challenge away - how do you let Sheridan put four goals past you?! They let themselves be bullied all over the pitch as Shay Milner does an exclusive once-in-a-lifetime Kris Campbell impression, almost doubling his goal tally for the season with Chris Britton’s smooth finish rubbing it in. Creed United’s UICA challenge hits a snag as their 3-1 first-half lead over the distinctly average Newrook City unravels in the second half. Russ Beresford is beaten at his near post by Stokes - Statham almost explodes on the technical area - before a poorly-marked Fenwick set piece sees Ideye head home from the far post off Rivello’s flick-on. Just as the Oathmen press for victory… Gillard hacks down the luckless substitute June Connolly’s ankle, sending the 31-year old straight to the physio for a couple of months. Mendehlson tucks it away, and the Rooks have something besides security to cheer about. Without There’s a Maximum derby, too - the Smiths seem back to their hack-and-bash roots. The Rovers play far better but Jelic is in inspired form, Malta Hawthorn drops a cross and Lineker clears into Devante’s face, the rebound gliding into the net. Elegant stuff. The beautiful game.

Rough start for Brookford, one they’ll struggle to recover from - they’re just outplayed by a better side on the day, no shame in that. The Passerines fare better. Baskita play excellent football at home but struggle to penetrate Starling’s rock-solid defence, and while former Brinemouth striker Shroveday hits a post, Nicola Costello does one better with immaculate placement from 25 yards to take a valuable result back to Nephara.

Two front-loaded sides have a proper shootout at each other, neither side even really pretending they can defend. Alemane opens the scoring but a rare mistake in possession from the normally assured Jeong paves the way for Barker to score. The Osarian gets a brace just minutes later before Runen levels the scores again, powering a shot high past Goeransson, and the second half was quieter… until in the 85th minute, when Avendanyo’s pass splits the defence and frees Villafanya to stab home past the stranded Tsattalios. Both sides will fancy themselves to take it home tomorrow.

The Rovers do a Rovers. The good version of doing a Rovers! Though maybe Chatswood fans might not agree, since they got pasted 3-0 in the first half at home, booed off at half time and then conceded two more goals without ever really testing Malta Hawthorn. Between big-game player Birgit Sternberg and flat-track bully Aziz Senturk, the Rovers have the goalscoring tools for any situation! Both score braces here, Spyridon Kolitsidakis - whose slow return from a recurrent ankle injury has hampered his first-team chances - finishing them off with his first of the season in his third start. South Laithland have been edged by close contests throughout the season - not here, against the Otters where despite Ulster’s goal they are thoroughly outclassed and look thoroughly relegated. Brinemouth’s great form continues as they put five past the normally solid Creed defence, with Russ Beresford looking thoroughly pissed off as he never really gets a chance to save any of them, while Vermillion’s slump continues to influence the relegation battle as Defaye’s blundered pass straight to Chilton allows her to play in Harbour, who scores - one last favour to her hometown club from Vermillion’s talented but error-prone rightback.

Sonoma Center aren’t so solid at home, the Otters scoring almost immediately… but they labour terribly to try and get the second and when they finally get caught on the break and cut open the tie feels over. It is. Baskita level the scores within eight minutes - fringe Brenecia international Syrene Ramsey slipping Bernath through Starling’s defence and the centre-forward slides it neatly beyond a despairing Hargrave. The Passerines press for the rest of an intense first half but can’t find a breakthrough, though Bergmann does well to tip Gallagher’s long shot onto the upright. They do get their breakthrough in the end - Westerlow’s half-volley levelling the scores, Marquon scoring her first Starling goal as she flicks home Costello’s corner, Ondrackova lending the game some intrigue with a thunderous strike that skims in off the underside of the crossbar before substitute Athana Finchcleft marks a starting UICA debut (Asif’s nursing a calf strain) by smashing one in the stanchion just three minutes later to kill off the tie.

Vermillion make a strong response to their earlier defeat, a panacea to their domestic form - Purrington has been all but silent at home but pulls the side over the line with a second-half brace after Alemane and Inriquez trade goals in the first twenty minutes. Tsattalios is in great form, which doesn’t hurt. You get the sense that winning the Globe Cup is a realistic aim for Vermillion and with the title race fading might well become their focus...

Two points split the top four. Brookford, improbably, sit top… this despite a 3-0 thrashing on home soil against the Dockers, as Silkman, the rejuvenated Botttlegreen and the substitute Juquinho annihilate the hosts. Brinemouth were stranded in midtable not so long ago… and they have dropped four points in their last 13 matches. Treason, thanks to Vyntra and Woodspur, sweep Bishop aside in a 2-0 win. Had Portsgate not seen her 89th-minute penalty saved by Scannell, the Stags would have been level on points, goal difference and goals scored with Brookford, forcing everyone to try and look up whether it’s wins or head to head that comes next. Athletic beat the Harriers reasonably easily to go 3rd - Brunet’s reputation is stronger than ever - while Brinemouth are now 4th.
Starling beat Creed United 3-1, both in the Globe Cup spots. Remarkably, between them is Vermillion Rage. Vermillion have one win from 13, but could have doubled that in a pulsating derby against Parrhesia. Against the run of play, Telfair opens the scoring with a looping header over a stranded Tsattalios before Runen and Xidhas (boo, hiss!) give Vermillion the lead. Purrington’s no-look pass then slips through Corvid Alemane, who sticks the ball in the net - a very marginal offside is given, and from that free kick, the Saints go long again - Klavier to Frei to Rouseff, who fires past Tsattalios at his near post. Crisisbless, Coret and the Moths all win to keep just outside the top seven, and will all consider their season disappointing (or, at least in the Hawks’ case, stagnant) if they don’t get in there.
Midtable is only really remarkable for North Laithland in 15th, though they do at least beat Sheridan thanks to late goals from substitutes Kistler and Tsikitsiris. A point and a place above them? The Harriers and their -23 goal difference. Parrhesia in 16th are probably safe, as you’d imagine are the Rovers and Goodfeather, despite the former losing to the latter 5-0 at home. Oh, Rovers…
Chatswood are precarious, though they also have enough about them to escape, you’d imagine - five points out of danger, but the only side outside the bottom four managing less than a goal a game in spite of their far more progressive, constructive play. Another season of stalling for Tzipporah ‘wait, she’s an international?’ Cohen hasn’t helped. At all. Two points out of danger, the Smiths’ early optimism has gone out the window and fans are starting to wonder where Reucassel went and if maybe they can get him back. The side’s playing decent football but struggling to get results and now have a penchant for conceding late goals. They do so again against the Gulls, but crucially Dejan Corvell and Niko Rosmalen had already made sure of the win by then. West Brinemouth have exceeded all expectations just by not being mathematically relegated yet, but a playoff against Corvette Maulers (as it stands) would likely be the end of them regardless.
The bottom three all lose by a single goal away in decent performances. None are sunk yet by any means, Armstrong probably the most likely to pull out of danger.
Second tier time! Raven River are top of the pile but one point splits the top four - River losing ground after a 1-1 draw with Iron City, Serpentine losing to Rochford, the Wanderers seeing off Morningstar and Corvette drawing with Martella. The Maulers have seven points over local rivals Leichhardt, who in turn have six points over Extreme Hills - it’s probably a five-horse race at best by thist stage.
Ritter Town have impressively pulled themselves out of the abyss, with five wins and five draws from their last twelve, most recently over lowly bottom-feeders Hackett. Chenoworth Rovers manage a 2-2 draw against the Tanners - Southfell fans are disappointed over their team’s poor performances despite the loss of several key players but the Rovers are second-last in the second tier. The Dross Rovers are going down as it stands too, easily beaten by Leichhardt, and… uh, Coret Rovers also headed for the exit, well beaten by Crisisbless United. Cypher Town and Cranequin City, despite recent flirtations with death, are safe in midtable - the former beating the latter 1-0 in a breathtakingly dull game livened up by Bereveskos’ electrifying run through the entire City left wing and defence, leaving leftback Prutton for dead, slipping the ball across to putting it on a platter for Nathan Proctor, four yards out and presented with an open goal to balloon it into the sky. The only goal of the match, as it happens, comes when Bereveskos hits a corner straight into the net. They are so screwed when she gets picked up by a Premiership team next year, Brinemouth and Athletic purported to be the frontrunners in that race.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Brookford Otters         34  18  10   6  69  39  +30  64
  2 AFC Treason              34  19   7   8  68  39  +29  64
  3 Sabrefell Athletic       34  18   9   7  56  28  +28  63
  4 Brinemouth               34  18   8   8  80  42  +38  62
  5 Starling                 34  17   9   8  57  35  +22  60
  6 Vermillion Rage          34  17   8   9  56  44  +12  59
  7 Creed United             34  18   4  12  63  51  +12  58
  8 Crisisbless              34  16   9   9  55  38  +17  57
  9 Coret Hawks              34  17   6  11  52  37  +15  57
 10 Sabrefell Moths          34  16   8  10  65  45  +20  56
 11 Violence Chariots        34  15   8  11  68  66   +2  53
 12 Newrook City             34  12  11  11  38  39   -1  47
 13 Bishop                   34  12  10  12  36  39   -3  46
 14 Chenoworth Harriers      34  12   8  14  47  70  -23  44
 15 North Laithland          34  13   4  17  48  54   -6  43
 16 Parrhesia United         34  10   8  16  45  59  -14  38
 17 Maximum Rovers           34   9   9  16  48  65  -17  36
 18 Goodfeather FC           34  10   6  18  48  70  -22  36
 19 Chatswood                34   9   8  17  31  51  -20  35
 20 Maximum City             34   6  14  14  35  52  -17  32
 21 West Brinemouth          34   7   9  18  21  47  -26  30
 22 Sheridan                 34   7   8  19  26  49  -23  29
 23 Armstrong                34   5  13  16  28  57  -29  28
 24 South Laithland          34   5  10  19  29  53  -24  25

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Raven River               34  21   7   6  71  38  +33  70
  2 AFC Serpentine            34  22   4   8  59  35  +24  70
  3 Cranequin Wanderers       34  20   9   5  64  30  +34  69
  4 Corvette Maulers          34  22   3   9  61  28  +33  69
  5 Leichhardt                34  17  11   6  45  19  +26  62
  6 Extreme Hills             34  15  11   8  63  47  +16  56
  7 Iron City                 34  14  12   8  38  30   +8  54
  8 Southfell United          34  15   8  11  64  58   +6  53
  9 Crisisbless United        34  15   7  12  55  47   +8  52
 10 Belgrave                  34  13  13   8  48  41   +7  52
 11 Vermillion Wanderers      34  14   7  13  45  45   +0  49
 12 Morningstar               34  14   6  14  47  40   +7  48
 13 Cypher Town               34  10  12  12  28  37   -9  42
 14 Cranequin City            34  12   5  17  29  38   -9  41
 15 Rochford                  34  11   8  15  28  43  -15  41
 16 Diamondqueen              34  10  10  14  43  48   -5  40
 17 Martella Jazz             34   9  11  14  47  56   -9  38
 18 Ritter Town               34   9  10  15  37  55  -18  37
 19 AFC Shale                 34   9   8  17  25  34   -9  35
 20 West Hook                 34   9   7  18  33  61  -28  34
 21 Coret Rovers              34   8   7  19  30  54  -24  31
 22 Dross Rovers              34   8   6  20  34  55  -21  30
 23 Chenoworth Rovers         34   5  14  15  29  45  -16  29
 24 Hackett                   34   4   8  22  28  67  -39  20

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 East Laithland Harriers      34  24   3   7  70  35  +35  75
  2 North Sabrefell              34  19   8   7  62  27  +35  65
  3 Locksley                     34  18   7   9  61  38  +23  61
  4 Riverkey                     34  17   9   8  54  28  +26  60
  5 Crisisbless Athletic         34  17   9   8  52  39  +13  60
  6 Greygate                     34  15   8  11  47  33  +14  53
  7 Project +90                  34  15   7  12  55  53   +2  52
  8 South Parrhesia              34  15   6  13  47  51   -4  51
  9 Crossroads Town              34  13  11  10  47  39   +8  50
 10 Mantlegrove                  34  14   8  12  39  38   +1  50
 11 Stonegrave                   34  14   7  13  36  31   +5  49
 12 Ox River United              34  14   7  13  37  37   +0  49
 13 Iron United                  34  12  10  12  43  49   -6  46
 14 Brookway Town                34  12   9  13  46  48   -2  45
 15 Kensey Town                  34  12   9  13  45  61  -16  45
 16 Sutcroft                     34  12   6  16  46  47   -1  42
 17 Boleyn Town                  34  11   9  14  34  38   -4  42
 18 Dartmouth Terriers           34  11   8  15  41  37   +4  41
 19 Rhagant Schadenfreude        34   8  14  12  27  32   -5  38
 20 Senway Town                  34  10   8  16  40  57  -17  38
 21 Rushe United                 34  10   7  17  46  69  -23  37
 22 Brindleton                   34   9   9  16  26  41  -15  36
 23 Fenland Albion               34   7   9  18  28  45  -17  30
 24 Gridlock Rovers              34   2   6  26  20  76  -56  12

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Strephonage               34  22   7   5  62  22  +40  73
  2 Iberia Chenoworth         34  21   7   6  63  32  +31  70
  3 Long Lake                 34  20   8   6  56  23  +33  68
  4 Southriver                34  18   9   7  55  30  +25  63
  5 Falston Town              34  18   9   7  57  34  +23  63
  6 Ringway                   34  17  10   7  48  35  +13  61
  7 AFC Corvistone            34  16   9   9  67  39  +28  57
  8 Pillars of Southfell      34  15  10   9  42  26  +16  55
  9 The Strongest             34  13  11  10  56  53   +3  50
 10 Bellamy                   34  13  10  11  50  45   +5  49
 11 Mainstream Fist           34  15   2  17  50  55   -5  47
 12 Fischer                   34  13   6  15  45  45   +0  45
 13 Fully Sick XI             34  11   9  14  54  57   -3  42
 14 Sutcroft Athletic         34  11   8  15  40  46   -6  41
 15 Lackerrun                 34  12   5  17  50  72  -22  41
 16 Corby Hubris              34  12   5  17  37  59  -22  41
 17 Courser                   34  11   6  17  39  51  -12  39
 18 Gridlock East             34  10   8  16  28  39  -11  38
 19 Kommissar                 34   8  13  13  37  45   -8  37
 20 Grovebank                 34  10   6  18  30  50  -20  36
 21 North Dubstep             34   9   8  17  38  41   -3  35
 22 Bodkin Road               34   8   6  20  32  64  -32  30
 23 Franchise FC              34   6   7  21  35  80  -45  25
 24 Rochford Pilgrims         34   4  11  19  26  54  -28  23

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 The Hanged Man        34  22   8   4  45  21  +24  74
  2 Falston United        34  20   9   5  58  25  +33  69
  3 Boltcroft Thorns      34  17   7  10  53  39  +14  58
  4 Sirencall FC          34  17   4  13  65  50  +15  55
  5 Gridlock              34  15   9  10  37  29   +8  54
  6 Forge Carpenters      34  13  14   7  28  19   +9  53
  7 Harrington            34  13  12   9  45  37   +8  51
  8 Mapleford             34  11  16   7  35  34   +1  49
  9 Gosforth Swans        34  11  15   8  59  45  +14  48
 10 Ramsay                34  13   9  12  46  49   -3  48
 11 Gonen's Bridge        34  13   7  14  33  27   +6  46
 12 Camwell Road          34  10  12  12  28  36   -8  42
 13 Swag Hill Rovers      34  12   5  17  55  53   +2  41
 14 Nay Town              34  10  11  13  33  45  -12  41
 15 Vermillion Spite      34  11   7  16  44  51   -7  40
 16 FC Seierstad          34   9  10  15  34  49  -15  37
 17 Norton Road           34   8   9  17  31  48  -17  33
 18 Tryst Athletic        34   7  10  17  40  65  -25  31
 19 Geoff United          34   6  12  16  33  52  -19  30
 20 Perrett               34   5   8  21  28  56  -28  23

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                  P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Peregrine            34  25   7   2  79  31  +48  82
  2 Ballardine FC        34  21   8   5  68  35  +33  71
  3 Blaze                34  20   5   9  62  43  +19  65
  4 Stamper Road         34  18   7   9  64  48  +16  61
  5 South Brill          34  17   8   9  51  40  +11  59
  6 Downsparrow          34  15  12   7  50  30  +20  57
  7 Brunyard FC          34  17   5  12  58  54   +4  56
  8 Dubstep Rangers      34  15   7  12  49  44   +5  52
  9 Rookwall             34  13  11  10  47  42   +5  50
 10 Coral Bay            34  13   9  12  40  48   -8  48
 11 Violence Tigers      34  12  11  11  36  39   -3  47
 12 Lazuli Diamonds      34  12   9  13  50  57   -7  45
 13 Norpike              34  11   9  14  38  38   +0  42
 14 Twelvetrees          34   9   9  16  33  40   -7  36
 15 Masculine Town       34   9   7  18  48  64  -16  34
 16 Clay Terrace         34   7  10  17  19  41  -22  31
 17 Hartford Glade       34   7   9  18  36  46  -10  30
 18 Sandrock             34   6  11  17  23  44  -21  29
 19 De La Patria         34   6  10  18  39  61  -22  28
 20 Chaker Town          34   2   6  26  22  67  -45  12

by **Nephara** » Fri Aug 26, 2016 4:33 pm

At least one lower-league side is guaranteed to reach the semifinals and another two have given themselves every chance of making it. Cheney Bittencourt’s Martella look likely to make the last four following another late Tobruk effort that broke a 2-2 deadlock away, Corvin with no chance. Belgrave and Newrook, meanwhile, grind out a scoreless draw that owes much to the prowess of Belgrave goalkeeper Max Kaspar, while Premiership strugglers South Laithland take a draw away from Maximum despite a weakened side - squad player Erin Honeyward calling upon memories of her Cup final experience by scoring in the third minute. The Southrons clung on grimly to their lead, broken only by Aziz Senturk’s spectacular late strike. It has to be said that the Moths take Greygate a bit lightly, judging by their squad selection… but the likes of Juninho dos Santos (who scores their goal but misses a host of chances), Sabina Tambor and Carsten Thunder should really get the win here. Instead, 1-0 up and seemingly cruising on the stroke of half-time, Greygate winger Dave Collins smashes in a cross, Pembroke loses the run of Second Division top scorer Niko Boldman and the big man makes them pay, angling a header past Thunder. Now, the Moths need to win on the road… and probably won’t bring such a weakened squad that time.

Goalfests - ones favouring an all-Nepharim final. Vermillion hold a comfortable lead as well as the nice advantage of two away goals, and it would be extremely disappointing were they to miss out on the final. Starling are edged by Alianza but will still fancy their chances of managing a narrow win at worst and leveraging their three away goals - though it would have looked far more grim had an 81st-minute penalty from Costello and 86th-minute strike from the rightback Koehler not salvaged what looked like a rout. “We were thoroughly disappointing for eighty minutes, and we won’t let our standards slip like that again,” Fegelein vowed.

Judging by their performance visiting Brinemouth, Fegelein was true to her word - Westerlow volleys home in the 17th minute, Hargrave saves a penalty, Westerlow hits a post on the counterattack, Vintner smothers the ball at Kaspian’s feet when the winger is one-on-one and it takes an exceptional free kick over the wall and into the stanchion from Tanya Bottlegreen to give the Dockers a point. Maximum City and West Brinemouth win vital six-pointers to elevate themselves further above the bottom three - the Smiths play genuinely attractive attacking football, just direct and muscular enough to fly on Sheridan’s notoriously terrible pitch, and goals for Katsamatis, Corvell and Longstocking secure a 3-0 victory. West Brinemouth are far less convincing as they beat Chatswood against the run of play, Demetriou continuing to be relatively on fire (insofar as, well, he’s scoring goals occasionally), but they won’t complain.

Martella will be the First Division’s sole representative in the semifinals following a convincing 3-1 victory over Vermillion Wanderers - Seuss notched up Vermillion’s opener against the run of play in the 8th minute but normality was soon restored. Newrook, similarly, dispatch of Belgrave though it takes some doing, and they’re reliant on an excellent Sanna throughball for substitute Liberty Hammond to slip home in the 82nd minute to avoid crashing out on away goals. In a dull match between a dour Southron side and the Rovers who simply didn’t have the final ball, Dobrovolskas’ cross is headed home by Sternberg for the game’s only goal and it’s enough for Harper’s side to progress to the last four. They’ll be joined by the Moths - Meier scored almost immediately, and despite Boldman’s equaliser the eventual crushing 4-1 victory (5-2 on aggregate) felt inevitable. Greygate will feel justifiably proud of themselves - Niko Boldman’s now on the wishlist of a variety of second-tier clubs.

One of each, then. Once again the Guayabalense sides impose their relentless aggression on the Nepharim and get reprisal in kind - Vermillion let their commanding lead slip thanks in large part to Marios Tzavellas’ red card. In extra time, they hold out thanks in large part to a performance from Apostolos Tsattalios that is nothing short of heroic… and he then produces the goods in the shoot-out, too, making a crucial save as all five Vermillion penalty-takers hold their nerve. Only one issue - no Tzavellas for the final. Sadly, Starling couldn’t match the feat - though it looked like they were going to, albeit on away goals, Marcia Danmark’s 90th-minute diving header slipped past Hargrave to ensure a slender Alianza victory.

Sheridan the only strugglers to lose as pretty much everyone else in the relegation fight gets a draw, Maximum City and Armstrong against each other. Harald Matheson’s brace takes Chatswood past Sheridan while goals from Sternberg, Naeher and Saravakos see the Rovers sweep Bishop aside to clamber away from danger and further isolate the bottom five. Vermillion arrest their alarming recent slide with a resilient 1-0 win over Brookford, neither side really able to finish their chances but a single moment of brilliance from Purrington as she takes Ashworth’s cross on her ample midriff and almost casually volleys it past Alphonse as it comes down. Amidst all this, Brinemouth continue to build up steam, though Coret Hawks are desperately unlucky - holding onto a 1-1 draw they fully deserved as Antonio (already their goalscorer) hit the post in stoppage time, Nkembe hoofs it up to Bottlegreen who releases Silkman through on goal, Lethbridge flying out for the ball but the Brigadier is only able to take Silkman out in the end by grabbing her ankles and sending her slamming into the turf. Straight red card, no substitutes left, a pair of gloves hastily strapped onto Hadrian Kuepper (since, well, he’s the biggest player they had) which proved no use as Bottlegreen tucked it flawlessly into the corner anyway, securing a 2-1 away win against strong opposition… the kind of win that champions get.

Well… that was a dull waste of time. Union rely as they traditionally do in UICA on compact, resilient defence and a strong midfield, though their attempts to spring counterattacks on Vermillion are thwarted by the anticipation of Jeong and, failing that, Tsattalios’ sweeping.

If the last match was the victory champions get, Brinemouth’s 4-0 destruction of a Chariots side that ended up fielding a teenager on each wing (Siorrha’Asione thrown on the left, 18-year old Coppinger on the right and, for good measure, Shara Lankin deputising at leftback on her 20th birthday) is the performance of a juggernaut. But perhaps it’s the Stags who will take more pride in theirs - okay, so Cautcher scores against them to open the scoring assisted by Gallagher, but those two always produce against Treason, that’s just Narrative. Cantor thumps one into the stanchion from ten yards out before a flying half-volley leaves Hargrave with no chance just minutes later. Starling press back, Ballard makes a string of key saves before finally Woodspur’s cross is headed home by a bull-charging Logan Murdoch, the same goal he’s scored over and over again for them and the national team repeated effortlessly at 35. 3-1 away win over Starling… yeah, they’d take that. Chatswood seem to have taken their recent smasher-of-dream status to heart, beating Armstrong through a stoppage-time Konoval header off Corsie’s well-worked corner, while the Laith derby is a drab 1-1 draw between two sides having poor seasons. The only difference is, a poor season for South Laithland likely means relegation.

Vermillion press, Union absorb… at least for a while, but they deviate from the script when Marijana Kuralay lashes past Tsattalios from 20 yards. Runen hits the bar but Sheila Maddon doubles their lead from… 2 yards, played through by Coveny doing all the hard work. Two substitutes, Rathlinker and Cruz, level the scores but it’s not enough, not helped by Pokrovski firing a penalty straight into Urquhart’s chest, and Union process on away goals.

Vermillion shrug off that disappointment - they get their third league win in a row! The victims? Brinemouth. Pokrovski’s in fine form down the left flank, firing in cross after accurate cross and finding a willing recipient in Alemane - they get two goals like that, almost a third after Alemane contrives to hit the crossbar from six yards (at an admittedly very narrow angle). North Laithland are having a dismal season but they’ve dropped just four points in their last seven matches, the latest a 4-0 thrashing of Brookford Otters to seriously jeopardise their title run. Sabrefell Athletic sustain their form with a narrow 1-0 win over Starling, as it takes Oehman’s penalty after McNessa flattened Mueller, while Treason breeze past Violence Chariots. At the bottom of the table, yet again West Brinemouth (1-0 win over Bishop) and Maximum City (1-0 over a toothless South Laithland) pull away from the chasing pack, but Armstrong manage an impressive 2-0 away win over Goodfeather (who haven’t been mentioned much because there hasn’t been much to mention, they and the Harriers have floated complacently in midtable) to keep them in touch.

Oh this… this could be a defining moment in the title race, and with Brinemouth to play both Sabrefell giants in back-to-back fixtures after this. Ben Randall’s squad play the game that suits them, going out to destroy and crack down on Brinemouth’s creativity but Ballard still has to make some sharp saves. In the second half, after the first largely fizzled out, the Stags pounce while the Dockers are tired. Portsgate squanders a chance to open the scores from eight yards, somehow lashing it against the post when it would’ve been easier to score, but it falls to Lienke Vesper who makes a cutting run in between the lines, Vyntra (of course) sees it and plays a throughball, Vesper slips past Calabrese and taps it between the rushing Vintner (who flattens her) and the near post, Nkembe sliding helplessly into the net. Brinemouth try to fight back, but the Stags aren’t having any of it, Labonne having one of the games of his life to shut down the midfield, and Treason have a vital win. Not to ignore the other competitors, of course - plenty of column inches go to Sabrefell Athletic who breeze past the still-in-transition Chariots thanks to Lucassen’s brace and Starling who are similarly relaxed in their 2-0 victory over the Rovers. At the foot of the table, Sheridan have lost seven on the spin, the last five without scoring, including a number of missed opportunities against fellow strugglers - their nadir comes against Bishop, unable to get a shot on target all match. South Laithland are winless in nine, for their part, pulverised 4-1 at home in what seemed like a winnable fixture against Chatswood. Fortune favours the Gulls as a second-half implosion by Newrook City goalkeeper Rutger Kolar - first caught in possession by Apollo Demetriou who tackles him and passes the ball into an empty net before fumbling a poor cross from Whelan into the opportunistic Demetriou and watching helplessly as it bounces in - turning a 1-1 draw into a valuable 3-1 away win over decent opposition.

The Moths fail to test Brinemouth. At all. 1-1 at half-time and looking competitive, with Meier scoring one and looking to threaten more, Etzebeth’s leg-breaker forces Brinemouth playmaker Candelo off the pitch but also, well, himself - and Candelo’s replacement Sable promptly runs riot in the suddenly free midfield in the second half, scoring one and assisting two in what turns into a 5-1 away win. It’s a really good day for the Dockers as Athletic - who they play next - succeed where they failed and play through Treason, the Stags mounting a late comeback to force a 3-3 draw that helps neither side while Brookford continue to look sporadically vulnerable, picked apart 4-1 by Chatswood (the Woodsmen’s second straight win by that score). Starling shut down a Crisisbless side that is at risk of having yet another disappointing season. Jevdjevic-Hadsic does hit the post from outside the box… twice in one shot before Marquon manages to clear it desperately away, but Cautcher and Asif secure the points for Starling. Newrook manager Catheline Keenan is maybe a little too quick to change goalkeepers, ‘resting’ the commanding Kolar and bringing in Lisa Summersteen, who has done well in the Cup fixtures but looks vulnerable to set pieces, setting up one of the worst walls in Premiership history and not doing much more than ‘looking sad’ when Sheridan captain Emery Alnwick sends it into the top corner.

A great start for the Passerines. It’s a pretty simple plan - absorb pressure, hit on the break, Koehler cross, Westerlow flick-on, Cautcher stabs home from five yards. In fairness, they’re indebted to a number of saves from Justinian Hargrave - but the defence held too strong for any real penetration.

Brinemouth pulverise Sabrefell Athletic by the same 5-1 scoreline as they pulverised the Moths while Treason slips yet again - sure, the fans are always happy to see Catheline Harper back in town but their goodwill was decidedly strained when Naeher’s quick free kick caught the Stags flat-footed and let Curren sidefoot home at the far post. Woodspur equalises but this is two points lost, not one gained. “Facing off against regional finalists away? Who cares? They’re reeling, we smell blood!” Maximum City manager Providence Mitford cheered to the press hours before watching helplessly as her side was pulverised 4-0 by Vermillion. Armstrong get a plucky 2-0 win over Newrook City but that barely even seems like three points gained given just how generous the Rooks have been to the relegation battlers for the past few weeks.

Oh dear… the Farves weren’t about to be caught playing on the defensive away, oh no. They settled instead for being caught on the break again, and again. And again. And again. And again. Cautcher scored a hat-trick before being taken off to a standing ovation. Hmm.

Anika Redmayne hasn’t quite produced as hoped for Crisisbless this season but the former Serpentine and Maximum City striker still has enough about her to score a hat-trick - one of those goals admittedly aided by a rare slip from Ballard to help her former club - against Treason, who only manage one (through Cantor, who Redmayne replaced) in return. Athletic and Brookford also find away fixtures tough going and draw, more good news for a Brinemouth side that sweeps North Laithland away.

Okay, so both of these matches are pretty much already over. Both away sides, already considered strong favourites, pulp their hosts. Martella are in essence a pretty bad side with no money kept afloat in the First Division by a very young side being told to beat teams into submission by running at them a lot. The problem is that Newrook finally manage to play through them - getting the ball to Rook Fenwick, a man with an underrated talent in the small things, good vision and a delicate first touch to play those searching passes into the channels, and then finishing those chances with Sanna, who inevitably eludes mid-30s man-marker Tobruk. Maximum Rovers don’t really have an excuse, not even that they’re using a backup goalkeeper, since they aren’t - the Moths are just a very electrifying side when on their day and show no mercy to Malta Hawthorn, who probably finds herself slowly growing to hate her hometown club. 5-1 the final score.

South Laithland’s first win in thirteen games… why is it always Newrook City? Maybe the Rooks are just generous, and it was definitely some generous defending in the 87th minute. Long ball from Gwen Saunders and Rivello, Zagorec and Summersteen combined for the ultimate sin - each assuming the other had it and letting the ball bounce. Bantambridge got to it in the end, jackknifing it past Summersteen. Broadly speaking though, people at the top win and those at the bottom lose… Creed United, with their unflashy 2-0 win over the Saints, slowly cementing their place in the former category.

Newrook City give their scoreline a little extra gloss, sitting back and letting Mendehlson (through a penalty) and Stokes (who won the penalty) pick the Jazz off on the counter. The Moths’ C-listers are beaten by the Rovers 1-0 on their home ground in a match that Carsten Thunder uses to show off his first-team credentials, Konstanze Luitgard uses to show off her first-team credentials and Naeher and Saravakos use to show that they probably deserve better clubs.

Not a day to be a home side. In what is surely a first, 11 hosts were defeated and the final one, Parrhesia, managed a scoreless draw for a cumulative scoreline of 6-26. Every relegation-threatened team, incidentally, is hosting - none really puts up a fight, Sheridan managing One shot on target against Treason, Maximum City committing to taking Brinemouth on at their own game and losing 5-3 while West Brinemouth are simply broadsided 4-0 by a vastly superior Athletic side. Creed United… have five wins in a row, following yet another ‘just did enough’ performance - 2-1 against the Southrons settled by a late Bittner strike. Everyone thought they’d slip down the table after losing Alemane but the Licentian, McMillan, has just been a far better fit for the club, while injuries to Leadbetter and Thrush were blessings in disguise allowing young, homegrown Stavanger and Reisman to stake first-team claims and turn out to be vastly superior.

They really might do it, you know. A 3-0 lead to take to the Heights isn’t just commanding - Cautcher scoring a brace before Asif finished it off in stoppage time - but it might allow them to split their focus more effectively between their two fronts. When was the last time a Champions’ Cup winner defended their title?

The big boys are back in business. It’s been a long season for them. Starling won twice in a row, Vermillion took their place at the top of the ladder before slipping to make way for Brookford… but now it’s at the core. Treason face a spirited Armstrong side with survival on the line and before the Stags can stamp their authority on the match Leonard’s long diagonal ball to Havenaar is cut back to the edge of the box for Jess Hearn to smash home past a flat-footed Treason defence and a floundering Ballard. But Randall’s squad recover, as they always have - Maxwell’s weak clearance allows Logan Murdoch to smash one home while Knight has to be at her best to stop a point-blank header from Portsgate. But there is absolutely nothing she can do when Vesper lays the ball off for Vyntra’s angled run through the entire Armstrong defence, even as Knight brings her down she does enough to get that ball over the line. Brinemouth gnash their teeth - despite obliterating Crisisbless 4-0, it might not be enough, they’re a point behind. Athletic lose 2-1 to a desperate Sherries side, Brookford and Creed hold each other to a 2-2 deadlock… so it’s Stags or Dockers. Confirmed.
The slim chances for survival that Armstrong, Sheridan and South Laithland had all evaporate - despite Sheridan’s victory, Maximum City scrape a point against Chatswood thanks to Rosmalen’s powerful strike right into the stanchion late on, ensuring they’d be 21st. No relegation intrigue on the final day, then.
In the second tier, Serpentine have the chance to secure the title if they can only beat the mediocre Cranequin City at home… and blow it, a scoreless draw meaning that Corvette (who effortlessly beat Rochford 2-0 away) have the chance to steal it from them on the final day. Those two and Cranequin Wanderers, who draw with Belgrave, are assured of automatic promotion, while victories for both River and Leichhardt keep the former two points ahead of the latter in 4th.
The bottom four, meanwhile, are set in stone unless Dross Rovers plan on winning by 15 goals or so, despite their 2-1 win over Extreme Hills. Shale lose toothlessly to the Vermillion Wanderers which does open a chance for West Hook, but they can’t beat Ritter despite a brave late comeback to turn 1-0 into… well, 1-1. Chenoworth Rovers (!) and Hackett are also down, with East Laithland Harriers, Riverkey, North Sabrefell and either Locksley or Stonegrave (split by goal difference) set to replace them.

With one eye on the final league match against Brookford and another already on the Champions Cup final, Starling take a slightly weakened side to the Commerce Heights, noticeably leaving the injury-prone Cautcher, the 33-year old Costello and the jaded-looking Asif at home. With an intact defence, they do enough and ultimately win on the day through Malachi Gallagher’s (heavily deflected) shot.

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Treason              45  26  10   9   88  50  +38  88
  2 Brinemouth               45  26   9  10  111  53  +58  87
  3 Sabrefell Athletic       45  24  11  10   74  40  +34  83
  4 Brookford Otters         45  23  13   9   82  54  +28  82
  5 Creed United             45  25   7  13   80  61  +19  82
  6 Starling                 45  23  12  10   71  42  +29  81
  7 Vermillion Rage          45  23  11  11   77  55  +22  80
  8 Sabrefell Moths          45  22  11  12   91  60  +31  77
  9 Coret Hawks              45  22   8  15   67  49  +18  74
 10 Crisisbless              45  21  10  14   71  58  +13  73
 11 Violence Chariots        45  19   9  17   81  88   -7  66
 12 North Laithland          45  18   7  20   68  71   -3  61
 13 Parrhesia United         45  16  10  19   64  73   -9  58
 14 Chenoworth Harriers      45  15  12  18   58  80  -22  57
 15 Bishop                   45  15  11  19   45  57  -12  56
 16 Chatswood                45  15   9  21   47  63  -16  54
 17 Newrook City             45  13  11  21   42  59  -17  50
 18 West Brinemouth          45  12  11  22   30  57  -27  47
 19 Maximum Rovers           45  11  13  21   58  78  -20  46
 20 Goodfeather FC           45  12   8  25   55  86  -31  44
 21 Maximum City             45   8  16  21   48  75  -27  40
 22 Sheridan                 45   9   9  27   30  64  -34  36
 23 Armstrong                45   7  15  23   38  73  -35  36
 24 South Laithland          45   6  15  24   39  69  -30  33

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Serpentine            45  29   6  10  73  40  +33  93
  2 Corvette Maulers          45  29   5  11  77  34  +43  92
  3 Cranequin Wanderers       45  24  14   7  82  44  +38  86
  4 Raven River               45  24   9  12  80  51  +29  81
  5 Leichhardt                45  21  16   8  56  27  +29  79
  6 Extreme Hills             45  19  15  11  74  56  +18  72
  7 Morningstar               45  21   7  17  64  51  +13  70
  8 Belgrave                  45  18  16  11  64  52  +12  70
  9 Crisisbless United        45  20  10  15  70  59  +11  70
 10 Southfell United          45  18  14  13  81  71  +10  68
 11 Vermillion Wanderers      45  19  11  15  64  59   +5  68
 12 Iron City                 45  17  15  13  52  45   +7  66
 13 Cypher Town               45  16  14  15  38  44   -6  62
 14 Diamondqueen              45  15  12  18  58  58   +0  57
 15 Ritter Town               45  13  15  17  51  65  -14  54
 16 Cranequin City            45  15   7  23  38  51  -13  52
 17 Martella Jazz             45  12  15  18  65  74   -9  51
 18 Coret Rovers              45  12  11  22  45  69  -24  47
 19 Rochford                  45  12  10  23  34  61  -27  46
 20 AFC Shale                 45  11  11  23  32  47  -15  44
 21 Dross Rovers              45  11   8  26  43  74  -31  41
 22 West Hook                 45  10  11  24  41  76  -35  41
 23 Chenoworth Rovers         45   8  15  22  34  60  -26  39
 24 Hackett                   45   8   9  28  36  84  -48  33

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 East Laithland Harriers      45  28   6  11  80  48  +32  90
  2 Riverkey                     45  26  11   8  73  31  +42  89
  3 North Sabrefell              45  25  11   9  80  35  +45  86
  4 Locksley                     45  22   9  14  80  54  +26  75
  5 Stonegrave                   45  22   9  14  58  36  +22  75
  6 Greygate                     45  20  11  14  60  41  +19  71
  7 Crisisbless Athletic         45  19  13  13  66  55  +11  70
  8 South Parrhesia              45  19  12  14  64  63   +1  69
  9 Iron United                  45  18  10  17  56  60   -4  64
 10 Kensey Town                  45  17  13  15  54  66  -12  64
 11 Mantlegrove                  45  16  14  15  47  47   +0  62
 12 Sutcroft                     45  17   9  19  58  54   +4  60
 13 Crossroads Town              45  15  15  15  59  58   +1  60
 14 Rhagant Schadenfreude        45  14  18  13  39  38   +1  60
 15 Boleyn Town                  45  16  12  17  45  47   -2  60
 16 Project +90                  45  16  12  17  62  72  -10  60
 17 Brookway Town                45  14  15  16  56  60   -4  57
 18 Ox River United              45  16   8  21  44  54  -10  56
 19 Brindleton                   45  14  11  20  41  52  -11  53
 20 Senway Town                  45  13  14  18  58  71  -13  53
 21 Dartmouth Terriers           45  13  11  21  55  57   -2  50
 22 Rushe United                 45  13  10  22  60  98  -38  49
 23 Fenland Albion               45   8  10  27  34  59  -25  34
 24 Gridlock Rovers              45   2  10  33  27 100  -73  16

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Strephonage               45  28   9   8  77  30  +47  93
  2 Iberia Chenoworth         45  28   8   9  85  50  +35  92
  3 Southriver                45  24  12   9  74  37  +37  84
  4 Falston Town              45  23  12  10  78  45  +33  81
  5 AFC Corvistone            45  22  13  10  84  47  +37  79
  6 Long Lake                 45  22  11  12  64  36  +28  77
  7 Pillars of Southfell      45  21  14  10  64  37  +27  77
  8 Ringway                   45  20  15  10  58  49   +9  75
  9 The Strongest             45  18  14  13  76  68   +8  68
 10 Bellamy                   45  17  12  16  65  63   +2  63
 11 North Dubstep             45  15  11  19  53  47   +6  56
 12 Fischer                   45  16   8  21  55  60   -5  56
 13 Lackerrun                 45  17   5  23  68  95  -27  56
 14 Mainstream Fist           45  16   7  22  59  71  -12  55
 15 Kommissar                 45  13  15  17  52  57   -5  54
 16 Corby Hubris              45  16   6  23  50  78  -28  54
 17 Fully Sick XI             45  14  11  20  71  80   -9  53
 18 Grovebank                 45  14  11  20  43  63  -20  53
 19 Sutcroft Athletic         45  13  12  20  48  61  -13  51
 20 Gridlock East             45  13  12  20  42  56  -14  51
 21 Courser                   45  13   8  24  48  66  -18  47
 22 Franchise FC              45  11   9  25  50  98  -48  42
 23 Bodkin Road               45  11   8  26  43  82  -39  41
 24 Rochford Pilgrims         45   7  13  25  44  75  -31  34

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 The Hanged Man        38  25   9   4  54  23  +31  84
  2 Falston United        38  21  10   7  68  35  +33  73
  3 Boltcroft Thorns      38  20   7  11  61  46  +15  67
  4 Gridlock              38  17  11  10  41  31  +10  62
  5 Sirencall FC          38  18   5  15  70  57  +13  59
  6 Harrington            38  15  14   9  51  41  +10  59
  7 Gosforth Swans        38  13  17   8  64  48  +16  56
  8 Forge Carpenters      38  13  16   9  29  23   +6  55
  9 Mapleford             38  11  20   7  37  36   +1  53
 10 Ramsay                38  14  11  13  52  55   -3  53
 11 Gonen's Bridge        38  14  10  14  37  30   +7  52
 12 Vermillion Spite      38  13   8  17  55  57   -2  47
 13 Camwell Road          38  10  16  12  31  39   -8  46
 14 Nay Town              38  11  13  14  38  50  -12  46
 15 Swag Hill Rovers      38  13   6  19  62  67   -5  45
 16 FC Seierstad          38   9  13  16  40  56  -16  40
 17 Norton Road           38   8  11  19  35  54  -19  35
 18 Tryst Athletic        38   7  12  19  47  74  -27  33
 19 Geoff United          38   6  12  20  36  59  -23  30
 20 Perrett               38   7   9  22  32  59  -27  30

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                  P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Peregrine            38  27   8   3  85  35  +50  89
  2 Ballardine FC        38  24   9   5  79  39  +40  81
  3 Blaze                38  22   6  10  72  47  +25  72
  4 Downsparrow          38  19  12   7  56  32  +24  69
  5 Stamper Road         38  20   7  11  69  51  +18  67
  6 Brunyard FC          38  20   6  12  64  56   +8  66
  7 South Brill          38  18   8  12  53  46   +7  62
  8 Rookwall             38  15  13  10  51  43   +8  58
  9 Dubstep Rangers      38  15   9  14  51  49   +2  54
 10 Lazuli Diamonds      38  13  11  14  56  63   -7  50
 11 Norpike              38  13  10  15  42  41   +1  49
 12 Coral Bay            38  13  10  15  42  54  -12  49
 13 Violence Tigers      38  12  12  14  39  52  -13  48
 14 Twelvetrees          38  10  11  17  35  42   -7  41
 15 Clay Terrace         38   9  11  18  21  42  -21  38
 16 Sandrock             38   8  13  17  33  48  -15  37
 17 Masculine Town       38   9   8  21  49  70  -21  35
 18 Hartford Glade       38   8   9  21  41  53  -12  33
 19 De La Patria         38   7  10  21  43  70  -27  31
 20 Chaker Town          38   3   7  28  28  76  -48  16

by **Nephara** » Sat Sep 03, 2016 4:06 pm

THE GRAND FINALE
THE TITLE CHALLENGE
Chatswood vs. Brinemouth
Because of course it is. Chatswood belatedly revived their season late on to steer a course to safety. Brinemouth have scored 74 goals and won 17 from 22 matches in the second half of the season to escalate a stalling season into a title run… but they’re only second. Chatswood have dashed Brinemouth’s title chances before and they’ll be looking to do so again, even though they hate the alternative, too.

Parrhesia United vs. AFC Treason
The Saints played more great, high-intensity football to finish midtable and just came off a 7-1 away desolation of the Chariots - they won’t go down easily to the Stags who grimly cling onto first by a point, with a goal difference deficit. Ben Randall knows his side needs a win, and can’t afford to worry about results back in their home city.

UICA DECIDERS
Armstrong vs. Sabrefell Athletic
Armstrong are down, having left a nice mark on the Premiership in their two seasons and helped a struggling bottom line. Sabrefell Athletic have looked great ever since appointing Daniel Brunet, who has reestablished himself as one of Nephara’s top managers. The Reds will fancy their chances of a victory that would secure 3rd, but a slip here could see them fall outside the Champions Cup places.

Bishop vs. Sabrefell Moths
Bishop have passed underneath everyone’s notice and they’re just fine with that. The Moths’ hopes rest on a Cup final, but if Vermillion lose and they win then they’ll snatch 7th at the death.

Newrook City vs. Vermillion Rage
Newrook City also have an eye on the Cup final and you suspect that a side guaranteed to finish 17th barring some intense goal difference collapses probably have the other eye there as well. Vermillion… have an eye on the CEdC final. So expect two youth teams to go hammer and tongs at each other.

Creed United vs. Coret Hawks
They haven’t really been mentioned by anyone… but Creed have quietly taken fifth. No really impressive results, no spectacular players, just a refusal to lose to their inferiors. Should they win and the Otters fail to beat Starling, they have a Champions Cup place. Coret Hawks were never quite in the mix for the Globe Cup, but will be pleased enough with another top 10 place.

Brookford Otters vs. Starling
Brookford are clinging onto 4th by a point, Starling (6th) need to win to overtake them but you suspect they’ll have an eye on defending the Champions Cup.

DEAD RUBBERS
West Brinemouth vs. Crisisbless
Inexplicably, West Brinemouth are 18th and seven points clear of even potential danger. Crisisbless will want to stay in the top ten just to save face.

Goodfeather FC vs. Maximum City
Goodfeather are 20th, the Smiths 21st… but there’s four points between them, so it’s irrelevant. Slightly and crushingly disappointing seasons respectively.

Sheridan vs. Maximum Rovers
Sheridan are down, as pretty much everyone predicted - though you suspect they’ll be looking at West Brinemouth and just… thinking what if… but there’s no point navel-gazing. Maximum Rovers, being themselves, are 19th and secure.

Chenoworth Harriers vs. North Laithland
Two midtable sides. Escher Speare has already announced that she’s agreed a mutual termination, so this is her last match residing over the Spiders. Believe it or not, she’s been there for a full decade, and as disappointing as this season has been, the side owes her so much. Captain Rook Kennedy and indisputable number 1 Steed Corren are the only two players who survive from that first year.Now was the right time to go, though. The Harriers, for their part, look like they really could build on this for future seasons.

South Laithland vs. Violence Chariots
The Southrons had nothing to prove, which is good, because they did very little of value this season besides ‘look brave’ and occasionally trouble, but too rarely actually beat teams. The Chariots are in transition and should improve with time.

FIRST DIVISION FOCUS
Dross Rovers vs. Corvette Maulers
AFC Serpentine vs. Cypher Town

AFC Shale vs. Leichhardt
Raven River vs. Coret Rovers
Straightforward. River are 4th and facing 18th-place Coret, a win will ensure their place in the promotion playoff to face Maximum City. If they fail to win, then Leichhardt have a chance to overtake them if they can beat 20th-placed (and safe) Shale away… but that’s a difficult place to go.

KICKOFF!
1 mins - GOAL! Wait, already? NINE SECONDS?! Kilner kicked off to Britton to Alnwick who smashed it forward. Lineker flicked it on… to Britton, who chested it down and volleyed past a startled Hawthorn. Jesus Christ. SHE 1-0 MXR.
2 mins - Not that the result matters at all, it’s just the principle of the thing. Oh, Rovers...
3 mins - Chatswood, meanwhile, are already under the cosh against Brinemouth. Helena Middlesbrough has already had to pull out some of that (former) Starling magic to make a great save from Bottlegreen, and Scafidis just headed inches over from Rosewood’s cross.
4 mins - Incidentally, with the league’s 20th anniversary coming back… looking back at the first UICA-era season it’s alarming just how bad the football was. Not unwatchable, but comparable to the modern Second Division. The Premiership’s come a long way.
5 mins - GOAL! Rook Fenwick releases Bonifacio Sanna with a no-look pass, Tzavellas slips trying to chase after him and a neat one-two with Jacobsen allows Sanna to lash the ball beyond Tsattalios. NRC 1-0 VRR.
6 mins - Oh, that’s an incredible save from Diandra Ballard! Parrhesia had been tranquil at the start of the game but in a flash almost jeopardised Treason’s title challenge, Murdoch lingering in possession just long enough for Matt Sebastian, a club legend playing his final game for the club, to smash into him. Ball falls to Frei, slips it to the overlapping rightback Alexandros who hits it to the far post where Rouseff is waiting, heads it almost home but Ballard out of nowhere comes flying to claw the ball away from danger!
7 mins - Chatswood, not to be outdone, also manage their first shot on target - Corsie plays through Graz (who replaces the underperforming Cohen) who hits it first-time, but it’s a comfortable height for Vintner to save.
8 mins - GOAL! Meier is establishing herself as one of the best players in the league… if only she hadn’t declared for Farfadillis, eh? She carves apart the Bishop defence with a diagonal ball that Aaliyah Johnson stabs home, simple as that. BSH 0-1 SFM.
9 mins - Bishop have fit snugly into midtable competence over the past few seasons. While the Premiership’s stayed around the same level of late - there’s not much higher to go, really - it feels like the First Division’s gotten stronger and teams that make it past the second tier can, with a couple of good signings, be competitive straight from the get-go.
10 mins - Chenoworth Harriers, for instance, are playing North Laithland off the park. Managed by the inexperienced Aidan Brosque, they have proven more than up to the challenge of the Premiership. Given a new goalkeeper and defender (Everheart’s sporadically been shifted into centre-half as the season’s gone on, replacing the ineffectual Culpepper, but Denilson’s poor at this level) they could really build themselves into a force, not to mention further insulate themselves from danger.
11 mins - On the other hand, Goodfeather, who are currently involved in a dreary stalemate with Maximum City, have had a disappointing return to the top flight marked by doing just enough for survival. They’ll need reinforcements come the transfer window for certain. Especially in defence, considering theirs is the second-worst in the league.
12 mins - West Brinemouth, meanwhile, have - after Sheridan’s goal - the worst attack in the league. But they’ve impressed everyone just by staying up, even if they have been singularly agonising to watch. They’ll have a very difficult time replicating that escape next season.
13 mins - Sheridan, for their part, surprise nobody by going down. Like last time, they’ll likely spend the big Premiership bucks on infrastructure and self-sustainability, and any further promotion pushes will be a bonus. They’ve already announced that a wide variety of players will not have their contracts renewed as they clear out the shop to make way for youth. The multiverse would do well to keep posted.
14 mins - All these retrospectives are more or less a way of saying there’s kind of a collective lull in the twelve matches on.
15 mins - GOAL! Well, here’s something! Hearn floats in a free kick, Harbour is there to head home from six yards after just slipping his marker in the scrum. ARM 1-0 SFA.
16 mins - That Armstrong side is fit for plunder. Harbour and Tanya Chilton in particular, you’d imagine, won’t be content for the second tier.
17 mins - GOAL! And it’s a great one from the Chariots, Westmead racing down the right, a near one-two with Nemeth stranding Raquel Woods before a low far-post cross gets tapped home by St. John, the Southron defence flat-footed. SLA 0-1 VIC.
18 mins - PENALTY IN PARRHESIA! Oh, this is a turn-up for the books! Rademacher gets past Labonne and plays a neat pass through the Treason defence, Rouseff gets a touch to it moments before Reinhard Armstrong clumsily brings her down.
19 mins - … and it’s saved! Telfair blasts it but it’s too close to the centre, and Ballard, diving left, doesn’t so much save it as just let it smack into her midriff. Rouseff gets the rebound but is tackled by Mixe before she can get the shot off, and the resulting corner is claimed strongly by Ballard.
20 mins - GOAL! Straightforward stuff from Crisisbless who aren’t about to try any of this ‘playing through the defence’ lark when they can just have Jevdjevic-Hadsic twat it into the stanchion from 28 yards, with Crisisbless youth product and former backup goalkeeper Henna Morgan left without a chance. WBR 0-1 CRI.
21 mins - Parrhesia come close again, they really should score, Rouseff played through on goal with the once-bitten twice-shy Armstrong a little reluctant to get on her heels, but she makes a hash of the shot, more time than she thought she had, and it spins into the side netting.
22 mins - Meanwhile in Sheridan Galen Wickham has twisted his ankle in the terrible potholed sandy swamp that is the Peoples’ Ground. He limps off, replaced not by like-for-like Florian Schneider - a less physical player, and probably the wrong man for the job here - but the diligent Sven Erik Vidurvoerdr, the veteran Audioslavian defender set to slot into defensive midfield and kick everyone into the sky. It’s likely his last appearance for the club, maybe his last before retirement - let’s see if it’s a memorable one.
23 mins - GOAL! Vermillion’s attack breaks down and Ideye thumps it away. On the other end is Alysia Stokes who gets a touch to it before being clumsily kicked by Tzavellas, rolls with the punch as the referee plays advantage, nutmegs Preston with a pass to Jacobsen who hammers home past Tsattalios. NRC 2-0 VRR.
24 mins - Chatswood’s first meaningful threat of the match - having managed to weather the storm of the first ten minutes, it’s been quieter lately but the roof almost flies off the stadium when Chaplain’s cross is met, hard, by Graz - but Vintner makes a point-blank save to tip it over the crossbar. Threat’s not over - Corsie’s corner is headed straight into the crossbar by Konoval. The Dockers need to get a goal here.
25 mins - GOAL! Unorthodox but effective stuff. The Harriers have dominated and when Brickwalk loses the ball between his feet Mirzayev’s there to kick it out from under them, Weber drifting deep to pick it up, turning and firing a long diagonal ball to the overlapping run of Bekkwaters. From a narrow angle, he fires for some reason, Corren hammers it into the ground with both fists, but the ball falls kindly again to Bekkwaters who this time sends an inviting low cross in that Peta-Gaye West taps into an empty net. CHH 1-0 NLA.
26 mins - Brinemouth have taken that wake-up call to heart - playing dangerously through the lines Gosforth finds Silkman whose first touch is just a little heavy, allowing Middlesbrough to plough through her and, crucially, the ball. Penalty appeals waved away. Fair, if living a little dangerously.
27 mins - An error as Parrhesia defender Asteinza lingers in possession, gets his pocket picked by Woodspur who sends in a terrifying low cross that Portsgate agonisingly almost gets to.
28 mins - GOAL! Sometimes you’ve just got to back yourself. Given too much room just outside the box, Hearn shuts her eyes (metaphorically) and belts one into the top corner (literally) with Pressinger left stunned. Before he figures out what happened and starts berating the defence, anyway. Athletic are in real danger of losing track of what should be a triumphant season for them. ARM 2-0 SFA.
29 mins - Athletic almost pull one back within twenty seconds of kick-off - in fact, they really should do, the Paladins are terribly complacent as Athletic string a bunch of forward passes together before Ferryman finds the diagonal run of Lovelock… who hits it straight at Knight with the whole goal to aim at.
30 mins - GOAL! Juergen Swallowtail’s still knocking about for Dross Rovers at the age of 40! He’s had to react sharply a couple of times to stop Corvette taking a deserved lead in the past but there’s nothing he can do when he’s left horribly exposed by his defence, Mateus slipping Ankergren through the defence, Swallowtail rushing her in vain but unable to stop her simply passing it aside to Dani Harper, who passes into an empty net. DRR 0-1 CVM.
31 mins - Corvette - currently in position to win the First Division - might have been put in the shadow of localish secondary rivals Starling of late, but they’re taking a strong team to promotion. A young team, too - though they’re marshalled by 37-year old Rainer Hildebrandt at the back. You’d imagine they’d stay up comfortably, especially if they reinforce a couple of key positions.
32 mins - GOAL! And you’d have to say it’s been coming. Gosforth dispossesses Archer, feints past Flynn and slips a pass past Konoval and Miller to Bottlegreen, who coolly slots home to the far corner with Middlesbrough unable to get more than a finger to it. CHT 0-1 BRI.
33 mins - The news reaches Vermillion and the away end rumbles with discontent. The Stags have looked occasionally vulnerable and need to get on the scoresheet. The team reacts - Vesper crosses in, Portsgate bows to nod a header at goal but Klavier gets down well to punch it down and away with both fists.
34 mins - GOAL! Something for the long-suffering Southron support to smile about - a routine Malinder cross is headed away by Bruyne but it falls kindly to Rutger Connacht, now playing in a central playmaking role. He lets it bounce once before hammering it past Edelgrau with a thunderous left-footed half-volley. Probably their goal of the season, even if it’s only had thirty-nine others to beat. SLA 1-1 VIC
35 mins - PENALTY! In Goodfeather, this time - resilient striker Gerhard Schanzer makes a real pest of himself in the box, refusing to give up possession until Logan More and Kostas Demetriou more or less run out of patience at the same time and combine to drag him to the floor.
36 mins - GOAL! Dedicated one-club woman Rachael Loxley, in her final match, hits it right into the top corner, Koufax goes the right way but didn’t stand a chance. The 36-year old’s still gone strong this season and has had a fine career, including 10 caps for Nephara. GDF 1-0 MXC.
37 mins - Yes, by the way, that is backup goalkeeper Koufax. Food for thought - Maximum City are confirmed to finish 21st and have nothing at stake, so are resting almost their entire squad in readiness for either River or Leichhardt next week - an edge over their opponents, who have to fight for this.
38 mins - GOAL! Armstrong have been on the defensive since reaching The Most Dangerous Scoreline™ and pay for it. It’s an ugly goal in the end, put into the mixer by Lovelock and then several bounces and kicks later Castellan runs into the box and just wellies it into the top corner. ARM 2-1 SFA.
39 mins - Brinemouth should be flattered. Judging by the feeling of the home crowd in Chatswood, they’ve managed to at least equal Treason in their hatred stakes, which means no matter who loses, in a way, they win.
40 mins - GOAL! Serpentine retake the lead in the title race as Lezalit Ornstein goes thundering down the right wing, beats the flat-footed Pippery and calmly slots the ball into the far corner, Sparr left without a chance. SRP 1-0 CYT.
41 mins - GOAL! The Smiths’ B-team pulls one back. Jezek dispossesses Xavi Arisilde, hoofs the ball into the mixer from midfield, from which Geoff Buchan leaps above the rest to knock the ball down for the 19-year old Ephraim Mirzian, who sidefoots home and scores his first senior goal. GDF 1-1 MXC.
42 mins - Back to the subject of the Dragons - Serpentine’s board has confirmed it’s going to spend a hell of a lot of money, earned through the sales of Vyntra, Vesper and Woodspur to AFC Treason. They don’t have any great young players in the squad… it’s not even a very good squad.
43 mins - GOAL! A stalwart defensive effort from AFC Shale headlined by returned homegrown heroine Patricia Jonas-Anderson has denied Leichhardt so far, as has their penchant to punt the ball at the ineffectual but extremely sticky lone striker Samuhel Ramsey, but the breakthrough is inevitable. It’s a straightforward goal in the end from Leichhardt’s leading goalscorer, Dorian Katter, who flicks home a header beyond keeper Kurt Shamrock. SHA 0-1 LEI.
44 mins - GOAL! Deserved second for the Harriers, North Laithland have really not had too much about them. Feist strikes from just outside the box, driving it through a mass of bodies. CHH 2-0 NLA.
45 mins - Almost a breakthrough in Vermillion! It starts with a free kick, Vesper angling it over the bar, Klavier doing so well to claw it away - it comes to Murdoch, who fires it in at goal but it’s cleared off the line by Alexandros, Katskalidis runs after the rebound and shoves Christian Frei to the ground in the chase, referee blows the whistle as she turns and lashes it into the side netting as she falls. Brinemouth fans breathe a sigh of relief.
Injury time - No injury time in Chatswood, just a minute in Vermillion, no relevant activity anywhere. The half ends, with plenty of surprises… and the Dockers winning the title.

PREMIERSHIP SCORELINES
Chatswood 0-1 Brinemouth
West Brinemouth 0-1 Crisisbless
Goodfeather FC 1-1 Maximum City
Sheridan 1-0 Maximum Rovers
Chenoworth Harriers 2-0 North Laithland
Armstrong 2-1 Sabrefell Athletic
Bishop 0-1 Sabrefell Moths
Parrhesia United 0-0 AFC Treason
Newrook City 2-0 Vermillion Rage
South Laithland 1-1 Violence Chariots
Creed United 0-0 Coret Hawks
Brookford Otters 0-0 Starling

FIRST DIVISION SCORELINES
Dross Rovers 0-1 Corvette Maulers
AFC Shale 0-1 Leichhardt
Raven River 0-0 Coret Rovers
AFC Serpentine 1-0 Cypher Town

IMPLICATIONS
Brinemouth to win the title.
Treason, Athletic and Brookford join them in Champions Cup.
Creed, Starling and Moths qualify for Globe Cup.
Maximum City vs. Leichhardt in the pro/rel playoff.
Serpentine win title, Corvette and Cranequin also promoted.

46 mins - Kick-off. Lots of food for thought for Treason, as Parrhesia are proving anything but obliging opponents and have had plenty of chances to score themselves. In a controversial roll of the dice, the ineffectual Portsgate’s been pulled off with dynamic 22-year old Ida Preussler, who has been impressive in her cameos this season, thrown on. It does leave their attack looking a little lightweight but it’s not as though the bulwarks of Brun and Beckett were ever going to be overpowered, anyway.
47 mins - Brinemouth, on the other hand, have no incentive for changes - they’ve dominated the Woodsmen today. Elrik Raskine has replaced the jaded-looking Matheson for the inconsistent Cohen, a move which causes some degree of consternation in the stands.
48 mins - GOAL! Vermillion B pulls one back in this mostly-meaningless game. Ashleigh Aveline nutmegs the slow-footed Ideye and taps in a clever forward pass for Claire Rathlinker after feinting as if she’d pass instead to Cruz. Traugott follows Cruz and Rivello hedges, allowing Rathlinker to sidefoot home past Summersteen from a generous angle with plenty of space. Not the Rooks’ finest hour. NRC 2-1 VRR.
49 mins - The introduction of Preussler, for Treason’s part, almost immediately pays dividends! So simple, too. Woodspur beats Asteinza and hits in a low cross, Preussler gets ahead of Brun and Beckett and stretches out a leg, only the quick feet of Klavier block the shot and she has to scramble to claw the bouncing ball off the line. That could so easily have gone differently.
50 mins - At the other end, almost the same thing happens… kind of. Rouseff hits a high cross, Telfair goes for it, climbs over Armstrong, bringing both collapsing to the ground as the ball sails well over both, Ballard jumping to claim it then having second thoughts as it glides uncontested out for a goal kick.
51 mins - GOAL! Brookford vs. Starling hasn’t been a particularly interesting game, but the urgency has increased in the second half - if these two don’t find a winner, Creed could take 4th from them both. Hargrave will be disappointed as Kestrel’s corner isn’t marked tightly enough - in comes Hadrian Belfast, dominating the space, jumping at just the right time and looking ten years younger as he buries the header. Deirdre McNessa never knew what hit her. BRO 1-0 STA.
52 mins - A recent poll stated that 76% of respondents believed that Hadrian Belfast is Nephara’s greatest-ever player - Elaine Ashdown, Michael Brandon and, perhaps a little early in their careers, Adnan Szalai and Penumbra Amokachi trailing in his wake in that order. There’s been no other Nepharim who has ever been able to stand tall among his profession and confirm his place as the best at his position in the world. It’s good that he managed to score in his last match.
53 mins - GOAL! Another national legend, Portia Thrift, is overseeing a comfortable Crisisbless victory. Marciak’s rarely been threatened, Isaia Urso thumping the Heelers’ second past Henna Morgan from the corner of the box. It’s just too easy. WBR 0-2 CRI.
54 mins - Creed are slowly turning the screw against Coret… it’s a dull match, but the measured, disciplined Oathmen are holding their ground and steadily having their way with the more mercurial Hawks. Out of sheer frustration, Alyss Montague smashes the ball at goal from 35 yards… Beresford doesn’t even move as it floats a couple of metres above and to the left of goal.
55 mins - GOAL! Gareth Hartson thought his wall was set, but it only seems to block his vision - Bereveskos and Nikolaidis standing over the ball, two of the most lethal set piece specialists in the second tier, that should have warned him. It’s the latter that takes it, a slight deflection through the head of Keoman utterly dumbfounding Hartson who paws helplessly at the ball as it flies past him. The Dragons’ command of the title slips. SRP 1-1 CYT.
56 mins - Both those players, incidentally, near the top of many Premiership shortlists - as well as 26-year old goalkeeper Lukas Sparr, who’s already made six good saves tonight. Hard to think Bereveskos is just 21, and Nikolaidis will be by the start of the new season. Cypher will need to use that windfall smartly, since the same team without those three players suddenly looks like a relegation contender. The 36-year old corpse of Faye Orchid made 37 league starts this season, for Christ’s sake.
57 mins - GOAL! There it is. Brookford hold 4th for now but Creed are now on their heels as McMillan creams one past Lethbridge, who gets fingers to it but that only makes it look more impressive as it goes in off the inside corner of where bar and post meet. CRD 1-0 COH.
58 mins - Back to the title race. Chatswood are under siege, and the excellent Dieter Konoval has had to make not just one but two clearances off the line this match. The second was with his face, and the home fans are decidedly relieved to see him continue after a brief physio checkup.
59 mins - So close again from the Stags, Woodspur hits in a corner, Klavier gets lost in the mass of bodies and Katskalidis rises… her header skims off the crossbar.
60 mins - Starling have fought back strongly against Brookford, and there’s a penalty shout as Cautcher flies at the box in possession and is brought down by Haubeck… an inch outside. Cautcher falls heavily and is ultimately taken out as a precautionary measure. Bated breath with the Champions’ Cup final ahead… the classy, technical Ingrid Auttenberg comes on in her stead. Asif sends the free kick straight into the wall, and Belfast thumps it away.
61 mins - GOAL! Well! There’s a turnup for the books! The Dockers have been running the show since the interval but in Chatswood’s first real chance of the half, Vlahos whacks in a cross and it’s Cohen! Of all people! Who gets on the end of it, beasting Nkembe with a thumping header into the top corner of the net! Vintner never stood a chance. CHT 1-1 BRI.
62 mins - Stags are surely starting to wonder why the Saints care so much. Yet another attack breaks down.
63 mins - Daniel Brunet loses patience with his side’s almost casual approach to the match that could decide whether or not they finish in the top four. Triple substitution brings on Wardenier, Darke and Murdoch for Oehman, Sarracena and Mueller - a stronger and more direct set of changes, but will they miss the veteran Oehman’s technique?
64 mins - Maybe not. Garrett Leonard had dominated Oehman, but Wardenier - a striker by trade, but versatile - nutmegs him with her first touch. Her cross is wayward and dealt with by Knight, but it’s still positive.
65 mins - GOAL! Smiths leftback Martinho hits in a diagonal ball, Mirzian steps over it and Buchan stretches to tap home. GDF 1-2 MXC.
66 mins - Athletic getting closer and closer - Leonard is clearly struggling to go from marking the slow, clever Oehman to dealing with the direct, diagonal Wardenier, who blazes past him to run onto the far post to meet Lovelock’s cross - the angle’s slightly too narrow and she hits the side netting, but that was close. The breakthrough is coming.
67 mins - Chatswood almost take the lead. As Graz pulls defenders away before laying the ball off for Chaplain, the space opens up in the box - Chaplain cuts back to Chilmark who is suddenly open. His first touch is heavy and his second has to be rushed, he just narrowly drags the shot wide.
68 mins - GOAL! This is the West Brinemouth we all expected to see before the season began. Leona Rafford hits in a cross… Defrank and Woodman run into each other. Rafford collapses, giggling uncontrollably, as Redmayne taps home her side’s third of the game. WBR 0-3 CRI.
69 mins - They’re getting pulverised, sure, but the Gulls can still celebrate. Not only did they survive against all the odds but they were given the award for the Best Beer Served in the league after partnering up with local microbrewery Saucy Boi.
70 mins - GOAL! Done and dusted. Dross are terrible, the Maulers are headed as it stands to winning the league. Substitute Francesca Neumann with the likely coup de grace. Now it all depends on if the Dragons can retake their lead... DRR 0-2 CVM.
71 mins - GOAL! Athletic cement their place in third, assuming a suddenly toothless-looking Armstrong can’t equalise. Nobody puts pressure on Ferryman as she drifts forward from midfield in possession, and she makes them pay for it. ARM 2-2 SFA.
72 mins - Back to beer, since there’s a lull in the title race - Sheridan (still 1-0 ahead of the Rovers) felt aggrieved at not having won it themselves. They actually brew beer within the club, and their exclusive Sherries Lager (which can be bought bottled from the club store) offers a combination of an average taste, a cheap price and a 9.2% alcohol percentage.
73 mins - Worst beer in the league? East coast Coret have a deal with Brenecian mass brewer Storren & Sons. Brenecian.
74 mins - GOAL! Brinemouth back in pole position, Roenoujya forms a pocket of space from… somewhere, ghosts into it and lumps it past Middlesbrough! CHT 1-2 BRI.
75 mins - But it might not be all smooth sailing for the Dockers. Remember earlier when the Saints were getting plenty of chances to open the scoring against Treason? Yeah, that hasn’t been happening for about twenty minutes now, the Stags have dominated and Klavier’s been forced into a couple scrambling saves. Randall now plays his hand, replacing 35-year old midfielder Murdoch with 35-year old midfielder Anderton, the former tossing the latter the captain’s armband. It’s Anderton’s last match before retirement, a one-club man to the end.
76 mins - GOAL! A proper thumping. The 33-year old substitute Malleon, set for release at the end of the season, blasts one past her hometown club. Her celebration is, of course, muted. So’s the rest of the team’s, though less out of duty. It’s been a long, tiring season, if a fruitful one. CHH 3-0 NLA.
77 mins - GOAL! Deserved. Knight plays a short pass to Casim Maxwell, for whom this has been maybe a season too far at the top level, who sees Wardenier, Lucassen and Ferryman running at him and panics and kicks the ball into Ferryman’s head. She falls over, but the rebound comes to Wardenier, who plays Lucassen past an understandably flat-footed Hagicostas and the Cosumarite striker coolly slots home. ARM 2-3 SFA.
78 mins - … Come to think of it, a lot of players are going to retire after today. It’s probably not that special.
79 mins - GOAL! Maybe the Smiths should consider giving some of these players a go against Leichhardt (or, if they can put a goal past Coret Rovers which they are mysteriously failing to do, River). Longstocking blasts one home from 20 yards. GDF 1-3 MXC.
80 mins - GOAL! One 35-year old one-club defensively-minded central/holding midfielder who has been the club captain on paper but only rarely started to this point, handed the armband back for one last charge before retirement, flattens the other 35-year old one-club defensively-minded central/holding midfielder who has been the club captain on paper but only rarely started to this point, handed the armband back for one last charge before retirement. Which is to say that Anderton flattens Sebastian. Why this matters is that he hits the ball down the wing to Vesper who at last steals the march on a tired-looking Alexandros, a low cross is sent in and Cantor fucking backheels it past Klavier’s near post. PAR 0-1 TRE.
81 mins - Randall’s last substitution - the younger, fresher and more defensively solid Przybyla comes in at rightback for the versatile veteran Mixe.
82 mins - GOAL! Chaplain misses a challenge on Rosewood and substitute Juquinho slips into the gap, Rosewood finds him easily and he thumps past Middlesbrough. A nice goal but it means nothing. The Stags remain ahead. CHT 1-3 BRI.
83 mins - Cantor smashes a direct free kick at the top-left, Klavier does extremely well to save it. Parrhesia are just holding on for dear life now, and it doesn’t seem like the Dockers will get their trophy… but it is just one goal. It just takes one moment....
84 mins - RED CARD! Not in a relevant match, but what the fuck was Stiin Siorrha’Asione thinking? Already booked earlier for dissent - most people had already forgotten about it - he almost latches onto a clever Valentine Nemeth throughball. Almost, because Milner gets onto it first… so the 20-year old Farf decides he’s going to vault over her ankle, tumble about six or seven times clutching his face, curl into a ball and magically bound to his feet when the referee blows her whistle… and then looks stunned when she signals a Southron free kick and gives him his second yellow card. South Laithland manager Bruno Hawke casually shoulder-barges him as he trudges off to the tunnel, and the smirking linesman pretends not to notice.
85 mins - The hour for applause substitutions - Rachael Loxley gets a standing ovation. Tears in her eyes as she walks off, the vastly inferior Artur Bierofka replacing her as a reminder of the fact that the Quakers probably need to buy a replacement. There is the capable Dietrich, but she’s injured, badly enough that it’ll carry into the start of next season.
86 mins - GOAL! The received wisdom that playing against ten men is harder than playing against eleven only applies to defensive workrate as the undermanned team sits back and puts it all on the line. It doesn’t generally apply when a ten-man team, two minutes after a (really stupid) sending-off, just sort of glide through your defence and present substitute Sharon Kitteman with an open goal to sidefoot into. SLA 1-2 VIC.
87 mins - Brinemouth pressing desperately for more goals. They can’t do anything for the Saints, but it’ll make them feel better to just be doing something.
88 mins - GOAL! Oh, there it is. The Saints are dead on their feet, utterly exhausted, and fall to pieces as Vesper and Vyntra do their overlapping thing. The leftback glides into the box and toebashes it past Klavier, who might have done better. PAR 0-2 TRE.
89 mins - Hadrian Belfast comes off, again to a standing ovation. Including from the away end. Anyone in Nephara would do the same. In what is probably going to be called a passing of the torch, Esther Vannatter - 17 years old, 21 years his junior - makes her senior debut after a callup from a strong U21 campaign. She’s tipped for great things, herself.
90 mins - GOAL! Truly a statement of his legacy. Immediately after Belfast goes off, Gallagher blasts his free kick into the top corner. Now Creed are going to come 4th. BRO 1-1 STA.
Injury time - Brinemouth have done all they can. The Saints have done all they’re capable of. Brookford and Starling… well, neither of them can seize the day in extra time. All things must come to an end… and thus does this season. The black of Treason(‘s away kits) line up as the trophy is rolled onto the Knightsgrave pitch. Many of them have swapped shirts with their worthy opponents, politely asked by PR to keep them draped over their shoulders instead of wearing them. After a seven-year drought… only Markus Anderton, Olenna Jaspenner and Calliope Katskalidis remain from that attempt, and it’s Anderton lifting the trophy with Ben Randall now.
Treason’s 6th - now one more than anyone else.
As the club Twitter account announces; “We’re back.”

PREMIERSHIP RESULTS
Chatswood 1-3 Brinemouth
West Brinemouth 0-3 Crisisbless
Goodfeather FC 1-3 Maximum City
Sheridan 1-0 Maximum Rovers
Chenoworth Harriers 3-0 North Laithland
Armstrong 2-3 Sabrefell Athletic
Bishop 0-1 Sabrefell Moths
Parrhesia United 0-2 AFC Treason
Newrook City 2-1 Vermillion Rage
South Laithland 1-2 Violence Chariots
Creed United 1-0 Coret Hawks
Brookford Otters 1-1 Starling

FIRST DIVISION RESULTS
Martella Jazz 1-2 Rochford
Dross Rovers 0-2 Corvette Maulers
AFC Shale 0-1 Leichhardt
West Hook 1-1 Extreme Hills
Hackett 2-1 Vermillion Wanderers
Crisisbless United 1-2 Ritter Town
Raven River 0-0 Coret Rovers
Southfell United 2-1 Iron City
Cranequin Wanderers 1-0 Chenoworth Rovers
Diamondqueen 0-1 Morningstar
Cranequin City 0-1 Belgrave
AFC Serpentine 1-1 Cypher Town

SECOND DIVISION RESULTS
Crisisbless Athletic 2-0 Project +90
Gridlock Rovers 0-2 Rhagant Schadenfreude
Rushe United 2-2 South Parrhesia
Boleyn Town 2-1 Brindleton
Kensey Town 3-0 Dartmouth Terriers
Stonegrave 2-3 Ox River United
Crossroads Town 2-0 Greygate
Locksley 0-1 Fenland Albion
East Laithland Harriers 4-1 Senway Town
Brookway Town 1-0 Iron United
Riverkey 3-0 North Sabrefell
Mantlegrove 2-1 Sutcroft

THIRD DIVISION RESULTS
North Dubstep 0-1 Sutcroft Athletic
Lackerrun 1-2 Southriver
Rochford Pilgrims 3-3 Ringway
Kommissar 1-1 The Strongest
Fully Sick XI 1-1 Courser
Mainstream Fist 1-4 Iberia Chenoworth
Long Lake 1-0 Grovebank
Corby Hubris 1-2 Gridlock East
Strephonage 2-1 Fischer
AFC Corvistone 4-2 Bodkin Road
Pillars of Southfell 1-0 Falston Town
Bellamy 4-0 Franchise FC

PROMOTION PLAYOFF
But the season’s not quite over for the Smiths, or for that matter the Canaries. The Canaries that the Smiths bought Niko Rosmalen from. Rosmalen being probably the Smiths’ player of the season, bought on the back of being voted the Canaries’ player of the season.
Either way, City has the best of the match throughout - just more defensively solid and controlling midfield. Leichhardt have been impressive to get this far in the second tier but they struggle to test Grubiša Jelić - and when they do, he’s more than up to the test. Still, the Smiths struggle to break through themselves and it takes the 44th minute of a not hugely exciting game for the breakthrough to arrive - fittingly, at a corner swung in by Rosmalen. Basmath Clinton, a surprising choice in the heart of defence, beats Harlan to head home at the near post.
Second half starts brighter for the Canaries - Sozer misses from six yards, and veteran midfielder Paul Donagh is given too much space by his hometown club and shaves the top of the crossbar. They learn from the warning, though, and by the 52nd minute the match seems just about sewn up when Dejan Corvell nods home Longstocking’s cross. Leichhardt try their best, but they can’t quite break through - the Smiths will retain their place in the top flight another season.

Maximum City 2-0 Leichhardt

NFA CUP FINAL
Newrook’s goals have dried up over the season despite the incisive, cutting presence of Bonifacio Sanna who goes into this as Newrook’s greatest threat - accordingly Orion Etzebeth spends the entire game standing on him from kick-off.

It’s a frustrating match to watch from a Newrook perspective - the Moths won’t allow themselves to be caught on the break and cultivate a more patient approach, letting the superiority of their midfield play out and knowing that Aaliyah Johnson will score from any quarter-chance that falls to her. The Moths don’t usually sit back and let possession tell - but when they do, it works.

Even so, the Rooks aren’t going down without a fight - Lisa Summersteen’s in strong form and Rivello and Zagorec make heroic tackle after heroic block - and they do get a breakthrough. But Alysia Stokes, played through on goal, makes a heavy touch and Carsten Thunder’s out to clear it from under her feet. The only goal comes in the 67th minute and it’s a reliable source - Sasha Christener’s diagonal cross sees Johnson finally elude her markers and tap home at the far post. Newrook do their best to try and overturn the deficit and put the Moths off-balance for the last twenty minutes, Thunder has to make two excellent saves from Sanna and Fenwick and substitute June Connolly has a penalty shout turned down.

But at the end of the day, the final whistle blows - and the Moths have their second Cup win, to put some stardust on an average league season.

Newrook City 0-1 Sabrefell Moths

CEDC FINAL
… wait, what?

Vermillion Rage 7-6 Alianza FC

CHAMPIONS CUP FINAL
The Passerines were in it for glory, playing without pressure inasmuch as one could in a Champions’ Cup final… but Raynor City had the chance to win almost a clean sweep of the multiverse. Still, they opened the scoring through Claudia Cautcher in the 12th minute, continuing an intense press throughout the first half… starting to fade in the 40th minute, starting to get a little more open.

Unsurprisingly, they came out revitalised in the second half but again the rigours of the season seemed to cost them and a momentary lapse in concentration from Koehler - who’s been exemplary otherwise this season - allowed Lithvathar to find space, cut inside and fire past Hargrave. From there, Raynor sniffed blood and pressed their advantage, and the Passerines were simply worn out. By extra time, their ambitions only ranged to holding out and backing themselves for penalties.

It didn’t work out that way.

Raynor City United 1-1 Starling (3-1 aet)

PREMIERSHIP

Pos Team                      P   W   D   L  For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 AFC Treason              46  27  10   9   90  50  +40  91
  2 Brinemouth               46  27   9  10  114  54  +60  90
  3 Sabrefell Athletic       46  25  11  10   77  42  +35  86
  4 Creed United             46  26   7  13   81  61  +20  85
  5 Brookford Otters         46  23  14   9   83  55  +28  83
  6 Starling                 46  23  13  10   72  43  +29  82
  7 Sabrefell Moths          46  23  11  12   92  60  +32  80
  8 Vermillion Rage          46  23  11  12   78  57  +21  80
  9 Crisisbless              46  22  10  14   74  58  +16  76
 10 Coret Hawks              46  22   8  16   67  50  +17  74
 11 Violence Chariots        46  20   9  17   83  89   -6  69
 12 North Laithland          46  18   7  21   68  74   -6  61
 13 Chenoworth Harriers      46  16  12  18   61  80  -19  60
 14 Parrhesia United         46  16  10  20   64  75  -11  58
 15 Bishop                   46  15  11  20   45  58  -13  56
 16 Chatswood                46  15   9  22   48  66  -18  54
 17 Newrook City             46  14  11  21   44  60  -16  53
 18 West Brinemouth          46  12  11  23   30  60  -30  47
 19 Maximum Rovers           46  11  13  22   58  79  -21  46
 20 Goodfeather FC           46  12   8  26   56  89  -33  44
 21 Maximum City             46   9  16  21   51  76  -25  43
 22 Sheridan                 46  10   9  27   31  64  -33  39
 23 Armstrong                46   7  15  24   40  76  -36  36
 24 South Laithland          46   6  15  25   40  71  -31  33

TOP SCORERS
28 - Johnson (SFM)
27 - Scafidis (BRI)
25 - Loeher (BRO)
24 - Cantor (TRE)
22 - Voeller (VIC)
21 - Cantor (STA)
19 - Bottlegreen (BRI), Farrier (CRD), Stavanger (CRU)
18 - Antonio (COH), Lucassen (SFA)
17 - Silkman (BRI), Curtis (BRO)
16 - West (CHH), Redmayne (CRI), Meier (SFM), Portsgate (TRE)

AWARDS
Iron Boot (Goals Scored): Aaliyah Johnson (SFM)
Iron Ball (Player of the Year): Konrad Gosforth (BRI)
Iron Heart (U-21 Player of the Year): Sieglinde Lohengrin (CRI)
Iron Fist (Debutant of the Year): Conan McMillan (CRD)
Team of the Year: Hargrave (STA); Koehler (STA), Belfast (BRO), Katskalidis (TRE), Lovelock (SFA); McMillan (CRD), Gosforth (BRI), Sarracena (SFA), Meier (SFM); Scafidis (BRI), Johnson (SFA) - Bench: Ballard (TRE); Gerhardt (SFA), Vyntra (TRE), Alemane (VRR), Labonne (TRE), Bottlegreen (BRI), Loeher (BRO)
Managers of the Year: Ezekiel Statham (CRD)

FIRST DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Corvette Maulers          46  30   5  11  79  34  +45  95
  2 AFC Serpentine            46  29   7  10  74  41  +33  94
  3 Cranequin Wanderers       46  25  14   7  83  44  +39  89
  4 Leichhardt                46  22  16   8  57  27  +30  82
  5 Raven River               46  24  10  12  80  51  +29  82
  6 Extreme Hills             46  19  16  11  75  57  +18  73
  7 Morningstar               46  22   7  17  65  51  +14  73
  8 Belgrave                  46  19  16  11  65  52  +13  73
  9 Southfell United          46  19  14  13  83  72  +11  71
 10 Crisisbless United        46  20  10  16  71  61  +10  70
 11 Vermillion Wanderers      46  19  11  16  65  61   +4  68
 12 Iron City                 46  17  15  14  53  47   +6  66
 13 Cypher Town               46  16  15  15  39  45   -6  63
 14 Diamondqueen              46  15  12  19  58  59   -1  57
 15 Ritter Town               46  14  15  17  53  66  -13  57
 16 Cranequin City            46  15   7  24  38  52  -14  52
 17 Martella Jazz             46  12  15  19  66  76  -10  51
 18 Rochford                  46  13  10  23  36  62  -26  49
 19 Coret Rovers              46  12  12  22  45  69  -24  48
 20 AFC Shale                 46  11  11  24  32  48  -16  44
 21 West Hook                 46  10  12  24  42  77  -35  42
 22 Dross Rovers              46  11   8  27  43  76  -33  41
 23 Chenoworth Rovers         46   8  15  23  34  61  -27  39
 24 Hackett                   46   9   9  28  38  85  -47  36

SECOND DIVISION

Pos Team                          P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 East Laithland Harriers      46  29   6  11  84   49  +35  93
  2 Riverkey                     46  27  11   8  76   31  +45  92
  3 North Sabrefell              46  25  11  10  80   38  +42  86
  4 Locksley                     46  22   9  15  80   55  +25  75
  5 Stonegrave                   46  22   9  15  60   39  +21  75
  6 Crisisbless Athletic         46  20  13  13  68   55  +13  73
  7 Greygate                     46  20  11  15  60   43  +17  71
  8 South Parrhesia              46  19  13  14  66   65   +1  70
  9 Kensey Town                  46  18  13  15  57   66   -9  67
 10 Mantlegrove                  46  17  14  15  49   48   +1  65
 11 Iron United                  46  18  10  18  56   61   -5  64
 12 Crossroads Town              46  16  15  15  61   58   +3  63
 13 Rhagant Schadenfreude        46  15  18  13  41   38   +3  63
 14 Boleyn Town                  46  17  12  17  47   48   -1  63
 15 Sutcroft                     46  17   9  20  59   56   +3  60
 16 Brookway Town                46  15  15  16  57   60   -3  60
 17 Project +90                  46  16  12  18  62   74  -12  60
 18 Ox River United              46  17   8  21  47   56   -9  59
 19 Brindleton                   46  14  11  21  42   54  -12  53
 20 Senway Town                  46  13  14  19  59   75  -16  53
 21 Dartmouth Terriers           46  13  11  22  55   60   -5  50
 22 Rushe United                 46  13  11  22  62  100  -38  50
 23 Fenland Albion               46   9  10  27  35   59  -24  37
 24 Gridlock Rovers              46   2  10  34  27  102  -75  16

THIRD DIVISION

Pos Team                       P   W   D   L For   Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Strephonage               46  29   9   8  79   31  +48  96
  2 Iberia Chenoworth         46  29   8   9  89   51  +38  95
  3 Southriver                46  25  12   9  76   38  +38  87
  4 AFC Corvistone            46  23  13  10  88   49  +39  82
  5 Falston Town              46  23  12  11  78   46  +32  81
  6 Long Lake                 46  23  11  12  65   36  +29  80
  7 Pillars of Southfell      46  22  14  10  65   37  +28  80
  8 Ringway                   46  20  16  10  61   52   +9  76
  9 The Strongest             46  18  15  13  77   69   +8  69
 10 Bellamy                   46  18  12  16  69   63   +6  66
 11 North Dubstep             46  15  11  20  53   48   +5  56
 12 Fischer                   46  16   8  22  56   62   -6  56
 13 Lackerrun                 46  17   5  24  69   97  -28  56
 14 Kommissar                 46  13  16  17  53   58   -5  55
 15 Mainstream Fist           46  16   7  23  60   75  -15  55
 16 Fully Sick XI             46  14  12  20  72   81   -9  54
 17 Sutcroft Athletic         46  14  12  20  49   61  -12  54
 18 Gridlock East             46  14  12  20  44   57  -13  54
 19 Corby Hubris              46  16   6  24  51   80  -29  54
 20 Grovebank                 46  14  11  21  43   64  -21  53
 21 Courser                   46  13   9  24  49   67  -18  48
 22 Franchise FC              46  11   9  26  50  102  -52  42
 23 Bodkin Road               46  11   8  27  45   86  -41  41
 24 Rochford Pilgrims         46   7  14  25  47   78  -31  35

CONFERENCE WEST

Pos Team                   P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 The Hanged Man        38  25   9   4  54  23  +31  84
  2 Falston United        38  21  10   7  68  35  +33  73
  3 Boltcroft Thorns      38  20   7  11  61  46  +15  67
  4 Gridlock              38  17  11  10  41  31  +10  62
  5 Sirencall FC          38  18   5  15  70  57  +13  59
  6 Harrington            38  15  14   9  51  41  +10  59
  7 Gosforth Swans        38  13  17   8  64  48  +16  56
  8 Forge Carpenters      38  13  16   9  29  23   +6  55
  9 Mapleford             38  11  20   7  37  36   +1  53
 10 Ramsay                38  14  11  13  52  55   -3  53
 11 Gonen's Bridge        38  14  10  14  37  30   +7  52
 12 Vermillion Spite      38  13   8  17  55  57   -2  47
 13 Camwell Road          38  10  16  12  31  39   -8  46
 14 Nay Town              38  11  13  14  38  50  -12  46
 15 Swag Hill Rovers      38  13   6  19  62  67   -5  45
 16 FC Seierstad          38   9  13  16  40  56  -16  40
 17 Norton Road           38   8  11  19  35  54  -19  35
 18 Tryst Athletic        38   7  12  19  47  74  -27  33
 19 Geoff United          38   6  12  20  36  59  -23  30
 20 Perrett               38   7   9  22  32  59  -27  30
Promoted: Corinthians No Longer, Alliance Barossia

CONFERENCE EAST

Pos Team                  P   W   D   L For  Ag  +/- Pts
  1 Peregrine            38  27   8   3  85  35  +50  89
  2 Ballardine FC        38  24   9   5  79  39  +40  81
  3 Blaze                38  22   6  10  72  47  +25  72
  4 Downsparrow          38  19  12   7  56  32  +24  69
  5 Stamper Road         38  20   7  11  69  51  +18  67
  6 Brunyard FC          38  20   6  12  64  56   +8  66
  7 South Brill          38  18   8  12  53  46   +7  62
  8 Rookwall             38  15  13  10  51  43   +8  58
  9 Dubstep Rangers      38  15   9  14  51  49   +2  54
 10 Lazuli Diamonds      38  13  11  14  56  63   -7  50
 11 Norpike              38  13  10  15  42  41   +1  49
 12 Coral Bay            38  13  10  15  42  54  -12  49
 13 Violence Tigers      38  12  12  14  39  52  -13  48
 14 Twelvetrees          38  10  11  17  35  42   -7  41
 15 Clay Terrace         38   9  11  18  21  42  -21  38
 16 Sandrock             38   8  13  17  33  48  -15  37
 17 Masculine Town       38   9   8  21  49  70  -21  35
 18 Hartford Glade       38   8   9  21  41  53  -12  33
 19 De La Patria         38   7  10  21  43  70  -27  31
 20 Chaker Town          38   3   7  28  28  76  -48  16
Promoted: West End, Celebryant FC

by **Nephara** » Mon Dec 26, 2016 4:26 pm

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Nepharan Domestic Newswire - the Zenith

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