Encyclopedia Fatatatutica (Closed)

[Fatatatutti]

Wildlife

The largest wild animals on the island are the wild pigs which have been the center of the Fatatatutian diet for a thousand years. It is believed that they were originally brought to the island by the first Fatatatutian settlers. Today, wild boars are still hunted, though their numbers are closely monitored by the Wildlife Branch of the Natural Resources Ministry. (Most restaurants and home luaus use domestic pigs instead because the supply is more reliable.)

There have been rumoured sightings of leopards in isolated areas, but scientists have not been able to find any conclusive evidence to confirm their presence. Although there is sufficient game, especially wild pigs and rabbits, to sustain a leopard population, it is unknown how they could have gotten to the island.

Smaller mammals include rabbits, squirrels, mice and in some areas, monkeys. Rabbits are sometimes snared for food.

There are no snakes on the island of Fatatatutti, but there are some lizards and several species of turtles.

There is a wide variety of birds. Along the coast, there are seabirds such as gulls, terns, albatrosses and pelicans. In the interior, there are songbirds and exotic birds-of-paradise. In the populated areas, there are also some non-native birds, such as house sparrows, which probably arrived as stowaways on cargo ships and have managed to thrive. Hunting of some species and/or their eggs is permitted.

The beaches and tidal pools are inhabited by many kinds of shellfish and other sea life. Most of them are edible. The stories that are told to tourists about crabs eating people who sleep on the beach have not been conclusively confirmed.

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Communications

Fatatatutti is a large island with a spread-out population, so communication has been difficult in the past. However, with modern telecommunications, especially satellite-based, all parts of the island are now readily accessible.

Telephones

Home 'land-line' telephones are surprisingly uncommon in Fatatatutti. Although estimates vary, as few as 60% of private homes have a telephone. With the availability of cellular telephones, the number is not expected to grow.

Cellular service is avaliable in major urban areas as well as in the more populated areas along the Coast Road. These cell-accessible areas are all interconnected by way of satellites. In the interior, cellular coverage is sparse and only direct satellite telephone service is available.

Internet

More than 80% of homes are connected to the Internet and the number is still growing rapidly. Those who have a telephone connection usually use it for the Internet as well. There are also some local cable-TV connections. The rest are wireless.

Newspapers

Newspapers have never been a major influence in Fatatatutti but there are several large daily newspapers, such as the Times of Fatatatutti, the Pineapple Chronicle and the Wong Street Journal. There are also some industry-related papers, such as Fish Week and the Hog Breeders Gazette. Some local community newspapers and newsletters are still survivng but most of them have been supplanted by the Internet.

Periodicals

Magazines tend to have a short lifespan, but some are still thriving in spite of competition from the Internet. Some of the most popular include the food magazine Bite, which features recipes and full-colour photography, Fatatatutti Geographic and Clown World.

Radio

Local radio stations, both AM and FM, are still popular for background music, news, etc. There are an estimated several hundred to more than a thousand of such stations throughout the island. The number is difficult to determine because many of them are unlicensed, though the Fatatatutti Communications Commission (FCC) tries to keep overlap of signals to a minimum.

The Fatatatutti Broadcasting Corporation (FBC), the oldest operator of radio stations in Fatatatutti, still owns and operates a number of stations in outlying areas. In addition, their flagship station, Radio Fatatatutti, is popular both at home and abroad.

Television

More than 90% of Fatatatutian homes have one or more television sets. In populated areas, local companies provide cable service, some with fiber optics. There are still a few broadcasting stations, mostly operated by the Fatatatutti Broadcasting Corporation (FBC) in outlying areas. However, the majority of people get their signal by satellite. HDTV is still uncommon.

Fatatatutti has no foreign-content regulations, but viewers tend to enjoy a lot of local Fatatatutian content. Some of the most popular locally-based channels include:

• The Luau Channel
• FatatatuTV
• Duck World

Popular offshore channels, available by satellite, include:

• Classic Flintstones
• Movie Madness

Movies

Movie theaters in Fatatatutti are in decline because of the ready availability of DVDs. Most of the major urban centers still have multiplexes for prople who enjoy the large-screen experience but most of the small family-owned single-screen theaters are gone.

One the other hand, Fatatatutti's movie-production industry is thriving. Hundreds of new projects are started each year. Most of them go straight to video as well as being distributed to theaters.

Satellites

Fatatatutti has its own network of satellites for communication purposes, called FatSat. Its major purpose is to provide GPS and telecommunication services to the island of Fatatatutti.

[Fatatatutti]

Fatata-Tiki Expedition

The Fatata-Tiki expedition, led by Ty Howerdahl, the noted anthropologist and publicity hound, attempted to re-enact the voyages of the first Fatatatutians across the Pacific to Fatatatutti.

The Fatata-Tiki, whose name is said to translate roughly as "Nearer My God to Thee", was an authentic outrigger canoe built in Fatatatutti using only traditional materials and methods. Her crew consisted of men, women and children, as it would have on the original voyages. Several chickens and pigs were also included among the passengers but they mysteriously failed to complete the trip.

The Fatata-Tiki, powered by sail and paddle, left eastern Asia in the early 1950s and arrived safely in Fatatatutti more than six months later, after several stops at other islands for provisions and directions. Despite being hampered by clouds, Howerdahl navigated using only traditional methods relying on the stars. Critics later downplayed the feat, maintaining that Fatatatutti is a big island and couldn't have been all that difficult to find.

The re-enactment was re-enacted in the 1960s for the movie Fatata-Tiki because Howerdahl had forgotten to bring a camera on the original re-enactment.

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Fistful of Dust

Fistful of Dust is a classic movie, an epic comedy-spaghetti-Western adaptation of Shakespeare's Macbeth.

Gary Kahoolamahimahi won a Golden Coconut at the Fatatatutti International Film Festival (FIFF) for his understated portrayal of Mack Bethlehem, the tormented foreman of Fatatatutti's largest (and only) cattle ranch. Driven by jealousy and an ambitious wife, he murders his boss, only to descend into a spiral of guilt and gratuitous chase scenes. The climactic gunfight-in-the-street scene between Mack and the boss' long-missing son is considered a cinematographic triumph, more than 33 minutes in length with an average shot length of three seconds.

Director Sergio Lileikalanione, whose original cut was more than four and a half hours long, deplores the four minutes that were cut for the theatrical version. He is reported to have said, "If you have something better to do than watch a good movie, there's no hope for you."

There is supposedly a cameo appearance by Robert DeNiro as the grizzled old prospector. More than 300 tons of dust were used in the filming.

[Fatatatutti]

Coffee

Coffee is one of the most popular beverages in Fatatatutti. Even children often drink it from a very early age.

Coffee shops are popular social gathering places. Business, both government and private, is conducted in coffee shops as often as it is in offices. One of the largest chains is Tim Horton's founded by the inventor of the doughnut.

Coffee is grown on the slopes of Fatatatutti's mountains, which have the ideal balance of soil composition, sunshine and rainfall. Most coffee is grown by individual landholders, though there are some larger plantations which are controlled by the workers. Buyers from the big coffee companies travel from farm to farm buying individual crops, which are then shipped to the major cities where the beans are graded and blended.

Most Fatatatutian coffee is consumed on the island because foreigners usually consider it too harsh.

[Fatatatutti]

FatataTourist Bureau

The FatataTourist Bureau is jointly funded by several of the larger municipalities on the island and by the Ministry of Trade and Commerce. Its mandate is to promote Fatatatutti's tourist industry abroad and to attract tourists to Fatatatutti. Information about Fatatatutti's attractions, accomodations, events, etc. can be obtained from any branch of the Bureau.

The Bureau also publishes information for the protection of Fatatatutians who are travelling abroad:

No-Fly List

Nations on the No-Fly List should not be visited by Fatatatutian citizens under any circumstances:

• Almajoya - attacks on tourists.
• Unibot - multiple dangers.

Caution List

Although they are not as dangerous as the nations on the No-Fly list, Fatatatutians should be extrememly careful when visiting nations on the Caution List:

• Ilois - police state.
• Jatriqya and Hoya - intolerance, unpredictable behaviour.

Blacklist

There are no specific warnings about nations on the Blacklist, but they are noted for the use of torture, slavery, genocide, etc. Fatatatutian citizens may or may not be in danger in these nations but they are advised to have nothing to do with them. An up-to-date copy of the Blacklist can be obtained from any branch of the FatataTourist Bureau.

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Retail

In Fatatatutti, street vendors sell everything from fast food to clothing to toys and hardware. Bulkier items, like fresh fruits and vegetables, are usually sold from market stalls.

Higher-priced items, such as jewellry, are often sold from small storefronts, which are more secure. There are also specialty stores for sporting goods, etc. which require space for a variety of stock.

Several chains of department stores and supermarkets exist, such as:

• Fatatatutian Tire
• Safeway
• Small-Mart
• When-It's-Unlocked-We're-Open (WIUWO)

However, they have difficulty competing against smaller 'mom-and-pop' operations, since Fatatatutians like the personal treatment. Fatatatutians also tend to lack transportation, which makes small neighbourhood retailers more attractive.

For similar reasons, 'big box' stores are uncommon. Any retailer which deals in large quantities or heavy, bulky items is almost obligated to offer a delivery service.

Recently, Internet shopping is increasing in popularity.

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Comic Strips

Some popular comic strips in Fatatatutti include:

• Duck World is about a duck named Duck who responds to every situation with a loud "Quack!" Duck is drawn with a single line and he's transparent so you can often see the background through him. Sometimes he gets his line caught on something and he unravels - to which he responds with a loud "Quack!"
  
  Duck World has been spun off into an animated TV series, starring the voice of child actor Lucky Rostelefantonastic (best known for the role of Eric Cartman in South Park). Duck World - the Motion Picture is among the highest-grossing movies ever produced in Fatatatutti.
  
  Many children say they want to be like Duck when they grow up.
  
  
• The Comic Stripper is about a girl who always winds up naked in the last panel. A live-action TV series is in the works.
  
  
• The Elephantom is about an invisible elephant who rescues people and solves crimes. The comic strip has inspired a series of live-action movies.

[Fatatatutti]

Rostelefantonastic Family

The Rostelefantonastic family immigrated from Croatia in the early-to-mid twentieth century. Some spell the name Rostelev-Antonastich but it has not been determined which spelling is original. In any case, members hasten to point out that their name is pronounced "row-STELL-ev-an-ton-A-stitch", not "roast-elephant-on-a-stick".

Many members of the Rostelefantonastic family hold prominent positions in Fatatatutti's civil service, notably V.I. Rostelefantonastic and L.Q. Rostelefantonastic. There have been allegations of nepotism but no evidence has been forthcoming and many members of the family deny even being related to each other.

One of the best known family members is child actor Lubomir "Lucky" Rostelefantonastic, who stars as Eric Cartman in the popular television series South Park, which is filmed live in Fatatatutti.

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Medals

Medals awarded in Fatatatutti include:

• Peacekeeping Medal - awarded by the armed forces to anybody who has served on a peacekeeping mission.
  
  
• Lifesaving Medal - awarded by the LifeGuard Society to anybody who has saved a life.
  
  
• Medal of Honour - awarded by Parliament to anybody who has served the people of Fatatatutti above and beyond the call of duty.
  
  
• Hero of the People - awarded by Parliament for exceptional service.

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FatSat

Fatatatutti's satellite network (FatSat) is maintained by the Physics Department of Fatatatutti University (FU), in association with the Rocket Propulsion Laboratory (RPL) of the Fatatatutti Institute of Technology (FIT). Principle funding is from the Ministry of Trade and Commerce. The launch facility is code-named "Crackerjack".

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Army Bases

The Fatatatutian Army doesn't have any permanent bases in the traditional sense. Troops live and train in the field. However, there are certain "developed areas" equiped for air operations, etc.

Bravos

The Bravos - i.e. "bases" - have paved airfields about the size of a carrier deck, which can be used by C-130 transports for moving troops around the island. In wartime, they can be equiped with catapults, arresting gear and barricades to allow for operation of F-DR fighter-bombers by the Air Corps. Most of the Bravos also have refueling facilities and a tower or at least an elevated hut for air traffic control. Some also have limited repair facilities.

The Bravos are undefended in peacetime but anti-aircraft batteries can be emplaced for air defense in wartime.

Bravos are designated by one or more letters, e.g. Bravo Charlie for "Base C". The designations are rotated for security reasons, though that plan is sometimes defeated by permanent nicknames provided by the troops. One Bravo, which is located on a ridge between two mountains, is called "The Anvil". Another is called "Paradise" for reasons that are unknown but probably ironic.

Most of the Bravos have a permanent skeleton crew.

Charlies

The Charlies - i.e. "camps" - are less "luxurious" versions of the Bravos. Their airfields are unpaved and thus unsuitable for high-performance jets. Some have permanent fuel storage facilities but few maintain stocks of fuel. Air traffic control is by portable radar and communications equipment.

As money and time permit, the Army plans to upgrade most of the Charlies to Bravos.

Papas

The Papas - i.e. "points" - are little more than areas large enough to land a helicopter. They are used primarily for dropping off troops for patrols in the bush. They have no permanent facilities of any kind, though some do maintain fuel dumps.

There are a large number of Papas, so they are usually designated by two or more letters, e.g. Papa Echo Tango for "Point ET".

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Rank, Military and Naval

Approximately equivalent ranks in the Army, Navy and Air Corps are as follows:

Army	Navy	Air Corps
Recruit	Seaman Recruit	Airman Recruit
Private	Seaman	Airman
Corporal	Petty Officer	Warrant Officer
Sergeant* (Squad)	Chief Petty Officer	Senior Warrant Officer
Lieutenant (Platoon)	Ensign	Flight Lieutenant
Captain (Company)	Lieutenant	Squadron Leader
Major (Battalion)	Commander	Group Captain
Colonel (Regiment)	Captain	Wing Commander
General**	Admiral	General

* Sergeant-Major is equivalent in rank to Sergeant but instead of leading a squad, a Sergeant-Major is assigned to a platoon, company, battalion or regiment. Duties include passing on orders to the unit as a whole and certain disciplinary matters. Staff Sergeant is also equivalent in rank to Sergeant but a Staff Sergeant is usually assigned to the headquartes of a company, battalion or regiment and duties are administrative.

** A General may command a brigade or division. (The Fatatatutian Army has no formal organization above division level.) A General may also command a theater or serve in a staff position.

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Rank, Police

The system of rank used in most police forces in Fatatatutti is as follows:

Police	Detectives
Constable	-
Sergeant	Inspector
Superintendent	Chief Inspector
Chief Superintendent	-
Chief Constable	-
Commissioner*	-

* In larger police forces, Commissioner is an administrative/political position which serves as a liaison with government. In smaller forces, those duties are performed by the Chief Constable.

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Ku Ducks Klan

The Ku Ducks Klan (KDK) is a mysterious (and probably mythical) organization of ducks, whose purpose and agenda are obscure. Its leader is the Magnus Dux (Grand Duck), an office reputedly held by the ubiquitous Alphonse.

The KDK's major public function is an annual picnic held near the duck pond, with free food for all comers, human and avian alike. A persistent rumour that the KDK espouses white-duck supremacism is in conflict with the fact that most of the ducks at the picnic are wild brown ducks.

Allegations linking the KDK is with an international organization of suicide ducks who fly into aircraft engines have not been substanciated.

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Benny Havens

Benny Havens is a mostly fictitious "Army buddy" to whom many often humorous exploits are attributed. For example, there's the story of how Benny tried to steal an Army jeep by mailing it home one piece at a time.

For generations, almost every Army member has claimed to have known Benny in one way or another and some believe there is a historical basis to the myth, if not the stories.

A drinking song which is popular among soldiers includes the chorus:

O Benny Havens-o! O Benny Havens-o!
We'll share our remmmmmmmmmmmmmm-iniscences of Benny Havens-o!

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Mr. Quackers

Mr. Quackers is the protagonist of Fatatatutti's longest-running and most successful movie franchise. The adventures of the nation's second-favorite duck span many film genres from comedy to noir. Some of the best-known titles (available on DVD) include:

Mr. Quackers Goes to Town
Mr.Quackers Rides Again
Mr. Quackers versus Godzilla
Captain Quackers on the High Seas
Mr. Quackers' Quistmas
Mr. Quackers Beind the Green Door
Mr.Quackers and the Iron Curtain
Inspector Quackers of Scotland Yard
Mr. and Mrs. Quackers
All the Little Quackers
I, Quackers

The next entry is expected to be the much-anticipated Mr. Quakers and the Temple of Doom.

Mr. Quackers Trivia

Although Mr. Quackers is often depicted in movie posters and other promotional media wearing a variety of hats, in fact he has never worn a hat in a movie. Rumour has it that in the upcoming Mr. Quackers and the Temple of Doom he will sport a digitally-added gray fedora.

Fourteen different ducks have played Mr. Quackers in the course of the series, not including stunt doubles.

The famous "I am a duck" speech in Mr. Quackers Goes to Town was filmed in one take. The movie has been dubbed into more than a dozen languages but the speech is always left in Duck.

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Bag of Gun Mystery

Fatatatutti's most baffling mystery began on a rainy night when a waitress at Tim Hortons found a brown paper bag on one of the tables, apparently left behind by an unknown customer. It seemed oddly heavy so instead of throwing it out, she looked inside and found that it contained a collection of springs and oddly-shaped metal parts.

Private investigator Travers LaRue was in the habit of using that particular Tim Hortons as an office and when he came in that night, she showed the bag to him. He immediately recognized the contents as parts of a semi-automatic pistol. The waitress could supply no information about the owner, so he decided that the best course of action was to hand the bag over to the police, which he did the next morning.

Inspector Caroline "Liney" Taves of Fatatatutti Five-O also recognized the contents as parts of a gun. She immediately put them into an evidence bag and the paper bag into another and sent them off to the forensics laboratory. Unfortunately, technicians could find no fingerprints or gunshot residue and no identifying marks. The barrel, frame and any other parts that could have been identified were missing.

An island-wide check of open cases uncovered no unsolved weapons-related crimes.

Next, Inspector Taves took the parts to the Takeapenny Arsenal where the Glick brothers, arguably Fatatatutti's foremost authorities on firearms, readily identified them as coming from a West and Smithson automatic of unknown caliber.

Attempts to contact West and Smithson failed since both had apparently left Fatatatutti in search of more lucrative markets for their wares. Their local assets had been purchased by the Fatatatutti Industries gun division, which had sold a few of the pistols under the name FIG Flower. However, the company could provide no useful information on the bag of parts.

With no further leads, Fatatatutti Five-O put the case on the back burner and the bag now resides in their evidence locker awaiting further developments, if any.

Was the gun used in some crime? Who went to so much trouble to conceal its identity and history? Could it be nothing but an elaborate prank?

Several documentaries have been made and a fictionalized feature film is soon to be released but the brown paper bag full of gun parts remains as mysterious as it was on that rainy night long ago.

[Fatatatutti]

Smithian Institute

The Smithian Institute (or Institution) is Fatatatutti's foremost scientific and historical museum, as well as an important research center. Originally endowed by several branches of the Smith family, who may or may not be biologically related, the Institute is now jointly funded by the Smithian Foundation, Fatatatutti University (FU) and the Tourist Bureau of Fatatatutti, which is in turn partially funded by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Its name is considered by some to be prestigious, by others to be pretentious and by still others to be quaintly Victorian. It is known affectionately by many Fatatatutians as "the Smithy".

The Institute occupies several buildings on spacious grounds near the main campus of the University. It also has smaller facilities in several other urban centers and hosts a variety of exhibits which tour internationally. Among its extensive Polynesian exhibits is one of the world's largest collections of intricately-carved war clubs, part of which is currently on load in Noordeinde. Other collections include Fatatatutian flora and fauna, geological specimens and archaeological artifacts.

Also administered by the Institute are several attractions such as the Charles W. Morgan, a whaling ship from the 1800s which is maintained in operating condition in Fat City's old harbour.

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Alphonsketeers

The Alphonsketeers is a children's club whose members wear white baseball caps with yellow bills and googly eyes. Aside from wearing the caps, their activities are somewhat obscure.

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Geology

Because Fatatatutti has few commercially viable mineral resources, no comprehensive geological survey has yet been done. Conversely, because no survey has been done, it is not certain what reserves of mineral resources might exist.

The geological origin of Fatatatutti is volcanic. It is believed that the island was formed by a hotspot in the tectonic plate on which it rests; as the plate moved to and fro, the hotspot extruded mountains from the sea floor. If the movement of the plate had been faster the result might have been a chain of islands but as it was the slow movement built one island of contiguous mountains. This theory is sometimes cited by students as the origin of "Fatatatutti time" (everything moves slowly in Fatatatitti). It is also believed to be the origin of the notion that Fatatatutti moves back and forth across the equator.

Because the island is relatively young in geologic terms, only thin layers of soil have had time to form. However, the plateau that occupies much of the southwestern corner of the island has deeper soil beds which are still something of a mystery to geologists.

The coral reefs which skirt many portions of the coastline are similarly young and undeveloped.

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Alphonseria

The Alphonseria is a district of Fat City with a predominantly Hispanic population. The name derives from several street gangs which claim to be "dedicated to the principles of Alphonse". It is not certain what the principles of Alphonse actually are because he's a duck.

Police say the area is safe for tourists but they don't recommend "treating it like a whaling museum".

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Weapons (Traditional)

The traditional boar-hunting spear is wood, about three meters long, with a fire-hardened point. Bone points exist but are rare. Since Fatatatutti never developed a Stone Age technology, flint points are non-existent.

The boar-hunting spear would have been used in warfare but some specialized "man-killing" weapons were also developed, though they were seldom used in actual warfare because of the peaceful nature of Fatatatutian society. War clubs, often ornately carved, identified the warriors. In council meetings, a warrior might raise his club to indicate that somebody important had something to say. Variations on the war club included the wooden sword which was mostly for thrusting, and the javelin which could be used for throwing as well as thrusting. Swords and javelins were less ornamented than clubs and thus were valued less and fewer of them have been preserved.

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Fishingtonian Institute

The Fishingtonian Institute is a vast complex of educational facilities covering a range of topics from paleontology and history to science and technology to art and culture. The institute is administered by Fatatatutti University (FU) and sponsored by the Fishington Foundation, which is in turn funded by the prominent Fishington family.

Ironically, the Fishington family is fictitious, the protagonists of the popular television soap opera The Fishingtons. The Institute was originally called the Smithian Institute or just "the Smith" because it was founded by the equally prominent, but real, Smith family. The reasons for the name change are unclear, as is the mechanism of the funding. However, members of the Smith family have commented that it doesn't matter who gets the credit as long as the work gets done.

The museums and galleries of the Institute are popular tourist attractions. The laboratories are also accessible to the public, by appointment only. The main facilities are located in Fat City but there are satellite campuses located all over the island.