World Cup LXV (65) RP Thread

[Saugeais]

Let's Cut to the Chase, shall we? Matchday 3 cutoff!

Scores

[Equestrian States]

Much-Anticipated Clash Ends in Draw

Bears Armed 2-2 Equestrian States
at Wimbley Stadium in Council Groves, Bears Armed
Attendance: 71,396

COUNCIL GROVES, BEARS ARMED - As soon as the schedule was announced for World Cup 65 qualifying, fans from around the world knew that Group 20 would see some of the most interesting matches in recent years. The Equestrian States and Bears Armed. Two distinctly non-human majority nations, both near the top of the rankings. The showdown between the equines and ursines was expected to be a tight contest between the group's two highest seeds looking to establish an early lead over the other. Needless to say, fans would not go home disappointed.

From the very first kick until the final whistle, both teams were at the top of their game. Possession was evenly split between the Ponies and Bear-Belles, with neither side gaining a clear advantage over the other until the 20th minute. After a long attempt by Rainbow Blitz was captured by Marranna NorthStar, Bears Armed went on the counterattack. The Equestrian midfield dropped back to meet the surging Bear-Belles, but found themselves beaten by Errond’hrra Thunder-Child who slipped the ball to Krissie Fairbearrn. With a solid kick, the ursine's shot went beyond the reach of High Soarin' and into the net. The roar of the home crowd was tremendous, drowning out the groans of the Equestrian faithful.

But the Ponies weren't far behind with the equalizer. Securing a long pass from Rainbow Blitz, Fire Dash outmaneuvered the Belles' defense and found himself with an open field. A fake with his front hooves was followed half a second later with a powerful rear-hoof kick that sent the ball behind Marranna NorthStar to even the score again.

It looked as though Fire Dash's goal would be the last of the half as two minutes of stoppage time were tacked-on. But as the final seconds ticked away, Sarrathrie Sevens took one final shot. The long, arcing kick dropped over High Soarin's head, falling beyond the keeper's reaching hooves. One bounce later it was in the net and the Bear-Belles could celebrate their lead in the locker room while the Ponies would have to figure out a way to pull even once more.

The method the Equestrians would employ to match Bears Armed's score was one that is relatively common. Needing a goal to tie their opponents, the Ponies came out of the tunnel with renewed determination and a fresh set of legs. Lightning Bolt replaced Rapid Dash in the midfield, bringing with her determination to prove Head Coach Twilight Striker's decision to include her on the roster wasn't an error. Though the young pegasus wouldn't directly contribute to the equalizer, her speed throughout the half visibly wore down the powerful Bear-Belles, setting the stage for Cloudchaser to find herself with an open field. The kick was as beautiful as any other, with a nice curve that evaded the reach of Marranna NorthStar.

Though both sides would show some fight through the final minutes of the match, neither the Ponies nor the Bear-Belles could find an opening to pull ahead. When the final whistle blew, the Belles' supporters were perhaps a bit disappointed with the result, but neither team could be really faulted for the result. These two teams are very well-matched, both with considerable offensive talent. When they meet again in a few months for the second time, I expect nothing less than a match as fantastic as the one at Wimbley last night.

With their big match with Bears Armed behind them, the Ponies will now return home to face unranked Omarios in a match they are fully expected to win. Head Coach Twiligth Striker seems likely to rest a fair number of her starters, saving their energy and health for what will be an important match with the third-seeded Inevitable Syndicate the following week.

BEARS ARMED 2-2 EQUESTRIAN STATES
Scoring:
 Krissie Fairbearrn '26 (Errond’hrra Thunder-Child)
 Fire Dash '34 (Rainbow Blitz)
 Sarrathrie Sevens '45+1 (Alfreda Beorninga)
 Cloudchaser '69 (Flitter)

Starting XI:
GK - #1 - High Soarin' (Pegasus - Male) - 31 -  Cloudsdale Flyers (EQS)
DF - #3 - Flitter (Pegasus - Female) - 25 -  Ponyville United (EQS)
DF - #8 - Andrea Molovi (Human - Female) - 24 -  Stalliongrad HC (EQS)
DF - #17 - Subtle Trix (Pegasus - Male) - 30 -  Cloudsdale Flyers (EQS)
MF - #5 - Starlight Sparkle (Unicorn - Female) - 28 -  Ponyville United (EQS)
MF - #9 - Rainbow Blitz (Pegasus - Male) - 21 -  Makosile United (VIL)
MF - #2 - Cloudchaser (Pegasus - Female) - 25 -  Cloudsdale Flyers (EQS)
MF - #4 - Apple Jack (Earth Pony - Male) - 26 -  Mardi Lopunnies (NSI)
MF - #11 - Rapid Dash (Pegasus - Female) - 28 -  Canterlot Royals (EQS)
FW - #10 - Fire Dash (Pegasus - Male) - 29 -  Ponyville United (EQS)
FW - #7 - Thunderlane (Pegasus - Male) - 25 -  Kiiara-Torra (VIL)

Substitutions:
 Lightning Bolt in for Rapid Dash '48

EQUESTRIAN STATES 2-1 CASSADAIGUA
Scoring:
 Fire Dash '19 (Rainbow Blitz)
 Rapid Dash '53 (Starlight Sparkle)
 Brianna Bouchard '85 (Ashlee Spillane)

Starting XI:
GK - #1 - High Soarin' (Pegasus - Male) - 31 -  Cloudsdale Flyers (EQS)
DF - #3 - Flitter (Pegasus - Female) - 25 -  Ponyville United (EQS)
DF - #17 - Subtle Trix (Pegasus - Male) - 30 -  Cloudsdale Flyers (EQS)
DF - #24 - Brix Hamilton (Human - Female) - 21 -  Nithgard GU (EAR)
MF - #5 - Starlight Sparkle (Unicorn - Female) - 28 -  Ponyville United (EQS)
MF - #9 - Rainbow Blitz (Pegasus - Male) - 21 -  Makosile United (VIL)
MF - #2 - Cloudchaser (Pegasus - Female) - 25 -  Cloudsdale Flyers (EQS)
MF - #4 - Apple Jack (Earth Pony - Male) - 26 -  Mardi Lopunnies (NSI)
MF - #12 - Lightning Bolt (Pegasus - Male) - 23 -  Canterlot Stars (EQS)
FW - #10 - Fire Dash (Pegasus - Male) - 29 -  Ponyville United (EQS)
FW - #7 - Thunderlane (Pegasus - Male) - 25 -  Kiiara-Torra (VIL)

Substitutions:
 Krystal in for Rainbow Blitz '46
 Katherine Everdeen in for Fire Dash '46
 Stardust in for Apple Jack '46
 Thunderbolt in for Thunderlane '49

JERUSELEM 0-1 EQUESTRIAN STATES
Scoring:
 Thunderlane '68 (Rapid Dash)

Starting XI:
GK - #21 - Gentle Breeze (Pegasus - Female) - 21 -  Mardi Lopunnies (NSI)
DF - #3 - Flitter (Pegasus - Female) - 25 -  Ponyville United (EQS)
DF - #8 - Andrea Molovi (Human - Female) - 24 -  Stalliongrad HC (EQS)
DF - #18 - Horus (Unicorn - Female) - 22 -  Canterlot Royals (EQS)
MF - #9 - Rainbow Blitz (Pegasus - Male) - 21 -  Makosile United (VIL)
MF - #4 - Apple Jack (Earth Pony - Male) - 26 -  Mardi Lopunnies (NSI)
MF - #11 - Rapid Dash (Pegasus - Female) - 28 -  Canterlot Royals (EQS)
MF - #31 - Candace Rivers (Human - Female) - 23 -  Umber Lumber (FWH)
MF - #25 - Ironhide (Dragon - Male) - 22 -  Selyne City Athenians (NSI)
FW - #7 - Thunderlane (Pegasus - Male) - 25 -  Kiiara-Torra (VIL)
FW - #13 - Blaze (Earth Pony - Male) - 24 -  Dallint Wildcats (ALL)

Substitutions:
 Katherine Everdeen in for Thunderlane '79

FARFADILLIS 3-3 EQUESTRIAN STATES
Scoring:
 Rapid Dash '22 (Flitter)
 Friekder Dandalleion '31 (Ichi Tuzzio)
 Yülàáê Mî '42 (Sê Mêrí)
 Fire Dash '54 (Starlight Sparkle)
 Starlight Sparkle '65 (Rainbow Blitz)
 Sê Mêrí '73 (PK)

Starting XI:
GK - #1 - High Soarin' (Pegasus - Male) - 31 -  Cloudsdale Flyers (EQS)
DF - #3 - Flitter (Pegasus - Female) - 25 -  Ponyville United (EQS)
DF - #8 - Andrea Molovi (Human - Female) - 24 -  Stalliongrad HC (EQS)
DF - #17 - Subtle Trix (Pegasus - Male) - 30 -  Cloudsdale Flyers (EQS)
MF - #5 - Starlight Sparkle (Unicorn - Female) - 28 -  Ponyville United (EQS)
MF - #9 - Rainbow Blitz (Pegasus - Male) - 21 -  Makosile United (VIL)
MF - #2 - Cloudchaser (Pegasus - Female) - 25 -  Cloudsdale Flyers (EQS)
MF - #4 - Apple Jack (Earth Pony - Male) - 26 -  Mardi Lopunnies (NSI)
MF - #11 - Rapid Dash (Pegasus - Female) - 28 -  Canterlot Royals (EQS)
FW - #10 - Fire Dash (Pegasus - Male) - 29 -  Ponyville United (EQS)
FW - #7 - Thunderlane (Pegasus - Male) - 25 -  Kiiara-Torra (VIL)

Substitutions:
 Ironclaw in for Flitter '46

EQUESTRIAN STATES 4-0 MANGOLANA
Scoring:
 Flitter '26 (Unassisted)
 Cloudchaser '51 (Blackmane)
 Cloudchaser '67 (Rapid Dash)
 Ironhide '84 (Cloudchaser)

Starting XI:
GK - #21 - Gentle Breeze (Pegasus - Female) - 21 -  Mardi Lopunnies (NSI)
DF - #3 - Flitter (Pegasus - Female) - 25 -  Ponyville United (EQS)
DF - #17 - Subtle Trix (Pegasus - Male) - 30 -  Cloudsdale Flyers (EQS)
DF - #26 - Blackmane (Earth Pony - Male) - 23 -  Stilwater Saints (NSI)
MF - #9 - Rainbow Blitz (Pegasus - Male) - 21 -  Makosile United (VIL)
MF - #2 - Cloudchaser (Pegasus - Female) - 25 -  Cloudsdale Flyers (EQS)
MF - #11 - Rapid Dash (Pegasus - Female) - 28 -  Canterlot Royals (EQS)
MF - #25 - Ironhide (Dragon - Male) - 22 -  Selyne City Athenians (NSI)
MF - #34 - Stardust (Pegasus - Female) - 20 -  Umber Lumber (FWH)
FW - #10 - Fire Dash (Pegasus - Male) - 29 -  Ponyville United (EQS)
FW - #30 - Sonar (Bat Pony - Male) - 21 -  Matthew City Senators (NSI)

Substitutions:
 Blaze in for Sonar '46
 Katherine Everdeen in for Fire Dash '46
 Antonio Randall in for Rainbow Blitz '46
 Stronghoof in for Subtle Trix '46
 Ironclaw in for Blackmane '52

EQUESTRIAN STATES 4-2 TANTAMIR
Scoring:
 Fire Dash '14 (Rapid Dash)
 Thunderlane '26 (Rainbpw Blitz)
 Unknown '38 (Unknown)
 Rainbow Blitz '57 (Cloudchaser)
 Unknown '65 (Unknown)
 Sonar '72 (Starlight Sparkle)

Starting XI:
GK - #1 - High Soarin' (Pegasus - Male) - 31 -  Cloudsdale Flyers (EQS)
DF - #3 - Flitter (Pegasus - Female) - 25 -  Ponyville United (EQS)
DF - #8 - Andrea Molovi (Human - Female) - 24 -  Stalliongrad HC (EQS)
DF - #17 - Subtle Trix (Pegasus - Male) - 30 -  Cloudsdale Flyers (EQS)
MF - #5 - Starlight Sparkle (Unicorn - Female) - 28 -  Ponyville United (EQS)
MF - #9 - Rainbow Blitz (Pegasus - Male) - 21 -  Makosile United (VIL)
MF - #2 - Cloudchaser (Pegasus - Female) - 25 -  Cloudsdale Flyers (EQS)
MF - #4 - Apple Jack (Earth Pony - Male) - 26 -  Mardi Lopunnies (NSI)
MF - #11 - Rapid Dash (Pegasus - Female) - 28 -  Canterlot Royals (EQS)
FW - #10 - Fire Dash (Pegasus - Male) - 29 -  Ponyville United (EQS)
FW - #7 - Thunderlane (Pegasus - Male) - 25 -  Kiiara-Torra (VIL)

Substitutions:
 Blackmane in for Andrea Molovi '46
 Sonar in for Thunderlane '61
 Ironhide in for Apple Jack '79

[Saintland]

Saintland 2, Free Republics 1

(SP) The Kingdom of Saintland defeated the Free Republics today by a score of 2 goals to 1 in a pre-World Cup friendly involving both entrants from the World Changers region. The victory gives the Sanctii much-needed momentum going into the World Cup and solidifies their claim to be the best nation in the region. The Sanctii picked up the victory on an 88th-minute goal from Prince Andreas. "Although the Republicans got out to an early lead, we came from behind and, in the end, we prevailed and can now call ourselves the champions of the World Changers region. I am satisfied with our play today. I felt that we were in much better form than we were last week against New Sideburn. Everybody on our team played well today and I am confident that we will only continue to improve during World Cup 65 qualifying. Qualifying will start soon and, to a man, all 18 of us will tell you that we have unfinished business from last time. Audioslavia knocked us out of the World Cup in added time and retained their title. This time around, our goal is to take Audioslavia's place as the World Cup champions. We aren't just trying to qualify this time. Instead, we want to win the World Cup and we believe that our time has arrived. While we cannot know what God Wills, we need to trust in God because when God is with you, there is nobody that can beat you. If we turn to God, I am as certain as I can be that God will be with us." - Prince Andreas

Today's friendly for the unofficial World Changers regional championship was held at Royal Stadium. It was lacking in the usual festivities that accompany a Sanctii home match, so the match actually started on time today. The FFR side came out strong, as they challenged early. In the 4th minute, Kieran Hancock intercepted a pass from Petrus Mamilius that was intended for Prince Andreas. Hancock passed to Durante Trevisano. Trevisano ran down the left side and crossed perfectly to Koby Theodore. Theodore took a shot and put it right past Antonius Avidius, who was making the start to get some in-game experience in case he is needed during the World Cup. The shot went into the back of the net for a Republican goal. The FFR led 1 goal to nil and the match had just started.

Fortunately for the Sanctii, they had plenty of time to bounce back. Avidius had around 40 minutes plus added time still to go. For the sake of the National Soccer Team, he had to get into form and quickly. They couldn't afford a repeat of what happened in the first Soviet Canuckistan match last time around. Alessandro Seius hurt his leg just before halftime of that match. Antonius Avidius was brought in as a substitute to play the second half. Avidius allowed 5 goals in the second half and the Sanctii lost a critical point against Soviet Canuckistan. If Seius had not gotten hurt against Soviet Canuckistan and had not conceded a late equalizer in the second match against Zwangzug, the Sanctii would have had 40 points and would have been guaranteed at least a spot in the playoffs and a chance to go to the World Cup. During the past few months, they've had plenty of opportunities to think about what might have been if things had only gone slightly differently in a few matches last time around.

However, at this moment, the Sanctii were still trying to withstand a relentless Republican assault. Arnou Labrecque passed long in the 8th off a Paulus Flaccus mistake, finding Republican captain Kyle Bolton. Bolton was through on goal. He took a shot and miraculously Antonius Avidius was able to put it out for a corner. Ayub Sandstrom took the corner for the Republicans, hitting it into the box. Kieran Hancock leaped to head the ball into the net, but the ball went off the head of Georgius Catiotus instead and was cleared to safety. The Sanctii had maintained their lead. In the 12th minute, Jens Koch attempted a long shot and put it just inches wide to the left of the goal for a goal kick. Finally, a shot by Porvaldur Hinriksson in the 15th minute was caught by Avidius. The FFR just could not score a second goal.

For the middle third of the first half, the match was mostly bogged down in midfield. It was only in the 31st minute Silvester Flaccus broke the deadlock by crossing to Stephanus Vagionius inside the Sanctii box. Vagionius took a shot. It hit the post. Prince Andreas ran as fast as he could toward the ball and booted it past Ausilio Mancini and into the back of the net. The entire crowd at Royal Stadium thought that had been the equalizer, but the referee signalled for offside. The crowd was infuriated at the decision and the chorus of boos was deafening.

Suddenly, the Republicans had started to tire somewhat and the Sanctii were still going strong. Just a few minutes later in the 34th minute, Nicolaus Poenius ran forward and into the box, as the Poenius brothers decided to play a wing position. Petrus Mamilius passed the ball forward to Prince Andreas, who crossed to Nicolaus Poenius. Poenius took a shot and hit it just slightly too high as it ricocheted off the bar. Patrick Werfel booted it away and the Republicans made a counter-attack. The clearance found its way to Jens Koch. Koch ran forward and crossed to Koby Theodore. Theodore took a shot and Antonius Avidius dove for it and came up with the ball in his hands. Avidius punted it away like a gridiron player as the Republican attack had come up short.

That wouldn't be the last attack of the first half. In the 41st minute, Lucas Aufidius booted a long pass to Stephanus Vagionius. Vagionius was through on goal and missed the target, putting the shot just inches to the right of the goal. In added time, the Sanctii made their move, as they patiently and methodically moved the ball down the field with an endless array of short passes. Eventually, it found its way to Ioannes Poenius and Poenius crossed to Stephanus Vagionius. Vagionius took a shot and Ausilio Mancini knocked it out for a corner. Prince Andreas took a corner and booted it in the direction of Petrus Mamilius. Mamilius got into the right position and headed it past Mancini and into the net. The Kingdom of Saintland had equalized just before halftime. The score would remain tied at 1 to 1 when the referee blew his whistle for halftime just seconds later. "I was surprised when the corner made its way toward me, but I knew to put my head on it and I did just that. It was great to score a goal just before halftime. It deflated them and it gave us an emotional boost that we needed in the second half. I'm just happy to have helped the National Team win. Even if it was just a friendly, we were playing our closest neighbor and we beat them. We beat the FFR. A nation of around 500 thousand souls beat a nation of over a billion. All the credit goes to God. We do this for Him and I'm proud to honor God by my play on the pitch." - Petrus Mamilius

During halftime, Antonius Avidius was replaced by Alessandro Seius, the normal Sanctii keeper. In the second half, the match was mostly uneventful for the majority of the half. Kyle Bolton got through on goal off a long pass from Arnou Labrecque in the 53rd minute. Seius easily saved Bolton's shot. Faredin Pozenel was denied by the post in the 59th minute. Jens Koch's shot in the 66th minute went over the top of the net. Stephanus Vagionius got into the act, getting through on goal in the 74th minute and hitting his shot right into the arms of Ausilio Mancini. Bolton would get another chance to take a shot at goal in the 79th minute, but his shot was once again saved by Seius. It seemed like nobody would score.

In the 88th minute, that all changed. Lucas Aufidius intercepted a pass intended for Kyle Bolton. Aufidius passed to Ioannes Poenius. Poenius ran down the sideline with the ball with little trouble. Meanwhile, the Sanctii offense moved forward with him. Soon, he saw Prince Andreas in the box and saw that he had a lane that he could fit the ball through. Poenius crossed to Prince Andreas and Prince Andreas quickly put a shot on target. He hit it hard and the shot bounced off the keeper's hands and into the goal. The crowd erupted as they realized that Prince Andreas had put the Kingdom of Saintland up 2 goals to 1. A last ditch Republican effort ended when Alessandro Seius saved a Faredin Pozenel shot. The referee soon blew his whistle and the Sanctii had defeated the Republicans by a score of 2 goals to 1. The Kingdom of Saintland had won on 2 unanswered goals.

With the World Cup draw imminent, this victory gives the Sanctii needed momentum as they prepare for their 2nd attempt at qualifying for the World Cup. The Sanctii are determined to earn a spot in either Saugeais or Pasarga for the World Cup finals. Although the Sanctii did not qualify last time, they came so close and they hope that things will be different this time around. Meanwhile, the FFR finished 2nd at the Di Bradini Cup and then failed to advance to the knockout rounds of the Baptism of Fire. Things are looking up right now for the Kingdom of Saintland. The same really can't be said about the Federation of Free Republics. It will be interested to see which nation performs better in qualifying.

---

Royal Square Garden, St. Petrus, Saintland

Saber Du Trieux walked out onto the stage.

Saber Du Trieux - How would you like to be able to explore the rest of the world without leaving the Kingdom? With the power of the Saint, now you can do exactly that. In Prince of Saintland, you control a Prince of Saintland. When a precious relic is stolen from the St. Petrus Cathedral, you will travel the world to get it back. This live demonstration is set in the city of Albertope in the Free Republics.

Saber Du Trieux picked up the Saint and selected the Prince of Saintland icon. After showing a series of logos, a title screen that read "Prince of Saintland" and said to touch the screen came up. Du Trieux touched the screen and he found himself immediately in the city of Albertope.

Saber Du Trieux - In Prince of Saintland, there is no right or wrong way to complete any of your objectives. At this point, the Prince needs to track down a Feministvs Sanctvsterra collaborator. There are plenty of things to do. You can either set out on foot, purchase a ride on a taxi, bus or train or borrow a car. In this case, I'm going to borrow a car.

On the screen, the Prince walked into a parking lot and broke into a car and began driving it.

Saber Du Trieux - The local police are unaware of your identity or reason for being in this area. They will attempt to arrest you if they see you borrowing a car or bringing some criminal to justice. Fortunately, the police did not see the Prince borrow that car.

Saber Du Trieux drove the car around the city of Albertope, obeying the traffic laws, until he reached his destination.

Saber Du Trieux - The police will react to your actions as police would react in that country. In the Free Republics, if you drive a few miles over the speed limit or do something minor, like running a stop sign or a red light, you should expect to pay a fine. I will show you the traffic law enforcement later. Now, I'm going to show you a mission. The objective is to capture Freja Eriksson, a Feministvs Sanctvsterra collaborator and interrogate her for information. If you like making things more difficult for yourself, you can kill her, but that will likely delay your progress.

Suddenly, the Prince got out of the car and walked into a building. Once inside, a number of men were firing at the Prince.

Saber Du Trieux - You have to either kill or disarm all of these armed men in order to reach Freja. They know your identity and will shoot at you on sight.

Saber Du Trieux selected the machine gun and started firing large numbers of bullets in the direction of the bad guys. After he had killed all of them, he kept moving. The Prince character walked up a set of stairs and busted down the door to Freja's apartment. Freja Eriksson was an overweight woman who was unable to flee. Her protection was dead and she had nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.

Saber Du Trieux - Now, the user can decide how to interrogate her. Virtually any form of interrogation you might want to use, including enhanced interrogations. I am going to capture her and bring her back to the base to interrogate her there.

Suddenly, the Prince handcuffed Freja's hands behind her back and chained her legs together. He forced her out of the apartment building and into the back seat of the car, fastening a seat belt onto her. Then, he got into the car. A bystander, seeing a woman being kidnapped, had taken out his cell phone and called the police. They had shown up in the area.

Saber Du Trieux - Oops, looks like I didn't notice somebody calling the cops. When you get the police after you, in a situation like this, you must either lose or eliminate them. I'm going to try to lose them. I certainly can't take her to the base for interrogation and bring the police force to the base.

Suddenly, he hit the gas and floored it. He was somehow able to negotiate multiple corners without crashing and eventually outran the police.

Saber Du Trieux - Ideally, you would want to abandon your vehicle in this situation. Based on how long the police were chasing me, they have the license plate number on that car. Unfortunately, changing cars isn't practical when you have a captive in the back seat. Fortunately, there is a way to keep the police from spotting you for a while.

Saber pressed a button, bringing up a menu. He selected the option to create a diversion, picked a few of his allies and chose a spot on the map that wasn't part of his planned route.

Saber Du Trieux - Hopefully, the diversion feature works. If it does, there won't be any police cars on the road while we head for the base.

In fact, the police were diverted and the Prince of Saintland made it back to his hideout, without any more run-ins with the authorities. He unfastened Freja's seat belt and dragged her into the hideout.

Saber Du Trieux - Now, we have more time and more ways to interrogate her. Every character in the game reacts differently to different styles of interrogation. This will conclude our demonstration of Prince of Saintland. More will be shown at a later time.

The foreign journalists applauded, but the native Sanctii seemed to be mostly uninterested in Prince of Saintland. Many were wondering if Prince Andreas had lost his mind.

Saber Du Trieux - It is difficult to get this across while demonstrating Prince of Saintland, but there is no right or wrong way to play. Prince of Saintland is a non-linear interactive entertainment title, which is set in an open world.

The Sanctii in the audience were confused. These buzz words sounded incomprehensible to them.

Saber Du Trieux - If you don't want to do the main story missions, you don't have to. You can still go around the city and do whatever you like. This is a truly open experience set in living cities, but there's more...

Saber Du Trieux selected a trailer video off of the Saint. A trailer played, showing the Prince of Saintland fighting what appeared to be a giant demon.

Saber Du Trieux - Yes, Prince of Saintland also has action-RPG elements.

Saber Du Trieux had clearly stopped focusing on the Sanctii in the audience, since they were clearly not interested in his product. Instead, he was focusing on the foreigners in the audience and watching around the region.

Saber Du Trieux - For the first time ever, we are merging these 2 popular genres into a single experience. We hope you will be excited to get your hands on it when the Saint launches later this year.

Prince Andreas had come up to Saber Du Trieux and asked him to hurry it along. He had noticed that the crowd was getting bored. Saber Du Trieux left the stage.

Prince Andreas - A most interesting presentation from Saber Du Trieux. I think that probably would be rated "AH" by our classification department, so I hope no children were exposed to it. I apologize for not warning everybody in advance. I had no knowledge of just how violent this simulation really was. I'm sure you'll like my next guest better. Everybody, please welcome my brother, Prince Ioannes...

[Cassadaigua]

Bateman speech inspires team to victory,
by Rachel Sharper, Concord Heights Times


How could the captain of Cassadaigua's World Cup 50 and 51 team, "lead" the team to this huge 2-0 win over Audioslavia? When they're now that President of CASE (Cassadagan Association for Soccer Excellence), and they make a major announcement right before the game. Here is the announcement:


“As we get set to play a nation who has seen both ultimate highs and heartbreaking lows, I feel it is the perfect day to make such an announcement. Cassadaigua’s tradition of retiring jersey numbers has become something unique in international soccer. It’s something that you will see on the club level often, but internationally, pretty much all nations decide not to retire numbers. For some, there is no symbolic nature in a number at all, the national soccer association just assigns numbers 1-11 for their starters, and nothing more goes into it. Then there are other nations, who may not retire a number, but there is special meaning behind a number. For example, the number 10 may always be assigned to the team’s leading scorer.

The number 10. It is that number that brings me here to speak to you today. As we look to the South End Zone, and see the glorious numbers of those we have retired, honored and revered with those amazing monuments, there is a lot of history that goes along with it. On a personal level, it is very special to have my number thirteen out there, showing that there is absolutely nothing unlucky with that number. However, we have gotten away from honoring players lately, and I want to get back to that. After we won the World Cups, we have not retired a jersey number from any player that has gone on to play for us since. That’s not the way that it was meant to be, and as our opponents tonight from Audioslavia know, a couple of World Cup victories should not make all of your other moments fade into the distance. They lost a few World Cups, too, but there were a lot of great players on those teams, for sure. We have never lost a World Cup, but we had some great runs in other Cups besides World Cup 50 and 51. Many of the late-50's Cups were also very kind to us, and it is important that we do not forget about the players that played on those teams.

That is why I am making this announcement. I am formally announcing today, that we will be retiring two numbers during the World Cup 65 qualifying campaign. The first is the number 10, which was the number worn by Brittany Lawton. While Brittany broke in with us wearing the number 33, it was with the number that most national teams reference their top scorer, that Brittany had her most success. Secondly, we will be retiring the number 18, worn by Taylor Connolly, who succeeded Lawton as a captain and also was a true leader of our national team. These numbers will be officially retired with individual presentations at two home games to be determined later in qualifying.


As for the players currently wearing the numbers, Brianna Bouchard (10) and Lexi Quinn (18) will continue to wear them for the duration of this World Cup cycle. There was thought about changing these numbers, but after thinking about you, the fans, who may have bought merchandise with these numbers on them which have these players in mind, we just think it is best to not have them change their numbers. It’ll truly be an honor for both Brianna and Lexi to officially be the last ones to wear the numbers, and they will represent the players of whom they will be retired for with the utmost level of class.”


Having Bateman make that speech sure pumped up the crowd, but it’s effect on the ladies wearing pink and black on the field was even greater. How could it not be, when one of the players that would be honored is now your head coach? Meghan Bateman is an intelligent women, and by waiting until the game against Audioslavia to make this announcement she the team would be uplifted. Perhaps, at the same time, the Audioslavia players got a little antsy as the speech did delay the start of the game by a few minutes. The first goal of the match could not have been more fitting, with Brianna Bouchard opening the scoring twenty-three minutes into the game on a header, with the cross beautifully delivered by Lexi Quinn. 18 and 10. Perfect! Most of the game was played with the Dagans leading by goal, and the defense did a great job responding to the chances of the two-time defending champions, and when necessary, goalkeeper Lauren Kearns made the save. The second goal was scored in the 80th minute off a free kick by defender Erica Kenney. After the game, Kenney posted on Spacebook, “whoever the best player in our history was to wear #4, that was a good omen for you!” She did the smart thing, mind you, by not naming an actual player. #4 doesn’t have a ton of history associated with it, yet.

We are still awaiting an official announcement on when the formal jersey retirement ceremonies will be, but it is likely they will be before home games against lesser opponents in an effort to sell more tickets for those games.

[Milchama]

"Well this is turning disastrous pretty quickly"

"Way too quickly"

"Losing Ossadacqua happens"

"Bad but I agree with you"

"Drawing Cosumar that's something else"

"Yeah that's beyond the pale"

"We're already behind the group leaders by 5 points"

"It's really not a good system"

"Nope we really don't have a chance if we keep playing this way"

"Yeah I know we played the two 'toughest' teams in the group but were the ones who are supposed to dash their dreams, not vice versa"

"Well our dreams aren't dashed"

"Maybe not, but it's close"

"Sure"

"I mean there's just no hope"

"Yeah I feel like I'm in a Cloud Nothings song"

"Oh definitely"

"What's that first one called?"

"No Future/No Past"

"Good job on getting that dash in even though this is a spoken conversation"

"Of course, you just have to say all the punctuation"

"Yep, clear"

"Obviously"

"Like that comma in the last sentence"

"Especially that comma"

"So yeah Cosumar"

"Look the Warriors looked bad and got the result they deserved, a bad draw"

"Fair"

"It just puts in a hole, but we can climb out we just need some good luck"

"Yeah, I guess"

"Look last time we were in a Saugaueis hosted competition we got third"

"True, by the way you totally butchered that pronunciation"

"I'm aware, why do you the spelling is so bad?"

"Fair"

"I think my next question is going to be about whether anybody gets our demonym correct"

"Yeah, that extra I always trips people up"

"Definitely"

"It's Milchamian not Milchaman"

"You know, I don't think anybody's messed it up so far"

"Yeah but 8 years of people getting it wrong have made me skeptical"

"Totally fair"

"So it'll probably happen again"

"So, in other words, this is a warning"

"Yep"

"Cool"

"Anything to help"

"Now we just need a victory"

"Essentially"

"Wait, what do you know about essence?"

"What do you care?"

"Well what is the essence of victory?"

"Scoring more than your opponent, except for golf"

"Ok"

"That one was really simple"

"So then we need to score more goals"

"Ummm... yeah. Look we got rid of dumb newspaper analysis to do these conversations. It's not like we need Dancougar interns to tell us this stuff"

"Eh, they'd still get it wrong anyways"

"True but irrelevant"

"Irrelephant?"

"No puns, irrelevant"

"Sorry, searching for a joke there"

"I feel like this RP has gone on much too long"

"Probably but it's been nice to ramble"

"Yeah man, ideas and stuff"

"Go those things"

"Yeah didn't have them for several days and now they're jumping out everywhere"

"It's great"

"Genius really"

"Yep"

"I love it!"

"Icona Pop!"

"Them too"

"Maybe they could lead us to victory"

"Maybe, you know what, I think we're going to try to do more music references in RPs"

"Ok"

"Who knows"

"Fair"

"Ok I'm shutting off this RP"

"Fine but we need the traditional ending"

"Right"

"Come on You Warriors!"

"Let's Go Milchama!"

[Omarios]

"Coach Ramo enters the dressing room after the match"

"4-0? 4-0?!!"
"These are the guys that we lost the penalties against!"
"We scored against BEARS ARMED!"
"What is wrong with you guys??"
"What happened to the players that where in the Market Cup!!"
"At least win a match!"
"I knew that your hopes were to be in the WC, but now we are the last in our group for the QUALIFIERS!!"
"C'mon guys at least we could pull something off the next match, go train now, I will be in the training area soon."

[Commune-PDTv2]

Epsilon-Gamma typed quickly and accurately on his keyboard, his pale skin illuminated by the glow of the great screen in front of him. Being the Minister for Media didn't allow him to leave his office much and he couldn't remember the last time he had seen sunlight. Constantly he had the other senior ministers dictating news to him, the real story and what was acceptable to be released to the general public. He awaited Beta so as he could finish the sports section of the following day's infobrick release. Beta was late.

He paused and lent backwards so as to balance precariously upon the wheels of his wheelchair. Sometimes implants had negative side-effects and an implant which had increased his mental agility had for some reason destroyed the neurons which sent signals to the muscles in his legs. The door to his office opened, but there was only one person he was expecting.

"Hey Uncle B"
"That's Minister Beta to you. Just because you were cloned from my brother does not make you my nephew."
"Yeah, yeah. You're late."
"I am exactly on time. As always."
"Pfft. The clock disagrees."

There was a gentle hum as the clock rewound itself. A magnetic manipulation prototype implant was Beta's latest acquisition and he used it as often as he could. Epsilon-Gamma sighed.

"Enough of this maudlin chit-chat. Have you prepared the sports release?"
"No, unless you want me to publish the actual score ..."
"That is classified information! How could you possibly know the result?"
"Internet."

E-G entered a few words into his computer and brought up a Maplish website shining defiantly over the two ministers.

"One - one. Junio slotted a penalty between the Xylovitus' legs. Oooo ... harsh. Want me to publish this?"
"No. We won."
"Oh, ok. So tell me about it ... "

E-G positioned himself comfortably with his keyboard upon his lap, he was used to the senior ministers telling him what to write and sometimes he was even allowed a little creative freedom.

"A strong victory. Three - nil. The Xylovitus dominated the match and the ... Mapletishian team? ..."

E-G glanced quickly at the screen.

"Maplish Lions"
" ... and the Maplish Lions never looked like scoring a goal. Elaborate on some of the finer points."
"Shall I edit the group tables? By doctoring some of the other results, I can probably get the Commune into the top 3. The loss over Mantwenic is unavoidable however."
"Don't remind me, and yes."
"How long can we keep this up?"
"What?"
"Editing the scores B. Sooner or later this is gonna blow up in our faces."
"Just do your job Epsilon-Gamma and my name is Beta."

Beta left, leaving E-G to finalise the report. After a sufficient amount of time, E-G muttered almost silently under his breath.

"... prick ... "

[Ko-oren]

Back to our regular programming

The third game of the campaign took place in the football-crazy city of Tangku. The people, already having three professional football clubs of which one is a national top side, one yo-yo's from the top division to the second one, and the third plays in the second or third division, love football more than any other sport. Therefore, the stadium was filled completely with 71,000 fans. Rex Lucian's fans were also present, but when it turned out that they had more tickets than they could sell, the remaining seats were sold to Ko-orenite fans just an hour before the game started. And even then, you can fill a stadium. It also did not help that the game started at four in the afternoon with a temperature that is above perfect football weather. The time was chosen like that because of the time difference with Rex Lucian, and the temperature was a side-effect of that. Usually, 20C drop to 15C just a few hours later.

As always, the Greenblues play cautiously even against these kinds of opponents (unranked ones, that is), and it is no surprise the team won by just 1-0. Previously, we would have been outraged at that, but it is pretty clear we've seen the benefits of playing defensively, too. We cannot really say much about the results now because we then would not have some of the better games of the last years, where the Greenblues kept better teams at bay. The only goal today was scored by Idrasil, normally a winger, but today more like a second striker behind Tokachi and Shiribeshi (which makes it a third striker, maybe?). Alfar and Talmis played just behind that, resulting in a tactic that was heavily based around the center of the field instead of the wings. With 3-2-2-1-2 divided over five different lines, the team did not have any players left to play on the wings. They were pretty successful at keeping Rex Lucian's players from the ball, resulting in a massive possession: 75%-25%. At least the Greenblues showed some tricks and nice passes, because otherwise it would have been a pretty boring game.

Ko-oren 1–0 Rex Lucian
@Wind Arena, Tangku, Ko-oren
16:00, 20C, clear sky. Att: 71,000

Poss. 75-25, SoT 8-1

'27 Idrasil

Yellow:     
-
Red:
-

Subs:
'69 Shiribeshi OUT
    Terathu IN
'81 Fenner OUT
    Napertnau IN

Chapter 3: Climate, Weather and Landscape

As you have read in Chapter 2, Ko-oren’s geography is diverse. You cannot really speak about one climate, or one landscape: it is a country with many different aspects. We’ve talked briefly about the regions, and some of the most important things about them, but they also serve another purpose. Each region has a prototype climate and weather type assigned to them, which goes for most of the region for most of the year. In terms of climate and weather, these four descriptions with some subtypes suffice. For the landscape, there is a lot more ground to cover. As an archipelago, there are small differences from island to island. Luckily, Ko-oren is one very big island with some smaller islands around it, but that does not make it easier to describe. The big island has lots of different things to it too.

We’ll start with the north, and then work our way around the country clockwise. The northern region is the most temperate of all. Summers are not much warmer than 25-30 degrees Celsius, while winters will usually not have temperatures below -5 to -10. Rain falls throughout the year, though the transitional seasons (spring and autumn) have a bit more rain. The northern region is also the most populated one, which is because of the nice climate and vegetation: agriculture is extremely easy in a temperate climate with rain all the time.
Next is the west, which is the coldest of all. The coastal regions are not that bad, especially the coast on the Bay, but even a few kilometres inland and you’ll feel the difference. Summers have a maximum of 20 degrees on the coast, and a maximum of 10-15 degrees inland. Winters can be up to -15 on the coast, and -20 to -25 inland. The constantly flowing water in the Bay, and the fact that it comes from warmer regions, prevents the water from freezing. Some cities on the western coast do suffer from frozen harbours and the like in winter. Some areas in the mountains have a near-constant snowfall, and rain falls as much as in the northern region.
The south is the biggest open landmass, where wind has a big influence on the weather. There are some hills in the southern region, and wind blows freely through its valleys. Therefore the weather can change quickly, but at least rain is not as likely as in the west or north. Rain falls heavily in late summer, and lingers on throughout autumn and early winter. The rest of the year is generally dry. Summers can get up to 35-40 degrees in some areas (the ones that do not have cities built near them), but usually is 30 degrees at least. Winters can get up to -10.
The eastern region is the warmest one, and also the only to have a clear rain season. The rain season starts mid-August and ends somewhere at the end of September. The start of the rain season is also the start of the rainy period in the southern region. Vegetation in this region is more tropical, and agriculture is not as easy as in the south or north. Winters still have a temperature over 10 degrees, and summers have a temperature of at least 35 degrees. The east is also a lot more humid than all other regions, which makes the 35 degrees feel a lot worse than the southern 35 degrees.

1 Overview
2 Geography 1: regions, cities, distances
3 Geography 2: climate, weather & landscape

4 Cities
5 Population, demographics

6 Meritocracy, Ministries
7 Politics, Democracy

8 Age writing
9 Age writing 2

10 Colonies: ARO & TAO & SVO
11 Colonies: IRO & NKO & ZAO
12 Thaulandi

13 Sports: football, baseball, gridiron, field hockey
14 Sports: others (rugby, handball, ice hockey, basketball, marathon), sports per state

15 History 1
16 History 2

17 Language

[Neu Engollon]

In the Hotel 21 June 2013

I'm writing this before breakfast while Dad is in the bathroom. I woke up later last night thinking that Dad was sneezing really loud, but I think he was crying and his eyes were puffy. He asked me if I really wanted to go home and didn't care to be here anymore. I didn't say anything. I think he might be reading this journal when I go to sleep. He told me it was okay and he understood, but he was very sad. I told him it was okay and I was looking forward to the next couple weeks. He smiled and then I went back to bed.

Playground Commons 21 June 2013

We went to Backyard Sports. That was weird but a lot of fun. It's like a nation of really big sports playing kids. The home field was really like a recess playground back lot. I was lucky to see the game as there's not a lot of room for people to gather round to see it all. We had another tie, or draw. Dad and a few other folks are not happy about it, but they also say that it's better than a loss, at least. I know that Siebech, Brenz and Manion scored, but not too much more. I kind of got distracted because they had ice cream trucks pulling up nearby and I had some local money that Dad gave me, um, for an emergency. Are ice cream trucks not an emergency? I think so. Two fudgecicles later and my belly ain't so good. Any time I eat cheese, ice cream or have cereal, I don't feel so well. What the heck is a kid supposed to eat? Come on. Seriously people. Come on.

We are flying back out to Neu Engollon again, this time to Schwartzgarten where the team will play Homelands Our. Mom said she might be able to drive to meet me there. Oh yeah! I got to talk to Mom today on the phone! She's doing good and working hard. I told her about everything. Except for the Dad thing last night. That's just between me and him.
OK. I have to go to sleep soon. I'm really tired. More tomorrow.
Manny

PS I love my Dad. He's the bestest Dad in the whole world! He's a great, awesome, fun Dad. Dad.

[Paradystopia]

JW: We've had some interesting comments on our message board online and now we're gonna take time to read a few out.
YS: Once you've deleted all the abusive ones about yourself?
JW: There's a moderation team for that, I hope.
YS: Ha. I wouldn't bet on it.
JW: So I have a comment here from Balla246810. It reads

Balla246810 wrote: Wot d deal with d new football kits?!?! Dey look propa gay!!! Trolololol!

YS: Nice one to start with there James.
JW: Well it was the first one.
YS: You see, Balla, the act of actively seeking opportunities to publicly cast aspersions over the sexuality of inanimate objects, in this case a football shirt, displays a likely insecurity with your own sexuality. The fact that you need to declare other things as 'gay' is to shift focus from yourself and how 'gay' you actually are.
JW: Not that homosexuality is wrong.
YS: Gosh no, I'm just suggesting that Balla may want to come to terms with his own lifestyle choice before posting anymore shitty comments.
JW: Yeah. I like the kits for the record. It was about time Paradystopia got themselves a fancy new kit.
YS: Indeed, and many thanks to the guys at Kirola.
JW: Next comment.
YS: Yes. This one's from LittleSqueak

LittleSqueak wrote: Yapper is soooooooo cool. I want to be an otter when I grow up!!!

JW: Good grief. The Lymryk fan club are back ...
YS: Haha. Sadly, LittleSqueak, unless the Commune have developed a new surgery, you can't actually become an otter when you grow up. Sorry.
JW: Yes, some people are just born with long, flappy tails and an obsession with fish.
YS: Don't forget the cool poetry.
JW: Don't go there
YS: Next comment
JW: Ok. This is from CuriousGerbil
YS: Nice name
JW: It reads ...

Curiousgerbil wrote: Dear Mr Wong, I recently saw a video online where you were drunk, sobbing and ranting into your webcam because your wife had left you for another woman. Is this video legit, or a fake? Either way, it's very funny. Lolz. Yours sincerely CuriousGerbil

YS: Hahahahahaha
JW: A statement has already been released pertaining to that video thank you very much CuriousGerbil
YS: Hahahahahaha
JW: It's not that funny Yapper
YS: Oh it is. I've seen that video. 'Oh darling ... If you wanted a woman, I could've been a woman for you ... ' Hahahahaha.
JW: It was a deeply troubling time for me.
YS: Maybe so, but why post a video of it online?
JW: I was drunk. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
YS: Hahahaha
JW: Next comment
YS: Hahaha
JW: Seriously Yapper!
YS: Haha ... Oh ... Ok ... Next comment. This is from SparkyMarks47

SparkyMarks47 wrote: I had the displeasure of watching your terrible TV show under the illusion that it was going to actually mention the World Cup. When are you guys going to stop with all this random bullshit and do some proper sportscasting for a change?

JW: ...
YS: ...
JW: ... Well, ermm ...
YS: If you want actual discussion about football, I'd try elsewhere dude. We just have fun.
JW: Yeah, that. Maybe we should mention the Paradystopi scores?
YS: N'ah. People have the internet, they can look them up themselves. I'll even be nice and give you the website, it's www.worldcuplxvlivescores.pdt
JW: How are Paradystopia actually doing? I know they've won at least one game ...
YS: Why do I care? I'm from the Lymryk Isles.
JW: Oh yeah. I guess we really are failing with this show.
YS: Whatever dude, I'm just here for the ride.

[Filopines]

PHRASEBOOK & DICTIONARY
Intro

---

SURVIVAL PHRASES
English - Filopinian - Pronounciation
Hello. - Khyumuta. - khyu•moo•sta
Goodbye. - Paala. - pa•a•la
Please. - Kalapug. - ka•la•poog
Thank you. - Salamat. - sa•la•mat
You're welcome. - Takutuku. - ta•ku•tu•ku
Yes./No. - Khal./Dil. - khal/dil
Excuse me. - Kurabat akyo - ku•ra•bat a•kyo
Sorry. - Gulaw. - gul•ow
I understand. - Nagtawani akyo - nag•ta•wa•ni a•kyo
I don't understand. - Dil nagtawani akyo - dil nag•ta•wa•ni a•kyo
One moment. - Tuk nga dilhaw - tuk nga dil•haw
Help! - Llalbang! - lyal•bang
How much is this? - Pila put kani? - pi•la put ka•ni
Where are the toilets? - Dal ing dian kasilyas? - Dal ing di•an ka•sil•yas
Cheers! - Maatip! - ma•a•tip

---

NUMBERS
1 - usa - oo•sa
2 - dukha - du•kha
3 - tyulo - tyu•loo
4 - ipot - i•poot
5 - lima - li•ma
6 - unom - u•noom
7 - pito - pi•too
8 - walo - wa•loo
9 - siyam - si•yuhm
10 - samulô - sa•moo•lû

A circumflex on the top of a letter indicates a glottal stop.

[Qazox]

Rockport Stadium, Rockport-

A 3-1 win over Schalafania is the result that'll go into the record books, but what won't be placed there is how close this match really was. Schalafania, depite being a man down for the last 28 minutes, almost took away a stunning draw. The wolves jumped out early to a 2-nil lead, and seemed to have the match well in hand, after goals from Erika Bastille and Remy Folk. In the 66th minute, Folk was thrown down to the ground by a Schalafanian defender during a corner kick and with a man advantage, it would be just a matter of grinding down the visitors. But after Folk's ensuing penalty kick sailed just high, the proverbial fire was lit under the Schalafanian squad.

Their manager sent out all three substitutes, and had 7 attackers pressing forward. The sheer swarm of passing angles and attacks overwhelmed Qazox' back line, allowing the visitors to cut the lead in half in the 71st minute. Hofstadter dropped the midfield back to compensate following the kick-off, but despite more bodies clogging the passing lanes, Schalafania kept inexorably coming forward. Their shots just missing wide, or getting blocked or deflected at the last second. For 20 minutes the full frontal assault continued, until Janos just got a ball clear, leading to a 4-on-2 counter spearheaded by Kevin McLaren whose goal 2 minutes into stoppage time effectively ended the match.

Qazox now heads to New Bruxen to host Boring Paradise Saturday night.

GOALS:
Bastille- 17'
Folk- 24'
Schalafania- 71'
McLaren- 90+2'

[Neo Lemmitania]

Wull, ‘ullo there, folks. Gil Lemson ‘ere, presentin’ tonight’s edition of Gil’s Corner, the only Neapolitan-flavoured sportin’ programme on the airwaves--

Shemp: Gimme that microphone, you! The program is Shemp’s Corner, and it’s the only pan-athletic talk show in Neo Lemmitania. And I don’t know what the hell you think you’re doing, Lemson, but you’re not hijacking my broadcast!

Gil: I was just ‘avin’ a bit of fun, Shemp. No need to bite me ‘ead off.

Shemp: You just stick to your assigned role as guest and leave the hosting duties to me!

Gil: Fine, fine. Well, ‘ere we are, another week down the drain. I suppose that even though the rugby season’s over, you’re gonna tell me there’s some other, less in’erestin’ sport goin’ on, eh?

Shemp: The World Cup qualifiers are going on, as you know since we talked about it on last week’s programme and you’re being paid to ‘call’ the games, and many people consider this tournament the height of sports competition.

Gil: All that’s a mouthful.

Shemp: I’m going to just assume you don’t know who won yesterday, is that correct?

Gil: Seein’ as neither the rugby nor basketball league is currently active, I’m pretty sure there were no games yesterday, Shemp. Unless someone ‘ad a friendly that I don’t know about. Or wait, are you talking about the Lemming’ammer contest?

Shemp: I’m talking about the World Cup qualifiers. Obviously. And I wouldn’t deign to report on Lemming Hammer.

Gil: You know ‘oo’s me favorite Lemming ‘ammerer? Tjal Cader. ‘e’s got a righteous swing, ‘e ‘as.

Shemp: That guy’s name is not to be spoken on this programme.

Gil: Too good for you, is ‘e?

Shemp: Ugh. He was a guest on the show a few weeks back. During the Baptism of Fire. It went even worse than one of your appearances.

Gil: That ain’t ‘ard to manage. Me appearances are great.

Shemp: Oh yeah? So far you’ve been on five minutes and we haven’t even mentioned yesterday’s score.

Gil: We ‘aven’t even established wot game was played yesterday.

Shemp: The World Cup qualifier, Lemson. In Zwangzug. But since you hijacked the opening of the programme, we have to break first for an important message from our underwriter.

Voiceover: How many times has this happened to you?

Mom: Billy! Stop jumping on the bed!

Little Billy: It’s not me, mom! It’s the lemmings! They keep falling out of the hole in the ceiling and landing on my bed!

Mom: Oh, dear. Even with LemmingLoves placed strategically around the house, I can’t get rid of all of them. There’s just too many! And now that they’ve eaten a hole through the attic floor, they keep falling on Billy while he’s sleeping!

Little Billy: Ow! Mom, I can’t sleep! Lemmings keep falling on me!

Mom: Oh, whatever shall I do?

Voiceover: Never fear, Ms. Neo Lemmitania. There’s now a wonderful new product from the clever folks at the Electric Lemming Corporation: LemmingSpackle(tm)!

Mom: LemmingSpackle? What’s that?

Voicover: It’s the only spackle made from one hundred percent recycled lemmings, ground into a thick paste and treated with a special blend of non-corrosive additives and chemical nutrients.

Mom: Well, it sounds good, but how does it work?

Voicover: All you do is load it into the LemmingSpackleCannon(tm), point it at the offending hole in your wall or ceiling, and fire away! A great gob of LemmingSpackle will be hurled through the air and clog the hole permanently, preventing any lemmings from getting through.

Mom: That’s fantastic! But is it expensive?

Voiceover: Not compared to the peace of mind you get knowing there aren’t any lemmings falling on Little Billy in his sleep!

Little Billy: Ow! Mommmmm!

Mom: I’m sold!

Voiceover: LemmingSpackle and LemmingSpackleCannon are available at fine retailers everywhere. Get yours today!

Gil: That product sounds stupid.

Shemp: Don’t badmouth our underwriter.

Gil: I’m just sayin’. There’s got to be better ways to fling spackle through the air than usin’ a cannon.

Shemp: Probably not. You want to talk about the game?

Gil: For example, I ‘ear that the good folks at ACME Lemming Corp ‘ave developed a SpackleSlingshot(tm) wot’s jus’ as accurate as the aforementioned cannon, an’ it only costs ‘alf as much.

Shemp: You cannot shill for other companies’ products on my show, Lemson.

Gil: I ain’t shillin’, I’m just sayin’.

Shemp: Shut up with what you’re saying. Another word about ACME Lemming Corp and I’ll yank you off the air.

Gil: Wull, long as I still get paid, that’s okay with me.

Shemp: One last time: You want to talk about the game?

Gil: Oh sure, why not? Since you’re so insistent.

Shemp: Okay. Any thoughts on the Zwangzug side?

Gil: Um. This was which sport, again?

Shemp: Football!!

Gil: Not chess?

Shemp: We don’t have a national chess team. Why would you even ask that?

Gil: Because zwangzug, Shemp, as any cultured person ought to know, is wot they call it in chess when you’ ave a position on the board where whichever person ‘ose move it is will go from a sure loss to a sure win. It’s the opposite of zugzwang.

Shemp: …

Gil: Why you lookin’ at me like that?

Shemp: Are you bullshitting me? Someone find out if he’s telling the truth.

Gil: Would I lie? I never told a lie... Not that I can recall.

Shemp: If you actually know something about chess...

Gil: Wot?

Shemp: It would be miraculous.

Gil: There ain’t no miracles in Neo Lemmitania, Shemp. They ain’t allowed.

Shemp: Let’s just discuss the game against Zwangzug while they look that up. No scoring in the first half, though the Lemmings did have several shots on goal. The Zwangzug side plays a defensive formation, and it really shut our strikers down. Bingson, Henneman, and Rosco each got a couple of shots, and their striker Nakano had one as well.

Gil: That’s it? Five shots in the entire ‘alf of play?

Shemp: Seven. Six plus one is seven.

Gil: That was four plus one.

Shemp: Six! Three Neo-Lemmitanian strikers with two each.

Gil: Oh, is three times two six now? Funny the things they change when a new administration is in charge.

Shemp: New administration?

Gil: Wot?

Shemp: Never mind. Second half saw a little more action. Zwangzug finally scored in the sixty-fifth minute when Nakano got a penalty kick after Mick Chang was yellow-carded in our box.

Gil: Chang got the banana card again, did ‘e?

Shemp: What are you talking about?

Gil: I remember ‘e got shown the banana card in the match me and Clem called a couple weeks back. You’d think ‘e’d ‘ave started eatin’ more of ‘em by now.

Shemp: I don’t recall Chang getting carded in that game. I think it was Mick Mickelson.

Gil: Mickelson, Chang, they’re all Michaels, wot’s the difference?

Shemp: Grr. Bingson got the equalizer at seventy-seven minutes--

Gil: Wot’s an ‘equalizer’?

Shemp: That’s a goal that ties the game.

Gil: Oh, I thot it was, like, an assassin.

Shemp: I can’t even begin to follow what you’re talking about. Oh, thanks. Bobby’s informed me that you’re actually half right about zwangzug.

Gil: ‘ow did ‘e do that, telepathically?

Shemp: No, via my earpiece.

Gil: See, now, if I was in your shoes, Shemp, I’d ‘ave said, ‘yes, telepathically.’ Because ‘oo wouldn’t be impressed by a Dean of Neo-Lemmitanian Sports with telepathic powers?

Shemp: At any rate, zugzwang is a position in a chess game where whichever player has the move, will end up going from a sure win or draw to a sure draw or loss.

Gil: Exac’ly wot I said.

Shemp: Not exactly what you said. There is, however, no such thing as zwangzug. It’s just the name of a country.

Gil: An’ now a word from our sponsors.

Shemp: Shut up! Only I introduce the breaks.

Gil: Wull, I could see Bobby wavin’ ‘is arms frantically!

Shemp: He’s merely signalling politely. And now an important message from our underwriter.

[Mapletish]

The Sour Kind
Because being sweet is too mainstream; bringing you the latest updates of the World Cup LXV Qualifiers
With some annoying eyebrows and fake accent; YOLO!

Hello everybody, this is Tish once again and I'm back with another edition of the Sour Kind, after the semi-final clash of the World Cup of Hockey for the Minnows ended up in a close 6-5 defeat to defending world champions Havl, the Lions have stumbled down to an unconvincing 1-1 draw with the Glorious Commune, or let's just call them the Commune. This Commune team is a pretty strange one, allowed to participate in the tournament with a creature called the Xyloveitus Sapiens, it has been known to be able to play matches with roots, vegetation and plants playing around the pitch. Despite that, they are known to be pretty slow in their attacking approaches but they do have pretty accurate passes, those roots will take the ball around and pass it around to ensure that they hold onto the possession and then attempt a shot towards the goal mostly helping the goalkeeper in their agility training, coming into the match they lost in their first two matches, but the Lions failed to make it their third loss by only drawing with the ultra defensive Sapiens.

The roots of the Commune were lying aimlessly down on the Lions' shadows as Commune held the Lions to a draw, for which the home side have to come from behind to seal a 1-1 draw that leaves themselves on fifth place and five points behind AMSV and Barunia currently, the two sides are leading Group Four. The supposed Sapiens opened the scoring and put the visitors ahead, but Junio responded with a well taken penalty kick later on to avoid defeat for an uncharacteristically cautious Mapletish side.

Staying at home for their match, Mapletish started to go all cautious as they faced an element unknown to them, which was the monster liked creature in the form of the Sapiens as the Commune could described. All the time, the Lions were trying hard to keep hold of possession and absorbing Commune's attacks, while waiting patiently to counter. Trying to keep the ball above ground to avoid the roots, it effectively helped a bit till the roots start growing upwards and trying to intercept the high balls. For the opening minutes, possession of the ball was closely held by the home side in an attempt to try and break open the visitors' defences.

Although faced with quite a lot of difficulty at the start, it turned easier for the Lions as the Commune were more or less prone to committing fouls on the players that the Sapiens itself start to be more careful in sticking their roots out to intercept the Lions making ground movement much more easier for the home side. With equally cautious play from the visitors, space started to open up for the Lions and given the opportunity, Junio sprung ahead trying to make the most of his partnership with Morison, a rather rare opportunity nowadays.

The home side's first chance came right the start, it was brilliant play on the counter from Enkainia and Janelle left Sapiens' roots clean through with Junio just in front, but the Home United man failed to beat the Commune No 1, who saved with an extended root.

The Commune never stopped attacking their illustrious rivals, though and were rewarded after 25 minutes with the opening goal. Their Number One Sapien tip the ball over to the Lions penalty box and an extended root tip the ball far from the reach of Sapphire as it went to the bottom corner, the stadium remained silent despite the goal as it was plain obvious that the Allianz Arena was filled with Mapletish's supporters. After the roots got withdrawn back to their half and the kick off was taken, the crowd came back to life cheering obviously in Maplish for the Lions as the home side kept on to possession.

Knowing that any long shots would be intercepted by the roots and a powerful force will be played towards Sapphire so as instructed by Janette, the team play on the tempo of the crowd's drums to carry on a lively move around the pitch towards the Commune's half, but the shots were kept out brilliantly by the magical Sapien at its goal.

One example of the lively move by the home side would be the one that led to the penalty awarded against the visitors. Junio was released from the halfway line by Enkainia's passes and he went on a one man hunt dribbling past the roots as if they were cones in the training sessions and making his way towards the penalty box, only to see him get trip by the roots of the Sapien in the penalty box. The referee awarded the penalty with no protests from anybody, and Junio slot the penalty calmly past the Sapien as a result of its slow reactions.

The Lions start the second half close to the crowd's drum tempo and momentum and as usual much of the team's attempt on goal were cut out by the powerful keeper from the visitors and the second half drag on with the Lions holding onto the ball for most of the time and taking turns to shoot at the goal, as the roots seems to be withdrawn back to the penalty area for the visitors leaving a huge space for the Lions to exert their creativity and the pitch quickly became the Lions' training pitch as the players did all kinds of fanciful moves round the roots that doesn't seem to move and attempt their shots on goal but the Sapien would parry the ball back to the Lions' penalty box.

Despite it looking more like a training session for the Lions, the crowd were filled with optimism of the team's performance and staying on and cheer the team on as the Lions tried ways to break the alertness of the Sapien. In the process, the Lions were caught offside for a record 26 times, the most number of offsides in the Lions' history as the defence line of the Commune would disappear all of a sudden and the linesman could only rule the Lions to be offside.

The draw would only leave the Lions on fifth place after completing three matches at a one win, one draw and one defeat. being at some what worse than where they are, with the team already going into negative goal difference.

Mapletish Rating: ★★★☆☆ [3/5]
Supposedly putting in a better performance than their previous performance against AMSV, holding onto bits of the possession, while trying to break the Commune's dominating Number One with a record 54 shots attempted on goal by the Lions.
Starters
Sapphire - Had no chance against the Sapiens' root strength in its clearance, and indeed came to the rescue for her team with plenty of aerobatic saves as the Sapien tried to test Sapphire from all kinds of angles.
Angetha - Tried her best to play as the secondary winger and throwing in crosses for the attack to take, while attempting shots on goals when she got her chance.
Taylor - Always ready to start the attacks whenever possible for the Lions but she was overwhelmingly beaten by the roots in the opening periods of the game.
Nicole - Tried to pace herself with the unpredictable roots' movement while trying to help up with the attack.
Mei Kei - Played a busy first half on the left flank as she tried to keep out the Sapien's left root from dropping in crosses into the penalty box.
Janelle - Tried hard to fit in the shoes of Jessie, laying out accurate passes and crossing, but started to fade away after the break as she failed to tick as much.
Enkainia - Center of the Lions' creativity tick machine, she was happy to go speedy down the wings and in the center dribbling round the roots while flicking in passes for Junio to take while dropping back to track the roots movement on the ball.
Dennis - Tried his best in stretching the roots as much as possible every time he got the ball with him, but he was guilty of being too wasteful in front of goal.
Kimberly - Looked dangerous paired up together with Morison at attacking midfield, lots of shots from her but it was kept out by the Sapien Number One most of the time. Accurate passing from her too.
Morison - Appearing for the third time this cycle, he's looking at a short goal drought from himself as he failed to score for his second match going, always proven to be a bench hero, he was given his chance to start the match and he showed no sign of tired legs in a combative performance from him as he battled through the roots.
Junio - Fought for every ball near his zone and actively tracking back to help out with the defence whenever possible, he showed that he has endless bags of stamina in him covered with his amazing technique widely displayed in this match as he has not lost the ball to the Sapiens in this match. Scored the equaliser and consolation for the Lions through a penalty, currently responsible for 3 of the Lions' 4 goals scored up till now.
Substitutions
Vito - Came into help out with the defence, but he lack fighting power against the Sapiens' roots, often loosing his footing for the ball.
Alvarez - Subbed in to provide more ticking creativity in the midfield and generally fulfilled his remit.
Ai Jing - Had little chance to shine but was responsible in trying ways to sparkle out with shots.

So here's me once again, and do catch the next installment soon, so for now, here is Tish signing off.

[Jeruselem]

Princess Katy, Isabella Rachell Dallas and Nicole Salamida

Katy: Hello, I'm Princess Katy for Naked News Jeruselem at Dazza Dallas Stadium. I'm with Jeruselem player Isabella Dallas and Nicole Salamida.
Isabella: Oh hi everyone
Nicole: Hey everyone
Katy: Worszary came to face the Princesses here in Dazza Dallas Stadium and the Princesses won 3-0. Girls your opinion
Isabella: I think we could have done better
Nicole: We still need work

Katy: Given Mytannion beat Mesoland 6-3 and we drew with them 0-0 last game. It's not bad
Isabella: The game against Mytannion was our best so far
Nicole: No doubt Mytannion is the team to beat in this group
Katy: Jeruselem have the best defensive record in this group but only 5 goals
Isabella: Yes well, I think in the end this will really help us. We just need more goals scored
Nicole: As long we qualify, doesn't matter

Katy: OK Nicole, your Mum Alison coached Jeruselem. Do you want to be part of the experience too?
Nicole: I do but I have to make it first. There's so much competition to get into this team.
Isabella: I think she's better than me. I'm only here because of my surname.
Katy: The Jeru FC boys drew with The Licentian Island 1-1 in that place after a loss to eura 4-3
Isabella: Well, they are just learning. Being away from home is a new experience.
Nicole: It's early days. We can't be too hasty as yet about their chances.

Katy: Do you think it's a bad idea just replacing a whole team?
Isabella: Yes, the boys don't have any role models to follow
Nicole: I hope they grow up fast. The best coach in the universe can't make a team of young kids a superteam in a few games.
Katy: The Jeru FC job is never an easy one
Isabella: I've heard about the new team. Definitely a hand full for Melody
Nicole: Yes, I wouldn't want that job

Katy: We now move to the topic of Kinitaria, Pondy's team who have 3 from 3.
Isabella: It's a pity we aren't using her now.
Nicole: She's like Mum. A counterbalance to the other extreme.
Katy: Like my sister?
Isabella: We all know how tempermental she and you are.
Nicole: I think she suits the Kinitarian well

Katy: I would certainly prefer coaching Kinitaria to Jeru FC as well now
Isabella: I just hope the Jeru FC boys grow up
Nicole: I think that's not gonna happen suddenly
Isabella: Judging from the last batch
Katy: Isabella, do people think you're another Isabella in our family?
Isabella: Initially, but they work out I'm someone else. I don't have looks of the Queen. I'm too dull. I'm too boring looking to be a porn star.

Nicole: I've never seen an unattractive Dallas girl.
Isabella: It's all relative I guess. I mean ... we lookers like Katy here.
Katy: My sister is better looking
Nicole: There's always something about redheads
Katy: We are special
Isabella: Yes well ...

[Jeru FC]

Jeru FC coach Princess Melody and player Vance Vampire

Melody: You were dreadful today
Vance: I wasn't that bad
Melody: Yes you were !!!
Vance: Really ???
Melody: I'm not saying this because I'm bored
Vance: Oh

Melody: You can't win a game if you keep on missing shots
Vance: The field was really bad
Melody: It was not. You just have two left feet
Vance: I suppose
Melody: We need to do a lot better.
Vance: The other guys didn't do much better

Melody: All of you were dreadful but you had more chances to score
Vance: I guess that loss to Eura has effected us after we led 3-0
Melody: We're not playing Eura and we really should have won today
Vance: We scored one goal
Melody: So did they too
Vance: At least we didn't lose though

Melody: We're not here to lose. We're here to win
Vance: OK, the girls with big boobies distracted us because they were sitting behind the goal
Melody: You're supposed to think about girls after the game not during the game
Vance: We're still just kids you know
Melody: I know but I have to turn you lot into a real football team
Vance: We're trying ...

Melody: Trying isn't good enough. Doing is
Vance: I guess it isn't
Melody: Anyway, how did you lot get picked to be here
Vance: They said we had talent?
Melody: Talent for what? Tapdancing?
Vance: Good point they didn't say

Melody: I want see lots of goals next game
Vance: We'll try
Melody: We've dropped like 5 points already. No time for dithering
Vance: Say, your daugther is really cute. Do I have a chance?
Melody: Well, if you score a few hattricks I would think about it
Vance: Oh, I guess that's no then.

Melody: You're well meaning but useless
Vance: Oh

[Apox]

Part One
Part Two

George McLaren was sat in the Rose & Thistle, drinking a beer, whilst sifting his way through potential candidates to play in his wagered match against Haitiens. He'd identified a couple of key players who he hoped he could find in time to get them onboard, as well as a heap of rubbish, or unheard of nonsense players. Sir Charles Barton had sidled over to watch, it was a quiet part of the day, and he was now trying to offer well meaning but unhelpful advice on the players, mainly it seemed, based on their names.

He was just trying to remember if a striker, Karl Mullet, had actually scored the winning goal in a Marshall Cup final back in the early 510's when a sinister and altogether unexpected voice piped up from a darkened corner of the room.

"Why don't you summon one of the players currently living?" George shuddered, and turned around to see the pale face of Xenith Strata, the most shady character in all of Dwyle and probably all of Apox's history. He died in 456 A.T, having run a series of shady and possibly merciless business ventures. He is the sort of person who you could see exploiting various characters to gain the best possible circumstance.

"Why would I want to do that?" asked George, turning around angrily at Xenith, "I would be killing them early!"

"It might make you win your match..." suggested Xenith, his nasal voice jarring everyone's senses in the room.

"For this match?!?" spluttered George, "It's not worth killing someone down there for that."

"Suit yourself," said Xenith. An awkward silence followed, with Sir Charles Barton taking particular interest in a previous spotless glass, wiping it furiously. Xenith eventually looked away, and George returned to sorting through his papers. A couple of seconds later, he turned to a significant page and couldn't believe who he'd been forgetting. Sir Richard Marshall, founder of the AFB and instigator of organised football in Apox. The entire Marshall Cup was named after him after all. Useless as a player, but tactically brilliant, he was exactly what he needed as a manager. It was time to pay Sir Marshall a visit.

---

Apox are playing a great deal more aggressively than normal, well, at least if you go by the scorelines. A 3-0 win over the currently unranked, but previously good side of The Icemark. A less experienced side was fielded for this match, mainly because of injuries and resting key players for more challenging fixtures.

The captain for the match was Jack Forster, who was one of the few experienced players selected for the game. Númba elected to line up his team in a 4-1-3-2 formation, with Matthias Sindelar and Jack Moses in central positions, Sindelar defensively and Moses offensively, while young forward Tolgus Tregajorran made his international starting debut.

However, the first half was quite unexciting, with the Apoxian crowd impatient to see some good action after the forfeited game against Penileniam. The Icemark strikers King Edward and Prince Redrought Lindenshield, proved quite hard to handle, with our defense having to keep a careful eye on them going forward. Therefore, it was definitely disappointing for the home fans to be still drawing with The Icemark at the halfway point.

However, as so often happens, we immediately made an impact in the second half, with Tolgus Tregajorran linking up nicely with Jack Moses to fire in a shot, which deflected off Commander Ireton, into the net, leaving a very surprised and disgruntled Commander Brereton lying on the ground as he was out of position from the deflection. And with that, Tregajorran had got his first international goal on his starting debut. We said he was talented.

The Icemark's confidence had clearly been dented, and four minutes later, Fronden Abel headed in a cross from Fari Y, who was starting instead of captain Olim Benzari, doubling Apox's advantage, and piling the pressure on The Icemark, who were unable to respond.

There was another quieter period for a while after the second goal, although Athena Celeste came quite close in the 79th minute. However, in the 82nd minute, the game was all tied up, with another Icemark mistake, though more significant this time, as Herakles Celeste headed the ball into his own net off a corner trying to clear the ball, ending a pretty miserable game for the groups bottom seeds.

Team Sheet from the Match (scorers in bold)
GK - Joe Frost
RD - Jack Forster (c)
CD - Fronden Abel
CD - Athelstan Firth
LD - Hans Nielssen
RM - Fari Y
DM - Matthias Sindelar
CAM - Jack Moses
LM - Fran Gracie
ST - Fred Barnett sub Marlon Vetta 56'
ST - Tolgus Tregajorran

[Blouman Empire]

THE EMPIRE TIMES

Eagles Secure Win...Just

Blouman top scorer and Captain, Baden Lakes scored twice to keep alive the hopes of the Empire in securing their 2nd consecutive World Cup qualification spot. Razmakistan took the lead at the 30 minute mark with a header thanks to a high cross in from the right Lakes was able to equalise just before halftime with his own header after a cross from George Cardol. Lakes scored a second half goal in the 85th minute to clinch the win giving the home side something to cheer about.

While the Eagles managed to secure another win they failed to play their best and certainly did not look like they were playing a side that had only recently entered the international football stage as Razmakistan took control early on. The visitors had the better first-half chances and was denied an obvious penalty when a lob struck by the Razmakistani forward came into contact with Eamon William's arm. And they were left tense efforts as one strike hit the post while a free-kick curled around the defenders and hit the bar. The Eagles came back stronger in the second half denying Razmakistan any proper chances, however, they were also unable to penetrate the goals with the Razmakistani defense holding back the Blouman attack, a number of attempts were made, however, most were blocked by the defenders or went ridiculously wide of the mark. Leaving it late the Eagles finally managed to get a goal giving them the win and a much needed three points for their campaign.

After the game manager Sir Keith Kolson spoke on the need for improvement for his squad "Wasn't our best game, we were slow off the mark allowing them to get a number of shots off. There are a number of areas we will need to improve on if we want to win against our tougher opponents." The Eagles will be coming up against a tougher opponent in their next game as the face Michael VII whom will be taken a strong challenge to the Empire.

[The Inevitable Syndicate]

Cities of the Syndicate: Fligsive
Fligsive is the Inevitable Syndicate's capital city, located in the partition of the same name, in the south-east of the country. Fligsive is an ancient city, settled as early as a thousand years ago with the arrival of the first Syndicatian settlers from overseas. Fligsive is home to roughly 8 million people, making it the most populated city in the Syndicate. The city is also home to many businesses, people and places of interest, and sports teams.

Travel:
The first port of call to anyone visiting Fligsive will most likely be Fligsive International Airport. The impressive, five terminal facility is a place that sends and receives over 100,000 people a day, and the slick, efficient nature of the airport is something to marvel at. When first arriving in Fligsive via the FLI, please be sure to check out the Information Centre in Arrivals, as it contains many guides (including this one), maps, and other information to help you find your feet.

Other entrances to the city include by boat, with the most populous dock being Fascaeux Quay. Fascaux Quay Metro Station offers free tickets to Cathair Market, a popular changing point on the Fligsive Metro. Free Tickets are available with a valid foreign passport, and can only be redeemed once.

Travelling around the city can be done with relative ease, as the robust public transport system and cycling initiatives leave no area covered. Free bicycles are available to rent, on the condition that they are returned to any of the storage points in the city within 24 hours. Payment details will be recorded in order to make a deposit, which can be collected again when the bicycle is dropped off. However, failure to return the bike within a day results in the deposit being taken, and further charges if not returned in a timely manner.

Another way of getting around the city is the famous Fligsive Metro, which has over fifty stations in various areas all over the city. Day tickets for the entire tube system are often very cheap, and the tube is probably the most effective way to cover great distances in little time. Places of interest will often have a station near them.

Places of Interest:
The Forum (Nearest Station: Forum, Alice Line. Tours available Sundays, 10:00-17:30. Adult/Child/Concession Price: ᶑ15 ᶑ5 ᶑ10)
The Forum is the main seat of government in the Inevitable Syndicate. Constructed over 500 years ago, this archaic building is definitely one to see while in Fligsive. Backing on to the River Lesko, the noises of various politicians can be heard debating in the halls, passing new laws and generally governing the nation. The building is probably the nicest part of it, though. Tours are available on Sundays, from 10:00 to 17:30.

The Royal Palace (Nearest Station: Palace, Alice Line. Open 9:00-19:00 daily, tours available every 15 minutes. Adult/Child/Concession Price: ᶑ20 ᶑ10 ᶑ15)
The now unused Royal Palace is the former seat of the Fligsivi Monarchy, before it was abolished in 11823. This beautiful building still contains many artworks that were around at the time, including rare pieces of artwork that had been commissioned by former monarchs. The gardens of the palace are also a must see, featuring many kinds of flowers. The garden is still well kept by the Royal Horticultural Society, a now defunct branch of the monarchy that has still lived on in the era of democracy.

Cathair Market (Nearest Station: Cathair Market, Shore Line. Market open 5:00-21:00 daily.)
The site of the oldest trading point in the Syndicate, Cathair Market (called so because the first traders to the lands were from Cathair, Audiolslavia), Cathair Market still remains a shoreside point of shopping an commerce to this day. Many things are available for sale at the market, from fresh foods to local trinkets. The Market is a place to catch some bargains, so don't forget to haggle down prices with local merchants at the stalls! It's not all in the old style, however, as surrounding the market is a bunch of high tech shops and restaurants, including the Pelican, one of the Syndicate's top dining establishments. If you can afford it, try the famous Salmon de Fligsive, cooked by famous Fligsivi chef Marcus Portine.

Fligsive Bridge (Nearest Station: Fligsivi Bridge, North Line.)
If bridges are you thing, then Fligsivi Bridge might be for you. The largest bridge spanning the river Lesko, this feat of engineering was constructed in 11506. It sees a lot of use, with one of the main roads in the city running over it.

Victory Tower (Nearest Station: Victory, Tower Line. Open 8:00-18:00 daily, tours available every 30 minutes. Free admission.)
Victory Tower is a monument and clock that was erected to commemorate the overthrowing of the Syndicatian Monarchy, and the establishment of parliament in Fligsive. The clock tower is open to the public, and tours of the building are given often. If the Royal Palace wasn't your thing, than maybe this polar opposite time keeping device on the river might be for you!

Nova Park (Nearest Station: Nova Park, Nova Line.)
Nova Park is one of the cities main green spaces, built during the 80's, when the local government wisened up to local environmental concerns and built an area for the community to enjoy. Nova Park is free to enter, and the area provides a wonderful spot for a picnic. The park sees many times of people come through the gates, from joggers, businessmen on their daily commute, and dog walkers, to Laser Tag enthusiasts, skateboarders, and model boat racers on the lake. Food is available from the many stands around the place, and visitors often get treated to music from the local 'Homeless Rehabilitation Group' chapter. If you have any spare change, please donate – the group helps homeless people immerse back into normal culture, and provides food and shelter for those worse off.

Flynn Arena (Nearest Station: Flynn Arena, Flynn Line. Opening times depend on the event, as do ticket prices. See local information kiosks or the website for more information.)
Named after the great man who constructed it, The Flynn Arena is one of the primary multi-purpose stadiums in the Syndicate. Housing local football team Fligsive FC, the stadium often has one event or another going on. Football games are held on Saturdays, so if you pop down then, you might catch a glimpse of some world-famous players. Other events and tours are held in the week, with prices varying on the event.

Accomidation:
Hotels are readily available around the city, with the most common (and cheapest) brand being the “Pledger Hotel”. Prices range from 30 to 50 ducats per night, depending on the room. Bed and breakfast joints are also popular on the outskirts of the city, and can often be a quick bus or train ride away from the city centre.

Places to Eat:
Fligsive has many top restaurants, but if you're looking for a budget meal, then you don't need to look far. Many local chip shops operate in the city, and can often be found along busy streets. Syndicatian bakery brands such as Atkinson's are also regularly found, and if you need a drink, one of the many CuppaCoffee stores will act as a place of familiarity, even to the most far-flung traveller.

[Nandezia]

by Tomas Ubina
Nandezia Falls Away From Home
In a 3-2 defeat, Nandezia fell to Homelands our, putting them in 9th in the group. Nandezia, along with Phing Phong, are the only two teams in the group without any points. United Gordonopia top the group with 9 points in their first 3 games.

Nandezia's game against Homelands our was going well at the beginning of the game. Jimeno Moles struck first in the 7th minute to put the Canaries on top, and everything seemed to be going swimmingly. Felix Alban struck in the 30th minute from the penalty spot to give the Tweeties a 2-0 lead away from home. Everything finally seemed to be going right.

However, 3 minutes after the penalty kick, Ramirez had an absolutely horrible backpass to Tono, which the Homelands our forward took gratefully, finding the net easily. The score was 2-1 in Nandezia's favor as the half-time whistle blew.

The teams came back out, and the Canaries didn't look anything like they had in the first half. Their passes were off the mark, they were holding on to the ball to long, and weren't spreading out.

Homelands our struck twice in 7 minutes in the 62nd and the 69th. Nandezia seemed already defeated, as the whole second half they hadn't managed to get a shot. The rest of the game played out with limited attacking from the Canaries, and Homelands our pressing them into their own half, with no chance of a counter for the Canaries.

This defeat marks a 4 game losing streak for the Canaries at the competitive international level. They are currently traveling to Phing Phong, to take on the fellow zero-pointers. Dani Clemente, the manager, has expressed the vital importance of getting points out of this match. If they don't get any points out of the match, they will find themselves in last place, with zero points on their plate, with a huge wall to climb. Clemente is expecting a much better result in this matchup, and hoping that a win would give his team the confidence they need to start climbing their way back up the qualification table.

[Sondstead]

World Cup 65: Second victory for Sondstead in Aquitayne
1–0 victory on third matchday; team's first female player gets a chance to play

22 June 2013

---

Windstrand — Following up a victory over Narsora two nights ago, the Sondsteadish team snagged a second win over Aquitayne.

The team's manager Tomas Rum for the third time in a row chose to start with a 4-4-2 diamond formation for the home game in Windstrand. The starting lineup was slightly changed from the ordinary, with Lars Kronbe̊re̊r filling in for Õspjuus Eskola on defence and Arjus Henrikjrssünr filling in for Osgar Sarman on the midfield. As the Narsora team was, the Aquitayne team was something of an enigma before the game, and the Sondsteadish team started out cautiously.

By KPB rankings, Sondstead entered the game as, on paper, the superior team. However, the Sondsteadish defence fought off two early close shots by Aquitayne at 12 minutes and 20 minutes, before Jen Weäldrberg scored at 25 minutes. However, a second goal by Kalju Rummo at 34 minutes was invalidated as an offside offence, with Aquitayne being granted an indirect free kick. The Sondsteadish defence held up for the remainder of the first half despite this.

After halftime, Kalju Rummo was benched. In a historic moment, Tomas Rum substituted Katie Ästerssünr, the team's first female player, for Kalju Rummo on offence and went with a more offence-oriented strategy in the second half, hoping for a stronger victory than the slight disappointment against Narsora. While the Sondsteadish offence and midfield played well, Aquitayne doubled down on defence in a last ditch effort to block any additional Sondsteadish goals. Both teams came close to scoring additional goals, including Ästerssünr coming within centimetres of scoring a second goal for Sondstead at 72 minutes in, but ultimately the game reached full time still at one nil.

Sondstead, playing away, will face Sangti in the city of Baoyam this evening.

---

Comment or read more at www.srrsondsteadworld.org

---

Sondstead, Sondstead uber (almost) alles in the BoF!

Sondsteadish Pop Culture · Sports in Sondstead · Technology · Weird Stuff · Visiting Sondstead

Sondsteadish pronunciation; a quick guide (10 June 2013)

Contributed by Märjä Hällensjeärd · So yeah, there's this sporting event going on I gather.

Anyway, yes, it's not my cup of tea (Actually, I don't even like tea much!). But this has brought a lot of new readers whose interest in Sondstead has been piqued by seeing the football tournament. One of the most asked questions is, of course, how do you pronounce those words? You mean to tell me you don't know how Märkkjeäben is pronounced? Yes, yes you do. And let's be honest, I don't blame you. So, your resident Sondsteadish As A Second Language teacher is here to help.

For starters, Märkkjeäben is pronounced something like "MACK-chay-uh-ben".

Moving on. The Sondsteadish vowel system is rather large compared to many languages (although less so compared to English. The main ones, as denoted in the International Phonetic Alphabet (IPA), are /i/ (the "ee" in "bee"), /y/ (similar to the former, but with the lips rounded like the "oo" in "room"), /u/ (like the aforementioned "oo" in "room"), /ɛ/ (the "e" in "bet"), /œ/ (like /y/, it's similar to the former but with your lips rounded), /ʌ/ (most like the "u" in "plus"), /ɔ/ (the "o" in "north"), /a/ (similar to the "a" in "spa", at least in some dialects, otherwise, the "a" in "cat" is a good substitute), and /ɑ/ (the "a" in "bath", at least in RP English). Respectively, these are spelled "i", "ü", "u", "e", "ö", "e̊", "o", "a", and "ä". One of the common vowel combinations you see, "eä", is pronounced something like "eh-uh".

When a syllable isn't stressed, vowels tend to soften down to /ə/ (like the "e" in "taken") or /ɨ/ (closest to the "i" in "bit"). Respectively, /u/, /ʌ/, /ɔ/, /a/, and /ɑ/ tend to soften to /ə/ and /i/, /y/, /ɛ/, and /œ/ tend to soften to /ɨ/.

Quite a few consonants as well. For starters, the plosive or "stop" consonants. These are familar to any speaker of English; p, t, k, b, d, and g. The IPA symbols and letters in the Sondsteadish alphabet are identical for all of these, and they are the same as they are in English (of course, sometime "g" makes the sound we linguists denote as /ɣ/, which English speakers will have a lot of trouble with!). Then, the affricates (and I apologize for using relatively technical language here!); /tʃ/ (the "ch" in "chip") and /dʒ/ (the "j" in "jam"), spelled respectively "kj" and "gj", except when placed at the end of the word, where they are spelled "kjh" and "gjh".

"M" and "n", are again, quite simple, being the same as they are in English. "F" and "s" are also pretty much the same, but between vowels can be pronounced as a "v" or a "z", respectively, although the letter stays the same. /ʃ/ (the "sh" in "ship") isn't hard to say, but it's spelled "sj". Again, at the end of the word, it's spelled "sjh". /ʀ/ is spelled with, well, an "r", and is an R sound, but unlike English it's a trilled, guttural R sound, which Dutch, French, and German speakers are fine with but which is nearly impossible for English speakers to say. Note that after a vowel (unless it's in-between two vowels) the R sound tends to go silent (think RP English), but strangely when it is syllabic after a consonsant (such as in "-ssunr", a name suffix meaning "son of", forming patronymic surnames), it doesn't, and instead it sounds like the "er" in "computer".

Moving on, "l" and "w" are also easy and the same as English. /j/ is another easy one; it's the "y" in "you". However, it's spelled with a "j", which throws English speakers for a loop at first. And then, there's one more consonant, and unfortunately it's a slightly tricky one; the letter "H" in Sondsteadish is variably pronounced as /ç/ (The "h" in "hue", which is actually distinct from say, the H in "hat", although most native English speakers wouldn't perceive it as such. Of course, even in Sondsteadish, this sound is only an allophone, not a distinct phoneme, so some native Sondsteadish speakers wouldn't either.), /x/ (like the "ch" in "loch" as spoken in Scottish English, but rare to nonexistent in other dialects, so another tricky one I know!), or /h/ (like the aforementioned "h" in "hat").

This depends on the letters location in a word. If you see it at the start of a word, for instance (like say, in "Hällensjeärd" :P) it'll be /h/ like in hat. After a back vowel like /u/ (like in "kruh", meaning "pub") it'll be /x/. And finally, after a front vowel like /i/ (like in "niht", meaning "night"), it'll be /ç/. So, to recap, as an example I pronounce my name /majə halɨnjɛəd/, or MAH-uh HAL-in-JEH-uhd. Hope that helps some, even though it's a little long and complicated for a blog article and I doubt anyone here who wanted sports stuff wants to read the whole thing. But if you find yourself wondering how to pronounce a player's name, you can refer back to here for a general guide!

[Darmen]

Privy Council changes rules regarding Commonwealth Summits, Elections for Commonwealth Parliament to take place in July

The Privy Council of Darmen, with the almost unanimous support of the Combined Parliament, has enacted new rules regarding the Commonwealth Summit, ones that will be put into practice straight away for the upcoming Summit in Frecmenta.

The new rules, first proposed by Duke Francisco Lyons the XXth, and accepted by the Privy Council, limit the power of the Chief Delegates to each Summit, and establish a Commonwealth Parliament. Proposals will no longer be voted on by the Chief Delegates, but by a 106 seat Commonwealth Parliament, which will be made up of elected and appointed representatives from around the Commonwealth, although the Chief Delegates will still be the ones submitting the proposals. The number of seats each member entity receives will be the same as the number of seats each entity had at the last Commonwealth Summit, which took place in April. Only the County of Tilden, the newest Semi-Autonomous Region in Darmen, and the newest member of the Commonwealth, will see any change in seats, acquiring four as a first time County member.

Darmen's sixteen representatives will be elected in single member constituencies, with three constituencies being made up of seven counties, and the rest of six counties. The Semi-Autonomous Counties of Berbari, Brham, Chuckio, Rigerata, South Darmen and Tilden will have four single member constituencies each within their borders. In addition, the two Semi-Autonomous Townships of New Cotdelapoms and New Tamarindia, will each have two single member constituencies. In total, Darmen will provide 44 of the 106 members of the Commonwealth Parliament, and that's not including the fourteen First Nations, who will each receive a single representative.

Earo, Frecmenta, Naitpyge, Tanamera, Tempala and The Sportocracy will each receive eight seats as the independent nations within the Commonwealth. The Emir of Naitpyge is expected to appoint all eight of his representatives, meaning that once again, the citizens of his nation will not be allowed to vote for the very first time. Tempala's eight representatives are also expected to be appointed by the Holy Pupá, which isn't a surprise to anyone. Earo, Frecmenta and Tanamera's representatives will be elected though, with elections expected to take place in concurrence with the ones here in Darmen. The Election Commission in Darmen has tentatively scheduled the elections for either July 6th or the 13th, a final decision will be made on July 4th.

Most political parties around the Commonwealth were stunned by the news, with the exception of the Second Communist Group of Darmen, which released its list of 44 candidates within minutes of the announcement. Other political parties are now scrambling to schedule nominating conventions, or are dropping out of the race completely.

The third Commonwealth Summit, which will focus mainly on Trade and the economy, will take place either in mid-September or early October. Cairo, Frecmenta will be hosting, the first time the Summit will be held outside of Darmen.

[Equestrian States]

Reserves Crush Omarios in Market Cup Rematch

Equestrian States 4-0 Omarios
at Sky-High Coliseum in Cloudsdale, Equestrian States
Attendance: 48,953
Scoring:
Rainbow Blitz '8 (Ironhide)
Apple Jack '29 (Rainbow Blitz)
Sonar '47 (Krystal)
Thunderbolt '76 (Stardust)

CLOUDSDALE - Historically, unranked teams have given the Equestrian States a bit of trouble. In the qualifying stage of World Cup 61, it was draws against those nations which cost the Ponies a shot at making it out of a very competitive group. But last night in Cloudsdale's Sky-High Coliseum, the Equestrian reserves put together the most complete show of dominance by the team since the 'Merchant Ponies' squad, fielded exclusively for Market Cup VI, wiped the floor 9-0 against Subramani.

But while Omarios came into World Cup 65 qualifying as an unranked team, they were not totally unknown to the Equestrian States. Just a few months ago, the Merchant Ponies faced Omarios in the second round of Market Cup VI. That match was close and was eventually decided in a penalty kick shootout, which the Equestrians won 5-4. In the early minutes of last night's qualifier, it seemed that the Omarios was looking to play for a similar result. But against the Equestrian States' reserves (which any qualified analyst would tell you was a better set of players than the majority of those on the pitch at the Market Cup), Omarios never stood a chance.

Even in the first few minutes, there was simply no challenge to the Ponies' dominance. Rainbow Blitz, Sonar, and the rest of the Equestrian offense simply ran circles around Omarios, leaving just one or two opportunities for their opponents to find relief. It would take just eight minutes for the Ponies to score. On a well-placed cross from Sunrise League One's Selyne City superstar Ironhide, Rainbow Blitz found himself with a wide open net and wasted no time burying the ball in the back of it. The visitors' head coach, Ramo Chevkonski, seemed just as stunned as his players at the ease with which the Equestrians had scored, his shock transforming to anger as the Ponies continued to dominate his team everywhere on the field.

For just under twenty minutes, Omarios fans could hope their national team would rebound from the early deficit to equalize as they had in the Market Cup, but it was not to be. In the 29th minute, the spirit of the visitors was crushed when Apple Jack sprinted between Omarios forwards Rengong and Albab to steal a pass and drive up the middle of the field. Firing off a pass to Rainbow Blitz, Apple Jack joined the Equestrian counterattack in disassembling the Omarios defense. Rainbow Blitz returned the ball to the earth pony midfielder right as he turned into the box, setting up Apple Jack to blast a rocket by goalkeeper Harees to give the Equestrian States a two-goal lead.

When the first half came to a close, the stats sheet reflected well the Ponies' control of the match. In just 45 minutes, the Equestrians had outshot their opponents 11-3 with many of those attempts forcing Harees to make acrobatic saves to deny the Ponies an even greater lead. But what truly spoke of the Equestrians' complete domination of Omarios was possession, where they held an impressive 63% control. For a team which typically struggles to outplay its opponents in the first half, it was a statement which showed just how much the Ponies have improved in the last two years.

Holding the two-goal lead and over 60% ball control, Head Coach Twilight Striker decided to pull the only two regular starters she had left on the field (Rainbow Blitz and Apple Jack) in favor of the dynamic midfield duo of the U-21 team to give the two youngsters some playing time with the big ponies. It would not be a move the Equestrians would regret. Just a couple of minutes into the second half, Krystal sent the ball to fellow Equestrian U-21 star Sonar, who lanced it into the upper right corner of the goal to extend the Ponies' lead to three. As the crowd roared, Omarios skipper Chevkonski could only bury his face in his hands and wait for the end.

The second half didn't get any easier to watch for the few Omarios supporters who remained for the final 20 minutes or so of the match. But for the Ponies' fans, the second half was even better. There was no doubting the Equestrians would win the three points they had expected, the only questions left to answer were fairly trivial. Could goalkeeper Gentle Breeze continue to look unbeatable in international play, continuing a trend set in the Di Bradini Cup? And would the Ponies extend their lead even more? The answer to both questions would be a confident yes.

In the 76th minute of play, Stardust drilled a hard cross to Thunderbolt, who promptly fired the ball through the gloves of keeper Harees to give the Equestrian States a 4-0 lead with just 14 minutes left. Gentle Breeze wouldn't need to do much to complete her clean sheet, blocking the only shot on goal Omarios would manage in the final minutes of the match. After just one minute of stoppage time, the final whistle sounded to end the lopsided blowout and to bring Omarios' early expectations of contending crashing down.

With the solid win by the Ponies' reserves, the Equestrians continue to look like the same team which qualified in style for World Cup 64, forced the heavily-favored Saugeains and Polarians to fight for their places in the second round, and stunned 11th-ranked rivals Yesopalitha to finish strong. If the Equestrian States can keep their top-notch form together throughout qualifying, there can be no doubt that the Ponies will be back in Saugeais or Pasarga later this year for the World Cup group stage with a real shot at advancing to the second round. But there are still plenty of qualifiers left to be played for the Equestrians, and Twilight Striker's team can't afford to let their hoof off the gas pedal just yet.

EQUESTRIAN STATES 4-0 OMARIOS
Starting XI:
GK - #21 - Gentle Breeze (Pegasus - Female) - 21 -  Mardi Lopunnies (NSI)
DF - #26 - Blackmane (Earth Pony - Male) - 23 -  Stilwater Saints (NSI)
DF - #22 - Ironclaw (Griffon - Female) - 28 -  Everfree Forest HC (EQS)
DF - #19 - Antonio Randall (Human - Male) - 27 -  Kaje Football (UGO)
MF - #9 - Rainbow Blitz (Pegasus - Male) - 21 -  Makosile United (VIL)
MF - #4 - Apple Jack (Earth Pony - Male) - 26 -  Mardi Lopunnies (NSI)
MF - #31 - Candace Rivers (Human - Female) - 23 -  Umber Lumber (FWH)
MF - #12 - Lightning Bolt (Pegasus - Male) - 23 -  Canterlot Stars (EQS)
MF - #25 - Ironhide (Dragon - Male) - 22 -  Selyne City Athenians (NSI)
FW - #30 - Sonar (Bat Pony - Male) - 21 -  Matthew City Senators (NSI)
FW - #23 - Thunderbolt (Pegasus - Female) - 23 -  Canterlot Stars (EQS)

Substitutions:
 Stardust in for Rainbow Blitz '46
 Krystal in for Apple Jack '46
 Xena in for Ironclaw '58

---

Ponies Must Not Underestimate Opponents

Equestrian States vs. The Inevitable Syndicate
at Elements Stadium in Ponyville, Equestrian States
Capacity: 48,750

Match Day 3 Results:
Equestrian States 4, Omarios 0
Bears Armed 3, The Inevitable Syndicate 2

PONYVILLE - After hammering Omarios 4-0 in Cloudsdale, the Equestrian national hoofball team won't have far to travel for their next qualifier against The Inevitable Syndicate in Ponyville. While the Syndicate is currently lying at sixth in the group with a 1-1-1 record, the Ponies can't afford to think of their opponent as an easy target to grab three points from. The Syndicatians are far from being a pushover, ranked 69th in the world with one of the best youth programs out there.

This early in qualifying, most teams are just a few points apart in the standings and have yet to face their toughest opponents. However, the Syndicatians don't fit into this mold, having the misfortune to draw both Bears Armed and the Equestrian States in their first four matches. Few expect The Inevitable Syndicate to be in sixth by the end of qualifying, with most experts predicting them to finish third in a group expected to be dominated cleanly by the top two seeds. Even with more experience and (arguably) more potential than their opponents, the Ponies cannot take the match with the Syndicatians lightly.

The home field advantage of the Equestrian States provided by the always loud and enthusiastic Ponyville crowd should give them more than enough of an edge, but complacency should always be guarded against. I don't expect the Ponies to struggle, but I do expect the Syndicatians to keep things close. Predicted Score: Equestrian States 2, The Inevitable Syndicate 1

   Group 20 - Qualifying            Pld    W   D   L    GF   GA   GD   Pts
 1  Equestrian States              3    2   1   0    10    4   +6     7
 2  Bears Armed                    3    2   1   0    10    5   +5     7
 3  Sudagiu                        3    2   1   0    10    6   +4     7
 4  Carmadin                       3    2   1   0     6    3   +3     7
 5  The Islands of Qutar           3    2   1   0     6    3   +3     7
 6  The Inevitable Syndicate       3    1   1   1     6    4   +2     4
 7  Tantamir                       3    0   1   2     3    7   −4     1
 8  Brenecia                       3    0   1   2     4    8   −4     1
 9  Free Republics                 3    0   0   3     3    7   −4     0
10  Omarios                        3    0   0   3     2   13  −11     0

[Kandorith]

Fans Rejoice


By Lisho Yaru

A flying start for the Kandorese team in the qualification round. After the rather disappointing draw, Kandorith strikes back with two flying wins. The fans are completely eluded by the performance this Kandorese team is showing, just as the previous world cup campaign. I think we can expect more from this team this campaign.


Even though the teams Kandorith has played hasn't been against formidable opponents, they did provide a challenge and required to be heeded. None of the teams in this group want to give up until the final whistle; not giving away easy chances or making many mistakes.


Tonight Kandorith will be tested against Milchama, who look absolutely a tough nut to crack. They are a high ranked team, who know how to play their game. We can just hope our team can keep their cool and professionalism. The head coach made clear he would not let the team down, nor would he let the nation down. "We have trained for this extensively and we are prepared to make our mark on world football. Tonight we are aiming to cause an upset and seize a victory." According to Head Coach Xíanji.


We will be awaiting the match as the people are preparing to move towards the station. Lots of fans do hope for a win tonight, a large majority expect at least a draw, some expect a small loss with a one goal margin. The entire nation is looking forward to tonight's match, Jiayoú Kanduó! May the winds of victory guide us towards the goal.

[Kalumba]

Peter Mgunbo smiled from his office down onto the street. It had been a triumph, a pure triumph. The entire of Kahali National Stadium was bathed in a sea of green, white and blue with the message 'We Are KUMing Home!" filling every television screen. It was almost as if the entire nation was behind them. What a masterstroke that nameless intern had had. And he would get all the credit and if the whole campaign continued like this then the Kalumban Unity Movement was assured victory.

Forgetting the political points scoring it had also been a highly enjoyable match and Kalumba had won well, now sitting in second place in Group 19 in spite of their lowly rank. He flicked through a copy of The Herald to refresh his memory of the previous evening events and chuckled his way through the criticism of the political move and the attempt to steal the national game and make it a political battlefield.

Then the match itself, a terrible start by Kalumba going two down in fifteen minutes to an inspired Torisakia. Kelso bagged both goals with fine finishes passed a helpless Ottbourne, although the veteran keeper produced a magnificent save from Juhl.This in fact proved to be the turning point because Davis pulled one back from the counter-attack following Ottbourne's save, and from then on it was Kalumba's match.

Despite going in at the break trailing to a weaker side at home it was Kalumba who looked the most confident. After a severe dose of the hairdryer the players were raring to go and Anderson picked up the first yellow in the game for a crunching tackle on Doerr, who hobbled off but was able to continue. Soon after Abouto scored his first of the tournament and rattled the crossbar with a powerful volley.

Then Ollie Roberts put Kalumba ahead with two sublime goals in quick succession... Peter put the paper down and opened the internet. He remembered the game from that point on the Kudus roaring forwards but just failing to make another breakthrough mainly in part due to their excellent keeper. A good game but a great day politically, some polls had Chimpota twenty points ahead after that cheap stunt. Free flags who would have thought it.

On The Lash With The Lads

We are number two, we are number two! 9 goals second in the group, what madness is this? Yes we are only three games in but still it is the highest Kalumba have been in a long time and you cannot say it is undeserved. Last night there were huge problems but we overcame them, and a two goal deficeit, to win with aplomb. And that is what we love about these new look Kudus. It is no longer we will keep you out and hope we socre, but if you score we will just score more than you can.

I can see this blowing up in out faces when we face a highly accomplished Vilitia side, but as long as we play well I don't mind a drubbing. If we go and play, if we say this is what Kalumba is all about then; well, I would be satisfied. We could go home with our pride.

Back to last night, what bastid thought giving away free flags was a good idea? Hmm? Maybe that crap looks good on a TV camera, but when I have over twenty pints of alcoholic beveridges and spirituous liquors in me I struggle to see any of the game anyway, but give every man and his dog a honking great massive flag and well I saw nowt and wonder why I went.

No exotic women or drink to sample and the Bechuaneland Constabulary boys were out in force, some with their lousy horses, and frankly there was no hope of a barney with then or the foreign fans. So we found a pub, drunk it dry, 'watched' (I use the term as loosely as possible) the match and returned to aforementioned purveyor of alcohol in search of more. But as usual everywhere was closed, shuttered and bolted up so we wandered home with heavy hearts. Bring on the next away day and it's assocciated joys.

Mr Spleen,

O, Mr Spleen is a xenophobe and a blaggard when at football matches or under the influence, in the other two weeks of the year he assures us he is a perfectly nice bloke. But anyway ignore his drivel and move own while you still have a few brain cells intact.