World Cup LXI (61) RP Thread

[Darmen]

World Cup Hall of Fame Candidate #2: Tim O'Donahaue
"Agent 0OD"

Date of Birth: November 11th, 1951 (Age: 61)
Place of Birth: Scott City, Darmen
Position: Manager

Family: Divorced, one son
Political Party: Second Communist Group
Religion: Holy Forden Church

Considered by many to be the second greatest Darmeni Manager of all time behind Georges Thomas, O'Donahaue replaced Mikael Gibbons in a suprise move made by Thomas (who at this point had taken his position as President of the DSF). O'Donahaue's only experience in Football came from his four years as a Defender on the Darmeni Army Academy squad, and his seven years and six collegiate titles with the same team.

Player
Starting college at the age of fifteen due to an above average IQ of 156, O'Donahaue was teased off the pitch for being so young, but was well respected on the pitch. O'Donahaue played in the back line for the Darmeni Army Academy's football squad for all four years of his education. Known as "Agent 0OD", O'Donahaue had a knack for appearing out of nowhere to retake possesion of the ball, and sending his team out on a counter attack. It took until his senior year to score his first goal, which came on a Penalty against the Naval Academy in the 1970 Collegiate Title Game.

Coach
After graduating from the Academy, O'Donahaue served one year in the Army, where he saw service in the South of Darmen as part of the Military Police. Following his one year of duty, O'Donahaue returned to the Academy, where he was put in charge of the football squad. The 1972 season didn't go as planned, with the squad winning only a single match out of fourteen, but the next six years saw the team win all 92 of their games and bring home six titles.

Job with the IG-2
Starting in 1978, O'Donahaue began a long career with the IG-2(Intelligence Gathering-2), the main Intelligence and National & Internal Security agency in Darmen. As a Field Agent from 1979-1992, O'Donahaue is said to have gone on over 200 missions, and quickly advanced up the ranks before become the Junior Head of National Security in 1993. He held that job until 2012, when he returned to the field with his son Donald. After embarking on a failed mission, which involved the abandoned Sargossan Parliament building, O'Donahaue was relieved of his job, and somehow ended up becoming Manager of the Darmeni National Team, ahead of several favorites which included, Rudy Jaramillo, Adrian Kok, William von Kriesler, and Jeromé Épilson.

Manager of the National Team
O'Donahaue led Darmen to victory in the 51st Cup of Harmony, to date Darmen's largest victory in any competition, and also led Darmen to a finals appearence in the Tenth Copa Rushmori. Known for being quite serious, O'Donahaue has learned to lighten up, a big change from the strict camp run by Mikael Gibbons. O'Donahaue is also known for bringing large amounts of players to competitions, and it's not rare for rosters to excede forty players ahead of any given match.

What does O'Donahaue wants to be remembered for?
"I want to be remembered as the guy who has an IQ of 156, but has never been able to learn, yet alone ever pernounce, the Legonian language," says O'Donahaue in Sakha, some weird language spoken only in Siberia.

[Kiryu-shi]

from a scrap of paper found blowing across an undisclosed desert in a top-secret foreign military base

a multitude
in and out
all
from the same family
born together
made together
played together
but
only one
am i
am all
at once

with every ball the crosses over the line a part of me disappears and yet with ever ball that crosses over the line another replaces me so

i am all of them all of these intersecting balls mostly on the side only one in play but that one i am

there was
a lot of crossing over those white lines early
neither team playing neatly perhaps the kiri were tired from their victory last week an emotional high euphoric but this is their fourth week of traveling yet to play at home and this time in redaya against the fighting bears not to be confused with the other bears, and those other bears

but
always with crossing over those lines
assistants tossing incarnations of me like peas into a pot over and over into the cauldron of sport a mix of players but only ever one pea at a time
and they are
so sloppy with me careless redaya perhaps a bit rusty they’ve following an off week coming off a big victory they must be and they keep on giving up the ball to the sidelines
and endlines

and
to boyle coming racing in front of a midfielder there was no chance he took me sloppy by redaya and i am rocketed back in the other direction by his boot i fly in towards goal kiryu don’t have numbers and the bears are fighting but the soft feet are distinct
d'Arányi touches me
her right
cuts past
two defenders left helpless
to the endline
a flick
and i fly to the middle
and
met by a head
DeCastro

this incarnation stays in play
just long enough
i am in the goal

and then they come again a quick start by them redaya comes perhaps too quick a deflated crowd and a deflated team lends itself to mistakes and it comes as barnes pushes me past cleats come seeking searching fighting this vicinage dangerous but barnes pushes me past them and then back another foot comes slicing in
in net for the second time in five minutes

i rest in the back of the net only momentarily redaya impatient

their touches more immediate anxious i twist and turn as they attack pushing forward Tariki carrying me forward pushing prodding i yo yo between redayan players searching seeking Tariki on me catapulting me into
a shin
deflecting me out over accumulated heads i fly up nearing the half way line another white line i pass but here no replacement i am being carried up the side somehow no redayan players in my path small touches become longer it’s d'Arányi again quickly - faster than any
other
player
the keeper comes flying out
trying to meet me
a soft touch
brings be past the appendages
stretched out by Midonesti

and when she stops me d'Arányi
i am surrounded
once again
by net

sloppy they say
lucky
but
this is how this match ends

[ooc notes: I am incorporating dictionary.com’s Word of the Day into my RPs, today’s word is ‘vicinage’. Also, as should hopefully be evident, this is written from the ball utilized in the matches of Kiryu-shi, and hopefully accurately represents the writing ability of inanimate objects.

Also, goalscorers for record keeping and RPing purposes: DeCastro 23’, d'Arányi 27’, d'Arányi 41’]

[Phoenigetuzstha]

The Temple of Melqart

"O Ba'al sokhan rândan: "Suzesh taqdim be negâh dâshtan pârsâ" o mâ farmudan in pasand âmadan" The High Priest said as he was about to light a sacrificial altar in the temple. The service was entirely in Phoenigetuzsthan, as was customary throughout the country. Due to the festival of Melqart taking place this week, and everyone having to pay their respects to the Gods, Nebuchad had forced the team into a service, despite many of them not being religious. There minds evidently began to wander:

"Psst, Vahgn, look at that!" Goran Xanthiocus pointed out to Vahgn Hairus. He was pointing to one of the relief's on the temple walls.
"Yes Goran, that's a relief of Melqart rising out of the ocean and swallowing an enemy boat, now shut up, we're in a temple." Vahgn turned his head away from Goran, and turned forward, listening to the words of the High Priest.
"Psst, Darius." He turned to the other man sitting beside him. Darius would perhaps yield a better response.
"What is it Goran?" Darius asked, turning his head slightly.
"Why do we have to sit through this service? I mean, its so boring..." Goran replied, putting his head in his hands. He did, however speak too loudly, and manager Nebuchad turned around, glaring at him.
"Would you like to be the sacrifice!" He spat in a quiet voice, venom pouring from his mouth.

"O conin mâ jombidan be be al fadâ az Melqart. Pasand âmadan dâshtan falâi sekke moujud" The High Priest said serenely, two lesser priest walking down the isles holding large silver chalices encrusted with sapphires.
"WHAT GOLD COIN!" Goran exclaimed to Darius.
"The offering to Melqart?" Darius looked quizzical "Nebuchad told us last match against Beaverriver.
"Oh no!"Goran whined, "I forgot..."

As the priests walked down the line to collect the coins, there was an unbroken wall of coins being popped into the chalice, until it came to Goran.
"Your coin?" The taller priest asked, his headpiece making him seem taller than he actually was.
"I...I don't have one..." He looked down, trying to hide his shame. The priest looked at him, before pulling a staff out, ornately decorated.
"Bârak Melqart o yadak men mazzarat be ahmaq." The priest said, loud enough for the whole temple to here.
This was a huge embarrassment. He would never play for Phoenigetuzstha again most likely, due to his managers religiousness. He just turned around and walked out of the temple, the priest shouting behind him:
"Tâvel bâz âmadan yâ al khodâ erâde e'tesâb forud!"

[Carmadin]

A few hours after the game against Gyatso-Kai, en route home to Carmadin

All text and speech is ICly, in Carmadese

Cheh Tom Jaht Kaeh, elite Carmadin defenseman, was asleep in his plane seat, completely out, his head lolling on Dowv Daz's shoulder. Dowv Daz was considerably miffed, but, being the kind of guy he was, let Cheh Tom sleep. He'd had a rough, but good, game, and this was likely to be the only sleep he got before the game against Inthelittlenation. Luckily, the match was in Carmadin, and not in that little nation. The prospect of more traveling was positively repellent.

As Cheh Tom snuffled, schnorgled, and shifted his position, Dowv let out a deep sigh. He'd better be getting extra good-person points for this, he thought. It wasn't every coach that allowed his players to drool on him.
He sat in quiet misery a little while longer, trying not to focus on the dead weight sitting next to him, and dearly wishing he'd sat with Kihxaw and Vehchowng, not here with the players. Team bonding gone awry.

Speaking of Kihxaw, here he was now. His friend came over, looking at the blob sitting on Dowv's shoulder, and smiled. Of course. Kihxaw always did enjoy to see Dowv in distress. This scene would make the whole long plane ride worthwhile for him. Kihxaw pulled out his phone, took a picture of "#foundanewpillow", as he called it, then sat on the armrest of Dowv's chair, and opened his email account up on that remarkable technological device of his.

"Dowv take a look at this"

"Er, at what?"

Kihxaw tapped the screen, opening an emial from Arksin Football Club. Its subject read "ARKSIN FOOTBALL CLUB-IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDING CHEH TOM JAHT KAEH

Before Dowv could read any more, however, the loudspeaker crackled

"This is your captain speaking. Please clear the aisles and fasten your seat belts securely. We are about to enter a section of strong turbulence. Repeat, clear the aisles and fasten your seatbelts. We will be entering turbulence."

Kihxaw Jahp let loose with a vulgar word, and hopped up off the armrest. He stopped, and muttered something that sounded like "trans-t-tyulitter", and ran down the aisle to his seat.
He almost made it.

Bonk. The plane lurched upwards, and Kihxaw tumbled down the aisle, clonking all the way to the back of the plane, before it dipped down, and he began the journey back up again. Luckily, he was stopped by a flight attendant as she went to make sure some things didn't fall. Unluckily, those things were food, and fall they did, right on Kihxaw Jahp. Dowv, always prepared and never to be outdone, got the whole scene on video.

"This is your captain speaking. Thank you for all remaining calm, and seated. We have passed through the rough patch, and should be looking at smooth skies all the way back to Chah--yes, what? The national team coach? Kihxaw Jahp? Yes, what about him? Really? Bonking down the aisle and causing a disturbance? Ruined the dinner? Did he really? Well, I always thought that man had some growing up to do? The armrest? Really? Oh, I am? Darn, you're right, I am. I should probably turn the mike off next time!"

After the captain and Kihxaw had both apologized profusely to one another, Kihxaw for making a general idiot of himself, and the captain for saying so, and once Kihxaw had apologized profusely for ruining the dinner they were about to have, and after they'd all gotten bananas instead of dinner, because it was the only thing Kihxaw hadn't ruined, Kihxaw returned, quite deflated, to Dowv. Cheh Tom was wide awake now, wondering if this was what the national team was like in the days of the Baptism of Fire.

Kihxaw, quite miffed now, pulled his phone out, and opened the relevant message. Dowv could see now that Kihxaw had been CC'd, and the original message sent to CFL transfer headquarters.

"Cheh Tom, you've got your wish"

"Er, what wish, coach?"

"Well, you're leaving Arksin."

"I'm going abroad? To where?"

"Guess"

"No. Tell me. Country and Club"

"Fine. Cotdelapoms"

The joy began to spread on Cheh Tom's face.

"Serie A?"

"Yep. Cosmopolitain. You're gonna help them get up to our level"

Everyone there laughed, because though the CFL was ranked 14 places higher than Serie A, the Serie seemed to have better quality football.

Cheh Tom just smiled.

[Sargossa]

(OOC: Full disclosure, in case anyone thought I was being sneaky. This is a slightly edited version of an RP originally posted in the previous Copa Rushmori thread. Re-posted here for continuity convenience more than anything else.)


Outside lightning ravaged the sky and rain beat against the vast and ornate exterior of Soluca’s Presidential Palace. It was a warm night as the storm raged high above. Deep within the mighty edifice, in a plush meeting room that normally hosted discussions on crucial matters of state, a lone figure sat at a long, oaken table. He slowly rolled an empty rum bottle across the table, another half-finished bottle sat by his elbow. A small radio competed against the sound of the rain. From its speakers an excited commentator described a football match. Across the city the Sargossan national football team were battling their way to victory against Taeshan in a crucial World Cup qualifier. It provided an unsuitably cheery ambience to a fairly bleak occasion.

“There you are.” Said the silhouette that had gracefully filled the room’s doorway. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Why are you sitting in the dark?”

“I like the dark.” He turned to face the intruder as she reached for the light switch. “Leave it.”

“Come on Luís. You knew this was coming. We all did.”

He took another slug from his glass, draining the contents in one go. “You knew I’d be cast aside by those closest to me? You knew I’d be denied my birth right? That I’d be overlooked in favour of some outsider?”

“Always so dramatic.” She sighed. "Gregorio’s no outsider, he’s my husband. That makes him family. Your family. You never wanted to be President. Not really. All that responsibility. All those meetings, speeches, endless functions. You’d hate every second. It’s better this way. You get all the trappings of power without any of the hassle. Count yourself lucky.”

“Fuck you.”

“Charming.” She bristled. “Don’t pretend you never saw this coming. Not after the things you’ve . . .”

The glass shattered against the wall. He rose from behind the table and stalked towards her. You were never truly on your own in the Presidential Palace, even this late into the day there were still hundreds toiling away in the corridors of power. But as he advanced on her she deeply regretted tackling him alone, particularly knowing what he was capable of. His hand reached up to cup her face. He looked her in the eyes.

“You were saying sweet sister?”

Fear ran through her as she cowered under his gaze. But that fear was replaced by something else, it was replaced by anger. She wasn’t the scared little sister, not anymore. She furiously tore his hand away from her face.

“Not after the things you’ve done.” She spat the last word out. “You’re lucky you’re here to have this conversation at all. You can drink yourself into a stupor all you like, it changes nothing. Tomorrow morning Gregorio and I are joining father at the stadium to make the announcement in front of the entire nation. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

With that final flourish she left, leaving him alone once again. He returned to his seat and took a swig straight from the bottle. He smiled in the darkness.

“We’ll see.”

[Alasdair I Frosticus]

Juan Tzimisces pushed aside Simon Zinc-Trumpet-Harriso's wife (a very attractive table lamp) and sighed.

His World Cup 61 squad were proving to be unpredictable - devastatingly good, but a little unpredictable.

Though not in all things; one thing that had been utterly predictable had been the rampant misogyny the squad had displayed towards the Nicole Scherzinger squad, whom Gervaise and Simon had insisted on referring to as 'damn fine fillies', while patronising their footballing ability at every opportunity.

This might have explained why the home team had been 2-0 up after 20 minutes.

True, Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich- grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitz- weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of New Nicea - the only Imperial player who didn't seem to be attempting to invite Molly Phelps back to the team hotel after the match 'for a right good seeing to' - had singlehandedly dragged the Empire back into the game, but Simeone had made it perfectly clear to Juan that the team couldn't expect to play this way against one of the leading Pink Cup nations and get away with it.

It was half-time, though, that had emphasised the team's unpredictability. While Juan and Simeone had been attempting to explain the more nuanced aspects of a successful offside trap for the 15th time that day, Kevin Phillipso-Bong had suddenly lept to his feet and declared "I say, let's pretend we're all hamsters for the second half!"

Amidst cries of "what japery!", "I say, what fun!", and "excellent hijinks, chaps!", Juan had found most of his team running around on fours making sniffling sounds while insisting that they be called 'Nibbles', 'Hammy', 'Poopsie' and 'Butternut'.

Grown men.... these were grown men.

On the other hand, a bunch of upper class twits pretending - possibly under the influence of too many G&Ts - to be giant hamster could apparently play some fairly decent football, and the squad ran out 4-2 winners after goals from hamsters Honeydew and Huggins.

If they played like that all the time, Tzimisces mused to himself, he could learn to tolerate their eccentricities.

[United Gordonopia]

Previous Entries in "Norm Bates: Tolten's Fire"

Part One
Part Two
Part Three

"Norm, I'd like you to come speak with me after class."

Looking down at the paper on his desk, Norm Bates could see why his teacher had said those dreaded words: he'd failed a ninth year history test. Again.

After that, the class passed by in a blur. It wasn't that Norm was stupid, quite the opposite; he simply didn't see any reason to try. What was the point of school, especially the underfunded, underperforming schools of Tolten, if he was just going to end up in a factory like his classmates, like his mother, like... no, he didn't want to think about that. For years he'd been trying to move past the senseless murder of his dad, but it always seemed to come back to haunt him somehow.

Finally, when the day's last bell rang, Norm strolled slowly to the front of the class, where his teacher, Mr. O'Connor, was waiting at his desk.

"So what is it this time, sir?" Norm asked, already knowing the answer.

The tall, dark man waited a moment before answering, "Norm, I'm sure you're well aware of what failing this test means. If you'd passed it, you would have been able to pass the class, but failing it... well, let's just say that you're bright enough that I don't want to have to see you again next year. That's why I'm going to give you another chance."

With those last words, Norm slowly looked up and wondered what the teacher meant. "What do you mean, sir?"

"I mean I'm going to give you a chance to retake the test. There is one condition though."

Norm thought about what his teacher was saying for a moment. Although he had long ago lost the motivation to perform, he knew how much his failure was hurting his mother, who had always thought he had the potential to go somewhere in life. Maybe he could at least make her happy, so he decided to ask what that condition was.

"I want you to try out for the football team. I know why you're so averse to it, I remember watching him all those years ago. But I think this may be the best way to move past it, and after speaking with your mother the other day, I know that she agrees. Besides, Mr. Warner in Phys Ed. tells me that you blow everyone out of the water, even when you're not trying. Now, as a teacher I'm not supposed to let my outside engagements interfere with how I grade my students, but as a coach... when I find out that there's a kid who's out dribbling, out passing and out scoring all of my best players, I want to do what it takes to get that kid on my squad."

Norm couldn't respond. Mr. O'Connor was right that he had been avoiding football since his father's death; the memory was just so painful. But if his mother thought the same was as his teacher... perhaps they were right. Perhaps...

[Free South Califas]

³¹⁰Arcadian Islands 0-1 Free South Califas¹⁴²
Goal: Bela Ceh 67' (1st in WC61; 5th in WC career; 13th in international career)
Assist: Hamrah Anzalichi (1st in WC61; 2nd in WC career; 6th in international career)

## Ps Player Name, Domestic Club (WC61/WCs/all int)
34 GK Christine Gonzalez, Thousand Oaks (3/10/21)
02 LWB Nadezhda Prokhorova, Long Beach (3/17/39)
03 LB Falerina Jomphe, Bakersfield (3/17/38)
68 CB Frida Rubaiyat, Huntington Beach (3/10/24)
04 SW Onofre Reynoso Lovato, Santa Maria (3/17/36)
65 RB Isabella Ferreira Cardoso, Chula Vista (3/4/16)
05 RWB Ernsta Heimdal, Fontana (3/17/27)
06 LM Godvin Nes, San Diego (3/17/39)
23 DM Hamrah Anzalichi, Channel Islands (3/9/22)
07 RM Haidou Zhongyuan, Thousand Oaks (3/17/38)
10 CF Bela Ceh, Long Beach (3/17/37)

00 DM Seth Stackhouse, Santa Maria (1/2/11)
15 WB Satel Norman, Pomona (1/1/6)
11 RS Chidiebele Guttman, Dwile Central (Apox) (1/15/30)

While Califan pundits have been quick to dismiss the lower half of Group 16, certain sides, like the Arcadian Islands, are not put away so easily, and the humble Harvest Mice have used the full set of cliches in interviews to describe their mentality. Nothing becomes cliche without first passing through truth: the good sides indeed take it one game at a time.

Earlier analyses by the Los Angeles Times revealed that the average Style Assessment of Group 16 opponents with other-than-completely-balanced tactics was 2.4 on the offensive side. Being assessed at 2.5 in that direction, the match in Arcadia was considered to be potentially instructive for the new-look Mice.

Kensi August, of the local club side, proved a pest to the Mice throughout the first half. Despite his determination in the middle of the field, thwarting his through-ball attempts gave inexperienced centerback Frida Rubaiyat new confidence to defend the open angles forced on her by Oswaldo Garabona's "Spread Eagle" 6-3-1 formation. Gareth Sully of Esperance tried to take advantage of right back Isabella Ferreira Cardoso's shortage of World Cup experience on the Arcadians' left side of the Califas box, but Ernsta Heimdal of Fontana was there to back her up.

Harvest Mice counterattacks fizzled, one after the other, with impatient shooting from a young side desperate to score their first goal of the qualifiers. Nevertheless, the occasional tendency of Prokhorova to poke one away and then blast it down the field to Godwin Nes and Bela Ceh kept the islanders honest.

The halftime break proved that the new Osarian manager for the plucky, well-nourished libertarians would be preceded by his reputation for eccentric metatactics. Facing persistent rumors of chicken sacrifices, Garabona seemed miffed by the reporter's question before attempting to look unfazed. "Alright then, enough is enough," Oswaldo settled; "I wouldn't say anything, but animal sacrifice is taboo in South Califas as you *cough* probably know. All I did was eat a chicken sandwich. Some of the vegans on this team like to use a bit of hyperbole, like anyone else. from that place"

Back on the field, the scoreless draw remained tense until Bela Ceh broke the ice in the 67th minute to lengthen hir lead in the FSC goals race with number 13, hir fifth in world cup qualifiers. Hamrah Anzalichi announced his status as the new Califas playmaker with his team-leading sixth international assist, and his first in WCQs. Anzalichi found the top of Ceh's head unmarked near the far post in a moment of confusion among the Island defense.

With the players beginning to come together in their new roles, the defensive, or negative, or cynical Harvest Mice look a little better at 1-0-2 going into their first home game. They will meet ⁸⁹Karditan at the Rose Bowl, nearly completing their first-half qualifying tour of teams ranked higher than them. After losing by 1-0 and 2-0 to better teams, the Mice have a decent chance of drawing against Karditan. If they do, they might start making headlines in places that have never had much reason to pay attention to Califan football before.

[Taeshan]

The Knights fell to Sargossa, but to be fair it was all but expected as the Knights traveled to their opponents lair for the event. It could also be expected that the return leg may very well be a victory or a tie to help the Knights out. The bad news is though that the Knights continue to slip in form in the early season. The fire that they had only weeks ago seems to have dimmed and the team is all but slowly diminishing their chances to advance back to the world cup.

The even worse news is that the Icemark and the Kytler Penninsulae still happen to be on their schedule, but thankfully the Sargossans are halfway done with for the season. The Knights will have to really work on their form to even have a chance to turn this around and hope for better games to come.

[Antoletia]

The King of Taes. Yes it seems no matter how hard the Fire Ants try they can't put any of these lower ranked teams away. They drubbed the Archregimancy for god sakes and they can't even beat West Angola, and the other two teams we fail to even remember the names of.

In truth it is a season that to be fair really could use a lot of help. They need a spark, to be fair the offensive of the Constant Constantines is not getting it done. Filip and Constantin can not score to save their lives.

The defense is good, but really the rest of them could use a lot of work to try to get better and actually win another game. Winning is everything in this sport, you must win to get anywhere, and the Ants are not doing that at the moment. They really need to work on that scoring thing.

[Camerania]

Norman: Good evening, and welcome to World Cupdate on CBC Sports. I'm Barry Norman, and with me is Katrina Solenksy. Today we bring you the news of another draw for the Fightin' Commies, but this time it comes on a lighter note.

Solensky: That's right, Barry, last night's match was away against Western Cuba, the first-ranked team in our group. While based on our standing we expected a loss, we were able to pull off a draw on their home field, which is a good sign for possible climbing of the ranks for our currently seventh-ranking team.

Norman: This is the sign we've been looking for, Katrina we were down for most of the match, until the middle of the second half, just after Western Cuba's Alberto Perez and our own Drell Marist were both out for the rest of the game after being shaken up from a collision in a race for the ball, Karl Gregory managed to headbutt the ball into the left corner of the net, scoring our only goal for the match. Our Fightin' Commies managed to hold them off through extra time to get us our draw, but it certainly was a match, quite similar to camping, in that it was definitely intense.

Solensky: This game gives us hope for the future, and we're looking foward to success. Until next time, I'm Katrina Solensky,

Norman: And I'm Barry Norman, keeping you posted.

[Wight]

.

[Ossidiacqua]

Continued from...

"Aw c'mon, please?"

"I said no, Fabricio." said the curator of the Museum of the Pause Time, unimpressed.

"But I cam back to you with a new proposal! On fine parchment!" pressed Fabricio calderon, ferevishly.

"No! Fabricio! I don't care how many times you come back to me with a rewritten proposal, and I don't care if you've written it on the High Chancellor's backside! There is nothing I can do. Even if you did have evidence that the hypothetical offspring of Enzo Sertori has been contacting the Velasquez family - which you actually don't, may I remind you - there is no way in hell that I am going to give you the key to that cabinet!"

"But I'm sure it's him! It has to be!"

"But you have no evidence, Fabricio. Come on, you know how these things work. Even if you did have hard evidence that Enzo Sertori procreated before he died, he still went missing without a trace, and that letter remains the property of the estates of either Sertori and his descendants, or Lady Esmerelda Velasquez and her descendants. The only reason we have the bloody letter on loan from them is under the distinct instructions that we never open it. A dead man's love letter to the woman he'd never see again, Fabricio, have you no heart?"

"I do have a heart, yes, and it's telling me that there is dramatic and exciting evidence in that letter." shouted Fabricio, pausing, then slamming his hands on the curator's desk for dramatic effect.

"You know its really more dramatic if you do that in the heat of the moment rather than as an afterthought..." intoned the curator from above his spectacles.

Fabricio said nothing, but slammed his hands on the desk again.

"The answer is no, Fabricio. Now go away, I have excavations to attend to."

Fabricio's shoulders slumped. The curator felt guilty, he had to admit, there was certainly something in Calderon's claims, and the man was a talented and enthusiastic researcher. Nonetheless, rules were rules.

"If it means that much to you," said the curator slowly, "go to the Velasquez family. Ask them if you ca-..."

"I already have," interrupted Fabricio, still looking at the floor, "they said no."

"Well then that's all there is to it. Now, aren't you a fan of la Renaissance? Aren't they playing later this evening? Maybe that will cheer you up."

The curator stood up, put a hand on Fabricio's shoulder, and gave him a kindly look. The look was dropped and the grip got a bit tighter when he realised Fabricio wasn't taking the hint to leave the office.

"I have to lock up, Fabricio, skedaddle."

"Right, yes, sorry..." mumbled Fabricio, gathering his parchments. "I guess I'll go find a bar an-..."

"...and? And what, Fabricio?" asked the curator.

"...sorry, got to go!" yelled Fabricio, new excitement in his voice. "I've had an idea, I'll see you later!"

The curator stared at the speedily accelerating figure of Fabricio Calderon, now running full speed through the museum and away from his office towards the exit. He wondered idly what could have caused the young man to tear off with such speed, but he didn't wonder for long. His wife would have finished his new cardigan by now. He had to hurry home. How exciting!

Fabricio had more important things on his mind however. La Renaissance were playing at home to Conclespia tonight, yes, but soon they'd have to board their steamer for Rustika, complete with captain Ricardo Velasquez - just the man that Fabricio wanted to finally have a conversation with.

"All of a sudden," mutter Fabricio under his breath as he ran for the travel brokers, "I have a desperate urge to visit Rustika..."

[Arcadian Islands]

³¹⁰Arcadian Islands 0-1 Free South Califas¹⁴²
Goal: Bela Ceh 67'

Terrence Marshall stretched his eager legs as the sideline official held the electronic substitution board aloft for the home crowd to see. The red digital numbers read '03-14', indicating Edward Aitken was to be replaced. Ted Blaisa, assistant coach, hurriedly gave Marshall some last minute instructions on the sideline. The tension that gripped the crowd could be felt as Aitken was calmly applauded off the pitch and Marshall nervously welcomed.

Sixty-five minutes had been played in Arcadia without troubling the two long-time workers ('Twopenny' and 'Dick-a-Dick') inside the old Brookedale scoreboard, despite several opportunities for both sides. Marshall took to the pitch and quickly moved to his position beside Jamet at the centre of the defense. A throw-in from Fitzgerald was taken by the Arcadian midfield as the team pushed forward in search of a goal. Played between Dennett and Lamanon, the ball reached Sully before it was forced back to the covering August. A play out to Fitzgerald on the wing was followed by a switch under pressure, although the poor pass resulted in another relieving pass back to August. Spotting a run from d'Entrecasteaux, August played a fast through-ball however it was again broken down by the opposition defense in what turned out to be the story of the Satinbirds' afternoon.

Without warning, the visitors turned from defense to attack. Marshall, still getting up to match speed, tracked back towards his own goal as he searched for his man. Noticing a threatening run from Haidou Zhongyuan, Marshall moved to provide tight coverage and nullify the threat. Closing on Zhongyuan, Marshall noticed the fellow white, gold and blue of a home jersey. Unable to stop his run in time, he clattered into Duncan Sinclair who had also noticed the threat from Zhongyuan. Almost simultaneously, the entire defensive unit heard the voice of keeper Travis Croker begin to scream 'Striker! Striker!'. Whilst André Jamet had moved out to challenge a threatening Hamrah Anzalichi, and Sese Aala was busy shutting down Godvin Nes as he had for most of the day, Bela Ceh had sneaked into the box and was unmarked at the far post.

Marshall tried to scramble; he realised too late that this was all his fault. Jamet valiantly lunged at Anzalichi, to no avail as the Califan played a perfect ball to the striker from Long Beach. Croker tried coming off his line, but was unable to reach the ball as Ceh rose and headed the ball firmly past the stranded keeper. The home crowd sat in complete silence, save a customary polite clap which reverberated from the shocked stadium. Whilst the home crowd had been expecting a tough match, the strong win against Phoenigetuzstha had buoyed local hopes. The efforts of the crowd in the stands and the team on the pitch were courageous for the last twenty five minutes, but it was to no avail; the Satinbirds simply could not break through the strong and cohesive defense of the Harvest Mice.

[Astograth]

From the Archives of RL Sports

World Cup 11

Haiti: alhtoughw e were second in confafac chamopionship congarautlions meixco haiti will be backk!!!!! ;):(:():)(:);

America: About time, Mexico. Was wondering if you'd regret withdrawing that host bid.

Mexico: Sod off, you lost to Canada. And I don't regret withdrawing my host bid, I already hosted one a short while ago and everybody knows how keen Argentina was. He's done it wonderfully so far.

America: Meh. When I win this you're all under obligation to call it soccer.

Iran: Can't believe I qualified on my second attempt! Now prepare for more unintelligible RPs!
تبریک می گویم، شما برای اجرای این کار را از طریق مترجم گوگل به اندازه کافی هوشمند است.و یا صدای فارسی، که هنوز هم قابل توجه برای این انجمن.

Tunisia: I'm débuting too! Fourth attempt though. Hope to make Africa proud!

Luxembourg: Tenth attempt. No finals. Officially worse than Swartaz.

Ireland: dont worry luxembourg,im on ten two after losing to france again.but you just have to keep rping and then youll qualify,or at least thats what france says and he was fifa president so he knows what he says

Luxembourg: Not sure I want to RP all day or the stay just to lose a playoff like Bolivia or go out in the group stage. Wish there was a Cup of Harmony.

Brazil: We said NO MORE CUP OF HARMONY when it was first floated around by Mexico and other WC2 non-qualifiers; as newly bribed elected FIFA President I don't intend to change that.

Netherlands: Umm, did a coup just happen in that Argentina RP?!

Argentina: Yeah, that's the big twist I was preparing! We've been a dictatorship for two years already, SURPRISE!

Chile: You bloody copycat.

Peru: You'd know.

Paraguay: Amateurs.

---

France: Damn it, Hungary, does your team only have white kits? They won't do for our match.

Hungary: No, but don't you play in blue anyway?

France: Argentina says the black-and-white TV viewers won't be able to tell us apart...

Argentina: I know what you can do! Use these, France.

France: What in the world is that?

Argentina: Club Atlético Kimberley's kits. They won't mind if you borrow them!

Brazil: Argentina, is there any reason for Paraguay scorinating your matches several hours later than the regular cutoff?

Argentina: Oh, that. His times are just different than mine

Brazil: Oh. Okay

Tunisia: Sorry I couldn't RP but...

Group 2
Tunisia 3-1 Mexico

GOOOOOOAAAALLL for Les Aigles!!! Kaaaaabiii!! Goal for ALL AFRICA!

First African win at a World Cup :')

Sweden:

-snip-
Welsh referee Clive Thomas awarded Brazil a very late corner kick and Zico directly headed the kick into the net, but Thomas blew for full time before Zico made contact with the ball. The goal was disallowed and the score remained 1-1.

The SvFF would like to remind the CBF that although it is fairly permissive it would perhaps be best to stick to one's own RP permissions ("anything that could actually happen in a football game"). Personally, I have yet to see anything like this actually happen in a football game, though with the wealth of matches constantly being played perhaps you could point me towards one so that I may be convinced by your post.

Not acting in my condition as a mod etc.

Scotland:

Group 4
Scotland 3-2 Netherlands

Of course, when all hope is already lost... I beat the World Cup runners-up

Poland: Must again express my displeasure with them, but good luck to everyone in the second group stage!

Peru: Good luck to you too, I'm feeling ON FIRE!

Peru:

Group B
Peru 0-3 Brazil

Eh, maybe not.

Germany:

Group A
Netherlands 2-2 West Germany

Well, congrats. The closest you'll get to revenge is throwing me into the third place match

Peru:

Group B
Peru 0-1 Poland

Eh, there go the bronze medals.

Germany:

Group A
Austria 3-2 West Germany

Lost to fecking Austria?! No third place for me then...

Argentina:

Group B
Poland 1-3 Brazil

Well, now I have to beat Peru by four goals to go to the final instead of Brazil. FOUR GOALS. Though six would also work. Boy, I think it'll be tough. BY FOUR (possibly SIX) GOALS. Very tough, yeah. Welp, we've just got to sit tight and wait for Paraguay to scorinate!

Paraguay:

Group B
Argentina 6-0 Peru

EXCELLENT GUESS!

Brazil: wat

Argentina: Oh boy! Didn't see that one coming! Good luck Netherlands!

Netherlands: Yeah. Luck.

Hungary:

WORLD CUP FINAL
Estadio Monumental, Buenos Aires
Netherlands 1 - 1 Argentina
(1-3 AET)

I know that feel bro

[Blouman Empire]

THE DAILY REVIEW

Eagles Keen to Soar

The Blouman Eagles are keen to continue their World Cup qualifying campaign after facing the bye during the 4th match day. The team spent their time at Melona Insurance Stadium running an open training session to the delight of 20,000 fans who turned up to watch. Before visiting a number of schools in the area followed by a team singing session which saw people lining up for 3 hours.

After their 2-1 win against Bongo Johnson the Eagles are keen to continue their good run having won 2 of their first 3 games and managing a draw in the third. They are currently sitting third on the table, three points being Gaytso-Kai with a game in hand. Manager Harry Malsomp was quick to downplay the results stating that while the team has been showing promise and playing good football there is still a long way to go including games against the two teams above them on the ladder; Bears Armed and Gaytso-Kai. Regardless of who they have or haven't played the Empire has brought about hope for Bloumany in international football. After 8 WC cycles of exile many experts and the public believed that the Empire would not be playing at the skill level before the suspension if they ever reached it, with the current results many are starting to sit up and pay attention to this playing group and hoping that they may be able to reach heights that many thought would take years.

The Empire next play New Pebble Island away in what is a match to lose, with New Pebble Island yet to win a game the Empire will be seeking to take another 3 points further cementing their place as a qualifying contender. Captain Briggs-Way remarked that he was confident of a good win against New Pebble Island. Brigss-Way spoke of the work that had been done in defence during the time off. The poor defence play has been cause for concern in past matches conceding 4 goals which would've been higher were it not for Solomon who at times performed miracle saves.

[Unified Falcon]

Imara's Files

What do we do now? We had a win, and now a loss. A narrow loss at that. To Aguazul, who did win the World Cup three times in a row before not playing last cycle. It's odd. I should be kind of sad right now, right? We did just lose. But instead, here I am, smiling and actually happy about what I saw today.

What did I see? The players starting to meld together. They've gotten past the entire "Falconfar vs. Falconear" thing and started to play together. Damon and Thaddeus have definitely been the catalysts, but even the stubborn ones have started to see my way. They are in the same team whether they like it or not. They do represent their countries, together, whether they like it or not.

It is interesting, though. The dynamics. I guess what my plan was, my ingenious plan, worked. I took the entire team to an orphanage that takes care of both Falconfarian and Falconearan children, and had them play with the kids for a whole day. At the end, there wasn't a single dry eye. Then, one little boy comes up to the whole team and goes, "Don't fight, just play nice, and good luck!" That was probably a godsend.

I am starting to see more selfless play, more communication, more hands helping a teammate off the ground. It is nice to see, and it makes my job worthwhile.

Meanwhile, I will remember what a young teenage girl told me:

"You're their leader, their roof. If you leak, if you fall apart, this won't work. You do know that, right? I know that it isn't easy, but you have to keep at it, because with this team lies the fortunes of the country. Your team can become the bridge that puts Falconfar and Falconear together. This isn't just a football team. This is an experiment. And if it goes well, it can really ease the tensions between our two nations."

I say, isn't that kid a genius? Can't wait to see what kind of person that kid turns out to be.

But little Tomas Inglekoff is right. We are what we are. And we will be what we will be.

[Polar Islandstates]

"Evenin' Gunnar, the usual?"

"Aye, ta Yannis. Much obliged." answered Gunnar, closing the door of The Auld Creaky behind him and stepping inside.

"...THANKS TO A FINE DIVING HEADER. HAUGE WOULD ADD TO HIS TALLY IN THE SECOND HALF, SOME FINE WORK BY VIK AND LEPKA IN THE MIDFIELD FREEING UP SOME SPACE FOR THE BATTLE MIDFIELDER TO RUN INTO. A SWIFT ONE-TWO WITH VAN SORENSEN FOLLOWED, AND HAUGE BURIED THE BALL INTO THE TOP CORNER OF THE NET FROM 30 YARDS, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DELIGHTED OSTKURVEN CROWD. THE TERNS WEREN'T DONE INFLICTING PUNISHMENT ON THEIR VISITORS YET, AND AFTER SOAKING UP MANY WAVES OF PRESSURE FROM EASTFIELD LODGE, THEY SPRUNG A LIGHTNING COUNTER-ATTACK. ELMSVIKUR'S SHOT HAD TO BE TIPPED OVER BAR IN THE END, BUT THE VISITORS WERE RATTLED, A FACT TORRE URFSTADT TOOK FULL ADVANTAGE OF WHEN HE HEADED HOME AT THE NEAR POST FORM THE RESULTANT CORNER, WHIPPED IN BY NIKO LEPKA. THE WIN MEANS THAT SCHWARTZ'S SIDE HAVE NOW MADE TWO CLEAN SHEETS IN TWO MATCHES AFTER A SHAKY START TO THE CAMPAIGN, AND TH-..." *click*

"Oh, actually, you know what?" said Gunnar happily as Yannis turned off the radio, "I'm in a good mood, let's have something different tonight!"

"Er, different?" hesitated Yannis.

"Yeah, why not, you only live once, right?" said Gunnar, clearly happy with the football he'd seen this evening and scanning the bottles on the rack behind the landlord.

"Erm..."

"Let's see now, erm, 'Bouleale', that sounds interesting. Get me one Bouleale, barkeep!" toned Gunnar with mock forcefulness.

"No." replied Yannis matter-of-factly.

"I will have it with m-... wait, what do you mean 'no'?" said Gunnar, taken aback, pausing halfway through the act of slamming his money down on the counter.

"I mean, 'no'. You can't have any."

"Well why ever not, mate?"

"I haven't got any."

Slowly, before answering, Gunnar's eyes tracked from the bottle of Bouleale on the rack behind Yannis, double, triple, quadruple checked that he wasn't seeing things, and then looked back at Yannis. He opened his mouth as if to reply, and thought better of it. This continued for about a minute before Yannis broke the silence.

"Truth be told, mate, 99% of these bottles are just for show." shrugged Yannis.

"Just for sh...? Oh, fine. So what do you have, then?" asked Gunnar, resigned.

"Grogg and Seasogs, really." came the response.

"That's it?"

"Pretty much. Aside from this stuff up here..." said Yannis, turning and rumaing for the single bottle of a curiously thick looking black liquid labelled in a language Gunnar didn't recognise.

"What is it?" asked Gunnar, intrigued.

"There." said Yannis triumphantly, setting it down on the counter. "'Vlotsky Blott'. Dunno what it tastes like, mind..."

"Ah well, in for a pfennig, in for a $ol... One Vlotsky Blott, please Yannis."

"Right you are, Gunnar." said Yannis, setting about pouring the strange liquid.

"So, what do you do when somebody ask for something other than Grogg or Seasogs?" asked Gunnar out of curiosity as Yannis was doing so.

"You know," said Yannis as he finished up and handed Gunnar the drink, "you'd be surprised how little that happens."

Gunnar looked at the substance. The surface of it seemed to shimmer and swirl like an oil slick, and he could swear it was moving slightly of its own volition. He delicately sniffed the shot and nearly passed out at the strength of the fumes coming off it.

"Blimey, Yannis, is this stuff legal?" he asked. "I might reconsider, you know, this stuff looks like it could knock me out!"

Then Larsen walked in.

"Evening, chaps. Know what match today's combined performance from Urfstadt and Hauge reminded me of?" he asked chirpily.

Gunnar immediately drank the shot. He was unconscious before his head hit the counter. Fortunately for Larsen, this was not an uncommon reaction to his little history lessons, and he carried on oblivious...



NORSCELT DOMINANCE
The 1960s had been fertile ground for Norscelt in the Valhallan Shield, taking seven out of the ten titles in that period, winning the first cup of the 70s in addition as they sought to continue their hot streak. Their dominance was based upon the power of the FC1. Surtsey Island Gulls and North Star Grímsey sides of the era, with the newly merged Jan Mayen Islanders also starting to exert their strength over the rest of the region, and indeed eight of the ten Latitude Cups in the 60s also went to Norscelt sides. Only Franz Josef and Aasiaat sides were able to break the monopoly of Norscelt during this period, and the heart of football in the region was very much found around the Holtrecht Passage.

Svalbard by comparison had not had a good time of it recently, frequently being knocked out in the earlier rounds of the Valhallan Sheild, and with their clubs faring poorly in the Latitude Cup. As such, despite defeating Aasiaat and Franz Josef on the way to the title match in 1971, Norscelt were confident of securing a ninth title in twelve years.

STADION SOLBERG
In the first leg at Sivertsson Road, Norscelt raced into a two nil lead through goals from their star forwards Wojciech Glazunov and Oscar Skjodt. Feeling confident, they played out the rest of the match in a conservative style, and left Svalbard without much hope amongst their supporters as they prepared for the return leg. With this being the period before away goals, extra time, or penalties were implemented in the Valhallan Shield, not even a two nil win for Svalbard would be enough for them to win the trophy - Norscelt's superior record in the last five editions, by some comfortable distance in this example, ensuring they would retain the trophy.

Making the task even more formidable for Svalbard and their fans was the venue - Stadion Solberg. Constructed in 1959 and named for the legendary Surtsey manager and tactical pioneer Konstantin Solberg, the home of FC1. Surtsey Island Gulls had been Norscelt's de facto home stadium since 1962, and they had never lost in the stadium, or even been stopped from scoring. It was one of the largest stadia in the region at the time, and could be guaranteed to be packed to the rafters with ravenous Norscelt fans. The odds were stacked against Svalbard, and Norscelt were feeling confident. They didn't reckon on one man, however, Svalbard and RSK Longyearbyen Town midfielder, Sol Kirkkegaard.

THE KIRKKEGAARD FINAL
Widely considered now as one of the outstanding Valhallan midfielders on his generation, Kirkkegaard was a pioneer of the anchor man role. Playing in a deep lying midfield position as RSK club captain, he had made a name for himself and his uncompromising tackles. Also well adept at getting forwards and attacking as well as doubling up in defence if he had to, he was a formidable player on his day, and perhaps the best player in the Svalbard league. Despite this, the relative lack of quality in the RSK and Svalbard squads meant he had but a couple of league titles to his name, and wasn't much known outside of the nation. Aged 27, he was handed the captain's armband for the second leg of the final against Norscelt however, and the performance that followed would go down in history - to this day the 1971 final is still referred to by some as 'The Kirkkegaard Final.'

Knowing that Svalbard needed to straight out win the match at Stadion Solberg, Kirkkegaard marshalled the side into a tightly compacted counter-attacking unit. His theory was that by ensuring each modestly talented player was asked to play to his strengths and no more, they wouldn't be forced to stretch themselves or make mistakes, and could therefore provide a solid base for the more talented players to build from. It was a tactic that worked.

After half an hour or Norscelt pressure with no end result, the home fans got restless and Norscelt committed more men forwards in a bid to make the breakthrough. This was just the moment that Kirkkegaard and the players around him had been waiting for. Dispossessing Skjodt in his own penalty box, Kirkkegaard turned and ran a driving run up half the pitch, catching the Norscelt defenders flat-footed, before playing a pass into the path of Brede Tchaikovskaya, who had little option but to hit the target and score.

Kirkkegaard was unplayable that day. Unshakable in defence, devoid of mistakes in possession, and a driving force in attack. At the start of the second half he put Norscelt hearts on the line when a rasping shot from the edge of the box bounced off both posts before rolling in, levelling the aggregate score, and ensuring that Svalbard only needed one more goal. Ten minutes before the end of the match, they had it.

With a speculative long shot after winning possession in the midfield once again, Kirkkegaard was able to panic the now rattled Norscelt keeper into palming an easily catchable shot out for a corner. Second half substitute Robin Karsikas took the inswinging corner, and Kirkkegaard himself was there to nod in for the white shirts of Svalbard and put them into the lead overall. Svalbard would of course soak up the remaining minutes of Norscelt pressure, and against all pre-match odds, they closed out the match to put an end to Norscelt's grip on the shield and win it themselves for the first time in twenty years.

LEGACY
Svalbard would go on to win the shield twice more in the coming five seasons, before entering into another spell of mediocrity. Norscelt however were shattered. Their coach was sacked, many star players were dropped from the lineup. The result of this rather drastic measure was that the Norscelt national side didn't reach another Valhallan Shield final until 1984, though they do find themselves the current holders of the trophy as it goes into temporary suspension whilst the potential effect of the upcoming political union of the Federation of Polar Islandstates is investigated.

Sol Kirkkegaard was the most important player on the pitch during that legendary final, and attention switched rather rapidly to the Svalbard league again as a result. Investment grew, and the quality got better and better in the following years, though RSK and Kirkkegaard were only able to win the title two more times before he made a high profile move to FC Torshavn to finish his career. He was unfortunately injured for the victorious Valhallan Shield campaigns in 1973 and 1975, so despite enjoying a long and glittering career for both club and country, his medal tally of four league titles and one Valhallan Shield is rather less than has been achieved by players far inferior to his skill. His attacking anchor man role was copied by many teams after the Kirkkegaard Final, and is a major part of the Valhallan style of play today.

He was truly a football pioneer in his playing days, and though his haul of winners' medals may be comparitively small, he has no end of player of the month, year, tournament trophies. The biggest prize of all to Kirkkegaard however, is to have that 1971 final named after him.



"Erm, say, Yannis?" asked Larsen, prodding Gunnar's neck with a bony finger, "Is he okay? Only usually he's verbally abusing me by this point."

"Oh, don't worry about him, he's just experiencing a Vlotsky Blott-out, that's all." replied Yannis cheerfully, polishing that damn glass again.

Gunnar snored loudly.

"There, see?" continued Yannis, "Even his sub-conscious hates your lessons."

[Saugeais]

"Nothing like a rage win to get the qualification attempt back on track."

"I'll say. And with a little help from the Balma defense, too. Two own goals in the second half just added to their misery, while the other five goals were spread out evenly to five players."

"Uh huh. Ruslan, Rousseau, and Palhke in the first half, and even substitutes Turlough Bailey and Maurice Bellamy got in on the action, scoring in the second half. I tell ya, this monster win was great for the morale."

"Not to mention the personal pride or international caps and goals, of course."

"Though this does beg the question. Well, a statement first, then a question: We've been great on the road so far, winning both matches away. The lone match at home against Kiryu-shi was a loss, albeit a very close loss. Do you think we'll turn the fortune around soon?"

"I sure hope so. The team can't just be a traveling band. They need to win over the fans locally too. I don't care if they are ranked 11th in the world, there are matches we need to take care of winning, and win convincingly too."

"Like this matchup against Redaya at New World Stadium in suburban Les Alliés. We should be going out there with our B team and still winning comfortably, right? Like without Kuzman Ruslan, without Jacques Martin, Schultz-Eklund, etc. etc."

"While I don't think Mr. Mag Aonghusa will field a completely "B" side, I'm sure he'll be resting the big names before the big match away at Aguazul."

"Ooh, now that's a match I can't wait to see. Hey, wanna go down to the pub to catch the match tomorrow?"

"You know me, of course. Meet you there at 5."

[Yesopalitha]

Sparky's Stance

Yes, we lost. Yes, Astograth did score that goal in the second half, Soter Sarlange doing the damage. We did give up three points.

But let's get past that, shall we? There are three degrees of losses, in my book.

There's the but-kicked loss, where our team just gets eaten alive, we don't have many shots, and the opponent wins by three goals or more. You get left with a sinking feeling in your stomach, and you wonder, "Is there any hope left in our squad?"

There's the upset, where we were supposed to win and we don't, and you start blaming everyone and anyone on the squad about what they did wrong that day, and go, "How the heck did this happen? We were supposed to win, and we didn't!"

Then, there's the loss, where you're sad that the team lost, but you acknowledge that they played the best they could, ran into a team that was playing the best that they could, and lost, fair and square.

Well, this loss? It was the third kind. We had many shots on goal, saved by the Astograth keeper Larretape; our defense was solid, keeping the Astograth forwards for much of the game. It was a chess match, and we just, barely, lost, to a team that is predicted to win this group.

Sir James said, "It was a fair match, we played well, they just played better. We both played up to our potential, and Astograth were the superior side today. I am proud of my players for playing at the level that they did. Hopefully we can bounce back and get back to winning the games that we are supposed to win."

I agree with Sir James. As long as we don't come back after this and lose, I'll be fine with how they played against Astograth, no problem.

Nice job, guys!

---

Maharamba in Wight

'Apparently,' thought Maharamba the demon-child assassin, 'The King of Uncertain Dimensions does not have a good reason for the purchase of Wight, and hence, is avoiding my question. He doesn't even know how to talk to children! What kind of King is that!"

The demon-child assassin was getting impatient, while having a lot of fun stumbling the King of Uncertain Dimensions with a simple question. So, using his silver tongue, always full of clever wit that dripped with poison, he spoke, "My apologies My King, if I am making you feel uncomfortable with such a question, but I can't help it when you cause a cataclysmic event that impacts so many nations, and then just take residence in this piece of land that used to be just a piece of land. What gives you the right to name this place New Wight, and how in the world did you procure the sums to purchase such a piece of land? I am surprised that the peoples of Atlantian Oceania are generous enough to not come for your blood with the events that you have caused. Not everyone is like you or me, loving chaos and uncertainty. Are they all bind or something?"

Then, Maharamba recognized that he was just rambling incoherently, being a pompous fool. So, he took a deep breath, and said, "I suppose I am getting a bit hungry, and hence, incomprehensible. Do you have some rabbit blood or something of the sort? I do like animal blood better than human blood, particularly rabbits and gerbils. A pint or two would be nice, King, or maybe you can tell me where it is so that I can have some. It would be appreciated."

His throat started to water at the thought of a pint of rabbit blood. It was his favorite... He literally would die for it. Which would be funny, for he was dead, yet he was on New Wight... Did that make him alive?

[Equestrian States]

ESPN: Equestrian Sports Programming Network
First Loss Comes Against Cosumar
By Steve McNotapony

CANTERLOT - The Equestrian States has not performed well at home so far during the World Cup qualifiers. With yesterday's loss against Cosumar, the team now has a 0-2-1 record in the Equestria Dome. The team's only win this campaign came against Bitternea on the road. Critics have begun questioning many of the team's changes during the time between the last Cup of Harmony and the current tournament, and further issues have arisen following last night's defeat.

The Equestrian States struggled again in the first half of play, which was not unexpected in prior World Cups, but has since come to be seen as a sign of a bad game. In both draws at home, the Equestrians struggled early, but came back stronger in the second half. Unfortunately, last night's opponent was not such a low-ranked foe, and the team dug itself into a rut that it could not escape from. In the 14th minute, the team failed to convert what would be its only corner kick into a goal. After the failed attempt the Equestrian offense wouldn't really recover until after the half. Cosumar, on the other hand, would pound away at a young and largely inexperienced Equestrian defense. Eventually, High Soarin' was caught off-guard by Francois Renault's fake and the Following shot put Cosumar up 1-0 in the 24th minute.

Later, in the 41st minute, Addam Andsman-Savage (a strange name, even by Cosumarite standards) would make it 2-0 off a brilliant cross from Giovanni Aldinne. It was a sobering moment for the Equestrians as the team hadn't fallen so far behind in a match since the Cup of Harmony. The crowd was still hopeful though, as the Equestrian States had pulled off greater upsets in the past. But with the team's changes, was such an upset possible again?

From the team's performance at the start of the second half, an upset seemed not only possible, but probable. The offense struck hard, forcing Cosumarite goalkeeper Tomi Koskinen to use all his skill to keep the Equestrians from scoring. But as  the match dragged on, the team began to falter, becoming more reckless. Finally, Apple Pie (who had come on for Cloudchaser in the 51st minute) messed up and allowed Abel Scarloff to steal the ball and break away from the pack. After evading several Equestrian defenders, there was nopony left to stop the Cosumarite but High Soarin'. While the pegasus had been able to knock away a couple other breakaway shots from other teams, he couldn't stop Scarloff, who poked the ball into the corner, solidifying a now 3-0 Cosumar lead.

The Equestrians tried again and again throughout the remaining minutes of the match, but the team's exhaustion finally began to show. Cosumar's players were also clearly tired out by the match, but despite substitutions couldn't make their lead even wider. The final whistle would blow, ushering Cosumar into a group lead and the Equestrians left four points out in third.

Afterwards, Head Coach Twilight Striker didn't have much to say about the match. Rather, she focused on the team's preparations for its next few games. "We have to move on," she said, staring down several critical reporters, "We can't stay focused on a tough loss like this. Sure we had hoped that we could pull off an upset draw against a heavy group favorite, especially since we were hosting, but we weren't expected to win or draw and we lived up to those expectations. Now we've got to win-win-win. We've got an easier schedule leading up to the match against Krytenia and we can't lose or even draw many more if we hope to contend for the runner-up spot. This is a good group, probably one of the better ones out there, we have to go into every match looking for three points. We can't hold anything back."

The Equestrian States' team will now make a short trip to unranked Jeptier before they come back to Canterlot for a five-match stretch at home, including friendlies against the Icemark and Armed Bears and three more qualifying games.

Equestrian States 0-3 Cosumar
- Scoring -
Renault (COS) '24
Andsman-Savage (COS) '41
Scarloff (COS) '62
44% - Possession - 56%
17 - Shots - 21
5 - On Goal - 9
3 - Fouls - 2
1 - Corners - 2
2 - Offside - 3
0 - Yellow Cards - 0
0 - Red Cards - 0

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

This is your friendly Yumbo Jumbo Media Cutoff point. Scores and new gum flavor to follow soon.

[Geisenfried]

In the grand scope of things, the renovations to the stadium were rather minor. Cover up a sponsorship here, put up a banner there, try and spruce up the place with a color scheme more closely fitted to the national team rather than 1. FSV Dözel, the normal club occupants for the stadium. If you were in the right place, the broken ramparts of the beaten old castle up on the hill from which the stadium got its name could be seen - that was the draw of this place. Despite being a preserved landmark, there had been no effort to fully repair the old bastion - it was more 'historical' that way.

Meanwhile, a couple of workers taking care of the preparations for the match took turns operating one of the stadium's many vending machines during a nominal 'break.' With nothing better to do, one opened up with some small talk, hoping to strike up a casual conversation.

"Seem to be putting in a lot of effort for this."

"Well, it's our first match back in who-knows-how-long. Of course they're going to go the extra kilometer to spruce things up. D'you catch the last match?"

"That I did."

"And?"

"Dunno, not much to say about it. Was a pretty boring match. Goalless draw."

"Just because no one scored doesn't mean there wasn't good football being played. There's an art to defense as much as offense."

"Pah."

"Guess you wouldn't be a fan of karela, aye?"

"...what did you just say?"

"Karela?"

"Gesundheit?"

"Wasn't a sneeze. Or a cough. It's a style of playing football. I swear, no one appreciates the good old days anymore. At least it wasn't a repeat of that Eura game."

"Don't remind me about that one. Yeugh, from bad to worse, that game."

"Warner's first clean sheet for the national in this latest match, too."

"I'll give it to you that it was better than the last few matches, but in six games since the team got back, we've scored one goal. One! How're we supposed to win games if we don't score anything?"

Perhaps drawn to the growing heat of the conversation, or at least the desire to get to the vending machine himself, a supervisor of the two arrived on the scene, and immediately admonished the pair for prioritizing their conversation over working.

"Oy, you two! Quit yacking and slacking and get cracking!"

Pausing briefly in disbelief of the pun, the two gave each other a brief glance, passed on a mutual shrug and headed their separate ways back to their posts.

Ko-oren 0-0 Geisenfried

Group 12:	GP	W	D	L	PT	GF	GA	GDF
Mashiki		 4	3	0	1	 9	 9	 6	 +3
Eura		 3	2	1	0	 7	15	 9	 +6
Ko-oren		 3	2	1	0	 7	 5	 2	 +3
Aexalla		 4	2	1	1	 7	 6	 4	 +2
Starblaydia	 4	2	0	2	 6	11	 9	 +2
Baltskandio	 4	1	1	2	 4	 9	13	 -4
NMS		 3	1	0	2	 3	 2	 4	 -2
Geisenfried	 3	0	2	1	 2	 1	 6	 -5
Urbis Tractus	 4	0	0	4	 0	 5	10	 -5

Next Match - MD5: v New Montreal States @ Alterschloßestadion [Dözel, Nordgoeke]

EDIT: Damn it.

[New Montreal States]

Decades ago, an anonymous sportswriter for the Presse-Journal Devoir described the Ministry of Morale as "doing for organization what Rejistania did for attacking football." The truth hurts, or it would have hurt had anyone at the Ministry cared enough to be affected by it. Minister Jeanne Charolais, however, was determined to change all that. She hadn't managed to get everyone in their offices by 9 A.M. (10 was the still the best she could do, and more like 10:30 on Friday mornings) but she had managed to trim down lunch from two and a half hours to an even two. T-shirts were still a common sight around the Ministry, but most of them no longer featured blasphemy, obscenity and profanity. Meetings now had printed agendas, without internet memes, vulgar clip-art or parenthetical ad hominem remarks. Baby steps.

And then she had managed to land a hall of fame coach, paired with a newly retired hall of fame defender to whomp some sense into the Paladins' back line. She had no idea what kind of expectations Sol Kirkkegaard or Niko Marek had coming into New Montreal, but she could invoke both their names to shame her employees into even higher levels of productivity. The press conference introducing them to the NMS media had been a triumph, and things had been buzzing along gloriously at the Ministry after that.

At least until the time came to publish the roster that Kirkkegaard had submitted. It had taken her a week to find out that the roster had not sped off into cyberspace when it was supposed to, another week to cut through all the buck-passing her subordinates had engaged in, and a final few days to come to terms with the fact that someone had spilled a brandied coffee on the PR department's servers. The entire department had been too ashamed to publicly admit this, as it had kept them from producing their usual brightly colored roster sheet, graphically designed to within an inch of its life. The idea of merely cutting and pasting the names and numbers and sending them out without any further elaboration had apparently not occurred to anybody. Charolais had fired half the department on the spot, and planned to fire the other half once replacements had been found for the first half.

Kirkkegaard and Marek hadn't noticed, which Charolais was profoundly grateful for. She was less grateful for the reasons why they hadn't noticed: the Paladins were a hot mess. Although the qualifiers were going to be an 16-match marathon, the early results had been crippling. Losing to a Starblaydi side that had seen better days was forgivable but not ideal; going on the road to someplace called Aexalla and getting shut out was catastrophic. A four-point gap between the Paladins and the Eurans, and a three-point gap behind the Men in Mauve, were not the stuff successful campaigns were made of. The press would be critical, if the untrained PR employees hadn't accidentally sent them to the collection of shotgun shacks and tents that formed Wight's AO capital in lieu of sending to watch the catastrophe unfold in Aexalia.

Marek and Kirkkegaard are running a very tight ship on the defense. But for the fifth time in five qualifiers since the Paladins leapt back into the World Cup, the side has limped into their first bye week trying to figure out how to get their offense flowing. Returning greats Geisenfried, also mired towards the bottom of the standings, find themselves in the exact same quandary. New coaches, new players, same old refrain...

[Stachland and Minor Outlying Islands]

Stachland Reds

Reds Still Shaky, Still Win
by Witold Elliott

The Stachlandic national football team is still looking a little shaky in this World Cup 61 qualifying campaign. Without retired midfielder and team captain Everett Lang, one can’t help but shake the feeling that the Reds must feel a little directionless out there on the pitch.

That didn’t stop them from defeating an inexperienced Malt team last night, two goals to one.

Lyle Verdak scored his fourth goal in four games, giving the Reds the lead in the twenty-seventh minute with an excellent header off of a cross by Ratin Beenum. Though the home team would equalize at the very beginning of the second half, Beenum would add the second goal to put the game away in the seventieth minute.

“We stumbled a bit, but we’re not worried,” Verdak explained. “As we’ve been saying, three points are three points. A win is a win.”

The Reds have three wins in four attempts this qualifying campaign, and trail only Valladares and Carpathia and Ruthenia in the group standings, both on goal differential, as each of the three teams has earned nine points. The Reds will next be playing Carpathia and Ruthenia, following a week off which will be used for rest and recuperation back at Manju Island.

“This Carpathia and Ruthenia match will certainly be one of the most important of this qualifying campaign,” coach Theodore Czacki said. “If we can pull out the victory, we’re in a great position. We know that. They know that, too.”