The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

Felix looks up just in time to see the last Destructor Bunny hurled through the open window. He mumbles something about "invisible reactionary elements destroying the property of the People's Democratic Republic", then phones Maintenance again to inform them that they should expect water damage.

He returns to his efforts at reviving Susa.

The Xt'Tap stirs, coughs a few times, and appears to strain his eyes to see who the towering silhouette hovering over him is, as he emerges from his incapacity.

"Felix?..." he wonders, in seeming disbelief. "I...I don't think I'm gonna make it, buddy...but I want you to know...I never really wanted to kill you.

"Well, actually I did...but only because it's my sacred duty to rid the Earth of filthy communists...and capitalists...and socialists...and libertarians...and conservatives...and liberals...and Kennyites...and Yeldans...and..."

He trails off, as though finishing the sentence is too much for him. "Before I die, Felix, could you make sure Jenny gets this?" -- he pulls into his pocket, producing a small black jewelery box -- "...and tell her...tell her...that my only regret in life...was not living long enough...to kill her..."

Susa coughs a few more times, strains to speak, but his voice failing him, only whispers, "Fuck all of you, stupid fucking infidels!" and again falls unconscious in Felix's arms.

[The Land of Beer]

In a happy medium between 'dazed' and 'confused', she walked to the bar. "Does anybody have any drink recommendations? I see a lot of people drinking cola."

Looking at the new line of drinks deposited by the bartener .. hearing her query .. he picks up a glass with green liquid inside turning to her he replies .. "not sure what its called .. try the greenstuff .. " turning to the bar he shouts " oi !! bartender one of the greenstuff for the lady .. "

turning back to her he continued .. hope you like it .. still trying to figure out where here is though .. am exiled erm .. newly assigned here .. at least think this the place ..

[Frustrated Franciscans]

Looking at the new line of drinks deposited by the bartender .. hearing her query .. he picks up a glass with green liquid inside turning to her he replies .. "not sure what its called .. try the greenstuff .. " turning to the bar he shouts " oi !! bartender one of the greenstuff for the lady .. "

Brother Maynard turned over to the representative from the land of Beer. "Absinthe perhaps," he replied absentmindedly. "Oh I remember that stuff. Of course it could be creme be mint ... really great on vanilla ice cream. Come to think of it, now that we have succeeded in removing led from fuel I think a little green fairy wold be just what the Doctor ordered. So even if it's not that, I'd like some properly prepared Absinthe, bartender."

[Iron Felix]

"Before I die, Felix, could you make sure Jenny gets this?" -- he pulls into his pocket, producing a small black jewelery box -- "...and tell her...tell her...that my only regret in life...was not living long enough...to kill her..."

Just then, highly trained medical professionals from WA Building Management arrive. Felix moves away to give these caregivers, who are probably well educated and board-certified, room to do their jobs. He is pleased to see that they have come equipped with a defibrillator, several large syringes, and an enema bag.

He takes the jewelry box that Susa gave him and goes to find Captain Chiang. Felix approaches her warily, for he has read several reports detailing her activities. He reaches in his pocket and slips off the safety catch of his back-up weapon, a Tokarev TT-33, just in case.....

"Comrade Chiang, the terrorist Susa Batko-Yovino has fallen and gravely injured himself while trying to assassinate me. He asked that I give you this.

He hands Chiang the jewelry box.

"I believe he felt that he was dying, so it can be thought of as a last request."

Felix nods to Chiang, clicks his heels together slightly, then takes a step back, his hand still in his pocket and gripping the Tokarev.

[Riflemoor]

"The... green stuff. Okay, I suppose I'll try some," Lara said, surprised by the man's recommendation. The liquid the bartender placed in front of her bore a strong resemblance to absinthe. She resolved to let it be. She'd heard rumors about long-term psychotropic effects held by green alcohols, especially those that smelled of licorice.

"Anyway. I was assigned here pretty recently as well. The previous delegate from my region had to take care of some long-term personal business that forced him to resign, so I was next up."

[Louisistan]

Senator (suspended) Johannes Keller, Legislative Director for the Louisistanian delegation enters the bar and approaches Associate Ambassador Julian Barber who's sitting at the bar. "Hey! Julian! You won't believe this! Mrs. Finch just gave me this fax from the Lord Chancellor!" He hands Julian a piece of paper. They both read it, then burst out laughing. "Really?! This coming from him of all people?! A resolution on that?" Julian laughs again. "Anyway, you should get to work on that." - "Me? Really? But why?" - "Well you're the Legislative Director, aren't you? Chop chop!" With a puzzled look on his face, Johannes leaves the bar while Julian laughs silently and continues drinking his beer.

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

"Comrade Chiang, the terrorist Susa Batko-Yovino has fallen and gravely injured himself while trying to assassinate me. He asked that I give you this.

He hands Chiang the jewelry box.

"I believe he felt that he was dying, so it can be thought of as a last request."

Felix nods to Chiang, clicks his heels together slightly, then takes a step back, his hand still in his pocket and gripping the Tokarev.

Chiang eyes the Bolshevik "zombie" suspiciously, as she tentatively reaches for the jewelery box, half-expecting it to explode. (Not because Felix might have rigged it; just because the gift was from Susa.) "Gravely injured"?! "Dying"?! "Last request"?! She looked over toward the bar entrance, and saw the EMT professionals wheeling the Xt'Tap away on a gurney. Only that fucking Drama Queen Susa could twist his ankle and require ambulatory assistance.

"What the hell is this?!" Chiang asks Lt. Huggenkiss, still standing at her side, as she examines the present. "I must have told that idiot Susa a thousand times, I don't. like. girly. things!

"I swear to God, if this is an engagement ring, I'll march straight over the WA Hospital and kill the bastard myself!"

But the look of disgust on her face melts away into one of girlish awe as she opens the box. "Ohhhhhhh!" she coos softly as she reaches in to grab what was inside. "It's what every girl always dreams of!" she exclaims in a bizarrely uncharacteristic, feminine tone. Gently she produces the box's contents, a cluster of small metallic objects.

"It's the keys to the Death Star!"

[Mesogiria]

Delegate Battlesmere, returning after a long absence, cracked his knuckles idly. He was supposed to be handing in those application papers to the Admissions Office, but there was a time for a quick drink first, right? There always was. He grinned to himself, and strolled up to the entrance to that magnificent hive of scum and villainy, the World Assembly Stranger's Bar. The unfortunate being wheeled out by the EMTs gave him pause, but he shrugged. That's how things always were, weren't they? Pay it no mind.

Rounding the last corner and catching sight of the assembled multitudes in the bar, be prepared to open his mouth to offer to buy a round for everyone, But-

"It's the keys to the Death Star!"

Instead he backed out, slowly, hands in front of him in a non-threatening manner.

Always time for a drink later.

[Wrapper]

Ari and Ahume, after a brief trip to the rest room, walk back into the bar and overhear:

"It's the keys to the Death Star!"

They freeze, then look at each other briefly before quickly retreating to their sub-basement office.

[Louisistan]

"It's the keys to the Death Star!"

"I have to go."

Julian leaves his half-empty beer glass on the counter and slowly and carefully leaves the bar.

[Separatist Peoples]

Bell was somewhat bewildered at the behavior of the bar patrons at the dramatic reveal of a set of keys. Keys, even Death Star keys, weren't that terrifying. Though, the Death Star keys did catch the light somewhat threateningly when jingled, it seemed...

Bah! Bell shook himself mentally. They're just keys!
"And besides," he muttered into his ale, "it's a bloody Death Star. Do they honestly think anywhere is safe from a gorram Death Star? I'd prefer to be vaporized right here on my barstool, thank you very much!"

[Frustrated Franciscans]

Brother Maynard whispered, "It's not just 'a bloody Death Star,' it's 'the bloody death star.' I've heard stories about this thing; it's an antique; a unique artifact. They don't build death stars like that anymore, let me tell you. Yea, the others might be bigger, and better, and partially completed, but this is the real deal."

[Murray the Evil Skull]

Murray was still sitting at his usual place on the bar. He had heard the comments about Dazza's kangaroo cuisine, and had ordered a large portion of Dazza's Kungpao Kangaroo Curry. His head catgirl minion, Clarice was feeding it to him. She was wearing a camo bikini, black leather jackboots, and a rather fetching Wehrmacht Panzer Commander's cap. Murray heard Captain Chiang's squeal of girlish delight and said,

"Hey sweetcakes! Can I take a ride with you? With my great capacity for evil, and your beauty and the frickin' Death Star we could leave a swath of chaos, destruction, and panic on unimaginable scale! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

[The Eternal Kawaii]

Murray was still sitting at his usual place on the bar. He had heard the comments about Dazza's kangaroo cuisine, and had ordered a large portion of Dazza's Kungpao Kangaroo Curry. His head catgirl minion, Clarice was feeding it to him. She was wearing a camo bikini, black leather jackboots, and a rather fetching Wehrmacht Panzer Commander's cap. Murray head Captain Chiang's squeal of girlish delight and said,

"Hey sweetcakes! Can I take a ride with you? With my great capacity for evil, and your beauty and the frickin' Death Star we could leave a swath of chaos, destruction, and panic on unimaginable scale! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The old Kawaiian nekomusume snorted, and said to Murray, "Demon, please. Don't be too proud of this technological terror the Kennyites have constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Cute One."

[Iron Felix]

Don't be too proud of this technological terror the Kennyites have constructed.

Felix overhears this.

"If it's the same Death Star I'm thinking of it was actually constructed by the Cluichstani's. Or perhaps it's a different one."

[Araraukar]

"If he dies, I call dibs on his office!" Bell calls from his barstool a short distance away. Since the Lousitanian representative watered the PPU cactus, Bell managed to pull himself up on his stool in a perched bird-like position, actively scanning the bar for the wandering creeper vine.

"Well," said Janis, leaning over the bar to pick up a fork from the other side, "I know of one surefire way to make it appear." She got off of her barstool and advanced towards the cactus. When there was no sudden reappearance of the vine by the time she reached the spiky plant, she shrugged and stabbed at it with the fork.

[Potted Plants United]

~~Alert! Alert! Assistance required!~~ the cactus was frantically sending as soon as its eyebuds spied the approaching danger. Via the shared consciousness, it was aware that the creeper vine was on the move, but there was a general feeling of resignation that it wouldn't get there in time.

The fork was raised and then stabbed down, fast-

"Ow."

By human standards it was a fairly mellow reaction to having one's hand painfully trapped between a dining fork and a very spiky cactus, with sharp points of both slightly penetrating into your flesh, but Johan Milkus had known there would be pain, and aside from a grimace, managed to keep calm, as he disarmed his former boss by removing the fork from Janis's hand. Even more gingerly he lifted his hand from the cactus, and inspected the couple of dozen small pricks, where blood was starting to bead.

"Johan!" the Araraukarian ambassador exclaimed, obviously shocked. "How did you-? Why did you-? I didn't mean to stab you!"

"I know," he said and then bowed down to unwrap the creeper vine from around Janis's ankle - which caused her to all but die of a heart attack on the spot, he was sure - and gently deposit it near the cactus on the bardesk. It curled up protectively around the spiky plant, and had it been able to, Johan was absolutely certain that it would have been hissing a universal warning.

"I..." Janis started to say, but he held up his uninjured hand to forestall her apologies.

"No real harm was done," he said gently. "Just... try to behave, if you can." He turned to the creeper vine and cactus, and added, "Both of you. And now, if you'll all excuse me, I need to go and find the nearest speaker plant so that it can neutralize the poison in these little wounds."

He had almost reached the Bar's door, when he heard Janis half-scream-half-whimper, "YOU MEAN THAT PRICKLY THING IS VENOMOUS?!" The thud that followed it, he surmised, was that of Janis falling on the floor, unconscious.

OOC: Sorry for "playing with myself" with these two posts, but I know a few peeps, who want to see the events from the hivemind's side too - hence posting with both nations here.

For those that don't remember, Johan used to be one of Janis's ambassadorial aides, until the PPU recruited him as their own Liaison Officer.

[Separatist Peoples]

Having seen the creeper vine return to its post around the cactus, Bell relaxed visibly, settling into a somewhat less perched-bird position and turning back to his drink. Deprived of his “drinking buddy” (if there was ever anybody who needed a real stiff drink, it was Janis!), he prepared to settle up and head out, when Janis’ shriek reached him.

“YOU MEAN THAT PRICKLY THING IS VENOMOUS?!”

The effect on the C.D.S.P. ambassador was immediately noticeable; the blood drained from his face and he stiffened as if a bucket of ice water had just run down his spine.

“NOPE!”

Bell threw himself off the barstool and made a beeline for the exit, turning sharply on his heel as he realized the path would take him right past the cactus.

“NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE.”

Taking the single most roundabout way out of the bar that he possibly could, a route that took him up and over several tables, kicking drinks and stepping firmly in plates of food, Bell finally arrived at the door. With one last horrified look at the plant, Bell ducked out.

“This is unacceptable. Those bloody creepy things have got to go! Or…at least keep their distance! Damn weapon nullifiers…maybe…yes…yes, that could work!”

Pulling out his phone, he punched in a few numbers to route him to the Confederate Dominion Naval Command Center. Sent to the General Assembly in punitive exile, he nonetheless still had some allies, at least in the military command.

“Harvey? Its Ben! Hey! How’s the wife? Listen, I need a little favor…”

---

Hours later, well after dark, hidden in shroud of darkness and stealth technology, a Confederate Dominion Foreign Legion MH-58E Nighthawk approached the WAHQ. Commandos, armed and ready, checked their weapon as the helicopter began it’s decent onto the WAHQ grounds, where two nervous C.D.S.P. interns waited. As the insertion chopper touched town, the commandos fanned out, with weapons drawn, in a defensive formation around the LZ. The leader, a Legion Captain, walked quickly over to the interns. Leaning in close to be heard over the rotors, he shouted, “ITS ALL YOURS!”, referring to the large crate that the Legionnaires had just muscled out of the helicopter and deposited before the interns. Frantic movement could be heard inside the wooden box, followed by a vile smell.

With that, the commandos, in perfect, highly coordinated movements, piled back into the Nighthawk.
“IS THAT IT?” asked one intern, clearly expecting more from the heavily armed troopers.
“THAT’S IT,” the Captain replied, moving back to the chopper and signaling for lift-off. Engines whined as the Nighthawk lifted its great, stealthy mass back into the air and disappeared into the night.

The interns looked at each other, unsure of what to do next. This was not at all what they expected. Ambassador Bell had been going on for hours about his solution to the threat of the PPU, and the presence of the C.D.S.P.’s elite shock troops had seemed the perfect answer. Instead, they had a crate. From which muffled noises and thumps could still be heard.

“Ok, take an end; let’s get this to the Ambassador.”

“Do you think we’ll get as many credit hours from this as he said we would?”

“Dude, I don’t fucking know. I wish I had been a goddamn music major. This whole internship is a sick joke.”

[Flamels Stone]

Kenneth Flamel enters the bar, and gazing before it he rolls his eyes making his golden amber irises disapear for a moment and repear slightly after.''I expected more from the place were national representatives meet out of the assembly''he tough while he aproached the counter adjusting he's royal purple jacket and his blond hair.
Noticing the barman he asks''A bellini ,please''Has he waited for the barman to make the cocktail he looked at the rest of the bar noticing comotions and conversations that he didn't understand one bit.
''Thank you''He takes a sip of the sweet peach flavoured drink and stares at the cup.Beeing extremely socialy shy and introverted, he is out of his confort zone and doesn't know what to do.

[Wrapper]

Ari and Ahume reenter the bar, both seemingly quite relieved, having gained assurances from back home that even a Death Star is rendered harmless by Wrapperian Big Honking Ignore Cannons. As they enter, they hear a shout:

"YOU MEAN THAT PRICKLY THING IS VENOMOUS?!"

Ari and Ahume freeze again, look at each other again, and quickly retreat to their sub-basement office. Again.

[Louisistan]

Assoicate Ambassador Barber, after having informed the Military Attaché about the looming threat of a Kennyite Death Star attack, re-enter the bar, when he hears Janis scream.

YOU MEAN THAT PRICKLY THING IS VENOMOUS?!"

He rolls his eyes. "Yeah, that sounds about right." , he mutters to himself. He pulls a smartphone out of his pocket and dials a number. "Josh? It's Julian! I think, it's time to open relation with these plants. You know, before they poison Max' scotch.... Yes... Yes, Minister... Of course... Well, I'll try my best... Okay... See you, Josh." He orders another glass of mineral water and pours it over the cactus.

[WA Kitty Kops]

OOC: Loving the reactions so far.

IC: The loud human voices caused the Chief Inshpekshuuner to wake from his usual catnap on the top shelf, so he yawned and stretched thoroughly, before peering down to see what was going on.

Oh dear, it looked like his human had caused a scene again. Well, that was why he was around; to protect the large mammal* that gave him food and treats and played with him, whenever she wasn't yelling at the other ambassadors in the big yelling chamber.

Only after he had agilely jumped down onto the counter, did he notice that there was a new face/smell combination sitting nearby.

He takes a sip of the sweet peach flavoured drink and stares at the cup. Beeing extremely socialy shy and introverted, he is out of his confort zone and doesn't know what to do.

The Chief Inshpekshuuner padded over and sat near the human-creature's hands, in case he would get the hint that pettings should be had.

"You is a new one here," he meowed. "Is you not?"

*OOC: From a cat's POV, humans are big. Oh, and yes, the cat speaks "human", it's just higher pitched than an average human voice. After all, he's physically a half-grown cat, and will remain one.

[Flamels Stone]

He looks for the source of the voice he heard,and yet he only saw a cat near him.''Did you just speak?''he whispered so he would not sound crazy to the other ambassadors.Looking around once more, and now petting the said cat, he said out loud:''Well,whoever spoke,yes I am new here.I recently joined the assembly and this is my first time in this bar''He takes another sip and continues to pet the cat on it's back''What is a cat doing here?And where's your owner?''

[WA Kitty Kops]

He takes another sip and continues to pet the cat on it's back''What is a cat doing here?And where's your owner?''

Purring happily that this human seemed to understand what human hands were really meant for, the Chief Inshpekshuuner rubbed his head on the petting hand. "I own myself, silly human. But my own human is the one that's on the floor down there. She had a silly fight with the scratchy plant again."

OOC: Try adding an extra space between the end of a sentence and the start of the next. They seem to be bunched together at the moment.

[Flamels Stone]

"I own myself, silly human. But my own human is the one that's on the floor down there. She had a silly fight with the scratchy plant again."

OOC: Try adding an extra space between the end of a sentence and the start of the next. They seem to be bunched together at the moment.

OOC:Noted

Trying to take all of this in ,he drank the rest of his cocktail and tough: ''Talking cats, fighting plants, wonderful. I wonder if I will get used to this madness'' Deciding not ask about those topics he continued while looking at the said fight: ''So....Talking cat what is your name? And is it normal for this kind of thing to appen in the bar?''