The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[Ainocra]

Fleet Marshal Enta steps through the swinging doors and looks around. "I need a drink!"
I have just been elected Top Banana and it's time to celebrate!

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

Captain Chiang gazed sideways to the newcomer at the bar and managed a weak smile. Normally she detested when patrons violated her solitude when she was trying to enjoy her Jameson on ice, but a potential new powerful ally was different. "Jimmy--" she called out, without taking her wary eye off the Ainocran brass: "another Jameson for me...and a banana daiquiri for my new friend here!" She raised her tumbler toward the field marshal. "And save some ones for a lapdance later," she added with a sly smile. This strange eyepatch-sporting man was a cylon; Chiang was sure of it.

But she didn't have much time to bother herself with that conspiracy theory, as an aid approached her and whispered urgently in her ear: "Captain, your worst fears are being realized right here in the Strangers' Bar -- the communists are taking over the WA!" The aid motioned toward the scantily clad Red Guardsmen proselytizing their fellow delegates ever so voluptuously.

Chiang whirled around to monitor the progress of the People's Republic's show. "Hmph," was all she said, and calmly stole a sip from the refill she'd just been handed. "You'd think a communist takeover would be more subtle than this."

Suddenly, the captain could feel herself swaying involuntarily in her barstool, and began to feel dizzy. She tried to focus her vision on the chiseled starry crimson manflesh on display before her, but all her efforts seemed to be in vain. What the hell was going on? Jimmy must have missed her usual Jameson and accidentally slipped her some of the Guardsmen's èrguōtóu!

"Um, orders, ma'am?" the aid asked insistingly, her voice oddly distorted.

"Er?" Chiang replied, the swaying and dizziness becoming progressively more pronounced. She was sure she'd heard something about a threat, but she couldn't seem to see one in front of her now, just a bunch of bedazzled bare chests. Mmmm. She knew what had to be done. Dramatically she stood and raised her arms to deliver her order to her waiting commandos. "Everybody get freaky!" she shrieked hormonally as a cheer went up from the crowd, and Chiang's girls, clad in their skimpiest dress standards -- blouses buttoned open as far as they possibly could be without their bearers being arrested for public indecency, and scandalously short shorts -- skipped out to meet the dancing Guardsmen, synching the choreographed gyrations perfectly with their own.

It was impossible for Chiang to see anything now, as the Guardsmen's red skin and thongs and yellow star pasties blurred and blended together with the Stripper Commandos' navy blue "uniforms" to refract a veritable rainbow of corporatist-communist unity...a perfect emblem of the Proletarian righteousness and Leninist-Stalinist-Trotskyist-Maoist-Fernandist-Dirgeist-Spauldingist thought. It was beautiful. It was magical. It was transcendent. It was pro-revolutionary. It embraced correct thinking.

And in the happy daze that followed, Chiang could only cry out, "I want to feel the love of Chairman Mao inside me! May the children of his Glorious People's Regime spring forth from my loins!" -- and collapse face-down onto the floor.

[Ainocra]

takes his banana daiquiri and saunters over to the jukebox.
Can I get Hendrix on this thing?

[Lysset]

*having finished his cheeseburger a few days earlier, Ambassador Garra couldn't vomit, even though the strange display of whirling reds, yellows, and blues made him rather dizzy. So, to help himself not get dizzy, he turned his attention to the newcomer from Ainocra.*
I don't think I've seen you around here before.

[Ainocra]

Marshal Enta nods his head as the jukebox starts belting out an old Hendrix tune. "I come and go, This is the best place to get a drink around here."
Sipping his banana daiquiri he takes a seat at the bar between Captain Chiang and Ambassador Garra. "Thanks for the drink Captain, next round is on me."

[Normlpeople]

Clover shook her head, and looked at Marshall Enta. "It seems like a celebration in here, which is a very different mood from normal. I must at least purchase you a drink". With that, she raised her glass "Cheers, and congratulations on the new position! I wish you luck, considering your predecessor, there are large shoes to fill." With that, another round was ordered, and she began bobbing her head to the "music" coming from the jukebox.

[Frustrated Franciscans]

Brother Maynard turned to Friar Tuck, "I just head from the gnomes that they have determined our leader, Friar Cadfail is psychotic and have categorized our nation accordingly."

Friar Tuck turns to Brother Maynard, "Just because he calls our people 'my little playthings' is no reason to consider a person psychotic. Those vile gnomes should be purged with fire. Oh and don't tell Friar John about what the gnomes are saying; he talks with our Supreme Friar on a daily basis and he tells the great one everything."

Brother Maynard decided it was in his best interest not to comment further, and was pleased that even though the nation did have the most dreaded Holy Hand-grenade that it was safe from the hands of the Friars Minor and secure in the hands of a Third Order Regular ... at least for now.

[Ainocra]

Clover shook her head, and looked at Marshall Enta. "It seems like a celebration in here, which is a very different mood from normal. I must at least purchase you a drink". With that, she raised her glass "Cheers, and congratulations on the new position! I wish you luck, considering your predecessor, there are large shoes to fill." With that, another round was ordered, and she began bobbing her head to the "music" coming from the jukebox.

The Marshal's good eye sparkles merrily. "Thank you Clover!" Accepting the proffered drink he raises it. "I do have some large footsteps to follow in."

[Hanalia]

Suddenly the bar's door flew wide open and a flustered Ms Julia Bell(more commonly referred to as Jules) stumbled through the doorway.

"I must address the Assembly!" she yelled as she flung an unassuming patron off their stool, sending them sprawling across the floor of the bar, and proceeded to climb up on it (that is the stool not the patron). As she attempted to find her balance on her newly acquired perch she began to read from her notes, "Honourable representatives, I must voice my disgust at the resolution on the floor before us toda-a-aay...” She had just about finished the sentence when the stool gave way beneath her.

Meanwhile she was becoming the centre of attention of at least the two people closest to her and was certainly appeared to be attracting the odd glance from the other end of the room. Returning to her feet with her head still firmly embedded in the pages of notes, she continued with, "As I was saying, we, as the representatives of the somewhat civilized nations of the world, simply cannot allow...”

Muffled muttering was now emanating from the bowls of the bar accompanied with an infrequent snigger or two as Jules continued to drone on in the polysyllabled lexicon which had become the mother tongue of the Festering Snakepit, “...under such circumstances, the WA would be rendered even more utterly useless than it normally is…”

The concentration of those paying any attention had dwindled away to virtually nothing, as she was about to conclude with, “I thank-you for listening”, Jules, for the first time, lifted her eyes from her fatally long speech, when she suddenly realised that she wasn't in the chamber as she thought she was. Her conclusion, accompanied by a momentary lapse in her usually dignified demeanour, quickly turned into, “I … eh where the f*** am I?”

When she finally worked out that this was the elusive bar that she had herd tales of, she requested, "the strongest thing you've got" from the gentleman behind the bar.

[Applebania]

Brother Maynard turned to Friar Tuck, "I just head from the gnomes that they have determined our leader, Friar Cadfail is psychotic and have categorized our nation accordingly."

Friar Tuck turns to Brother Maynard, "Just because he calls our people 'my little playthings' is no reason to consider a person psychotic. Those vile gnomes should be purged with fire. Oh and don't tell Friar John about what the gnomes are saying; he talks with our Supreme Friar on a daily basis and he tells the great one everything."

Brother Maynard decided it was in his best interest not to comment further, and was pleased that even though the nation did have the most dreaded Holy Hand-grenade that it was safe from the hands of the Friars Minor and secure in the hands of a Third Order Regular ... at least for now.

Joshua is reading through the world census: It was something he did out of habit. When he got to Frustrated Franciscans, he sighed.

"What is is with all these tinpot dictatorships?"

[Frustrated Franciscans]

"What is is with all these tinpot dictatorships?"

"We weren't always a tinpot dictatorship you know," Brother Maynard replied. "Originally we had a a two house parliament with the upper house run by the Third Order Regular, the lower house by the Third Order Secular, and the executive by the Friars Minor. But decades of a bad economy will break the backbone of any nation. Corruption became commonplace. Hope died. I really miss him. 'Thanks for the memories.'"

"Brother Maynard," Friar Tuck replied. "THERE WILL BE NO SINGING."

[Bears Armed]

Artorrios walks into the Bar, and across to the actual bar itself.

"Neville," he says to the barman, "the bill for the next drink that each ambassador whose nation is included in this list" (He hands over a sheet of paper...* ) "orders here can go onto ourr tab, in gratitude for their approving our latest submitted proposal."

________________________________________________________________________________

* And here's the list:

Felandos, Elke and Elba, Hurdegaryp, HMS Unicorn, Cosmic Explosion, Gramsterdam, The Ancient World, Mikeswill, Socialist Federative Republic of Sornia, Ainocra, Maoist People, Volantium, Ransium, West Angola, Laurentus States, Watertopia, Kavin Pi, Amiria, Nawira, Zorbae, Nasal Bondage, United Peoples Republic of Lewisham, Araluen and Eyreland, DarthStassen, Sanctaria, The Dark Bones, Timmy City, Mantura Craminialand, Luovia Ihmisia, Crogoah, Astraesel, Unibot III, Holy Trek, Bushterria, The Eastern Antarctic State, Northern Socialist States, Demardia, Sparta12, The Imperium Collectives, Orold, Luca, Renatum, The Derrak Quadrant, Father motherland, King Rankmore, Rivina, NewTexas, Novaya Zelandiya, Madrocea, Jenesia, Neo Industrium, Neo Dragon, Inventio, Genesis Fifteen, North Campbell Nation, The Eternal Kawaii, Organized States, East Klent, Lollerland, Liberidad, Jingdood, Manchovia, The Democratic Nation of Unovia, Spykeny, Tasty Water, Yaldoga and Gerun, Lygonia, Dilange, Republic of South Carolina, Benaras, Storalia, Isolaria, Paledonn, Northern Thermonia, Taslantis, Theoniatium, Freedom Landia, Keronika, Eastern Arcturus, Skappola, Communist Victoria, Palafox, -Hellkite-, Garop, Etoile Arcture, Alexiandra, The Afanisian Isles, Ventei, Jydara, Aligned Planets, The Water Supply, Frigidopia, Rzeczpospolita Krakowska, North East Somerset, Ramaeus, Kipling, DEC-LAND, Nova Doria, Crisisies, VinVachia, Austria-Norway, Yaluria, The United Federation of Galaxies, Illusionist, Reylinor, Saratoga States, The United Unions, The new united britsh empire, Harbinshu, Duckyian Empire, Conwy-shire, Rhodevus, Val-Verde, Tulija, Falcania, Sneaky Bastards, The Great Britannic States, Shahak, Skyefall

[Louisistan]

Johannes, the young (and some might say handsome) chargé d'affaires ad interim for the Louisistanian WA delegation enters the room and walks up to the bar. "Scotch and Cola, please. Seems this is my last day as chargé d'affaires, so I might as well celebrate a little. In fact, I'm going to pay the next drink that is ordered in this bar. Just for fun."

[Wrapper]

Wad Ahume enters the bar -- Wad Ari is far too busy at the moment to do anything but karaok-- er, that is, he's off drafting an ill-conceived propos-- er, he's just off doing something else, okay? Now, Wad Ahume enters the bar. He notes all the free drinks flowing. He approaches the bartender, raises a finger -- no, not that finger, his index finger -- and smiles knowingly. When the bartender refers to a list in his hand and shakes his head, Ahume's smile slowly turns to a frown.

The barman hands him the list. Ahume scans it -- not realizing, of course, since his ambassador is not a regional delegate, there's no way they would be on the list -- and silently hands it back to the bartender. He immediately wonders how easy it would be to get a big game license on this planet; he then shakes his head violently, as if doing so would physically get such a thought out of his head. After all, the Urrsish delegation has always been so kind to the Wrapperian delegation. Still slighted, however, he walks out of the bar, as he's no longer in the mood for a drink; instead he contemplates trying on some of the President's silly hats in order to put himself in a better mood. If only he'd acknowledged the waving from the Louisistanian ambassador, he may have gotten that free drink after all.

[District XIV]

The Fourtese delegate, John Vilay, enters the bar, silently slipping through the door. It had been a long day at the snakep – er, office, that is – and he needed a nice, cool, iced beverage.

Mr. Vilay approached the bartender and lazily slipped into one of the stools. He raised his pointer finger to signal '1', "One Pepsi, please, if you even serve those."

"Sorry, sir, we don't serve Pepsi here. May I interest you in another bever–"

"No, no, that's ok." John rested his head in his hands. This was most certainly weird. A can of Pepsi was complimentary at bars in District XIV. "May I take the, erm, um, what is that thing, like, how do you pronounce it?" he pointed out a drink on the 'Drinks List' to the Bartender.

"You mean, a... 'Coca-Cola'?" the Bartender replied, lifting an eyebrow.

"Yeah, that. I've never heard of it." Mr. Vilay was confused. This 'Coca-Cola' the bartender was referring to did not exist in District XIV.

"It tastes, in my opinion, sort of like Pepsi."

"It does? Then I'll take one of those, then."

"One Coke coming right up." the Bartender shuffled off to grab a can of Coke.

[Defwa]

Angela comes into the bar carrying a telepresense drone under both arms. She sets them both up on the bar and pries open both devices, tinkering on them both. She orders French fries and no drink.

[East Klent]

Jarred Stevens wandered in having been absent from the bar scene for a while, "Howdy Neville, how's it been?" he inquired as he sat on a stool; he had forgotten which was his normal one.

He noticed the list left by Artorrios, "Well, that's mighty nice of the guy; one Scotch on the rocks if you don't mind, Neville," and off the wagon he went.

[Louisistan]

Having just returned from Louisistan, Ambassador Schneider and Deputy Ambassador Schulz enter the bar and approach their chargé d'affaires ad interim "You're relieved, Senator!", Max announces. "Thank you, Mr. Ambassador.", Johannes responds.
"How is Konstanz?"
"Crowded with tourists, as always at this time of year."
At this point Max gestures Neville to bring him a beer.
"So, what was so urgent that the Foreign Minister recalled you both to the capital?"
"Oh, some conference on foreign policy. And it seems, Senator Barber will be joining our team here. His suspension from the Senate was confirmed."
"It was about time. Who in their right mind serves five years in the Senate. I think the last Senator to pull that stunt was Senator - Wait... What do you mean, he'll be 'joining our team'? Am I being replaced? Or is one of you?"
"Heavens no, Keller! They noticed that Schulz sits in the debates all the time and they assigned me a second Deputy."
"Why didn't they just order you to participate in the debates once in a while?"
"Probably, because I told them, that I was working behind the scenes 'making contacts with the other delegations' by means of 'social events'."
The two men laugh out loud, while Schulz' frown is getting stronger.
"Well that's the most creative description of the Stranger's Bar I've ever heard, Ambassador.", Johannes says.
Deputy Ambassador Schulz looks at them both with thinly veiled contempt. "If the Gentlemen will excuse me, I will proceed to the GA Chamber now. Mr Ambassador, Senator" He turns around and leaves.

[The Oan Isles]

A scruffy gentlemen with a hook and 32 minus 31 teeth walked into the Strangers. He sat at the bar table and ordered a flagon of port. He stood and proclaimed, "My name is Ed Sanders. Many of you don't know me, but I hail from the moral cesspool of the universe, the Oan Isles. Entirely unoriginal, I know, but I can't complain. A frightening economy and excessive political rights that border on the corrupt are all that matter. Nonetheless I wish to astound all you with my verbosity. Did you know that antidisestablishmentatianism is a word? I just don't know how to use it in a sentence. I will vote AGAINST all the resolutions you German faced hounds can conceive!"

Before this uncouth man could continue, the Nationalist Oan Organisation escorted him out with lashes and an iron maiden. Perhaps they were going to drink tea. The government of the Oan Isles repudiates the upsurd claims made by this man. He will be dealt with as necessary.

Surely one of these toxic chemicals will help
Ed Sanders with the psychological problem
He has called "free will". The NOO agents
will try them one at a time to see which
one works... or doesn't.

[Defwa]

After some time, she closes up one of the telepresence drones and its rotors activate creating a just tolerable wirring.
She taps some orders into her tablet and the drone flies out the door on its own.

Having completed her French fries, she orders water and tries to ignore those sporadic uninvited introductions that people seem to do too often.

[Defwa]

The drone returns with a small bag hooked to the bottom. Angela removes the bag and starts putting new parts into the second drone.

[Louisistan]

Suspended Senator Dominik Crash, Confederate Delegate to the World Assembly Multilateral Trade Talks, enters the door. "Who in their right mind would try to repeal 'On Multilateral Trade Talks'? That's my job they're talking about?! They can't abolish my job! Think of the Children!" He proceeds towards the other Louisistanians and orders a large beer.

[Louisistan]

Max looks at his newly arrived colleague. "Dom! Calm down! You don't have any kids and you've been appointed to the Senate for life. You can just go back there until they send you elsewhere. So just calm down and get your beer. Besides, OMTT won't be repealed. Lemmingvotes and all."

[Adab]

Eannatum Enki, Ambassador of Adab to the World Assembly, made his solemn entrance to bar dressed in his absolute best: a dark, long Victorian frock coat covering almost all of his orange trousers. He was wearing a black top hat and walked with a well-made brown cane. He was wearing round glasses.

"Greetings, Ambassadors to the World Assembly!" he said, announcing his presence to the whole bar. "My name is Eannatum Enki. I am the Ambassador of Adab to this great institution. May the universe live in peace and harmony."

He walked, rather slowly and in a dignified way (without even turning an eye to the others in the bar), to a table in the bar and sat down. "A cup of oolong tea, please," said the man.

[Louisistan]

Without the still grumpy Dominik noticing, Max has sneaked to the Jukebox and begins to perform the most cheesy version of "Anthem" from "Chess" ever heard outside of the small brown wooden theater next to that movie theater in that particularly sketchy part of the Capital City of East Marbury.

"No man, no madness
Though their sad power may prevail
Can possess, conquer, my country's heart
They rise to fail
She is eternal
Long before nations' lines were drawn
When no flags flew, when no armies stood
My land was born"

Now Dominik is trying very hard not to look at his associate.