The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[WA Kitty Kops]

'So....Talking cat what is your name? And is it normal for this kind of thing to appen in the bar?''

"I is the Chief Inshpekshuuner of the WA Kitty Kops! My human calls me Ninja, because I is black and can get out of her office without her opening door. Humans are silly, thinking their doors and corra- cori- hallways are the only ways to move!"

Deciding there had been enough pettings for now, the Chief Inshpekshuuner jumped to the floor, padding over her his human, who was making noises that probably meant she was going to wake up soon. Having determined with his whiskers and acute hearing that his human seemed to be alright, he turned to look up to the new-friend-stranger.

"This is very normal here. My human not know or believe I can talk. She wake soon. You can talk her. She likes cocoa. Dunno why, cream is much nicer. But bye now, new human, I need go shed hair on chair back home. Miaow!"

Then the black cate gave one affectionate lick on his human's cheek, turned and padded out of the Bar. He had much to do, to make it look like he had never left the Araraukarian ambassador's office. Perhaps a hairball or two would be appreciated?

OOC: The Chief Inshpekshuuner leaves out some words, they're not typos - he never went to grammar school. Or any sort of school for that matter. That's why he sometimes stumbles on words that are long or difficult for him to pronounce.

[Flamels Stone]

Deciding there had been enough pettings for now, the Chief Inshpekshuuner jumped to the floor, padding over her his human, who was making noises that probably meant she was going to wake up soon. Having determined with his whiskers and acute hearing that his human seemed to be alright, he turned to look up to the new-friend-stranger.

" My human not know or believe I can talk. She wake soon. You can talk her. She likes cocoa. Dunno why, cream is much nicer. But bye now, new human, I need go shed hair on chair back home. Miaow!"

''Your human'' He though while smilling ''Well, for her to be in that state, the cat must have more responsability than her, let's see...''
Kenneth gets close to the woman and sits on the floor ''You okay?'' Not knowing what appened to her he turned her on her side in case she wanted to puke ''Hello?''
He examined the woman.

''Does anyone know what appened to her?'' He shouted but didnt expect an answer from the crowd he saw before.

[OOC:i don't know in what state she is >.<]

[Sierra Lyricalia]

"Flaaaugh!!"

Grieviously jolted by the sounds of even more-than-usual chaos (not to mention a very near miss by a certain ambassador's tough-shod foot just millimeters from his ear as he lay in a drunken stupor on the table), Vin jerks awake like an electrocution victim.

"Graaaaaaaawwwwh. Buh. Christ on a-- Fffff." Grabbing the bridge of his nose, Vinny tries, and fails miserably, to banish the pounding in his head by force of willpower. This won't do.

"Barkeep..." he croaks. "Barkeep! Hair... o' the dog... guh." On his feet now, staggering bar-ward, "Beer..." for the most part anyway; knowing there can't be much time left (vaguely remembering something about a terrifying plant, and someone maybe making a call to the Dominion military?? through the haze of his nightmares), "Barkeep, beer, I beg you!" Vin just manages to click the wrist-launched aspirin dispenser under his cufflink, get the pill by way of two or three bobbles up to his mouth, reach the bar and down the damn thing with a gulp of beer, and set the glass back on the bar several large paces from its original spot. But finally he loses what half-assed excuse for balance he'd pretended to himself that he'd had these last few seconds, trips over the floor and falls painfully, but luckily, on his side.

"It's alriiiiiigh... m' tab's still open, yeah? Yeah..."

Vinny lies on the floor for a few seconds hoping the aspirin is magic this time. But the pounding does not cease. The pain does not abate. He groans, rolls over. Pauses for a second. "Hmm." Okay, rolling it is. Vin manages to roll himself, rather tediously, as far as the nearest table. Using it to drag his pathetic self into a vertical position, Vinny pretends he has some piece of dignity remaining and brushes himself off.

"I believe something may be about t' happen," he remarks to no one in particular. "This prob'ly does not bode well for... for... y'know, stuff. People. You peop-- us! Shit, what was the protocol for... dammit."

Deliberately and methodically, Vinny sets off, one foot in front of the other, toward the nearest corner of the vast barroom. He risks breaking his precious locomotive concentration for a moment to check where he is with respect to the cactus. Dammit, a mile might be too close! He manages to huff and puff his way to the corner without injuring himself more than a couple of times, and knocks over an empty table. Good - this table's one of the laser-reflecting, grenade-proof ones. Of course, that's no assurance of survival, even with the nullifiers up, but it's better than doing naked smiling jumping jacks. Like that ninny Sheffield would.

Sitting down behind the table, Vin clutches his nano-assembled pocketknife like a kid's teddy bear, looks back toward the cactus, and waits.

[The National Front Disco]

David and Bruce, two remarkably dressed young gay Nazis, walk in to the bar. Tonight David is outfitted in a Wehrmacht officer's black leather trench coat by Hugo Boss, while Bruce is sporting an Afrika Korps tropical uniform with shorts, designed by Armani. A pair of Versace goggles sits smartly atop his cap.

The two pause momentarily to take in the scene. Bruce checks himself in the mirror while David scans the bar for fresh meat....er....new faces. They then proceed to the bar and order Cosmopolitans.

David: "Good lord, these people dress even worse now than the last time we were here."

Bruce: "Yes it looks like a new Tesco opened and they were first in line at the clothing department."

David: "Well, what can you expect from these types? Look! That one over there is wearing khaki trousers that end well past his heel, And the oaf in the corner is wearing a tie that's at least 3 years out of fashion. Subhumans the lot of them!"

David takes a (fairly ornate) cigarette case from his pocket. He produces a cigarette, then fumbles around trying to find his lighter.

David: "Bruce, could I get a light?

Bruce: "Of course. Do you lose your lighter on purpose just to get me to light your smokes?"

David: "No I lose my lighter because I'm always getting dressed in such a hurry."

Bruce: "Well maybe we shouldn't spend so much time in bed?"

Bruce produces a box of matches and lights David's cigarette. David inhales and lazily blows the smoke up into the air.

David: "You never say that when we're actually in bed." David smirks

[Araraukar]

[OOC:i don't know in what state she is >.<]

OOC: This: viewtopic.php?p=21452132#p21452132
And this (read the spoilered stuff): viewtopic.php?p=21452160#p21452160

Kenneth gets close to the woman and sits on the floor ''You okay?'' Not knowing what appened to her he turned her on her side in case she wanted to puke ''Hello?''
He examined the woman.

''Does anyone know what appened to her?'' He shouted but didnt expect an answer from the crowd he saw before.

Someone shouting near her made Janis finally return to reality from the blissful state unconsciousness. She carefully cracked first one, then the other eye open and scanned the visible portions of the Bar for any sign of any greenery, and finding none, opened both eyes. Only then she realized the most recent shouter must've been the man sitting next to her.

"Eh, I'm alright," she said and sat up, rubbing the back of her head where it had hit on the floor. "Coming to with a hurting head is an all-too-common experience in Strangers' Bar. Thank you for caring, though," she added, to make the other person feel less awkward.

[Flamels Stone]

"Coming to with a hurting head is an all-too-common experience in Strangers' Bar. Thank you for caring, though," she added, to make the other person feel less awkward.

''all too-comon experience, wonderful!'' He though while he helped the woman get up. ''You want some hot cocoa, or something chocolate related? I heard from.... someone, that you like that kinda of stuff. And it will help you recover from... whatever appened betwen you and a ''scratchy plant''?'' He said while remembering the cat's words, with a light smile.''How do you feel.....
Suddenly he realized he was having a conversation with another person and became stiff,the smile vanished and he tightened the hand that was grabing the woman's one. Thoughts started rambling on his head ''You started well, continue that way!Just pretend you are speaking to that cat again!''

OOC:he grabed her hand to pull her up and then it tightened. Just in case i wasn't clear enough.

[Hakio]

A twitchy Ambassador Hedishi is on the phone.

"Listen, your company said it could make meth like Heisenberg and you gave me this foggy glass! ... Who's Heisenberg?! You know that Earth show about that guy who has cancer who makes meth! What's it called-- Breaking Bad! Why can't you make meth like Walter White-Ass?"

...

"What do you mean 'Breaking Bad isn't a manual on how to cook meth'?! That guy cooked the best meth ever! You see this is the problem when you give Methamphetamine to big corporations, you make this shit cheap as hell and it's quality isn't worth two dicks! ... No goodbye, you cock-slaughterers."

Gestures towards the bartender.

"I need a goddamn scotch and I'll be damned if god didn't damn it, goddammit!!"

[Frustrated Franciscans]

_

_

Brother Maynard enters the bar, which is sort of strange because no one had noticed that he had gone. However, he often can be unnoticed for days and who can say that he is always seated in his seat when unobserved? A Schrödinger's cat, if you will.

"Ah it was good to have a short vacation, even if only one weekend," he replies. "I took a trip to Elizabethan England. A nice short trip, don't ask me how, I'm not supposed to talk about that, but 'God save the Queen' and all that. Wonderful ladies as well, but don't tell the others about them. It does seem that I have developed a taste for mead, so I'll have a nice glass if you don't mind."

[Sierra Lyricalia]

Steph enters the bar. Of all the goddamn vapid, byzantine, sense-defying onion-layer pieces of disinformation that stupid punk-ass effete bastard could have fallen for, it had to be that one. The head of the Bigtopian High Intelligence Directorate is a Lyrical agent? No. The president of Lilliputistan is spouting a lot of anti-S.L. rhetoric but secretly lets us use his country's airbases? No. There's a secret terrorist hideout (at the bottom of the Ratlantic Ocean / in the Makhnovia mass transit system / somewhere in the tunnels of Ceres)? No. No, it had to be the one about the econ-warfare program. The one thing that might actually influence his vote.

What a goddamn idiot.

Steph's ice-gray eyes scan the barroom, looking for a drunken guy (not unique) in an adequate suit with a slightly frumpy tie (getting warmer) spouting a bunch of gibberish (no help whatsoever). She doesn't see him in the crowd; then the table turned over on its side in the corner catches her eye. Why, it'd be just like that son of a-

She stalks over to the corner, her long black coat streaming behind her as her heavy-tread boots thump the floor. Steph approaches the table and finds the nitwit passed out again, still clutching his knife like a kid with his blankie. Hmm, pretty good workmanship. Pity he was nowhere near as good a diplomat as he was a nanofactor.

Steph leans down and grabs Vinny's ear. "Surprise, asshole! You've been recalled." She gives a good, healthy yank; Vinny stands up just quick enough to avoid permanent damage, his earlobe screaming in pain. "Oww! The hell--"

"I'm not gonna say it again. You. Are. Gone. Go back to your office, pack your shit, and get the hell out of this building. Realm? Place. Leave immediately." Steph reaches into her coat pocket and pulls out her extremely freshly-minted S.L. diplomatic ID. "Me ambassador. You nobody. Out."

Vincent Horatio Gutierrez-Baradikov leaves the bar for the last time. No one meets his eye.

Steph approaches the bar proper. "Your peatiest single malt, neat."

She takes a seat; takes a sip; looks around the bar, more leisurely this time. "Y'know, I may actually like it here!"

[Araraukar]

'You want some hot cocoa, or something chocolate related? I heard from.... someone, that you like that kinda of stuff. And it will help you recover from... whatever appened betwen you and a ''scratchy plant''?'' He said while remembering the cat's words, with a light smile. ''How do you feel....."

Using the suddenly rigid man's tight grip on her hand as leverage point, Janis got to her feet and then gently extracted her hand from his.

"Thank you, I feel quite human again, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn down the cocoa offer for now - your use of "scratchy plant"," and here she flicked a quick glare towards the cactus and its guardian vine, "reminded me that I've probably managed to neglect my cat again. But as time does weird things around here, I'm sure I'll be seeing you again soon, mister...?"

[Flamels Stone]

"Thank you, I feel quite human again, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn down the cocoa offer for now - your use of "scratchy plant"," and here she flicked a quick glare towards the cactus and its guardian vine, "reminded me that I've probably managed to neglect my cat again. But as time does weird things around here, I'm sure I'll be seeing you again soon, mister...?"

''...Kenneth Flamel, but simply call me Flamel.Nice to meet you and hope I see you again.''He answered, now slightly calmer and turned back to the bar''Get me another Bellini''He then drank his drink while watching if something appened in the bar.

[Murray the Evil Skull]

"Thank you, I feel quite human again, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn down the cocoa offer for now - your use of "scratchy plant"," and here she flicked a quick glare towards the cactus and its guardian vine, "reminded me that I've probably managed to neglect my cat again. But as time does weird things around here, I'm sure I'll be seeing you again soon, mister...?"

''...Kenneth Flamel, but simply call me Flamel.Nice to meet you and hope I see you again.''He answered, now slightly calmer and turned back to the bar''Get me another Bellini''He then drank his drink while watching if something appened in the bar.

Murray turned his attention from his rather fetching catgirl minion Clarice, and the equally fetching, but dangerous Captain Chiang to give a gimlet gaze to the newcomer. His eyes glowed a malevolent red as he said,
"BOO!"

[Hakio]

''...Kenneth Flamel, but simply call me Flamel.Nice to meet you and hope I see you again.''He answered, now slightly calmer and turned back to the bar''Get me another Bellini''He then drank his drink while watching if something appened in the bar.

Murray turned his attention from his rather fetching catgirl minion Clarice, and the equally fetching, but dangerous Captain Chiang to give a gimlet gaze to the newcomer. His eyes glowed a malevolent red as he said,
"BOO!"

Sia wakes up and screams with cocaine on her face.
"What?! What was that-- WHAT IS THAT?!" Sia falls back on her bar stool afraid of Murray.

[Flamels Stone]

Murray turned his attention from his rather fetching catgirl minion Clarice, and the equally fetching, but dangerous Captain Chiang to give a gimlet gaze to the newcomer. His eyes glowed a malevolent red as he said,
"BOO!"

Sia wakes up and screams with cocaine on her face.
"What?! What was that-- WHAT IS THAT?!" Sia falls back on her bar stool afraid of Murray.

Kenneth drops his glass as he raises his arms suprised. The glass falls on the skull spilling the sweet peach drink on it. ''Bloody hell!What was that?'' He looks around and sees nothing until he looks at the place where the glass fell. Somewhat in unison with Sia he said ''Who.. I mean what is that?! Did that skull just yell?'' He stared at it's red ''eyes'' and though. ''Talking plants, cats and... skulls? What the hell is wrong with this place?!'' He backs away slowly until he hits the counter of the bar and not expecting an actual answer he stood there analysing the skull

[Frustrated Franciscans]

''Talking plants, cats and... skulls? What the hell is wrong with this place?!'' He backs away slowly until he hits the counter of the bar and not expecting an actual answer he stood there analysing the skull

Brother Maynard who was sitting on a stool by the counter of the bar gave a Cheshire cat grin, "Why there is nothing wrong with the place. I can't say the same about the people, however."

He paused for a moment before continuing, "If it would make you any happier, you might attribute all of this to an airborne hallucinogen that is invisible and odorless."

"It would be wrong, of course, but if it makes you happy ..."

[Murray the Evil Skull]

Kenneth drops his glass as he raises his arms suprised. The glass falls on the skull spilling the sweet peach drink on it. ''Bloody hell!What was that?'' He looks around and sees nothing until he looks at the place where the glass fell. Somewhat in unison with Sia he said ''Who.. I mean what is that?! Did that skull just yell?'' He stared at it's red ''eyes'' and though. ''Talking plants, cats and... skulls? What the hell is wrong with this place?!'' He backs away slowly until he hits the counter of the bar and not expecting an actual answer he stood there analysing the skull

Murray waited a few minutes, his eyes still glowing a malevolent red before he said,
"What the matter mortal. Didn't your mother teach you its not polite to stare? you look like you've never seen a talking skull before. Anyway, my name is Murray, mortal. Don't forget it, I am the Harbinger of your doom. and the fiends of hell shall cheer lustily as I stride through the gates of Hell with your head on a pike!"

At this point Captain Chiang snorted and said,
"Stride?"
Alright roll....roll through the Gates of Hell. Must you always ruin the atmosphere, mortal?"

Turning his attention back to Kenneth Murray continues,
"Now where were we, mortal?"

[Flamels Stone]

Murray waited a few minutes, his eyes still glowing a malevolent red before he said,
"What the matter mortal. Didn't your mother teach you its not polite to stare? you look like you've never seen a talking skull before.

''I've never seen a talking skull...''He whispered to himself still staring at the skull even afer the comment.

Anyway, my name is Murray, mortal. Don't forget it, I am the Harbinger of your doom. and the fiends of hell shall cheer lustily as I stride through the gates of Hell with your head on a pike!"

At this point Captain Chiang snorted and said,
"Stride?"
Alright roll....roll through the Gates of Hell. Must you always ruin the atmosphere, mortal?"
Turning his attention back to Kenneth Murray continues,
"Now where were we, mortal?"

He laughs at the comment of Captain Chiang and says with a smile''Nice to meet you ,Murray..I guess.I'm Kenneth Flamel.''He giggles and picks up the skull''How would you carry a pike while you roll through the gates of hell.Furthermore how would you get my head in the first place?Why should I fear an old bodyless skeleton who's brain probably already decomposed into dust?''As he said this he got murray dangerously close to his face.''What are you going to do,''Harbinger of my doom''?Bite me?''

[Separatist Peoples]

Having started here...

With a loud noise and a flourish, the door to the Bar is kicked in by Bell, pulling mightily on a rope. Placing it over his shoulder and leaning hard, he drags…whatever it is, into the Bar, a triumphant expression written all over his face.

“Got it! Finally! The end to those damn, dirty, venomous plants! Straight from the C.D.S.P., exactly what I need to get around the Weapon Nullifiers!”
With a mighty tug, Bell yanks the reluctant weight in through the bar, revealing...a very unhappy, very ugly goat, complete with a patchy coat and an expression that radiated displeasure. The cause for its’ highly displeased look and shabby appearance was immediately clear by the IV drip bag it dragged around by tether, with the words “ANTIVENIN” emblazoned on the sides of the bags of multicolored liquid. The drugs seemed to be doing it few favors, but didn’t appear to affect it’s vitality, nor its air of discontent; its hooves scored the floor as it was dragged inside the Bar, stubbornly refusing to lift a single leg.

Bell made a beeline, as best as anybody can with a stubborn animal being dragged behind, for the PPU cactus, shoving waiters and diplomatic aides aside in his single-minded determination, and knocking into Kenneth Flamel, whose face was already perilously close to the jaws of Murray the Evil Skull.

Stopping before the cactus and creeper vine, Bell turned to the “audience”, conveniently forgetting, perhaps, that most of the World Assembly had little issue with the PPU compared to him or Janis Leveret.

“Ladies, Gentlemen, and those who have no such traits, I have the solution to our weed problem! This is Chuckie.” Bell, speaking to nobody in particular, gestures down to the stubborn goat, which was busy hungrily sniffing at the hem of his pants. “Chuckie here is a Boer goat fresh off the family farm, one of the best for chewing through dense underbrush and thick weeds. In addition, Chuckie’s been loaded up with the best anti-toxins the C.D.S.P. Medical Corps could buy or steal! Which is ironic…”

Chuckie, thoroughly bored with the entire announcement, decided to start chewing on Bell’s pants, oblivious to the human’s attempt to shake him off his newly acquired meal.
“Dammit, Chuckie, stop it…Now we can finally rid ourselves…oh, goddamit, you stupid animal…to hell with it. Chuckie, attack!”

Robbed of his grand speech, Bell grabs the interfering farm animal, hoists him up, and sets him on the bar, a few feet from the PPU cactus and creeper vine. Curiously, Chuckie leans in, sniffing.

[Wrapper]

For the first time in what seems like weeks, Ari and Ahume enter the bar. All the talk about assassins and death stars and venomous plants had caused them quite a bit of discomfort during their last visit, so they venture in and witness....

Some naive ambassador getting in Murray's face.

A goat who seems more interested in fabric than yummy plants.

Talking cats.

Lots and lots of cocaine.

And a pair of remarkably dressed young gay Nazis.

See, Wad Ahume? Everything seems back to normal. Now let's have a drink.

[Potted Plants United]

Robbed of his grand speech, Bell grabs the interfering farm animal, hoists him up, and sets him on the bar, a few feet from the PPU cactus and creeper vine. Curiously, Chuckie leans in, sniffing.

The creeper vine lifted part of its stem up, as a snake might raise its front end, but it wasn't attacking. It merely touched one of its leaves on the animal's snout to let it know that it tasted very bad. From very up close its leaves had an odor that was indicative of this. The hivemind's research had suggested that most grazing animals, unless extremely starved, would leave both spiky plants and ones that tasted vile be, so the duo of the cactus and creeper vine would most likely only suffer any damage from sapient creatures willfully seeking to harm them.

OOC: Your post made me damn near die of laughter, SP.

Also, more info on whether the cactus is actually poisonous, can be found here.

[Sierra Lyricalia]

Steph cuts her phone's recording before the goat gets too, too graphic with the cactus, and hits the button to put the video in a communication to the House of Diplomats' General Secretary; then dials the diplomatic emergency direct line.

"This is just too much. If you had any doubts that this was the right decision, this will pulverize them - or nothing will. See now the real plot and intention, Mr. Secretary. My predecessor's own testimony stated he was awaiting a military strike by Confederate Dominion forces; and the situation in which I found him was having taken shelter behind an ad-hoc barricade in anticipation of said strike and ensuing fallout - nevermind the presence of weapons nullifers or even the outright ban on military action in this righteously-appointed pub."

"Behold, the - heh! - quintessential devil in these matters, Ambassador Benjamin Bell, obstacle-evader and herbicidalist! Even as this cactus was defending itself from sharp objects and gross personal space intrusions, Bell was secretly deploying Chuckie the goat, raised by Bell's family, and test-released by the ambassador himself! That flake demanded the condemnation of Bell and called it 'justice?!?' "

Steph doubles over in laughter for a moment, then manages to bring back a straight face.

"Baradikov's 'justice' is a unique point of view, Mr. Secretary. Is he in your office now? Oh, the whole committee? Great! Now then: your vomit did sully the humanoid-males' restroom? Your gibbering, snoring carcass was cowering behind a table like a scared child when I came in? Do you deny these events? ... You have the right to be a complete idiot?"

The phone squawks as a number of voices on the other side begin shouting all at once. She listens, smirking, for another several minutes, then speaks. "Thank you, Mr. Secretary. We'll get there." She hangs up.

"Now then! Ambassador Bell: deepest, deepest apologies for dragging you into that mess. This has been without a doubt the single sloppiest, most graceless diplomatic transition I've ever had the misfortune to be a part of. That should be the end of it; after that little display there's no chance the committee'll embarrass us all any further by asking for your testimony; the video ought to take care of everything."

"Now it's a pleasure to finally meet you away from the debating chambers - for that delay, and for our previous ambassador's total mental collapse, I owe you at least a round or two of drinks. What's your poison?" Steph glances at the cactus for a moment. "Heh, sorry. Couldn't resist."

[Murray the Evil Skull]

Murray waited a few minutes, his eyes still glowing a malevolent red before he said,
"What the matter mortal. Didn't your mother teach you its not polite to stare? you look like you've never seen a talking skull before.

''I've never seen a talking skull...''He whispered to himself still staring at the skull even afer the comment.

Anyway, my name is Murray, mortal. Don't forget it, I am the Harbinger of your doom. and the fiends of hell shall cheer lustily as I stride through the gates of Hell with your head on a pike!"

At this point Captain Chiang snorted and said,
"Stride?"
Alright roll....roll through the Gates of Hell. Must you always ruin the atmosphere, mortal?"
Turning his attention back to Kenneth Murray continues,
"Now where were we, mortal?"

He laughs at the comment of Captain Chiang and says with a smile''Nice to meet you ,Murray..I guess.I'm Kenneth Flamel.''He giggles and picks up the skull''How would you carry a pike while you roll through the gates of hell.Furthermore how would you get my head in the first place?Why should I fear an old bodyless skeleton who's brain probably already decomposed into dust?''As he said this he got murray dangerously close to his face.''What are you going to do,''Harbinger of my doom''?Bite me?''

You could hear a gasp from the bar patrons with that last bit of comment from the ambassador....they remembered the last time someone mocked the EVILEST talking skull in Nationstates. Murray peers at the man, his eyes now glowing a bright malevolent red as he responded,
"I might mortal if you would be so kind to pick me up. However I think you need to learn the hard way that the skull will not be mocked, mortal! I'm placing an EVIL curse on you! That's it! You're cursed! You are going to have such a rash, mortal! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"

[Separatist Peoples]

“Please, ambassador, call me Benjamin, or at least Bell, if Benjamin is too familiar. Your predecessor was fairly harmless, and I did call in some pretty serious favors in the C.D.S.P. High Command to get Chuckie here. There’s no need to fret. Go on, Chuckie, get some! “

Chuckie hungrily licked his goaty lips, leaning into the plant sniffing the foul smelling leaves hopefully. Bell, behind him, was urging the goat on with a fervor not rivaled since the last time the C.D.S.P. had a team in the running of the World Football (OOC: not handegg) Cup. If his clearly non-sapient mind could parcel together a recognizable thought by sapient standards, it would have been That looks really appetizing, but smells terrible…I refuse to care, to save face! With as much of an expression of indifference a goat can possibly have, Chuckie turned ever so slightly away from the creeper vine, snagged a cloth napkin from off the bar, and retreated back to his baffled master to munch on his prize.

“What? What the fuck…No! NOO!! Bad goat! Here…” Bell grabs Chuckie bodily and sets him down in front of the plant again, even closer than before. “Chuckie, KILL!”

With an annoyed bleat, Chuckie turns right back around, hops to the floor, and starts chewing on the dropped napkin again.

“YOU USELESS PIECE OF GARBAGE, GET UP THERE AND EAT THAT BLOODY WEED!”

Bell hoists the goat up a third time, nearly pressing it’s face into the greenery. The goat looks back at Bell, then back towards the PPU plants, then to Bell again. It squares its shoulders, looks hard at the plant, bleats, and passes a bubble of utterly noxious flatulence, before back down to the napkin, passing a spluttering and choking Ambassador Bell on the way.

Bell, for his part, had come far too far to see his “brilliant” plan fall apart on account of a picky eater, and had been standing far too close to the goat at the time of release. Reeling back to avoid the noxious cloud, he managed to get tangled in the goat’s IV rack and tubes, trip, and fall flat on his ass, tears streaming from his burning eyes. “I don’t fucking believe it! You’ve got more anti-toxins in you then is medically sound! You fucking EAT GARBAGE! What the HELL?!”

Chuckie looks at Bell with soulful eyes, the napkin dangling from his mouth like a dog’s prized bone, and baas once. Bell aims a halfhearted kick at the beast, which scurries away, IV bag and all, to enjoy his morsel and explore the Bar.

Ambassador Bell helps himself up off the Bar floor, staring at his secret weapon as it weaved investigatively around the tables. In frustration, he pulls out a service revolver from a concealed holster, wildly emptying the deafening weapon at the capran, and howling in frustration as the .357 magnum rounds turned to gently falling autumn leaves.

“I don’t believe it. I don’t fucking believe it!”

He turns to Steph Zakalwe, the far off stare of a man in shock. “I think I’ll take you up on that offer, Ambassador…can I get a pint of grain alcohol?”

[Sierra Lyricalia]

"A pint of - is that for you or for Chuckie?"

Steph turns to the bar, craning her neck around to draw a bartender's notice. "Well, if you're gonna go all the way to town on yourself, Mr. B-- uh, Benjamin, at least start with something nice first. Have a memory of the world being OK after all for just one second in between this-"

She picks up one of the leaves, the bullet's copper sheathing having rendered the resulting leaf a gorgeous swirl of orange and bronze, and twirls the stem in her fingers, the leaf dancing and spinning.

"-and the pounding headache that, if you're like me, is about to be the only thing you remember after this point. Ah - a pint of grain alcohol as the man says, and lemme have two glasses of Bard-Egg Kawreeve-Wreckin', neat."

She slides the resulting mason jar and one of the glasses down to where Bell is standing, her black-painted nails lingering on the glass for a moment as if reluctant to let it go. Steph takes a savory whiff of her own glass.

"Mmmm. This oughta help a little - if you could drink "making a roaring campfire," this shit's what it'd taste like. Little more smoke and oomph than your Phlaroaig or your Gavalulin or what have you. Here, drink that and pretend you just set the world on fire for a minute."

Steph looks pensive for a moment, then grins. "Also a bit nicer to dispel the rich, savory aroma of goat-fart with than that,-" here a quick pointed finger at the mason jar of grain alcohol "- amiright?"

[Epoch Galmorra]

*peeking through any available window, Mael Gruffudd coughed unceremoniously* 'scuse me, anyone who can hear me. Could you kindly point me to this establishment's entrance?