The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

by **Adab** » Tue Jul 22, 2014 11:02 pm

Enki sat quietly on his table, staring at all his fellow ambassadors. He had come to the bar to relax and escape, if only for a moment, his duties, but otherwise he had absolutely nothing to do. A cup of oolong tea had been delivered to his table; he ignored it and continued staring.

Then his phone rang. "Hello?" Enki answered the call. It was the Emperor.

by **Louisistan** » Wed Jul 23, 2014 12:54 am

Dominik only now realizes that the Ambassador next to him has ordered a cup of tea. With a quick slide of hand he pushes the cup off the counter. "For God's sake Ambassador, don't touch the tea!"

OOC: Seriously, don't touch the tea

by **Adab** » Wed Jul 23, 2014 6:35 am

Enki was busy talking with the Emperor over the phone when the Ambassador next to him suddenly pushed the cup of tea off the table. "Hold on a second, Your Imperial Majesty," he shouted over the phone. "I'll be right back!"

He turned to the man next to him, half-shocked and half-angered. "Whoa, whoa, calm down, man," he said. "You can't just throw my tea off the table like that. Look at you've done to the floor!"

Turning his sight away from that man, he raised his hand and shouted to the nearest waiter, "Orange juice and French fries, please! And make it quick!"

by **Louisistan** » Wed Jul 23, 2014 6:46 am

"Sorry mate. But the tea here really isn't good for you. Apart fromt he fact that they don't make very good tea here, I ... well, I've heard stories..." while Dominik is talking to Enki, Max continues his pathetic display of musical talentlessnes

"And you ask me why I love her
Through wars, death and despair
She is the constant, we who don't care
And you wonder will I leave her - but how?
I cross over borders but I'm still there now"

by **District XIV** » Thu Jul 24, 2014 12:41 am

"Where is the Louisistanian delega-" Mr. Vilay glances at the bar, noticing a man, "Ah, hello! You said something about, um, what was it... oh! Pornography! May I see what you have?"

by **Louisistan** » Thu Jul 24, 2014 4:08 am

Max feels the familiar pull in the stomach he gets when two separate timelines in the WA magically merge into one and decides to abandon his ill-advised attempt to entertain the bar with Musical Theatre. He approaches Vilay. "Pornography, ah, yes. Well then have a look at this. It's the 1998 no-swimsuit edition of 'Beach Bunnies'."

by **Normlpeople** » Thu Jul 24, 2014 4:10 am

Clover approached the bar, and asked in a weakly sick voice from beneath her cloak "Keep the whiskey coming please. I need to wipe my mind clean after seeing that last email from ambassador Bell..."

by **Wrapper** » Thu Jul 24, 2014 4:24 am

Ari and Ahume enter the bar. They are ecstatic but noticeably exhausted after four days of arm-twisting, pleading, and bribing with chewing gum, which for some reason doesn't seem to be as hot a commodity here at the WA as it is on other planets.

Neville! Never thought you'd hear this come out of our mouths, but... FREE DRINKS FOR EVERYONE!

Ari pauses, expecting a cheer, or any other sort of acknowledgement, but no one seems to notice.

Oh... no, someone's ordered tea again, haven't they? Wad Ahume, this lot needs cheering up! To the karaoke mach.... Oh for crying out loud, what IS that dreadful noise? Screw this, Ahume, to the sub-basement, quickly.

by **The Dark Star Republic** » Thu Jul 24, 2014 4:47 am

It seemed everyone in the Bar was enjoying their pornography; Vice-Colonel Truculent Bilgewater, The Dark Star Republic's newly appointed Ambassador to the World Assembly, was no exception, sitting in a dimly lit corner of the Bar leering over a particularly debased publication.

"Oh yeah, that's filthy!" he muttered to himself with a lecherous grin as he turned another well dog-eared page of a compendium, the spine reading Bizarre and Nonsensical Kryozerkian Secretariat Rulings, Vol. 4, opening to a spread depicting something being done to the Committee rules that cannot be fully described without triggering the Bar's "PG-13" detection alarms, but which involved a tanker load of lubrication, an anatomically correct latex hippo, and a flagrant disregard for basic English grammar. "Mmm, twist all those rulings up like that, you naughty little thing..."

"Do you really have to read that?" asked Professor Miffy Yarp, returning from the Bar with drinks in hand: for the Vice-Colonel, a Golgothastani turnip wodka so potent that when she set it down paint began peeling off the table surface, and for herself a glass of Chateau Quafite, a single bottle of which was the only remaining contribution of Quintessence of Dust to the World Assembly after they were rightly chased out for daring not to care whether people used orange or green spraypaint on the graffiti on the fourth wall.

"It's absolutely disgusting. I don't even know how anyone can look at it without vomiting. It's ... " she searched around for the most appropriately condemning word in her vocabulary.

"It's wordy!" she hissed, speaking low so as not to have her shocking obscenity overheard by any of the more delicate representatives enjoying their post-debate drinks/gum/smut.

The Vice-Colonel closed the book reluctantly. "Someone's in a good mood today," he grumbled.

"Yes, well, you'd be in a mood too if there were a bill doing the rounds to abolish your job."

Truculent rolled his eyes. "They're still trying to repeal the Multilateral Trade Talks resolution? Don't they realize the Auralian delegation hasn't been seen around for so long their office is completely overrun with feral armadillos?"

"Our office is completely overrun with feral armadillos," Yarp reminded him testily. "And I can't get any sort of help from Building Management. I'm rather hoping our repeal passes, if only so we can nab some fresh space in the IMF offices when they're vacated."

"The what?"

"I don't know, we didn't really focus on that part."

Truculent grunted, and took a sip of his wodka. His eyes immediately began streaming and his moustache hairs curled, turning grey instantly as the fumes threatened to melt the flesh right off his face. "I think they've been watering this down!" he complained between spluttering coughs.

"Never mind about that. What am I going to do? If the Trade Talks resolution is repealed, it won't make a jot of difference to anyone, except that little group who want to piss on Ambassador Russell's corpse. But it'll also mean I'm out of a job! I might have to get a job at GnomeBurger!"

They both shuddered at the thought. Their former colleague, Inky Fungschlammer, had been killed while working at GnomeBurger, flattened when an enormous crate of Arbitrary And Capricious Meals - popular among the Secretariat staff, who frequently munched them down before convening to discuss which precedents they were going to ignore that particular day - had been dropped on him. He'd been crushed flatter than a Let's Just Pretend National Economic Freedoms Doesn't Even Exist Pancake, a limited time breakfast offer that everyone hoped was going to expire - but reorders of which were glumly rumoured to abound.

"Maybe they're only repealing it because you haven't really done anything?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, how many multilateral trade talks have you actually held since you were assigned here?"

"Um..." Professor Yarp twisted her mouth into an awkward grimace. "I suppose, technically..."

"Exactly! But maybe, if we attended one, people would see they weren't so bad. That'd be better than any argument you could make on the Assembly floor, given the repeal isn't even about the resolution itself anyway."

"Hmm. Interesting." With narrowed eyes, Professor Yarp looked around the Bar. "But who else would want to attend the trade talks...?"

by **Louisistan** » Thu Jul 24, 2014 1:06 pm

Waaaay on the other side of the room, Dominik remembers why he came into the bar in the first place and starts lamenting: "Oh, come on! It's my Job! There must be someone in this violet-forsaken place willing to conduct the GA-mandated trade talks! I can't go back to my wife and those horrible children! Max shouts from across the room: "You have no kids!" - "Yes, I know! I mean her damned kids!"

by **Adab** » Fri Jul 25, 2014 2:09 am

Enki finished eating his French fries and drinking the orange juice relatively quickly. He and the Emperor had a long, long talk over the phone over the Convention on Fracking and Commend McMasterdonia proposals; the Emperor assured Enki that it was only right to oppose the former and support the latter.

Disgusted at hearing Dominik talk about pornography, Enki shouted, "Another glass of orange juice, please! I need to do something other than hearing this insult to morality!"

by **Separatist Peoples** » Fri Jul 25, 2014 5:33 am

Ambassador Bell walked into the bar with a spring in his step and a tune on his lips. He had managed to please an inordinate amount of ambassadors with his super-porn link (the mental trauma of seeing it was still causing the process of burning out neurons in his skull, but they were the neurons that cause guilt and shame, so no harm done), and those he didn't amuse or otherwise gratify, he had managed to rile up. A good day, all things considered.

"Barkeep, my good man, can I get a Dwarvern Stout and two glass as of your finest Olde Jim's Wood Alcohol? There's a good fellow!"

Receiving his libations, he quickly downed one glass of the questionably drinkable wood alcohol, swooned a bit as his vision darkened and then bounced back, and then gathered his boozy feast into his arms. Settling himself down next to the dejected fellow drinking a Screwdriver with no Driver and finishing his French Fries, Bell offered the glass of Olde Jim's.

"Here, friend. It'll ail what cures you, and you look like you could use it."

by **Frustrated Franciscans** » Fri Jul 25, 2014 8:46 am

Louisistan wrote:OOC: Seriously, don't touch the tea

OOC: Obviously you don't "touch" the tea. The rules clearly say we are to "watch" the tea. How else does a limited probability machine work?

by **Murray the Evil Skull** » Fri Jul 25, 2014 9:59 am

<SIGH!>Sitting at his customary spot near the Kawaiian Shrine of the Manifestation, Murray was bored! This did not bode well for the ambassadors sitting in the bar(or as a matter of fact the residents of the various nations of the multiverse). Boredom naturally allowed the EVILEST of all evil, immortal talking skulls to develop evil schemes to cause misery, fear, and despair on the multitudes. Given the fact he had an almost infinite capacity to do so, normally would cause most sane individuals to lie awake at night quivering in fear. Luckily for the people, Murray lacked the capacity to carry them out(being a disembodied skull sitting on a bar counter). Still it was the thought that counted(at least that's what Murray continually told himself), and Murray turned his gimlet and malevolent gaze to the bar patrons(of course in his megalomaniac way he thought of them as minions and quivering subjects).

by **Adab** » Fri Jul 25, 2014 10:03 am

Finding himself bored with the bar environment, Enki drank the newly-arrived glass of orange juice and immediately went down to the floor. Closing his eyes, he started to meditate. "O Allah, O Allah, be with me in these wicked times. Show me the way of the righteous, open the road to Heaven for me, and make sure that they still have some glasses of orange juice for me in this bar..."

by **Separatist Peoples** » Fri Jul 25, 2014 11:06 am

Adab wrote:Finding himself bored with the bar environment, Enki drank the newly-arrived glass of orange juice and immediately went down to the floor. Closing his eyes, he started to meditate. "O Allah, O Allah, be with me in these wicked times. Show me the way of the righteous, open the road to Heaven for me, and make sure that they still have some glasses of orange juice for me in this bar..."

Looking down at the Adab ambassador's odd behavior at his offer of a drink, gently set the Olde Jim's down and took a pensive sip of his Dwarvern stout, more then a little confused.

by **Araraukar** » Sat Jul 26, 2014 3:42 am

Separatist Peoples wrote:
Adab wrote:*snip*

Looking down at the Adab ambassador's odd behavior at his offer of a drink, gently set the Olde Jim's down and took a pensive sip of his Dwarvern stout, more then a little confused.

"Maybe they're one of the species whose brain synapses react to citric acid instead of alcohol?" Janis suggested, sipping her cocoa.

by **Adab** » Sat Jul 26, 2014 6:56 am

Enki, deciding that he was bored with this whole meditating business and realizing that there must be people looking at him, stood up and returned to his table. He shouted to the nearest waiter, "French fries, please! Don't make me wait for too long!"

While waiting, Enki took the phone out of his pocket and started playing the famous Snake game. "O Allah, don't kill the snake," muttered the ambassador. "I must get a thousand points!"

by **The Land of Beer** » Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:16 am

Still nursing a hangover along with various injuries from the great pub brawl .. he made his way to the bar puzzling over how he ended up chosen for the job ..
when the bartender asked his order he replied .. one of everything and make it a double ..
fumbling through his pockets he managed to find his cigarettes and lighter he lit up a smoke ..

by **Adab** » Sun Jul 27, 2014 7:26 pm

Still feeling somewhat bored with the bar environment, Enki stopped playing the game and shouted to a waiter, "Hey you! Waiter! Some fish and chips with French fries and a bottle of mineral water, please! And make it quick, I'm bored here and have pretty much nothing to do right now!"

by **Potted Plants United** » Mon Jul 28, 2014 8:48 am

Adab wrote:Still feeling somewhat bored with the bar environment, Enki stopped playing the game and shouted to a waiter, "Hey you! Waiter! Some fish and chips with French fries and a bottle of mineral water, please! And make it quick, I'm bored here and have pretty much nothing to do right now!"

The Bar's resident cactus heard mineral water mentioned. It felt thirsty, and while it would have been simple enough to send PPU's human liaison to the scene, the hivemind felt there might be water to be had easier than that. The sapient animal ambassadors were, after all, often quite sloppy drinkers.

The creeper vine that served as the cactus's security againt the Araraukarian ambassador, reared its front end to "sniff" the air. While the cactus was able to see and hear, limitedly, the creeper vine wasn't. Like all the sentient plants, it had tremor sense and a chemical sense that might have been called the sense of taste-and-smell combined. However, since the hivemind was able to coordinate between the different parts of the whole, the mobile vine would be able to home in on the right drinker.

OOC: The creeper vine rearing up looks like a vine of ivy "flared up" like a cobra does. It doesn't hiss or make any other sounds, though.

by **Louisistan** » Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:46 am

Dominik is now convinced he has to take matters in his own hand and pins the following note to the notice board:

by **Potted Plants United** » Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:56 am

Louisistan wrote:
P.S.: The Louisistanian Delegation is currently hiring a Special Attaché for Autodefenestrations. Plants need not apply.

OOC: Oi!

by **Frustrated Franciscans** » Mon Jul 28, 2014 10:55 am

Brother Maynard sits at the bar. "They want me to go out and tell people why I don't want to vote to repeal something. It's enough to get me to order another drink."

The bartender stares, "Really?"

"Sure," Brother Maynard replied. "I'll use ANY EXCUSE No matter how flimsy."

by **Louisistan** » Mon Jul 28, 2014 11:33 am

An aide from the Louisistanian delegation is now handing out flyers of Dominik's note. He approaches the two representatives from the DSR. "Excuse me, I've been told to hand out this flyer to anyone who might be interested in the Multilateral Trade Talks."

The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

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