The World Assembly Strangers' Bar

[Wallenburg]

Walter slid through the door and came to a stop at his favorite stool. He jumped up onto it and happily began polishing his tusks as he looked around at the faces in the bar, some new and some old.

Ogenbond stares at the walrus for a moment, totally perplexed.

"Well...that's certainly a first for me. Neville, something strong, please. And yes, that means make it light by your standards. Hell, I don't want to be hospitalized after my first bloody glass."

Gerald smiles in amusement at his superior before calling to Neville, "and a bottle of whiskey, please. Your kind."

[Imperium Anglorum]

Walter slid through the door and came to a stop at his favorite stool. He jumped up onto it and happily began polishing his tusks as he looked around at the faces in the bar, some new and some old.

Ogenbond stares at the walrus for a moment, totally perplexed.

"Well...that's certainly a first for me. Neville, something strong, please. And yes, that means make it light by your standards. Hell, I don't want to be hospitalized after my first bloody glass."

Gerald smiles in amusement at his superior before calling to Neville, "and a bottle of whiskey, please. Your kind."

Parsons: I don't entirely believe it would be the best example to set to new ambassadors to immediately get roaring drunk. Well, or sharpening your tusks whilst sitting about. (Parsons goes back to reading his copy of the Financial Times)

OOC: Oh, and more importantly, regarding the resolutions thread, I'm going to update on a less ... timely basis. I've got more things to do — well, if I pass something, guaranteed update (since I only submit when I have time), but it'll have to go on when I have more time IRL.

[The Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper]

Parsons: I don't entirely believe it would be the best example to set to new ambassadors to immediately get roaring drunk. Well, or sharpening your tusks whilst sitting about.

ARI: Oh, Cyril, don't be such a fuddy duddy and have another drink. Best the new folks know exactly what they're getting into here.

[Tinfect]

Parsons: I don't entirely believe it would be the best example to set to new ambassadors to immediately get roaring drunk. Well, or sharpening your tusks whilst sitting about.

ARI: Oh, Cyril, don't be such a fuddy duddy and have another drink. Best the new folks know exactly what they're getting into here.

Markhov, who had, until this moment, been quietly reading a copy of "The Educated Man's Guide to Fuddyness and Duddyness and the importance thereof in interactions within Higher Society", looks over the top of the book at Ari, scoffs quietly, takes a short sip from the glass of wine on the table next to him, adjusts his entirely unnecessary reading glasses, and returns to his book.

[Excidium Planetis]

ARI: Oh, Cyril, don't be such a fuddy duddy and have another drink. Best the new folks know exactly what they're getting into here.

Markhov, who had, until this moment, been quietly reading a copy of "The Educated Man's Guide to Fuddyness and Duddyness and the importance thereof in interactions within Higher Society", looks over the top of the book at Ari, scoffs quietly, takes a short sip from the glass of wine on the table next to him, adjusts his entirely unnecessary reading glasses, and returns to his book.

Evander Blackbourne, who has materialized from a shadowy corner of the room, looks over at Markhiv's book.

"That looks like an excellent read, Ambassador. Markhov, I presume? I'll have to make a note to get myself a copy. Now, I don't mean to interrupt, but I'd like to have a word with you..."

[Tinfect]

"That looks like an excellent read, Ambassador. Markhov, I presume? I'll have to make a note to get myself a copy. Now, I don't mean to interrupt, but I'd like to have a word with you..."

Markhov, hearing Blackbourne, nods quickly, and closes his copy of An Excellent Read, which he promptly places in his coat. Rising from his seat, he turns to face Blackbourne, and responds,

"Ah, of course Ambassador, it is of no inconvenience. Of what did you wish to speak- Ah, first, let us perhaps move to a more private area of the Bar, unless this matter is not at risk of being overheard?"

[Wallenburg]

Ogenbond stares at the walrus for a moment, totally perplexed.

"Well...that's certainly a first for me. Neville, something strong, please. And yes, that means make it light by your standards. Hell, I don't want to be hospitalized after my first bloody glass."

Gerald smiles in amusement at his superior before calling to Neville, "and a bottle of whiskey, please. Your kind."

Parsons: I don't entirely believe it would be the best example to set to new ambassadors to immediately get roaring drunk. Well, or sharpening your tusks whilst sitting about. (Parsons goes back to reading his copy of the Financial Times)

Two drinks arrive, Gerald taking one and Mikael the other. Ogenbond takes a long gulp from his glass and grunts as the drink burns down his throat. "Oh, sweet Jeb, that's a kicker." He turns to Parsons and says, "I don't tell you how to live your life, buddy."

Gerald chuckles briefly, then notices that Ogenbond is starting to slide backward on his barstool. Standing up, Gerald catches Ogenbond by his back as he loses consciousness. Carefully, Gerald carries him over to another table and sets him in a chair.

"He must have taken my drink instead. He really ought to have known better. Now I have to wait for him to regain consciousness. Helping him through the hangover is gonna be tough."

[Araraukar]

Gerald chuckles briefly, then notices that Ogenbond is starting to slide backward on his barstool. Standing up, Gerald catches Ogenbond by his back as he loses consciousness. Carefully, Gerald carries him over to another table and sets him in a chair.

OOC: Would he respond to stimulation while unconscious? I thought I'd ask rather than have Janis conduct strange experiments right away.

[Imperium Anglorum]

"He must have taken my drink instead. He really ought to have known better. Now I have to wait for him to regain consciousness. Helping him through the hangover is gonna be tough."

Parsons, enters, holding a revolver, hair clearly windswept. He leaps at a window, screaming, 'Here! Hangover cure!', while shooting four bullets out of his revolver. The first three hit three glasses containing hot chocolate, milk, and essence of snape grass kept on a counter above the bartender. The drinks spill their contents into a funnel above a filter and an empty glass and quickly mix in the glass below it — producing a small puff noise with accompanying smoke. Parsons' last bullet shatters the window in front of him. Continuing out of it, he does a barrel roll in the air and a roll on contact with the ground. Seeing his horse galloping into the area, he holsters his revolver and jumps onto the horse, starting on a fast gallop through an inter-dimensional portal back to the United Commonwealth.

[Potted Plants United]

AHUME: Actually, I haven't lived on Luna II in almost twenty years. But, no atmosphere, no windows, and everyone lived underground, at least most of the time. You do see more artificial habitats on the surface nowadays, but they're small and inefficient. No, I've lived in the suburbs of Wormhole City for a few years now. Mycroft, a nice neighborhood, with many transplanted "loonies". Line marriages and breathable air, best of both worlds, right? (A server brings his drink; he takes a sip.) Why do they ask?

A message sound emanated from Ahume's communication device.

Subject: Because we need someone we can trust

To: Wad Ahume of the Wrapperian delegation
From: The Hivemind of Potted Plants United

We had hoped to use you as a go-between to perhaps persuade some of your fellow beings into partaking a small botanical experiment with and for us. We trust you personally most of all of the Wads we have encountered, and as a debuty ambassador we thought you might be able to present foreign ideas for consideration.

We would ask our Araraukarian allies, but they do not have a space program of their own, nor do the two moons of their planet have permanent habitation by the international space agency that they are part of.

Thinking you might have family members or relatives on Luna II, we had developed a new variety of the tomato species we created for the Tollans, a variety that would be suited for hydriponic culturing and lower gravity. This we thought to offer as payment, seeing how fond you had grown of it.

The project we would need your help with, is a new kind of plant, indeed a new kind of life-form, which we have created to be able to survive in vacuum without water and unprotected from stellar radiation. It is a silicon-based life-form with a very complex crystal structure with which it absorbs certain wavelengths of electromagnetic radiation and uses them for energy for maintaining and repairing its structure. We have tried to make it able to grow but not procreate. However, its timescale for growth - the tomatos, for example, take but a couple of months between seeding and fruiting - can be measured in tens of years, possibly centuries. If it was exposed to the same air pressure that you and Janis find comfortable, it would be crushed to death.

Let us know if the proposition of finding an observable place for our crystal creation in exchange of the tasty Tollan tomatos interests you. Neither the tomatos nor the crystal flower are part of our selves.

Yours, the PPU Hivemind.

P.S. We have finished growing the gift plant for Wad Ty and will have it sent to your office. We opted for a small bush that grows flowers similar to the Araraukarian aquamarine-coloured orchid that we used as an example. It will produce flowers on long stems, and if the flowers are not cut, some of them will eventually turn into seeds that can be planted in the mother plant's plant pot to renew the original plant. They will not grow if planted on their own; this is a safeguard against them escaping into the wild ecosystems.

OOC: Is that Parsons gone mad or did you again forget to use Madsons?

The first three hit three glasses containing hot chocolate, milk, and essence of snape grass kept on a counter above the bartender.

Also, in Runescape you can use ground chocolate on a bucket of milk and then add the snape grass, doesn't have to be a chocolate drink.

[Wallenburg]

OOC: Would he respond to stimulation while unconscious? I thought I'd ask rather than have Janis conduct strange experiments right away.

OOC: Yes.

"He must have taken my drink instead. He really ought to have known better. Now I have to wait for him to regain consciousness. Helping him through the hangover is gonna be tough."

Parsons, enters, holding a revolver, hair clearly windswept. He leaps at a window, screaming, 'Here! Hangover cure!', while shooting four bullets out of his revolver. The first three hit three glasses containing hot chocolate, milk, and essence of snape grass kept on a counter above the bartender. The drinks spill their contents into a funnel above a filter and an empty glass and quickly mix in the glass below it — producing a small puff noise with accompanying smoke. Parsons' last bullet shatters the window in front of him. Continuing out of it, he does a barrel roll in the air and a roll on contact with the ground. Seeing his horse galloping into the area, he holsters his revolver and jumps onto the horse, starting on a fast gallop through an inter-dimensional portal back to the United Commonwealth.

That is, Parson plans for that, but the Weapons Nullifier won't have any of that, and converts each of his bullets into wine corks, which bounce off of each of the glasses and the window. Thus, as he runs at the window, he smashes through it, sending glass everywhere. Gerald stands up, confused, but has no time to ask Parsons what he is doing before the mounted ambassador disappears through a portal.

"What the blazes was that all about? Parsons has gone nuttier than a creeper in an ocelot pen!"

Gerald looks at the drinks Parsons shot at, and wonders if there is any sense behind them. "Hmm, maybe later."

[Imperium Anglorum]

Also, in Runescape you can use ground chocolate on a bucket of milk and then add the snape grass, doesn't have to be a chocolate drink.

OOC: It had to be a liquid. Liberties had to be taken.

That is, Parson plans for that, but the Weapons Nullifier won't have any of that, and converts each of his bullets into wine corks, which bounce off of each of the glasses and the window. Thus, as he runs at the window, he smashes through it, sending glass everywhere. Gerald stands up, confused, but has no time to ask Parsons what he is doing before the mounted ambassador disappears through a portal.

North, looking north at the shattered window, shrugs. He then receives a message from a messenger. He looks up and says, "war has been declared with Alamania. Apparently, we're mobilising. No wonder he left in such a hurry". He looks at Gerald and says, "Oh, those glasses over there? It's an old hangover cure".

OOC: Also, I've been putting off the First World War in IA's timeline for two years now. Basically, it must begin sometime.

[The Imperial Frost Federation]

Ambassador Albert Nakiri stumbled into the bar silently as he carried a file with him. Walking wearily over to an empty seat on the bar stool he beckons for Neville to give him a "pick me up" so that he is revitalized for the work he is about to do.

[The Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper]

(Ahume pulls out his tablet, reads the message, and brings up the brilliant picture of a crystal lotus, gaping for a few moments.)

AHUME: Oh my. That's beautiful.

[Araraukar]

OOC: Would he respond to stimulation while unconscious? I thought I'd ask rather than have Janis conduct strange experiments right away.

OOC: Yes.

While Ahume brought out his tablet to read the message, Janis noticed a chance for mischief. She quickly dug up from her satchel a 10 cm stick of something that looked almost like a sparkler, snatched a lighter from a nearby patron who had just been about to light their cigarette, and set one end of the stick on fire. Absentmindedly returning the lighter to its annoyed owner, she then blew on the tip of the stick until the flame mostly died down, and tiptoed to where Ogenbond more lay prone than sat.

Carefully, so as to not wake him otherwise, she held the smouldering end of the stick near the unconscious man's nose, and wafted the rising smoke towards his face.

OOC: It's an incense stick kind of a thing. Scent is slightly floral with spicy undertones. Highly illegal in Araraukar, as it uses a wood from an endangered tree, but the PPU hivemind has helped Janis get her hands on all sorts of contraband stuff, partially for pure experimental curiosity, and partially because it, too, can be in a mischievous mood.

[Potted Plants United]

(Ahume pulls out his tablet, reads the message, and brings up the brilliant picture of a crystal lotus, gaping for a few moments.)

AHUME: Oh my. That's beautiful.

Another message arrived.

Subject: We are glad you think it's beautiful

To: Wad Ahume of the Wrapperian delegation
From: The Hivemind of Potted Plants United

The shape of the crystal plant was copied from a certain kind of water flower on Araraukar, but in this case it is not just a flower, but indeed the whole visible body of the plant. It also has an anchoring root, which is not visible in the picture. The colours you can see are the result of reflections from white light.

If you can think of a place to put it in, we can deliver it in its current plant pot and vacuum chamber. Also, we have 10 seedlings of the Tollan tomatos ready.

Yours, the PPU Hivemind

OOC: The hivemind can hear (and somewhat see) Ahume, because the cactus is on the bar counter not far from where he sits.

[The Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper]

While Ahume brought out his tablet to read the message, Janis noticed a chance for mischief. She quickly dug up from her satchel a 10 cm stick of something that looked almost like a sparkler, snatched a lighter from a nearby patron who had just been about to light their cigarette, and set one end of the stick on fire. Absentmindedly returning the lighter to its annoyed owner, she then blew on the tip of the stick until the flame mostly died down, and tiptoed to where Ogenbond more lay prone than sat.

ARI: Oh, really now, Janet? I would think trying to induce a wet dream would be beneath you. You do realize that in some cultures that could be considered sexual assault? Wake up there, Odinblond, you're dreaming again!

(While Janis is preoccupied, Ahume writes a quick response to the PPU.)

I can certainly help you; I am acquainted with a couple of botanists stationed on Luna II. If you'll permit me to send them some information, I can get the process started. As far as the tomato seedlings, I shall no longer be visiting Tollana Gamma. I suggest you contact Kay and ask her. I shall, however, ensure that Wad Ty receives your gift. On his behalf, thank you.

(He looks toward Janis and, ensuring that she cannot see the message, sends it.)

[Araraukar]

ARI: Oh, really now, Janet? I would think trying to induce a wet dream would be beneath you. You do realize that in some cultures that could be considered sexual assault? Wake up there, Odinblond, you're dreaming again!

Janis glanced at Ari and grinned. She then blew him a kiss and winked, turning back to watch the unconscious Wallenburgian.

OOC: She knows what she's doing is technically wrong, but she figures that passing out at Strangers' Bar means that strange things should happen to you, especially if even your fellow countrymen (Gerald) won't drag you out of there.

Janis: "Let's call it a political experiment..."

[Wallenburg]

While Ahume brought out his tablet to read the message, Janis noticed a chance for mischief. She quickly dug up from her satchel a 10 cm stick of something that looked almost like a sparkler, snatched a lighter from a nearby patron who had just been about to light their cigarette, and set one end of the stick on fire. Absentmindedly returning the lighter to its annoyed owner, she then blew on the tip of the stick until the flame mostly died down, and tiptoed to where Ogenbond more lay prone than sat.

Carefully, so as to not wake him otherwise, she held the smouldering end of the stick near the unconscious man's nose, and wafted the rising smoke towards his face.

Ogenbond mumbles something and smiles. "Mmmph...mm, delegation does not permit...mmvery pretty..."

His nose begins to elongate slowly, reaching down just to his upper lip.

[Araraukar]

*snip*

Janis had the hardest time to not burst out laughing, but she just managed it by clamping a hand over her mouth. She then carefully tucked the incence stick into one of Ogenbond's buttonholes and beat a hasty retreat back to the bar counter where Ahume sat, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

[The Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper]

Ogenbond mumbles something and smiles. "Mmmph...mm, delegation does not permit...mmvery pretty..."

His nose begins to elongate slowly, reaching down just to his upper lip.

Janis had the hardest time to not burst out laughing, but she just managed it by clamping a hand over her mouth. She then carefully tucked the incence stick into one of Ogenbond's buttonholes and beat a hasty retreat back to the bar counter where Ahume sat, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

(Ari, trying to suppress his own laughter, motions to Neville, and points to a pressurized seltzer bottle. He takes the bottle, unsteadily aims, and squeezes the trigger, spraying a stream of seltzer directly in Ogenbond's face.)

[Potted Plants United]

(While Janis is preoccupied, Ahume writes a quick response to the PPU.)

I can certainly help you; I am acquainted with a couple of botanists stationed on Luna II. If you'll permit me to send them some information, I can get the process started. As far as the tomato seedlings, I shall no longer be visiting Tollana Gamma. I suggest you contact Kay and ask her. I shall, however, ensure that Wad Ty receives your gift. On his behalf, thank you.

(He looks toward Janis and, ensuring that she cannot see the message, sends it.)

A response arrived just as Ari fired the stream of water at the unconscious Wallenburgian.

We are aware of your break-up with your Tollan lover. And while we are intimately aware of how busy they are with survival, even with our help, please accept our condolences. The emotional pain experienced by your kind we can only liken to the pain of the total loss of some of those of our selves that were not grown for the purpose of dying off.

And because we are aware of the break-up, the Tollan tomatos are not for the Tollans. They are for you, Wad Ahume, and yours to do whatever you wish, with. The seedlings have been modified to survive in lower gravity and without soil - in hydroponic culturing - which we understood were the conditions for growing edible things on Luna II. But if you'd prefer to have them with you to where you live now when you're not here at the WA, just let us know the growth parametres and we will tinker with them further.

As for the crystal flower, though it is not of our selves, it is precious to us and was difficult to create. We ask that you are careful with it, but other than that, it, too, is yours to decide what you wish to do with it. We are happy to share its environmental requirements, care suggestions and basic biology notes with any botanists you would like to contact for us, but its creation method as well as its equivalent for genetic information, will remain our secrets, if that works for you.

[Wallenburg]

Janis had the hardest time to not burst out laughing, but she just managed it by clamping a hand over her mouth. She then carefully tucked the incence stick into one of Ogenbond's buttonholes and beat a hasty retreat back to the bar counter where Ahume sat, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

Ogenbond smiles and sneezes in his slumber, his nose now, lengthening down to below his lower lip.

(Ari, trying to suppress his own laughter, motions to Neville, and points to a pressurized seltzer bottle. He takes the bottle, unsteadily aims, and squeezes the trigger, spraying a stream of seltzer directly in Ogenbond's face.)

Ogenbond wakes with a start, stammering in confusion. He realizes that his face is drenched, and looks down at his shirt.

"W-what's going on?" he asks in an unusually low voice. He frowns and shifts his attention to his nose. He reaches to it and puts his fingers to the end of his nose, pulling away quickly as he realizes what has happened. He gives Ari a venomous glare and stands up.

"Why, Ambassadors, am I erect? I demand an explanation!"

[The Puddle Jumping Wads of Wrapper]

Ogenbond wakes with a start, stammering in confusion. He realizes that his face is drenched, and looks down at his shirt.

"W-what's going on?" he asks in an unusually low voice. He frowns and shifts his attention to his nose. He reaches to it and puts his fingers to the end of his nose, pulling away quickly as he realizes what has happened. He gives Ari a venomous glare and stands up.

"Why, Ambassadors, am I erect? I demand an explanation!"

ARI: Oh my. I'm terribly sorry, I was aiming for the, erm....

(He points to the incense stick in Ogenbond's pocket.)

[Wallenburg]

ARI: Oh my. I'm terribly sorry, I was aiming for the, erm....

(He points to the incense stick in Ogenbond's pocket.)

Ogenbond looks down, again confused. He pulls the incense from his vest and examines it.

"What's this, and why does it smell funny?"