[SILLY] GA Joke Proposals Only

[Anonymous Proxy]

[JOKE] GA proposal: support of internet porn

NOTING that "my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun"
APPALLED that many as 0.0001% of 5 year olds have yet to exercise the unalienable right to see their first porno THEREFORE
REQUIRING that all nations spend 99.9999% of their budget on subsidizing this crucial industry, rather than frivolous things like health care, education, or defense
MANDATING that no restrictions or taxes may be placed on the world's most important industry, pornography
ESPECIALLY BANNING all restrictions on the best... erm... I mean generally seen as most offensive types of pornography such as rape, underage, and beastiality

Again, just a joke, don't take it seriously in any way or assume I actually propose this

[Bezombia]

[JOKE] GA proposal: support of internet porn

NOTING that "my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun"
APPALLED that many as 0.0001% of 5 year olds have yet to exercise the unalienable right to see their first porno THEREFORE
REQUIRING that all nations spend 99.9999% of their budget on subsidizing this crucial industry, rather than frivolous things like health care, education, or defense
MANDATING that no restrictions or taxes may be placed on the world's most important industry, pornography
ESPECIALLY BANNING all restrictions on the best... erm... I mean generally seen as most offensive types of pornography such as rape, underage, and beastiality

Again, just a joke, don't take it seriously in any way or assume I actually propose this

I'd vote for this.

[Bears Armed Mission]

Let's try something different...

Everybody Swing

Category: Doesn’t matter if it’s sweet or hot
Strength: Just give that rhythm everything you’ve got

Description:The World Assembly,

Recognising that “It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing”,

Refusing to define “that swing”, because if you need to ask what it is then you ain’t got it, not nohow;

Hereby requires that in order to be legally valid all future GA proposals must have that swing.

[The Risen Jaguar Warriors]

A WOMAN'S PLACE IS ON NATIONSTATES

CATEGORY: ❀ Girl Power ❀
STRENGTH: Thread-locking

DESCRIPTION: The World Assembly...

ACKNOWLEDGING that NationStates has players from all walks of life,

STATING that in 2011, 17% of all NationStates players were female,

DISAPPOINTED that in 2013, the percentage of female NationStates players dropped by 7%, to 10%,

RECOGNISING that the real percentage could be higher than stated,

APPALLED that the reason for this is because of an inability to forget about a merger with a smutty site known as "NationDates"

SICK of trying to state that "NationStates" =/= "NationDates",

REALISING that the World Assembly MUST DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS LACK OF FEMALE PARTICIPATION,

DEMANDING that NationStates start advertising on female-friendly websites, such as Tumblr

PROPOSING that we make NationStates more female-friendly by painting everything pink,

DROPPING the microphone on the way out,

PICKING up a megaphone and,

SHOUTING the rest of the proposal out:

HEREBY SHOUTS "A WOMAN'S PLACE IS ON NATIONSTATES"

Inspiration: viewtopic.php?f=12&t=323886

[Sierra Lyricalia]

My Ass Hurts
Category: Complaint | Strength: Significant

NOTING that there is at present an amount of snow on the ground more suitable for a maritime sub-polar climate;

SEEING in the forecasts that yet more is expected to fall on an immediate basis;

FINDING OUT THE HARD WAY that dwellings in this region, despite centuries of winters famous among Inglisch speakers, are generally not equipped to handle the ice dams that form from the inevitable combination of roof design, metric shittonnes of snow, and wildly fluctuating temperature, humidity, and wind states;

FINDING FURTHER that its crappy old boots have just about no traction whatsoever on yay section of flat rubber roof;

FAILING to see the protruding aluminum vent top right behind it as it chopped at a sheet of ice, being that said vent was still incompletely dug out and thus buried in several inches of snow;

WISHING that it had simply fallen flat on its butt like a cartoon character or one of the Seven Stooges slipping on a banana peel;

INCENSED that for the first time in living memory, it actually wishes winter would go the fuck away;

HAVING now fallen in such a ludicrously and astonishingly unlikely way as to smack its goddamn tailbone square on the corner of aforementioned vent;

THE WORLD ASSEMBLY therefore doth assert and declare that "My ass is killing me!"

[Chester Pearson]

My Ass Hurts
Category: Complaint | Strength: Significant

NOTING that there is at present an amount of snow on the ground more suitable for a maritime sub-polar climate;

SEEING in the forecasts that yet more is expected to fall on an immediate basis;

FINDING OUT THE HARD WAY that dwellings in this region, despite centuries of winters famous among Inglisch speakers, are generally not equipped to handle the ice dams that form from the inevitable combination of roof design, metric shittonnes of snow, and wildly fluctuating temperature, humidity, and wind states;

FINDING FURTHER that its crappy old boots have just about no traction whatsoever on yay section of flat rubber roof;

FAILING to see the protruding aluminum vent top right behind it as it chopped at a sheet of ice, being that said vent was still incompletely dug out and thus buried in several inches of snow;

WISHING that it had simply fallen flat on its butt like a cartoon character or one of the Seven Stooges slipping on a banana peel;

INCENSED that for the first time in living memory, it actually wishes winter would go the fuck away;

HAVING now fallen in such a ludicrously and astonishingly unlikely way as to smack its goddamn tailbone square on the corner of aforementioned vent;

THE WORLD ASSEMBLY therefore doth assert and declare that "My ass is killing me!"

It really is a shame that this is not legal, considering I live in a very northern climate....

[Omigodtheykilledkenny]

"Inglisch"?

[Chester Pearson]

"Inglisch"?

What?

[Sierra Lyricalia]

"Inglisch"?

What?

Well, you'll forgive me for avoiding literal IRL references even in a joke proposal (ditto the Stooges)...

[Imperium Anglorum]

Aggression in HardDriveLandia
Category: Security Intervention | Strength: Full WA Invasion

The World Assembly,

Recalling a data leak,

Acknowledging the involvement of a certain hard drive with that data leak,

Hereby condemns the hard drive responsible, HardDriveLandia, and asks that all members immediately begin preparations for the invasion of that nation under a WA banner.

[Ardchoilleans]

Ex Astris, Scientia

Category: Tribute | Strength: Wholehearted

RECOGNISING that many intelligent minds view Space as the final frontier, and

CONVINCED that such minds meld logic and creativity,

The World Assembly

PERMITS member nations to boldly go where none has gone before;

ENCOURAGES member nations to embrace this great enterprise, and

VULCANISES member nations that miss the point or are slow to give ear.

The WA further

CONFIRMS that a life is like a garden;

URGES member nations to have perfect moments;

REGRETS the difficulty of their preservation, except in memory, and

TRUSTS that member states may live long and prosper, even in times of trial and tribbleation.

Co-author: Leonard_Nimoy_1931_2015

[Araraukar]

Ex Astris, Scientia

Category: Tribute | Strength: Wholehearted

RECOGNISING that many intelligent minds view Space as the final frontier, and

CONVINCED that such minds meld logic and creativity,

The World Assembly

PERMITS member nations to boldly go where none has gone before;

ENCOURAGES member nations to embrace this great enterprise, and

VULCANISES member nations that miss the point or are slow to give ear.

The WA further

CONFIRMS that a life is like a garden;

URGES member nations to have perfect moments;

REGRETS the difficulty of their preservation, except in memory, and

TRUSTS that member states may live long and prosper, even in times of trial and tribbleation.

Co-author: Leonard_Nimoy_1931_2015

Live long and prosper.

EDIT: Sorry for breaking the thread for a bit, some coding didn't want to play ball.

[Kaboomlandia]

Repeal "The World Assembly"


The World Assembly:

RECOGNIZING the need for an international body to keep nations in line;

ACKNOWLEDGING that there are over 500 General Assembly and Security Council resolutions;

CONCERNED that many nations submit outright silly proposals;

RECOGNIZING that it has become extremely difficult to get WA legislation passed;

AWARE that this resolution has no chance whatsoever of passing;

MOVES to disband the WA and let nations work out their problems on their own.

[Araraukar]

The World Assembly:

RECOGNIZING the need for an international body to keep nations in line;

ACKNOWLEDGING that there are over 500 General Assembly and Security Council resolutions;

CONCERNED that many nations submit outright silly proposals;

RECOGNIZING that it has become extremely difficult to get WA legislation passed;

AWARE that this resolution has no chance whatsoever of passing;

MOVES to disband the WA and let nations work out their problems on their own.

EDIT: title was "Repeal 'The World Assembly'"

You don't need to spoiler the draft. And you can put the title on top.

[Bezombia]

Resolution On Fleek


Category: Swag | Strength: am not gud with computr plz help



NOTING that crimes are bad;

HEREBY bans crime.

[Kaboomlandia]

Ban on Fine Print

RECOGNIZING that companies often hide important legal info in small text;

ANNOYED that fine print is hard on the eyes;

HEREBY BANS fine print.

Get the joke?

[Imperium Anglorum]

Resolution On Fleek


Category: Swag | Strength: am not gud with computr plz help



NOTING that crimes are bad;

HEREBY bans crime.

The World Assembly,

Noting that there is no enforcement mechanism to require that nations ban crime;

Concerned about the fact that the target resolution passed by one vote;

Seeing the target resolution as badly argued and incognisant of situations in which crimes are committed for real political change, such as nonviolent protests against oppressive governments;

Repeals the "NOTING that crimes are bad; HEREBY bans crime" resolution.

[Frisbeeteria]

Get the joke?

No. Could you explain it in small words, please? 'Cause we're all pretty stupid here.

[Kaboomlandia]

Get the joke?

No. Could you explain it in small words, please? 'Cause we're all pretty stupid here.

In normal print:

Ban on Fine Print

RECOGNIZING that companies often hide important legal info in small text;

ANNOYED that fine print is hard on the eyes;

HEREBY BANS fine print.

The joke was banning fine print, but writing it in fine print

[Imperium Anglorum]

No. Could you explain it in small words, please? 'Cause we're all pretty stupid here.

In normal print:

Ban on Fine Print

RECOGNIZING that companies often hide important legal info in small text;

ANNOYED that fine print is hard on the eyes;

HEREBY BANS fine print.

The joke was banning fine print, but writing it in fine print

Repeal Ban on Fine Print

The World Assembly:

This passed word bad, Og say.

Why Og say that?

Shop no hide rule stuff in tiny text.

Text tiny need for save tree.

Is problem of person who wrote it that he no see.

Save tree. Vote for Og.

[Bezombia]

Resolution On Fleek


Category: Swag | Strength: am not gud with computr plz help



NOTING that crimes are bad;

HEREBY bans crime.

The World Assembly,

Noting that there is no enforcement mechanism to require that nations ban crime;

Concerned about the fact that the target resolution passed by one vote;

Seeing the target resolution as badly argued and incognisant of situations in which crimes are committed for real political change, such as nonviolent protests against oppressive governments;

Repeals the "NOTING that crimes are bad; HEREBY bans crime" resolution.

Repeal "Repeal "Resolution On Fleek""

NOTING that I am a man of many futures;

FURTHER NOTING that none of those futures involve this repeal;

HEREBY repeals "Repeal "Resolution On Fleek"".

[Xtoshtia]

The Mother Knows Best Act
Frustrated to see mothers of nation leaders worried sick about their "little baby",
Saddened that their children do not put their laundry in their laundry basket,
And Angered that children nations forget their manners,
Hereby formally introduce:

THE MOTHER KNOWS BEST ACT

Article I: Manners
1) All member nations must say please and thank you.
2) Member nations must hold open the door for young and old ladies alike, unless they are old or young ladies themselves, in which they must find the nearest gentlemen and have him open the door for you.
3) Stand up straight and keep posture.
4) Do not slurp while drink-eating soup.
5) Do not ever make a comment on a woman's age.
6) Nations are forbidden from asking "are we there yet" in a vehicle more than once.

Article II: Behavior
1) Member nations must never lie, or a seagull will get them.
2) Never swallow a fruit seed or a tree will grow from your stomach.
3) Nations may not "give no sass" to their mother.
4) Member nations are prohibited from swallowing gum or it will stay with them for seven years.
5) You must go to sleep at bedtime, not earlier, not later.

Article III: Health
1) Member nations may never eat food fifteen or less minutes before swimming. The penalty is a cramp.
2) Don't keep your fingers in the water too long or you will get pruned.
3) Always wear a hat when your hair is wet, or else you will catch a cold.
4) Eat all your veggies so you can grow big and strong like the other nations!
5) Don't talk back to me or it WILL be a health concern!
6) No desert before dinner.

Article IV: Amending
1) These articles may be amended as mother pleases, by a 3/4 proposal by the House of Mothers, and a 5/6 ratification of the Maternal Assembly.
2) These articles may be amended as member nations please, by a 5/4 proposal by the World Assembly, and a 16/2 ratification of the World Assembly, in other words AIN'T HAPPENING! Only mama makes the rules.

[New Nottinghamshire]

Don't know if this has already been done, but I saw the "Right to Bear Arms" resolution and couldn't resist.

Right To Arm Bears

Category: International Security. Strength: ERROR. VALUE TOO HIGH.

NOTING that bears can be an effective substitute for foot or mounted soldiers in the event of a manpower shortage,

REALISING that many nations have bears that are not in the military, and that this represents a huge amount of potential military strength going to waste,

OUTRAGED that in many nations citizens can face fines, jail sentences, or even the death penalty for exercising their inalienable right to arm bears,

Hereby,

DECREES that at least 50% of bears in World Assembly member states must be in active service for their nation’s military,

MANDATES that it shall be legal in member states of the World Assembly for all citizens to arm bears with any weapon of their choosing,

CLARIFIES that if a citizen is found arming a bear, or proven to have armed a bear, with a weapon that is illegal under their nation's laws, they shall immediately be acquitted, pardoned, or have charges withdrawn, whichever is more appropriate.

EDIT: Was logged in as a puppet by mistake. I'm The Land of Cheesecake.

[The Land of Cheesecake]

Whoops, logged in as a puppet. Above post was me!

[Bears Armed]

DECREES that at least 50% of bears in World Assembly member states must be in active service for their nation’s military,

"Apart from anything else, that would ruin ourr economy!"