World Cup 53 RP Thread

[Pasarga]

Welcome to the Fifty-Third Edition of the Nationstates World Cup, the longest running sports competition in the NSVerse. Pasarga and Somewhereistonia will be your guide on this journey, where heroes will emerge and one will emerge victorious over a long marathon of obstacles. Good luck to all those involved!

Links
Bid thread: viewtopic.php?f=7&t=69730
Discussion Thread: viewtopic.php?f=7&t=17573
Rosters: viewtopic.php?f=7&t=75404
Scores: viewtopic.php?f=7&t=76205
Friendlies Thread: viewtopic.php?f=7&t=76000

Finals

Group A
Pasarga (36)
Rejistania (53)
Jeru FC (9)
West Zirconia (19)

MD1: (Stade de Torgos, Silverthal)
MD2: (Silverthal, Taltron Park)
MD3: (Taltron Park, Stade de Torgos)

Group B
Capitalizt SLANI (33)
Pays de Horreur (8)
Sorthern Northland (4)
Albundania (29)

MD1: (Stadium of the Sun, Stadium of the Moon)
MD2: (Stadium of the Moon, Stilinkeep Stadium)
MD3: (Stilinkeep Stadium, Stadium of the Sun)

Group C
Kelssek (21)
Nethertopia (6)
Delaclava (11)
Tarrentum (56)

MD1: (Stein-los Stadium, Myrkan Stadium)
MD2: (Kilmonarch, Myrkan Stadium)
MD3: (Kilmonarch, Stein-los Stadium)

Group D
Bostopia (25)
Valanora (1)
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega (37)
Krytenia (14)

MD1: (Telathron, San Daros)
MD2: (Fire Park, San Daros)
MD3: (Telathron, Fire Park)

Group E
Aguazul (13)
Bears Armed (31)
The Archregimancy (28)
Somewhereistonia (45)

Spektakl-3-Arena (National Stadium) [85,100] [1v4; 3v1; 3v4]
Viella Stadium (Home of ISC Rig) [57,000] [2v3; 2v4; 1v2]

Group F
Kulverint (40)
The Babbage Islands (3)
The Holy Empire (10)
Starblaydia (17)

Metall Staadion (Home of Metalurgs) [65,000] [1v4; 3v1; 3v4]
Dynami Arena (Home of Dinamo Karrakiv) [57,000] [2v3; 2v4; 1v2]

Group G
Jeruselem (22)
Cassadaigua (2)
Dorian and Sonya (39)
Sarzonia (7)

Atlantic Staadion (Home of Atlantas Klaipaada) [75,000] [1v4; 3v1; 3v4]
Ventspils Staadion (Home of Ventspils Redwings and Ventspils Bluewings) [68,000] [2v3; 2v4; 1v2]

Group H
The Han Empire (5)
Cafundéu (12)
Tretskivucia (58)
Valladares (24)

Dežnëv Staadion (Home of Vaska FK) [90,000] [1v4; 3v1; 3v4]
Värske Kuressaare Staadion (Home of Tammeka Kuressaare) [60,000] [2v3; 2v4; 1v2]

Pasarga Information
Somewhereistonia Information

Schedule
MD1: 1v4, 2v3
MD2: 3v1, 2v4
MD3: 3v4, 1v2
Ro16: 1Av2B,1Bv2A,1Cv2D,1Dv2C,1Ev2F,1Fv2E,1Gv2H,1Hv2G
QF: W1vW4,W2vW3,W5vW8,W6vW7
SF: W1vW2,W3vW4
3PPo: L1vL2
Final: W1vW2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Qualifying

Group 1
Eastfield Lodge
Zirakul
Hanox
Habsburg Yugoslavia
Sorthern Northland
West Zirconia
Mantwenic
Loonaterian
Aalnordhavn
Pretty Awesome Persons

Group 2
Jasīʼyūn
The Holy Empire
Tyrrin
Milchama
Great Lenin
Transilveinia
Nanwe
Jalanat
The Ursine Northlands
Polythinia

Group 3
Valanora
Dorian and Sonya
Swilatia
Ad’ihan
Rennidan
The Ottish Empire
Greater Tyrol
Midlonia
Sillar
A Rebel Alliance

Group 4
Starblaydia
Islands of Qutar
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
Unitopolis
Khytenna
Krytenia
Cotdelapoms
Windows Vista Business
Osea-Tablya
Nova Mercia

Group 5
Trivval
Alversia
Garimidia
Jeru FC
Bostopia
Swartaz
Bazalonia
Carpathia and Ruthenia
Western cuba
Glan Seiont

Group 6
Osarius
Warkus
The Han Empire
TailsPrower
Sierra Apathia
Albundania
Raludcia
Meddicia
Jepstonia
Xalisco

Group 7
Sarzonia
Valladares
Dutch Africa
Kagdazka and Pazhujebu
Vjiay
Kazzoria
Melki
Haginonia
Qazox
Slazenagara

Group 8
Bears Armed
Sungai Pusat
Novikov
Free Swiss States
Amelsberg
Cosumar
Rejistania
Kryosis
Pentria
The Babbage Islands

Group 9
Capitalizt SLANI
Silver Beach
Akbarabad
Waterlords
Total n Utter Inanity
Yafor II
Realm of Light
Lycrabon
Glynorhan
Espanio

Group 10
Cafundéu
Jeruselem
The Macabees
Diol
The Great Sandy Desert
Saugeais
Almaniania
Sulham-le-Swaire
Burchadinger
Virabia

Group 11
The Krieg Empire
Delaclava
Sibirsky
Kelssek
Toyur
Mangolana
Mossulia
Tynelia
Vescia
Estnorden

Group 12
Nethertopia
Orlkjestad
Wilfred Test
Qlumez
Queer Poco el Mono Ara
North Breifne
Churchma
The Whirl Islands
Tretskivucia
Mostly armless

Group 13
Western Caspia
Aguazul
Jesselton
Mytannion
Robsonien
Tarrentum
Bergnovinaia
Palatazze
Landau Institute
Greater Cotswalds

Group 14
Al-Mumtaz
Arda
Pays de Horreur
Kulverint
Achtervolging
Sargossa
Samos Islands
Free Soccer
Hockey Canada
Saxony Silvia

Group 15
Cassadaigua
The Archregimancy
The Weegies
Aniporo
Iglesian Archipelago
Axecta
Westmeadow Tavern
Seven Castles
Ganjapolis
D Land and Isles

MD1: 1v10,2v9,3v8,4v7,5v6
MD2: 9v1,8v10,7v2,6v3,5v4
MD3: 1v8,9v7,10v6,2v5,3v4
MD4: 7v1,6v8,5v9,4v10,3v2
MD5: 1v6,7v5,8v4,9v3,10v2
MD6: 5v1,4v6,3v7,2v8,10v9
MD7: 1v4,v3,6v2,7v10,8v9
MD8: 3v1,2v4,10v5,9v6,8v7
MD9: 1v2,3v10,4v9,5v8,6v7
MDs 10-18 are 1-9 inversed

[Saugeais]

National Journal
Saugeais begins preparations for World Cup

After a disappointing showing into the 40th Baptism of Fire, where Saugeais was knocked out in the round of 16, manager Benoit Howard begins his mission of leading the Knights to a strong showing in the World Cup. "We did so well in the group stage that it came as a shock to lose in the first knockout round. You could place the blame on inexperience, but I'll just say that our opponents outplayed us. No worries. Our team has had a year to prepare for the upcoming World Cup qualifying schedule, and we hope to first: qualify, and second: finish better than our BoF placement." As you remember, the Knights played a fabulous group stage in the 40th BoF, winning 2 matches and drawing 2. They exited early, though, with a 2-1 loss in the first knockout round. Cane Pryor, top goal scorer for the Knights in the BoF, said, "We've been practicing and practicing, anticipating who we'll face and how to deal with them when we meet them. You need to get inside of their heads and make them think they can not win. That will give us a chance to make moves and score goals." We sure hope so, Cane. The nation will be watching.

Be sure to catch all the qualifying matches, as well as some friendlies to be scheduled soon, on SNN-TV and online at national-journal.com.

[Virabia]

"So... where the hell am I", asked Choam Nomsky as he pulled himself out of the wreckage. He had no idea what had transpired over the last few minutes. All he knew was that the plane he was on crashed and from the looks of it there were no survivors.

However, that was not something that he could dwell on for too long, he knew he was injured and the first thing he needed to do was find help. So, acting out of instinct, he pulled out his mobile phone and dialled for emergency services. However, he got nothing. Not, even an 'out of service area' message. Expecting this to be just a minor glitch in the system he tried again. Once again he got nothing. Dead silence.

Figuring that perhaps the 656 system wasn't working he decided to call his wife, Karynn. Once again he got nothing. He then tried to phone some of his friends.

NOTHING.

Guessing that he was not in Virabia, thus his phone didn't work, he knew he would have to get help the old fashioned way. Quickly sliding his mobile into his pocket he looked around. Desperately looking around for any signs of civilization. Instead, beyond the clearing, all he could see was the continuation of forests near him, with some small hills in the distance. This left him with only one option. He would have to pick a direction and walk. Hoping that he picked a good one. His life could end up depending on it.

[Mossulia]

When the public heard we hadn't given up yet, there defiantly was some pessimism and lots of people throwing their TV's away. We have a feeling that after our BoF campaign we wouldn't be able to bounce back. I really think that we need to try harder, or else. We don't know our groups yet, but we have a feeling that it'll be a good one and we'll instantly fail.

There may be a lot of pessimism around the place, but world cup fever still has a hold on us. The thing is, this is our first and we have no idea how we're going to do this time and how we do here will be the benchmark for our next attempts. And under all the failure there is still a little layer of hope that we all posses.

The thing we realised at the last minute that we would now need a stadium. Well one with human facilities, we really only have animal facilities at the minute. The stadiums made of ice, the food bar is a hole full of icy water and fish and the only drink is water. Our hotel are very similar. Louis and Jack basically have to act like animals, but they managed to get some human luxuries at home which they cling onto like gold.

The new stadium took a lot of effort to make, but we all think it's worth it. It has all your human luxuries and other stuff that you posh ,snobby stuck-up clean freaks need. We have also made some posh human hotels and holiday villa's. We even built a proper airport in our main city, look at what we have to do for you!

Meanwhile some news just came in that Gitsi is dating Vage. I'm not too sure myself, she always seemed so independent. And really it wasn't that much of a reliable source, Kron has been know to cause trouble whenever possible. Oh well all will become clear at some point and maybe Vage will return to full fitness at some time.

[Melkor Unchained]

Sacked!

The Angsiyii today signed an order authorizing the termination of the wide majority of national team coach Irgen Saadauri's assistants. In the wake of Arda's lackluster performance at the Baptism of Fire, sweeping changes are now expected to be made to the team's staff. Saadauri, whose early changes to personnel and formation are widely credited for getting Arda through group play, has been awarded more wide-ranging control over his team. He is expected to keep his defensive coordinator, Eli Fisk, but was very explicit that "pretty much everyone else" would be let go within the next few days.

In the Angsiyii's order, Saadauri was also made a deputy minister under Kurt Garrick's Ministry of Sport. "Well, the staff for our team had been picked a lot like the players were--the ministry toured the country and took pieces-parts from a bunch of different clubs," explained Saadauri shortly after the announcement. "For whatever reason, these coaches either did not understand our game plan or did not know how to execute it. After making my case to the Angsiyii and minister Garrick, they agreed to allow me to clean house and build my own staff."

Some sports writers have been critical of the official reaction, claiming the Ministry of Sport should be more pleased with Arda's showing--but Saadauri was quick to dismiss them. "If you take out the Nanwe game, we had two goals in five matches, which is just about as bad as it gets. Sometimes when you get eliminated in group play, the sample size of games is too small to tell what the underlying problems really are. One good thing to have come out of this was we somehow managed to play enough minutes to expose some of our worst flaws as a team and as an organization."

The head coach went on to say he would "probably" make some roster alterations as well. "I doubt I'll do much if anything to our defense, they played very well for most of the tournament and were easily our best players. On the other hand, our midfield was mediocre and our offense might as well have not been on the pitch. For most of the game against the Swiss I felt like we were playing a man down," Saadauri said of any possible changes. "Brun and Von Kroy had good tournaments, but Khatari and Oreaga were frequently out of position and seemed to have a habit of making bad passes upfield. Our strikers weren't great on their own either, but it's hard to have a good game up front if your midfield is playing like that."

The full changes to Saadauri's coaching staff will be announced in a few days, but the coach urges people not to expect too much. "The World Cup--even qualifying--will probably be a lot harder than this was. To build the skill and confidence necessary to take our game to the next level, we needed to be the best or one of the best teams at the Baptism of Fire and that didn't happen by any stretch of the imagination. We still only have a rough idea about the level of competition out there, and precious little firsthand experience of our own. For now, we need to go back to the drawing board and try to design a better foundation for our country's team."

[Nova Mercia]

Kuu: "It's A New Dawn"

After years in the wilderness, after months of politicking, and with the headache of who will and who won't make themselves available for the national team yet to be resolved, the beginning of a new era in Nova Mercian football is finally upon us. The Southerners will be in attendance - and, more importantly, in pot fifteen - of tomorrow's draw for the qualifying stages of World Cup LIII. Though no-one expects the team to make it to the finals on their first attempt, the ability to actually play in competitive internationals once more has buoyed the football-loving populace from Ashton to St Peter's.

At the head of this footballing revolution is a man quite used to the international game; Jaime Kuu. Named as Nova Mercia manager after the announcement was made of their return to international football, Kuu's managerial experience will be a valuable asset as the team begins to come together. The former poster-boy of Starblaydi football is relishing the prospect of playing on the "other side".

"It's a new dawn for football in this region," he said at last night's press conference, "and I'm rubbing my hands with anticipation at being at the ground floor of this project. It's not about qualifying, or how many points we gain; it's about the experience. Bringing these people together under the banner of football, and instilling a sense of pride. We're playing a long game here, and we hope to turn a few heads doing it."

So what about the prospect of drawing Krytenia, Starblaydia, or even both? Kuu chuckled at the prospect.

"Rest assured, myself and the team will be fired up for any game. We will treat our opponents with respect, but the rivalries with both these nations are strong. Same goes for Jesselton, who are our southern neighbours. If we can get points from them, then, all the better."

[Sungai Pusat]

The Sports News
Sungai Pusat: Big Defeat from BoF follows by new hope.

"Well, everyone. Another sports event awaits us. Recaping on the precious one, it was a terrible one. We lost at every single game. We had fallen victim to the idea that placing our team's specific info early was helpful. Well, we're not going to fall into that pit now. It is a new beggining for us. We will ensure that we bring pride to our country by tacking part in the games at the least.

The national team's coach has not been finished choosing his football players, but he says that one of them is going to be 187m tall Mr Husti, weighing 75 kg, aged 22. Heis a student at one of our top universities. "It is ging to be the first time taking for an international event." He says. "I do not want to screw this one up like some of our previous players did."

Well, that is all for the news. This has been Ms Gradus reporting and we're off."

[Windows Vista Business]

Windows Vista goes for the World Cup!

We got knocked out on quarter finals in BoF But at least we didn't get slaughter! Anyway I`m Considering us lucky if we qualify! Any way our roster is still same We don't know who will be in our group but we will find out

Go to
http://www.thewindows.co.win/wc_53
For updates!

[Khytenna]

Khytenna Prepare for world cup qualification


Its that time again when khytenna will enter the qualification stage of the world cup, hoping this year that it will be there year for success. last time with the qualification, Khytenna had great success and improvments from there first time that they entered in to world cup qualifcation. this year, Khytenna will be looking to go one step further, to be on that plane to the world cup.

Coach Tyler Proctor has said to us that the team he is using for the Draggonnii Inviyatii will be the same that he uses for the world cup, unless injerys occur. The Head of the Khytenna Football Assocication has also staited today that the moment the chance arises he will be looking to make freindlys, to give the team some extra Practice.

two new names have been entered in the squad, both played great at club level, and have played great so far in the Draggonnii Inviyatii.

Oliver Testerman- one of the most versitle defenders khytenna have ever player, can use both feet well, and also can play pritty much anywhere in defense (and even defensive midfeild) he has something to prove as he goes to the qualifers.

Malik Deshazior: Percepi Sharks strong and Dogged midfeilder, son of the great Uri Deshazior, he will also like to follow in his fathers footsteps and try his best a regualar on the team sheet. Already scored in the DI, Khytenna will welcome this new addition to the team.

RKN will keep you the puplic uptodate with all news a stories of this world cup.

Join us again for more HD action!

[Pasarga]

Qualifying Draw

Pots
Pot 1: Valanora, Cassadaigua, The Babbage Islands, Sorthern Northland, The Han Empire, Nethertopia, Sarzonia, The Holy Empire, Jeru FC, Pays de Horreur, Cafundéu, Akbarabad, Aguazul, Delaclava, Krytenia
Pot 2: Sargossa, Tyrrin, West Zirconia, Starblaydia, Queer Poco el Mono Ara, Jeruselem, Ad’ihan, Landau Institute, Bostopia, Kelssek, The Archregimancy, Valladares, Yafor 2, Albundania, Bears Armed
Pot 3: The Weegies, Capitalizt SLANI, Dorian and Sonya, Toyur, Eastfield Lodge, Swartaz, Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, Burchadinger, Qazox, Jasīʼyūn, Osarius, Kulverint, Jesselton, Novikov, The Whirl Islands,
Pot 4: Milchama, Mantwenic, Sibirsky, Achtervolging, Swilatia, Unitopolis, Silver Beach, Vjiay, Carpathia and Ruthenia, Iglesian Archipelago, Virabia, Warkus, Tarrentum, Cosumar, Tretskivucia
Pot 5: Rennidan, Loonaterian, The Macabees, Westmeadow Tavern, Khytenna, Rejistania, Great Lenin, Tynelia, Hockey Canada, Bergnovinaia, Realm of Light, Western cuba, Mostly armless, Kazzoria, TailsPrower,
Pot 6: Seven Castles, Al-Mumtaz, Palatazze, Orlkjestad, Vescia, Aalnordhavn, The Ursine Northlands, The Ottish Empire, Cotdelapoms, Bazalonia, The Great Sandy Desert, Lycrabon (Barnettsville), Kryosis, Melki, Sierra Apathia
Pot 7: Meddicia, Haginonia, Free Swiss States, Midlonia, Polythinia, Pretty Awesome Persons, Windows Vista Business, Glan Seiont, Aniporo, Arda, Mytannion, Wilfred Test, Mangolana, Saugeais, Glynorhan
Pot 8: Ganjapolis, Zirakul, Saxony Silvia, Transilveinia, Robsonien, Sillar, Qlumez, Islands of Qutar, Mossulia, Trivval, Almaniania, Jepstonia, Amelsberg, Slazenagara, Waterlords
Pot 9: Dutch Africa, D Land and Isles, Diol, Hanox, Nanwe, Samos Islands, A Rebel Alliance, Greater Cotswalds, Total n Utter Inanity, Xalisco, Estnorden, Alversia, North Breifne, Sungai Pusat, Nova Mercia
Pot 10: Greater Tyrol, Habsburg Yugoslavia, Jalanat, Garimidia, Free Soccer, Osea-Tablya, Espanio, Raludcia, Western Caspia, Sulham-le-Swaire, Axecta, Pentria, The Kreig Empire, Churchma, Kagdazka and Pazhujebu

Groups
Group 1: Sorthern Northland, West Zirconia, Eastfield Lodge, Mantwenic, Loonaterian, Aalnordhavn, Pretty Awesome Persons, Zirakul, Hanox, Habsburg Yugoslavia
Group 2:The Holy Empire, Tyrrin, Jasīʼyūn, Milchama, Great Lenin, The Ursine Northlands, Polythinia, Transilveinia, Nanwe, Jalanat
Gorup 3: Valanora, Ad’ihan, Dorian and Sonya, Swilatia, Rennidan, The Ottish Empire, Midlonia, Sillar, A Rebel Alliance, Greater Tyrol
Group 4: Krytenia, Starblaydia, Andossa Se Mitrin Vega, Unitopolis, Khytenna, Cotdelapoms, Windows Vista Business, Islands of Qutar, Nova Mercia, Osea-Tablya
Group 5: Jeru FC, Bostopia, Swartaz, Carpathia and Ruthenia, Western cuba, Bazalonia, Glan Seiont, Trivval, Alversia, Garimidia
Group 6: The Han Empire, Albundania, Osarius, Warkus, TailsPrower, Sierra Apathia, Meddicia, Jepstonia, Xalisco, Raludcia
Group 7: Sarzonia, Valladares, Qazox, Vjiay, Kazzoria, Melki, Haginonia, Slazenagara, Dutch Africa, Kagdazka and Pazhujebu
Group 8: The Babbage Islands, Bears Armed, Novikov, Cosumar, Rejistania, Kryosis, Free Swiss States, Amelsberg, Sungai Pusat, Pentria
Group 9: Akbarabad, Yafor 2, Capitalizt SLANI, Silver Beach, Realm of Light, Lycrabon, Glynorhan, Waterlords, Total n Utter Inanity, Espanio
Group 10: Cafundéu, Jeruselem, Burchadinger, Virabia, The Macabees, The Great Sandy Desert, Saugeais, Almaniania, Diol, Sulham-le-Swaire
Group 11: Delaclava, Kelssek, Toyur, Sibirsky, Tynelia, Vescia, Mangolana, Mossulia, Estnorden, The Kreig Empire
Group 12: Nethertopia, Queer Poco el Mono Ara, The Whirl Islands, Tretskivucia, Mostly armless, Orlkjestad, Wilfred Test, Qlumez, North Breifne, Churchma
Group 13: Aguazul, Landau Institute, Jesselton, Tarrentum, Bergnovinaia, Palatazze, Mytannion, Robsonien, Greater Cotswalds, Western Caspia
Group 14: Pays de Horreur, Sargossa, Kulverint, Achtervolging, Hockey Canada, Al-Mumtaz, Arda, Saxony Silvia, Samos Islands, Free Soccer
Group 15: Cassadaigua, The Archregimancy, The Weegies, Iglesian Archipelago, Westmeadow Tavern, Seven Castles, Aniporo, Ganjapolis, D Land and Isles, Axecta

Matchday One will be on Wednesday, October 20th

[Saugeais]

OOC: My first non-newspaper RP.

Saugeais national football manager Benoit Howard was in the audience for the World Cup draw. As was Cafundeu's manager, Rénario, who had a very stoic look on his face as they were chosen first into Group 10. Mr. Howard looked tense as the powerhouses were divided into each group, eventually confiding to himself that Group 4 would be the eventual "Group of Death", with Starblaydia, Krytenia, Nova Mercia, Cotdelapoms, and Unitopolis. He prayed that Saugeais wouldn't end up in that group.

"And the next selection from Pot 7, into Group 10, the Republic of Saugeais."

Mr. Howard breathed a sigh of relief. "This should be an easy group. But.....Cafundeu...." His thoughts go back to the last Di Bradini Cup, where Cafundeu, the eventual champs, held off a late rally by Saugeais to win 4-3. "This isn't the U21 Cup now, Cafundeu. This is the real deal. And I'll have my boys prove it," said Howard to himself.

After the draw, Mr. Howard sought out Rénario in the lobby of the hotel. They talked for a while, discussing the draw, potential easy matches and stars to watch for. Then the subject turned to their eventual meetup. "You know, Mr. Howard, I remember you putting up a great fight in our last match. If all goes according to plan, though, I'll be walking away top in the group. No offense to you." "Oh, I don't plan on that happening now, Rénario. That was just the U21 Cup. This time shall be different. And if nothing else, then I'll be coming out of the group with you. Preferably as number one, mind you." "Hehe', laughed Rénario, "We shall see, Mr. Howard. We shall see."

The two shook hands, both grinning in anticipation for their upcoming match.

[Krytenia]

You Have Got To Be Kidding
By Rami Niblick in Disbelief

THE balls seem to have upon them a certain juxtaposition to them right now. In the Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy, the Aces get...Starblaydia. Fast forward to the World Cup draw in Pasarga, and the Aces get...Starblaydia.

And Nova Mercia.

And Andossa Se Mitrin Vega.

I could sit here and write pages and pages of anti-Starblaydi (well, anti-Men-in-Mauve) diatribe, or a discourse on why Nova Mercia shouldn't even be in this competition in the first place. I could. I won't. You've heard it all before, and it'll bore you to tears. So all I'll say to you is this. There's three guaranteed sellout crowds, and Krytenia have a real good chance of winning the next Cup of Harmony.

If anyone wants me, I'll be in my bed with a jar of industrial-strength painkillers. Onward?

[Jeruselem]

Princess Helena and friend Sharnee "Peppers" Bellpepper ...

Helena: Can I have my baby back please?
Peppers: I'm not going to drop her.
Helena: Get your own baby, you know how to make one.
Peppers: So what's her name?
Helena: Sofia Michelle Dallas
Peppers: So who's taking care of her when you're away?
Helena: That's not a problem. I've got enough bored relatives who are willing to babysit.
Peppers: You're lucky, Mum isn't a great babysitter.
Helena: You mean she's a lousy Mum too?
Peppers: Well, yes ...
Helena: I hope you can cope.
Peppers: I'll learn from the best around.
Helena: Well, us Dallas girls have plenty of tips for you.
Peppers: I'm such a dumbass. I'm barely literate.
Helena: You can only learn and become a better person.
Peppers: Good thing I can play football, otherwise I'd be a dumbass broke single Mum like Mum.
Helena: Well, you can do better than your Mum.
Peppers: I don't understand why she didn't send me to school.
Helena: She might have good reasons.
Peppers: Thank God for football
Helena: I could say the same thing, otherwise we'd be dumbasses like you too.
Peppers: I hope we can do better this cup.
Helena: Yes, making the 2nd round would be rather nice and avoiding bloody Elves too.
Peppers: I've been studying hard to become a coach.
Helena: Getting anywhere?
Peppers: Not really ...
Helena: Don't give up. Now can I have my baby back?
Peppers: Oh sorry.

[Jeru FC]

Delia: Good morning, this is Delia Dumas for Naked News Jeruselem. It's World Cup time again and I'll be covering the progress of our beloved Jeru FC team. Speaking for the team is Mango Mousse again.
Mango: Hi everyone.
Delia: Now why you, and not the others.
Mango: You know, the others have trouble speaking.
Delia: Because they are drunk?
Mango: Yeah
Delia: Last cup you were knocked out by the Elves but they won the cup anyway.
Mango: Well, our bad luck for running into the eventual winners.
Delia: Any changes this time round?
Mango: We'll be more focussed and pay more attention to the football.
Delia: You were distracted last cup?
Mango: I think we drank too much beer
Delia: Less beer then.
Mango: Yes, we're not getting any younger. I'm sure we're ageing faster than normal.
Delia: What about good behaviour?
Mango: We'll try, can't promise much.
Delia: There's a new coin out celebrating the feats of Jeru FC.
Mango: Wow, we're famous.
Delia: It shows a bunch of idiots drinking beer.
Mango: That's about right.
Delia: Is this fame and fortune getting to the boys?
Mango: Not really, we're don't make lot of money anyway.
Delia: Now, one of your biggest supporters Princess Shay has retired from football. Are you sad?
Mango: Yes, but she can come play for us. Or help with the coaching.
Delia: Apparently she's going to be a babysitter for the Jeruselem team.
Mango: Well, sometimes the coach thinks he's babysitting the team here too.
Delia: Can we expect a lot of goals from the team?
Mango: Yes, but we can't expect to keep out a lot of goals though.
Delia: Thank you for your time.
Mango: Say want to have a beer with the boys?
Delia: Thanks but no thanks. I need to do my washing today.

[Valladares]

Valladares Sports Net

WORLD CUP 53 QUALIFYING ROUND - Valladares drawn with Sarzonia and Qazox in Group 7

THE PATH TO THE WORLD CUP

PASARGA (VP) - The draw for the qualifying groups of World Cup 53 was held yesterday in Pasarga, and Valladares were drawn in Group 7. Among the main rivals in this group, we will have Sarzonia and Qazox, but we cannot rule out teams like Vjiay, Kazzoria, Melki, Slazenagara, Haginonia, Dutch Africa and Kagdazka and Pazhujebu.

After our qualification to the last World Cup, held in Cafundeu and Nethertopia, and the decent performance done in the group stage, the valladar team return to the pitch, hoping to qualify to their second final stage in a row. Due to the successful campaign in Cafundeu, the VFA extended José Marín's contract (which was due to end after this World Cup cycle) for another cycle. The team is still undergoing a renovation process, due to the retirement of the team's captain Yoan Lannoy and the first call of Jean-Pierre Valverde to the National Team. Anyways, let's talk about our rivals in this cycle:

Sarzonia are the top seeds in this group, and an old rival for Les Gones. The "Stars" were rivals for Valladares in the last World Cup's group stage, and despite Valladares lost, they were able to stand up against them. Les Gones will visit the Stars in Matchday 9, and Valladares will host Sarzonia in the last matchday. Two defeats is our most realistic prediction, although we can draw a match and lose the other.

Since Les Gones are the second seed in this group, Qazox are the third seed in Group 7. Although their present is not as bright as their past, Qazox are still a traditional team in the World Cup, and will be the main rivals for Valladares in this group. They will have the "honor" of being the first team that our fans will be able to see live, as Valladares will host them in their first qualifying match, and the match in Qazox will be in Matchday 10. Two draws are the prediction, although a victory in the first match would be a great result for us.

Vjiay are the fourth seed in this group, and another potential rival for the second qualifying berth in this group. This is a dangerous team, and in the last World Cup qualifying stage, they managed to be a problem for Sarzonia, Sargossa and Burchadinger. Vjiay will visit Valladares in Matchday 3, and will host Les Gones in Matchday 12. Valladares must get two wins against this direct rival.

Kazzoria can be one of the "surprise packages" in this group. They recently hosted the last Baptism of Fire, and their team shows signs of potential, but they can be defeated. We will have to travel to Kazzoria in Matchday 7, and will visit our nation in Matchday 16. Four points are the best thing we can get, although we can win the six points against them.

Melki and Haginonia do not look like strong teams, but we must defeat them in order to avoid unpleasant surprises.

Slazenagara may have done a terrible performance in the last Baptism of Fire, but we are sure they may still give us a shock, so the most important thing is: we must win both matches against them...and we can do so.

A last message for Dutch Africa: If you are willing to help us get our biggest victory ever in a qualifiers round, please stand up. We advice that you do so.

Kagdazka and Pazhujebu may be the last seed in Group 7, but they are still able to give a surprise. They will have the privilege of being the first team that will visit the newly built Arena do Jacaré, in Matchday 8, before we visit the Pazhujeb Islands in Matchday 17.

Last but no least, the venues for the qualifying matches have been revealed. There will not be any match in Chiquito, due to the fact that the Estádio Estadual Brito Manganelli will be closed for the time being due to remodeling works. Replacing the "Hell in Earth", as this stadium is known, the VFA has chosen the newly built Arena do Jacaré, located in Corumbá, in the outskirts of Chiquito, and with a capacity of 25,000 people. The friendly matches will be played in Maldonado and Pradera, with the exception of the match against Bears Armed, which will be played at the Metropolis Dome in Metropolis:

MD1: Valladares vs. Qazox - Venue: Olympic Stadium, Carloburgo (Cap. 62,000)
MD2: Melki vs. Valladares - Venue: TBC
MD3: Valladares vs. Vjiay - Venue: Alain Tramontin Stadium, Eterna City (Cap. 55,000)
MD4: Dutch Africa vs. Valladares - Venue: TBC
MD5: Slazenagara vs. Valladares - Venue: TBC
MD6: Valladares vs. Haginonia - Venue: Stade Jules Picot, Bezieres (Cap. 38,000)
MD7: Kazzoria vs. Valladares - Venue: TBC
MD8: Valladares vs. Kagdazka and Pazhujebu - Venue: Arena do Jacaré, Corumbá (Cap. 25,000)
MD9: Sarzonia vs. Valladares - Venue: TBC

MID-QUAL: Valladares vs. Bears Armed - Venue: Metropolis Dome, Metropolis (Cap. 65,000)

MD10: Qazox vs. Valladares - Venue: TBC
MD11: Valladares vs. Melki - Venue: Estadio de la Riviera, Slateport (Cap. 40,000)
MD12: Vjiay vs. Valladares - Venue: TBC
MD13: Valladares vs. Dutch Africa - Venue: Stade de l'Amitié, Fontvielle (Cap. 25,000)
MD14: Valladares vs. Slazenagara - Venue: Dragon Stadium, Canalave (Cap. 35,000)
MD15: Haginonia vs. Valladares - Venue: TBC
MD16: Valladares vs. Kazzoria - Venue: Estádio Armando Bozzelli, Campo Grande (Cap. 50,000)
MD17: Kagdazka and Pazhujebu vs. Valladares - Venue: Šmaraka Saraka Stidiyama, Urajbina, Pazhujeb Islands (Cap. 41,000)
MD18: Valladares vs. Sarzonia - Venue: Alexander I National Stadium, Swangard-Metropolis (Cap. 85,000)

[Cotdelapoms]

CHRÉTIEN TEMPERS EXPECTATIONS FOR APPLES' QUALIFICATION HOPES

Cotdelapoms manager Sacha Chrétien is hopeful but not optimistic about his side's hopes of qualifying for World Cup 53 after being drawn into a group with heavy hitters Starblaydia, Krytenia, Andossa Se Mitrin Vega and Unitopolis. "We certainly have our work cut out for us." was his simple statement to the press when asked about the group at the conference announcing the 30 players he would be bringing to training camp.

This will be Cotdelapoms' second attempt at qualifying for the World Cup, and while early returns last time out were impressive, the team faded quickly and was a non-entity by the half-way point. Whilst they also qualified for the Cup of Harmony, they did nothing there, finishing with 0 points. Many players in that tournament were already exhausted from the qualifiers and the Série A season, something Chrétien hopes to fix this year by cycling players better.

"Last year we put a lot of pressure on Jesper to carry the team and as great a player as he is, he can't make a World Cup on his own. Everyone is going to need to be a part of it this year." said Chrétien.

Per-Olivier Johansson-Bakvis, one of a few members of the national team playing abroad for Valladar club Ajax Carloburgo, hammed it up as usual at the press conference announcing the 30 man group. "Do I expect us to make the World Cup? Absolutely, we are already there, it's going on in Kelssek right now!" was his response to a reporter's question as to whether he expects the Apples to be in Pasarga, a tongue-in-cheek reference to the Hockey World Cup taking place in Kelssek wherein Cotdelapoms has started mildly.

Asked whether he's afraid of any of the other teams in the group, Johansson-Bakvis told the press "They worship a sea monster or something in ASMV, I've never been there but it seems like it'll be a fun time. Windows Vista Business seems like a great country for me to visit, you know how active I am on the internet. And how could I be afraid of the Starblaydis? Their most famous player of all time is partially known for being so handsome, but I'm more handsome than he is, so I imagine I'll be a huge star there."

Jonathan Watson was more sincere with the press. "I think we're screwed."

[Midlonia]

Midlonia Enters the WC, Day of the Match

After reaching the final of the Baptism of Fire, and sadly being beaten severely by Meddicia. Midlonia stands much stronger than before when it first signed up to the WC. It's Manager, a very upbeat Clarkson was grinning when he arrived for our interview.

"Well, the groups have been announced." Clarkson said with a big, wide grin. "We're fielding the same team we did during the BoF, they did fantastically over all, and we feel that this means we'll get a fair way into the WC this time around. I wont bet on victory, but we'll see. Huh?"

The Group in which Doves are playing in, Group 3, appears to be a decently matched group for the first timers at the WC. The Doves hope to have a strong showing during the group itself and hopes to move into the WC proper when the tournament starts next week.

Gorup 3: Valanora, Ad’ihan, Dorian and Sonya, Swilatia, Rennidan, The Ottish Empire, Midlonia, Sillar, A Rebel Alliance, Greater Tyrol.

The Doves top men, Hunt and Craft were celebrating the fact their side had gotten so far in their first international tournament, and the tickets for Midlonias first match, yet to be actually announced, are apparently already oversubscribed.

"I feel pretty confident that we'll make a mark on the WC like we did in the BoF." Craft says with a nod as he takes a sip of electrolyte drink from the latest round of training.

"Well, so long as we don't got to pieces again like we did against Meddicia." Hunt nods solemnly as he chews on a small energy cake.

Do you feel it was the pressure?

"Heck no, we were overconfident with victory is what it was. We'd had a spate of wins and we got sloppy thinking we were unstoppable. We ain't letting that happen again. The next time we go down." Hunt grins widely "If we go down, will be a proper score."

So, the Doves now stand on the cusp of another run, how far they will get, especially after their unexpected performance in the Baptism of Fire, is anyone's guess.

[Rejistania]

For Sindit I Landaxa, the nomnation as coach of the Orange-Blues came surprising. Of course, Kivan Mahele was in hospital for a reason no one was allowed to know, but choosing someone who is called Jadsujadsu'he takil (ie takilan monster) for the position seemed to be odd. He stated in several interviews that being called up by the ASR president seemed to be as confusing to him as it seemed to the reporters. To most of them. For a small (even by rejistanian standards) KaMaRian reporter for the not exactly well-known newspaper KaMaRi Jolu this was the story of his lifetime and thus, Irim Janda, who just happened to also be correspondent for the newspaper in Sike kali, started to find a reason for the nomination.

[Daehanjeiguk]

There was quite a bit of confusion at the Palace complex in Gyeongju, but none more so than the Prime Minister's office, who was still trying to juggle the news of everything all at the same time.

"We're fading out of reality!"
"The Mujeongbu are planning an attack!"
"The Elves are really hobgoblins with hyperactive gallbladders!"
"My diapers are missing!"

Believe it or not, these were all legitimate complaints. And the Prime Minister took his time trying to sort out the bad ones from the good ones. Of course, on a day like today, no news was good news.

"Okay, so let's start with that last one," Jeong said (he's the PM, if you haven't figured that out after some 4 cups or so). "Diapers."

"Someone stole our diapers!"

"Okay," Jeong said, in a calm tone. "Explicate."

"Well, we use diapers in our laboratory to collect up the liquid waste that collects after we wash our instruments. And some of the stuff we use is pretty caustic stuff, so the diapers are necessary. Just last Thursday, we had to go out and clean all of the dishes with KOH (a.k.a. lye, for you non-sciencey-type folk) when we discovered that the diapers were gone. Someone inexplicably stole our diapers, and now we can't wash the dishes."

"That's got to be one weird house you've got there..." Jeong said. "Okay, we'll order some more diapers for you. Next!"

"But that's not the whole of it!" the scientist said, continuing his little rant. It was obvious that he was starved of attention. "We discovered that the person who orders our diapers is gone. Moreover, the company for which he works is also gone. And the resources that the company used to make the diapers has also disappeared. And the whole of it is that somehow the way to make diapers is now gone. We cannot make any more diapers. Oh, what can we do when there is no way to make diapers?"

"Grow up, you big baby," the Prime Minister chided. "Use some paper towels."

"But the KOH will eat up the paper towels."

"Well, then neutralize it with something then. HCl?"

"Can't do that. Otherwise, the pH will change, and our reagents will explode."

"Then bloody hell with it all!" the Prime Minister shouted. "Just blow it all up!!!" After he exploded, he turned calmly to the next petitioner.

"The Elves are really hobgoblins! With huge gallbladders!"

The Prime Minister looked at him with one quirky smirk. "Next!"

"Prime Minister! Seriously! You must consider the political, social, economic, heaven forbid moral implications of their very nature! If the Elves are left to their devious mischances, the world may be at peril, perhaps all of ordinary reality itself! We can't let the hobgoblins get away with it!"

"And what exactly is a hobgoblin?"

The man stuttered in his speech. In an instant, he ran away, screaming like a little girl out the front of the door. The Prime Minister shook his head in disbelief. "Every day, this place gets crazier and crazier."

At that, some staffboy remarked, "Say, weren't we supposed to have those elections a couple of weeks ago?"

"We did," someone said, with a sneer. "The crickets won..."

"Right..."

The Prime Minister looked at the staffers, who were probably talking a little bit louder than what they should have been talking. "So... Mujeongbu, right?"

"Actually, they're always planning an attack, so no surprise there." The messenger slowly walked away, leaving the rest of the crowd with an awkward pause. That left the Prime Minister with a really weird dilemma, and one that he had hoped that he could avoid at all costs. But now it was there.

"So... reality is fading away?"

At that, some freakishly dressed scientist wearing a t-shirt and a Sorthern kilt with Bostopian ducks adorning the trim (I told you it was freakish). And he spoke with a freakish accent (I wouldn't know what kind, thank goodness). "Well, according to our calculations, the universe is a very strange place."

"You needed to calculate that?"

"Well, yes we did. Because otherwise, we would not have been able to discover that the universe does some weird things." The Prime Minister thought to say more, but he stopped at that. It wasn't worth the two pills of aspirin waiting for him after this. "It appears that space and time are intricately interweaved, and that moreover space and time can fold over one another. That leaves us in a weird conundrum of distances in the universe becoming greater and smaller at the same time, depending on where you are or what you're doing at the time. In this way, nations can seemingly appear and disappear. Reality can shift and change. Invading armies can get lost. It's a really strange thing, you know."

"Right."

"Anyway, we've discovered in the due course that while the Han Empire has experienced a great growth in recent years, we're also experiencing a serious decline. The universe, it seems, is pulling us back into the fold. Within a few months, the Empire will be too far from the rest of reality to engage efficiently with it. In essence, we will fall involuntarily into isolation that no manner of physical manipulation can avert. It will be the effective end of the Han Empire."

"Really?"

"Really."

"That's... bad."

"Yes it is."

The Prime Minister paused.

"Well... what can we do about it?"

"Nothing. We've already engaged Operation:Boat to rectify this problem."

"WTFH is Operation:Boat?" Jeong shouted.

"We've sent 1093 people on a boat to find a new colony upon which the Han Empire may continue to establish contacts with the rest of reality. They'll sail around the world aimlessly until they find a suitable place for us to establish this point. And using this fixed geographic location in the universe, we can at least remain connected, if not attached, to everyone else."

"Right... And you sent 1093 people?"

"Yes."

"On a boat?"

"Yes."

"To... nowhere?"

"Well, they'll get somewhere eventually."

The Prime Minister nodded. "I think I'll take that aspirin now..."

[Bergnovinaia]

Bergnovinaian Sports Magazine

October 18th, 2010

Bergnovinaian Sports... a Lost Cause?

Yep, it's that time of year again folks, the wolrd cup! Ever since Bergnovinaia's first ever participation in the world cup during World Cup 52 and the Bergnovinaian national team's great sucess at the 39th Baptism of Fire finishing in 4th place, soccer has been gainig popularity in the nation despite the apparent lack of international success at the sport. Even recently at the The Draggonnii Inviyatii, the Bergnovinaian Blazers (the recently created team name) have failed to defeat even the most mediocre of soccer teams losing all three games in the group stage. With the exception of the Baptism of Fire success, which not only stunned Bergnovinaia but the world, the Blazers have been on a downhill slide towards infamy. In the world cup, things got off to a good start for the Blazers, but several mid qualifying losses and draws made the Blazers finish in 7th place, far from qualifying.

However, soccer in the nation is not the only attempted sport that has seemed to fail miserabley. Bergnovinaia has assembled other sports teams too to participate in other various international competitions, such as the WBC where the Bergnovinian team failed to produce any qualifying efforts, despite the Bergnovinaian corporate sponsorship of BergBucks Inc. which led to the mass viewing of the games by Bergnovinaians and coffee patrons world wide. The apperant lack of success, however, was not enough to deter other baseball players with 3 teams entering the upcoming Keiser cup for U-21, U-16, and U-13 teams which gets underway today. Teams have also been assembled for darts and basketball competitions, which, if you haven't gotten the trend, both failed miserabely when put to the test against world renound international teams.

Bergnovinaia, however, has had relatively decent success in Diving, Gymnastics, and Tennis sports and at the highest and most prestigious level, the Olympics. Tennis is Bergnovinaia's national sport and we formed the International Tennis Association after the demise of the NIFT, so I'd hope we'd have some success in tennis. Fortunately, we do, even on league levels like the ITA.

But back to the subject at hand... the world cup. It is estimated that more Bergnovinaians than ever before will watch this event, with a record 1.2 billion men, women, and children estimated to watch Bergnovinaia's "success" (or more likely, "slaughter.") All of this hullaballo comes from the old coach, Wilhelm Van Gregory resigning after coaching the team for just a single world cup and being replaced by soccer sensation, Issac Hind. Hind was at a time, "the best soccer player in the nation" and "our only hope to winning a world cup... past, present, or future" (according to the Bergnovinaian Sports Network (1984)). Hind, simiar to Van Gregory, takes a relatively average approach towards how he plays his players putting a slight edge on offensive pressure. However, unlike Van Gregory, Hind has a reputation of the following characteristics:

--He focuses on maintaining possesion of the ball.
--He trains players to pass the ball along the edges of the field, which is risky, but often produces better results than passing the ball into traffic.
--He is not hot tempered.
--He trains players to take proper corner kicks and how to put spin on the ball to maximize scoring opportunities.

These qualities made him an easy choice a a joint Bergnovinaian Olympic and World Cup committee for a replacement of ex-coach Van Gregory.

Just weeks after Hind was appointed as the new coach of the Bergnovinaian Blazers, he began to coach them on what he considers to be the "essentials to any world cup winning team." Wow, that seems like a long time ago... Now as the first matches approach, Hind has released the following statement about what he thinks will happen at the world cup:

...Like any coach, I am ready for the challanges that lie ahead in this edition of the world cup. I know Bergnovinaia is not ranked very high and our players are that good, but I intend to change both of those problems. With the new techniques I'm introducing into this teams arsenal, we should have a powerhouse full of smart players and game-winning tactics... a coach is nothing without his team, and in this case, the Blazers would certainlly be nothing without a coach like myself. I intend to make this team do better than any Bergnovinaian collective sports team has done before and reach new heights as we battle it out for our spot in this world cup. I'm certain that with these new tactics as well as new team chemistry, we will not fail to do better than the last world cup appearance... we may even qualify. --October 10th, 2010

Quite a few promisises... one's he can't keep, eh?

Skeptics and everyday sportsfans alike agree that Hind's dreams and assertions about this team have gone too far. Many think that he's outright wrong... others say that Hind's attitude toward this World Cup is more reckless than Van Gregory's coaching methods and they would have prefered him as a coach. Sports analyst and renound skeptic, Jeff Thenks, put it this way:

It's a lovely thing to see such an incompetant and ignorant man such as Hind asserting that the Bergnovinaian team has even the slightest chance at qualifyig for the world cup... all because of the ego given to him by the media claiming that he is this nation's best shot at winning the world cup. If he's the best we got, then anyone intending to watch the world cup should just turn off their tv set and save the money and go spend it on ice cream or something! I mean, for fuc*s sake! My five year old son could coach this team better than Hind and his experience is just playing pee-wee soccer! The nerve... of making such assumptions about a team that doesn't deserve to clean the locker rooms that some of the greatest teams alive use. I say, if he is correct in these assumptions, I'll stop ciriticizing stupid, ignorant, incompetant fools like Hind who think they can assume so much about our sports teams. Of course, that won't happen because we know how often I'm wrong--never...October 17th, 2010

Thenks actually published a full 3 page article in the Hourkian Times on Sunday.

One thing is certain, if Hind's promises about success at the World Cup do not hold up, government and private funding for sporting events, and even physical education, will come under heavy fire from skeptics who are annoyed that such a great amount of funding goes towards such a useless cuase. The Minister of Recreation and Physical Education Programs, Mr. Neil Weenet, has concured wtth the public that this branch of Bergnovinaian government and culture may be a "lost cuase" and that the money should be invested more towards "general education funds, that includes mild portions of physical activity." However, the question arises throughout the mind of the public "Is Bergnovinaia turing into an unhealthy nation?" Scientific evidence says no with obesisty levels amongst children and adults nearing average levels, but some predict dramatic spikes in the future if public funding for sports is cut.

[Rejistania]

From the blog of Maritil Hitaril:

We're screwed!

The time has changed for the Orange-Blues. In earlier times, a group like group 8 would not have been worth a single "slani". This is not such a time. The Orange-Blues are up against some impressive opponents: The Babbage Islands, Bears Armed (yes, the ursines not only sing and sing wel but also play soccer), Novikov, Cosumar, and Sungai Pusat. But let us look at each of them in order:

The Babbage Islands have a club with a tradition of defeating Cup winners and H2SR teams and a name which is considered most offensive, somewhere. Their country is also completely unpronouncable. Seriously, how can we defeat an opponent we can't even pronounce? How do you expect Sindit I Landaxa to prepare the team if they have to use a series of descriptions instead of saying their names?

Bears Armed are bears and they are armed. I am not sure whether this only refers to their appendages or whether they do carry weapons (apart from their claws and teeth that is). What would you imagine such a nation to be famous for? Their music? Exactly! In the tani at least they are known for their participation in WorldVision. What we can only hope for is that they have another 'planning blackout' like in the last U21 when they had to send a reduced team.

Novikov have played scorelessly against the Orange-Blues in a friendly. This probably means that our luck is seriously diminished for the next matches. And that "scorelessly" is a real word.

Cosumar finished 6th in their qualification group during the last world cup qualification. We did marginally better (and finished 5th). Expect these matches to be the decisive ones, not in terms of qualification, but in terms of how bad the Orange-Blues really suck.

Rejistania is coached by a takilan monster. If you bet that they will qualify and they beat the odds deftly and with big sticks and do so, you no longer have to work.

Kryosis Who‽ We only know that they are assoiated with Osarius.

Free Swiss States In the recent Baptism of Fire, the strategic genius of Jonah Nizzy brought then into the vinali tikira where they triumphed. This will be a test about whether this baptism of fire actually had such a bad quality or whether they can 'jisu us.

Amelsberg Did not impress in the last baptism of fire, probably will now.

Sungai Pusat They are somewhat of what Rejistanis aspires to be: libertarian and succeeding at it: No ethnic issues and something resembling an economy. If they continue to embody the rejistanian dream, they are going to win here.

Pentria if the favorite here will lose, there will be tears … in Rejistania.

[Qazox]

Qazox_World Cup_53_qualifying/QSPN.com

After missing World Cup 51 due to quarentine, Qazox' performance at World Cup 52 was dissapointing, as was their Cup of Harmony play. Now 10 years after their last World Cup appearence, they attempt to qualify again, this time ranked 47th in the world. Qazox has not been ranked this low in almost 75 years, and qualifying will be a difficult road to Pasarga or Somewhereistonia. Let's take a look at who Qazox will have to face on their attempt to regain their ranking and World Cup berth.

SCHEDULE
Home games are in RED
MD1: @ Valladares
MD2: vs. Sarzonia @ Qazian Memorial Stadium II, Qazox City.
MD3: vs. Melki @ Estadia Pika II, Pika City
MD4: @ Vijay
MD5: vs. Dutch Africa @ SaxerDome (II), SaxerVilla.
MD6: @ Slazenagara
MD7: @ Haginonia
MD8: vs Kazzoria @ Ganja Vodka Stadium, Fromburg.
MD9: @ Kagdazka and Pazhujebu
MD10: vs. Valladares @ Ganja Vodka Stadium, Fromburg
MD11: @ Sarzonia @ Dave Wilson Stadium, Woodstock
MD12: @ Melki
MD13: vs. Vijay @ Rockport Stadium, Rockport.
MD14: @ Dutch Africa
MD15: vs.Slazenagara @ SaxerDome (II), SaxerVilla.
MD16: vs. Haginonia @ Estadia Pika II, Pika City.
MD17: @ Kazzoria
MD18: vs. Kagdazka and Pazhujebu @ Rockport Stadium, Rockport.

TEAM BY TEAM LOOK Overall Record versus team
VALLADARES: Last Meeting: Qazox W 7-1 (World Cup 47 qualifying) 2-0-0 Qazox.
It has been almost 25 years since we've last met Valladares, back when they were still relatively new to the international football scene. They will at least seek to take a dent into the 13-1 scoring advantage Qazox held in the teams only 2 meetings. Expect each team to win at home.

SARZONIA: Last Meeting: 2-2 Draw (World Cup 49 MD1) 0-1-0 tied
Suprisingly, the Stars and Pheonix, rivals in Gridiron, Lacrosse, Baseball, Basketball, Ice Hockey, Tiddily-winks, and others; have only met on the pitch once, just about 15 years ago in The Babbage Islands and it ended in a 2-2 draw. This time around the Stars should be favored in both matches, and Qazox might be lucky to get a draw at home.

MELKI: Last Meeting: Never Met.
We have no real idea about this team. They did compete at World Cup 52 and finished with a record of 3-14-5. We should be able to get 2 wins against this team.

VIJAY: Last meeting: 0-0 Draw (Cup of Harmony XLIV) 0-1-0 Tied
Don't read too much into the 0-0 draw just over a year ago between these 2 teams. Qazox was eliminated from advancing at the Cup of Harmony and played the subs for most of the match. We should win at home and at worst get a draw away.

DUTCH AFRICA: Last Meeting: Never Met.
Another team we know little about. Did rather well in the recent Baptism of Fire, but first-timers struggle in qualifying. Chalk-up two wins for the Pheonix.

SLAZENAGARA: Last Meeting: Never Met.
Once again, another newcomer we know little about. 2 wins should be forthcoming.

HAGINONIA: Last Meeting: Never Met.
Once again, another newcomer we know little about. 2 wins should be forthcoming.

KAZZORIA: Last Meeting: Never Met.
Once again another team we've never faced. Co-hosted the most recent Baptism of Fire. This is a up-and-coming team and a home-and-home split is the most likely result here.

KAGDAZKA and PAZHUJEBU: Last Meeting: Never met.
Once again another team we've never faced. Haven't yet made that leap to contenders yet, but will be a tough challenge for Qazox. Another series split for Qazox.

PROJECTED RECORD: 12-2-4 2nd place in group.

[Albundania]

Situations repeat themselves as Albundania drawn in group 6

Albundania have been drawn into group 6 for qualifying, notable as their first time drawing from the second pot. No luck in avoiding other quality sides, however, as Albundania have managed to draw The Han Empire, Osarius, and Warkus. Not to mention TailsPrower and Meddicia, both of whom pundits expect to make surprise runs for the cup. To add to this, Jose Ricardo hasn't been very quick to pick his squad, and it's not sure who's going to start the first game against Sierra Apathia (another team expected to do relatively well), especially with the ankle injury to Q Inieta, who has not denied nor confirmed being match fit.

We can, however, get a good gauge of the opponents. Enjoy our semi-researched (read: rushed in to add content) breakdown of the group.

Osarius: Yes, we get to play them again. While we have had favorable results in many of our recent matches, it hasn't always been that way. Many a fan will recall being demolished in qualifying a few world cups back. Also, a handful may even remember the same squad beating us in the first Ebyrian Cup. Mind you, we did get them back fairly devastatingly at the last Ebyrian Cup, but it should serve as a reminder that Osarius are not to be trifled with.
Expected results: A win at home, and at least a point on the road.

Warkus: Another team that, though many may not recognize, we have a decent amount of history with. We recall the matches being pretty decent in our favor, but there's nothing to indicate that trend should continue for sure. Warkus are just looking for one chance to make a statement, and crushing us would be a good place for their team to start.
Expected Results: Both wins, hopefully.

The Han Empire: Permission to say "oh cock" granted. Albundania will have to show a damn strong side to pick up 1 point against these lot, much less three. Though, some things indicate things may not be going well inside the empire itself. We shall have to see. We expect this side to win the group.
Expected Results: A loss on the road, perhaps a point at home if we're lucky.

TailsPrower: Can't claim to know much about this side, but they seem to mean business, and could capitalize on our off-days.
Expected Results: 6 points, lest we mess up.

Sierra Apathia: See TailsPrower

Albundania: As the second pot team in the group, we should theoretically advance to the world cup itself. However, the team itself has been known for its blunders in the qualifying rounds. Should they play to their full potential, they should have little trouble managing second place. First place may be a bit out of their reach, however.
Expected results: Come off it mate.

Raludcia, Meddicia, Jepstonia, Xalisco: We don't know enough about any of these teams to make any real educated guesses (sans that some people point to Meddicia as a break-out team), but these are the teams we need all six points from if we can hope to get to the world cup. However, that seems to be a bit of a problem for Los Azuelen...
Expected Results: six points from each team (24 points for all of you that failed Algebra)

[Al-Mumtaz]

Phoenix Post
We Bring You The Best
WC 53 Qualifying stage
The Holy Phoenix will play in Group 14.
And our national team must do better than the last time. Our new National Coach, Darko Mahmud, was finish selecting the roster for this edition of WorldCup. Half of them was same with the previous. It's still Ahmed Jallal at the goalkeeper position. and The Twin Brother, Sanazza and Senezza Al-Mumtaz as the main power at front.
We must hope that our national team qualified for this edition of Worldcup.
And we will be the first to tell all of you about our national team match.
Stay Tune.

"LET THE HOLY PHOENIX FLY AS HIGH AS HE CAN!!"

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

<jarring static sound>

"...curled in from the corner, header on goal and IT'S IN! IT'S IN! What a finish!! This crowd is deafening, I doubt you can hear me above them! It was Uharhi! A thunderous header at the far post has surely clinched the Vahavi for Shadows..."

<more static sound>

"...and after falling as far back in the field as 29th in the sixth leg, Buzurbayev's dogsled team have reached the finish line first here in Gvardeysk. He will collect the enormous prize for victory in the Eastern Invitational..."

<more static sound>

"...these players fought tooth and nail to get here, and here they are, bringing the trophy home to the Pazhujebi people." "How do you feel about defeating your home nation of Starblaydia in the final?" "I'm still wearing purple..."

<generic three-toned jingle>

"This... is UIB 103."

“Hello, hello, and thanks for tuning in! My name is Aghi Šigha’uthughu, and I Am The Peculiar Punter. Thanks for listening to UIB 103, Kagdazka and Pazhujebu’s only national English-language sports talk radio station. Lots to talk about today, as we've got the recent draw, a frenzy of friendlies, and new-look squads all in the news. If you need some help figuring out how to turn all this gibberish into big-rubliyal overflow for you, stay tuned!!!

“Just a quick preamble before we jump right in: I am required by the government of the Federation to inform you all that gambling has been banned in all forms within the borders of Kagdazka and Pazhujebu, and the advice I offer does not advocate gambling. If you’re doing it, I and everyone else here at UIB 103 sincerely hope you’re doing either in another country or in one of the offshore pirate casino boats.

“Okay, let’s get started!”

<quick (and tacky) whooshing sound effect>

“All right, here’s my opening thoughts. You've heard it before, I don't need to go on any big long lectures, we've got Group 7 to deal with. General consensus around the office here at UIB 103 is that this group is a little tricky but not too bad. You've certainly got a brilliant team in Sarzonia, but one that isn't quite in the elite echelon, and Valladares and Qazox, who are both capable of qualifying but who knows which one (if either) will.

"Now, if you want to put your cash down on who's getting out of this little gathering and going to the big one, you can get the following odds:

Sarzonia 1 to 5
Valladares 3 to 4
Qazox 4 to 1
Vjiay 9 to 1
Kazzoria 21 to 2
Melki 33 to 2
Haginonia 19 to 1
Slazenagara 20 to 1
Dutch Africa 25 to 1
Kagdazka and Pazhujebu 52 to 1

"Again, those are the odds for emerging from Group 7, not necessarily for winning it.

"Here's how to read that, in my view. Sarzonia are a lock for progression, so 1 to 5 is about right. If you really want to throw a thousand or so down, you can make it worth your while, but it's more fun to look elsewhere for profit, I say! Valladares, well I tell you what, that's a lousy price for a qualification that's hardly guaranteed, I'd stay away. 4/1 on Qazox is better than a poke in the eye, you might want to have a go at that. Vjiay and Kazzoria's odds should be much longer, don't touch them. Melki are outsiders, but I've got good vibes coming from them, if you're willing to make a fairly risky bet, they're an OK option. The one I like is Slazenagara! Holy moly, 20/1?! I'm gonna get some suede upholstery in my van with the winnings from this bet! BUY BUY BUY! But Haginonia, well... who drew that one up... 19/1 is outrageous, stay away! And Dutch Africa are... well, I suppose 25/1 is about where they should be. If you're a fan you might have a go, but...

"Finally, I know you all want to hear what I think of the team with the longest odds of all in Group 7... that's right... us! Is 52 to 1 worth putting anything on? Everyone keeps telling me it is! Well guess what... everyone is... WRONG! What are you thinking, people?? This is the Federation's first World Cup, as a unified state at least! If the odds were ten thousand to one they'd still be too short! RUBBISH!

"If you're feeling really exotic, here are some recommendations for the other groups. I'll just phrase them as predictions... if you like the odds you find, take 'em!

"Group 1: 'Oh, Aghi, it's Sorthern Northland in Group 1, right?!' NO WAY! Hanox and Hapsburg Yugoslavia are the way to go!

"Group 2: T is for Terrific, 'cause in Group Two it's gonna be Tyrrin and Transilveinia who make it out! The Holy Empire? Nope!

"Group 3: Don't be fooled by the big bad champions, Valanora don't have what it takes to get past the Ottish Empire and A Rebel Alliance!

"Group 4: All right, I'll give it to Krytenia, they're probably coming out here. But team number two ain't Starblaydia, it's Unitopolis!

"Group 5: Woof. This group's tricky no matter how you fry it. But I like Jeru FC and Carpathia and Ruthenia! Bostopia? Heck no!

"Group 6: Warkus and Radlucia! Warkus and Radlucia! Warkus and Radlucia! Did you catch that? Warkus and Radlucia!

"Group 8: They say The Babbage Islands are winning this one. No thank you, friends, I'll take Cosumar and Rejistania instead!

"Group 9: Yeah, yeah, Akbarabad, I'll give you that. But SLANI?! NAH. Go with Silver Beach and you'll have enough winnings to buy a silver beach!

"Group 10: When the Great Sandy Desert and Almaniania make it out of this one, all the yahoos who said Cafundéu are going to cry their hearts out!

"Group 11: I've developed a special scientific algorithm to help me predict this one... Tynelia and Vescia are the favorites. You can't argue with science.

"Group 12: Nethertopia got off easy qualifying for the last World Cup! Not this time! They're getting tanked by Wilfred Test and QPeMA!

"Group 13: Aguazul punched above their weight to do well in the last World Cup. But Western Caspia and Greater Cotswalds will puncher harder this time!

"Group 14: Everyone agrees... Sargossa are a safe bet here. But you can't go wrong with Free Soccer either! BUY THAT!

"Group 15: Cassadaigua? Cassadaigua?! Those ladies have had their time in the sun! Behold, Aniporo and the Iglesian Archipelago!

"Now while all your friends are searching for that loose bill under the loveseat because they blew their food budget on some crappy bet and now they can't feed their family, you'll be booking exotic vacations to faraway lands with the rubliyals I just helped you earn!

"Well, that brings us to the end of the show here, sports fans. I am legally required to read you the following statement, however, before I take off.

"UIB 103 does not condone the practice of gambling in any forms. It has been banned according to several edicts issued by the government, including Executive Orders 45 and 47. Punishments range from anywhere between 100,000 rubliyal fines to rehabilitation sentences upwards of thirty years for gross offenders. Gambling is an amoral act within and outside the Federation. Even persons who make major benefits from bets placed on offshore pirate casino boats in international waters may be prosecuted if their gains are determined to have afforded them unfair financial advantages over law-abiding citizens of the Federation.

"All right, now get out there and make yourselves some money! This is the Peculiar Punter, Aghi Šigha’uthughu, signing off until next week!"

<generic three-toned jingle>

"This... is UIB 103."