World Cup of Hockey 13 everything thread

[Mossulia]

Mossulia Echo

Play-off's? What are we? A real hockey team?

What? How did this happen? Mossulia made the play-off's by some miracle of nature. It all came with one last exciting game against Jepstonia that pushed us through to the pay-off's as the second best fourth placed team. We are the worst team left in seeding wise, but lets push that way back, to the back of our minds right now.

The game against Jepstonia was very dull. In fact lets not talk about that really. All I can say is our goal wasn't that exciting and the game made Santa Claus sick. He was our guest of honour and he had too have a sick bucket all game long. It was a win though and that is good enough for us you know it our first win see.

The game will be against QoD. Hell I don't think we have a chance against them, but it isn't over until the fat lady sings. Or the fat man vomits in our case really. There is still a lot of excitement about this, we have done better in one cup than those Teroians did in two, or maybe it's just their karma rubbing off on us.

The fact is this year none of the matches in the play-ins will be easy. In fact maybe it would be best to try our best this time instead of relying on rank next time like everyone else. Chances like this don't come often for us, so lets make the most of it this time round, in fact the last time we had an oppertunity like this was the Baptism of Fire and we failed and died there.

[Quintessence of Dust]

An article from Thlurking Planet, the popular Quodite tourist advice blog. A disclaimer which serves both IC and OOC purposes: the accuracy of Thlurking Planet writeups cannot be guaranteed.

Redswyth - What To Expect
Posted by ThlurkoBear

With so few of the doom-and-gloom Mossulians opting to buy tickets for the play-in game, many seats are expected to be available for intrepid Quodites hoping to see some World Cup of Hockey action. We take a look at the city and its surroundings, and give you all the tips on how to have a thlurking good time.

1. The game

Based on their group stage records, and their first encounter (which required an overtime goal from Lára Hrafnsdóttir to decide the result), Mossulia and Quintessence of Dust appear relatively evenly matched and, despite the predictable fatalism of the Echo, there is no clear favourite. The biggest advantage for Quintessence of Dust is that they scored 10 goals to Mossulia's 3 during the group stages, while the biggest setback is the ongoing suspension of defensive leader Anni Petäjä.

Despite the potential for another close matchup, though, all indications are that this game has failed to get a grip on the native market. Most Kelssekians are probably going to flock to see Plutoni take on Qazox, a surprisingly high calibre matchup for this early level of competition. Additionally, Mossulia and Quintessence of Dust have already played once, so those looking to see a range of international teams will be looking elsewhere. All this means there should still be thlurkloads of reasonably priced tickets to the Exhibition Centre available!

2. Getting there

There are no direct flights to Kieran Pearson International Airport from Quintessence of Dust, though there may be suitable stopovers. However, QuodAir runs a regular service to Malton Airport in Kirkenes; this has the added benefit of giving travellers the chance to first see Kelssek's biggest city before heading down to Redswyth.

There are several options to get to Redswyth once you've arrived in Kirkenes. You can try out the dandy new Velocit train service, which runs with such efficiency you almost wonder whether there's an oven full of Jews just around the corner. There are also cheaper KNL/KPL lines from Kirkenes, or long distance coaches. We advise against renting a car, as Quodite drivers may find Kelssekian petrol prices extortionate.

Finally, Kelssekians are generally a hospitable people and, ever since our government stopped repeatedly calling them communists and accusing them of being "soft on thlurk" in United Nations/World Assembly debates, have been fairly welcoming to Quodite sports fans. So if you want to chance your luck, you could try hitching a ride along the 401 highway - you're not very likely to be murdered, though you might be subjected to a two hour lecture on the benefits of centrally planned irrigation.

3. Places to see

Redswyth is best known as the birthplace of Kieran Pearson, an important figure in Kelssekian history whose achievements the Liberal Party have most successfully expunged from the Quodite curriculum. So we don't exactly know what he did, but it probably involved invading somewhere, taxing someone, or building something. You can find out for yourselves by visiting the Pearson Memorial Square, where there is a big statue commemorating him, or by visiting various museums and points of interest around the city.

If after watching a bunch of girls with sticks thlurk it out on the ice hasn't sated your appetite for all things artistic, you could always catch a play at the Millenium Centre of the Performing Arts - and even if you don't go to see a performance, this architecturally striking building is worth seeing. Another option is the Noua Cymru Museum of Natural History, where you can see fossils as outdated as the left wing principles Kelssek's politicians vainly cling to.

4. Yummy yummy yummy I've got thlurk in my tummy

Although Redswyth is not a seaside town, it has strong industrial links to the ports and seems to have brought a certain amount of the cuisine along with it, and thereby provided some good alternatives to the otherwise rather stodgy Noua Cymru offerings. There are not as many fusion options as available in Kirkenes, but there should still be many options for every conceivable taste.

Especially worth sampling are the many varieties of beer and cheese on offer. A big agricultural district, Noua Cymru produces many different cheeses that frankly put to shame the highly processed, tasteless products that Quintessence of Dust puts out. Most Quodites will be familiar with the world famous Wenerdere cheese, from another region of Kelssek, but here's your chance to broaden your palette and try something else.

Noua Cymru has hundreds of varieties of beer. There are big brands, such as Kawartha, Malone, or Prust, but also many microbreweries dotted around the region. You might enjoy looking out for Redswyth pubs that serve a variety of ales and spending an afternoon trying a few halves of different varieties. Or you might enjoy getting completely thlurked on Winchester Tripel and then picking a fight with any Rebels fans in the immediate vicinity of your angry, lonely ramblings.

5. Wider area

If you're just in Redswyth for a day or two, there is plenty to keep you occupied, but if you're planning a longer stay, or perhaps killing time before going to see the next WCoH round, we recommend going to Kirkenes, which is really a much bigger draw. In Kirkenes, you can visit historical landmarks and cultural museums, see Kelssekian operatic hacks butcher beloved standards or sneer at how gauche the West End's ravers seem, or experience a more cosmopolitan feel than is available in Redswyth.

Beyond, the province of Noua Cymru ("New Wales") is predominantly populated by short, hairy, angry farmers, and bemused sheep, but there are some quaint rural getaways. At this time of the year a trip to the coast can be best described as "bracing". Beer fans may enjoy rooting out some local breweries and trying their home varieties.

[Plutoni]

Plutoni ice hockey blog: WCoH 13, Matchday 5
Climbing in

The national team beat Octinstine 2-0 to take third place in Group A. They'll participate in a play-in round before the round of 16, facing Qazox.

Mukwal Kuyem was the "star" of the first period, taking a lead 8:44 in but serving two different penalties later on. Petya Filippov very nearly scored on the second power play, and only a lucky grab from Karkin Fassly kept the lead intact. Effs Manash supplied some breathing room 16:02 into the second period, while Octinstine were unable to muster a comeback. In a departure from the end-people's-last-names-with-"v" playbook (the opportunity to start Pavel Ignatev not being radical enough), Anton Savin's defense helped staunch the score, but Octinstine finish with four losses and a fifth in overtime.

Comments:
1. icebaby: Thank you for figuring out which tournament this is. Again. Only took you five matchdays.
2. cdlc: 0-4-0-1, huh? ouch. that sucks. and takes up a lot of space also.
3. seb: If you had told me going in that we'd be pleased and relieved to have qualified for the play-ins as third in our group...
Well, let's just say, I'm pleased and relieved.
4. cdlc: question have we ever played qazox? at all? because i saw that the recent history between us has gone our way, and I cannot think of a single ame we've played.
5. seb: As far as I can tell recent history actually has gone Qazox' way in the head-to-head series.
They beat us 5-1 in WCoH 3.

[Vulshain]

The Confederate Sentinel

Injury Costs the Winter Paladins a Victory

Vulshain's Winter Paladins were in the lead against Ad'ihan, when disaster struck halfway through the match. Leina Rivaliste, the goalie, twisted her ankle, blocking a shot from an Ad'ihanian player. She had to sit out for the remainer of the game. Rüdiger Gerulf, a center forward, took her place for the remainer of the match. Rüdiger admits that he might not have been the best choice as a replacement goalie. "It was kind of a last minute decision. I had been a goalie for my high school's hockey team, but I mainly played as a forward." The reason for there not being a backup goalie was because the Paladins' backup goalie, Cocali Marta, got sick before the Winter Paladins left for the World Cup of Hockey games held in Kelssek.

While the Ad'ihan hockey team bounced back and won the game, the star of the match was Ehimal Dimitrije, who scored the last shot of the game with only seven seconds left on the clock. While he didn't save the Paladins from defeat, his 'nail-biting, edge-of-the-seat' shot amazed and awed the spectators, even those cheering for the other team.

Yuriy Valery, while saddened that the Paladins didn't qualify, he was still proud of his players. "Despite being defeated, the Winter Paladins showed excellent teamwork and sportsmanship on and off the ice. Even if we didn't win, we still showed great determination." That determination is still strong as the Winter Paladins plan to attend the 2011 Winter Olympics and bring home the gold for Vulshain.

King Samuil Rainard and Confederate Premier Cecilia Rainard both sent their congratulations to the Winter Paladins, saying how proud they are of the Paladins' strong determination.

The Winter Paladins thanked their opponents as well as thanking the nation of Kelssek for allowing them to compete in the 13th World Cup of Hockey game.

In addition to planning on attending in the 2011 Winter Olympics, the Winter Paladins also planned to return to the 14th World Cup of Hockey. "Next time, we are going to tail-whip the competition," vows Issigopa Vivina as she waves her arms in the air.

[Tocrowkia]

Modifier +1
Head Coach: Danielle Knorr

Starting Six:

Center: Albert Boening
[ Emphasizing the new-look Nordics squad as well as anyone on the team is Albert Boening. Though he is only 23 years old, he has already established himself as an excellent center in the Reich's domestic league. Young, fast, and an elegant skater with stick control. ]
Right Winger/Power Forward: Karla Stauss
[ 22 years and with speed to burn and an aggressive playing style with a fairly petite stature, Stauss is sure to give a lot of defenders headaches. In contrast to Audrey, her fellow winger, she is a 'shut up and play' type but isn't afraid to defend her self. ]
Left Winger/shot sniper: Audrey Haviland
[ The 26-year old baby sister of the former Nordics WBC team captain Jill Haviland, Audrey is one of the smallest members of the team at five feet and six inches tall. To make up for her size though, she is a truly elegant skater that can easily dodge and weave her way through the oppositions line. She also has an incredibly accurate, fast and powerful shot making her the ideal Shot Sniper. Still being young, and being a phenom at that, she is pretty cocky and doesn't mind taunting opponents and backs down from no one. She would be the one involved in the most fights on the team.]
Left Defense: Max Nestle
[ 21 year old Max, having played this sport for most of his life and this position for several years through high school and college has a mastery over defense that many players senior his age admire. Uncanny instincts for blocking and taking away shots. ]
Right Defense: Volkhad Lucas
[ A speedy 25-year old, Lucas is excellent at doing his job. He is the prototypical Defensemen, never afraid to put his body on the line when it means taking a goal away from the opposing team. Speedy, a good skater and a good passer means he is the 'outside' defense. He and Audrey are the only holdovers from the old team ]
Goaltender: Adelinda Bopp
[ Replacing the loathed Adrian Lass is a 19 year old rookie by the name of Adelinda Bopp. Personally selected by coach Knorr and expressing confidence in the youngsters ability after an impressive rookie season, many wonder how Bopp will handle the harsh glare of the international stage. ]

Substitutes
Forwards
Line 2
Cacilia Kressel
[ - ]
Verena Pirch
[ - ]
Alina Harttrumpf
[ - ]
Line 3
Jobst Juergens
[ - ]
Vinzenz Heyn
[ - ]

Defencemen
Line 2
Leonhard Trompeter
[ - ]
Hugo Schiller
[ - ]
Line 3
Paul Oppeln
[ - ]
Oswald Houten
[ - ]
Goaltender
Maximilian Leesmann
[ - ]

RP Permissions:
choose my Goal scorers: Yes
CHOOSE MY PENALTIES: Yes
injuries: NO
GODMODE: Short of killing and mutilating my players, go ahead.

[Kelssek]

Play-off matches
OCR1 0–3 Ad'ihan
Plutoni 3–0 Qazox
Allamunic States 2–0 Krytenia
Quintessence of Dust 3–3 Mossulia (4–3 OT)

Round of 16
Shoferica vs. Sarzonia (Exhibition Centre, Redswyth)
Tocrowkia vs. Sorthern Northland (Emerald City Arena, Breton)
Toyur vs. Valanora (Northlands Coliseum, Vickery)
Eizen vs. Ad'ihan (Colisée de Saint-Rémy, Saint-Rémy)
Kelssek vs. Teinohikira (Federation Arena, Neorvins)
Cassadaigua vs. Allamunic States (False Creek Arena, Burnaby)
Plutoni vs. Sibirsky (Great Bear Arena, Latrobe)
Quintessence of Dust vs. Delaclava (Portage Arena, Clayquot)

[Sarzonia]

Code: Select all

Style modifier: +1
RP Permissions:
Choose goalscorers: Yes
Choose goal scoring events: Yes
Godmode goal scoring events: HELL NO
Penalize players/give game misconducts: Yes
Injure Players: Yes, but not major injuries
Godmode other events: HELL NO.

Sarzonia Stars

Coach: Mark Browers, 51
Assistant: Tom Crosby, 64
Goalie coach: Pete Peeters, 47

ROSTER
GOALTENDERS (starter in bold)
1 Matt Peterson, 28 6-foot-1, 205 pounds
Quick reflexes, uses a butterfly style most of the time. Puck handling is suspect.
35 Kieran Barker, 23, 6-foot-3, 210 pounds
The young goalie earned some valuable experience during the group stage of the 11th World Cup of Hockey, so he'll be called upon as the backup to Peterson.
39 George Moeller, 36, 5-foot-10, 170 pounds
After Joe Cullen suffered a torn anterior cruciate ligament prior to training camp, Moeller made the team as the third string goalie. He'll be counted on to provide experience behind Barker if Peterson falters.

DEFENCEMEN
First pair
3 Erik Weinert, 22, 6-foot-2, 190 pounds.
Hard hitter, can pitch in on the power play, but usually isn't the point man with the man advantage.
5 Craig Langhorn, 36, 5-foot-10, 170 pounds. Team captain.
Relies on positioning and experience to defend against all comers. Paired with Weinert to help the young player learn.

Second pair
2 Lorne Davis, 26, 6-foot, 200 pounds.
Not super-fast, but an extremely hard hitter. Plays a stay-at-home defensive style.
6 Mia Chretién, 23, 5-foot-8, 145 pounds.
Can move the puck in and out of the zone well. Sometimes used on the front line during penalty kills.

Third pair
7 Joel Fitzgerald, 29, 5-foot-11, 185 pounds.
Not known as a hitter, but has better make-up speed than any other Stars defender.
18 Jack Bradley, 24, 6-foot-3, 215 pounds.
Size, speed and hard hitting make him a feared defender to go up against.

Seventh defenceman
14 Calen Willis, 28, 6-foot-2, 200 pounds
An offensive defenceman all the way, led Sarzonia's league in goals by a defenceman three years running.

FORWARDS
First line
Left wing: 8 Sylvan Turcotte, 23, 6-foot-1, 175 pounds.
Lefty shooter with the hardest shot on the team. Led his league with 38 goals in 54 games.
Centre: 9 Joe Perkins, 27, 5-foot-11, 180 pounds. Alternate captain.
Best at winning faceoffs of any Stars player. A gritty player who'll willingly go into the boards, but that occasionally results in injuries.
Right wing: 10 Steven Miller, 31, 6-foot-1, 200 pounds. Alternate captain.
Hardest worker on the team, also willing to go into the boards and play physically.

Second line
Left wing: 13 Cameron Granato, 24, 5-foot-10, 180 pounds.
A righty shooter even though he plays left wing. Provides some scoring punch for the second line (24 goals in 52 games).
Centre: 15 Jon Tippett, 33, 6-foot, 185 pounds.
Led the league in assists and is a frequent presence on the power play as a distributor.
Right wing: 17 Mark Ridley, 28, 6-foot-3, 200 pounds.
Another prolific scorer, he scored 31 goals in 50 games for his team two years ago.

Third line
Left wing: 21 Marco Osterland, 31, 6-foot-1, 205 pounds.
Strong presence on special teams, has some scoring touch but is better known for his defence.
Centre: 23 Giancarlo Ovecezcu, 27, 6-foot-2, 210 pounds.
Uses leverage and cat-like reflexes to win defensive end face offs. Good puck handler.
Right wing: 24 Ray Olendorff, 22, 6-foot-1, 190 pounds.
Plays harder than most. Is now much improved in conditioning, but meshes so well with the third line that he only plays on the other lines in knockout stage matches.

Fourth line
Left wing: 25 Alan Donald, 27, 6-foot-1, 215 pounds.
Sarzonia's designated enforcer, led the league in penalty minutes three consecutive seasons.
Centre: 26 Troy Hammer, 28, 6-foot-3, 230 pounds.
Built like a gridball linebacker, he hits like one. Would be an enforcer if he didn't have a surprisingly deft touch in front of the goal.
Right wing: 34 Chris Buck, 33, 6-foot-2, 205 pounds.
On the checking line because, well, he's a good checker. Does so cleanly.

[Eizen]

ISPN Special Report for the Thirteenth World Cup of Hockey

This breaking news just in, the Empire of Eizen has their draw for their first playoff came of World Cup XIII, the first in Imperial History since winning the Cherry Cup ages ago.

Eizen will play against Ad'ihan at the Colisée de Saint-Rémy in the city of Saint-Rémy, which conveniently allows for the game to air in prime time for most of the Empire's biggest metropolitan areas. Due to the number of colonies, provinces, and annexed areas outside of the main viewing area though, the Emperor has decreed an Imperial Holiday for the remainder of Eizen's games.

Despite not losing in regulation and finishing in a standings points tie with 2nd place Toyur, Ad'ihan was the third place finisher from Group F by virtue of an overtime loss to Toyur. However, this did not deter Ad'ihan as they won their play-in game convincingly against OCR1. Their 3-0 shutout gave Eizen fans, players, and coaches something to talk about.

"Obviously they are coming in battle hardened, which is never a bad thing..." Coach Reg Dunlop said. "However that isn't guaranteed to make you sharp. We had a few brutal games ourselves recently that we aren't planning on forgetting, but we've had the extra time to recover, which means we will be able to hit that much harder once the puck drops and that plays to our advantage."

Forward Ryan Roberts was also quite optimistic, as well as a tad nostalgic. "I grew up watching that old Cherry Cup team and that's what inspired me to take my game to a whole new level really. Comparing our players to that era, well, there's no reason we can't finish the job here and make this thing happen. We just have to go out and actually DO it."

As a result of wild celebrations that took place after the Eizen team clinched their playoff spot, all Alcohol and Narcotics outlets will be asked to close their doors at the end of the televised second intermission. Pubs and other establishments may remain open but will be under strict government watch, which also allows members of the police force to watch the game incidentally.

[Teinohikira]

Tommy's Blog

Teinohikira has been set to play Kelssek tonight in the Round of 16. Teinohikira hopes to get further than they did last time, which ended with Teinohikira losing to Tocrowkia 4-1 in last Round of 16. Teinohikira hopes to get to the final, but that will never come true. Teinohikira goes into the play-offs with no chance of winning. If Teinohikira does win tonight, they won't get far. Teinohikira will continue practice until the game starts today. We want ever Teinohikira fan to support Teinohikira and hope that they win.
Teinohikira hopes to get at least to the semi-finals, but that will never happen. The game will be tonight at 7:00 TST on TSPN. Please watch and hope Teinohikira wins.

Comments:
1.Teinohikiraroxmysox: Do u really think we're gonna beat Kelssek tonight? I mean our team kinda sucks, then again, we only lost to Tocrowkia.
2.Dannyboy78: Hope we win tonight, and Teinohikiraroxmysox, stop saying negative things about us.
3.Teinohikiraroxmysox: @Dannyboy78, I wasn't saying negative things about us, I was just saying that we have a little chance of beating Kelssek because they won their group and finished 5-0-0.
4.Dannyboy78: @Teinohikiraroxmysox, but you still said our team sucks, that's still negative.
5.Teinohikiraroxmysox: @Dannyboy78, I said our team kindasucks, i didn't say they did sucks, get some glasses retard!
6.Glad2CUAgain: Let's pray that we win tonight, and Teinohikiraroxmysox is right about his ^ post. c(:
7.Dannyboy78: @Glad2CUAgain, Stay outta this dipshit!

TommyBlogz:I have banned Dannyboy78 and Teinohikiraroxmysox for trolling.

8.Glad2CUAgain: lolz.

[Quintessence of Dust]

Posted on the popular sports blog He's Had An Absolute Holocaust.

QBS - "Fightback ensures progression"
Posted by MetaNarrativesFTL

Article from the In Brief section of the QBS website:


The Quodite national women's ice hockey team made their way into the Round of 16 of the 13th World Cup of Hockey with a fantastic, if somewhat frantic, comeback against Mossulia. Playing at the Exhibition Centre in Redswyth, the team found themselves 3-0 down late in the 2nd quarter after a penalty on Jóhanna Jónsdóttir set up a powerplay goal for the Mossulians.

But she and Lára Hrafnsdóttir combined magnificently, each registered two goals and two assists, to wipe away the advantage, force overtime, and seize a 65th minute winner to the delight of a fairly pro-Quodite crowd. After a goal packed second quarter, Jasmin Ackermann's goal remained unbreached in the third despite two double powerplay moments as the Quodites continued to struggle to adapt to international rules.

The team now plays Delaclava in Clayquot. Delaclava are a middleweight team, with strong consistency (their sole contribution to the WCoH having been their endless submission of exactly the same roster) but without much playoff experience, having got no further than this round in the previous two Cups in Quintessence of Dust. Analysts predict a close game.


What do you think?

Comments
...
23. TommySaikkonen

I think the teams are pretty evenly matched. Both have similar rankings, levels of experience, Olympic exposure, etc. Tough to call. Could be another overtime result?
...
43. drongosnorterpride

no i think delaclava slight favourites on balance of experience. plus we lost to sarzoclava and snorthland, and twice had overtime against toiletsville. i told you play girls was a bad idea.
...
45. mizu_michu

fuck you!!
...
68. pingpingpingpingping

Does anyone actually know what the Delaclav team is like? I can't find anything about them in an HHAAH archives search.
...
82. MetaNarrativesFTL

@pingpingpingpingping: They have a female playing for them, and our two teams have never met at previous WCoHs or Olympics - that's all I know.
...

[On this page's Qooqle Ads:]

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[Plutoni]

hockey17.plu/desc/features/wcoh13playins
A SCALE!

On a scale of 1 to 10, how long will it be until we see Qazox again?
Kelsey, the West: Gotta be 10 tournaments, yes? At this rate...

On a scale of 1 to 55, how much did Thorson's penalty make a difference?
Shawn, the South: like three, yeah Atzin scored, but we were getting the momentum anyway it wasn't like that was what...oh, sclae of 1 to 55...that means...forget it. still three.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely is it that Mack would win a one-on-one with Ryan Chase?
Bill, Char: given how mack played today? actually not that high. doesn't matter, though

On a scale of 1 to 151, how drunk would you have to be before thinking the Eagles could come back?
Henry, the Northeast: wait, since when have they been the eagles?

On a scale of 1 to Bear, just how great is the arena we're going to play at next?
Suraj, the Suburbs: It's pretty great. Not gonna lie.

(Goalscorers: Atzin 14:23 into the first, Lomplop 12:02 into the second, Kuyem 17:09 into the second)

[Eizen]

ISPN.COM Special Coverage of the Thirteenth World Cup of Hockey

HANSON BROTHERS CREATE CHAOS.

It appaears that the "Eizen Fund" set up by the Imperial Sports Ministry to compensate host countries for player damages will need to be tapped as the Hanson brothers managed to evade their Imperial Steelmarine escorts and went on a rampage with a tour bus full of Eizen Faithful up and down several blocks in Saint Remy.

In the middle of the carnage, Coach Reg Dunlop and two of the Steelmarines were spotted with tranquilizer guns looking for the Hansons and it is unknown if the were successful, or if the Hansons evaded capture altogether.

"We are confident that the Understanding Host Nation of Kelssek will graciously accept compensation for the damages, and that those who were unfortunately caught up in the exuberance of our team's grandeur will accept the Empire's offer to pay for their medical treatment. Yes we do expect the Hansons to play in the next game. Technically you can't even really pin much on them anyway." An officer of the Sports Mionistry was quick to comment.

No news from Coach Dunlop as to any suspensions or replacements on the team, but gien his reputation it is doubtful that any action would happen until after the tournament.

[Shofercia]

Team Shofercia is finishing up their light skate practice. After two days of vicious, hard-core practices, Team Shofercia is taking it easy, before the game. Once the game starts, it's on, it's sudden death overtime starting from the first period. No mercy. No regret. We want it, and we're going to take it, or at least have fun trying.

Shofercia performance at the 13th World Cup of Hockey has been phenomenal thus far *knock on wood* despite the loss to Kelssek. As was the case, Pashkov enabled Shofercia to take the lead, by scoring within the first five minutes of the game. However Kelssek came back midway through the second period. Both goaltenders performed miracles. It was the first period, one minute left until the bell, and Team Shofercia was wearing Kelssek down. The Shofercians were getting a little overzealous, and should have changed a few seconds earlier. They did not, and when Kelssek was able to get the puck out of their own zone, Shofercians were caught in the middle of a change. Kelssek quickly transitioned into a counterattack, placing a beautiful shot past Stolichnuy, with seconds on the clock. Whoopsie. Oh well, you live and learn.

Shots: (SHO-KEL) 12-14 period 1, 15-16 period 2, 24-14 period 3. Total: 51-44 in favor of Shofercia. There were also two fights, both proudly won by Shofercians. There were also a few minor penalties, with Shofercians spending 20 total minutes in the Sin Bin, as opposed to Kelssek's 18, but overall the game was fairly clean.

"I'm not ashamed of our performance in the group stage" stated Coach Uriev. "If we can play every group stage like we did, I'm going to be extatic!" Indeed, team Shofercia finished in the top ten, meeting the goal they set out to meet, making the playoffs.

And here's Ozerov:

"I think we played extremely well. Our game against Corraidh set the tone, and we never looked back. We were out scoring, hitting, passing, winning faceoffs and having fun. This is what hockey's all about. There's no shame in losing to the home team, by one point, in the last minute. We're still a young team, we're still learning. The fact that we were able to beat the Allamunic States, a damn good team, in a beautiful game, was definetely a plus. We got a style of play going, I think we should keep it going. Winning faceoffs, passing, keeping a great rotation going, hitting, and of course - scoring! We're up against Sarzonia, they're a good team, and we need to tighten up our defense, but keep on playing the offensive style we have. It'll take more effort, but this is the playoffs, and we're ready. Bring it on!"

Style modifier + 2

If my opponent RPs first, they may:
Choose my scorers: Yes
Penalise my players: Yes, but not on overkill; i.e. don't make me play shorthanded for a third of the game
Eject my players: No
Injure my players: nothing serious
Godmod scoring: Yes
Godmod injuries: nothing serious, and I get to determine when he recovers
Godmod other events: TG me first

Starting line-up: Torpedo Line:

Line 1 (Torpedo):
LW Pashka Bren
C Sergei Sergeev
RW Lev Koper
D Dmitri Turchinsky
D Oleg Harding
Style of play: power forwards!

Lines 2 - 4:

Line 2 (Rockets):
LW Frolik Aleksandrov
C Dat Pashkov
RW Afi Maksimov
D Mark Andreev
D Mark Danilov
Style of play: passing, passing, passing, GOAL!

Line 3 (Tigers):
LW Sam Ivanov
C Phil Tigrov
RW Slavik Milikov
D Ivan Markeev
D Artem Ushastik
Style of play: Start out in own zone, lure the opponent in, and counterattack!

Line 4 (Waves):
LW Cake Adamov
C Gordo Bomb
RW Charlie Shen
D Rob Smit
D Rob Kashpirski
Style of Play: tough on defense, hitting for turnovers, trying to intercept the puck, stretch passes

Starting Goaltender (bold) and back up goaltenders:

Victor Stolichnuy - had a 96% overall saving percentage, faced a lot of shots. Team lost in the semis, as they couldn't score
Basil Catnip - despite the humorous surname, Basil's team, the Rockets, took second place, in a large part due to Basil's 92% overall saving percentage. If Basil could play with stability, he would rival Stolichnuy, as his talent surpasses Victor's, but he's still young.
Erema Aleksandrov - Taken as a sub-goaltender, because his team, the Torpedo, won Gold. His 90% average saving percentage is not the best, and considering his defensive support, it should be better.

Scoring Leaders: Dat Pashkov - 4 goals, Pashka Bren - 3 goals, Frolik Aleksandrov - 2 goals, Phil Tigrov - 2 goals. Turchinksy, Maksimov, Shen, Bomb and Koper each have one goal. And that's the beauty of Team Shofercia - everyone can score

[Kelssek]

Round of 16
Shoferica 0–3 Sarzonia
Tocrowkia 0–2 Sorthern Northland
Toyur 1–1 Valanora (2–1 OT)
Eizen 1–1 Ad'ihan (1–2 OT)
Kelssek 2–0 Teinohikira
Cassadaigua 2–3 Allamunic States
Plutoni 2–1 Sibirsky
Quintessence of Dust 2–1 Delaclava

Quarterfinals
Sarzonia vs. Sorthern Northland (Place Gauchetière, Laneux)
Toyur vs. Ad'ihan (Arèna de la Pacifique, Langlois)
Kelssek vs. Allamunic States (Air Kelssek Centre, Kirkenes)
Plutoni vs. Quintessence of Dust (Lupinissia Place, Ulyanov)

My apologies for missing the scorination last night. The schedule will continue as planned with QFs tomorrow.

[The Fanboyists]

Well, Then...

The Tide breezed through the play-in match, and then promptly upset Cassadaigua (who finished the qualifiers undefeated) to set up another match in what is quickly turning into a rivalry with Kelssek, the host nation.

The Tide effectively demolished Krytenia in their play-in game, to the tune of 2-0, with Maarkus Stahlburg and Kristin Maarks each scoring, and with the defense posting another shutout in the tournament. The easy win set the team up for a tough game against a much higher-ranked Cassadagan team.

But that didn't seem to matter, much as the Tide pulled off a win that while not easy, was nowhere near as difficult as most expected; Theo Braannur, Kristin Maarks, and Dani Andicek all found the goal once, and the defense allowed two of the same by the Dagans.

The win puts the Tide up against Kelssek, who the Tide has some bad blood with. They were battered by the host nation in the qualifiers, and look to repeat last year, where they trumped Kelssek on their second go-round.

[Plutoni]

hockey17.plu/desc/features/wcoh13ro16
Keys to Victory: Plutoni vs. Quintessence of Dust

Well, it had to happen eventually. After some tense moments there against Sibirsky, Plutoni are into the quarterfinals to face Quintessence of Dust--site of the previous two tournaments, and homeland of everyone from Tom Gruenwald to evolurtion1402--for what we're pretty sure is the first time. Can the Quodites pull out a win, or will Plutoni cruise into another semifinal?

Control: Plutoni have the ability to mount an attack against any team, but don't discount the Quintessential "Three Ls". They're going to be an unusually threatening third line, which leads into...

Alt: This could be a problem. Plutoni's depth charts are very stratified--although, let's not kid ourselves, Kuyem and Manash could easily fit on the first line of most national teams (well, if they were citizens, obviously), there's definitely a drop-off every step of the way from line one through four. Quintessence of Dust, on the other hand, are going to have a more mixed setup; if that translates into relative endurance, the third period might be a problem.

Home: Quintessence of Dust haven't played in previous WCoHs hosted in Kelssek; Plutoni have, but not these players, so that's pretty much moot.

End: When we're all scrambling for the puck at the end of the rink? Yeah? Quintessence of Dust are known as big hitters, but less so against larger opponents. So basically we're pretty much fine as long as Nicole Hellmers stays on the bench.

Flag: Patriotism was not the first thing coded into most of our team, but come on, it's Quintessence of Dust. Expect a good hockey game for the sake of good hockey, but moving strains of nationalism just won't appear from either side. Probably for the best.

Shift: Although the lines themselves are very different among these two teams, the process of line changes themselves shouldn't be too radical. The Quodites are fast, but we wouldn't have met slouches in the quarterfinals anyway.

Caps Lock: Okay, this is apparently an association football thing; flickflak, if you have been blatantly lying to me, you are banned from commenting from the rest of the tournament. BUT ANYWAY, of the 22 players on the Grey Sabres team that won silver in the Olympics, only three are not playing for this Quodite team...and one of them is the coach. How many holdovers do Plutoni have from the roughly-synchronous WCoH11? Yep. 4. And don't go playing the staleness card, there's like time dilation or something. If only in the team unity category, advantage QoD by far.

All those keys I don't know what to do with: I haven't heard when the Quodites' suspended alternate captain will return. If she's not back by game time, that's probably good news for us; nobody wants to deal with the accumulated Cabañas effect they've got over there.

(Goalscorers: second line left wing 4:56 into the first, Gamela 8:31 into the first, Feelkee 7:21 into the third)

Comments:
1. evolurtion1402: I'm glad you guys bought it for so long, but I'm actually from just east of midtown.

[Shofercia]

Team Shofercia suffered a grueling defeat at the hands of Sarzonia. Oh well. We were going here to make it to the playoffs, and we made it to the playoffs, hopefully this experience will help us out at the next World Cup of Hockey. The players will remain in Kelssek, until the the World Cup comes to a conclusion, to watch the games and enjoy the host's hospitality. In the game, Shofercia was outshot 26-51, but at least Turchnisky won the only fight. To date, Team Shofercia remains undefeated in on ice combat. Of course, if we haven't done as well as we did in the group stage, Team Shofercia wouldn't be so calm about losing in the playoffs. At least one hockey stick would get broken, and maybe a player or two

[Quintessence of Dust]

hockey17.plu/desc/features/wcoh13ro16
Keys to Victory: Plutoni vs. Quintessence of Dust

Comments:
...

43. MetaNarrativesFTL: hope you don't mind me popping by with a couple of suggestion :>

Insert: Line changes could be crucial. Quintessence of Dust will have to avoid picking up "too many women on the ice" penalties - they had 3 in their last game alone - to avoid giving Plutoni easy powerplay minutes.

Tab: Anni Petäjä is going to be cleared to play by the QHL - but with the legendary Quodite fondness for vodka and the game being played in Ulyanov, let's hope they keep celebrations at getting their teammate back to a minimum before the game.

Del: Quintessence of Dust survived a physical encounter with Delaclava (geddit??!!) but not without sustaining some injuries: Julia Johanna Lehtomäki is a definite no, Laila Salpa is a definite maybe depending on how her knee is after practice.

[Quintessence of Dust]

Posted on the popular sports blog He's Had An Absolute Holocaust. Jews in Space is a popular Quodite sci-fi show that is a sort of a cross between Firefly and Battlestar Galactica, except with more Yiddish.

How do we beat Plutoni's robots?
Posted by WhiteWinterHymnal

Quintessence of Dust does not have a particularly dignified record when it comes to non-biological intelligence. After years of arguing against "articial intelligence rights" at the UN/WA, Quodites only very recently recognised such people as having human rights in our legal system; the relevant laws passed just hours before submitting a bid to host World Cup of Hockey 11 (it was felt that, without such a legal framework, there was a danger of Plutonian players being melted down for scrap metal, which would not only put a dampener on the tournament but tend to scare off future opportunities for international hosting).

Now, in Kelssek, we play Plutoni at last. They are, behind Valanora (elves = cool), Toyur (Swedish diacritics for all!), and Cassadaigua (<3 Meghan Stafford), one of the more popular international hockey teams here at home, but the presence of a large number of robots on their roster has led to considerable confusion, as well as providing some racist, if admittedly quite funny, fodder for comedians.

The lack of experience with robots means Quodite players may be going into this match wondering how they can win. Fortunately, there's three things the people here at HHAAH love almost as much as sports statistics: science fiction, and boobs.

1. "The Terminator" strategy

We get the boys at the Centre for High Energy Particle Research to stop playing basketball [see our IBC team for reference] and get to work on building a time machine. Then we travel back to any of the following points:
I: the invention of hockey playing robots in Plutoni and stop it, while also setting aside enough time that we can...sleep with our own mother...become our own...father? son? Hold on, I need a pen...
II: the decision of the coach to start lots of robots on his team - we can either convince them this is a bad idea or replace them with some sort of evil, melty robot of our own;
III: ok, in this version, we...lose to them, but then go back in time to before the game and stop them from winning...except then they seize control of the time machine and go back to...uhh, I sort of lost the plot once Kristanna Lokken got her kit off;
IV: we adopt a different strategy, and simply time travel so much that the robots will be so completely confused by what's going on that they fail to convert their powerplays and muck up their line changes.

2. "The Matrix" strategy

Even though their robots are probably superior to our players, we train our players up to do amazing flips through the air and be able to run sideways round the rink. This should make them be able to dominate possession. Also, we make our players able to, like, slow down time: this means that if they take a big lead, we will have enough time to score some equalisers. And if they win in overtime we just shoot the referee in the face.

3. "The Machine Stops" strategy

We lose to the robots, but in doing so realize there is more to life than cold arenas and shoulder barges. Free of the demands of the competition, our players step out into the glorious, untamed wilds of the real world.

(Note: this would work better if they weren't playing in ****ing Ulyanov.)

4. The Karel Čapek strategy

We try to get Plutoni's robots to embrace their own humanness. Basically, if it works they become humanlike and it's all OK; if not, we get to slice them open. Yay!

5. The Harlan Ellison strategy

Our players stab each other with icicles, and this somehow annoys the Plutonians into turning Jasmin Ackermann into an enormous blob - this would make her virtually unbeatable in goal. Of course, everyone else would be dead, so it could prove a low scoring encounter.

6. The cyberpunk strategy

We don't beat them, and afterwards life becomes an unmeaning sludge as we serve the whim of our robotic overlords. But we all get to wear cool outfits, have Japanese girlfriends with coloured hair, and blow shit up, so it all kind of works out.

7. The Kent Brockman strategy

I, for one...

8. The Fear Factory strategy

We lose to them, but only after getting really angry and screaming about it over the roar of 200 bpm drum machines.

9. The Jews in Space strategy

After fuelling up on bagels and gefelte fish, we do battle with the Plutonians in an epic, interspatial conquest that transcends mere hockey and stretches over several, award-winning seasons, and do our best to put up with the reams of misguided "hurt/comfort" fanfiction spawned by teenage girls about Chief Rabbinical Engineer Moishe. Then we all move to Africa, throw away our iPods, and have sex.

10. The "being better than them at hockey" strategy

Bahahaha.

[Toyur]

Toyurska Sportnyhet

KINGS OF EXTRA TIME
3rd win beyond regular time sees Grizzlies in QF
by Sven Magnusson

LANGLOIS, KELSSEK (TP) - It's been a nervy time for fans of the Toyur national ice hockey team, but it's been extremely difficult for Viktor Brandin.

'A few grey hairs, yes, and perhaps an unhealthy rise in blood pressure,' Brandin said, smiling after his team defeated previously undefeated Valanora 2-1 in extra time to advance to the quarter-finals of the 13th World Cup of Hockey. 'Six games, and three of them have gone the distance. Fortunately we've been able to win each one, but now we have to move on to Adi'han.'

The finals were the goal again for the Grizzlies in this competition. In the 12th edition, they lost out to Plutoni in the finals, but Brandin feels as though this team can at least repeat their final appearance this time around. However, those plans would face a stern test as they were paired with Valanora in the Round of 16.

'You can see why they're so good,' goaltender Patrik Dahlin said afterwards. 'Watching them come at you down the ice is a real treat to watch. They're so organised and rarely make a mistake. Their performance in the round robin showed that.'

The 3rd ranked elves were the top ranked team in Group C, one of three teams with a perfect 5-0 record. They scored a competition high 21 goals while allowing only one. The Grizzlies underwhelmed in a group where they were supposed to be the favourite, going 2-1-2-0, losing to Delaclava in the process. The reward was a meeting with Valanora, a situation where Toyur found themselves very much the underdog.

The game was a very tight affair, one which both teams, normally quite offensive, appeared to find a bit difficult to adjust to. The Calcuttas did manage to open the scoring in the first period, though. With Andreas Silander in the penalty box for hooking, Imenien Lithloth tallied past Dahlin for yet another Valanora powerplay marker. Toyur managed only 7 shots on goal in the first period, and were deservedly down in the first intermission.

Brandin must have inspired the team in the dressing room during the intermission, because the Grizzlies came out flying and tied the game early on a powerplay of their own. Jakob Hjerstedt's speed was too much for Larendhrinseer and the defenceman was forced to haul him down to prevent a scoring opportunity. Hjerstedt's work was rewarded as he tipped in Niklas Aspelin's low, hard shot from the point past Suiadan Lasséseth in the Calcuttas goal, for only the second goal to get by him in the tournament. The 2nd period ended 1-1, but with Toyur in the ascendancy rather than Valanora.

The 3rd period was evenly contested, with neither team getting a great chance on goal. Stefan Jansson probably had the best chance of the period, coming down the left side on a 2-on-1 but his shot was well-handled by Lasséseth. Overtime began for the third time in Toyur's tournament, the first for Valanora. Toyur's experience seemed to give them the advantage, and they ended the tournament for the elves with a low shot from Anders Mjallby that slipped between Lasséseth's legs and gave the Grizzlies the victory.

They move on to play Adi'han, a team that they opened the tournament against with a 2-1 shootout win. A tight affair is expected again in Langlois, and can be seen on TSTV1.

Code: Select all

TOYUR vs Valanora
Scoring Summary

First Period

VAL I. Lithloth (Naragalal, Taltauré) 7:54 PP

Shots on Goal: Toyur 7 (7), Valanora 10 (10)

Second Period

TOY J. Hjerstedt (4) (Aspelin, Jansson) 4:19 PP

Shots on Goal: Toyur 11 (18), Valanora 9 (19)

Third Period

No Scoring

Shots on Goal: Toyur 8 (26), Valanora 7 (26)

Overtime

TOY A. Mjallby (2) (Rasmussen, Hölmqvist) 9:33

Shots on Goal: Toyur 5 (31), Valanora 3 (29)

Three Stars:
1. Anders Mjallby (Toyur)
2. Imenien Lithloth (Valanora)
3. Jakob Hjerstedt (Toyur)


[The Fanboyists]

The locker room was raucous.

"We ain't an anomoly no more, everyone! We survived round one for a second year in a row!" Theo Braannur yelled. "We're here to stay!"

The whole team cheered. The win over the Dagans hadn't been easy by any stretch of the imagination. But it had been smooth sailing, relative to when they had faced Sarzonia in the Round of Sixteen the previous year. No need for overtime, at least.

The team had failed to make headlines this year, and maybe that was a good thing. Artie Weiss had managed to, thus far, refrain himself from beating anyone to a bloody pulp. He was settling for bruised pulp these days.

Of course, now a-days, around the Kelssek national team, that was liable to change. He had never quite gotten over the fact that he had gotten suspended during a match against them. He didn't even pretend it was anyone's fault but his. But he stil didn't like, as he put it, the "froggy bastards."

"Maybe we'll be able to chalk one up for the good guys this time," he said off-hand.

Kristin snorted. "I didn't realize we were specifically the good guys now."

Theo Braannur laughed. "Of course we are! Didn't you get the memo?"

Maarkus chuckled. "Besides, it's not like we're the ones speaking French. Got proper Skraeli, the most of us." There were more laughs. It was a notable fact that the majority of the Federation's ice hockey team (and the gridiron team, for that matter) were members of the nation's Skraeling minority. As a people, there was plenty of nationalistic pride among them, and it had forged a second layer of bonds between the team-mates. Even the ones who weren't of that people had bought into the mentality, Artie included.

"Guys, I promise I won't send any of them to the hospital," Artie said evenly.

There was a brief silence.

"This time it'll be the stands that I'll be sendin' 'em to!" There were laughs.

The fact was, most of them weren't altogether confident of their chances. The qualifying round marked the second time Kelssek had battered them and scored repeatedly on them.

Of course, as anyone on that team knew, they had stormed back the previous year after a lopsided loss and inflicted a similar defeat on Kelssek. Now there was added incentive to embarass the Kelssekians on their home ice.

"Nothing they do is gonna matter, guys. We just have to go out there, focus on what we do, and execute flawlessly. Simple," said Dani.

There were laughs. She shrugged.

"I said simple. Not easy. But at least it's not complicated. We can do it; we've done it before. Let's get ourselves into the semifinals this time. That would be great."

Applause erupted. They would practice the next night. For now they needed to rest after a tough game against their last opponents.

But they'd be ready. Lord knew they'd be ready. They wouldn't let the hosts get a win easily.

[Kelssek]

Quarterfinals
Sarzonia 1–1 Sorthern Northland (1–2 OT)
Toyur 3–1 Ad'ihan
Kelssek 2–1 Allamunic States
Plutoni 2–1 Quintessence of Dust

Semifinals
Sorthern Northland vs. Toyur (Centre Belle, Outineau)
Kelssek vs. Plutoni (False Creek Arena, Burnaby)

[Quintessence of Dust]

Posted on the Blatant Excuse To Use A Lame Joke About Robots section of the QBS wobsite.

Hawkettes eliminated after best ever run

Although Quintessence of Dust's national women's ice hockey team lost 2-1 to Plutoni in the quarterfinals of the 13th World Cup of Hockey in Kelssek, QHF sources admitted there would be "significant pressure" to have the women return for the 14th edition "regardless of the state of the HHL at that point". Many suspect the performance at the Sixth Winter Olympics will be key in determining whether the Hawks or Hawkettes get the nod. The game itself saw only three goals as Plutoni built up a 2-0 lead going into the third quarter. In the 59th minute Lyyti Lepistö scored a consolation 6-on-5 goal following a too many robots on the ice penalty for the Plutonian bench, but even with Jasmin Ackermann pulled they could not add a second.

[Plutoni]

Plutoni ice hockey blog: WCoH 13, Quarterfinals
Open chat

1. seb: So according to quintessential pundits, barring an overtime-inducing outbreak of dead players and an oversized goalie, we should be fine.
2. tertiary_watson: And I thought that kind of thing never happened outside these parodies my friend and I wrote in high school. Ok, game on.
3. seb: ...you had a strange childhood.
...
14. Psycho_Monroe: goal gamela!
15. Jrgiant: Goal Pensban Gamela, 13:02 into the first, assists Manash and Kalsy. Haajanen glowering at celebration, mainstream background music as puck redropped.
...
39. seb: 2-0 Plutoni! Goal for Atzin, assist Strand.
40. tertiary_watson: One of the next Scales needs to go to the Ackermann function of 15.
41. evolurtion1402: ackermann dysfunction, more like. Good grief.
...
63. icebaby: wow. Too many...players...on the ice. That's sort of embarrassing (any time, but especially now).
64. jrgiant: I'm afraid koff is getting old.
65. flickflak: told you line changes would be trouble.
66. seb: goal somebody, they're going to make a game of it.
...
71. evolurtion1402: well, that was fun. Night, all, keep alert for time travellers.
72. flickflak: wouldn't they have left already?
73. evolurtion1402: Can't be too careful.

[Toyur]

(OOC: Apologies for the short length here, trying to get back into the swing of things RP wise but difficult at the moment with lots going on)

Toyurska Sportnyhet

(REGULAR) TIME ENOUGH AT LAST
Empty net goal seals semi-final place
by Sven Magnusson

OUTINEAU, KELSSEK (TP) - The Grizzlies may be experienced at overtime victories, but they required just the standard 60 minutes to dispatch fellow Group F playoff participants Adi'han and move onto the semi-finals for the second straight time at the World Cup of Hockey.

It wasn't an easy victory by any means for Toyur, however, as Adi'han put up stiff resistance, much the way they did in the opening game in the group stage. This time, they were unable to keep the Grizzlies off the scoresheet, as Niels Linderoth scored midway through the 1st to give the 6th ranked team a 1-0 lead. Toyur expanded their lead late in the 2nd through Niklas Aspelin.

Adi'han drew within one midway through the 3rd on the powerplay, but Mats Hölmqvist scored into an empty net to seal the victory for Toyur in a defensive, but comfortable game. Patrik Dahlin only required 22 saves for the victory.

Toyur move onto the semi-finals to play Southern Northland. The Snortherners beat a tough Sarzonia team in the quarter-finals, and although Toyur are the favourites in betting circles, Southern Northland should prove a difficult obstacle for the Grizzlies, standing in the way of a second consecutive appearance in the finals. The game can be seen on TSTV1.

Code: Select all

TOYUR vs Adi'han
Scoring Summary

First Period

TOY N. Linderoth (4) (Hjerstedt, Jansson) 11:10

Shots on Goal: Toyur 9 (9), Adi'han 10 (10)

Second Period

TOY N. Aspelin (2) (Mjallby, Rasmussen) 18:19

Shots on Goal: Toyur 10 (19), Adi'han 6 (16)

Third Period

ADI Number 7 (Unassisted) 9:44 PP
TOY M. Hölmqvist (1) (Silander, Dahlin) 19:22 EN

Shots on Goal: Toyur 11 (30), Adi'han 7 (23)

Three Stars:
1. Niklas Aspelin (Toyur)
2. Mats Hölmqvist (Toyur)
3. Anders Mjallby (Toyur)