World Cup 52 - Cafundéu/Nethertopia - the RP thread

by **Sargossa** » Sat Sep 04, 2010 12:57 pm

The Island Chronicle

Righting The Wrong

Four years ago or eight years ago or seventeen minutes ago depending on the flow of fluid time in your fine nation the great, the glorious and all that is shiny and good in the multiverse gathered in the near mythical Holy Empire and the much more mundane but still quite famous Krytenia for the historical fiftieth incarnation of the most watched sporting event on this and several other plains of existence. A truly monumental event probably deserving of such an overly long opening sentence. It was a glittering occasion not to be missed. Except we missed it. And do you know why? Well, do you?

Oh we were so close. All those wins against the minnows. That battling point against mighty and feared Dancougar. We were so close. And we would have got away with it too if it wasn't for those pesky kids. That was why. Those several snivelling brats who pulled on the revolting colours of Schiavonia and took to the muddy field and neighbouring cow shed that passed for a national football stadium. There, marshalled by Carlos Cueto, the kids swept all before them in qualifying, including a 3 - 1 win over our own mighty Corsairs in one of the darker days in Sargossan football history.

But there was still a chance. Sargossa were still ahead of Schiavonia and their hooded, happy slapping masses in the table. Or we were until defeat in Mantwenic. But there was still a chance. The kiddies may have been ahead but they still had to come to Soluca where a Sargossan win would catapult the Corsairs back into a qualification spot. Except they came, they saw, they held the Archipelago's finest to a draw and they buggered off, probably in a loud, loutish fashion. So off Cueto and his kids went to the glorious fiftieth World Cup. And off José Felipe Cassumba Domingos and his charges went to the much more forgettable forty second Cup of Harmony.

But here we are in Nethertopia, two cups later where Sargossa and Schiavonia will once again lock horns in a winner takes all clash. The optimistically named National Stadium in Stoedt is the venue for the final game in Group D. Both nations have already lost to Sorthern Northland and beaten Queer Poco el Mono Ara, now they square up to decide who will join the Sortherners in the second round. Two tournaments ago the Corsairs were humbled but this time confidence is high after a first ever win at the Finals, over local rivals at that. Even the now traditional Sorthern inspired thrashing hasn't dented the mood in the camp. Or so they say.

by **Cafundeu** » Sat Sep 04, 2010 11:16 pm

RP-cutoff-Nethertopia-region-here.

Scores-found-through-green-link.

by **Valanora** » Sat Sep 04, 2010 11:29 pm

Valanora Times
All or Nothing

With a well earned win against the growing power in Aguazul, who won the last Vahala Invitational don't you know, the Marauders sit with the simple task of having to defeat Akbarabad to advance from the group stage and keep their streak alive of doing so in every Finals. The task itself will not be easily accomplished, as both of our games this World Cup have shown flaws in the tactics and players of the Marauders, and Akbarabad will also be needing a victory to secure their own passage into the knockout round, with all the teams in the group level at three points each. What is simple is knowing that they need not worry about the result in the other match and can focus solely on their own match knowing that their efforts alone will decide their fate in Cafundeu. (editor: technically a draw would be enough if there is a winner in the other game)

It has become self evident that the Marauders may either be overly confident or over hyped, as the weaknesses that were nearly invisible through the entirety of Qualifying have been put under a microscope for the entirety of the footballing world and exploited by two sides whom many believed to be vastly inferior to our own squad. While the professionalism of the squad would have them likely never admitting that they overlooked certain opponents, the evidence suggests that that is exactly what has happened. If this is the case, then the blame needs to be put entirely at the feet of Massimo for not keeping the mental state of the squad grounded and prepared for these first two opponents. While his success in the last World Cup can not be doubted, one has to remember that other great Valanora managers have been sacked for producing less than stellar results against "inferior" opponents.

Yet all that can be erased with a victory over Akbarabad, a win that would see likely facing a Sarzonia squad in the Round of Sixteen who will be chomping at the bit to get revenge on the Marauders following their elimination at our hands last World Cup. First though is Akbarabad, a team whose rise to ninth in the world has to be one of the most amazing and yet eerily quietest rise to footballing prominence in the history of the World Cup and international football, whom the Marauders have yet to face in the Finals of the World Cup. Each team needs a victory to secure passage into the next round and both teams are ranked in the top ten in the world but have struggled through their first two matches. Valanora is considered to be the more technically gifted side, with Hawk, Soldarian, and va Drake running the midfield, and genuinely the most classy side by the international community follow a series of controversies during the Qualification process. Though the sides are nearly the same in regards to squad strength, it will be the favoritism given by the neutrals in Nethertopia that will likely give the Marauders the edge they will need to find their way to victory.

All that said, if the Marauders fail to advance, it will be the toppling of a dynasty that has dominated the World Cup since thirty-third edition, the first time the Marauders qualified for the Finals. It has been such a dominance over such a long period of time that the country has changed names and has had nations that have never heard of the nation that Valanora was originally apart through the pamphlets given out by the nation on its history and culture. Though some would take glee and rejoice in such an occurrence, it will be a sombering moment and one that will likely give Vanorians everywhere pause. All great things are meant to end, as evidenced by the fall of empire after empire, but seeing the destruction of that firsthand is something that will stick with a people for generations to come. It is because of this that when the Marauders take the field in two days, they will leave it all on the pitch, so that if the reign of Valanora comes to end, it will have come to an end gently and with honor intact.

by **Nethertopia** » Sun Sep 05, 2010 4:01 am

HOSTS ANNOUNCEMENT: I'm terribly sorry, but due to a miscalculation (there's no internet available in the house I'm currently staying), I'm not able to scorinate results until tonight, when I've returned to my own house. Scores will have to be delayed until then (I'm sending this message through my phone. It costs me a lot of money, Bah.). I presume that scorination will follow around 10 GMT.

by **Cassadaigua** » Sun Sep 05, 2010 5:19 am

Shannon’s Space

So now the fun starts, it’s time for the round of sixteen, and this is where history is made. There will be one nation who hoists the World Cup in the ultimate victory, but they will not be the only team that will leave either Cafundeu or Nethertopia feeling a sense of accomplishment. Look at us in World Cup 49, when we made the quarterfinal. That was a building block to our future success. Look at The Babbage Islands in World Cup 50, or Courtney Ferguson and her Nethertopian side four years ago. The media hysteria will say that only one nation will walk away happy, but that’s not really true, in the long run. Only one nation gets the trophy, but others will have something that they can build off of. Obviously, when I talk about that, I am referring more to the up and coming nations then our own predicament. We want to make our own World history, and be the first team to win three in a row. No other result will have us calling this a success, even though I will tell you this: we are all having a blast. Nethertopia is indeed a great place to be, and that’s not just a kiss up job to the host nation. This is where, as you know, Cassadagan legend Courtney Ferguson, played the majority of her club career, and is with their national team, a side that has there own legitimate visions of winning the Cup. We haven’t had a ton of time to hang out with Courtney, as she is obviously focused on winning the Cup for her adopted nation, but she did take the time to give us some information about places to see and things to do while we were here. It’s allowed us to see what this nation has to offer, and I always try to enjoy the cultural aspects of a nation while I am on the road. It’s one of those added benefits of being on the national team that you will not hear talked about all that much. The Nethertopians have been very cordial to us. I can’t say they are rooting for us because this is a smart bunch who realizes that their own chances are better with us not in the bracket, but they’ve been a respectful and pleasant bunch, because they know a Cassadagan has a big part in the rise of their own national program.

I feel that we are in great form heading into our match with Krytenia following the 4-0 win over Kelssek. There are not many nations that we can say we want revenge on, but the Aces are one of them, having beaten us in the final of the Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy. It’s a result that will give them confidence that they can do it again, and all the reminder that we need as to them being capable of beating us. Though seriously, at this stage anyone can beat anyone. We have seen wild results in the knockout round before, and it will happen again. The only question is who will be the big dog that goes home early, and who will have the cinderella run. On a less serious note, in my last blog, I asked for some suggestion for some team nicknames, and you all did not disappointment in terms of me getting them. A few I liked, but one that stands out a little bit is the Vixens. What ya think? Well that will conclude my blog for now, hopefully I have more happy news following the Krytenia match! I hope to see you here but if not, root for us loud at home!

by **Nethertopia** » Sun Sep 05, 2010 2:28 pm

At last, at last! An RP cut-off!

by **Bostopia** » Sun Sep 05, 2010 3:32 pm

OOPS, WE DID IT AGAIN

No-one sure what that means, thinks it could lead to a catchy record

Bostopia have defied expectations again, qualifying with a won 1, drew 1, lost 1 record for the second time, following an epic 4 – 3 victory over Tyrrin. The full time whistle lead to jubilant scenes in Fort Boston, where fans danced long into the night. In Caflin, scenes were helped by Landsberg distributing free beer to those partying in the city centre.

Bostopia now go on the face joint-hosts Nethertopia, in a match which will be broadcasted in a very unique style. New Fenton officials are planning on erecting two giant tv screens on the border, one facing toward New Fenton and the other Nethertopia. They're hoping that some Nethertopians turn up to watch the match and provide a rival atmosphere from the other side of the divide. The officials say that the prospects for this are actually looking up, though expect some New Fentonian fans to support Nethertopia from their side of the border.

Fortunately, Bostopia and Nethertopia have a friendly rivalry and there is much mutual respect and appreciation between the two nations, so whoever goes through will find themselves supported – still, we hope – by those back home.

by **Schiavonia** » Sun Sep 05, 2010 3:48 pm

The Schiavone team returned the matter of yards from Nethertopia to their island after sufferring a 2-1 defeat against Sargossa that meant that they were out of the World Cup. And had lost the golden dummy, too.

But while the frustration could be seen on Kenny Sanderson's face, the team didn't look too fussed. One of them spoke up.

It was Kenny Sanderson V.

"Dad."

"Son."

"You know this football?"

"Yes."

"Well..." he looked confused.

"What is it?"

"To be quite honest, I'm a bit bored of it."

"Oh."

Another voice came out of the bunch. "Me too."

"And me."

"Dad." Young Kenny told his father, "The truth is, I'm twenty-two now. I've been playing football non-stop for ten years now. We all have. And, to be honest, it's getting a bit dull now."

"Dull?"

"Yes, dull. We all agree. None of us have had proper childhoods. All we do is play football, to varying degrees of success."

"So you fancy a break?"

"I guess."

"Well, I guess we can do that. The rankings will take a hit though..."

"To be honest, that's no big deal. Anyway, surely it would be terribly un-Schiavone to do anything else."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, that's the other thing. We hear all the time about how Schiavones are supposed to be friendly and welcoming to everyone."

"Yes?"

"Well, how can we be friendly to people we're competing against? Surely winning at sport is as un-Schiavone as it gets?"

"Well..."

"So why do we compete?"

"Well, it's just so people know we're here."

"But why don't we just go around helping people out without trying to make them annoyed or upset or angry or even just mildly frustrated."

"And how do we do that?"

"Stop playing sports."

"And do what?"

"We can go and see the world properly. And with our new found moving island, we don't even have to pay for it."

"Well..."

The island's leader pondered for a minute.

"I suppose it makes perfect sense to me. Where do you want to go?"

"How about Jeruselem? I've heard the girls are good there!"

"What about the men?" shouted commentator Laurie Jones.

"Well, I'm sure there'll be some of them, too!"

And so the island drifted off towards the sunset, their only limits being hteir minds and the width of the waterways. The voices began to fade away...

"What about errinunera? That always sounded like a beautiful country?"

"Is it still there any more?"

"No idea."

"What about Cafundéu?"

"For more of the World Cup?"

"I thought we were getting away from the whole sports thing."

"Maybe we could see if Rejistania moves, too."

"It's been there for hundreds of years. And it's a bit big."

"We could co to Sarzonia and live of their time! We could live for centuries!"

"Or Valanora. Don't they live for centuries?"

"They're elves, Al."

"That always confused me."

"Let's just see where we end up, yeah."

"OK! Let's go!!!"

by **Sarzonia** » Sun Sep 05, 2010 4:16 pm

ISPN

Breaking down the Round of 16

Now that the group stage has completed, we'll take a look at the 16 teams whose dreams of hosting the World Cup trophy aloft are still going, along with our projections of where we see the tournament heading. At least to the Round of 8.

Please note that the number preceding the nation's name signifies their post-qualifying KPB ranks. The numbers in parentheses after the nation's name signify the number of KPB points they have.

As always, these projections are for entertainment purposes only and should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wager. Because if you actually bet on these matches, you're one lonely, pathetic soul who probably lives in his mother's basement and jacks off to 20-year-old pictures of Demi Moore. But I digress.

Nethertopia Region
7. Nethertopia (36.72) v. 34. Bostopia (21.32), National Stadium Nethertopia, Stoedt
In brief: Nethertopia have looked impressive in their first World Cup as hosts, winning Group A with a record of 2-1-0. Their only hiccup along the way during the proper was a 1-1 draw against a Septentrionia side that now makes its way home. For Bostopia, they needed to defeat Tyrrin on the final matchday to qualify and did so in a 4-3 thriller. Their 1-1-1 record could at least be partly excused by having two-time defending champions Cassadaigua in their group.
What we think: With Nethertopia playing in their national stadium and Bostopia needing to win to qualify for the knockouts, we think the Cinderfella team's clock will strike midnight here. Nethertopia 4-1 Bostopia

3. The Babbage Islands (44.37) v. 32. Sargossa (23.14), The Castle, Stoedt
In brief: The Babbage Islands narrowly won Group C over Pays de Horreur owing to a goalless draw against a Starblaydia side that has been sent packing. Sargossa have given a good account of themselves in spite of a 5-2 shellacking Sorthern Northland dealt them.
What we think: This match has all the potential for a shock upset on the part of the Corsairs, but Ganz Ijak is too strong a manager to just let Sargossa take them by surprise. The Babbage Islands 2-1 Sargossa AET

1. Cassadaigua (59.19) v. 26. Krytenia (26.24), Home of the Dragon, Tenderville
In brief: Not surprisingly, the hardest task for the world No. 1 Dagans has been trying to find a suitable nickname. They were the dominant team in the Nethertopia region with their 4-0 victory over Kelssek providing an exclamation point. We hear there's a possibility that two-time failed manager Jamie Kuu might become the Aces manager. Are you fucking serious?
What we think: We think Krytenia's current manager ought to stay in his position. Facing the Dagans in the Round of 16 is not a recipe for success for any team the way they've played the past two World Cups. Cassadaigua 3-0 Krytenia

5. Sorthern Northland (37.24) v. 11. Pays de Horreur (26.24), Falcon Stadium, Peregrinus City
In brief: Sorthern Northland only have a meaningless loss to Queer Poco el Mono Ara to blemish their group stage run as champions of Group D. Pays de Horreur have shown themselves to be a team on the upswing after consecutive trips to the proper. They sent Starblaydia home with a 2-1 victory that made many Stars supporters happy.
What we think: Even an 11-point gap in KPB rankings doesn't necessarily guarantee anything. We think Sorthern Northland are still too strong for Pays de Horreur, but we think the criminals can still pull off an upset. Sorthern Northland 1-3 Pays de Horreur

Cafundéu Region
13. The Han Empire (31.89) v. 4 The Holy Empire (40.24), Praça Maior, Cafundó do Juta
In brief: The Han must be relieved to not have Valanora as a potential quarterfinals opponent yet again, as the elves are seemingly their bogey team. They won all three group stage matches en route to the knockout rounds, making them just one of three teams to do so (Cassadaigua and Sarzonia are the others). The Holy Empire have struggled a bit since losing the World Cup 49 final to Candelaria And Marquez, having been knocked out in the Round of 16 in consecutive World Cups. They squeaked through with a 2-2 draw against our Cyanea neighbours Delaclava and lost out on the total goals scored tiebreaker.
What we think: The Han have shown much too strong a form of late, and The Holy Empire's recent history does not suggest they'll make a deep run in this World Cup. The Han Empire 3-0 The Holy Empire

8. Sarzonia (36.26) v. 37. Aguazul (19.61), Vale do Imperador, Haja Coração
Franz Braddock has managed like a man who still has a lot to prove. After his Sarzonian national team lapped the field to qualify easily, the team stumbled mightily in the Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy and in post-qualifying friendlies. In Sarzonian minds, the MSMT is every bit as important as the World Cup, and they played like a team determined to atone for their two losses, finishing as the most dominant Cafundéu Region team in Braddock's old stomping grounds. Meanwhile, Aguazul needed a win and help from world No. 2 Valanora to go through and got just that.
What we think: We get the sense that Aguazul might be happy to just be here. It is just their second trip to the proper and their first trip to the knockout rounds. Meanwhile, Sarzonia will be seeking to atone not just for their fourth place finish in the MSMT, but for consecutive Round of 16 flameouts after qualifying for the semifinals two consecutive times. Sarzonia 2-0 Aguazul

19. Delaclava (28.48) v. 21. Cafundéu (27.47), Parque Aquário, Submiria
In brief: Yes, we barely kept ourselves from bolding Delaclava's name too. The Phoenixes have made the most of their two trips to the World Cup, qualifying for the knockouts in back-to-back trips. However, they face the toughest matchup of any "favourite", going against the host nation in what is statistically the most evenly matched Round of 16 fixture. Delaclava got just what they needed to qualify as Group F champions, while Cafundéu squeezed by Vephrall as the second place team from Group E.
What we think: Were this on neutral ground, we'd say it was too close to call. With the match being played in Cafundéu's home territory, we suspect that will favour the Monopolists, even though we know Sarzonians everywhere hope the opposite is true. Delaclava 1-3 Cafundéu

2. Valanora (50.92) v. 10. Jeru FC (34.05), Obelisco Monumental, Lasft
In brief: Valanora are no surprise as Group H winners. What is a surprise is how close they came to being the runners up. They have a head-to-head result against Aguazul to thank for their match against Jeru FC instead of the Stars. Meanwhile, Jeru FC cruised into the knockout rounds courtesy of a 1-0 victory over an overmatched Valladares side. Their goal differential is even due in large part to a 4-1 rout at the hands of a Sarzonia team determined to prove critics wrong.
What we think: Much as we hate to say it, Valanora are a team that you must respect no matter who you are or where you face them in the knockout rounds. Having said that, Jeru FC aren't exactly slouches either. If Jeruselem could knock off the Marauders, so can Jeru FC. Not that we think it will happen, mind you, but the potential is there. Valanora 3-2 Jeru FC

So there you have it. Our breakdown of the 16 remaining teams in the World Cup. Remember: We're the only media outlet in Sarzonia with enough balls to make a prediction favouring our country. We know the chicken shits at The Woodstock Daily Mail wouldn't even predict the match. And as for The Portland Press-Herald, I just got a parakeet, so I need something to line our bird cage with.

by **Delaclava** » Sun Sep 05, 2010 5:19 pm

DNBSports.com

Caling: Germaine "will bring future for Delaclava"

Delaclava Football Association President and Delaclava Olympic Committee member Christian Caling said in an interview that assistant manager of Delaclava and manager of Catherina FC Michelle Germaine "will bring the future for the Delaclava national football team".

Caling said, "Nolan Wright was good for getting Delaclava on the map and getting us off to a good start. Anatoliy Titov got us to qualify, and that was great for our country and for our association. But now we have to look past qualifying and aim for perennial success, maybe even titles, and Michelle Germaine is well able to do that."

Germaine, at the young age of 23, became the first woman to play in the Delaclava Premier League when she played for Catherina FC in the midfield. She was the Rookie of the Year for that season, won two Midfield of the Year awards, and once took the Most Valuable Player award. After eight titles in five years and ten seasons, Germaine was involved in a horrific car accident that left her with only one leg, and her stellar career seemed over. However, after more than three years of rehabilitation, struggle, and determination, Germaine finally rejoined Catherina FC to become the first amputee ever to play in the DPL. After a few more successful years, Germaine hung up her cleats at the age of 34 to spend more time with her family.

However, she wasn't out of the game there. She was the strength and conditioning coach for Catherina FC for three years until moving to the young, up-and-coming Jasmine Island Peacocks. She led the Jasmine Island Peacocks to win the Silver League and earn entry into the DPL, where they then finished second and moved up to the Cyanea Joint League, marking just the second time in Delaclava domestic football that a team was promoted twice in two seasons. The Peacocks didn't last long in the CJL, and she was sacked after the team was relegated, but an opening appeared on three-time defending champion Catherina FC's staff, and she has returned to her former team in hopes of winning the team a fourth title.

When asked if Titov was on his way out, Caling said, "Nothing's for sure yet. TItov's been important, as well as his assistants Sergio Torresmo and Eduardo Monte. It all depends on what happens this cup. It largely depends on what Titov does in the remainder of this cup."

About Wright and Szymon Dabrowski, Caling said, "They're question marks. No doubt they've been essential, but they've been here since we got on the international scene and maybe it's time to let go of the past."

When asked about other possible coaches for the future, the DFA head honcho said, "Alessandro Berrera's a possibility. I know for sure he won't want to hang it up until he's got a World Cup title, but even if he keeps playing I could envision him in a player-manager role. Hans Ullrich's done wonderful things with Steckholl United, and maybe it's time that we test him on the world stage. There are a lot of young coaches I like in colleges and in the lower leagues, but we'll have to see how they develop."

Meanwhile, Delaclava is in the Round of 16 again after tying Jeruselem 2-2, defeating Secristan 3-2, and drawing with The Holy Empire 2-2. It largely resembled their World Cup 51 group stage: beating one team at the last second, tying another in similar fashion, and then drawing with The Holy Empire to secure a spot in the next round.

In the Jeruselem match, Delaclava played down two goals for 70 minutes, as well as a man down after Geraldo Ayala received a questionable, and probably very racially influenced red card from the Gruenberg referee Jam-Jar Poobert Flange. However, Alessandro Campeon Berrera dodged four defenders and hooked it from the top of the 18 into the upper 90 to record his seventh World Cup goal, and Ruben Hester defeated the purpose of the corner kick by hooking it in all by himself.

Against Secristan, Delaclava surprisingly went up 3-0 in the first half on goals from Calvin Castillo, Ayala, and Simon De Braden. From there, the back line, who was missing both Calvin Pope and Lucio Magnani due to injury, let up, allowed two goals and looked poised to blow the lead until they caught a break; Sheldon Berrera bicycled the ball out of the net, but it seemed to be too late, but 58-year-old Tyrrinian referee Hank Marcellus missed the goal. While this raised some questions about age limits for World Cup refereeing, and no doubt brought about a lawsuit or two, Delaclava came away with the win.

Against The Holy Empire, Delaclava went down 2-0 before Simon De Braden scored two goals to earn the second draw against The Holy Empire and the second of this cup. In the end, Jeruselem and Secristan tied, meaning Delaclava would have advance anyway, but scraping away with that one point did hand the psychedelic Phoenixes the group title.

And more déjà vu is to come. Once again, Delaclava has drawn the hosts in the next round, this time Cafundeu. Other history - such as the fact that Delaclava has never beaten the Monopolists, have only drawn once, and the fact that Cafundeu handed Delaclava their worst loss of all time - and the fact that the Monopolists are on their home turf would suggest that the Cafundelese walk away this one easily, and that's what early media reports are predicting as well. But Delaclava scratched a come-from-behind victory against Septentrionia in the last edition's round of 16 on host soil, so maybe a repeat of that performance is coming. Should Delaclava pull the upset, they may just get the chance to avenge their quarterfinal loss against Valanora, in the same round. After an extra time heartbreaker, no one wants to lose to the elves again. And getting a chance to face Cyanea neighbors Sarzonia (if they hold up their end of the bargain and win two matches) is extra incentive.

On one final note, Delaclava will get their first spot in the World Cup Hall of Fame after the World Cup 53 qualifying campaign. Early polls suggest that Alessandro Campeon Berrera is the favorite to take the spot. Other possibilities are Nolan Wright, Stanley Ichtyelkov, Graham Torres, and Anatoliy Titov. At this point, methods of choosing the spot have not been made official, so it's all speculation at this point.

The Delaclava-Cafundeu match will be televised in HD on DNBS 1, as well as pregame and postgame reports. The other seven games will also be shown in their entirety and live by various channels.

by **Daehanjeiguk** » Sun Sep 05, 2010 7:36 pm

***GYEONGJU***

The Emperor sat across from the tightly-suited executive. In contrast, the Emperor wore only what was necessary for his rank - a red silk vest covering white robes. He also had a black cap, typical of the olden-yore nobility. This was his working costume. Outside, the heavens were pouring their wealth upon the streets of the new capital. And the reason why both men were in the room amidst the tempest was some startling news earlier.

"So, Mr. Jeon... there is a genetic basis for the Imperial family?" the Emperor asked.

"Not really," Mr. Jeon replied. He fixed his glasses, as if to adjust them from an awkward pose. "What researchers have discovered from the exhumation of the Emperor Gojong's histological samples for STR genotype analysis is merely a genetic basis for identify relatives of the family. Analysis of the Y-chromosome - the male-gender determining chromosome - markers revealed the existence of nearly uniform haplotypes. We traced a number of these haplotypes and found that haplotypes from the Emperor Gojong's genetic sample carried through the 350 individuals from our random sample of the population."

"Alright, so what is the basic minimum conclusion that you could make about these 350 individuals in relation to the Imperial family?"

"They are paternal descendants from the male lineage of the Emperor Gojong," Mr. Jeon answered. It was a simple answer, yet even that could have profound effects for the Empire's stability.

"Is no manner that could refine this definition?" the Emperor asked. "After all, it would not be good if the Imperial throne had contenders from 350 different individuals."

"Well, we've been conducting STR genealogy tests on those 350 samples. So far, these tests have yielded no new results. I can say that at the present, we have sufficient data to calculate with 96% certainty that an individual is not included in the subset of individuals that are direct descendants of the Emperor Gojong. 96% certainty because there is always the confluence of random unrelated individuals combining their alleles to generate similar genotype profiles. At this rate, we will be able to exclude about 300 of the individuals as real descendants of the Imperial family, since the Emperor Gojong at least."

"Right." The Emperor nodded as he listened. "Would it be possible for Dusan to generate a working definition of the Imperial family using genetic profiles?"

Mr. Jeon was immediately shocked at that sort of proposal. "Sire, I suppose it is possible, but would you risk such a thing?"

"I have my reasons, Mr. Jeon. Least of all, you'll notice that I am single. More importantly, without child. I anticipate having an heir in the long term, but I want a guarantee policy. I want Dusan to establish the genealogy of the Imperial Family from the Emperor Gojong and generate an order of succession using rules of primogeniture. Find me the closet living relative."

"Sire, that might be more difficult than it seems. To do that, we'd need to develop an in-depth pedigree, and do you realize how many children the Emperor Gojong had?"

The Emperor shrugged. "I will meet with you in two weeks to determine if you have made adequate progress. I expect a working chart."

"Sire..." Mr. Jeon was speechless. "This... is... altogether great, but all the same reckless. Did you not ask your ministers for consultation? This will take a good number of years to finish."

"Mr. Jeon... would that stop a good businessman as yourself from satisfying a lucrative contract?"

*** DINOSAURS 'N' AWESOME ***

"We just got another order!" the Supervisor roared on the intercom. Both Wang and Hwang cringed as they glanced at the Supervisor, standing next to the microphone. "We're all in the same room, you know," Wang said.

"Right. So we just got another order."

"Alright?"

"The Bostopian Armed Forces have submitted an order for 1093 ankylosaurs, a.k.a. the 'dino-tank'."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Since when were we a weapons development company?"

The Supervisor heaved a sigh and put his arm around Wang's shoulder. "Wang... you will discover in a few years that everything is designed for weapons development. We're just being a little more discrete than other companies without being totally discrete. I mean, look at it. It's a dinosaur. So it's a biology project. But it's armor-plated. So it's a good defensive vehicle. But it's also got that huge club on the end of its tail. So it's a anti-personnel, anti-vehicle, anti-tank weapon. You see, everything about this thing is totally ambiguous. Who knows? Maybe Bostopia will use them for little puppy-dog walks around the park. You know they have a huge park with bunches of statues, so it's nothing totally alarming."

"What if they decide to invade Sorthern Northland? Or worse, Nethertopia?"

"They wouldn't dream to invade Nethertopia again. There's that treaty between the Han and Bostopia concerning that now."

"But with these dino-tanks... who could stop them?"

"We could just create some pterosaurs to dive bomb the ankylosaurs."

"But wouldn't creating weapons for a foreign government be considered... treasonous?"

"You worry too much," the Supervisor said. "And just for the record, we're not creating these weapons for foreign governments, but for everyone. If the Imperial Government sees it fit to buy some dinosaurs, we'll provide some for them just as easily."

"I don't know," Hwang then said, providing his little input. "I just think that cloning dinosaurs might be upsetting the ecological balance in the world. After all, these thing have been dead for millions of years, so there's really no niche for these creatures, either to eat or be eaten."

"Then why are you working for a company that clones them?"

"Meh, I'm not too picky of a worker. As long as I've got my rice and kim-chi at the end of the day."

Just then, Ju-Ju became all jittery. "Electrons, dust stirring... there's a fax coming."

"Well, now that's just ridiculous."

After the Supervisor's remark, the fax machine buzzed to life, and a few moments later, the fax sheet printed out. The Supervisor went over to pick up the sheet. "Wow. We've got another order for dino-tanks."

"Okay... besides Bostopia, just who would buy dino-tanks?"

*** AGUAZUL ***

The Always Right Bautista Texidor looked at the contract order in utter disbelief before turning to those present in the room. "Dígame... ¿Quién autorizó un contrato para estos... abominaciones?"

MBC Sports

And Date Set With Ugh

ABADIA - It was a return to Arena América amidst the aftermath of the 1-nil win over Cafundéu. And unlike then, when the Han were just as happy to defend in depth, the Han turned on the attack, with Kim Ha-Run once again featuring strongly for the Han. Albundania, in contrast, were looking for a way into the next round, with a win doing well to win them that chance. That chance fell flat once Kim Il-Tae netted his first after just four minutes. Kim Ha-Run provided the ball into the box, and Kim Il-Tae could not miss the chance from point-blank range.

Kim Ha-Run had the chance to score the next goal just minutes later, but his shot hit the post, creating a dent that the pitch managers fixed over the interval. Kim Ha-Run would eventually get his chance after the first half ended with Albundania performing admirably on damage control. Shortly after the interval, they in fact equalized through Raul Ibanez's free floating free-kick from outside the box. It was doubtless that Yi Mi-Tae could have saved if she even made the effort, so precise was the shot that most people in the stadium had to wait a few seconds before recognizing that the players were celebrating. It was a deserved equalizer for Albundania, but it would not last long, with the Han pressing for the attack every moment. Kim Ha-Run finally got his breakthrough with another daring curling shot from outside the box. The shot in fact stung Kellogg's gloves with such a force that the keeper needed to change his gloves. And with the game going out 2-1, An Pil-Rip replied to Ibanez's free kick with his own clinical free kick, which curled around the wall and into the corner space between Kellogg and the near post, seemingly defying the laws of physics.

And the match ended 3-1, not quite what the Han would have wanted, but certainly enough to win the group over Cafundéu, who drew Vephrall in an enthralling 3-3 draw. It was certainly the attacking flair that Cafundelense supporters wanted, but the result must surely be a great disappointment for the home crowd. Nonetheless, emerging from Group E is a good result, and they'll look for continued support in their quest to claim the title at home. Surprisingly, the Han will not face the Vanorians in the quarterfinals this time around, even if we wanted to try. Even though Valanora finished out their group with two wins, their own place in the Second Round was in jeopardy after losing to West Zirconia. In the end, they managed edge out a first place finish on H2H over Aguazul, while West Zirconia will miss out on their Second Round appearance.

The Han, for their part, will have a weird route to the Final match, with the Holy Empire standing in their way on this occasion. Oddly, the Han have a long history with the teams from the Dreamed Realm, having faced the Holy Empire no less than three times in the World Cup. Curiously, the Han remain undefeated against the Holy Empire outside of the group stage, recording 1-nil wins over the oddly teams from the Dreamed Realm on both occasions. But one chief advantage to the Holy Empire is their stupendous habit of fronting random teams. This one appears to be a concoction of questionably sane people, least of all, a whore of whores that would put them Dallas girls of Jeruselem to shame. But if we were to emphasize everything about that one harlot, we'd be missing the depressing giant in goal. Moreover, the Duke who likes art might be wowed by the cubist impressions of their monolithic coach (no, not that one...). Curiously, among those Starblaydi chaps left in the World Cup, both will be off the field and facing each other in this match.

Indeed, there is much to perceive from this preview. But if there is to be gained one major advantage, Kim Ha-Run will have a good number of the crowd on his side, playing at his club home stadium. Moreover, former Cafundó do Juta striker Jeong Ji-Hun (still with the club as a coach now) has given many fans at the capital a reason to want to support the Han. But with even pundits from Sarzonia pitting the Han over the Holy Empire, Lii Chong-Sun will be keen to avoid the one thing that seems to hurt the Han more so than anything else. "This team cannot become complacent," he said to reporters, asking about the chances of the Han. "If we have learned any lessons from the past two World Cups, complacency is our worst enemy. The Holy Empire is a great team, coached by great managers. I have no doubts that they will press us to our limits. If we are to succeed, we must not rest upon our laurels and win the match on the field." He went to say that it was "good" that the Han won all of their group stage matches. "Winning creates confidence in the players. But again, we must not let our confidence lead to complacency. We know that we have great players. We can play great football. We can beat any team on the field." And as if we needed to be reminded... "We can also play horrible football. We can also lose to any team on the field. We've got to bring our best team to every match to win it. That's key."

And so, we are once again at this stage. Having missed the Second Round for the past two editions, the Han look set for a chance to repeat their World Cup 46 heroics and actually win the World Cup. Unfortunately, beyond the Holy Empire, the Vanorians will not be waiting for us. Instead, it will be a mix between Sarzonia and Aguazul. Both teams are likely to pose a serious challenge to the Han, but Sarzonia will be certainly the more threatening of the two. Beat past them, and it will be the Semifinals, where a meeting with the Vanorians may be waiting for us. If they get there. There will be a number of other teams begging for the chance, including the hosts. But if we can survive the trip to the Semifinals, who knows what may await us in the Final?

Can we please start inflating our expectations?

Goal Scorers -
Site Under Construction

AFF Goal Scorers
2 - Kim Il-Tae
1 - Kim Ha-Run, Song Ahn-Ji, Yi Kwan-Wan

Comment on this post:
[] Excellent! - [] Great! - [] Okay - [] Horrible - [] Appalling - []ROLFLOLWMTIBITOL! - [] WTF? - [] orly? - [] tl;dr[/quote]

by **Jeru FC** » Sun Sep 05, 2010 8:24 pm

Jeru FC coach Ailill Ó Riagáin and keeper Pumpkin Head at training ...

Pumpkin: Coach! There's some Elves coming over to spy on us.
Ailill: Really? Where? We don't need Elves from Valanora spying on us. Not they'll learn anything.
Pumpkin: Look one of them looks like Dazza Dallas!
Ailill: You idiot, those aren't Elves.
Pumpkin: Oh, but they are female and short and good looking.
Ailill: Those are Dallas girls.
Pumpkin: Oh yes ...
Ailill: You're definitely got memory issues.
Pumpkin: It's not my fault I was born stupid.
Ailill: No, you're stupid by choice.
Pumpkin: Really
Ailill: Never mind.
Sam: Hello!
Helena: Hello boys.
Ailill: Pumpkin Head thinks you're both Elves.
Sam: Well, he didn't say we're drawfs at least.
Helena: Yes, we aren't short and stumpy.
Ailill: Bad luck to the Jeruselem team there.
Sam: Well, if Jeruselem had won - 4 points but the Rainbows and Holy Weirdos drew giving them 5 points. We needed one of them to lose anyway.
Ailill: Jeruselem did beat the Elves in Jeruselem, we need to beat them now.
Helena: The secret is to unsettle them. They don't like being roughed up and don't like very close attention.
Sam: You mean, one-on-one play all game.
Helena: Yes, give them no time to play ... no time to plan ... no time to think.
Ailill: That's going to be hard, our players ... are really lazy bastards.
Pumpkin: We're not LAZY! We're err ... efficient ...
Helena: No, you lot slack off sometimes. That's why you lost 4-1 to Sarzonia.
Ailill: Yes, we lost to them beat we were too lazy. We didn't push them hard enough and they jumped all over us.
Sam: And you, you're the worst keeper in the finals.
Pumpkin: I just get distracted easily.
Ailill: We'll be fine as long as girls don't distract him.
Sam: There are a few girls in the Valanora team but it's mostly male.
Ailill: See, we'll be fine.
Helena: What about our fans. Since we're out, we'll be having Jeru FC and Jeruselem fans at the game. And most travelling Jeruselem fans are female.
Pumpkin: I'll be fine, I'm short sighted.
Ailill: Don't worry about us. The boys are really to fire up and win.
Pumpkin: Those real?
Sam: Who you talking to?
Pumpkin: Oh, the Princess. I've seen yours.
Helena: Oh course they are. No plastic in me. 100% geniune Dallas here.
Pumpkin: Can't be, too perfect.
Helena: Hey, you're talking to a Dazza Dallas here.
Ailill: Come on Pumpkin, she's the real thing.
Pumpkin: I suppose.
Sam: See, he's already distracted and we have clothes on.
Helena: How do you work with people like this?
Ailill: Just give them lot of beer. You're welcome to hang around here.
Sam: And do what?
Pumpkin: Sit around naked?
Helena: Gee, you lot are bored.
Ailill: He's just that way.
Sam: We'll do it if we can sit in the shade and drink wine.
Ailill: I can arrange that, no problems with the wine.
Helena: Just no touching, looking only.

by **The Babbage Islands** » Sun Sep 05, 2010 10:21 pm

On to the second round for the third time, after taking care of business against the elves of Dorian and Sonya 2-0. Orson Cook put us ahead 1-0 quickly off an indirect free kick--he tapped it to me, I tapped it back and he ripped a scorching long shot that found the gap. Jenifer Jervis added the second goal in the 40th for a two-goal lead. After that we simply made sure the Mystical Unicorns didn't work any magic to get back in it.

Since Starblaydia fell to Pays de Horreur, we also claimed top honours in Group C. Our next opponent will be Group D runners-up Sargossa. And our focus will be, must be on how to beat Martin Tejera, the keeper for Sargossa and for Dunboor FC. Tejera has over 130 appearances for his country, and their best chance comes if he is having a great match.

This is where sending some of our top Babbage players around the world pays off. Jerry Kirkpatrick plays with Tejera at Dunboor, and he had some observations about how Dunboor sets the defence in front of him. He thinks there's a weakness that we might be able to exploit -- and no, I'm not going to blab it here. Let's just say that Orson Cook and Jason Olson, both of whom try to score on him in regular first-division play, agreed in public and had their heads together with the rest of the front four and alternates later.

By the way, I think Jerry, Matt Chauvin, and the rest of the defenders have really stepped up for us this Cup cycle. Our offense has gotten most of the press for a long time, and we still score bunches of goals. But our defence has yielded less than one goal per match over 29 matches (including the Sarzo), and that's a remarkable improvement. Matt has grown tremendously at Tyrrin Royale, Jerry still has his Gold Ball, and Ronald Dennis went from Premier League Rookie of the Year to a near-lock on first team All-Star status.

Magnus Svoboda's legacy lives on. Not only is the deceased star still polling second for a World Cup Hall of Fame nomination, but his 14-year-old son Glen Svoboda has signed a professional contract. In the Premier League, no less, with his dad's (and my) old club Dover City. The kid's a striker with great leaping ability and no fear. City are loaning him for a year to Zarahemla All-Sport, one of the four expansion clubs from a couple of seasons back. All-Sport just promoted to Second Series, they need a bit more attack, and Glen will get a lot more playing time and attention there. I think Melody must really be proud of her oldest boy.

Finally, Ganz Ijak confirmed that he expects to return as manager for one more World Cup cycle. "I'm not too old for this yet," he said. FFB general secretary Richard Valdemar also announced that the federation seek a new first assistant manager and possibly another assistant as some of Ganz's staff move on or retire. I figure you can substitute "heir-apparent" for "first assistant manager" and not be far off the mark.

Smile!

by **Cafundeu** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 12:44 am

LINHA DE FUNDO – THE DAILY FOOTBALL NEWSPAPER
The number one source for football news in Cafundéu... or at least we believe we are

World Cup 52 – full coverage
article written by Sérgio Abergen, with comments from TV live broadcasts, and interviews by reporter Oséas Coutti

MONOPOLISTS SUFFER, BUT PROCEED

Marco Aurélio in the moment he scored the third goal of Cafundéu

In the first two matchdays of the World Cup being played in Cafundéu, everything went on like the predicted by following the theories for the Monopolists. In the opening game of the Cafundelense region, they could defeat Albundania and take the first three points in a must-win match. In the second, even with all the support from the fans there in the Arena América, the Monopolists failed to conquer a point against Daehanjeiguk, even if they didn't play a really good match and that perhaps the fairest result would have been a draw. So, with these two scores, Cafundéu reached the third game of the group stage in a typical situation: playing to decide the qualification for the next round, and against the direct opponent in the dispute. In this case, the advantage of the draw would be with Cafundéu, and the other match would have no influence on the advancement of the host country to the next round... though it could give the Cafundelenses the first place of Group E.

But no one was putting much worry on the match going on in Abadia, honestly. The entire focus was on what was going on at the Obelisco Monumental. Vephrall was not an easy opponent to beat, and the Monopolists would have to make a great performance in order to clinch the qualification to the second round. First or second, it didn't mean much, especially because the odds in Group F were pointing out to a real possibility that their first seed, The Holy Empire, would end playing the first placed of the hosts' group. And once again the stadium filled with anxious supporters, who were literally praying to see the team escape the fate of World Cup 48, when the Monopolists disappointed all Cafundelenses at home. And the game had some ups and downs, though for most of the time things seemed really positive... ending with a worrying note that will be carried on to the next match.

THE FIRST HALF: once again the duel involved in the match involved two very offensive teams. And, adding the point that the qualification for the oitavas was at stake, of course the game ended being very open, with the sides attempting to create good offensive opportunities at every time. And, unlike what happened against Daehanjeiguk, this time both of the involved teams managed to fulfil this objective. One attack was countered by another good move that nearly reached the goal, and at this rate one team hit the other, only to be hit right after with similar force. For the fans, the match then brought sensations of both excitement and nervousness. The first because this gave quality to the event, making it an enjoyable one. And the second because the result was never guaranteed, leaving space for worry and anxiety.

And this offensive football played by both Vephrall and Cafundéu resulted in an early goal, probably an event that few expected to happen. The belief of most experts was that, even though both sides would attack since the beginning, they would take some time to really pierce the opponent's defensive line to breach and finally score. But what happened was that a Cafundelense attack left the defence really weakened. Betinho lost the ball still on midfield, and a powerfull Vephrese counter had its start. Meniarol found his way to make a good pass to Pipletone, who found himself alone on the right wing, able to enter the area and easily shoot past the goalkeeper Melkezedeck to score. Even after the goal, the Vephrese didn't stop, and were close to score the second. Luckily the Monopolist defence started to correct its mistakes, and the tides began to change.

Close to the twentieth minute, Cafundéu was already showing signs of improvement, and begun to dominate the offensive moves, hardly allowing Vephrall to produce dangerous counterattacks. And, after a sequence of strong attacks, even with Lewton hitting the bar once with a shot, the Cafundelenses finally scored the first. Marco Aurélio received the ball on the midfield, ran to the right wing and crossed the ball right on the head of Gutiérrez, who didn't even have to jump in order to score the goal. And the Monopolists proved right after that they were really in an excellent moment in the match: two minutes after, it was time for Lewton to find Rosário inside the area with a pass. The attacker dribbled Irupe and sent the ball to the open goal. More attacks followed the two goals, but Vephrall resisted hard the pressure and avoided more goals before halftime.

BRENO GAVIÃO'S MOMENT 1 (Rosário's goal): “And now all is equal, with Cafundéu now taking the drrrrraw that currrrrrrrently gives the qualification to the host countrrrrry! Of courrrrrse everrrrryone wants to send away the ghost of that horrrrrrrible campaign the last time Cafundéu hosted, and rrrrright now the team rrrrreally seems able to do this, attacking with strrrrrength. Now it's with Lewton the ball, and he manages a nice pass to Rrrrrosárrrrrio inside the arrrrrea... look, no defender was able to follow him, they'rrrrre too old to keep up with his pace, and he has only the keeper to beat... excellent drrrrribble, only touches the ball towards the... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAL! For Cafundéu! And the scorrrrrer is Rrrrrosárrrrrio, number eleven! Now Cafundéu has two, Vephrrrrrall one! Need to send your kid to a quality school wherrrrre he can stay the whole day without botherrrrring you with those child rrrrrequests? Look no furrrrrther! Penitenciárrrrria School, the top option!”

Amaral advances on the midfield

THE SECOND HALF: the one substitution made by Paul Clayton after halftime wasn't enough to change the game scenario. The good start of the Vephrese in the first half was far away from getting repeated in the second, and the Cafundelenses returned to show some control on the match when the referee whistled for the beginning of the second half. In the first minute, there was a good move in which Gutiérrez nearly scored, this time with Pinteps Sarashe saving his country by blocking the shot at the last second. But this resistance would not last long. Soon Cafundéu reached the goal again: Amaral attempted a long range shot but was blocked by the defence. Rosário got the rebound, attempted to shoot but the ball hit Ock. Then it went to Marco Aurélio who ran to control it, invading the area before shooting at the exit of the keeper and scoring for the Monopolists.

The third goal gave some relief for the Cafundelenses, with them thinking that the match was settled and that the qualification would come. That way of thinking wasn't absurd at all: after all, Cafundéu was superior in the game at that moment, and a reaction of the Vephrese wasn't really likely, as they would have to score three goals in order to qualify. The dominance of the hosts lasted for some more time, but slowly the game returned to be more balanced. The substitutions on both sides didn't heat the game, having the opposite effect: the rhythm of the match wasn't as offensive and active as in the first half, and when the last twenty minutes were reached, most people started to predict that the match would end with that scoreline, a comfortable 3x1 victory for Cafundéu even after the negative surprise at the beginning. Well, these people were wrong.

Free kick for Vephrall, close to the entrance of the area. Scunt took it, crossing the ball to the area, where a legion of players from both sides were looking towards heading it. But it was Jehoepe Izorigor who reached it first, heading it with strength and giving no chances for Melkezedeck to save it. A goal that put the Auric Wolves back into the match, with motivation to try a miracle. On the side of the Monopolists, the goal suffered didn't wake them up towards taking more care, but instead they showed a nervousness and were harmed by the pressure, being this the worry that the fans will carry on to the next match. On injury time, Vephrall took opportunity of their superiority in these last minutes to score the third, with a nice Lit Diors individual move. And luckily for Cafundéu there was no more time, or things could have gotten worse for the Monopolists. The draw, even surprising due to the circumstances, sent them to the oitavas.

BRENO GAVIÃO'S MOMENT 2 (Marco Aurélio's goal): “And now Cafundéu once again gets closer to the Vephrrrrrese arrrrrea, the defensive midfielder Amarrrrral contrrrrrolling the ball, looking for an opening. He shot, but therrrrre wasn't space and the ball hit the defence, going back to Rrrrrosárrrrrio... may trrrry a drrrrribble, but no... shoots the ball again, and it is blocked easily by Ock who was close to the Cafundelense attacker... but the ball isn't dead, is still alive inside the arrrrrea... and look at it, Marrrrrco Aurrrrrélio is the one who rrrrreaches the ball firrrrrst and quickly gets close to the goalkeeper, opposition behind him! Irrrrrupe comes to close his angle, he shoots... look at the goal, look at the goal! GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAL! For Cafundéu! Marrrrrco Aurrrrrélio, number ten! And Cafundéu now has thrrrrree goals, while Vephrrrrrall stays with one! Willing to learrrrn how to play an instrrrrrument? Visit the Latarrrrria music school, wherrrrre you can learrrrrn unique instrrrrruments like the geese guitar or the pauper skull!”

OSÉAS COUTTI – INTERVIEWS: well, we had some bad moments there in the end, and at the beginning too. This is just to show that the Cafundéu squad really has its problems, but they are currently doing their job right. And with Delaclava being our opponent in the oitavas, things seem favourable for another victory. And the coach Edgar Gastão, in his interview, seemed to agree with this view: “Yes, I am a bit disappointed that we failed to keep the victory that was built during the match, but the most important fact is that we got the qualification. So, no matter the difficulties we had, in the end we are being efficient and reaching our objectives, so I predict we will keep this line.” Marco Aurélio commented his good performance: “I believe the team played really well... well, at least until those last ten minutes. These served as lesson for us, and next time we will be prepared to not give away a lead.”

VÁLTER PALIAÚNA'S COMMENTS: Alright, let me see... a bad start, a horrible ending, but an excellent middle... basically, that was the performance of the Cafundelenses during this match against Vephrall. Oh well, why can't we have a solid and regular performance for the entirety of the match, instead having to face these ups and downs? Okay, let's talk then about the next match, against Delaclava. If we weren't playing in such an irregular way, I would consider ourselves to be already in the Wall Stage, the quarterfinals. But... we'll have to wait and see if Gastão can correct the team's errors, at least he promised several changes on the line-up. And, before I go to eat some lunch, I have some backstage news for the fans. In the match at the Parque Aquário, Cafundéu will play with its yellow-white away kit, with Delaclava also wearing its red away kit. Accordingly to the CCFM, this contributes to the media broadcast of the match, since Delaclava's home kit could produce conflicts with the Cafundelense kits.”

Vephrall on attack

CAFUNDÉU 3x3 VEPHRALL

Place: Obelisco Monumental, Lasft.
Time: 18:30 Cafundelense time (of course the same of local time).
Climate: clear, 25ºC.
Referee: Noel Rush (The Babbage Islands).
Assistants: Miranda Fleming and Kate Flavagnan (both from Cassadaigua).
Most sold product after water: chocolates.
POTM: Marco Aurélio (Cafundéu).

CAFUNDÉU: Melkezedeck; Mesquita, Nelsinho, Rodríguez and Bruno Pinto; Lewton, Amaral (Turco 69'), Marco Aurélio and Betinho (Jesus 85'); Rosário (Da Costa 72') and Gutiérrez.
Coach: Edgar Gastão.

VEPHRALL: Irupe; Sarashe, Ock and Scathock; Ellad, Meniarol, Contrope (Diors 63'), Pipletone and Taratchy (Scunt 45'); Kentisesh and P.Izorigor (J.Izorigor 77').
Coach: Paul Clayton.

Goal:CAF: Gutiérrez 25' , Rosário 27' , Marco Aurélio 59'.
VPH: Pipletone 4' , J.Izorigor 81' , Diors 91'.

Line-up for the next game: Melkezedeck; Matheus, Maurício, Rodríguez and Sanderson; Lewton, Bino, Marco Aurélio and Da Costa; Rosário and Gutiérrez.
Coach: Edgar Gastão.

Referee: Fr. Mark the Rule-Follower (The Archregimancy).

EXTRA ARTICLE - SPECIAL EDITION
THE BRENO GAVIÃO WC52 DREAM TEAM

In order to occupy themselves, some members of this newspaper decided to search in the list of players released by nations involved in the World Cup in order to create an unique Dream Team for this competition. But not one that involves the quality of the players or their performance during the competition, but instead an unique criteria: how much Breno Gavião would like to shout their names. So, following this insane idea of composing a team that would produce one of the most abysmal commentaries of world history, the reporters have reached the following seventeen names: eleven starters, five substitutes and a coach. You readers must be happy that these players do not play together, just imagine Breno commentating a game of this squad:

Starters:

GK: Aruna Traore (Queer Poco el Mono Ara) - the goalkeeper of this Dream Team, surely Breno Gavião would be excited in shouting his name after every save he made. Honestly, he would shout his name even after he controlled a ball returned to him by a team mate. And, when suffering a goal, his name would appear during the description of the goal.

DF: Doctor Renato Ribeiro (Landau Institute) - of course there is some controversy surrounding this, but Doctor Renato Ribeiro can be considered to be the second best player of this squad accordingly to the criteria used. Not only both of his names start with a "R", his surname also has two "Rs", making this really a horrible name to hear during a Breno Gavião broadcast.

DF: Armando Rodríguez (Cafundéu) - of all the players involved in this special team, this is the one people have to hear from Breno the most, due to his participation in both the Cafundelense league and the National Team as captain of the Monopolists. And that's why Breno Gavião loves to make comments about captaincy during Cafundéu games, so he can say the name of Rodríguez. Cafundéu seems to be a good source for such players... Rosário and Marco Aurélio could have reached this list.

DF: Jerry Kirkpatrick (The Babbage Islands) - this one is a loved name by Breno Gavião, especially when he is able to shout the full name of the player. Only the Kirpatrick would be enough to send him to his team, but the Jerry puts the Dunboor FC player at a new level in this squad. Is really a sounding name during Globo Multimedia broadcasts.

DF: Sheldon Berrera (Delaclava) - the second best surname of this squad, as it has three "Rs". Delaclava has many other Berreras, but this one was selected because he fitted well with the intended 4-4-2 formation. With this surname, Breno Gavião is able to shout his name for a full minute without stopping, and in consequence forcing several supporters to lose their hearing.

MF: Arron Richard (Bostopia) - a similar case of Kirpatrick, the surname would be enough to put him on the squad, but his first name makes things even more special. But he loses a few points in comparison to the defender due to the fact that the "Rs" in Arron do not sound as nice as the ones in Jerry during a Cafundelense broadcast.

MF: Deandre Rodrigo (Tyrrin) - names that start with a "R" are already great contenders to reach this list, and when they have a second "R" it is difficult to not include them. And it is impossible to not include someone with such a name and who is also from Tyrrin, a nation name that Breno Gavião loves to shout too.

MF: Adam Rodriguez (Pays de Horreur) - as you can see, one more Rodriguez to the list, this time without the accent. If we include Rodrigo too, we can notice that this name is really a popular one for Breno Gavião, and probably is the name he gave to his son... just imagine he shouting for his son to come home after he played with his friends.

MF: Kim Ha-Run (Daehanjeiguk) - and in this name Breno reaches the limits of his devotion towards shouting as many "Rs" as he can. In the name of Kim Ha-Run, he manages to transform the "H" in another "R", for the desperation of the Han supporters. What else he is going to invent? Soon a player will be called Rrrrrr-Rrr by him.

FW: Prarbens Izorigor (Vephrall) - this is a player whose name only really is worthy of making this list if we consider his first name. It is true that Breno Gavião usually only shouts the surname of the player, but we simply couldn't ignore the possibility of he shouting Prarbens... as he did in some moments of the last Vephrall match, since there are two players with that surname.

FW: Iñaki Arrigorriagakoa (Sorthern Northland) - the star of the squad. If this guy scores a goal during a Gavião broadcasts, hospitals will get filled with people having hearing problems or insanity ones. The intensity of shouting a name with two consecutives "Rs" was strong enough to put two players on this team's bench, so just imagine this effect twice!

Substitutes:
Rhalimiel Raidael (Dorian and Sonya) - with both names starting with a "R", the effect of saying both names is wonderful for Breno's ears.
Julián Romero (Valladares) - follows the same criteria used for most of the other players in this squad.
Placibus Hardsworth (Valanora) - a strong name, which fits well with the strong "R" used by the commentator.
Jonathan Barrientos (Sargossa) - a half-Arrigorriagakoa, his two "Rs" weren't enough to put him as a starter, but earned him a position on the bench.
Chale Cobarrubias (Aguazul) - basically, the same case of Barrientos.

Coach: Jose Ricardo (Albundania) - there were some other options for coach of this squad, but the idea behind the Ricardo name sounded for us close to the one behind Rodrigo/Rodríguez, so he won this position.

by **Cassadaigua** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 6:35 am

(OOC: Not my normal style, but I couldn’t resist!)

Man Insulted by ISPN

Shawn Finley, a 26-year old man from Grande Mountain, Cassadaigua woke up this morning and could not believe what he read. He had always enjoyed reading and watching Sarzonia-based ISPN for all of their excellent sports coverage. This morning, his mother brought down a newspaper into his basement studio, and placed it on top of a 20-year old magazine entitled “Indecent Disclosure.” For a while, it was an excellent magazine, but it had a long stretch of poor publications, and eventually become far down the list in its industry. Lately, it is trying to make a comeback due to a relationship it forged a few years ago with a more current magazine. It still was one of his favorite magazines, as you can tell from the title, there were some racy pictures and stories inside. His mother was annoyed by his love for the magazine, but after having argued with him the night before for about 20 minutes about needing to get a job. Finley didn’t work, but he enjoyed gambling, and often used predictions such as this to place a wager or two. A couple times, he was able to pay his mother rent for a month from his winnings, but usually he did not have a lot of success. So you can understand why Finley was greatly insulted by ISPN’s line of, “As always, these projections are for entertainment purposes only and should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wager. Because if you actually bet on these matches, you're one lonely, pathetic soul who probably lives in his mother's basement and jacks off to 20-year-old pictures of Demi Moore. But I digress.”

Finley wrote a letter to CASE, or the Cassadagan Association for Soccer Excellence, but the organization didn’t really see what they had to do with it and disregarded it as if it were one of his illegible job applications. Fortunately, he also wrote a letter to Phillip I. Grant, the President of Male Equality Now (MEN). It is Grant who promised he would make Finley’s story public and demand an apology on behalf of all men living in their mother’s basement. “Cassadagan men are victimized enough and they look to other cultures for inspiration of what a male can do in life. This quote was very demoralizing to Mr. Finley, and ISPN should know better.”

by **Sargossa** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 1:55 pm

Viva Vizcarra

Now we're not explicitly saying that Sargossa national coach Gabriel Vizcarra is the finest exponent of the football managerial craft around at the moment. We're not. Honest. But he is pretty damn good. A fairly average playing career ended at La Serena when he retired to take up a job on the coaching staff. Three years later he was sat in the bag chair as the little side from Inca won promotion to the Segunda Liga. Vizcarra was quickly poached by island rivals Petro Mercada where he enjoyed mixed fortunes but a growing reputation as a skilled tactician and motivator. Then our boy Gabriel took the step that could make or break him. Off he trotted to big city club Deportivo Soluca, a poison chalice of a job that has claimed more than one reputation down the years with its demanding fan base, trigger happy owners and a team rarely comes close to matching their inflated ambitions.

Where so many else had failed Vizcarra thrived. And how. Over a two year period Vizcarra built a solid, talented squad which improved as the games went by. Then it happened. In the eighth edition of the rebranded SuperLiga Vizcarra shocked the nation by steering perennial title chokers Deportivo to the SuperLiga crown, their first title in nearly two decades. But twigging that he'd done pretty much all he could at the ediraf, midway through the next season Vizcarra up sticks to possibly biggest club in the land El Nacional. Eighteen months later the Redentión born tactician was celebrating his second successive title. In Sargossa we knew Vizcarra was a bit special and the world would learn it too as El Nacional enjoyed a stunning and unprecedented extra time win over Raynor City United at the Babel Spiral in the final of TQCC 22. When Marquezian José Felipe Cassumba Domingos stepped down as Sargossa national boss soon after there was only one possible replacement.

After two successive failures to return to the World Cup Vizcarra reshaped his new charges and promptly opened up with a 1 - 0 win over then best side in the whole damn multiverse Candelaria And Marquez in the Candelarias. It may have been a friendly but we enjoyed it anyway. In competitive action there was the occasion misstep, defeat in Toiletdonia hurt quite a lot, but the campaign ended with Sargossa top of their qualification group ahead of the likes of Kelssek and Bostopia. He even found time to end the Somewhereistonia curse with a friendly win in Maturín. At the Finals in Septentrionia Vizcarra's Corsairs won their first ever World Cup points after thrilling 3 - 3 draws with both Peisandros and eventual beaten finalists Valanora.

Two years later it was all about another campaign and subsequently another appearance at the Finals. A new record tumbled as the Corsairs bagged a first ever Finals win, 3 - 1 against Rushmori rivals Queer Poco el Mono Ara. If there's one thing we like as much as football over here in the Archipelago it's revenge. So there was much celebration when the Corsairs advanced to a first ever appearance in the knockout rounds at the expense of WC50 nemeses Schiavonia.

With his stock currently sky high the coach must surely be wondering where he's heading next. After four long years as an international coach Vizcarra is rumoured to be getting itchy feet for the hands on life of a club manager. Certainly he could walk into the SuperLiga post of his choosing but surely it's the lure of a move to one of the big Atlantian leagues that he'd fancy most. Whether that happens or not is open to doubt but all such thoughts are currently pushed to the back of his mind as we approach the small matter of a World Cup round of sixteen encounter against The Babbage Islands. In the opposite dugout will be Ganz Ijak, one of the wiliest coaches around under whose tutelage the humble Bumblebees have risen to the heady heights of third in the world. A more than worthy test for any ambitious manager.

by **Aguazul** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 2:13 pm

La Verdad

The knockouts await!

A win against West Zirconia saw Aguazul advance to the World Cup knockouts for the first time in their second appearance in the proper. Winning two goals to one, Aguazul finish second based on having lost to Valanora, who beat Akbarabad to top Group 8. Aguazul will face Sarzonia, who won all their matches in Group 7.

Aguazul needed just a point from the match, but West Zirconia weren't necessarily safe with only one. So they attacked early, and Tom Weston would score first, fourteen minutes in. All of a sudden, the Meerkats were suddenly in the driver's seat, and Pelayo Sortani decided to quickly switch things up. Naike Leiva came on for Sergio Bustamante, as Aguazul switched to an offensive formation to match West Zirconia's relatively new look. It paid off; Alvaro Sáez's short cross to Leiva paid the way for an equalizer in minute 36.

A restless Sortani used his second substitution after halftime; Gunsedal Cisneros exited for Bruno Dorantes, and Aguazul concentrated on defending their lead. Despite West Zirconia's best efforts, they couldn't put all the pieces together, and Chale Cobarrubias eventually scored on a counterattack in minute 71. The defense held on, and Aguazul advanced to new heights.

They have the lowest rank of any team in the knockout stages, so we'll face each game as underdogs from here on in. Still, Sortani remains optimistic. "We can beat any team, if everything clicks," he said. "One match at a time."

***

"Just who," the Always Right Bautista Texidor yelled incredulously, "approved an order for these...abominations?"

Actually, he didn't. The conversation was in Spanish. But it went something like this.

Martín Hidalgo stood very straight. Perhaps, in other countries, people who were sought out due to their roles in an incident that had occurred three World Cups previously would worry about being forced into aging as fast as the national football team. Martín had no such fears. He was from Aguazul, and a military man at that. If he survived long enough to die of old age, no matter how young he might arguably be, he would consider it a triumph.

"I believe," he said cautiously, "it was General Carlos Lopez."

Texidor had been briefed about Hidalgo. He had served under Lopez, in fact, and had had the misfortune to have one of his suggestions dismissed as "commie propaganda". With his career if not more on the line, he'd quickly been transferred to Ángel Echave's command. (And quickly, for other reasons, been transferred out of it.) Perhaps, a more cynical person would have wondered if Hidalgo was seeking revenge.

Such people had never met General Carlos Lopez.

"Have a seat," said Texidor, having to work very hard and not quite succeeding at sounding hospitable. There was, in fact, a relatively attractive empty seat, and Martín happily took it, but nervously remained silent.

"Why do you think," Texidor continued in a difficult attempt at diplomacy, "Lopez would have done such a thing?"

"He...he heard there were tanks."

"Tanks? Doesn't he have enough of his own?"

Martín was increasingly uneasy. Was Texidor questioning Aguazul's military policy? "I...I don't know, your eminentness, I don't work with him anymore."

Texidor sighed heavily. "Sometimes, we meddle with what is not ours by rights. ¡We think we can usurp the place of God! We, we, we...actually get an innovative upgrade for our military, once in a while, but...that's neither here nor there."

He blinked, as if remembering that Martín was there. "Well. We don't do that, do we?"

"I...I didn't place that order, your eminentness."

"Good," Texidor sighed. "Well. Passable."

He bowed his head and prayed silently, eventually unfolding his hands. "We have...charitable work to be done. It is not a matter of money, you understand, but...sometimes, humans try to guide the state, contrary to the intentions of God. Do you...no, don't answer that."

Martín was glad not to have to.

"We...cannot let this order be fulfilled."

Martín, privately, agreed. Lopez was erratic enough with his own troops to command. Adding dinosaurs to the mix would only make things worse.

"The..."

Texidor rose and paced the distance to a file cabinet. Admittedly, he only went there in one direction, and purposefully at that, but his attitude was one befitting someone pacing. He opened the bottom drawer and, with an expression of intense concentration (not that Martín could see it), ruffled through.

Texidor produced a photograph of Estadio Aramis Peralta, poor quality and lighting that could only be described as uneven. He squinted at it.

"And they've got Sarzonia in the knockout stages," he murmured to himself, muttering another prayer that involved the words "something rash".

"Huh?" said Martín.

"Oh, nothing. Sometimes I wonder whether it wouldn't be better for us all were Gunsedal Cisneros to pick up an injury. I've always though Leiva was a sounder number ten."

"Cisneros?" said Martín. "The footballer?"

"Yes," said Texidor. "Scored quite the goal against Daehanjeiguk, just these qualifiers."

Texidor had a file cabinet full of information about the football team? "That's...uh...good for him."

Texidor nodded. "We held them to a draw. They are reasonable enough, possible to negotiate with. Now who is familiar enough with Daehanjeiguk to find someone to cancel this order?"

"Um," stammered Martín, glancing at the order again. "Isn't it in, um, Nethertopia?"

"Yes, but we don't have anyone familiar with Nethertopians at all. Unless..." Martín thought he saw Texidor's eyes flicker over to the file cabinet again. "Well," he said, shaking himself, "this is a matter for your sort of people."

"If you're looking for Echave, why didn't you invite him over to begin with?"

Martín winced as soon as he said it. All this time in the military, learning to keep his mouth shut, and Texidor of all people got a rise out of him. He deserved whatever he got, if he was that irresponsible.

"Because he's dead."

"What?"

"He died in Blackacre a few months ago."

"I..." Martín's throat was suddenly dry. "I didn't know."

"No matter," said Texidor. "I take it you're up for the job, then?"

What else could he say? "I'll see what I can do."

by **Nethertopia** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 2:32 pm

HOSTS ANNOUNCEMENT:
Due to improper managing on my side and the lack of an announcement, scorination for the Cafundéu has been delayed 24 hours. Scorination for the quarter-finals will resume on schedule, though.

by **Sarzonia** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 2:51 pm

[OOC: Thanks for your RP post, Cass.

Now you've inspired me. Dun dun DUN!]

José Martín, the associate editor for football at ISPN, was a man whose love of lowbrow jokes and comedy belied the 33 years he spent on the planet.

His office mate, 23-year-old Tad Spencer, meanwhile, was considered a stick in the mud in comparison to Martín. Spencer was in his first full-time copyediting gig out of John Haydon Journalism College in Portsmouth. He'd flagged several of the comments made in the Round of 16 predictions to remove the content.

Finally, the dispute between Spencer and Martín led both men into the managing editor's office. Kathryn Devonshire was going to have to make the call on whether or not to take out the potentially offensive wording Martín left in.

"Sit down, gentlemen," Devonshire said, even though the expression on her face clearly betrayed the irony with which she added the word gentlemen as she glowered at Martín. She punched a few keystrokes and brought up the story Martín wrote with the edits Spencer made.

"All right, Tad," she said. "State your case." She did so even though she knew instinctively what he'd say: That the disclaimer Martín wrote was needlessly offensive and that several other points in the article weren't just misleading, but were also strong cases of editorialising. And sure enough, Spencer made those very points.

When Martín began to open his mouth in protest, she put her hand up.

"You'll get your turn," she said. She turned to Spencer.

"Our editorial voice here is a bit more edgy and youthful than places like The Woodstock Daily Mail or The Portland Press-Herald," she said. "There are certain things that we do that you would never see there," she said. "That much is true. Now, having said that, I ask you, Mr. Martín, state your case why you think the language should be included. After all, it's not essential to the article."

Martín drew in his breath for a moment and exhaled in an effort to hide his annoyance.

"I don't think anyone would seriously be offended by a disclaimer," he said. "I mean, I don't know anyone who lives in his mother's basement and wanks to 20-year-old pictures of Demi Moore. Even if she's still jerk off material now," he added with a smirk. He quickly lost the smirk when he saw the look of disdain on Devonshire's face.

"As for the other stuff, this column is called a column for a reason. It's my opinion. And I believe all of our readers know how much I hate Valanora."

"Your hatred of Valanora is not a topic for discussion here," Devonshire said. "Believe me, if anyone who reads us or watches our coverage doesn't know, I wonder what rock they've lived under ever since we were founded. What is a point of debate is whether or not I allow your snark to continue unabated."

She closed her eyes for a moment and drew in her breath before exhaling slowly. With her eyes still closed, she said, "and I've decided," before opening them again, "to allow it to continue.

"However, if we get any kind of objections to your piece and they prove to be valid, you'll be on a much shorter leash than you're used to."

Martín swallowed hard. He knew that meant his free reign to say whatever was on his mind was at stake. He also knew Devonshire carried the reputation of being a recruit division commander*, owing to her 14 years as copy desk chief at The Wilmington Journal and as assistant managing editor at The Portsmouth Clarion. Even though she was only in the editorial end of ISPN for eight months, she'd already earned that reputation here.

"Thank you, Ms. Devonshire," he said, fearful that an attempt to be too chummy with her would backfire spectacularly. He stood up and motioned with a shake of his head that he wanted to leave. She looked up at him and nodded her head. He walked out slowly, then increased to a brisk pace once the door to her office closed.

"Uh, ma'am, with all due respect," Spencer said. He was young and earnest, qualities that Devonshire loved about him.

"Yes, Tad?"

"Ma'am, I think we're setting ourselves up for trouble if we let that print."

She looked at Tad evenly, then realised when she saw a reflection of herself in the mirror that she looked far too cold for her liking. She blinked and let her mouth turn upward into a slight grin.

"Tad," she said. "I'm letting José's column go as is right now because he has a known sense of humour and his irreverent take has won him a lot of fans of our work. Now, I love the fact that you want to bring a bit more seriousness and professionalism to ISPN. That's why I specifically asked to keep you when I came on board here."

She saw the surprise in Spencer's eyes and allowed her own eyes to soften into a warmer expression.

"Tad," she said. "I could have come in and cleaned house if I wanted to. I could have easily brought in 'my guys.' I decided not to because I like to give people a chance to become 'my guys.' If you remember, you came here because we offered you $4,000 per year more than The Clarion."

Spencer nodded but still had a look of confusion on his face.

"I tried to get The Clarion's top brass to match the offer when I was AME there. I told the publisher that we couldn't let top talent like you get away. Unfortunately -- for them, at least -- you did. Well, that's fortunate for me now and for us because you're here.

"Believe me, José knows his leash is shorter now," she said. "If the shit hits the fan, I'm going to ask him to make a few changes to his column. If I know him the way I think I do, I doubt he'll be willing to make the changes I ask. But, Tad, you go right on bringing this stuff to my attention. One of the reasons I'm glad you're here is because I like having someone keep me on my toes."

"Thank you Ms. Devonshire," he said. She put her hand up.

"Call me Kate."

Shortly thereafter, the shit did hit the fan. Namely, Phillip I. Grant, president of Male Equality Now in Cassadaigua, expressed the organisation's offence at the wording in ISPN.

In a formal statement released by Devonshire, she said, "we acknowledge the difficulties that Cassadagan men have in a matriarchal society. Having said that, we cannot take seriously the offence taken by Mr. Finley to Mr. Martín's column.

"Any avid reader of Mr. Martín knows that he writes anything from snarky commentary to tongue-in-cheek humour and has consistently since his column for ISPN began," Devonshire continued. "While we emphathise with Mr. Finley's plight, we note that Sarzonian males and females are equal, both in a legal sense and in our society's views.

"I noticed that Mr. Grant has asked us to apologise for Mr. Martín's words. Well, I am sorry. I'm sorry that Mr. Grant and Mr. Finley don't have a sense of humour. We stand by the wording as it was in the column."

After she got done addressing the wording, she picked up her office phone and punched in four digits.

"Mr. Martín, please come to my office right away."

*OOC note: Recruit division commander is the naval equivalent of a drill sergeant in the Army. In Sarzonia, the Navy has a reputation for being the best of the best.

by **Sorthern Northland** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 5:14 pm

Beningrad Morning Star

Sorthern Northland underdogs captain insists

Foreign media outlets may have Sorthern Northland down as the favourites to win their World Cup 52 second round match against Pays de Horreur and such claims could reasonably be backed up due to Sorthern Northland's higher ranking in the KPB rankings and their slight advantage in terms of points in said rankings.

Team captain Piran Hean has however insisted that his team-mates will walk onto Peregrinus City's Falcon Stadium pitch as the underdogs claiming, “The rankings mean nowt when it comes to a World Cup finals. We've not made the quarter-final in the last four tournaments and I think for all the lads who've come into the squad since our last quarter-final, which is most of them, it's become a sort of mental block.”

“On each of the last four tournaments I think we've gone into the second-round game as the favourite, and yet we've not won any of them and the manner in which we've lost some of the games you wander if we're ever going to get any luck and make it past this stage again, certainly if I was a betting man I'd be extremely tempted to go for Pay de Horreur.”

Despite seemingly ruling out Sorthern Northland's chances against Pays de Horreur, the team that coincidently knocked Sorthern Northland out in the second-round on penalties en route to a fourth place finish at World Cup 51, Hean claimed he and his team-mates were capable of providing an upset.

“I think we need to get rid of some of the pressure put on us when it comes to the knock-out stages of the World Cup perhaps. Certainly if we consider ourselves the underdogs then I think that will take some of that pressure off us, and if that proves advantageous then great. That we're playing Pays de Horreur in this round for the second time in two cups is good as well. The squad is largely the same and it gives us a chance of some redemption against them.”

“That's something we'll relish.”

With Caio Meback heading into his third World Cup as manager of the Sorthern team, it could also be a match which plays a key role in deciding the future of the Cafundelense manager. Having been bought in following the failure of Eoin Ó Raghallaigh to make it past the second-round in either World Cups 48 or 49 Meback has failed to do any better than his predecessor leading sections of fans to pile pressure on the manager claiming that Meback has failed to advance the squad, or has even seen it go backwards.

The SNFA have however refused to comment on speculation that failure to advance to the quarter-finals will see them considering Meback's role with a spokesman merely saying “The SNFA is confident that the present set up is equipped to succeed their current objectives.”

by **Jeru FC** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 6:28 pm

Jeruselem Government News

Cannons fired up for game against Elves

Jeru FC play the 2nd seeded Valanora in the 2nd round. Given Jeruselem managed to beat Valanora in Valanora once this cup, Jeru FC could do it too. The boys have been more successful than the national team, but they have shown weaknesses. One is playing female-dominated teams and the other is playing fast mobile teams like the Elves. Jeruselem pretty much use skill to win games, but Jeru FC are into the brute force method. While the boys can be world-beaters, they can tend to slack off during a game and allow the opponent back into it. One cannot afford to this during a game against team like Valanora at all.

A recent loss to Sarzonia 4-1 was a bit of wake-up call. While Jeruselem never dazzled with it's 2 draws and one loss, it had a solid defense and didn't allow more than 2 goals in the group stage. Jeru FC have a fantastic attack when it tries, but the back of the team is a bit wobbly and the keeper is ding bat by his own admission.

Princess Helena Troi Dallas dropped into Jeru FC training to motivate the boys in their efforts. She even cooked them up a barbeque to feed the troops to put them in good stead after a hard days training. Or maybe it was the fact they were more motivated because Sam Sallad and Princess Helena didn't wear clothes for the boys.

The Jeru FC coach said "Sometimes Jeru FC are the forgotten team. The boys need to know people still support them and what better than a Princess to gee up the boys. This is their first cup and they are still learning on the job. We don't have superstars in our team, the team works together and tend to crash together. Against Valanora, we need a big team effort."

One Jeru FC player said "We'll do our best. We maybe a bunch of yahoos who drink and womanise too much but we love our country because ... if we didn't we'd be homeless yahoos."

by **Cafundeu** » Mon Sep 06, 2010 8:01 pm

Alright, alright, cutoff for the 4 matches in Nethertopia here.

With scores available now...

by **Alasdair I Frosticus** » Tue Sep 07, 2010 3:00 am

"I still consider you a genius, Lord Jagged."

"You are too kind, Una. I had little practical role in this escapade."

"As usual, you are too modest. I would remind you that you were the one who found the Dreamed Realm, you were the one who made the deal involving football, and that you were the one who convinced us all to come here, and you are the one captaining the side - and quite competently at that."

"It was Amelia and Jherek who asked you and Captain Barstable to come here."

"And if you hadn't shown up in the Palaeozoic, do you think we would have said yes?"

Lord Jagged tipped his head to one side and smiled. He had never been one to be open about his role in unfolding events, except perhaps when strictly necessary. This was not one of those moments. "I must say that the yellow uniforms do match my usual colour scheme quite splendidly."

"Don't change the subject, Lord Jagged. This is me you're talking to, not My Lady Charlotina. I'm not quite so easily deflected. I had been asking you how you found the Dreamed Realm."

"Ah. That, at least is fairly simple." Lord Jagged paused for a moment, as if to check that no one else was listening, and then began his explanation. "You'll remember the moment when the cities seemed to collapse at the End of Time, leaving earth - the last piece of matter in the universe - as a dark, cold abandoned husk."

"I arrived as the cities were reviving, but I do remember the empty earth."

"It seemed that the cities - which drew their energy by consuming matter and energy in our universe - could no longer function. A cold empty death would follow for the last remaining sentients."

"But you found a way of allowing the cities to extract energy from other realities in the multiverse."

"Indeed, Una. The technicalities are tricky, but this is indeed what I did. But this was not a permanent solution; even if there are a near-infinite number of alternative universes, and even if it were to take untold millenia for the effects of the power drain to show, eventually the cities would use those universes too, as surely as they accelerated (without being the initial cause) the decline of our own universe."

"Which is where the time loop comes in."

"You do remember. Yes, with the help of Nurse, I used that brief period where the cities could call on the power of the entire multiverse to construct the one week time loop. The drain on other realities would, for what is in essence all eternity, only last for one week. In essence, this saved not just the End of Time - or the end of our time, if you prefer - but all the other realities from an accelerated death."

"And so you saved the multiverse".

Lord Jagged paused. "Again, Una, you are too kind. I merely applied knowledge and experience to a problem which I was able to satisfactorily solve, with some help from others, both robot and human."

"And the Dreamed Realm."

"You will remember, Una, that I found a way of travelling through time without the help of a time machine."

"Yes, and I still wish you'd teach me how."

"The technique is, alas, unteachable, and partially based on my genetic make-up - and therefore not transferable. My apologies." Una Persson's frown was affectionate, not resentful. "But in the course of these travels, I realised that there was some sort of blank space, some other place, which was wholly unaffected by the one week power drain that had set up the time loop. Indeed, someone - or something - was blocking the energy transfer. I found this to be inconceivable, for to block the power drain, someone other than those who had witnessed it had to be aware of it; before it actually happened."

"From what I understand of your experiments, this was indeed remarkable."

"I resolved to study this mystery. My research eventually led me to an Eastern Orthodox monastery, where I read an ancient document called the Codex Frosticus. This seemed to reveal the presence of a realm entirely outside of the multiverse, while remaining in simultaneous contact with every time and location of the multiverse."

"Surely an impossibility, Lord Jagged?"

"But Una, remember why the Morphail Effect works. Most of us can only travel forward through time. By taking considerable effort to blend in, or by travelling to a period without sentient life - and then being immensely careful not to damage anything - we can occasionally spend long periods in the past, but time protects itself from paradox by immediately ejecting us from the past if we do anything that might cause said paradox. And why?"

Mrs. Persson knew the answer. "Because time is a social construct; because we accept that time is linear, we are forced to experience it in linear fashion. We are unable to do anything which might change our own future because our collective social consciousness refuses to accept it."

"Quite. But what if there was an entire reality where the residents rejected not just linear time, but the existence of ordinary permanent matter... What if they believed that all aspects of time and space were inherently malleable? And everyone accepted this completely different version of reality as utterly normal."

Una suddenly understood. The implications were mind-boggling. "And can anyone travel there?"

"No. The Realm is well-protected. But perhaps simply by being aware of its existence, we can further our own research into these issues once we return for good to our own realities."

Lord Jagged and Mrs. Persson looked out onto the training pitch. My Lady Charlotina thwacked the ball against Lord Mongrove's head. Una changed the topic. "Mongrove will have to do better in goal against The Han Empire; those two goals he conceded against Delaclava after we went 2-0 up were more than a little disappointing."

"Lord Mongrove believes that victory is pointless; that a draw is a more accurate reflection of the banality of the human experience."

"All well and good, but knock-out round matches can't end in draws. Someone has to win."

Lord Jagged seemed amused. "You do suddenly seem to be taking the football very seriously, Una."

"Well, I must admit that being cheered at by thousands of adoring fans does make a diversion from time travel. And besides, we all have to go back to our own realities once we're knocked out. There's so much I can learn from you, even now; the longer we stay in, the longer I can talk to you about time and matter."

Lord Jagged smiled one of his enigmatic half smiles. "We may have longer than you think, Una." And with that, he stripped off his track suit, and proceed to gather the team together for a team talk. The Han Empire were a formidable side - the Sarzonians had predicted they would win the match easily - and at least some rudimentary understanding of their opponents' footballing tactics might prove useful before tomorrow night.

by **Cassadaigua** » Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:16 am

Shannon’s Space

Krytenia has the Mike Sarzo Memorial Trophy, which isn’t that shabby of a consolation prize for them to look back at as they back home to Atlantian Oceania. Perhaps, they’ll even have a new manager at some point in the near future. But what they lack is the greatest manager going in the game right now, Alexander Pappas. That’s no disrespect meant towards other geniuses of the game, such as Franz Braddock, but Pappas cannot be denied right now. What he has accomplished, even if we do not win our next game, is two World Cups and two other trips to the World Cup quarterfinals. We continue to believe that the March Towards History is alive and well after having defeated the Aces by the score of 3-1 in Tenderville. This was a sweet place for us to play, and you wonder if the organizers put us here with Courtney Ferguson in mind. It was with Tenderville United that she began her career in Rushmore, playing in a large role in leading them from the second division to the premier league of the CMSC, and then to a varying degree of success within the TQCC tournaments. It is with Tenderville that she got the attention of the Nethertopian national team. Since this city was part of her roots, it seemed as though we had a lot of support here from the locales, and that was very much appreciated. Also great was seeing all the pink and black waving in the stands. On the field, we scored early which is something we wanted to do since they had beaten us 1-0 in the MSMT final. An early goal would show them that they would be an entirely different game. Tara Demarco got the big goal in the 10th minute, and got another in the 32nd, after they had tied the game at one. A second half goal by Rachel Conti in the 75th closed the scoring out. Our next opponent will be Sorthern Northland, who is somewhat of a familiar face. With a win, we’d play either Nethertopia or The Babbage Islands, each of whom would be a very exciting opponent.

In other news, as we look for an exciting team nickname, I was informed by Jennifer Branston, who blogs for the baseball team, that they wish to be called the Angels. And I say all the more power to them. We will certainly not use that moniker. I guess there was some contraversy about what an ISPN columnist had said. As a soccer player, I appreciate all of our loyal fans, so I am opting not to comment on that. Unfortunately, I am hearing news that MEN will be following us in our next game to try and send some kind of message. I am a supporter for equal rights for men, but there is no reason for them to come to Nethertopia and stage some sort of rally. The Nethertopians don’t care and I highly doubt fans of Sorthern Northland give a damn either. I hope that Mr. Grant will reconsider his plans. It won’t be a distraction to us, of course, there’s just no place for it right now on Nethertopian soil.

THE BELOW IS NOT PART OF THE BLOG....

Finley now an internet sensation

Feeling slighted by the lack of apology from Sarzonia’s ISPN and managing editor Kathryn Devonshire’s dismissal of his plight, Shawn Finley turned to another source: the internet. Using his mother’s digital camera without her permission, he recorded a video of himself ranting and uploaded it to the popular Cassadagan website, MyTube. He angrily shouted his opinion of ISPN, and being struck down by a woman (Devonshire) again. He went on to defend his way of life, claiming there is nothing wrong with living in your mother’s basement at 26 years of age, or reading the magazine, Indecent Disclosure. It then turned into a general rant on the plight of men within Cassadaigua, and how it has been difficult for him to find a job, claiming that he has tried to look for one. The video then ended very abruptly and his mother could be heard in the background shouting, “Shawn, time for dinner!” before it ended.

The video had suddenly attained a million views (and rising by the minute) as the buzz crept along the internet, mainly from men who would sympathize with his lifestyle, or come to defend it. Editors at Indecent Disclosure were very happy to hear of all this publicity and said that subscriptions to the magazine in one day exceeded what they had accrued in the entire year up to this point. Eventually, Phillip I. Grant, the President of Male Equality Now, saw the video and called Finley, and offered him a job within MEN at a salary that may now rival what Devonshire makes at ISPN, and that he would also purchase tickets for him to attend the Cassadaigua vs Sorthern Northland quarterfinal in Nethertopia, along with some of his friends. Grant claims that they will not stage a protest outside the to be determined stadium, but they will pass out brochures in the parking lot. Grant says, “It is to try and get word out across the world of the terrible life that men in Cassadaigua still must deal with and I feel it is relevant in Nethertopia, since they employ a Dagan female in a high position on their soccer team.” Finley has not commented yet on what he would do with his newfound fame, but his mother told reporters that she expects to receive overdue rent payments.

Danielle Van Buren, a spokeswoman for CASE (Cassadagan Association for Soccer Excellence) offered an apology in advance to all fans that would be handed “unnecessary literature that is entirely irrelevant to the World Cup.”

by **Alasdair I Frosticus** » Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:32 am

OOC - naturally, any slurs on other famous characters are purely IC.

THE HOLY EMPIRE HERALD

ORDINARY REALITY BLOG CRITICISED
Characterisation of Cassadaigua Manager as "the Greatest" Causes Controversy

By Anna Comneno

Keen followers of World Cup history - both in Ordinary Reality and the Dreamed Realm - were said to have greeted the news that Cassadaigua blog 'Shannon's Space' called Alexander Pappas "the greatest manager going in the game right now" with surprise. Even greater surprise greeted the news that the only other manager mentioned in the blog as a 'genius of the game' was the ageing Sarzonian has-been Franz Braddock.

A senior HEFA official, speaking on condition of anonymity, was said to be "unconcerned" over what many perceived as an intentional slight on the Empire's own beloved [this being the adjective my editor ordered me to use] Juan Tzimisces. "True, this Pappas character may have won two consecutive tournaments" said the official, "but sustained achievement over time, including captaining the WC2 side to the quarterfinals, winning WC 48 as coach, helping to score a winning goal in a World Cup final, saving the entire multiverse, and the sheer range of squads coached across an unprecedented period of time in tournament history, might conceivably give Tzimisces some right to featuring in a list of great active World Cup coaches. But then if Ordinary Reality bloggers want to praise some mundy non-entity, I suppose there's little we can do about it."

Mr. Tzimisces was unavailable for comment this morning, but friends say that he considered the controversy to be "unimportant" as he hopes to still be coaching the Imperial squad "long after Pappas is dead and buried."

World Cup 52 - Cafundéu/Nethertopia - the RP thread

The end of Schiavone sports

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