KRYBEC- Cup of Harmony 64 Everything Thread

[The Saint James Islands]

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Truth is stranger than fiction: What we’ve learned from CoH64 Day One
By Makaio Moana, published 29 July 2019

If you haven’t been paying attention, Bears Armed and Omerica drew. If only to make matters worse, the Sarian and Szavoda drew by the same exact scoreline. There is, at this point, absolutely nothing separating any of the four teams. Everyone is exactly even. So it’s as if nothing at all has happened as we head into our game with Szavoda, but what exactly can we take away from this puzzling day in the Cup of Harmony?

1. The Sarian are not invincible
Probably the biggest shock out of the day was the destruction of most people’s reasonable expectation that the Bustards would advance with nine points. That can no longer happen. The Sarian have by no means been defeated and can still advance quite comfortably with wins over Bears Armed and Omerica, but the Sarian must inevitably be disappointed, especially given their title hopes.

Of course, it is not as bad as it might otherwise seem. Szavoda did not score their equaliser until stoppage time, so the Sarian nearly sneaked away with three points. But it’s the score when the whistle blows that decides everything, not who has had the lead for a while. The Sarian choked at the last minute and gave a glimmer of hope to the rest of us.

2. Szavoda should be feared
If Szavoda could pull off an upset against the Sarian, we may very well be next. The realisation that playing Szavoda will not guarantee a win should have been made before the Cup of Harmony, but James-Alexandre Christopherson will now rightfully fear for his job. We’ve lost to teams like the United North States, teams much lower on the food chain than Szavoda.

Given that the Sarian game is likely to be an uphill battle, we need a win here and a convincing one, but our opposition will be going into this game rather confident of themselves. Their last-minute equaliser is going to emboldened Szavoda for a game that is critical to both sides’ survival. A loss would almost certainly result in elimination and Szavoda will not be denied easily it seems.

3. We can score goals
We’ve actually scored goals against a higher rated team. This is good news to say the very least. At least we know our front line is doing exactly what they are supposed to do as compared to the lackadaisical approach they took during World Cup qualifying. At the heart of the equation, at least our tactics are still capable of putting points up, even if they are rather disappointing.

Fundamentally, this is supposed to be the Omerica strategy. Score as often as possible and raise your opposition’s blood pressure. At least we were capable of doing that against the Bear-Belles.

4. The Bears are not out of it
There were certainly fears that Bears Armed would fall from grace further here in Krytenia, but that has not happened yet. The Bear-Belles are still fully capable of putting up a fight and, as the faces of a slightly perturbed Omerican defensive line would suggest, the intimidation factor is still alive and well. Even in the midst of a gut-wrenchingly horrifying qualifying campaign, the Bears are still a good team and a dynasty at heart.

Given that the Bears face their uphill task against the Sarian today, it puts a lot of pressure on Omerica to perform against Szavoda. Given that a victory for the Bear-Belles over the side’s lowest ranked team is rather reasonable to predict, even a draw tomorrow is likely to sink us and Christopherson’s job.

5. We have to score goals
This leads into our next point. Even in the midst of fears that Szavoda and Bears Armed will pull off some sort of miracle against the Esportivan sides today, we still have to face facts that the most likely prospect is the Sarian winning both of their remaining group stage fixtures and Szavoda losing. This puts both Bears Armed and Omerica level on four points with one knockout stage berth on the line, so Omerica will absolutely need a better goal difference.

Given that our defence seems to be all but incompetent, that means that we need to score goals. There will be the temptation to hold back against Szavoda and grind out a narrow win, but that is likely to be our death knell, especially if the Sarian-Bears Armed scoreline is particularly narrow, giving Bears Armed an advantage heading into the last two games when Omerica lose and Bears Armed grind Szavoda into dust.

6. Christopherson has dropped off the face of the earth
We have not seen or heard from Christopherson since the game. This is either a very good sign or a very bad sign.

On one hand, Christopherson could be furiously preparing for the game against Szavoda and attempting to prepare some sort of game plan after realising that winging it isn’t going to take him anywhere. On the other, Christopherson may be fuming or down and doesn’t want the press to see his meltdown as he fears his job slipping away from him.

I just hope he’s doing the former, because we might then have a chance. If he is sulking and moaning, we are, in the immortal words of James-Alexandre Christopherson, dead in the fucking water.

7. Advancement is up in the air, but still winnable
Fundamentally, as long as we did not lose to Bears Armed, we would have had an entirely realistic chance to go through to the Round of 16. With the draw in Osteria, the important thing is that we can still advance to the knockout stage without needing desperate results. We need to produce results, though. A loss to Szavoda or even a draw will be deadly. A draw against the Sarian would be a boon to our chances of going through. We have to hope that everything works in our favour, though, push out a couple of good performances and sacrifice a lot of rubber chickens.

As of this moment, doom and gloom attitudes are fundamentally unfounded. We still have a chance—a realistic one at that—and we have to realise that. If we don’t, then we have no chance. We cannot give up until the lady called maths sings.

[Patistan]

"TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT"

"Yes" Shaheer screamed as he pumped his hand in the air.

They had defied the odds and beaten Brenecia, the scoreline was close but it was enough for Patistan. They had come in this match with only one goal, to lose with dignity and no high hopes were expected from them and Grigia himself had reaffirmed that multiple times to the nation. This could be the light that Patistan needed to guide them through the dark times back home due to the war and all. Shaheer shook hands with the Brenecian players and was then jumped upon by Essa and Tariq, the debutante goalscorers, people would argue that Tariq's solo goal was more fun to watch rather then Essa's powerful shot just outside the box but in Shaheer's eyes they both were diamonds, he embraced them and then went on to Grigia, the Apoxian coach took Shaheer's head in his hands and said

"That penalty save though"

and tightly hugged him. Shaheer was not much of a hugger but was more then okay with this. The team celebrated that night like they had won the Cup Of Harmony and for Shaheer this win was good enough of a reason to celebrate like madmen.

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The Defense minister and General of Patistan are arguing about their next move in the war as Prime Minister Imran Khan quietly observes

"We should air raid The Holy Republican Empire and keep on doing so for atleast two weeks." said Raheel the general of all Patistani armed forces.

"Bullshit, Raheel. Catch up on your facts, the Holy Republican Empire doesn't exist anymore they're known as the Federation of the Free Republics now, and what good will bombing do to a new nation" Said Khawaja the defense minister

"Lemme rephrase that "What bombing a new nation will not do". It will give a message to other nations that we will do anything and I mean anything to defend ourselves."

"Yeah cause that idea worked very well when we attacked Star United States? Our navy is now being destroyed while we just keep on bombing their cities, nothing good is coming out of it"

"Yeah fuck you, this message is important for all of us"

"Oh really? Cause I bet that instead of a message coming out of this we will have other countries against us and this might just effect our NAP treaty with SJG, why are you so stubborn about this"

"Excuse me? are you accusing me of something?"

"Yes I am because every decision you make harms us!"

"Oh fuck you, it's like you want us to lose this war while doing nothing"

"Oh really? well-

The two then started spewing swear words at each other and kept on arguing

"ENOUGH! YOU TWO DUMBFUCKS!" Said Imran Khan. "We are trying to run a fucking country here and you two are acting like two girls fighting over a scrunchie! dumbshits. You two have also not taken the fact that this is a NEW country and people might be distraught or against the motion. Hence we try to appeal to them and bring them on our side then those people will conflict damage from the inside, that's my opinion and it's final"

---

The best news channel their is

"Hello this is Khalid Rasool with today's headlines.

Patistan throws flyers in FFR!

Yes, Patistan in a unexpected move has instead of air raids thrown propaganda fliers at The Federation of Free Republics, trying to lure in any person who is against the formation of the new state. The fliers appeal to all Muslims to fight for Patistan and why the FFR are against Muslims and why as a true Muslim you should fight for the Islamic Republic and defend them everywhere. The fliers were mainly thrown in the city of "New City" where allegedly most of the Muslim populace lie hence the choosing of the city.

Patistan wins against Brenecia in first ever CoH outing.

Finally some good news for Patistan, in their first ever Cup Of Harmony match, Patistan defied the odds and all the predictions and defeated Brencia 2 goals to their 1. Debutantes Shafqat Tariq and Mohammed Essa were the 2 goal scorers, Muhammad Essa scored the first goal in the 15th minute of the game with a powerful shot just outside the box. Shafqat Tariq then scored a sensational goal in the 73rd minute of the game, he ran half the pitch solely before shooting chipping the ball over the goalkeeper just as he entered the box. A lapse in concentration from Akhtar Jamil allowed Scherzer to score a simple goal in the 84th minute of the game. Everyone though the game was done and dusted until a ridiculous foul by Zulfirqar Babar saw Patistan concede a penalty in injury time. Larissa Connoly was to take the penalty, she aimed for the lower left corner and Shaheer miraculously saved the penalty. In an interview Shaheer stated that Connoly made a Amateur mistake of looking at the location of where she would shoot at the very last moment hence resulting in Shaheer saving the penalty and Patistan winning the game.

That is all for now, we will keep you updated.

This is Khalid Rasool

Signing of with PNN news.

[Stvoto Latoli]

Part 1
Part 2
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Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14

74 YEARS AND 6 MONTHS AGO

The mist over the Therakham District is thick today. Madame Lihassa can see it slowly gusting past the tiny window of the kitchen. It mutes the light coming into the room so much that she's already had to turn on the corner lamp, which casts an ugly orange light over everything. Add to that the buzz of the freezer, which has been growing worse over the last six weeks or so, and this entire landlocked galley is starting to feel like the set of some atrocious horror movie.

"I hate this place," Madame Lihassa thinks bitterly as she adds to the freezerly din by clanging the large ladle about in the stove-bound pot, not so much stirring the soup as violently pureeing it. She casts her memory back to the last time she saw Mivhiša. He'd waved at her, from right outside that very fog-accursed window, from the back of that military truck. The vehicle had shuddered, snorted like a hog, and then rounded the corner, taking the love of Lihassa's life around the fancy Pacitalian restaurant on the corner and out of her life, seemingly, for good.

"If only I'd told Mivhiša how I felt when I had the chance," the words hammer astringently past her conscious mind for the umpteenth time. She is turning fifty this year, after all - she's already an old maid. Plump and homely, she has caught the eyes of too few men in her half century here in the Pazhujeb Islands, and then, when finally a handsome, kind, reserve policeman widower had taken her hands in his one dark night and kissed her out of pure adoration and love, she'd felt that her chance had come at last. "You must tell him!" Ushadithi had exclaimed in her innocent way, eternal optimist despite her change in fortunes. "You love each other!" Yet time after time as the days, weeks, and months passed, she'd been gripped by a strange fear and had never told him that she loved him too.

So, like any sane man, Mivhiša had left. Gutted and heartbroken, he'd enlisted in the army and dashed off to the incredibly dangerous interior of Fajr Island, where on the vast expanse of the Dakhama Plateau beneath the foothills of Mount Nussizhadani some unknown horror had taken thousands of lives. He was as good as dead.

"What is that racket?!" a wretched. angry, sarcastic voice shrieks from the doorway across from the window. "Are you joining some Carib drumming troupe? Are you no longer satisfied with your job as a cook at a successful and affluent boarding school? Would you prefer to be out on the street?!"

It's Miss Baghaviri. Her black hair, streaked with white and gray as though she'd rode a Vespa through a crowd of pigeons at 50 miles an hour, is thrown ajar as she spits her venom onto the kitchen floor. Her callous smile, insincere as always, is not so much an invitation to respond jovially as it is a threat. Ms. Baghaviri's lips, curled upwards, make her look as though she has just inhaled a Šede Island lime.

"No, Ms. Baghaviri, of course I would not!"

"Then I must insist that you cease and desist with this abhorrent clatter!" She stalks off. Bullet dodged. For now.

Though she's relieved, Madame Lihassa feels as though she might cry. She collapses on a tiny wooden chair and puts her head in her hands. The freezer continues to rattle like an electric toothbrush tossed into a clothes dryer.

"Is this place so affluent?" she muses quietly, casting a furious eye over at the ice chest as though she were Ms. Baghaviri, glaring at Ushadithi with the resentment of a woman born into the middle class, envious of those above her and ambitious to overtake them. "This place is a dump. We can't even afford to get a new freezer. Ms. Baghaviri surely embezzles the majority of the tuition paid by these wealthy girls' families." She thinks of poor Ushadithi, whose parents are now dead, and how she is now forced to live in that shabby attic as an orphan. "And was it even legal for her to seize all of Ushadithi's possessions? The Imperial Senate passed an inheritance tax law a few years ago. Even if it is legal, it's not fair to that poor little girl."

Rain is now falling outside. Hard.

Lihassa stands up, still shaken from the close shave with Ms. Baghaviri. Perhaps, she wonders, half aloud, it would be for the best if the headmistress actually did sack her. She could already hear little Ushadithi's advice, spoken with earnest hope despite wearing a torn-up black dress: "Go find Mivhiša! Persuade him to desert from the army and run off to Queer Poco el Mono Ara with him! You can live happily ever after! He'd be your prince and you'd be his princess! Who cares about this place?"

Her revelry is interrupted with a start when she hears the bell of the back door. Qhapur is surely here with the mail. The hunchback arrives at this time of day, every day, after having met the postman at the front gate and carried the mail around the entirety of the property (Ms. Baghaviri would never dream of allowing him inside the boarding school itself - "HE'S FILTHY! WOULD YOU LIKE TO CLEAN THAT MESS UP YOURSELF?" is her eternal objection).

Normally Ms. Baghaviri picks up the mail herself. (Presumably, Lihassa surmises, this is so that she can go through all of the envelopes containing payment from the students' guardians and skim some off the top before anything is officially registered in the school's books.)

But just then there occurs an odd twist of fate. Madame Lihassa feels her stomach lurch as reality starts to bend in front of her very eyes. The pumpkin-tinted stove-sink-refrigerator-freezer complex swings across itself, flipping around in a full circle. She reaches out for something to hold onto as vertigo strikes her like a sledgehammer. She finds nothing, and falls to the floor.

By the time she's stood back up again, it's over. She ruefully pats her knee - she's scraped it a bit. But she's no worse for wear, and she figures this is merely a hot flash of some strange kind. Or maybe it's the air pressure changing on account of the rain.

At any rate, Madame Lihassa has decided something she normally wouldn't, for reasons unknown to herself. She's going to get the mail today. She turns off the stove, marches deliberately, even forcefully, out of the kitchen, through the pantry, over the trapdoor to the wine cellar (another little secret of Miss Baghaviri's), and straight to the back door. Baghaviri isn't there yet. Good. Lihassa didn't expect her to be - the headmistress is known to make callers wait outside for upwards of a half an hour, especially when she suspects there's no capital to be acquired/coaxed/stolen from them. She opens the door.

"Oy there, Baghavi- oh. 'Ello. Who ah you?" Qhapur's goggling eyes, wet not from tears but from the downpour he's being subjected to thanks to Ms. Baghaviri's "charity," are alarmed but visibly relieved. (Lihassa makes a mental note: she's not the only one who fears the headmistress.)

"Hello, Qhapur. I'm fetching the mail on behalf of Ms. Baghaviri today."

"Oh. If ya don't mind me askin'... why?"

"I honestly don't know." She briefly thinks back to the odd twisting feeling she'd been struck with in the kitchen moments ago.

"Oh," he says suspiciously. "Well, then, here you ah!" He thrusts a damp sack into her hands and limps off into the rain.

"Qhapur!" she cries out.

"Yes, ma'am?"

She pauses, knowing the words she's about to speak will very likely be punished at some time. "Why don't you come inside until the rain lets up?"

"I don't think Miss Ba-"

"She's not here, Qhapur. I am."

He stands there, back distorted and twisted forward, wide-eyed and awestruck. "Well..." A massive drop of rain rolls down his bulbous nose and down onto the cobbled courtyard pavement. "I wouldn' turn down ya kindness, Madame...?"

"Madame Lihassa."

"Well, all righ'! Thanks!" He hobbles back to the door, and with a brief moment of apprehension erased by Lihassa's warm wave, he steps inside. "Oooh," he wonders aloud, "it's so dry in here!"

Madame Lihassa nods. "It's good to do kind things," she thinks to herself, hearing Ushadithi speak the words. But her reminiscing is interrupted by her wet guest.

"Ain't ya gonna check tha' mail?! Baghaviri always does!"

"Oh," the cook mutters, "of course." She stares down at the sack. Surely the mail is as wet as the sack is.

And yet the first envelope she pulls out is quite dry. Composed of a rough, overripe-banana-colored paper, the wafer-thin pouch is light as can be. It doesn't contain much, surely. Perhaps it's a check. A rush of apprehension fills her head as she imagines the enraged Baghaviri storming into the hallway and seeing her with this letter in her hand. "THAT'S MY MONEY," are the hypothesized words emerging from the apoplectic headmistress' puckered lips. Madame Lihassa has a mind to open up the trapdoor to the wine cellar so that if her worst fears come to fruition, and Baghaviri does come charging in, there'll be a physical barrier of some kind between her and her bird-poop-haired assailant. She moves to thrust the letter back into the sack.

"Wai', Madame Lihassa! Look!"

He's pointing at the front of the fragile envelope. She looks down, as he's instructed. "Oh," she mutters softly as she caresses the writing. The letter is addressed to her.

And it's written in Mivhiša's handwriting.

(NOTE: This RP is part of a very long and ambitious storyline that serves as an origin story for this nation. I will be referencing at least a half dozen of my own former RPs, written as the Pazhujeb Islands or Kagdazka and Pazhujebu. As such, I feel like it is in good faith to report this to hosts who might be tabulating my RP bonus: the past RPs I will reintroduce are original material, but most of them have been directly copied and pasted. If this is considered uncouth, I will understand if I am docked bonus points. However, it is worth mentioning that in many of these ancient RPs I left hints that I did plan on revisiting later. Subsequently, this self-plagiarism simply attempts to give context for the plot I will be weaving. I will always provide a notice in this space any time an old RP is used or referenced.)

[Krytenia]

It's cut-off time for Groups A-D. Do you have the fear?

You might after this.

Matchday Two: KRYTENIA

Group A
Associated Godlands 2–2 Vermark
Chiata 4–1 Abanhleft

Group A                               P    W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts 
1 Chiata                              2    2   0   0    7    1   +6    6  Q
2 Abanhleft                           2    1   0   1    3    5   −2    3
3 Vermark                             2    0   1   1    3    4   −1    1
4 Associated Godlands                 2    0   1   1    2    5   −3    1

Group B
Reçuecn 2–2 Walkany
Barunia 4–3 Ceni

Group B                               P    W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts 
1 Barunia                             2    1   1   0    4    3   +1    4
2 Walkany                             2    0   2   0    3    3    0    2
3 Reçuecn                             2    0   2   0    2    2    0    2
4 Ceni                                2    0   1   1    4    5   −1    1

Group C
Szavoda 3–3 Omerica
The Sarian 1–0 Bears Armed

Group C                               P    W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts 
1 The Sarian                          2    1   1   0    4    3   +1    4
2 Omerica                             2    0   2   0    6    6    0    2
  Szavoda                             2    0   2   0    6    6    0    2
4 Bears Armed                         2    0   1   1    3    4   −1    1

Group D
Patistan 3–2 The Fallenmark Islands
Brenecia 4–3 Polkopia

Group D                               P    W   D   L   GF   GA   GD  Pts 
1 Patistan                            2    2   0   0    5    3   +2    6  Q
2 Brenecia                            2    1   0   1    5    5    0    3
3 Polkopia                            2    0   1   1    4    5   −1    1
4 The Fallenmark Islands              2    0   1   1    3    4   −1    1

Congratulations to Chiata and Patistan...but nobody's out of this yet!

[Chiata]

Chiata Times
Suns Bounce Back

Chiata has, once again, failed to qualify for the World Cup. Five straight wins proved not enough momentum to slip past Ko-oren. The 2-1 away loss provided some hope of a good home leg, but it came to no fruitation. The home 2-2 draw sent Chiata packing, making the prior fourteen matches an utter waste. Sadly, as we predicted, it was a loss and a draw. A 9-1-4 qualifying to be stamped out by two games. This makes three consecutive cycles of Chiata having a good shot at the World Cup Proper, but ultimately falling short. World Cup 69 grows ever dim in the mind. However, this also makes three consecutive cycles of getting an invitation to the Cup of Harmony. What is even better is that Chiata has been regularly reaching the knockout rounds. In the last two prior editions, Chiata has reached the Quarter Finals. Interestingly, Barunia is rather close to Chiata since they are in Group B. There is a fair chance that there will be a repeat of an all Suns match.

Anyway, Chiata picked themselves up rather quickly. Associated Godlands would be Chiata's opponent as they played in Krytenia, the unranked nation that qualified for the World Cup. It is a sad day when Chiata can't do what an unranked nation can do. Before the match started, Associated Godlands players pointed at the Chiatans and yelled 'heathens' and other such terms. Of course, the Chiatans were taken aback considering Chiata is generally more religious than most nations. The official name for Chiata is The Holy Empire of Chiata, too. To say the least, it kind of set the tone for the game. The side from Associated Godlands was rather strange. They all crowded around their Central Attacking Midfielder, Jesus, and listened to him as he told stories at the beginning of the match. The Chiatans were rather confused, but Davis scored a walk in goal on an empty net since the goalkeeper was with his teammates in the center of the pitch. Occasionally, two players for Associated Godlands would run on the field yelling that Jesus needed two more disciples on the pitch. The official had a long talk with their manager before continuing the match. Pope Francis, the opposing goalkeeper repeatedly preached about global warming. However, he stopped when Judas Iscariot got annoyed and scored an own goal. Iscariot was subbed out in favor of Simon just before the half time break.

Associated Godlands was far more determined in the second half. Center Back Peter, in particular, began to play very well. Three times he denied the Suns to have a chance at scoring by making excellent challenges. However, a rooster crowed in the Associated Godlands bench and Peter ran off crying, whom Philip than replaced. Fairly soon, madness ensued as Associated Godlands ditched their formation and their players began running all over the place. John got an attack together, ran ahead of his teammates and almost scored, but Truex was able to punch the ball away. John suddenly got excited and exclaimed 'it's empty!' while Martin Luther nailed a sheet of paper onto the goal posts in frustration. Luckily, the game was running out of time and Chiata could leave the madness soon. Sadly, Stewart sprained his ankle. In a superb display of sportsmanship, Mother Teresa bandaged Stewart's ankle and helped him to the bench. However, the game was not finished yet. Associated Godlands would have one more own goal, this time off of Barack Obama. All at once, the opposing team shouted 'thanks Obama!'. By now, the Chiatans had no idea what was going on. The score was 3-0, so at least they were winning. When the match ended, none of the reporters rushed to meet the winning team. Instead, they crowded around Tim Tebow, who didn't even talk to them, and watched as he kneeled down and rested his chin on his fist. Needless to say, the Suns were happy when that game was over.

OOC: Well I missed the cutoff, but still clinched the knockouts.

[Cosumar]

A GUIDE TO THE COSUMARITE SPACE COLONIES

The Cosumarite people have always had their eyes cast to the skies. Some of the oldest tales that have passed down through the generations relate to the infinite beyond and what it might hold. It was this wanderlust and thirst for knowledge that extended our civilization to the stars sooner than most. In this series, I will profile each of the major extraterrestrial celestial bodies with colonies that fall under the Cosumarite crown. Colloquially referred to as "The Colonies", these diverse and far-flung places are now a vital part of the Cosumarite culture and economy and are represented as equals to the home-world Fiefs at Congress in Ramusok.
#1 - Nuur
#2 - Fevelo
#3 - Regéla


#4 - KALLORODA

Kalloroda is a dwarf planet approximately 5 light years away orbiting a binary star system called Satyrica within our local cluster. It is known for its vast forests. The first sun, Satyrica A, is a cool red dwarf, while Satyrica B is a more brilliant star in its middle-stages, four times as large as our Sun. The two stars orbit each other, though B's influence on A is much greater than vice versa. Kalloroda, along with three uninhabitable rocky planets and two gas giants, closely orbit the smaller Satyrica A. Despite the distance, Satyrica B provides nearly as much light and warmth to the planets due to its greater size and brightness.

History: Satyrica is the third-nearest solar system to ours, so it is visible in our night sky and has been known to Cosumarite astronomers since ancient times. However, as a small planetoid orbiting the dimmer star, Kalloroda was not identified until much later. It was discovered by the Space Exploration Agency's small unmanned Tranquility probe in 809. Seven years after it had been launched towards the Satyrica system, Tranquility's Satyrica

mission was one of SEA's least-publicized operations and was seemingly forgotten by many. Many considered exploring Satyrica a waste of budget compared to seemingly more exciting systems. But then, almost by accident, Kalloroda was discovered hiding behind a larger planet. The first photographs that came back revealed a lush green world and the news rippled throughout the academic world. The frenzied search for habitable planets exploded in the 790s, yet Kalloroda wasn't discovered until a decade after others like Fevelo and Regéla ... despite being much closer. Because Kalloroda obviously already supported life, it was pushed to the forefront of SEA's research. In a bit of a publicity gimmick, SEA granted the naming rights to 16-year-old amateur astronomer Felicia Whitesun. She had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and wished to name a planet before she died. The name Whitesun chose, "Kalloroda", is a mash-up of ancient Cosumarite words translating roughly to wheel of skulls. She said that she chose it because it "sounded cool". The name was scoffed at by many, but it stuck.When hyperspace transportation was developed in the 880s, Kalloroda was the agency's first priority for physical exploration. After one week's travel, the first scientific bases were established on the dwarf planet in 889, three years before the first one on Fevelo. After rigorous exploration and testing, Kalloroda was declared suitable for colonization in 895, with the primary danger being the indigenous lifeforms (see "Life" section). The first-wave pioneers of Kalloroda had it rough, with many deaths and hardships as they established their settlement. Called Pasoga, it was a simple square township of log cabins with a Cosumarite flag in the center, built adjacent to a bountiful hot spring. This historic site, our first colony outside our own solar system, was nestled in a peaceful meadowland surrounded on all sides by heavily forested mountains. Initial population was 1,700 (excluding scientists already present). Treks into the thick evergreen woods were dangerous but necessary to hunt food. Eventually, once Cosumarites became more adapted to the planet and its other inhabitants, the growing city expanded into the woods as well. But in a unique way you wouldn't expect (see "Settlement" section). Human population and condition on Kalloroda remained mostly the same for the first 20 years, until hyperspace travel finally became commoditized and available to the public in the 910s. Kalloroda then became the most common colonial destination for adventure-seeking Cosumarites due to its proximity in our Local Cluster and uninhibited habitability (which places like Nuur, Fevelo and Regéla definitely did not have). Population boomed between 920 and 960, ballooning exponentially up to nearly 5 million. The torrent slowed to a trickle beginning in the 960s as the Cosumarite government began instituting greater regulations and controls on extraterrestrial colonization. Much of the planet was set aside as a nature reserve. Now with many cities and villages across the small planet, Kalloroda has been thoroughly explored and supports a human population of approximately 6 million.

Geology & Climate: Slightly smaller than Mercury, Kalloroda is technically classified as a dwarf planet and is approximately 1/4 of Earth's radius with 85% Earth gravity. The terrain is largely covered by massive, tightly-knit temperate forests. However, Kalloroda also contains dry desert patches and grassy plains, small seas (surface water = 8% of landmass), secluded sinkhole lakes and mountain ranges. Its low axial tilt and regular orbit of its red dwarf (bolstered by plenty of light from the distant companion star) helped ensure a comfortable climate. Kalloroda is lush and mild, with an oxygen-rich atmosphere and polar caps regulating the sea levels. A relatively young planetoid, Kalloroda is volcanically active with several hotspots and a mantle consisting primarily of diorite and feldspar. Tectonic processes are similar to that of Earth, but less dynamic and on a smaller scale. The tallest mountain of Kalloroda, Glockerhorn (16,000 ft) is also the most active volcano. A One Kallorodan day is 18 hours, with one full revolution (year) complete in 402 days.

Life: Dubbed "the celestial woods", Kalloroda is home to a great deal of flora. It is best-known for the Cambylictus tree, which sports a straight, tall trunk and long, flat branches at the top. The Cambylictus roughly makes a T-shape. Because of their unique shape and great height, they are perfect for supporting all kinds of human dwellings - on both the trunk and in the canopy (see bottom right). While the Cambylictus is clearly the king tree of the planet, many other indigenous trees such as drahvas (resembles Earthly pines, featured on the flag), whiteoaks, olmarines and grahvas are also prevalent. And the Kallorodan flora doesn't stop with trees: beautiful flowers, grasses, shrubs, vines, mosses and bushes innumerable have evolved to fill the famous woods. Section still in progress (animal life coming soon)

Places of Interest: Despite its small size, Kalloroda is dotted with natural wonders. One such place is The Arbo Maze, the thickest part of the planet's forest. The trees in the maze are so tightly packed that it is impossible for humans to navigate. No human explorer has ever successfully navigated the entire Arbo Maze - and many have tried never to be heard from again. It is said that many are still wandering through the dark labyrinth of trees, lost forever. Tourists typically hear these legends and stay well away from the Maze. One site that is more popular with your average family-of-four tourist, however, is The Dragon's Head. It's a mountain in the southwestern Glocks that is curiously shaped like, you guessed it, a dragon's head. And you know how much Cosumarites love Dragons... Blue Star Lake, the largest lake on the planet, is roughly shaped like, you guessed it, a star. Many resorts have opened on the lakeshores, as the water is a remarkable clear blue and perfect for boating, swimming and other water activities. Then there's Big Rock. You guessed it, it's a...large boulder. Whoever was in charge of naming things on this planet really had no imagination! Anyway, Big Rock isn't just any rock. It's a incomprehensibly massive ball of granite and quartz. It is the largest single rock in the known multiverse, towering above the surrounding mountains. Yes, one individual rock on its own is taller than the surrounding mountains made of billions of rocks. It is a top destination for rock-climbers everywhere. Scaling the entirety of the Big Rock is one of the crown achievements in the career of any climber. Of course, tourists can also just take a helicopter up to the top and enjoy the view.

Settlements: Cities in the plains are basically traditional Cosumarite cities, though most residential buildings are log cabins and things tend to be more compact. In the forests, however, where most people now live, cities are a complex network of "treedwellings". But given the size and strength of the Cambylictus tree, they are often much more than simple "treehouses". Buildings of as many as 40 stories have been build entirely up a Cambylictus tree trunk with innovative "green architecture" that does not harm the tree, but rather lives in symbiosis with it. Bridges connect the trees and spiral staircases go up and down individual trees, often extending from canopy buildings (the most desirable) all the way down to the forest floor below. Pasoga and Drahva are the two notable large "metreepolises". Piander Falls is basically a suburb/extension of Pasoga, named after an exquisite waterfall not far away. Beyond those two settlements, the population is more evenly spread out across the planet is smaller towns and villages.
1. Pasoga - 750,000
2. Drahva - 540,000
3. Piander Falls - 250,000
4. New Hagenheim - 147,000
5. Tranquility - 127,000
6. Whitestone - 111,000
7. New Samotath - 60,000
8. Execo Station - 59,000
9. Glocknerhorn - 53,000
10. Big Rock - 52,000

Culture & Economy: Life on Kalloroda is rustic and simple, clean and respectful of nature. When the trees are literally your homes, you tend not to chop them down. As with many space colonies, tourism is the largest source of income. But Kallorodans also export Cambylictus berries (which taste amazing) and sap (has healing properties). Section still in progress

And most importantly, soccer: Spectator sports are not extremely popular on Kalloroda, as people are active and would much rather go play themselves. Recreational soccer is common, though few people have interest in playing professionally. That said, because of the high population of the colony, several professional clubs are supported. The largest of which is Kalloroda United, based in the capital settlement of Pasoga. Their home kit is to the left. Kallo Utd. have traditionally bounced back and forth between the second and fourth divisions of the Cosumarite soccer pyramid, currently residing in the 4th. Other clubs in the top five tiers are Piander Falls FC and Drahva United. Section still in progress...

---

MD1: "Mauricio Sigler shines in major tournament debut, notching goal and game-winning assist for key Cosumarite victory"
Cosumar: Sigler 36', Tenebrosa 90+1'
Nassau: Bolgorro 56'
Subs used: Merchison, Arora, Va'Goshal

MD2 Preview: "Top Group F nations Gloriax and Cosumar win on MD1, setting up critical MD2 showdown in St. John's for control of group"

---

Cosumar's World Cup 72 Cycle
Pre-Qual Friendly: Super-Llamaland 0-0 Cosumar
Pre-Qual Friendly: Osarius 3-0 Cosumar
Pre-Qual Friendly: Cosumar 3-4 Super-Llamaland
Pre-Qual Friendly: Cosumar 3-3 Sameba
Matchday 1: Stellonia 1-0 Cosumar
Matchday 2: Cosumar 3-1 Eastfield Lodge
Matchday 3: Torisakia 3-2 Cosumar
Matchday 4: Cosumar 1-2 The Holy Republican Empire
Matchday 5: Lons 2-2 Cosumar
Matchday 6: Cosumar 2-2 Callagea
Matchday 7: Buyan 1-1 Cosumar
Matchday 8: Cosumar 1-1 Stellonia
Matchday 9: Eastfield Lodge 0-0 Cosumar
Matchday 10: Cosumar 2-2 Torisakia
Matchday 11: The Holy Republican Empire 4-2 Cosumar
Matchday 12: Cosumar 4-3 Lons
Matchday 13: Callagea 0-0 Cosumar
Matchday 14: Cosumar 0-0 Buyan
Post-Qual Friendly: Stvoto Latoli 2-5 Cosumar
Cup of Harmony MD1: Cosumar 2-1 Nassau
Cup of Harmony MD2: Gloriax vs. Cosumar
Cup of Harmony MD3: Cosumar vs. Albaie
Blue: Draw
Green: Victory
Red: Defeat

Cosumar Goal-Scorers Tally (33 GF)
Ace Newman (8)
Ole Öhman (5)
Darwyn Lucassen (5)
Anders Engström (4)
Sur Arora (4)
Jon-Perohlin Nodtveit (1)
Vareza Na'Noni (1)
Maynard Gorham (1)
Felix Merchison (1)
Arndu Farsgaard (1)
Mauricio Sigler (1)
Tomasso Tenebrosa (1)

Cosumar Assists Tally
Anders Engström (6)
Felix Merchison (4)
Darwyn Lucassen (3)
Robahn Akindele (2)
Ole Öhman (2)
Mauricio Sigler (2)
Tomasso Tenebrosa (1)
Ace Newman (1)
Vareza Na'Noni (1)
Paaron Petrov (1)

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

Currently I'm far away from home and my time on laptop (at my motel)'s nearly out, so here's an early cutoff.

Group E
Star United States 1–1 The Royal Barangay
Stvoto Latoli 1–1 Flardania

Group F
Gloriax 1–1 Cosumar
Albaie 1–0 Nassau-Hessen

Group G
Super-Llamaland 4–0 Kernansquillec
Schottia 4–0 Arcantova

Group H
Nova Anglicana 0–0 Electrum
Garifunya 3–1 Matthewsiania

Tables will be up once I'm back in motel (it's 0831 right now in Korea).

[Garifunya]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Immanuel Prins rushed downstairs into a room full of men, most of them directing communications among the neighborhood militias, but some in contact with the numerous agents scattered throughout the Gillaat regime. From behind him, François yelled, "Quiet! The Jandaams are here!"

Immediately, there was a frenzy of activity as the (mostly) young men frantically signed off and rushed to hide their equipment. Under the floorboards, in the walls, in their jacket pockets, stuffed into the back of the closet went their precious devices. François signaled for everyone in the room to remain calm and quiet. They listened as the Jandaams pounded on the front door and shouted for someone to open up. Then, a loud thump as the door was forced open. Smashing and crashing ensued as the Jandaams ransacked the upstairs rooms, searching for any evidence of the inhabitants. Two minutes of relative silence passed, as the Jandaams talked amongst themselves. One of them walked across the door in the floor that led to the basement and paused. Down in the basement, a young man let out a nervous moan. Prins noticed that his hands were shaking and a dark stain spreading across his pants. He would have felt sorry for him if not at that very moment, a voice had shouted, "Captain! Come here! I think I am standing on some sort of door!"

Dread seized all in the basement. François hustled Prins across the room and motioned to a couple of coffins that were in the corner. Prins tried to suppress a whimper as the coffin closed over him. François climbed into the other one and the young men shut him in. From above, the Jandaams smashed up the floor, exposing the stairs below. They rushed into the basement and Prins' men all immediately threw their hands up. They were all struck with the butts of the Jandaams' guns and forced to the floor. Their leader strode into the room. "You are all under arrest for anti-government activity," he announced. "As traitors to your country, you will be shown no mercy, imprisoned, and made an example of once this disturbance is all over."

"Search the room!" he ordered. His men combed through the closets, finding some of the radio equipment. The leader walked over to the coffins. Prins was sweating bullets as he heard the Jandaam's booted feet get closer and closer to him. "Are these coffins empty?" he asked. When no answer was forthcoming, he slapped one of the operatives in the face. "Tell me!" he demanded.

"Please, sir, they are not empty. My uncles are inside. We cannot afford to hold the funeral yet, so we had them embalmed and kept them here until we can honor them."

"Is that so?" mused the captain. He came right up to one of the coffins and Prins shut his eyes tightly, fearing the worst. He bent down and looked ready to open it when he suddenly stopped. He gave a shudder and crossed himself. "I'll take your word for it. Take these men and this equipment to the truck. We need to get back to headquarters."

The men, looking relieved that their captain had not disturbed the dead, shoved their prisoners up the stairs and out of the house. The captain waited until everyone had left the room, then said, "Well, Kaspar, you are in line for a promotion." He paused. "Well, not as big of a promotion as if I had been willing to open those coffins. I don't know if you're in here, Prins, but if you are, someone else might not let you off the hook. I'll let you survive because I believe in you, but if you don't do something to help your friends in the streets, soon there won't be anyone left to believe in you. Vaarwel, Immanuel Prins."

Prins and François waited until they heard the roar of the truck speeding away to emerge from the coffins. Prins panted, his heart pounding. François walked over to him. "Do you understand now, Immanuel? You have more friends than you think, but inaction will get them and you killed."

Prins stood up and straightened his tie. "Yes, François. I see that now." He reached into the secret compartment in the wall and pulled out a headset and a phone. He dialed a number. "General Mastebroek? This is Immanuel Prins. Change of plans. You and our men in the Laandmakt must support the protestors and the militia. It's the only way to topple Gillaat."

[Flardania]

自分の運が別の不幸です！
Kirishima Fall to Royal Barnagay, Stvoto Latoli Upset Star United States with Draw .
Français|日本語|한국의|English
FBC News | Flardanian Broadcasting Corporation

Royal Barangay 1-0 Flardania
@ Soohyup Field in Gaspe
The Royal Kingdom of Quebec

---

Report by Aoki Muranaka

Center-Back Fujisaka Ayame answering questions.

Can the Kitsunes ever catch a break? This is the question being asked all around the islands that make up Kirishima as well as supports abroad. It seems for all the progress the Kitsunes make, life ridicules their patience and optimism. This has been a trend since world cup qualifiers which seemed to have carried over into the Cup of Harmony. Take last game the Kitsunes played against Royal Barnagay, Kirishima which is ranked forty spots below manage to pull out a respectable loss but once again a team ranked further below manage to once again do what what the Kitsunes couldn't. Now this is not the end of the line so to speak as the Kitsunes have a chance to write their own destiny with a win against Stvoto Latoli, a difficult position with a draw, or instant elimination with a draw. The pressure is on and especially after the recent upset we are looking at spectacular form from the Stvoto Latoli side. As usual Manager Kyosuke locked himself in the video room so the young Center Back Ayame Fujisaka had a few words for us:

"We played well despite the fact that we loss in a single leg format. Obviously it is not easy to recover from this but on could doubt if any of our prior squads could do what we have been able to do as of late. We are growing and playing hard and whether we win or lose against our next opponents you can count on these players to still play hard and improve. This is a special team and soon we are going to be even more exciting to watch then we are now. "

Tonight's match will be played in Kingston Qubec. It will be a very crucial game that will determine the future of Kirishima in this Cup of Harmony . A Kirishima win or draw is needed to survive also a Star United States loss or draw may prove fruitful as well. One can imagine fans urging their team on tonight chanting go fight win. For those at home, games can be seen on Nagatomo Sport Network (NSN) and Saito Broadcast Channel (SBC) in Japanese or French. For those seeking English broadcast check local network listings.

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[Associated Godlands]

News Wrap Associated Godlands

It's News Wrap Associated Godlands, this time with a special op-ed from our very own Queen Shirley Phelps-Roper.

Op-Ed: Chiata? More Like Heathenata
by Shirley Phelps-Roper

A recent news report from the heathen nation of Chiata has highlighted an issue that I see often. See, Chiata claims that "Chiata is generally more religious than most nations," and that it's full name is The Holy Empire of Chiata. This annoys me a lot. More religious than most nations? You know what, Chiata? That isn't good enough. So you're religious. You're not religious in a good way. Do you fear the wrath of God? Do you execute homosexuals and anyone who eats shellfish? If the answer to either of those questions is no, stop claiming you're "religious". In reality, you are just frauds. Chiata is not a proper religious nation. It's more like Heathenata.

God declined to comment.

Rumors of Church Soccer League Being Established in Associated Godlands Circulate

A rumor that has gotten a lot of Obeyer fans excited recently is that Associated Godlands is considering setting up a domestic soccer league, with the teams being specific churches. It seems like a good way to generate revenue, but there are several problems. First, there is the problem that there is only one legal church, the Church of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. However, it has been speculated that government will divert funding from cracking down on illegal churches to other causes. This might allow illegal churches like the Church of the Child-Molesting Priests and the Church of Godless Heathens Who Don't Go To Church. Additionally, B teams and youth teams from the Church of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ can fill up enough slots to create a formidable league. The other main problem is that the Bible is somewhat unclear on the legality of domestic soccer leagues.

Shirley Phelps-Roper stated that she could neither confirm nor deny the rumors.

God declined to comment, presumably for the same reasons.

Associated Godlands Draw, 2-2, With Vermark

Earlier tonight, Associated Godlands's played its second Cup of Harmony match, drawing 2-2 to Vermark. The Lord and Savior Jesus Christ scored the two goals. The draw puts Associated Godlands in a tie for third with Vermark, with one match remaining. The last match will be against Abanhfleft, where a win nearly guarantees a spot in the knockout stages while any other results absolutely guarantees elimination.

"I am happy to say that this is better than previous results," says Shirley Phelps-Roper. "But I must concede that this more positive result is due more to Vermark's secularist trash culture rather than progress on finding the black/Muslim.

God declined to comment.

[Schottia]

The Daily Worker
The Skots in KRYBEC
Cup of Harmony 64
Marrian McFadden reports

---

Schottia 4-0 Arcantova
Goals: 8" Coultan, 17" Allen, 64" Avelione, 71" Rudden (Schottia)
Possession: 59% - 41%
Shots: 16 - 3
On-target: 7 - 2

---

Schottia made history by sealing a last sixteen spot in the Cup of Harmony for the first time, as they hit Arcantova for four in their latest fixture in Quebec. In what has been an impressive start to the tournament, the Skots have scored four goals in back-to-back fixtures to alleviate some pressure on their beleaguered manager. There had perhaps been a suspicion of luck in the win over Kernansquillec, however the same could not be said in this match, with Schottia proving to strong for the side ranked 146 in the world.

Barry Gorman was forced into a double change ahead of the clash with Chris McDaniel's men. The suspended Darren Hanlon was replaced by Sporting Cenial teenager Gareth Souter, in what was a like for like swap at centre-half. More worrying for Gorman however would have been the injury to Alfred Seggerson, who had made such an impact against Kernansquillec. The Handon United midfielder was replaced by North Laithland's Chloe Rudden, with Kim Coultan moving to the centre to accommodate for the switch. In some ways, what would have otherwise been a massive headache for the manager, was lessened by appeasing large sections of the fans and including the impressive Rudden from the start.

It had been commented that key to Schottia's future success, could well be finding a system which incorporated both Rudden and Gaston Avelione in the same starting eleven. So for the fans travelling to the Royal Kingdom of Quebec, this would serve as a chance to witness both explosive wingers in action first hand.

Despite the obvious excitement surrounding the two players, it was to be another rising-star who staked her claim for a mention in the headlines. Following on from her impressive double against Kernansquillec, Kim Coultan did well to out-turn Riverwood defender Glenn Austen in the Arcantova defence. Latching onto a Jon Fotan pass, her inside spin caught everyone by surprise, not least Abel Reeves in the Arcantovan goal, as she slotted past him from 12-yards-out to give her side the lead after only 8 minutes.

The goal would have been a massive relief to the Schottic managerial team, who had seen their side struggle this cycle against lower ranked sides. With three goals in two matches this tournament, 20-year-old Coultan was showing that she was now an integral part of this squad.

Schottia didn't have to wait long to increase their lead, and on 17 minutes, it was striker Mark Allen who found the net, latching onto a stinging Rudden cross. Dropping the shoulder, the jet heeled winger ghosted past Gene Garrett, tapping the ball past him and going the long way round to collect it just outside the Arcantova box. Shaping-up to shoot with her right, she then took the ball back onto her stronger foot before whipping it across the face of goal. With the defenders at sixes and sevens, Allen was quickest to react, as the big striker was on hand to toe poke home his shot from two-yards-out. The goal provided the safety net that Schottia needed, allowing them to play with more fluidity in attack.

Settling into the game as the half went on Schottia were able to launch assault after assault on Reeves' goal. Avelione had a right-footed drive tipped just wide from the edge of the box, and Gary Corsie saw his own effort deflected over off of the knee of Howard Chandler. At the other end Schottia were nearly caught out on the counter attack, however Jenna Koemann did well to shepherd Darnell Lee's through ball out for a goal kick. Despite sustained periods of Schottic pressure the first half finished with the score 2-0, no doubt sending the White and Greens up the tunnel in buoyant mood.

At half time Gorman took the opportunity to rest Fadrön Flight midfielder Fotan, who had been an ever-present name in the starting line up this cycle. He was to be replaced by up and coming star Thio Crillin, a young player winning rave reviews in the Cenian league with Myrmidon.

Schottia didn't have the same sense of urgency in the second half, and at points were content to pass the ball around in the midfield. It wasn't until the 64th minute when the side from Tyran struck again, Gaston Avelione finding the net, after the Handon United player side footed home a Larry Watt cross. BW Pallstadt wing-back Watt, had been given licence to roam forward as the half dragged on. Finding himself goal-side of Sean Ray, he powered towards the touchline before slipping in a cross, matching the well timed run of Avelione who pulled the trigger to find the net for the four consecutive Cup of Harmony. Although he was accused of being off the boil during qualifying, it seems even an Avelione at 60% is still a force to be reckoned with.

There was always a sense that a fourth goal might be coming at some point, and the young legs of Rudden told in the end, as the teen-forward scored her first goal of the tournament. Finding herself one on one with the keeper after being put through by substitute Craig O'Maramy, Rudden took her time and demonstrated great composure, to round off a fantastic game for her side. Sliding the ball confidently under the outstretched Reeves, it was the icing on the cake as Schottia finally seem to be able to put some consistent form together.

Before the Cup of Harmony got underway the majority of Schottia fans were saying only a stunning performance would be enough to save Barry Gorman's job. The question is, with two impressive wins and a last sixteen spot in the bag, how much more does the 47-year-old have to do to convince his doubters. With a relatively young playing squad, there is probably a lot more to come from this Schottic side, the thing the SFA need to ask themselves is, whether Gorman is the right man to have at the helm.

Schottia's next opponents are undoubtedly one of the pre-tournament favourites, Super-Llamaland, who prevailed with the same score line in their game against Kernansquillec. The result means they joint Schottia at the top of the table with two wins out of two. The Skots' superior goal-difference means that a draw would be enough to see them top the group, but whether they can pull of a result against the side seeded third for the tournament is another matter.

---

Line-up: D'Araby 7, Watt 9, Koemann 7, Hanlon 7, Okywä 7, Corsie 7, Fotan 7 (65-Crillin 7), Coultan 8 (82-Bia 6), Avelione 8, Rudden 9, Allen 7 (72-O'Maramy 7)

Man of the match: Rudden. Nothing to call between her and Larry Watt, both players had solid matches, doing everything asked of them and more. Rudden was bordering on world-class at times going froward

[The Fallenmark Islands]

"Piss."

"My thoughts exactly, boss."

"We bloody had them, Dietar, we had them." continued Alexsandr van Sorensen exasperated.

"I know, Sandr."

"What happened?!"

Dietar chose diplomacy over factual accuracy and elected not to answer. Shrugging slightly, he got up and shouted a few words of encouragement at the players before sitting back down and turning his attention back to his notes. Patistan had completed their comeback half an hour ago, and with only three minutes left on the clock and the Herons running out of time and ideas, Alexsandr was not happy about it.

"STRICTLY SPEAKING," shouted Timo Skye, leaning forwards over the barrier of the stands behind the dugout, "AAMOT GETTING SENT OFF MIGHT HAVE BEEN A TACTICAL ERROR ON YOUR PART."

Alexsandr blinked, "How is that an error on my p- HOW IS THAT AN ERROR ON MY PART?!" he shouted, turning to project his anger at Timo directly.

Timo, for his part, meekly smiled and shrugged a little.

"Sol Kirkkegaard he ain't," muttered Alexsandr under his breath, turning back and slumping low into his seat.

Still, what hurt most was that there was an element of what Timo had naively shouted from the stands that had been true. Goals from Kekkonen and Beyer had meant that the Herons were two-nil up and cruising after just twenty-minutes into the game. Stand-in Torre Alm hadn't been expected to start the game ahead of Willem Moss, but an injury to the latter's calf in training meant that the tall defender had a chance in the starting line-up for once, and it had to be said he was doing superbly. He was here, he was there, he was everywhere, he wasblocking, he was intercepting, he was winning tackles both in the air and on the ground and he was spreading his passing beautifully and more... but to accommodate Alm's natural strengths, Alexsandr had made adjustments to the tactics of the back row that meant that Niko Aamot was picking up more responsibility and Darmstadt was allowed to move further forwards.

Which meant that, on the stroke of half-time, the pace of Faraz Tia broke through the last line of defences, and Aamot brought him down as the last man to leave the referee with no option but to send him off. Alexsandr and Dietar had made changes to the formation at half time to account for being a man down, but defending even a two-goal lead for forty-five minutes with ten men was a tall order, and Patistan's game was perfectly suited to exploiting the gaps left by the missing man in the Fallenmark line-up.

First, it was Faraz Tia again, rising highest from a corner to slam home the first goal into the bottom corner. That one really stung. Ten men or no ten men, marking players from a set piece was something any team should be able to do, and Alexsandr wasn't happy.

Second, the midfield interplay between Khan and Imtiaz allowed the tempestuous talent of Zulfiqar Babar - someone picked out by Alexsandr before the game as someone to watch if he was having a good day - the time and space to whistle a lovely thirty-yard dipping shot over the defence and in off the far post. Fair enough, there was nothing anyone could have done with that one.

Thirdly, and most painfully, it was captain of the side Eero Darmstadt who was dispossessed clumsily in a dangerous position, allowing young breakthrough star Shafqat Tariq to steal the ball off his toe, round Guðvarður Mogensen, and slot it underneath Pfennig for the goal that game Patistan the lead. Alexsandr had kicked things over after that one.

"MAYBE," shouted Timo again, breaking Alexsandr's concentration on his sulk, "YOU SHOULD TRY TELLING THE PLAYERS TO SCORE A GOAL NOW?"

"Yes, thank you Professor Tactics," muttered Alexsandr under his breath again, waving his hand dismissively over his shoulder.

Unfortunately, a quirk of acoustics meant Timo heard him say it, and promptly started thinking up business card designs with "Timo Skye, Professor of Tactics" written on them.

"Seriously, though," said Dietar, "what should we do?"

Alexsandr sighed. "I don't know, mate."

"We could go on a blitz? Try and get a goal back?"

"Is that likely, though? Patistan went three-two up over half an hour ago, Dietar, and we've not had a sniff of an opportunity since. We've put on Juran, we've put on Graz, we've put on Urness to try and close things down and win back possession... nothing. They're suffocating us out there and we're all out of substitutions."

"Still, a last minute blitz?"

"The thing is, though," continued Alexsandr, "I don't want to leave us open at the back."

"Why not? We've already lost anyway. One more goal won't make a difference."

"It could make all the difference, Dietar. You think one goal never put anyone out of a competition in the tiebreakers? One goal could be crucial. As things stand, we'll only have a difference of negative one. If things stay as they are we'll need an unlikely win over Brenecia in our last match, and we're even less likely to beat them by more than one goal."

"Aye, I suppose."

"One goal is everything, Dietar. One goal could see us through."

"So, what's the plan, then?"

"How long left?" asked Alexsandr.

"About a minute."

"Leave them to it," shrugged Alexsandr, "this game fizzled out half an hour ago anyway."

"Right you are, boss." nodded Dietar, making some notes.

"Oh, and take the post-match interviews and team talks for me, would you?"

"Sure, Sandr, why?" asked Dietar.

"Might help them if they think I'm angry with them, that's all. Plus, I've got some videos of Brenecia to watch. We're going to have to play out of our skins if we want to go through. So, I might as well start brushing up on my homework."

"Now?"

"No time like the present, Dietar, no time like the present." Alexsandr said, briskly standing up and walking towards the tunnel, clapping his hands towards the travelling Blue Unit as he went.

"HEY, ALEXSANDR!" shouted Timo, meanwhile, "CALL ME ABOUT THE NEXT SESSION, YEAH?"

"Oh, shut up, you." muttered Dietar to himself, folding his arms and waiting for the referee to blow the final whistle.

[Vermark]

[OOC: The events described in this RP took place before the fall of Free Repubics]

Ministry of Defense (a.k.a. "The Hub")
Videnhagen, Vermark

Anticipation and anxiety fluttered about in a room filled with tens of thousands of dollars of technology and the brightest minds in Vermark. In Vermark's struggle against the Free Republics following the terror attack on Videnhagen, this would be the front lines. There were no guns. There were no bombs. Only computers, geniuses, and the man in charge of them. Isaac Malgard was the Chief of the Ministry of Defense's Joint Task Force for Advanced Operations (JTFAO). This unit was a highly unorthodox, new age group of men who resembled plucky undergraduates more-so than the heroic infantrymen they were supposed to replace; they were given the nickname Army Corps of Nerds and Hackers by Varish military inner circles. They were so disrespected by most military leaders that they became highly respected and even higher in demand.

"Alright, prepare to launch Operation Trinity."

The murmur settled down while the room's average heart rate seemed to double. Launching any sort of military operation was uorthodox in Vermark. However, the manner in which they were attacking was even more unorthodox, even by international standards. It was attacking without attacking. Invading without leaving. Striking without shooting. It was highly gutsy and uncompleted unexpected. The international community would in no way foresee such an action.

"...And, Commence!"

Activity started to pick up and a large number of things began to happen at once. The Holy Republican military communication network began to receive thousands of attempted accesses per second. The engineers and technologists on the other end were confused, but quickly realized what was transpiring. Before they could counteract the cyber assault, the Free Republican communications fell into total control of JTFAO. In seconds, the Free Republican military went dark and suddenly lost the ability to communicate among themselves or with outsiders. The Chief, Isaac Malgard, articulated something in code over a secured line. Seconds later, numerous military targets inside the Free Republics came under attack. The bombardment came without any expectation and, more importantly, without any ability to organize and defend themselves. The Republican fores returned fire, but it became futile without the ability to coordinate with one another. The assault, carried out by Quebecois Forces, instantly became extremely more effective than previous attempts. Damage was inflicted on Republican military assets at an alarming rate, and Republican casualties increased exponentially while the Quebecois experienced much less retaliation and were ultimately safer.

While scrambling communication, Varish intelligence operatives scanned those communications for items of particular interest to the Ministry of Defense. Most memos and communications articulated troop movements that would be passed on to the Quebecois who were attacking the Holy Republicans directly, but those memos were of little use to Vermark. Some memos appeared to come from out of the network. The operatives dug deeper to find the origin. They tried multiple methods of gaining access and failed multiple times. The messages themselves were downloaded, but their meaning and their origin became very difficult to decipher.

Finally, one operative managed to remove the encryption from one of the messages. He read it once, read it twice, and was left completely bewildered. He dug deeper and decided there was one way that could solve the mystery. He duplicated the codes and frequencies of the origin, then entered the Varish military communications. He sent a blank message to the mystery origin and waited. Minutes passed without any response before he received a ping in reciprocation. The sender read:

KING OF THE KINGDOM OF SAINTLAND

The operative thought for a second, then went back and red the content of the encrypted message with the mystery origin. Then, it clicked.

"Holy Shit."

[Szavoda]

continued from here

Ward House, Outside Hornchurch
Three Days Later

Cross threw down the folder onto the table in dramatic fashion “First Operation. It’s a doozy. Eric, brief the team please.”

The blonde man stood up and moved to a television screen which had been wheeled in earlier. He pressed a button on a small remote and it flicked into life. The first image was the logo of a widely-known Euran mining firm.

“Our customers are Harther, you know who they are…”

It was true – even Katarina and Fjodor, the non-Eurans amongst the team, had heard of the Harther Corporation; the Euran mining, mineral and steel giants. One of the biggest firms in Eura in terms of employment and pulling power, Harther also considerable sway in Szavoda, as it employed over 40,000 people in mines, factories and refineries across Szavoda. Too often had investigative journalism unearthed Harther money swilling around in the coffers of Szavda politicians.

“They’re doing a performance review in their hot-zone of Azkara – they've got big assets over there, 13 operational mines, refineries and processing plants, but mining militias have recently been threatening their Euran employees. In the last 5 months, there have been 3 deaths, two factory-floor goons, and one mid-level exec., but Eurans nonetheless. Therefore, on this performance sweep, making sure everything is functioning, they want extra protection. Obviously, the Euran army won’t provide it, and neither will the Szavdas. Mr. Cross knows the COO, and he’s hired us to escort their four-man review team on their 6 day tour. Paying half a million pounds for the privilege, half of which goes to the firm, the other half will be split amongst us seven.

Katarina did a bit of mental maths. That was £35,000! Almost D100,000! She smiled to herself. This was why she’d joined up; that was a year’s wages in the army, for just 6 days work.

“It’ll mainly be convoy work, three cars, our SUVs, going from the airport at Zarkancza”

The screen flicked to a map of the Azkara region, a rugged, mineral-saturated area in Eastern Szavoda. The airport at Zarkancza was labelled with a small plane motif, then a route drawn in red past several yellow dots, indicating mines and other facilities which would have to be visited by the Harther team.

“We’ll also be guarding their accommodation points, with round the clock protection, so make sure to pack plenty of caffeinated substances – there’ll be some stuff in the supply packs, but if you’re on the graveyard shift in clammy Szavda summer, you’re going to need help to stay awake.

Whilst Szavoda was regularly cold, in the early summer temperatures would rise to the mid-20s, and combined with the up-country humidity could make for very uncomfortable conditions - Katarina had grown up in the heat bubble of Kreceva, and summers were spent frantically trying to stay cool in the oppressive heat.

“It’ll be standard armaments, nothing excessive; each one of you will have the assault rifle and side arm. There’ll be limited grenades, but I imagine you won’t have much use for them. You’ll be split down into two operational teams, one specifically for the head of the Surveying team, a Mr. Francis Hardy – he’s detailed in your packs. The other group will take charge of the other three, just company drones. Obviously Hardy is the number one priority, but let anything happen to any of these guys and we’re toast. They’re paying top dollar, so we need to provide a top service. Full mission brief is in your packs, which are at your places of residence now. Any other questions e-mail or call Mikey or Me. Rendezvous is the airstrip 1100 hours on Friday morning. That’s all.”

Cross took over “Yep, Eric’s right. These guys are big business, hold an inordinate amount of power, but hey, this is a world where money talks, and these guys are shitting 50s. They could easily pull some strings and get our licenses removed. So be careful. All the kit will be transported to the plane, it’ll be loaded up, and you’ll be kitted up on the ground and Zarkancza – Katarina, I hope I'm pronouncing that right” He wasn't, but Katarina just smiled and nodded “Op starts straight away, the team from Harther are arriving about 20 minutes after us, and we work from the word go. Molly – you’re in charge for this one, so everyone, report to her on the ground. Otherwise, take the rest of the week off. You've got two days till we go, so make sure you rest well, maybe hit the gym, eat healthily, you can use the firing range or other facilities down here if you want.”

Mark stood up from his chair and put his fleece on. “That’s all, airstrip on Friday morning. See you then.”

And with that, the Clyne CEO abruptly walked out the door.

NB Szavda goalscorers vs Omerica: Nikazic '35, Milic '45+1, Stavic '71

[Stvoto Latoli]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15

76 YEARS AGO

"Oh, fucking disgusting," says the shaman.

Taken aback, we all sit and stare for a minute. This is hardly a becoming thing to say during a memorial gathering. The yellow-headdress-wearing medicine man awkwardly looks around the interior of the tomb, as if the flickering of candles will somehow clear the air of his random outburst. With no exoneration on the way any time soon, he abruptly clears his throat, takes off his adornments, and walks out. I glance over at the more talkative triad of Nemesianušam, Vice-Chairman Serhayej, and Councillor Aqhorassi, hoping one of them will annul the awkwardness with a comment - about anything will do. It's the Councillor who finally rises to the task.

"Was it something I said?"

"He's not a fan of cookies-and-cream cupcakes, evidently," Nemesianušam muses neutrally.

"I don't terribly care for them either, if I'm honest," Serhayej adds helpfully.

They all look at me. Seriously? They all want to know what I, the famous Jaime Oberlander, think about a subject as inane as cupcake flavors? Evidently, as the lone foreigner in the room, I'm expected to have some sophisticated opinion. Perhaps they'd like to hear something entirely false, but grandiose-enough-sounding that it's impressive, such as "in Starblaydia the jewelry sections of fancy department stores sell ground-beef-flavored cupcakes" or "during World Cup 33 I once forced Tommas Coalville to eat an eight-year-old rotten cupcake as punishment for missing practice." But I'm not feeling up to it, so I simply mutter "I don't eat cupcakes" in a gruff manner. They seem satisfied.

"Well, Nemesianušam," begins Councillor Aqhorassi warmly, "I should very much like to catch up with you some time and reminisce about your father. He was truly a dear friend of mine."

"I'd very much like that, Councillor."

"My schedule is quite hectic, of course. You must understand that the life of a politician is not all soaring speeches and conspiratorial backroom deals - much of it is simply getting on a plane flight, saying hello to somebody, and then getting right back on the plane. Quite boring, really."

"Now, surely it's not all boring, Councillor," says Siddarth Serhayej. "I'd very much like to swap jobs with you if you're up for it!" My friend is trying to make his comment sound like a joke, though it's transparently clear he's at least partially serious.

"It's a possibility, Mr. Vice-Chairman, though I must warn you: it almost always ultimately comes down to the rather dull topic of time management. For instance, my campaign manager is surely fretting how long I've been here... we've a town hall meeting tonight in Juvapanam. Lots of swing voters there, you know."

"Ah yes! The elections are coming up very soon! I feared the time was not appropriate, but since you've brought it up," angles Nemesianušam, "how do you like your chances?"

"Our pollsters say we are in good shape; that the coalition should hold. However, it is expected we will lose seats in the Senate." The councillor wrings her hands, ever so subtly. I notice. "The increase in taxes in order to fund research programs aggrieves people in more rural communities. Gunaja, Emuzhezh, Mount Nussizhadani, Zhevassi... I'm likely to have trouble in all these places."

I decide to jump in. "What do you think of the new electronic voting machines they're using? Call me old fashioned," they snicker at this, after all, I am seventy-one, "but you can't go wrong with plain old pen and paper ballots. No more than ten years ago, you lot didn't even have televisions. Some might say you had it right."

"We're assured by the Department of Communications that the machines, which we've purchased from abroad, are infallible."

"But are the people who built them?"

"Are they what, Mr. Oberlander?"

"Are they infallible?"

She frowns at me. It's clear she views my skepticism as annoyingly contrarian, but as I feel I have ground to stand on, I use it. She takes a moment to survey me and formulate a response.

"I'm told by the Department of Communications that the electronic tabulators have been repeatedly tested. They show no bias and make no mistakes. The same cannot be said of human vote-counters, Mr. Oberlander," she says crossly.

"Fair enough, Councillor. After all, this is your country, not mine. But let me just say this: history is not written by neutral machines, because those machines are built by organic beings with inherent bias. History is written by those with the pen, not those without it, and one has no way of knowing if the man, woman, or beast behind that pen has an axe to grind. Unreliable narration, you see, is all around us."

"I don't quite follow, Jaime." Her use of my first name indicates a touch of true frustration with me.

"I merely mean to say that all elections can be suspect. In countries where there are no digital voting computers, where paper ballots still rule... people in those countries can still say: 'At least we do not pretend our elections are absent of errors or irregularities. At least we do not live in denial.'"

"I do not agree that we live in denial. I do not agree that all elections are suspect. I am not a pessimist. Perhaps I am naive, Mr. Oberlander, but I would rather be a wrong optimist than a right cynic."

Am I a cynic? I don't know, I hadn't thought about it that way. At any rate, she's entitled to her optimism. I'm reminded of strongly Šipuchan Parokshara's impromptu speech to his teammates before that lot had taken the field against Scotchpinestan in the group stage of the Baptism. Unapologetically naive. And self-aware, too. In the end, his naivete, if that's what it was, led to a decisive victory.

But then again, I'd personally felt the same optimism heading into the World Cup 34 finals, and we went on to lose all three of our Group 3 matches. I was subsequently sacked by the country of my birth. When one door closes, another one opens, of course, as now, roughly a decade later, I'm back on the job, albeit for a different purple-and-black-flag-bearing nation. Still, you never quite shake that let-down feeling...

"How does lunch sound, sir?" Now that the debate has evidently wrapped itself up, Nemesianušam's mind has clearly turned to food. All that talk about cupcakes has got him all hot and bothered. Unsurprising - he's a burly fellow who needs his three square meals a day.

"Korjam?" I am suggesting this, the national food of the Pazhujeb Islands, while casting a conciliatory glance over at the Councillor.

"Actually, I was thinking Caramel Burger," he answers.

"Hmm. You know, Oujadda mentioned that when we first arrived in Miceland - what the hell is it? Caramelized onions? Or... burger-shaped candy?"

My assistant coach stares at me with his mouth agape, while Aqhorassi and Serhayej watch us, smiling.

"Get out. You actually have burgers with caramel on them here?" I ask incredulously.

"Wait, do you not?"

(NOTE: This RP is part of a very long and ambitious storyline that serves as an origin story for this nation. I will be referencing at least a half dozen of my own former RPs, written as the Pazhujeb Islands or Kagdazka and Pazhujebu. As such, I feel like it is in good faith to report this to hosts who might be tabulating my RP bonus: the past RPs I will reintroduce are original material, but most of them have been directly copied and pasted. If this is considered uncouth, I will understand if I am docked bonus points. However, it is worth mentioning that in many of these ancient RPs I left hints that I did plan on revisiting later. Subsequently, this self-plagiarism simply attempts to give context for the plot I will be weaving. I will always provide a notice in this space any time an old RP is used or referenced.)

(This RP is a direct continuation of the Part 8 RP linked at the top of this post.)

[Star United States]

www.stariannews.sus
Welcome to
Starian News Channel

---

Home | In Today | Weather | Government | Health | Districtwide | Regional | World | Sports

BREAKING NEWS
League sports are cancelled until further noticed.

National Sports Cancelled?
by Jefferson Gracia

CITY OF STAR, STARIX - Today, President of the National Sports Federation of Star United States, announced the following in a brief statement in front of the Sports Federation Starix Headquarter building in City of Star:

”Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I come to you with some news. Some may take it well, and others might not - nonetheless, I have to present this to you. As many are aware, our beloved country is involved in a war. As a Federation, we have three headquarters. Up to today, only the one standing behind me is left. The one in SeaShore City is very damaged, and is unuseable. The one in Golden City was struck down by a Gregoryisgodistan plane. Due to this, we have to cancel the national sport leagues until further notice. We are unaware of the information that has been lost, and will be attempting to regain all that has been lost. As well, some of our World-Clas stadiums have received heavy damage in the major coastal cities. My apologies for any inconvenience. Please check our website for more information, which will be posted soon. Thank you, have a goodnight.”

A variety of reactions have been seen throughout the country!

soccerismylyfe | 23,325 - 235
WHAT?! YOU GOT TO BE KIDDIN' ME! DARN YOU WAR! #upset #whatislife

notosports | 4,262 - 25,235
It's time to party! No more sports means our tax money won't be spent on this nonsense.

goooooooool | 124,122 - 35
No more sports?! I have nothing to do in life now.

However, many have hope that this will be reintalled once again.The Sports Federation is yet to announce more information. More to come!

---

---

---

Meanwhile in the bunkers….
Part One

It was a cold, yet starry night. The wind slowly whistled through the barren city. Not a soul could be found. However, if one could listen closely, one can hear the noise of people - yet, they cannot be seen.

Listen a little better, and you will see that the sound comes from beneath, and not from above. The noise comes from the ground, not from the buildings. For all the civilians are located underneath in predesignated protected bunkers. Although they are not as luxurious as the city above, they are safe.

One enters the bunker through selective doors throughout the city. However, once those doors are closed it is as if no doors ever existed. Down a flight of stairs is the only way down, although elevators are available for those are not capable of going down the flight of stairs. They are not well lit, but enough.

Once the bottom of the steps are reached, there is a huge metal door. This door shuts tight once the doors are closed. First, one will walk into a spacious city central. From there, one will register in and receive their cell home. Cell Homes come in different shapes and sizes, but they all fit perfectly together in order to save space. A Cell Home for one contains a small living room, kitchen and dining area, and a sleeping quarrel. It also included a bathroom. It is small, but it is enough.

[Flardania]

何イリアスの緑の地球...！
Kirishima Draws with Stvoto Latoli, Officials Begin Match Early.
Français|日本語|한국의|English
FBC News | Flardanian Broadcasting Corporation

Stvoto Latoli 1-1 Flardania
Beolagh Athey (1')     Koharu Miyamoto (90+2')
@ Pavel Wilson Stadium in Kingston
The Royal Kingdom of Quebec

---

Report by Aoki Muranaka

Hikaru Kyosuke upset with officials decision.

Can the Kitsunes ever catch a break? This is the question being asked all around the islands that make up Kirishima as well as supporters abroad are asking. It seems for all the progress the Kitsunes make, life ridicules their patience and optimism. Nani? You mean to tell me you heard the following sentence before and are hoping we weren't dealt another those of cheese? I am sorry and I wish I was making things up but yet again tragedy struck the Kitsunes this time with a match starting early. In a bizarre move rather than delay a game officials in Kingston decided to start the game early with the Kitsunes not even on the pitch. Stvoto Latoli thinking that it was a forfeit went forth and scored a goal. However thankfully when someone informed the squad that Kirishima was not informed about the match being set earlier waited for the Kitsunes to rush on the field. The rest of the game was difficult with Stvoto Latoli's very stiff defense and it would seem all hope was lost for the Kitsunes in this Cup of Harmony when the ball went out of play for a corner with additional time over leaving it up to one final play Makoto Tamura had to deliver a crucial corner kick and as it went up the opposing goal keeper missed timed the jump and Koharu Miyamoto bum rushed forward and scored the goal which tied the game, it was her first goal international or domestic and she celebrated with style by giving a Boulder Bottom and the People's Elbow celebration to Fujisaka before being buried by her teammates......Happy Festival of Yamatai one of the things I said in this report is not completely true, so you should've watch the game. The Kitsunes did arrive late due to the match being early but Stvoto Latoli did wait but the officials did miss an offside call in the very beginning so one may easily believe the match begun early. Manager Kyosuke had this to say:

"I''m really upset about the blown call from the very beginning that gave advantage to such a defensive team. So upset I'm not going to speak more about it since Star United States drew again so we still have a chance despite how slim it may be. More importantly is how Miyamoto saved this team from being eliminated from this tournament it's great to see her as a defender score when we really needed it. Now hopefully we can somehow borrow the luck that every single team worse than us rankwise has been able to do in both the World Cup and Cup of Harmony. We need another Consumar moment as that seems to be our only chance, this is a must win situation for us."

Tomorrow match will be played in Iqaluit Qubec. It will be a must win game that will determine the future of Kirishima in this Cup of Harmony . A Kirishima win is important and while Kirishima could not get the upset they wanted Barnagay to preform on Star United States it will seem it is impossible for the Kitsunes to do as well. This will be the third meeting against Star United States and the first non friendly one at that. The first encounter was the first ever international match of the Kitsunes in which they lost 3-1 in Star United States, the second matchup was home in Ikari and the Kitsunes fell a disappointing 1-4. One can imagine the pressure on this team to advance they need to upset a higly ranked team who has not only beat the Kitsunes in the past but destroyed them. We can only watch and hope it only takes a goal. For those at home, games can be seen on Nagatomo Sport Network (NSN) and Saito Broadcast Channel (SBC) in Japanese or French. For those seeking English broadcast check local network listings.

Want more News?

• Senator Megumi Ayanami to attend Dorian Peace Talks *NEW* 5,600,182 views
• National Assembly to begin talks on Hunger bill *NEW* 3,398,996 views
• Kyosuke Hikaru to retain position as Manager *NEW* 2,653,082 views

[Recuecn]

Tremblay had relaxed somewhat and taken the team to a local pub, despite his earlier attempts to stop the players from going themselves. Now, a strange sight was seen: a crowded pub in Ousevale was packed with fans cheering for Krytenia as they played against Falcus. That was normal. But in the middle of all the fans wearing the Krytenian blue, stood the entire Recuecian squad in their guady uniforms. (Tremblay had insisted upon this as a way of keeping track of his boys.) A couple of them watched the game, interested on a professional level, but no deeper. Most, however, were in the full spirit of things, yelling, screaming, chanting, jumping up and down. The joy was palpable as Krytenia fought back from being down three points, to win.

And now, back at the hotel, Tremblay was trying to use the Krytenian team as both a theoretical tactical example, but also a moving image of an underdog succeeding against all odds.

"This can be us!" he was insisting. I know the Krytenians have a long history of international football and we don't, but they hadn't even attempted qualifying in years! So while we're here, in there country, watch them, learn from them. Look at their determination. Their perseverance. Their self-confidence. But also, look at how they play--their tactics, especially how they attack and how they keep the ball from the opposition. Look at their comebacks. Now let's do the same thing."

The team tok his advice to heart--as much as they could. They shut Barunia down. When Walkany took the lead, they retook it. The difference was that the Recuecians couldn't manage to take the upper hand, to score just one more goal.

"This reminds me of the World Cup qualification," Gerald casually mentioned to Franky. "Draw after draw after draw.

"Hopefully it's win after draw after draw," said Franky. "We can still make this."

"I know we can," said Gerald. "And drawing these teams is great. But winning would be better."

[Brenecia]

From Phil Roberts <philliproberts@bfahq.com>
To Steve Pell <stephenpell@bfahq.com>
Subject Reader Said No

Prez, I made the call to Reader. Her response was

um

not positive.

Something about it was unprofessional to call in the middle of an international tournament, like something about honour, undermining authority, et cetera.

Advise on next course of action?

From Steve Pell <stephenpell@bfahq.com>
To Phil Roberts <philliproberts@bfahq.com>
Subject Re: Reader Said No

Did you make it clear to her that this was only in the event of a catastrophic failure in the Cup of Harmony, and her services were not necessarily required?

From Phil Roberts <philliproberts@bfahq.com>
To Steve Pell <stephenpell@bfahq.com>
Subject Re: Re: Reader Said No

That was hard, Prez. She was shouting at me within like five seconds of the call being picked up.

It's possible we've fucked this one up for good, chief. Let's maybe not be up-front to the rest of the staff, yeah?

From Steve Pell <stephenpell@bfahq.com>
To Phil Roberts <philliproberts@bfahq.com>
Cc Ben Searle <bensearle@bfahq.com>, Scott Daniel <scottdaniel@bfahq.com>, Bobby McCarthy <bobbymccarthy@bfahq.com>
Subject Management Alternatives - Slatesaver

Recently, we have decided to pursue a different angle for the Brenecia national team management. It has emerged that Reader has a fiery disposition and an anti-authoritarian streak that would be counter-intuitive for a manager of the national team. Therefore, we must begin reviewing other options.

Jon Slatesaver
Age: 67
Current Job: North Hall

Slatesaver's reputation has been patched up in the press recently, not only because he is a very good manager who has had success abroad, for the national team and now back home but also because, frankly, after Granger? Anyone looks good. His years at North Hall have not changed him overly much, except for giving him an increased appreciation for the A-League (which goes from strength to strength every season), and he retains his abilities as motivator, tactician and defensive mastermind.

There are a couple issues.

First, this could be seen as a step backwards - after all, we've tried him before, right? Second of all, he's old, and this would in all likelihood be a short-term appointment. But that suits us fine. He will have to rebuild from a young core, but if we stress that from the beginning, then there shouldn't be any problems. Short-term is fine. Under Slatesaver, the Patriots will get results.

Ultimately, we cannot ignore the possibility of Slatesaver in the manager's role - he is one of our best, and only, options.

From Phil Roberts <philliproberts@bfahq.com>
To Steve Pell <stephenpell@bfahq.com>
Cc Ben Searle <bensearle@bfahq.com>, Scott Daniel <scottdaniel@bfahq.com>, Bobby McCarthy <bobbymccarthy@bfahq.com>
Subject Re: Management Alternatives - Slatesaver

Nice misdirection, chief. I think they'll believe that one.

From Steve Pell <stephenpell@bfahq.com>
To Phil Roberts <philliproberts@bfahq.com>
Subject You Fool!

Your snarky little reply was just sent to the entire Board of Directors. How about you 'misdirect' them some more, Chairman?

From Steve Pell <stephenpell@bfahq.com>
To Phil Roberts <philliproberts@bfahq.com>
Subject Re: You Fool!

Oh, shit.

From Phil Roberts <philliproberts@bfahq.com>
To Steve Pell <stephenpell@bfahq.com>
Cc Ben Searle <bensearle@bfahq.com>, Scott Daniel <scottdaniel@bfahq.com>, Bobby McCarthy <bobbymccarthy@bfahq.com>
Subject Re: Re: Management Alternatives - Slatesaver

Haha, jokes! Top office banter, that's all, mates, don't worry.

[Abanhfleft]

CRESCENT NEWS NETWORK
SPORTS CHANNEL - OFFICIAL WEBSITE
ABANHFLEFT • PRIDNESTROVIA • OONTAZ DERT LI NG • COPPER CUPRUM • TRENDSTART • FHULGHAMOUS PENINSULA

CUP OF HARMONY 64: CHIATA VS ABANHFLEFT
By Malik Qazizadah


Players of the Abanhfleft women's national football team huddle after the final whistle had been blown in Krytenia's New City Stadium. A dominant showing from Chiata in the second half handed Abanhfleft one of its more devastating defeats in recent times. (Courtesy of Crescent News Network Sports Channel/Ulysses Turogo)

AVIDIA, KRYTENIA - "Bloody, bloody Chiata" were the words on everyone's lips today as the Suns burnt the Lady Revolutionaries to a crisp and sent the country's qualification hopes into yet another tailspin with a comprehensive 4-1 demolishing at Avidia's New City Stadium.

Fleftic fans who had flocked to Krytenia to watch the game between Abanhfleft and Chiata were hoping for yet another victory over the nation that had had a brief and recent media spat with Fleftic media during the qualifiers for the 71st World Cup held last year. In fact, so great was the desire of the fans to see an upset that they even chanted, "We'll beat you again, we'll beat you again; bloody Chiata, we'll beat you again" to the tune of a well-known football chant.

Yet it seemed as if Chiata didn't get the letter, because they were on the front foot for the entirety of the match, and Abanhfleft had to play catch-up almost every time. And it was Chiata who drew first blood, when Douglas Prince managed to break away from the Fleftic defense and made a calm and collected finish against Victoria Carter to give the Suns the lead.

But while the early Chiatan goal may have silenced some of the fans, the Lady Revolutionaries were still very much in the fight. At almost the half-hour mark, Alexandra Rousseau made the telling breakthrough and did an almost exact mirror image of the goal that Prince had scored against Abanhfleft. At the end of the first half, both teams were level, almost mirroring the two teams' near-parity in the multiverse rankings. It was not to last.

At the start of the second half, Chiata came out guns blazing. Jean Davis racked up Chiata's second just seconds after the second half kickoff, taking the entire Fleftic team by surprise.

It seemed as if Chiata was out to avenge the loss that Abanhfleft had given them in the qualifiers for the 71st World Cup, which denied them the chance of qualifying for the tournament. Jesse Carroll lined up a shot from 22 yards to double the Suns' lead, and John Martinez nodded in the header from a corner kick to complete their domination, humiliation and revenge on Abanhfleft.

Despite the Lady Revolutionaries' best efforts, there was simply no coming back from this kind of game, and they walked away from Avidia's New City Stadium 1-4 losers. Fleftic fans, who had been eager to witness another upset by their team, now settled into some self-deprecation by chanting, "You've beat us again, you've beat us again; bloody Chiata, you've beat us again" to the tune of their earlier chant.

Amazingly though, Abanhfleft are still in second position after Vermark and Associated Godlands drew against each other. The match against Associated Godlands has now become a must-win game, as a win against the Godlands will see Abanhfleft advance to the knockout stages of the Cup of Harmony for the first time in its history, while a loss will see the Godlands leapfrog the Democratic Republic in the standings and advance; and the risk of Vermark also managing to qualify over the Democratic Republic are still quite high.

        CHIATA 4 - 1 ABANHFLEFT
   PRINCE (8')       ROUSSEAU (29')
   DAVIS (46')
 CARROLL (57')
MARTINEZ (60')

ABANHFLEFT
GK: 01 Carter
RB: 02 Osgood
CB: 03 Jackson
LB: 04 Valentine
RW: 07 Prescott
RM: 05 Maynard (Korovina - 80')
LM: 06 Choi █
LW: 08 Singh
CAM: 09 Torres █ (Mesbros - 55')
RS: 11 Stuart
LS: 10 Rousseau (Villegas - 72')

CHIATA
GK: 08 Truex
RB: 13 Webb
RCB: 16 Martinez
CB: 03 Carry (Deanda - 65')
LCB: 10 Eastep
LB: 21 Widman
RM: 06 Stewart
CM: 09 Carroll
LM: 18 Pearlman
ST: 01 Prince
ST: 20 Davis (Mozrek - 65')

MATCH STATISTICS
Possession
Chiata: 60%
Abanhfleft: 40%
Shots
Chiata: 10 (5 on target)
Abanhfleft: 4 (2 on target)
Corners
Chiata: 12
Abanhfleft: 5
Fouls
Chiata: 4
Abanhfleft: 12

[Cosumar]

KV: Another draw for Cosumar, but we aren't complaining about this one

ST. JOHN'S, QUEBEC -- The Cosumar Dragons took a big step towards making up for failing to get out of the group stage in Cup of Harmony 63, coming from behind to draw the favored Gloriax Black Tigers in Quebec on MD2.

Eloisa Purinton opened the scoring in the 33rd minute from the penalty spot after Mauricio Sigler recklessly went to ground and took out the legs of Dana Stockard. Jakk Winterfyll guessed the right way and might've got a hand on it, but Purinton's placement was impeccable.

Sigler, the young breakout star, would earn redemption for his clumsy sliding tackle by providing the free kick delivery that Vareza Na'Noni was able to nod down into goal in the 53rd minute. It was the slightest of touches from the big Vloo's head after he bulled past Lore Coppinger, but when the ball is whipped in with pace like that sometimes a subtle redirection is more than enough to beat the keeper. 1-1.

Cosumar forward Ace Newman had a chance to even the score earlier, but wasted a big opportunity in the 38th minute by firing straight at the keeper on a one-on-one. Ethan Kuhlmann collected the shot with ease and Newman was visibly disappointed with himself. Kuhlmann made another big stop on Newman on the brink of half time, denying the Urbanista striker's stinging effort from the right side of the area with his diving forearm. Anders Engström pounced on the deflected ball and nearly made it 2-1, but Xuan Stcyr was able to arrive in the nick of time to clear the shot off the line.

But after Cosumar equalized, the game grew increasingly boring as neither side was willing to risk opening themselves up for a second goal. A draw was mutually agreeable and conservative tactics were trotted out. Neither side registered another clear look on goal until the 89th minute, when Coppinger picked up the ball on the right side near midfield and drove deep into the Cosumarite third before breaking free into the box with some fancy dribbling and rifling a powerful no-look shot at the upper corner. Jakk Winterfyll, fortunately, was able to save Cosumar's skin with his world-class reflexes, punching the blazing ball over the crossbar.

Cosumar also registered a late shot on goal courtesy of Jon-Perohlin Nodtveit's free header off a stoppage time corner, but it ended up safely in the arms of Kuhlmann.

All in all, it's a decent result for Cosumar (1-1-0). It's not a win, but the point ensures they will have the advantage over Albaie (1-0-1) going into their meeting at Pavel Wilson Stadium on MD3. The average casual Cosumarite would likely still expect a win over Gloriax, but with David Russell at the helm the Black Tigers are an ascendant force in world soccer and stronger now than they have ever been. Given the implosion the Fiefdom Soccer Federation has witnessed this year, getting a point from a the #34 team in the multiverse is nothing to be scoffed at.

Of greater consequence to Gethin Ramsey at this point is the team's actual performance on the field, specific result aside. So what did we learn from this Cosumarite performance?

1. Our defense was actually great. Like, really great. Gloriax have an explosive team and we were able to contain them for most of the match. Robahn Akindele had his best performance in a Cosumarite uniform, embracing his task of shutting down Purinton and cleaning things up for a stout Dragons' back line. Jakk Winterfyll is a good enough goalkeeper to single-handedly keep us in game when we need him to. That's nothing new, but it's always nice to be reminded. His 89th minute save had Cosumarites everywhere exhaling in grateful relief.

2. Vareza Na'Noni is the man of the match, and continues to be a crucial cog in the National Team picture. He policed the middle of the park to perfection tonight, setting the tone of the match and constantly winning possession for Cosumar. He also scored the equalizing goal, his second of this World Cup cycle. Fans were torn when Ramsey chose Na'Noni instead of Felix Merchison to start alongside Lucassen in central midfield, but Na'Noni is justifying the gaffer's decision.

3. It's not pretty when strikers Anders Engström and Ace Newman concurrently have an off-night in terms of finishing. 8 shots on goal is not a shabby number, and most of these were from the aforementioned strike duo, but all their shots seemed to go right to the keeper like a magnet. Usually we can count on at least one of them to convert on a given night. But, hey, at least it's nice to know we can salvage a decent result even with our two biggest cannons misfiring. We can be pretty certain they'll be better against Albaie.

Cosumar
12 shots (8 on-target)
43% Possession, 63% pass accuracy
3 corners, 1 offside
15 fouls, 1 yellow card (Gorham)
Gloriax
6 shots (4 on-target)
57% Possession, 75% pass accuracy
6 corners, 1 offside
11 fouls, 0 cards

Cosumar - 1
Na'Noni (53')



Gloriax - 1
Purinton (33' - pen.)

Photo: Cosumar goalie Jakk Winterfyll leaps to swallow up a shot by Dana Stockard.
Cosumar subs: Everdale, Nodtveit, Va'Goshal

The squad looks re-energized under the leadership of former Nephara manager Gethin Ramsey, and they are currently second in Group F behind Gloriax only on goal differential (both with four points). Albaie are in close pursuit with 3 points, while Nassau are already eliminated after losing their first two matches.

Cosumar will advance automatically with a win or draw against Albaie on MD3. A loss to the plucky Esportivans, however, would be disastrous and see a team barely inside the top 100 spoil our Cup of Harmony for the second consecutive time. The crippling shock loss to debutant Flardania in CoH 63 won't fade from any Cosumarite's memory any time soon. Albaie may seem like the easiest challenge of Group F, but the Dragons haven't exactly been bastions of consistency this year. If we can play bottom-feeders Stellonia and Callagea four times in Qualifying and not get a single win out of that...a point from an ambitious Albiae side that just beat Nassau is far from guaranteed.

The key for Gethin Ramsey will be to prevent Albaie's attacking midfielders from getting time and space on the ball with which to set up prolific striker Robert Tererent. The Dragons need to keep the ball in the Albaie half and try to put pressure on their inexperienced defense. Should we win, we will face one of the survivors of Group E - likely The Royal Barangay or Star United States.

Thank you for reading The Cosumarite Courier's exclusive Cup of Harmony 64 Coverage. Follow us on Twitter @TheCourier or subscribe to our website (TheCourier.cos) to receive daily updates and analysis of Cosumar's progress in the tournament.


Kelcee Va'Rakeh
Staff Writer

---

Cosumar's World Cup 72 Cycle
Pre-Qual Friendly: Super-Llamaland 0-0 Cosumar
Pre-Qual Friendly: Osarius 3-0 Cosumar
Pre-Qual Friendly: Cosumar 3-4 Super-Llamaland
Pre-Qual Friendly: Cosumar 3-3 Sameba
Matchday 1: Stellonia 1-0 Cosumar
Matchday 2: Cosumar 3-1 Eastfield Lodge
Matchday 3: Torisakia 3-2 Cosumar
Matchday 4: Cosumar 1-2 The Holy Republican Empire
Matchday 5: Lons 2-2 Cosumar
Matchday 6: Cosumar 2-2 Callagea
Matchday 7: Buyan 1-1 Cosumar
Matchday 8: Cosumar 1-1 Stellonia
Matchday 9: Eastfield Lodge 0-0 Cosumar
Matchday 10: Cosumar 2-2 Torisakia
Matchday 11: The Holy Republican Empire 4-2 Cosumar
Matchday 12: Cosumar 4-3 Lons
Matchday 13: Callagea 0-0 Cosumar
Matchday 14: Cosumar 0-0 Buyan
Post-Qual Friendly: Stvoto Latoli 2-5 Cosumar
Cup of Harmony MD1: Cosumar 2-1 Nassau
Cup of Harmony MD2: Gloriax 1-1 Cosumar
Cup of Harmony MD3: Cosumar vs. Albaie
Blue: Draw
Green: Victory
Red: Defeat

Cosumar Goal-Scorers Tally (34 GF)
Ace Newman (8)
Ole Öhman (5)
Darwyn Lucassen (5)
Anders Engström (4)
Sur Arora (4)
Vareza Na'Noni (2)
Jon-Perohlin Nodtveit (1)
Maynard Gorham (1)
Felix Merchison (1)
Arndu Farsgaard (1)
Mauricio Sigler (1)
Tomasso Tenebrosa (1)

Cosumar Assists Tally
Anders Engström (6)
Felix Merchison (4)
Darwyn Lucassen (3)
Mauricio Sigler (3)
Robahn Akindele (2)
Ole Öhman (2)
Tomasso Tenebrosa (1)
Ace Newman (1)
Vareza Na'Noni (1)
Paaron Petrov (1)

[Super-Llamaland]

Alicia Magnusson had seen the burden high expectations could create. All she had to do was look down the aisle and find Inriquez's locker. But she had the opposite problem - rather than have Lyon throw twenty million at her before he had a cap, she'd slaved away in Miklandia and Hakifao and Dongtianguo to make her name known, had finally made the national team, and now she still couldn't get a start.

Three. Three of them during the qualifiers, a third choice striker who'd never gotten a real shot to prove herself. A poor performance early and Hoover had lost all faith in her. Even after Kris Nilssen was injured, she was still stuck behind Cartwright with a manager that rarely used two strikers.

And even when Cartwright limped off the pitch in an ugly win over Arcantova, group minnows that the Tigers squeezed out an unconvincing one-nil win over, he still got the start while Hoover opted to send a lone 34-year-old out to striker, with Stanton and Inriquez on the wings.

The Tigers scored early when Karnstedt headered in a nice cross from de Vries. They scored again when Inriquez made a brilliant run into the box and smashed into a corner, getting himself carded in his elaborate celebration. But Cartwright was poor in front of net, and the opponents were exceptionally unlucky to stay goalless.

Finally, Hoover gave her the nod, and she jogged onto the pitch. The Tigers had looked the worse team for sections, and nobody doubted the Kers' ability to come back from down two.

Sure enough, the opponents had a number of strong strikes on and near goal. Poutre volleyed wide twice, and Finch barely managed to slap the ball out after Varano broke less and found no defenders on her.

The best chance though was yet to come. A few minutes later, Noupen found herself open and smashed off the post, but the volley stayed in play while Finch helplessly slid out of bounds after an attempt to block the ball.

The bounce fell at Peter Lilac's feet. The striker, surprised to get such a chance, hesitated before smacking at it. But Sebastian Myers barely managed to keep it out with a slide. And Adam Bay's hasty clear fell in green space, Magnusson easily the closest.

She sprinted forwards, ball at her feet, Cresac scampering back to catch her. She evaded thr clumsy challenge, slalomed past Bloxam, and found herself with a pocketful of open space.

She could have shot. Some would say she should have shot. But a sense of urgency in her demanded she run on, so she ran on, ducking by Stanley and firing, low and hard, with her left.

Three nil. A game out of reach, a knockout berth assured. Try sitting her again.
---

TIGERS SMASH BY KERNANSQUILLEC TO ADVANCE

Kernansquillec (4-3-3)
GK: Ellysa
LB: Gashotov (Stanley 46)
CB: Corren
CB: Bloxam
RB: Clessac
LM: Noupen
CM: Blackwood (ST Lilac 47)
RM: C. Findlay (R. Findlay 60)
ST: Iris
ST: Varano
ST: Poutre

SUPER-LLAMALAND (5-2-2-1)
GK: Finch
LB: Meng
LCB: Myers
CB: Agudieres
RCB: Bay
RB: Karnstedt
LM: Player (Rainier 50)
RM: De Vries
WL: Stanton (Dickinson 67)
WR: Inriquez
ST: Cartwright (Magnusson 45)

STATS (Opponents First)
39 - POSSESSION - 61
8 - SHOTS - 14
5 - SHOTS ON TARGET - 10

SCORED: Karnstedt 18
Inriquez 45+1, 78
Magnusson 56
CAUTIONED: Noupen 34
Inriquez 45
Gashotov 46
EJECTED: --NONE--

[Stvoto Latoli]

Section: Home Page
Section: Local News
Section: Business
*** Section: Sport ***
Section: Entertainment
Section: Opinion

Controversial Draw With Kitsunes Sets Up "Win-And-In" Scenario For Maritime Empire

Matchday 2 - Orlo Franks has some explaining to do.

Stvoto Latoli have earned yet another point at this, the 64th Cup of Harmony football tournament. But it is a stained point. The one all result is something the Golden Crows can be proud of, as it required tenacious and organized defending for the better part of a half hour, but the Gold-Whites' half of that one all result was without question unjustly earned.

Now, the Flardanian national football team can only blame themselves for arriving so late - even if the Barunian referee did start the match a minute or two before the WCC-ordained kickoff time, it's shocking indeed that a team as well-liked as the Kitsunes could make a blunder so vast - not emerging from the tunnel in time for the national anthems? Perhaps we at the Observer Online are being a bit harsh - maybe the Quebecois match organizers didn't set up the public address system properly or something.

But the comedy of errors that resulted in the Maritime Empire's singular goal in the first minute cannot be pinned on the host nation or the Flardanians themselves - the Barunian officiating crew received on their chest that ignominious brooch. How the linesman did not see that Beolagh Athey was in an offside position as the Flardanians rushed, disorganized, onto the pitch is anybody's guess. At the very least, Franks could have overruled his assistant; it was an obvious call, after all.

No such luck for the Kitsunes, however. The blue-and-aqua clad outfit fought with all their might (and frustration at being outstripped in the table by a Stvoto Latolisi team ranked lower than them, though not by much), but for an hour and a half could not break down Brendan al Tameer's signature padlock-style defense. Flardanian curses were most commonly hurled at teenage center back Hyutu Goy, who from the moment of his introduction in the sixty-sixth minute was resolute in his denial of opposition strikers' goalscoring opportunities.

Ultimately it was only Pachomiušam Ouachaburughu's subpar performance that wrenched three points from the Gold-Whites. In addition to receiving a caution for time-wasting (his second such caution of the tournament, meaning the Šešri'makaru goalkeeper will be suspended for the Golden Crows' Matchday Three contest), Ouachaburughu was woefully out of position during the ninety-second minute goal that leveled the affair. Koharu Miyamoto can be proud of herself for her courageous charge into the heart of the Stvoto Latolisi box, but fans of the Maritime Empire won't be able to keep themselves from thinking "if only Lyu had been here."

Like Ouachaburughu, Ješughvaru Awere and Beolagh Athey have now been booked in consecutive matches and will be out for the matchup with the Royal Barangay. A triad of Cóiméid players (remember, al Tameer is from Teach Iarann, so he loves his local boys and girls) will come in as replacements: Joavan Orman between the sticks, Dignušam Nuhu at second striker, and Gibimizhoy Shoodow as the formation's critical target man. In order to accommodate Nuhu, who is not naturally a winged player in the way that Awere is, it's expected that the Gold-Whites will run out a more compact, diamond-shaped midfield. (In captain Beolagh Athey's absence, shocking rumors reverberate from Fahan to Buqul Ashabab and from Fajr to Caisleán Luaith that unproven but acclaimed young wingback Tayyib O'Callaghan will wear the armband.)

As for the Golden Crows' opponents, well... it was in fact just last year at Estadio Olimpico that the Royal Barangay nearly dropped points at home to Stvoto Latoli, victorious by a four three margin. It's fair to say that the Maritime Empire has improved in leaps and bounds since then, but make no mistake - this will still be an incredibly difficult contest. It's possible that a draw would see the Gold-Whites through, but they'd need unlikely help from the Flardanians, who are matched up with top-seeded Star United States. A win is much preferred, as with one of those, Stvoto Latoli will be through to the knockout stages of a WCC-sanctioned tournament for the first time ever.

1 - 1

Information

Venue: Pavel Wilson Stadium, Kingston, Royal Kingdom of Quebec
Attendance: 47,000
Referee: Orlo Franks (Barunia)
Man/Woman of the Match: Hyutu Goy (Stvoto Latoli)

Managers

Stvoto Latoli: Brendan al Tameer (Stvoto Latoli)
Flardania: Hikaru Kyosuke (Flardania)

Squads

Stvoto Latoli: Ouachaburughu [█ 40']; O'Callaghan, Gilmore, abd al Raziq [█ 79'], Drummond (Yutri 89'), al Nazihah; O'Bearga [█ 35'] (Goy 66' [█ 71']), Ebash, Padhi, Awere [█ 17'] (Nuhu 63'); Athey [⚽ 1', █ 90']
Flardania: Houjyou; Yamamoto, Hwan Seo, Fujisaka, Miyamoto [⚽ 90+2']; Tamura [█ 43'], Izumi (Yamada 74'), Papadopolous; Nayasaki, Ichikawa [█ 34'], Yabuta [█ 31'] (Garcon 76' [█ 86'])

Next Match

Opponent: The Royal Barangay
Venue: Bannockburn Stadium, Charlottetown, Royal Kingdom of Quebec
Stvoto Latoli's Projected Starting XI: Orman; O'Callaghan, Gilmore, abd al Raziq, Drummond, al Nazihah; Padhi, O'Bearga, Ebash, Nuhu; Shoodow
Referee: Emaan Akhtar (Patistan)

[The Saint James Islands]

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All the football news that's fit to print!

---

So what happens now?
By Makaio Moana, published 1 August 2019

A stinging draw against Szavoda has officially put Omerica on the precipice of elimination. Having needed a win to have a hope and a prayer, it looks as if Omerica will go out in the group stage once again. For the third consecutive tournament. If we do not have a reputation as an awful tournament team, we really should have cemented it by now.

Given that Omerica did not lose, it is still perfectly possible for Omerica to advance in this scenario. But it would take such a miracle that it likely isn’t worth discussing who we would face if we do go through to the knockout stage despite the fact that we will do it anyway. We at blogdefootball have done the maths and figured out exactly what would happen given all nine possible combinations of outcomes in the last two Group C games. Trust us, it doesn’t look good.

If the Sarian win
James-Alexandre Christopherson meets the axe. The Sarian secure a comfortable win in the group with seven points, while Omerica go out with two. Then Bears Armed need a win to go through, otherwise Szavoda advance to the Round of 16. The possibility of us coming in last become incredibly real, with only a Szavoda win guaranteeing that we do not finish on the bottom.

If Omerica win
Not only do we go through, but we would very likely win the group and would definitely knock out Bears Armed. If Bears Armed manage at least a draw, we are guaranteed to win the group. If Szavoda win the game, victory in the group comes down to goal difference (or goals for if goal differences are equal). In the event of an upset in this Esportivan clash, the Sarian could only go through as runners up and would need at least a draw from Bears Armed to do it.

If the Sarian and Omerica draw
It would almost certainly knock us out and would definitely send the Sarian through. If the Bears Armed-Szavoda game does not end in a draw, the winner of that game goes through and Christopherson’s reign as national team manager comes to an end despite the national team going through KRYBEC undefeated. If it ends with a draw, then we need to hope we’ve scored more goals than Szavoda. If we have, we are through. If not, we are out. If, God forbid, we score an equal number, it goes to lots. (Which inevitably leads to the question of if it has ever been necessary in a Cup of Harmony.)

The state of Group D
Patistan has not only secured a Round of 16 berth, but victory in the group. In the unlikely event we go through as runners-up, we would have to face them in the Round of 16. The runners-up field is much more wide open. Brenecia are definitely favoured to go through and would need only a draw against the Fallenmark Islands to secure a place in the knockout stage. If we win the group, we are likely to face Brenecia in a Northern Esportiva derby.

Of course, a Fallenmark win would knock Brenecia out. Polkopia is the least likely to go through; they need both a Fallenmark win and a win over Patistan to have a chance at coming out ahead and need to win by a large enough margin to ensure that the Fallenmark Islands do not overtake their goal difference.

It’s not impossible, but Polkopia are as good as done. As far as we can tell from the results so far in KRYBEC, the most likely Round of 16 match-ups from Groups C and D are the Sarian v Brenecia and Patistan v Szavoda. Let’s just hope Christopherson is busy filling out his unemployment benefits forms.

[The Fallenmark Islands]

There was an eerie silence hanging over the players as they wandered in a ragtag bunch away from the playing field. Many of them were clutching water bottles tight to their chests as they attempted to catch their breath. It had been a tough training session. Alexsandr van Sorensen had come up with the plans and the tactics necessary to try and eke a win out against Brenecia - the top ranked side in the group - and a match that the Herons would need to win handsomely if they had any hope of going through to the knockout stages. It was a slim hope, and therefore the players had been drilled mercilessly in the pursuit of just that eventuality.

Now, shattered, they were finally given leave by Dietar Eygenroy, against his better judgement, to walk off to the meeting room for another "inspirational session" from Timo Skye.

The main silver lining being that it stood a decent chance of being one of the last ones he'd deliver before going off to Yttribia at the end of the cycle. Or, so they thought.

Upon reaching the room where they'd expected Timo to be, they found nothing. Only a note in scrawled handwriting taped to the door.

Gone Racin'

The players shrugged, and walked back to the pitch. Might as well get ready for the showdown against Brenecia in that case...

---

Meanwhile, in Audioslavia...

"But now, it's time to put a Celebrity in our Reasonably-Priced Cabriolet. Now, tonight's guest is something a little unusual for Full Throttle. One of the more notorious figures out there in the world of football, or, well, in the world of pretty much anything for that matter, here is a man who we didn't even have to approach to appear here. In fact, the number of voicemails he left for both myself and my produced - and, please bear in mind we have no idea how he got our numbers - probably far outstrips the total number of viewers we have in his entire nation. Yes, never one to let talent get in the way of a good ego, it's Timo Skye!"

The Audioslavian audience is slightly surprised. Having retired long before he ever had the chance to score against them in competition, there are no particular grudge held between the nation of Audioslavia and the figure of Timo Skye. Nonetheless, his legend transcends national boundaries, and his reputation feels no need to stick to any limitations based on such lowly attributes as 'stats' or 'facts', and so it is consequently a smattering of applause and some wary faces that greet the former Terns striker when he walks boldly and obliviously out from behind the curtain.

Skye, imposingly tall and with his hair swept over his ears, warmly shook the hand of Jeremy Jaffacake with rather a bit more force than was necessary, and then sat down with a fixed smile on his face.

"Hello, Timo." said Jaffacake through his teeth.

"Hello, Spaffacake." replied Skye.

"I must say, you're certainly the most keen anyone has ever been to come on the show. Normally people have their agents call us if they're interested, and more often than not it's us chasing them in the first place. You, however..."

"Well, I saw an episode the other day with Rami Nitwit on it and I couldn't resist the chance to throw my hat into the ring, Jeremy." smiled Skye a little to warmly, "How've you been, by the way? Been a while."

"Been a long while since we last clashed heads Timo, yes," agreed Jaffacake, "it would appear that you have acquired my own gift for longevity along the way, somehow."

"I certainly have, Jeremy." said Skye, still with the same smile on his face.

"How fortunate for the rest of the Multiverse."

"Well, quite!" said Skye, finally relaxing and leaning back in his chair and waving a hand expressively around his face, "who would want to deny the people this for as long as they want it?"

"...indeed." said Jaffacake, a little lost for words. "Now, Timo. What do you want to talk about?"

"What do you want to talk about, Jeremy?"

"Well, usually our guests come on here with something to promote, or some grudge that you want to se-... oh."

"Hm?" asked Skye, a vision of innocence on his face.

The audience laughed a little, unsettling the host and forcing him to try and pull back the initiative in the interview. Why was Skye always so damn competitive? The bastard couldn't even be a guest without a fucking agenda...

"So, anyway, Timo, let's talk about your car ownership history."

"Oh, is that what we do here? Oh good." said Skye, leaning forwards again.

"Now, obviously, you're a staggeringly rich person these days, having just signed a contract to start a consultancy position with Yttribia in the near future, so I expect this list of cars to get a little longer in the coming months..."

"More than likely," conceded Skye with a wave of the head.

"...but let's just cast an eye over some of the cars you do own, shall we?" suggested Jaffacake, pulling a hefty roll of paper out of his top pocket. For maximum impact, he cleared his throat and looked at the audience before unfurling the list with a flourish. Bouncing, the roll of paper unwound itself and rolled into the crowd.

"Wow." said Skye.

"Quite," agreed Jaffacake, "and I know this might look like a 'bit' to those of you at home, but I can assure you - this is not a prop. This is the actual list of cars that you've owned or still own to this day. Shall we take a look at a few choice entries on the list?"

"Please do," said Skye, "this should be interesting, actually."

"Okay, well, according to our lists you own five versions of a car called the Farautoo Nebula Skye Special. Care to elaborate?"

"Well," shrugged Skye, "that was at the height of my sponsorship and endorsement deals. I was doing adverts for Farautoo and they were bringing out the Nebula soon-"

"A decent car, by Polarian standards, I have to admit."

"It was okay, yeah, but the best version was the Skye Special."

"And what was that? Because we've never heard of it. Our researchers could find absolutely nothing on it."

"A special version of the car in my name. I asked for it to be created in my contract with them, and I got five versions of it and promised them my image rights in perpetuity in return, as well as 20% of the profits from any of the orders they took after its release."

"Five."

"Five, yes."

"And how many did they end up making, in the end?" asked Jaffacake.

"Erm, just those five, actually," admitted Skye.

"Spectacular," said Jaffacake, smiling down camera as the audience laughed. "Just, spectacular. Now, just a few more before we turn to your lap..."

"By all means."

"This list also says you own the entire fleet of SK Franz Josef City official vehicles..."

"Seems plausible," shrugged Skye.

"...as well as, and this is incredible, one of the Pasargan Palace Guard Armoured Troop Carriers with mounted water cannon."

There was a laugh from the audience and a moment of silent thought from Skye, before;

"...oh God, Petter's stag night. I'd forgotten all about that, you know."

"All of which means, of course," continued Jaffacake with a wave towards the in-studio monitors, "that with all your apparent practice in a multitude of vehicles we weren't surprised at all to see you spend so much time off the course entirely in your practise sessions."

There followed a montage of clips of Skye skidding off the Full Throttle track at various corners on several occasions, presumably intended to embarrass the guest. The one main error in that plan being, Timo Skye knows absolutely no shame whatsoever.

"Well," he shrugged, "I missed the goal a lot before I started scoring, and I ended up the best striker in Polarian history, so."

"So far." leered Jaffacake.

"Tsh!" snorted Skye in laughter. "Right."

"Well, anyway, shall we see how you did in your actual lap?"

There was a cheer from the audience.

The scene cut from Skye in the studio to footage of him full screen in the Network at the start of the course. There was a rattle of wheelspin, a lost gear, and he struck a steady but stunted getaway from the start/finish line.

"Not a great start, Timo?"

"I never saw the point in hurrying," said Timo, "I tend to go at my own pace and the world adapts to keep up, usually."

"Yes, well the thing is - this is a race against the clock, and the seconds don't slow down for anybody." laughed Jaffacake, "You've taken a wild line through turns one and two there, Timo, were you aware?"

"I went the way I wanted to go."

"Seems somehow appropriate..." trailed off Jaffacake for comedic affect that landed with the studio audience."

"There's a good bit coming up, now." said Skye, excitedly.

"Oh? Good lord!" shouted Jaffacake, watching as Skye actuall gathered enough momentum to lift the car up off the tarmac at the Followthrough, spinning the car on the landing and setting back off in the wrong direction.

"BOOM!" shouted Skye, "Look at all that air!"

"You're not suppose to fly the bloody thing!" shrieked Jaffacake over the howls of laughter from the audience. "And you're going the wrong way now!"

"I was having fun, I wanted a second crack at it!" countered Skye.

Sure enough, he went back through the Followthrough with just as much air as the first time, but this time nailed the landing and swerved off shakily into the rest of the course.

"Good grief, Timo!" said Jaffacake with a hand across his forehead, "I can barely look! But there you go nonetheless, round the last corner..and across the line!"

The audience applauded enthusiastically. Skye, as ever, had managed to court the affections of a crowd, even when being completely inept at the task set before him. Even more impressively, this particular crowd was Audioslavian.

"So, do you want to know your time?" asked Jaffacake. "I mean, I suppose we should be... grateful that you're still alive, but anyway."

"Hit me." said Skye earnestly.

"Unsurprisingly, given your detour and how generally bad at this you are," said Jaffacake, writing the time down on the scorecard as he went, "you managed the course in... two minutes, twenty-eight seconds point nine."

"Ha!" laughed Skye.

"Absolutely hopeless!" laughed Jaffacake, putting the score up on the bottom of the leaderboard. "I must say, Timo, I expected better from you."

"What on earth made you think I'd be a good driver?" asked Skye, smirking. "I buy fast cars to make up for the fact that I'm a terrible driver! Surely that makes sense? Makes sense to me, anyway."

"But, you wanted to come on the show so badly! All those voicemail messages..." continued Jaffacake.

"Doesn't mean I'm a good driver."

"Ah," started Jaffacake, with a pointed finger held up in argument, "but it did suggest you were awfully keen to come on the show. And, I'm rather afraid, Timo, that your reputation precedes you somewhat."

"In what way?" asked Skye warily.

"As a show off."

"Oh, good," said Skye, relieved, "for a minute there I thought the past forty years had all been in vain."

"So then, why did you want to come on?"

"To waste your time, obviously." said Skye, with a grin like a shark that had just stumbled across the weekly meeting of Shark Fetishists Anonymous.

"But I... oh."

"Yeah."

"I see."

"Laters, Spaffacake." said Skye, leaping to his feet and running out of the studio quicker than the cameras could track him.

"...erm, ladies and gentlemen, Timo Skye?" said Jaffacake straight down the lens. "I would apologise for his behaviour, but, well... I fear that would be rather missing the point entirely."


NS Celebrity in a Reasonably-Priced Cabriolet Leaderboard
1: 1:41.0 - Alexander Lund (AUD), WGPC World Driver's Champion
2: 1:49.5 - Ronda Judit Styrn (AUD) - Audioslavian footballer
3: 1:49.7 - "Twatwaffle" (KRY) - Krytenian journalist and national team manager
4: 1:52.3 - Orson Faulkner (BRE) - Brenecian footballer
5: 1:55.5 - Stelling Whitely (KRY) - TV Gameshow host
6: 1:55.8 - Buster Jieber (AUD) - Pop singer
7: 2:28.9 - Timo Skye (PIS) - Enigma