X Winter Olympics RP Thread

[Free Republics]

Logo created by Yttribia

Who will win medals today? Who will put themselves into medal position? Its the cutoff for Day 12!

[Todd McCloud]

Yovisktre: Boycotting Closing Ceremonies is Bad and You Should Feel Bad
Reporting for V3 News Services, Rin Slakori

BASETON - The so-called pillars of perennial Winter Olympics nations continue to fall and more and more athletes voice their displeasure of the sentiments and beliefs of the people in the Free Republics, the recognition of Saintland, and their religious overtones, among other reasons. Yet, Vekaiyu still remains as a supporter of the events. Specifically, the chairwoman of the Vekaiyun National Olympic Council (VNOC) Riyna Yovisktre took time out of her schedule and chose a relatively uneventful day for Vekaiyun athletes to address the growing list of nations who refuse to attend the closing ceremonies.

"I find it funny that the nations who glibly proclaim 'tolerance' and 'equality' are among the first to condemn a nation for their cultural differences," she began in a speech televised by V3 News Services earlier today. "Indeed, this seems to suggest there is no such thing as tolerance in the circles of the Olympic elite, should such circles exist. Rather than celebrate these games as a means of furthering the plight of sentient beings in their quest to continue moving forward and progressing toward excellence, they use these games as a charade, priding themselves over their self-proclaimed piety."

"We in Vekaiyu are not about to stoop to such levels. Yes, we are aware of the policies of Free Republics and the inherent difficulties of Saintland. But we are not here to play politics. We are here to compete to the best of our abilities and be grateful of the inviting atmosphere that awaits us. It is never easy for Vekaiyuns, who speak in a foreign tongue and practice a form of Christianity that recognizes the rite of salvation for all sentient beings. Of all individuals competing at these games, one would think that we would have a great reason to condemn the host nation. But we will not. We are better than that. Simply put, we respect the host nation and their sporting endeavors. If we did not, we would not just boycott closing ceremonies. We would further the ante by not competing altogether."

"The actions of boycotting nations are purely hypocritical and political. Nothing more. Vekaiyu will always remain a beacon of reason in a sea of groupthink. Thank you for your time."

The chairwoman would not field any questions on the matter, but later clarified her final point to a V3 reporter by stating, "We have always handled these political situations with great hesitation. While we have legitimate reason to pack our things and go, we choose not to. Why? Because we are taught to love above all else. It is to this end the attendance of all Vekaiyun athletes in the closing ceremony is mandatory, or the athlete risks losing their place on the Vekaiyun Olympic Roster, which is clearly not set in stone at this point."

[Schutzenphalia and West Ruhntuhnkuhnland]

Selection of articles from Der Nordschutzenphalenglaubreiterfluchtschlamterkrötische Flümederthelweiderverlautzällegerwißmeinschlaftsörbschlimmelbeobachter.

Generic Athlete Profile Bandwagon: Torsten Auer



The great white hope of Schutzenphalian ski jumping, "Auer der Adler" ("Auer the Eagle") soared into silver medal place in the men's individual normal hill competition to register the country's fourth medal of the Winter Olympics and surpass the medals target of 3 set by the SOA. Auer, a hot contender in both individual events and the team, landed the highest scoring jump of the final, 136.0, the only jumper to pass the 100 m mark on a difficult, reduced visibility course. However, Auer, known for his aggressive style, threw away the chance of a gold: instead of taking a safer second jump as is the norm in the sport, he threw out a reckless second attempt at passing his season's best. Though his jump once again had huge distance, registering an unofficial 101.2 m mark, he lifted his right ski in the landing. Former Nordic Land regionmate Muriburiland's dominant team took gold through Pieter Olvardsen, while Mangår Markvardsen tied for silver.

Auer has long been considered one of the leading Schutzenphalian athletes at this Games, and the silver medal here marks the end of an undefeated run of 17 consecutive first place finishes. But an Olympic medal hardly diminishes his competitive record, and will leave him with something to improve on when he seeks to defend his Four And A Half Hills Tournament title later this season. Hailing from a working class background, he trained as a mechanic in the Schutzenphalian Air Force before taking a job at a steel mill, while competing on the amateur circuit, and was discovered after successfully jumping the hazardous Gorge of Engorgeliness as a 24 year old. Since then he has been signed for E & B Schi-Sport, and has been competing as a professional with a lucrative sideline in endorsements, mostly consisting of adverts making puns about him jumping off, over, or occasionally through things.

Mechanistic Results Regurgitation: Ski jump silver marks successful day

Schutzenphalia and West Ruhntuhnkuhnland picked up their fourth medal of the games through the ski jumping efforts of Torsten Auer, but Day 12's successes were not limited to the podium day on an upbeat day for the downbeat team. Though yet another miss in the men's giant slalom left all remaining alpine skiing hopes resting on the final slalom events, traditionally the most technical discipline but with little promise displayed in the super combined runs, the skiers were upstaged by their snowboarding peers. The alpine events kicked off with the men's parallel giant slalom, which saw Wolfgang von Bärberg and Detlef Meyer qualify in 8th and 9th place - although that means only can one progress, as should they both win their 1/16th round matchups, they would face each other in the octofinal.

Sofia Mas qualified in third place with a daring second round run on 100.48 in the women's halfpipe skiing. While her first round 88.07 would have been good enough to progress to the final anyway, she threw out all her tricks in a dazzling second attempt that included two reverse 900s and a spectacular cork 1080 as well as her signature left 720 mute. Not a clean, crisp finisher, Mas will rely on stacking her run with more big tricks if she is to contend in the final, but simply making that level is bound to boost the popularity of minority freestyle skiing disciplines, proving increasingly attractive in the wake of failures in the bigger name events.

The evening concluded with the original dance in the ice dancing competition. Vanessa Meindl and Uwe von Brössingstedt earned 61.92, the 7th highest points score of the round, for their lively interpretation of the Schutzenphalian waltz, performed in faux military uniforms, boosting them up the rankings after a poor start in the compulsory dance. Though they are still long way out of contention of the three Electrum teams crowding the top spots, a good showing in the free dance - where they plan to interpret a piece by trance pioneer DJ Bööp Bööp - would at least place them in the top ten.

[The Dark Star Republic]

todaynews.dsr
The news...today!

Brandon skis into medal history

Leo Brandon became the first Dark Star alpine skier to win an Olympic medal, surprising a strong men's giant slalom field with an attacking run to finish just 1/100th of a second ahead of Electrum's Tharindu Valentin and claim bronze. The medal is The Dark Star Republic's second medal of the Games. Brandon celebrated with a traditional Dark Star dance at the finish, making sure to direct his massive balls especially towards a bunch of sobbing Nordic crybabies.

A sophomore art history and critical theory student at the Second University, Brandon was an unheralded name entering the competition, with a Rating And Numerical Knowledge Indicating Non-Arbitrary Greatness (RANKING) of just 76/100. However, blustery conditions that kept light powder snow dusting the course suited his slightly anarchic skying style while more refined practitioners found it hard to keep clean lines. The aggressive approach worked, and although he lost time in a sloppy final descent, he managed to nose ahead of Valentin by the length of his skis. He then had to wait in the podium area while other skiers completed their runs, and Per Stenger of The Kytler Peninsulae came close, but was 3/100ths back to leave Brandon clear for a medal finish.

[Electrum]

OOC: Obviously this is strictly IC. I had a laugh off the Vekaiyun RP today.

Centralis Herald - Comment - Stewart Faraday

Vekaiyun sillyness exemplified by Yovisktre

It's not everyday that you see a large amount of ignorance as displayed by Vekaiyun Riyna Yovisktre, the chairwoman of the Vekaiyun Olympic Committee. Indeed, we do not expect that quite of thing from someone who is a chairperson of an Olympic Committee, maybe from athletes, but certainly not someone in charge of something so important. Yet again, however, for the second time in these Olympic Games, they have embarrassed themselves in front of the international community with the somewhat bizarre press conference proclaiming that, "Boycotting Closing Ceremonies is Bad and You Should Feel Bad." It is funny however, that Riyna Yovisktre does not recognise the delicious irony in her words, nor the spiteful ignorance that she imparts every time she opens her mouth.

But let's take a step back and look at the history of Yovisktre's words. Amid the Gregoryisgodistan controversy last time in the Kytler Peninsulae, Yovisktre wrote a letter titled An Open Letter to Boycott GGS, proclaiming that the multiverse should boycott Gregoryisgodistan because "these games are supposed to represent peace," and other words to the effect of boycotting the nation. Sure enough, that was a rational letter stating a point of view given the circumstances. Sadly (or funnily, whichever way you want to look at it) however, in these games, she would contradict herself. She turned around in that bizarre press conference by saying, "The actions of boycotting nations are purely hypocritical and political." Oh my. Did anyone not just see what happen? Well, it's true. Yovisktre is a hypocrite. She then went on to say that "They use these games as a charade, priding themselves over their self-proclaimed piety," but when you title your speech as "You should feel bad," well, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?

And the hypocrisy/ignorance goes deeper. Let's dissect more of her words, and have a taste of that delicious irony. Yovisktre stated in her letter to boycott Gregoryisgodistan, that the Olympic Games are meant to embody peace. But now, she has willingly ignored the fact that the Free Republics (no, I'm not going to call them by their 'real' name) are now essentially a client state of Saintland, a rogue nation which has subjugated the Feministvs Sanctvsterra group and the nation of Ciqi (who is competing under the Free Republics banner as a result), and where the patriarch of the Church of Iesus Christus resides (He was also present during the opening ceremony of these games). Yes, that's right, the very same Church of Iesus Christus that refused to comment over their radicals committing terrorist raids in Taxachusetts, crucifying women for not bending over to their caveman values. So, when Yovisktre proudly proclaimed that, "I find it funny that the nations who glibly proclaim 'tolerance' and 'equality' are among the first to condemn a nation for their cultural differences," we have got to take that with a grain of salt. No, the 'cultural difference' of killing women and forcing other nations to believe in your religion is different to the 'cultural difference' of worshipping the Almighty Gregory as your god. No, not at all Riyna, not at all.

Earlier on in her speech, she also proclaimed that, "Rather than celebrate these games as a means of furthering the plight of sentient beings in their quest to continue moving forward and progressing toward excellence, they use these games as a charade, priding themselves over their self-proclaimed piety." No. I don't think that's the whole point for the Olympic Games. But besides that point, we must say, the Republicans have an excellent track record in furthering the plight of sentient beings. This includes constantly referring about the ponies of Equestrian States as "talking horses" or labelling Felixian citizens in a derogatory way by calling them trolls, or by calling the mostly animal team of Furellum as "a bunch of canines," then you've got to really wonder if that's really the case. Food for thought.

Okay, getting away from the speech, because it bores me now, and onto another example of Yovisktre's maverick...ness. Just last week, Yovisktre had another brainwave, that we should give athletes that come fourth a medal! She said that, "If there is a very slight difference between the 3rd and 4th place in a field of 100 athletes, I believe that accomplishment holds merit." Really now? And what if there was a slight difference of 4th place and 5th place? Should we give them a medal too? And then between them and 6th place? You know what lady, just give everybody a participation medal, because everyone's just so elite to even make it into the Olympics. But that was not the main point of my dissection of her outbursts from last week. She said that, "I am inclined to suggest a different material - polymer. Specifically, polyimide. This particular polymer [...] would be crafted here, in Vekaiyu." So suddenly, the fourth medal, proposed by Vekaiyu would be made in Vekaiyu. Now if that doesn't sound like a conflict of interest, maybe this will, "A company in Provinsk, Iluski-Nari, has agreed in part to manufacture the medals." Yup. So this agreement was already done in advance. Doesn't that scream idiotic, not to mention biased? Thankfully, this suggestion has already been knocked back by the Olympic Committee, and rightfully so.

You see Riyna Yovisktre, when you go out and try to make bold statements, and try to make yourself look like "a beacon of of reason," (no, the polymer medals are not at all reasonable) you make yourself look like a fool. Meanwhile, the Electrumite Chef de Mission, Maximillion von Trier has done the correct thing in making the attendance of the closing ceremony optional. It is simply far too dangerous for Electrumites to be in a stadium filled with people who intensely hate them. Not to mention that all of those people have guns too. There's no telling what those gun-toting people might do, but giving the athletes the choice of whether or not they want to appear is the correct way of dealing with the issue. Athletes with personal or political objections to the ceremony may up and leave, whilst not forcing other athletes who want to enjoy the closing ceremony to boycott the whole thing entirely.

[Southern Yugoslavia]

Heartbreak: National Women's Hockey Team eliminated in quarterfinals
For ZRN, Mikhail Tsurenov

BASETON - In a stunning upset, #8 Kelssek defeated the #1 ranked Laiatanese women's national team in the two nations' quarterfinal game 2-1. In an upsetting game that will surely be remembered for years to come, the Laiatanese team simply couldn't hold out much longer. The team had been undefeated throughout these Winter Olympics, and it seems that their luck just ran out. Lupine fans stood and applauded their home country's attempt to advance onto the semifinals.

"They [Kelssek] lucked out. They got me with my guard down right there at the end. And we couldn't recover with that little time. That goal sealed it," said goalie Nasytasha Mashir, wiping away tears during the interview. Head coach Ludmilla Bezukladnikov was seen comforting Mashir immediately after the game before the team returned to the locker room. Team captain Ania Burdukovsky stood in the face-off circle with her mouth opened, stunned after the goal. "It was a buzzer beater. There was literally nothing we could do," she later commented, obviously still in disbelief.

The game started out looking like it would go Laiatan's way. The Laiatanese scored early in the first period, and remained ahead until the second period when Kelssek finally answered. Following a high-sticking penalty against Laiatan with seconds to go in the game, Kelssek won the face-off and got the puck right past Mashir. There were 0.8 seconds left on the clock.

"We can't believe it. We thought we'd go all the way." A disappointed Laiatanese fan from Mahigorod, the headquarters for the Laiatanese Olympic Committee, told ZRN. "They were playing so well. Sure they had close calls, but we definitely thought we'd at least bronze." Another fan was heard shouting expletives that can't be printed in this news report as he walked out of the stadium. "At least we still have the men's team," was also overheard in the crowds, which reveals some optimism still remains within at least one fan.

The Laiatanese men's hockey team, ranked #14 knocked off the #3 Holy Republican Unified Team in the Round of 16 game two days ago. They will face #4 Vermark in tomorrow's game. Expectations aren't too high, but the country definitely wants to see another victory.

Laiatan also dropped to number four in the overall medals table after not securing another gold medal. The overall total remains at seven.

[Gregoryisgodistan]

Gregoryisgodistan To Participate in Closing Ceremony Wearing Pink Outfits

In spite of calls from other nations to boycott the closing ceremony, Gregoryisgodistan confirmed that they will, in fact, be participating. However, they will all be wearing solid pink outfits from the coats down to the pants, in solidarity with Feministvs Sanctvsterra, an activist organization seeking to end the oppression by the Sanctii and Republican governments. Feminstvs Sanctvsterra previously hacked the opening ceremony, and Gregoryisgodistani athletes wanted to show their solidarity with them. So, they decided to wear those solid pink outfits. In a press statement, Chef de Mission and Acting Head of the Delegation (with Lord Almighty Gregory having left the country) Sports Chief Wally Richardson said "Although other nations feel the best way to make a statement about Republican and Sanctii oppression is to skip the closing ceremony, we believe the best way to make a statement and show our solidarity with Feministvs Sanctvsterra is to participate in the closing ceremony wearing solid pink. As mentioned before, Lord Almighty Gregory himself will not participate as he has already left the country, but all of our other athletes will, in fact, participate, and will be wearing solid pink. We intended for our flagbearer, whoever that may be, to carry a solid pink Feministvs Sanctvsterra flag into Olympic Stadium instead of our own, but the Olympic Council rejected that on the grounds that ceremony protocol says we must use our own flag. Therefore, we will be using a Gregoryisgodistani flag but it will be on a pink flagpole and will have pink fringe in support of Feministvs Sanctvsterra. Our delegation will show our support for Feministvs Sanctvsterra in other ways, too. During the remainder of the Games, all athletes will don pink wristbands during medal ceremonies to show their support for the activists. Additionally, our athletes will be wearing pink gloves in sports that use them but do not require a pre-set uniform, including gloves, to be submitted in advance of the Games. Curling, speed skating, and figure skating do not involve athletes wearing gloves, so that prevents them from wearing the pink gloves. Additionally, our ice hockey teams were required to submit uniforms, including glove color, to the organizers prior to the Games so it is too late to change that. However, in skiing events, which includes pretty much everything on skis ranging from ski jumping to biathlon to regular old ski racing, as well as in snowboard events, we are free to wear whatever gloves we want without having a preapproval process, as long as they are within the size limits so they do not give us a competitive advantage. These gloves will be in compliance with international rules regarding equipment and we will make sure they pass any equipment checks there are. Should any of these athletes win medals, they will wear these pink gloves on the medal podium and hold them high to show the world the strength of Feministvs Sanctvsterra. Athletes in sports without gloves might still borrow them from athletes in spots with gloves to use during the medal ceremony. This way, they can participate too."

From back in Gregoryisgodistan, Lord Almighty Gregory made a statement, saying "Our atheltes' support for Feministvs Sanctvsterra is commendable. Rather than boycott the closing ceremony and lose a chance to make a statement on international TV, we are choosing to attend the ceremony and make a statement in the biggest way possible. Nobody pays attention to who's not at the ceremony, particularly at the closing ceremony where everyone enters together and missing delegations could easily be ignored. But with regards to who's there and making a statement, it's kind of hard to miss. And we will be making major statements at medal ceremonies and during events as well. It will be impossible to miss us. We will show the world why we support Femininstvs Sanctvsterra. Speaking of which, I am once again pledging to provide Feministvs Sanctvsterra and Legion of Lucifer with any help they need to overthrow the governments in their respective countries. I ask for nothing in return other than that you dispose of those in power and that, if you choose to execute them, you agree to broadcast it on TV here in Gregoryisgodistan. We will even pay you for the broadcast rights and even provide the broadcast equipment if you need us to do so. It is up to you whether to broadcast said executions in your own countries. But we won't force you to execute them - you can do whatever you want to them, including torturing them eternally instead. We would be happy to pay you generously for the eternal broadcast rights to that as well, but we understand if you do not want to make such a long-term commitment to broadcasting. I strongly hope that you will accept our request for any assistance needed. With us working together, there is nothing standing in the way of an overthrow of the Republican and Sanctii governments. Governments backed by the Legion of Lucifer and Feministvs Sanctvsterra would even be removed from the Enemy List. I strongly advise you to accept our help, immediately, so that your countries can overthrow their wicked leaders who everyone hates. We will help you ensure it. Death to King Petrus! Death to Consul Kulseth! All Hail Feministvs Sanctvsterra and Legion of Lucifer! Thank you everyone, and Me Bless Gregoryisgodistan."

[Barunia]

Klaus: Hi, I'm Klaus, this is John, welcome to our show.

John: The show where I talk sport and Klaus makes some ignorant and racist observations.

Klaus: Speaking of racist comments…

John: Careful Klaus.

Klaus: No, I'd like to apologise, because I made some comments about Maalvia yesterday, which turned out to be wrong.

John: Wow, Klaus, you actually mean it, don't you?

Klaus: Yes, it turns out Maalvia's athletes aren't quite as shite on snow as they led us to believe.

John: And thankyou Klaus, for managing to put your foot in your mouth while apologising. It's a gift, I tell you. But you are right, the Maalvian contingent are doing well.

Klaus: Wolanski and Beso are in third place in the men's bobsleigh, only one hundredth of a second behind the Darmeni dudes. And there's some Barunians in the mix too: Silver and Rakmananov are in seventeenth.

John: W'll find out tomorrow if either of those pairs can end up on the podium. On to snowboarding, and Khariton Grigorescu is through to the next round in the men's Parallel Giant Slalom. He'll take on local Percy Schivert in the next round.

Klaus: I think he'll take on more than just the one, John. There's another thirty in the field still.

John: Klaus, if you actually knew anything about the sports you are supposed to be the expert on, you'd know that the next round is a head to head. Two competitors run side by side - that's why they call it parallel - with the fastest advancing. Simple, really.

John: The biggest news came from the ice rink. Klaus, I know you want to tell them. Go on, then.

Klaus: We won another medal! Or at least, one of the Maalvians did, which is good enough as long as they wear the same uniforms. Veronica Augustine got bronze in the 500 metre speed skating. Our only person in the field, Augustine missed out on gold by three hundredths of a second, and silver by two!

John: Veronica was in first place after her first run, but Alsace and Spencer dug deep to break the 38 second barrier and steal first and second from under her nose.

Klaus: It wasn't all good news though: The flying fox didn't come through for us, with Atanse Klim finishing 34th of 50 in the Ski Jumping. While figure skating pair Arkadiusz and Cassidy are in danger of becoming the face of Barunian mediocrity in winter sports.

John: There was also a spectacular but nasty crash for Maalvian Sebastian Kava in the Men's Giant Slalom. Kava had to be assisted off the course after coming undone and travelling ten metres through the air before crashing heavily into the snow.

Klaus: You know, looking at that footage, something's occurred to me.

John: What's that Klaus?

Klaus: Well, take Wolanski and Beso, or Augustine. They're doing really well, on ice. Not snow. I was right the first time, as Kava proved: Maalvians are shit on snow. They just make up for it with being good on ice.

John: So much for the apology, then.

Klaus: The thing is, we've got ice rinks in Barunia. We can practice any time we want. What we don't have is a a snow covered mountain to ski on. So we're missing something, and that's where Maalvia needs to fill in the gap. Not copy us!

John: well, for what it's worth, my apologies to all Maalvian skiers. That's all we have time for, until next time, goodnight!

[Transalpine Republic]

This excerpt is immediately prior to the excerpt I posted yesterday.

The Tann creature was hot on my tail. After the close encounter at the airport, I knew I needed better surroundings. The monster was big. That was the only thing that was certain. My memories from the airport were all too blurry.
What I did remember was not a pretty sight.
It was a giant beige monster, five meters tall.
Two-meter-long horns jutted out of a face covered with black spikes. Tiny, shriveled dots that were its measly excuse for eyes sat at the center. Black stripes covered the rest.
Around its body was a deadly arsenal of weapons. Shooting spikes, sharp teeth. Long claws, big feet. The list of weapons was endless. The thing was a true killing machine.
But it wouldn’t kill me.
I was smart.
I ran.
Or, rather, zoomed on a stolen motorbike into Paris.
Not only was the Tann monster on my tail, but so were the police. Which one was more dangerous? I didn’t know, and I didn’t care. All I had to do was avoid both.
Loud sirens came from behind me. A police officer shouted something unintelligible into a megaphone. The wind buffeted against me as the scooter whizzed past on the road. I took a left turn, onto an alley. The engine of my scooter whirred as I pressed the pedal again, speeding up.
I turned onto the main street of Paris: Champs-Elysses. The Arc de Triomphe was in the center of the square. All along the avenue was traffic.
I swerved along the avenue, dodging countless cars and almost crashing on pedestrians. They screamed. Cars honked, wondering what malice had fallen upon them. The police, honking and trying to get people out of the way, tried to follow me with no success.
Sweat dripped onto my eyes and I finally realized the adrenaline running through my system. My heart was beating hard. I wished I could take a break, and I realized that I could. I took a sharp turn onto a side street.
There was a circus there.
Literally.
Clowns were juggling red balls and knifes on top of bright red yoga balls. Classic French violin was playing. Even though I might not be able to go very fast here, I was still way ahead of the police.
I zoomed right through the center of the circus, reeling as I came to the center round top, striped in patterns of yellow and red. I turned and zipped around it, running into a startled clown.
He screamed, not in pain but in shock.
I paid no heed to him and just kept riding on.
I saw a gate intended to keep motor traffic off, and I swore. Nonetheless, I gathered speed for a jump. I lifted up the front wheel, bracing for multiple broken bones.
Whoosh.
I was in the air.
I soared over the gate with ease, seeing a grassy park with many benches.
I was safe: the police would not get me soon. Hopefully, the Tann monster wouldn’t get me either. I darted quickly over to the park and slumped on a bench. I took several deep breaths. My heart rate began to slow. I needed this time of rest.
Beads of sweat trickled down my forehead. My heart started to thump again.
The police had arrived.
Starting to act, I quickly grabbed my scooter and started the engine. It started to purr like a lazy black cat sitting on someone’s lap. I pressed down on the petals, and off I went. Speeding down the thoroughfare, I started to zig-zag, avoiding the less nimble police cruisers. They were caught in the endless stream of traffic heading in both directions. I, meanwhile, sneaked into a side alley, where I encountered a nasty surprise.

Bump.
Bump.
Bump.
My butt bumped on the scooter’s plastic seat. I looked down, saw cobblestones, and cursed.
Why hadn’t the Parisians paved their streets with asphalt? I guess the Parisians were still stuck with the vestiges of the sixteenth century.
The historic buildings zipped past me while my scooter whirred through the alley. A loud crashing sound came from behind me, seemingly louder than all the explosions in all of the wars of the world combined. A loud roar like a shrieval emanated from the location on the crash. Countless bricks and glass shards fell down on top of the street, prompting several customers in cafes and patisseries to shriek loudly and skedaddle inside the buildings. Thumps came to my ears as the monster came down the alley, ready to make a meal out of scrawny human.
I was determined to avoid it.
I made a sharp turn onto the calle and then zipped right between this monster’s legs.
This five meter tall monster realized what I was doing and tried to stop it. It rumbled and the blundered over to where I was. Its razor sharp teeth and claws would shred me to bits in any second. Its massive hoof-like feet would stomp me into human mush, ready to be boiled into evil monster victory soup. Or it would pounce on me, cleaving me in two.
My heart seemed to skip a beat when the monster started to stand up. The pounding of the steps on the cobblestones was too much to bear. I put my hands over my ears, trying to shut off the cacophony of noise that sounded like the roar of a lion and the growl of a saber-tooth tiger combined into one, only worse. The only thing that I could do now was obvious.
I had to run.
I quickly abandoned the scooter and pulled out my ray gun. It was heavy, to say the least. The orange-gray barrel wobbled as I struggled to find my grip. I finally found it.
Click.
The large ray found its target.
With a sound larger than all the loudest animals of the largest rainforests combined, the thing screamed in pain. I noticed blue blood dripping down its side. At its feet was a large pool of the stuff, growing larger by the minute. It raised its arms with the three-foot-long claws and screamed again.
Its knees buckled, and I finally knew that it was caving in to the pressure. With a loud thump, it finally fell to the ground.
I spared a quick smile at the death of the thing, although I knew I couldn’t spare too much longer. I quickly dashed to by scooter and started the engine. It whirred to life and started sputtering smoke. Pressing the pedal, it zoomed away from the scene of the ambush.
People started to come out of shops.
“Who was that? And what is that thing laying on the ground,” they murmured. “And why here?” “Look, the guy is getting away!” one man shouted and began to run after me.
I only turned around and waved. After that, I zoomed off into the world of Paris, not quite ready to fight the Tann again. But I knew I had to.
I continued down the street, always looking over my back: you never know when a police car or nasty Tann monster might spring out from behind you. However, each time I looked, there were no monsters or police cars, so I continued through the streets, looking for somewhere to rest, hide, or defend. Then I saw it - somewhere with plenty of opportunities. A mall.

[Vermark]

'
Varish Development
Sign of the Times

VIDENHAGEN
Vermark's dominance in hockey is an indicator for the rise of a prosperous, urban Vermark.
22 Jan 2015 | ECONOMICS | Hans Karlsson

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More kids playing hockey is linked to more families having more
disposable income.

---

The largest spectator sport and second largest sport by participation has a much bigger economic impact than what most people think. Hockey is expensive. For a youth player, the gear can cost anywhere from $300 to $500 dollars. That plus league fees, ice time fees, etc. means one needs a bit of wealth in order to play hockey. However, among juveniles in urban areas, there is no sport that is more popular nor is there a sport that is growing faster by means of participation. Hockey can be used as an interesting measure for the economic future of Vermark.

In the Urban areas of Vermark (Videnhagen, Raskstad, Petrovik, and Dunsvik), hockey is growing at a rapid rate. Last year, the Videnhagen Youth Hockey Assocation had just a little bit over 1,400 players for its 7 divisions (U18, U16, U14, U12, U10, U8, U6). This year the VYHA is expected to expand to over 3,000 players and add an U4 age bracket. 3,000 people not only supporting sporting goods stores, but also supporting the transportation, food, and lodging industries. 3,000 youth hockey players also translates into 3,000 hockey fanatics who create demand for apparel, tickets, etc. Additionally, VYHA only controls youth hockey in the Videnhagen "proper" borough. The other boroughs (the North End, Pescvik, Arbrorstad, Regeringen, and Havforan) all have their individual hockey organizations. Next year, the six boroughs of Videnhagen will have a population of 2.1 million; 16,000 that population will be youth hockey players. The aggregated economic impact will be massive.

Hockey uprisings are occurring all across the country. Clearly, the Varish economy is on an upswing. The true question is, besides hockey, what are people spending their money on? The answer is somewhat surprising to most economist from around the world. Traditionally, consumers of developing economies become somewhat materialistic. Gold, silver, and more recently, technology become primary purchases for these newly wealthy people. Vermark is different. When Statistics Vermark tracked what people buy after they pay taxes, food expenses, housing expenses, utility bills, and other fundamental payments, the number one use of disposable income is education. Varish scholars link this back to Vermark's long history of holding education to a high degree of importance. Economist Alfred Rosling form the University of Videnhagen explains, "Vares feel change at the moment. They aren't used to such a pace of transition in commerce, politics, et cetra. Thus, the people of Vermark are using their new-found money to cling to what's left off the past, and to them, that past is education."

Simply put, Varish culture has a status symbol placed on education. While most countries view fancy automobiles, expensive jewelry, or massive houses as a sign of status, an advanced diploma from a renowned institution is what puts Vares on the top of the social ladder. This may be a passing phenomenon. In most developing nations, after the initial shock of wealth passes, people stop buying symbols of wealth and start to spend their money more practically; often this includes saving or investing one's money. Interesting, one of these "second-wave" investments in other countries is advanced education. Since Vermark is going through that now, experts are uncertain to what will follow this education boom. Some economists will agree the Vermark is going in reverse order to the typical model of economic development. Spending of disposable income is projected by the Raskstad University Economic Data Observatory (RUEDO) to broaden into various other economic sectors besides education in the next ten years. Businesses are already betting on this. For example, Omnium, the Raskstad technology company, is allegedly developing state-of-the-art video game consoles, televisions, computers, and other technologies that will become desired around the world when they are released in the coming year. Regardless, the current spending on education is likely to boost the economy if anything. Highly skilled information-based workers produced by this education boom will fuel the subsequent boom in other desired products, be them technology, automobiles, or investments. The disposable income of Vermark is set to have a very positive effect.

Back to hockey, the increasing enrollment of youth hockey players is a very good sign for Vermark. Whether for the national team or the national economy, Vermark is going to benefit from this disposable income explosion.

[Free Republics]

Logo created by Yttribia

Today, 9 more events will be held. Who will win medals? Whose medal hopes will stay alive? Whose medal hopes will be extinguished. The only way to find out is to wait for the results. Its cutoff for Day 13 of the X Winter Olympics!

[Schutzenphalia and West Ruhntuhnkuhnland]

Selection of articles from Der Nordschutzenphalenglaubreiterfluchtschlamterkrötische Flümederthelweiderverlautzällegerwißmeinschlaftsörbschlimmelbeobachter.

Generic Athlete Profile Bandwagon: Wolfgang von Bärberg



Scion of privilege? Indictment of a culture that has never fully shrugged off the spectre of vast social divisions? Olympic lightweight? Wolfgang von Bärberg shrugged off such questions with a glorious performance in the men's snowboard PGS to take Schutzenphalia and West Ruhntuhnkuhnland's second gold medal of the Olympics in Baseton - and with it, the first alpine sports medal after eight consecutive disappointments on the ski slopes. Dismissing concerns that he was a dilettante, coasting on his family's money through a mostly indifferent domestic season, von Bärberg's victory is a significant moment for the development of snowboarding.

Reseeding meant von Bärberg and teammate Detlef Meyer did not in the end meet up; Meyer was eliminated in the quarterfinals by Vermark's Frans Akselsen, who finished fourth overall. von Bärberg's toughest test came at the quarterfinal stage too, falling behind Grzegorz Rydlo, cheered on by a raucous home crowd. Fighting back into contention von Bärberg took the lead, only for his rival to wipe out struggling to keep the pace and leave him to coast to what turned out to be a straightforward victory. He then faced two riders from Electrum in the semifinal and final, but despite two challenging races, led throughout both to prove himself on the world stage.

Mechanistic Results Regurgitation: Electrum, Electrum Everywhere

Electrum have been the breakout nation of the Tenth Winter Olympics, and on Day 13 at Baseton they posed repeated challenges to Schutzenphalian athletes. The highlights were the men's parallel giant slalom snowboarding, where Wolfgang von Bärberg took gold after triumphing over Electrum riders in the semifinal and final, the quarterfinals of the men's ice hockey, where two-way defenceman Jens Früh's outstanding tournament continued with a stunning late strike to take a 5-4 victory over the Electrum team, and the evening finale of the ice dancing competition, where Electrum's figure skaters had the last laugh with all three podium spots.

Vanessa Meindl and Uwe von Brössingstedt finished in a low 26th spot, under scrutiny for a poor score after choosing avant-garde electronica producer DJ Bööp Bööp and subsequently suffering simultaneous epileptic fits during the "laser show" section of their routine, severely harming their execution grades. Marianne Stuber and Rüdiger Schmidt performed better with a more traditional routine set to Daniel von Bad Rappingau's Forty Third Concerto For Viola.

[Todd McCloud]

Yovisktre: There is a Difference
Reporting for V3 News Services, Rin Slakori

BASETON - Despite the citicism Yovisktre has faced over the course of these games for her inventive suggestions and controversial opinions, the chairwoman of the Vekaiyun National Olympic Council (VNOC) has taken the inevitable criticism in stride. She answered back at critics today, calling them "dramatics" and "seeking to make substance from voiced opinion." While V3 does not readily endorse some of her claims, the vocal chairwoman has come under fire over the past week for endorsing a fourth place medal and issuing mandatory participation for Vekaiyun athletes in the closing ceremony. Today, rather than break tradition, she continued to fire back, offering clarification for her prior comments.

"Obviously, there is a difference between the situation in Free Republics and Gregoryisgodistan from the Ninth Summer Games," Yovisktre barked when asked how the two events related to one another by a Vekaiyun reporter. "In the former situation, we were all aware of what we were getting into. We are aware of the situation with regards to Saintland. We are aware of their crass nature toward non human beings. We know their opinions are often unfavorable toward us, especially with respect to the religious differences between Vekaiyu and Free Republics. We do not support their actions. But, by merit of participation, we agreed to participate on their soil. If nations were so adamant about a boycott, why did Free Republics receive 17 affirmation votes to go along with five votes for re-opening bids? So far, there have been zero instances of violence upon participants or fans of competing nations. We do hope it remains that way."

"In the case of [Gregoryisgodistan], a clear and present danger transpired on the field of play. There were terrorist threats, even athletes shot by arrows during the archery competition. One of our athletes were injured during competition. We could not, indeed would not, sit idly by and merit no protection for our athletes, who came to compete and not politik. It is to that end we decided to spearhead a boycott of their athletes. The situation was tempered thereafter."

"Perhaps I was a bit facetious in demanding full participation of Vekaiyun athletes in the closing ceremonies. And I am willing to back down from that mandate. But I want to make it clear, we, being a completely vulpine team, were aware of the potential tension between our race and Free Republics, but we were not about to make our appearance in these games into a spectacle. It is what it is. Personally, I am more concerned with the amount of medals the nation has accumulated in these games. There is an extreme turnaround for the acumen of Free Republics from the Ninth Winter Olympics, where they took just four medals, in Saugeais one year ago. This year, they have jumped to a staggering 32 medals, 14 of which are gold. Bear in mind, this is through roughly two-thirds of the competition, and that the record for most gold medals is 14, set by Anastasiania in the Second Winter Games, which also holds the records for most medals at 39. I would hope the Olympic Council would look into that more than my proposal for a 4th place medal, which has clearly fallen on deaf ears."

Yovisktre did not field any questions on the matter. The Premier of Vekaiyu, Ikrisia Levinile, was quick to respond to her recent message, however. She commented with "any nation which does not respect all species is indeed backwards" and stated that "while it is not my jurisdiction, I would not blame any Vekaiyun for not walking during the closing ceremonies until Free Republics clearly demonstrates respect for all races in words and in action."

[Listonian Socialist Republic]

Father Evesuni: Who Cares?
Reporting for Listonia Sun, Viktor Uleskegori

Today the recent fighting between the powers-that-be in the Tenth Winter Games has roused Father Stapen Evesuni to speak on the matter. While the Premier of Listonia is generally extremely busy with maintaining sovreignty and working with domestic and foreign affairs to maximize Listonian efforts, he undoubtedly has spent time watching and learning about these Olympic games, as most Listonians have, especially as Listonia has enjoyed some success in competition. Father Evesuni took time out of his busy schedule to personally call and congratulate medal winners who represented Listonia in these games, for instance.

"I guess I just don't care," he said when the Star asked him about the goings-on with Free Republics and their past history of intolerance. "The moment they bring harm to Listonians is the moment I do something about it."

The Premier was continued, and addressed the band of athletes as a group. "Walk during the closing ceremonies or don't. I'm not going to force you to do nothing, you know? I'll lay it on the line - I fought people who thought the same way back when Listonia was just a dream. And when it all comes down to it, we're the same kind of guts on the inside. We all bleed the same color of blood. So it doesn't matter to me, really. Just, I don't know, do your best, you know? That's what we're here for anyway."

Listonia has stunned the multiverse with two medals, all in speed skating, from what amounted to Vekaiyu's B-Team. Clearly this team is built for competing and not politics, however, as no athlete has shown an interest in commenting on the matter. Will Listonians walk during the closing ceremonies? That remains unclear, but it appears to be in the hands of the athletes themselves, as it probably should be. Should any issues come from their walking, however, one can assume the might of the Vekaiyun Union will protect them and retaliate if necessary. But for now, this all seems like chatter. Listonia remains just a silver medal away from pulling ahead of Vekaiyu in the standings. Will another speed skater obtain glory? It remains to be seen, but we certainly hope so.

[Southern Yugoslavia]

After the elimination of the men's ice hockey team, the Laiatanese area of the Olympic Village had a bit of a somber feeling to it. Laiatan's hopes for a gold in ice hockey had been dashed after hopes were placed solely in the hands of the men's team after the women's team's elimination yesterday. The men failed to secure another win, and Laiatan lost its medal chance with it.

Many of the athletes were gathered in the lounge of the Laiatanese section, while others were scattered throughout the Olympic Village. Vasily Andreyev and Ania Burdukovsky, the captains of the men's and women's national hockey team respectively, were walking through the lounge and eavesdropping a bit to hear what the other athletes were talking about before they were going to explore a bit more. They had time now, it wasn't like there was another game to be won.

"You gonna walk in the closing ceremony?"

"I dunno. A lot of people aren't. It's optional, right?"

"Yeah."

Ania leaned over to Vasily and nudged him after the pair heard that. "So? What about you?" Vasily shrugged as the two boarded the elevator, and he pressed the first floor button. "I'll go as long as the team does. If they decide not to, then I'm not." Ania nodded in agreement, leaning against the wall of the elevator. "What do you think about Vekaiyu?" Vasily let out a laugh as the elevator came to a stop and several other people climbed on, not from the Laiatanese team and not lupine. He knew his opinion was safe since Ania was the only one that could understand him. "Their Olympic president, Yaviskorte, Yavistok, whatever her name is - she's a character."

Ania nodded, shaking her head a bit. "Yeah, that she is. Just hope people realize we're lupines, not vulpines. Our differences are pretty obvious, but I feel like there's definitely going to be people that associate us with her." Vasily shrugged as the elevator came to a stop, and the two exited the elevator and made their way out onto the street to start doing some more exploring.

[Electrum]

Network ENN - Day 13 Transcript - Ice Dancing

Sonya Portelli: Welcolme back to the Ice Dancing event where we're watching each of Electrum's pairs figure skate their way to hopefully a few medals.

Max Hardwell: We've had an excellent start, and after the original dance, Alexei Popovic and Julienne Bordai are in first place, Team Trophy silver medallists Evan White and Madeline Pinker are in second, and Sarah Capon and Kobie Chamberlain is in third place.

Sonya Portelli: This section is the Free Dance, so this is a free for all, all skaters will be on the rink performing their moves!

Max Hardwell: ... no Sonya. All pairs play their own music and dance their own dance, requiring several compulsory moves.

Sonya Portelli: Whatever. You guys at home, you've joined us at the right time, we're going through the order of Electrumite figure skaters as we speak. We're going in reverse order, so Capon and Chamberlain are up first, and they are running with Waltz in A Minor by Karlovic. Whatever A Minor means.

Max Hardwell: Please forgive us if you're at home, we're no idea what all these moves are, but we'll try and guide you.

Sonya Portelli: I doubt anyone at home would know what the moves are called too.

Sarah Capon and Kobie Chamberlain

Sonya Portelli: And that was a twizzle, I think.

Max Hardwell: That's the one where they rotate on one leg at the same time.

Sonya Portelli: I have to admit, this is so emotional, what with the full blown pashing and all.

Max Hardwell: Is that even a what? They're kissing but they're twirling around like crazy... and now he lifts her on his one leg...

Sonya Portelli: Woah, I like that! You have gotta show me how to do that - The one where she curls up on his head, kind of like one of my fur scarves.

Max Hardwell: I have to admit, that would be a wonderful fascinator at the races eh? Imagine having a whole person as your headpiece...

Sonya Portelli: And they're done. The score is... 106.01. That's the second best tonight, really good start for Electrum, and they find themselves in the gold medal position. Let's make it a sweep. Up next is Evan White and Madeline Pinker.

Evan White and Madeline Pinker

Max Hardwell: Electrum's best dancers find themselves second-last to dance - they were mediocre in the Team Trophy, but still won silver, 12th/4th/17th in the respective components. Now, they've upped their game, and probably saved the best to last.

Sonya Portelli: They are playing Nefertiti the Empress by Seban. A truly strange song, but let's see what they can do with it.

Max Hardwell: Their arms are always intertwined eh? Twizzle.

Sonya Portelli: Perfectly in sync - Great lift - I don't know what that was, but crossing from one side to another digaonally... that was pretty good.

Max Hardwell: Beautiful closing too, she's on his leg, and she bends outwards, looks a bit like a deformed E, but without the bottom.

Sonya Portelli: Wow! The best all day! 111.36! I had no idea it was that good, but I'm going to take it and run with it. Now Evan and Madeline are in the gold medal spot, and Sarah and Kobie in the Silver.

Max Hardwell: We are so clueless sometimes, are we?

Sonya Portelli: Yes we are. And if we sweep it, we have a bet with you guys at home, we're going to skate a routine ourselves, and we'll see how we'll go.

Alexei Popovic and Julienne Bordai

Max Hardwell: Last, but not certainly least, the surprise pair from Electrum, Popovic and Bordai. And they've gone with "Who let the dogs out?"

Sonya Portelli: Apt, considering the amount of puppies left over from Gregoryisgodistan, they're still in the stands, and the cleaners haven't removed them yet.

Max Hardwell: Here we go - It's a bit rumba-y, not moving around that much, but still good.

Sonya Portelli: Someone in the stands is throwing puppies onto the rink!

Max Hardwell: But they continue their dance, a twizzle again, narrowly avoiding the puppies by jumping over them. I just love saying it.

Sonya Portelli: Whatthe? Julienne scoops up a puppy and holding it in her hand. She goes into a bend and stretches herself over, with the puppy. OH I do feel sorry for the puppy... She's dropped it! Oh no!

Max Hardwell: That's going to be a deduction in points, surely.

Sonya Portelli: A slight trip near the puppy, but we're all fine, and that's the end. I don't think this is a gold-medal winning performance... 102.85. Oh well, not gold, but still bronze! We've sweeped the whole event!

Max Hardwell: Remember our bet? Looks like we're going to have to do this -- we'll be down when the rink is free, and we'll start skating.

---

A few hours later...

There were only five people left in the stadium, the cleaner, who was also tasked with pressing the play button on the music, the sound producer, the cameramen and two confused hosts who didn't know what they were doing. Of course, Sonya Portelli and Max Hardwell are known for their antics, and rose to prominence after they first commentated over Electrum's WorldVision debut. Then, they were assigned to commentate the opening and closing ceremonies for the Olympics before Network ENN realised that it was a waste of time and money for them to just do the two things, so thy were also tasked with the figure skating, where Electrum has never done well before, expecting that Electrum wouldn't do well. But, they've tried their best, and tried to make it fun for the viewers at home, with this stunt.

"Alright, let's do this," said Max Hardwell. To their credit, they had played the part - Max in an outfit, and Sonya in a dress. "Never did I thought I would dance with you on ice," said Sonya. And they began skating. Well, Max forgot to say he never ice skated before, and kept tripping over. First, Sonya leaped at him, and Max couldn't bear the force, and he fell down backwards, injuring his spine. Even though his back hurt like crazy, he attempted to lift Sonya up in the air and twirl her all about, like those people in the figure skating, but she was far too heavy, and he dropped her on the floor. She was immediately sent to the hospital for treatment, and had a huge gash on her head. He was then sent after, as his spine started to hurt even more than before. Knowing that this would increase the ratings, Network ENN would decide to release the tape.

Of course, the next figure skating event would take place in two day's time, and time would tell whether or not they would recover.

[Gregoryisgodistan]

Glorious Day for Gregoryisgodistani Athletes - 3 medals won in total

It was a glorious and holy day for Gregoryisgodistani athletes at the X Winter Olympic Games in Baseton, winning three medals, including two golds, for their most successful day yet.

In the final two runs of the two-man bobsled, Cheese Police LSOADIAS8D and Prune Farmer P28884AJF zoomed down the course, managing to finish in a tie for the silver with Gavriil Wolanski and Pankreti Beso of the Maalvian Unified Team. As a result, both pairs were awarded silver medals and no bronze was awarded Cheese Police LSOADIAS8D is, as his name implies, a cheese police who works as a day job arresting people for possession of cheese, a capital crime in Gregoryisgodistan unless they are a Government VIP or a chef or slave for a government VIP and are using the cheese solely to cook for them. Of course, it will generally be overlooked if a slave or chef samples the food before serving it to the host to make sure it is cooked in a satisfactory way, particularly if such a sampling will not damage the appearance, as with pasta and chili, among others. Technically, it would still be illegal and a capital crime, but it is overlooked so the government VIP is not forced to eat undercooked food because the chef or slave was not allowed to sample it. Additionally, slaves are required to be loyal to the master above all else, so if the master orders the slave to eat cheese, the slave must eat cheese. In fact, not doing so would be a capital crime, though it would not fall under the jurisdiction of the Cheese Police. In any case, Cheese Police LSOADIAS8D is now an Olympic medalist. So is his teammate Prune Farmer P28884AJF, who spends his days farming prunes.

In the ice dancing free dance, Male Dancer SBDBASFD and Lady Dancer UFFBABYKEL finished fifth overall, behind an Electrumite sweep of the podium and a Republcian pair who obviously had Senator Izmailov's help in bribing the judges to finish above the Gregoryisgodistanis. However, it wasn't good enough for either pair to win a medal thanks to the Electrumites' strong performance.

Meanwhile, in the women's halfpipe freestyle skiing, Slave MAWEUAUSDJ4 received the gold medal with a best score of 108.88, ahead of the Republican heathen who finished second. During the medal ceremony, as the song "Gregory, Gregory, Lord Almighty" played in the background, Slave MAWEUAUSDJ4 cried tears of joy for this gold medal meant she would be liberated. As a result, Slave MAWEUAUSDJ4 is temporarily known as Citizen MAWEUAUSDJ4 until she finds a job, at which point that will be her title. She has expressed desire to work as a maid, just as she did for the most part when she was a slave. Should that happen, she should be known as Maid MAWEUAUSDJ4. She will return next Olympic Games, though under a new name as she will no longer be a slave. She will have the same government ID sequence though.

In the men's ice hockey quarterfinals, Gregoryisgodistan knocked off Saugeais 2-0. They will advance to the semifinals against Schutzenphalia and West Ruhntuhnkuhnland, which will be held tomorrow. Gregoryisgodistan is expected to win that game as well and move onto the final where they will face either Vermark or Slavic Union. They would also be assured of a medal in that case. The medals for ice hockey will be awarded at the closing ceremony, and the ice hockey team would love to sing "Gregory, Gregory, Lord Almighty" in front of a sold-out Republican crowd who hates Gregoryisgodistan with a passion. It would be a most glorious and awesome moment of crowning for the Ice Slaves.

In the ski jumping women's individual large hill qualifying, Loyal Friend of Lord Almighty Gregory Maria Polus Is Dead, Loyal Friend of Lord Almighty Gregory Slavery Is Good, Loyal Friend of Lord Almighty Gregory Republican Women Should Be Shot, and Loyal Friend of Lord Almighty Gregory San Jose Guayabal Is Evil all advanced, finishing in the top 50 of qualifying. In fact, they all finished in the top 28 of qualifying, which bodes well for their chances in the final today.

Finally, in the men's speed skating 1000 m final, Pervert Chaser 48SHDBASF took home gold with a time of 1:09.20, .02 seconds ahead of the next two finishers. He then did a victory lap while draped in the Gregoryisgodistani flag and bowed to a statue of Lord Almighty Gregory in front of the entire crowd, which then booed him loudly and chanted blasphemous chants. Pervert Chaser 48SHDBASF then started singing "Gregory, Gregory, Lord Almighty" as loud as he could as the boos got even louder. There would be a reprise of the national anthem at the medal ceremony, as Pervert Chaser 48SHDBASF sang along again as the crowd booed once more. Samuel Izmailov again refused to shake hands with Pervert Chaser 48SHDBASF or any of the other Gregoryisgodistan medalists on the day.

But the biggest news was that, as promised, Pervert Chaser 48SHDBASF and all other Gregoryisgodistani medalists wore pink gloves to the medal ceremony to show their solidarity with Feministvs Sanctvsterra, and all athletes with gloves except the hockey team also wore them in competition. During the medal ceremony, the athletes raised their gloved hands in closed fists to show their solidarity with the women's rights group in Saintland that is oppressed by the Sanctii and Republican governments. Slave MAWEUAUSDJ4 wore her own gloves which she had worn for the halfpipe event, while the bobsledders didn't have gloves due to not wearing them in competition and were forced to each borrow a pair from the Gregoryisgodistani competitors in the snowboarding parallel giant slalom, neither of whom won medals. Pervert Chaser 48SHDBASF borrowed Slave MAWEUAUSDJ4's gloves after her medal ceremony. It was a glorious show of solidarity with a group that has long been fighting for the overthrow of the wicked Sanctii government and is now working to overthrow the Saintland-backed Republican government as well. It will be a long fight, but Lord Almighty Gregory has pledged assistance, and hopefully they accept. We will see what happens. Let's hope it ends with the death of Consul Kulseth and King Petrus and the overthrow of those two governments.

[Transalpine Republic]

This excerpt from From Infinity and Beyond takes place at the beginning of the book before Gavin goes to Paris.

Grey crags of granite outlined the mesh entrance of the mine. On the metal door was a yellow sign that said “Hard Hat Area Only.” I rattled the door. It made a sound not dissimilar to chalk screeching on a blackboard.
I shuddered.
I saw the door handle and pushed on it. A minecart lay on the side of a long row of metal tracks. Random pieces of wood lay to either side of the tracks. I nudged the cart onto the tracks and got in. The cart creaked with my weight. This must be an old mine, I thought.
The cart started to roll forward. I screamed as it screeched down the tracks, gathering speed. It felt like the Everest Experience roller coaster ride at Disney, except the danger was not some plastic yeti that made noises.
The danger was not even a real yeti.
It was worse.
The danger was death.
I asked myself why I was in this mine in the first place.
“Right,” I muttered to myself. I began to remember the reason when-
BAM. A pitch black boulder of coal broke off the cave wall. It landed with a thud louder than the most deadly uranium atomic weapons that both the Soviets and the Americans had created during the Cold War combined.
I dodged the boulder by rolling onto a side track.
Voices emanated from behind me. I heard another cart start to roll down to tracks.
Who was it? The Tann? Earth forces?
Whoever it was, I had no desire to know. My only desire was to get to my destination.
The mine was cold. Dark. Abandoned. Eery. I could almost hear the sound of the mine workers picking at the coal with their axes, their foreman shouting orders. I could almost see them, but instead I saw their ghosts. Their ghosts, or the coal-rich mine area.
I looked down and saw a human skull. It was bleached white. I shivered at the thought. Apparently someone didn’t like the idea of people venturing into his hideaway. But I needed the scurvy old man’s help.
And I was going to get it.
The mine tunnel started to get narrower and shorter. Blacker, too. I ducked into the cart to avoid getting my head caught on the ceiling. Through a hole in the cart, I could see some abandoned mine equipment along the side. A drill of some sorts. It was rusted. Bright orange paint had flaked off it. I turned on my headlamp to light the way ahead of me.
It cast a bright yellow beam on a barrier. Groaning and grunting, I pushed the mine cart around the barrier and put it back on the tracks. I swerved the cart to one side as the track on that side no longer existed. Torches lit the way from here, their red light casting an eerie glow over the place. At this point, the mine looked like a cross between the fires of hell and the darkness of space, although it was worse than both. Combined.
Rusted metal spikes began to jut out of the sides of the mine. It reminded me of the torture chamber of the Spanish Inquisition that I had read about it. The only difference was, I was going voluntarily into this. The helpless victims of the Inquisition weren’t.
A series of spine-rattling noises descended into my ears. Disembodied cackles, sounding like the howls of a ghost ready to devour the Halloween candy of helpless little children, surrounded me. Roars and groans harassed me from all sides. A voice like Emperor Palpatine’s from Star Wars began to torment me.
“If you trespass on my property any further, the might and power of the Sibyll will come upon you. You have been warned.”

[Vermark]

Vermark won't be pulling out of Closing Ceremony

23.01.2015
Nicklas Eckersson

---

BASESTON -- There has been much discussion over concerns regarding the opinions foreigners have on the Free Republics and Saintland. It is a deeply complicated issue of which Vermark has no involvement in. Thus, the Varish Olympic Committee (VOC) saw no reason to change any plans for the remainder of the games. Chairwoman Ira Johansson said in a press conference, "While many nations have an issue with Saintland and/or the Free Republics, the Varish government has not unformed us that we need to be wary of any problems. Thus, we are going to be wary of problems that don't exist."

This sparked some backlash from pundits from across Vermark. VBC (Varish Broadcasting Corporation) contributor Erik Hjamarsson claimed that Vermark should have adopted an optional withdraw solution much like the one chosen by the delegation from Electrum. "Athletes should have been given a choice," he says. "There is no point in making anyone go against there will and be uncomfortable. Ideally, everyone should be able to express what they like in the form of boycotting, or lack thereof." However, when athletes were polled, none had an issue with going to the closing ceremony, and some said that they would be disappointed if fellow athletes were to ditch the festivities. Hockey player Erik Lorensson says, "We are all Team Vermark, so no one should be allow to skip out and go home just to make some sort of statement." There is much tension between the two sides, but little suggests that the VOC will reverse its ruling.

In other news, Vermark is still alive in their famed team sports events. As of yesterday, the Men's hockey team and Women's curling squad advanced into the semifinals, significantly increasing their odds at winning a medal. Today, Women's hockey will play their semifinal and attempt to go to the gold medal game. In curling, the Men's team will play in their quarterfinal match-up in order to progress to the semifinal round. Regardless, all teams are playing strong and have a good chance at giving Vermark its first gold medals.

[Free Republics]

Logo created by Yttribia

Its a little late, but this is the cutoff for Day 14 of the X Winter Olympics!

[British Grand Pacific]

BASETON - Hail the conquering heroes.

The Grand Pacific struck pay-dirt today on the skill and speed of Prunella Allaire, Abby Townsend, Kian Dennis and Gradasso Marchterre when they brought home a silver medal in Biathlon's mixed relay. This is the first Olympic medal for the freshman nation.

Nearly 40 Grand Pacificans- friends, family and supporters alike- were in a frenzy of dancing, tears and cheers at the base of the reader-board displaying the official times.

"It's a little embarrassing," Townsend said, blushing behind her scarf. "It's an incredible feeling, though. I still can't believe it; I'm not sure it's sunk in yet."

"I'm absolutely speechless," said Kian Dennis. "We made history. I don't know what to say."

The Baseton games have been a whirlwind ride for Gradasso Marchterre. The young man from the Laurentian highlands narrowly missed the podium in the 15k mass start. "I don't think I ever really thought about a medal," Marchterre said. "We don't have experience on this stage. Nobody at home has done this before. We're having fun, staying positive, but no one has really thought about medals."

The party might not be ending just yet. The cross-country ski duo of Marthe Bailleul and Ellie Brookes made it through to tomorrow's medal round. "I am incredibly proud of our athletes," commented former Governor-General Marcus Sydney. "The grit and determination these young people are showing, as well as the gratitude and humility is an inspiration to everyone at home. Medals or not, they have given the Republic more that it hoped for."

We couldn't agree more.

[Schutzenphalia and West Ruhntuhnkuhnland]

Press release from Müsli-Münch GmbH.

Müsli-Münch Unveils Olympic Range

Müsli-Münch is proud to join in the great tradition of partnering Olympic champions with wholesome breakfast cereals by introducing our new range of six winter sports theme breakfast products to tie in with the Tenth Winter Olympics in Baseton. Each has been endorsed by an Olympic medalist from the Schutzenphalian team, and Müsli-Münch is confident that everyone will find a taste to suit their own, whether you're preparing for a competition final, suiting up for work, or simply have a busy day at school ahead.

Combined Combo-Grains

"How better to sum up the unique blend of Nordic combined - the elegance of ski jumping and the grit of cross-country - than Müsli-Münch Combined Combo-Grains, delicate pillows of lightly toasted shredded wheat and honey rolled oats, containing a sharp and tangy fruity surprise with raisin and apricot cores? Whether you're in the mood to soar to lofty heights or get down and slug it out on the flat, this cereal, brought to you by the advertising team that thought it would be a good idea to use the words 'grit' and 'slug' in trying to make food appetising, has it all." - Gunther Kleid (Silver, Men's Individual Large Hill/10 km)

Cross-Country Crunch

"One of the most demanding athletic disciplines of all, cross-country skiers require a good fueling before our races, and Müsli-Münch Cross-Country Crunch is the perfect start. A hearty bowl of Crunch contains enough sugar rolled oats to put the most docile child into a hyperactive fugue state, and is guaranteed not to go soggy in milk!" - Astrid Reuter (Gold, Women's 30 km Classical)

Figure Skating Frosties

"A more delicate taste is perfectly suited to Müsli-Münch Figure Skating Frosties, whose intricate fractal star patterns of toasted wheat flakes are glazed in a light sugar coating for a finish that's bound to score high marks from all judges. And for those wishing to recapture the dynamism and artistry of the pairs or ice dancing competition, why not pair up a bowl of Frosties with something else from our range?" - Jonas Sommer (Silver, Men's Singles)

Hearty Hill Porridge

"Some days it can seem like you wake up facing down a giant slope, with nothing but the abyss staring back at you. I know what that's like, but I'm here to tell you, if you just let go: anything's possible. The ideal way of preparing for a big leap forward, Müsli-Münch Hearty Hill Porridge will warm you up, delight you with its taste and texture, and send you on your way with a healthy glow. Available in microwavable sachets and delicious on its own or with added fruit, why not fly down to the store today to pick up some?" - Torsten Auer (Silver, Men's Individual Normal Hill)

Snowboard Snowflakes

"Dude, Müsli-Münch Snowboard Snowflakes are totally rad and - you know what, I'm sorry, I can't do this. 'They're Ssssssick'? What the hell kind of catchphrase is that? I don't need the money that badly. And for the record, I had a bottle of '94 Blussingen and an emotionally vulnerable figure skater for breakfast, not some bowl of sugary mush crap." - Wolfgang von Bärberg (Gold, Men's Parallel Giant Slalom)

Wodka Wheaties

"Are you a complete failure? Are you so totally incapable of functioning as a human being you can't even ski down a hill without falling down and dying? Are you basically a waste of oxygen? We know that feeling! Thankfully, Müsli-Münch's brand new Wodka Wheaties offers bright, attractive packaging displaying happy images of smiling children and cute animals, carefully concealing its actual contents: a 5/8 bottle of 42% strength rye wodka, a loaded handgun, a specially pre-written letter entitled 'To Those I Have Failed, I Leave Only My Regrets As I Have Nothing Else To Offer', and an amusing motivational sticker encouraging you to 'Do it, you useless sack of shit'. Mmmm!" - The Entire Schutzenphalian Alpine Skiing Team

[Electrum]

Centralis Herald - Comment - Miranda Lawrence

PC gone mad

It seems like the Electrum Olympic Committee has bowed down to those so-called 'social justice warriors' on social networking site Rumblr (or Tumblr or whatever), after they announced that participation in the closing ceremony would be optional. It seems that the Electrum Olympic Committee, as well as those from Vekaiyu, have been the latest victim of political correctness after making the attendance of the closing ceremony optional - joining a long list of nations (which are either making attendance optional or a total boycott), including, but not limited to, The Sword Bloke, Liventia, Schutzenphalia and West Ruhntuhnkuhnland, the Grand British Kingdom and so on. It is expected that this ceremony will be the smallest yet.

Just what happened to the Olympics? The Olympics, in the olden times, was a fantastic event, where sports were the only thing that mattered. Now, that tradition has been dragged through the mud, as those within this newspaper, and outside elements such as the Feminist terrorist group, Gregoryisgodistan, and the Legion of Lucifer, willing to drag politics into this politically-neutral event. Just when did it become acceptable for Electrum athletes to wear pink armbands in solidarity for a known terrorist group? I am severely disappointed by Maximillion von Trier's reaction to these events, and that he should do something else other than allowing athletes to choose whether or not they want to participate. The Holy Republican Empire and Saintland have spent billions of dollars bidding and then hosting this event, and it would be a shame for that effort to go to waste, and for these Olympics to be known as the one with the empty stadium at the closing ceremony.

People need to start to butt out of other people's business. We should respect the sovereignty of the Free Republics, which democratically elected Consul Kulseth from the Holy Party, so we shouldn't go and pout over that nation's decision to choose such a fine leader for the job. In fact, I would rather his joint be in charge of Electrum, rather than the liberal Cynthia Suarez and her death Labor-Greens-Liberty alliance, which will sure to ruin the already degrading morales of this nation. Speaking of Greens, I read an interesting article about curling in Vermark. Apparently, they want to besmirch the good name of curling, by associating it with environmentalism.

Environmentalist in Vermark say that curling serves as a conduit of discussion for 'climate change, conservation, and habitat destruction,' yet they do this over curling? Do they not know where curling stones come from, or what they are made of? That's right, Granite, which is extracted from open-cut mining, which is so often protested by these Green hippies because of 'conservation and habitat destruction.' Funnily enough, the things they want to obstruct supply the very things they do in the spare time. Nonetheless, I am all for more mining for curling stones, so bring it on - climate change is just a myth invented by the green community to scare us into making us give up our civil rights, as well as to implement their socialist agenda. Do not be fooled.

Back to the original point of the topic - stop endorsing the terrorist group - they are no-gooders, and are always up to trouble. We have already participated in these games, and it is an expectation that we have all our athletes in the closing ceremony, whether they like it or not, lest they want to risk the political independence of the Olympics.

[The Dark Star Republic]

todaynews.dsr
The news...today!

Team DSR accidentally arrange to boycott closing ceremony

In what Olympic officials have stressed is avowedly not a political boycott, Dark Star athletes will not attend the closing ceremony of the Olympic Games. While somedelegations have announced plans to boycott the ceremonies after the politico-religious ideology on show in the opening ceremony, or in sympathy with the Feministvs Sanctvsterra protest organization, other delegations have resisted such plans and proudly announced their plans to attend in full force, and yet more have dithered over allowing athletes individual choice in the matter, Team DSR has confirmed it will be unable to honour any commitment to attend owing to an unfortunate double booking.

The entire DSR delegation including all athletes, coaches, backroom staff, judges, and administrative officials, have all had tickets booked to go see Mandingo 2: The Enslavening at the High Point Multiplex Cinema. "There is a non-refundable 2 pound charge on the credit card we booked it with," admitted one Team DSR official on condition of anonymity. "Obviously we didn't realize the showing clashed with the closing ceremony, but there's no way we will be able to make it to both. Oops." A straw poll of athletes in the Olympic Village suggested a surprising 78% were happy with the decision, with many saying they would actually prefer an evening of popcorn and interracial exploitation to being lectured on why women are horrible.

[Gregoryisgodistan]

Gregoryisgodistan Wins Two Medals in Women's Slalom

Gregoryisgodistan has won two medals, a silver and a bronze, in the women's alpine skiing slalom yesterday at the X Winter Olympic Games. Slave Catcher UNNNFNANFBAFB took the silver with a combined time of 1:43.77, while Lady Soldier YYFU83183 took the bronze with a time of 1:44.36. It was the first time in history that Gregoryisgodistan has won multiple medals in the same Olympic event. Alison Wells of Kelsek took the gold. During the medal ceremony, the wicked heathen Samuel Izmailov refused to shake hands with either of the Gregoryisgodistani medalists in spite of shaking hands with Wells. He only reluctantly and hatefully put the medals around the necks of the two medalists from Gregoryisgodistan. As the two Gregoryisgodistani flags were raised, boos rang out from the assembled crowd, nearly drowning out the Kelsek anthem. It was very unfortunate for the Kelsek athlete, who had likely waited her whole life for this moment, but it shows just how wicked Republicans are. After the ceremony, Lady Soldier YYFU83183 said "I am proud and honored to have won a medal for Gregoryisgodistan. This is truly the best moment of my life. My teammate and I stood on the podium in front of thousands of Republican fans and showed the world the strength of our country. We are truly the greatest nation in the multiverse."

Elsewhere at the Games, Youth 9JJH848H qualified for the four-person final of the men's ski cross, where he will take on three other competitors for the right to win an Olympic medal. It will take place today and will be a most glorious event. Elsewhere, Slave Catcher 88ASUDANSD and Slave Catcher 88ASUDANSD qualified for the women's team sprint final in cross-country. That event will take place today. Meanwhile, Author 8DDLLLLLL and Elementary School Teacher BHHH90111 lead the two-woman bobsled through two runs, while reigning Olympic Champions Lumberjack U8138SKJD and Author S82378SDA sit in sixth place. The remaining two runs will be held today.

The ice hockey semifinals in the men's competition will also be held today, featuring the Ice Slaves against Schutzenphalia and West Ruhntuhnkuhnland. Gregoryisgodistan is heavily favored to win and advance to the gold medal game. Starting goaltender Enemy Crusher Porky "Fatso The Third" McFattel has threatened to crush the opposing players should Gregoryisgodistan lose. "I like crushing. Crushing is fun. Crushing is what I do best. Crushing is glorious. I will crush my enemies, especially those from the unpronounceable country that I will call Stupid and West Ridiculous because I can't pronounce it correctly and because they are stupid and ridiculous. We will win, and if we don't, we will crush the Stupid and West Ridiculous players and the referees who will surely be responsible for fixing the match. Enemy Crusher Bigward McFooples concurred, saying "We like to crush. You know we like to crush. We haven't done any crushing yet these Games, so why not start now? We will crush all our foes who beat us. Crushing is fun. I like crushing. We will crush Stupid and West Ridiculous forever. They will all be dead for they are our enemies. Or they could lose. There's that too. Then we won't crush them, we'll just rejoice in celebration and song and maybe burn some mannequins dressed as Stupid and West Ridiculous players. They fail to recognize that Lord Almighty Gregory is God and created everything, so they must be crushed or lose. I hope they will lose and we will win, but if they win, IT'S CRUSHY TIME! IT'S CRUSHY TIME! IT'S CRUSHY TIME! WE WILL, WE WILL, CRUSH YOU! WE WILL, WE WILL, CRUSH YOU!" Crushing is so incredibly fun. We need to meet our crushy quota, so it's time to crush. Yes, it is. Or we could win the gold medal and get exempted from the crushy quota. I'd rather do that. All praise Lord Almighty Gregory!"