X Winter Olympics RP Thread

[Gregoryisgodistan]

Lord Almighty Gregory's Speech to the People

"Good morning, ladies, gentlemen, and slaves. I speak to you today of events going on in the most unholy of nations, the Unholy Republican Empire. This nation is ruled by one of the most wicked heathens of all time, Consul Reino Kulseth. We killed his predecessor, Consul Piazza, and someday we will kill him too. Consul Piazza died by our hand, not by the hand of Feministvs Sanctvsterra, although it certainly wasn't our intention to frame them. I also strongly suspect that Feministvs Sanctvsterra did not attempt to assassinate Samuel Izmailov, as they have no history of violence. However, that was not our doing. If it had been, we would have succeeded. Besides, it is obvious the same person was not responsible for both. If Samuel Izmailov's would be assassin had a gun, which was used to kill Consul Piazza, why wouldn't she shoot Izmailov with it, killing him instantly? It just would make no sense for her to stab him when she could shoot him. So clearly she did not assassinate Consul Piazza, whoever she was. But i digress. It is time to talk of more important matters.

"The ranking system used by the Republican heathens, specifically Samuel Izmailov, shows that we are in sixth place in the overall medal table. This is in spite of the fact that we have won the third-most medals overall, behind only the unholy hosts and Electrum. It is called the overall medal table, so it should be ranked by overall medals. It just seems logical. Instead, the Republican blasphemers have decided to rank Chiata, The Kytler Penisulae, and Laitanese Federation ahead of us, even though none of them have more than 8 medals. They are not even close to us in medal count, and yet that fool Izmailov decided to put them ahead of us. I call on the Olympic Council and the Republican Organizing Committee to return us to our rightful place in the overall medal table, third place, immediately. This is a most unacceptable action to rank us sixth instead of third. I can only conclude that it is because Republicans are afraid of us, afraid of recognizing me as the One True Lord, and afraid to give us any credit. That is why Samuel Izmailov has bribed and threatened judges throughout the Olympic Games to give us poor scores, and even killed one. That is why Samuel Izmailov has decided we should be ranked in sixth place. That is why I was forced to flee the country after my event for fear of persecution. That is why they bribed the World Cup of Hockey Federation not to award us the World Cup of Hockey. Reopen Nominations has not won a major competition's vote in a very long time. Yet now it has happened. This must be because of bribery from the Republicans. They couldn't handle the possibility of a lot of hockey athletes flying to our country from theirs once the Olympics are over. They couldn't handle the awesome power of the Lord. For that, they must be destroyed. But not until after the Olympic Games, since we will ensure the safety of all involved athletes. Once the Olympics are done, I am strongly considering a full-scale nuclear attack on the Unholy Republican Empire unless corrective action is taken before then to repent for the sins they have committed during these Games. Specifically, Samuel Izmailov must admit to bribing and threatening the judges, and even killing one, and be executed for the crime of murder as is Republican Law. Second, the medals must be sorted by overall medals, and the attempts to discriminate against us by ranking us lower must be terminated. Third, Reino Kulseth must resign and be extradited to Gregoryisgodistan for execution. Fourth, the Unholy Republican government must be replaced with either a secular governmnet backed by the Legion of Lucifer, or, ideally a Church of Gregoryisgodistan backed government. Fifth, Saintland's government must be overthrown and replaced by a Feministvs Sanctvsterra backed government. We will provide any and all assistance needed to Legion of Lucifer and Feministvs Sanctvsterra in their quest to overthrow their governments. Frankly, as long as the governments have been overthrown, there will be no need to nuke them no matter what happens to Izmailov and Kulseth, though I would encourage the governments to execute them as well as King Petrus and all his family. We must vanquish our enemies, together. All hail Legion of Lucifer and Feministvs Sanctvsterra. Death to Saintland! Death to the Unholy Republican Empire! And Death to Britonisea for attempting to withdraw from these Games! You can't do that. That's not a thing that is allowed. This is why we wrote the song "Ban Britonisea" and it is so popular all around the world. Our National Symphony and Chorus will even be performing it in The Royal Kingdom of Quebec. It is a most glorious song all about how Britonisea is stupid, Britonisea is dumb, and we must ban Britonisea from everything. This completely illustrates our point. Britonisea must be banned from everything, lest we catch their stupid. Death to Britonisea! Which is one country, no matter what they say. It includes North Britonisea and all their other iterations. They all must be banned for they are one nation! I am the Lord Your God! Bow down to me forevermore! All praise our athletes who won medals! And Death to Senator Samuel Izmailov for his cheating, competition fixing, and murder! He shall be killed at some point after the Games. I promise you he will. But we haven't tried yet. We did try to kill Consul Piazza, and we succeeded. But anyone with half a brain can see the two assassinations weren't done by the same person. Otherwise, Izmailov would have been shot and killed, since the first assassin, ours, the one who killed Consul Piazza, clearly had a gun. In fact, I question why the second assassin didn't just use a gun since it would have been relatively easy to sneak one into the stadium. If she had, Izmailov would be dead and we'd have several more medals. I would be an Olympic Champion along with my wife Cleffie Martinez, and Petrus the Devil King would have finished last with his Queen Veronica the Fool. But that didn't happen. If we'd tried, it would have. Shame on the assassin. We would have given her guns if she'd asked us. How sad. But it is what it is, for now anyway. Eventually Izmailov will die. So will King Petrus, Consul Kulseth, and the other foolish heathens. The woman impersonating Maria Polus will die too; the real Maria Polus already has. I am the Lord, everyone must respect me or die. Good luck to our athletes for the remainder of the Games. Thank you!"

[The Sword Bloke]

THAT DAY
The Sword Bloke received a bye to the last round of Men's curling, meaning that no Swordeans competed today. The Swordeas of Curling however, still came 2nd in their group behind Electrum, but due to the Saordeans ranking 15th of the 18 teams who qualified, they will play Benjamin Mark in a potentially humongous game, with the winner going into the last 16. The Swordeans will just fly home if they don't win, the curling team the last Swordeans in the Olympics. The Swordeans have also not won a medal at the games, entering in just 10 events.

[Listonian Socialist Republic]

GOLD! Ivalsa Ayveskoya First in 3000m Speed Skating
Reporting for Listonia Sun, Viktor Uleskegori

Entering the contest, few pegged Listonia as a nation that would seriously compete for any medal. Even national sports pundits felt taking a top-10 finish would be a stretch, but a solid goal for a nation that had never competed in inernational competition and that lacked proper funding and equipment supposedly necessary to field a competitive team. It's not been a big secret that the majority of the team was comprised of Vekaiyun athletes who supposedly could not earn a spot on the team due to their lack of skill or being too young and inexperienced.

That all changed today, comrades. Today, Listonia emerged on top. In the Women's 3000 m event, Ivalsa Ayveskoya was scheduled to skate somewhere in the middle of the pack. Surely most networks went to break or commericial had they aired it live, but the young skater from Lurasi, Vekaiyu, made the most of it. The Listonian people could not have been prouder of the athlete, the second "Listonian" to compete in the games. When she gained speed and skated through the first checkpoint, some knew that something special was happening. Indeed, her splits were in the green, meaning that she was higher than the then-first place athlete, Penny North-Coombes of Electrum. This would continue until the very end, when her lead shrunk to just under one second over the former first placer.

Her coach, Vikki Nobolesku, an older coach from Vekaiyu who had offered her services for the young team, could barely contain herself. She knew, perhaps more than Ayveskoya, that this was the time to beat, and one that could stand through the remainder of the competition. And, aside from a scare from Briana Victory in which the athlete missed her time by just one hundredth of a second after a slip midway through the event, eventually taking silver. When the last competitor finished midway through the pack, it was over. Listonia had won its first medal - a gold.

"I could not be more happy," Ayveskoya gushed, still in her red, white, and yellow uniform, along with a small "Jolly Roger" patch imprinted on her right leg. "I don't know what to say. I said I would do my best. I didn't know this could be my best." Later on, she received a call from Premier Stapen Evesuni, who personally congratulated her on her achievements. "It was the proudest moment of my life," she exclaimed.

Her teammate, Xa Inglastre, finished strong in 16th place. This meant that both Listonian athletes finished higher than the so-called superior Vekaiyun team, which could only muster 22nd as performed by Lisa Iskoviyey. This is no doubt going to be difficult for the Vekaiyuns to handle, especially considering both Listonian athletes are former Vekaiyuns who were rejected from their national team.

"If you have a team, I would like to be on it," Inglastre replied after the event. "I'm having a lot of fun and I am looking forward for my other events." There are more events on the horizon, that much is true. Is it a stretch to wonder if Listonia could win more than one medal, perhaps even overtake Vekaiyu in the standings? Perhaps. But, if there's one thing that these Olympics have proven it's that miracles can and do happen.

[Todd McCloud]

Listonia 1, Vekaiyu 0
Reporting for V3 News Services, Rin Slakori

BASETON - "It's only one day, really. Everyone knows a little luck goes into the outcomes of these events. An athlete could have a very bad day while another could have a very strong day. If they scheduled the event 24 hours later or prior, the placements could have been completely different. It just happened to be that for this particular day at this particular course and this particular skating order, the outcome was thus."

Riyna Yovisktre addressed the Vekaiyuns who had stayed up to watch the entirety of the Olympics to inform them that Vekaiyu was certainly not giving up despite being delivered a striking blow from the hand of fate earlier today. In case you haven't heard the news earlier, former Vekaiyun speed skater Ivalsa Ayveskoya won gold for Listonia in the Women's 3000m event, despite being told directly by the Vekaiyun National Olympic Council (VNOC) that she was simply not strong enough to be on the Vekaiyun Olympic Team. By the way, Vekaiyun speed skaters finished 22nd, 25th, and 58th. And the other speed skater for Listonia, who also was deemed not strong enough for the "mighty" Vekaiyun team? She happened to finish a very respectable 16th.

While it is true that this is simply one event, as Yovisktre pointed out. And the outcome could have been different if repeated over again. But that's definitely no excuse for what happened on the ice today. How is it that the two rejected skaters who hopped over to Listonia, a nation that had funding problems that dogged them the entire way, were able to skate much faster than the three supposedly better skaters? Could it be that those two skaters were the true talent? It's not like two skaters suddenly gain incredible amounts of talent three months prior to the event, especially with reduced training and funding capabilities. Right? So the blame must therefore rest with the VNOC's selection committees. And, if that's the case, then we must therefore follow up the chain of command all the way to Riyna Yovsktre, who reluctantly took the reigns to the Vekaiyun Olympic program after the disasterous host bid submission two years ago.

We can't really fault her for this error, though. After all, Vekaiyu finished third in her first games back as chairwoman during the Ninth Summer Games. But if this trend continues, expect massive changes in how Vekaiyu deals with its selection and organization of the Winter Olympics Roster. Perhaps, just maybe, they would be able to humble themselves and ask Listonia what their secret is. Does shoddy equipment cause the athlete to work harder? Does a less expensive suit cause them to skate faster out of sheer determination? Does changing entire systems and nations in the span of a few months light a fire under athletes? We'll never know.

For too long, the VNOC has promised to deliver in the Winter Games, but each time disappointment set in. How can a nation be so dominant during the Summer Games, yet so incompetant during the Winter Games? How does one program go so right, and the other program go so wrong? Far be it from me, being a simple reporter, to make suggestions, but if one area is incredibly strong and another area is incredibly weak, maybe it's time to change the incredibly weak area instead of making minor changes here and there and hoping this is the year to catch lightning in a bottle.

If not, then maybe the problem runs deeper than previously thought.

[Electrum]

Centralis Herald - News Section - Anders Townsend

Feministvs Sanctvsterra returns to the world stage

It seemed that a few months ago, no one would see or hear from the so-called 'radical' feminist group again, after crackdowns in Saintland made them flee to other nations. Then, when one of their members was accused of murdering their then-consul, Consul Piazza, the group was shunned in the Free Republics as well, their last haven. So began the short hiatus of the group's activity - but their website has returned under a new domain - feministvs.tax, and with it, sees their return to activism. They have gained recent attention in the past few weeks, after disrupting the opening ceremony in the X Winter Olympics then agreeing to tally the votes and participating in the IBC (where they reached the Round of 24), it seems that they are back to causing a large headache for the Sanctii.

The group that claims to be Feministvs Sanctvsterra, said that they are back, this time in Taxachusetts. They said that their old domain in the Free Republics was seized by the authorities, and that they "are back and we're not going anywhere." It's no surprise that they chose Taxachusetts as their base - in recent weeks, that nation has been the target of Christian terrorists who have crucified women for things that we take for granted, here in Electrum. They concluded their message by saying that "You can count on us to fight the good fight, to expose the tyranny and bring down an evil force that threatens to subjugate all of us. We are Feministvs Sanctvsterra and We Will Not Submit." Chilling words indeed.

But what can we expect the group to do? What we do know is that they may receive the support of President Elizabeths to counter the terrorist group from the Church of Iesus Christus, and maybe the Electrumite authorities can help as well. Gregoryisgodistan, has expressed the sentiment of helping the Nicholls Corporation-backed Legion of Lucifier in the Free Republics, as well as Feministvs Sanctvsterra in Saintland. It's going to take a lot of effort, and it will take institutional change (or an election in the Free Republics) before the pendulum starts swinging towards the rebel groups. They will need wide spread support, and resistance to do so, a nearly impossible feat given the circumstances. Already, (Electrumite) Prime Minister Suarez has said that she, "has no problems supporting this group, who are clearly in the right. Electrum offers it's support, in the interests of freedom, liberty and equality of civil rights."

Electrum's involvement throughout the multiverse has been tangled with the group's activities in recent times. The case study is the International Basketball Championships being held right now in Electrum and Mizuyuki. Interestingly, instead of using a third-party nation not participating in the Olympics, they opted to use the group to count the votes for the host bid. Then, they offered the group a spot in the forty-eight nations in the Championships themselves. Of course, that's when Consul Kulseth stepped in (even though this was an international tournament outside his jurisdiction) and said he would declare war on nations which hosted the feminist group's basketball matches. Suffice to say, that strategy has failed on two fronts - the group made it to the Round of 24, and might just advance to the Round of 16, and that they have drawn the multiverse media to the situation - especially from the Centralis Herald. Also, in the last Worldvision held in Yttribia, the Legion of Lucifer represented the Free Republics and gave Electrum 8 points, while Taxachusetts gave Electrum 10 points, those points were pivotal in Electrum taking third spot.

Speaking of the return of a group, it seems that another group, the maverick nation of Gregoryisgodistan has mysteriously ceased transmissions. It is said that the World Assembly banned the nation from transmitting their messages for an entire day because of the constant stream of criticisms directed at the Republican authorities because of their recent drop in the medal tally of the Olympics, as well as the constant nuke and solar bomb threats made to other nations. Although he (to our knowledge) has never acted out these threats, the Assembly has banned the nation from transmitting messages until a later point in time. This is an affront to freedom of speech, as nations should be allowed to voice their displeasure at the so-called "Holy" Republican Empire and we hope that this ban is overturned.

[Southern Yugoslavia]

DAY 10: Laiatan moves on to women's hockey quarterfinals
For ZRN, Mikhail Tsurenov

BASETON - Number one seed Laiatan and number sixteen seed Darmen faced off in a thrilling Round of 16 game that left Laiatan standing and moving on to the quarterfinals to face number eight seed Kelssek.

The game began and went scoreless throughout most of the first period until a goal by Leah Wimmer put the Darmenis up 1-0. The goal was answered by Anja Dragomirov with two seconds left in the first period, tying the game and taking away Darmen's 1-0 advantage going into the first intermission. The game quickly got on track as Luba Zhelezkin scored for Laiatan 2:32 into the second period, bringing the score to 2-1. The Darmeni team answered quickly and brought the score 2-2 at 4:23. By the end of the second period, both Laiatan and Darmen scored again to bring the score 3-3.

Laiatan scored 1:20 into the third period, taking a 4-3 lead over Darmen. The rest of the game remained relatively uneventful scoring-wise as the clock continued winding down. Darmen pulled their goalie with forty-two seconds remaining, but Laiatan grabbed the puck before they could capitalize and scored an open net goal at 19:42. The clock ticked down and eventually the buzzer rang, allowing the Laiatanese team to celebrate their entrance into the quarterfinals. The crowd celebrated just as much, the Laiatanese flag waving above several seating areas.

"We're going for gold," team captain Ania Burdukovsky said in an interview following the game. "We want to be on top, we want to be number one. So we've been playing our hearts out."

And that they have. The ladies team is still undefeated, and are going into the quarterfinals with the other undefeated teams. It's certainly going to be interesting once they start playing each other.

The men's team managed to squeeze into the Round of 16 as well with seeding number 14, and will be facing number three Holy Republican Unified Team tomorrow.

Best of luck to all of our athletes!

[Schutzenphalia and West Ruhntuhnkuhnland]

Selection of articles from Der Nordschutzenphalenglaubreiterfluchtschlamterkrötische Flümederthelweiderverlautzällegerwißmeinschlaftsörbschlimmelbeobachter.

Generic Athlete Profile Bandwagon: Tanja Gerst



With so much attention in the Schutzenphalian media being put on the failures of the delegation's alpine ski team, it can be easy to forget skiing isn't the only alpine sport on show at the Winter Olympics. Snowboarding features two alpine disciplines, parallel slalom and parallel giant slalom. It's in the former that Tanja Gerst, herself a former skier, will be competing for a chance of a medal. Schutzenphalian snowboarders have produced mixed results so far: though the country had representatives in three of the four freestyle finals, all four competitors finished in the bottom five; none of the women's sno-cross riders made it past the 1/16th round; and while the men's riders progressed, none reached the final.

Gerst will be hoping to improve on those showing and restore a little alpine pride to the beleaguered country. She began life as a giant slalom skier - well, she was probably a child and stuff before that - but moved to snowboard at 15. Since then, she has been competing in domestic competition, graduating to senior competition three seasons ago and winning the Sno-Race Cup in a shared prize two seasons ago, and then outright last year. From the alpine village of Lupental, Gerst is a semi-pro boarder and works as a coach for the Schaarburg Club.

Pointless Dead Horse Beating: SOA joins growing list of final ceremony boycotts

Citing dissatisfaction with the religious themes showcased in the opening ceremony, the ongoing plight of human rights dissidents in the Empire, and the failure of Olympic officials to expel disruptive delegations, the SOA has confirmed it too will boycott the closing ceremony of the Winter Olympics in Baseton. Cross-country gold medalist Astrid Reuter, who would have been chosen as flagbearer, delivered a statement on behalf of the team, saying that while they appreciated the need for the SOA to take a strong line to support the government in Uberweinerschnitzelstadt, they doubted that any threat not backed up with threats of violence that bordered on the level of sociopathic detachment from basic empathy would have any serious impact.

In unrelated news, SOA officials were able to negotiate the release of alpine skiing coach Wulf Abeln, who was arrested in downtown Baseton last night for a crime against public morals. The tired and emotional Abeln was found "offering to suck some serious dick in exchange for an alpine skiing medal", the police report noting that he had "promised to really chow down on that shit". Explaining Abeln's behaviour as the result of an adverse reaction to prescription medication being taken for an unspecified medical complaint, the SOA nonetheless announced that he would be relieved of his duties and sent back to Schutzenphalia and West Ruhntuhnkuhnland "to recuperate".

[Weisstal]

“It’s a matter of split seconds.”

The seriousness with which Volker Gerstman posed his theory was almost preposterous as the two teams for tomorrows event had gathered around the table. On the left, the curling squad had assembled in advance of what probably would be their last moments in Baseton. With a tough fixture ahead against Kriegiersien, they needed a clear victory to keep a last chance alive. Those opposite to them had more confidence, gathered across the previous days as the cross-country skiers demonstrated themselves as capable of competing against the top level.

“That’s just an exaggeration,” his teammate Herbert Wernke riposted, “in a real sport, it is all about endurance, a continuous effort which brings you glory.”

His slightly surprising medal in the classical fifty kilometres gave a certain authority to his words, but those familiar with him could read the sneer through the lines. Usually, his younger brother Heinrich would’ve sunk underneath the table, but he simply ignored his sibling and took another dessert of the plate.

“They’re magnificent, these puddings,” he grinned, well aware that his brother had to keep up his diet for the competition tomorrow.
“No, but, you know,” Volker attempted to push his point, “you’ve still got to decide in an instant. Do I make it? Do I attack? Do I wait?”

Whilst the curling guys slowly started to nod, Schorsch Desterding ended the conversation with a clear statement.

“If you’re the strongest, you don’t even need that. If you’re the most skilled, you don’t even need that. So that’s the matter.”

---

Five against three and one more end to play. It seemed as if the last ray of hope was coming down on the curling quartet as they prepared themselves for the last bit, in which they would handle the hammer. The opponents looked rather flustered due to this unexpected impending loss. What should have been a clear victory in theory for them was turning into a nightmare but they still had an advantage when it came to group qualification.

“So, what’s it going to be,” Erich Brenner asked. It had been a strange manner to handle things and all across, other squads had been ogling their team talks. Instead of a self-assured skip who set out the way, the Weisstallers seemed to opt for some sort of democratic council. Sometimes the idea came from Brenner, sometimes Sieglmann came with a splendid thought and Schwarz always had a trick shot in mind. It was strange how it made them even more committed to the case. Wernke visibly still struggled with finding his spot in this set-up, used to taking the decisions by himself, but he never questioned his new teammates.

“We need two point,” Sieglmann said, “we must attack!”
“Keep the pressure on,” Schwarz agreed.

Brenner was about to call it a decision, when he noted from the corner of his eye that Wernke had opened his mouth in silence.

“What do you see,” he looked at Heinrich.
“They’ll play for a double nil,” Wernke posed, “so we know what they will do. Keep on messing our game and block any last chance. Maybe we should anticipate and put one on the side already. With the hammer, we clean the field but for two.”

It was risky business, Brenner knew, and if they would see through the plan, the books were closed at once. But it was a last chance. He hesitated for half a second and then nodded.

---

It was a visibly annoyed Volker Gerstman that stood lined up. In a few seconds, Tobias Helferich would come rushing into the stadium as part of a group of eight, the leaders in this cross-country relay event. Next to him, the others were having a remarkable calmness over them, their eyes locked with some point in the distance. Gerstman still couldn’t understand why he was lined up here. It seemed silly to him to put the decision, the honour of being the last man, in the hands of… Him.

As hard as it was to admit it, Volker was well aware that he was the lesser one amongst the four representatives for Weisstal. While Schorsch, Tobias and Herbert had several victories on their scroll of honour, he had been more known as ‘that fun guy and pretty good skier as well’. The delegation leader claimed that they had opted for him due to his excellent sprint. But what was the value of that if you never sprinted for gold?

“Go! Go! Go!” yelled Tobias Helferich and one could hear that it was his last breath before dropping to the snow.

Volker quickly positioned himself behind Gabriel Blanc, with an eye out on favourites Wiggins and Jenkins-Riley, representing Kriegiersien and Kelssek. Ten kilometres never seemed as long a distance. The pace was high and sweat was dripping down his face and Volker knew very well that he would never be able to keep this up.

It was on one of the long winding hills that the race suddenly changed. Most opted for the left side, a longer, but less steep outside but Volker and home favourite Hirai made their way on the left. Everett Gordon, the Taeshani leading the pack, stumbled for a second, keeping all those in his trail up for a few seconds. When Hirai and Volker reached the summit, it was about eight ticks of the clock before the others appeared. With six more kilometres to go, it was sheer madness to run with it. The two men didn’t speak each other languages but Hirai looked at him with a question mark all over his face. Volker hesitated for half a second and then nodded.

Five-hundred metres to go. Whilst Hirai and Gerstman cooperated quite well, those back in the group hesitated at first. But with the knowledge that the gold would fly out the window, they nonetheless started to chase with Jenkins-Riley, Thant and Blanc taking turns at the head. The advantage diminished with every hectometre. Volker looked behind his back and saw how Jenkins-Riley did one last attempt, aware that the gap otherwise wouldn’t be bridgeable. In that same split second, Taishou Hirai attacked as well. After ten kilometres, no attack is stylish and the reaction of Gerstman wasn’t either. With uneven paces he got back to Hirai but with twenty metres to go, Volker cracked. As Hirai lifted his arm, he embraced silver. A mumbling swear from Jenkins-Riley was heard.

[The Dark Star Republic]

todaynews.dsr
The news...today!

Biathletes hope legislation more successful than Olympics

The Dark Star Republic's final real chance at an Olympic medal ended in failure after the women's biathlon team registered another disappointing return in the Mass Start compeition. With prime hopeful Adelaide George completing an ignominious Games, the team's attention will now move to supporting passage of the Sporting Guns Travel Covenant in the World Assembly, a proposal to ensure sportspersons competing in shooting events, including biathlon, do not suffer damage, confiscation or legal penalty when travelling between competitions. Daisy Chinmusic, Legislative Intern to the Dark Star WA Office, has announced plans to call Lt. George as an expert witness and asked for permission for her to be made available by the Dark Star Air Force.

Elsewhere, Taeshan's victory over Isula ĝe Ru pushed them ahead in the ice hockey standings and meant the Ice Stars will not progress to the next round, though Ulysses Chesire pronounced himself "satisfied" with the overal 2-2 finish in a highly competitive field. And in sliding sports, after the luge team's disappointments, Maurice Becket is tied for fourth place halfway through the men's skeleton competition.

[The Sword Bloke]

Swordeans also to boycott
Following Assistant 2's arrest in southern Baseton, The Sword Bloke will also be boycotting the final ceremony as they try to get their fellow assistant out of prison. Though the cause of his arrest is unknown, it is believed he sang the national anthem of at The Sword Bloke, which praised the Swordean religion, 100m away from a church service at a Baseton church. They aren't the first team to boycott, however. The Swodeas are still also to play in the play-in round for Mens Curling vs Benjamin Mark. A win will put the Swordeans in the last 16 of curling- A loss will leave the Swordeans without another event to compete in for the rest of the Olympics. Shop Owners as refused to speak to media about the impending news.

[Transalpine Republic]

This excerpt is from a story called From Infinity to Beyond. The book has focused on the protagonist, Gavin, and his attempt to rescue his older brother, Andrew, from the clutches of an evil race called the Tann who attempt to destroy Earth. This excerpt occurs after the climax when Gavin rescues Andrew and whisks him away to Earth, where a Tann invasion fleet is coming to destroy it.

“Welcome back, sir!”
“Glad to have you back.”
“Glory to Earth!
The salutations from the crew of the New York were an endless babble to the EDF commander Andrew Nash. “Thank you, Ensign,” he said to one of the well-wishers on his crew. After the gaggle of mid-level officers subsided, Nash was finally at the bridge, ready to fight. “Are the engines ready, Lieutenant Kurila?” he asked.
“Yes, sir,” the young female lieutenant replied. “Primed and ready for action!”
“Alright, then. You are dismissed. Ensign Takamani, where is the enemy fleet?”
“Nowhere in sight, sir.”
“Thank you, Ensign.”
“Alright, crew of the New York!” he thundered. All of the idle hubbub subsided with his loud announcement over the loudspeaker. “Today is a day that will live in infamy. Today is a day that we will defeat the Tann to regain our freedom. Today we will regain our liberty. Today the deaths of thousands of humans will be avenged. Today WE WILL WIN! A victory is at hand!!!”
A loud cheer rang out across the ship. A loud cheer for victory against the Tann.
“You have been training hard for many months. Our brothers and sisters in Earth’s shipyards have been churning out so many ships that we have almost run out of names for them. Today we will use that training and those ships. Today we will use them to further our victory!”
“The Tann have been the scourge of the galaxy for many years. After today, no more. After today, the Tann will be broken. After today, we will be the rulers of our own land, not slaves to some alien race. After today, liberty and freedom will rule.”
“Fight hard, my brothers and sisters. Fight hard today. We will win.”
“WE WILL WIN! WE WILL WIN!” the cheer went out through the crew.
“Man your battlestations. This is the eve of the battle. The Tann will come soon. “
“Aye, aye,sir!” the crew replied,and the bridge began to bustle with activity. On the New York, the bridge was a big place. In the center of it was the command chair,with the Captain and Admiral’s stations. After all, the New York was the flagship of the Earth fleet. Immediately to the right of the command station was the weapons platform. It controlled the individual weapons platforms and sent out orders to them.
Next on that half of the hemisphere was the sensor station,who monitored space for outside activity and threats. On the outside of the ship were mushroom-like sensor stations who did all of this heavy searching. Unlike the Earth fungus,however, these sensor disks were actually needed by the ship.
On the opposite side of the command seat, to its left, was the starfighter control desk. As evidenced by its name, starfighter control controlled starfighters. Next was the engineering desk. They commanded the engines and dispatched engineers and techs to help fix problems on the ship. The communications desk, to their left, sent and received holographic messages to other ships, whether they be friend or foe.
“Sensors! What is your report?
“Sir! The Tann fleet is coming out of space!
“Alright, Lieutenant. Communications, order the fleet to come out of hyperspace behind the asteroid field. Let’s get this plan in action! Also, order the Modesto and the Avignon to lead the Tann fleet to the asteroid belt.
“Yes, sir.”
“There they are! There they are!” shouted an observer at the edge of the bridge. Like a cheap magician’s conjuring trick at some kid’s lame birthday party, the Tann fleet slid out of the emptiness of space in the Earth system. The asteroid belt would await them.

Crewmembers heard loud booms inside the decks of the laser stations of the New York as it began to fire. The Earth ships, led by the recently rescued EDF commander, picked away at the Tann cruisers. Above the pristine blue marble, a magnificent space battle continued for the domination of the galaxy. The stakes were high: the loser would lose all that he fought for. For the Earthlings, it was their planet, their freedom, and their hope. If the Tann lost, they lost the galaxy.
“Pilot!” Andrew shouted across the bustling bridge.
“Yes sir!”
“Hard to port! Hard to port!”
“Aye, aye, captain.”
The ship swung around and mercilessly resumed its bombardment of the Tann ships. “We have them now!” Andrew boomed. The crew of the New York cheered. “Order the San Francisco and the Paris to resume fire,” Andrew shouted to the communications officer. He tapped at some screens at his position.
“It’s done.”
Screaming in the vacuum of space, the San Francisco and New York moved into position next to the larger Tann Mistl’yn’rrgl and began pouring fire into it. Concussion missiles were added to the bombardment of greenish-gray ray gun blasts. As they hit the ship, they bruised it like a squishy, overripe banana. That Tann ship would be no more.

Having sustained a continual bombardment, the ship was riddled with holes. Yet, like a stubborn baby, it refused to die in the heat of battle.
“Sir, the bridge shields are down to fifteen percent!” the shield specialist cried. “Now they’re at 10%!”
“Quickly, now! Quickly! Reroute all of the shields to the bridge!”
“But, sir,...”
“No buts, Lieutenant, or you won’t be around to see the consequences. A bird cannot live without its head!”
“Nor can it live without its bowels!”
“Reroute the shields NOW, Lieutenant!”
“Yes, sir,” he said meekly.
Immediately, the hail of laserfire stopped raining down on the bridge. Instead, it was rerouted to the engineering section.
“Exalted Master,” the tech crackled over the faltering radio, “We are losing power in the engines! The entire ship will go down if you don’t try and save the engines!” The voice was frantic. “What are we going to do?”
“Sit it out down there,” he snapped. “The body of a snake does not have to survive in order for the head to live,” he said.
“What’s the time for philosophy in the middle of a battle? And besides, it needs its digestive system to get energy to live! If the engines die, the bridge will die! No shields will be able to be put in place at all!” the engineer raved. “The engines are about to blow! They are goi---!!!” He was cut off by a loud explosion and a hiss of running gas.
“Send a Skahi down there to check it out!”
“Yes Sir!” said the engineering master. “Corporal Vendusz, detach someone to check it out!” he ordered.
“Johnny, go check it out!”
“Yes, sir!” The door opened and a hiss of air was heard. The door closed with a whoosh and the Skahi disappeared into the bowels of the ship.
“Admiral-Lord Xus!”
“What is it, Captain Lhom?” Admiral Xus demanded.
“You should have listened to Engineering Tech Kazh! The ship will be gone if the engines are gone!”
“I don’t care as long as I escape this cesshole!”
“You don’t care about the needs of the crew? Every man plays his part in the overall functioning of the ship, not just the bridge! The engineering section keeps the ship running, the weapons fire at the other ship, the troops keep the ship secure, and the starfighters protect the ship against enemy starfighters! You can’t leave all of them out, or else the ship won’t work! You are a master strategist, not one who micromanages ships! I am the captain, and I micromanage the ship! You didn’t go to naval school!” Captain Lhom ranted.
“You make a good point there, Captain, but I outrank you!”
Their discussion was cut off when a young Ensign handed Admiral Xus a paper.
“Sir, should I launch the escape pods?” the ensign asked.
“Only the bridge. And prepare my personal shuttle. Bring my pilot here on the double!”
“Yes, sir.” The ensign scurried away to perform his assigned tasks.
“It looks like we are going into the abyss of the mother god Elim,” Captain Lhom said. “In war may you lay.”
“In war may you lay.” In a somber note, the Captain and Admiral performed the traditional Tann death dance. “May the gods look over you in death.”
“May the gods look over all of us.”
The two high-ranking Tann clambered into the personal shuttle. “Give the order to fight until destroyed. Kamikaze!”
“Kamikaze!” the captain shouted. “Fight to the death!!!”
His call was answered from the decks of the ship with snarls and cheers. “We go to the end!” one lieutenant shouted. His call was met by a shuddering barrage of rayfire from the Earth ships.
“Fire back!” the weapons specialist called in lack of a proper command structure. His command was echoed across the bridge. A devastating barrage of fire then emanated from the Tann ship toward the Earth fleet.
“We struck one!” the sensor specialist called. “She’s the Madrid, a small cruiser.” A cheer erupted from the crew.
The weapons specialist again called for firing. “Target the engines! Then we can board them and sacrifice prisoners to the Almighty Goddess of War Hulkstra!”
A response to the Tann’s last barrage of laser fire struck the Tann flagship. That was one straw too many for the flagship. The ship exploded into a kaleidoscope of colors. The fireball of red, green, and orange rippled against the fabric of space, disrupting the pure blackness. Of course, the battle had already done that, but this was a sight to behold: the disintegration of the Tann flagship. Since there is no sound in space, the crews of the Earth starships did not hear the enormity of the explosion.

But the Earthlings saw the ring of colors. They started to cheer. The cheering started at the sensor stations on the New York.
“Sir! We have destroyed the Tann flagship!”
“Do what?” the startled Nash replied.
This time, the sensor tech replied louder. “We have destroyed the Tann flagship!” he said, projecting his voice across the bridge. He started to cheer.
Attitude is contagious. The cheering spread across the bridge. Clapping and screaming, the enormous mass spread like the wave at a baseball game. It slowly got louder and louder.

[Kelssek]

The model had bright orange markings and had probably been snatched from the Celestar booth-thing just outside the village. "It's hard to explain," Jaden Salerno had said. It was more he didn't want to, owing to both a sketchy memory and a raging headache.

* * *

"...highest standards of technical excellence, unblemished safety record, and really at the forefront of aviation technology," the Celestar representative was saying, managing to sound like she had not literally repeated the same thing about a hundred times now.

"Here is more information you can take with you to read at your leisure," she added, handing each a glossy brochure detailing the wonderfully luxurious amenities that might be installed into the Ce510. The engineers had gone wild with the technical possibilities safe in the full knowledge that they might get at most two customers with an actual interest in installing a shower, casino, sauna, sit-down dining room, or gritty dance floor conducive to the development of an underground rave scene.

Jaden and Jorrit had gone to the space Celestar had rented in Baseton for international public relations blitzing to see if the missing model was in any way conspicuous. It wasn't obvious, in that there were plenty of other airplane models around and the staff weren't drawing attention to it, but if you knew what to look for you quickly realized there was only one airframe type without an accompanying promotional prop.

Jorrit felt very guilty. This was terrible. They were actually harming the country. How would the Low Tax Plan For Jobs and Prosperity succeed? This was actually the Conservative campaign slogan and not the governing UCP's but like most people, for him they pretty much all blended together into Stuff Politics People Say.

[Free Republics]

Logo created by Yttribia

Its the first cutoff at the new time! Who will win medals today and who will be left empty-handed? Find out whenever I post the results for Day 11 of the X Winter Olympics.

[The Sword Bloke]

THE END HAS PASSED
Swordean Olympic fans aren't gonna be happy tonight, a 3-7 loss in the Men's Curling Play-In round to Benjamin Mark leaving the Swordeans without another event to watch. In simpler terms, we're out. To add to Swordean fans anger, Assistant 2, who's played in a lot of events plus the Ice Hockey team, has been arrested after singing The Sword Blokes national anthem, which praises the Swrdean national religion of Shopism. The Swordeans will not take part in them losing ceremony due to the arrest, with Shop Owner sending 3 Swordean lawyers to the Free Republics to help set the Assistant free. After the loss, all members of the team who weren't arrested took the AirElectrum plane back to Hamilton Airport, Electrum, where they will take their SwordFlya plane back home. The end has passed for The Sword Bloke

[Listonian Socialist Republic]

Could Listonia Overcome Vekaiyu?
Reporting for Listonia Sun, Viktor Uleskegori

Father Stapen Evesuni's going to need to make another call to a Listonian athlete today. For the second day in a row, a Vekaiyun-turned-Listonian athlete has won a medal in a speed skating event, this time for the men's competition. Yavo Reynastre, a native of Sinliesa, Vekaiyu, showed that the medal won by Ivalsa Ayveskoya in yesterday's Womens 3000m event was no fluke. Unlike yesterday, Reynastre was one of the last competitors for the event, and his run turned a few heads, especially the individual he bumped off the podium, fellow Vekaiyun Stapen Ikavistre who probably cost him a spot on their team this year. Ikavistre eventually finished fifth after Antony Vels from Electrum tied for third in the second run.

"It's amazing!" he elated well after the medal ceremony which again featured a Listonian on the podium. "It's like a dream that just won't go away. But I don't want to wake up. No one in the sports world thought we could do this. No one."

But how has Listonia done this? How has Listonia gone from backwater afterthought to competitor? Even so, how has what amounted to Vekaiyu's B-team gone up on Vekaiyu's A-team two medals to none? Scarier still, how is it that Listonia is one silver or gold away from surpassing Vekaiyu on the medal chart, despite having zero experience, less funds, supposedly less talent, less athletes, and less-superior equipment? To be honest, it was the same question asked by the V3 News Correspondant Rin Slakori yesterday when the nation to the west was left questioning their own selection committee. What could the secret be?

"We've overcome so much," Reynastre answered when asked the same question. "Everyone reacts to negativity differently. You either let it beat you down or you get up more determined than before. We're a close group that doesn't like being told 'no'. We respect our home nation and will always love it. But it was Listonia that gave us the chance."

Reynastre is no stranger to overcoming adversary. The eighteen year-old skater was placed on Vekaiyu's youth team three years ago despite being eligable for Olympic competition, and was picked by most reporters and pundits in Vekaiyu to do nothing special. While the youth games never came to fruition, competitions back home showed that for the most part, the analysts were correct. He was simply average at age 15. Skaters younger than him showed more promise. But, through what he calls "living skating", the athlete began to show improvement as he increased in age and hit a growth spurt. For Vekaiyu, however, it was too little too late.

"I actually like the outdated equipment," Kirov Volikanstru, who finished 44th in the event today, exclaimed. "It sort of makes practice a little harder working in a rink that's not perfect. You learn different ways of dealing with the unexpected. Then when you compete here, you are more than prepared and are working on the best track you've been on in months."

Finally, is it possible that Listonia could do the unthinkable and surpass Vekaiyu in medal count? If anything, these games have demonstrated the unpredictability of selecting medalists. I'd say anything is possible at this point.

[Todd McCloud]

Why it is Not Time to Panic
Reporting for V3 News Services, Rin Slakori

BASETON - Yes, as you have seen on your televisions and video feeds, heard on radios and talk shows, read in various publications and periodicals, Listonia secured its second medal today, much to the chagrin of the Vekaiyun athletes, who finished a respectable 6th, 8th, and 67th in today's 500 m event. A late surge by Stapen Ikavistre vaulted him into 3rd for a brief period of time, but he was eventually bumped.

"I don't care what the papers read, I am proud of my time and proud to represent my country here," Ikavistre said after he was bumped. "Let the papers write whatever they wish to write. We all know how hard we worked and how important these games are. If everyone expects us to win a medal in every event, that will probably not happen to any degree."

The above statement made us pause. Of course, we should send athletes to each and every international competition with the fullest intention to win a medal, or at least have one entrant strongly competitive for a medal. Sometimes it doesn't work that way, especially if the talent pool is thin or funding is an issue. Popularity can also factor into overall performance, I presume. But the thing that appears lost in this is while the Listonians have two medals in this competition, they both come from Vekaiyun athletes. So the problem does not appear to rest with Vekaiyu, a nation that has proven time and time again to be dominant in the Summer Games, the problem appears to rest with ineptitude in selecting athletes for the Winter Games. Would the medal count be improved if the Vekaiyun National Olympic Council (VNOC) stripped every athlete from the winter roster and replaced them with the so-called "next best"? It's impossible to tell, but certainly not a stretch.

In addition, Ikavistre's comment shows visible frustration. And he has a right to be frustrated. But, much like the Vekaiyun athletes in the Summer Games, they too had to get over the glare of the hot spotlight of the Vekaiyun fans and Vekaiyun media and focus on performance. For them, especially the swimmers, it took completely ignoring the social media and drowning out the voices of the analysts. Losing one of their own to the 2010 Civil War might have served as motivation as well, as was evident in the comments made by surviving swimmers. Winter Athletes experienced a similar phenomenon in 2010 when flamboyant skier Yiisu Oblervi was killed in a fatal car crash in Krytenia during the games.

Whatever the exact reason, the Vekaiyun athletes had better sort their problems out soon, because as it stands right now the two nations and 17th and 18th in standings, despite all the odds stacked against Listonia. Then again, perhaps the biggest difference in Vekaiyu's and Listonia's teams other than the aforementioned odds is the fact that Listonian athletes went into the competition with humility and low expectations - that much is clear based on their interviews. Perhaps a lesson in humility for both the fans and the athletes would be a welcomed changed that could lead to better attitudes? Tomorrow will tell which nation was able to handle the pressure better, because as things stand right now, expectations are high for both.

[Schutzenphalia and West Ruhntuhnkuhnland]

Social media news round-up from Schutzenphalia and West Ruhntuhnkuhnland.

Twötter:


@LGBTSWR Ashamed at some of the reporting of alpine ski coach's arrest. Offering to "gargleblast your nuts bro" is NOT a sexual term. #olympics #teamswr

@DJBööpBööp Hey good look to @OffizialVanessaMeindl today #olympicsonone

@CelebNewsTrends Exciting news for alpine skiing, three trends of the day! #alpineskiingishit #ihatealpineskiing #alpineskiingistheworstihateitihateitihateitaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #olympics #teamswr

@jasminjäggy ugh i wish they would send athletes home after their events are over amelie just sitting around writing poetry about blood #olympics #teamswr

@HHAAHpineapples Now Eizkrappentanzhockey team WILL compete in next World Cup of Hockey #olympics #teamswr

@LGBTSWR We have since been informed that "gargleblast your nuts bro" means exactly what we originally thought it meant. Nevermind. #olympics #teamswr #completelyoverthehilljoke

Fäcebüch:


Willy Gerhard
Hey, did anyone else catch the women's giant slalom today?

Kuno Freud, Heike Lewerentz and 67 other really bitter cross-country skiers like this.

Inßtabljörk:


---


Annemarie Schultze posted a picture.
LMAO at the men's team sprint in cross-country. Fall over much? #olympics #teamswr
4,890 people like this.

Hanna Nussenbaum
Not really sure you're in a position to be laughing at others' performances.

Reiner Frost
omg cute ski pants

Reimund Färber
Judging from Fäcebüch there's a bit of a rivalry developing.

Ben Beermann
bit of a cruel picture maybe next time u should just post a nice pic of your mötzipaffenschwegenkatzenbrudl

Lothar Frohloff
^ that's disgusting!!


---

He's Had An Absolute Hölöschwredermeinerbinghofkallenschlachtesentermittelhopferdeilungabschlachtweltungsmeining:


Is curling inherently classist? A ten page clickbait enquiry by ResistanceSports
Does prominent electronica DJ's "Twötter shootout" to figure skater affirm the neotextual paradigm of context, prefigure situationist subsituationism, or just mean they're bonking? by b00bmaster69
SOA plays down "blackface incident" at bobsleigh incident, confirms coach disciplined for dressing up "in a manner likely to insult the memory of John Candy" by pineapples
You'll never believe these 7 shocking facts about predeconstructivist narratives! Neotextual rationalists hate them! by special guest poster MetaNarrativesFTL
Oh, come on... by Professor_Sokal
Tinðer




Amelie, 21

Olympic Village, Baseton Active Just Now

Do you like skiing? No, good, me neither! I'm done for my Olympic events so I'm just looking to hang out and have some fun. Will swipe for anyone who knows any decent Goth places in Baseton. Surely there must be somewhere!?

[Southern Yugoslavia]

Men's Hockey advances to quarterfinals, Laiatan in third place!
For ZRN, Mikhail Tsurenov

BASETON - In yet another surprising turn of events, Laiatan has firmly planted itself in third place on the medal table by taking home yet another gold medal thanks to Volodymyr Shchavelsky, this time in men's skeleton by an incredibly slim margin of .03 seconds.

"It's really an incredible feeling," Shchavelsky said in an interview after coming down off the podium, holding his medal and a flag high. "I never thought once in my life I would be here representing my great country, and I especially didn't think I'd be helping put them in third place!" Two other Laiatanese athletes participated in the event, Vladimir Shulga and Konstantin Syukosev. They finished in seventh and forty-eighth, respectively. The skeleton event was one of two medal events Laiatan competed in, the other being the men's 500 m speed skating final. Artyom Zharkov finished sixty-first in that event.

Another surprising Laiatanese victory came from the men's ice hockey team, who won in overtime against #3 Holy Republican Unified Team 3-2. Like their female counterparts, the men's hockey team is advancing to the quarterfinals. The #14 Laiatanese Federation team will play #4 Vermark on January 22. Speaking of the women's ice hockey team, they play #8 Kelssek in a battle that will decide which team will go on to the semifinals. Hopes are high, and if the teams keep playing the way they have been (especially the women's national team), Laiatan could very well be looking at another pair of medals to add to their current tally.

The current leaders on the medal table are as follows: The Holy Republican Unified Team with fourteen gold, twelve silver, and four bronze for a total of thirty-one medals is in first place. Electrum is in second place with seven gold, nine silver, and eight bronze for a total of twenty-four medals. The Laiatanese Federation is in third with five gold, one silver, and one bronze medal for a total of seven medals. The Transalpine Republic sits at fourth place with four gold, four silver, and six bronze for a total of fourteen medals. Fifth place contains Chiata with four gold and three silver medals, for a total of seven medals.

Will Laiatan be able to continue climbing the medal ladder to secure even more medals? With this being the nation's first Olympics, where will the bar be set for the next one?

[The Dark Star Republic]

todaynews.dsr
The news...today!

Becket makes history with first medal

The uninspiring name of Maurice Becket will forever be etched into Dark Star sports history after he became the country's first Olympic medalist. Taking silver in the men's skeleton, Becket improved on his first day standing with runs of 52.71 and 52.85 seconds, the latter enough to boost him into second place, just .03 of a second behind gold medalist Volodymyr Shchavelsky of the Laiatanese Federation. Electrum's Nathaniel King finished third, the three riders a clear margin ahead of the rest of the field. Becket's skeleton method - which involves getting blackout drunk on homemade grain alcohol brewed in the trunk of his brother's car and then being strapped to his sled so as to avoid freaking out about the fact he's hurtling down an icy track on a glorified tea tray - proved highly successful, although his copious projectile vomiting on the medals podium was an unavoidable side effect. The medal puts a silver gloss on an otherwise lacklustre Games for Dark Star athletes in favoured disciplines of aerials skiing, biathlon and luge, but with the bobsleigh to come there will be hopes for one final push for glory. Asked to comment, Becket said: "Blerghlghlerblblargh!"

[Electrum]

Electrum Olympic Committee - Media Centre

Closing Ceremony optional withdrawal for athletes

The Electrum Olympic Committee will regrettably announce that the closing ceremony for all Electrumite athletes will be optional. Players will either have the option of departing home immediately after their final event is finished, or stay at the Olympic Village until the Closing Ceremony. This has not been an easy decision to make, but a decision that needed to be done to protect our athletes. The Electrum Olympic Committee is proud to listen to it's athletes - and we acted with the appropriate action when athletes expressed their desire in not participating in the closing ceremony.

We understand that participation in the closing ceremony was traditional - indeed, we have participated in the last two in our full capacity - but this edition of the Winter Olympics is different. The Electrum Olympic Committee is dismayed by the way some of the spectators respond when Electrumites reach a medal position, or does well in a competition, with boos, jeers and heckles. Spectators should know the proper etiquette in these sporting competitions, and that has resulted in the direct catalyst for the optional withdrawal of our athletes. We are also extremely concerned with the presence of firearms in the stadium, and the safety issues this could have caused to our athletes.

Electrum, however, will only be compelling one athlete, who has agreed, to be the closing ceremony flagbearer for Electrum, which is Thom Thant. Thom Thant, who won the gold medal in the 50km Classical event in the Cross-Country Skiing discipline will accept his gold medal in the closing ceremony, as per tradition dictates as well as carry the flag for Electrum. All other athletes and officials are not required to attend the Closing Ceremony. Some Electrumites may be worried that we are breaking precedent by removing some of our athletes from the ceremony, but this is not true. We have joined a growing list of nations which have either withdrawn from the closing ceremony completely, or making it optional. Such delegations include the Swordean one, the Liventians, and the delegation from Schutzenphalia and West Ruhntuhnkuhnland.

We would like to send a message to Samuel Izmailov and the Baseton Winter Olympic Organizing Committee, which is that the EOC sends their best wishes for the opening ceremony, but they have let us down in the management of spectators. We hope to not resort to this situation again.

[Barunia]

2 minutes before the live coverage…

John: Klaus, why the hell am I wearing all this?

Klaus: Because it's the winter olympics silly. You don't want to freeze to death.

John: I'm not in any danger of that, believe me. Heatstroke is a much mow likely cause of my demise, any second now.

Klaus: But it's below 0 degrees in Baseton!

John: Klaus, we're not in Baseton. We're in Porthaven, and right now it's 42 degrees celsius outside. I am about to collapse from the heat.

Klaus shouts after John as he leaves the set, shedding clothing.

Klaus: Oh come on, no one's going to believe you're in Free Republics in shorts!

Klaus gets the three second warning to go live, and he immediately turns to the camera.

Klaus: Hi, I'm Klaus, and with me is John, well actually not, he's not here, he's er, sick! Yes, sick, so I'll just have to fill in until he gets better. So, the news, and only one medal, which isn't really news because you knew that already. Still, it's a bit of a shocker.

Klaus: I know we don't have snow, but the Maalvians are practically swimming in the stuff. Well, not swimming, because if they were it would be water, not snow, but they've got a lot of it anyway. So, you'd think they'd know what to do with it.

*A highlight reel showing Petrov's run, followed by footage of the two biathletes.*

Klaus: Here's some of the Maalvian athletes. Natalya Petrov going down the giant slalom rather slowly, and there's a boring performance from the men in the biathlon. Serbanovic was the best, he finished in 100th! That's right, 100 places below the gold medallist. His teammate Ardelean was quicker than six other people.

*Highlight reel of Klim's jumps*

Klaus: Let's have a look at the only highlight of the day, with a flying fox. a, just my little joke, but close enough. He is a fox, apparently, well it is Furellum, so anything's possible. Atanase Klim is in the final of the normal hill ski jump, qualifying 8th.

*HIghlight reel featuring O'Grady, the Pursuit Team, and Ben and Joanna's dance*

Klaus: Onto the only country in this delegation to have picked up a medal, and the one we actually care about: Barunia. Our team of skaters got knocked out of the opening round of Team pursuit skating, no doubt let down by the Maalvian Sokolof.
Shannon O'Grady placed 25th in the Giant Slalom, a great performance from her.
Arkadiusz and Cassidy continued their horror run in the figure skating, they were 3rd last in the compulsory ice dancing. Why they bother to call it compulsory I don't know; I mean, if you go out on to the ice and don't dance, you don't get a score. Or do they come along and shoot you if you don't dance? From what I've seen of the gun laws in Baseton, that's a real possibility.

Klaus: Well anyway, usually I'd sit here and talk with John about this crap, but he's not here. So, I thought I'd sing you a song I wrote, all about the olympics. Here we go

"Here's to our heroes…"

*The transmission suddenly cuts to a blank screen, followed by a prerecorded highlight package*

OOC: Apologies for not RPing the last ten or so days. I've been struggling with motivation.

[Gregoryisgodistan]

Gregoryisgodistan Gives Everyone Free Puppy, Chaos Ensues

Following many death threats and hate for various leaders, Gregoryisgodistan decided to take a different approach at the X Winter Olympics and give everyone in attendance a free puppy. According to organizers, this plan had been considered at the most recent Summer Olympics when the organizers in Kytler stripped Gregoryisgodistan of the right to participate in medal ceremonies or remain in the country after their events, with threats to kick them out altogether if they did anything else bad, but they had not been able to secure such a large amount of puppies in time. However, they had since developed contingency plans for gathering a lot of puppies in a short period of time in case the need for such a thing arose again, and this plan, called Operation Righteous Puppy Lightning, was put into effect yesterday, with Gregoryisgodistani volunteers handing out free puppies to every fan in attendance at every event.

Unfortunately, this did not work out as intended. Several fans were allergic to dogs and had to be taken to local hospitals. Other fans were not convinced the puppies were real and attempted to "prove" this by harassing them, only to get bitten. Some of them had to be hospitalized as well. A lot of the fans decided they didn't want the free puppies and abandoned them, either in the venues or just outside. This led to chaos as puppies ran amok in the ice arenas and on the slopes. Additionally, several puppies were frightened by the starter's gun in the speed skating events and began barking like crazy while the athletes were trying to skate. A few of them even bit their owners or tried to run away. Of course, the arena was closed in, so there was nowhere to run away to, but puppies were running up and down the aisles and into the concourse like mad. One of them even stole a hot dog from the hot dog stand and got walked over the rest of the hot dogs, resulting in the stand being shut down in order to comply with the health code, which very clearly prohibited animals from mixing with the food. Republican authorities are reportedly considering shutting down all the food stands in all the venues due to the puppy infestation, out of concern that they may have messed with the food without people realizing it. As of this morning, such a decision has not been made.

Some of the puppies wound up outside the venues and began running amok. Fans struggled to get in through the Great Wall of Puppies. They literally had to fight through the puppies to get to the venue. One Republican fan, armed with a gun, began shooting the puppies to get through. This seemed to work, but the ground was now littered with dead, bloody, puppies. The other Republican fans, although also armed, for the most part did not attempt to shoot the puppies because what kind of cruel hearted person shoots a puppy? That's just mean.

During the women's giant slalom competition, one puppy was seen sliding down the mountain during a break in the action. The puppy apparently finished with a faster time than any of the competitors on skis, leading some to jokingly suggest he should be given a medal. Unfortunately, rules of the skiing competition clearly require the competitors to be on skis when they compete. Due to the large number of sapient animals competing, there is no rule requiring the competitors to be human, but following an incident where a delegation attempted to enter a cheetah in the 100 m dash, the rules were changed requiring competitors to at least be sapient. Therefore, the puppy would have been ineligible for a medal even if he happened to be on skis. Not to mention the fact that he wasn't actually entered in the competition. And if the puppy was, in fact, a "he", he wouldn't have been eligible to win a medal in the competition anyway. But that's why it was a joke. Unfortunately, some people don't get jokes so we felt the need to explain it.

A few of the puppies managed to escape to the Olympic Village and torment the athletes. Fortunately, no athletes were bitten but a few of them were seen running away from the puppies who were relentlessly hounding and licking them. Eventually, the Baseton dog catcher (who is apparently a real public official) was summoned and spent the entire night and into the morning rounding up all the puppies. Over 50,000 puppies were caught and there are believed to be many more still at large throughout the area of the facilities. The puppies have now been taken to the local pound, where they will be made available for adoption.

In a speech, Lord Almighty Gregory said "This is what happens when we try to be nice to people and tone down our hate. We're not good at being nice to other nations. We're not used to it. We try to do something nice like give free puppies to everyone, and look at the trouble it causes. We apologize for the effects of our actions and request that people not demand we tone down our hate and stat being nice. Otherwise, we will have to think of some other way to be nice, and it will probably turn out just as poorly as the free puppies thing. Maybe we'll give free candy to random people on the street who happen to be heading to a diabetics convention. Or maybe we'll hand out free candy to children and get mistaken for pedophiles. Or maybe we'll tell someone they look beautiful when they happen to be getting ready to portray an ugly monster in a play. Or maybe we'll give people free popcorn, only to have them choke on it. Or something like that. It seems like whenever we're nice to people from other nations, things go horribly wrong. This puppy incident proves it. Finally, I wish to condemn the Republican shooter who shot the innocent cute little puppies. Nobody should ever be allowed to kill a puppy for any reason. That is why i am making it a capital crime in Gregoryisgodistan to kill a puppy. Anyone who kills a puppy shall be killed, along with their family, even if the puppy is threatening or rabid. There shall be no puppy killing in our country!"

[Darmen]

Noon, Monday, January 19th, 2015
Office of the Prime Minister
No. 1 Government Street, Scott City, Federal District

Scat Peari, Bram Hayes and Mitchell Hellewege were sitting in the Prime Minister's office for one last time. Each man held a cup of coffee, though none of them took a drink. They sat there in silence as highlights of the Olympics played on the television.

The former Prime Minister broke the silence first. "I'm going to miss this place," he said, before finally taking a sip of his coffee. Before long he was spitting it out. "Bloody coffee is cold."

Hayes got up out of his chair and began to pace around. He stopped after a moment or two, and turned towards the other two men. "As my first executive decision as the new Prime Minister..."

"Oh save it Bram," said Peari, getting out of his seat, "you can make all your decisions once I'm out of this building. Right now I need to say goodbye to my cabinet."

"Shall I bring them into the room?" asked Mitchell.

"No, no," replied Peari, "not that Cabinet, this cabinet, the one with all the booze. My baby."

"I thought Sally was your baby?" asked Hayes.

"Shut up Bram, you immature goat," said Peari, as he opened up the doors to the liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Scotch. "Goodbye my Dear," he said, before placing the bottle inside his jacket.

"Oi, that's my Scotch now, give it back!" yelled Hayes.

"Once again Bram, shut up," retorted Peari, "you know bloody well that without me this office wouldn't exist, and you sure as hell wouldn't be in it. I'll take what I want."

Hayes slumped back into his sleep, Mitchell patting him on his shoulder in an effort to comfort him. "It's just one bottle," said Mitchell.

"Well then Gentlemen," started Peari, "it's been fun these past four years, but it's time I leave."

Mitchell interrupted, "Should I bring in the rest of the Cabinet now, Sir?"

"No, no, I'm planning on snubbing them today. I'll invite them down to Bloomer in a week or two for a big party, lots of booze. If I say goodbye now it'll just be a lot of crying and hugging. So instead, I'm off to see the Minister of Magic, pretend to still be the Prime Minister, and see how confused he gets."

Peari extended his hand towards Hayes, who shook it while still sitting down, staring at the bulge in Peari's jacket that marked the spot where the Scotch bottle was. Mitchell stood up as he shook the former Prime Minister's hand. Sighing, Mitchell watched as Peari walked into the fireplace. The flames turned green, and Peari disappeared.

"So," said Mitchell to the new Prime Minister, "anything you need from me right away, Sir?"

"Yes," replied the Prime Minister. He gazed up at his new Personal Assistant, a look of sadness in his face. "Could you go downtown, to Reynders' Liquor Store, and get me ten bottles of Scotch."

Mitchell smiled. He had sensed something like this would happen. "But Sir, he only took one bottle."

"I don't care," replied the Prime Minister, "I'm about to dig a grave for his reputation as a drinker."

[Transalpine Republic]

This excerpt is from the middle of From Infinity to Beyond.

The center of the massive Paris shopping center: the flagship outlet of the cooking store Sur la Table. It would be a nice place to avoid all of the nasty Tann mercenaries chasing after me. It was an especially good place because it had all sorts of pots, pans, tongs, and other nasty Tann-fighting cooking utensils.
I pulled open the ornate door, took a deep breath, and walked in.
“Bonjour! Bienvenue sur Sur la table! Comment puis-je vous aider?”
“Well, for starters, you can speak in English, because I have no idea what you’re saying.”
“Je ne peux pas parler anglais!”
“Alright, I guess you can’t help me. “
“Huh?”
“Oh, never mind.”
I scurried over to the pots section and pretended to scrutinize them. They were all over: deep, silver pots with holes in them, shallow, bronze-colored pots great for boiling greens. Why would I want to boil greens, though? They tasted horrible.
I continued through the store until I heard a loud crash at the beginning of the store. A loud scream immediately followed it.
The Tann had arrived.
My heart started to beat faster. Beads of sweat started to stream down my forehead. I took a deep breath. When I saw the beast that was the slave of the Tann, I did one thing. I bolted. Running behind a stack of tongs, I quickly grabbed one and glimpsed the beast.It was no person.It was no animal. It was no Tann. The beast had long horns and a temper as long as its horns. It was a monster born from some overdone Japanese anime comic.
The anime monster was obviously bred for one thing: to fight. Large quarters, small quarters, it didn’t matter. It would crush me in seconds if I didn’t run.
I darted to one side of the the store.
“Geronimo!” I yelled at the thing and charged at it with my pan. It scooted out of my way and tried to charge. A scoot on my part send a stack of bowls in its direction. A loud crash was heard and a crunch of bones. I knew that the next ones would not be that stupid. They would probably just avoid the racks and come straight for me. I was determined not to let that happen.
To avoid the anime things’ next charge, I ran through the store to the cash register. I didn’t want to get any innocent civilians killed, but the cash register was surrounded by sundry racks of things. The anime monsters would have to knock over some to get to me, hopefully on their comrades.
As usual, I was wrong.
They went straight around the register stand, avoiding any shelves that were in their way. My heart started to beat faster. I was trapped in the middle of a big mess, bigger than some kid’s horribly messy room with a battle between assorted clothes, books, and junk.
The beast started to roar. A loud roar, louder than the lion pack’s alpha male’s roar. A swoosh of a laser blade followed. I quickly ducked, parrying with a flimsy pan I had grabbed off a shelf. It immediately sheared in two. I gasped as the anime monster threw a punch at my solar plexus. I fell to the floor and prepared for a salvo of kicks from the Tann.
Not so.
I brought up my legs for one last motion before the beasts could attack me, slamming my full body mass into the beast. I felt the mush of his flesh crumple under my forceful kick. He roared one last time ,and he fell to the ground. I was panting hard. My eyes were wide with shock. I knew I shouldn’t have gone into this adventure. But my brother was in trouble. Family comes first.
Just keep running. Just keep running, I reminded myself. With a loud crash, a stack of coffee makers came falling down on me. That was not a pretty sight. The pain felt like every single earthquake and volcanic eruption in the history of the world had occurred on my ribs. Dazed from the attack, I screamed in pain. Then I blacked out, unable to fathom what had
happened to me.

I awoke from the blackness that had engulfed my life for who-knows-when. I was tired and cold. And wet.
I tried to sit up. Instead, a new binding system was holding me in.
I groaned.
The Tann had taken me.
As I regained consciousness, I saw more of the dimly lit cell. The light was enough that I could see my hand in front of my face, but that was all. It cascaded across the bare stone walls, unadorned. I finally realized the pain zipping through my head like a current of electricity that the power company had turned up for the summer peak usage season.
It hurt like crazy.
I wished I had medical supplies, although I knew that the evil Tann would not even think of the possibility.
Water dripped down the walls and some fell on my head. It made a thwop as it puddled in a hole in the center of a cell.
Gray metal bars trapped me in this horrid place they called a cell. A hard metal plate was what the Tann called a bed. There was no water supply. None at all. A grim metal plate covered what I thought was the food dispensary.
“Enjoying your room?” the guard inquired with a tone of voice that suggested that he enjoyed seeing me put in this misery. .
“It’s not a room, it’s a cell, you ------.” I spat at him. “Do you have the decency to put me in something better?”
“Hey, I’m not the prison quartermaster, you idiot. I’m just a guard. I can’t do anything, except possibly shoot you. Do you want that?”
I growled at him. “Go away, you monster. I don’t want you here.”
The guard didn’t like that comment. He reached into the cell and slammed my head down.
“That’s for insulting me,” he said. He then hit his hand into my back as hard as he could. “And that’s because I don’t like you,” he growled. He slammed my cell door and stalked off to parts unknown.

[Vermark]

The Niche
Vermark's success in team sports may be its path to striking gold
X WINTER OLYMPICS ~ SPECIAL REPORT

---

Vermark was always supposed to be a cross-country skiing nation. Superstars like Jan Bernhardsson were supposed to carry the nation and its winter olympic campaign to a pot of gold. This didn't quite turn out. Not one of Vermark's four medals (two silver and two bronze) came from a cross-country event. If you told anyone in the Varish sporting world that Vermark would have four medals but none of them from cross-country skiing, you would have been shipped off to an insane asylum. However, Vermark need not get its hopes down; A new niche has formed for Vermark and has the ability to pay dividends for the Varish Olympic team.

All four team sport events (Men's and women's hockey and curling) are currently deep into their competition. Vermark has a team still alive in each of these competitions. In curling, the men find themselves in the Round of Sixteen while the women made it into the quarterfinals yesterday with a decisive victory over Wray. In hockey, the men find themselves in the quarterfinals with a match-up against the Laiatanese Federation. The women are also in the quarterfinals after defeating San José Guayabal by scoring an impressive total of nine goals; they will face Patistan in the quarterfinals. All four teams find themselves with very good odds to win a medal, if not win the gold completely. A sweep of all four team events in the Olympics would set a strong precedent for Vermark which is a fresh name in the international sporting scene. In other words, Vermark may have found its niche in team sports as far as the winter Olympics goes.

Beyond the opportunity to establish a strong presence in a certain category of sport, Vermark has also proven itself for future, non-Olympic competitions. With Vermark's first World Cup of Hockey right around the corner, a good showing in the Men's ice hockey event will create some strong momentum going into the World Cup. The Women's competition in hockey all serves to prove that Vermark has a robust, holistic model for the development of hockey players. It's been said by some Varish hockey coaches that any nation can have a good men's program, but nation with strong men's and women's programs are considered to be exceptional. What this all means is that Vermark as a hockey program can expect good things to come in future competitions because of the success Varish hockey has had thus far in these Olympics.

Watch Sportmark on VSN (Varish Sport Network) at 8pm for more coverage of Team Vermark at the Tenth Winter Olympic Games.