World Baseball Classic 31 (Everything Thread)

[The Fair Republic]

Hi This is Arlan Root here in Heijnto Stadium in Senice, Guerro here for the analysis of the Toucans-Slagskepp series.

Guerro Game 1:
The Toucans started off quick in the 1st inning. Henry Brando hit a bases loaded triple off Micheal Saran and was driven home by a single by Gary Payton to make the score 4-0 heading into the bottom of the 1st. Buck Natters left a hanging slider over the plate and Mared Ilya drilled it into the left field seats to make it 4-3 heading into the second. Orville Jaeger hit a 2 RBI double in the 3rd to give the Toucans a 6-3 lead. A 2 RBI single by Bob Benson in the 6th game the Toucans an 8-3 lead. Buck Naters pitched 6 1/3 innings, allowing 3 runs on 9 hits and striking out 6 and walking 2. Larry Donaldson misplayed a Sigvar Gunvaldsson flyball in the 7th scoring Anderson and Jay and making it an 8-5 ball game. Picker hit a 2 run shot of the foul pole in the 8th giving the Toucans the 10-5 final result

Guerro Game 2:
The Toucans and Slagskeep couldn't get anything going in the first 5 innings. Both teams had a combined 3 base runners, 2 singles for the Toucans and a walk for the Slagskeep and the score was still 0-0. Nich Ferguson allowed 5 straight baserunners, a single by Jarred Holland, followed by walks by Liddi and Jaeger. Wilson followed with a 2 RBI single and Brando was intentionally put on base. Ferguson was pulled after a bases clearing triple by Picker and the latter scored on a Donaldson homerun off Idor Zale to make it a 7-0 ballgame. Brown hit a 2 run shot of Harrison in the 8th but there was little the Slagskepp could do as the Toucans won 7-2.

Guerro Game 3:
This game belonged to Kyle Lynch. The 21 year old righty allowed only 1 hit and struck out a career high 15 en route to a complete game shut out. A pair of 3 run shots from Henry Brando and James Wilson was all the Toucans needed as they won 6-0

Next Series: Ideos (UR)
The Toucans are back in Vis VIres for the rest of the group stage. The Toucans only allowed 5 runs versus the Kualathi the last time around. Due to the Gregoryisgodistan sweep over Brenecia, the Toucans now have the group 8 lead. The Toucans need to win the series to get some distance before facing the Bat Slaves and the Flock in a 6 game stretch. How they do in those series will be key in determining if the Toucans get past the group stage.

[Zwangzug]

"A very successful team, this Saintland roster, but sometimes it makes people wonder, are they coming by their success the right way?"

"Is there a wrong way? Let's face it, these Zebras aren't anything close to a top seed, and nobody was expecting anything else from them."

"I don't mean in terms of beating Zwangzug, just, in general..."

"Spell it out, none of this backhanded stuff."

"Do you think it's possible some of their success is due to performance-enhancing drugs?"

"Oh. What? Do they--no. No, absolutely not! There's no way."

"That's a lot of confidence. Why do you think so? Religious reasons?"

"Not...really? I mean maybe I'm inclined to assume the best of people because they're created in the image of God, but that's sort of a personal concern of mine, and not really one I tend to bring up on air?"

"Then what's your argument?"

"Simple. This is a national team."

"Yes, and?"

"And so, look at these players--they're coming from all over, however many pro teams there are. You think the management of the national team would just agree on some systematic doping program, without consulting with the players or, importantly, the people who pay their contracts most of the year? The health impacts it would have...there's just no way it would happen."

"Zwangzug's players come from all sorts of pro teams, sure. That doesn't mean every country works like that."

"Well...Saintland--"

"--'s players are clearly not in the same setup, do you even read the rosters?"

"I do! Which is where I learned that they were born in many different countries, they're here from all over. Which just furthers my point, they haven't played together long enough to have some conspiracy theories going!"

"It doesn't take as long for these drugs to have an effect as you seem to think. Even if they gathered late, it would have a short-term impact if that was their choice."

"I think you're being ridiculously cynical. There's no proof..."

"...And this'll bring up Tragus. Again."

"A triple away from the cycle."

"Yeah, come on, but how often does that ever happen? I mean really."

"This coming from the guy whose team scored 20 runs?"

"Touche."

"And Harry Liddi just did it for the Toucans."

"That was a rhetorical question."

"Just because you don't agree with me doesn't mean I'm not a competent announcer too, I can look up relevant statistics."

"That's--whatever. This will be--oh, drilled into right field, Tragus grinding past second, no, they're waving him through--the throw from Faustmann is--not in time, he's beaten the throw. It's, a cycle? Yes it is! A cycle for Marcus Tragus, the man does it all!"

"That's just our luck."

"Just?"

"As in, we're not very good at pitching to him. These days happen."

[Milchama]

"So the media have not been reporting on the most recent World Baseball Classic huh?"

"Nope, things have just been to busy at home"

"Yeah with a new school year, tournaments to run, and all the other stuff in life there just hasn't been time to think about things like the World Baseball Classic"

"Nope, there's barely been time to think about NS, let alone the specific sports RPs within NS"

"But sports RPs is literally all Milchama does in NS"

"And?"

"Good point"

"Hey did the next WC signups start yet?"

"Probably"

"Cool"

"Yeah no worries"

"I'm not"

"Anyway who is playing for Milchama"

"Oh here's a printout of the 25 person roster"

"Thanks"

SP: Martin Korsh
SP: Elizabeth Enton
SP: Beth Davit
SP: Colin Hunt

RP: Veronica Remark
RP: Dani Corinan
RP: Davis McFadden
RP: Xavier Ish
RP: Fletcher TImes

C: George Gorwell
1b: Jordan Weddel
2b: Yarden Vedel
3b: Alan Belmowitz
SS: Leora Thomas
LF: Kratz Hemmingway
CF: Tris Horowitz
RF: Martin Cobb

Reserves:
C: Manny Tomas
2b/SS: Evan Harvich
OF: Chance Ramses
OF: Gordon Mickifant
1b/3b: Sandy Crutchens
IF: Rachel Halevi

"Pretty good right?"

"Yeah"

"I'm happy"

"You should be"

"Good"

"Well come on you Warriors!"

"Yeah, let's go Milchama!"

[Jeckland]

Epic Quest Two: Buy One Get One Half Price!

Eight

"SHIT!" yelled Jeck, thowing down the bat. His first loss. Normally he wouldn't have been so pissed off at losing to Nova. After all, #3 rank. But he had Margaret on his side. Literally. If he hadn't been looking out for them, he wouldn't have noticed Margaret's little tricks. The gusts of wind. The slippy parts of the field whic always seemed to catch out his opponents, but never him. Oh she was clever alright.

"Next games in Group A, Zwangzug vs. Nova Anglicana on Field G, and Digestra vs, Jecatria on Field E."

Phew, a rest. Jeck walked from the field, where Nova was celebrating, and searched for the mortal from of Margaret.

---

He found her a few minutes later. About to ask what happened, she said before he could speak "It can't look too suspicious."

"What can't?"

"Anything, any of these results. Of course, I'm stirring things up so that you're not the only surprise team, but I can't have things looking TOO weird, or people would get suspicious. That's why I had you losing this game."

"Right, but won't it look wierd if I only just scraped out of the group and then suddenly beat everyone?"

Margaret pondered this. "I suppose it would" she said. "So I'll make sure that you qualify as top seed."

"Alright" said Jeck. "I trust in you. And, why don't you knock out a few good team early on to keep it interesting?"

"I was already planning on it."

---

The first half of the group stage was over. Llama and Wolfie were stood together in front of the tables, which they were studying.

"Wow, this sure is.... random." said Llama.

[Imota]

The Imota Professional Baseball League (IPBL) Official Website: Your WBC 31 Headquarters!

Bye Bye Bissone: Sunwings Sweep (http://ipbl.im/wbc31/6)

The Sunwings swept Bissone at home to open the second half of the group stage and become one of three teams with exactly ten wins in the group.

Game 1: Bissone 2, Imota 6
Makoto Kikuchi had a field day, going all nine frames while allowing just five hits, one walk, and two runs while fanning ten. Tsubasa Araragi was the unexpected offensive star of the game, with five runs batted in on two singles and a fourth inning stand up triple.

Game 2: Bissone 2, Imota 5
Sakuya Izayoi went eight innings, allowing just four hits and two runs while fanning eight. Akane Isshiki and Chie Yakumo batted in two apiece, with Isshiki contributing a stolen base to the effort.

Game 3: Bissone 3, Imota 8
Nozomi Itoshiki surprised everyone by going all nine, allowing just six hits and three runs while fanning seven. Despite giving up all three of her runs in the top of the first, after that she was near perfect, allowing just two more runners all game. On the offensive side, six Sunwings batters batted in runs, with Kanatarou Futaki’s two run shot in the eighth being the capstone of the night.

With Milchama taking two of three against Nassau-Hessen, they and the Sunwings are in a three-way tie with ten wins apiece. This will likely be the most interesting part of the group; while Jeckland will probably steamroll over everyone else and Estenia and Bissone are pretty much non-contenders, each of these three teams has a credible shot at the second playoff spot.

The next item on the agenda is a home series against Nassau-Hessen. Haruki Saegusa, Masayuki Minase, and Makoto Kikuchi will start in order. Don’t miss it!

[Imota]

MD7 Results

Group 1

Allamunnic States 4-0 Jecatria
Allamunnic States 6-2 Jecatria
Allamunnic States 5-1 Jecatria

Coconutstan 1-3 San Jose Guayabal
Coconutstan 1-3 San Jose Guayabal
Coconutstan 4-1 San Jose Guayabal

Silver Beach 4-5 Karditan
Silver Beach 1-3 Karditan
Silver Beach 1-3 Karditan

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Karditan               21   20   1   116   51  +65    60
2 San Jose Guayabal      21   14   7    82   64  +18    42
3 Allamunnic States      21   11  10    75   67   +8    33
4 Silver Beach           21    8  13    69   85  −16    24
5 Coconutstan            21    5  16    58   91  −33    15
6 Jecatria               21    5  16    63  105  −42    15

Group 2

Maklohi Vai 1-3 Qazox
Maklohi Vai 10-5 Qazox
Maklohi Vai 1-4 Qazox

Vulshain 3-2 The Serbian Empire
Vulshain 5-9 The Serbian Empire
Vulshain 3-0 The Serbian Empire

Miley World 1-3 Darmen
Miley World 0-6 Darmen
Miley World 2-3 Darmen

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Darmen                 21   19   2   101   33  +68    57
2 The Serbian Empire     21   13   8    83   63  +20    39
3 Maklohi Vai            21   11  10    91   66  +25    33
4 Qazox                  21    9  12    68   92  −24    27
5 Miley World            21    6  15    59  104  −45    18
6 Vulshain               21    5  16    57  101  −44    15

Group 3

Crystal Empire 4-3 The Sarian
Crystal Empire 7-2 The Sarian
Crystal Empire 10-2 The Sarian

New West Guiana 4-2 Thatius
New West Guiana 0-3 Thatius
New West Guiana 0-4 Thatius

Abanhfleft 7-8 Patistan
Abanhfleft 8-6 Patistan
Abanhfleft 3-6 Patistan

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Patistan               21   17   4   126   80  +46    51
2 Thatius                21   15   6    86   50  +36    45
3 Crystal Empire         21   12   9    90   69  +21    36
4 New West Guiana        21    8  13    69  101  −32    24
5 Abanhfleft             21    6  15    65  103  −38    18
6 The Sarian             21    5  16    74  107  −33    15

Group 4

Britonisea 5-0 Vettrera
Britonisea 7-5 Vettrera
Britonisea 5-4 Vettrera

Taxachusetts 6-7 New Wolfopolis
Taxachusetts 0-3 New Wolfopolis
Taxachusetts 0-3 New Wolfopolis

Insubria and Orobia 4-2 Estope
Insubria and Orobia 0-6 Estope
Insubria and Orobia 3-5 Estope

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Estope                 21   18   3    95   43  +52    54
2 New Wolfopolis         21   16   5   100   63  +37    48
3 Britonisea             21   11  10    91   94   −3    33
4 Vettrera               21    9  12    81   77   +4    27
5 Taxachusetts           21    5  16    60   92  −32    15
6 Insubria and Orobia    21    4  17    63  121  −58    12

Group 5

Diegstra 2-0 Mapletish
Diegstra 4-3 Mapletish
Diegstra 4-0 Mapletish

Itanpavia 0-10 Western Cuba
Itanpavia 0-5 Western Cuba
Itanpavia 2-4 Western Cuba

Jachaelter 0-9 Super-Llamaland
Jachaelter 0-4 Super-Llamaland
Jachaelter 0-22 Super-Llamaland

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Super-Llamaland        21   21   0   157   17 +140    63
2 Western Cuba           21   15   6   115   61  +54    45
3 Diegstra               21   14   7    89   66  +23    42
4 Mapletish              21    6  15    50  109  −59    18
5 Jachaelter             21    5  16    47  119  −72    15
6 Itanpavia              21    2  19    31  117  −86     6

Group 6

Zwangzug 10-1 Paymina
Zwangzug 6-4 Paymina
Zwangzug 2-4 Paymina

Vankelland Islands 1-5 Saintland
Vankelland Islands 0-9 Saintland
Vankelland Islands 0-8 Saintland

Western Borderlands 4-10 Equestrian States
Western Borderlands 0-2 Equestrian States
Western Borderlands 1-3 Equestrian States

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Saintland              21   19   2   110   51  +59    57
2 Equestrian States      21   16   5   113   52  +61    48
3 Zwangzug               21   10  11   109   76  +33    30
4 Vankelland Islands     21    7  14    73  127  −54    21
5 Western Borderlands    21    6  15    88  120  −32    18
6 Paymina                21    5  16    66  133  −67    15

Group 7

Hicaña 5-0 Pink Floyd Fans
Hicaña 5-3 Pink Floyd Fans
Hicaña 7-1 Pink Floyd Fans

Camerania 0-2 Saugeais
Camerania 1-0 Saugeais
Camerania 3-2 Saugeais

North Britonisea 1-5 Vaugania
North Britonisea 3-10 Vaugania
North Britonisea 3-5 Vaugania

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Vaugania               21   20   1   119   38  +81    60
2 Hicaña                 21   14   7    87   67  +20    42
3 Saugeais               21   12   9    90   50  +40    36
4 North Britonisea       21    7  14    76   98  −22    21
5 Pink Floyd Fans        21    6  15    51  110  −59    18
6 Camerania              21    4  17    41  101  −60    12

Group 8

Brenecia 10-3 Russian Soviet Socialist States
Brenecia 4-2 Russian Soviet Socialist States
Brenecia 6-1 Russian Soviet Socialist States

Guerro 2-10 Gregoryisgodistan
Guerro 0-7 Gregoryisgodistan
Guerro 0-5 Gregoryisgodistan

Ideos 1-5 The Fair Republic
Ideos 4-10 The Fair Republic
Ideos 0-3 The Fair Republic

                                   Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 The Fair Republic                 21   18   3   119   54  +65    54
2 Gregoryisgodistan                 21   16   5   105   51  +54    48
3 Brenecia                          21   16   5    97   43  +54    48
4 Ideos                             21    8  13    73   93  −20    24
5 Russian Soviet Socialist States   21    3  18    41  121  −80     9
6 Guerro                            21    2  19    51  124  −73     6

Group 9

United Eastedge 3-1 Perong
United Eastedge 2-3 Perong
United Eastedge 4-1 Perong

Aredshan 1-3 New Montreal States
Aredshan 1-5 New Montreal States
Aredshan 1-6 New Montreal States

Gregory Llama Land 3-6 Ko-oren
Gregory Llama Land 5-7 Ko-oren
Gregory Llama Land 1-5 Ko-oren

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 New Montreal States    21   19   2   118   50  +68    57
2 Ko-oren                21   16   5   109   64  +45    48
3 United Eastedge        21   10  11    70   82  −12    30
4 Gregory Llama Land     21    8  13    93  111  −18    24
5 Perong                 21    7  14    72   97  −25    21
6 Aredshan               21    3  18    49  107  −58     9

Group 10

Cosumar 6-1 Yakus
Cosumar 1-5 Yakus
Cosumar 7-1 Yakus

Republic Singapore 1-2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec
Republic Singapore 4-7 Royal Kingdom of Quebec
Republic Singapore 1-2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec

Sauceistan 0-6 The Royal Barangay
Sauceistan 1-5 The Royal Barangay
Sauceistan 0-5 The Royal Barangay

                           Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 The Royal Barangay        21   20   1   173   35 +138    60
2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec   21   16   5   110   74  +36    48
3 Cosumar                   21   10  11    75   71   +4    30
4 Republic Singapore        21    7  14    55  115  −60    21
5 Yakus                     21    6  15    77  134  −57    18
6 Sauceistan                21    4  17    56  117  −61    12

Group 11

The Kytler Peninsulae 0-1 Wolfbenz
The Kytler Peninsulae 13-7 Wolfbenz
The Kytler Peninsulae 5-8 Wolfbenz

Forthhanu 2-4 Mochria
Forthhanu 0-7 Mochria
Forthhanu 2-4 Mochria

Peruvian Highlands 4-6 Nova Anglicana
Peruvian Highlands 3-0 Nova Anglicana
Peruvian Highlands 5-6 Nova Anglicana

                         Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Nova Anglicana          21   18   3   106   51  +55    54
2 Mochria                 21   14   7    93   59  +34    42
3 The Kytler Peninsulae   21   14   7    98   72  +26    42
4 Peruvian Highlands      21    8  13    87  105  −18    24
5 Wolfbenz                21    6  15    74  106  −32    18
6 Forthhanu               21    3  18    36  101  −65     9

Group 12

Nassau-Hessen 2-5 Imota
Nassau-Hessen 1-6 Imota
Nassau-Hessen 7-3 Imota

Estenia 2-9 Milchama
Estenia 3-4 Milchama
Estenia 1-6 Milchama

Bissone 0-1 Jeckland
Bissone 3-5 Jeckland
Bissone 1-4 Jeckland

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Jeckland               21   20   1   119   36  +83    60
2 Milchama               21   13   8    95   81  +14    39
3 Imota                  21   12   9    96   83  +13    36
4 Nassau-Hessen          21   11  10    90   73  +17    33
5 Bissone                21    4  17    48  106  −58    12
6 Estenia                21    3  18    46  115  −69     9

[Saintland]

Editorial: Talking Horses are an Abomination
By: King Petrus XX

(SP) The World Baseball Classic continues. Over the past 3 games at Royal Park against Vankelland Islands, the National Team's pitching staff was especially dominant. Although Reegan Scott allowed a leadoff home run to start the first game of the series, that game quickly ceased to be competitive and Vankelland Islands never seriously challenged either Antonio Magnusson or Steffen Hirsch. 3 complete games were thrown and the 3 pitchers were in dominant form, striking out 50 batters between them over the 3 games. This team, which has only played together for a short time, is just now gelling and beginning to scratch the surface of their immense potential. For this, I can only thank our Lord and Creator, the One True God and his Perfect Son whom we know as Iesus.

I can, personally, confirm that the rumors being spread about the team in foreign media outlets are utter falsehoods. The entire team has submitted to regular tests, proving that their performance in this World Baseball Classic is all-natural and a manifestation of the Will of God. Those who spread these rumors show only that they are too stubborn to see that which is right before their eyes. They are too stubborn to see that God exists and that he is with us. Instead, they throw around wild accusations to attribute my National Baseball Team's success to any worldly cause since they do not want to accept the existence of God.

That brings me to the next opposition, that team of equine abominations that will use any underhanded tactic at their disposal in order to win. Everybody remembers the criminal actions of their gridiron team in the infamous Mud Bowl game. Everybody also remembers the controversy caused by an incompetent official from the Equestrian States who allowed a World Cup qualifying match between the Republicans and the nation of Felix to spiral completely out of control (OOC: The official was actually Sanctii.), turning into a glorified street fight. The Equestrian States are infamous for their dishonest ways and now the National Baseball Team must travel there to play the cheating ponies, who have likely hidden baseballs all over the outfield at their ballpark.

The Equestrian States are fresh off of 3 home victories against Western Borderlands and come in with a record of 16 wins and 5 defeats. I want to publicly set a goal for the National Baseball Team of winning 2 out of 3 games from them, as they did back in the first half. 2 victories here would expand their lead over the Equestrian States to 4 games, with just 6 to play. A sweep will expand the lead to 6, effectively ending their hopes of winning the group. A sweep would also put the team on the inside track to earn a bye directly to the Round of 16, now that 4 group winners have already lost 3 or more games. The final 6 games on the schedule are against Paymina and Western Borderlands, who have a combined record of 11-31 in this edition of the WBC. Of those 11 wins, 6 of them come at one another's expense, so they are actually a combined 5-25 against the rest of the field. Therefore, this series against the Cheatin' Ponies is the most important remaining series for my National Baseball Team. Perform well here and we can safely call the rest of the group stage a mere formality, as it should be...

King Petrus XX is the current King of Saintland. He is also the captain and starting quarterback of the Saintland National Gridiron Team. A dynamic quarterback known for making plays with his feet as much as for his skill throwing the ball, King Petrus XX is widely recognized as one of the best gridiron players in the multiverse.

[Super-Llamaland]

God Isn't on All Christian Nations' Side : Tigers Sweep Jachaelter, Game Three ends 22-0

Super-Llamaland, an officially secular nation, was set to take on the fiercely Christian Jack Rabbits of Jachaelter. "their performance in this World Baseball Classic is all-natural and a manifestation of the Will of God," King Petrus said after the game, referring to the also-fiercely Catholic Sanctii and their goals against Equestrian States.

But God apparently is so as much with the religious baseball players of Jachaelter, as the Tigers thrashed them 35-0 by aggregate in three games. It may have something to do with their ugly play, or maybe just their questionably appropriate names. But in any event, the Tigers crushed their lapine opponents, including one of the most lopsided routs in WBC history.

It began with Brittany Hendrickson in game one. Hendrickson was dominant, striking out nine in the same number of innings and giving up a mere three hits. Meanwhile, the bats gave Hendrickson an early lead. With runners on the corners, one out in the second, and Emily Pierce hitting, the Tigers pulled off five consecutive hits: Pierce legging out an infield single, Hendrickson taking a sloppy curve and doubling in two runs, singles from Kirk and Peterson, and the apex of the inning, a three-run home run by Troy Adrian. Seven-nil. Adrian cleaned up by doubling in Pierce and Kirk in the seventh, and the Jack Rabbits never got anything going.

The second game was similar. AJ Rondout tossed seven shutout innings, striking out five, walking three, and allowing six hits. Rondout wasn't devastating, but he was solid under pressure, working his way out of bases-loaded jams in the first and seventh. Meanwhile, Alex Kirk tripled in three runs in the sixth, and Emily Pierce added an RBI double in the seventh to win the game four-nothing.

Which brought us to the third game.

It began just like any other game, with the ace lefty Clopp Mlay on the mound to face Drew Gilson for our Tigers. Mlay gave up singles to Peterson and Seymour in the first, but forced a groundout from Michael Trabajen to escape the inning. Gilson, for his part, struck out the side.

It was in the second inning that the carnage began. Roger Harkless, the wiry right-fielder, stepped up first and took two sliders for balls. Mlay's next delivery was a reasonably inside 93-mph fastball, and Harkless spun and smacked the ball 376 feet into the left-field bleachers. A rattled Mlay, knowing Jachaelter was unlikely to score too much, overthrew his next ten pitches, loading the bases with two walks and a hit pitch. Alex Kirk was up next, and we bring the call to LSN:

Here's Alex Kirk, grounded out in the first inning today but three RBIs yesterday. Tigers one, Jack Rabbits nil, no outs, bases loaded in the last of the second. Here's the pitch - fastball high and wild. Ninety-five miles an hour and it's one and oh. The second pitch, hanging curve - line drive down the left-field line and it's the teenage prodigy Clay Nolp running after it! He dives and can't make the catch! Nolp on the ground, the ball bounced off his leg and into foul territory! Baxter scores!... LaRoi scores!... Gilson scores! Kirk rounding second to third, and Nolp will pick it up and throw to third, not in time and it'll get past JaChajojado! Kirk picks himself up, going for him, the veteran third baseman tracks it down and throws...NOT IN TIME! Five-nil, Tigers! Alex Kirk triples in three and scores a fourth on a throwing error by Clay Nolp!

But the inning was far from over. Megan Peterson singled into right-center and Troy Adrian singled her to second. A deep flyout into straightaway center-field retired Seymour but put runners on second and third with one out, and Michael Trabajen walked to bring up Roger Harkless. Nobody could predict what would happen next.

Harkless up, first pitch, bounced down the first-base line! The teenager Jacob Hunter scoops it up, throw to second, that's one, throw to first, and Hunter drops it! Hunter drops the ball! Harkless takes a few steps off the bag, Hunter spins, dives, and TACKLES ROGER HARKLESS! I THINK A PUNCH HAS BEEN THROWN and Peterson and Adrian will both score! THE BALL FLIES INTO RIGHT FIELD - I think Harkless must have tried to disarm the young first baseman - and Harkless turns to jog to second - HUNTER IS RIGHT BEHIND HIM! I don't believe this! Jacob Hunter is chasing Harkless! He has really lost his temper here, Harkless slides into second. Hunter is being restrained by buttocks! And- runner on second with two outs, it's now seven-nothing!

The pressure of being a superstar at thirteen and losing at his first WBC had apparently gotten to Jacob Hunter, and both Hunter and Harkless, who were both ejected, Hunter for the tackle and subsequent chasing, and Harkless for apparently punching Hunter and ripping the ball from his hand.

The Jack Rabbits protested, claiming that since Harkless had disarmed Jacob Hunter via touching the ball, he should be called out. The umpire refused to change his call, and the inning continued. Doip came in to retire Aaron Baxter, and it was seven-nil after the second.

The third was relatively quiet, with a solo home run by James LaRoi the only run scored. Eight-nil, although no runs were scored in the fourth.

The fifth inning was different. Baxter and LaRoi lead off with back-to-back doubles, making it nine to nothing, and Plolo was put in for Doip to bring up the pitcher Gilson, who singled in LaRoi. Alex Kirk and Megan Peterson both walked, and Plolo was subbed out for Plostmonial. As usual, it didn't work out that well.

Here's the tall righty Plostmonial to pitch to Troy Adrian. The first pitch - line drive, base hit, this is gonna clear the bases. *yawn* Adrian to second, and all three runners in. The score is now thirteen to nothing, I repeat, thirteen to nothing. How remarkable.

Plostmonial winds up, delivers, aaaaand Eric Seymour hits a fly ball into right, this is going back, back to the walllllll....gone. The score is now fifteen to nothing. Plostmonial has let five runs score after two pitches. That information is not even wrong.

Another 1-2 pitch from the tall lapine right-handed reliever Plostmonial...line drive into center, base hit, Trabajen will score, Harkless will score, a two-run single from Aaron Baxter. It is now seventeen to nothing.

I just have no idea when they're going to take him out. Here's James LaRoi. First pitch - swung on, that's gonna fall in. Baxter to second on a soft line drive to right. James LaRoi singles. And they're going to take the difficult-to-pronounce Plostmonial, and in comes, oh god, erm...Listolphonytrizemiumest. Ho-kay. His name is in tiny font all around his yellow jersey. Even worse, he had his first name "Place" put on it too, as well as his middle name "OreallyororeillyOreallyororeillyOreallyororeillyOreallyororeillyOreallyororeilly" on his front pocket in size-one-half font. Okay. The pitch - fly ball, that will be caught one down. I'm just going to call him "Bill". Bill winds up on Alex Kirk, tosses a pitch - look out! Kirk swings, fly ball into left center, that's a home run. Twenty to nothing, as Bill surrenders a home run to Alex Kirk.

Megan Peterson up - line drive into center, base hit. If Aaron Baxter gets another chance at bat, it will be his third this inning.

Runners on first and second, Seymour lines one into left, base hit, twenty-one to nil.

Bases loaded, two outs, here's Baxter. For the third time this inning. And, inside, that's a hit by pitch. Twenty-two to zero.

James LaRoi is up, and he's going to show mercy and bunt it. I'm surprised at the lack of a mercy rule. Picked up by Bill, toss to home, and the inning finally ends. Tigers score fourteen! We've played five, Llamaland twenty-two, Jachaelter zero.

#JachaelterTenthInningComeback was a popular twitter tag that day.

---

Epic Quest 2: A Ven -> Tri? LOL NOPE

Screw Chapter Numbers! This is Chapter "B"!

more to come

[Zwangzug]

"...this'll be swung on and hit deep to center, back towards the wall is Huber-Nieves, still going, it's over her head, and the run will score to make it 4-2."

"So disappointing. We can score twenty runs one game, and the next--"

"The next game we scored ten, you realize that right?"

"Yes."

"And we've scored ten against this same Paymina team, don't panic, there's a lot of time left."

"It was a metaphorical 'next'."

"That's an odd choice in metaphors."

"I have to keep reinventing myself. Push the envelope."

"Please don't."

"Okay, how about a look around the league?"

"The league?"

"The group stage. We've played almost seven full series so far, that's, like, a month's worth of games in a real league."

"But it's still not a league, and don't you say anything about this being another metaphor."

"Saintland are shutting out the Vankelland Islands, and Equestrian States have a slim lead over Western Borderlands."

"A slim lead?"

"Yes, it's 3-1 over there."

"So you understand, just because Western Borderlands aren't...very good, they can still have a competitive day. This kind of thing happens."

"Right, and we're going to be under .500 if the score holds!"

"Which would be better than last time around, by a long shot."

"If you're going to be all blithe about it."

"Do you have any better ideas?"

"No, but don't let the listeners know."

"If I must. The next batter, by the way, has bounced out to first unassisted. Here's another pitch from Alies-Duser, taken for a strike."

"Alies-Duser always works from the stretch."

"Indeed. The delivery, such as it is, will be popped foul. Osbourne settles under it, makes the catch. But the damage is done, two runs on three hits for Paymina makes it 4-2. We take it to the seventh..."

[New Montreal States]

"...Shane Larkin-Gladden, here from Aredshan. What does it feel like to be traveling with a baseball team that's getting everything right?"

"Matt, it feels damn good, no two ways about it."

"What does a baseball team do when everything's going its way?"

"Mikey Hammerseltzer just eked past Armstrong Beaureagrd to keep the Bullpen Bocce title for the third straight no-holds-barred contest to see who's handiest with a pair of balls gently clasped in their hands."

"...I see."

"The team has raised 5,700 oz. for cystic fibrosis research after manager Ephraim Zimbalist Jr. agreed to allow the four top performers in match one against Aredshan to whale on him with large inflatable plastic hammers for thirty seconds."

"Good for them."

"Then they raised 6,300 oz. for hepatitis C research after third base coach Max Johnstone agreed to wear a life vest and life ring for the duration of the second game against Aredshan."

"Commendable."

"Finally, they raised 7,850 oz. to cure hangovers once and for all after the equipment managers agreed to dress as medieval heralds and greet the players with trumpet blasts as they made their way to the podium for their postgame press conference."

"...hangovers?"

"Apparently they're mad as hell and they're not going to take it anymore when it comes to self-inflicted pain as a result of drinking too damn much."

"Back to baseball real quick, Shane. Chang Rodriguez came within one solo home run of pitching a perfect game during the second Aredshan match. What were his thoughts after stumbling during his dance with immortality?"

"Matt, I spoke with him after the match, and I think I will let him speak for himself here:"

"FUCK! SHIT! FUCKITTY FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK BALLS The only stat that matters at the end of the day is a 'W' for the team, Shane."

"Ko-oren comes to the States next, Shane. Is the side ready?"

"They think they are, Matt. The locker room seemed much more serious than usual after they finished sweeping Aredshan."

"How so?"

"Lambert Lacroix was wearing pants while addressing the media for the first time in over three tears."

"Alright, Shane. We'll have more analysis after the break. Don't touch that remot-"

*click*

[Nova Anglicana]

Lions Sandwich A Pair of Walkoff Wins Around Disappointing Loss

Allen Talos, Londinium Courier

Even with a three-game lead over their nearest competitor, a sweep at home over an unranked opponent was imperative for the Nova Anglicana Lions, if only for better playoff positioning. So it was a bit of a blow for Lions fans when they only managed to take two of three from the Peruvian Highlands. However, they more than made up for it in exciting baseball over the weekend set.

The first game saw fireballer Nate Freeman pitted against knuckleballer Welsh Mover. Mover had been knocked about in his last matchup with the Lions, lasting just two and two-thirds while surrendering seven runs as the Lions romped 9-2. This game was different. Mover had a no-hitter going through five innings, though he'd walked five men. His knuckleball was fluttering so much neither he nor the batter had any idea of where it was going. A pair of double plays and seven strikeouts had kept the Lions off the board, while Nate Freeman had allowed six hits, including a three-run homer by Zander Nix that comprised the total of Peruvian Highlands' scoring. Leading off the bottom of the sixth, Kelvin Freeman took a mighty hack at a 2-1 knuckler and crushed it into right-center. It rolled past both Edgar Howser and Brock Levreaux and Freeman's speed got him an easy triple. He chanced a first-pitch curve to Kareem Al-Aniz, 0-2 with two strikeouts, but Al-Aniz flipped it over the first baseman Johnson's head, getting the Lions on the board. Mover would get out of the inning, but a sacrifice fly by Khris Caldwell and an RBI single from Josh Jennings tied the score. Each team put a run on the board against the other's bullpen, so the score was tied 4-all going into the bottom of the ninth. The closer Cocanut Markos walked Lance Manning to start the inning, and Josh Heckman was able to fight off a 101 MPH fastball, grounding it to the right side, and Manning moved up to second. Freeman struck out, but Kareem Al-Aniz hammered a 100 MPH fastball into the bay for a walk-off blast.

In the second game, starter Brad Bryan's string of poor luck continued. Two errors and two walks to the first four batters put him down 2-0 with nobody out in the first. He recovered and only allowed a solo homer to Specter Johnson later in the game, departing with a line of 7 IP, 3 R, 1 ER, 2 BB, and 8 K. Unfortunately for Bryan, Biff Moran's fastball carried him through five shutout innings, albeit allowing nine baserunners (four walks and two hit batsmen). The Highlands manager mixed and matched his relievers, utilizing five of his available six pitchers to get through the final four innings scoreless. The Lions put two on in the ninth, but Markos got Al-Aniz to fly out to shallow center to end the threat.

In a matchup of aces in the third game, neither really looked like an ace. Felix Murphy conceded four runs on eight hits and three walks in six innings while striking out six, while the Lions forced Ragnor Hillrock out after just four innings. They put up four runs on seven hits and two walks, while fouling off many pitches, driving Hillrock's pitch count to ninety pitches after just four innings. Fortunately for the Peruvian Highlands, long reliever Harry Garzia pitched three perfect innings with three strikeouts, and they broke the tie with an RBI single in the eighth against Kyle Pauley. After Jamey Conroy set the side down in order in the top half of the ninth, Cocanut Markos came on for his third straight appearance, trying to close it down. He had thrown forty-eight pitches in his last two outings, but there was no other man they trusted to lock things down in the ninth. Markos would face the top of the order with a one-run lead. He set down Manning and Heckman on groundouts, but Freeman powered a slider out of the park to tie the game. Even at 95 MPH, a cement-mixer slider is eminently hittable. Kareem Al-Aniz managed to beat the shift by dropping a bunt down, an extremely risky move with two outs, but he was all smiles at first after beating it out. Tony Barnes coaxed a walk from Markos, perhaps tiring after his three-day pitch count had climbed over sixty-five. Jarrod Novak pulled one down the third base line past O'Kiver for a walk-off single, and as the Lions celebrated, they looked like they were just having some good old-fashioned fun playing baseball.

Up next for the Lions is a visit from Mochria. The Reindeer swept Forthhanu to move into a second-place tie with The Kytler Peninsulae, who dropped two of three to Wolfbenz. The Lions swept the Reindeer in impressive fashion (20-5 on aggregate), but they'll need to bring their "A" game if they expect to keep their lead.

[Ko-oren]

"Naranbaatar, how do you feel about playing here?"

"I don't know, it's going to be dangerous. Of course we have had tonnes of Kites (*Ko-orenites) play here over the years, and every time it was ok. So I'm not that worried, but the group is on edge nevertheless."

"Do you think the group is on edge because the Expos are waiting, and only a sweep will probably put you back in first?"

"What? Yeah, of course. We haven't dropped many games too, but they're taking it one step further. Sweep? I don't know if that's going to happen, but we definitely want to win two out of three games. And they swept us at home, so why can't we just sweep them at their home?"

"I don't know, you tell me"

"Uh... well we could, couldn't we?"

"I think you could, yeah. Why exactly?"

"Good pitching?"

"Who pitches well?"

"Well, the pitchers, I certainly hope"

"Hope? But you ARE a pitcher..."

"Still, shouldn't we be more worried about where we are right now?"

"Gregory Llama Land? Why?"

"Isn't that what they want you to think? It's Gregoryisgodistan..."

"No... it isn't."

"Yes, pretty sure it is. In disguise."

"I don't think so... Thank you, Naranbaatar, for this interview!"

[Imota]

MD8 Results

Group 1

Jecatria 8-2 Coconutstan
Jecatria 5-3 Coconutstan
Jecatria 6-1 Coconutstan

Allamunnic States 8-7 Silver Beach
Allamunnic States 5-10 Silver Beach
Allamunnic States 2-4 Silver Beach

San Jose Guayabal 7-1 Karditan
San Jose Guayabal 3-5 Karditan
San Jose Guayabal 2-5 Karditan

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Karditan               24   22   2   127   63  +64    66
2 San Jose Guayabal      24   15   9    94   75  +19    45
3 Allamunnic States      24   12  12    90   88   +2    36
4 Silver Beach           24   10  14    90  100  −10    30
5 Jecatria               24    8  16    82  111  −29    24
6 Coconutstan            24    5  19    64  110  −46    15

Group 2

Qazox 3-1 Vulshain
Qazox 0-1 Vulshain
Qazox 3-5 Vulshain

Maklohi Vai 2-1 Miley World
Maklohi Vai 2-6 Miley World
Maklohi Vai 1-2 Miley World

The Serbian Empire 3-9 Darmen
The Serbian Empire 1-7 Darmen
The Serbian Empire 1-5 Darmen

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Darmen                 24   22   2   122   38  +84    66
2 The Serbian Empire     24   13  11    88   84   +4    39
3 Maklohi Vai            24   12  12    96   75  +21    36
4 Qazox                  24   10  14    74   99  −25    30
5 Miley World            24    8  16    68  109  −41    24
6 Vulshain               24    7  17    64  107  −43    21

Group 3

The Sarian 3-6 New West Guiana
The Sarian 1-0 New West Guiana
The Sarian 2-4 New West Guiana

Crystal Empire 1-5 Abanhfleft
Crystal Empire 3-6 Abanhfleft
Crystal Empire 3-13 Abanhfleft

Thatius 6-3 Patistan
Thatius 0-3 Patistan
Thatius 0-3 Patistan

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Patistan               24   19   5   135   86  +49    57
2 Thatius                24   16   8    92   59  +33    48
3 Crystal Empire         24   12  12    97   93   +4    36
4 New West Guiana        24   10  14    79  107  −28    30
5 Abanhfleft             24    9  15    89  110  −21    27
6 The Sarian             24    6  18    80  117  −37    18

Group 4

Vettrera 8-2 Taxachusetts
Vettrera 6-2 Taxachusetts
Vettrera 6-1 Taxachusetts

Britonisea 6-0 Insubria and Orobia
Britonisea 3-2 Insubria and Orobia
Britonisea 5-4 Insubria and Orobia

New Wolfopolis 4-2 Estope
New Wolfopolis 6-4 Estope
New Wolfopolis 4-9 Estope

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Estope                 24   19   5   110   57  +53    57
2 New Wolfopolis         24   18   6   114   78  +36    54
3 Britonisea             24   14  10   105  100   +5    42
4 Vettrera               24   12  12   101   82  +19    36
5 Taxachusetts           24    5  19    65  112  −47    15
6 Insubria and Orobia    24    4  20    69  135  −66    12

Group 5

Mapletish 2-5 Itanpavia
Mapletish 3-5 Itanpavia
Mapletish 2-10 Itanpavia

Diegstra 7-0 Jachaelter
Diegstra 3-1 Jachaelter
Diegstra 3-4 Jachaelter

Western Cuba 0-6 Super-Llamaland
Western Cuba 6-16 Super-Llamaland
Western Cuba 0-6 Super-Llamaland

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Super-Llamaland        24   24   0   185   23 +162    72
2 Diegstra               24   16   8   102   71  +31    48
3 Western Cuba           24   15   9   121   89  +32    45
4 Mapletish              24    6  18    57  129  −72    18
5 Jachaelter             24    6  18    52  132  −80    18
6 Itanpavia              24    5  19    51  124  −73    15

Group 6

Paymina 6-5 Vankelland Islands
Paymina 5-0 Vankelland Islands
Paymina 3-5 Vankelland Islands

Zwangzug 9-0 Western Borderlands
Zwangzug 6-1 Western Borderlands
Zwangzug 7-0 Western Borderlands

Saintland 0-4 Equestrian States
Saintland 5-0 Equestrian States
Saintland 2-4 Equestrian States

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Saintland              24   20   4   117   59  +58    60
2 Equestrian States      24   18   6   121   59  +62    54
3 Zwangzug               24   13  11   131   77  +54    39
4 Vankelland Islands     24    8  16    83  141  −58    24
5 Paymina                24    7  17    80  143  −63    21
6 Western Borderlands    24    6  18    89  142  −53    18

Group 7

Pink Floyd Fans 4-5 Camerania
Pink Floyd Fans 0-5 Camerania
Pink Floyd Fans 2-4 Camerania

Hicaña 10-2 North Britonisea
Hicaña 9-1 North Britonisea
Hicaña 7-3 North Britonisea

Saugeais 6-5 Vaugania
Saugeais 4-7 Vaugania
Saugeais 6-9 Vaugania

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Vaugania               24   22   2   140   54  +86    66
2 Hicaña                 24   17   7   113   73  +40    51
3 Saugeais               24   13  11   106   71  +35    39
4 North Britonisea       24    7  17    82  124  −42    21
5 Camerania              24    7  17    55  107  −52    21
6 Pink Floyd Fans        24    6  18    57  124  −67    18

Group 8

Russian Soviet Socialist States 2-6 Guerro
Russian Soviet Socialist States 6-5 Guerro
Russian Soviet Socialist States 6-7 Guerro

Brenecia 4-2 Ideos
Brenecia 2-1 Ideos
Brenecia 10-6 Ideos

Gregoryisgodistan 4-9 The Fair Republic
Gregoryisgodistan 1-4 The Fair Republic
Gregoryisgodistan 6-5 The Fair Republic

                                   Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 The Fair Republic                 24   20   4   137   65  +72    60
2 Brenecia                          24   19   5   113   52  +61    57
3 Gregoryisgodistan                 24   17   7   116   69  +47    51
4 Ideos                             24    8  16    82  109  −27    24
5 Guerro                            24    4  20    69  138  −69    12
6 Russian Soviet Socialist States   24    4  20    55  139  −84    12

Group 9

Perong 7-6 Aredshan
Perong 9-5 Aredshan
Perong 3-4 Aredshan

United Eastedge 5-4 Gregory Llama Land
United Eastedge 5-2 Gregory Llama Land
United Eastedge 6-3 Gregory Llama Land

New Montreal States 1-5 Ko-oren
New Montreal States 2-7 Ko-oren
New Montreal States 6-4 Ko-oren

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 New Montreal States    24   20   4   127   66  +61    60
2 Ko-oren                24   18   6   125   73  +52    54
3 United Eastedge        24   13  11    86   91   −5    39
4 Perong                 24    9  15    91  112  −21    27
5 Gregory Llama Land     24    8  16   102  127  −25    24
6 Aredshan               24    4  20    64  126  −62    12

Group 10

Yakus 7-5 Republic Singapore
Yakus 6-9 Republic Singapore
Yakus 4-2 Republic Singapore

Cosumar 4-2 Sauceistan
Cosumar 5-0 Sauceistan
Cosumar 6-5 Sauceistan

Royal Kingdom of Quebec 4-5 The Royal Barangay
Royal Kingdom of Quebec 10-0 The Royal Barangay
Royal Kingdom of Quebec 3-4 The Royal Barangay

                           Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 The Royal Barangay        24   22   2   182   52 +130    66
2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec   24   17   7   127   83  +44    51
3 Cosumar                   24   13  11    90   78  +12    39
4 Yakus                     24    8  16    94  150  −56    24
5 Republic Singapore        24    8  16    71  132  −61    24
6 Sauceistan                24    4  20    63  132  −69    12

Group 11

Wolfbenz 1-2 Forthhanu
Wolfbenz 3-1 Forthhanu
Wolfbenz 6-3 Forthhanu

The Kytler Peninsulae 6-4 Peruvian Highlands
The Kytler Peninsulae 3-0 Peruvian Highlands
The Kytler Peninsulae 6-4 Peruvian Highlands

Mochria 4-9 Nova Anglicana
Mochria 0-10 Nova Anglicana
Mochria 5-6 Nova Anglicana

                         Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Nova Anglicana          24   21   3   131   60  +71    63
2 The Kytler Peninsulae   24   17   7   113   80  +33    51
3 Mochria                 24   14  10   102   84  +18    42
4 Peruvian Highlands      24    8  16    95  120  −25    24
5 Wolfbenz                24    8  16    84  112  −28    24
6 Forthhanu               24    4  20    42  111  −69    12

Group 12

Imota 4-5 Estenia
Imota 5-2 Estenia
Imota 10-1 Estenia

Nassau-Hessen 5-6 Bissone
Nassau-Hessen 6-0 Bissone
Nassau-Hessen 4-2 Bissone

Milchama 4-6 Jeckland
Milchama 3-9 Jeckland
Milchama 5-6 Jeckland

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Jeckland               24   23   1   140   48  +92    69
2 Imota                  24   14  10   115   91  +24    42
3 Nassau-Hessen          24   13  11   105   81  +24    39
4 Milchama               24   13  11   107  102   +5    39
5 Bissone                24    5  19    56  121  −65    15
6 Estenia                24    4  20    54  134  −80    12

Teams in blue have clinched first place in their group.*
Teams in green have clinched advancement to the playoffs.*
Teams in red have been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention.*

* Based on win-loss record only. Depending on schedule, some teams may not be capable of advancing or may have clinched advancement despite not being marked.

[The Serbian Empire]

What Do You Mean We're In Second

It's just another Serbian Empire type performance. Hang around 2nd or 3rd in the group play and then fall out early in the playoffs. It's always how it ends or so it seems. It's as if we just don't have the talent to draw from that even lowly teams like New Texaco have historically been able to tap from. Sheesh, that place is little more than Texas and New Mexico yet produces enough MLB talent to field a reasonable strong WBC team when they decide to show up. Yet we have almost all of the former Yugoslavia yet can't spawn enough talent without trying to tap Kevin Kouzmanoff and Brian Bogusevic from the US as an ex-pat by familial lineage from Macedonia and Serbia respectively. However, we don't want to bother the last place Texas Rangers in the AL West or the Miami Marlins minor league system for these guys. What little upgrade they'd provide for us wouldn't make up for the hassle of dealing with general managers from two different Major League Baseball systems.

[Gregoryisgodistan]

"Costa Lunians Say the Dardnest Things" nominated for numerous Awards at Gregmmy Awards

The hit TV show "Costa Lunians Say the Darndest Things" has been nominated for numerous awards at the Gregmmy Awards celebrating the best TV shows in Gregoryisgodistan. Here are the awards they have been nominated for

The biggest nomination they received is for the Best TV Show Category. The hit Costa Luna show will be going up against "Real Husbands of Saintland" and the winner will be announced at the Gregmmy Awards on October 1.

Another major award is for Best Actor in a Lead Role, for which Actor 81248D8J has been nominated. He is widely expected to win the award as his performance as Doybert was described as "positively LOL-tastic."

Furthermore, the hit comedy has been nominated for Best Comedy, Best Show about Idiots, Best Show Making Fun of Costa Luna, and Best Show Making Fun of a Nation on the Enemy List.

Furthermore, the "Ain't Land Twee" and "Ain't Land Fowe" episodes have been nominated for Best Episode Making Fun of Saintland, the only episodes to be nominated that were not from "Real Husbands of Saintland."

Costa Lunians Say the Darndest Things is one of the most popular shows in Gregoryisgodistan.

"Real Husbands of Saintland" episode summary - Petrus Meets Polus

Below is the episode summary of "Real Husbands of Saintland" entitled Petrus Meets Polus.

The episode opens with Petrus (not King Petrus) deciding to kidnap a new woman to be his wife after he beat the previous 29 to death for disobedience, an act which is legal in Saintland. He is getting tired of killing his wives for disobedience, so he decides to kidnap an obedient wife, namely Maria Polus, the nun and headmistress of a school. Even though Maris Polus is a nun, it is perfectly legal for Petrus to kidnap her to be his wife.

Petrus then rapes Polus to consummate the marriage as Polus prays to the Virgin Mary and "Eye-ee-zus" to forgive her for violating her oath of chastity. This just enrages Petrus even more and he forcibly beats Polus and throws her out a third story window. Polus then lands in some rose bushes and is badly cut up but alive. She then tries to run back to the nunnery.

Alas, Petrus has forcibly fit her with a doggie shock collar, so whenever she leaves his property without his permission, she is given a strong electric shock powerful enough to knock her over. The more she tries to escape, the stronger the shock gets. Eventually, she passes out and her hair catches fire.

Polus wakes up, notices her hair is still on fire, and takes off her head cover so she can pour water on her head and put out the fire. Just then, Petrus comes up and is fuirous. He sees Maria Polus with her head uncovered and proceeds to beat her savagely, another act that is legal in Saintland. He then proceeds to take his sword and cut off both her arms and both her legs before cutting her open and cutting out her uterus. All of this is done without anesthesia as Maria Polus howls in pain. Finally, he screams at her once more that she must now stay in his house with him forever or her head will be the next thing he chops off. Eventually, Maria Polus manages to call for help and for someone to summon the nunnery but then the nunnery excommunicates her for rebelling against a man. Polus tries and tries to jump out the window to commit suicide, her dream of being Queen Nun ruined, but Petrus stops her by impaling her with his sword, catching her body. He then drops her bloodied but still living body on the floor and stomps on it, then calls all his male friends to have a stomping party. Eventually, Maria Polus dies and her body is burned at the stake as she sinned against nuns, God, and her husband. All of this is not only legal, but mandatory in Saintland.

The episode closes as Petrus remarks that he still wants an obedient wife, but a nun might not be the best choice.

[Britonisea]

We have a chance!

Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Estope                 24   19   5   110   57  +53    57
2 New Wolfopolis         24   18   6   114   78  +36    54
3 Britonisea             24   14  10   105  100   +5    42
4 Vettrera               24   12  12   101   82  +19    36
5 Taxachusetts           24    5  19    65  112  −47    15
6 Insubria and Orobia    24    4  20    69  135  −66    12

Hang in there Brits. Britonisea, now The GBK, still has a chance to get through to the next stages. Unlikely, but true. Britonisea is standing underneath New Wolfopolis but over Vettrera. At the top is Estope. Well done to them as they have won most of their matches but New Wolfopolis could easily over take them. Sadly, the two bottom groups have been booted out of the games. What a sad sad day. No worries! How can The Grand British Kingdom come back and strike again? Hopefully so. There is too many tournaments going on. There was no coverage of the WBC at all in Britonisea as Zube and kytler Bay City has the most attraction. Good Luck to the hosts. Hail Britonisea.

[Saintland]

Sister Polus's Thoughts

Hello, I am Sister Maria Polus of St. Hermione's Convent in Acedonia and I am joining you today to discuss the defamatory claims made about myself recently. I also wish to address some other issues. Since I have papers to grade, in my capacity as an educator at the St. Hermione's School for Upstanding Young Ladies, I will attempt to be brief tonight. I simply don't have the time to do an overly long video, at the moment.

I shall begin with the most important issue at the moment, namely the defamation against my reputation by a certain most wicked nation whose very name is blasphemous (OOC: Gregoryisgodistan). Recently, they broadcasted a new episode of one of their television programs, which involves some television character of theirs doing things of a most indecent nature to me. I am simply shocked that I, a humble nun, would be targeted in such a way by some wicked television program. While I am, unfortunately, unable to do anything about that show being broadcast in its nation of origin, I intend to sue any network, outside of that nation, which broadcasts that episode of that particular program, for defamation of character. It is simply not acceptable to broadcast programs of that nature.

I will also, briefly, discuss the World Baseball Classic, where the Saintland Team recently faced the Equestrian States Team in a battle of Good versus Evil. While those dishonest animals won 2 out of the 3 games in their country, Flavian Gatsioudis got the better of them in the middle game of the series. That leaves them 2 games up, with 6 games to play. Fortunately, those 6 games will be played against Paymina and Western Borderlands, who have won just 13 games put together, out of a possible 48.

The big story there are the allegations, being spread by some blog that nobody had ever heard of until a few days ago, that the Saintland National Team is using performance enhancing drugs in order to gain an unfair advantage. I do not believe that this is the case, as this is probably too low a level for even King Petrus the Heretical to stoop to. However, I'll readily admit that I might be wrong. If they are, in fact, using steroids, then the Heretic King bears responsibility for that, no matter how you look at it. He's the one who put this particular team together, so I will regard him as responsible, in the unlikely event that these allegations turn out to have a basis in fact. The use of artificial methods to gain a competitive advantage in sports is a very serious sin, according to Church teaching, so if anything of that sort is going on, then everybody involved should be ashamed of themselves. I am Sister Maria Polus and I thank you for watching.

[Milchama]

OOC: Let me be clear because people might misinterpret, I actually do not think this tourney is rigged in any way.

IC:
"This tournament is rigged"

"You're only saying that because we got swept by Jeckland"

"No! That is true but they've only lost one game, it's statistically improbable. So there are two options, 1. they're having a run that is in the 1 to 2% probability or 2. it's rigged. Considering the nature of scorination and the fact that they have zero connection to the hosts it means only one conclusion"

"The statistically improbable?"

"No you sheep person, that the WBC is rigged"

"That makes no sense. You just said they have no connection to the host"

"Yes no obvious connection but Imota starts with an I that is one letter before the J of Jeckland. There can only be one conclusion"

"That it's a stupid coincidence?"

"No that they are connected"

"You have no evidence of that, that's one of the stupidest reasons I have ever heard. You haven't even graduated to the no planers 9/11 conspiracy nuts level of logic"

"But there was no plane in the 9/11 attacks"

"You're not serious right?"

"No, that's stupid but the tourney is still rigged"

"Ok, you still evidence. You have no warrants right now for a very large accusation"

"Ok, how about this one -"

"That's not a good start"

"Look, I have no evidence and quite frankly Jeckland as a number 2 seed with an inactive second member of the group probably should be doing about this good. Though only losing one game from a three game series is a little bizarre but probably not unheard of, a real Milchamian team would probably be doing similarly. However, it's fun to do so I'm continuing"

"Well can you at least come up with a better theory"

"Sure, without doing any research, I'm going to say that they are both in the same region"

"Sounds good to me"

"Yep"

"Well whatever we shall overcome"

"Come on You Warriors!"

"Let's Go Milchama!"

[Nova Anglicana]

Keyes' Emergence Vital to Lions' Success

Allen Talos, Londinium Courier

Chris Keyes, the 26-year-old lefthander, is already pitching in his 3rd WBC for the Nova Anglicana Lions. In WBC 29, he made his debut as a solid fourth starter and a key piece in the Lions' semifinal run. In WBC 30, he moved up to third starter and was a bright spot in that disappointing affair. Now, in WBC 31, he has been perhaps the Lions' best starter. Keyes has posted a 1.25 ERA and 0.89 WHIP in 36 innings, and has a perfect 4-0 record to go with forty-one strikeouts against just nine walks. Keyes has allowed runs in only two of his starts, all three in a 10-3 win over Mochria, and both runs in a 3-2 win against Wolfbenz. In his other three starts, two against Forthhanu and one against Mochria, he has pitched twenty-two innings without allowing a run.

In the past, Keyes has relied on a big, slow, curveball to get most of his outs. It completely flummoxes left-handed hitters, looking like it's going to hit them for the longest time before settling over in the inside corner to elicit that coveted strike three. But against right-handers, it simply gave them more time to pick up the spin and recognize whether it was a strike or not. Keyes credits his newfound dominance to the development of his cut fastball, learned from his teammate, Brad Bryan.

"Bryan and I are really close when we play for the Lions. We share everything and really try to help each other get better. I'm sure you've seen him pull out my big curve once or twice a game, just as a surprise. I've gotten him to teach me his cutter, and it works wonders against righties. I try not to use it too much, just five or ten times a game when I really need it. But even using it just once or twice plants it in the mind of the hitter, and he's got to protect against it. That lets me throw my slider more. They think it's the cutter 'cause [sic] of the break and the release point, but it's almost like having a second changeup, 'cause [sic] they are out in front of it."

Keyes' control has been better of late, which he attributes to a new mentality: "Earlier in my career, it was pretty much just fastball-curveball because those were my best pitches and the ones I could control the best. So when I had to use my other pitches to keep hitters from figuring me out, I would walk a bunch of guys, because I couldn't control them. I've really worked hard on improving my other pitches and having a consistent release point, and that's really helped me. But what's made the most difference is my 'no-walks' attitude. I hate putting guys on base for free now, so I try not to walk anybody. But not walking anybody doesn't mean throwing one straight down the pipe 3-1 or 3-2. Since I have better control of my pitches, I can still make my pitch on a 3-ball count and throw it for a strike. I'm not giving in to the hitter, but I'm not trying to walk him either. I'm going to make him swing at my pitch and either miss or hit it somewhere one of my guys can catch it. Or he can just take it for a strike."

Even a 2.3 BB/9, considered a great walk rate, isn't good enough for Keyes. He wants to improve. All of his answers paint a portrait of a young man who is maturing and has the drive to go to greater heights, something that will serve he and his teammates well.

[Maklohi Vai]

Clad in an olive coat, Nestor Gonsalves stood near the bus stop in anticipation. The neon Keloi-Mart sign across the street flickered in the drizzling rain. A series of cars passed the stop, but no buses. Nestor pulled out a cigarette and was about to light it when his phone rang.

"Hello?"
"Nestor, c'est Tomas."
"Ah oui."
"J'ai deux heures."
"Deux?"
"Ouais."
"Comment?"
"C'est, uh..."

Tomas's voice failed him for a moment. He tried again, slowly, in accented English.

"It's, uh, the Indian."
"Sanjay?"
"Oui."
"And the fat one?"
"C'est là."
"Why two, Tomas? Comment deux?"
"Uh, it is difficult to---"
"Difficult to explain, I understand. It's always like that, Tomas. I will be there soon."
"You will see, Nest---"

Nestor hung up. He pulled out his pack of cigarettes again and sighed as he slid one out. The 87 bus stopped on the other side of the street to let two women off. One went into the store, and one turned around to face across the street. She nodded at Nestor, who did not reciprocate. His phone rang.

"He--"
"Nestor, please."
"Laura, you know I can't give myself away in public." He glanced across the street at the woman, who maintained a steely glare directly at him.
"You're paranoid."
"I'm cautious."

She hung up and walked into the store, the ties of her burgundy jacket swaying with displeasure. Nestor lit his cigarette and sat down to check the scores on his phone. Upon seeing the one game gap between The Serbian Empire and Maklohi Vai, he made another call.

"Hello?"
"Martin, it's Nestor."
"6 on the Darmenis cashing in."
"Good. And the Serbs?"
"18 to go third."
"What's Sanjay's place posting?"
"17."
"Figures."
"You're meeting, yes?"
"Yes. Waiting for the bus."
"I'd wish you'd ask for a car. Much easier."
"More out in the open."
"Ah, you're ridiculous."
"Good bye."
"Talk later."

The 88 bus pulled up to the stop. Nestor pushed out his cigarette on the bench before boarding. As the bus pulled away, he saw Laura exit the store to glare at it. He sighed and took a seat. The real battle was just on the horizon.

[Imota]

MD9 Results

Group 1

San Jose Guayabal 5-6 Jecatria
San Jose Guayabal 6-1 Jecatria
San Jose Guayabal 5-0 Jecatria

Allamunnic States 1-10 Karditan
Allamunnic States 0-3 Karditan
Allamunnic States 4-10 Karditan

Coconutstan 0-9 Silver Beach
Coconutstan 4-8 Silver Beach
Coconutstan 2-3 Silver Beach

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Karditan               27   25   2   150   68  +82    75
2 San Jose Guayabal      27   17  10   110   82  +28    51
3 Silver Beach           27   13  14   110  106   +4    39
4 Allamunnic States      27   12  15    95  111  −16    36
5 Jecatria               27    9  18    89  127  −38    27
6 Coconutstan            27    5  22    70  130  −60    15

Group 2

The Serbian Empire 5-3 Qazox
The Serbian Empire 5-6 Qazox
The Serbian Empire 7-8 Qazox

Maklohi Vai 0-3 Darmen
Maklohi Vai 2-5 Darmen
Maklohi Vai 3-6 Darmen

Vulshain 1-7 Miley World
Vulshain 2-5 Miley World
Vulshain 0-3 Miley World

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Darmen                 27   25   2   136   43  +93    75
2 The Serbian Empire     27   14  13   105  101   +4    42
3 Maklohi Vai            27   12  15   101   89  +12    36
4 Qazox                  27   12  15    91  116  −25    36
5 Miley World            27   11  16    83  112  −29    33
6 Vulshain               27    7  20    67  122  −55    21

Group 3

Thatius 1-4 The Sarian
Thatius 8-0 The Sarian
Thatius 7-4 The Sarian

Crystal Empire 3-7 Patistan
Crystal Empire 6-0 Patistan
Crystal Empire 3-7 Patistan

New West Guiana 0-5 Abanhfleft
New West Guiana 0-8 Abanhfleft
New West Guiana 3-6 Abanhfleft

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Patistan               27   21   6   149   98  +51    63
2 Thatius                27   18   9   108   67  +41    54
3 Crystal Empire         27   13  14   109  107   +2    39
4 Abanhfleft             27   12  15   108  113   −5    36
5 New West Guiana        27   10  17    82  126  −44    30
6 The Sarian             27    7  20    88  133  −45    21

Group 4

New Wolfopolis 7-1 Vettrera
New Wolfopolis 10-5 Vettrera
New Wolfopolis 8-5 Vettrera

Britonisea 5-1 Estope
Britonisea 4-10 Estope
Britonisea 1-6 Estope

Taxachusetts 3-8 Insubria and Orobia
Taxachusetts 4-0 Insubria and Orobia
Taxachusetts 2-3 Insubria and Orobia

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Estope                 27   21   6   127   67  +60    63
2 New Wolfopolis         27   21   6   139   89  +50    63
3 Britonisea             27   15  12   115  117   −2    45
4 Vettrera               27   12  15   112  107   +5    36
5 Taxachusetts           27    6  21    74  123  −49    18
6 Insubria and Orobia    27    6  21    80  144  −64    18

Group 5

Western Cuba 6-1 Mapletish
Western Cuba 9-6 Mapletish
Western Cuba 5-2 Mapletish

Diegstra 0-9 Super-Llamaland
Diegstra 0-10 Super-Llamaland
Diegstra 0-7 Super-Llamaland

Itanpavia 5-7 Jachaelter
Itanpavia 3-1 Jachaelter
Itanpavia 2-4 Jachaelter

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Super-Llamaland        27   27   0   211   23 +188    81
2 Western Cuba           27   18   9   141   98  +43    54
3 Diegstra               27   16  11   102   97   +5    48
4 Jachaelter             27    8  19    64  142  −78    24
5 Itanpavia              27    6  21    61  136  −75    18
6 Mapletish              27    6  21    66  149  −83    18

Group 6

Saintland 5-1 Paymina
Saintland 19-3 Paymina
Saintland 3-0 Paymina

Zwangzug 3-2 Equestrian States
Zwangzug 3-4 Equestrian States
Zwangzug 8-0 Equestrian States

Vankelland Islands 2-4 Western Borderlands
Vankelland Islands 8-4 Western Borderlands
Vankelland Islands 2-0 Western Borderlands

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Saintland              27   23   4   144   63  +81    69
2 Equestrian States      27   19   8   127   73  +54    57
3 Zwangzug               27   15  12   145   83  +62    45
4 Vankelland Islands     27   10  17    95  149  −54    30
5 Western Borderlands    27    7  20    97  154  −57    21
6 Paymina                27    7  20    84  170  −86    21

Group 7

Saugeais 6-0 Pink Floyd Fans
Saugeais 10-5 Pink Floyd Fans
Saugeais 6-0 Pink Floyd Fans

Hicaña 2-0 Vaugania
Hicaña 3-0 Vaugania
Hicaña 2-6 Vaugania

Camerania 2-5 North Britonisea
Camerania 5-7 North Britonisea
Camerania 1-4 North Britonisea

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Vaugania               27   23   4   146   61  +85    69
2 Hicaña                 27   19   8   120   79  +41    57
3 Saugeais               27   16  11   128   76  +52    48
4 North Britonisea       27   10  17    98  132  −34    30
5 Camerania              27    7  20    63  123  −60    21
6 Pink Floyd Fans        27    6  21    62  146  −84    18

Group 8

Gregoryisgodistan 3-2 Russian Soviet Socialist States
Gregoryisgodistan 9-1 Russian Soviet Socialist States
Gregoryisgodistan 2-1 Russian Soviet Socialist States

Brenecia 5-4 The Fair Republic
Brenecia 0-14 The Fair Republic
Brenecia 1-4 The Fair Republic

Guerro 4-7 Ideos
Guerro 1-0 Ideos
Guerro 0-6 Ideos

                                   Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 The Fair Republic                 27   22   5   159   71  +88    66
2 Gregoryisgodistan                 27   20   7   130   73  +57    60
3 Brenecia                          27   20   7   119   74  +45    60
4 Ideos                             27   10  17    95  114  −19    30
5 Guerro                            27    5  22    74  151  −77    15
6 Russian Soviet Socialist States   27    4  23    59  153  −94    12

Group 9

New Montreal States 3-0 Perong
New Montreal States 3-5 Perong
New Montreal States 4-0 Perong

United Eastedge 1-4 Ko-oren
United Eastedge 0-4 Ko-oren
United Eastedge 3-5 Ko-oren

Aredshan 0-4 Gregory Llama Land
Aredshan 8-2 Gregory Llama Land
Aredshan 0-5 Gregory Llama Land

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 New Montreal States    27   22   5   137   71  +66    66
2 Ko-oren                27   21   6   138   77  +61    63
3 United Eastedge        27   13  14    90  104  −14    39
4 Gregory Llama Land     27   10  17   113  135  −22    30
5 Perong                 27   10  17    96  122  −26    30
6 Aredshan               27    5  22    72  137  −65    15

Group 10

Royal Kingdom of Quebec 9-0 Yakus
Royal Kingdom of Quebec 4-1 Yakus
Royal Kingdom of Quebec 16-3 Yakus

Cosumar 2-6 The Royal Barangay
Cosumar 6-3 The Royal Barangay
Cosumar 9-1 The Royal Barangay

Republic Singapore 0-2 Sauceistan
Republic Singapore 1-10 Sauceistan
Republic Singapore 1-3 Sauceistan

                           Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 The Royal Barangay        27   23   4   192   69 +123    69
2 Royal Kingdom of Quebec   27   20   7   156   87  +69    60
3 Cosumar                   27   15  12   107   88  +19    45
4 Republic Singapore        27    8  19    73  147  −74    24
5 Yakus                     27    8  19    98  179  −81    24
6 Sauceistan                27    7  20    78  134  −56    21

Group 11

Mochria 3-6 Wolfbenz
Mochria 2-3 Wolfbenz
Mochria 2-0 Wolfbenz

The Kytler Peninsulae 1-9 Nova Anglicana
The Kytler Peninsulae 3-2 Nova Anglicana
The Kytler Peninsulae 0-6 Nova Anglicana

Forthhanu 0-8 Peruvian Highlands
Forthhanu 5-4 Peruvian Highlands
Forthhanu 7-8 Peruvian Highlands

                         Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Nova Anglicana          27   23   4   148   64  +84    69
2 The Kytler Peninsulae   27   18   9   117   97  +20    54
3 Mochria                 27   15  12   109   93  +16    45
4 Peruvian Highlands      27   10  17   115  132  −17    30
5 Wolfbenz                27   10  17    93  119  −26    30
6 Forthhanu               27    5  22    54  131  −77    15

Group 12

Milchama 1-6 Imota
Milchama 5-1 Imota
Milchama 5-13 Imota

Nassau-Hessen 2-4 Jeckland
Nassau-Hessen 0-7 Jeckland
Nassau-Hessen 0-6 Jeckland

Estenia 1-2 Bissone
Estenia 1-0 Bissone
Estenia 6-0 Bissone

                        Pld    W   L    RF   RA   RD   Pts 
1 Jeckland               27   26   1   157   50 +107    78
2 Imota                  27   16  11   135  102  +33    48
3 Milchama               27   14  13   118  122   −4    42
4 Nassau-Hessen          27   13  14   107   98   +9    39
5 Bissone                27    6  21    58  129  −71    18
6 Estenia                27    6  21    62  136  −74    18

Teams in blue have clinched first place in their group.*
Teams in green have clinched advancement to the playoffs.*
Teams in red have been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention.*

* Based on win-loss record only. Depending on schedule, some teams may not be capable of advancing or may have clinched advancement despite not being marked.

[Gregoryisgodistan]

Lord Almighty Gregory's Speech to the People

"Good afternoon, ladies, gentlemen, and slaves. I must speak to you today of claims by a woman claiming to be a wicked nun known as Maria Polus. As you know, Maria Polus was killed by our brave, noble hero soldiers about 10 months ago in retaliation for her attempted assassination of me. Any representation of Sister Polus in fiction that shows her still alive is just that - fiction.

"In spite of the obvious fictional nature of our TV shows, the fake Sister Polus has attempted to sue our glorious government for defamation of character. I welcome this lawsuit. It will force Maria Polus to take a DNA test and prove that this is not the real Maria Polus and furthermore that the real Maria Polus is dead. We must continue to fight against the wicked Church of Saintland through fight and might. We shall show the Sanctii who the true Lord is, and that it is me, not this "Eye-ee-zus" fellow whose name they apparently can't even spell correctly. I am the Lord Your God!

"In response to the claims made by the wicked fake Sister Polus, I have no choice but to threaten to drop our nuclear arsenal on Saintland if Sister Polus does not retract her claims. We will also drop some nuclear bombs on Acedonia where 'Sister Polus' claims to be in hiding. We all know the impostor is really backed by the Sanctii government just as the real one was, but just in case she is physically in Acedonia as part of this ruse, we will nuke them too if the impostor does not retract her claims and admit she is an impostor.

"Furthermore, since Acedonia appears to be complicit in this nonsense, I have no choice but to add them to our Enemy List. This means that the killing of Acedonians in Gregoryisgodistan is now legal and the killers will receive 1 million greggygodbucks per death. Furthermore, anyone who kills the impostor claiming to be Sister Maria Polus will receive a reward of 1 trillion greggygodbucks, the medal of honor, and Government VIP status. This will even apply if fake Sister Polus is killed in Acedonia. If she dies in a nuclear bombing, I will give the soldier who dropped the bomb 1 trillion greggygodbucks, and of course they will receive another 1 million greggygodbucks for each Acedonian they kill.

"I encourage the fake Sister Polus to admit her ruse immediately and turn herself in to the Gregoryisgodistani authorities for execution. She will save the lives of her countrymen in the process. Death to Saintland! Death to Acedonia! Death to the fake Sister Polus!"

[Saintland]

News Magazine

Gregory the Blasphemer needs to learn some Respect for the One True God
by: Reino Kulseth

I woke up this morning to discover that the so-called "Lord Almighty Gregory," dictator of that Infernushole that is commonly called Gregoryisgodistan is now threatening a nuclear attack on the nations of Saintland and Acedonia, 2 helpless neutral nations who have never done anything to anybody. As the Leader of the Righteous World, I find these threats to commit atrocities against 2 tiny God-fearing Christian nations to be unspeakably awful and I will not tolerate this kind of disrespect for People of Faith.

Sister Maria Polus, a nun known internationally for her series of videos discussing the intersection of faith, moral virtue and current events, was recently slandered by a rather nasty television program produced by Gregoryisgodistan. Sister Polus, showing once again that Women of Faith are not oppressed in any way, produced a video in which she directly called out the evil dictator for producing false and defamatory television programs, which are (despite being passed off as "works of fiction") actually intended to spread falsehoods regarding the intelligence of the people of Costa Luna and falsehoods regarding the situation in Saintland with regard to women's rights. Indeed, the program "Real Husbands of Saintland" almost seems like it was created and written by members of the infamous terrorist organization Feministvs Sanctvsterra, an evil organization that has now been completely eradicated by the Armies of God. Despite the claims to the contrary by Gregory the Wicked, we know that Feministvs Sanctvsterra, not his incompetent agents, assassinated my predecessor and we also know that King Paulus XV of Saintland was assassinated by Feministvs Sanctvsterra as well and that Sister Polus is alive and well. In fact, I am willing to personally pay the tuition to allow any young lady from the nation that calls itself Gregoryisgodistan to attend the St. Hermione's School for Upstanding Young Ladies, where Sister Polus is currently teaching. That would not only serve her well, but would also prove to Gregory the Infernus-Bound that Sister Polus remains alive and well.

Now, the evil dictator of Gregoryisgodistan has responded, delivering a rather nasty speech in which he threatened Saintland and Acedonia with nuclear annihilation, threats which our intelligence (the best in the entire multiverse) believe to be greatly exaggerated (and that is the understatement of the millennium). In the speech, he also criticized the use of the correct Latin spelling of I-e-s-u-s to spell the name of the man whom People of Faith believe to be the only begotten Son of God rather than the alternate spelling of J-e-s-u-s, which the True Church regards as a mistranslation. Trust me, I have spoken to His Holiness, the Patriarch of St. Petrus, and he has informed me that, yes, he is well aware of the alternate spellings of the name of the Savior. However, the Patriarch was insistent that I-e-s-u-s was the correct spelling, in any language.

I want to finish this column by making it clear, in no uncertain terms, that I will order an immediate carpet-bombing of any nation that attempts to use weapons of mass destruction against a small, helpless, Christian nation. This is not a threat. It is a promise. If you use or attempt to use a weapon of mass destruction against Saintland or Acedonia or any other Christian nation that lacks the capacity to defend itself, then I will personally order the Holy Republican Air Force to bomb your country straight to Infernus. I'm not going to tolerate any attempts to persecute Christians for our Faith and will use the full power of my office to destroy Christophobia throughout the multiverse. However, I hope that it will not have to come to that, so please don't make me do something that you'll regret...

Reino Kulseth is currently the only Consul of the Holy Republican Empire. Consul Kulseth is a devout member of the True Church of Iesus Christus in good standing and the leader of the Holy Party. He was elected Consul recently, in the most shocking Consul election outcome in the history of our glorious Imperial Federation, putting an end to the chaos that reigned in Republica following the deaths of Consuls Savard and Piazza. Consul Kulseth, like his predecessor Consul Piazza, will be an occasional opinion columnist for News Magazine

[Ko-oren]

Expos and Greenblues Celebrate

With three victories over United Eastedge, the Greenblues secured a place among the final 24 in Imota and/or Nova Anglicana. Ko-oren kept the scoring low, but kept United Eastedge to even less runs: 1-4, 0-4 and 3-5. The last game was a close game, but do not let that fool you: at the time, the virtual standing in Group 9 was 19-6 for Ko-oren and 13-12 for United Eastedge, at which point it was already a certainty that the Greenblues would eliminated United Eastedge. Only with three victories (making the standings 18-9 for Ko-oren and 16-11 for United Eastedge), they would have had a chance to kick us out of the WBC. But that did not happen, and the third game's result did not matter to United Eastedge anymore. The result does matter to us, but that is just a technicality: our seeding in the Round of 24, or the possibility we play in the Round of 16 at best. Currently New Montreal States are first, but only by a tiny margin (22-5 for them, 21-6 for us). If only we could have taken one win from them... but that means that the Greenblues will need to win three on the last day while hoping for a Expos slip up against Gregory Llama Land. We will be playing Perong ourselves. There does not seem to be a big difference between the two opponents: both are on 10-7. The big difference is that Gregory Llama Land has a tendency to go for big scores (113 runs scored, yet also 135 conceded), while Perong is a lot more conservative (96 scored, 122 against). Also, contrary to popular belief, Gregory Llama Land seems to be a politically safe country. Just for the record. Not that it matters at this point anymore.

That leaves us with the question whether all 24 teams will be ranked one to twenty-four, or that the group winners will be one to twelve and the runners-up will be thirteen to twenty-four. In the latter case, Ko-oren currently is seeded 13th (also known as best of the rest), and in the earlier case, we would be 11th. Still not in the top eight, but at least a bit closer. The top eight will be exempt from the Round of 24, that is all.

Anyhow, the Greenblues will be playing some more games after the group stage, and who could have expected that, with our all-new team? That's right, we all predicted that. Because we failed to make it to the second stage of the tournament last time. And if there is one certainty in life by now, it is that regardless of the previous results, Ko-oren will make one WBC and drop out early in the next. Only to qualify for the next WBC after that.

If anything, we will rely on Bae, De Castro and Kasai for the last three games, while Mimori Asai is going to try to extend her unbelievable RBI streak: over the last five games, she got at least one player home exactly as she was batting. Then again, she could not have done it without Hélder Queiros, who currently leads the team in runs scored with an impressive 21, or 15% of all of the Greenblues' runs.

[Super-Llamaland]

ONE HUNDRED WINS!
Tigers Stay Undefeated with Sweep over Diegstra

Once again, the Tigers were in full form going into the playoffs, giving up no runs over three games to a dominant Diegstra team. Even better, the third win in their ninth straight sweep was their one hundredth victory in the World Baseball Classic.

Ace AJ Rondout threw a complete game three-hitter in the first game, allowing only singles from Lillenthal and Meyer, and a double from Koenig. Meanwhile, on the offensive side, the Tigers pounded, Belcelica Meltman, chasing her after just 2.1 innings pitched and seven runs given up, four on a single slam by Michael Trabajen in the first inning and three others in the second. When Meltman loaded the bases in the third with one out, she was taken out for Johannes Bledlin, who induced a double play but gave up a two-run shot off Aaron Baxter the next inning.

The second game, win number ninety-nine, was much of the same. Once again, ace Friedrich Clausehitz was rocked. The first inning tells it all.

TOP 1

Bodewig flies out to RCF (one out)
Koenig strikes out on five pitches (two outs)
Meyer grounds out to 3B (three outs)

BOTTOM 1

Kirk singles to CF
Peterson singles to RF, Kirk to second
Adrian doubles to LCF, Kirk scores, Peterson to third
Seymour singles to SS, Peterson scores
Trabajen doubles to LF, Adrian scores
LaRoi singles to RF, Trabajen scores
Baxter triples to LCF, LaRoi scores
Pierce triples to RF, Baxter scores
Gilson flies out to LF, Pierce scores
Kirk walks on five pitches
Peterson singles to LF, Kirk to second
Adrian grounds out to 2B, Peterson to second, Kirk to third
Seymour hits a home run (422 feet) into CF, Peterson scores, Kirk scores
Trabajen strikes out on three pitches

And the team held on, Drew Gilson Jr. striking out twelve over the full nine innings to match the fantastic relief work of Althusser (4 IP, 0 ER, 3 K/0 BB, 1 H) and Northfield (3 IP, 0 ER, 2 K/1 BB, 2 H) for the Knights. Neither side got anything going over the next eight innings, and the score held at ten-nil.

In the third game, it was deadlocked at nil after five innings, Lukas Ramstein faring far better than his colleagues and Brittany Hendrickson locking down the tired-looking Knights. But in the sixth, the breakthrough happened: Trabajen lead off with a double, the second Llamanean hit of the day, and Ramstein, with two outs and Trabajen on third, with a 1-2 count on Emily Pierce, hung a curve.

Emily Pierce stands five-eight and barely scrapes one-thirty after dinner, so she was logically one of the better world-champion starting right-fielders to hang a curve to. However, Pierce slammed a floating line drive into right-center anyways and used her speed to take off for a triple. When the average-fielding Karl Clavius, a right-fielder known more for power than defense, muffed the liner, allowing the ball to skip to the wall, Pierce rounded second, headed for third, hesitated, and then sprinted home. Two-run inside-the-park home run. A rattled Ramstein unraveled, throwing a down-the-middle fastball to Brittany Hendrickson, who slapped a double into left, meaning that #tigersgirlpower was tweeted extensively by those who clearly hadn't seen the first inning of the previous day's game. Still, they were certainly beautiful pieces of hitting and Megan Peterson tripling in Hendrickson and Alex Kirk (reached on a walk) to make it four-nil certainly didn't hurt.

Three innings later, the Tigers had tacked on three more to make it seven-nil, Hendrickson was still throwing seeds, and the team was three outs away from a shutout 27 innings as well as their 100th WBC win.

And then - Lillenthal single.
Heidemann double.

Bodewig walk.

Hendrickson was out immediately, replaced by Jacob Lin.

Eight runs in an inning against the Tigers seemed impossible, but with the 100th win on the line, a 27-game winning streak as well, blood pressure soared across New Llama.

Koenig was up next. The first pitch was a hanging curve. A high hanging curve.

Koenig smashed a ground ball off the dirt between shortstop and third base. Troy Adrian dove, but it wasn't enough. The distinctly bad-at-defense Aaron Baxter chased after it futilely.

And then - somehow - Baxter caught it on the second hop. A throw home. One out. Trabajen picking Koenig off first. Two. The crowd was happy - then they noticed Heidemann. Heidemann, surging home, two-thirds of the way there, arm outstretched in case of collision with Trabajen. LaRoi threw home, and Trabajen stepped out to catch it. Would Heidemann blemish their line...?

Trabajen spun and tagged. There was a collision, and both were spinning and going down and Trabajen's glove was swinging wildly, still on his hand, and...

Out.

One hundred total.

Twenty-seven in a row.

Three over the weekend.

Victories.