World Junior Hockey Championships VI (Everything thread)

[Super-Llamaland]

It came to James one night in a dream.

"Good lord," he yelled, "I know all of their names!"

He excitedly penciled in their lineup, suddenly, blissfully aware, jotting everything down to perfect detail. Here there was Lucas Dark. There, they had one Alvin Rasmussen. He filled out everything and e-mailed it and lay back down in contented satisfaction.

Three minutes earlier, somebody else found out the exact same thing using a much more scientific method. James was rejected stoically.

"Oh well," James said, "at least I have the money." Which, of course, he didn't, thanks to a few untrustworthy business practices and a minor stock market crash.

The roster was filled out appropriately, although not everybody was there.

[Vaugania]

KH - "And we're back to Hock Talk! Thank you everyone for once again tuning into us this Friday. So now that we've entered our next block of the show, Peder says he has another topic for us to discuss. And what would that be Peder?"

PB - "The U20s."

KH - "Are you seriously back on that? I said that there's no need to talk about these guys until they've faced someone recognizable."

PB - "And you're wrong for saying that. We need to talk about these guys. I'm on the bandwagon. What reason do you have not to be?"

KH - "Sure, we're a pretty solid hockey nation. We have been for a while. But this is just some college kids beating teams from places no one in Vaugania has even heard of. Where is Norrehavn? Where is Back in the DPRK? Who even named Back in the DPRK? And who did we just beat? Muriburiland? Never heard of it. There's no story here. We're doing well in a tournament that we are expected to do well in and beating teams that we should be beating."

PB - "You have to look at the magnitude of these wins. We were a bit slow against Norrehavn, but we came back to win it 3-5. Then we demolished Back in the DPRK 9-2 and now we've shut out Muriburiland 3-0. As a result of this, we're the number 2 seed for the playoffs behind our hosts The Royal Kingdom of Quebec."

KH - "So we aren't number one? That doesn't sound like absolute dominance to me."

PB - "I never said that. It makes perfect sense that Quebec would be on top. They're the home team and they have one of the best and most developed junior systems in the world. Though they may be on top, we're keeping pace with these guys. That's nothing to sneeze at. We're a good team. If these U20 guys keep at it, we're going to have a better future. These are high quality players and we're playing a high quality game."

KH - "Against who though? I've never seen any of these other guys play a hockey game in my entire life. It's time to change the subject. How about that Pavel Smirnov guy?!"

PB - "You're not changing the subject."

KH - "I just did. We're talking about Pavel Smirnov now."

PB - "You can't just do that. We're co-hosts."

KH - "Can I get a guest out here to shut Peder up?" A guest, please! A guest to talk about Pavel Smirnov!"

PB - "Have it your way, Kristoff. I'll be right in the end."

[Norrehavn]

OOC: This will be done as a series of RPs that I planned for a while, following a personal event. It'll probably continue into WCoH 24 and maybe RAHI II.

Dear Norman,

By the time you're reading this letter I'll be long gone, so please read this wisely.

My son, for years I lied to you about what happened between your mother and I, hoping that you'll never figure out what exactly happened. At first I felt that it's for the best of your sake, because knowing you, you would've hated me for it. This, however, was because I loved you from the day you were born and will do so in heaven, where I'll watch you soaring on any field you're going to.

But as the time came and I slowly was running out of it while in hospital, I decided that I should tell you everything about what happened between your mother and I. You're now 18, and with your first WJHC as a proud Norre coming up, you're old enough to know what happened without raging over.

That being said, with this letter, I left you the last of my journals that I wrote everything of what really happened back in the day, as well as some texts that will help you comprehend things that you might not understand. I hope you'll enjoy the stories and will get to know better of things that happened, which all started when I was your age.

Sincerely,
Alexandre Sung

[Gregoryisgodistan]

OOC: Sorry for being short. Cutoff is apparently in four minutes.

Enemy Crushers Don't Crush Anyone For Some Reason

For some reason, the enemy crushers decided not to crush anyone after their glorious win to improve to undefeated 3-0 and advance to the knockout stage. It was strange. Apparently something happened. Maybe an unknown agent from Jeckland threatened them. Or maybe it was the Quebecois police. Maybe King Petrus XX threatened to invade Gregoryisgodistan if they crushed anyone. Who knows? But they will be back to crushing soon enough, hopefully. Next up is Nassau-Hessen in the Round of 16.

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

Round of 16

Royal Kingdom of Quebec 6–2 Patistan
Vaugania 6–2 Britonisea
Super-Llamaland 2–0 Norrehavn
Gregoryisgodistan 2–1 Nassau-Hessen
The Channel 4 News Team 0–2 Vettrera
Transalpine Republic 0–3 Taffy 3
Nova Anglicana 5–2 Sicoutimont
Ko-oren 3–2 Jeckland

Quarterfinals Fixtures
#1 Royal Kingdom of Quebec vs. #12 Vettrera @ Svanemollen Saddledome, Goose Bay
#2 Vaugania vs. #11 Taffy 3 @ Olympia Stadium, Iqaluit
#3 Super-Llamaland vs. #8 Ko-oren @ QNR Forum, Sept-Iles
#4 Gregoryisgodistan vs. #7 Nova Anglicana @ Moulson Pavilion, Labrador City

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

OOC: Quebec's ICly in January 2016 at the time of WJHC VI. Also, TG me back if the players will declare themselves for the upcoming QHL draft and thus, scouting combine.

Many of the top players available for the 2014 QHL Draft will be in Iqaluit for the annual QHL Scouting Combine early June(date yet to be announced). This year's invitation list set by the QHL included the top 90 Quebecois players (81 skaters, 9 goalies) and top 21 foreign choices (19 skaters, 2 goalies). Here is the list for top:

Jeckland
LW Joey Gossalo
D Zander Adams

Ko-oren

C Yevgeny Petrov
D Róbert Heimirsson
D Otmar Martinek

Vettrera
LW Zachary Smuckers
RW Reginald Smith
RW Keenan Thomas
D Lucky Wells

Vaugania
LW Sebastian Lang
C Jarl Spillum
RW Thorbjorn Lang
RW Yuri Glazkov
D Jan Arne
D Elias Morrison
G Adam Giraud

Sicoutimont
C Maurice Tecreon
RW William Parker
D Louis Tremont
D Vick Lemieux
G Jerome Champlain

[Ko-oren]

Petrov, Heimirsson and Martínek to play in QHL

Those clever Quebecois. Invite the cream of the crop of young ice hockey players, and while they're in your nation, immediately ask them to play for a QHL team. Petrov, Heimirsson and Martínek have decided that the immediate future of their career will contain the Royal Kingdom of Quebec as decor. The trio that has indeed been playing well in the WJHC so far, will have to wait until the Draft to find their Quebecois club.

This does not make Ko-oren a big supplier of players: Vaugania lets another 7 youth play together with the 6 that are already in the Royal Kingdom. Saintland currently has 11 players in the QHL, but that number does not grow from the WJHC. It is still a big question where our three players will end up, but they should be in great hands in the 28-team QHL. 16 of those teams make it to the playoffs, so let's hope our players will be stationed at regular playoff teams. This should be a big difference from our very own Ice Hockey league (16 teams, no playoffs) and a very small market to pull players and sponsors from.

All we hope for now is that it doesn't distract the three from the task at hand: the quarterfinal versus Super-Llamaland. The small Dragonflies (or, as we call our U-21 football team, Butterflies) muscled their way past Jeckland in the Round of 16, and we can almost call it a miracle that we made it past them. The opponent's inexperience cost them dearly in the third period when they lost defender Adams for Hooking. But prior to that, the Jecklandians lead almost the entire game from the seventh minute in the first period (Sandhu opened the score) to four minutes until the end of the game (when König equalized). In between these moments, Gossalo scored the 2-0 (powerplay), and De Valkare gave Lagounov a free goal (2-1). Altogether both teams did not resort to fouls that much, and apart from the occasional minor penalty, it was a clean game. But then Adams was penalized, and while he was gone, König scored a powerplay goal. Two minutes later, Petrov scored the winning goal (and got himself a QHL Draft spot).

In other news, nobody died during Gregoryisgodistan's game against Gallund. Reliable sources claim that the usual stream of casualties continued against Nassau-Hessen, though. We're still going to need some sources on that.

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

HOST NOTE: Due to the host IRL going to downtown for shopping purposes, it's possible that there might be an hour or two long delay with scorination.

Sorry for this inconvenience.

P.S. Also, Yttribia will be doing scorination for Québec-Vettrera Quarterfinals game. Please note that Québec's styles modifier is +5.

[Vettrera]

Sometimes Javier got the feeling that he should talk to Darius's mom. But then what? What would he say, what could he say?

"I'm Sorry"?

No, that wouldn't mean a thing. And then what would come after that? There would be no way for him to say anything. He didn't pity Darius, so who would pity her?

Murder was extremely common in Equinox Heights, and if you were gonna pity somebodies family, you were gonna pity the family of the deceased. Who the hell goes around saying: "I'm sorry that your son, who killed a dozen people, got apprehended by the police".

No...people don't do that here, not in Equinox Heights. Sure...you could apologize for the situation, but still. In Equinox Heights, there's no sympathy for the family of the killer, it just doesn't work that way.

Still, Javier knew things were hard on Darius's mom. She had been shunned by the community, but she couldn't afford to leave. Think about it, shunned by the people that operate the lowest rung of the social and economic ladder. You lose your son, you lose your protection, you lose everything that you held dear. It's sad. People want you to die and you sit in a hole and cry on a day to day basis because the community doesn't want to protect you anymore.

Still....things could have been better for her now. She wasn't a single mom working two jobs anymore. She was her own person, a woman. Her economic position had improved, if only slightly. Her personal burden had lightened....even if she had to carry the weight that her son was a killer.

Javier wanted to talk to her.....but what would they really say?

[Gregoryisgodistan]

Lord Almighty Gregory's Speech to the People

"Good evening, ladies, gentlemen and slaves. I must speak to you this evening about an urgent manner. Last night, the government of a horrible regime known as Jeckland dropped libelous propaganda leaflets all over this glorious nation. These leaflets contained unspeakable blasphemy, blasphemy so bad that if anyone spoke it in Gregoryisgodistan, anyone who heard it would be executed to preserve their innocence. That being said, I think we all agree it is not feasible to execute this entire country as a result of the Jeckish lies.

"However, it is still necessary for me to decry this propaganda. I am the Lord your God, as you all know, yet Jeckland continues to deny it. My word is divine, the word of law. Despite what the Jeckish leaflets say, this is a glorious nation proud to be Gregoryisgodistani. We will not let the rest of the world tell us how to act. Yes, we have slaves, but most of them were sentenced to slave labor as a result of horrible crimes, like flushing gruel down the toilet or wearing blue on Tuesday. We do not believe in just sticking criminals in prison like some other nations. We make them work to pay off their debt to society. Gruel flushers get 6 months of hard slave labor, while Tuesday blue wearers get 3 months. Both crimes are offenses against this country and the True Lord, me. As a result, slave prisoners are forced to repay their debt to society by working for 20 hours a day as slaves. This is true justice.

"The Jeckish leaflets also talked about executions. However, the Jeckish society is worse, they have the opposite problem. (OOC: any assertions about Jeckland in this paragraph are propaganda and likely not true but now everyone in Gregoryisgodistan believes it.) For instance, murder is legal in Jeckland. So is stealing. So is rape. So are heinous crimes like assault, burglary, nudity, drug use, and vandalism. Is this lawless society better than ours? No. We punish criminals harshly. Jeckland doesn't punish them at all. As a result, 99.3 percent of Jeckish citizens will eventually be murdered. Clearly that is not a good way to run society. We execute murderers and their families the first time they strike so they cannot strike again and their family genes and influences will be purged from this great society!

"Now, we need to discuss punishment for Jeckland as a result of their heinous acts. Jeckland is now added to our enemy list effective immediately. This means that it is now legal to kill any citizen of Jeckland within Gregoryisgodistani borders and the killer will receive 1 million greggygodbucks. Of course, some groups are excluded, such as visiting athletic teams and groups seeking to overthrow the Jeckish government. Killing these people is murder and will result of the death of you and your family. Additionally, Gregoryisgodistanis will still receive the 1 million greggygodbuck reward for killing Jeckish citizens in other countries, though we warn they may be liable to laws against murder in those countries. I suspect the Jeckish authorities will claim murder is only illegal there when done by a Gregoryisgodistani against a Jeckman, and will try to arrest you. However, if you escape to Gregoryisgodistan in time we will not extradite you and instead reward and protect you. In fact, we will not extradite you anywhere for killing a citizen of a nation on our enemy list, unless they were in one of the protected groups.

"As a note to Jeckland, there is but one way to remove yourself from the enemy list. Your entire nation must accept me as the Lord Almighty and convert to the Church of Gregoryisgodistan. Practice of all other religions must be banned and punishable by death to the offender and his family, as must blaspheming my name. If you opt to go this route, we will send observers from our military to your nation to make sure it is being implemented successfully. If after one month we decide you have implemented it successfully, you will be removed from our enemy list. If we decide you have failed, our soldiers will open fire on every Jeckish citizen who fails to accept me as Lord Almighty until they are all dead. Then, with only the righteous remaining, we will start the procedure over again with the one month waiting period. If the righteous are still loyal, we will remove you from our enemy list. If they are not, we will repeat with the killings and one month waiting period as much as necessary. There is no other way to be removed from our enemy list, ever. Please contact me if you wish to apply.

"Thank you to all and good night. Death to Jeckland! Death to Costa Luna! Death to Middleton Valley! Death to Saintland! Death to Free Republics! Death to San Jose Guayabal! Death to Alianza Albos! Death to Hicana! Death to the Greater Vakolicci Haven! Death to Patistan! And once again, Death to Jeckland! Death to all our enemies, past, present and future!"

[Super-Llamaland]

"Hicana sent a message to us-WHAT THE HECK?"

"Mr. O'Reilly?"

"Hicana has just converted their national religion, before nothing, into..."

"What?" the scribe ran over to the president of Super-Llamaland. He hadn't thought the message was special. Creamy diplomatic paper, Hicana's seal stamped on it, signed by President Peter Stanton. But now...

"The Church of Gregoryisgodistan."

The scribe's eyes opened wide in horror. "They wouldn't! President Stanton is a very kind-"

"President Stanton is dead."

The scribe's eyes opened wider. They opened as wide as they possibly could. "What?"

"Killed at three o'clock last afternoon by the Speaker of the House."

"The elves and centaurs don't have much hope now, I guess."

"Oh no. They seceded a few weeks back to form the Free States of Miklandia. See this map? The red bit is Miklandia."



The scribe's eyes opened wider. His eyes began to fall out.

"Close your freaking eyes!"

The scribe obeyed.

"Anyways...who is the leader now?"

"The Speaker of the House was than killed. A firefight between the pro-Speaker military and the pro-Stanton secret service erupted. Eventually, all of Congress except for one Gregory-worshipper, who was on business, was dead, so he became the next President. He immediately suspended all rights before a new Congress could be elected and sent the military to assassinate everybody who didn't convert to the Church of Greg."

"What's their population now?"

"I don't know. An estimated 10,700 are dead, and the Anti-Church city of Carson's Valley was hit with a nuclear bomb a few hours ago."

"My...my goodness."

"Hicana has a month to kill off all non-worshippers. How do you think they'll do it?"

"I don't know, sir. I'm just a scribe."

"Nonsense. You went to Flanagan's Island U, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Think about it."

"I still don't know."

"Here's how--they'll need to ally with Miklandia, that hates the Hicanan government, and gain entry to the Islandi Sacri Xylgr: the Sacred Forest Temple. There, they'll raise a few sea goddesses to sink all of Hicana into the ocean."

"That would require exceptional aim and a belief in goddesses."

"Yes, but it's their plan, as detailed in this letter. So they're sending the Alfalfists over there from three years back that tried to murder the president for eating spinach to home."

"Wow."

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

MS: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. It's Mike Saulnier and Juan Cherry again, presenting your "Coach's corner", live at QBC. Tonight, we'll start with one of the most contentious question of the year for most hockey fans: Who should go first- Rodolphe Gong or Pascal Yoon?

JC: Oh, who asks that question? It's by far for me, Mike, Pascal Yoon. The son of good ol' Hindmarsh, the good ol' Capital boy! In my opinion, he should go first overall, regardless of the team that will win the lottery pick this year.

MS: On the other hand, I would go with Rodolphe Gong, Juan. It's a tough choice but Rodolphe's talent on offensive talent. It's all there, as I have said last week about his shot and speed, which are among the best in the World at the moment. He should be able to go PPG once he enters the league, and should be a star for at least 15 years.

JC: Why is this so? While Pascal falls little bit short of his friend Rodolphe, he knows how to defend, make creative yet smart moves on ice, and are able to create some big-time hits. Look at this, Clyde.

Screen changes into an on-ice clip from MD3 game between Lzherusskia and Quebec. On the very clip Pascal Yoon jumped into a Lzherusskian defenseman, crashing into him to deliver a monstrous hit that laid him motionless for a minute. Then he picked the puck up and made a long pass to linemate Alexei Barbashev, who then scored it in a slapshot.

JC: That's what I'm talking about. A crushing hit, followed by a nice pick-up ability, showing of some high-level hockey IQ and of course, an epic pass to a Barbashev. What a kid!

MS: Certainly, Juan. Even though I might have to disagree with you on that. Gong has more offensive talent when it comes to Pascal, which can be explained through his 5 goals in the regular season, as well as 2 in 6-2 victory against Patistan. He can rack up goals in almost any situation, supported by his marvellous shots of all varieties and speed. He is a potential 60-goal scorer, a first to come out of a draft since Colm Strojovic.

JC: I don't know, Mike. He lacks the defensive edge that I'd want in a player, which sets him apart from Pascal. While Rodolphe is certainly talented when it comes to scoring goals and doing anything that solely involves himself, he lacks all the other things that makes Pascal a complete hockey player. He's one-dimensional in my opinion.

MS: But at the same time he's more ready for QHL than Pascal is at the moment. There is a huge difference in playing 68 games of QMJHL hockey, whether you're in WHL, CHL or MHL, against 30 games max of high school hockey. He also gets the benefit in that he is playing amongst many future QHLers in CSKA Quebec, allowing him to mature his game and prepare.

JC: Yes, that's true. However, what you forgot to recognise is that Pascal is having a 3PPG season in what is among the toughest high school leagues in the nation. Quebec City's high school hockey leagues, especially division 1, are not easy to play well and their quality is just half to one notch behind CHL. In the end, both will be just as ready as each other.

MS: Hm, we'll see. Next, we have some former prospects to talk about. Halifax's defense looks very promising at this point, clicking very well on all 3 pairings. What do you think about it, Juan?

JC: Oh, yes. Yes. I'll have to admit that Halifax's defense is superb. They are very well coached and I'll have to give them and assistant coach Craig Torturella some praise for that. For all yer kids out there, what we can see is that a great coaching that emphasizes on possession, grit(especially heart and core), as well as positioning will prevail in the end. We've seen that with Kingston, we've seen that with St.John's, and of course Halifax is of no exception.

MS: They also got the right pieces though. (Elso) Kekkonen's proven himself as a solid #1 option if (Ryan) Eller struggles, while (Rene) Tyrie's starting to use the explosive talent and electricity that he's well known for back in Kingston. (Mark)Garrison, (Mark) Bieksa and Eller are all rock solid on every aspect, while (William) Azriel's slowly on his way to be a Garrison-lite. With the combination of such pieces and chemistry, they managed to succeed big time.

JC: Agreed. Agreed. The next question is: Will this continue into playoffs? Eller and Bieksa were there when the tragic Game 7 collapse occurred in the last 10 minutes of Game 7, when they allowed 4 goals from Hindmarsh Yoon and Colm Strojovic(each awarded 2), back in 2011 Finals.
They cost their opportunity back then and didn't seem to learn at all. History repeats itself, eh?

MS: Maybe. It seems as if the team is cursed....

To be continued.

ALSO, RP CUTOFF.

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

Quarterfinals(or at least most of it)

Vaugania 4–0 Taffy 3
Super-Llamaland 4–1 Ko-oren
Gregoryisgodistan 3–2 Nova Anglicana

Semifinal Fixture to be released once Quebec-Vettrera game's results are finalised.

[Northern Sunrise Islands]

A ninja appears!

As requested by Quebec, the scores are...



*poof*

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

Semifinals Fixture

#2 Vaugania vs. #12 Vettrera @ Moulson Pavilion, Labrador City
#3 Super-Llamaland vs. #4 Gregoryisgodistan @ QNR Forum, Sept-Iles

Cutoff will be at 20:00 EST tomorrow, due to 15 hrs that were lost while waiting for Ytt.

[Super-Llamaland]

"500,760 dead...500,761 dead..."

"What's John doing?"

"I dunno, Chris. Ever since somebody told him a Hicanan was dying every two seconds he's been doing that."

"500,764 dead...500,765 dead..."

"That's weird."

"I know."

"500,894 dead."

"Whoa, that's a big jump!"

"He's on CNN. Some place just got bombed."

"How many people live in Hicana?"

"Roughly 11.7 million left."

"They've killed 4% of their entire population! Are they insane?"

"Yes! I think the first part of that establishes the answer to the second bit!"

"500,901 dead. 500,902 dead."

"He's creepy."

"Grab the hose."

Sploosh. Gush gush gush.

"501,019 dead. *cough cough splutter* 501,020 dead."

"Okay. That's enough."

"Yeah."

"501,023 dead. 501,024 dead."

"What a tragedy."

"I know, right?"

"Wha-what's happening to your face?"

"What do you mean?"

"Ohmygod something's coming out of it!"

"What! What is it!"

"It's--it's a giant maggot!"

"Get it off of me!"

"I'm trying!--Oh my god! It's inside of you!"

"Ow! Ow! OWWWW! HELP! HELPHELPHELP!"

"Barry! Barry!"

"HELP ME!"

"Oh my god it's cornering me...Barry?"

"501,203 dead. 501,204 dead."

"Barry! My god the thing's got me in the corner! AUGH!"

"501,206 dead. 501,207 dead-gulp"

[Gregoryisgodistan]

Lord Almighty Gregory's Speech to the People:

"Good evening, ladies, gentlemen and slaves. Tonight, I must speak to you about events going on in the nation of Hicana. As you may have heard, Hicana wishes to be removed from our Enemy List. As a result, they have converted to the Church of Gregoryisgodistan and are beginning to purge the infidels. At last estimate, they have purged at least 4 percent of the heathens, possibly more. We are unclear because we do not know what percent of the population has converted and accepted me as Lord and Savior.

"We are now sending in soldiers to peacefully monitor the events and make sure the conversion is going smoothly. They will not open fire on anyone during this evaluation period, except in case of self-defense or other situations authorized by local law. One all the infidels have been purged, we will make sure they are really loyal through a waiting period, at which point if the whole nation has converted and recognized me as the One True Lord, we will remove Hicana from the enemy list.

"For the time being, since the government of Hicana officially embraces the Church of Gregoryisgodistan, the rules about exemptions from killings in our borders have to change slightly. Of course, those dedicated to overthrowing the Hicanan government would now be in support of, rather than in opposition to, our enemies in the previous regime. Therefore, they will no longer be exempting from murders. Visiting sports teams still will - that shall not change. On the other hand, those who have converted to the Church of Gregoryisgodistan and accepted me as the One True Lord will be exempt from the free killing, and to kill them is murder. It will, as usual, be punished by execution of the murderer and his family. Do not do it. If you have any doubts, ask the Hicanan if he accepts me as the One True Lord. If he says yes, do not kill him. If you doubt he is telling the truth, possibly subject him to more tests like bowing to a statue of me, but unless you are sure he is a heathen, do not kill him. It is not worth risking execution if you are wrong.

"Finally, I wish to congratulate our young enemy crushers and other heroes on their strong performance so far at the World Junior Hockey Championships in Quebec. They have performed very impressively and I am wishing them good luck in the semifinals and championship. Go Junior Ice Slaves! Good night!"

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

Semifinals

Vaugania 3–2 Vettrera
Gregoryisgodistan 3–2 Super-Llamaland

Fixture for Final:

#2 Vaugania vs. #4 Gregoryisgodistan @ Olympia Stadium, Iqaluit

Fixture of Third-place Match:

#3 Super-Llamaland vs. #12 Vettrera @ Svanemollen Saddledome, Goose Bay

[Vaugania]

U20 in WJHC Final

The Vauganian U20 ice hockey team will be competing in the finals of the 6th edition of the World Junior Hockey Championships against the brutes from the Gregoryisgodistan. A nation ruled by a heretic named Gregory and has been duped into believeing he is an all-powerful deity. Any good Vauganian knows that this is of course false. It is truly a pity that we must face these men known as "Enemy Crushers" that already have the blood of innocents' on their. It is truly a shame that we could not face an upstanding nation like Ko-oren or Super-Llamaland, who won WBC 28 in our nation.

The greatest fear of everyone here at VSN and Thomas I, Archbishop of Vaugania, is that the team's success in this tournament will be falsely accredited to Gregory and give the already lost souls in that vile man's nation further validation of his supposed divinity. Thomas I decreed, "The people of Gregoryisgodistan may be absolved for their sins. They do not know better for they have not been exposed to the Word of God. As for their leader, I see a grim future for him. He has mislead to an entire nation of people and fed them lies. It will take much more for him to be absolved."

Those words certainly add much more weight to this match. By appearing in these finals, the U20 team has already clinched the best finish ever by a Vauganian national team in an international competition. The previous best finish came just a handful of weeks ago when the senior national squad finished 4th at the Royal Alexandre Hockey Invitational which was also held in the Royal Kingdom of Quebec. The best finish by any Vauganian team in an international competition was by Sorochuk Mining Institute in NSCAA Ice Hockey II. That team, also being semifinalists in the first edition of the aforementioned tournament, featured a few players that are on this U20 roster like Jimmy Cantrell.

This all shows that our odds are actually pretty good going into this final game. We have players that have already proved their mettle on the world stage before. This has also been recognized by the QHL, the premier hockey league here in Quebec. The QHL draft is coming up and the top 90 players in Quebec were invited as well as the 21 best foreign prospects. 7 players from our very own U20 team were invited to the event and scouting combine and all of them declared themselves eligible.

Declaring themselves for the QHL draft were:
LW Sebastian Lang
C Jarl Spillum
RW Thorbjorn Lang
RW Yuri Glazkov
D Jan Arne
D Elias Morrison
G Adam Giraud

If all 7 of these young men are drafted, Vaugania will surpass Saintland as the number one source of foreign players in the QHL. We already have 6 players in the QHL, some of which are on our senior national team. The most notable of these is Pavel Smirnov, 3-time Prenneau Cup winner with the Kingston Knights. Also with Kingston is 2-time Prenneau Cup winner and Michel Hyka Trophy winner as Rookie of the Year during his debut season, Filip Tennfjord. The Vauganians in the QHL are Olli Skjeggestad of the Gander Jets, Theodore Hansen with the Iqualit Silver Wings, Raphael Roux, a member of the Attawapiskat Avalanche, and last but not least, Phillip Gottschalk, a PLI Islander.

[Gregoryisgodistan]

Gregoryisgodistan 3–2 Super-Llamaland

"Hello, and welcome to the semifinal of World Junior Hockey Championships VI, between Gregoryisgodistan and Super-Llamaland. Winner will face Vaugania in the final. Loser goes to the third place game against Vettrera. Before we get started, it's time for the national anthems, to be sung by a young Quebecois girl. First, the Llamanean national anthem, which is not a fake dub even though it's being sung in a deep man's voice."

Llamaland, Llamaland, we are as smart as llamas
We all run home crying to our mamas
After we lose a game of hockey
La la na na la la la na na na
We like to make out with llamas
Our llamas are our mamas
I am a llama-human hybrid
Born to the Grand Llamufti
And his lawfully wedded llama
We are like llamas
For we are funny!

"And now, for the Gregoryisgodistani national anthem, which is now being sung in a different voice that actually sounds like a young girl's."

Gregory Gregory Lord Almighty
We Praise You We Worship You
Gregory Gregory Lord Almighty
Master of Gruel and Prune Juice
He Gives Us Gruel And Prune Juice Yes
We Worship Him as a Deity and Bow Down To Him Whenever We See Him
On TV or In Person or In Statue
Gregory Gregory Lord Almighty
We Love You We Worship You
Gregory Gregory Lord Almighty
A million praises unto you
Gregory Gregory Is Immortal
He Considers Us His Little Playthings
A term He Only Uses In Jest Because He Has Infinite Mercy for Us All
Gregory Gregory We Adore Thee
We Bow Down To Thee In Praise
Thou Art More Smart Than Sir Einstein So We Say "Einstein Who?"
Gregory Gregory Master of Slave Labor
We Are All Your Slaves in Heart
Some Of Us Are Slaves to this Nation
Some of Us Just Wish We Were
Gregory Gregory Inventor of the Solar Bomb
Which We Use to Vanqiush Our Enemies
Gregory Gregory Master of Everything
Thou Art Lord and Thou Art God
Gregory Gregory You Wrote This Song
Our Favorite Song In The Entire World
We Sing it Every Hour on The Hour
Like Clockwork We Praise your Lordship
Gregory Gregory We Bow Down Again
We Fly This Flag Outside Our Home
Gregory Gregory We Have Shrines in Our Homes
In Our Shops and Everywhere
Gregory Gregory We Worship You Day and Night
In Our Dreams We even Worship You
Gregory Gregory This is the Only Song We Sing!

"Thank you, lovely Quebec girl. Now, let's get ready for hockey! Slave Beater XKA99U291 wins the faceoff and passes it to Pervert Chaser KAJNZB, back to Enemy Crusher in Training Fatty McFattel Jr. but it's taken away by Ryan Jones, crushing hit from Enemy Crusher in Training Fatty McFattel Jr and they're going to call interference. Meanwhile, Jones is down in pain. He's not moving. He is going to the hospital. He might be dead. I can't tell. But now Enemy Crusher in Training Fatty McFattel Jr is threatening to crush the official if they don't overturn the penalty, so the refs will overturn the penalty and promise not to call any penalties on Gregoryisgodistan the rest of the game.

"#12 who doesn't have a name wins the faceoff, passes it to Melvin who shoots, goal. 1-0 Llamaland. Melvin is mocking the enemy crushers and now pulls down his pants and moons them. That will earn him an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty, and here comes a pervert chaser. Pervert Chaser KAJNZB is running onto the ice, taking out his pervert chaser knife, and cutting off Melvin's privates. Melvin will be taken to the hospital where they might or might not be able to reattach them. We shall see.

...

"3:02 left in the first period, it's Max Smith on a breakaway, and he scores! 2-0 Llamaland. Shock here as Gregoryisgodistan is losing big.

...

"Now there is just one minute and five seconds left in the third period and it's still 2-0. Frustration for Gregoryisgodistan and now they will call timeout. And now the enemy crushers are charging at the Llamaland bench and are starting to crush players. It looks like about five or six players have been crushed and the rest have gone to the locker room, fleeing in terror. Again, none of the enemy crushers jumped on their feet, so they won't get shot. And given the visual of the bench area it's hard to tell who crushed them. The refs are discussing whether to make this a forfeit, but Enemy Crusher in Training Fatso McGee is threatening to crush the officials if they don't restart the game immediately, with or without Llamaland. It will be a faceoff in the neutral zone, won by Slave Beater XKA99U291. He passes it down to Slavecatcher in Training MZ99329 who scores easily since there is nobody on the ice. 2-1. 51 seconds left.

"Now another Faceoff, and Slave Beater XKA99U291 wins it, and it goes off to Enemy Crusher in Training Fatty McFattel Jr. who skates down the ice and scores on the empty net. Too easy. 38 seconds left. Now another faceoff. Pervert Chaser in Training Z0000129 wins, since Llamaland has nobody on the ice, and it goes to Pervert Chaser in Training MKZ1923 who skates down the ice and scores. 3-2. 29 seconds left. Now the Llamaland players are coming out of the locker room furious and demanding the game be moved back to when there was 1:05 left. The refs are talking, but now the enemy crushers are threatening them and they won't grant Llamaland's request. We do have 29 seconds left though. Llamaland pulls the goalkeeper. 6-on-5.

"Faceoff won by Llamaland, McKenzie to Chung, to Jones, cleared down the ice by Enemy Crusher in Training Fatty McFattel Jr., will it be icing or a goal? Neither, apparently, even though it should have been icing. And time will expire. Apparently Enemy Crusher in Training Fatty McFattel Jr. screamed at the official as that puck was heading down the ice that he would crush him if he called icing. So he didn't. Now the game is over and Gregoryisgodistan is going to the finals! Oh glorious day!"

[Super-Llamaland]

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me! The Hockey Edition!

(OOC: Shamelessly ripped off from Wait Wait Don't Tell Me.)

"Welcome to Wait Wait Don't Tell Me! Llamanean Hockey Style! I'm Jeff Mullin, this is Carlos Ramirez, and we've got a great show for you as we highlight the World Junior Hockey Championships!"

"All right! Tonight, the Llamas were eliminated by Gregoryisgodistan. Yep, that's right. Three to two. Things didn't go as we were hoping as our team never did much of anything. So we'll be facing off against the underdog Vettrerans for a nice bronze medal. Hopefully we get it. But we want YOU to get our quiz right! Call in now to play! You're on...Wait Wait Don't Tell Me!"

"Hi! I'm Mitch Stone from Talahita."

"Beautiful Talahita! I'd ask you what you do there, but that would just be too much of a ripoff, so instead I'll ask you your favorite color."

"Doybert."

"Sure! First, let's play Who's Carl...os this time? We've got three quotes for you, guess 'em and you'll win our prize. First, let's hear from our panelists! We have...McKenzie Herrera, a popular sportswriter online!"

"Hi Mitch!"

"Next, we have...Jordan Barrier, a former national-team player and broadcaster!"

"Hello, Mitch!"

"Finally, we have six-year-old Griffin Jones, who snuck onto our set and took out our third panelist with a machine gun!"

"Hey Mitt!"

"Here is your first quote."

Llamaland, Llamaland, we are as smart as llamas
We all run home crying to our mamas
After we lose a game of hockey

(laughing)

La la na na la la la na na na
We like to make out with llamas
Our llamas are our mamas
I am a llama-human hybrid
Born to the Grand Llamufti
And his lawfully wedded llama
We are like llamas
For we are funny!

(more laughing and clapping, hystericality)

"Who made our national anthem for us!"

"Gregoryisgodistan!"

"Correct! Here is your next, not terribly related to hockey, quote."

We thought it would be humane, but 50% death rate shows that it is not!

"That was Vice President Alexander Palm, talking about what that was nearly used on a man named McDougal?"

"Umm...hint...is it a type of penalty?"

"Yes..."

"Death penalty?"

"Fifty percent death rate on the death penalty, which hasn't been enforced since eighty-six?"

"Oh. Uh...oh! Yeah! Memory wiping."

"Correct! That's the only twice-used thing, with one suicide and one success. Byron McDougal, the odious near-assassin of Chris O'Reilly, would've been the third had he not committed suicide before the procedure wasn't even used!"

"You are a Tyrannosaurus Rex."

"What? Uh..."

"You are a Tyrannosaurus Rex."

"Yes...I am a Tyrannosaurus Rex...YAAARRRGHH GGRRRR T_T!"

"SWEET PATRIARCH OF THE MUFFIN FAMILY!"

"THE HUMANITY!"

"My shoelace is untied...better retie it-GRRR YARRRGH CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP!"

"HELP! HELP US!"

"You are all fish!"

"Uh...no we aren't?"

"Yes, you are."

"I can't breathe! I can't-insert flopping noises and a whole lot of not talking because fish like to do other things with their time"

Tam Blayman parachuted from the ceiling carrying a bucket of anti-matter, which was promptly splashed on Mitch Stone. Mitch began to dissolve into a vapor, because that is totally what happens. Yeah. (Sign you know your RP isn't realistic at all #0039)

Blayman quickly whipped out a perfect, two-dimensional circle, put it back, dug out a Higgs-Boson, threw it aside with an annoyed sigh, fished out a folding trans-dimensional portal and the world's last elephant-tusked platypus, tossed the latter into the former, and finally found the transmorgrifier gun three seconds before the T-rex got him. A lot of clicks and order was somewhat restored.

[The Royal Kingdom of Quebec]

Vaugania 4–3 Gregoryisgodistan 
Vettrera 0–4 Super-Llamaland

Congrats to Vaug and Llama, and Condolences to Greg and Vet. Thank you everybody for making this tournament a blast!