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by New Sideburn » Tue Apr 22, 2014 1:18 am
by Paradystopia » Tue Apr 22, 2014 4:18 am
Oomycete: Confirmed out-break. Co-ordinates follow.
by Alasdair I Frosticus » Tue Apr 22, 2014 4:35 am
Dear Mr. Ryan,
We would like to take this opportunity to return Jeremy Jaffacake to you - more or less unharmed.
We found him quantumly entangled between dimensions in v-space in the immediate vicinity of the stadium where last night's Audioslavia-Holy Empire match was held. Why he was clad in a nothing but a claret and green helmet and an oversized lime-green t-shirt saying "WIN IT FOR NIGEL!", why his naked buttocks were smeared in goose fat, or why indeed he had a bandage over a brand-new tattoo on his left ankle reading "Krytenia's bitch" escapes us, but we would simply note that v-space can be dangerous for the uninitiated. Please tell us that you didn't send him laterally (<-- that way) within 'did'. If so, this was exceptionally foolhardy on your part, and we can take no responsibility for Mr. Jaffacake's present condition.
So far Mr. Jaffacake has been unable to string a coherent sentence together since his rescue, although his pronouncement "DEVIL BUNNIES! I SNORT THE NOSE LUCIFER! BANANA, BANANA!" perhaps means more to you than it does to us. But if he continues to purr like an excited kitten every time he sees a picture of Juan Tzimisces, we shall - regrettably - be forced to take out a restraining order stopping him from coming within 20 metres of Mr. Tzimisces, who has announced that he finds this behaviour "profoundly disturbing".
It strikes us that Mr. Jaffacake's present condition could possibly result from an attempt to influence the result of last night's match by tactically exploiting space in dimensions beyond the third. If so, the results seem to have been problematic given both the state of Mr. Jaffacake and the result of that match. I have taken the liberty of enclosing a pamphlet titled "basic higher dimension safety for mundies" that may be of some assistance should you decide to take a similar course of action in the future.
Sincerely Yours,
Nicephorus Lecapno
Ordinary Reality Medical Division
State Bureau for Imperial Security
by Blouman Empire » Tue Apr 22, 2014 5:35 am
by Audioslavia » Tue Apr 22, 2014 11:03 am
Dear Mr. Lecapno,
I would like to thank you for returning Mr. Jaffacake to us in a safe and timely manner. We received the container in good condition, and are thankful that you remembered to poke holes in the lid for him to breathe. Mr. Jaffacake does, however, appear to have attained the ability to function without using his lungs. A cursory x-ray has revealed that one lung still remains, and performs its duties in the traditional manner, but that another lung has been replaced with a series of ceramic chambers and pre-microchip-era computational tubes. We have deduced that the purpose of this bizarre contraption is to feed oxygen into Jeremy's circulatory system, much the same way as a common-or-garden lung, but quite why the system attains this oxygen from the trace amount found in hyperdimensional space-jelly (a new discovery for Audioslavian science, we believe, and possibly a proof to a hitherto long-discredited theory of sandwich-space-time previously mooted by a Professor Shakerssen) is beyond us. That is before we even consider the ramifications of the system's 'waste produce', which appears to be one cashew-nut per hour.
As for the question of whether Mr. Jaffacake was sent <-- that way in 'did': He actually wasn't. Due to a calculation error we believe we may have in fact sent him into q-space in the opposite direction to occidentally didwards, which is either orientally didntwards or accidentally dontwards depending on which model of space-time-jelly one subscribes to.
Thank you very much for the pamphlet, which is very informative. So informative, in fact, that we have alas decided to abandon further experiments with non-mundie dimensional space-time-jelly-sandwich in favour of a more rigid 4-5-1 system.
I hope this letter finds you well. The instructions in the pamphlet for how to send mail to the Dreamed Realm are rather opaque, but as I understand it I am to post the letter via the imagination of a rather tired twenty-something character on popular internet game 'RL States', who shall send it to you via the in-game game-within-a-game-within-a-game forum. I trust this is correct.
Yours Sincerely,
John Ryan
National Team Manager
Football Federation of Audioslavia
by Osarius » Tue Apr 22, 2014 11:57 am
"It's incredible how much the balance can shift, and there are too many possibilties within the potential three-way tie to accurately predict all scenarios, but we've estimated that the team have a slightly better than fifty-fifty chance of progression. It's a big difference from the ninety-odd percent chance we'd calculated just a few days ago, but this is why we love the sport, isn't it?"- Marcus Resheph, Head of Data at OSN Oracle Division
"It makes sense to take Drummond out of the picture, since he'll likely be man-marked by Cloman anyway. If Damhan is concerned by the runs of either Estevez or Acosta, or even both, Cloman won't be pushing forward either.
If Cloman and Damhan are under pressure, this frees Angelica up to create from deep, looking for Kane, Doherty and Grassi. The only other way they can stop her is to have either Boyle or Oxboro drop onto her. This would just weaken their attack and leave Riviello free to play those passes instead. It will all come down to whether or not Lewis' decisions will pay off and unsettle the Legalite midfield sufficiently."- Roberto Cormega, academydropout.osr
by Sangti » Tue Apr 22, 2014 1:16 pm
by Glaser » Tue Apr 22, 2014 2:48 pm
Lyrics: The Dragons of Gate 5
Melody: The Dragons of Gate 5
Performance: The Dragons of Gate 5
Oy!
Oy!
Can't you see us coming,
Running down your streets,
Waving our flags,
We can show you Glaser's feats,
Beating the monks,
And Eura too,
Now, Barunia,
We're coming for you!
Lyrics: The Dragons of Gate 5
Melody: The Dragons of Gate 5
Performance: The Dragons of Gate 5
Even if we are behind,
We immortalized our name in time,
We have topped our group,
Beaten who beat you,
Now it's time to say goodbye,
Now it's time to say goodbye,
Now it's time to say,
Now it's time to say!
Now it's time to say goodbye.
Lyrics: The Dragons of Gate 5
Melody: The Dragons of Gate 5
Performance: The Dragons of Gate 5
The red dragon flies high,
And it will never die,
Wave the colours yellow and green,
Come on Mur, make us feel mean,
Destroy them; destroy them; destroy them,
Destroy them; destroy them; destroy them!
Come on lads do it again,
Destroy them; destroy them; destroy them,
Destroy them; destroy them; destroy them!
Lyrics: The Dragons of Gate 5
Melody: The Dragons of Gate 5
Performance: The Dragons of Gate 5
Oooooooooo,
Ah!
Oooooooooo,
Ah!
Neither Rushmore, not even Es-por-ti-va!
Don't even think about Atlantian Oceania!
Strong and proud,
Here she comes,
Unitarian Union,
You're my love!
National Factbook | Unitarian Union | National Football Team | -Current KPB ranking: 50 -Quarterfinals Baptism of Fire 54 -Qualified World Cup 68 | Glaser's Statistics |
by Eura » Tue Apr 22, 2014 3:11 pm
by Legalese » Tue Apr 22, 2014 3:13 pm
by Pasarga » Tue Apr 22, 2014 3:46 pm
by Super-Llamaland » Tue Apr 22, 2014 4:02 pm
by Free Republics » Tue Apr 22, 2014 4:03 pm
by Valanora » Tue Apr 22, 2014 4:47 pm
by Polar Islandstates » Tue Apr 22, 2014 5:02 pm
by Valladares » Tue Apr 22, 2014 5:12 pm
by Jeruselem » Tue Apr 22, 2014 5:19 pm
by Turori » Tue Apr 22, 2014 5:32 pm
by Polar Islandstates » Tue Apr 22, 2014 6:25 pm
by Legalese » Tue Apr 22, 2014 7:32 pm
by New Sideburn » Wed Apr 23, 2014 4:09 am
by Free Republics » Wed Apr 23, 2014 9:23 am
by Saintland » Wed Apr 23, 2014 3:57 pm
PIS, it is, then.
We play not for ourselves, but rather for the glory of God, His True Church and His worldly Kingdom. That is why we are here and that is what keeps us confident when others would cower in fear and self-pity. Our Faith is our guide and it is our greatest strength. No matter the odds, with God on our side, we can overcome them, if it be His Will.
by Alasdair I Frosticus » Wed Apr 23, 2014 10:41 pm
by Vilita » Thu Apr 24, 2014 3:43 am
Jeruselem | |
:: Goalscorers :: :: 17' Perran Adlani :: 30' Lopaki Kilpter :: 83' Jomur Hulyer | :: Goalscorers :: :: 61' Vikki Tzatziki :: :: |
:: Best Player: Lboaisa Akarelm :: Worst Player: Amarini Baracelv :: Shots on Target: 6 :: Corner Kicks: 10 | :: Best Player: Joe Root :: Worst Player: Jenny Jenny :: Shots on Target: 3 :: Corner Kicks: 4 |
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