The Watterson Bowl (Calvinball) - Everything Thread

[Shadowbourne]

Welcome to the first ever Watterson Bowl!

Earlier this year, I started a thread devoted to the potential creation of a Calvinball tournament on NSSports. We actually got as far a playing a match, and even set up signup and results threads for the inaugural season. However, several key members of the "Calvinball Disregulation Treehouse" ending up leaving NS due to RL issues, and the league eventually died out.

Several days ago, I ended up watching a trailer for an upcoming documentary on the beloved Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, and my interest in an NS version of Calvinball was renewed. It is with great pleasure that I am announcing the reboot of Calvinball on NS. The first international tournament will be christened "The Watterson Bowl", and will consist of 8 nations.

Scorination will be completed in the following manner:

Each matchday, there will be three sports that will be combined to generate the score of each match. Each sport will count for a certain percentage of the final score. For example, matchday one might be scorinated in the following fashion:

20% Baseball
50% Football
30% Korfball

In addition, one random character will be added to the score of each team in order to replicate the randomness of Calvinball scores in the strip.

Each sport will represent a certain IC aspect of the match. For example, the "baseball" score might represent the number of free throws made while jumping up and down on a pogo stick and singing "The Pogo Stick Song". The "football" score might represent the number of baskets scored while hopping backwards on one leg and making dolphin noises, and so on for each sport that is being incorporated into the final score of the match.

RPs will be graded on creativity, and may be no longer than 450 words. I chose to include this rule to promote the idea of quality over quantity and to prevent people from posting 1,000-word long RPs that are mostly fluff and take forever to get to the point. RPs short be entertaining and consise.

For IC purposes, the tournament will be held in Shadowbourne.

Schedule

MD1: 10/18
MD2: 10/19
MD3: 10/20
MD4: 10/21
MD5: 10/24
MD6: 10/25
MD7: 10/26
Bye: 10/27
Semifinals: 10/28
Consolation Match: 10/29
Championship Match: 10/30

On matchday one, the match pairings will be drawn randomly. Each subsequent matchday, the pairings will be determined using the Danish system. For each win, the victorious team will recieve one point. After 7 matchdays have been completed, the top four teams will advance to a randomly-seeded 4-team playoff. The scorination format for the upcoming matchday will be announced 24 hours before the matches will be scorinated, which should be around 8 PM EST. The draw for the first matchday will be announced on Thursday.

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NOTE: Regarding rosters, you may include as many players as you see fit. Feel free to make up the positions yourself. An additional .1 points will be added to your RP bonus for posting a roster.

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Participants

Shadowbourne
Hessington Island
Nassau-Hessen
Paradystopia
San Jose Guayabal
Albaie
New Wolfopolis
Super-Llamaland

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If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask them either via TG or by posting them in the OOC thread.

[Paradystopia]

Paradystopi Calvinball Roster

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Prof. Bolo d'Ghombong

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Position: Coach, Manager and Captain

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A Professor of Ethno-Sportology at the University of Gobo, Bolo already has some Calvinball Silverware to his name after he single-handedly defeated the Shadowbournean team in the Hobbes Trophy in Bearded Moose. Upon his return, he endeavored to create a domestic Calvinball league but to no avail. Many people just believe he spent a week on a drug-fueled bender, completely denying the existence of Calvinball as a recognised sport. He is slightly embittered but nonetheless determined to once again bring victory to Paradystopia

Dyangho Perriwinkle

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Position: Racquet Sport Specialist

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Dyangho is one of only two students the Professor has. A young man with all the makings of a fine slob. With somewhat of a natural talent for table-tennis, Dyangho is too lazy to further this ability and prefers to spend most of his time drinking and playing darts at the student bar. In truth, he only agreed to be on the team because he believes the rumours about the professor going on a hallucinogenic rampage previously and wants a bit of the action this time around.

Error Message

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Position: Calvinball Hame of Famer

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Error is a defective Communadi clone who somehow ended up in Paradystopia and equally bizarrely, is a registered athlete for The Glorious Commune in the Esportivan Autumn Festival. Very little is known about him but he claims to be a Calvinball Hall of Famer. Then again, he also claims to have been the president of Apox, the inventor of the shoe, first man in space and a microwave oven.

Кити Нико (Kitti Niko)

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Position: None

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Kitti is a female Mousebaneska; an inhabitant of the Mousebane Islet, the newest addition of the Paradystopi Commonwealth. Like all their citizens, she is a sentient cat. She's only really coming along because Error feeds her, thus saving her the trouble of doing it herself. Like all Mousebaneska, she's shallow, terse and lackadaisical. Also, she couldn't give the slightest fuck about Calvinball.

Khev Rollom

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Position: Teaboy

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There is little to be said about Khev other than he makes a good cup of tea, something the Professor considers to be essential to the success of the team. He's a little dim and will follow any order the Professor gives. Can juggle rather well also.

[San Jose Guayabal]

OOC: Roster changed by some casualities.

The official SJG Roster for Calvinball

FAS Keepers

-Chingatumadre Fasista
-Gatito Cagon

Royal destroyers

-Juan Sinverguenza
-Amargura Fasista
-Dead Turkey

MidStrikers

-Juan Perez
-Hally OfShameson
-Fear Syrducha

Albos

- Alejandro Curbelo
- Jack Bauer
- Georghe Chisceik

[New Wolfopolis]

New Wolfopolis Compradors - National Calvinball Team

Lamellicorns:
Jack Gunn
Thomas Walker
Lena Bailey

Martites:
Will Clark
Thomas Pickett
Lucy Parrino
Don Zhang
Charlie Vazquez

Datura:
Lindsay Douglas

Aristolochiales:
Sonya Jones
John Thompson

Replacements:
Danny Corbeil
Tammy Daniels
Ricky Lewis
Brenda Magner
Jarvis Karis

Depending on the number of people playing each day, here are your rules on who will start for the Comprador team.

Douglas will start only if the entire team is playing.
Thompson will start only if the entire team is playing or he is the only one playing.
Clark will start every time there are at least two people on the field.
Jones and Pickett will never play together unless the entire team is playing.
Walker will start every time there are at least three people on the field.
Other than that, it's random.

Head Coach: Amanda Henry

The games will be televised on NWSN, with Brett Osborne as the commentator.

[Super-Llamaland]

Super-Llamaland National Calvinball Squad



Players, Managers, and Others somewhat related

Dictator-For-Life and Chief Cartographer: Allen Byrdensky

Although his rule can be a bit rough, Allen Brydensky is not only the best dictator-for-life in Llamanean Calvinball History, he is the only dictator-for-life in Llamanean Calvinball History. Brydensky is an excellent cartographer with above-average pogo-stick skills.

President and First Racquetballer: Jonah Harbinger
(Note: Harbinger has been punished for attempting the play the same way twice. He is currently the "President of Deluded Fruitcakes Anonymous". Justin Bryant is subbing in for Harbinger.)

Harbinger is a good president to Byrdensky and the best Racquetballer on the team.

Official Code-Breaker, Maker,and Shaker: Tyler Morrison

Morrison can break codes with the best of them. He famously decoded the "Random series of letters, numbers, and other random things and places code" where A is 244,593 J-Daffodil, B is 650,123 R-Nicaragua, and so on. He decoded this in one second, although it is suspected that he was told beforehand.

Chief Golfer: Timothy Troy

Tim Troy is the best golfer there is. He not only can wallop people from 600 yards away with his great long drives, but is expert at tying volleyball nets and setting traps for opposing players.

Attendant to the Naturalities: Garreth Dustbin

Garreth Dustbin is a fantastic Attendant to the Naturalities! Nobody is quite sure what he actually does, but he's good at it.

Fetcher: Lewis "Fetcher" Fletcher

Lewis Fletcher will fetch anything for you! Renowned as the "best human fetcher in existence", Fletcher's job is considered in jeopardy due to the new Tiger Fetchers Super-Llamaland are training. This makes Fletcher moody and upset, but he's still great at getting the Calvinball that you accidentally punted over the twenty-six yard fence.

August Fitzgerald: Water-Balloon Spying Correspondent

Whoops. Let's try that again...

Water-Balloon Spying Correspondent: August Fitzgerald

Great at sniffing out plots to splash the team with water balloons. Fitzgerald does plenty of splashing himself with the many water balloons he holds in his trademarked Bottomless Pockets that are, in fact, bottomless.

Super-Sub: Ronaldo Finch

Ronaldo Finch can ride polo-horses, hit badminton birdies, fetch calvinballs, and make emergency masks with the best of 'em and is the secret weapon of the team.

[Paradystopia]

Error Message

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Кити Нико (Kitti Niko)

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Royal destroyers
-Webpage NotFound

MidStrikers
-Ытафв Лкндща (Ytafv Lkndshcha)

I understand that plagiarism is the highest form of flattery, but come on.

Please tell me if I'm the only one seeing that aspects of my roster have been ripped off.

edit: Apologies for not putting this in the OOC thread.

[Nassau-Hessen]

Fish Slappers:

Jacque Couseau
Jean Baptiste
Bartolemieu Morneault

Ill Tempered Fish:

John Pike
George D. Bass
Carl "The Crappie" Johnson

Team Shaman:

Saggitarius Dukemarriot

Team Voyageurs:

Bernard Hayes
X
Norman Dirk

?????:

*Morse Code*
Type In Name
...

Biggest Supporter:
God

[Shadowbourne]

Roster


Coach Jimbo | Head Honcho-in-Chief/Fat Guy With A Baseball Bat

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A mysterious mystery of a man, Coach Jimbo (know only by his first name) is a former elementary-school gym teacher turned Calvinball guru who stepped into the national spotlight after "volunteering" to run the national Calvinball side in an international friendly vs. Paradystopia. Although the team lost the match, Jimbo's team put together a valiant effort despite being hopelessly outmatched. Since his return to the country, he has started a domestic Calvinball league and began to expand his roles from the sideline to the playing field. At 5'6" and just under 350 lbs., Coach Jimbo is an intimidating sight, especially when wielding a heavy metal baseball bat.

Flotsam Orchid | Tennis Maestro/Master Violinist

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Flotsam Orchid is a former world-renowned classical violinist turned Calvinball player who made her international debut alongside Coach Jimbo against Paradystopia in the Hobbes Trophy. Flotsam has been known to put her opponents to sleep by playing them excerpts from classical orchestra pieces. She has also been known to put them to sleep by beating them repeatedly with a tennis racquet.

Capt'n Fishbeard | Pirate

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Capt'n Fishbeard is an ex-pirate who left the seven seas to fulfill his lifelong goal of playing professional Calvinball. Since beginning his career almost five years ago, Ole' Fishbeard has blossomed into one of the best Calvinballers in the world. Although he missed all of last year with a severe case of scurvy, he is ready to go for the Watterson Bowl and is hoping to make a big impact.

Magnus Cheeseman | Vice President of Song-Singing

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One of Shadowbourne's most talented singer/songwriters, Mr. Cheeseman was recruited by Coach Jimbo to provide the team with the vocal prowess neccessary to dominate in Calvinball.

Stripes | Chief Tiger For Life

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Following in the footsteps of all of Calvinball's greatest teams, Shadowbourne has recruited a tiger to play for their national squad. Although the species barrier occasionally limits Stripes' ability to make an impact on the field, he is still one of the team's most indimidating players. Despite this, Stripes has proven to be quite the sweetheart: he regularly donates comic books to local charities for underprivileged tiger cubs.

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I understand that plagiarism is the highest form of flattery, but come on.

Please tell me if I'm the only one seeing that aspects of my roster have been ripped off.

Yeah, I see it, but I'm not really sure that I'd call it plagiarism.

While the concepts are pretty similar, I'm not really sure that I see anything egregiously wrong with it. I think that SJG was just using your roster for inspiration.

In the end, I think it's best just to say, "No harm, no foul" and leave the matter be.

[Shadowbourne]

The matches for MD1 will be:

Shadowbourne vs. Super-Llamaland
Hessington Island vs. San Jose Guayabal
Nassau-Hessen vs. Albaie
Paradystopia vs. New Wolfopolis

The matches will be scorinated in the following fashion:

40% Korfball; this score represents the number of bounce shots made while skipping backwards and singing "Kumbaya".

30% Baseball; this score will represent the number of points scored while bouncing on a trampoline and playing the guitar.

30% soccer; this score will represent the number of points scored by whacking your opponent with a broom.

Try to be as creative as possible with your RPs. Remember, you will be graded on quality, not quanity. You will lose points if your RP is more than 450 words. You can use this link to help you keep track of your word count.

Good luck!

[Paradystopia]

Error: "Squawk! Piyao!"
Prof: "Shut up Error ... We're trying here to plan our strategy against New Wolfopolis"
Error: "Well, I may have some inside information ... Did I ever tell you good pineapples about the time I pitched for the New Wolfopolis Baseball team?"
Prof: "Seriously Error, shut the fuck up ... "
Dyangho: "Error, you know what a broom is?"
Error: "The sound a car makes?"
Dyangho: "The 'other' broom?"
Error: "Znam"
Dyangho: "I'll take that as a 'yes' ... Can you hit someone with one?"
Error: "Easy peasy! Piyao!"
Prof: "Good. So we'll leave Mr. Message to go crazy with the broom. Error! You can put the warpaint on later!"
Error: "Oui mon capitan!"
Prof: "Ok. Right. Can anyone play guitar?"
Khev: "I can strum a power chord or two ..."
Prof: "Close enough. You'll take that side of things. ERROR! Put the fucking broom down! Kitti is not target practice."
Kitti: "Does he need his eyes? I swearr, one meore swipe and I'm gouging out the rright one ..."
Error: "Piyao!"
Prof: "Dyangho, sort out Error."
Dyangho: "Hey Error!"
Error: "Yessir!"
Dyangho: "Could you fetch a glass hammer from the shops?"
Error: "Right away."
Prof: "Finally ... peace ... Anyway, so we'll set Error loose with the broom. Khev can do the trampoline thingy. I guess that leaves the rest of us to make bounce shots and sing 'Kumbaya'."
Khev: "Whilst skipping backwards ... "
Prof: "Yes Khev"
Kitti: "I'm rreally not feeling it ... Is there a sleeping porrtion of the event? Or meaybe perrsonal hygiene?"
Prof: "Afraid not"
Kitti: "Then I pass ... "
Khev: "Maybe you could ... err ... 'spur on' Error? ... I don't trust that moron with a broom and we need someone to stop him attacking his own team."
Prof: "Good point. Kitti?"
Kitti: "Do I get to cause him pain?"
Dyangho: "Please do!"
Kitti: "Deal"
Prof: "Ok. So here's the songsheets for Kumbaya. Get learning. Khev, you work on the power chords and Kitti, make sure Error doesn't come at us with that broom. Great. Let's do this."
Error: "Dyangholio. You silky muffin, you didn't specify what hammer you wanted. Also, I couldn't find a glass one but this sledgehammer should work on glass. Check this out!"
Prof: "Error! Stop swinging the fucking hammer. Now! For the love of ..."
Error: "Piyao! Piyao!"
Khev: "This is gonna be a long tournament ... "

[Super-Llamaland]

ALLEN BYRDENSKY: Well, well, the hosts Shadowbourne, who we're playing, have handed us this game's rules. Who can sing "Kumbaya"?

JUSTIN BRYANT: I can, dictator-for-life!

BYRDENSKY: Alright, let's hear it.

BRYANT: We're gonna dance all night...to the best song EV-errrr...We're gonna-

BYRDENSKY: No, Justin! Not everything has to be One Direction. How about you, Garreth?

GARRETH DUSTBIN: Kumbaya-ya-HEE, kumbaya-ya-WHOO, kumbaya-ya-HO, kumbaya-ya-HA HA! Kumbaya-

BYRDENSKY: No no no! That's not it either! Hmm. I know! Ronaldo Finch can do it! Finch can do anything!

RONALDO FINCH: Yes, dictator?

BYRDENSKY: Right on cue! Let's hear "Kumbaya"!

FINCH: Uhh...Kumbaya kumbaya kumbaya...

BYRDENSKY: Here's a lyrics sheet.

FINCH: I can't make out these letters.

BYRDENSKY: It's upside down! *Sigh* Let's see, trampolines, guitars, whacking opponent with broom. Fletcher! You can whack! Whack that chair with this broom!

FLETCHER: Okay. *Shatters chair with broom*

FINCH: Guess we're good there.

FLETCHER: What next?

BYRDENSKY: Just whack the opponents with the broom...softly.

FLETCHER: Okay. Uh...do we need another chair?

[Shadowbourne]

The results are in!

Shadowbourne 41Q - 63z Super-Llamaland

Hessington Island f27 - 29c San Jose Guayabal

Nassau-Hessen g35 - w31 Albaie

Paradystopia x80 - 21r New Wolfopolis

Here are the standings after MD1:

Paradystopia - 1 pt.
Super-Llamaland - 1 pt.
Nassau-Hessen - 1 pt.
San Jose Guayabal - 1pt.
Hessington Island - 0 pts.
Albaie - 0 pts.
Shadowbourne - 0 pts.
New Wolfopolis - 0 pts.

Here are the pairings for MD2:

Paradystopia vs. Super-Llamaland
Nassau-Hessen vs. San Jose Guayabal
Hessington Island vs. Albaie
Shadowbourne vs. New Wolfopolis

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Tomorrow's match will be scorinated in the following fashion:

30% Basketball; this score will represent the number of points scored while eating a ham sandwhich and humming "Yankee Doodle Dandy".

20% Canadian Football; this score will represent the number of points scored by tackling your opponent to the ground while wearing a garishly-colored tracksuit.

50% Rugby; this score will represent the number of points scored by throwing the ball into a net while simultaneously hula-hooping and doing the Gangnam-style dance.

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Try to be as creative as possible with your RPs. Remember, you will be graded on quality, not quanity. You will lose points if your RP is more than 450 words. You can use this link to help you keep track of your word count.

Good luck!

[New Wolfopolis]

Amanda Henry: "What in the hell was that?"

Will Clark: "I'm sorry, coach, I just wasn't on the game today."

Henry: "Not you, you actually tried. I'm talking to the rest of you. WALKER!"

Thomas Walker: "Yes, coach!"

Henry: "Don't you know how to skip backwards?"

Walker: "Sorry, I was distr-"

Henry: "THIS IS NO TIME FOR EXCUSES! This is not how I expect my national Calvinball team to play!"

Walker: "Coach, but-"

Henry: "I'm still talking. I don't have time for any of your 'Coach, buts' today. My backwards skipper can't skip backwards properly, and, by the way, 'Kumbaya' was way out of tune. Now, JONES!"

Sonya Jones: "Ma'am, yes, ma'am!"

Henry: "You told me you knew how to swing a broom!"

Jones: "It was a different style of broom then I was us-"

Henry: "DON'T ANY OF YOU KNOW THAT I'M NOT LOOKING FOR EXCUSES?! If you say you can swing a broom, that tells me you know how to swing a broom. However, you apparently don't! Now, I've got words for you, Clark."

Clark: "Yes?"

Henry: "That guitar playing was the worst I've ever heard, and by far the worst out of the entire tournament! You said you knew how to play guitar!"

Clark: "To be fair, I've never played guitar on a trampoline before."

Henry: "WELL YOU SHOULDA PRACTICED! Come on! Alright, tomorrow, looks like... THOMPSON!"

John Thompson: "Yes, coach?"

Henry: "You like eatin', right?"

Thompson: "Uh, sure, coach."

Henry: "Alright. You are my ham sandwich eater and 'Yankee Doodle' hummer. Understood?"

Thompson: "Yes, coach."

Henry: "Then why are you still here? OFF WITH YOU! GO PRACTICE!"

*Thompson runs out of the room*

Henry: "Next up... ZHANG! GUNN! FRONT AND CENTER!"

Don Zhang: "Yes?"

Henry: "You two are my beefiest guys, so go out on the town, find yourselves matching, lime green track suits, and show up tomorrow ready to tackle people. MOVE!"

*Zhang and Gunn scurry out*

Henry: "Lastly... WALKER!"

Walker: "Yes, coach?"

Henry: "I trust you the most, so your job tomorrow will be to throw a ball into the net while hula hooping and doing the Gangnam Style dance. Do I make myself clear?"

Walker: "Coach, I don't know what that is."

Henry: "THEN LOOK IT UP! If we don't win tomorrow, it's your fault. All of you. *Points at crowd* Come on you Compradors!"

Remaining team members, in unison: "LET'S GO NEW WOLFOPOLIS!"

[Super-Llamaland]

SUPER-LLAMALAND CALVINBALL TEAM PULLS OFF SURPRISE UPSET OF HOSTS

by donaldd.duncan (email donald at donalddduncan@llamamail.com)


Here is a timeline of the game.

FIRST HALF
0:00: Kickoff, official dropping of the calvinball

0:23: Fletcher bonks Flotsam Orchid on the head with his broom, 3A to -4C, Super-Llamaland

0:40: Allen Byrdensky runs into a "tree pose" zone and is sent to the yoga box by Coach Jimbo, Super-Llamaland's lead narrows to dandelion-2.

0:55: Flotsam Orchid dizzily gets up.

1:07: Byrdensky is caught trying to sneak out of the yoga box and is whacked on the head by Magnus Cheeseman, Shadowbourne takes a narrow 5T-4K lead.

1:33: Justin Bryant decrees that all players without brooms must freeze in position. Lewis Fletcher quickly bonks player after player on the head, and Byrdensky cheats again and steals the calvinball from a furious Coach Jimbo. Super-Llamaland rips apart Shadowbourne's lead with a J-Q-Lithium scoring run of their own. They lead by hoogy.

1:40: In a desperate ploy, Coach Jimbo calls a timeout for Super-Llamaland. Byrdensky's protest is cut short as Cap'n Fishbeard leaps onto the Official Calvinball Trampoline and begins strumming country music. Fishbeard ties the game before Justin Bryant takes Fletcher's broom and bops Fishbeard on the head.

3:01: Repeatedly.

12:55: Fishbeard is sent to the hospital with serious concussions. Bryant is ejected from the game with a Frog Foul. The Llamaland side loses all their points and faces a 35J-0 deficit imposed by Jimbo.

15:00: Two bonks are all that fans get out of the next two minutes. We go into the second half down 35J-4A (Frog Foul).

SECOND HALF

0:00: First pitch. Swing and a miss. Strike one.

0:34: Fishbeard returns! And begins bopping Bryant on the head. He's called out for a Donkey Foul and violation of rule -2.

3:07: Bryant leaps into the scoreboard and disappears.

5:55: Jimbo takes advantage of the random power play. The entire team begins to sing Kumbaya, and Byrdensky is powerless to stop them. Orchid grabs the Calvinball away and hits six bounce shots.

8:01: August Fitzgerald produces a second Calvinball out of his pocket along with two water balloons.

9:02: The dripping wet Shadowbourne team retreats. The scoreboard flickers many times.

11:07: Justin Bryant successfully reprograms the scoreboard to show 63Z-41Q.

11:11: Allen Byrdensky decrees the game's premature end.

[Nassau-Hessen]

Nassau Hessen Wins 35 - 1

Nassau Hessens Calvinball team did quite well tonight. With the shaman, Saggitarius Dukemarriot, finding the lowercase G to be quite appealing in his search for the word of truth. Carl "Crappie" and John Pike (Who legally dressed into broom costumes while they hit other players) with the addition Jacque Couseau and Jean Baptiste as the slappers absolutely racked up points to narrow-ly-ish-y-... beat Albaie. Of course the three randoms also did quite well in randomly chanting Kumbaya in three different languages with bonus points and points for trying. Good Day.

[Shadowbourne]

The results for MD2 are in...!

Paradystopia 114w - 124f Super-Llamaland

Nassau-Hessen m134 - z110 San Jose Guayabal

Hessington Island 94b - a117 Albaie

Shadowbourne g97 - 124q New Wolfopolis

Here are the standings after MD2:

Super-Llamaland - 2 pt.
Nassau-Hessen - 2 pt.
Paradystopia - 1 pt.
San Jose Guayabal - 1pt.
Albaie - 1 pts.
New Wolfopolis - 1 pts.
Hessington Island - 0 pts.
Shadowbourne - 0 pts.

Here are the pairings for MD3:

Super-Llamaland vs. Nassau-Hessen
Paradystopia vs. San Jose Guayabal
Albaie vs. New Wolfopolis
Hessington Island vs. New Shadowbourne

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Tomorrow's match will be scorinated in the following fashion:

40% American Football; this score will represent the number of points scored while doing a headstand and singing "The Headstand Song".

40% Raffa; this score will represent the number of points scored while jumping on a pogo stick and munching passively on a ham steak.

20% Handball; this score will represent the number of points scored by gently smacking your opponent with a hairbrush.

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Try to be as creative as possible with your RPs. Remember, you will be graded on quality, not quanity. You will lose points if your RP is more than 450 words. You can use this link to help you keep track of your word count.

Good luck!

[Nassau-Hessen]

Nassau Hessen Wins 134-110

Nassau Hessen came away with YET ANOTHER win which they have earned through sweet smelling sweat, unsanitary dirt, and vampiristically vegan blood. The team shaman felt a telepathic connection with the lowercase m (for munches). The voyageurs had a good time reflecting over ham sandwiches singing the song of their people while earning extra credit. The Frenchmen successfully wore the (once again legal) magical carcasses of the fish, of which just happened to be garish field suits and creatively violently tackled opponents. God vigorously cheered for them in the stands with a fangirl scream. The three randoms then spent the extra time athletically hula-gang-shooting all over the place joyfully. The End

[New Wolfopolis]

Amanda Henry: "Now that's what I'm talking about!"

*Coach Henry's bold words are greeted with huzzahs from membership."

Henry: "That's how a game of Calvinball is played!"

*Shouts of assent. Much pounding on tables. Three cheers erupt for club ideals. Membership reduced to tears. More huzzahs. Pandemonium ensues."

Henry: "Now, THOMPSON! Get up here!"

*John Thompson comes to the stage*

Thompson: "Yes, coach?"

Henry: "I must say, you hummed 'Yankee Doodle' like a champ out there! Well done on the sandwich eating as well!"

Thompson: "Thanks, coach."

Henry: "A big three-clapper for Thompson!"

*Crowd claps three times in near-unison*

*Thompson returns to his seat*

Henry: "Next, WALKER! You're up!"

*Thomas Walker comes to the stage*

Henry: "That's the most brilliant hula hooping, ball throwing, Gangnam Style combination I've ever seen before in my life! I thought you said you didn't know Gangnam Style, and yet, you looked like a natural!"

Walker: "I'm honored! I want to thank m-"

Henry: "We don't have time for that. Three-clapper for Tommy!"

*Crowd claps three times in near-unison*

*Walker returns to his seat*

Henry: "Lastly, ZHANG! GUNN! Get yourselves up here!"

*Don Zhang and Jack Gunn come to the stage*

Henry: "You guys were great tacklers! And you looked great in those lime green Comprador track suits! Three-clapper!"

*Crowd claps three times in near-unison*

*Zhang and Gunn returns to their seats*

Henry: "So tomorrow, it looks like we'll need... JONES!"

Sonya Jones: "Yes, coach?"

Henry: "You've got good balance, right?"

Jones: "I suppose so..."

Henry: "FANTASTIC! Look up "The Headstand Song" on YouTube and sing pretty! Practice your headstands while you're at it!"

Jones: "Got it." *Scurries out of the room*

Henry: "Now, VAZQUEZ!"

Charlie Vazquez: "Yes, coach?"

Henry: "You can pogo, right?"

Vazquez: "What? No!"

Henry: "Waddaya mean, no? I didn't put you on the team so that you could say no! Get atta here!"

Vazquez: "Can I at least stay until the end of the meeting?"

Henry: "Absolutely not! Now get outta my sight before I call the cops!"

*Vazquez leaves while flipping off Coach Henry*

Henry: "Now, who can pogo?"

*Will Clark raises his hand*

Henry: "Perfect! Go practice!"

*Clark leaves the room*

Henry: "Ooh, this is a toughie. Who's good at gently smacking people with hairbrushes?"

*No one raises their hand*

Henry: "Well, come on! Don't any of you know how to do that?"

*Lucy Parrino sheepishly raises her hand*

Henry: "You do?"

Parrino: "Actually, no, I just needed to say that Vazquez was."

Henry: *sigh* "Fine. Somebody call him up before he leaves the country."

[Paradystopia]

"So Error, did you research the San Jose Guayabalan team on-line? Have you found out any weaknesses to aid our strategy?"
"I did ... err ... but ... err ... but ... err ... "
"Error? ... Are you okay? ... "
"... w ... w ... w w w ... w ... w w ... w ... "
"Error? ... "
"WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND!"
"Oh shit ... Guys? A little help? Error's doing that thing again ... "
"WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND!"
"You really need to learn to chill, you strange little moron ..."
"WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND! WEBPAGE NOTFOUND!"

[Shadowbourne]

The results for MD3 are in...!

Super-Llamaland 96e - 90p Nassau-Hessen

Paradystopia d110 - 38v San Jose Guayabal

Albaie a64 - m115 New Wolfopolis

Shadowbourne g87 - 64q Hessington Island

Here are the standings after MD3:

Super-Llamaland - 3 pt.
Paradystopia - 2 pt.
New Wolfopolis - 2 pts.
Nassau-Hessen - 2 pt.
San Jose Guayabal - 1pt.
Albaie - 1 pts.
Shadowbourne - 1 pts.
Hessington Island - 0 pts.

Here are the pairings for MD4:

Super-Llamaland vs. Paradystopia
New Wolfopolis vs. Nassau-Hessen
San Jose Guayabal vs. Albaie
Shadowbourne vs. Hessington Island

---

Tomorrow's match will be scorinated in the following fashion:

45% Babbage Rules Football; this score will represent the number of points scored while dancing erratically and balancing a teapot on your head.

25% Baseball; this score will represent the number of points scored by hungrily gobbling a roasted weenie while simultaneously stroking a small dog.

30% Lacrosse; this score will represent the number of points scored by kicking the ball into a net while the player is handcuffed and tied to a large horse.

---

Try to be as creative as possible with your RPs. Remember, you will be graded on quality, not quanity. You will lose points if your RP is more than 450 words. You can use this link to help you keep track of your word count.

Good luck!

[Super-Llamaland]

"Okay guys! I want a pep talk!" yelled Allen Byrdensky six minutes before the big game versus Paradystopia.
"Oh well, suit yourself." said Justin Bryant, and walked out.
"What? No! It's six minutes...FIVE minutes before game time! You can't just walk out!"
"Oh, we aren't playing? Okay," said Ronaldo Finch, and left the locker room.
"Really? Wow, that's a really weird schedule." said Lewis Fletcher, and left. August Fitzgerald stared at Byrdensky. They were the only two left. Tyler Morrison, Tim Troy, and Garreth Dustbin all walked out to "go get some food" an hour ago and had never returned.
"Uh..." said Allen.
"Well..." said August.
"Umm..." said Allen.
"Hmm..." said August.
"But..." said Allen.
"Well we can still play, right?" asked August.
"Yes," replied Allen, "we'll just say they're all injured."

And so they went out to play. Unfortunately, the game had already started, and Paradystopia lead 23B to nothing.

Byrdensky and Fitzgerald were hopelessly outnumbered, but they managed to stay in it.

But oh, did they eat ham sandwiches! And oh, did they sing "Yankee Doodle Dandy" at the top of their lungs...while eating! Unfortunately, Morrison and Troy had been the ones carrying all the tracksuits, so they could only evade the lunging attempts of Paradystopia.

They finished the quite-delicious ham sandwiches and found the game tied, 24C-24C.

While they looked at the scoreboard, both players were tackled, and it was 42E-24C, Paradystopia.

But suddenly, Troy, Morrison, and Dustbin reappeared! The surprise attack caught the opponents off guard, and the three had the entire opposing side pinned to the ground while wearing tracksuits! The score was racked up!

Fitzgerald ran off to shoot hoops while hula-hooping and Gangnam-styling. Byrdensky fetched another ham sandwich.

Paradystopia freed themselves from the grasps of the three men in tracksuits and fled. To the basketball court, where they stole the ball from Fitzgerald. Error Message tackled August, and he flailed his arms as he went down. The other players racked up points.

It was 114w-114w. The game was tied, with three point nine seconds to go, when the Llamas called a time-out. Byrdensky charted a clever play that would get Fitzgerald the ball for a 9J point shot, and they executed it flawlessly. Fitzgerald hoisted the ball, the crowd cheered, August desperately hula hooped and Gangnam-styled, the ball sailed in a beautiful arc towards the net...

It landed six feet short. The crowd and August both groaned. He sank to his knees when he heard a loud cheer rack the stadium.

The ball had bounced into the net at the buzzer. The team had won, 124f-114w.

[New Wolfopolis]

Amanda Henry: "Come on guys, I expect better from you!"

Thomas Walker: "But Coach, we won!"

*Walker is backed by shouts of "Yeah!" and "Exactly!" from his peers*

Henry: "That's beside the point! I st-"

Walker: "No! I refuse to accept that as an answer! We won! By over 50 points! What more do you want from us?"

*Walker is again backed by shouts from his peers, this time shouts of "Come on, Coach!" and "50 points!"*

Henry: "Look, I know. You guys kicked their butts. But honestly, your play today was... adequate. Nothing more, nothing less. Adequate. And you had today's challenges down, but tomorrow's are harder than I've ever seen, in all of my days of Calvinball!"

Walker: "Oh. Ok. Well, what are we looking at for tomorrow?"

Henry: "Anyone skilled in balancing a teapot on their head?"

*The crowd is silent.*

Henry: "That's what I thought. Who wants to learn?"

*Lena Bailey raises her hand*

Henry: "Bailey! Wonderful! There's a beautiful china shop right up the street. You go, girl!"

*Bailey leaves*

Henry: "THOMPSON! You're my go-to eater. Tomorrow, you're eating a wiener dog while stroking a wiener dog. Understood?"

John Thompson: "Not exactly..."

Henry: "Well, I'm sure you'll figure it out. Go ahead."

*Thompson leaves*

Henry: "And lastly, Walker is my go-to getting-things-into-a-net person, so Walker, tomorrow you've gotta kick the ball into a net while handcuffed and tied to a horse. Go practice."

*Thomas Walker leaves*

Henry: "Well, things are looking good for tomorrow. I'm excited. You are all dismissed to go to your hotel rooms. Meet in the normal spot tomorrow morning, 10:00."

*The crowd leaves*

--

Clark: "Hey, did you notice something different about Coach today?"

Zhang: "Yeah, she seemed... nicer."

Clark: "Weird. Maybe she'll go back to normal tomorrow."

Zhang: "Yeah, I don't know. I kinda like the new Coach Henry."

Clark: "I could get used to her. Well, see ya tomorrow, Don."

Zhang: "Good night, Will."

[Nassau-Hessen]

The national team of Nassau Hessen suffered their first defeat yesterday. It really felt like a gentle smack from a hairbrush. The shaman for some stupid reason is not choosing any freaking vowels by having a nice chat with a LOWERCASE P. It was a close and well played game by both teams, that is until *Morse Code* got in a serious dance fight and died from the awesomeness of the other player. He immediately got resurrected by God. It was close, the fish used their scale hair as the spikes on a hairbrush. Fear not however, for there is still epic ness to come....

[Shadowbourne]

The results for MD4 are in...!

Super-Llamaland 170g - w146 Paradystopia

New Wolfopolis q239 - 66m Nassau-Hessen

San Jose Guayabal 143a -x138 New Albaie

Shadowbourne z105 - r103 Hessington Island

Here are the standings after MD4:

Super-Llamaland - 4 pts.
New Wolfopolis - 3 pts.
Paradystopia - 2 pts.
Nassau-Hessen - 2 pts.
San Jose Guayabal -2 pts.
Shadowbourne - 2 pts.
Albaie - 1 pt.
Hessington Island - 0 pts.

Here are the pairings for MD5:

Super-Llamaland vs. New Wolfopolis
Paradystopia vs. Nassau-Hessen
San Jose Guayabal vs. Shadowbourne
Albaie vs. Hessington Island

---

Tomorrow's match will be scorinated in the following fashion:

50% Gaelic Football; this score will represent the number of points scored while hopping up and down on an exercise ball and playing a piano concerto with one hand.

25% Futsal; this score will represent the number of points scored by ruthlessly beating your opponent with a roasted chicken.

25% Australian Football; this score will represent the number of points scored while riding a large dog and playing the Shadowbournean national anthem on an abnormally small viola.

---

Try to be as creative as possible with your RPs. Remember, you will be graded on quality, not quanity. You will lose points if your RP is more than 450 words. You can use this link to help you keep track of your word count.

Good luck!

[Super-Llamaland]

"Wow."
"Paradystopia falls to us too!"
"Yeah. Fletcher was ON today, August."
"You betcha, Byrdensky. Balancing teapots like there's no tomorrow."
"I hope there's a tomorrow so we can keep this four-game win streak alive."
"Well said, Allen, well said."
"Finch is so good I think he's on steroids."
"Steroids?"
"Well yeah, did you see him stroking that dog?"
"I see what you mean. Finch is a top-notch weenie eater. The dog-stroking came naturally to him."
"And August! You were fantastic tied to that horse!"
"Why thank you! You were great too!"
"I mean, did you see that bit where you made the horse do a triple backflip to leap over Error Message?"
"Yeah, yeah. Why are we playing Paradystopia twice?"
"Not the foggiest. I think the media's waiting on us."

At the conference room

"New Wolfopolis is your next opponent, Allen Byrdensky. Will you change your strategy to meet the Wolfpack?"
"Well, ya know, they're a good team with a good coach in Amanda Henry. But we're confident that we'll secede."
"He meant succeed."
"Thank you, Mr. Fitzgerald."

"Allen! Allen! Do you have plans to replace Lewis Fletcher with a tiger?"
"Uh, no. I think we'll keep relaying on him to do, uh, the Wright thing."
"He meant 'relying on him to do the right thing.'"
"Thanks, August."

"Allen! How's the four-game streak?"
"Good, it's good, our opponents are good teams but we've faced all the challenges we've had. So, we're good."
"Thank you."

"Allen Byrdensky! How are your chances of winning it all?"
"I don't know, there's some good teams out there. But, you know, we're a top-ten choice to do it."
"Uh, right."