World Cup 58 RP Thread

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

Welcome to the 58th edition of the NS World Cup, the longest running, most illustrious, and most difficult tournament in all of NS Sports. It is a privilege to compete, an honor to qualify, and a gift of NS Sports immortality for those lucky enough to earn Margret’s good graces and take home the title.

180 nations are set to enter qualification but only 30 can join ASMV and QPeMA for World Cup 58. We wish each of you the very best of luck. Let the RP circus begin.

WC58 Roster Thread
WC58 Friendlies Thread
Scores Thread




And here we have our World Cup 58 groups.

QPeMA Region (to be scorinated by ASMV)

Group A
Queer Poco el Mono Ara
Cosumar
Chetkosk
Khytenna

Group B
The Babbage Islands
Bears Armed
Cafundeu
Rouge Pioneers

Group C
Krytenia
Bostopia
Swartaz
Kulverint

Group D
Polar Islandstates
Cotdelapoms
Akbarabad
Bergnovinaia

ASMV Region (to be scorinated by QPeMA)

Group E
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega
Jeruselem
Dorian and Sonya
Pays de Horreur

Group F
The Holy Empire,
Cassadaigua
Qazox
Northern Bettia

Group G
Jeru FC
Mytannion
Erathore
Antoletia

Group H
Aguazul
Valanora
Pasarga
Saugeais

Schedule

MD1 - Thursday, Feb 16
1 vs. 4
2 vs. 3

MD2 - Saturday, Feb 18
1 vs. 3
2 vs. 4

MD3 - Monday, Feb 20
1 vs. 2
3 vs. 4

Round of 16 - Wednesday, Feb 22

Quarterfinals - Friday, Feb 24

Semi-Finals - Sunday, Feb 26

3PPO - Tuesday, Feb 28

Finals - Wednesday, Feb 29

[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]

And now with Groups randomized and a scorination schedule.

Group 1
Mapletish
Erathore
West Angola
Cheergirls
Bostopia
Sativaville
Baleyroh
Mangolana
Yesopalitha

Group 2
Royalsoldiers
Michael VII
Naboompu
West Zirconia
Kaiser Colonies
Ocaterra
Cassadaigua
Tretskivucia
Sheepish


Group 3
Vettrera
The Weegies
New Holy Roman Empire
Bruyn
Landpolis
Sarrbia
Kernansquillec
Polar Islandstates
Thatius


Group 4
PuertoRico
Bergnovinaia
Kandorith
Crotunda
Euskirribakondara
Unibot
Stachland
Nifferite
Khytenna


Group 5
Jeru FC
Osarius
FSSO
Megadia
Kerblaekistan
Rouge Pioneers
Politik
The Union of Myanmar
Albertasby


Group 6
Pasarga
Dorian and SonyaLegalese
Westmeadow Tavern
Pretty Awesome Persons
Equestrian States
Altimarus
The Araucania
Lonaga


Group 7
Chenkorya
Virabia
Switzida
Kalumba
Wolfmanne
Qazox
Homelands Our
Turori
Sjovenia


Group 8
Aguazul
Hockey Canada
North Chicanan
Savski Venac
Ancharmunn
Kelssek
Stvoto Latoli
Ellison Island
Rhodesia


Group 9
The Babbage Islands
Camwood
West Guiana
Kagdazka and Pazhujebu
Armed Bears
New Montreal States
Western Cuba
Lizland
Baltskandio


Group 10
Tymason
Mytannion
Landereien
Nethertopia
Elmonia
Saugeais
Vilita
Brightonburg
Sargossa



Group 11
Triimoria
Carpathia and Ruthenia
Eastfield Lodge
Chrinthanium
Zona Azul
Numbadon
Karlada
The Kangaroo Republic
Valanora


Group 12
Newland-America
Whirl Islands
Northern Bettia
Azrael
Trafalgar
Tibania
Cyborg Holland
Cafundeu
The Archregimancy


Group 13
Arcatea
Churchma
Diol
Stockton-on-Tees
Taeshan
Cascratia
The Holy Empire
Seunem
Sigeren

Group 14
Bears Armed
Bettia
Byfugland
Valladares
Ketharnia
Khabarovsk Krai
19th Century Beards
Occupy NationStates
Phoenigetuztha


Group 15
Erikkesh
Darmen
French Scandinavia
Burchadinger
Cosumar
Neo Japan
Octinstine
Ipeland
Gyatso-kai


Group 16
Oliveland
Uberholichschleissen
Akbarabad
The Kytler Peninsulae
TaQud
Herenia
Lymantatia
Pays de Horreur
Milchama


Group 17
Chetkosk
Kulverint
Puerto Candelaria
Soviet Canuckistan
Vergenskia
Wight
ABK
Branta Island
JedI8246


Group 18
Hutt River
Chuckio
Castinistan
Jeruselem
Antoletia
Carmadin
Orlkjestad
Ima and Eastern Mae
Civil Citizenry

Group 19
Luziyca
Astograth
Carasatoga
Melbergia
Allamunnic States
Actaris
Cotdelapoms
Ko-oren
Ossidiacqua

Group 20
Silver Beach
Nicole Scherzinger
Arkinesia
United Kingdom of the Southwest
Swalenia
Swartaz
World War Land
Logria
Krytenia

Roster Links Added to Gyatso-kai on Page 4

MD1 2 vs. 9 ; 3 vs. 8 ; 4 vs. 7 ; 5 vs. 6 ; 1 bye
MD2 9 vs. 1 ; 7 vs. 2 ; 6 vs. 3 ; 5 vs. 4 ; 8 bye
MD3 1 vs. 8 ; 9 vs. 7 ; 2 vs. 5 ; 3 vs. 4 ; 6 bye
MD4 7 vs. 1 ; 6 vs. 8 ; 5 vs. 9 ; 3 vs. 2 ; 4 bye
MD5 1 vs. 6 ; 7 vs. 5 ; 8 vs. 4 ; 9 vs. 3 ; 2 bye
MD6 5 vs. 1 ; 4 vs. 6 ; 3 vs. 7 ; 2 vs. 8 ; 9 bye
MD7 1 vs. 4 ; 5 vs. 3 ; 6 vs. 2 ; 8 vs. 9 ; 7 bye
MD8 3 vs. 1 ; 2 vs. 4 ; 9 vs. 6 ; 8 vs. 7 ; 5 bye
MD9 1 vs. 2 ; 4 vs. 9 ; 5 vs. 8 ; 6 vs. 7 ; 3 bye

MD10-MD18 will be a reversal of these matches


Groups 1-10 will be scorinated by QPeMA at around 2300 UTC (5pm CST US)

Groups 11-20 will be scorinated by ASMV at around Midnight CST US - about 6-7 hours behind QPeMA for any given match day.



Pre-Qual Friendlies will be scorinated on Sunday January 22nd (times TBA)
MD 1 will be Monday January 23rd (time TBA)[/b]

[The Kangaroo Republic]

World Cup 58, a team revitalised

So with the next world cup coming up, it seems that the good ol' 'roos are about to have their chance to get right back into the game. The team, still not having been able to make it past qualifications before, is planning on starting up fresh again and are ready to give all that it takes in order to kick further than they've ever done before.

We are once again excited to see the national team, clad in a new kit design, to battle it out again on the pitch; 90 minutes each match, 1 and a half hours of excitement every game.

The coach announced a few changes to the start-up in comparison to last year. While no new faces enter the team, Taemon Norakxezix Karp has been given a starter spot as the Right Back, replacing Bari Wudar Jøke. The strategy in mind seems simple enough, do what we did before, but do it better.

It is indeed true that our previous failed attempt at making it any further than the qualifications may have been caused by sheer lack of disciplined football, giving away too many chances, just playing badly overall. This was a strong point of focus for the coach in order to improve the team's overall capabilities.

Meanwhile, the pools have been readied, and soon enough, it will be announced whom the 'roos will be playing against during the qualification rounds for the world cup. The 'roos themselves were placed in pool 3, a very decent feat that puts us in the same group as some other good teams such as Orlkjestad, Kalumba and Silver Beach, among others.

This year, we're hoping to start with an optimistic outlook. We wish our national football team the best of luck in the coming world cup. Let's bloody do this!

[Homelands our]

Before The Draw
A Blue Sports News Report-24 hour sports news
Welcome, it's world cup time! What he said was right, it's time for the world cup. This is just a preview of the draw for qualifying which is happening soon.
The pool that we are in is Pool 6, there are 9 pool's, these other team are in Pool six with us
Pool 6: Lonaga; Phoenigetuztha; Homelands our; Azrael; Brightonburg; Ossdiacqua; Chuckio; Zona Azul; Sigeren; Unibot; Politik; Arkinesia; West Guiana; Savski Venac; Wight; Royalsoldiers; Oliveland; Burchadinger; Bruyn; Yesopalitha
This is a good pool to be in, it means that we will will end up with three easier teams (pool's 7,8 and 9) and avoid some evenly matched teams in pool 6. The president sent out a message of support to the team from the green house saying "national football team do your country proud over the next few weeks, we all know you can to it." Jamie Long was still over-the-moon today, days after his trasfair "this is great, the move and everything come on we can make the cup!"
We hope you enjoy this draw.

[Chrinthanium]

And So It Begins
^{Jan 18, 2012}

Jonathan Kona

TIKIRI, Chrinthanium
The 58th World Cup begins soon and the Chrinthani National Team is set to play to see if they can qualify for this most prestigious event. This marks only the second time in history that His Indefatigable Greatness has allowed the Imperials to head into a World Cup qualification. The hope this time is that the Imperials can make it out of the qualification stage and into actual competition for the World Cup. The field of teams is large, the odds against us, but Jonathan Kona, the starting Striker for the squad, seems to think we have a chance.

"We've a strong team, a dedicated team, and players who weren't part of that last attempt. The time is ripe for Chrinthanium to break into the international competition stage with a big splash this year. Don't know if we'll win it all, but we're going to at least qualify," Kona stated to cameras before he departed to train with the team at the training facility in North Ordona Beach. "With so many teams competing, there's a chance we'll not make it, but we won't know if we don't try. I am glad His Indefatigable Greatness has allowed us this opportunity and I hope we do him proud."

• Odds Makers Give Chrinthanium 180:1 Chance [489 ]
• Jonathan Kona: Model or Footballer? [ 71,201 ]
• His Indefatigable Greatness Dons Home Jersey [ 34 ]

Comments [ 565,208 ] • .............E-mail this Article
© Chrinthani Soccer News

[Homelands our]

 world cup meet-up
Reported on by the star-your daily newspaper

Overview- the national football team will have a meet-up before joining up for the full world cup.
For the past two days the national football team has been having a training camp at the north street development centre for the upcoming world cup. Most of the players sensibly arrived the night before to prepare for the days ahead but you always have the one who will arrive just in time, in this case it was James Dact arriving at 10:00am with training starting at 10:30. For the warm-up the manager set out a track with hurdles, slaloms, high goals to practice lofted shots and low goals to practice keeping the ball on the deck.
The keepers then went off with the goalkeeping coach while the rest of the players stayed in the main group. When the keepers came back the coaches split the group into two even teams for a training match. These two teams were named LONG and DACT (after the two captains). You could see from early in the game that the DACT team just could not match the quality of the LONG team. The final score in this LONG 6-2 DACT.

Day two's warm-up was much the same as day ones with the track and things on it. Before the players split up the coaches decided to give the players a bit of fun, they were going to do a "crossbar challenge". For those of you who don't know a "crossbar challenge" is when a group of people line up at the halfway line of a football field and try to hit the crossbar. As you would expect the best two forwards LONG and DACT were the only two to hit the crossbar with JAMIE LONG's shot bouncing under the bar and listing back up to meet it. JAMES DACT's  shot went high but he he got it right, after the ball bounced off the bar it almost came back to the halfway line, it just stopped before the centre circle. Day two's match was closer than day one's, the teams were TALL and SHORT. The players in the short team had pin point shots while the TALL team stood high above the other team at corners and free kicks. The score in this one was TALL 1 - 3 SHORT. 

[Carmadin]

Now, the Carmadin Football team. It's time we talked about them. They are the hope of a nation. They are the dream of a nation. They are the pride of a nation. They are a symbol of a nation. They are currently at the best they ever have been. They have recently come off a third place finish in the Copa Rushmori, their best finish yet. The CFL second season has recently finished (ooc: but not posted yet, cuz my computer being stupid..... ). Yes, Carmadin football is certainly having a good time. The players are happy. The fans are happy. Heck, even the stadium, Carmadin Park, seems happy. Yes, everything's just happieness and light over in Carmieland. But there have been some rough points in Carmadin football, since last the great nations of the world met to contest the Cup of all Cups. Carmadin fell prey to an amazing Darmeni team in the first Copa de Mercury. The Carmadin U-21s put up an abysmal performance in the Di Bradini Cup. There was the performance by Carmadin clubs in the Champion's Cup, Globe Cup, Series B Champion's Cup, and other international competitions, that could only be described using one word: Meh. There was the dissapointing cancellation of The Castor and Pollux Cup, which was sure to be a pretty easy victory, when the Salcharian football association, well, just didn't. And, of course, there is the Elmonian revolution, which seems to be simmering right below the boiling point. The Baptism of Fire was a symbolic, if not outright, political and moral victory for the Elmonians. They advanced past the group stage, entering into a playoff with Sjovenia. Thankfully for us, they lost, but still, we must now hear the jeers and taunts from Elmonians everywhere. It seems like we can here them chanting from across the land and sea. I really don't want to know what they're chanting. Now, I find myself almost hoping the damned Elmonians get drawn into our qualifying group, just so we can show the a thing or two about how football's really played. But that's enough about the Elmonians. Quite frankly, nobody cares what they have to say, or what group they get drawn into, except their own annoying selves. Carmadin, on the other hand...
Well, it's needless to say that Carmadin, currently ranked 111th in the world, needs to step up their game. We've already seen a hint of just what this team is capable of in the Cup of Harmony (and god help us, but we had way too many draws!), and, more recently, in the Copa Rushmori. This team can do great things, this country can head down the road to a footballing power. We just need to step things up a notch.
And we can do it with the Wierd carmadese names, too!

[Saugeais]

National Journal
Saugeais readying for last good chance at the Finals


Amaechi Olsen entering the Grand Verona Hotel for a team conference

The nation of Saugeais is once again gripped with the anticipation of another World Cup cycle. For the past two Cups, the Knights have come agonizingly close to reaching the Finals only to fall on the last day of qualifying. Old manager Benoit Howard had his swan song during the ensuing Cup of Harmony, but dropped out in the quarterfinals to Erathore. Then in came Iarlaith Mag Aonghusa from the former nation of Sorthern Northland, and he experimented with different formations and lineups throughout practice and firnedlies, eventually settling on a modified version of Howard's old plans. But one can only guess how long he will keep the current formation, as many of the plays revolve around quickness, something which the front line desperately needs. Amaechi Olsen, Saugeais's most capped international and leading scorer, is growing old for football. Now at age 35, he's playing on borrowed time, but Mr. Aonghusa has not overlooked the problem of a tired Olsen on the pitch. He has selected the former under-21 star Kuzman Ruslan as his sustitute. All signs point to Ruslan as the heir to the striker role on the national team. "I picked young Kuzman in order to give him a chance to learn under Olsen," said Mr. Aonghusa. "Let him teach Kuzman the ways of the game, especially if he is to be my next starting striker."

Olsen is not the only aged veteran on the Knights, though. Keeper Jenson Paulson (36), defender Thomas Quentin (35), midfielder Sasha Krause (34), and forward Luko Šimić (35) all could be seeing their last World Cup action this cycle. This could be the last time in a long time the Knights have a shot at making the finals. With such a wealth of knowledge and experience beneath them, anything less than World Cup Finals appearance would be devastating for this team. Presumably, this was the focus of the closed-doors team meeting at the Grand Verona Hotel yesterday. "We are going to do all we can to get there," said Olsen after the team conference. "I know I want to go out of international competition with at least a run in the Finals. So does Jenson and Luuks [Luko]. The last two qualifiers, we were watching the televisions on the last day, and we were disappointed both times. This cycle we are going to go out fighting from the beginning, racking up as many points as we can. Mr. Aonghusa said in there 'Win if you can, draw if you must, but I never, and he stressed this point very thoroughly, never want you to think about losing. Not with the amount of talent we have on the squad.' And he's very right, we aren't going to stand for losing this time around.

Saugeais sits in the 2nd Pot, avoiding matches against rival Erathore, Osarius, Valladares, as well as several other Rushmore comrades. The draw will take place tomorrow night, where FAS president Sébastian Monet and former international team player, now current delegate for the national team Mr. Thomas LeBouef will be in attendance.

[Sativaville]

Hey Man.. It's that time again. You know, for the Cup of the World! It's been a while since the Stoners have tried for the big glass globe-thingy. But we still have the FireCup thing-a-ma-bob from winning a BoF or something a while ago. I think I saw President Cheech Chong IV use it as a bong at this last speech.

But back to the hand that matters. World Cup 58. In CREMA and ASUV. Sounds like fun. So Stoner fans bring the Doritos, Mountian Dew and your "glaucoma medicine" and we'll see you somewhere for the first match.

[Bettia]

Ty Pêl-Droed, headquarters of the Football Association of Bettia, or FAB as it is more commonly known. However, those who were working within one particular office were feeling less than fab right now. Clayton Hayes, the chief executive, sat at his desk with his head in his hands.

"I can't believe they've done this to us..." he groaned.

"I don't understand sir, it doesn't look so bad to me." his assistant piped up. "In fact, it looks pretty manageable."

"Manageable? We've been drawn against our old bogey team, Hockey Canada. That ain't good. I mean, we're ranked so low now, we need as many easy games as possible. And if that wasn't enough, look who else we've got!" he said, jabbing his finger at the third-from-last name on the list.

Pool 5: Hockey Canada; Altimarus; Arcatea; Nethertopia; Carmadin; Ipeland; Michael VII; Branta Island; Wolfmanne; Rouge Pioneers; Logria; The Weegies; Lymantatia; Bettia; Cheergirls; Triimoria; Ko-oren; Northern Bettia; Crotunda; Camwood

The blood drained from the young assistant's face. "Northern Bettia? The Gogs are coming here?"

Hayes nodded. "You know what this means, don't you? We'll have to double - no, quadruple police numbers to deal with them hooligans. Get as many aroras as we can to help crowd control. Extra border patrols to stop all that alcohol and shit they'll try and bring in."

A silence fell across the room as Hayes digest all that extra cost, meticulous planning and damage repair that faced the Blessed Realm.

"Erm.... sir?" the assistant said as he studied the list of nations.

"What is it now?"

"I think.... I think we've made a mistake here."

"How d'you mean?"

"Well, just look at the teams. Or rather, look at their rankings. This isn't the group draw, just the pools for the group draw."

"What?!" Hayes spluttered, barely believing his luck. He looked at the list and quickly realised that his assistant was right. "Oh, thank Allah for that!" he said as he slid back into his chair, mightily relieved.

Right now, he didn't care if his country was drawn against the whole top ten in the world... just as long as they didn't have to play those damn Gogs.

[Qazox]

"Humph"

"What now?"

"It appears that a certain nation that shall not be spoken of in public has ceased to be a nation."

"Which one? One that I might have heard of in, let's say, less than genteel company?"

"But of course you've heard of it. Sarzonia, of course, those blighted sots have withdrawn from contact with everyone, including their dwarvish-looking cousins Delaclava."

"Couldn't happen to a better load of sotting bastards."

"Quite true, though recently the emnity betwist us had thawed a bit."

"How did you find this interesting information, pray-tell, old chap."

"From the pages of the Long-acronymed World Cup hosts. In fact there's quite a few nations, I personally thought lost to the pages of time, buit are listed amongst the competitors for the next World Cup."

"Any interesting ones?"

"Well, Vilita came back last time around, and Turori is back this time around. Quite suprising. I'd thought Turori was swallowed by a mammoth sea-bass about 60 years ago."

"A Mammoth Sea-Bass? Sounds preposterous!"

"Not so, my dear boy. I've seen them in the waters off the Atlantian Oceanian continent of Calania. Quite a large fish. Grows up to 560 tons and over 4000 feet long. Good eating, if you can find someone who knows how to prepare it right."

"So what other oddities of nations are there this time around?"

"Appearently, there's an alternate universe Bears Armed, called, rather uninspiringly Armed Bears. Quite interesting, says that except for minor quibbles in speech, and other minute things, the two nations are practically identical."

"I'd rather see a match between the two. Odds are it would end up a draw."

"Possibly. Let's see here. Oh my. They let those buggers back in?"

"Who?"

"Northern Bettia. The most underhanded, cheating, filthy buggers on the mortal plane. Must've bribed the hosts or blackmailed them."

"Northern Bettia? Never heard of them before."

"Be glad you haven't. And pray we don't have to face them on the pitch. Back to the list, quickly. Well now, I guess the World Cup does let anyone in."

"Which nation his you atwitter now?"

"Sativaville."

"Sativaville? Nothing wrong with those chaps. They're our neighbors and what not."

"True, my dear boy. But ever have to face them on the pitch or travel to their stadium for a match? Odds are you're sensitive nerves would not be able to withstand the noxious fumes of their national plant burning nor their cuisine that mostly consists of fried corn chips and hot peppers."

"Perhaps. But I'd rather face them than a load of Starblaydi dwarves anyday!"

[The Union of Myanmar]

Alfred Aye:

"Myanmaris have always been fond of football (soccer) after it was introduced by former-colonists Severania and New Embossia. After independence in 1966, the Myanmar National Football Associatio (MNFF) was formed to promote and enhance football games throughout the nation. For decades, Myanmar only had experience with domestic football games; the healthy competition produced all-round players who were skilled enough to go onto the international tournaments. After the Myanmar Socialist Union Party loosened its grip on the political atmosphere in 2009, foreign policy radically changed and allowed for more foreign involvement. The Myanmar National Football Association took the opportunity to bring together the best football players Myanmar had to offer."

Sarah Sein:

"The Myanmar National Football Federation carefully put together Myanmar's first national football team which began its international tour by competing in the 39th Baptism of Fire. Although new to foreign teams, the Myanmar National Football Team rose to win the silver medal. The MNFF decided to put competing in international tournaments on hold to train the team. After nearly two years of training and hard work, the Myanmar National Football Team is now ready to sign up for the 59th World Cup. So, Alfred, anything new about our nation's team?"


"It's great to be broadcasting the World Cup with you, Sarah. And yes, our team has some new things in store. The Myanmar National Football Team had always been known as "those red players" due to their dominantly red uniform; but now they were ready to compete in the 58th World Cup with a brand new set of uniforms. The team hoped to be known as "those gold players". The former socialist-inspired red uniforms were designed simply to reflect our government's agenda. Now, the uniforms were designed to both reflect the national colors and to be practical: the bright & bold color schemes would aid the Myanmari players spot each other on the field much quicker. The clothing technology used in the jerseys keep our players cool when it's hot, and warm when they're playing in frigid conditions."


Sarah: "That's great news. Anything else about the team lineup?"


"Of course, the team has had a major makeover in terms of its players. Half of the players on the team are new, with the other half having been a part of the 39th Baptism of Fire."


"So we'll see a fresh mix of new and veteran blood it looks like. And you know the team's got a new coach. He's from Hahklallah, actually. It's interesting how we keep our team native, but we go with foreign choices for coaches and managers. Experience is where it stems from. You see our national team may have been finalists in the Baptism of Fire, but the World Cup is a whole new arena. Now the team coach, Victor Harris, used to play for many clubs in Hahklallah before an accident forced him to walk off the field at a young age—30 years old."


"Wow, well that is unfortunate. Fortunately, he's had a tremendous amount of experience sticking with football as a team coach. So that should help us quite a bit."


"I hope so, Alfred. Now let's take a look at the teams we'll be playing with. We've been placed in Pool 9."


"That's an interesting group of teams we're grouped with. New Holy Roman Empire should be a heavy contender along with Crinthanium. What everyone in our nation is hyped up about is the match between The Union of Myanmar and Diol. Diol and Myanmar have always held the friendliest of diplomatic relationships, but I have a feeling our two teams won't be playing nice out in the stadiums. Well, that's it for today's show. Up next, is the nation's number one hit comedy-series 'Myanmar Family'. And after that, it's the local news. Good night everyone, and we hope you'll tune in for more MSN."

[Jeruselem]

Jeruselem Government News

King Henry II retires! Qazian takes the crown.

Ruler of Jeruselem, King Henry II of Jeruselem (or King Henry IIV of Jerusalem) stepped down to hand power to his only daughter Princess Claire Isabella Dallas of Jeruselem. The King cited ill-health as the main reason for his retirement.

The Princess will become Queen Claire Isabella Dallas. Isabella is the daughter of Queen Lilian Dazzarina Greenly of Qazox making her the first Qazian to become ruler of Jeruselem. Isabella is still unmarried. She will become next ruling Queen of Jeruselem, the last one being Queen Mariah I of Jeruselem who was the mother of King Henry I of Jeruselem. Henry I is the grandfather of Henry II.

The local Qazian community in Jeruselem celebrated the occasion. One excited Qazian girl said "OMG a Qazian is a QUEEN!".

[Jeruselem]

Shay: Hello, this is Princess Shay Sasha Dallas for Naked News. You've heard the big news, we have a new leader. Oh yes, I did know since I'm the royal spokesperson too. I'm with the Princess herself, the other Princess ... you know which one.

Isabella: Hello everyone.
Shay: You're going to be busy girl now.
Isabella: Well, I guess so. Running a country isn't parties and meetings.
Shay: Are things going to change?
Isabella: Of course, change is constant.
Shay: How do you see yourself in the scheme of things with becoming the powerful person in Jeruselem?
Isabella: Well, I'm just lucky.
Shay: What you mean?
Isabella: It's just luck I was born to the right parents. I mean you could be Queen right now.
Shay: I wouldn't want to take your job.
Isabella: Well, actually you're 3rd in line since your mother is too old.
Shay: Oh yes.
Isabella: And then next is that crazy Helena, and then her daughter Sofia.
Shay: What about James, the king's younger brother?
Isabella: Well, he's next in line at the moment.
Shay: Are you going shake things up?
Isabella: I've got my own ideas on things.
Shay: Should people be scared?
Isabella: Not really but don't expect business as usual.
Shay: Telling us what is it?
Isabella: Not yet, people have to wait.
Shay: Well, that's the message from our leader. So you all later.
Isabella: All I need now is a husband!

[Erathore]

National Team Coach Marcello Dizarino Outlines His Goals For Erathi Football

---

National Team Coach Marcello Dizarino exclaimed his desire for the Erathi Seria-A to one day be recognized as the best league in the world.

"I have high hopes for the league. We have strong clubs, strong players, and a strong national team. However we send all of our strong players to other clubs internationally, where they don't benefit our clubs. Those players leave and our clubs replace them with international players. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's just that I would rather see Alexio [Del Nieran] or [Julio] Lanziano playing in Erathore rather then Polar Islandstates and Cafundeú respectively. [Simeone] Di Bradini was wonderful for Seria-A. He got us on the map. Thanks to him the world knew of Erathore and the Seria-A. Two time world cup winners [Saiorse] Ní Fhionnagáin and Alejandro Carmona were also good for the league, as were Timo Skye, Imanetta Acca, and Rafael Nunes. All of them were great for the league. The only thing is that they are not Erathi! We need our greats to start here and stay here."

Well we certainly agree with him. We have the potential to be one of the greatest leagues in the world, we just have to decide that's what we want. Some do want to see the next Del Nieran, the next Bennedetto, the next Lanziano staying in Erathore for their career, whilst others would like to see them move elsewhere to expose more people to the amount of talent that we Erathi have.

[Tymason]

TyMason Sports Broadcast

TyMason on the road to World Cup
Beginning of an era?

TyMason has been battling to get a International Team ready,and now,they have.After a team decided to withdraw,TyMason was there to take the place in the World Cup Qualifiers.For a start,they have never played a game before.They have been placed in Pool 9,the lowest of the pools,but Team Captain Troy Yaw says that it's not a problem.

Sure,we have yet to get to play against another team,but we have been practising every day to get ready.I believe we have enough potential to progress further than just the qualifiers.I really do believe we can do it

Of Course,despite TyMason's recent introduction to football,Yaw and national team coach Mario DeSouza have been known to be highly optimistic of their chances.This team will still have a long way before they can challenge the big boys.But for now,we have our player's to watch list from our National team,the Durfords.

Top 5 players to watch:

5th:Landry Ganderton-This kid has really impressed me when I saw him in training.He has the right potential to become a superstar.The only small problem are his passes.They have been noted to spray off towards the opposition a couple of times,though he is improving in his shooting game.For an attacking midfielder,that is an important statistic.

4th:Rial Ternalbao-You may not see him much as he is guarding the goal,but,my god,he does good.Though he has yet to achieve that goalie-like long goal kick,his saves more than make up for it.

3rd:Joseph Littlechild-This guy is a proper dead ball specialist.He can curve the ball left,right and centre.His pace down the flank can never be outmatched and his crossing is sublime.Despite a few defensive difficulties,this is one top star

2nd:Jonathon Wenas-This guy is almost like a big brick wall.Even coach Mario DeSouza has mentioned that he is the reason why there are only three defenders.This guy is also the shortest of the team,weirdly,and also dons a pair of spectacles while playing.This guy is certainly one to be noticed.

1st:Gordon Moss-What a guy.On the roster,he is classified as a central forward,but he can play in any position,including goalkeeper.He was originally a defender until the coach managed to see him strike the ball hard into the net and play pinpoint passes into spaces.The best guy on the team.

[Baleyaroh]

After failing to attend the Baptism of Fire due to the players being on holidays, the Baleyaroh nation is proud to have been accepted to be part of this fair competition and the government ensures the nation's team participation on the 58th edition. In the next few days the Council of Sports will undertake the task of selecting the national coach who will lead the team to their first international appearance.

Council of Press (in the name of The Principality of Baleyaroh)
19 January 2001

[Wight]

.

[Seunem]

From: t.flint@peoples.albrecht.ac.cam
Date: Monday, January 16 2012 7:02 PM
To: s.d.vries@hum.ut.nth
Subject: RE: Seunem Again!
Attach: occie1.pdf (238 KB)

Seb –

Don’t say I never do anything for you! Not that I’ve any idea if this’ll be useful or not, but one of the names you mentioned rang a bell and after shuffling through some papers from one of my old student’s last visit (helpfully ‘translated’ by said student, spelling-wise!) I found what I was looking for. This one’s from only two or three years ago, so the dates simply don’t match up and it may just be a big ol’ coincidence, but you’d know better than I.

I can send you the rest of this edition of the Occie if needs be, but the juicy stuff is on page 3 (and when isn’t it?)… enjoy!

Love to Lieke and the boys,

Tom.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Occurrences at the Law Courts

Being an account of certain TRIALS for criminal misdemeanours of Person and State of named persons prosecuted at the Court Houses of the Province of Cove in the third week of March of the Year Four-Hundred and Eighty-Nine.

Compiled for the benefit of the Public Understanding of the progress of Justice by Mister William, Peppercorn a. Latimer; Mister Josson, Pagan a. Latimer; and Mister David, Anython a. Latimer.

case 64113hp

At the Court of Hero’s Pittance, before the Honoured Justice Chuna, Belch a. Wistful, did come Mister Eylgar, Bycave a. Otters of the Parish of Saint Swithin.

The Court did hear the case of Mistress Estienne, Delivre a. Littlefield, speaking her Words for the Ffamily of Littlefield, who did accuse the Prisoner of two Accounts of Theft for feloniously stealing a Saw from her husband’s shop in Munstral-lane and a Silver Spoon from the shop counter of the same on the fifth of March, and did Swear: Yea, I did see the prisoner in the shop, and did speak to him for he enquired as to the price of a saw and I did tell him the price and he did say Coo, ‘too-rich for-my-blood’ [this being sailors cant] and did make to leave but when I did turn around I did see that my spoon had gone and a saw was missing also.

The Court did then hear from Mister Artur, Maccane a. Agale, who did Swear: Yea, the ffamily of Littlefield did ask me to find Mister Eylgar at his dwelling in Glitter-street and I did bring two magistanes and did conduct a thorough search of his dwelling and did find a silver spoon though not a new saw. And he did show the Jury the silver spoon that he had found.

Justice Chuna did then ask the prisoner for his Words, for which he said that he did not steal anything from the shop of Mister Thomas, Woode a. Littlefield, though he said he did go there and ask the price of a saw, and did claim also that the spoon was his to which Mistress Estienne did shout Liar!

The Court did then hear from Mister Mitchel, Tullbit a. Lovespoon, speaking his Words for the Ffamily of Littlefield, who did swear: Yea, sirs, I did sell Mistress Estienne that very spoon not two months ago. And Justice Chuna did ask him if he was quite sure, and Mister Mitchel did say: Yea, I know my spoons, gracious sir, they are as childs to me, not having fleshful strend of my own, sirs, and this is that very spoon, sir, I would go to my grave proclaiming’t thus, to which the prisoner did say: That may as be so, sirs, for I did find the spoon a month ago in Glitter-street, and knowing not to whom’t belonged I did take the spoon and care for’t as if’t were my own, to which Mistress Estienne did shout Liar! again.

The Court did then hear from Mister Gerbod, Thumbnose a. Sidny, speaking his Words for the Ffamily of Otters, who did swear: Sirs, the prisoner did do some paid work for me for some days some month ago, cleaning my parts and vecchen also, and did remark that he had found a most pretty spoon in Glitter-street and did think he wife would be most happy with’t. And Justice Chuna did ask him if he did consider the prisoner a custy man, to which he did answer most stressful in the accordance.

Justice Chuna did then ask Mister Deodat, Woodwise a. Germain of the Jury to find the prisoner not guilty of two accounts of theft uponwhich the Jury did think on’t and agree that there was not evidence enough but did suggest that Mister Eylgar should return Mistress Estienne her spoon, to which Mister Eylgar did say: The good lady may shove this spoon between her buttocks!, to which the Pit did stamp their feet and laugh mightily at his wit, to which Mistress Estienne did say: Well, I may not have my spoon, but at least I have my dignity and good name, to which the Pit did cry More! More! and applaud, uponwhich Mister Eylgar did ask Mister Artur to give Mistress Estienne the spoon, which he did so.

Justice Chuna did then acquit Mister Eylgar.

case 5093lp

At the Court of Lamb-place, before the Honoured Justice Jessamy, Topaz a. Denes-a-drinkin, did come Mister Antony, Woril a. Tamson of the Parish of Saint Elizabeth-the-Good.

The Court did hear the case of Mister Taillefer, Blake a. Tasscough, speaking his Words for the Ffamily of Tasscough, who did accuse the Prisoner of Accounts of Theft for feloniously stealing cheese, bottles of wine a-counting more than two, and divers other items from the Tasscough shop on Hanlee-road on the eleventh of March, and did swear: Yea, for this was not the first time either, gentlemen, us being as seeing him be-fore taking items in his bag but not being in totalment certain that it was not a genuine mistake, sirs, we sought to stopper our tongues lest we erroneously accuse a man of fame and name of such acts, to which Justice Jessamy did then enquire: What is being the nature of the Prisoner’s prior rosenry?, to which Mister Taillefer did say: Why, sir, by way of being a respected elder of the Tamson ffamily, the fine restaurateurs to whom we have supplied for many years and whose maunging experience is renowned across the parish, your honourship, ask anyone and they will tell you that.

The Court did then hear from Mister Popin, Charty a. Tasscough, speaking his words for the Ffamily of Tasscough, who did Swear: Yea, I did observe what the prisoner was doing on the ninth, sir, he did order blocks of cheese – fine cheese, sir, of the Bethany ffamily, not any old womanly mullock either – and bottles of wine, then putting some things on the counter and paying for them and others put in his bag and did walk out with them, just as Mister Taillefer did say. And Justice Jessamy did ask him what happened then, to which Mister Popin did say: I did call for the guard, who did bilook Mister Antony’s bags and found these items. And Justice Jessamy did ask if the Court could hear from the guard, to which Mister Popin did say: No sir, Mister Tebbe is a fine boy, sir, but a lilburne true, sir, as dumb as my shoe sir, as my right shoe, but there were other witnesses sir, who did hold Mister Antony while I did send a magny for a thief-taker.

The Court did then hear from Miss Ankerita, Herman a. Jones, an infant girl of eleven years and a Witness who did swear that she had seen these events as had been thusly told.

The Court did then hear from Mister John, Canvas a. Agale, who did Swear: Yea, I did come upon the heeding of the Tasscough ffamily, and did find the prisoner being held by the guard amid quite a stirring, and did look in his bag and see the low value goods therein and did Take him, and found him most forthcoming.

Justice Jessamy did then ask the prisoner for his Words, for which did throw himself upon the mercy of the court, sobbing like a child for his stupid and irresponsible actions and begging for forgiveness and promising to seek Treatment.

The Court did then hear from Mister Estevot, Destane a. Coarsell, speaking his Words for the Ffamily of Tamson, who did swear: Honoured sir, I do consider Mister Antony a man of finest character and honour, who has given much support to the good men and women of the Defence tendency and spent many hours upholding the youth of our land to Christenly behaviour, and he should not be thought less of for these mistakes of the mind defying explanation.

Justice Jessamy did then ask Mister Jevan, Crowbar a. Burrage of the Jury to find the prisoner guilty of sundry accounts of theft, uponwhich the Jury did think on’t and agree.

Justice Jessamy did then decree that the prisoner should pay a fine to the value of the stolen items to the Ffamily of Tasscough, and a fine to the Ffamily of Agale, and a fine to the Court, and did praise the prisoner’s history of fine behaviour and did ask the Clerk of the Court to send for Mister Gamel, Coliar a. Lallimut, and did leave the matter there.

case 64131hp

At the Court of Hero’s Pittance, before the Honoured Justice Erkenbaud, Patty a. Pallister, did come two men, Mister Kenard, Bluestockings a. Pocese and Mister Pawlin, Papigay a. Scatter, both of the Parish of Saint Addai.

The Court did hear the case of the Honoured Justice Dunstan, Acelet a. Faulkner, speaking his Words for the Province of Cove, who did accuse the Prisoners both of the Vile Sin of Committing Sodomitical Practises in the Blue Boy Tavern in Redding-lane.

The Court did hear from Miss Isbal, Saint-andrews-linins a. Wynehouse, a Witness who did Swear: Yea, for t’was on the night of the fifteenth, at perhaps eleven a-th’second-clock, and I did make upon the stairs to bed when I did happenchance to look within the open door to the esters wherein Mister Kenard had been sleeping his week before his return canter to the Down, sir, as is our arrangement these many months, and did see Mister Kenard a-kissing the second prisoner, sir, whose name and face I did not know but I knew him to be a man by his dress sirs, and did almost shout out such were these destibles, sir.

The Court did then hear from Mister Morin, Londoner a. Wild, a Witness who did swear: Yea, for Mistress Isbal did fetch me to see what might be done and I did see the sight sir, that which did involve Mister Kenard’s mankin, sir, but not Mister Pawlin’s mankin also though may the God strike me down if I say any further. And Justice Erkenbaud did ask Mister Morin to be more specific, to which Mister Morin did with seemly reluctance relate a certain act of relation too wicked to appear in these records, and did say that he did shout out for Miss Isbal to call for a magistane and did set thereupon Mister Kenard lest he escape and did make certain that he did not locate his breeches. And Justice Erkenbaud did ask Mister Morin to describe Mister Pawlin’s demeanour, to which Mister Morin did say that Mister Pawlin did cuss against the Lord and also Mister Morin and did tell him to lope anon.

The Court did then hear from Mister Donestan, Newfood a. Catsine , a magistane who did swear that he had found the men in the state as has been thusly suggested, and did investigate Mister Kenard’s mankin in the name of the Cove for which Justice Erkenbaud did applaud him and Mister Donestan did look most pleased.

Justice Erkenbaud did then ask the prisoners for their Words, for which they said they had none and could offer not any persons to speak words for the Ffamilies of Pocese or Scatter.

<cont>

Justice Erkbenbaud did then ask Mister Audoenus, Cely a. Chane of the Jury to find the first prisoner guilty of an account of assault with sodomitcal intent, and the second prisoner not guilty of an account of sodomitcal practises for reasons of insanity, uponwhich the Jury did think on’t and agree.

Justice Erkenbaud did then decree a judgement of four months doming upon the prisoner, and did release Mister Pawlin unto the care of the House of Peace and did ask the Clerk of the Court to send for Mister Andrion, Mangle a. Lallimut.

case 37111sp

At the Court of Stoneplace, before the Honoured Justice Geffrey, Oldrode a. Mobec, did come Mister Gawn, Lacy a. Fouger of the Parish of Saint Edmund.

The Court did hear the case of Miss Lota, Mangle a. Lacy, a spinster of seventeen years, speaking her Words for herself, who did accuse the prisoner of an account of felonious ravishing against her consent, and did swear that the prisoner, the son of her master, had insist’d most forcefully upon her to lay with him upon occasions rife, and that on the day of the eleventh of March he had push’d her into her mistress’s room and had abus’d her mightily in the verbal, calling her a common slipper, and had told her that he would lie with her. And Justice Geffrey did ask her of her response, and she did say that she had told the prisoner indeed she would not she did think, and the prisoner had said indeed she would and did enter her with force and did smother her face with a pillow lest she cry out. And Justice Geffrey did ask her if she had not Convers’d with a man on prior occasions, and she did say that she had not.

Justice Geffrey did then ask the prisoner for his Words, to which he said that he had lain with Miss Lota, him being indeed very eager and her not unwilling, as she had made plain on occasions rife these past weeks.

The Court did then hear from Mistress Hawis Smine a. Fouger, speaking her Words for the Ffamily of Fouger, who did swear: Yea, I did hear tell from Miss Lota of her tale, but did tell the silly girl that it was an honour to have lain with the gentleman Master Gawn, for which she did cuss at me and call me names, sirs. And Justice Geffrey did then ask her for her thoughts on Miss Lota’s character, and Mistress Hawis did say that she thought a very questionable one, and had heard poor reports of her conduct, sir, Miss Lota being raised in the care of the ffamily of Mangle in the desperate parish of Saint Humility.

The Court did then hear from Mistress Livid, Adamson a. Lacy, speaking her Words for the Ffamily of Lacy, who did swear: Yea and woe, sirs, for Miss Lota is a bad sort indeed and a great trial upon her poor mother, her father being deceased these many years, and a stain on the good name of Lacy, sir, to which Miss Lota did cry out: It is not so! And Justice Geffrey did ask Mistress Livid if she was certain of Miss Lota’s character, to which she did say: Yes, sir, she is known as a very loose girl, I regret it to say, from the age of eleven or twelve years, sirs, the stories of stables and haylofts I could tell, my word yes.

The Court did then hear from Mister Hecelin, Fouger a. Blanga, speaking his Words for the Ffamily of Fouger, who did swear that he had seen Miss Lota frequent his establishment on occasions rife, being much flatter’d by men and on one occasion he had seen a drunkard place his hands up her petticoats and she did not appear unwelcoming, to which Miss Lota did begin to weep in what was plainly the Shame of a Fallen Woman, which the Justice did remark on as such and shake his head at the state of the province’s young womanhood.

Justice Geffrey did then ask Mistress Annora, Virtuegarden a. Clemen of the Jury to find the prisoner not guilty on an account of felonious congress, uponwhich the Jury did think on’t and agree.

Justice Geffrey did then acquit Mister Gawn, and did ask the Clerk of the Court to call for the Bishop Jurdi, Floods a. Virginal, who did come in course and did preach a sermon both short and fine, and Justice Geffrey did then remind Mister Gawn and the Court to be careful of their company and conduct, and to keep the eyes of God before them to which the Pit did cheer being them good Christians all.

case 21349ms

At the Court of Multiplication-street, before the Honoured Justice Luk, Joseph a. Verrier, did come Miss Ellin, Shininghawks a. Shininghawks, a girlchild of eight years of the Parish of Saint Richard-the-Witch.

The Court did hear the case of Lady Mable, Cows a. Empsons, speaking her Words for the Ffamily of Empsons, who did accuse the prisoner of an account of theft by pickpocketry on the seventeenth of March, and did swear that she had been a-shopping in Waxy-street Market and had bought a little butter and had moved thence to buy some pork, to find that she had no money, and did turn her suspection upon a jostling that had occurred a quantity of seconds earlier and did shout Thief! upon an examination of her purse to reveal a large hole cut anew.

The Court did then hear from Mister Asselin, Quant a. Trench, a Witness who did swear that he had spied a young girl a-dwell in the purlieu of his butter stall whilst the Lady Mable had been buying her butter, but his attention being much taken with the Lady Mable, though only in the right and proper sense of butter, fine woman though she be, he had thought on the child no further. And Justice Luk did ask him had he heard the cry of Thief! to which he did say Yes indeed, and did espy the child running most fastly down Waxy-street and had called Thief! also and did lope after her, the Lady Mable having been so fine a customer and he not wishing her to be unable to buy his butter in times tocoming. And Justice Luk did ask what happened then, to which Mister Asselin did say that he had caught the girl and had held her while she struggled until the crowd had caught up with them both, even though he was leaving his butter unattended all the while.

Justice Luk did then ask Lady Mable if she had confronted the prisoner, to which she did say yes, and that she had shaken the child and had a-rummaged her pockets, her only wearing little clothes, and had found many kisers. And Justice Luk did ask how the Lady Mable could be certain they were hers, to which she did say that she had also found a lace handkerchief with the initials MFC, Mable, Finesilver a. Cows being her maiden name, and that she could name the man of the Gloase ffamily who had made it for her six years previous if needed being done so.

The Court did then hear from Mistress Elyenora, Hervis a. Shininghawks speaking her Words for the prisoner, who did swear that it had been her who had sent out the girl to thieve, and did contend with much vigour that her Ellin was a good girl seeking her way in the world but too trusting of her old moddie, and that she would be domed in her stead if the Honourable Justice so desir’d it. And Justice Luk did ask her if the prisoner could speak her own words, to which Mistress Elyenora did say that her Ellin was a sweet girl and as modest and honest and sober as any who lives on Earth, to which Justice Luk did slam his fist upon the table and did say nay, that was not what I asked, to which Mistress Eleynora did begin to weep, as is the weak way of women, and the prisoner did shout Moddie, Please!

Justice Luk did then ask the prisoner for her Words, to which she did confess to the crime and did beg the court for their mercy, and did asoil her mother saying that she (the Prisoner) did steal the money of her own thinking having been taught the learning thereof by her late father, and that her mother was a good woman who had raised all nine of them by her own hand, and that she (the Prisoner) had only desired one of Mister William’s, Littletreasures a. Juvenal, famous dullies, her not having one of her own and being Laid Low by the sin of envy, and that she (the Prisoner) did promise to never thieve again.

Justice Luk did then ask Mistress Linota, Purser a. Fleshour of the Jury to find the prisoner guilty of an account of pickpocketry, uponwhich the Jury did think on’t and agree, and asked the Honoured Justice to consider the prisoner’s youth.

Justice Luk did then decree a judgment of public whipping upon the prisoner, and did decree that the Ffamily of Shininghawks should pay a fine to the Ffamily of Empsons and a fine to the ffamily of Trench and a fine to the Court.

Justice Luk did then declare Mistress Eleynora in contempt of court and did decree that the Ffamily of Shininghawks should pay a fine to the Court, which Mistress Eleynora did agree.

case 3411oc

At the Court of the Old Captain, before the Honoured Justice Simcock, Digbell a. Devero, did come Miss Amflis of Pantry-street, a girlchild of thirteen years, of the Parish of Saint Bosa.

The Court did hear the case of the Honoured Justice Auveray, Pallister a. Anython, speaking his Words for the Province of Cove, who did accuse the Prisoner of an account of killing by murder, on the third of March, of Mister Robin of Pantry-street.

The Court did then hear from Mister William-the-Worthy, Hatt a. Vanemethad, a Witness who did Swear: Yea and woe, sirs, for it was a horrorful sight indeed that still chills my blood just to think on’t, to which Justice Simcock did ask him how it was he had come to see the sight, to which Mister William-the-Worthy did say: I was passing by, sir, along Pantry-street and did hear the sounds of much scuffle, much agrede and screaming, and wishing to do my duty did steel myself and did enter the house and did see the body of a large man, sirs, felled by a stab wound to the heart, with two girlchilds a-screaming around him and at me, and much blood sirs, oh my dearest Lord much blood, and much plates scatter’d there and here, and a large bowl of scopperil blood soup sir, I would know the colour anywhere, and the man did have his face in the bowl and he was dead sir, as dead as the lemon dw’elt, and his face as white as snowfall. And Justice Simcock did ask him if he did know the name of the man?, to which Mister William-the-Worthy did say no, not at the time, no, to which Justice Simcock did ask what did you then? to which Mister William-the-Worthy did say that he did stumble from the dwelling and did shout Oh! Murder! uponwhich some men did come a-running and another did fetch for a Whore and another did fetch for a magistane to take the girlchilds. And Justice Simcock did ask him why so, to which Mister William-the-Worthy did say that one girl had held a bloody carving knife, to which Justice Simcock did ask the Prisoner yes?, to which Mister William-the-Worthy did say no, blessing your honour, but the girlchild of younger years.

Justice Simcock did then ask Justice Auveray who had identified the man, to which Justice Auveray did say a gambling friend and others. And Justice Simcock did then ask why the Prisoner was not the child alleged to have held the knife, to which Justice Auveray did say that the Prisoner had taken the knife and had said it was her, she had did it, in a fit of hysteria. And Justice Simcock did ask him if he had seen this himself, to which Justice Auveray did say nay, but she had told this to many Witnesses, one of which (a Mister Terrell, Leave a. Twoyeerstag), was produced, who did

<cont>

confirm this. And Justice Simcock did ask Justice Auveray if the Ffamily would speak their words for the childs, to which he did say nay, to which Justice Simcock did ask if the Ffamily would speak for either girlchild’s character, to which he did say nay, they being not ffamily folk having only a father, him being now much deceased by stabbing.

Justice Simcock did then ask the Prisoner for her Words, to which she did say that she had killed her father with a carving knife, him not having liked her soup and her having saved up her money to buy a scopperil body for his birth-day, and had taken up the carving knife and had stabbed him the once. And Justice Simcock did ask her if the minning of Mister William-the-Worthy was true and that the younger girlchild had held the knife, to which the prisoner did say yes, and that she (the Prisoner) had dropp’d the knife and Bili had picked it up her being most given to tidiness and other such qualities, her (the Prisoner’s sister) making a fine wife for a fine man one day with such thoughts to cleanliness, uponwhich the Prisoner’s sister did shout out Flissie!, to which Justice Simcock did order her silent.

The Court did then hear from Miss Amabili of Pantry-street, a girlchild of eight years, a Witness who did Swear: Yea, I did not see what did happen, for it did happen very fast. And Justice Simcock did ask her if she did hold the knife?, to which Miss Amabili did say yes, to which Justice Simcock did ask her why?, to which Miss Amabili said she did not know. And Justice Simcock did ask her if she did think an inadequate appraisal of soup constituted a cause reasonable for murder, to which Miss Amabili did say that she did not understand, to which Justice Simcock did ask her if she was pleas’d to see her sister punish’d for her great crime, to which Miss Amabili did shout Nay! and did say that Flissie was no murderer, and that their father was a bully and a horrid and bad man, to which the Prisoner did shout she is ranting sir, she is just a little girl, her (the Prisoner) having look’d after her much since their mother did pass on and being unglad to see her (the Prisoner) dom’d. And Justice Simcock did shake his head and call it all a very sorry tale, to which Miss Amabili did say not the sorriest she could tell, to which Justice Simcock and the prisoner both did tell her to hush.

Justice Simcock did then ask Mister Geffrey, Peller a. Jamie, of the Jury to find the prisoner guilty of one account of a murder of passion, uponwhich the Jury did think on’t and agree.

Justice Simcock did then decree a judgement of three months of doming upon the prisoner, uponwhich she did plead her belly. Justice Simcock did then ask the clerk of the Court to magny Mistress Lora, Whore a. Weelads, a midwife, to come and examine the prisoner, which did occur in course uponwhich Mistress Lora did declare the prisoner quick with child, uponwhich Justice Simcock did agree leniency and did decree a judgement of two days of doming upon the prisoner.

case 271822cc

At the Court of Couerchief, before the Honoured Justice Toby, Novum a. Warden, did come Master Thomas Merrytent a. Paschal, a boychild of nine years of the Parish of Saint Frithestan.

The Court did hear the case of the Honoured Justice Auveray, Pallister a. Anython, speaking his Words for the Province of Cove, who did accuse the Prisoner of a Breach of the Peace in playing a Ball Game in Harmen-street.

The Court did hear from Mister Bertol, Cater a. Allacum, a Witness who did Swear: Yea, I did see the accused with his ball at two or perhapsing three a-clock on the after-noon of the twenty-second of February and did accost him saying child, do you not know that this is a thing most wrong indeed, and I did render an attempt to appropriate this ball for the good morals of our lands and province, sirs, wherein he became most roused to an unholy anger and did strike me upon the thigh with a force that did cause me to much trip and did bruise indeed.

The Honoured Justice Lyulph, Drawboys a. Verity, speaking his Words for the Province of Cove, did ask Mister Bertol if the Court could see his contusion, to which Mister Bertol did agree and did lift his hose to show bruising most mightily that did cause one or many Ladies in the Pit to cry out: God of mine! Justice Toby did ask Mister Bertol if he wished’t to bring Master Thomas before the Court for an Assault against the Person but Mister Bertol did say nay. Then Justice Lyulph did ask Mister Bertol did he still have the ball and he did to this also say nay, for he having dropped it in the Scuffle.

The Court did hear then from Miss Roesia, Tamble a. Toil, a girlchild of eight years and a Witness who did Swear: Yea, sirs, I did see Master Thomas with his ball on this day and have seen him with it before! to which there was much crying from the Pit and a shout of For Shame! upon which time Justice Toby did call for decorum and did ask Miss Roesia if she was quite certain to which she did say Yea, and he has asked me to play the ball with him before now, to which more wailing did ensue and the girl did sob mightily to cause Justice Toby to ask for a woman to come from the Pit to comfort Miss Roesia, which was done in course.

Justice Toby did then ask the prisoner for his Words, for which he did say that he had none, uponwhich Justice Toby did ask the prisoner if this evidence produced was true, to which the prisoner did motion his shoulders and did say he did love his ball, uponwhich Justice Toby did look most grave and call for the boychild’s lawful father Mister Daniel, Style a. Paschal, who Justice Toby did call a respectable man and did ask him to speak his Words for the prisoner, uponwhichtime Mister Daniel did plead the prisoner as having Barbary blood and a simple mind and did say that he wished Mister Fremin, Hatsforeladyes a. Lallimut, who was present in the Pit, to examine the child, to which Justice Auveray did protest and Justice Toby did agree with him.

Justice Toby did then ask Mister Randle, Bushwork a. Curling of the Jury to find the prisoner guilty of a breach of the peace, uponwhich the Jury did think on’t and agree.

Justice Toby did then decree a judgement of Exile.

case 69221kp

At the Court of Keeper Park, before the Honoured Justice Clement, Laceen a. Turby, did come Mister Firmin, Titler a. Stuffcoat, of the Parish of Saint Giles.

The Court did hear the case of Mister Abel, Mantua a. Oshun, speaking his Words for the Ffamily of Oshun, who did accuse the prisoner of an Account of Assault occurring on the night of the twelfth of March, and did Swear: Yea, for I was a victim, sirs, a victim of a most foul attempt on my life, for the prisoner did take up arms against I and did strike I and wound I, and would I am quite certain have killed I had I not dodged and had my home not a-woken from the rowting of it all. And Justice Clement did ask him how was he wounded, to which Mister Abel did say that the prisoner did have a knife and had cut him first in the neck and then in the arm, and did hold up his scars, to which Justice Clement did ask him had there been any witnesses, to which Mister Abel did say nay, not to the wounding, but to the fight, to which Justice Clement did say Oh? you did fight back then, it not being merely an attack, to which Mister Abel did say I did defend myself yes, to which Justice Clement did ask with what, to which Mister Abel did say I think perhaps a candlestick, yes, it was a candlestick and I did fend him off bravely.

The Court did then hear from Mistress Sanchia, Sexular a. Oshun, speaking her Words for the Ffamily of Oshun, who did Swear: Yea, I did come in from the sleepy room to see the quarrel, and did see my brave husband fending off the attentions of the heathen!, uponwhich there was much shouting from the Pit and Justice Clement did call for silence and did ask Mistress Sanchia why say she heathen?, to which she did say that every-one knows the Stuffcoats do worship fire and boil babies, to which there was more shouting and a man did shout the woman is not sane, throw her from the box! to which Justice Clement did call for silence anew and did ask Mistress Sanchia if she could say the name of her husband’s attacker, to which she did say yes, she having seen him before that day, him (the prisoner) having argued with her husband. And Justice Clement did ask her o’er what? to which she did say that it was the business of men to argue, but that she did believe it over the flouting of deeds law she did think, to which Justice Clement did ask in what manner?, to which Mistress Sanchia did say that Mister Abel had caught the prisoner selling shrimp on the road to church, being only the ffamilies of Oshun and Larner having the deeds to selling shrimp here and the ffamily of Jover by the coast also and the ffamily of Stuffcoat being sellers of water only, to which there was much shouting and cries of the woman is not sane, take her to the Lallimuts! again.

The Court did then hear from Master Jevan, Sexular a. Oshun, and from Miss Ethelia, Sexular a. Oshun, speaking their Words for the Ffamily of Oshun, who did swear that they had seen a struggle between their brave father and the Stuffcoat brute.

Justice Clement did then ask the Prisoner for his Words, to which he did say that he had wounded not Mister Abel, being not a man of violence, but had come to his house to have it out with him and had been attacked himself. And Justice Clement did ask the prisoner if Mister Abel had e’er accused him of selling shrimp, to which the prisoner did say that he had never heard talk of shrimp before, to which Justice Clement did ask him if he knew of shrimp, to which the prisoner did say that he knew of shrimp and had eaten shrimp found a-float in his butts (though this was rare because the Bubble Council were most curious) but had never fortuned from’m. And Justice Clement did ask him why then had he gone to Mister Abel’s dwelling armed with a knife?, to which the prisoner did say that he had no knife, and had gone to see Mister Abel when he was not so drunk as before, to which Justice Clement did ask when before?, to which the prisoner did say when Mister Abel did call him a bastard and a toad, and did call the prisoner’s wife a b-tch and a dog and the parish clam and pox-lousy and other foul words. And Justice Clement did ask him if his wife was so, to which the prisoner did say nay, she is merely afflicted with the scars of barnage boils, sir. And Justice Clement did ask the prisoner had he attacked Mister Abel?, to which he did say nay, for Mister Abel had come at him with a heavy black object, to which Justice Clement did say a candlestick?, to which the prisoner did say nay, I know not what it was, for it was a tube with a holder and a thin curl like a ringlet stretching down to the floor, to which Justice Clement did ponder much and did call for the Clerk of the Court and did ask him to send a magny to Justice Mayeu, Littlefield a. Germain and did mention the Unaccustomed Foreign Objects Act.

The Court did then hear from Mister Adekin, Sucker a. Cutler, speaking his Words for the Ffamily of Stuffcoat, who did

<cont>

[Ipeland]

World Cup 58 FAQ

Q: How many World Cup tournaments were hosted before this one?
A: 57

Q: How many of those have Ipeland played in?
A: 1. This is Ipeland's 2nd World Cup

Q: Are we going to win?
A: It's very unlikely, as we are low ranked

Q: Are we going to qualify?
A: Probably not. There is more chance of us qualifying than us winning the trophy.

Q: Where is this being hosted?
A: QPeMA and ASMV

Q: What do those stand for?
A: Queer Poco el Mono Ara and Andossa Se Mitrin Vega. I recommend you use the shorter versions to save time

Q: What pool are we in for the group draw?
A: Pool 5

Q: What group are we in?
A: Unknown

Q: Are we going to win the group?
A: Unlikely

Q: When is the draw?
A: 2PM IPT on Saturday.

[Homelands our]

Last of the clubs 
blue sports news

We begin at Camp Harloop, were striker James Dact has just finished his last training session with his club, Harloop United before joining up with the national team for the whole world cup. It was the Friday afternoon training that Homelands Our was famous for (we do double on a Friday) that was ending at the stadium. The training session was unfortunately not made public    so that other clubs aren't made aware if what's going on behind the closed doors of Camp Harloop. James appeared out of the main entrance's   revolving doors and our reporter went up and tried to get a quick word. James seemed happy to speak to us so there is what he said "it was good today, I played great out on the training pitch . The would cup is always a big event no matter where you are in the sporting world, it is one thing you cannot afford to miss. Then when you get the chance to play in it ,be it only the qualifiers you must be mad not to grab it with both hands."

 Now over to the East Kilbride ARENA where player Karl Gadi who plays for EK888 is doing the very same thing as James. Standing outside of the ARENA is a sight you just have to see, it's amazing how the painter managed to make the blue and green work together. Then Karl came out of the players side door, so our reporter went up for a chat. Karl, as always was delighted to give a response, "you don't know how highly I rate the world cup, every time  selection comes up I will play my highest game to get in the squad. Being in pool six is good I like playing higher ranked teams, I also like playing easy teams!" 

It's now time to go to The Lions Den in Napio where goal keeper Andrew herkison has finished with his club, Napio Lions. The lions made of gold that are outside look just great. Andrew slid out the main door and our reporter goes over to talk. Andrew gives a quick response "the world cup, you mark the date down but you don't do anything, well I will. The team is getting better with every match we play we could make it, hopefully we will."

[Thatius]

Thatius Journal of Sports

World Cup Edition

Starting Monday, nations across the world will kick off to start qualifying for the 58th World Cup. Included in that group is Thatius, who makes their second appearance in the World Cup, after partaking in the 57th edition. The 57th World Cup qualifying was lackluster for the promising, young team from Thatius, as they exited the scene with a record of 10-6-7. The team acquired a few notable wins against teams like Khytenna, Darmen, Greater Coventry, Unitopolis, and Tekcirb while succumbing to heart-breaking losses.

This next World Cup might be different, some say. The team adds three new starters, including Serije Erkocević, Daniel Nestor, and Marko Voloski. Recent additions to the bench include Lukas Kolar, Chase Kowalczyk, Henry Dierk, and Kostas Stošović. With the fresh blood, Thatius might accrue a few more wins than the last edition. Hopes are high, seeing as the Firebirds have come a long way from being ranked in the low 300's to now a team-high rank of 104. After this edition of the World Cup, they are expected to break into the top 100.

But before the actual qualifying starts, Thatius has set up a friendly match with another nation, Chenkorya. The game will be very competitive, as Chenkorya is ranked 20 places higher, at 84. Last World Cup edition, Thatius and Chenkorya were in the same group, resulting in two games against each other. Both ended up in low-scoring ties, 1-1. This time, however, the Thatian Firebirds look primed to steal the victory. With an addition of Marko Voloski to the high-powered offense of Alex O'Brien and Fabjian Tsurenko, the Firebirds can seal a win with a constant pounding of the Chenkoryan defense.

Midway through qualifying Thatius will face the nation of Gyatso-kai in a friendly match. They are ranked 90th, and will also be tough competition. Thatius recruited one of the top defenders in the nation, Serije Erkocević, to play for the national team. The defense of Thatius is now picking up the slack, and plans to let less goals in than in previous matches. Daniel Nestor, a former reserve player, now starts on the national team, as the Center Midfielder, and will solidly back up the defense when needed. As a last resort, the Firebirds have Novák Prakusya, the best Thatian goalie, to keep the goal protected. Prakusya currently plays for the Civil Citizenry team, Desert Rampage, where he has been honing his skills and talent.

The best hope for Thatius lies on the Captain, Roy Seeler. He broke out on the international stage at the last World Cup, where he led the team in scoring. While he may be positioned at left midfield, he plays like a forward.

Roy Seeler at Thatius Media Day; Varael, Thatius

Gifted with incredible speed and athleticism, Roy has the ability to play as both a forward and defender, and therefore likes to hang out in the middle of the field in order to help with whatever is needed. As a left-footed player, he is most useful when it comes to corner kicks, and is able to spin the ball with accuracy to his teammates, most of the time resulting in goals via a header. If there is one player the other team wants to shut out in order to win, it has to be Roy. His role as team captain has a huge impact on his teammates, who look up to him for leadership and advice. He is certainly not old, but is one of the most experienced players from Thatius when it comes to playing soccer on an international level. He has participated in many tournaments, including the 57th World Cup, 49th Cup of Harmony, and the 19th Draggonnii Inviyatii.

[Kagdazka and Pazhujebu]

Pujhu let his exhausted body fall like a sack of rocks onto his hard, cold sleeping bag, breathing in an odd mixture of scents: musty-old-tent-having-been-stored-in-a-garage-for-three-years combined with vaporized-salty-sea-ice. This, he thought through the haze of sleep deprivation and physical over-exertion, is going to be the worst vacation of all time.

Outside the 'walls' of the tent (for they were walls merely in the academic sense; as anyone who has pitched a tent on an iceberg can tell you, fabric barely qualifies as protection from the elements), which were flapping about in the cold wind, Pujhu could hear Iwoi and Sissazhi cracking open the 36-can pack of cheap beer they purchased at a shady kiosk back in Oktyabrsk. Who's got the willpower to start drinking now? he thought with an exorbitant eye-roll that, to be fair, was so dramatic that it really should have had a witness or two.

They'd been persuaded by the internet ads that had popped up every seventeen seconds on their Chirper feeds. "The Federation's newest national park is officially open! Built upon the massive iceberg fields in Oktyabrsk Bay, Banditi Zaliv National Park is a fantastic place to see the last pieces of the great glaciers that once obstructed the Neyman Strait! Come to see the biggest draw for green enviro-tourism in Kagdazka and Pazhujebu!" Iwoi, a native of Kagdazka and an Environmental Studies major, was naturally the one who said "YEAH LET'S GO THERE FOR SPRING BREAK" and booked the flights before consulting with any of them.

But then, the last semester had been an astonishingly difficult one; it was odd how tired one got of university so soon after the thrill of freshman year was history. Where once he and the pod had enjoyed late nights concocting suspiciously sugary potions with an alcohol content north of forty percent before roaming around the dorm looking for electrical panels to break into, now they all were buried in homework, test prep, and various other idiotically mundane tasks assigned by socially stunted professor types.

So, why not? Pujhu and the others had thought. After having splashed out the cash for transport from Mahathu, where they all went to school at Therakham University, to the lone eastern Kagdaz port city of Oktyabrsk, they'd spent 36 hours rummaging through every outdoorsman's store in town in search of backpacking, cold-weather, and tent gear before hopping on the new ferry to Banditi Zaliv National Park.

After having been set aside for military posts by the Ghavujirjiam regime, at last the icebergs of the bay were being returned to the public domain. Privalov Iceberg was the largest such frozen water monolith, roughly 3000 square kilometers in size and filled with dramatic ice ravines and ringed by endless cliffs into the sea below, some as tall as 200 meters at some points. Privalov had various activities one could get up to, most of which were for those persons of the nerdy persuasion (or so thought Pujhu), you know, watching scientists drill holes in the ice to study the makeup of the glacier it was once part of.

Ho hum, really. They'd simply come to hang out and dick about for the better part of a week, equipped as they were with enough liquor to place even a Sortherner in the shittiest of shitty states (if there were any Sortherners left, of course). At the large park office they'd rented a small, decidedly crappy but decidedly cheap car into which they tossed all their equipment before taking off down a road (if you could call it that; it was really more a string of markers they'd been told to never wander from) towards Campground Deluxe, or whatever it was called... Sissazhi had a penchant for making up names for stuff in lieu of reading anything.

But they'd reached a dumpy little gate (barely more than a chain-link metal fence about three feet high) guarded by a gum-chewing, rather jolly looking gentleman who, while perfectly friendly, spared no expletive usage when telling them that Campground Deluxe had been rented out by a persuasive and wealthy third party and was not open for use. Given that the guard (for some unknown reason) had been carrying a large rifle, they were not interested in seeing what the fellow looked like in a non-jolly state, and turned back to the park office to raise a stink.

"Where are we supposed to go?" "We bought all this damn gear!" and "You suck" were just a few of the exclamations Pujhu's group had cried out upon re-entering the surprisingly large visitors' center and park office, and while clearly displeased at the torrent of abuse being flung upon her by this group of four entitled-looking university students, the park-warden-type-lady was forthcoming with a plan to allow them to camp in an offsite location.

"You can just go set yourselves up over on the north side of Iratubirsk Ravine. Just go along the east coast road for a few miles then take the path to the left through the ravine after you see the orange marker. Once you emerge from the canyon, just set yourselves up over there. I'll give you the proper papers for no charge."

"Hey, who's over in Campground Deluxe?" Sissazhi had shouted plumply at her with a rudeness that made the others snicker.

"The West Hills Campground has been rented out for the next two days by a group of important persons who wish to remain anonymous. I'm sorry, I can't say more."

"Ooooh!" Sissazhi had squealed like an idiot with mock curiosity before they marshaled the rather chubby lad out of the office and back into the crappy sedan outside on the ice road.

So they had taken the path as instructed and, while the ravine had prevented some navigational challenges with all of the slushy ice patches where they were repeatedly concerned they would get stuck, they'd made it to the spot where they'd been permitted to pitch their tents and establish themselves. Hours of merriment as they unloaded the car, filled with cheerful speculations about which of their professors had the most pubic hair, had rapidly deteriorated into frustrated cussing as Iwoi admonished the three others in his group (all Pazhujebis) for not having any idea how to set up outdoor winter camping gear, which of course they didn't. Finally, they'd laboriously managed to set up three tents, one for Iwoi and his girlfriend Ussia to roll out a sleeping bag (yes, singular 'bag,' not plural 'bags,' you know what I mean by that), one for enclosing their folding table and chairs and propane stove, and one for Sissazhi and Pujhu to sleep in, the last of which was where Pujhu found himself plopped down in just when he heard everyone outside shout, in unison, "PUJHU GET OUT HERE WE'RE DRINKING!"

Finally resolving to himself to quit sulking about how nobody appreciated his talent for delegating-responsibilities-while-sitting-on-one's-ass, Pujhu stood up, zipped up his parka, and emerged from the tent.

Indeed, Sissazhi, Iwoi, and Ussia were all gathered around a roaring bonfire, the likes of which they had been expressly forbidden to construct (something about the risk of cracks in the ice below or some shit), having a transparently good time. Pujhu took the folding chair and 12-ounce can of beer from his comrades and sat down.

"Guess the fuck what, Iwoi?!" munched Sissazhi loudly while washing down a handful of cheese puffs with a third of a can of cheap ale.

"What, Sizzler?"

"The Erathi manager thinks too many of his players play abroad!"

"Oh yeah, where'd you read that?"

"The Pazhujebi Sport website. They linked a story from the Eliodoro Statesmen. Total bullshit, man," Sissazhi exclaimed with a hearty belch to finish things off. "I'm telling you, that Marcello Dizarino is a big old twat."

"Why's that bullshit, dude? You think it's good that the First Division is full of foreign players?"

"Free market, brah. Free market. Hey hand me another beer Ussia, I'm empty."

"Look Sizzler, all I'm saying is this," Iwoi spoke sincerely through the yellowish haze of the fire between them, "just look at the disparity between how good the First Division is and how good our national team is. First Division: ninth best league in the world. Urchins: twenty-fifth best national team in the world. You really think it's a coincidence that that's the case when we have a shitload of foreign guys in our league?"

"Free market, brah! If the clubs have the money and the players want to go, you can't stop them."

"No, you can't, but you can encourage local players to stay and then you don't have your youth deteriorate-"

"So whuh you're sayih is that, m'like, Fušia Oujadda shouldn't have been awowed to weave Jurapamam," Sissazhi interrupted, refusing to allow a mouth full of cheese puffs to obstruct his razor-sharp analysis.

"No dude, what I'm saying is-"

"-she should just be slaving away at-"

"-can I get a fucking word in edgewise-"

"-crappy old Juvapanam, who are about to get relegated-"

"-okay, they wouldn't be there if she was still playing for them-"

"-and you apparently think it'd be fine for a player of her quality to get relegated-"

"-now you're just embarrassing yourself-"

"-Oujadda, best player in the Second Division-"

"-cheese shit DRIPPING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH-"

"-why don't we just have a national team full of non-league... hey FUCK YOU MAN!"

"-INTERRUPTING ME WHILE I'M TRYING TO-"

"HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT FOR THAT BUTTHOLE DIZARINO-"

"-HAVE A REASONABLE CONVERSATION-"

"-TO TELL ANDREA, WHO'S THE BEST PLAYER-"

"-WITH YOU BUT YOU'RE... UH..."

"-ON YOUR FAVORITE TEAM-"

"LALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU"

"-THAT HE HAS TO COME BACK AND PLAY IN ERATHORE?!?!"

The silence that followed Sissazhi's shouted, triumphant final blow was like an aloe-coated tissue after a lifetime of blowing one's nose into newspaper: a massive relief. Or at least that was what the expressions on the faces of Ussia and Pujhu, who had remained silent during this whole showdown, suggested. However, Iwoi and Sissazhi quickly put these sport-related hostilities behind them, as they were wont to leave a funk hanging in the air when there was still a week of camping together awaiting them. Clearly eager for a subject change, Sissazhi pried his rather huge posterior from his chair and lumbered over to his backpack, from which he extracted a medium-sized paper bag.

"Check it out, you guys."

"What, Sizzler?" they all responded like automatons.

"Who wants kumquats?!" Sissazhi pulled from the paper bag a handfull of small grape-sized orange citrus fruits.

"What are they called?" giggled Ussia.

"Yeah, real fucking mature, Ussia," responded Sissazhi with the utmost indignity. "These," he said with mock knowledgeability, "are a type of sour citrus fruit. They are quite delicious, and I think you all should have some."

The other three shook their heads, so at this point Sissazhi dramatically forced the full handful into his own mouth with the precision of a ten-year-old motorcross biker trying to bunny-hop over a cinderblock in his best friend's garage. His mouth puckering, Sissazhi swallowed the fruit with defiance.

"YUM!!" he said with relish, though his eyes were watering and his facial expression indicated that he hadn't been prepared for the sourness. The others had a right good laugh at this, as this was undoubtedly another one of Sizzler's schemes to lose weight... you know, when you find yourself eating cheese puffs, whip out your shady paper bag full of fruit, its origin a mystery. In fact...

"Where'd you get those kumtart things, Sissazhi?" Pujhu asked with insincere curiosity.

"My dad's friend gave them to me while I was home on winter break."

"Dude, that was like three months ago!"

"Psh, I put 'em in the freezer, they're fine." Sissazhi uttered a nervous burp roughly four seconds after uttering these words, thereby indicating that he himself was unsure of the truthfulness of them.

"WELP," began a bored and slightly-drunk-looking Iwoi, "time to grab some brewskis for the road and cause some trouble."

"Where are we going, baby?" asked Ussia in a tone that transparently meant 'now sweetheart, don't do anything retarded while you're drunk, because I will not help.'

"We're gonna find out who the hell is occupying Campground Deluxe!"

"We are?" asked Pujhu and Sissazhi in unison.

"Yup. Come on, everybody! Make sure you have your gloves and cellphones, and we'll be totally cool!"

Whether this was a deliberate play on words, since it was several degrees below zero celsius, was lost on the group of college students at the time, pleasantly buzzed as they were off of cheap beer. So, each double fisting a twelver, they ventured forth from their campsite across the difficult terrain of Privalov Iceberg. Had any of them been sober, they would have realized that this was no fun at all, but since they stopped regularly to chug from their cans and smoke Iwoi's cigarettes, joking the whole while about which of Ussia's girlfriends was the stupidest, they made it quite enjoyable.

However, they eventually ran out of beer, and the trek across the glacier was becoming not-so-fun.

"Guys, my head is spinning, I think it was those kumquats," moaned a pale-looking Sissazhi.

"Sizzler, you dumbass, you just drank too much and got over-excited by that article about the Erathi manager," responded Iwoi with quite a deliberate poke at his previous foe.

"BLERGAHHAH, this sucks!"

"Suck it up! Now come on, we're almost there. I think."

And Iwoi was in fact correct. Through the dimming evening light, they could see ahead on the snow-packed terrain a large plain upon which numerous tents were set up, probably at least twenty of them, and, like their camp, there was a blazing, totally unlicensed bonfire blazing. It became obvious, as they trudged further, that there were many people, probably at least two dozen, all adorned in parkas and boots, gathered around the bonfire, merrily yakking at each other.

"Let's sneak up on them!" suggested Ussia, reasoning that it would be a less-than-good idea to simply barge into this encampment of people who they had twice been told were wealthy, important, and wanted to remain anonymous.

The others consented to Ussia's plan, and they slithered up behind one of the tents and tried to overhear what was going on.

There was indeed quite a gathering going on, as there were numerous conversations going on from different places around the fire. The one that the group of university students found easiest to eavesdrop on was one about Cafundelense perfume, for some reason.

"I really don't know much about the perfume industry there," said the first voice, a male, faintly.

"Oh my gosh, really? Cafundéu has, like, an awesome scene," responded another voice, this one female.

"Is that right? I suppose Fušia keeps you pretty well appraised of things."

"Oh, are you kidding me? She couldn't give two craps about perfume over there. Though, now that I think about it, she's done a few perfume ads. But she's done ads for everything there... I mean, like, it's Cafundéu."

"Funny how goalkeepers never get asked to do ads."

"Keep up your performances for Atlético Jutense and they'll ask you eventually."

"Oh my god, it's the national team!" Iwoi whispered hoarsely. "That's Iacomusam Gašughumi and Peregrina Thašighi talking!"

"Awesome!" answered Pujhu and Ussia. They went back to listening to the two players down by the bonfire, their ears leaned out from behind the tent.

"Say, I heard the good news about you and Fušia! Congratulations!" the male voice said happily.

"Oh, thank you. Yeah, we're trying to keep it low-profile..."

"...but instead the whole team has heard about it."

The woman laughed. "It's all right. So, yeah, she and I are planning on a wedding around June. Like, right before the World Cup finals start. We'll make sure to invite you and yours."

"HOLY SHIT!" Iwoi mouthed, veritably shaking with enthusiasm. "Fušia and Peregrina are getting married!" This was clearly big news to the young man. After all, Thašighi was the captain his favorite club team, Vulkan Gelendzhik, and the star player had been in a public relationship with her partner Oujadda for two years or so.

"Oh my gosh, cute!" Ussia whispered back.

"Guys," Pujhu said abruptly with much concern, totally squashing the sense of elation that had previously imbued the hushed conversation. "Where's Sissazhi?"

"He's right behind y-" Iwoi realized he was mistaken as he looked into the twilight. "He's not right behind you. Fuck."

"Uh-oh." Pujhu mouthed. Sizzler was notorious for wandering off while drunk, and this was not the place to do it.

[Aguazul]

The aroma of warm muffins wafted into Eliana the Intern's left nostril as she made her way towards the staircase. Her right nostril was still occupied, trying to sniff out what was in the closed door she had passed one hallway ago. Probably something that would alter her mind. Oh well. Interns couldn't get all the fun jobs.

She shivered as she climbed down the top step, but knew that if she didn't complain about it she wouldn't be ordered to fix it up, and it was only cool at the top step anyway. Down and down she climbed, into the basement, and caught sight of the unconscious form below.

"Huh," said Eliana. "Must've been one heck of a pool party last night."

On the pool table, which had been left behind months before by the building's previous occupants, someone groaned.

"Eduardo the eight ball does not appreciate being woken up in the morning."

Eliana sighed. "Tell him it's already the afternoon."

"Seriously?"

"No, but I want you awake. Come on."

Rubbing his eyes, Rodrigo the Internee sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the table, clutching Eduardo the eight ball for good luck. "I'm awake. What else do you want?"

"Have you seen Prado lately?"

"Sure. Around."

"Don't you think there's something wrong with him?"

"Sure."

Eliana raised her eyebrows; Rodrigo had never struck her as the most emotionally astute. "Good. So it's not just me picking up on it."

"I think it's good for him."

"How can it possibly be good for him?"

"The...monolingual thing, and the taking cheap shots at the Casaran system every chance he could get? That was funny when he was working at the football association. But now? Now he needs to be a little more...diplomatic. Be willing to work with people from all over. I think it's good that he's mellowed out."

"Oh. Yeah. But he was getting a little more like that as soon as he took the job, wasn't he?"

"Yeah."

"I'm talking about after that. He seems...sad, somehow. Like, more than he should be."

"Oh. I hadn't noticed."

Eliana nodded. Perhaps no one else inside the building knew why, and perhaps no one outside of it cared, but she just had a feeling that all was not right with Lucas Prado. The mellowness, whether it had been his own idea or a strongly worded suggestion from before he took over, was one thing. But that couldn't explain the tired look he had on his face sometimes. An aged look. And not having to do with mysterious time dilation.

"I think there's something he really wants," said Eliana. "Even if he doesn't know about it yet."

"What could he possibly want? Dude's got all the breakfast food he could ask for. That'll keep him content."

"Not food. Something...something he used to have. But doesn't have anymore."

"Something he's lost?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that's it."

"So," said Rodrigo, a bitter look crossing his face, "you can go out and get it. But I don't know what you need me for."

The way Eliana heard it, Rodrigo had been hanging out in Aguazul proper and minding his own business when word broke out that he was not a reserved Aguazuleño with a bit of a funny northern accent after all, but rather a Lilliputian spy. Recognizing the fates that could await him if he fell into the government's hands, Rodrigo had made a run for the border of the independent Generic Thread Starter. Once he had dove into the relative safety of a hole in the ground, he had yelled at the pursuing troops that they couldn't actually cross the street after him. According to a treaty that Lilliputia (not that he was saying, he was just saying)'s colonial masters had signed a century or two previously, and that no subsequent government had bothered to repeal, a neutral country receiving a troop could intern said troop at a distance from the theater of war. Prado and his coworkers had quickly realized the advantages of having someone around who would do any chore, uncomplaining, under the threat of a very short deportation. And although Aguazul were by no means signees, the country's representatives having little history of making peace and/or being able to read treaties well enough to sign them, after some discussion they eventually realized that after the recent election (and championship), threatening the territorial sovereignty of NSWC Signups would not, as decisions go, be particularly inspired.

Rodrigo refused to confirm all the specifics of the story. However, he also refused to leave the borders of NSWC Signups, which were at the time drawn around, not only the single headquarters building, but also 1092 of the kumquat trees that Prado, with "a respectful eye towards history while working to further the goals of the future," had ordered planted around it in suitable Han checkerboard style. (Of course, they didn't come out even. A final tree had been planted on the roof.) He ate whatever leftovers he could scrounge (usually in the morning) and, apparently, slept on the pool table.

"No," said Eliana, shaking her head. "It's not...something you can pick up and carry around with you, like that. We can't bring it back to Prado exactly, not without causing a whole lot of trouble."

"So what do you want me for?"

"I want you to help me round up...other people. And then, together, we're going to replace it."

[Carmadin]

It's times like these, right before the groups are drawn, when we begin to wonder if the World Cup isn't just a brilliantly and cruelly designed video game. Think about it. We've waited four long years for this, playing demo versions (Regional Cups, and other non-WC related football tournaments). We've loafed around, playing different games. Now, we've watched all the newbies play the beta-test version, and the game is fine-tuned, and ready for production. So we sit down, chips and popcorn at the ready, and begin to play.
And this is where the cruelty of the world cup comes in.
The moment the game begins, there is no level 1, or practice, unless you're counting pre-qual friendlies. You leap right into a battle field, blasting, twirling, and slashing away. Enemies swarm around you. You have barely enough time to breathe, let alone think or see. A short break, and suddenly the next wave comes. Enemies, enemies, enemies. Some in the maps and battlefields you have practiced, some on the newly-unlocked, strange places. But they're all going for the kill. They don't care whether you can win, and go to the next level. They're trying to win the game for themselves. And it's that next level that's really, truly, the cruel thing.
We've battled our way through the game, fought Aliens with radioactive vacuum cleaners, destroyed dark sorcerors and evil spirits, we've faced Bodiless knights and Rhinoceri that can shoot exploding pellets out of their noses.
And what's our reward? We've fought through a greuling qualifying, and what do we get? We've won (or come runners-up in) our group, and our prize is...........?
A trophy?
A free game?
A golden controller?
Money?
Unlimited health?

Nope, it's a ticket to the next level, the World Cup finals, where we encounter a crazed Minoutar with a bazooka, and thirty-one other new foes, each one ten times as deadly as the ones we had previously faced.
This is the Cruel game that is the world cup. And yet we play it still. Because, at the end of it all, one nation will hoist the trophy aloft, one nation will be proclaimed champion.

Until four years later, when we all pick up our controllers again.

We all want to be that one nation. That's why we play this crazy game.

Wishing every competing nation good luck! May your controllers and gaming skills come through! Good luck to all!