Johzian Amateur's Cup (RP/Rosters/Results)

by **Johz** » Wed Jun 29, 2011 11:45 am

It had been a hectic day. The sixteen teams had to be entered, the stands had to be erected, the half-time oranges had to be bought. Mr Newman now stood in the center of the Town Hall, watching the bustling going on around him.

A cough alerted him to Mrs Figgis sidling up behind him. That was a shock in itself. In his year-and-a-half as Johzian Foreign Affairs Minister, he had never once seen this powerful woman sidle.

"Excuse me, Mr Newman, but I couldn't help confirming if a team, I believe their name is 'Polar Islandstates', is coming?"

He'd told her this before. He'd told everyone this, given out hundreds of lists, cribsheets, notes on special words in foreign languages. And Mrs Figgis couldn't have dementia, could she? That would be absurd. Lots of elderly people got it, but Mrs Figgis wasn't elderly, she was just older than everyone else.

"Yes, I do believe a Polar Islandstates amateur team will be arriving. Is this okay?"

"Yes." She frowned. "And, forgive me, but can you remind me of the name of their coach?"

"That would be a Mr Morten Yarbin. Are you okay, Mrs Figgis?" He asked gently.

"Of course I'm okay, you impertinent man," she responded angrily, suddenly changing he whole demeanour. "Now, carry on, I wouldn't want to be disturbing you." She walked on, shouting at some of the Cub Scouts that Mr Newman had enlisted into helping him sort everything out.

Suddenly Master Jayson raced up to him. "If you'll please sir, but the stands have just fallen down again."

"Have you tightened all the screws, Master Jayson?"

"Please sir, but it's not so much the stands, as they keep on sinking into the ground, sir. Mr Jayson was wondering if you might be able to come up with another of your clever plans, sir, what with having been to a..." He screwed up his face, struggling to bring the word out, "Yooney Var city, sir."

"I'll come and see what I can do, Master Jayson." Mr Newman told him, waiting until he was out of earshot before sighing. Another bloody thing in this useless village that he'd have to fix.

With sign-ups now closed, the tournament can begin!

The tournament will begin with a four-team league battle for first two places. Then we will go straight to the Quarter-Finals, Semi-Finals, Third Place Playoff and the Grand Final. This has changed from my original plan, but means that everyone will get to play at least six matches. Which is fairly fair.

Scorination will be done using a homemade algorithm, details of which can be found in the spoiler at the bottom of this post. There is an RP bonus that does affect your chances, and a comic bonus for posts that I enjoyed. I've decided not to scorinate myself any comic bonuses.

There is no limit to the number of substitutions that can be made, a yellow card is a warning, a red card means the offending player is sent off and cannot play in the next two matches.

In addition to your teamsheet, you should fill out the following grid:

Code: Select all: [b]Should my opponent RP before me, they can RP the following:[/b] Choose my goalscorers (Y/N) Hand out red cards (Y/N) Hand out yellow cards (Y/N) Hand out injuries to my players (Y/N) RP really weird events (Y/N)

Team Rosters

Johz (Johzian FC) (host)
Stuffed Taxidermists
Calmerica (Carmichael FC)
New Palmouth (New Palmouth Amateurs)
Wolfmanne (Wolfmanne D)
Chenkorya (Zhazhasonic FC)
Bratoslovoukia (Gold Sabres FC)
Darmen (Scott City University Soccer Club)
Wadomia
Polar Islandstates (Morten Yarbin All-Stars)
Zhelk (Fotbal Club 2011 Zkelk)
Tamarindia
The Bassheads
Yawyn (FC Wynay)
ThirdEyeBlind
Ryevolia

Groups

Match Fixtures

by **Johz** » Wed Jun 29, 2011 1:32 pm

Goalkeepers
1- Mr Jackson (starter)
12- Arnold

Defenders
2- Mr Alphonse(starter)
3- Mr Peterson (starter)
4- Mr Richardson (starter)
12- Arnold
13- Dr Cooper

Midfielders
5- Mr MacHalfords (starter)
6- Mr Gilymore (starter)
7- Mr Ghanian (starter)
8- Mr Hulltar (starter)
14- Prof. Doom B.Eng
12- Arnold

Strikers
9- Mr Duncan Snr. (starter) (captain)
10- Mr Duncan Jnr. (starter)
11- Master Duncan (starter)
12- Arnold

Others
Manager- Mr Newman
Asst. Manager- Arnold
On-site Trainer- Arnold
Physios- Dr Cooper, Prof. Doom B.Eng, Arnold
Flower Arrangements- Mrs Figgis

If my opponent RP before me, they can do the following:
Choose my goalscorers (Y)
Hand out red cards (Y)
Hand out yellow cards (Y)
Hand out injuries to my players (Y)
RP really weird events (Y)

by **ZKelk** » Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:00 pm

Goalkeepers
99 - Dumnieo Zau (starter) (captain)
1 - Allah Vlad

Defenders
2 - Buddha Emilian (starter)
3 - Antim Ivireanul (starter)
4 - Matusalem Mahommed (starter)
5 - David Grecu
6 - Goliat Masiv

Midfielders
7- Johnathan Coilung (starter)
8 - Dalailama Petre (starter)
9 - God Dobre (starter)
10 - Krishna Marte (starter)
11- Mahatma Gica
12 - Vishnu Dam

Strikers
13 - Lindic Scurt (starter)
14 - Stefanescu Melind (starter)
15 - Bromura George (starter)
16 - Prepeleac Mihai

Others
Manager - Dumnezeu Dumitru Daniel

If my opponent RP before me, they can do the following:
Choose my goalscorers (Y)
Hand out red cards (N)
Hand out yellow cards (N)
Hand out injuries to my players (N)
RP really weird events (Y)

by **ThirdEyeBlind** » Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:25 pm

ThirdEyeBlind lineup (starters in bold)

Goalkeepers: 1 Viktor Manzana 12 Jose Morgan
Wingbacks: 2 Erik Johanssen (Left) 3 Matt Jakobs (Right) 13 Christopher M'gendu (Left) 14 Tanay Chopra (right)
Centerbacks: 4 Tommy Rosa 5 Silas Rosa 15 Darley Wang
Wingers: 6 Alexander Webster (Left) 7 Santos (Right) 16 Christian Jones (Right/Left)
Defensive Mid: 8 Joseph Cray
Attacking Mid: 9 Dunek Yanjic 17 Quinn Callahan
Strikers: 10 John Nottingham 11 Sherwood Dukes (Captain) 18 Michael Seacrest 19 Jason Turnbull

Should my opponent RP before me, they can RP the following:
Choose my goalscorers (N)
Hand out red cards (Y)
Hand out yellow cards (Y)
Hand out injuries to my players (N)
RP really weird events (Y)

by **Darmen** » Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:38 pm

Scott City University Club Roster
Formation:4-3-3
Style Modifier:+5
GK-Scott Perry
DEF-Joe Waters
DEF-Alexi Lalas
DEF-Bernie James
DEF-Terry Lowe
MID-Roberto "Beto" dos Santos
MID-Joe Koziol
MID-Tim Prince
FOR-Mamadou Diallo
FOR-Charmaine Hooper(Female)
FOR-Sun Wen(Female)

If my opponent RP before me, they can do the following:
Choose my goalscorers (Y)
Hand out red cards (N)
Hand out yellow cards (N)
Hand out injuries to my players (N)
RP really weird events (Y)
DO NOT KILL MY PLAYERS

by **Calmerica** » Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:41 pm

by **Ryevolia** » Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:56 pm

And now the lineup for my nation.

Why am I doing this personally? It's a quiet day, and my country basically runs itself. leave me to my amusements.

Goalkeepers:
Geoff Thompson - 26 - Spends his evenings working as a bouncer. ""I'll pretend the net is The Sapphire and the ball is some fool who thinks I can't deck him one for being a ponce."
John Hogan - 25 - Taller than the goal. Must be good at defending it. "No one else thinks my being able to rest my back on the crossbar is NOT an advantage? Damn."
Greg Rice - 25 - Not the biggest, but a girl outside informs me he's great with his hands. "This is impractical. I have 'other' things I need to be doing."

Defence
Neil Penman (Right back) - 32 - Escaped his wife to be here. "We're gonna win this. I reckon so anyway. We've got Dave so it should be okay."
Jamie Henrichs (Left back) - 35 - Professor of art. Built like a nuclear shelter. "We should destroy them with our beautiful tactics, flowing from one state to the other. Or I'll crush them."
Clayton Asper (Centre back) - 21 - Flamboyant and proud. "Been to the gym twice today. Got a sesh planned tonight with some work on the pitch too. We've got this, we've got this so much I've already scheduled dancing for the afterparty."
Darren Zanders (Centre back) - 19 - One of the three I first saw. "Of course he came to me to uphold our honour. My mowhawk is even dyed in the national colours."
Cody Points - 16 - Schoolboy. Captain of his team. "I was told they'd pass me if we won. That's a valid contract, right?"
Max Volkman - 32 - Works in a convenience store. "In my country this would be slave labour"
Neil Tonkin - 23 - Brought in from prison service. "I really appreciate what you're doing here. I'll do my best and nobody will get shanked."
Jessie Nolley - 18 - Studying his Domestic Sciences degree. "It is NOT a girl's name."

Midfield:
Dave Tankles (Central Midfield) - 23 - Only player with talent. "Box-to-box. That's my motto."
Guy Stiner (Central Midfield) - 31 - Investment Banker. "The odds aren't with us. But I've got a few tricks."
Darryl Cornutt (Right wing) - 22 - Another guy outside my office. "Did you see Dave? He's so dreamy."
Nelson Sieg (Left wing) - 24 - Engineer. "It can be done. Of this I am certain."
Allan Spray - 25 - friend of Thompson. "My finger? Lost it. Don't know where."
Darren Kroh - 28 - investment Banker. "Why'd you make me do this, Guy?"
Tyrone Bronk - 27 - Known to his friends as 'Token'. "You want a stereotype don't you? I'm not giving it to you."
Max Thorsen - 34 - Owns a motorcycle. "I did my best, but there's only so much you can do when your talent is tax accounting."

Forwards:
Allen Hakes - 22 - Athletics student. " I train every day. I have this"
Julio Gram - 23 - Some guy I found, or something. "This is why I became a citizen of Ryevolia."
Hugh Montesimos - 27 - Half-brother of Gram. "I will destroy you, the enemies of my people."
Matthew Harrow - 20 - The other guy outside my office. "Free holiday. Hells yeah."

Coach:
Jessie Hank - 52 - Homeless guy. "Rarghgrabadogachteffh 4-4-2 to start with as i evaluate player strengths gragregfaalytop"

If my opponent RP before me, they can do the following:
Choose my goalscorers (Y)
Hand out red cards (Y)
Hand out yellow cards (Y)
Hand out injuries to my players (Y)
RP really weird events (Y)

by **Bratoslovoukia** » Wed Jun 29, 2011 5:00 pm

Goalkeepers
1- Armand Pavrotti(starter)
12- Arnold

Defenders
2- Patik Tilak(starter)
3- Alexei Todov (starter)
4- Dolph Hechler (starter)
12- Aneros Panalsky
13- Tobias Longbothan

Midfielders
5- Salazar Lazarous (starter)
6- Dirk Toader (starter)
7- Gaylord Tater (starter)
8- Jean-Luc Picard (starter)
14- Andrei Slobodorsky
12- Lazar Suveltski

Strikers
9- Jamal Satik (starter) (captain)
10- Mahatma Hoot (starter)
11- Alastair Crumpet (starter)
12- Jurgen van der Pol

Others
Manager- Slobodan Pavrovic
Asst. Manager- Armand Condolski
On-site Trainer- Patricio Bernouli

Should my opponent RP before me, they can RP the following:
Choose my goalscorers N
Hand out red cards N
Hand out yellow cards N
Hand out injuries to my players N
RP really weird events N

by **Stuffed Taxidermists** » Wed Jun 29, 2011 5:11 pm

Squad
Carmichael
Jenkins
Deralio
Italianos
Cranberry
J.Smith
M.Smith
Retuka
Valton (Captain)
Gerton
Horton
Alson
Ashley
Menzel
Should my opponent RP before me, they can RP the following:
Choose my goalscorers (Y)
Hand out red cards (N)
Hand out yellow cards (Y)
Hand out injuries to my players (Y)
RP really weird events (Y)

by **Wadomia** » Wed Jun 29, 2011 6:19 pm

by **ThirdEyeBlind** » Wed Jun 29, 2011 6:31 pm

Wadomia wrote:Formation - 3-4-3-1

That's 11 outfield players

by **Polar Islandstates** » Wed Jun 29, 2011 8:03 pm

Morten Yarbin stood at the end of the gangway counting the players off one by one as they walked down it towards the seaplane that would take them to Johz, chartered specially for the occasion by Morten.

"22... 23... Right, that's everyone. Let's go. Pilot? Start the engine!"

One of the players in front of him turned around, a confused look on his face, "But boss, aren't you going to introduce us to each other at least? We're form different leagues right so we've nev-"

"No, no time."

"Not even the safety talk before takeoff?"

"No. Come along, chop chop pilot man let's go already!"

And with a whir and a click, and a sigh from the pilot, the seaplane spluttered into life and began to accelerate across the glassy water.

Morten leaned back to allow himself a contented sigh as he felt the lift of the plane into the air. He was on his way to Johz Figgis! I mean, Mrs Figgis! I mean, Johz Village! Putting his feet up, he allowed himself a little nap as the plane flew its way through the the sky towards its destination. One of the players behind him noted a notebook falling out of his pocket as he did so, and picked it up. Flicking with interest through its pages of tactics for the Terns, one page stood out. It was the plan for the tournament, and read as thus:

* Go to Johz
* Win the tournament the heart of Mrs Figgis (Winning the tournament important to this?)
* Win the tournament
* Kit: Borrow some from the Terns. Who cares if its still got the Terns' names on the back...
* Use players to help with dating advice
* Be subtle

Goalkeepers.
Iulian Bathursson, 31, florist. (the blonde tall one) - STARTER
Vycheslav Wirreklad, 28, chocolatier.
Pieter Landt, 24, poet. (bit dreamy. needs to stay focused)

Defenders.
Sander Benedikt, 32, barbershop choir. - STARTER
Mikkel van Elf, 35, barbershop choir. - STARTER
Amadeus Forbes, 25, barbershop choir. - STARTER
Arne Johnsen, 41, barbershop choir. - STARTER
Alexander Bennettson, 34, mariachi band.
Karl Iversen, 32, mariachi band.
Thom Schleck, 27, mariachi band.
Arnold Hansen, 34, mariachi band.

Midfielders.
Jasper McDonald, 22, personal trainer. (very fast) - STARTER
Thor Aalbhorg, 29, flower arranger - STARTER
Johan Pekyar, 28, tea taster - STARTER
Miroslav Nilsson, 28, knitwear model (maybe a bad choice) - STARTER
Dino Pilsson, 22, doily manufacturer
Frank Garthurrissen, 32, basket weaver
Luka Mikhael Larsen, 31, chef
Vagn Samson, 21, semellier

Strikers.
Sergei Beck, 27, speech writer - STARTER
Aaron Kzeimovicz, 25, lute player - STARTER
Finn Erikkson, 32, gondolier
Torre Helgunov, 20, jeweller

If my opponent RP before me, they can do the following:
Choose my goalscorers (Y)
Hand out red cards (Y)
Hand out yellow cards (Y)
Hand out injuries to my players (Y)
RP really weird events (Y)

by **East Yawyn** » Thu Jun 30, 2011 7:28 am

Goalkeepers
1 - James Rowyn, 29 (starter)
2 - Ulysses McDonald, 32

Defenders
3 - Haruki Smith, 27 (starter)
4 - Dave Fitzgerald, 25
5 - Hugo Otaki, 28 (starter)
6 - Wannabe Schmid, 31 (starter)
7 - Erwin van der Mill, 26

Midfielders
8 - Shawn Omar, 24 (starter)
9 - Jusu Perdro, 21
10 - Paul Karmykel, 28 (starter)
11 - Guy Ygbu, 31 (starter)
12 - Miguel McTosh, 32
13 - Andrew Vune, 23 (starter)

Strikers
14 - Pedro Fitz, 29 (starter)
15 - Killian Newman, 30 (starter)
16 - Mikel Mura, 27
17 - Sam Ohmura, 27 (starter) (captain)

Others
Manager - Gerald F. Mahamy, 52
Trainer - Bill Devon, 38

If my opponent RP before me, they can do the following:
Choose my goalscorers (Y)
Hand out red cards (Y)
Hand out yellow cards (Y)
Hand out injuries to my players (Y)
RP really weird events (Y)

by **Johz** » Thu Jun 30, 2011 9:29 am

Scores for 30/6/11 - Match Day 1

Group 1
Zhelk 1 - 1 Stuffed Taxidermists
ThirdEyeBlind 0 - 2 Polar Islandstates

Group 2
Chenkorya 1 - 3 East Yawyn
Ryevolia 3 - 0 Tamarindia

Group 3
Johz 1 - 2 Calmerica
Bratodlovoukia 0 - 2 Darmen

Group 4
New Palmouth 1 - 0 Wolfmanne
The Bassheads 0 - 2 Wadomia

by **Wadomia** » Thu Jun 30, 2011 10:33 am

W.I.S.H Shorts:

Wadomia triumphs in Game One of Johz Amatuer Cup

An amateur U21 soccer club from Wadomia traveled to Johz to compete in the Johz Amateur Cup. The team showed a great performance during the first Matchday, as they came away victorious against The Bassheads. Wadomia was able to get a 2-0 nothing lead in the first half, and had to put up a solid defensive performance to keep the lead. Forward Paul Cates scored the first goal, then Paul Woodie lengthened the lead with another goal.

Wadomia's next challenge will be against Wolfmanne D Team. Good Luck! from W.I.S.H

by **The Golden Tamarind** » Thu Jun 30, 2011 11:28 am

Tamarindia Selección Aficionado
Tamarindia is very proud to send our national under 21s, some of whom do admittedly earn a (modest) living playing football, to the Johzian Amateur's Cup. In order to qualify we are making them pay their own plane fares, book their own accommodation, and buy their own kits for the occasion. And we won't be paying them either, so they should qualify, shouldn't they?

Manager: Lars van Driel, 57
Creative: Funded his trip and that of his family (wife, au pair and six sons, all over 18) to the Johzian Amateur's Cup by selling videos of training ground bloopers to a national TV station.
Assistant: Kevin Trim, 48
Resilient: van Driel fires and rehires him at least once a week.

Preferred formation: 4-4-2

Goalkeepers
Salvador Hernández , 20, starter
Motivator: In tests proved to have the loudest shout in the entire squad.
Eduardo Reyes , 20
Showman: Literally. Born of a travelling circus family and claims to be a tiger-whisperer.

Defenders
Elián Carmenate, DC, 18 starter
Eccentric: Sleeps with his eyes open.
Iván Encarnación, DC, 17
Brave: Rooms with Carmenate on international trips.
Feliberto García, DC, 20 starter
Flashy: Once deliberately nutmegged his own keeper in a league match and saved the ball from going in the net for an OG with a backheeled clearance off the line.
Andrés Durán, D RL, 20
Leader: Son of a world boxing champion.
José Frederick, DL, 19 starter
Introvert: Nicknamed Silencío for his conversational skills.
Alejandro Canó, D RC, 17 starter
Determined: Is reputed to have run through a breeze-block wall for a bet.
Joel de la Hoz, DR, 17
Reliable: Intends to be a kitman after retiring from the game.

Midfielders
Alejandro Ameijeiras, D/ML, 19
Leader: Andrés Durán's cousin.
José López, DM, 19
Motivator: Can do breed-specific dog-barking impressions.
Antonio Tejada, DM/MC, 23, starter, vice-captain
Eccentric: Claims not to understand the rules of football.
Iván Calvo, M R, 19
Unpredictable: Does not understand the rules of football.
Mike Viola, M LC, 20, starter
Flaky: Does not like playing under floodlights, reputedly because he is afraid of the dark.
Hannibal Costa, MC, 19, starter
Resilient: He's called Hannibal.
Rodrigo Palma, MC/ST, 19
Unpredictable: Has been known to cry when experiencing strong emotions.
Jansel Ortega, AM RL, 20
Temperamental: Does not like cry-babies, scaredy-cats or sloths.
Danny Báez, AM C, 19
Lazy: Nicknamed El Pereza – The Sloth - for his all-round coverage of the pitch, or lack of.
Édinson Reyna, AM RL, 23 starter
Laid back: Often sleeps for entire matches when on the subs bench.

Strikers
Benito Barbosa, 19
Introvert: Nicknamed The Kitchen, because that's where you'll find him at parties
Iván Frías, 17, starter
Introvert: Celebrates scoring by not celebrating
Yancey Ortíz, 20
Eccentric: Celebrates scoring by staging small one-man interpretations of Shakespeare
Dwayne Masvidal, AM RC/ST, 23, starter, captain
Warhorse: Celebrates scoring by punching team-mates on the upper arm. Really hard.

Should my opponent RP before me, they can RP the following:
Choose my goalscorers (Yes)
Hand out red cards (Yes)
Hand out yellow cards (Yes)
Hand out injuries to my players (Yes)
RP really weird events (Yes - weird but possible - not supernatural or the like)

by **The Golden Tamarind** » Thu Jun 30, 2011 1:59 pm

News From Nowhere

Commissioner Apraiz and his Director of Development Thomas Cox were enjoying a small salad each in the staff canteen at Zidane House, headquarters of Tamarindia's governing body for football. They had been reflecting on the unfortunate clash of dates between the first ever Tamarindian international football match and the upcoming Carnivál Misión. All that depravity, obscenity and general decadence. Official duty was an obligation. They would simply have no choice but to mash it up at the Carnivál. If the football team made it through to the knockout stage, they'd be out there – wherever there was – like a shot. They were in mutual agreement that it was the burden of great responsibility to make sacrifices like this, and were nodding sagely at each other when Cuevas joined them.

“Ah, Ramiro!” the commissioner greeted him with warmth, “our boys must be on their way by now, eh? Did you see them off from the airport?”

by **Ryevolia** » Thu Jun 30, 2011 2:18 pm

Well that was day one, and the Ryevolian fans have gone back to their hotels grinning. Whilst the VIP boxes and many of the main Tamarindian seats remained empty. A lack of support or a natural disaster? We don't know because apparently our reporters haven't yet managed to scrape the finances together to get reports from the country.

It was a game that started off badly and then got worse, but the goals are what matters. Here come the highlights.

6 mins - Frias dances around Zanders with the kind of footwork you usally see in the most expensive sex shows but seems to freeze in front of the towering Thompson. His shot is easily scooped up.

22 mins - Penman makes a break down the wing. Seeing Viola blocking his path seems to bring back bad memories and he hoofs the ball forward. Cornett seems almost surprised to receive the ball but Frederick does nothing to stop him as he crosses in. Hakes appears out of nowhere to put the ball past a stunned Tamarindian keeper.

Ryevolia 1 - 0 Tamarindia.

32 mins - Carmenate is caught off-guard just outside the keeper's area but Hernandez is good enough to keep Hakes from adding a second.

38 mins - Henrichs feels the need to charge through the Tamarindian midfield, but a yellow card and a few bruises soon see the problem resoved.

47 mins - Garcia, clearly believing his own team to be below his extreme level of talent, dribbles the ball around half the Ryevolian team and three of his own team members before his poorly timed pass is caugbt by a fan.

62 mins - Asper's posturing seems to distract the opposition before cooly slotting the ball into the net.

Ryevolia 2 - 0 Tamarindia

73 mins - Cano, apparently taking insspiration from Henrichs just under an hour ago, charges at the Ryevolian defence. Oddly, the results seem almost identical. right down to the yellow card and angry family members.

78 mins - Tankles, having receieved a pass in spite of his tight marking, sprints into the opposition area and all but taunts the goalkeeper before lifting the ball over his head and running the ball into the net like a seal.

Ryevolia 3 - 0 Tamarindia

84 mins - Tejada, seeming to comply with his image, performs a number of acts which only remain allowable in the game due to technicalities. His antics nearly result in a goal for the young side but once more Thompson asserts his authority over someone barely old enough to drink.

A win is a win. No doubt the doubters will proclaim this a victory over children and no indication of things to come. But we've chosen to remain impartial and get our reactions from inside the camp itself.

Guy Stiner - "Did you see that third goal. It was all...Yeah. But at the end of the day we got the three points. And at the end of the day that's what matters at the end of the day."

Darryl Cornutt - "I got an assist today. And we won. And have you seen my hair? Still perfect."

Jessie Hank - "I told them, I did. I said 'Train with watermelons'. And now look."

by **Darmen** » Thu Jun 30, 2011 5:05 pm

Note: This RP has nothing to do with sports. Sorry for your disapointment. For your sporting fix, see the spoiler.

Andraos Mohammed sat up in his tent. It was the morning of the big day. The Day that all Muslims in Darmen had been waiting for. The Islamic Freedom Front(IFF) was set to begin it's attacks on the government, all for the glory of Allah. Mohammed was the head of the 56th Brigade, a group of 40 or so "Freedom Fighters."

He exited his tent and streched. It was still dark, and Mohammed found it hard to get around camp without tripping. He worked his way from tent to tent gathering up his commrades. "Today is the day when Darmen will be brought to it's knees for the Glory of Allah."

The "Freedom Fighters" picked up their assualt rifles and proceded to march the four mile journey to a minor highway that led into the Darmeni capital of Scott City. Mohammed looked at his watch. 3:47a.m. Good, they had made it just in time to be ready to ambush the government convoy. In three minutes the convoy would roll past the place where the rebels waited. The rebels would attack, and take what ever equipment they could take, which would be used by the other "Freedom Fighters" to further their Holy cause.

The convoy came into sight. The rebels checked their weapons, and waited until the convoy was within range. They opened fire...

by **Stuffed Taxidermists** » Thu Jun 30, 2011 5:18 pm

The ST Sports Informer
Stuffed Taxidermists have an Amateur Team?
Yesterday, the ST Sports Informer was informed that Stuffed Taxidermists had sent a National "Amateur Team" to the nation of Johz to compete in a tournament. The nation of Johz is actually a small village with a population of only a few hundred, a very quaint place it is said. We were also informed that the group stage is already underway, and that Stuffed Taxidermists team drew 1-1 with a nation called Zhelk. Other than that, we have no idea what is happening over there. The government seems to have forgotten to inform us about this tournament. Catman Oljek, a man whom we interviewed on the street earlier today, certainly had alot to say about the tournament. 'Oh yes, I am the former the manager of the team, obviously' He said, jumping from foot to foot 'The team is very good, but you've got to ask yourself, Does it blend?'.

The ST Sports Inofrmer will try to keep the nation updated with the latest news, but that may be hard.

by **Ryevolia** » Fri Jul 01, 2011 12:45 am

Ryevolia Publishes Newspaper Report Eventually
Next Game Happening

Having finally convinced the editor that it was worth covering the tournament, reports shall now be published by somebody with at least a passing familiarity with the printed word. We shall commence with a short roundup of the first day's action.

And what a first day it was. A big win for Ryevolia was put down largely to playing an inexperienced and deleted Tamarindian side. But it may just be the start, as these lads are starting to gel. We've tried to get an interview with somebody inside the Tamarindian camp but no word yet.

Looking ahead, it's coming up to a game with Chenkorya. They looked strong before the tournament but have lost their opening game and seem to have no real presence in the tournament so far. Is this a good sign, or will they yet surprise everyone?

"I just got this suit yesterday. First I've owned in 10 years. How about that?" proclaimed Jessie Hank, the controversial choice for managing this team. "I made them all men. We trained all day on the plane. And then got drunk. Worked my entire life has that technique."

Some may question that, as the formerly homeless man has never been known for his peak physical appearance. This is the view of one fan; "I think I gave him a Quothmark once."

Let's bring on the next matches and get5 this rolling.

by **The Golden Tamarind** » Fri Jul 01, 2011 6:53 am

Daily Report from the Johzian Amateur's Cup
Kikker is proud to be the only Tamar media syndicate to have live coverage at the JAC thanks to our reporter on the ground there, Chandara Sín, who will be checking in daily with her summary of Tamarindia's first adventure in world football.

Day 1

Ryevolia 3-0 Tamarindia

Goals for Hakes (22), Asper (62) and Tankles (78) gave the Ryevolians a well-deserved and comfortable win with the young Tamar side looking out of their depth and somewhat shell-shocked. Key starters Hannibal Costa and captain Dwayne Masvidal were surprisingly missing for The Tamarins, rumour being that they had not made it to the ground on time – a familiar failing in our culture, amply illustrated by the fact the whole squad only touched down 30 minutes before kick-off was due.

The boys looked inexperienced against well-organised and somewhat intimidating opponents, Dave Tankles really catching the eye with a box-to-box performance. Their coach Jessie Hank (one of two Ryevolian Jessies – on the field they are anything but) looks a tactical genius, communicating a total-football message somewhat incoherently: but it does seem to be working. Are they suddenly tournament favourites? This reporter thinks they are one to watch...

Tamarindia: Hernández; Frederick, García, Carmenate, Canó (booked); Viola, Palma (sub. Báez 67), Tejada, Reyna (sub. Calvo 79); Frías, Ortíz (sub. Barbosa 67)

What they said:

Next Up

Next Game Preview

Must-win against East Yawyn or the boys are coming home. The Yawynians surprised everyone with a 3-1 win over much fancied Chenkorya so don't expect too much! Word is that the 'injured' trio will not be ready in time, adding more pressure to our young team. Expect one change to the team that got hammered by the Ryevolia rookies – Rodrigo Palma feeling the strain, to be replaced by El Pereza, Danny Báez.

Probable line-up:

Hernández; Frederick, García, Carmenate, Canó; Viola, Báez, Tejada (c), Reyna; Frías, Ortíz.

by **Johz** » Fri Jul 01, 2011 7:43 am

The Johzian Items
The Official Newsletter of the Parish of Johz
Web Edition

The Greatest Event in History!

Written By: Master Jonathan

Yes, yesterday the greatest tournament in the history of the world started in flying colours, with a massive eight matches played, and nineteen goals scored. Truly this is a sign of the second coming of football.

The Johzian match itself was a mediocre, although not terrible 1-2 defeat against Carmichael FC from Calmerica. The game started well with Mr McHalfords managing to make a terrific run up the side of the pitch, passing to Mr Duncan Snr. Thankfully, after his third knee, and second hip replacements, Mr Duncan has been able to play in the match, and he did shoot the ball impressively on target, which was only just deflected by the goalkeeper.

This initiative was lost extremely quickly, however, as a powerful kick powered the ball into the Johzian half. Mr Alphonse and his fellow defenders tried valiently to fight the onslaught and did manage to get the ball temporarily behind enemy lines, but were defeated in the end by sheer ability. Two goals against Johz followed in quick succession.

The half-time whistle came as welcome relief to our boys, who gratefully snacked on their oranges and drank their sugar-filled energy drinks while listening to Mr Newman explain the offside rule to them. This seemed to fire them up, and when the whistle blew they managed to quickly get the ball upfield. However, they had forgotten that in normal football the ends switch round, and had to backtrack quickly.

Eventually Master Duncan did manage to get a shot past the goalkeeper, to much cheering, but the team were unable to follow this up with any more, leading to their loss.

Next match the Johzians are up against the infamous Gold Sabres FC. We wish them all the luck. They'll need it.

by **East Yawyn** » Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:09 am

The Wynay Chronicle

Landslide Victory, Landslide Shame
by Mahmo Singh

The first game in the Johzian Amateur's Cup against the Chenkoryans ended with a surprising 3:1.
The first goal made by the Chenkoryans was matched by Sam Ohmura at 24 minutes. After which the pace slowed and the team was unable to break through the lines of the Chenkoryans.
Pushing the team to excess the tie was broken by Paul Karmykel 68 minutes into the game.
Trying to defend the lead against the Chenkoryans offense Guy Ygbu took a chance and scored the third goal right before the final whistle at 89 minutes.
The crowed overwhelmed by the result overcame barriers and ran onto the field. 48 people were injured and it took several hours for the security forces to regain control.
Though this is a victory beyond expectations it is not a great moment for the amateur football of Yawyn.

by **Johz** » Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:23 am

RP Bonus cutoff limit. Scores for day two will be duly announced in a few minutes.

Johzian Amateur's Cup (RP/Rosters/Results)

Johzian Amateur's Cup (RP/Rosters/Results)

Tamarindian Squad

Ryevolia 3 - 0 Tamarindia

KIKKER Daily Report

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