"The odd bit is that I actually think your store is pretty cool. Compliments to you for the first (and likely only) slaver storefront to generate that response." - The Protectorate of Lyras
"You actually have the best prices for slaves, and a very simple order process. I actually deleted one of my orders with another company when I found this. I needed more slaves to populate a colony and also act as soldiers, so this suits me very well." - The Holy Empire of Crucesignatorum
"Your slave storefront is one of the best storefront out there, and it has a potential." - The Commonwealth of Yohannes
- Original introduction letter to the storefront
"Well howdy there, partner! It's me, your good friend, Johnny Rexx, President of Rexx Ranchers Inc.!
You know, the economy can be a real crapshoot. And trust us, we speak from experience when we say we've seen every side of it, good times, 'n bad. We've been around for a century, we ought to know.
So when my foreign friends come up to me, and complain about how the market's 'lookin bad as a bear around it's cubs, back from where their from, I do everything I can to help 'em out, because my father, my grandfather, and I know exactly what they've been through.
We've given 'em everything, from financial advice, to marketing tips, or even stock discounts on markets we own, but you know the one thing that helps out a troubled business more than anything in bad economic times? Free labor. And that's what we've been 'givin for the past few years around our region. One, small intial fee, and that's it. Your business can skyrocket onwards, no matter what the economy's like in your neck of the woods!
After selling manual labor, all these new entrepenuers started asking for more, ahem, personal workers, if'n you catch my drift. Well, we weren't the ones to deny 'em, so we set out 'roundin up all the prettiest, good-lookin, and downright raunchiest folk we could find, and offering them up cheap as ever.
Just like that, we had whole new market to our famous business. So, after we got such a good reception in our region, we figured "Hey, 'betcha there's a whole bunch of people in need of our services," which brings us to here. From this day on, Rexx Ranchers Free Labor Storefront has gone International!
Below, you'll see the wide variety of folks we got to offer. All you got do is follow the easy little steps, calculate the itty bitty fee you racked up, announce your order, sit back, and watch as your business crawls out of gutter, and moves on up to the big shots! Or, just wait and watch until your "personal servants" can come and bask in your every beck and call. . .
Either way, happy 'shoppin, partner!"
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Hi, I’m Mike Greensboro, Chief Manager of Rexx Ranchers International Free Labor Storefront Inc.’s (RRInc. for short) Transactions Department. For those of you who remember when this business had been open before it's little hiatus, Johnny Rexx always personally replied to each order sent out to him. However, since the creation of the Leveraged Mass Assistance Orders, and an upcoming project dubbed the Applied Genetic Engineering Storefront, old Johnny Rexx simply doesn’t have the time to keep up with personal replies to orders. As such, it now falls to me to make sure your orders are satisfied.
Don’t fret, though. I’m sure we’ll get to like each other just fine.
Yours Truly,
Mike Greensboro, Chief Manager of Rexx Ranchers International Free Labor Storefront Inc.’s Transactions Department.
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Disclaimers: The initial price for one product starts at 1000 USD. Extra prices are added on to the initial price, are per product ordered, and based off our current supply. All prices are non-negotiable, unless stated otherwise. Discounts apply only where listed, and are not deductible from the total price of a purchase, unless stated otherwise. Should you wish to return a shipment, Rexx Ranchers Inc. - International Free Labor Storefront, reserves the right to inspect any shipments with the intent of being returned to the storefront. All returns will be treated as sales to Rexx Ranchers Inc. - International Free Labor Storefront, for the ease of transaction. Orders above one million products will be subject to the pay-as-you-go shipment plan.
Leveraged Mass Assistance Order:
Suppose you need a large amount of people. Perhaps you need populate a colony, rebuild a large area, or provide a much needed service, but your human resources are either too small, or don’t have the incentive to fulfill those demands.
Or maybe you don’t need a lot of people, but their skills are what’s important, not their looks and personality.
If that’s the case, you’ve come to the right place. Here at RRInc, we can provide you with as many people as you need, all with the correct skill sets necessary to do the job. Quality is assured, and your order’s specifications will be met verbatim. That said, we can’t provide it for you if we don’t know what you want, so be specific.
This order form allows you to get straight to the meat, and avoid piddly things like hair color, and race. If those things are important to your order, go to the General Occupation Order Form.
Step 1 - Packages
Before you provide us with specifics, look at the “packages” below. If any of the below packages meet the requirements of what you need them to do, you can simple select one, and skip to step three of the order process. Each package is given a discount proportional to how much you would have paid for them if they’d been custom selected, so you’re encouraged to pick these if they meet your needs.
Manual Labor Package – 4,750,000 USD
A shipment of 5,000 healthy, physically fit people between ages 14 and 49 skilled in general manual labor for construction, factory, or agricultural work. Specify which of those three you need them for. If you need cheap manual labor, and quick, this package will completely satisfy your needs. If you require specialized factory operation and maintenance, or manual labor requiring some technical skill, this package isn’t what you’re looking for.
Domestic Labor Package – 41,275 USD
A shipment of 50 healthy people, skilled in the operation and maintenance of a domestic environment, or the accomplishment of administrative tasks. This package is great if you require a dedicated service of maids, butlers, and cooks for a domestic environment, or the staffing of a hotel. Each individual is ensured to be skilled, competent, professional, and obedient.
Military Starting Package – 13,250,000 USD
A shipment of 5,000 men age twenty four. They’ve been bred since childhood to be obedient combat machines, and are among the most physically perfect men out there. They’ve each served a four year service contract in Merieu’s Armed Forces before becoming available for purchase, and are loyal and obedient to any master with the proper rank and power. This package is more than you could ask for if you’re a new nation looking to get a real armed force started.
Harem Package – 10,000 USD
This shipment includes 10, attractive females, males, or a mix of both. Please specify. Prostitution may be the oldest profession, but it’s definitely not the most rewarding one. These days, between virtual reality boning, limitless free porn, and actually meeting people, there isn’t a lot of incentive to get a prostitute, so there also isn’t much incentive to become one. But if you’re soldiers need something to keep morale up, a hotel needs something to keep the guests occupied for the night, or you just want some company, this is where the package comes in. The persons sent to you will be obedient, and experienced “escorts,” capable of fulfilling most nearly any demand.
Step 2 - Specifics
If none of the above packages satisfy your needs, here is a list of specifics, with prices and discounts listed beside each one.
Virgin (Extra 105 USD Per. Free With Newborns to 9 Year Olds!)
High School Education (Extra 15 USD Per. Must at least be age seventeen)
College Degree, Associate’s (Please specify type of degree, Extra 20,000 USD Per, Must at least be age nineteen, High School Education Included Free)
College Degree, Bachelor’s (Please specify type of degree, Extra 45,000 USD Per, Must at least be age twenty-one, High School Education Included Free)
College Degree, Master’s (Please specify type of degree, Extra 70,000 USD Per, Must at least be age twenty-three, High School Education Included Free)
College Degree, P.h.D. (Please specify type of degree, Extra 100,00 USD, Must be at least age twenty-five, High School Education Included Free)
Combat Experience (Extra 1500 USD Per Year of Experience)
Skilled in Manual Labor (Extra 25 USD Per. Extra 50 USD Per if Age 14 and Below.)
Skilled in Domestic Labor (Extra 50 USD Per)
Strong (Extra 25 USD, 15 if Artificially Induced)
Extra Strong (Extra 250 USD, 150 if Artificially Induced)
Fashion Model Experience (Extra 50,000 USD Per year of experience)
Supermodel Experience (Extra 10,000,000 USD Per year of experience)
Scientific Career Background (i.e. Psychiatrists, Doctors, Historians, Marine Biologists, Quantum Physicists, etc. Please specify career, Extra 30,000 USD Per year of experience)
Acting Career Background (Extra 1,000 USD Per year of experience)
Entertainment Superstar Career Background (Please specify whom, Extra 1,000,000 USD per year of experience)
Business Career Background (Please specify career, Extra 2,500 USD Per year of experience)
Mathematics Career Background (Extra 30,000 USD Per year of experience)
Technical Labor Career Background (i.e. HVAC, Plumbing, Electrician, IT Tech, etc. Extra 15,000 USD Per year of experience)
Was their something we missed? Send a telegram to our Transactions Department about it, and we can work out a modest price for it.
Step Three - Confirmation
How many are you ordering?
Where will they be headed? Leveraged Mass Order Shipping is on us, and they’ll be transported via a reasonably unobtrusive cargo vessel, or airplane, whichever you want.
Any special requests? Avoiding certain waters or airspace? Making sure your products arrive cool and collected? Whatever you like, within reason, of course.
General Occupation Order Form:
Maybe you don't need a lot of people. Maybe you just need a few, highly qualified individuals. Perhaps they need to look a certain way, or act a certain way. Maybe you really only need one person, but you don't want to blow billions going to a genetic engineering lab for custom-designed masterpiece. Or what if you just want them to be treated with care on the way over? If all this sounds good, then just follow the steps below, and your fresh new products will be on their way!
Step 1 – Select Your Desired Race
1.) White
2.) Black
3.) Hispanic
4.) Asian
5.) Indian
6.) Pacific Islander (Costs an Extra 100 USD Per)
7.) Native American (Costs an Extra 75 USD Per)
8.) Albino (Extra 500,000 USD Per Person)
Step 2 – Specifics
Hair Colors -
Important Note: If only the basic hair color of the purchase(s) are specified [i.e. "Blonde" or "Redhead"], then the cheapest possible shade of that hair color will be assumed upon confirming your order. Keep this in mind, as you will not be reminded in the confirmation. This is to save time on confirming orders, and providing a smoother, faster-paced service to all customers. We're sorry for any inconvinience that arises from this, and thank you for careful attention.
Black –
Plain
Brunette (Extra 10 USD Per)
Brown –
Deepest Brunette (Extra 25 USD Per)
Dark Brown
Milk Chocolate Brown
Chestnut Brown
Light Chestnut Brown
Auburn Brown (Extra 35 USD Per)
Medium Brown
Medium Golden Brown
Light Golden Brown
Light Golden-Reddish Brown (Extra 45 USD Per)
Light Ash Brown (Extra 5 USD Per)
Red –
Strawberry Blonde, Thicker Red (Extra 150 USD Per)
Copper (Extra 15 USD Per)
Persimmon (Extra 50 USD Per)
Tomato Red (Extra 25 USD Per)
Pumpkin (Extra 25 USD Per)
Auburn (Extra 15 USD Per)
Cherry (Extra 250 USD Per)
Crimson (Extra 25 USD Per)
Burgundy (Extra 15 USD Per)
Blonde –
Strawberry Blonde, Thicker Blonde (Extra 350 USD Per)
Flaxen (Extra 5 USD Per)
Yellow (Extra 15 USD Per)
Towheaded (Extra 1,000,750 USD Per, Very Limited Stock)
Sandy Blonde (Extra 15 USD Per)
Golden Blonde (Extra 25 USD Per)
Dirty Blonde (Extra 75 USD Per)
Ash Blonde (Extra 1,050 Per, Limited Stock)
Gray and White Hair –
Gray (Extra 1,000,000 USD Per, free with ages 61+)
White (Extra 1,000,000 USD Per, free with ages 61+ and Albinos)
Silver (Extra 1,000,000 USD Per, free with ages 61+)
Eye Color -
Amber (Extra 35 USD Per)
Gray (Extra 25 USD Per)
Blue (Extra 75 USD Per)
Brown
Green (Extra 55 USD Per)
Hazel
Red (If Natural, Albinos Only. If not, Extra 75 USD Per, disregard 'artificial' discount)
Mind if it’s Artificial? Reduces Total Extra Costs By 75%!
Yes
No
Face Type-
Round (Extra 200 USD Per)
Oval (Extra 150 USD Per)
Heart (Extra 150 USD Per)
Diamond (Extra 150 USD Per)
Square (Extra 100 USD Per)
Oblong
Diamond
Triangle
Inverted Triangle
Age –
Newborn to 9 Years Old (Reduces Total Costs of all Light Hair Colors by 25%)
10 to 14 Years Old (Reduces Total Costs of All Light Hair Colors by 5%)
15 to 18 Years Old (Extra 150 USD Per)
19 to 29 Years Old (Extra 55 USD Per)
30 to 39 Years Old (Reduces Total Cost of all Gray and White Hair Colors by 99.99%)
40 to 49 Years Old (Reduces Total Costs of all Gray and White Hair Colors by 99.999%)
50 to 60 Years Old (Gray and White Hair Colors Free! Adds 75% Total Cost to Specifics)
61+ (Gray and White Hair Colors Free! Other Hair Colors Must Be Artificial. Strong and Extra Strong Are An Extra 2500 and 5000 USD Per, Respectively. Adds 75% Total Cost to Other Specifics)
Other Attributes –
Virgin (Extra 105 USD Per. Free With Newborns to 9 Year Olds!)
High School Education (Extra 15 USD Per. Must at least be age seventeen)
College Degree, Associate’s (Extra 20,000 USD Per, Must at least be age nineteen, High School Education Included Free)
College Degree, Bachelor’s (Extra 45,000 USD Per, Must at least be age twenty-one, High School Education Included Free)
College Degree, Master’s (Extra 70,000 USD Per, Must at least be age twenty-three, High School Education Included Free)
College Degree, P.h.D. (Extra 100,00 USD, Must be at least age twenty-five, High School Education Included Free)
Combat Experience (Extra 1500 USD Per Year of Experience)
Skilled in Manual Labor (Extra 25 USD Per. Extra 50 USD Per if Age 14 and Below.)
Skilled in Domestic Labor (Extra 50 USD Per)
Strong (Extra 25 USD, 15 if Artificially Induced)
Extra Strong (Extra 250 USD, 150 if Artificially Induced)
Fashion Model Experience (Extra 50,000 USD Per)
Supermodel Experience (Extra 50,000,000 USD Per)
Scientific Career Background (i.e. Psychiatrists, Doctors, Historians, Marine Biologists, Quantum Physicists, etc. Please specify career, Extra 30,000 USD Per)
Acting Career Background (Extra 1,000 USD Per)
Entertainment Superstar Career Background (Please specify whom, Extra 1,000,000 USD per)
Business Career Background (Please specify career, Extra 2,500 USD Per)
Mathematics Career Background (Extra 30,000 USD Per)
Technical Labor Career Background (i.e. HVAC, Plumbing, Electrician, IT Tech, etc. Extra 15,000 USD Per)
Want a girl with a cute little nose, a seventy-five year-old man who knows karate, or a historian of an ancient war? List any other specifics you desire, and we’ll work out a reasonable price!
Step Three - Personalities
Imagine a staff of perky, happy little maids tending to your every whim, or a boxing trainer who sounds and acts just like Mickey from the Rocky series. Here’s the place to order it. You can either specify exactly what kind of personality you want, where a reasonable price will be worked out in confirmation, or via telegram to the Transactions Department, or choose as many as want from the list below.
Personalities being what they are, it’s very difficult to procure the exact kind of person for everyone, so we recommend you order less than four personalities per person. And of course, obedience in all your orders is included automatically, and free of charge.
Cheerful - “Walks along with a skip in their step, and smile on their face.”
(Extra 75 USD Per)
Hyper - “Bouncing off the walls, and full of energy!”
(Extra 150 USD Per)
Aloof - “Look like they wouldn’t care if you shot them in the foot.”
(Extra 75 USD Per)
Easy to Anger - “Punching holes in the walls because the morning coffee tastes bad.” (Extra 75 USD Per)
Childish/Immature - “They live for dick jokes, video games, and saying sex like it’s a swear word.”
(Extra 45 USD Per)
Prankster -“Filling your underwear drawer with angry hornets is just one of their daily routines.”
(Extra 150 USD Per)
Shy - “People scare them like nothing else, and their bashfulness knows no bounds.”
(Extra 45 USD Per)
Firebrand - “Rebellious to any authority at all. They’d lead a revolution if they didn’t think revolutionaries secretly worked for the man.”
(Extra 75 USD Per, obviously these are the only exception to our normally obedient products)
Socially Suave - “Social butterfly? Life of the party? Those are crass understatements for this person.”
(Extra 75 USD Per)
Seductive - “One minute you were talking with them, the next you realize you gave them you’re your bank account information in exchange for a kiss.”
(Extra 75 USD Per)
Compulsive Liar - “They lie about their breakfast, just because it’s more interesting than the truth.”
(Extra 35 USD Per)
Incredibly Artistic - “You can tell they’ll paint the next Sistine Chapel.”
(Extra 150 USD Per)
Musically Gifted - “Skilled in using their musical skills to get fame and popularity, or to serenade you with a blissful song.”
(Extra 150 USD Per)
Valley Girl - “Like, yeah, whatever, they like, don’t even care about anything anymore. Except shopping. Like, omg, shoes.” (Extra 35 USD Per)
Ditzy “Uhm, what? OMG, they’re so sorry about forgetting your birthday! They had to go to cheerleading practice that day!” (Extra 35 USD Per)
Gentle “They never run in the halls, and treat everything like it was an adorable baby bunny.”
(Extra 75 USD Per)
Extraordinarily Kind and Polite “The next Mother Teresa and Ghandi put together into one person.” (Extra 5350 USD Per)
Step 4 – Confirmation
Important Notice: Please keep in mind that luxury transports are for just that; luxury. It is very difficult to transport a large amount of products in luxury transports, especially via air, and provide for them the normally excellent service they would otherwise have, were they in smaller numbers. The largest possible amount of occupants we can allow on one of our ships is around 5,000, depending on the vessel, and around 1,000 for a luxury air transport. For orders requesting numbers larger than those, it is highly recommended you order them via Standard Transport, in order to save time, money, and general aptitude among your purchased products. For example, if you need ten thousand soldiers shipped to a war-zone, do you want them showing up at a battlefield blind-drunk, and covered in hickeys? If you need to rebuild a recently war-torn colony with manual laborers, spoiling them with a month long cruise-vacation will not adequately prepare them for the hardships ahead. If you have any questions, please contact our Transactions Department via telegram for further information on this subject.
How many of each?
Wanted them transported a specific way? Regular Orders have the option of Luxury Transports. Just see the list below if you're interested. Standard Sea Transport is done by default.
Standard Sea Transport (Extra 10,000) USD
Luxury Sea Transport (Extra 1,000,000 USD)
Air Transport (Extra 10,000 USD)
Luxury Air Transport (750,000 USD)
List of Luxury Transports
(List is not yet complete)
Luxury Sea Transport Vessels
- The Carpathian, a luxury palaceboat, 75,000 square feet in area, containing a Grand Hall, an onboard catering staff subject to your purchase's every beck and call, a reception yard, and a beautiful garden, tended to by a team of highly qualified professional botanists, and gardeners. The ship contains the most luxurious foodstuffs, wines, beers, liqueurs, and purified waters, in order to provide maximum comfort to it's occupants. And of course, the catering staff mentioned above will keep it in pristine condition for the voyage's entirety. All of this will be paid for by the funds provided for the purchase of the vessel.
Maximum Occupants: 50 (Assuming Two Products Per Room)
- The Triton's Glory, contains three, high-class complexes for each unit of passengers, and an onboard staff, to fulfill any of their requests, from food delivery, to private physical therapy. It also comes equipped with a main ball, hosting a wide variety of entertainment, from live performances, to dancing, restaurants, "private entertainment," among many other things. And last, but not least, a 5,000 square foot pool, equipped with a waterfall.
Maximum Occupants: 2575 (Assuming Three Occupants Per Housing Unit)
- The Venus, contains pristine, 4-room housing units for each passenger, a 7,000 sq ft pool onboard, a spa, a nightclub, and a large dance ball, hosting all manners of entertainment from live performances, to dinner, and dances. It also comes with a ready-equipped staff to cater to everyone's needs.
Maximum Occupants: 5000 (Assuming Four Products Per Housing Unit)
Luxury Air Transport Vessels
- The The Adonis, comes complete with comfortable, five-room personal lodging, an onboard restaurant, casino, spa, nightclub, and shopping complex. Each product will be given money for spending at any of these places, taken out of the fund used to pay for the transport.
Maximum Occupants: 950 (Assuming Five Products Per Housing Unit)
- The Narcissus, comes equipped with opulent, 7-room suites, an onboard restaurant, casino, spa, shopping complex, complete with an onboard staff of smoking-hot manservants at their beck and call. Each product will be given money provided through the funds paid for the transport.
Maximum Occupants: 1000 (Assuming Five Products Per Housing Unit)
-The Eagle is a private jet, with an on-board flight-attendant staff to serve them free drinks, food, and anything they require as per the means they can provide. The interior is complete with 100% cashmere leather and spun glass furniture, providing the most comfortable, and visually pleasing scenery possible.
There are three bathrooms inside, two for separate genders, one for unisex, and all are equipped with baby-changing and care stations.
Maximum Occupants: 35
- The Sultan, our newest, and currently the largest, private jet in our stock. Your products will be treated to lodgings and seating designed for maximum comfort, with an onboard staff waiting to take their every order. Three course meals will be provided throughout the trip, along with in flight movies, and other electronic entertainment. WiFi access will also be available throughout the trip.
Maximum Occupants: 135
Lastly, where to?
If you would be so kind as to calculate your own, honest total, that would be much obliged.
Selling
Crime running rampant? Suspicious radical activists? Broke immigrants pouring into your nation by the thousands? We can take care of these unsightly people quickly. Hell, we'll even pay you a hefty wad of cash for the opportunity. And fortunately for you, selling merchandise to us is a bit more flexible in terms payment. Just send a telegram to our Transactions Department, if you're interested, and we'll discuss the best price for what you're offering.
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We hope you enjoy your new work force! Thank you for shopping with RRInc., and remember us next time you’re in need of more human resources.
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