Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by (Open for Business)

by **Grittonia** » Sat May 12, 2012 4:51 am

Doc McPhail says: I like my medical examinations just like I like my women! Fast, cheap and meaningless!

Average Duration of Visit = 10 minutes|Zero change

Welcome at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM!

Our services:

We at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM follow the three Golden Rules of Drive-by Medication^TM:
1. The customer wants cheap, quick and easy healthcare, just like Doc McPhail wants his women to be cheap, quick and easy.
2. The customer doesn't care if his Doctor is qualified as long as the healthcare is cheap, easy and preferably fast.
3. If the healthcare is cheap enough, the customer doesn't care for the quality of said healthcare.

We offer you a unique service named Drive-by Medication^TM. This means that we offer cheap, easy and quick healthcare in the form of a Drive-by clinic. For example:

You are driving in your new Montana Automotive Sporty 2009 with everything up and on it when suddenly you feel sick! Oh no! But do not worry, you see the big, revolving sign of a Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. You drive on over and get in the line to receive your Drive-by Medication^TM. Before you know it, one of our Doctors, guaranteed to have had atleast one month of medical school, comes over to your car and takes all of your complaints before giving you a quick examination and then, before you know it... Your diagnose and the recipe of the medicine that you have to take against it. Within 15 minutes, that's a Doc McPhail promise!
Doc McPhail and the Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by Corporation are not responsible for any direct and/or side effects from taking the prescribed medicine. Effects may include: Nausea, losing conscience, getting a runny nose and death. Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM doctors may not have a degree that is legal in your nation or have a degree what-so-ever. By using Doc McPhail's Drive-by Medication^TM, the customer acknowledges his knowledge of the risks. Drive-by Medication and Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by are trademarks owned by Doc McPhail.

As you can see, we are the fast-food of the healthcare branch. Quick, satisfying and leaving you wanting more! Before you know it, you will never want any other doctors except the ones that offer Drive-by Medication^TM at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. That's another Doc McPhail promise!

^Our dedicated team of doctors is waiting to treat you!

Who is that fabulous Doc McPhail who offers me a great chance at cheap, fast and easy healthcare?

Wait... How can I trust you guys? This seems like a scam!

OMG! I totally want to visit you but... I can't find a location in my nation! How can I get a location in my nation?

Current Locations:

by **Radiatia** » Sat May 12, 2012 5:29 am

[OOC: This is genius! I had to...]

TO: Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by
FROM: The Rt Hon Adelle Ruskin, Federal Minister of Health

Dear Doctor McPhail, or representatives thereof,

By power invested in me by His Excellency Yerkal Nathus, President of the Radiatian Federation, and on behalf of the Federal Parliament and the Radiatian people whom I directly represent, I wish to request the establishment of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by in the Radiatian Federation.

Initially we will only establish them in the capital city of Xerconia, FCT as an experiment.

The Federal Health Service is always looking for ways to deliver cheap, quality healthcare and it is our hope therefore that you will replace our increasingly expensive FHS Direct service in due time.

Unfortunately the Federal Health Act currently prohibits healthcare organisations from charging customers directly, however we will be sure to reimburse you through the taxpayer-funded federal healthcare budget, provided that your service is cheaper than our current system involving paying large amounts of money to qualified doctors.

Therefore, attached is our application form.

Application:
Name of Requesting Nation: The Radiatian Federation (Radiatia)
Government Type of Requesting Nation: Federal Parliamentary Republic
Preferred Locations of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM Establishments: Xerconia, Federal Capital Territory (for now)
Preferred Amount of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM Establishments: 15
Average Spending Amount per Person per Year on Healthcare in Requesting Nation: 591.62 Tsenyens (US $1088.22) per person.
Average Time Spent per Person per Year on Healthcare in Requesting Nation: 150 hours per year.

If you have any further enquiries feel free to contact me.

Yours Sincerely,
Adelle Ruskin
The Rt Hon Adelle Ruskin
Federal Minister of Health

Level 77 Executive Tower
Federation Square
Xerconia, FEDERAL CAPITAL TERRITORY
Radiatian Federation

by **Grittonia** » Sat May 12, 2012 8:14 am

From: Doctor Angus McPhail, CEO of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM
To: Minister Adelle Ruskin, Minister of Health for the Radiatian Federation

Dear Minister Ruskin,

We at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM always aim at improving cheap, easy and preferably fast healthcare all over the world, especially when that healthcare is coming from our own company, Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. And I would like you to know that I most certainly don't get a thousand Grittonian Dimes each time I mention Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. That said, I'm happy that you chose Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM for your healthcare needs.

We are most certainly able to replace your FHS Direct Service with out Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM's and that for a much smaller amount than you are currently spending on your citizens. You won't have to worry about paying large amounts of money to qualified doctors as at Doc McPhail's, we believe in practice and hard work instead of 'degrees'! All the healthcare at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM follows the three Golden Rules of Drive-by Medication^TM and let's be honest: Just the word Golden already gives you the confidence to entrust Doc McPhail with the healthcare of your citizens!

After our calculations, we have calculated that a whopping $7,25, rounded down, is spent per person, per hour of healthcare. We at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM are shocked at those costs! Our current calculations are that you will be paying $5,80 per person, per hour of healthcare at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM, allowing you a saving of a whopping 20%, or $1,45 per person, per hour of healthcare, by just switching over to Doc McPhail!

We shall open our fifteen branches as soon as possible in the city of Xerconia. Our estimates are that each of the fifteen branches will be able to open within 2 to 3 weeks.

With Healthy Greetings,
Doctor Angus McPhail
Pros. Prof. Phys. Doc. Doctor Angus McPhail
Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM

by **Retro Lyra** » Sat May 12, 2012 10:45 am

OOC: THIS. IS. FANTASTIC.

THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC ISLES OF RETRO LYRA

“Boni Amici, Boni Libri, et Conscientia Somnolenta.”

FROM THE DESK OF DOCTOR GOODMAN
THE EXPERIMENT BUREAU

We're doing science and we're still alive! We'll grow old or die trying! The Experiment Bureau.

This idea will revolutionize the fair isles of Retro Lyra! For too long have I heard groveling complaints of ponies and humans alike complaining of back pain and such! It gets on one's nerves! I would like this amazing chain to be built in my nation ASAP, for although the cost of health care is little, many people clog up our health offices while our doctors have their hands completly full.

Application:
Name of Requesting Nation: The Republican Isles of Retro Lyra
Government Type of Requesting Nation: Democracy
Preferred Locations of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM Establishments: Hollo Caverns, Burning Lemon Island, Isle del Sol
Preferred Amount of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM Establishments: 10
Average Spending Amount per Person per Year on Healthcare in Requesting Nation:20,000 Zeldian Rupees (health care is quite cheap)
Average Time Spent per Person per Year on Healthcare in Requesting Nation: 10 hours

Truly yours,

Doctor Goodman

Official Seal of Approval

by **Grittonia** » Sat May 12, 2012 11:16 am

From: Doctor Angus McPhail, CEO of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM
To: Doctor Goodman, The Experiment Bureau

Dear Doctor Goodman,

We at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM always aim at improving cheap, easy and preferably fast healthcare all over the world, especially when that healthcare is coming from our own company, Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. And I would like you to know that I most certainly don't get a thousand Grittonian Dimes each time I mention Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. That said, I'm happy that you chose Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM for your healthcare needs.

We are most certainly able to help your doctors by taking some of their patients of their hands, seeing as cheap, easy and preferably fast healthcare is our expertise! We're not called the fast-food of the healthcare branch for nothing. All the healthcare at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM follows the three Golden Rules of Drive-by Medication^TM and let's be honest: Just the word Golden already gives you the confidence to entrust Doc McPhail with the healthcare of your citizens!

After our calculations, we have calculated that a whopping $98,80, rounded down, is spent per person, per hour of healthcare. We at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM are shocked at those costs! Our current calculations are that you will be paying $24,70 per person, per hour of healthcare at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM, allowing you a saving of a whopping 75%, or $74,10 per person, per hour of healthcare, by just switching over to Doc McPhail!

We shall open our ten branches as soon as possible in Hollo Caverns, Burning Lemon Island and Isle del Sol. Our estimates are that each of the ten branches will be able to open within 2 to 3 weeks.

With Healthy Greetings,
Doctor Angus McPhail
Pros. Prof. Phys. Doc. Doctor Angus McPhail
Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM

by **Grittonia** » Sun May 13, 2012 6:26 am

Get cheap, fast and easy healthcare right now! Doc McPhail is pondering why you keep being a thief of your own wallet!

by **Isteria** » Sun May 13, 2012 9:40 am

TO: Doctor Angus McPhail, CEO of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by
FROM: Keriss Mesde, Director of Isterian Industries

Dear Doctor McPhail,
I have to admit Doctor, this is an incredibly tempting offer, and I completely agree with you! What is medicine without patients? Absolutely pointless. It is our job as a regime destabi- I mean legitimate technology company And what is medicine without it being fast? I love fast food and medicine! Frankly, I love your proposal so much, I accept completely! We'll begin right away with extolling the virtues of Drive-by medical practices on our storefront, and handing out vouchers with our orders. We appreciate that your offer and thank you for partnering and mentioning your partnership with Isterian Industries. We would also like to offer Doc Mecphail's Medical Drive-by notifications of our medical related products (which are as of right now, in development).
Thank you for your business, and we look forward to work with Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by!
Yours,
Keriss Mesde
Director of Isterian Industries

by **Grittonia** » Tue May 15, 2012 1:55 am

Cheap, easy and fast healthcare. What's not to like?

by **San Pellegrino Romana** » Tue May 15, 2012 11:57 pm

Application:
Name of Requesting Nation: The Kingdom of San Pellegrino Romana
Government Type of Requesting Nation: Unitary parliamentary democracy & constitutional monarchy.
Preferred Locations of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM Establishments: Greater Rome Metropolitan Area, Venice, Florence, Milan (with the ability to expand to other locations soon)
Preferred Amount of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM Establishments: 75
Average Spending Amount per Person per Year on Healthcare in Requesting Nation: $4,852
Average Time Spent per Person per Year on Healthcare in Requesting Nation: 185 hours per year

by **Grittonia** » Wed May 16, 2012 3:06 am

From: Doctor Angus McPhail, CEO of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM
To: King Rafael I, King of San Pelegrino Romana and Head of the Roman Commonwealth

Dear King Rafael,

We at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM always aim at improving cheap, easy and preferably fast healthcare all over the world, especially when that healthcare is coming from our own company, Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. And I would like you to know that I most certainly don't get a thousand Grittonian Dimes each time I mention Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. That said, I'm happy that you chose Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM for your healthcare needs.

We are most certainly able to open some of our branches in your nation in order to provide your citizens with cheap, easy and preferably fast healthcare, seeing as cheap, easy and preferably fast healthcare is our expertise! We're not called the fast-food of the healthcare branch for nothing. All the healthcare at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM follows the three Golden Rules of Drive-by Medication^TM and let's be honest: Just the word Golden already gives you the confidence to entrust Doc McPhail with the healthcare of your citizens!

After our calculations, we have calculated that a whopping $26,22, rounded down, is spent per person, per hour of healthcare. We at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM are shocked at those costs! Our current calculations are that you and/or your citizens will be paying $19,66 per person, per hour of healthcare at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM, allowing you a saving of a whopping 25%, or $6,55 per person, per hour of healthcare, by just switching over to Doc McPhail!

We shall open our seventy-five branches as soon as possible in the Greater Rome Metropolitan Area, Venice, Florence and Milan. Our estimates are that each of the ten branches will be able to open within 2 to 3 weeks.

With Healthy Greetings,
Doctor Angus McPhail
Pros. Prof. Phys. Doc. Doctor Angus McPhail
Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM

by **Mizialand** » Fri May 18, 2012 4:30 am

Royaume du Mizialand

Ministère des Affaires étrangères

From: Herve de Charette, Minister of External Affairs .
To: Dr. McPhail's Medical Drive-by.
Letter Number: MOEX/212-I/1042-A
Subject: Setting up of Embassy

124 Rue de Elise,
5689 AX,
Heleventia,
Mizialand

18 May, 2012.

Sir,
I would like to inform you that Her Majesty's Government was very impressed by the many promises made by your company. Therefore, we would like you to expand your services to Mizialand.

All private enterpises are subjected to regulation by Her Majesty's Government and the same rules and regulations apply to foreign firm operating in Mizialand. Firstly, your company will be expected to do some "charity work". You will be asked to conduct free health and medical check-ups on behalf of Her Majesty's Health Ministry across the country. Secondly, the number of branches and expansion of your firm will be limited. Thirdly, all your branches and medical staff will be subjected to audit by the Health Minsitry. Should any of your doctor or branch not qualify this audit, the entire company will be asked to cease its operation in Mizialand. Last but not the least,gay staff is not allowed because homosexuality is punishable by death in Mizialand.

If you are willing to accept the aforementioned regulations, please reply this letter at your earliest conveience. I look forward to seeing Doc McPhail's branches open in Mizialand.

Thanking you,

Hervé de Charette,
Minister of External Affairs.

by **Grittonia** » Fri May 18, 2012 12:03 pm

From: Doctor Angus McPhail, CEO of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM
To: Herve de Charette, Minister of External Affairs

Dear Herve,

We at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM always aim at improving cheap, easy and preferably fast healthcare all over the world, especially when that healthcare is coming from our own company, Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. And I would like you to know that I most certainly don't get a thousand Grittonian Dimes each time I mention Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. That said, I'm shocked to see someone who offends even my almost-nonexistent morals. As such, I cannot allow you to choose Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM for your healthcare needs.

First off, we are a service which cuts down standards and profit margins in order to attract customers. So even if we would have wanted to branch out to your nation, we would have cut our standards even lower in order to make a profit due to the 'charity work' that you require, which is obviously a shallow attempt at sucking out hard working corporations in a way that even the most experienced gloryholer in a filthy Hastodon-Dentvince gay bar wouldn't attempt. As for the limitation of branches and expansions, that is a obvious attempt at oppressing the people and keeping them from receiving our and other services. Like I said to my daughter who wanted to become a SM Dominatrix: Bhaktar beloozeroesh, rambtan klartok. 'I'm not sticking my cock in that hornet's nest of a trap'.

As to your audit, we are called the fast-food of healthcare. Why you would think that any of our personnel or branches would reach any standards at all, is beyond my expertise as a physician, psychologist, podiatrist, portraitist and nymphomaniac. Still, the fact that when one doctor or branch has a slight fault, the entire company has to leave already shows the fact that you attempt to suck out hard working corporations, as I'm sure there will be offers to pay a small fee in order to make our 'problems' at that point go away. To use another colorful description, I'd rather do the 90-year old mother of my 15th wife and 10th husband and she's a still-working prostitute who gets ploughed by farm animals in order to earn her cash next to being a medical wonder due to her having 28 different STD's of which 9 are currently unknown.

In order to finish this letter as soon as possible, I wish to point towards your last point. If anyone likes a good cock, it's your good old Doc McPhail. As such, I find you and your nation revolting, the same kind of revolting as when you wake up with your body covered in puke without knowing who's puke it is. However, the point of this all is that according to the Los Gritta Lawbook, law #1021313212, paragraph A, subsection B, I am legally required to notify you of the actions that will be taken due to your stance on gay people.

Please note that your message has been passed on to the Grittonian government, the Service Informatica Grittonii and the Grittophile Block. As I am writing this message, it is probable that Minister Soixante-Neuf, a flaming transvestite, has probably ordered Mr. Glompie, her alcoholic, smoking and swearing pet monkey, to delete all relations with your nation. Furthermore, the SIG will take action by, for example, covertly dropping Grittonian porn and music next to participating in other covert actions needed to destabilize your government.

Asking himself who the fuck is still a bigot in this day and age,
Doctor Angus McPhail
Pros. Prof. Phys. Doc. Doctor Angus McPhail
Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM

by **Montigne** » Fri May 18, 2012 12:27 pm

　
ENCRYPTION: CONFIDENTIAL
URGENCY: NORMAL
[ sent by Coursier Express ]
Addressed to: Doctor Angus McPhail, CEO of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by™ (link)
Addressed from: Jean-Dominique Picard, Chief Executive Officer of the Bourbon International Stock Exchange (link)
Regarding: Money for free?

Dear Doctor Angus McPhail;

Greetings, and I hope to find you in good health! We've been watching the services offered by Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by™ with great interest, and as we've concluded that you are running a legitimate and profitable venture, we of the Bourbon International Stock Exchange wish to offer you our services in an initial public offering.

Why would you bother offering shares of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by™?

We know that you are probably busy with coming up with new ways to help your customers by cutting down on healthcare costs, and providing the fastest and cheapest service possible. But what's the point of providing charity work as a hard-working corporation, if you can't reap the benefits? By posting Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by™ as an investment opportunity on BOURSE, you would be getting free money - that's right, free money. No work involved after you fill out Form B4.
　
But doesn't that mean these investors would 'snoop' in our operations?

Pfft. What do these investors know? Every financial analyst trained by BOURSE knows at least ninety-nine ways to avoid corporate responsibility and minimize paying out dividends to these fat slobs that call themselves investors, while maximising your own profits! By listing yourself on BOURSE, you could avoid corporate responsibility and sharing your ownership of your company, because you would be eligible for services from our trained analysts, and for free tickets to the annual Ninety-Nine Ways to Avoid Corporate Responsibility™ seminar, offered at the BOURSE headquarters.
So, if you want to make millions (or even billions - throw numbers out there, these investors will buy slips of paper for whatever the price!) with no work involved, come offer your shares on BOURSE! Feel free to contact me with any questions by personal telegram, and remember; if this is leaked somewhere, we've never heard of you and this was all a giant mistake.

Yours sincerely,

Jean-Dominique Picard
Chief Executive Officer

by **Mizialand** » Sat May 19, 2012 4:28 am

I don't think that you need to be so harsh on me just for my stance on gays.

by **Grittonia** » Sat May 19, 2012 5:38 am

Mizialand wrote:I don't think that you need to be so harsh on me just for my stance on gays.

OOC: It was the IC response of Doc McPhail and the Grittonian nation. My OOC response would have been much, much harsher. A good day to you.

by **Grittonia** » Sat May 19, 2012 5:47 am

From: Doctor Angus McPhail, CEO of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM
To: Jean-Dominique Picard, CEO of the Bourbon International Stock Exchange

Dear Jean-Dominique,

We at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM always aim at improving cheap, easy and preferably fast healthcare all over the world, especially when that healthcare is coming from our own company, Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. And I would like you to know that I most certainly don't get a thousand Grittonian Dimes each time I mention Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. That said, I'm would like to thank you for thinking about Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM for your business.

While the offer sounds quite reasonable and attractive, Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM is currently a family-run company with enough liquid assets to assure a continuous expansion. As such, we would like to refrain from using your services for the moment. Should we feel that the usage of a service such as yourself is needed in the future, we shall contact you.

As a counter offer, should the need arise to have your personnel and visitors be subject of frequent check-ups, we are sure that you will be able to find our services quite acceptable at $6,50 per check-up.

With Healthy Greetings,
Doctor Angus McPhail
Pros. Prof. Phys. Doc. Doctor Angus McPhail
Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM

by **Montigne** » Sat May 19, 2012 9:33 am

　
ENCRYPTION: CONFIDENTIAL
URGENCY: NORMAL
[ sent by Coursier Express ]
Addressed to: Doctor Angus McPhail, CEO of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by™ (link)
Addressed from: Jean-Dominique Picard, Chief Executive Officer of the Bourbon International Stock Exchange (link)
Regarding: Money for free? (re)

Dear Doctor Angus McPhail;

Thank you for considering our services for your company. Although it is regrettable that you are not interested in our ~~investment scam~~ initial public offering services, we are glad to be of some use to Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by™. Feel free to contact us at any time should you be interested in the future.

Regarding your proposal, although we cannot physically place a branch in Montigne due to ~~unbribe-able~~ ~~stuck-up~~ ~~honourbound~~ stringent health-and-public-safety administrators, we believe that your services sound reasonable to replace our employee health care plan. Once we resolve internal and placing issues, we may contact you to establish a formal business agreement.

Yours sincerely,

Jean-Dominique Picard
Chief Executive Officer

Attachment(s)

by **Neo Disith** » Sat May 19, 2012 10:07 pm

The Royal Bank of Lohegin - serving you since 1935

To: Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by.
From: Marcus Wisla. CEO of the Royal Bank of Lohegin establishment.
Subject: Promotion of Financial Services.

Executives of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by,

As the representative of the Royal Bank of Lohegin, I would like to present our institution the Royal Bank of Lohegin and its agglomerated branches and subsidiaries to all international customers. As the primary financial institution in all of the Dual Sovereignty of Lohegin-Disith with services that stretches to the Confederacy of Archia and the Kingdom of Tedoka, our bank would like to expand services with intention of establishing a healthy relations between our financial institution and its clients.

While our current standings in the global scale is relatively new, our financial services however has long experiences in own domestic markets. It was the Royal Bank of Lohegin's decades of financial dealings which formed the superb economy Lohegin-Disith enjoys today. With our wide variety of selections, clients are free to choose the one their needed best. Our financial staff will tailor a plan that best suits their needs.

We would love to hear more from you and your group now and into the future. Your finance is our finance. Your success is our success. May the future be bright.

Marcus Wisla
Royal Bank of Lohegin Chief Executive

by **Grittonia** » Sun May 20, 2012 7:07 am

From: Doctor Angus McPhail, CEO of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM
To: Marcus Wisla, CEO of the Royal Bank of Lohegin

Dear Marcus,

We at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM always aim at improving cheap, easy and preferably fast healthcare all over the world, especially when that healthcare is coming from our own company, Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. And I would like you to know that I most certainly don't get a thousand Grittonian Dimes each time I mention Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. That said, I'm would like to thank you for thinking about Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM for your business.

Currently, our Inner-Grittonian branches and their profits, which total around 99% of our profits, are serviced by Montana Enterprises and their Montana Banking branch in a contract that ensures that we get a higher than normal return on our deposits in trade for keeping the Inner-Grittonian profits at their bank. However, we are willing to deposit our International, or Outer-Grittonian, profits at your bank, currently accumulating to the sum of approx. 100 million Grittonian Dimes, or 150 million USD, per year. While this is currently only a very small amount of our profits, the amount will double or triple when our negotiations with the Kangdents of the Grittonian Isles come through. Of course, further expansion into other nations will also expand our profits.

We shall await the arrival of someone with high enough rank in your bank in order to open the account and arrange for the wire transfer. I would have traveled to your bank if it wasn't for several blasphemous and untrue lawsuits which keep me from travelling outside the Grittophile Block.

With Healthy Greetings,
Doctor Angus McPhail
Pros. Prof. Phys. Doc. Doctor Angus McPhail
Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM

by **Neo Disith** » Sun May 20, 2012 2:24 pm

To: Doctor Angus McPhail. Pros. Prof. Phys. Doc. Doctor Angus McPhail. Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM
From: Marcus Wisla. CEO of the Royal Bank of Lohegin establishment.
Subject: Re: Re: Promotion of Financial Services.

Doctor Angus McPhail,

I would like to thank you for considering to personally travel to Aracdia yourself to make transactions with the Royal Bank of Loheign. It is truly most regrettable that you are unavailable to attend due to personal matters. May I wish you in good spirits in dealing with those lawsuits for I too had several such lawsuits before completely unreal and unreasonable, wasting precious time that could have be used for more prioritized matters like our nation's economy or in your case more time to provide cheap, easy and fast healthcare for all. Quoting you doctor : "What's not there to like?"

As for the arrival of someone with high enough ranking to arrange an opening of our accounts, any staff higher than an intern or of three years of experience from our commercial banking section are of high enough ranking. Feel free to contact our financial offices of the Royal Bank of Lohegin by phone, e-mail, or telegram. Our customer services will help guide you to the plan you desire throughout the application process. Our bank offers the highest quality standards for all of our clients, foreign or domestic.

Unless you wish to be contacted by our staffs personally, we would like to ask for a way that we could contact you with. I must say, in doing business with our financial institution along with your own domestic banking systems would allow you and your group are to diversifying your financial standings, gaining benefits from returns from multiple sources. Plus in addition to diversifying your finances, unlike most of the other banking systems where they compound interest on a yearly basis, all systems in our sovereign state of Loheign-Disith is ran on a monthly basis, thus any interests will be compound on a monthly basis, garnering you additional yield, further maximizing your returns.

However I must also say, since our bank function under a universal system, you yourself could also create your own personal account separate from your company. Our bank serves any customers, personal, private, corporate, rental, institutional, governmental, the list goes on. Thus any employee from your company could also use our systems if they choose to.

Again I would like to thank you for expressing interest in our financial institution. We would love to hear more from you and your group now and into the future. Your finance is our finance. Your success is our success. May the future be bright.

Marcus Wisla
Royal Bank of Lohegin Chief Executive

by **ViZion** » Sun May 20, 2012 3:42 pm

Application:
Name of Requesting Nation: ViZion
Government Type of Requesting Nation: Constitutional Federal Republic
Preferred Locations of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM Establishments: Across the nation
Preferred Amount of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM Establishments: 2500
Average Spending Amount per Person per Year on Healthcare in Requesting Nation: $4,900 (NSD equivalent)
Average Time Spent per Person per Year on Healthcare in Requesting Nation: 5 daily visits

ViZionarians typically eat healthy and take care of themselves, so we do not have as many health problems as other countries sometimes have.

by **Picasso** » Mon Oct 08, 2012 9:31 am

From the desk of Charles Okaïdi, Captain of the Picasso

First of all, on behalf of The Picasso and our people, I would like to introduce myself. I am Charles Okaïdi, Captain of the Picasso ship for almost the past decade.

The Picasso is a Washington Class battleship which we have refitted to serve as our home.

We are a commune for artisans from around the world; almost most of us have lived far longer here. While some of our artists have made considerable profits and remain here for artistic reasons many are not so fortunate and if they were outside of our commune would live in relative poverty.

In the past when people fell ill they were sent to the nearest friendly nation for treatment, our sick bay having long been closed down however many people can not afford healthcare in other nations and suffered. We have as such decided to reopen our medical ward and would be delighted for your company to operate a clinic here. The lower costs will make it more feasible for all the people onboard to receive some sort of medical care.

We have submitted below an application for your company to establish a branch onboard the Picasso however we must insist that the government (s) of those with whom we are dealing recognize us as a sovereign entity by visiting our website linked, The Picasso seeks International Recognition and completion of the necessary.

We look forward to a lasting relationship between our peoples,

Regards

Captain Charles Okaïdi of the Picasso[/box]

by **Grittonia** » Mon Oct 08, 2012 11:35 am

From: Doctor Angus McPhail, CEO of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM
To: The Leader(s) of ViZion

Dear leaders,

We at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM always aim at improving cheap, easy and preferably fast healthcare all over the world, especially when that healthcare is coming from our own company, Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. And I would like you to know that I most certainly don't get a thousand Grittonian Dimes each time I mention Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. That said, I'm happy that you chose Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM for your healthcare needs.

We are most certainly able to open some of our branches in your nation in order to provide your citizens with cheap, easy and preferably fast healthcare, seeing as cheap, easy and preferably fast healthcare is our expertise! We're not called the fast-food of the healthcare branch for nothing. All the healthcare at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM follows the three Golden Rules of Drive-by Medication^TM and let's be honest: Just the word Golden already gives you the confidence to entrust Doc McPhail with the healthcare of your citizens!

After our calculations, we have calculated that a whopping $13,42, rounded down, is spent per person, per hour of healthcare. We at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM are shocked at those costs! Our current calculations are that you and/or your citizens will be paying $11,40 per person, per hour of healthcare at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM, allowing you a saving of a whopping 15%, or $2,02 per person, per hour of healthcare, by just switching over to Doc McPhail!

We shall open our twenty-five-hundred branches as soon as possible in ViZion. Our estimates are that each of the branches will be able to open within 2 to 5 weeks.

With Healthy Greetings,
Doctor Angus McPhail
Pros. Prof. Phys. Doc. Doctor Angus McPhail
Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM

From: Doctor Angus McPhail, CEO of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM
To: Captain Charles Okaïdi, Captain of the Picasso

Dear Charles,

We at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM always aim at improving cheap, easy and preferably fast healthcare all over the world, especially when that healthcare is coming from our own company, Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. And I would like you to know that I most certainly don't get a thousand Grittonian Dimes each time I mention Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM. That said, I'm happy that you chose Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM for your healthcare needs.

We are most certainly able to open one of our branches in your ship in order to provide your citizens with cheap, easy and preferably fast healthcare, seeing as cheap, easy and preferably fast healthcare is our expertise! We're not called the fast-food of the healthcare branch for nothing. All the healthcare at Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM follows the three Golden Rules of Drive-by Medication^TM and let's be honest: Just the word Golden already gives you the confidence to entrust Doc McPhail with the healthcare of your citizens!

Our calculations couldn't be done due to the fact that you have provided no figures, however, you can be sure that Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM will be cheaper than any equivalent being offered! As for the government, I can assure you that I have been legally declared dead since 1981, just for tax reasons! Due to this fact, we can provide you with even cheaper services due to the lack of tax that I need to pay being calculated straight to you! As such, I technically don't have a government! Unless worms and maggots have governments, in that case, I may need to check if my insurance policy covers foreigners. And perhaps buy a phone that works underground, if those exist.

If acceptable, we can arrange for the branch to open within several weeks.

With Healthy Greetings,
Doctor Angus McPhail
Pros. Prof. Phys. Doc. Doctor Angus McPhail
Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM

by **Picasso** » Mon Oct 08, 2012 8:37 pm

From the desk of Charles Okaïdi, Captain of the Picasso

Dear Doctor Angus McPhail,

As per the nature of our commune we don't charge taxes, just asking that the upkeep of your area is maintained to a suitable standard for your work and a contribution is made to our expenses, as per your discretion.

As such we would be delighted to welcome your institution to join our crew.

We look forward to a lasting relationship between our peoples,

Regards

Captain Charles Okaïdi of the Picasso[/box]

by **Victorious Decepticons** » Tue Oct 09, 2012 12:24 am

This looks like the perfect thing to maybe keep our slaves functioning a bit longer. Right now, if a slave crashes, we just throw it into biological rendering and buy another. Puny humans are way too fiddly to bother trying to fix!

The problem is, it costs 500 Energon Cubes per replacement slave. Until now, the cost of fixing one ran at least that high, so there was no point in bothering with a broken-down one instead of getting a nice, well-tuned new one right from the human production system.

We'd like to test this new super-cheap medical center and see if Doc McPhail can make it more cost-effective to keep the broken slaves instead of just turning them straight into fertilizer and bio-fuel. Your first locations will be at 10 test mines. Slaves don't drive, so the medical centers would have to be more of a "walk-by" setup, but other than that, the current setup sounds fine.

Application:
Name of Requesting Nation: The Empire of Victorious Decepticons
Government Type of Requesting Nation: Autocratic Military Dictatorship
Preferred Locations of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM Establishments: Selected Megatron Metals mining operations on Decepticon Earth. The clinics will need to be inside the mines, so send people who won't get depressed by the lack of sunlight.
Preferred Amount of Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by^TM Establishments: 10
Average Spending Amount per Person per Year on Healthcare in Requesting Nation: $0
Average Time Spent per Person per Year on Healthcare in Requesting Nation: About 4 minutes (pick up defective slave, carry to rendering pit, throw slave in).

Of course, we Decepticons spend more money and time on keeping ourselves running, but we're mechanical and so don't use doctors. Plus, we can fix almost all of our own errors ourselves since we don't have that silly closed system design that humans do.

Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by (Open for Business)

Doc McPhail's Medical Drive-by (Open for Business)

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