The 3rd Floor Flat Declares War Against 2nd Floor Flat

[My 3rd Floor Flat]

*A Banner Is Unfurled From A Non-Descript Flat In An Unspecified Anglo-Like Nation*

*It Doth Proclaim...*

Distinguished politicians of the world, and Mrs Groggins from across the road who can see this, firstly, I apologise for forgetting to let your cat out, secondly, I hereby wish to state my sadness that upon this day, a day which should be a glorious time for me and my people as we emerge upon the world stage, is a day of suffering and war. For today is the first time in history that the Disputed Territories Of My 3rd Floor Flat declars war against the Inferior and Idiotic Mr and Mrs Mullins in the 2nd Floor Flat Below.

Noting, that playing the X-Factor on the highest volume whilst I attempt to play X-Box Live is incredibly annoying and an infringement upon an obscure human right of mine.
Realising, that the last two formal complaints I have submitted have been ignored.
And Horrified that the local constabulary will do nothing.

I am forced to go to war against the 2nd Floor Flat, I beg that the nations of the world find it in their hearts to support my noble war and to provide what supplies they can to aid my nation as I leave my normal job and am forced to rely upon my flower boxes and remaining contents of my refriderator for sustenance.

Wish me well, for tonight the first water bombs will hit their target. Gods speed to all of you!

[Crabulonia]

To the Disputed Territories of The 3rd Floor Flat,

We stand by you, the resolute citizens of The 3rd Floor Flat against this menace. We are entirely at odds with this 'X-Factor' show and entirely fans of the Xbox 360. Of current, we cannot supply men or arms, but we send one bag of red dorritoes.

Have courage, you will prevail

In Jingo we march,

General Valienté

[Yekrut]

Are either of the Mullinsses fascists or communists, and do they have oil?

[My 3rd Floor Flat]

To the Disputed Territories of The 3rd Floor Flat,

We stand by you, the resolute citizens of The 3rd Floor Flat against this menace. We are entirely at odds with this 'X-Factor' show and entirely fans of the Xbox 360. Of current, we cannot supply men or arms, but we send one bag of red dorritoes.

Have courage, you will prevail

In Jingo we march,

General Valienté

To General Valienté,

We have received your shipment with great gratification! This will certainly see us through the night as we fight our endless battles and take shelter as we fight the Great War against our immortal foe!

All the best,

From the yet to be titled ruler of The 3rd Floor Flat,

[My 3rd Floor Flat]

Are either of the Mullinsses fascists or communists, and do they have oil?

To Yekrut,

They are neither Facists nor Communists, they are however suppressing their neighbouring nation of The 3rd Floor Flat. And our intelligence reports consisting of a hamster, in a ball, with a spy camera mounted to it's top, leads us to belive that they have 450 ml's of sun flower cooking oil.

All the best,

The yet to be named ruler of The 3rd Floor Flat,

[Crabulonia]

Dear the as of yet untitled leader of The 3rd Floor Flat,

If we send another pack of doritoes, may we send in a mining corporation representative to claim one forty-fifth of the oil supply?

With Jingo we march,

Chief General Valienté

[Guanzhong]

Official Communique

To: Open Communique
From: The Peoples' Republic of Guanzhong
Subj: Noisy Neighbors

The Peoples' Republic of Guanzhong;

Noting with alarm the disregard of the rule of law by Mr and Mrs Mullins, and

Recognizing the devaluation of law and order evidenced by the lack of a police response, and

Further recognizing that a devaluation of the rule of law leads to global instability, anarchy, and nuclear war, and

Understanding that Guanzhongese leadership is necessary for a peaceful NSEarth,

Hereby announces with the utmost gravity that a state of war exists between the Peoples' Republic of Guanzhong and the Disputed Territories of Second Floor Flat

Signed,
Wu Ming- GCP Party Chairman
Bu Kuai-Li- Foriegn Minister

ORBAT

5 Type 07 IVF (Shou Armed Police)
50 Shou Armed Police Personel (paramilitary police force)

[My 3rd Floor Flat]

Dear the as of yet untitled leader of The 3rd Floor Flat,

If we send another pack of doritoes, may we send in a mining corporation representative to claim one forty-fifth of the oil supply?

With Jingo we march,

Chief General Valienté

To Chief General Valienté,

You may indeed, we must of course reward those whom wish to assist our plight, once the territory of the 2nd Floor Flat has been secured we shall allow your mining corporations to enter and commence the delicate process of removing the oil.

All the best,

The still as of yet untitled ruler of the 3rd Floor Flat,

[My 3rd Floor Flat]

Official Communique

To: Open Communique
From: The Peoples' Republic of Guanzhong
Subj: Noisy Neighbors

The Peoples' Republic of Guanzhong;

Noting with alarm the disregard of the rule of law by Mr and Mrs Mullins, and

Recognizing the devaluation of law and order evidenced by the lack of a police response, and

Further recognizing that a devaluation of the rule of law leads to global instability, anarchy, and nuclear war, and

Understanding that Guanzhongese leadership is necessary for a peaceful NSEarth,

Hereby announces with the utmost gravity that a state of war exists between the Peoples' Republic of Guanzhong and the Disputed Territories of Second Floor Flat

Signed,
Wu Ming- GCP Party Chairman
Bu Kuai-Li- Foriegn Minister

ORBAT

5 Type 07 IVF (Shou Armed Police)
50 Shou Armed Police Personel (paramilitary police force)

To Wu Ming, GCP Party Chairman and Bu Kuai-Li Foreign Minister of Guanzhong,

We have read your declaration with great relief, it is indeed a truly wonderous sight to behold fellow nations of the world taking a stance against anarchic and destructive tendencies in this world. We request support in our fothcoming battle against the 2nd Floor Flat, and the over arching comineering forces of the corrupt Council whom attempt to subjugate us all.

I myself will be going into battle, with my cat, two hamsters, and two loyal accomplices posing as mercaneries. We strike tonight just after dinner but before X-Factor viewing time. Wish us gods speed! And hold back the oppressive forces of the Council as best you may!

All the best,

The as yet untitled ruler of the 3rd Floor Flat,

----------

To Wu Ming, GCP Party Chairman and Bu Kuai-Li Foreign Minister of Guanzhong,
From Mr and Mrs Mullins,

What is this? A joke? Whats your nation doing disrupting me and my husbands private life and t.v entertainment viewing pleasure! I'll have the Council onto you if you don't stop this nonsense!

From,

Mr and Mrs Mullins.

[Crabulonia]

Dear the as of yet untitled leader of The 3rd Floor Flat,

If we send another pack of doritoes, may we send in a mining corporation representative to claim one forty-fifth of the oil supply?

With Jingo we march,

Chief General Valienté

To Chief General Valienté,

You may indeed, we must of course reward those whom wish to assist our plight, once the territory of the 2nd Floor Flat has been secured we shall allow your mining corporations to enter and commence the delicate process of removing the oil.

All the best,

The still as of yet untitled ruler of the 3rd Floor Flat,

Dear untitled ruler of 3rd Floor Flat,

The red bag of Dorritos has been sent, should be arriving by airlift. Also contained within are some unfilled water balloons, we trust you have facilities to load the highly toxic ammunition in your land?

With Jingo we march,

Chief General Valienté

[My 3rd Floor Flat]

Dear untitled ruler of 3rd Floor Flat,

The red bag of Dorritos has been sent, should be arriving by airlift. Also contained within are some unfilled water balloons, we trust you have facilities to load the highly toxic ammunition in your land?

With Jingo we march,

Chief General Valienté

To Chief General Valienté,

Superb, my two loyal friends whom will be aiding me in the upcoming battle will be most pleased by this delivery. The water balloons will serve us well to disrupt their mobility and electrical appliances! Be assured that this dangerous equiptment is in safe hands, and that the risk of exposure to the highly toxix Oxy-Dihydride will be minimised.

From the still not yet named and rathe indecisive ruler of The 3rd Floor Flat

[Guanzhong]

Police Lt. Cho Ko-li glanced down at his copy of TV Guide in the soft red light of the Type 07 he was riding in.
"How long until we engage?"
"We have a 1 hour window, Dinner should be finished around 7:00 PM, local time, X-files starts around 8:00", he glanced down at his watch
"We are 15 minutes away, plenty of time to make an arrest before X-files start"
"I think that's the building"
"alright, form a perimeter! I want Alpha and Bravo Teams to approach the enterances, all others stay on reserve in case they don't surrender peacefully"
"Wouldn't the gunfire violate the noise ordinance we seek to protect?"
"Sometimes, Comrade, you must fight fire with fire to put an end to injustice"
"Yes Sir!"

---

Official Communique

To: MrMrsMullins@gmail.com
From: The Peoples' Republic of Guanzhong
Subj:RE: Noisy Neighbors

Global stability is no joke. Your habitual and severe violations of local noise ordinances represent a clear and present danger to world peace. A SAP unit is en route to end this injustice. Bear in mind that they are authorized to use deadly force should you not co-operate

Signed,

Wu Ming- GCP Party Chairman
Bu Kuai-li- Foriegn Minister

[My 3rd Floor Flat]

Official Communique

To: MrMrsMullins@gmail.com
From: The Peoples' Republic of Guanzhong
Subj:RE: Noisy Neighbors

Global stability is no joke. Your habitual and severe violations of local noise ordinances represent a clear and present danger to world peace. A SAP unit is en route to end this injustice. Bear in mind that they are authorized to use deadly force should you not co-operate

Signed,

Wu Ming- GCP Party Chairman
Bu Kuai-li- Foriegn Minister

To Wu Ming, GCP Party Chairman and Bu Kuai-Li Foreign Minister of Guanzhong,

We will not tolerate this nonsense any longer, we are phoning the Council at once to deal with this joke, and then we are sitting down to dinner in peace!

Now bugger off.

----------

Just as Mr and Mrs Mullins sat down upon ther table to enjoy their jacket potatoes cheese and poached eggs, not beans though for it gave them gas, they were disturbed by a commotion from outside. Pulling aside his net curtains Mr Mullins behld the sight of the Guanzhong military forming a perimeter around his house. "I don't believe this! This is the biggest joke in history!".Pulling open his window he leant out and shouted at the Guanzhong forces, "What do you think this is! It's a joke that's what it is! Sod off and leave us in peace! It sin't funny! I've called the Council! They'll show you what's what!!!" he surveyed the area disapprovingly before his attention was drawn to the window one floor above.

"My fellow people of the world! The Currently Disputed Territories Of The 3rd Floor Flat hereby declares war against The Currently Disputed Terretories Of The Immensly Annoying And Cantankerous 2nd Floors Flat Of Mr And Mrs Mullins!"

A man in his early twenties boomed out his message from the 3rd Floor Flat, a loose strand of his medium lenght blond hair waving in the wind beneath an old WW2 air raid helmet, a blue trench coat done up with metal clasps appeared to be his temporary uniform as he waved a decorated broom as he denounced his long term foes.

Mr Mullins was not at all pleased, "Oh shut up will you! And tell them to go away!"

"You shall not speak to my international allies in such a manner! I, the As-Yet-Unnamed Ruler Of The Third Floor Flats leads the charge against the oppressive rule of Mr and Mrs Mullins! Charge!"

Two simiarly aged men dressed in second hand war gear appeared at the windown and commenced hurling down water bombs, flour bombs, and jelly bombs, most of which impacted against Mr Mullins head. He withdrew from his window swearing loudly.

"Onwards!" The three men cried happily, one of the threw a rope out of the window and began to absail down to the window below.

Behind the Guanzhong perimeter two police cars pulled up, from them stepped a number of bewildered looking officers, a Sargeant, holding his hat in confusion looked at the commotion, "Now what the bloody hell is going on here!"

"The Council comes to suppress us!" the Ruler of The Third Floor Flat cried, "Hold them back my loyal allies!" He cried to the Guanzhong forces. With that he and his friend dissapeared inside their flat with the intention of running downstairs and storming the enemy fortress.

[Crabulonia]

Dear untitled leader of The 3rd Floor Flat,

I stand by you in this hour of need where the council is knocking at your very gates. I have messaged the Chief of Police, example of message follows.

With Jingo we march,

Chief General Valienté
------------------------------------

Dear Vicious Tyrant of Police,

Your department sure has your priorities mixed up. You can't stop a man having to listen to X-Factor, but some friendly battling takes place and you call in a firing squard? You have some nerve, we The Jingoistic States of Crabulonia hearby declares our intention to firmly and resolutely take up arms with The 3rd Floor Flat. Snipers armed with Supersoaker brand water guns are on the room of the building. Just try to break in.

With Jingo we march,

Chief General Valienté

NB: It may interest you to know Chief of Police, that we have barricaded the flat block's door and have defecated in your car.

[Juksereen]

Anyone mining Uranium? The scientists of Juksereen are interested in Uranium medicine: 56.7 million dollars are in it for you

[My 3rd Floor Flat]

Dear untitled leader of The 3rd Floor Flat,

I stand by you in this hour of need where the council is knocking at your very gates. I have messaged the Chief of Police, example of message follows.

With Jingo we march,

Chief General Valienté

To Chief General Valienté,

We thank you for your unwavering support! The battle rages on even as I type this on my accursed portable laptop. If I mae it through this I wish to invite you round for tea and cakes in honour of this glorious victory!

From the as-yet-unnamed ect ect so on and so forth.


[quote=]Dear Vicious Tyrant of Police,

Your department sure has your priorities mixed up. You can't stop a man having to listen to X-Factor, but some friendly battling takes place and you call in a firing squard? You have some nerve, we The Jingoistic States of Crabulonia hearby declares our intention to firmly and resolutely take up arms with The 3rd Floor Flat. Snipers armed with Supersoaker brand water guns are on the room of the building. Just try to break in.

With Jingo we march,

Chief General Valienté

NB: It may interest you to know Chief of Police, that we have barricaded the flat block's door and have defecated in your car.[/quote]

"Excuse me sir, you may wan to take a look at this."
"Well I never! How outrageous! What has happened to the world! And besides, how silly of them to presume that they've defecated in my car! It's locked up for peats sake!" Rodger, prepare my car! I'm going to the scene of the crime immediatly!"

2 minutes later...

The Cheif of Police's car pulled up outside the Council's head building, he jumped inside the car, closed the door behind him and promptly yelled "s**t!"
"What is it sir!?"
"S**t s**t s**t!"
"What sir?"
"It's bloody poo! Get me to the crime scene immediatly!"

Back at the Flat Block...

One of the 3rd Floor Flat soldiers burst through the window, scattering a number of plants on the windowsill as he did so, he hurled a number of water balloons at Mr Mullins as he protected his wife, "Quick my dear! Into the bedroom!" Seizing a fruit bowl on the table he began hurling fruit at the invading 3rd Floor Flat trooper, bannanas and oranges sailed out of the window and impacted on the ground below with a squelchy thud.

Meanwhile, armed with a life sized bust of the Greek goddess Aprhodite, the As-yet-Unnamed-Ruler and his other soldier began breaking down the door of The 2nd Floor Flat.

[Crabulonia]

Anyone mining Uranium? The scientists of Juksereen are interested in Uranium medicine: 56.7 million dollars are in it for you

OOC: Think you may have missed the point, go into economics and on page Montana Darae Defences, they should set you up with lethal weaponary.

[My 3rd Floor Flat]

Anyone mining Uranium? The scientists of Juksereen are interested in Uranium medicine: 56.7 million dollars are in it for you

We can always scrape that strange green glowing stuff off the hands of their luminous wristwatches is that suffices.

[Aidannadia]

im mining Uranium

[Vojvodina-Nihon]

Official Message

Hearken, ye masses, and pay heed! His Most Royal and Imperial Majesty, the Supreme Emperor of the Earth, Ruler of the Universe, Avatar of God, By the Grace of His Own Self and the Powers Invested In Him By His Most Munificent Awesomeness, Lord Sir Pope Emperor Doctor King Tarien Redblade, CBE OBE KBE PhD LLC the Emperor of Vojvodina-Nihon and All Her Dependencies, High King over all Kings, Graham's Number Given Physical Form, Speaker of the Infinite, Master over All Beings, Wielder of the Mighty and Indestructible Sword of DOOM, and so forth, and so forth, and so forth, has seen fit to speak!

It has come to the attention of the Mighty Emperor of Mankind and All Other Beings that some of His lowly but valued minions, Mr and Mrs Mullins of the Second Floor Flat, have been unjustly persecuted by the leader of another of the Emperor's subdominions, the justly unnamed ruler of the Third Floor Flat, for simply enjoying a television show known as 'The X-factor', which -- while such menial matters as television are below the Emperor's purview -- as far as such things go, is harmless and indeed occasionally quite enjoyable, according to the Emperor's sources.

This illegal war must come to a speedy end in favour of the forces of righteousness. It is for that reason that I, Most Supreme and Holy Emperor of Vojvodina-Nihon, hereby declare war upon the Third Floor Flat. I shall immediately begin making arrangements to prosecute this war to its successful conclusion. To that end, I am deploying a billion, trillion soldiers, enough to make the earth quake in terror when they march upon it, and millions of mighty engines of war, siege machines, catapults, and war elephants. No one, man, woman, child, or hamster, shall be spared a swift and unmerciful death. The fields shall turn to acid, the rain to offal. The mountains shall be leveled into valleys and the rivers of those valleys shall run red with blood. And the Third Floor Flat will be utterly destroyed, so completely that even the memory of its name is erased. Hear ye, and hearken; for this is what befalls all those who flaunt the will of the Immortal and Brave Emperor of the Universe.

Mwahahahahaha! Hahahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

By The Grace of God, The Powers Invested In Him by the People of Vojvodina-Nihon and Of Course His Own Terrible Might, His Majesterial Holiness, The One, The Only, The Amazing Emperor Doctor Sir Pope Queen Lord Magister Tarien Redblade, Supreme Ruler of the Known and Unknown Multiverse, Grand High Pooh-bah of the Earth, Bringer of Destruction, Pope of the Vojvodina-Nihonian Church, High King above all earthly and spiritual Kings, Mouthpiece of the Divine, Supreme Arbiter of Worldly Justice, and so forth, and so forth, and so forth, has spoken. May death come swiftly to his enemies!

[signed]
Loyal Minion #710
Scribe to the Most Glorious Emperor, May His Name Remain Deathless, Ruler of Vojvodina-Nihon, Emperor of the Universe, Wielder of the Sword of DOOM, and so forth, and so forth, and so forth

[My 3rd Floor Flat]

Official Message

Hearken, ye masses, and pay heed! His Most Royal and Imperial Majesty, the Supreme Emperor of the Earth, Ruler of the Universe, Avatar of God, By the Grace of His Own Self and the Powers Invested In Him By His Most Munificent Awesomeness, Lord Sir Pope Emperor Doctor King Tarien Redblade, CBE OBE KBE PhD LLC the Emperor of Vojvodina-Nihon and All Her Dependencies, High King over all Kings, Graham's Number Given Physical Form, Speaker of the Infinite, Master over All Beings, Wielder of the Mighty and Indestructible Sword of DOOM, and so forth, and so forth, and so forth, has seen fit to speak!

It has come to the attention of the Mighty Emperor of Mankind and All Other Beings that some of His lowly but valued minions, Mr and Mrs Mullins of the Second Floor Flat, have been unjustly persecuted by the leader of another of the Emperor's subdominions, the justly unnamed ruler of the Third Floor Flat, for simply enjoying a television show known as 'The X-factor', which -- while such menial matters as television are below the Emperor's purview -- as far as such things go, is harmless and indeed occasionally quite enjoyable, according to the Emperor's sources.

This illegal war must come to a speedy end in favour of the forces of righteousness. It is for that reason that I, Most Supreme and Holy Emperor of Vojvodina-Nihon, hereby declare war upon the Third Floor Flat. I shall immediately begin making arrangements to prosecute this war to its successful conclusion. To that end, I am deploying a billion, trillion soldiers, enough to make the earth quake in terror when they march upon it, and millions of mighty engines of war, siege machines, catapults, and war elephants. No one, man, woman, child, or hamster, shall be spared a swift and unmerciful death. The fields shall turn to acid, the rain to offal. The mountains shall be leveled into valleys and the rivers of those valleys shall run red with blood. And the Third Floor Flat will be utterly destroyed, so completely that even the memory of its name is erased. Hear ye, and hearken; for this is what befalls all those who flaunt the will of the Immortal and Brave Emperor of the Universe.

Mwahahahahaha! Hahahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

By The Grace of God, The Powers Invested In Him by the People of Vojvodina-Nihon and Of Course His Own Terrible Might, His Majesterial Holiness, The One, The Only, The Amazing Emperor Doctor Sir Pope Queen Lord Magister Tarien Redblade, Supreme Ruler of the Known and Unknown Multiverse, Grand High Pooh-bah of the Earth, Bringer of Destruction, Pope of the Vojvodina-Nihonian Church, High King above all earthly and spiritual Kings, Mouthpiece of the Divine, Supreme Arbiter of Worldly Justice, and so forth, and so forth, and so forth, has spoken. May death come swiftly to his enemies!

[signed]
Loyal Minion #710
Scribe to the Most Glorious Emperor, May His Name Remain Deathless, Ruler of Vojvodina-Nihon, Emperor of the Universe, Wielder of the Sword of DOOM, and so forth, and so forth, and so forth

To Most Glorious Emperor, May His Name Remain Deathless, Ruler of Vojvodina-Nihon, Emperor of the Universe, Wielder of the Sword of DOOM, and so forth, and so forth, and so forth,
From The As-Yet-Untitled-Ruler Of The Third Floor Flat,

Dear sir,

You wish to unleash your unstopabble forces, which I presume are located in some remote MMORPG on the internet, I would be delighted to battle to the death online once you have given me the liberty of setting up an account and getting the hang of this game which you must surely be referring to. How many hours did it take you to get the title "Emperor of the Universe, out of interest?

Otherwise, I am currently out at the moment overthrowing the evil forces of Mr and Mrs Mullins, so do not fear if my correspondance is somewhat delayed.

All the best,

The As-Yet-Untitled ect ect of so on and so forth land.

[Vojvodina-Nihon]

Loyal Minion #710 returned from cleanup duties to the sole, aging internet terminal in the Castle of Doom, the Emperor's creatively-named pad (which was, indeed, a Gothic castle complete with moat and drawbridge and dramatic placing on the top of a cliff, although moving the cliff to the middle of Novi Sadtokyo from a distant mountain range had been quite an expense indeed), to read the new message. He hated cleanup duties; the Emperor's rather sadistic decree had required messengers to read every news story to him personally rather than buy him a newspaper, and everyone knows what happens when you bring bad news to the Emperor. Loyal Minion #710 did hope all the blood was used for a good cause, although he never knew exactly what the Emperor did with it.

He started to respond to the message in full-blown Emperor-speak, before pausing and realizing that the Emperor was actually outside at the moment, training in the usage of his mighty aluminium sword of DOOM, and he could write freely. For the time being, of course. He'd have to delete all records of the message, but he was fairly good at that by now.

Official Message

Dear Mr Something, As Yet Unnamed Ruler of someplace:

Don't take him too seriously, he's a bit daft. The only reason we let him run the country is because he leaves all the important decisions to us -- unfortunately, he insisted on maintaining control of the military, and he does have a habit of killing anyone who disobeys him. Gets messy. So some troops (probably not "a billion, trillion troops", mind, but a number) have in fact been deployed to destroy your flat and kill everyone inside it. However, since the task of relaying their orders was given to me, I did tell them that they were going to a costume party instead.

They ought to arrive shortly. Please be advised that (a) General Doomclaw's costume sucks, and (b) under no circumstances tell him this since he will go batshit.

Yours in sanity,
Loyal Minion #710

* * *

Shortly thereafter did a number of buses pull in to the general area of the conflict, and out poured quite a decent number of people in a wide assortment of costumes. There were not a billion, trillion of them, but there were at least enough to form a large crowd, which milled around for a moment. Shortly, a large cardboard box emerged from the milling crowd and approached the nearest person, speaking somewhat indistinctly. "Where's the costume party, then?" he said, in Old Church Slavonic, and when that got no response, in Japanese.

[My 3rd Floor Flat]

Engaged in the somewhat strenuous task of breaking down a door, with a now headless bust of Aprohodite, the As-Yet-Untitled ruler of The 3rd Floor Flat was once more distracted by his portable laptop resting on a side table in the corridor.

Official Message

Dear Mr Something, As Yet Unnamed Ruler of someplace:

Don't take him too seriously, he's a bit daft. The only reason we let him run the country is because he leaves all the important decisions to us -- unfortunately, he insisted on maintaining control of the military, and he does have a habit of killing anyone who disobeys him. Gets messy. So some troops (probably not "a billion, trillion troops", mind, but a number) have in fact been deployed to destroy your flat and kill everyone inside it. However, since the task of relaying their orders was given to me, I did tell them that they were going to a costume party instead.

They ought to arrive shortly. Please be advised that (a) General Doomclaw's costume sucks, and (b) under no circumstances tell him this since he will go batshit.

Yours in sanity,
Loyal Minion #710

"What's that?" His Head Of Security managed to grunt as he heaved once more into the door which cracked around it's hinges.
"It is a truly marvellous act of ingenuity in the efforts to promote peace and security across the globe." He looked back down at the laptop as the Head Of Security raised an eyebrow in bewilderment, "We've been saved through the medium of a costume party."
"Now that makes more sense." The Head Of Security replied as he resumed relentlessly bashing against the doorway of The 2nd Floor Flat.

The As-Yet-Untitled Ruler sprang off in a sprint upstairs which lasted for a full three seconds before he tripped over the head of Aprodite's bust which had been knocked off in their inital barrage. Stumbling, but managing to grab it, he raced upstairs to prepare for the next phase of their operation. This was was becoming increasingly difficult to manage.

He raced into the 3rd Floor Flat and surveyed his domain, the decorations from their seccessionst party held last night were still up, and food and drink for fifty people was still placed neatly around the living room, after all, there were only three citizens in their glorious nation thus far. Quickly sweeping the bathroom clean of his industrial military apparatus, excess toilet roll, water balloons and so on, he deposited it in the kitchen which had become the nations defacto laboratory. The assembly line for flour bombs was still intact, but he quickly grabbed a few more paper cups and laid them out on the table in the living room. Clearing a space in the center of the room he switched on the party lights, music player, and karoke machine. He surveyed his handy work proudly before racing off to his bedroom cupboard, putting on a Viking Helmet and a cloak to serve as a costume he also seized an old banner. Unfurling it out of the window it did proclaim to the forces of Vojvodina-Nihon:

*40th Birthday Costume Party Here! 3rd Floor Flat! Come On Up!*

To Loyal Minion #710,
From Myself, The As-Yet-Untitled-Ruler Of The 3rd Floor Flat,

My dear fellow, I must thank you for this act of great intelectual clarity on your part, I must reward you somehow with a hamper of assorted savoury items or maybe a holiday in the Disputed Territories Of The 3rd Floor Flats would serve to give you a well deserved vacation. Do not fear however, for I shall deal with the situation appropriatly, and shall ensure that you leaders "wishes" are "fulfilled" when your army "crushes the 3rd Flat's military forces" in the costume party contest.

All the best for you!

The As-Yet-Untitled-Ruler of The 3rd Flat.

[Guanzhong]

To Wu Ming, GCP Party Chairman and Bu Kuai-Li Foreign Minister of Guanzhong,

We will not tolerate this nonsense any longer, we are phoning the Council at once to deal with this joke, and then we are sitting down to dinner in peace!

Now bugger off.

Official Communique

To: MrMrsMullins@gmail.com
From: The Peoples' Republic of Guanzhong
Subj:RE: Noisy Neighbors

The Peoples' Republic of Guanzhong shall not be insulted. You shall be brought to justice, or you shall die, this is no joke.
Have a nice day

Signed,

Wu Ming- GCP Party Chairman
Bu Kuai-li- Foriegn Minister

---

A pair of vehicles bearing the crest of the nation of Police (Po Li Ke) approached the Guanzhongese perimeter with obnoxious flashing lights

"Hey Hey who are they! why are they wearing those ridiculous hats?!"
"Tell them to stop"

A very heavily armed SAP officer motioned for the two cars to stop

"Excuse me sirs, but we are in the middle of a very dangerous siege of the rogue nation of Second Floor Flats and to apprehend their leaders, Mr. and Mrs' Mullins. Their repeated violation of local noise ordinances presents a clear danger to world peace, they are very dangerous. This is too dangerous for civilians, we must ask you to leave at once. We do not want to start a conflict between the Peoples' Republic of Guanzhong and the Kingdom of P... Pol... Po-li-ke, but if we must use force we will"

[Crabulonia]

Dear untitled ruler of The 3rd Floor Flat,

Over the past few hours, I'd like to think some sort of repore has built between us, me - Chief General of Crabulonia - you - anonymous leader of a mysterious apartment we wish to help blossom into a full nation. It has been brought to my attention that there is perhaps a situation beginning, clashes between various state-sponsored police services. I am therefore authorising the use of an Assault Copter, armed with a 15 strong compliment of commandos, plenty of supplies to last a week, and of course, thousands of bags of Dorritos. We are now taking a more active stance, providing more red bags and are hovering in the area in case of any sort debacle.

With Jingo we march,

Chief General Valienté