Esportivan Foreign Press [Semi-Open/Esportiva]

by **Cyborg Holland** » Mon Apr 29, 2013 10:20 am

This thread is where members of the region Esportiva can report on major events within their country, such as elections.

The region Esportiva was founded on January 8, 2012 by Cyborg Holland and Racing

by **Apox** » Mon Apr 29, 2013 10:34 am

Apox News Source

More recent Apoxian news can be found here.

14th March 571: Apox Government Under Fire
24th March 571: Apox To Go To The Polls
1st April 571: John wins leadership election - lack of change in Apox?
17th May 571: Cafrew wins second term
29th August 571: Space is closer than you think...
3rd October 572: Return of the Nobility Scandal
12th June 574: A Rising Force in Apoxian Politics
2nd May 575: Apox Prepares for the Closest Election Yet
17th May 575: Momentous Election Victory
23rd May 575: Greybolds Greens Lead New Coalition
18th June 580: High Speed Rail Fast-Tracked By Government
5th November 580: Lord Winklebottom dies, aged 74
14th March 582: A New Dawn?
16th June 582: True inclusion for all
7th October 582: One Month to Go, the Heat is On
7th November 582: Free Party remain biggest party once again
19th November 588: Calls for term limits to be introduced
4th December 588: Madness Within Government House as New Election is Called
7th January 589: LIVESTREAM: 589 Election
16th December 591: Expansions to Apoxian High Speed Rail Quickly Proposed
15th February 593: After Difficult First Term, Cooke Sets Date for Elections
12th April 596: Will Oberhausen be the one to lead the Free Party back into Government?
3rd February 597: Results of the First Dwile Mayor/Council Elections
14th January 598: The Second Dwile Election Results are in

by **Wray** » Mon Apr 29, 2013 10:57 am

Wray Foreign Press

Governor de Kock hands over executive control to McCormack, 250 years of rule ends; street parties in Cartersburg.

Cartersburg Avenue waking up to a new era in Wray

The final transfer of executive power from the Cyborg Dutch governor in Jeinickstown has been completed in the early hours of this morning. Mr. de Kock and the last remaining Cyborg Dutch officials signed over exectuive control of East Wray to the rest of the Wray Free State and Prime Minister Ewen McCormack. The devolution process began 12 years ago when Cartersburg Territory and the surrounding territories elected their own domestic governor, and the process has snowballed since, fianlly ending today with the executive shift of power.

Governonr de Kock, who has been the East Wray governor for two years, addressed a crowd composed of 10% ex-pats and Cyborg Dutch citizens, and 90% rejoicing Wray citizens who'd been living in the Cyborg Dutch controlled area.

I, along with my chief officials and those back in Cyborg Holland, have decided to end Cyborg Dutch control in East Wray effective tonight at midnight. All political staff currently residing in Jeinickstown will return to Cyborg Holland by the end of the day, and citizens with Cyborg Dutch passports will have the option to stay or return.

Since the first colonisation of 1732, Cyborg Holland extended its control of the land until it controlled the entire country in 1800. Slowly but surely over the last two centuries, control has reduced, with the first local controlled action being the Wray Militia Force, who were a domestic police force in Aalenburg (Cartersburg) from 1854-1890. The Wray Free State was set up by the first Wray governor of West Wray, George Carter, who declared independence from the main colony in 1911. Slowly the Cyborg dutch government has succeded more and more land and territory to the WFS, and the final hand-over of the 2400sq km to the WFS happened today.

Prime Minister Ewen McCormack, 51, said that this monumentous event was a new page in the book that is Wray, and he is looking forward to a long and prosperous future of the country. The incumbent Prime Minister has also said that he will hold elections as soon admin is in order, and he stated that he will run for Prime Minister for his Wray Democratic Party. His long-time opponent Shelly Marshall has said that she won't run, but her shadow Domestic Affairs minister David Warren has said that he will run for the Wray People's Party. The election day has been provisionally set for 25th September 2013.

by **New Sideburn** » Mon Apr 29, 2013 3:19 pm

THE BRINEMOUTH HERALD
FASCIST RABBLE-ROUSER SHOUTS INCOHERENTLY INTO A MICROPHONE; NOBODY CARES
by Andrea Pennant

Today, the streets of Maximum were marred by a loud man in a suit. That man was Jonathan Vicks, a tall, lanky Brenecian armed only with a couple of groupies and a microphone. He spent a grand total of five hours attempting to win favour with the largely working-class, heavily unionised city of Maximum, a Progressive Democrat stronghold. Of that time, his first response came from a tradie on his lunch break, who threw a beer bottle at him from his car, shouting "YOU SUCK!"

Vicks claimed to be a messenger of God, which lost credibility soon afterwards when a priest on his lunch break threw a wine bottle at him from his car, shouting "YOU SUCK!" Remarkably unflappable, Vicks told me that the duty of the state was to seize control of the market and of the people. I casually replied that the government had better things to do than burn books and hang everyone who disagreed with them.

Vicks' rant was eventually stopped at 6.43pm, when a couple of policemen asked him very politely if he could go away. The fascist resisted, forcing the constables to arrest him. As they struggled to haul him into their vehicle, PC James Frey quipped; "Well, he wanted a police state..."

by **Felix** » Mon Apr 29, 2013 4:08 pm

Felixian News Outlets

The National: National News: A Army For The Federal Republic of Felix?

by **Nenets Autonomous Okrug** » Mon Apr 29, 2013 7:28 pm

National News Publication of the Nenets Autonomous Okrug

Clan mothers celebrate decline in polar bear maulings
Only 1,452 Nenets and 74 foreigners visiting the Autonomous Okrug were mauled by polar bears during the long dark, the Council of Clan Mothers announced today.

"We are overjoyed to report that a mere 1,452 Nenets and 74 honoured foreign visitors were mauled by polar bears from October 15 to April 15," said Yevgenia Nishny-Nen of the Reindeer Clan. "This is down from the unacceptable level of 1,369 Nenets and a staggering 58 honoured foreign visitors reported mauled in the same period last year. Truly thanks are due to Vikte the Reindeer for this blessed news!"

The Council of Clan Mothers rejected a claim by the ambassador of the Yamalo-Nenets Even More Autonomous Okrug that this was in fact an increase in polar bear maulings. "The lies of the Yamalo-Nenets propaganda machine shall not be listened to be the good people of the Autonomous Okrug," Clan Mother Nishny-Nen told the National News Publication. "The Yamalo-Nenets are a people without mothers who shall meet their inevitable devouring at the mouth of Sirte the Bear without honour."

Clan Mother Nishny-Nen added that the 75 fatal maulings were "unfortunate" but that a large basket of beets would be sent to the families of the deceased. Beets being the traditional token of commiseration in the Autonomous Okrug since, oh, earlier this afternoon.

by **Tyrrin** » Mon Apr 29, 2013 10:50 pm

TYRRIN NATIONAL NEWS

SCIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGH LEAVES EXPERTS STUNNED

On Saturday, researchers at the Mt. Oklo Institute for the Sciences discovered evidence which indicates that it is possible to use a computer to simulate the creation of life. Not only that, but it is theoretically possible for these simulation to generate atomic structures based on the blueprints that are found on our planet.

This discovery paves the way for the idea that our very lives are a complex computer simulation, engineered by a higher entity. More than that, this entity could be a simulation within another, and so on, creating infinite potential plains of existence.

This breakthrough came after a long period of testing accompanied a significant increase in the laboratory's computing power. Dr. Pharell Rasmus indicate that the study "is far from complete, but instantly changes how we perceive the meaning of our existence."

Further research could delve into communication with other plains to confirm their presence, hopefully followed by some discoveries that will answer more questions than they create, unlike this one.

by **Apox** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 5:20 am

THE INTERNATIONAL POST

Apoxian Government Coming Under Fire

The Apoxian coalition government has today come under fire as a result of intrdoucing several new acts of law in the Government House, in central Dwile. The government is currently coming to the middle of its term, and is therefore reaching it's most productive stage of its term. The leader, Jemima Cafrew of the Free Party (pictured above) has introduced the highly controversial Nobility Act for consideration into Parliament. It is thought the Apox National Party will not support this proposition, despite the fact that not doing so would break several of the agreements which had been agreed on by the Free Party and ANP at the start of the current term.

The Nobility Act proposed would give allow the government to give away titles to people much more easily, as at the moment, it is very difficult to become a member of the nobility, the only Lord in Apox currently being Lord Winklebottom, past Leader of Apox. The government says it would be a way to recognise the achievements of many in Apox, and allow more people not only to become Lord's, but also Knights and be awarded the Order of Apox. Opposition to the measure say it would return Apox to the feudal system that was in place 200 years ago as well as further empowering the already powerful, increasing the power divide currently in Apox.

The Green Party are also likely to vote against the bill, with their leader, Jordan Scott giving this statement to the Post;

"The proposed Act in question is simply barbaric, the government is trying to re-introduce the feudal system that was in place in nearly 200 years ago now. Bringing this back would be a huge step backwards in terms of democracy and civil equality. The Green Party simply cannot support this Act." If the 35 ANP MGs were to vote against the measure, it would put the entire political landscape of Apox in jeopardy, and all governmental stability would be lost. If they were to vote against the Act, it is thought that the Green Party would call forward a vote of no-confidence against the Free Party, which would probably succeed. The country would then most likely go to the polls on the 17th May 571, only a year and a half into Jemima Cafrew's tenure as Leader of Apox. It is not known who would assume the leadership of the ANP should the country go to the polls, but it is thought John Asheburton could unexpectedly find himself back in power.

Voting on the bill is scheduled for the 19th March 571, with much more resting on this Act than most others.

by **New Sideburn** » Wed May 01, 2013 1:59 am

THE BRINEMOUTH HERALD
Serenes Championship Due To Begin - Hopes High for Moths
by Matt Hope, Sports Correspondent

Five matches into the 328 New Sideburn Premiership Season, and people are already looking ahead to the Serenes Championship, due to start in two months. The Championship, traditionally contested between the league and cup winners of Brenecia, Echidnation and New Sideburn, as well as AFC Integabad and Leopolis Hatemongers (the only teams in Integabad that are up to scratch, despite plying their trade in New Sideburn's league). Despite Brenecia and New Sideburn both identifying more strongly with Esportiva now than with the Isles of Serenes, they still qualify for entry, and compete yearly for dominance.

The reigning champions, Sabrefell Athletic, will be unable to defend their title; instead New Sideburn's representatives will be Sabrefell Moths, who resoundingly won the league, and Parrhesia United, who surprised many pundits to win the Cup. The Moths in particular contain four veterans of the highly successful World Cup 64 campaign; Asger Stubbs, now retired internationally, Cheney Rosewood, Leila Corvette and current national top scorer Gerhard Thunder. Parrhesia, too, can claim ownership of Grant Beardsley, and goalkeeper Wilhelm Urquhart was chosen to replace Stubbs for the Cup of Harmony; while uncapped, it's a statement of belief from Gethin Ramsey.

And yet, both teams have made a stuttering start to the season, winless Parrhesia especially. "It's a worry," admits gaffer Edmund Agincourt, "but we've got real quality in this squad, and we can claw our way back into form, I know it. Pressure, it's all bloody pressure." Still, the Moths in particular are confident; captain Stubbs wouldn't even talk about defeat at the Championship. "We're the champions of the SIdeburnese league... we're the favourites. We'll go in there to win against some very tough sides. Yeah, we're taking it very seriously, as we always do."

The Moths will face Brenecian champions AFC Kingsgrove, and Parrhesia United will attempt to take down the Sutreich Crusade of Echidnation. The matches start in two weeks; previews to come.

by **Northern Sunrise Islands** » Wed May 01, 2013 12:19 pm

DE PLACA
Because talking about sports can't make for a full living

POKEMON EXODUS
Kitsunia-Deesse: Number One State for sapient Pokemon wanting to get new opportunities
While Northern Sunrise Islands fauna has still an uncalculated number of species inside its limits, normally catalogated inside two big divisions, Pokemonia and Animalia, all of them have recieved decent care by the government, regardless of appearence, habits or relation to humans; one question was strongly raised on the recent National Conference of Psychic Rights, the Psychic Pokemon believe that they now have enough skill to be part of the active population of Northern Sunrise Islands, getting a job and thus earning an even bigger role at the society of NSI.

Now, this isn't the first time ever that these creatures requested rights and at most were given these rights. Northern Sunrise Islands is clearly a country where being part of the sunrisian society isn't that hard, as, since the last ellection, the poulation of Gardevoir and Alakazam were allowed to vote on the government they wanted for their land. But earning a job is still to be accepted, as most of the crew tend to be afraid of being forced to do activities due to possible mind control of said Pokemon.

However, there is a secondary possibility for these members of society. Enter Kitsunia-Deesse, a kingdom placed somewhere inside Rushmore, that has been strongly opened to recieving foreigners inside their borders. As of the last five months, a total of 65,000 Psychic Pokemon, most of these in their strongest form, started working at the country and may or may not be already accepted as a citizen of the Kitsune-ruled country.

Three Places where Pokemon did well as workers
+ Pokestar Studios, a movie maker company has a special brand named "By-and-For", which consists of movies filmed solely by Pokemon. Recent Tivoli Movie Festival Gold Award for Movie of the Year Winner, "Pikachu Vendetta and the Jewels of the Apoccalypse" was filmed with the "By-and-For" method.
+ Críciuma's inner area has been restored in a period of five months by using sole Pokemon hand, mostly of the Conkeldurr family. Now the same pokemon employed by the city are busy restoring São Leopoldo and the memorial of the Santa Maria fire that happened in 2013.
+ Ditto-breeded Unowns have been used to teach children the alphabet. Also, these same pokemon have been working as childkeepers for their parents, when they have to work late hours.

Three Problems with Pokemon working
- Psychic Pokemon could easily start manipulating their workers.
- They would occupy jobs that could easily be taken by humans or nekonians.
- Strong chance of raising a type of xenophobia with Pokemon.

Leader of Kitsunia-Deesse, La Deesse X declared that the country has been pretty well with the recent minorities entering their land. "We are full proof that a country can easily handle themselves as an ecofriendly kingdom, while mantaining the capitalist needs of jobs to moviment the economy.". Only time will tell if they will be accepted as workers.

OTHER NEWS
> Football: A team of Sunrisian Pokemon is accepted at Kitsunia-Deesse's second division, nicknamed as Les Marilles
> Cloud Spires and Tiki Lodge could be returning to professional football
> Vulpine Spotif's return to the market may be delayed
> Truce of Edenia's signed for ten more years

by **New Sideburn** » Thu May 02, 2013 4:13 am

THE BRINEMOUTH HERALD
Shopping Centre Shooting Thwarted by Landmine; "I Forgot I'd Left It There," Claims Owner
by Janna Paynes, Community Reporter

As Henrick Eyesore leapt into the shopping centre at the heart of Violence, Sabrefell, nobody can possibly know what visions his deluded mind had created. As no diaries have been found and enquiries are still being made, nobody as of yet has any idea what his thoughts were.

This was for certain, though; as he took two steps into the place and fired into the ceiling, it set off a stray landmine in the attic of a military surplus store. The shower of ordnance utterly pulped Eyesore, leaving nobody harmed.

Asked why she had a landmine in the back of her shop, Andrea Layce shrugged, saying "I dunno why it was there. Guess it was just left from when I was tryin' to shift 'em all last summer. You don't get many landmine-purchasers these days, but it's always a shame to waste good explosions, so I guess I figured I'd leave it in the back. Maybe set it off meself, on a rainy day. Never thought it'd end up saving lives."

Eyesore's aborted rampage left few scars on the resilient Violence public; our surveys showed most had even forgotten it had happened by the time they'd left. "Oh, that's what the noise was," said elderly resident Maria Henderson, before leaving in her gold-rimmed muscle car.

by **Cyborg Holland** » Thu May 02, 2013 9:35 am

From the New Amzterdam Mail

29 dead in New Amzterdam Metrobahn Bombings

New Amzterdam Police cordoned off the entrance to Amzterdam Northwest in the aftermath of the bombing

29 people have been confirmed dead and a further 112 injured after a series of blasts ripped through a crowded Metrobahn station at 3pm yesterday afternoon. The blasts, believed to have been backpack bombs, detonated shortly after 3pm, in quick succession. Police are currently invesitgating a nubmer of leads, with invesigators trawling through the hours of CCTV footage which may hold the key as to who comitted these heinous crimes.

The survivors were rushed to the nearby hospitals in the area, and the entire north-east of the city was locked down for 3 hours in an attempt to find a suspect who was later cleared of the charges.

Police Comissioner Lens Jaeger made a statement to the press at 7:30pm last night.

We regret to say that 29 people have been confirmed to have die in the attacks. We are looking at a number of possibilites and following a number of leads, but it is still early days. However, I want to say now that we will bring the perpetrators of this crime to justice. Thank you.

We will bring you more news as it develops.

by **New Sideburn** » Thu May 02, 2013 3:22 pm

THE BRINEMOUTH HERALD
Incompetent Shooter Linked To More Successful Terrorist Cell - Probably Just A Fanboy
by Gareth Cayenne, Terrorism Correspondent

Concerning signs have been found with regards to the attempted shooting by Henrick Eyesore, as what can be found of his incoherent scribblings seem to point vaguely towards taking orders from a terrorist cell. "He kept a journal, and it's mostly what you'd expect... incessant rambling, drawings of women with knives in their faces, et cetera," DCI Paddy Breen told reporters this morning. "But some things suggest he might have been taking orders from someone with a vaguely coherent worldview, or at least an understanding of explosives." When asked if there could be a connection to the New Amzterdam bombings, DCI Breen admitted that was a possibility. "But they'll find a hard time entrenching themselves here," maintained Breen. "As long as there remains enough patriots on the streets with firearms, they'll be shot down before they can start. If we find anything, I assure you we'll rip 'em out root and stem."

by **Northern Sunrise Islands** » Thu May 02, 2013 4:53 pm

DE PLACA
Hey, it deserves the attention

TIAMARE ZEKRONI
Why is the Zekroni so important?
Once upon a time, the small district of Fineesseeberg, part of the city of Tivoli, had a small, completely unpopular team named Fineesseeberg Football. They played in blue, but their profit was almost totally red. The people of the district were way more attracted by the big boys of the city, the Venassaurs of Tivoli, who were (and still are) at the Sunrise League One. Given how the Berg was playing on the recent founded Sunrise League Three, that was a strong stepback club for the people of the region to support.

Fineesseeberg knew that they wouldn't be able to beat the Saurs for fans, so they had to do it the other way around.

Eventually, the club saw itself without too much of money to waste, as even managing to keep the players payed was diffcult. The team struggled to survive the very last two weeks of the season, until, two days after the end of the season, which didn't see the team going that bad, considering how they weren't that much of a great team, the Berg called it quits when the owner of the team, Eric Alexandersson sold the team to back then, unknown investors, which were still planing on what to do with the team.

Eventually, the majority owner was revealed and in a strong shock, the person behind the group was old star player of Xistrumbigonça, a legendary club from Dainer, named Alexis. Alexis declared that the team was ignored far too much by the district of Fineesseeberg, and was now looking forward to move the small SL3 team to a more welcoming city, Tiamare, in the tri-land islands.

Alexis had years as an All-Black, figuring in the club for years. Now, he was taking Fineesseeberg out.

The city of Tiamare, filled of Daineris, saw this as a moment of importance as the region wasn't well represented in football and could now see the team they wanted so much. Two weeks later, a logo leaked in the web that could possibly be of the relocated team. A huge X, with a crown on top, which obviously had to be related strongly to Alexis' old club, Xistrumbigonça. He would end up saying that the logo was a prototype, as the team's identity was still being designed but didn't hide the fact that the All-Blacks would be an important figure to the team.

One month later, the news were finally up on what was the new identity of the Berg, Tiamare Zekroni. The team obviously ties up with the Zekrom legend, which speaks of a Dragon and Eletric-type Pokemon who formed, along with other two powerful dragonlike creatures, the Tao Trio. Due to its black color, it also tied to Xistrumbigonça, since they are nicknamed as the All-Black. Fitting, since it was also revealed that the Zekroni will port as a farm team for the All-Blacks.

The Zekroni's uniform

It's good to know that our pyramid is oftenly, in someway, finding a manner of internationalizing the league, first with the Project +90, now with Zekroni. It's a tendency that could easily make the whole country benefit, since it could easily get rid of deficited teams and capitalize on newer and greater players.

TWO TEAMS IN THE SUNRISE LEAGUE PYRAMID THAT COULD REALLY USE THE ZEKRONI PROCESS
BRINHET SC
From Brinhet, South England
At the Sunrise League Four

They have been struggling for a while to find fans for a couple of reasons. Brinhet is hostile to soccer, money is an issue at the small city and any possible fan of the spot sees easier ways to get into the crowd by going to Charlton. So, obviously, Brinhet could use international ownership.

WONDERGINE TOWN
From Wondergine, Partick
At the Sunrise League Five

It's hard for Wondergine to stay around. They were small fish compared to Thunchester City (which itself isn't really huge), but now see competition being raised farther than their necks with teams like Partick United and Slip City finding their ways and other teams from the region such as Thunchester United and Barclays FC possibly debuting at the fifth division really soon, Wondergine needs indeed international ownership.

OTHER NEWS:
> Kitsunia-Deesse: Inside Les Ligues reforms, check it here! Who moves up, who moves down, who moves left or who moves right?
> SWF: Team Feel the Pain debuts
> Quicville protests against being left out the reform of Les Ligues of Kitsunia-Deesse
> Prince Lance of Matthewsiania scores twice but loses in his debut at football with SV Chitchanox Xaysensourinthone

by **New Sideburn** » Thu May 02, 2013 9:00 pm

THE BRINEMOUTH HERALD
Assassination Attempt on Margravine's Life - Gunman Casually Shot Down By Ironripper
by Gareth Cayenne, Terrorism Correspondent

Yet another insidious attack by the international group of pathetic cowards known only as 'x', as a would-be assassin made an attempt on Margravine Brigid Ironripper's life. The attempt came during a press conference, where the man, claiming to be a reporter, shouted loudly "I have but one question," before pulling a shotgun from his satchel and continuing, "why have you lead this country to destru-[/i]aaaagh."

Ironripper casually drew out a pistol and emptied a clip into his head, before finishing the rest of the press conference, leaving the man to die of internal bleeding. Ironripper's decisive actions were met with popularity by the general public, and a poll shows that the Progressive Democratic primary vote swung up three points to 41%. However, her actions were not met with approval by all. Claims gun analyst Kenwyne Clarkson, "The Margravine's decision to shoot the pistol sideways - 'gangsta style', if you will - was a blatant publicity stunt to appear more nonchalant. In actual fact, firing 'gangsta style' drastically reduces accuracy and increases the chance of self-injury from the recoil." He gave us several figures and charts to support his argument, which were too tedious and long-winded to print here.

The police are looking into how he so easily infiltrated the press conference, but claim to have found inroads into the terrorist cells behind these vile acts. In a press conference of his own, DCI Breen vowed to 'kill the bastards where they stand', and encouraged citizens to take advantage of recent laws legalising concealed carry. "Vigilante justice is just the more proactive approach to 'community support'," he maintained. "Every terrorist a citizen shoots down is another we don't have to deal with."

by **New Sideburn** » Thu May 02, 2013 10:56 pm

THE BRINEMOUTH HERALD
Controversial Trial of Shirt Advertising - Deemed to Look 'Really Stupid'
by Matt Hope, Sportswriter

A secret trial was carried out today to see whether the blue and white striped shirts of Crisisbless would look, in the words of kit designer Mark Haywyre, 'not awful', a test which the kits resoundingly failed. A deal had been offered by some foreign credit card company to advertise on the shirts, which would somehow make people buy their bank debits or whatever in a leap of logic that most Sideburnese will find hard to understand.

Anna Shrike of Crisisbless trying out the controversial new design.

However, a reportedly large sum of money was being offered, so Crisisbless opted to trial their design. The best that Sideburnese kit designers Speare were able to make still looked dissatisfactory, or in head designer Haywyre's words, 'fucked up'. Crisisbless wisely decided that their traditional striped design would not be improved by a tacky, massive white thing around the middle, and told the foreign investors to get stuffed.

by **Apox** » Fri May 03, 2013 5:50 am

THE INTERNATIONAL POST

Apox To Go To The Polls

Last night, there was a great shock in the Government House, as the Apox National Party launched a vote of No Confidence in Jemima Cafrew's government last night, as the coalition has veered spectacularly all out warfare in recent days.

After the Nobility Act failed to pass through the House, with the Apox National Party voting against it, and defeating the Free Party in their motion, 62-38 votes, the coalition fell rapidly apart, with Cafrew reportedly unable to meet with her cabinet as a result of the infighting. Then, last night, 5 days after the Nobility Act, the Apox National Party, currently without a leader, but temporarily led by John Asheburton, won a vote of no-confidence in the government, defeating the government 59-41 votes, even after all 40 Free Party MG's voted for.

This means that the people of Apox will head to the polls, most likely on the 17th May, to vote for a government, to try and bring an end to the turmoil currently engulfing Apox. The Apox National Party leadership election is scheduled for the 1st April, with John Asheburton, Richard Wright and Clemmie Tyrene currently standing for the election.

The current polling data predicts that the Free Party will will the most votes, but they will still have under 50 seats, meaning a coalition, most likely with the Green Party will occur. Current opinion poll data:

43% - Free Party
37% - Apox National Party
12% - Green Party
8% - Others

by **Slembana** » Fri May 03, 2013 8:47 am

Tuesday, 15 October 2024

THE SLEMBANA TIMES
35 DEAD IN AIRPORT EXPLOSION

By Percy Hallington

35 people have been killed and a further 130 have been injured after an explosion at Glasenas Airport in Bafilo at 12:32 pm. The explosions, which are believed to have been caused by 50 tonnes of dynamite, ripped through Terminal 3 of the airport, destroying the building, and delaying many flights to and from the airport.

The fire brigade arrived on the scene within 20 minutes to tackle the resulting fire. 3 fire engines were required. Thousands of people in nearby houses had to be evacuated due to the explosion and the inferno. Flights to Glasenas airport were instead diverted to Rodney Rodwell airport or Tëvexol airport instead. Everyone inside the airport had to be evacuated immediately.

As of now, it is not known what caused the explosion, although the police believe that the explosion was caused by Qalfeni terrorists who want their country to gain control of the Afra Bird Isles from our country, and will do all they can to get them. Our country has not had a good relationship with Qalfen, which has been the case since we became independent 100 years ago, well before Qalfen became independent. The Afra Bird Isles are also closer to Qalfen than to us.

More news will arrive as the story develops.

by **New Sideburn** » Fri May 03, 2013 6:57 pm

THE BRINEMOUTH HERALD
Police Launch Daring Counter-Offensive - 17 Gunned Down
by Gareth Cayenne, Terrorism Correspondent

The daring Maximum City Metropolitan Police have struck a devastating blow against Esportivan terrorists. The Gun Squad was called in to the the fight to the terrorist scum - PC Gareth Davenport and Sgt. Tyrone Manworthy at the forefront of the assault. These brave men kicked down the front and side doors to the building before firing their chainguns until they ran out of ammunition, which took approximately thirteen seconds of sustained fire. Both policemen admit they began screaming as they fired, though Davenport recalls it as a 'primal roar' whereas Manworthy claims it was a 'challenge'.
The survivors weakly attempted to fight back, but both of them were mercilessly gunned down by a third man, PC Jonathan Backwater, who bravely ran through a glass window holding a sawn-off shotgun which he then unloaded into both terrorists.
The building was then set on fire.

Reports that a hostage was killed in the crossfire are unconfirmed, and likely untrue.

by **Apox** » Sat May 04, 2013 4:13 pm

THE INTERNATIONAL POST

John wins leadership election - lack of change in Apox?

John Asheburton delivering his leadership acceptance speech

John Asheburton has emerged as the Apox National Party leader in the leadership election for the upcoming national election in Apox. It was a vote between four candidates, with John Asheburton, Richard Wright and Clemmie Tyrene all stating their intention to stand immediately and Fred Burton announcing his candidacy two days later.

The vote was cast amongst the 280,000 members of the Apox National Party, in a preferential vote system with a leader only being elected once they had obtained at least 50% of the vote. In the first round of voting, voting was as follows:

Richard Wright - 107,593 votes, 42.2%
John Asheburton - 103,377 votes, 40.6%
Clemmie Tyrene - 35,402 votes, 13.9%
Fred Burton - 10,493 votes, 4.1%

With no majority being achieved in the first round of voting, but it being clear that it would fall between Richard Wright and John Asheburton as to who wins, Fred Burton's vote was eliminated and his second preference choices spread between the remaining candidates. The second round of voting revealing the following results;

Richard Wright - 110,392 votes, 43.3%
John Asheburton - 108,881 votes, 42.7%
Clemmie Tyrene - 35,592 votes, 14.0%

The second preference votes had little effect on Clemmie Tyrene's vote share, but it closed the gap between Richard Wright and John Asheburton to just 0.5%, meaning that whoever did best in Clemmie's second preference votes, would win the leadership of the ANP. The final round was as follows;

John Asheburton - 132,932 votes, 52.2%
Richard Wright - 121,943 votes, 47.8%

In the end it was very close, John Asheburton only winning right at the end by a small margin. It shows either a lack of interest by the Apoxian public who are willing to let Asheburton have another shot at power, or perhaps great trust. John Asheburton now has a month and a half of campaigning to try at get his party the most seats in the Government House to either get a majority (unlikely) or become the largest party in a coalition (most likely). He has got a 5 point poll deficit to overturn to get there, which isn't much, but he has a past in politics which could potentially bite back at him.

by **Slembana** » Sun May 05, 2013 6:24 am

Friday, 1 November 2024

THE SLEMBANA TIMES
AIRPORT BOMBERS IDENTIFIED

By Harry Bartwell

The perpetrators behind the bombing of Glasenas Airport in Bafilo have been identified by local police today.

The terrorists were all from Qalfen, one of our former colonies. They were all university students. Their names were Jack Frambod (age 20), John Gadrefin (age 21), Timmy Yerrivoj (age 18), and Lenny O'Sullivan (age 20). The police interviewed them, and found out that they had planted dynamite under terminal 3 of Glasenas Airport, before hiding in a forest.

Frambod, Gadefrin, Yerrivoj, and O'Sullivan are expected to go to the Supremr Court in Bafilo for their trial on 17 December. They are expected to be given the death penalty for their crime.

by **New Sideburn** » Sun May 05, 2013 3:10 pm

THE BRINEMOUTH HERALD
Mysterious 'Operation Scathe' Cited As End To Terrorist Threat
by Gareth Cayenne, Terrorism Correspondent

With further acts of terrorism in nearby countries, New Sideburn's police have been determined to hunt down and kill all would-be bombers before they can act. "The action will be called Operation Scathe," stated Chief Superintendent James Track in a press conference. "We do not intend to release details, but will merely let results speak for themselves." More than one reporter noted a certain venom in the way he said 'results'.

While some people are uneasy about the likely extreme methods to be used, most welcome them. After all, New Sideburn has had no deaths from terrorist attacks, while 19 terrorists have themselves been killed. And, as of yet, no civil liberties have been infringed upon. Yet all any of us can do is wait and see what these 'results' are made of.

Whining Foreign Teen Complains About Police Brutality - Most Admire Good Sideburnese Steel
by Janna Paynes, Community Reporter

Today in the suburb of Higgins PC Artur Klondike wandered into a cafe on-duty to order a bacon butty. Yet, to his surprise and dismay, a gaggle of teenagers seemed to take exception to his occupation. "I just don't understand it," said 39-year old PC Klondike, shaking his head. "They had no respect." Klondike attempted to act calmly, simply taking his lunch and taking it back to his table, but the teenagers continued to jeer at him and, for some bizarre reason, make oinking sounds. Klondike, a tall, craggy, handsome man, was mostly just confused by this development. "I mean had it been old PC Andrewson back at the station, sure, he's pretty bloody chunky. And even then, things usually just get to 'you fat bastard' pretty quick. Me, though? I mean... am I missing something? I ain't even seen a pig in my life, not for real. ... Was it the bacon? I thought everyone liked bacon."
Yet pigs seemed to be a certain theme of the night as he sat down, and the insolent teenagers began to chant 'pigs out' at an increasing crescendo. PC Klondike tired of this, stood up, and grabbed the loudest child by the neck, repeatedly punching him in the stomach. "Now go home before I nick all of you!" he roared, and the others scattered, leaving their comrade to stagger off battered and bruised.
Seemingly a good, solid bit of Sideburnese justice. You can't just let people mouth off the police, else none of their threats get taken seriously. Sometimes you just have to act. Yet, unbelievably, the teenager's mother wishes to forward an official complaint against PC Klondike. As community reporter for Brinemouth, I find this untenable. PC Klondike was an ordinary man going around his daily job, part of the police force that keeps the streets ordered, and the crime at least out of the way of inconveniencing the public. And sometimes you just have to put the boot in, that's the way it always has been. Please, mail the Brinemouth Met Police in support of PC Klondike, who really had no choice in the matter. She's probably lying about his ribs being broken, anyway.

by **Nenets Autonomous Okrug** » Sun May 05, 2013 5:23 pm

National News Publication of the Nenets Autonomous Okrug

New moaning champion crowned

Mr Almaty shows how big a beetcake was back in his day.

Mr Efraim Almaty of 75, Okrgny Prospekt, Unit 659B, is the new champion of the Autonomous Okrug in the highly coveted sport of competitive moaning.

Mr Almaty captured the Kvetchcup, symbol of supremacy in the field of moaning, in a late-night extra-time bout against Ms Svetlana Szgrbaykr of Vorkuty.

He swatted aside an early challenge of "Back in the communist days, at least my bedsheets were changed monthly, they didn't wash them, not with good honest soap, just with a bit of spit and lemon rind, but at least they changed them, today no one changes them ever, I'm wallowing in my own filth and the children never listen when I complain," by responding: "You could always get a washing contract with the National Laundry Concern of the Autonomous Okrug, it's a crime what they charge but everything is so expensive today after all, it's ten zlotny and dozen for a bushel of vleknepicz today, why in my day a day's honest work would get you enough vleknepicz to last the week, now the vleknepicz is over-priced and it doesn't have anything like the flavour of the vleknepicz back in my day, more's the pity, but standards have fallen so much."

The pair then exchanged moans until the small hours at the Moangrumbledome in Nar'yan Mar.

Judges awarded the Kvetchcup to Mr Almaty after he moaned for 12 minutes about the quality of the gods these days, ending with "now Zeus, there was a god who knew how to treat a lady, this Sirte the Bear character seems to get her jollies from eating a bunch of soccer players, I mean, who cares about sports, that's all about which bastard son the king of some godforsaken foreign country decides to fly out to finishing school and name captain and best player of all time, honestly everyone knows Alan Belmore was the best ever, can't no one match him, and what does it say about today's gods that they can't magic up anyone who can carry his piss to market, why does the world cup final sound suspiciously like the same game played back when I was knee-high to a vlamiczbird, what sort of third-rate country can't even have vaguely human gods, and whatthedentures is an okrug in any case?"

Gifts in lieu of flowers can be sent to the Nar'yan Mar Vomitorium in memory of the late Mr. Almaty.

by **Apox** » Mon May 06, 2013 2:50 am

THE INTERNATIONAL POST

Second term for Cafrew

The results of the National Election have come in, with Jemima Cafrew's Free Party winning 41 seats in the National Election, not enough for a majority, but still the biggest share of seats in the country. John Asheburton's Apox National Party did better than expected, gaining 39 seats, doing well in the South and in Dwile.

Of the other parties, the Green Party obtained 14 seats, an increase of 2, while the Socialist Nation Party lost two seat to go down to 5, and the Olfa National Party, the Party wishing for separation from the main Apox lost 1 seat, showing the decline in that movement in recent years.

The main problem for Jemima Cafrew is that 41 seats is not a majority, and the Free Party and ANP won't be able to work together after the last coalition fell apart. However, after discussions with the Green Party leader - Jordan Scott, a coalition agreement was agreed on, and the Green Party now find themselves in government for the first time, with the Green Party being granted two out of twelve cabinet spots, which will be taken by their leader Jordan Scott, and deputy leader, Miriam Jones.

The electoral system employed in Apox is a preferential party list system, where Apox is split into ten constituencies, each of which is a 10 member constituency. When someone goes to vote, they are able to vote for their preference of candidate standing. It is proportional so the number of votes each party receives is the number of seats they will receive in a constituency, and the candidates chosen are picked by the number of preferential votes they receive for that party, eg. If five candidates for the Free Party are elected in the election, the candidates will be the five who received the most preferential votes out of those who voted for the Free Party.

Government House will re-convene on the 27th May 571, for the first session of this Parliament.

by **New Sideburn** » Mon May 06, 2013 10:56 pm

THE BRINEMOUTH HERALD
Spike Turnbull Declared 'Head Coach' Instead of Manager - Football World Nonplussed
by Matt Hope, Sportswriter

Today the owners of Premiership side Newrook Democracy declared that Spike Turnbull was no longer the 'manager' of the side, and was now the 'head coach'. Nobody present understood what that meant.

The owner, Brenecian entrepreneur Brent Chadwick, stated that Head Coach meant a whole new degree of symbolism, now being on sort of a 'first among equals' basis with his staff, and accepting a certain degree of responsibility for every aspect of club life, from the academy through the pitch to the community. Yet the nearby journalists mostly just looked confused. The Premiership has never before had a Head Coach, and it seems uncertain what possible impact Spike Turnbull's elevation (demotion?) to the position will have on anything.

We approached Spike Turnbull for an interview on the subject, but he claimed he hadn't even noticed the title change. "Head Coach? ... Did I get demoted? Do I have to not do as much now? Is my pay different? I'll get back to you, I'mma call to check if the pay's different." He never called back.

Esportivan Foreign Press [Semi-Open/Esportiva]

Esportivan Foreign Press [Semi-Open/Esportiva]

Who is online