Squares of sabre-bearing men marched before columns of tanks and artillery; boots, tires and treads booming against the paved Parliament Square. With each passing display, the cheers grew to an almost ear-shattering crescendo, rendering TV and radio commentators drowning in the noise.
The parade closed with a playing of the national anthem, and officials began to seat themselves atop the large balcony of the white marble Parliament Building. There were notably fewer government seats, and accordingly fewer government personnel. The crowd was hushed to a concerned murmur as Queen Violca Drom arrived in full military dress—the balcony doors shutting behind her.
Her jackboots clicked loudly on the marble as she made her way to the podium, dressed in a black tunic adorned with ropes of gold, her long, silken black hair held beneath a matching, ornately-decorated shako. Stepping onto the platform, she adjusted the microphone and began her speech:
“Comrades! You have assembled here in Jekhipe to mark
the arrival of our National Day—a day to celebrate our
culture, heritage, and success! You have witnessed the
unparalleled discipline of our men and women at arms,
and now you shall witness the unparalleled benevolence
of your Queen.
I, Empress of the Undead Gypsies, your Queen Violca Drom,
am here today to announce our nation's rise to glory.
Our nation, for all of her success, is at the mercy of
a plague. That plague, my friends, is ignorance.
Politics in our fair land have divulged into a
miserable popularity contest, with the filthy politicians you
witness on the television just trying to win the votes of
the uninformed through buzzwords and mudslinging.
This system—this democracy of ours can do nothing
but promote ignorance, and prevent our government
from effectively serving the people.
When you go to see a doctor, comrades, do you
and those in the waiting room decide together what
the doctor will prescribe for your ailment?
No. You know nothing of medicine, and neither do
they, surely their opinion does not matter.
The doctor has studied medicine, surely they
know what's best for you.
When you go to the mechanic, do you bring
a group to democratically decide what's wrong with your
vehicle? No. You know nothing of mechanics, and
neither do they. The mechanic has studied mechanics,
surely they know what's best for you.
And yet, there are those who wish such
ridiculousness to exist in our nation's heart--
our Parliament.
You may have noticed the low attendance of
government officials to this speech. They
have been fired. For you see, comrades,
over the past few months we've been administering
exams to all government officials covering political
science, philosophy and economics, and have been systematically
pulling out the weeds of ignorance, ensuring that
our government is staffed only by those who are
wise, and truly understand their craft. We do
this to ensure that ignorance plays no part
in ruling our fair nation. But now, comrades,
it is your turn to do your part. From this day,
all voting cards in Undead Gypsies are revoked.”
Confused and angry murmurs washed over the crowd. A few people raised shouts and jeers at the Queen, to be quickly escorted by the Jekhipe Police.
“Yes, comrades—revoked. But not permanently.
You see, there is something you can do to
earn your right to vote back--prove your wisdom.
Prove you have studied government, prove you
understand economics and prove yourself to
be capable of making good decisions instead of
voting based on what you hear on the television or the
radio. Prove to yourself and to your countrymen that
you are wise, you are strong and you are capable!
If you wish to have a say in your nation's government,
arrive at your nearest public office at the next available
opportunity and attempt our “Voter's Exam”--this exam will
see that you are capable of understanding politics,
philosophy, and economics. Should you succeed in
obtaining a mark of 80% or higher on your exam, as we
expect roughly 5% of the population to do, you will
have a new voting card sent to your place of residence or
designated caravan resting place. These new cards will
be good for four years, and will allow you to vote in the
election of any government officials.
Should you fail to achieve the desired grade, you may try
again twelve months after your previous attempt.
Now, comrades, this may seem a little drastic, but I
ask you—if you inhibit the doctor with the opinions of the
ignorant, how can they properly heal the sick? They
cannot. Likewise, if you inhibit the ruler with ignorant votes,
the ruler cannot heal the State and continue our nation's
success and development.
Friends, citizens, comrades, I bring you—Kallipolis; Perfection;
Utopia.
Reginae et Carrus!”
the arrival of our National Day—a day to celebrate our
culture, heritage, and success! You have witnessed the
unparalleled discipline of our men and women at arms,
and now you shall witness the unparalleled benevolence
of your Queen.
I, Empress of the Undead Gypsies, your Queen Violca Drom,
am here today to announce our nation's rise to glory.
Our nation, for all of her success, is at the mercy of
a plague. That plague, my friends, is ignorance.
Politics in our fair land have divulged into a
miserable popularity contest, with the filthy politicians you
witness on the television just trying to win the votes of
the uninformed through buzzwords and mudslinging.
This system—this democracy of ours can do nothing
but promote ignorance, and prevent our government
from effectively serving the people.
When you go to see a doctor, comrades, do you
and those in the waiting room decide together what
the doctor will prescribe for your ailment?
No. You know nothing of medicine, and neither do
they, surely their opinion does not matter.
The doctor has studied medicine, surely they
know what's best for you.
When you go to the mechanic, do you bring
a group to democratically decide what's wrong with your
vehicle? No. You know nothing of mechanics, and
neither do they. The mechanic has studied mechanics,
surely they know what's best for you.
And yet, there are those who wish such
ridiculousness to exist in our nation's heart--
our Parliament.
You may have noticed the low attendance of
government officials to this speech. They
have been fired. For you see, comrades,
over the past few months we've been administering
exams to all government officials covering political
science, philosophy and economics, and have been systematically
pulling out the weeds of ignorance, ensuring that
our government is staffed only by those who are
wise, and truly understand their craft. We do
this to ensure that ignorance plays no part
in ruling our fair nation. But now, comrades,
it is your turn to do your part. From this day,
all voting cards in Undead Gypsies are revoked.”
Confused and angry murmurs washed over the crowd. A few people raised shouts and jeers at the Queen, to be quickly escorted by the Jekhipe Police.
“Yes, comrades—revoked. But not permanently.
You see, there is something you can do to
earn your right to vote back--prove your wisdom.
Prove you have studied government, prove you
understand economics and prove yourself to
be capable of making good decisions instead of
voting based on what you hear on the television or the
radio. Prove to yourself and to your countrymen that
you are wise, you are strong and you are capable!
If you wish to have a say in your nation's government,
arrive at your nearest public office at the next available
opportunity and attempt our “Voter's Exam”--this exam will
see that you are capable of understanding politics,
philosophy, and economics. Should you succeed in
obtaining a mark of 80% or higher on your exam, as we
expect roughly 5% of the population to do, you will
have a new voting card sent to your place of residence or
designated caravan resting place. These new cards will
be good for four years, and will allow you to vote in the
election of any government officials.
Should you fail to achieve the desired grade, you may try
again twelve months after your previous attempt.
Now, comrades, this may seem a little drastic, but I
ask you—if you inhibit the doctor with the opinions of the
ignorant, how can they properly heal the sick? They
cannot. Likewise, if you inhibit the ruler with ignorant votes,
the ruler cannot heal the State and continue our nation's
success and development.
Friends, citizens, comrades, I bring you—Kallipolis; Perfection;
Utopia.
Reginae et Carrus!”
With her final word, vertical banners unfurled on either side of the balcony, bearing the flag of Undead Gypsies, blazoned with a double-sided axe in a rising sun. The crowd seemed confused, and very few people cheered for the Queen's decision. The parade closed with a singing of the national anthem. The Queen and her officials returned into the Parliament Building.
