THE LEADER OF THIS GREAT NATION HAS PASSED AWAY!
1 SEPTEMBER 2015 | By Konstantin Kyriakinov (REN News)
THE BEST LEADER IN THE WORLD IS DEAD!!!
KOLDIV — OUR DEAR LEADER IS DEAD!!!
People of Bariya, our dear leader, who has served our country for so many years, since 2001, has tried to resurrect our country from the evil forces of capitalism that forced us into poverty! Vyacheslav Grinko, a warrior at birth, who was born in 1949 and joined the Bariyan People's Army at 12, who rose through the ranks with his superhuman abilities and became General of the Bariyan People's Grand Anti-Capitalist Liberation Army, and lived through the evil and tough days of Capitalist Oppression!
It was Grinko that orchestrated the People's Uprising! It was Grinko that created Pardes' wealthiest nation in the world! It was Grinko that fought the international interests trying to steal our wonderful industry and our natural resources! It was Grinko that held evil Rodarinaya away from our own soil! And it was Grinko that dared fight the Prestonians and won in spite of adversities, since a much-by-the-international-community invasion NEVER happened because his superhuman strength humiliated the Prestonians!
And now our dear leader passes away from CANCER! No one but nature could kill this man! Hence, we shall all mourn him forever! No other man in this world will ever match him!
In other news, his doctor has been arrested for a failure to heal our great leader and found that he is guilty of failing to heal our dear leader! It has been decided that this horrific, disgusting, incompetent, and handicapped 'doctor' be punished with 1,000,000 whips, rape, and a public dismemberment, for scum like him must be killed now! For heroes like Vyacheslav Grinko must ALWAYS be honoured!
For such distressing times, the Honourable, Courageous, Capable, and Wonderful Commander of the Bariyan People's Grand Anti-Capitalist Liberation Army will assume command of this great nation! He is due to assume his duties from the People's Congress by week's end. Only then will we be saved!
Konstantin Kyriakinov, our correspondent, has reported for REN News from Bariniska, Bariya. This article has been assessed and verified by the Editorial Team of REN News, reflecting our severe national needs.
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