The Earth Will Be Protected!: The Twelve Doctors

[The Twelfth Doctor]

MY DEAR FELLOWS! DO COOPERATE!

I wander off for five minutes in a senile haze and this is what happens! Chesterfield, where are you!?

Shouldn't he be in a home?

[The Master Koschei]

I'm fucked, aren't I?

No, but he is.

HEY! Wait in line. Some of us have plans already. I'll let you play with what's left, dear.

For now...

HERE! COME! THE DRUMS!

[Nightkill the Emperor]

Meanwhile, the Tanith prepare to destroy entire Regions that have fallen to the Zombie plague from orbit with their Flagship TNS Corteaz, since the Doctors seem too preoccupied with their own issues.

Don't bring Four's "difficulties" into this!

You're not even canon!

No - I'm Peter Cushing.

Doc, where the fuck you been? I've been stuck watching the rest of you.

The Master was mumbling something about strawberries.

I had to stop him.

Well fuck you, my leg still hurts. That Dalek eyestalk was only a remedial cure.

[The platforms of Hetalia7]

Dont worry eleventh doctor will die shortly

[Velocidoctor]

Bah! Filthy lizards.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to block you from using the time vortex. I'm not sure how, but it involves stealing the TARDIS. Again.

Behold! Our Creation!

*comes in on a time-traveling chesterfield couch*
Hello There.

[The Twelfth Doctor]

Don't bring Four's "difficulties" into this!


No - I'm Peter Cushing.


The Master was mumbling something about strawberries.

I had to stop him.

Well fuck you, my leg still hurts. That Dalek eyestalk was only a remedial cure.

Biomedically engineer something, you whiny drunk.

[The Torchwood Archives]

Bah! Filthy lizards.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to block you from using the time vortex. I'm not sure how, but it involves stealing the TARDIS. Again.

Behold! Our Creation!

Wohhhoooot! yeah Get 'em guys!

[Tenth Doctor]

MY DEAR FELLOWS! DO COOPERATE!

I wander off for five minutes in a senile haze and this is what happens! Chesterfield, where are you!?

Shouldn't he be in a home?

Shouldn't you?

[Nightkill the Emperor]

Well fuck you, my leg still hurts. That Dalek eyestalk was only a remedial cure.

Biomedically engineer something, you whiny drunk.

Give me a government grant first.

[The Master Koschei]

Meanwhile, the Tanith prepare to destroy entire Regions that have fallen to the Zombie plague from orbit with their Flagship TNS Corteaz, since the Doctors seem too preoccupied with their own issues.

Don't bring Four's "difficulties" into this!

You're not even canon!

No - I'm Peter Cushing.

Doc, where the fuck you been? I've been stuck watching the rest of you.

The Master was mumbling something about strawberries.

I had to stop him.

Hey! Strawberries are delicious! I don't see why you couldn't let me finish...

Acquiring them.

And making them bigger. And better. And... hungrier.

[Fifth Doctor]

Don't bring Four's "difficulties" into this!


No - I'm Peter Cushing.


The Master was mumbling something about strawberries.

I had to stop him.

Hey! Strawberries are delicious! I don't see why you couldn't let me finish...

Acquiring them.

And making them bigger. And better. And... hungrier.

I don't get it.

Ten said you still had the stupid beard. You don't... oh.

[Ancient Gallifrey]

It is the carefully considered and unanimous opinion of the High Council of Time Lords that if any action is needed, we will blow up the Earth to prevent this problem escalating beyond its planetary boundaries. Until then, we ask that our number refrain from turning a minor issue on a pathetic little planet into a galactic catastrophe. Thank you.

[Imperium of Tanith]

Meanwhile, the Tanith prepare to destroy entire Regions that have fallen to the Zombie plague from orbit with their Flagship TNS Corteaz, since the Doctors seem too preoccupied with their own issues.

Don't bring Four's "difficulties" into this!

I shall, and funny how the non-canon Doctor is the only one who seems to care that I am about to annihilate swaths of land and people on Earth without even blinking, even while they all supposidly like Humanity.

[Kingsmouth]

Weren't you all here to deal with a zombie threat? Not that you should be. The zombie uprising is a just cause.

[The Master Koschei]

Hey! Strawberries are delicious! I don't see why you couldn't let me finish...

Acquiring them.

And making them bigger. And better. And... hungrier.

I don't get it.

Ten said you still had the stupid beard. You don't... oh.

Beards are so last century. I'm feeling... Like Prime Minister this year. Of the world, that is.

[The Twelfth Doctor]

Shouldn't he be in a home?

Shouldn't you?

Ah, Casanova! I'm glad you've stopped staring at Ms. Tyler's bottom long enough to help.

Biomedically engineer something, you whiny drunk.

Give me a government grant first.

Do I look like the government to you?

[Blobular]

This is the greatest thread I have ever witnessed.

[Velocidoctor]

Behold! Our Creation!

Wohhhoooot! yeah Get 'em guys!

Hello, those blokes seemed to have gotten their hand on timelord DNA in an alternate universe and created me.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

Shouldn't you?

Ah, Casanova! I'm glad you've stopped staring at Ms. Tyler's bottom long enough to help.

Give me a government grant first.

Do I look like the government to you?

Thank God no.

[Kingsmouth]

It is the carefully considered and unanimous opinion of the High Council of Time Lords that if any action is needed, we will blow up the Earth to prevent this problem escalating beyond its planetary boundaries. Until then, we ask that our number refrain from turning a minor issue on a pathetic little planet into a galactic catastrophe. Thank you.

Oooh! Can you?! It would be a great service, as Kingsmouth's been trying for years!

[Katganistan]

Fucking whovians..

No one asked you. If you can't be civil, shoo.

[First Doctor]

Don't bring Four's "difficulties" into this!

I shall, and funny how the non-canon Doctor is the only one who seems to care that I am about to annihilate swaths of land and people on Earth without even blinking, even while they all supposidly like Humanity.

It is the carefully considered and unanimous opinion of the High Council of Time Lords that if any action is needed, we will blow up the Earth to prevent this problem escalating beyond its planetary boundaries. Until then, we ask that our number refrain from turning a minor issue on a pathetic little planet into a galactic catastrophe. Thank you.

Weren't you all here to deal with a zombie threat? Not that you should be. The zombie uprising is a just cause.

MY DEAR FELLOWS, CAN WE PLEASE DEAL WITH THE ISSUE AT HAND!?

[The Twelfth Doctor]

Ah, Casanova! I'm glad you've stopped staring at Ms. Tyler's bottom long enough to help.


Do I look like the government to you?

Thank God no.

Give me a ring and some time with Good Queen Bess and that might change.

It's time she dropped suit-and-trainers and found a real man, no?

[The Master Koschei]

I shall, and funny how the non-canon Doctor is the only one who seems to care that I am about to annihilate swaths of land and people on Earth without even blinking, even while they all supposidly like Humanity.

It is the carefully considered and unanimous opinion of the High Council of Time Lords that if any action is needed, we will blow up the Earth to prevent this problem escalating beyond its planetary boundaries. Until then, we ask that our number refrain from turning a minor issue on a pathetic little planet into a galactic catastrophe. Thank you.

Weren't you all here to deal with a zombie threat? Not that you should be. The zombie uprising is a just cause.

MY DEAR FELLOWS, CAN WE PLEASE DEAL WITH THE ISSUE AT HAND!?

Yes, your insufferable attitude. I mean come on, man! Move on! The Earth is only a single planet in a single solar system in a single galaxy in a single universe!

[Tenth Doctor]

Thank God no.

Give me a ring and some time with Good Queen Bess and that might change.

It's time she dropped suit-and-trainers and found a real man, no?

I'll have you know that her nickname is no longer, well... y'know.