AWWA-Yesterday, Today, and Forever(OOC-Closed)

[Ruridova]

I never denied that I was part of the problem. I was honest about my plotting against you, against Boji, against Luz. I admitted that I'm guilty as hell in all of this. I have no reason to pretend that I did any less than I did- because what I did tore me apart, made me paranoid and confrontational, exacerbated my personality flaws. I felt that I had to be honest about everything, or I was going to lose it once and for all.

I'm sorry for the damage I've done. I want to end it. I want to stop hurting others. This was the only way I could think of. The only other option I could see was to say nothing, which would exacerbate the problems I faced, and would solve nothing.

I'm sorry that I hurt you at any point- and I won't pretend that I didn't- but the only options I had were to be honest and try to change, or to fix nothing and imperil myself.

[Ruridova]

What if it was you who was lashing out unpredictably at your friends? What if you had to deal with fighting against your own moral compass, no matter what you did? What if you couldn't control your rage? What if you found yourself believing in things that should have been obvious falsehoods, because you couldn't escape the paranoia? What if you were debating whether or not it was better to stay silent and fuck yourself over day after day, or be honest and risk destroying what you were trying to save?

I have no goals to make anyone feel angry. I have no goals to make anyone feel apologetic. I have one goal in this, and that is making sure that I am not destroying myself mentally, and to try and end the problems of the past. That's all I want. That's all I intend. I don't intend to get a reaction out of you, Uni. I intend to try and fix myself.

[Ruridova]

And you know what? I stand by what I did. I knew the risks associated with coming out, with telling the truth, with trying to repair my mental state. I thought long and hard about whether or not to mention it at all. I considered staying silent and letting the problems that I created destroy me. And I decided that if I was going to suffer, if I was going to risk damaging my relationships, if I was going to take a course of action- it was better to be honest, to stop fighting my moral compass, to get all the pain out of the way at once instead of wrestling with myself for days.

I'm sorry that I plotted. I'm sorry that I got paranoid. I'm sorry I lashed out. I'm sorry the situation got this severe. But I'm not sorry for trying to end all that.

[Ruridova]

God, I didn't want to harm anyone. I didn't want to damage everything. I wanted to end the damage. I wanted to stop destroying my relationships and my morality. I was afraid that of doing harm, but it was either this, or let my mental control deteriorate.

Regardless of what you think of me, I will continue to view you as friends, as good people. Luziyca and I have been good friends for ages, and we've been through a lot. Uni and Boji, there were times where you were the ones who stopped me from doing physical harm to myself. And I wish that there was a way for me to solve my problems while risking no damage to my relationships with y'all. I desperately wish there was. But there isn't.

I didn't want to hurt anyone. I wanted to stop hurting anyone.

[Shrillland]

I want to make a few things clear to you all.

Ruri, I accept your apology without any reservations, and I hope that if you're looking Vak, you can accept mine for being part of the tide. Second, it is true that I was never pressured into doing anything I didn't want to do, but I have shown my misgivings in recent weeks to some of these events. This is because, as Ruri said, I was informed last week about the growing intrigues taking place, intrigues which I was entirely in the dark about because of my leadership style.

Another thing I must confess is, as you've probably already known, I'm not a real hands-on leader. It seemed to me that most of the crises that took place, especially in parts 3 and 4, seemed to sort themselves out without me having to arbitrate. I almost never go to the IRC because what I need to say I could say here on the OOC thread most of the time. However, when I became aware of some of the things going on, and even for a little while befoe that, I did have some misgivings. As you know Uni, I sent you and Boji a TG expressing my doubts about letting UMN in in the first place because I didn't want to ruin Luz's nations. I also had to go onto this thread and say point blank that I didn't want anything irrevocable taking place in Morocco or to it while Luz was absent or while we were in our rest period, which I felt was needed after two of our RPers had left for a while.

Many of the disputes I left intact because they seemed to have at least somewhat substantial IC credibility. Now I see that it was mostly just to carve up our RP friends' nations like Thanksgiving turkeys. I didn't see it because I am a very naive person, and I can admit to that easily. I let myself get swept in and said some very harsh things to Luz on Facebook about the issue, but I also said I didn't want to see him leave if it could be helped. I like Luz both as an RPer and as a personal friend, and I figure anyone could make mistakes and move on.

It is quite true that plotting and intrigues and conspiracies are not illegal in roleplay either IC or OOC. Nations gang up on each other RL, and it only makes sense that they would do so here as well, as Uni has pointed out. Even so, when it looks like it's becoming a concentrated effort on a single player rather than certain nations, attention must be paid and actions have to be taken.

I will quote a TG I gave Ruri after he told me about all of this:

If they(Uni and Boji) make any moves I'll take notice, and if they continue to do this, I'll take any action that the situation requires, even going so far as to break this RP up if I must. They should know that I am more than capable of doing so and have in the past.

And I have broken this RP up in its first incarnation several years ago as some of you will remember. When I rebooted this RP in March of last year, I hoped that we would be able to go through to the end without endless OOC bickering, fights, arguments, and plots to take out not weak nations but "weak" RPers. None of you are weak RPers. All of you are people that I feel truly honoured and privileged to know, and I hope that we can pull through and continue to RP together despite our sometimes disparate RP ideas.

Unfortunately, if this continues, and it looks like it will, then I simply cannot let people continue to get hurt. I cannot have anyone's unjust dismissal or problems that are hurting people RL such as Ruri continue to stand. As much as I like you not merely as fellow RPers but as real friends, and as much as I hope to continue RPing with you in the future(even though we are in different RP worlds and concepts), I don't believe that this RP can continue.

It's really hard for me to have to say this, and actually, it's really painful too, but I think the best thing we can do is end the RP and be glad for the time we've shared together. No more issues that tear people apart, no more ganging up on people OOCly, and no more plots that force people to make distasteful decisions that they feel are immoral. I can only say I'm sorry for wasting all of your time here, but I do thank you all for being a part of this, and I hope that we can RP again someday.

[Luziyca]

Since I have played a role in this situation, it is time for me to give upon thee a confession and explain why I did the things I did.

While I personally do not mind Vak as a person, I felt that he wasn't all that suited to participate in this RP, due to the poor grammar and RPing habits, so I personally wanted to see him booted, but I tried to co-operate with him, especially when it concerned territory. That was how I got Afghanistan and Morocco: through negotiation with Vak (Afghanistan when he tried to start an Afghan Empire, and Morocco when he started that sect of Islam).

As for why I conspired against Ruridova, it was because how he was behaving OOCly made me annoyed and quite irritated: when he threatened to quit, I began making plans for dibs if Ruri did leave. That was why I claimed Tanganyika and Zanzibar if Ruri did leave: mainly because I felt that OOCly that it did not make sense for a German nation to have a colony there when much of the rest of East Africa was colonized by Asian nations, and wanted to see an Asian belt of colonies from the Cape to the Horn of Ethiopia.

Notably, as for why I chose to take a vacation from the RP, it was out of fear that I'd be expelled completely from the RP, and also because really, I arrived late, and wanted to get it over with: I knew defending myself would take quite a bit of time, and that if I did that, I may lose my nations anyways, so I decided to trust these nations to RP. It did work in reducing the stress that I had and taking a break from the RP itself helped really improve relationships with the participants within the RP. Thus, I felt ready to return within about a week or so, to be quite honest, but wanted to try to wait for as long as I can, until mid-December.

However, for that plot that I just heard involving China and other nations that Ruri seems to have spearheaded from what I can tell, I think we should discuss it in more detail on some future date.

Thus, to everyone...

Ruridova, I apologize for having plotted against you
Vaktovia, I apologize for having taken your nations via deception
Unicario and Bojikami, I apologize for not having listened to your advice when you did so
Shrillland, I apologize for the strife that I have caused here

And to all those who apologized to me, I accept your apologies through and through.

But anyways, thanks to all who have participated. *raises a toast*

[Ruridova]

The damage was done, but that was the past. Now begins reconciliation. I remain confident that we can move on and begin the reconciliation. The past had its dark spots, but it had bright spots too- and I'm sure that the future will be brighter and brighter as we move forward.

It's been an honor knowing you all, and I'm hoping that we can go forward together. Thank you all so, so much for this wonderful RP, and for the pleasure of knowing you, and for all the advice and support you gave me.

[Unicario]

The candle has been extinguished,
and the world seems to be darkened now,
for what is lost is lost,
and what shall be gained is unknown.
- Ferdinand Eichemann's final words

[Luziyca]

The damage was done, but that was the past. Now begins reconciliation. I remain confident that we can move on and begin the reconciliation. The past had its dark spots, but it had bright spots too- and I'm sure that the future will be brighter and brighter as we move forward.

It's been an honor knowing you all, and I'm hoping that we can go forward together. Thank you all so, so much for this wonderful RP, and for the pleasure of knowing you, and for all the advice and support you gave me.

Amen, Ruri.

[United Marxist Nations]

Well, I didn't do terribly much, but, if what I did caused problems and wronged anyone, I apologize for it.

None of you guys did anything to wrong me, so no apologies should be made toward me.

[Shrillland]

Aye, it has been fun. Once again, thank you all for being a part of this, and thank you all for a much better RP than our first try.

[Bojikami]

Well, I suppose I should at least say a few words.

I can't honestly say I didn't see this coming. I had a feeling we were never to reach the end of the RP as we had planned, because, let's face it, this RP, as cherished and as great as it was dragged on for a very long time and quickly began showing it's age.

Other than that, I mostly stand with Uni when it comes to the plotting, and I do hope that we can do better in future RP's when it comes OOC stuff.

Ruri, About the plotting, I should tell you that while there was most certainly some form of plotting, I'm sure no one here is innocent of not planning something against one another.
As for Shrill and the rest, I apologise for the issues I have caused or played a part in.

[Ruridova]

While we're talking about the future and reconciliation and whatnot, Luziyca has reminded me of something... is the 400s RP still on? Because TBH I think that would be a good start when it comes to rebuilding relationships and all that, and I don't want the idea to go to waste.

[Shrillland]

While we're talking about the future and reconciliation and whatnot, Luziyca has reminded me of something... is the 400s RP still on? Because TBH I think that would be a good start when it comes to rebuilding relationships and all that, and I don't want the idea to go to waste.

Neither do I. I think when the new year comes, we can start that up! Or whenever.

[Ruridova]

Hm.. In a way, though, we kinda did RP AWWA all the way through. We RPed the present through the news articles; we had everything in between pretty well planned. We didn't do it on the IC thread, but...

[Bojikami]

While we're talking about the future and reconciliation and whatnot, Luziyca has reminded me of something... is the 400s RP still on? Because TBH I think that would be a good start when it comes to rebuilding relationships and all that, and I don't want the idea to go to waste.

Uni and I were speaking of it, we considered putting the OOC up rather soon, but the IC would not be up until a set time.

[Shrillland]

Hm.. In a way, though, we kinda did RP AWWA all the way through. We RPed the present through the news articles; we had everything in between pretty well planned. We didn't do it on the IC thread, but...

Still, I did have plans for some different events such as the Fifty Days War in South Africa and some other bumps after Indian independence.

[Bojikami]

Hm.. In a way, though, we kinda did RP AWWA all the way through. We RPed the present through the news articles; we had everything in between pretty well planned. We didn't do it on the IC thread, but...

Still, I did have plans for some different events such as the Fifty Days War in South Africa and some other bumps after Indian independence.

Well, I had things planned too for the USSR, Italy, but I guess it is all gone now.

[Luziyca]

Hm.. In a way, though, we kinda did RP AWWA all the way through. We RPed the present through the news articles; we had everything in between pretty well planned. We didn't do it on the IC thread, but...

Still, I did have plans for some different events such as the Fifty Days War in South Africa and some other bumps after Indian independence.

Same.

[Unicario]

While we're talking about the future and reconciliation and whatnot, Luziyca has reminded me of something... is the 400s RP still on? Because TBH I think that would be a good start when it comes to rebuilding relationships and all that, and I don't want the idea to go to waste.

Neither do I. I think when the new year comes, we can start that up! Or whenever.

I'm gonna give it a few days before I start it. We'll begin after the New Year.

~ OP

[Unicario]

OOC is up, but I'm not doing applications or anything atm. Just putting the thread up.

[Unicario]

Bumping a dead thread for this

Kim Il-sung, Doris Day, Imperial China, Johnnie Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio
Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, Television
North Brunei, South Brunei, Marilyn Monroe

Rosenbergs, H-Bomb, Sugar Ray, Malacca
Brando, The King And I, and The Catcher In The Rye
Eisenhower, Vaccine, England's got a new queen
Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Pavelenko, Kerensky, Nasser and Netanyahu
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist International
Roy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, Dacron
Batavia Falls, Rock Around the Clock

Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland
Bardot, Prague, Alabama, Wahyu
Princess Grace, Peyton Place, Trouble in the Orient!

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, Aisin Gioro Pu-Yi, Bridge On The River Kwai
Paris and Amsterdam, California baseball
Starkweather, Homicide, Children of Thalidomide...

Buddy Holly, Ben-Hur, Space Monkey, Mafia-Yakuza,
Hula Hoops, Ranko, Edsel is a no-go
U-2, Flight 13, payola and Kennedy
Chubby Checker, Psycho, Germans in the Congo!

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Hemingway, Eichemann, Stranger in a Strange Land
Dylan, Batavia, Japanese Javan invasion,
Ibrahim of Arabia, British Beatlemania
Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson

Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British Politician Sex
J.F.K. blown away, what else do I have to say

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Kim Il-sung back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock
Begin, Reagan, Zion, Terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran, Chinese in Afghanistan
Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal, suicide
Foreign debts, homeless Vets, AIDS, Crack, Bernie Goetz
Hypodermics on the shores, Japan's under martial law,
Rock and Roller Cola wars, I can't take it anymore!

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
But when we are gone
It will still burn on and on and on and on
And on and on and on and on...

[Unicario]

[Ruridova]

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Soyuznoye has an IRC?

[Unicario]

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Soyuznoye has an IRC?

Ja.