Topid's sampler
Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 8:24 am
Topid asked me some time back to go through four existing SC resolutions and change them as little as possible to make them Rule 4 compliant. Here they are:
RECOGNIZINGthe player of Kandarin as a leader in various aspects of NationStates’ affairs.
OBSERVING Kandarin’s tireless efforts in maintaining order, stability, and leadership in a"collecting" [refugee? specialised?] region without means of ejecting or banning the competition the usual powers of a Delegate.
VIEWING Kandarin’s knowledge, teaching, and leadership inNationStates roleplay, world events at all levels in both in character and out of character aspects, in theory and in practice, for off-site and on-site forums at home and abroad.
OFFICALLY praisesthe player behind the nation of Kandarin and recognizes his these achievements with a commendation from the World Assembly.
COMMENTARY:
RECOGNIZING Goobergunchia for the creation of the first Nation States' wiki, NSwiki, a highly informative and detailed account ofin-game incidents, world affairs, resolutions, national profiles, region profiles, history, events, and terminology.
NOTING Goobergunchia's successful drafting and passage of Nation States United Nations (NSUN) Resolution #22, a resolution which had prohibited pedophilia, and Security Council Resolution #4, Liberate Belgium.
UNDERSTANDING the various positions Goobergunchia has held throughout history, including Deputy Secretary of State in the Alliance Defense Network and Secretary-General of Red Liberty Alliance.
HEREBY commends Goobergunchia in the form of an official commendation by the World Assembly.
COMMENTARY:
The World Assembly,
NOTING The Former TEP Chairman of Todd McCloud’s long list of accomplishments across various fields,
ACKNOWLEDGING The Former TEP Chairman of Todd McCloud’s experience as a major playerRole Player in The East Pacific’s affairs, with notable role-play incidents including Shiro Academy and The Listonian Crisis,
PRAISING the successful defenses of Poland, a founderless region, by then World Assembly Delegate of Poland The Former TEP Chairman of Todd McCloud,
FURTHER PRAISING The Former TEP Chairman of Todd McCloud’s work as leader of the Slavic Alliance in defending Slavic Regions from the grips of Macedon,
RECOGNIZING Todd McCloud as a highly successful raider, leading raiding missions and coups in many prominent regions,
IMPRESSED with Todd McCloud’s public stance against Macedon and other raiders who use hidden passwords to destroy the target region without giving natives or defenders any chance to fight for the region,
ASTONISHED that during Todd McCloud's delegacy The East Pacific -- previously one of the most inactivefeeders regions -- has been transformed into one of the most active regions in the world,
RECALLING that Todd McCloud has been an active member of the World Assembly Security Council since its inception, having authored the Security Council commendations of The Republic of Kandarin and Goobergunchia and the condemnation of Macedon;
ALSO RECOGNIZING Todd McCloud’s use of media to improve the world, includinghis the creation of The South Pacific Wiki, a collection of articles about NationStates affairs; and his the use of online videos in Fox Rite and The East Pacific
COMMENDS Todd McCloud forhis honorable service across many fields of the NationStates world.
Co Authored by: Sedgistan, Unibot, and Travancore-Cochin
COMMENTARY: "Nation" links used as before, to blur. If the writer didn't think Todd McCloud was "a major player", then "an active participant" would do the job.
The Security Council,
Observing the efforts of Sedgistan, as a long time member and current Arch Chancellor of the Founderless Region Alliance (FRA) to ensure interregional peace and goodwill,
Remembering the liberation of Feudal Japan authored by Sedgistan, which was followed by a defeat of the raiders by a defender force led by Sedgistan and including members from the FRA, TITO, Equilism, Texas, Europeia, 00000 A World Power, Yggdrasil, The United Kingdom, Crusaders of Justice, Liberty Alliance, Antarctica, and Royal Federation of Nations, and a refounding mission assisted by Sedgistan,
Impressed by the tireless work of Sedgistan to ensure the natives of Feudal Japan regained control of their region and kept control permanently,
Knowing there exist countless other regions Sedgistan has defended from the grips of raiders,in numbers recognized as amassing 222 points so far in his 3 years as an FRA Ranger, the second highest of all time,
Acknowledging the Security Council work of Sedgistan other than Liberate Feudal Japan, which includes authoring Liberate Free Thought, being listed as a co-author of Commend Todd McCloud, Liberate Utopia, and Liberate Land of the Liberals,
Asserting that any nation that has done as much work as Sedgistan has to ensure interregional peace and goodwill should be commended,
Hereby commends Sedgistan.
COMMENTARY:
Commend Kandarin
RECOGNIZING
OBSERVING Kandarin’s tireless efforts in maintaining order, stability, and leadership in a
VIEWING Kandarin’s knowledge, teaching, and leadership in
OFFICALLY praises
COMMENTARY:
The "nation" links have been used to blur the question of whether the writer is referring to the account "Kandarin", the person behind "Kandarin" or the nation "Kandarin". The term "NationStates" would make it illegal if the name were used as a reference to an online game, but a legal WA resolution adopted before the SC was created refers to "the entire NationStates community" and "we as NationStates" in the sense of, well, nation-states. Since the original of this proposal can be read in that sense, whether or not the writer meant it that way, it's retained. The possible descriptions of the RR aren't really necessary, I just put them in to provide an alternative to the game-sounding term "collecting" region. The actual point of the praise is that Kandarin is able to run his region without all the usual powers of a Delegate, so that's what it now says.
Commend Goobergunchia
RECOGNIZING Goobergunchia for the creation of the first Nation States' wiki, NSwiki, a highly informative and detailed account of
NOTING Goobergunchia's successful drafting and passage of Nation States United Nations (NSUN) Resolution #22, a resolution which had prohibited pedophilia, and Security Council Resolution #4, Liberate Belgium.
UNDERSTANDING the various positions Goobergunchia has held throughout history, including Deputy Secretary of State in the Alliance Defense Network and Secretary-General of Red Liberty Alliance.
HEREBY commends Goobergunchia in the form of an official commendation by the World Assembly.
Topid wrote:^I very much want to see.
COMMENTARY:
There you are, then. The "in-game incidents" line was too general for me to come up with an accurate substitute -- what sort of in-game incidents? -- so I've inserted the equally general "world affairs". The "proposal" links could have been used to inform voters more fully, but they're not relevant to the legality of the proposal.
Commend Todd McCloud
The World Assembly,
NOTING The Former TEP Chairman of Todd McCloud’s long list of accomplishments across various fields,
ACKNOWLEDGING The Former TEP Chairman of Todd McCloud’s experience as a major player
PRAISING the successful defenses of Poland, a founderless region, by then World Assembly Delegate of Poland The Former TEP Chairman of Todd McCloud,
FURTHER PRAISING The Former TEP Chairman of Todd McCloud’s work as leader of the Slavic Alliance in defending Slavic Regions from the grips of Macedon,
RECOGNIZING Todd McCloud as a highly successful raider, leading raiding missions and coups in many prominent regions,
IMPRESSED with Todd McCloud’s public stance against Macedon and other raiders who use hidden passwords to destroy the target region without giving natives or defenders any chance to fight for the region,
ASTONISHED that during Todd McCloud's delegacy The East Pacific -- previously one of the most inactive
RECALLING that Todd McCloud has been an active member of the World Assembly Security Council since its inception, having authored the Security Council commendations of The Republic of Kandarin and Goobergunchia and the condemnation of Macedon;
ALSO RECOGNIZING Todd McCloud’s use of media to improve the world, including
COMMENDS Todd McCloud for
Co Authored by: Sedgistan, Unibot, and Travancore-Cochin
COMMENTARY: "Nation" links used as before, to blur. If the writer didn't think Todd McCloud was "a major player", then "an active participant" would do the job.
Commend Sedgistan
The Security Council,
Observing the efforts of Sedgistan, as a long time member and current Arch Chancellor of the Founderless Region Alliance (FRA) to ensure interregional peace and goodwill,
Remembering the liberation of Feudal Japan authored by Sedgistan, which was followed by a defeat of the raiders by a defender force led by Sedgistan and including members from the FRA, TITO, Equilism, Texas, Europeia, 00000 A World Power, Yggdrasil, The United Kingdom, Crusaders of Justice, Liberty Alliance, Antarctica, and Royal Federation of Nations, and a refounding mission assisted by Sedgistan,
Impressed by the tireless work of Sedgistan to ensure the natives of Feudal Japan regained control of their region and kept control permanently,
Knowing there exist countless other regions Sedgistan has defended from the grips of raiders,
Acknowledging the Security Council work of Sedgistan other than Liberate Feudal Japan, which includes authoring Liberate Free Thought, being listed as a co-author of Commend Todd McCloud, Liberate Utopia, and Liberate Land of the Liberals,
Asserting that any nation that has done as much work as Sedgistan has to ensure interregional peace and goodwill should be commended,
Hereby commends Sedgistan.
COMMENTARY:
Changed "Sedge" to "Sedgistan" so it could be read as the nation or the player or the account. If blurring is needed, use the links.
The fourth clause could be written as "Knowing there existcountless other regions Sedgistan has defended from the grips of raiders in numbers recognized as amassing 222 points so far in his 3 years as an FRA Ranger the second highest of all time".
That removes "countless", not for legality, but for sense: if they're "countless", then you can't count 'em well enough to know that they're "the second highest of all time".
The "amassing 222 points so far in his 3 years as an FRA Ranger" is too clearly a reference to the player playing a game.
The fourth clause could be written as "Knowing there exist
That removes "countless", not for legality, but for sense: if they're "countless", then you can't count 'em well enough to know that they're "the second highest of all time".
The "amassing 222 points so far in his 3 years as an FRA Ranger" is too clearly a reference to the player playing a game.