Commend The Bar on The Corner of Every Region

[New Constitution of Lost Earth]

Here is the draft of the proposal how can we fix this?:
Hereby Confirming that The Bar on The Corner of Every Region has the record worldwide for embassies allowing intercommunication all across NationStates

Hereby Noticing that The Bar on The Corner of Every Region is a place where nations can come together from across NationStates to passively Roleplay, to help others, and to have a good time while being a hub for all nations.

Hereby Showing Responsibility by keeping the region neutral to both defenders and raiders, and by keeping it safe for other nations.

Hereby Showing that The Bar on The Corner of Every Region Staff have been helpful to other nations in, and out, of the bar, in many ways.

Hereby Recognizes that The Bar on The Corner of Every Region is the first to maintain interregional communications from across all of NationStates, and many others have tried to make similar regions.

Hereby Acknowledges that many officers help guide the The Bar on The Corner of Every Region and participate in regional affairs.

Hereby Appluades them for being able to make a fun RolePlaying environment where everyone is welcome all across NationStates

Hereby Commends The Bar on The Corner of Every Region

-Co-Authored By: @The_Indivisible Monarchy of Galaxies, and @Fabulously Fabulous

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

Firstly remove all direct references to roleplay, players etc. They are illegal terms for SC resolutions.

Which leaves you with a region that is helpful to member nations and has a lot of embassies.

Nothing really commendable there I'm afraid.

[We Are Not the NSA]

Blue indicates a grammar, spelling or syntax error/correction.
Red indicates an illegality.
Underlining indicates a suggestion on rearranging a sentence.

Hereby Confirming that The Bar on The Corner of Every Region has the record worldwide for embassies allowing intercommunication all across NationStates

You are missing a period at the end of this clause. I would change the underlined section to "the world record for having the most embassies". You should also offer a broad a number like "over 2000" or something like that.

Additionally, after the underlined section, the sentence really takes a detour. The way it is written implies that it is the world record that allows for what I would change to "interregional communication", rather than the embassies themselves. I suggest you split that last thought off into its own clause.

Hereby Noticing that The Bar on The Corner of Every Region is a place where nations can come together from across NationStates to passively Roleplay, to help others, and to have a good time while being a hub for all nations.

The term "roleplay" (and any other form of it, like RP) is illegal, as it is considered a Rule 4 section D violation for being a reference to NS being a game. Also, the part that says "all" nations isn't really true.

Hereby Showing Responsibility by keeping the region neutral to both defenders and raiders, and by keeping it safe for other nations.

The beginning of this clause is a bit weird. It is imply that the SC is showing responsibility rather than the region. I would change the beginning to "Recognizing the responsibility shown by TBOTCOER in keeping..."

Hereby Showing that The Bar on The Corner of Every Region Staff have been helpful to other nations in, and out, of the bar, in many ways.

I would change that to "both inside and outside of"

Hereby Recognizes that The Bar on The Corner of Every Region is the first to maintain interregional communications from across all of NationStates, and many others have tried to make similar regions.

I'm not entirely sure that it was the first, but it has been the most successful. I would change the underlined section to "follow their example." It makes the region sound more leadershippy.

Hereby Acknowledges that many officers help guide the The Bar on The Corner of Every Region and participate in regional affairs.

Repeated word.

Hereby Appluades them for being able to make a fun RolePlaying environment where everyone is welcome all across NationStates

"Applauds". I already talked about RPing. There should be a "from" between "welcome" and "all". There is a period missing from the end of this clause.

Hereby Commends The Bar on The Corner of Every Region

There is a period missing from the end of this clause.

Because this is a selfie, and I agree with BBD that the target isn't quite worthy of a Commendation yet, I cannot endorse this proposal, however, I do hope that you are not discouraged by this. Too many people try once in the Security Council and never come back.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

Something else - remove all the "herebys" except the last one; they're superfluous.

[New Constitution of Lost Earth]

Something else - remove all the "herebys" except the last one; they're superfluous.

Ok

Blue indicates a grammar, spelling or syntax error/correction.
Red indicates an illegality.
Underlining indicates a suggestion on rearranging a sentence.

Hereby Confirming that The Bar on The Corner of Every Region has the record worldwide for embassies allowing intercommunication all across NationStates

You are missing a period at the end of this clause. I would change the underlined section to "the world record for having the most embassies". You should also offer a broad a number like "over 2000" or something like that.

Additionally, after the underlined section, the sentence really takes a detour. The way it is written implies that it is the world record that allows for what I would change to "interregional communication", rather than the embassies themselves. I suggest you split that last thought off into its own clause.

Hereby Noticing that The Bar on The Corner of Every Region is a place where nations can come together from across NationStates to passively Roleplay, to help others, and to have a good time while being a hub for all nations.

The term "roleplay" (and any other form of it, like RP) is illegal, as it is considered a Rule 4 section D violation for being a reference to NS being a game. Also, the part that says "all" nations isn't really true.

Hereby Showing Responsibility by keeping the region neutral to both defenders and raiders, and by keeping it safe for other nations.

The beginning of this clause is a bit weird. It is imply that the SC is showing responsibility rather than the region. I would change the beginning to "Recognizing the responsibility shown by TBOTCOER in keeping..."

Hereby Showing that The Bar on The Corner of Every Region Staff have been helpful to other nations in, and out, of the bar, in many ways.

I would change that to "both inside and outside of"

Hereby Recognizes that The Bar on The Corner of Every Region is the first to maintain interregional communications from across all of NationStates, and many others have tried to make similar regions.

I'm not entirely sure that it was the first, but it has been the most successful. I would change the underlined section to "follow their example." It makes the region sound more leadershippy.

Hereby Acknowledges that many officers help guide the The Bar on The Corner of Every Region and participate in regional affairs.

Repeated word.

Hereby Appluades them for being able to make a fun RolePlaying environment where everyone is welcome all across NationStates

"Applauds". I already talked about RPing. There should be a "from" between "welcome" and "all". There is a period missing from the end of this clause.

Hereby Commends The Bar on The Corner of Every Region

There is a period missing from the end of this clause.

Because this is a selfie, and I agree with BBD that the target isn't quite worthy of a Commendation yet, I cannot endorse this proposal, however, I do hope that you are not discouraged by this. Too many people try once in the Security Council and never come back.

Ok, Ill take this into account