[PROPOSAL] Commend McStooley

[Crazy girl]

The World Assembly Hereby Commends McStooley

RECOGNIZING the nation of McStooley has contributed to NationStates, in special to The East Pacific

KNOWING it is one of the older members of The East Pacific, and the labour of Vizier/Viceroy has outstanding

APPRECIATING that it was elected by the members of one of the biggest regions in NationStates

I'm open to modifications, so feel free to post your opinions!

[Crazy girl]

RECOGNIZING the nation of McStooley has contributed to NationStates, in special to The East Pacific

KNOWING it is one of the older members of The East Pacific, and his labour of Vizier/Viceroy has outstanding

APPRECIATING that it was elected by the members of one of the biggest regions in NationStates

[/quote
I'm open to modifications, so feel free to post your opinions!

Illegal, R4B. Don't use his, but use 'they' or 'the nation'

Also, just put a Hereby Commends McStooley and I'll consider it

[Idzequitch]

What have they contributed to NS? What was outstanding about their work as Vizier/Viceroy? Why is it relevant that TEP is one of the largest regions of NS?

WA nations don't want to take the author's word on resolutions. You need to add specifics to this proposal before it has a snowball's chance in hell of passing. A good place to start would be with the questions I asked about what is already in the draft. Then add even more. Tell us, as specifically as you can, what this nation has done and why you think it should be commended.

[Mariarty]

[/floatleft]
I'm open to modifications, so feel free to post your opinions!

What have they contributed to NS? What was outstanding about their work as Vizier/Viceroy? Why is it relevant that TEP is one of the largest regions of NS?

WA nations don't want to take the author's word on resolutions. You need to add specifics to this proposal before it has a snowball's chance in hell of passing. A good place to start would be with the questions I asked about what is already in the draft. Then add even more. Tell us, as specifically as you can, what this nation has done and why you think it should be commended.

Well, give me some minutes Good seen.

[We Are Not the NSA]

Okay, so first of all, your formatting is really weird. At the end of each clause, just double space. You don't need to add the Floatlefts.

RECOGNIZING the nation of McStooley has contributed to NationStates, in special to The East Pacific

I've read this 5 times. Based on the specific grammatical errors throughout this, the only logical conclusion I was able to make from this is that you used google translate to put this into English. If not, your English is not very good (but that's fine, my French is shit so I get how difficult foreign grammar is). If you do speak English as a first language... damn.

My best revision of what you're trying to say is:

Recognizing the nation of McStooley's contributions to NationStates, especially in The East Pacific,

KNOWING it is one of the older members of The East Pacific, and the labour of Vizier/Viceroy has outstanding

The second half of this clause is gibberish. I'm assuming it should be:

and their labour as Vizier/Viceroy has been outstanding,

Now, you need to explain why they did an outstanding job, and what they did.

APPRECIATING that it was elected by the members of one of the biggest regions in NationStates

I think that in this clause the word "Appreciating" should be replaced with the word "Recognizing", and in the first clause "Recognizing" should be replaced with "Appreciating".

Overall, there is an R3 violation, as there is no operative clause (to rectify this all you need to do is add "Hereby commends McStooley" at the end). I'm unconvinced by the proposal so far, but I'll look at any addition information you can add.

[Ramaeus]

Uh, no.

Stool hasn't done much at all in NS.

[ROM]

McWho? Against, and doesn't explain at all what McStooley has done, if anything.

[Benevolent Thomas]

Uh, no.

Stool hasn't done much at all in NS.

McWho? Against, and doesn't explain at all what McStooley has done, if anything.

YET

Lets be a little more encouraging to McStooley. They didn't ask to become the target of our scrutiny.
I'm in a rather benevolent mood today.

[Todd McCloud]

TEP guy here.

Stool has done much for TEP, but I really do believe that it'd be better to commend this nation after they have made a significant impact toward NS in general, otherwise they'll be stuck in limbo like several other players who went to vote a bit prematurely.

[Ramaeus]

Lets be a little more encouraging to McStooley. They didn't ask to become the target of our scrutiny.
I'm in a rather benevolent mood today.

I'm a lot more familiar with Stool than you, BT.

[Mariarty]

Sorry, it's my first time with a proposal.

[Idzequitch]

Sorry, it's my first time with a proposal.

Don't let naysayers get you down. Just look at anything constructive that's been said, and try to put that into practice next time you're drafting.

Like I said, this proposal didn't have enough information in it for anyone to form an opinion. If you put more information in next time (Especially specific examples), that's almost a guaranteed improvement. You can improve, it just takes some work.

[Gim]

Sorry, it's my first time with a proposal.

Not bad for your first time.

I'd suggest adding information specific to how he contributed to the region. That would make the proposal more comprehensive and convincing to the mass.

[We Are Not the NSA]

Sorry, it's my first time with a proposal.

Don't worry about it dude, plenty of people don't do well with their first idea. I got laughed out of the SC with my original nation when I first posted a draft. I came back, and with some hard work, eventually managed to pass a resolution. Participate in a few debates, help others draft, and eventually you'll get the hang of it.


Completely unrelated:

[New Dukaine]

Sorry, it's my first time with a proposal.

Don't worry about it dude, plenty of people don't do well with their first idea. I got laughed out of the SC with my original nation when I first posted a draft. I came back, and with some hard work, eventually managed to pass a resolution. Participate in a few debates, help others draft, and eventually you'll get the hang of it.


Completely unrelated:

OOC: HURRY! GET THE MODS GET THE CHAMPAGNE THIS NEEDS TO BE FUCKING RECOGNIZED