NATION

PASSWORD

Draft: Commend Unibot III

A chamber dedicated to the dissemination of inter-regional peace and goodwill, via force if necessary.
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Lebapersian
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Founded: Jul 21, 2013
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Draft: Commend Unibot III

Postby Lebapersian » Sat Mar 21, 2015 5:51 am

Hey Guys, can you help me with my proposal. I have attached my first draft and would be appreciative if you could tell me what needs correcting and what needs adding. Thanks . The Region is The Rejected Realms.

RECOGNIZING Unibot III as a leader who strives for the safety and wellbeing of those in the region.

OBSERVING his nation’s tireless efforts in maintaining stability, order and leadership in a region whilst protecting it from tyranny and attempts to perform a Coup d’état, like those made by Captain Harlock who was soliciting endorsements from most of the region and made clear his desire to usurp the government in his correspondence with most citizens.

ADMIRING the leadership style of Unibot, which provides opportunities for new nations to develop and achieve their full potential in the region. This can be seen through Unibot’s introduction of a Welcome Centre where new nations can find out more information about becoming a citizen and getting involved in the Region. Such topics covered by the Welcome Centre include Defence, Writing, The World Assembly and Legislation.

BELIEVING Unibot III to represent the perfect example of a leader, a figure of whom we the international community should look up to.

HEREBY commends Unibot III
Last edited by Lebapersian on Sat Mar 21, 2015 1:22 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Nephmir
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Postby Nephmir » Sat Mar 21, 2015 6:07 am

RECOGNIZING Unibot III as a leader who strives for the safety and wellbeing of those in the region.

OBSERVING his the nation's tireless efforts in maintaining stability, order and leadership in a region whilst protecting it from tyranny and attempts to perform a Coup d'état

ADMIRING the leadership style of Unibot, which provides opportunities for newcomers new nations to develop and achieve their full potential in the region.

BELIEVING Unibot III to represent the perfect example of a leader, a figure of whom we the international community should look up to.

HEREBY commends Unibot III


Red = Illegality change
Orange = Recommended rephrasing

I'd suggest adding more details. Too short and seems generic because it doesn't have examples of specific incidents or cases that make the target nation in specific commend worthy. If the target nation can be replaced with another nation and still make sense, it needs a lot more detail.

But don't get discouraged, just some friendly advice. :)
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Lebapersian
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Founded: Jul 21, 2013
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Postby Lebapersian » Sat Mar 21, 2015 6:45 am

Here is a version with some amendments. Can anyone suggest anything which needs to be added/subtracted. Thanks

RECOGNIZING Unibot III as a leader who strives for the safety and wellbeing of those in the region.

OBSERVING his tireless efforts in maintaining stability, order and leadership in a region whilst protecting it from tyranny and attempts to perform a Coup d’état, like those made by Captain Harlock who was soliciting endorsements from most of the region and made clear his desire to usurp the government in his correspondence with most citizens.

ADMIRING the leadership style of Unibot, which provides opportunities for newcomers new nations to develop and achieve their full potential in the region.

BELIEVING Unibot III to represent the perfect example of a leader, a figure of whom we the international community should look up to.

HEREBY commends Unibot III
Last edited by Lebapersian on Sat Mar 21, 2015 6:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Kaboomlandia
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Postby Kaboomlandia » Sat Mar 21, 2015 7:47 am

Please edit the OP instead of posting new one, makes it easier to find.
Also, would you mind actually mentioning the name of the region in the draft?
In=character, Kaboomlandia is a World Assembly member and abides by its resolutions. If this nation isn't in the WA, it's for practical reasons.
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Lebapersian
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Postby Lebapersian » Sat Mar 21, 2015 9:29 am

Is there anything else that I have to do to this proposal?
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Sad-States
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Postby Sad-States » Sat Mar 21, 2015 10:38 am

Like Nephmir said, it's going to need more additions. Also, I suggest in using Nephmir's edits as well.

Other than that, I feel the proposal is going in the right direction. Keep up the good work!
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The Stalker
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Postby The Stalker » Sat Mar 21, 2015 11:37 am

Technically Unibot's old nation Unibot II is still Commended. Which you can view here: viewtopic.php?p=8407545#p8407545

Could use that as a bases, maybe try and work with Mahaj or another defender to redraft a more current Commendation for his current nation.
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Lebapersian
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Postby Lebapersian » Sat Mar 21, 2015 12:44 pm

Would you be able to help me with my current draft? Confirm.
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Lebapersian
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Postby Lebapersian » Sun Mar 22, 2015 6:16 am

Can anyone suggest anything else which needs changing to the proposal, or is it okay?
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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Sun Mar 22, 2015 7:06 am

Still has illegalities in it, short on detail - would need a lot more fleshing out before you could even think of submitting it..
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Pierconium wrote:I see Funk as an opportunistic manipulator that utilises the means available to him to reach his goals. In other words, a nation after my own heart.

RiderSyl wrote:If an enchantress made it so one raid could bring about world peace, Unibot would ask raiders to just sign a petition instead.

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The Stalker
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Postby The Stalker » Sun Mar 22, 2015 11:24 am

Lebapersian wrote:Would you be able to help me with my current draft? Confirm.


Hmm I don't think i'm quite up to that task. I really feel the resolution needs a lot more info on Uni that you would need to get from one of his colleagues, which is why I suggest Mahaj or another defender.
The Mad King of Hell
I am the "who" when you call, "Who's there?"
Hell's Bells: Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.
This isn't Wall Street, this is Hell. We have a little something called integrity.
And I heard as it were the noise of thunder, One of the four beasts saying come and see and I saw, and behold...
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RiderSyl
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Postby RiderSyl » Sun Mar 22, 2015 2:18 pm

I don't think Unibot deserves a commendation, for factors that go beyond just the R/D game.
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Ramaeus
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Postby Ramaeus » Mon Mar 23, 2015 12:31 pm

If you want to use material from his first commendation, you'd have to repeal it.
Just some weeb.
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Benevolent Thomas
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Postby Benevolent Thomas » Mon Mar 23, 2015 1:54 pm

1) He already has a commend
2) He hasn't earned a second one
3) If he did indeed deserve a Commend, it'd have to be a lot better than this
4) If he did actually deserve one, good luck getting it passed. He's not exactly on the best terms with most if not all of NS' major WA voters (feeders/sinkers/10KI/Euro)
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Kaboomlandia
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Postby Kaboomlandia » Mon Mar 23, 2015 2:16 pm

Benevolent Thomas wrote:1) He already has a commend
2) He hasn't earned a second one
3) If he did indeed deserve a Commend, it'd have to be a lot better than this
4) If he did actually deserve one, good luck getting it passed. He's not exactly on the best terms with most if not all of NS' major WA voters (feeders/sinkers/10KI/Euro)

Agreed. Most of my region mates aren't the best of friends with Uni, and this resolution doesn't even mention the Rejected Realms by name, which they presently are delegate of.
In=character, Kaboomlandia is a World Assembly member and abides by its resolutions. If this nation isn't in the WA, it's for practical reasons.
Author of GA #371 and SC #208, #214, #226, #227, #230, #232
Co-Author of SC #204
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
"Your legitimacy, Kaboom, has melted away in my eyes. I couldn't have believed that only a shadow of your once brilliant WA career remains."
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Drop Your Pants
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Postby Drop Your Pants » Mon Mar 23, 2015 2:38 pm

BELIEVING Unibot III to represent the perfect example of a leader, a figure of whom we the international community should look up to.

Should be changed to:
KNOWING Unibot III to be a power mad looney, a figure of whom we the international community shouldn't listen to.
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Omigodtheykilledkenny
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Postby Omigodtheykilledkenny » Wed Apr 01, 2015 3:02 pm

Hasn't Unibot already been commended?

If you want to commend him again, you have to come up with something really good. And since Uni's a pretty funny guy himself, preferably something fun.

EDIT: ah, touche, BT. Somehow I missed your post. Even so:

Benevolent Thomas wrote:4) If he did actually deserve one, good luck getting it passed. He's not exactly on the best terms with most if not all of NS' major WA voters (feeders/sinkers/10KI/Euro)

Pissing all the right people off actually speaks very highly of him. 8)
Last edited by Omigodtheykilledkenny on Wed Apr 01, 2015 3:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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