The Amland News

[Amland]

The Amland News - Bringing you all Amland News since 1971

Here, all Amland news reports will be posted.

In latest news - 2 year old Amland President Peter Donald is updating the flag, but he's adding rather disturbing messages to it. Messages include "Just die please", "you fail - just give up" and "be racist". He has also updated the motto to "p l e a s e d i e". He is also wounding himself severely with a kitchen knife, slowly peeling his skin off. He is in a mental state, people try to help him but he says some uncomprehensive hissing and blabbering. Some people claim they heard "LET ME".

[Amland]

President Peter Donald has gone insane, adding even more disturbing messages to the flag, and even changing the sky on it red and replacing the sun with "please end me..."
He has been deemed too insane and has been sent to a mental hospital, far, far away.
The election results for new president were tallied straight away and Thomas Wright and Lisa Jones tied, so Thomas Wright is president and Lisa Jones is First Lady.
Things should be back to normal and the flag will be the Tiger flag again.

[Amland]

Amland's flag has been modified! The tiger is gone from the flag, and the colours are now diagonal. This change has been made by President Thomas Wright. He had this to say:
"The tiger was just unfitting, and I'm sure the rest of you agree. I kept the colours though; everyone seemed to like them."

[Amland]

Due to requests, the tiger is back on the flag.

[Amland]

Pictured: First Lady Lisa Jones (left), President Thomas Wright (right)

Citizens are in shock as Lisa Jones, First Lady of Amland since last week, has been kidnapped by an unknown man!
Witnesses tried to save her, but were shot and are now in hospital.
One witness recorded the conversation between the kidnapper and Jones, and it went like this:

First Lady Lisa Jones was walking in the park, until the unexpected happened...
Kidnapper: Hey, you.
Lisa Jones: Excuse me?
Kidnapper: Yeah, you're the one I want.
Lisa Jones: What do you mea-
Kidnapper covers Lisa's mouth with his hand
Lisa Jones [muffled]: GET OFF OF ME! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
Kidnapper: Sh.. shh...
Lisa Jones: *muffled screaming in agony*
Kidnapper: Shut up. If you keep quiet and co-operate, this'll all be easy.
Kidnapper drags Lisa into the bushes

Just in case the man is still somewhere in Amland, everyone is prevented from travelling until further notice.

If you happen to see a man with this appearance, you have a right to capture him using a sack taken from a local stool and take him to your nearest police station.

[Amland]

The man who has changed our lives forever

THE MAN WHO KIDNAPPED FIRST LADY LISA JONES HAS BEEN IDENTIFIED.
He has been identified as Russian Vladimir Fedoseev. He has not ever commit a crime before, so it is completely unknown why he would suddenly do this.
No-one knows the whereabouts of Vladimir yet, but if you happen to see him or you know him, PLEASE let us know.

[Amland]

Vladimir Fedoseev is dead. He died of electrocution when climbing the borders to The Royal Kingdom of Quebec.
The whereabouts of Lisa Jones are still unknown, though.

[Amland]

The Royal Kingdom of Quebec found Lisa Jones, looking absolutely frightened. Besides that, she was absolutely fine
She was fed and sent off to Amland, where she is happy again. For one moment, everything was perfect. It was even sunny in Amland for a change.
Also, The Nationalist Union of Cavalstan found Lisa Jones' long lost sister, Mary Jones. She was dead, but if she is delivered to Amland in time she could be resurrected in time.
Lisa Jones has this to say.

Seriously, thank you so much. You have no idea how happy I am. Nothing could get any better. First of all, a HUGE thanks to The Royal Kingdom of Quebec for finding me and returning me to Amland safely, and also, to The Nationalist Union of Cavalstan for finding my twin sister, Mary Jones. As a reward, the two nations will be given a cheque of Ɏ5569, which is the equivalent to $3500. Again, thank you so much.

[Amland]

That's right - today, President Thomas Wright turned 32. His supporters have given him presents, and the President is grateful.

Thanks for the presents, Amland. Unfortunately, I'm still busy on my birthday so I'll look at them as soon as possible.

[Amland]

President Thomas Wright proposed to First Lady Lisa Jones today. She was absolutely delighted.
Wright said that it was his perfect birthday present.

I hope the marriage turns out great tomorrow. Yes; we are having our marriage the day after the proposal.

[Amland]

Lisa Jones is now Lisa Wright. Even though it was 2:00 in the morning, thousands showed up for the wedding.

[Amland]

...the death penalty!
Genotonia may have a nice landscape, but it has no civil rights at all!
This 19 year old woman named as Julie Waterson noticed a few people who were sad about the leader, so Waterson said "Well, that's stupid and unfair! Let's go protest!"
Police arrived immediately and are now waiting to execute her.

Julie Waterson
The President is enraged at this and is trying his best to save Waterson.
"This is disgusting. How dare they execute a young woman who has barely got out of teenage hood just because she disagreed with the horrible decisions of this foul nation's government?" - President Thomas Wright

Julie Waterson is extremely frightened and horrified about the fact that she just wanted to take a vacation, but is now going to die.
"OH GOD NO!!!! WHY??? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PLACE???!?!?!? PLEASE AMLAND, SAVE ME!!" - Julie Waterson

More updates soon.

[Amland]

Individuals from the Amland Army are being dispatched to Genotonia to get Julie Waterson back.
If they cannot get her back, she will be executed in 2 days.
Julie's mother, Flora, has something to say.
"Why...? My baby's only 19, and... and she has to die now? The Army, I'm counting on you. Please get her back in time."

[Amland]

Genotonia's government, for some reason, decided to start the execution early!
The chosen method of death was the electric chair.
They turned the dial up to max, then pulled the lever.
Julie Waterson was being killed.
But then, the six people from the Amland Army arrived inside the building! They burst in, pushed the lever off and got Julie back.
They also shot the executioners in case they had tricks up their sleeves.

Julie Waterson is currently in extremely bad health, so she is being dispatched to an Amland Hospital immediately. There were no hospitals in Genotonia (that were open)
She is coming back via a jet plane.

[Amland]

President Thomas Wright of Amland has decided to retire the nation from the World Assembly. He is not impressed with the bad changes it is making to the nation.
"First, it damaged our civil rights, now it could damage our economy quite badly. I do not like this. Although our nation recieved a whooping 53 endorsements in less than 2 weeks, they don't really matter when the nation is dying. Long Live Amland!" ~President Thomas Wright
This will take place in 3 day's time.

[Amland]

President Thomas Wright and First Lady Lisa Wright now have a new official portrait.

You may view the full resolution image at The Amland Factbook.

[Amland]

Citizen powered TV channels have all been shut down now.
Since they only did it for pleasure and not money, it has not made an impact on their money.
Instead, all channels are all owned by the government. The citizens may still get their own programmes on the new channel "The Anything Channel" where unexpected things happen.

[Amland]

Citizens were confused after it has been 6 days yet no retirement from the WA.
President Thomas Wright then announced that they are staying in the world assembly.

Also related to the World Assembly, World Census reports showed that Amland is now in the Top 1% for Most Endorsements!

[Amland]

Ɏ500 and Ɏ1000 notes have been introduced by the government.
Now, all the Yurans look like this. The Yurans

[Amland]

Sarah Sapiens, the cloned human, is still alive, even at the age of 4!
She may have the intelligence of a 2 1/2 year old, but for a cloned human, she's doing amazingly! Here are some words she said:
"Hello! It's my birthday today! I'm the first ever cloned person!"

Sarah was born - or cloned, rather, on 12th June 2008, by scientists. They didn't think it would work, but they were just underestimating themselves!

[Amland]

An Asinyian woman, hearing about how much freedom Amland had (this member of government who accidentally released details about the outside world has now been executed), decided to come over there to escape the wrath of Kaikara Ladislaus Baldemar, the 'supreme eternal leader' of Asinya. President Thomas Wright has agreed to let Samsa Linson stay at Amland, with full protection against the Asinyian government.
Samsa was found to have broken her compulsory Leader's Shrine - which is needed in every Asinyian household. She did not fix it, and she was sentenced to 10 years in hard labour camp.
So, she decided to escape to another country. she put her swimsuit on and she actually swam for 12 hours straight - what a brave woman! Eventually, she found help from a ship, and she was sent to Amland. She hopes she can start her life afresh, in a country that doesn't restrict you from eating at certain times.

This is anchorman Simon Jawkes, reporting for TAN.

[Amland]

President Speech News

President Thomas Wright gave a speech today about caring more about the environment and the Tiger. He has let more forests grow, he has closed some nuclear power plants and now there are much more tigers.
It might be a little hard on the industry, but this is truly inspiring. Amland's environment has already improved greatly, and this means more tourists are fleeing to Amland to see its lush forests and its burgeoning tiger population.

This is anchorman Simon Jawkes, reporting for TAN.