Awesome/Funny NS quotes (not your own quotes, please)

[The States of Balloon]

We never get past the writing stage.

Fine. You'll die when the toilet explodes after you do your business.

wut

Yeah. It'll be a crappy ending for you.

OhIseewhatyoudidthere

I just hope that this movie idea doesn't stall out.

Keep'm coming. Your name (and mine) will be all over the greatest quotes thread. Just think of the fame! The glory! The profit!

As long as the movie doesn't tank, we'll be flushed with success.

YESSSSSSSS

I want to make sure the hard work and dedication doesn't all go down the drain because that would really be shitty.

[The united states of Saints]

Fine. You'll die when the toilet explodes after you do your business.

Yeah. It'll be a crappy ending for you.

I just hope that this movie idea doesn't stall out.

As long as the movie doesn't tank, we'll be flushed with success.

I want to make sure the hard work and dedication doesn't all go down the drain because that would really be shitty.

God dangit

[The States of Balloon]

God dangit

I know. And that's not all of them.

[United Dependencies]

I swear to god, I read Homestuck once, and now it's suddenly everywhere in my life. Damn you Hussssieeee!

[The States of Balloon]

I swear to god, I read Homestuck once, and now it's suddenly everywhere in my life. Damn you Hussssieeee!

What did you think of the intermission? Also, not the thread for this.

[Wulfenia]

Shit, guys. Pack your bags, bring your horses and play Wagner. It's time to anschluss the fuck out of something.

[Immoren]

(Image)

Mission: Find Mr Squishy. We have a 30% or GDP defense budget and goddammit WE WILL USE EVERY CENT OF IT!

Pictured, the Bundeswehr goes to extraordinary lengths to solve the G36s overheating problem.

[Imperializt Russia]

Both posts in reference to the overheating issues of the G36 rifle, which was apparently discovered recently due to shoddy manufacturing and materials on HK's part.
Addendum, dammit Immy.

(Image)

Mission: Find Mr Squishy. We have a 30% or GDP defense budget and goddammit WE WILL USE EVERY CENT OF IT!

Pictured, the Bundeswehr goes to extraordinary lengths to solve the G36s overheating problem.

You shut your mouth it's perfect just like kriegsmesser

>Be H&K
>Use an inherently gas-heavy system to develop rifle
>Decide to forgo heat sink in original rifle and make it out of high-heat density polymers
>Polymers are too prone to cracking
>Switch to a new polymer
>New polymer consists of a Polyurethane base
>You know, the same stuff used in milk jugs
>Only ever use rifle in life fire demonstrations where ~3-5 mags are run through the rifle at a given time, allowig for optimal cooling
>In the German climate
>Declare it best rifle ever
>Sell to people
>US Capital Police buy them
>US Capital Police drop them 4 years later due to "heating issues"
>Lolfags
>Keep selling rifles
>Get raided because you sold weapons to rebels
>They raided with the same weapons you made
>lolwhatever, You suck, and we hate you
>Keep selling rifles to Germans
>First time German troops get into combat since WWII, In the Afghan climate
>reports come back
>The fuck, why did my rifle become butter
>lol it was the ammo guys
>k
>It keeps happening
>Suddenly cant hit shit
>Lol its the ammo guys
>Die Führer Merkle herself descends from above and demands a holocaust inquisition
>Turns out its the fact you made your fucking rifle out of a low heat capacity polymer, shortcut the rifles production to save some cash money and just didnt stick to the original design well at all, caused the barrel to fucking articulate inside the housing
>Claim it was the jews soldies faults, the ammo, then cry rape and post about it on the IDT tumblr

This is exactly how it went*

*probably not

What would you propose to my NOTHK on how to fix it?

Fix the fucking barrel housing.

Go back to the G3.

[Dyakovo]

Kindly direct us to the passages in the Holy Scripture that states that it is the solemn duty of manly men to urinate standing up, for so commands the Lord your God.

Genesis. Chapter 12: verse 14, for Adam went forth and really went forth, and wrote his name in the snow, eve who's name is shorter, cannth notth do the same. The Lord looked down, and told Adam to close the fucking door next time, and it was good.

[The Republic of Lanos]

"Wong, when I said everything is better with blackjacks and hookers, I was being sarcastic"

"Oh....you were"

"Yes."

"That one has a nice ass tho doesn't she?"

"Totally"

[Napkiraly]

Both posts in reference to the overheating issues of the G36 rifle, which was apparently discovered recently due to shoddy manufacturing and materials on HK's part.
Addendum, dammit Immy.

Pictured, the Bundeswehr goes to extraordinary lengths to solve the G36s overheating problem.

>Be H&K
>Use an inherently gas-heavy system to develop rifle
>Decide to forgo heat sink in original rifle and make it out of high-heat density polymers
>Polymers are too prone to cracking
>Switch to a new polymer
>New polymer consists of a Polyurethane base
>You know, the same stuff used in milk jugs
>Only ever use rifle in life fire demonstrations where ~3-5 mags are run through the rifle at a given time, allowig for optimal cooling
>In the German climate
>Declare it best rifle ever
>Sell to people
>US Capital Police buy them
>US Capital Police drop them 4 years later due to "heating issues"
>Lolfags
>Keep selling rifles
>Get raided because you sold weapons to rebels
>They raided with the same weapons you made
>lolwhatever, You suck, and we hate you
>Keep selling rifles to Germans
>First time German troops get into combat since WWII, In the Afghan climate
>reports come back
>The fuck, why did my rifle become butter
>lol it was the ammo guys
>k
>It keeps happening
>Suddenly cant hit shit
>Lol its the ammo guys
>Die Führer Merkle herself descends from above and demands a holocaust inquisition
>Turns out its the fact you made your fucking rifle out of a low heat capacity polymer, shortcut the rifles production to save some cash money and just didnt stick to the original design well at all, caused the barrel to fucking articulate inside the housing
>Claim it was the jews soldies faults, the ammo, then cry rape and post about it on the IDT tumblr

This is exactly how it went*

*probably not




Fix the fucking barrel housing.

Go back to the G3.

God damn that was beautiful.

[Cyrisnia]

The information is false.

Prove it.

Also why do you keep sending me PMs about Frozen?

[Nightkill the Emperor]

"The human race is facing the might / of righteous states who would write / the history books / even if it took/ a knife's blade / to find the right page / Sengoku Jidai / Men offered to die / For the honor of a warrior's life!"

I wanna be the very best
Like no king ever was
To fuck them all is my real test
To castrate is my cause

I will Hijajj across the land
Pillaging far and wide
Each debutante to understand
The fertility inside

CRUSADERS (gotta pillage them all)
It's you and my other wives
Because of my stats I will thrive
Crusaders imprisoning
The daughters of that king

CRUSADER (gotta fuck them all)
A primary faith so true
Allying spymasters to get to you
Insult me and I'll seduce your wife (CRUSADER)

Every enemy along the way
Will be sold into slavery
To get more and more land
Incest is part of my plan

Come with me, I have high fertility
You'll gain lots of prestige from marriage with me
Sibling in sibling we'll win this war
I'll stop now-NO JUST ONE YEAR MORE

CRUSADERS

[Prussia-Steinbach]

I'm sure some disagree, but this felt really profound and meaningful to me.

I don't agree that its better to be a man when you have to be the sole breadwinner, when you have to fake being all manly in a crappy way, when your path in life is chosen for you by the racist, sexist society you are squeezed into. it is far better today when you can be who you are even if it isn't being the king of the family.

^

Nowadays, you can still live that life. If that's what your family's into. You can have two kids, a pretty housewife, and go work a 9-5 five days a week. But if you don't want to, you don't have to. It's much easier to at least be slightly out of the mold, because face it, everyone is, even straight white males.

yeah. and it is so much sweeter when its the life you choose instead of the life you were expected to lead.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

I'm a notorious procrastinator.

Specific example of a post of his brutality.

I'll type up an explanation of what Oberon is later. Maybe before May 15th.

May 14th, 2034

"There you go, bahenchod."

[Nightkill the Emperor]

You know how legit this paper is?
We even tell you who's online while you're reading.

NS equivalent of telling about hot singles in your area.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

All the statements based on assumptions without any logic or proof And contradictions. ISI controls jihadis and Jihadis then kill soldiers.. Lolx.

*shut eyes*

*close ears*

now yell loudly lalalalalalalala

pakistani jihadi problem? what jihadi? what problem? all are because of USA. Or India. Or Israel.

Here, look at these beautiful mountains.

[Wallenburg]

At least you don't think of Colonel Sanders.

"Try my secret blend of democracy and socialism! Finger-lickin' equality! Bernie Sanders 2016!"

[United Marxist Nations]

Prove it.

Also why do you keep sending me PMs about Frozen?

Only the dead shall know peace from my lulz about this quote.

[Nazi Flower Power]

I have no doubt that the holocaust occurred. My grandfather was in one of the troops that liberated one of the camps, and he's shown me photographs of the mass graves they uncovered.

However, I've always maintained that the burden of proof is on the person making the positive claim, so here.

http://www.quora.com/What-are-the-most- ... t-occurred

What are the most convincing bits of evidence which prove, beyond a shadow of doubt, that the Holocaust occurred?

No Nazi was ever a Holocaust denier.

This one, simple fact shows that everything the modern deniers try to claim is a post hoc contrivance. From 1945 onwards, thousands of Nazis were captured and hundreds tried for their part in the Holocaust and other crimes against humanity. They tried to pretend they were someone else, they tried to pretend they didn't know what was happening, they tried to pretend they didn't have as much to do with it as others, they tried to claim they were just following orders and they tried to justify it as "the kind of thing that happens in war". But what not one of them ever did was deny it happened.

Even men on trial for their lives, in the full knowledge they would be hanged if convicted, never stood up in the courtroom and shouted "This is all a lie! This is a fabrication! There were no gas chambers and no crematoria! I'm being framed!" On the contrary, they gave great detail as to precisely how they had helped build and helped run the mechanics of mass murder, some of them even seeming proud of how they had achieved something so complex and on such a vast scale.

Rudolf Höss

A classic example of the kind of Nazi who was not a Holocaust denier when, if the deniers are correct, he should have been was Rudolf Höss. SS-Obersturmbannführer Höss was commandant of Auschwitz-Birkenau from May 1940 to November 1943. According to Höss' own testimony and later memoirs, he was summoned to Berlin in June 1941 where he received "personal orders" from Reichsführer-SS Heinrich Himmler to turn Auschwitz-Birkenau into a large scale extermination camp, modelled on the facility already operating at Treblinka. Höss detailed later how he visited Treblinka and then, by September 1941, had established similar gas chambers and crematoria in Auschwitz.

From then on, according to his detailed testimony, Höss oversaw the arrival of two to three trains a day of up to 2000 people, from whom the stronger were selected for one of the Auschwitz work camps and the rest were gassed and burned. He detailed how he made his gas chambers capable of murdering ten times as many people as the ones at Treblinka and detailed other "improvements" to the killing process:

"Still another improvement we made over Treblinka was that at Treblinka the victims almost always knew that they were to be exterminated and at Auschwitz we endeavored to fool the victims into thinking that they were to go through a delousing process. Of course, frequently they realized our true intentions and we sometimes had riots and difficulties due to that fact. Very frequently women would hide their children under the clothes but of course when we found them we would send the children in to be exterminated." (Höss' affidavit for his Nuremberg trial )

As the Nazi regime crumbled, Höss and his family fled back to Germany and he was captured by British troops in May 1946, disguised as a farmer and claiming to be called Franz Lang. The British troops had been tipped off that he was the commandant of Auschwitz (several of them happened to be Jewish) and beat him until he admitted his real identity. From that point on he co-operated with the Allied authorities fully.

Höss' testimony throughout his trial was matter-of-fact and precise. Despite being on trial for his life, he was not agitated and seemed resigned to his fate - a psychologist described him as "apathetic" and investigators commented on how co-operative he was with them. In his testimony and in the memoir he was allowed to write while in prison, Höss was absolutely straightforward about what he had done:

I commanded Auschwitz until 1 December 1943, and estimate that at least 2,500,000 victims were executed and exterminated there by gassing and burning, and at least another half million succumbed to starvation and disease, making a total dead of about 3,000,000. This figure represents about 70% or 80% of all persons sent to Auschwitz as prisoners, the remainder having been selected and used for slave labor in the concentration camp industries.(Höss' affidavit for his Nuremberg trial)


He later expressed regret for his crimes, but like most Nazi war criminals justified them by saying they were actions taken in war time, that the victims were seen as enemies of the state and that he was "only following orders". He was executed by being hanged on a gallows specially constructed next to the main crematorium at Auschwitz on April 16, 1947.

Anyone trying to claim that the Holocaust never happened, that the numbers of Jews killed have been exaggerated, that eye witnesses lied or can't have seen what they claim and that there were no gas chambers, no massive crematoria and no systematic mass murder of millions of men, women and children in death factories like Auschwitz need to explain the calm, detailed and co-operative testimony of Rudolf Höss and hundreds like him. They need to explain why he never objected that he was being framed, that there were no gas chambers and that these charges were all a lie. They need to explain why he detailed what he did with what was almost pride at the scale of his operation and did so in a way that is corroborated by thousands of other eye-witnesses (Nazis, prisoners and Soviet soldiers), as well as photographs, documents, and a mass of other evidence.

In other words, they need to explain why Rudolf Höss, of all people, wasn't a Holocaust denier and why NONE of the Nazis involved in these crimes EVER denied they happened. They need to explain why even the Nazis themselves disagree with Holocaust denial.

They can't, which exposes all their other quibbles, distortions, twisting of words, denials and fabrications as the evil and pathetic lies they are.

EDIT: After over 1000 upvotes and 40+ comments, there are a couple of further points I think are worth making.

(i) Several people, both in the comments and in other answers have leapt on the fact that Höss was beaten when he was first arrested and, to varying degrees, tried to argue this somehow invalidates his entire testimony. This is the standard way that Deniers brush aside all of Höss' evidence and a few of those using it here have the stench of Denier around their comments.

Others, however, simply don't seem to have thought their comments through. When Höss was captured his captors already knew who he was. His wife also confirmed it, but he continued to maintain he was a farmer called Lang (knowing that admitting to being Rudolf Höss was tantamount to a death sentence). This was when some of his captors beat him up until he admitted who he was.

But no-one then continued to beat him up for the next YEAR, during which he willingly signed affidavits about what he'd done, testified at length at Nuremberg and even wrote a detailed memoir detailing his life, making excuses for his actions and explaining what he did at Auschwitz in detail. On the contrary, he expressed surprise at how well he was treated.

So to pretend all of his months and months of detailed testimony were somehow precipitated by one beating when he was captured and that he went to the gallows sticking to a story that was, somehow, an elaborate lie is clearly absurd. It's made doubly absurd by the fact that everything he said was confirmed by vast documentation, by multiple eye-witnesses including other Nazis of varying rank, by photographs, and by archaeology. It takes a special kind of stupidity to argue this one beating means we can ignore all of Höss' evidence and he is just ONE of the hundreds of Nazis who detailed what happened. Again, not a single Nazi ever questioned, and thousands of them were, ever denied the Holocaust.

(ii). Several other answers note people they know who survived the Holocaust or who liberated concentration camps like Belsen and argue this is proof the Holocaust happened. The question is asking for a knockout punch against Deniers and, unfortunately, that evidence doesn't bother them much. They don't deny there were concentration camps, work camps, ghettos, mass deportations, mass shootings or even deaths into the hundreds of thousands from hunger and disease. They deny, however, that there was any order to exterminate millions, any organised program of systematic mass killing, any extermination camps, any gas chambers and any death toll in the multiple millions. So a grandmother with a camp tattoo or a great uncle who saw Buchenwald doesn't convince them.

This is why cutting through all their crap and confronting them with the fact that, without exception, every Nazi tried or questioned over the matter fully agreed it all happened leaves them with nowhere to go. All they can do is fall back on idiotic arguments like the one above about Höss' being roughed up, which simply exposes their position as the utter irrational stupidity it is.

The Germans were meticulous record keepers.

Prior to and throughout the course of the war, the SS kept very good records of the peoples they exterminated, from Jewish to Eastern European militia.

When the Allies marched into Germany, they captured most of these documents, although some were destroyed by the Germans in an attempt to cover up the crimes that had been committed.

These documents are maintained at the National Archives, and can be accessed online.

A famous and damning document, specific to the warsaw ghetto, titled "The Stroop Report", can be accessed at the link below.

http://arcweb.archives.gov/arc/action/E ... id=6003996

[Jute]

There is nothing good about New York, forget great.

As a sheltered religious southeRn girl, I can understand you saying that.
as a gay teenage male, my disbelief in your sanity can only be expressed in terms forbidden by the rules of decent society.

[Anollasia]

NEEEH YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!

If a tree fell in a forest and no one was there to hear it, does it make a sound?

If no one's there to hear it, who's there to see that it falls?

[Cannot think of a name]

Your mileage may vary on how funny you think this is, I just thought this was a well played bit.

It isn't socially unacceptable to get piercings.

It kinda is, especially for guys.

Yeah, maybe when we get to the 60s there'll be some sort of counterculture movement that marks the beginning of a decrease in the importance of traditional gender roles so that by 2015, nobody really cares anymore. That might just be wishful thinking though.

[United Marxist Nations]

We were talking about RT getting the artist concept for the Armata wrong:

RT is a Russian-funded welfare program for unemployed/unemployable western journalists and the crackpots who can't even get a column in the Guardian.

[Nationstatelandsville]

Close; the Russian navy keeps the seas of northeast Europe safe from Vikings, sort of.

Don't be absurd. Those are just very patriotic Lithuanian self-defence squads who bought destroyers and submarines from the surplus store in order to protect themselves from the gay Nazi EU oligarchs.