Awesome/Funny NS quotes (not your own quotes, please)

[MERIZoC]

Really cracked me up. These kind of people are a rare flavor on the internet nowadays.

I thought Reppy's response was better:

1) Site owner Max Barry is an Australian, and is not nor ever has been in the military.
2) You are not in Australia.
3) Pretty sure you're a guy. Max Barry does not have a son.
4) Max Barry does not have any children old enough to be posting on Nationstates.
5) You have racked up an awful lot of rule violations in a relatively short span of time. You have no room to be making threats, no matter how laughably baseless they actually are.

Shutting down egomaniacal liars like she does is pretty cathartic.

Gotta love how she felt it was worth arguing that down.

[The Republic of Lanos]

I for one say... NO! We can go farther, faster, higher. We have the technology, we can make us BETTER! The $6 Million Dollar Mod! Mod your Mod today!







Why are you all LOOKING at me like that?

[Grenartia]

I don't believe so.

I do. As someone who has been on this site for 5 years, I'd say that, overall, the mods have become much more lenient, or at the very least much more hesitant to act with regards to rule violations such as trolling. Posting a provocative opinion which a few years back would have been smacked down quickly as an obvious troll, now allows one free reign to spread their bullshit for extended periods of time as legitimate opinions we need to "argue down".

There's other issues I see with the current state of the forum, i.e. established and respected posters leaving of becoming less active,and a large demographics shift the average age on the forum decreasing significantly over the past several years. (compare 2010 to 2014 as well as sharp drop in the number of females on this site 18% in 2011 vs 10% only 2 years later Overall though I think that these issues to back to the shift in moderation's position regarding what does and doesn't constitute trolling.

Trolls don't care about warnings. Trolls don't care about nation deletions. For the most part, trolls don't even care about being banned from a forum all together, they'll just go find another. It matters to everyone else. The population you end up with is indicative of how you handle trolls like this. And every time you let someone go "oh I love first class, otherwise I'd have to sit with smell poor people!" Every time you let someone post a "not equals" sign in protest of gay marriage rights cases as their flag, every time you let someone complain about "my family makes $500,000 a year, I don't want to pay for some crack whore to have a 12th kid" and you do NOTHING about it, you cause intelligent, mature adults to go "you know what? fuck this. I'm out". When you let profoundly misogynistic viewpoints fester and linger, you drive away women.


And this is not speculation. This is demographically PROVEN. Look:

In 2010 43% of NSG was 21+, 16% of the forum was 15 or under.
in 2014 29% of NSG was 21+, 24% of the forum was 15 or under.

What's especially damning about this is, think about what this means. If NSG had a stable population, average age would rise. That's what people DO right? They get older. In 4 years the average age of NSG has dropped about 4 years. But this doesn't mean that for everyone of age X who leaves, someone of age X-4 joins. The percentage of the population that stayed would logically age 4 years in the gap. In order for average age to drop 4 years in a 4 year span, and maintain a roughly stable population with a certain % exodus and a certain % joining fresh, for every person who leaves someone on average 6.5 years YOUNGER must join to counter act the logical impact time has on average age. In short, if population was stable, we'd expect an average age 4 years older 4 years later. If we were merely losing an average of 4 years for every time a poster leaves and another poster joins, average age would remain the same.

What we have seen is a DRAMATIC drop in average age of joining posters, and a DRAMATIC drop in average age of retained posters, this is the only way to account for an average age DECLINING across time. This is not simply a matter of older posters outnumbered by younger ones, the poll sample had similar sizes?

What about gender? Well gender doesn't change with time, so we should see a fairly static number.

In 2011 18% of NSG identified as female.
In 2014 10% of NSG identified as female.

There's really nothing I really need to say about that is there?

[The Risen Jaguar Warriors]

We. Don't. Want. Your. Flaming. Kitchens.

First glance, I thought you said "kittens". I wanna see how somebody can make money selling flaming kittens. I do.

[Cyrisnia]

I wonder how they'd react if terrorists threatened them for not releasing it.

Sony splits into two competing successor companies, one believing that the release must never happen, the other fighting to the death to release it.

James Franco is hired to interview and assassinate the head of the pro-Release company, Seth Rogen is tasked with killing the head of the anti-Release apostates.

They meet and love blossoms on the battlefield, a movie is made, but then not released cause of terrorists.

[Geilinor]

North Korea behind the scenes.

Wait... Does that make Park Guen-hye a Best Korean puppet?

My god, it all makes sense now

Best Korea has ruled both Korea's all along..

[Wisconsin9]

In a thread about the last surgery you had...

Had an impacted short OP with no real discussion, had to have it locked.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

Yeah. And it might kill my RP in the womb.

Weird; Christmas typically celebrates things born of a virgin.

I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.

[Anollasia]

I seriously didn't see this coming:

How do you hate something without trying it?

[Fortschritte]

Admittedly, I cracked up,

Given the level of inanity in that post, I'm actually impressed that you spelled most of the words correctly.....

With librul tea unjustice for all.

[Greater Mackonia]

"He's a pound-shop Enoch Powell, an' we've gotta watch him" - Russell Brand

I resent that remark; no High Tory would ever be caught dead in a pound shop.

[Lavan Tiri]

Point to me on the Santa doll where he touched you.

That's not funny. That's offensive. You are probably just jealous that he doesn't give you presents. I know he gives me presents because he gives me gifts I didn't ask anybody but him for.

[Fortschritte]

I found this pretty damn funny,

I couldn't find anything in the OP that would give me reason to believe in Allah. The OP was incredibly bloggish.

Allah want for Christmas is for bloggish OPs to end.

[Sebastianbourg]

I found this pretty damn funny,

Allah want for Christmas is for bloggish OPs to end.

[Nationstatelandsville]

He has angered all of West Virginia.

So, a goat and three jugs of moonshine?

[Wisconsin9]

quote="Nude East Ireland";p="22891347"]

He has angered all of West Virginia.

So, a goat and three jugs of moonshine?

[/quote]
As a Best Virginian, I approve.

[Applebania]

Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sexual position.

This is going in my sig.

[Cyrisnia]

The China bans Christmas thread has gotten some good ones in a short period of time.

I'd expect Santa Claus to be more popular in China. He is wearing red, after all.

Edit: And he uses tiny child-like people as slave labor in his toy factory.

(Image) XD. Sorry, I had to do it.

Don't worry, they will come to their senses and their heart will grow 3 times that size and they'll unban it and sing along, and yadda yadda.

[Wisconsin9]

Please. I already won all the Zork-related bragging rights when I wrote an AHK script that gets you from spawn to the end of the maze just by typing in the words "Fornicate wenches, acquire shekels".


It's a damn shame I lost that script.

Is that your motto for life?

No, my motto for life is "Always look on the mildly interesting side of life".

It's a quote, from Joseph. Not sure which Joseph, though.

[Herrebrugh]

I cannot believe this hasn't been quoted:

I've been bullied for 4 years, I haven't developed any signs of depression. Anyway, the majority of people with depression are self-diagnosed attention whores.

I'd ask for a source, but it would be inappropriate to post a picture of your ass.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

Nat was updating us on his CK2 game.

Everyone in Syria hates everyone else in Syria

Taken out of context, this is an incredibly accurate description of current events.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

I made another bestiary entry, inspired by Khan's latest post.

---

CROWLEY'S PENIS

(Image)
Corvos verpa

Standing at approx. four inches, the Crowley's penis (colloquially "El Chupacabra", "The Black Goat of Qohor", or "President Dmitry Medvedev") is a proud creature which roams the plains of the American Midwest, scrounging for food and stealing cattle. It is prone to burrowing underground when frightened and, if pressed, spits some form of venomous slime at its foes, but this leaves it tired and crippled for a quarter-hour or more. The Crowley's penis is unusually aggressive, often screeching at those it passes to scare them off; likely this is born out of a scarcity of food in its nomadic lifestyle, leaving it selfish and desperate. That, or an inferiority complex. Ecologists are unsure as to which. Covered from head to "toe" in a thin coat of brown downy hair, the Crowley's penis is unsuited to any climates which are especially cold and/or wet, preferring the arid border between plain and desert. It can go about 7 weeks without food and half as long without water, as it can store vast quantities of nutrient-rich glucose soup inside its body. The Crowley's penis rarely sleeps, resting for only 5-7 hours a week, only about 3 of which are spent asleep; this is because it is constantly wandering the countryside, either in pursuit of food or pursued by hungry predators, such as carrion and, statistically, a good deal of your ancestors of either sex. The Crowley's penis lives in constant fear, being relatively fleshy and weak, and without any great defense against the harshness of the wild. As such, it does most of its hunting at night, preferring the weary, unaware, or generally naïve. When wounded, the Crowley's penis secretes a pungent smell which will kill most any predator, as well as - in a highly futile and frankly symbolic gesture - itself, horribly. Upon dying, the corpse of a Crowley's penis must be disposed of within 48 hours, or the land beneath it will forever be rendered infertile by the decaying elements within, most of which are radioactive and some of which are sentient and notably hostile. Recommended methods of disposal include; consumption (by a creature who you do not much value), fire, or jettisoning into the cold expanse of space. Warning; do not place a Crowley's penis corpse in water. It will know what you have done, and seek vengeance.

Legend says that a dying man might consume the bones of a Crowley's penis and gain immortality. This legend is largely untested, as most Crowley's penises do not have bones, preferring instead to keep those of their fallen enemies as knick-knacks.

The species originated from the loins of one Aleister Crowley, separated from the greater organism by an unfortunate attempt to lengthen it. Crowley quickly replaced his penis through other magical means, leaving the original to escape and immigrate to the New World in the spring of 1662. The first, nicknamed "Black Mamba" by its political opponents during a 1970 gubernatorial run in Oklahoma, settled in Connecticut, but was quickly chased out by an angry crowd carrying pitchforks and Bibles; from there, it roamed for ten years before settling in its modern habitat. Where the second of its species originated is unknown, but foul witchcraft and mild salsa is believed to be involved.

In the modern era, the Crowley's penis reproduces in a similar way to the penguin. All members of the species, of which there are but twenty-five by most estimates, congregate in the sewers of Hartford and bludgeon an Irishman to death. From his blood they draw their spawn through the blackest of sins, and two more Crowley's penises are created. They then return to the plains and repeat the process roughly two years later.

The Crowley's penis meets all required conditions for endangered status, but the United States federal government has refused to grant it, on the grounds that it encourages their destruction. The International Union for Conservation of Nature likewise rejects it, with the added complaint the Aleister Crowley still owes them $25 and a gelded mule, and he knows why. The United Nations, however, does recognize the Crowley's penis as endangered, for, in the words of Secretary General Ban Ki-moon, "personal amusement and petty vengeance".

The most famous example of the Crowley's penis was "Fido", owned by noted eccentric President of the United States George W. Bush. In his words, "Fido is my best friend, my closest adviser, and on that one dark night in Darfur, my lover". Fido recently had a minor background role in a 2014 remake of beloved children's musical Annie, but was cut from the theatrical release, citing time constraints.

For more information on the Crowley's penis, see The New Instauratio Magna: Actually A Book About Crowley's Dick by Franklin D. Jameson and Confessions by Jean-Jacques Rousseau.

[Fortschritte]

This made me laugh pretty damn hard,

Why do you like infidels?

I like infidels because the only fidel I know is Fidel Castro and he kinda sucked.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

I made another bestiary entry, inspired by Khan's latest post.

---

CROWLEY'S PENIS

(Image)
Corvos verpa

Standing at approx. four inches, the Crowley's penis (colloquially "El Chupacabra", "The Black Goat of Qohor", or "President Dmitry Medvedev") is a proud creature which roams the plains of the American Midwest, scrounging for food and stealing cattle. It is prone to burrowing underground when frightened and, if pressed, spits some form of venomous slime at its foes, but this leaves it tired and crippled for a quarter-hour or more. The Crowley's penis is unusually aggressive, often screeching at those it passes to scare them off; likely this is born out of a scarcity of food in its nomadic lifestyle, leaving it selfish and desperate. That, or an inferiority complex. Ecologists are unsure as to which. Covered from head to "toe" in a thin coat of brown downy hair, the Crowley's penis is unsuited to any climates which are especially cold and/or wet, preferring the arid border between plain and desert. It can go about 7 weeks without food and half as long without water, as it can store vast quantities of nutrient-rich glucose soup inside its body. The Crowley's penis rarely sleeps, resting for only 5-7 hours a week, only about 3 of which are spent asleep; this is because it is constantly wandering the countryside, either in pursuit of food or pursued by hungry predators, such as carrion and, statistically, a good deal of your ancestors of either sex. The Crowley's penis lives in constant fear, being relatively fleshy and weak, and without any great defense against the harshness of the wild. As such, it does most of its hunting at night, preferring the weary, unaware, or generally naïve. When wounded, the Crowley's penis secretes a pungent smell which will kill most any predator, as well as - in a highly futile and frankly symbolic gesture - itself, horribly. Upon dying, the corpse of a Crowley's penis must be disposed of within 48 hours, or the land beneath it will forever be rendered infertile by the decaying elements within, most of which are radioactive and some of which are sentient and notably hostile. Recommended methods of disposal include; consumption (by a creature who you do not much value), fire, or jettisoning into the cold expanse of space. Warning; do not place a Crowley's penis corpse in water. It will know what you have done, and seek vengeance.

Legend says that a dying man might consume the bones of a Crowley's penis and gain immortality. This legend is largely untested, as most Crowley's penises do not have bones, preferring instead to keep those of their fallen enemies as knick-knacks.

The species originated from the loins of one Aleister Crowley, separated from the greater organism by an unfortunate attempt to lengthen it. Crowley quickly replaced his penis through other magical means, leaving the original to escape and immigrate to the New World in the spring of 1662. The first, nicknamed "Black Mamba" by its political opponents during a 1970 gubernatorial run in Oklahoma, settled in Connecticut, but was quickly chased out by an angry crowd carrying pitchforks and Bibles; from there, it roamed for ten years before settling in its modern habitat. Where the second of its species originated is unknown, but foul witchcraft and mild salsa is believed to be involved.

In the modern era, the Crowley's penis reproduces in a similar way to the penguin. All members of the species, of which there are but twenty-five by most estimates, congregate in the sewers of Hartford and bludgeon an Irishman to death. From his blood they draw their spawn through the blackest of sins, and two more Crowley's penises are created. They then return to the plains and repeat the process roughly two years later.

The Crowley's penis meets all required conditions for endangered status, but the United States federal government has refused to grant it, on the grounds that it encourages their destruction. The International Union for Conservation of Nature likewise rejects it, with the added complaint the Aleister Crowley still owes them $25 and a gelded mule, and he knows why. The United Nations, however, does recognize the Crowley's penis as endangered, for, in the words of Secretary General Ban Ki-moon, "personal amusement and petty vengeance".

The most famous example of the Crowley's penis was "Fido", owned by noted eccentric President of the United States George W. Bush. In his words, "Fido is my best friend, my closest adviser, and on that one dark night in Darfur, my lover". Fido recently had a minor background role in a 2014 remake of beloved children's musical Annie, but was cut from the theatrical release, citing time constraints.

For more information on the Crowley's penis, see The New Instauratio Magna: Actually A Book About Crowley's Dick by Franklin D. Jameson and Confessions by Jean-Jacques Rousseau.

Why? Just why?!

I mean, it's funny and it made me laugh, but still, it begs the question and inquiring minds need to know.

[Soldati Senza Confini]

On numerous occasions on this forum, I've been discredited due simply to the fact that Left-wing Feminazis and Right-wing "Christians" alike feel threatened by the fact that I am unafraid of expressing that I am a Transsexual Woman and people are afraid of me because I challenge their perceptions of Gender or maybe because it seems unrealistic for me to have all the medical conditions I truly have and still be alive and that also challenges their ideas about life and death, regardless the reasons of what people might feel about me, I have seen the sexism that is feminism, they want "Womyn" Only Events yet they preach on how sexism is wrong, you may not agree and you might even be offended but do not let that influence your decision on whether or not you dignify me with a response, back on track, I hope one day we no longer have a gender binary unfortunately I have to pick one in order to not be ostracized by most of society. If I had a choice, I'd just wear skirts and blouses as I always have and not identify as anything one way or the other and not to pretend to like one sex over the other but to embrace the qualities of both sexes, even if the gender-binary was not completely eliminated but rather the world were more accepting, then I'd probably feel comfortable just saying that I'm an Effeminate Gay Cross-dressing Boy but that would probably be too difficult to explain to generally intolerant individual as to why I identity as male but want female hormones, breast augmentation, female clothes and only wear make-up on special events but also be okay with potentially losing the use of my penis and want to be called by my female name and pronouns and not want to even look like a boy to most people, that's too confusing for people who grew up in a gender-binary world and I don't understand how Feminazis can portray me as being part of the patriarchy as I have been a victim of the patriarchy just as much as they have probably even more so, it's complete hypocrisy as is the idea that all men are rapists who hate women when they, in fact, hate all men and more often than not make up most of the demographic of women who make false accusations of rape, although, just to clarify so I'm not accused of being a pedophile or a rapist-enabler, most rape charges that do get reported turn out to true, most rapes are unreported and most reported rapes are ignored by law enforcement, I've been physically and sexually assaulted on numerous occasions so I'm not just speaking on what I know but also what I've experienced, but because of Feminazis making up false claims of rape, the real victims of the patriarchy suffer not the delusional people who like to pretend they are feminists and act as if they have actually experienced hardship in their lives, most of them are nothing more than liars and hypocrites, a true Feminist does not attempt to oppress others, express an air of superiority or discredit the lives of others. I only speak the truth from a nihilistic perspective

I think the core problem here is that you haven't figured out how to find us and run us over with your super-powered high speed wheelchair. As I recall, that was your go-to solution.

That might have something to do with your forum credibility.