Ultimate Football (Soccer) Thread (2013-2014)

[Eura]

First of all, may we all mourn the loss of the leagues finest source of entertainment, David Moyes Man United career. Done? Ok, good.

Myself and the other regulars of the NS Sport IRC channel have come up with a brilliant idea; a hypothetical match up of two teams. A team of likeable individuals from the home nations (the UK and Ireland) and a team of unlikeable individuals, otherwise known as twats - and some others.

The likeables and the commentary team and other neutrals will be posted later, but first, I presented to you, the least likeable people in Home Nations football. I present to you... MK Twatford.

Board of Directors

- Pete Winkleman
- Mike Ashley
- David Green

Joint Directors of Football In Perpetual Mutual Loathing

- Piers Morgan
- Alan Sugar

(Because they both think they fucking know everything)

Joint Management Team

- Joe Kinnear
- Alan Pardew
- Glenn Hoddle
- Neil Lennon

Joint Assistant Management Team

- Joe Jordan
- John Carver
- Duncan Ferguson

Mascot

- Cyril the Swan

Stadium and Backup Stadium

- Old Twatford
- Britwattia Stadium

THE SQUAD

Goalkeepers

- Graham Stack
- Alan MacGregor

Centre Backs

John Terry, Rio Ferdinand, Gary Caldwell, James Collins, Paul Connolly, Richard Dunne, James Tomkins, Louis Tomlinson, Titus Bramble

Full Backs

Alan Hutton, Phil Bardsley, Ashley Cole, Paul Konchesky

Right Mids

Jermaine Pennant, Jack Wilshere, Callum McManaman

Centre Mids

Charlie Adam, Glenn Whelan, Scott Brown, Lee Cattermole, Joey Barton, Michael Brown

Left Mids

Ryan Giggs, Craig Bellamy, Ashley Young, Jonathan Walters, Stewart Downing

Forwards (there happens to be a lot of twats up front)

Nile Ranger, Marlon King, Lee Hughes, Kyle Lafferty, Leroy Lita, Kris Boyd, Rob Earnshaw, Leigh Griffiths, Garry O'Connor, Andy Carroll, Darren Bent, David Nugent, Grant Holt

Their rivals shall follow later. In the meantime, here is the details on some of our punditry team and whatnot for the game being played, complete with their allegiance so you'll know A. Whether they're likeable or not and B. Who they'll be biased towards.

The Ref

Howard Webb (Unlikeables)

Linesme- err, people

- Tofiq Bakhramov (Likeables)
- Sian Massey (Likeables)

Commentary Team

- Andy Townsend (Unlikeables)
- Andy Gray (Unlikeables)
- Colin Murray (Likeables)
- John Motson (Likeables)

TV Presenting Team

- Adrian Chiles (Unlikeables)
- Mark Chapman (Unlikeables)
- James Richardson (Likeables)
- Chris Kamara (Likeables)

[Polar Islandstates]

Anyone who says they don't want to see a midfield diamond of Brown-Cattermole-Barton-Adam is a damned liar.

[Russica]

As a soccer player for my high school team, I find it frustrating to be taken off and replaced with a weaker player. I have talked to my coach and he says he has to put that kid in.

[Northern Sunrise Islands]

Well, that Chelsea-Atleti game had me bored to tears.

A physical side up against one of Europe's best defenses and no goals. What a thriller.

I was more entertained by Terry's Kevin Nash impression. Top notch stuff.

- Pete Winkleman

Betting 10 that the guy who took Wimbledon out to Milton Keynes takes this team to Milton Keynes as well.

[Bundabunda]

As a soccer player for my high school team, I find it frustrating to be taken off and replaced with a weaker player. I have talked to my coach and he says he has to put that kid in.

Eh, I hate being played out of position more. Having me move from defensive mid to center back was one of the worst decisions the coach made, but I kept up with it.

[Auremena]

As a soccer player for my high school team, I find it frustrating to be taken off and replaced with a weaker player. I have talked to my coach and he says he has to put that kid in.

Eh, I hate being played out of position more. Having me move from defensive mid to center back was one of the worst decisions the coach made, but I kept up with it.

I liked moving around some. I was always tired of being stuck in goal, and we had other goalkeepers that my coach wanted to work out (youth team, everyone was entitled to a chance) and so I moved to left back and did well there despite being right footed, but I really shined in a CB sweeper type role. Get the ball and get it away was pretty much my motto at CB.

[Bundabunda]

I like the role of DM because I can actually utilize my passing skills. I'm no master of the long ball, but my short passing kind of makes up for that. I failed at CB because my tackling was not up to par at all.

I've always wanted to try goalie, but hand eye coordination is not my thing.

[Auremena]

I like the role of DM because I can actually utilize my passing skills. I'm no master of the long ball, but my short passing kind of makes up for that. I failed at CB because my tackling was not up to par at all.
I've always wanted to try goalie, but hand eye coordination is not my thing.

I did like playing at CM when I got the chance. I also dabbled a little in the wings (was super surprised when my coach started me at left wing one game, I thought he was insane, because I have a decent first touch, decent passing skills, but below average shooting, poor crossing, and nonexistant volley skills.) but was primarily used in defense because I actually was a good tackler, and my coaches always loved my workrate, always getting forward when I had a chance to help, and if an attacker lost me I always would try to recover as best I could.
I always saw myself as either a CB, defensve fullback, Pirlo-style DM, or an old fashioned striker, one that just went in with the head from a cross from the wings.
Sadly, I haven't played competitively in a while, although I do intend to join an intramural team in the fall. Dunno how serious these are, it may be just a "run around an kick the ball into the net" kinda thing without any defined form or position or whatnot. If I could, I'd try out for the varsity team, but my fitness is nowhere near up to scratch, and there are other issues complicating things.

I did well enough, I played goalie during one tournament, and the only time I conceded was in the final, which we won 5-3. I don't think I was outstanding, but being taller than average for my age with good reach and reflexes, it more than made up for my poor hand-eye coordination, at least in a youth league. A Belgian youth league, mind you.

[Nierr]

I think we should've started Sunday. City can win all their last 4 games, but Pool still has to drop four points.

Three isn't it? Pool have 9 points available, lose to Chelsea and win the other 2 leaves them on 86. City have 12 points available, win all those leaves them on 86 as well, with a superior goal difference.

[KoloToure]

I think it's time we did another NSGFC line-up. I can't remember where everyone played last time and I'm too lazy to look it up. Nominate yourselves, guys and gal.

Chelsea will be without both Petr Cech and John Terry for the rest of the season. Potentially title deciding.

So, should we start congratulating Liverpool early on their first Premier League title?

We've still got to go to Palace. And Chelsea are no slouches, anyway, even missing those players.

I think we should've started Sunday. City can win all their last 4 games, but Pool still has to drop four points.

Three isn't it? Pool have 9 points available, lose to Chelsea and win the other 2 leaves them on 86. City have 12 points available, win all those leaves them on 86 as well, with a superior goal difference.

It's 2. Liverpool need 7 points to win the title.

[Nierr]

So they have to drop 3 points for anyone else to win the title?

Can't believe in the last week I've become both a temporary Chelsea and City supporter. :/

[Auremena]

I think it's time we did another NSGFC line-up. I can't remember where everyone played last time and I'm too lazy to look it up. Nominate yourselves, guys and gal.

I've got CB.
And thanks for including me
To be fair, even though I'm lacking in strength compared to the guys, I can still run and fight for the ball with many of them.

[Evil Lord Sauron]

First of all, may we all mourn the loss of the leagues finest source of entertainment, David Moyes Man United career. Done? Ok, good.

Myself and the other regulars of the NS Sport IRC channel have come up with a brilliant idea; a hypothetical match up of two teams. A team of likeable individuals from the home nations (the UK and Ireland) and a team of unlikeable individuals, otherwise known as twats - and some others.

The likeables and the commentary team and other neutrals will be posted later, but first, I presented to you, the least likeable people in Home Nations football. I present to you... MK Twatford.

Board of Directors

- Pete Winkleman
- Mike Ashley
- David Green

Joint Directors of Football In Perpetual Mutual Loathing

- Piers Morgan
- Alan Sugar

(Because they both think they fucking know everything)

Joint Management Team

- Joe Kinnear
- Alan Pardew
- Glenn Hoddle
- Neil Lennon

Joint Assistant Management Team

- Joe Jordan
- John Carver
- Duncan Ferguson

Mascot

- Cyril the Swan

Stadium and Backup Stadium

- Old Twatford
- Britwattia Stadium

THE SQUAD

Goalkeepers

- Graham Stack
- Alan MacGregor

Centre Backs

John Terry, Rio Ferdinand, Gary Caldwell, James Collins, Paul Connolly, Richard Dunne, James Tomkins, Louis Tomlinson, Titus Bramble

Full Backs

Alan Hutton, Phil Bardsley, Ashley Cole, Paul Konchesky

Right Mids

Jermaine Pennant, Jack Wilshere, Callum McManaman

Centre Mids

Charlie Adam, Glenn Whelan, Scott Brown, Lee Cattermole, Joey Barton, Michael Brown

Left Mids

Ryan Giggs, Craig Bellamy, Ashley Young, Jonathan Walters, Stewart Downing

Forwards (there happens to be a lot of twats up front)

Nile Ranger, Marlon King, Lee Hughes, Kyle Lafferty, Leroy Lita, Kris Boyd, Rob Earnshaw, Leigh Griffiths, Garry O'Connor, Andy Carroll, Darren Bent, David Nugent, Grant Holt

Their rivals shall follow later. In the meantime, here is the details on some of our punditry team and whatnot for the game being played, complete with their allegiance so you'll know A. Whether they're likeable or not and B. Who they'll be biased towards.

The Ref

Howard Webb (Unlikeables)

Linesme- err, people

- Tofiq Bakhramov (Likeables)
- Sian Massey (Likeables)

Commentary Team

- Andy Townsend (Unlikeables)
- Andy Gray (Unlikeables)
- Colin Murray (Likeables)
- John Motson (Likeables)

TV Presenting Team

- Adrian Chiles (Unlikeables)
- Mark Chapman (Unlikeables)
- James Richardson (Likeables)
- Chris Kamara (Likeables)

Hmm I mostly agree. Some strange inclusions, anti-Welsh bias? Suarez has to be included in the unlikeables, he's a pretty impressive player but generally comes across as a twat.

For Chairman you have to include Dale Vince of Forest Green. He banned bacon from the football ground! Not just bacon, but all meat and then has out spent every other club in the league (only to finish a lowly 10th).

Not liking the Rob Earnshaw inclusion I quite like him as a person. Though he is undeniably a frustrating player to watch. Good interview with him, very insightful.

http://talksport.com/football/sports-br ... 4020478522

Skip to 20 minutes in.

Ched Evans should probably be added to the unlikeables...


If we are doing an NSGFC line up, I'll take a keeper position (probably on the bench) since I don't post as much as some others.

[Auremena]

Hooray! The ban is temporarily lifted! Now quick go buy a CB, GK (or make sure the ter Steven deal is still on,) and possibly a young RB. I'd pick someone else like Schär for the former, and perhaps Portuguese youngster João Cancel for RB, put him on the B team for now.

[Osarius]

As a soccer player for my high school team, I find it frustrating to be taken off and replaced with a weaker player. I have talked to my coach and he says he has to put that kid in.

Makes sense. If you don't play, you don't really get better. Experience is one of the biggest factors in a young player's development. That's why professional sides loan their young players out to lower league teams.

I get the frustration, though. As a player you just want to be on the pitch. I get it. Even in five-a-side games when I'm tired, I didn't ever really want to be off the pitch. But it's difficult to put things in perspective when you think that way. I'm inclined to say trust your coach on this one.

I think it's time we did another NSGFC line-up. I can't remember where everyone played last time and I'm too lazy to look it up. Nominate yourselves, guys and gal.

I'm retired, so I'll coach

If you insist that I choose a playing position though, I have a parents vs coaches match coming up next month, and I suspect I'll be either right wing or right back for that. Someone created this team on Football Manager last time, didn't they?

[Polar Islandstates]

I'm a left-back, myself, or was last time I played anyway. Wing would be okay though. Or on the right wing/back. Basically, anything that isn't in the middle. I play wing at handball as well so quick wing play is apparently my 'thing'.

[Auremena]

I'm a left-back, myself, or was last time I played anyway. Wing would be okay though. Or on the right wing/back. Basically, anything that isn't in the middle. I play wing at handball as well so quick wing play is apparently my 'thing'.

I happen to be the exact opposite; I prefer to be in the middle, usually as a DM or CB stuffing up the strikers, but I can be a CM, AM, or CF if you need me to. The further forward I get though the less I can perform that role, though. Not the pest at shooting, especially not from distance.

[Polar Islandstates]

Ah, see I'm terrible at the whole awareness thing - a symptom perhaps of all those pre-contacts days spent playing in glasses without any peripheral vision whatsoever - so am generally happier with a touchline on one side of me keeping me straight. I was a centre-back at one point, but then people got a lot bigger than me and I stopped being as effective. Nowadays I'm nothing, of course, having not played football competitively for three years.

[Auremena]

Ah, see I'm terrible at the whole awareness thing - a symptom perhaps of all those pre-contacts days spent playing in glasses without any peripheral vision whatsoever - so am generally happier with a touchline on one side of me keeping me straight. I was a centre-back at one point, but then people got a lot bigger than me and I stopped being as effective. Nowadays I'm nothing, of course, having not played football competitively for three years.

Well, yeah, vision is an issue if you're in the midfield. I never had that issue despite everyone in my family on both sides requiring glasses or contacts, except me.
Height wise I was always one of the bigger ones (I'm 6'3") but never really strength wise. I still give the guys in the park some trouble though when I play on defence, even the really big ones that are even taller than me. And this is coming from someone who had issues lifting a 30 pound TV by herself.
Same, it's been 4 years for me, but I really miss it.

[Scholmeria]

Does anybody collect stickers from the FIFA site?

[Yellow Yellow Red]

I'm a left-back, myself, or was last time I played anyway. Wing would be okay though. Or on the right wing/back. Basically, anything that isn't in the middle. I play wing at handball as well so quick wing play is apparently my 'thing'.

Outside backs, unite! Right fullback checking in here.

Ah, see I'm terrible at the whole awareness thing - a symptom perhaps of all those pre-contacts days spent playing in glasses without any peripheral vision whatsoever - so am generally happier with a touchline on one side of me keeping me straight. I was a centre-back at one point, but then people got a lot bigger than me and I stopped being as effective. Nowadays I'm nothing, of course, having not played football competitively for three years.

And a fellow rec-spec wearer, too?!

Well, that Chelsea-Atleti game had me bored to tears.

A physical side up against one of Europe's best defenses and no goals. What a thriller.

I've seen this sentiment a lot throughout the internet. Makes me think I might have accidentally recorded the wrong game? I was enthralled by Chelsea's performance!

Did you see the way their back four passed off players to one another? There was one run in particular that stands out. Atletico were trying to pick out Raul Garcia on a little diagonal run. Azpilicueta stepped sideways and blocked the shot. But behind him, Cahill had stepped across Raul Garcia (blocking any chance of him pursuing the ball after Azpilicueta toed it away) and Terry dropped back a few steps to Cahill's left side, ready to pick up any late runners. All that without a word or even a glance at each other. It seems like a little thing, but that sort of play, that extreme positional awareness and composure, that can be the difference between winning the CL and going home early.

There was another one, too, where David Luiz drifted a little too far forward from where he ought to have been - leaving too big a gap between him and Terry/Cahill. Diego Costa made a run and was noticed by Terry, who looked at Cahill and the two of them froze in place for maybe half a second, only resuming their run when the ball was booted up towards Costa - meaning that he was left half a stride offside, which the AR duly spotted.

Everyone tries to catch people offside from time to time. But the coolness and smoothness of that particular incident was really a marvel.

[Northern Sunrise Islands]

Well, either Defender or Forward. My overall shooting isn't exactly great, but I do reach far places and nail a hell of an overhead shot. Defender because I can simply stand on front of you and you'll be down on the ground in seconds, son.

Hmm I mostly agree. Some strange inclusions, anti-Welsh bias? Suarez has to be included in the unlikeables, he's a pretty impressive player but generally comes across as a twat.

...Isn't Suarez from Uruguay?

About the Welsh... well, we really couldn't remember of much. Though we did add Cyril the Swan, didn't we?

[KoloToure]

I think it's time we did another NSGFC line-up. I can't remember where everyone played last time and I'm too lazy to look it up. Nominate yourselves, guys and gal.

I'm retired, so I'll coach

If you insist that I choose a playing position though, I have a parents vs coaches match coming up next month, and I suspect I'll be either right wing or right back for that. Someone created this team on Football Manager last time, didn't they?

You can put the team together, then. Player/Manager Kenny Osarius. Osarius Dalglish?

[Osarius]

You can put the team together, then. Player/Manager Kenny Osarius.

Less of the "Kenny", mate. I'll have you know I coach like a dutchman. My teams can't defend for shit. lol

[KoloToure]

You can put the team together, then. Player/Manager Kenny Osarius.

Less of the "Kenny", mate. I'll have you know I coach like a dutchman. My teams can't defend for shit. lol

You don't want to be compared to the manager of one of the best attacking sides ever?

So you want to be Kevin Osarius instead?