NationStates

Northwest Slobovia wrote:

Nanatsu no Tsuki wrote:

I must say that women, usually, tend to be more reliable for detailed things. That, of course, is not to say that men can't be adept at it too, take my best friend as an example, but there's a tendency for women to pay more attention to detail than men.

A little tendency. IIRC*, from the Briggs-Meyers folks it's like 45% of men tend to have detail-oriented personalities (their "S" type) vs 55% for women. In my wife's case, I tend to put it down to her dad being a CPA.

*: and I may not be, 'cause it's been years since I read their works.

Ah, that may explain it. I am space cadet, but my husband is too so we kinda have each other's back in that area. I pay attention to the stuff he doesn't pay attention to, and vice versa.

The Blaatschapen wrote:In a future relationship I want to be the eggman.

None us will be the walrus though.

Or I can be a sinner, a grinner, etc.

If she doesn't eat yer meat, you can't have her pudding! How can you have her pudding if she doesn't eat yer meat?!

Geniasis wrote:

The Blaatschapen wrote:In a future relationship I want to be the eggman.

None us will be the walrus though.

Or I can be a sinner, a grinner, etc.

If she doesn't eat yer meat, you can't have her pudding! How can you have her pudding if she doesn't eat yer meat?!

I won't even ask. <.<

Nanatsu no Tsuki wrote:

Geniasis wrote:
If she doesn't eat yer meat, you can't have her pudding! How can you have her pudding if she doesn't eat yer meat?!

I won't even ask. <.<

I will not even answer

SaintB wrote:

Nanatsu no Tsuki wrote:
How so? How do you get grief for trying to keep your relationships on equal footing?

My latest SO worked 2 jobs and wanted space, they asked if we could restrict most of our time together to special occasions and plan things ahead of time around her work schedule, thusly I gave it to her. I let her work, I stayed conscious of her schedule I let her take time to relax on her own when she wanted to (customer service jobs make you hate people sometimes) and on days I could I spent time with her. Day before April fools she dumps me for the guy she met online in her free time when she 'wanted to relax and not talk to anyone.' I always treated her as an equal, I compromised when it didn't benefit me, I did favors when asked or needed; I did for her what I would want someone to do for me the same as in any other relationship but unlike with other people I put her needs first ahead of theirs. That's how I treat SO and expect to be treated the same in return.

Instead I get grief. I have 3 or 4 similar stories.

It souds to me like you didn't treat her as an equal so much as a superior, which can be hurtful to relationships.

PrncssOfCuddles wrote:

SaintB wrote:My latest SO worked 2 jobs and wanted space, they asked if we could restrict most of our time together to special occasions and plan things ahead of time around her work schedule, thusly I gave it to her. I let her work, I stayed conscious of her schedule I let her take time to relax on her own when she wanted to (customer service jobs make you hate people sometimes) and on days I could I spent time with her. Day before April fools she dumps me for the guy she met online in her free time when she 'wanted to relax and not talk to anyone.' I always treated her as an equal, I compromised when it didn't benefit me, I did favors when asked or needed; I did for her what I would want someone to do for me the same as in any other relationship but unlike with other people I put her needs first ahead of theirs. That's how I treat SO and expect to be treated the same in return.

Instead I get grief. I have 3 or 4 similar stories.

It souds to me like you didn't treat her as an equal so much as a superior, which can be hurtful to relationships.

I don't see anything that suggests that. I think that, based on SaintB's account, it was a good balance.

I think that when she asked for "space" she was probably already well on her way to dating that other person on the internet, but she wasn't sure if she really wanted to end her current relationship or not. Once she had "space" she started exploring it further, until she decided it was good enough that she wanted to dump her current partner. Not a happy ending, to be sure, but this shit happens. Sometimes you care about somebody more than they care about you, and that SUCKS, but it happens.

The thing about relationships is that you can do everything right and have it still not work out. SaintB might have done everything right and still this partner would simply have wanted to go with somebody else. That sucks, and I can totally understand why some people feel like it's unfair, but relationships don't work like videogames; you can't just find the right sequence of button-pushes and be guaranteed that you'll win the game.

Bottle wrote:but relationships don't work like videogames; you can't just find the right sequence of button-pushes and be guaranteed that you'll win the game.

I have, however, had great success treating sex this way.

EXCEPT for the time i went for the hadukan.

Neo Art wrote:

Bottle wrote:but relationships don't work like videogames; you can't just find the right sequence of button-pushes and be guaranteed that you'll win the game.

I have, however, had great success treating sex this way.

.......this explains so much.

Bottle wrote:

PrncssOfCuddles wrote:It souds to me like you didn't treat her as an equal so much as a superior, which can be hurtful to relationships.

I don't see anything that suggests that. I think that, based on SaintB's account, it was a good balance.

I think that when she asked for "space" she was probably already well on her way to dating that other person on the internet, but she wasn't sure if she really wanted to end her current relationship or not. Once she had "space" she started exploring it further, until she decided it was good enough that she wanted to dump her current partner. Not a happy ending, to be sure, but this shit happens. Sometimes you care about somebody more than they care about you, and that SUCKS, but it happens.

The thing about relationships is that you can do everything right and have it still not work out. SaintB might have done everything right and still this partner would simply have wanted to go with somebody else. That sucks, and I can totally understand why some people feel like it's unfair, but relationships don't work like videogames; you can't just find the right sequence of button-pushes and be guaranteed that you'll win the game.

Well, it sounded to me like SaintB did all the compromising, all the giving up, all of the meeting of her needs, while he just sort of suffered in silence. I could very well be wrong, I only have a few paragraphs of text to go on.

And I don't really disagree with anything you said.

I know that I personally have ended relationships with people because they were willing to compromise too much, give into my whims too much. I have a forceful enough personality that I will trample all over someone if they dont stand up to me.

PrncssOfCuddles wrote:I know that I personally have ended relationships with people because they were willing to compromise too much, give into my whims too much. I have a forceful enough personality that I will trample all over someone if they dont stand up to me.

Same.

I've ended relationships because people wanted me to be a doormat.

And by "I've ended relationships" I mean "the other people ended the relationships."

Delawaii wrote:I've ended relationships because people wanted me to be a doormat.

And by "I've ended relationships" I mean "the other people ended the relationships."

Have you ever considered a career in stand up comedy? I'm not saying that I'm laughing at your situation, I'm saying you have a wonderful deliver style.

Smunkeeville wrote:

Delawaii wrote:I've ended relationships because people wanted me to be a doormat.

And by "I've ended relationships" I mean "the other people ended the relationships."

Have you ever considered a career in stand up comedy? I'm not saying that I'm laughing at your situation, I'm saying you have a wonderful deliver style.

I have, but I have terrible stage fright. I'd freeze and die.

Delawaii wrote:

Smunkeeville wrote:Have you ever considered a career in stand up comedy? I'm not saying that I'm laughing at your situation, I'm saying you have a wonderful deliver style.

I have, but I have terrible stage fright. I'd freeze and die.

That wouldn't be funny at all.

Smunkeeville wrote:

Delawaii wrote:I have, but I have terrible stage fright. I'd freeze and die.

That wouldn't be funny at all.

Exactly

I think I'm the cuddly one in a relationship.

Yeah, Americans are generally perfectly egalitarian, but the vast majority of our marriages end up in total failure. I am not saying the cause is "equal-footing", I am saying the ethical pomp of Americans in gender matters hasn't solved any problems, therefore, we aren't the people to ask about such things. Go ask someone from India or the Middle East; they can generally deal with successful long-term relationships.

The Pike Dynasty wrote:Yeah, Americans are generally perfectly egalitarian, but the vast majority of our marriages end up in total failure. I am not saying the cause is "equal-footing", I am saying the ethical pomp of Americans in gender matters hasn't solved any problems, therefore, we aren't the people to ask about such things. Go ask someone from India or the Middle East; they can generally deal with successful long-term relationships.

It has solved the problem of gender inequality, or at least started to address it, a d solved some of the problems associated with it.

Smunkeeville wrote:

Delawaii wrote:I have, but I have terrible stage fright. I'd freeze and die.

That wouldn't be funny at all.

That reminds me of Tommy Cooper

I'm much too nervous about relationships to ever be in one.

Delawaii wrote:I've ended relationships because people wanted me to be a doormat.

And by "I've ended relationships" I mean "the other people ended the relationships."

On the plus side, if they wanted you to be a doormat you are probably better off without them.

United Dependencies wrote:I'm much too nervous about relationships to ever be in one.

What makes you nervous about them?

PrncssOfCuddles wrote:

United Dependencies wrote:I'm much too nervous about relationships to ever be in one.

What makes you nervous about them?

I don't know what to do honestly. I don't want to look foolish.

United Dependencies wrote:

PrncssOfCuddles wrote:What makes you nervous about them?

I don't know what to do honestly. I don't want to look foolish.

(almost) Everybody has that. Just communicate clearly of what you want and expect from each other.

PrncssOfCuddles wrote:

United Dependencies wrote:I'm much too nervous about relationships to ever be in one.

What makes you nervous about them?

The eating. You know, how after the man inseminates the woman's eggs, she has to eat the man in order to nurture for her children. I don't wanna get eaten.