NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Aifur]

Hrm. 624 seems like an another issue that doesn't do much, no matter what you pick.

...at least that way there's no need to worry about picking a wrong choice, I suppose. But I'd be far more enthusiastic about the new issues if they had more than just a negligible effect on the stats. As it is now, I'm starting to hate seeing them in the issue queue. Since all they do is take space in there.

[Tinhampton]

Issue #191 "Blood Banks Running Dry" has now been clocked as having two editors: Sirocco and Euroslavia.

[Australian rePublic]

A minor domestic emergency recently left you searching for a call-out plumber, an electrician and a handyman able to rehang a chandelier. Though the sorry incident is now sorted, you’ve been left aware of how hard it is is to find a good tradesmen these days. Your Education Minister tells you that this is because the majority of high school graduates are enrolling in university programs, which is leaving a major skilled labor shortage in the trades industries. There’s ample artists, architects and astrophysicists, but a poor proportion of plumbers, painters and plasterers.

The Debate

“This is the reason why we should allow immigrant labor,” says Borders Control Minister, Megan Dimitrov. “Why don’t we remove the ban on immigration, and use incentive schemes to increase the number of migrants coming in with the skills we need, to fill the labor shortages? That way our citizens can focus on holding higher paying jobs while immigrants do the jobs nobody else wants.”

Accept“Wouldn’t it be easier just to get more young people studying trades?” posits Community College tutor Sancho Scully. “You could subsidize technical colleges and apprenticeships, and even offer stipends to students as an extra incentive to make these choices. You may have to raise taxes a little, and divert funding from further education courses in arts and science, but practical skills are ultimately more important to our economy.”

Accept“Sometimes, perhaps it is best to let the ocean currents move you, rather than trying to turn back a rising tide,” suggests Taiqiquan practitioner Indira Navratilova, working through a series of graceful circular movements. “Your nation’s economy is changing, and shifting away from manual work. This is natural, and you should move with, never against. Imagine: as graduates become unemployed, the market self-adjusts, and the economy flows back towards its former shape. As pipes become blocked, supply and demand mismatch results in the free market rising to fill a gap. Energy flows through the system like water, and problems resolve themselves.”

[The Candy Of Bottles]

Looking through the thread, I've only seen this one in here once, so I'll just post it again

Code: Select all

<div class="dpaper4"><p>Dismissal Denied!</div>
<img src="/images/newspaper/dpaper5.jpg" class="dpaperslice">
</div>
<div id="dilemma">
<div class="dilemma"><h5>The Issue</h5>
<p>After a recent petition to lower Grindstone&#8217;s infamous &#8220;Reading Tax&#8221; was found in a dumpster, debate has sparked over the government&#8217;s abuse of veto powers.</p>
<form method="POST" action="/page=enact_dilemma/dilemma=568"><h5>The Debate</h5>
<ol class="diloptions"><li><p>&#8220;42, my foot!&#8221; protests aspiring revolutionary Nomfundo al-Zahawi. &#8220;If you aren&#8217;t going to listen to the people, at least be honest about it. Go ahead! Try your little mad grab for power, Leader! The people dare you!&#8221;
<p class="dilemmaaccept"><button type="submit" name="choice-0" value="1" class="button big icon approve">Accept</button>
<li><p>&#8220;Don&#8217;t let these warmongers bait you!&#8221; cautions your trusted adviser, Stephanie Le Chiffre. &#8220;Obviously, we can&#8217;t just eliminate your veto power, but what if you just made a super sincere promise to use more restraint with it? That might satisfy the angry mobs.&#8221;
<p class="dilemmaaccept"><button type="submit" name="choice-1" value="1" class="button big icon approve">Accept</button>
<li><p>&#8220;But some of these proposals make my head spin,&#8221; opines Grindstone City Senator Wil Hackett. &#8220;Who would really blame us for dismissing a petition to eat alien first born? The point is: people are dumb, and the only way to make them less dumb is to finally invest in our failing education system.&#8221;
<p class="dilemmaaccept"><button type="submit" name="choice-2" value="1" class="button big icon approve">Accept</button>
<li><p>Your paper shredder looks at you, knowingly. It doesn&#8217;t talk, of course, but you know what it&#8217;s trying to say. It beckons you. Go on... One more can&#8217;t hurt, can it?
<p class="dilemmaaccept"><button type="submit" name="choice-3" value="1" class="button big icon approve">Accept</button>
</ol></form>
</div>
<p class="smalltext rightbox">Issue by <a href="nation=human_olympus" class="nlink"><span>The Objectivist Enclave of Human Olympus</span></a><p class="smalltext rightbox">Edited by <a href="nation=sedgistan" class="nlink"><span>Sedgistan</span></a></p>


Dismissal Denied!
The Issue

After a recent petition to lower Grindstone’s infamous “Reading Tax” was found in a dumpster, debate has sparked over the government’s abuse of veto powers.

The Debate

“42, my foot!” protests aspiring revolutionary Nomfundo al-Zahawi. “If you aren’t going to listen to the people, at least be honest about it. Go ahead! Try your little mad grab for power, Leader! The people dare you!”

Accept

“Don’t let these warmongers bait you!” cautions your trusted adviser, Stephanie Le Chiffre. “Obviously, we can’t just eliminate your veto power, but what if you just made a super sincere promise to use more restraint with it? That might satisfy the angry mobs.”

Accept

“But some of these proposals make my head spin,” opines Grindstone City Senator Wil Hackett. “Who would really blame us for dismissing a petition to eat alien first born? The point is: people are dumb, and the only way to make them less dumb is to finally invest in our failing education system.”

Accept

Your paper shredder looks at you, knowingly. It doesn’t talk, of course, but you know what it’s trying to say. It beckons you. Go on... One more can’t hurt, can it?

Accept

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Hrm. 624 seems like an another issue that doesn't do much, no matter what you pick.

...at least that way there's no need to worry about picking a wrong choice, I suppose. But I'd be far more enthusiastic about the new issues if they had more than just a negligible effect on the stats. As it is now, I'm starting to hate seeing them in the issue queue. Since all they do is take space in there.

Depends on where you start from: there's a lot of stat changes coded to it, but if your stance is in line with previous decisions, you generally won't see much change.

On a broader note, if you want to see more issues which cover big consequential things, then draft issues that cover big consequential things. We can only edit what we get, and right now, there's a lot of quality writing over fairly minor issues, and a lot of bad writing attached to major consequential national problems. I don't know why, its just panned out that way.

Draft me an issue or 10 over big, important issues, and make them well written, and I'll see them published for you.

[New Glubbdubdrib]

625: Delivering the Goods

Success! After months of hard work, the police have busted a contraband-smuggling operation of incredible size, with several warehouses of a variety of illegal goods broken open and the ringleaders arrested. As all are cheering the police for their fine work, the question of what you should actually do with all this contraband is being raised.

The Debate

“That’s... a lot of latex,” observes crime scene cleaner-upper Kayla Blofeld, wading through millions of banned condoms. “Our enemies are determined to over-ride our choice to ban contraception, and we should fight back! I suggest we render these condoms ineffective with a puncture hole or six, then return them to the black market. Then, those who are sinfully engaging in contraception will be stopped from murdering unborn children.”

Accept

“Oh my... Are those all V12 Maxati Baryons? The fastest road-legal automobiles in the world?” asks police officer Ingmar Chekov, showing an inappropriate level of enthusiasm. “These have to be destined for illegal race circuits... I say we chip them with @@CURRENCY@@ trackers, let them slip back into circulation, so we can track down the criminals. I foresee high speed car chases, so you’d better keep a handful back for the police.”

Accept

“This is something of a haul, but these aren’t trade goods anymore: they’re evidence!” says Judiciary Director Barbie von Bismarck. “The goods should be stored as such till the legal processes are complete, then they should be carefully destroyed with a clear accounting trail to ensure ethical practice.”

Accept

“So, I make it almost a billion @@CURRENCY@@ in goods here,” ponders your Treasury Minister, staring at an unethically-sourced blood diamond. “How about we sell this stuff, as official plunder? The revenue boost would be great for this year’s budget deficit. Tax cuts are good, right? This is our stuff now, after all.”

Accept

protestors are soaking piles of @@CURRENCY@@ in blood to make a point about government incomes.

“You know, I can’t help but think that a lot of this contraband wouldn’t be illegal in a more liberal country,” observes one of the smugglers, from the chair your men have tied him to. “You ever considered changing your laws to allow some free trade and personal freedom, maybe? Like, if you could personally free me, that’d be great.”

Accept

Issue by The Dux Headquarters of Annihilators of Chan Island
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Well. Speaking of stats, that was kind of unimpressive.
It scored maximum of six on my chart, compared to pre-600 issues that score average of sixty. So I'd have to answer that one ten times for it to equal one older issue.

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

625: Delivering the Goods

Success! After months of hard work, the police have busted a contraband-smuggling operation of incredible size, with several warehouses of a variety of illegal goods broken open and the ringleaders arrested. As all are cheering the police for their fine work, the question of what you should actually do with all this contraband is being raised.

The Debate

“That’s... a lot of latex,” observes crime scene cleaner-upper Kayla Blofeld, wading through millions of banned condoms. “Our enemies are determined to over-ride our choice to ban contraception, and we should fight back! I suggest we render these condoms ineffective with a puncture hole or six, then return them to the black market. Then, those who are sinfully engaging in contraception will be stopped from murdering unborn children.”

Accept

“Oh my... Are those all V12 Maxati Baryons? The fastest road-legal automobiles in the world?” asks police officer Ingmar Chekov, showing an inappropriate level of enthusiasm. “These have to be destined for illegal race circuits... I say we chip them with @@CURRENCY@@ trackers, let them slip back into circulation, so we can track down the criminals. I foresee high speed car chases, so you’d better keep a handful back for the police.”

Accept

“This is something of a haul, but these aren’t trade goods anymore: they’re evidence!” says Judiciary Director Barbie von Bismarck. “The goods should be stored as such till the legal processes are complete, then they should be carefully destroyed with a clear accounting trail to ensure ethical practice.”

Accept

“So, I make it almost a billion @@CURRENCY@@ in goods here,” ponders your Treasury Minister, staring at an unethically-sourced blood diamond. “How about we sell this stuff, as official plunder? The revenue boost would be great for this year’s budget deficit. Tax cuts are good, right? This is our stuff now, after all.”

Accept

protestors are soaking piles of @@CURRENCY@@ in blood to make a point about government incomes.

“You know, I can’t help but think that a lot of this contraband wouldn’t be illegal in a more liberal country,” observes one of the smugglers, from the chair your men have tied him to. “You ever considered changing your laws to allow some free trade and personal freedom, maybe? Like, if you could personally free me, that’d be great.”

Accept

Issue by The Dux Headquarters of Annihilators of Chan Island
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

Well. Speaking of stats, that was kind of unimpressive.
It scored maximum of six on my chart, compared to pre-600 issues that score average of sixty. So I'd have to answer that one ten times for it to equal one older issue.

I think the real story here is that my issue has been expanded (with my behind the scenes approval) to have 9 options! I think that's a record for a standard issue, isn't it?

[Trotterdam]

Aww dammit. I didn't think this issue would have restricted options and so didn't check the internal option numbers.

It seems the first several options vary significantly depending on which things are actually illegal in your nation. Here's mine:

#625 Delivering The Goods

The Issue

Success! After months of hard work, the police have busted a contraband-smuggling operation of incredible size, with several warehouses of a variety of illegal goods broken open and the ringleaders arrested. As all are cheering the police for their fine work, the question of what you should actually do with all this contraband is being raised.

The Debate

1?. "These ivory statuettes are from the tusks of endangered species," says Customs Officer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We can't allow them into circulation, but to destroy art like this seems a shame. Maybe put them into a public museum, and preserve them for posterity."

2?. "DRUGS!" yells furious Narcotics Investigator @@RANDOMNAME@@, kicking at a polythene sack full of white powder. "We gotta stand firm in condemnation of drugs! We're going to burn all the contraband to make a statement! Zero tolerance! Zero tolerance!"

3?. "This is something of a haul, but these aren't trade goods anymore: they're evidence!" says Judiciary Director @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The goods should be stored as such till the legal processes are complete, then they should be carefully destroyed with a clear accounting trail to ensure ethical practice."

4?. "So, I make it almost a billion @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ in goods here," ponders your Treasury Minister, staring at an unethically-sourced blood diamond. "How about we sell this stuff, as official plunder? The revenue boost would be great for this year's budget deficit. Tax cuts are good, right? This is our stuff now, after all."

5?. "You know, I can't help but think that a lot of this contraband wouldn't be illegal in a more liberal country," observes one of the smugglers, from the chair your men have tied him to. "You ever considered changing your laws to allow some free trade and personal freedom, maybe? Like, if you could personally free me, that'd be great."

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by Annihilators of Chan Island
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

The last three options are likely fixed.

[Xynlandia]

The Issue

Success! After months of hard work, the police have busted a contraband-smuggling operation of incredible size, with several warehouses of a variety of illegal goods broken open and the ringleaders arrested. As all are cheering the police for their fine work, the question of what you should actually do with all this contraband is being raised.

The Debate

1. “These ivory statuettes are from the tusks of endangered species,” says Customs Officer Dorothy James. “We can’t allow them into circulation, but to destroy art like this seems a shame. Maybe put them into a public museum, and preserve them for posterity.”

2. “DRUGS!” yells furious Narcotics Investigator Peggy May, kicking at a polythene sack full of white powder. “We gotta stand firm in condemnation of drugs! We’re going to burn all the contraband to make a statement! Zero tolerance! Zero tolerance!’‘

4. “Exterminator 4: Salvation, Xenoform Resurrection, Transmorphers Vengeance of the Failbots,” spits Culture Minister Larry Snow in disgust. “Low-quality illegal sequels are being smuggled into the country. I can feel my IQ dropping just looking at the box covers. It is imperative we mount a counter-assault! Fund original highbrow cinema, and get it to the people before it is too late!”

6. “That’s... a lot of latex,” observes crime scene cleaner-upper Björk Bronte, wading through millions of banned condoms. “Our enemies are determined to over-ride our choice to ban contraception, and we should fight back! I suggest we render these condoms ineffective with a puncture hole or six, then return them to the black market. Then, those who are sinfully engaging in contraception will be stopped from murdering unborn children.”

7. “Oh my... Are those all V12 Maxati Baryons? The fastest road-legal automobiles in the world?” asks police officer Angus Harper, showing an inappropriate level of enthusiasm. “These have to be destined for illegal race circuits... I say we chip them with GPS trackers, let them slip back into circulation, so we can track down the criminals. I foresee high speed car chases, so you’d better keep a handful back for the police.”

8. “Turns out that there was a cache of... adult material,” says Customs and Excise Officer Tiberius Goff, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, “depicting illegal scenes of ahem... fellows of the same gender. Disgusting stuff, quite horrible. I’ve examined it at great length, and... yes... great length. We need to crack down, hunt down the secret homosexuals in this nation, and shoot them dead. That’ll teach them to trouble us with these... hard to look at... images.”

9. “This is something of a haul, but these aren’t trade goods anymore: they’re evidence!” says Judiciary Director Falala Reading. “The goods should be stored as such till the legal processes are complete, then they should be carefully destroyed with a clear accounting trail to ensure ethical practice.”

10. “So, I make it almost a billion Xyniums in goods here,” ponders your Treasury Minister, staring at an unethically-sourced blood diamond. “How about we sell this stuff, as official plunder? The revenue boost would be great for this year’s budget deficit. Tax cuts are good, right? This is our stuff now, after all.”

11. “You know, I can’t help but think that a lot of this contraband wouldn’t be illegal in a more liberal country,” observes one of the smugglers, from the chair your men have tied him to. “You ever considered changing your laws to allow some free trade and personal freedom, maybe? Like, if you could personally free me, that’d be great.”

So much choice...

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

Aww dammit. I didn't think this issue would have restricted options and so didn't check the internal option numbers.

It seems the first several options vary significantly depending on which things are actually illegal in your nation. Here's mine:

#625 Delivering The Goods

The Issue

Success! After months of hard work, the police have busted a contraband-smuggling operation of incredible size, with several warehouses of a variety of illegal goods broken open and the ringleaders arrested. As all are cheering the police for their fine work, the question of what you should actually do with all this contraband is being raised.

The Debate

1?. "These ivory statuettes are from the tusks of endangered species," says Customs Officer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We can't allow them into circulation, but to destroy art like this seems a shame. Maybe put them into a public museum, and preserve them for posterity."

2?. "DRUGS!" yells furious Narcotics Investigator @@RANDOMNAME@@, kicking at a polythene sack full of white powder. "We gotta stand firm in condemnation of drugs! We're going to burn all the contraband to make a statement! Zero tolerance! Zero tolerance!"

3?. "This is something of a haul, but these aren't trade goods anymore: they're evidence!" says Judiciary Director @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The goods should be stored as such till the legal processes are complete, then they should be carefully destroyed with a clear accounting trail to ensure ethical practice."

4?. "So, I make it almost a billion @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ in goods here," ponders your Treasury Minister, staring at an unethically-sourced blood diamond. "How about we sell this stuff, as official plunder? The revenue boost would be great for this year's budget deficit. Tax cuts are good, right? This is our stuff now, after all."

5?. "You know, I can't help but think that a lot of this contraband wouldn't be illegal in a more liberal country," observes one of the smugglers, from the chair your men have tied him to. "You ever considered changing your laws to allow some free trade and personal freedom, maybe? Like, if you could personally free me, that'd be great."

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by Annihilators of Chan Island
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

The last three options are likely fixed.

The Issue

Success! After months of hard work, the police have busted a contraband-smuggling operation of incredible size, with several warehouses of a variety of illegal goods broken open and the ringleaders arrested. As all are cheering the police for their fine work, the question of what you should actually do with all this contraband is being raised.

The Debate

1. “These ivory statuettes are from the tusks of endangered species,” says Customs Officer Dorothy James. “We can’t allow them into circulation, but to destroy art like this seems a shame. Maybe put them into a public museum, and preserve them for posterity.”

2. “DRUGS!” yells furious Narcotics Investigator Peggy May, kicking at a polythene sack full of white powder. “We gotta stand firm in condemnation of drugs! We’re going to burn all the contraband to make a statement! Zero tolerance! Zero tolerance!’‘

4. “Exterminator 4: Salvation, Xenoform Resurrection, Transmorphers Vengeance of the Failbots,” spits Culture Minister Larry Snow in disgust. “Low-quality illegal sequels are being smuggled into the country. I can feel my IQ dropping just looking at the box covers. It is imperative we mount a counter-assault! Fund original highbrow cinema, and get it to the people before it is too late!”

6. “That’s... a lot of latex,” observes crime scene cleaner-upper Björk Bronte, wading through millions of banned condoms. “Our enemies are determined to over-ride our choice to ban contraception, and we should fight back! I suggest we render these condoms ineffective with a puncture hole or six, then return them to the black market. Then, those who are sinfully engaging in contraception will be stopped from murdering unborn children.”

7. “Oh my... Are those all V12 Maxati Baryons? The fastest road-legal automobiles in the world?” asks police officer Angus Harper, showing an inappropriate level of enthusiasm. “These have to be destined for illegal race circuits... I say we chip them with GPS trackers, let them slip back into circulation, so we can track down the criminals. I foresee high speed car chases, so you’d better keep a handful back for the police.”

8. “Turns out that there was a cache of... adult material,” says Customs and Excise Officer Tiberius Goff, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, “depicting illegal scenes of ahem... fellows of the same gender. Disgusting stuff, quite horrible. I’ve examined it at great length, and... yes... great length. We need to crack down, hunt down the secret homosexuals in this nation, and shoot them dead. That’ll teach them to trouble us with these... hard to look at... images.”

9. “This is something of a haul, but these aren’t trade goods anymore: they’re evidence!” says Judiciary Director Falala Reading. “The goods should be stored as such till the legal processes are complete, then they should be carefully destroyed with a clear accounting trail to ensure ethical practice.”

10. “So, I make it almost a billion Xyniums in goods here,” ponders your Treasury Minister, staring at an unethically-sourced blood diamond. “How about we sell this stuff, as official plunder? The revenue boost would be great for this year’s budget deficit. Tax cuts are good, right? This is our stuff now, after all.”

11. “You know, I can’t help but think that a lot of this contraband wouldn’t be illegal in a more liberal country,” observes one of the smugglers, from the chair your men have tied him to. “You ever considered changing your laws to allow some free trade and personal freedom, maybe? Like, if you could personally free me, that’d be great.”

So much choice...

Wait...if there are 11 options but I only got 9..... THERE ARE THINGS WHICH ARE LEGAL IN MY NATION?!?!?! D:

[Trotterdam]

Yay, Xynlandia to the rescue!

I believe we might still be missing options on guns and meat. At least, that's what I'm sifting from these effect lines, though it looks like at least one more issue has been added around the same time, and probably more, so I need more data to say for sure.

...Wait, no, I'm pretty sure guns would have been banned on the nation I got my copy on (meat wasn't, though), and I didn't see an option on those. Maybe only if they're banned for everyone including the police and military?

[The Candy Of Bottles]

626 Spotted!

Carbon Copied

The Issue

Leading company in genetic modification and bio-mapping, Interstice Laboratories, claim to be on the verge of a major breakthrough in understanding human consciousness. They report that within a few decades they’ll be able to upload a copy of a human mind-state onto a computer databank.

The Debate

“I wonder if you understand the implications of this technology,” whispers the company’s CEO, Bill ‘Mind-Wizard’ Gibson, squeezing a lemon-shaped stress ball. “Virtual immortality. Sleeving. Backed-up mind-states. All we need is TONS of fundi- I mean, minimal funding. Oh and a license to cut up the brains of vict... uh... volunteers. We’ll not see results for some time, for sure, but the sooner you invest, the sooner we can usher in Reality 2.0.”

Accept

“This. Is. ABOMINABLE! EXECRABLE! DETESTABLE!” yells the Minister of the Church of Weird Gaits, as he marches, then tromps, then slithers into your office and rises before you, his face turning the same color as an old peach pit on your desk. “This is a total abandonment of the world that the Great Lumberer created for us! How will we show our gratitude for the greatest gift bestowed on us, our legs, if we can’t use them! Tens of citizens in Tarbellville will be either transferred to a line of 1’s and 0’s and banished from The Lumberer’s Sidewalks, or left behind to die in the ruins of civilization. Shut down this science corporation! Make it no more, ceased to be, expired, bereft of profit, history!”

Accept

“You don’t need to be a Luddite or a religious fanatic to object to transhumanism,” mutters ethicist Sera O’Connor, glancing nervously at the wall clock. “Developing these technologies increases the odds of human self-extinction. We need to be sure that any intelligence that ushers in the next century is wholly human, grounded in human biology and human morality. There is no fate but what we make. What future do you want to create?”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Dominion of Plutoniacht

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Copercia]

Option 3 of issue 625:

3. “Considerable firepower on display here,” says SWAT-team leader Charles Steele. “If I were you, I’d want to know to which dissident group these guns were intended. Put the confiscated firearms in the armoury of the police and military, and give us the all clear to find the terrorists, and deal with them with extreme force. I call it Operation: Ironic Takedown.”

[Trotterdam]

The last missing part of #625:

5. "Dead bodies... Thousands of dead bodies... This isn't smuggling; it's evidence of mass murder!" weeps compassionate citizen @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Okay, so maybe the dead are cows and sheep, but animals deserve life too: isn't that why we're a vegetarian nation? We should erect a memorial, to pay respect to the souls of these good, deceased animals. Perhaps also, we could have a dignified cremation ceremony."

[Zwangzug]

Issue 66 is different, with Candlewhisper Archive as second editor:

After tabloid magazine “The Bun” outed supermodel @@RANDOMNAME@@* as having been born male, the fashion world has gone into a frenzy, with the organisers of @@CAPITAL@@ Fashion Week barring the model from the runway. Social media has gone into meltdown with commentators from all sides of the argument demanding that the government step in.

1. “I have gone through twenty years of internal pain about my external appearance, and I’ve put so much effort and money into finally having the world see the real me!” blogs the model. “Gender isn’t a binary proposition: gender identity is not necessarily the gender assigned at birth. I was fortunate to have private funds and supportive parents, but not all are so lucky. Please recognise my right to self-determination of identity, and help those like me get the surgery and medicine they need.”

2. “Look, man is man and woman is woman: it’s written in our chromosomes. You can’t choose to be a different gender any more than you can choose to say you’re a @@ANIMAL@@,” broadcasts right-wing talk radio host @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Hey, a man wants the liberty to dress as a woman, I won’t deny him that: just don’t expect the taxpayer to pay for his operations and medicines.”

3. “Well I got a problem with these cross-dressers,” spits cargo-hauler @@RANDOMNAME@@**. “One time I thought I was hitting on this waitress at the pie shop, only turns out she was a he. Man, it sickens me. Lock dem all in an asylum till they get their heads straight!”

*this is probably Random Female Name, actually? I'm not sure, I got "Buffy Singh".

**Random Male Name? No idea.

[Tinhampton]

Issue 66 is different, with Candlewhisper Archive as second editor:

After tabloid magazine “The Bun” outed supermodel @@RANDOMNAME@@* as having been born male, the fashion world has gone into a frenzy, with the organisers of @@CAPITAL@@ Fashion Week barring the model from the runway. Social media has gone into meltdown with commentators from all sides of the argument demanding that the government step in.

1. “I have gone through twenty years of internal pain about my external appearance, and I’ve put so much effort and money into finally having the world see the real me!” blogs the model. “Gender isn’t a binary proposition: gender identity is not necessarily the gender assigned at birth. I was fortunate to have private funds and supportive parents, but not all are so lucky. Please recognise my right to self-determination of identity, and help those like me get the surgery and medicine they need.”

2. “Look, man is man and woman is woman: it’s written in our chromosomes. You can’t choose to be a different gender any more than you can choose to say you’re a zebra,” broadcasts right-wing talk radio host @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Hey, a man wants the liberty to dress as a woman, I won’t deny him that: just don’t expect the taxpayer to pay for his operations and medicines.”

3. “Well I got a problem with these cross-dressers,” spits cargo-hauler @@RANDOMNAME@@. “One time I thought I was hitting on this waitress at the pie shop, only turns out she was a he. Man, it sickens me. Lock dem all in an asylum till they get their heads straight!”

*this is probably Random Female Name, actually? I'm not sure, I got "Buffy Singh".

I got Kirby Matilda Delauter. It probably is RFM.

[Noahs Second Country]

I have 623 right now:

The Issue

With housing costs rising at a ridiculous rate, younger citizens find themselves about ten times as unlikely to own a home as their parents. Perturbed youngsters, disgruntled businessmen and the obliviously privileged are shouting at you do to something; anything, really.

The Debate

“Where in Violet’s name are these poor kids supposed to live?” cries Ernie Flanders, an elderly, yet surprisingly hip, politician, speaking from the comfort of his second-home garden patio. “This new generation is our future, and we cannot turn away and leave them out in the cold. The government must take charge and push through a massive erection of affordable homes in order to shelter these youngsters. And the top 1% should pay for it; it’s about time that they started paying their fair share.”

Accept

“As if the youth of today needed any more excuses to be lazy,” sputters construction mogul and landlord extraordinaire Francine Buytoleto. “The real problem here is obviously the draconian government planning regulations and ridiculous safety standards you have in place, stifling development and creative solutions. Let the free market take its course and I’ll have all kinds of houses up all over the place. All involved will profit: it will create jobs, get rid of superfluous greenery and settle the problem of homeless ingrat... eh, young people...”

Accept

“Oh heavens, all of that sounds completely unnecessary, if you ask me,” interjects Dick Falopian, your Minister For Tea And Scones, while preparing warm milk for stray undergrads. “We needn’t do much to make housing more available, really. People like me and others of my generation have more than enough space, be it in our townhouses or the cottage up-north. So why can’t the little ragamuffins come stay with us? They could help out around the house to earn their keep, so to speak. Some of my neighbors might need a little government ‘encouragement’, but all in all, no complete overhaul required.”

Accept

“It’s so stupid,” says coffee shop barista Willow True, her milk-steamer fueled solely by resentment towards anyone over the age of forty. “The banks and the old people, like, ruined the economy and everything with their years of loose lending and grabbing anything with a roof; it’s so totally their fault. Haha, what if the government like maxed out taxes on second-homes and upped the interest rates on the oldies’ debts by, like, really, really lot of percentages or whatever. You know, to balance out the damages caused to the housing market. That would be so funny.”

Accept

“Oh where is your spirit of adventure?” exclaims Emily Blair, chair of the homeowners association Heart Of Darkness. “What we have is an abundance of young people slouching around without house or home, correct? I say we send them off with a couple of muskets and bayonets to find their own place in the world; settle new colonies and bring the light of Noahs Second Country to all corners of the world! It might affect domestic labor availability slightly, but think of the wealth we would collect with all of the new territory.”

Accept

[Maljaratas]

At long last, I give you issue 614:

How Much Is That Vote In The Window?
The Issue

After recent elections in Thinking Machines, journalists calculated that over eighty percent of the money donated to candidates came from less than a dozen notable corporations. After years of protests about the corruption in the election system, several major voices have finally managed to sneak or bribe their way to your desk.
The Debate

“How could we let this happen?” moans Debbie Eugenia, spokesperson for Citizens United for Responsible, Sane Elections. “Well, it’s pretty easy,” she says as she shows you a complicated diagram linking various politicians to numerous corporations. “For years our nation’s elections have been subverted by dark Bits from unaccountable private donors! You can see the chains of corruption laid out right here - go on, look at the flow chart!” Indeed, there are some prominent politicians’ names on the chart, but you don’t have time to make much of it before she continues. “It’s long past time to put real limits on how much can be donated in an election! ARGH,” she faints after being hit with a tranquilizer dart.

As your staffers drag the unconscious body of the activist away, two activist CEOs known as the Kone Sisters make their case. “Please don’t listen to this wacko,” pleads Carolyn Kone, who donated over a million @@CURRENCY@@ to the mayor of @@CAPITAL@@’s campaign last year. “We need to be able to give freely if we want to truly represent our wealth - I mean, the people’s voice! If anything, we should be thanking the donors for picking the right candidate.” Danielle Kone, who donated to the mayor’s rival last year, interjects. “Maybe we could dip into the government’s coffers to refund their donations to the winning campaign. Think of it as a boon to competition – raising the stakes like that will lead to better business models and better candidates!”

Out of nowhere Hayek Freedman, Professor of Economics and Philosophy at the University of @@CAPITAL@@-Oldtown, falls through your ceiling, then still somehow manages to strut calmly to your desk. “Hold up a minute, The One Who Is. Neither of these lunatics knows what they’re talking about. Allowing such huge campaign donations is incredibly wasteful; the whole economy would be better off without that drain. Yet we can’t deny that indeed, corporations are people, my friend. So how is it we still haven’t given them the right to vote? Economic justice means instead of ‘one person, one vote,’ we say ‘one @@CURRENCY@@, one vote!’ We’ll just give natural persons AND corporations one vote for each @@CURRENCY@@ they earn every year. If you truly want to hear the voice of the people, not to mention cut way down on tax evasion, then let their wallets speak for them!”

Issue by The Trade And Defense Powerhouse of Burned lands

Edited by Nation of Quebec and Logophilia Lyricalia

I tried to get the macros that go by nation. Is there some way to forcibly reset an issue's randomnames to see which ones are?

[The Candy Of Bottles]

And 627...

The Bee-Ginning Of A Catastrophe?

The Issue

When top scientists started genetically engineering bees in order to make them live longer and resist disease, things went horribly wrong. The result - subsequently dubbed the Matoran Killer Jacket - wiped out their creators within an hour and promptly escaped the lab. Terrified citizens are urging you to stop genetic engineering on bees, citing the unpredictability and potential dangers of this technology.

The Debate

“What is this madness?” shouts Doctor Bees, still wearing his trademark bee costume, who has in his suitcase the only bees in Backje that aren’t genetically modified. “We’ve created a potential threat to our population. Thanks to genetic tampering, you made killer-bees with GM stingers! Who knows what they’ll do now? The only solution is to ban genetic engineering and shut down the lab immediately. It’s immoral, insane, and incompetent! Cull these modified abominations and encourage the breeding of all-natural, all-organic normal bees... like mine!”

Accept

“Don’t you forget why we need this,” reminds Sigourney Claus, the new CEO of Bees and Genes, aiming an insecticide spray at a small arthropod hovering above your shoulder. “It’s a noble experiment to keep bees from dying off. Genetically engineered bees have a much greater chance of survival, and that’s better for the environment. With some government support, we can do more for our bees and prof... well, you know.”

Accept

“We certainly don’t have to be black-and-yellow about this,” asserts Pablo Ward, a government scientist who is picking apart your flower display, looking for nectar. “While it’s true that genetic engineering can create some unintended pests, it has potential to help our buzzing friends survive many threats like CCD and parasitic mites. How about we set strict standards for these laboratories? With government oversight, we can watch out for any killer bugs while keeping this technology safe and regulated. True, the scientists may end up trapped in an endless cycle of regulations and inspections, but that’s besides the point.”

Accept

“The problem was that we trusted this experimentation to the boffs in the labs,” growls your gruff military attaché Alexei Cohen while examining a modified bee under a microscope. “Now I’m not much of a scientist, but surely it wouldn’t be too hard for us to round up these modified bees and set them loose on one of our enemies? Imagine if we unleashed some of these bad boys on Maxtopia or Marche Noir. Their ecosystem will be so screwed up they’ll be begging to sign that peace treaty! Now excuse me while I practice my evil laugh.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The City-State of Outer Sparta

Edited by Nation of Quebec

[Tinhampton]

Issue #281 "Free Internet For @@NAME@@?" has THREE editors now - Sirocco, Sedge, and Luna! In Option 3, "Oh, for the love of Violet!" now reads "Oh, for the love of Violet..."

Issue #159 "Think Tank Proposes Privatised Prisons" has two - Sirocco and Myrth.

[Trotterdam]

I finally found the new #180. It has been updated to feature more modern "phones" (still technically called even though they aren't primarily used to phone people anymore), and has completely ditched accusations of radiation-related health problems, in favor of simple overuse.

Old version:

#180 Mobile Maladies

The Issue

Recently, there has been increased commotion from your citizens about the possible health risks caused by using mobile phones.

The Debate

1. "Have you seen these statistics?!" yells anti-mobile lobbyist @@RANDOMNAME@@, gesturing towards a wiggly line on a clipboard. "Mobile phones now kill more people in this country than exploding cupboards, the ironing board, and Godzilla put together! And that's not including the number of people who die every year from car crashes caused by chit-chat while driving! These things fry your brain with microwaves while you speak! We must ban mobile phones now!"

2. "This is utter nonsense," argues @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of Amber Phones, while nonchalantly slipping a wad of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ into your pocket. "Mobile phones are totally harmless - I'll have you know that not one of our privately-funded studies has found the slightest bit of evidence to the contrary! Have you ever seen anyone drop dead in the street just because they were chatting on one of our new M/A models for sale now at low, low prices? No! It's just blatant scaremongering! I implore the government to dismiss these crackpots' complaints."

3. "I don't believe they're harmful either," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a teacher. "But it's obvious to everyone what a detrimental effect it has on our children! Everywhere I look, I'm seeing children as young as four tapping away at the blasted things! Do you know how many lessons I've had interrupted by the 'Crazy @@ANIMAL@@' ringtone? Do you know how many of my pupils think 'great' is spelled with a number? Too many! Only adults should be allowed to own and use mobile phones!"

Issue by Grindleria
Edited by Sirocco

#180 Mobile Maladies
1. it is illegal to own a mobile phone
2. mobile phone masts are being erected all over the country
3. children have taken to using semaphore in light of the recent mobile phone ban

New version:

#180 Mobile Maladies

The Issue

Recent technological developments in mobile phones are raising concerns from your citizens about the possible harm they are doing to the modern generation.

The Debate

1. "Everyone is just staring at their phone screens these days!" messages anti-mobile lobbyist @@RANDOMNAME@@, via the WotsOn chat service. "Between social media, augmented reality games and personal assistant software, people now spend more time looking at and talking to their phones than they do interacting with real people! Let's not forget the dangers of these distracting devices either: inattentive driving, pedestrian collisions, eye strain, repetitive strain injuries... They've caused more deaths than exploding cupboards, the ironing board, and Godzilla put together. I say we create just one hour every lunchtime where everybody is obliged to keep their phones off. Let's rediscover the art of conversation!"

2. "This is utter nonsense. Mobile phones are nothing other than beneficial to society! I'll have you know that not one of our privately-funded studies has found the slightest bit of evidence to the contrary!" argues @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, CEO of Amber Phones, gesturing towards a wiggly line on a clipboard as he nonchalantly slips a wad of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ into your back pocket. "Have you ever seen anyone drop dead in the street just because they were chatting on one of our new uPhone85 models for sale now at low, low prices? No! It's just blatant scaremongering! I implore the government to dismiss these crackpots' complaints."

3. "I don't believe they're harmful either," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a teacher. "But it's obvious to everyone what a detrimental effect it has on our children! Everywhere I look, I'm seeing children as young as four tapping away at the blasted things! Do you know how many lessons I've had interrupted by the 'Crazy @@ANIMAL@@' ringtone, or by little Timmy saying there's a collectable Pokeachew under my desk? Do you know how many of my pupils think 'great' is spelled with a number? Too many! Only adults should be allowed to own and use mobile phones!"

Issue by Grindleria (nominally)
Edited by Sirocco and Candlewhisper Archive

#180 Mobile Maladies
1. sheepish teenagers are making eye contact with their parents for the first time in a decade during state-enforced 'no-phones hour'
2. crowded passenger trains are near-silent save for the soft tap of fingers on touchscreens
3. children have taken to using semaphore in light of the recent mobile phone ban

I don't think the "I don't believe they're harmful either" line works anymore for option 3, since nobody is claiming that they're harmful now except for the distraction effect, which is what the third speaker is complaining about (just for children specifically).

It seems that outright banning them isn't even an option anymore...

[Aclion]

At long last, I give you issue 614:

How Much Is That Vote In The Window?
The Issue

After recent elections in Thinking Machines, journalists calculated that over eighty percent of the money donated to candidates came from less than a dozen notable corporations. After years of protests about the corruption in the election system, several major voices have finally managed to sneak or bribe their way to your desk.
The Debate

“How could we let this happen?” moans Debbie Eugenia, spokesperson for Citizens United for Responsible, Sane Elections. “Well, it’s pretty easy,” she says as she shows you a complicated diagram linking various politicians to numerous corporations. “For years our nation’s elections have been subverted by dark Bits from unaccountable private donors! You can see the chains of corruption laid out right here - go on, look at the flow chart!” Indeed, there are some prominent politicians’ names on the chart, but you don’t have time to make much of it before she continues. “It’s long past time to put real limits on how much can be donated in an election! ARGH,” she faints after being hit with a tranquilizer dart.

As your staffers drag the unconscious body of the activist away, two activist CEOs known as the Kone Sisters make their case. “Please don’t listen to this wacko,” pleads Carolyn Kone, who donated over a million @@CURRENCY@@ to the mayor of @@CAPITAL@@’s campaign last year. “We need to be able to give freely if we want to truly represent our wealth - I mean, the people’s voice! If anything, we should be thanking the donors for picking the right candidate.” Danielle Kone, who donated to the mayor’s rival last year, interjects. “Maybe we could dip into the government’s coffers to refund their donations to the winning campaign. Think of it as a boon to competition – raising the stakes like that will lead to better business models and better candidates!”

Out of nowhere Hayek Freedman, Professor of Economics and Philosophy at the University of @@CAPITAL@@-Oldtown, falls through your ceiling, then still somehow manages to strut calmly to your desk. “Hold up a minute, The One Who Is. Neither of these lunatics knows what they’re talking about. Allowing such huge campaign donations is incredibly wasteful; the whole economy would be better off without that drain. Yet we can’t deny that indeed, corporations are people, my friend. So how is it we still haven’t given them the right to vote? Economic justice means instead of ‘one person, one vote,’ we say ‘one @@CURRENCY@@, one vote!’ We’ll just give natural persons AND corporations one vote for each @@CURRENCY@@ they earn every year. If you truly want to hear the voice of the people, not to mention cut way down on tax evasion, then let their wallets speak for them!”

Issue by The Trade And Defense Powerhouse of Burned lands

Edited by Nation of Quebec and Logophilia Lyricalia

I tried to get the macros that go by nation. Is there some way to forcibly reset an issue's randomnames to see which ones are?

Debbie Eugenia Is probobly random, but the Kone sisters are a reference to the Koch bothers, and Hayak and Freedman are lifted from the names of two economists.

[Maljaratas]

At long last, I give you issue 614:

How Much Is That Vote In The Window?
The Issue

After recent elections in Thinking Machines, journalists calculated that over eighty percent of the money donated to candidates came from less than a dozen notable corporations. After years of protests about the corruption in the election system, several major voices have finally managed to sneak or bribe their way to your desk.
The Debate

“How could we let this happen?” moans Debbie Eugenia, spokesperson for Citizens United for Responsible, Sane Elections. “Well, it’s pretty easy,” she says as she shows you a complicated diagram linking various politicians to numerous corporations. “For years our nation’s elections have been subverted by dark Bits from unaccountable private donors! You can see the chains of corruption laid out right here - go on, look at the flow chart!” Indeed, there are some prominent politicians’ names on the chart, but you don’t have time to make much of it before she continues. “It’s long past time to put real limits on how much can be donated in an election! ARGH,” she faints after being hit with a tranquilizer dart.

As your staffers drag the unconscious body of the activist away, two activist CEOs known as the Kone Sisters make their case. “Please don’t listen to this wacko,” pleads Carolyn Kone, who donated over a million @@CURRENCY@@ to the mayor of @@CAPITAL@@’s campaign last year. “We need to be able to give freely if we want to truly represent our wealth - I mean, the people’s voice! If anything, we should be thanking the donors for picking the right candidate.” Danielle Kone, who donated to the mayor’s rival last year, interjects. “Maybe we could dip into the government’s coffers to refund their donations to the winning campaign. Think of it as a boon to competition – raising the stakes like that will lead to better business models and better candidates!”

Out of nowhere Hayek Freedman, Professor of Economics and Philosophy at the University of @@CAPITAL@@-Oldtown, falls through your ceiling, then still somehow manages to strut calmly to your desk. “Hold up a minute, The One Who Is. Neither of these lunatics knows what they’re talking about. Allowing such huge campaign donations is incredibly wasteful; the whole economy would be better off without that drain. Yet we can’t deny that indeed, corporations are people, my friend. So how is it we still haven’t given them the right to vote? Economic justice means instead of ‘one person, one vote,’ we say ‘one @@CURRENCY@@, one vote!’ We’ll just give natural persons AND corporations one vote for each @@CURRENCY@@ they earn every year. If you truly want to hear the voice of the people, not to mention cut way down on tax evasion, then let their wallets speak for them!”

Issue by The Trade And Defense Powerhouse of Burned lands

Edited by Nation of Quebec and Logophilia Lyricalia

I tried to get the macros that go by nation. Is there some way to forcibly reset an issue's randomnames to see which ones are?

Debbie Eugenia Is probobly random, but the Kone sisters are a reference to the Koch bothers, and Hayak and Freedman are lifted from the names of two economists.

I was aware of the references to those two. I wanted to check if the specific names given to the sisters were random, and whether Debbie Eugenia was as well.

[Eaischpnaeieacgkque Bhcieaghpodsttditf]

Issue 630

This Green And Pleasant Land

The Issue

Good news, everyone! An unexpected rise in the water table has transformed a thousand acres of former desert into green and fertile and farming-ready land. As the government owns this land, it’s now up to you what you do with it.

The Debate

“Efficiency. Productivity. Produce. Those are the three F’s of New Plus Agro Cycles(tm),” says CEO @@RANDOMNAME@@ “and if you wonder if you failed to spot the third F, it’s all about the customer! Yes, sell us this land and we will turn it into a model of efficiency! No government investment, no taxpayer’s money wasted, just cultivation as far as the eye can see! New jobs will be created, and investors will be attracted. Just sign here!”

Accept

“Why would you consider that?” yells villager @@RANDOMNAME@@ waving a pitchfork with one hand, and a little red book with the other. “You want to just GIVE IT AWAY to these rich fat cats, so they can get even richer? No! This land should be owned by the state, but worked by a commune of local farmers, with a small plot of land for each farmer! This way is fair for everyone.”

Accept

“No, no, no! It’s like a traffic light, if you want to be green you’ve got to put up a red light and make a green space, because you don’t want to be in the red on being green!” explains @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, her metaphors as messed up as her flower-entangled hair. “We need to turn this into a nature resort, that flora and fauna can make their home!”

Accept

“Excuse me, is anyone going to ask why this has happened?” asks party-pooping scientist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “We can’t make use of this land till we understand what happened. I suggest establishing a research station here, and getting a better understanding of the ecological changes that led to this fertile land emerging.”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by Nova bulgarija

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

[Askatopia]

The Issue

With an increasing number of inmates on death row, more commonly referred to as The Violet Mile, concerned experts from all walks of life have asked you about which method of capital punishment is the best to use on Askatopia’s felons.

The Debate

1. “Lethal injection is by far the most cost-efficient and clean method of execution,” suggests Dorothy Blair, a wild-eyed and grey-haired military scientist who looks as if she hasn’t slept in twenty years. “Also, if we’re disposing of these worthless criminals, we may as well test out some of the more ‘experimental’ lethal chemicals that our R&D department is working on. They’ll require some tweaking to get right, but these scumbags are dead men walking anyway, right?”

2. “What’s wrong with a good, old-fashioned hanging?” proposes Judas Shatner, a historical reenactor dressed in a period-accurate Disposable War infantry uniform. “We can hang the criminals in the town square, right in front of the watchful eyes of the public. We could even encourage fruits and vegetables to be thrown at ‘em as they swing! Ah, it’ll be a fine public spectacle, and a grand deterrent too!”

3. “You know, as much as we like to disavow less advanced cultures as ‘primitive’, I think they have some right ideas,” comments big game hunter Al Bakker, who recently returned from a safari in more savage lands. “I visited a tribe who execute troublemakers and the occasional sacrificial virgin by throwing them into an active volcano. They say it pleases the gods, and keeps disaster at bay. Sounds like a sensible plan to me.”

4. “How about a method that’s fun for viewers, and gives criminals a chance to earn a pardon?” asks sleazy reality show producer Ian Killdamon. “We could place the criminals on an island, each with a weapon, and tell them they have 24 hours to kill each other. The sole survivor would then win his or her freedom. We could broadcast this battle royale live, and the ratings would be through the roof!”

5. “Maybe we should aim to be as humane as possible when we take life?” asks butcher Mike Coulson, wiping his work knives clean on his apron. “We got bolt guns we use in the slaughterhouses. BAM. One bolt, one kill. Fast, effective, only a little messy.” He looks down at a circle of splattered mess on the floor. “Is anyone else getting hungry talking about this?”

7. “Kill the death penalty!” chants activist Francisco Dlamini, bursting out of a hiding place in your stationery cupboard. “Cull government sanctioned murder! Destroy these needless acts of revenge violence! An eye for an eye makes the world go blind!” The intruder pokes your security guard in the peepers with a pencil, then flees the room.

Issue by The Free Secular Federation of Nation of Quebec

Edited by Candlewhisper Archive