NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

Sick Days For Sick Waves

The Issue

At the height of an extremely hot summer along the Australian coastline, many workers have taken multiple ‘sick days’ to go to the beach and had the misfortune to run into their bosses, who have ‘taken work home’ to their seaside properties. Your chief employment analyst has estimated that the economic damage of the good weather has been significant, though he says he’ll get back to you on exact figures once he recovers from an unexpected bout of period cramps that are keeping him off work today.

The Debate

“We lost a whole summer!” says Ned Fellow, your Minister of Productivity, while adjusting his swimming costume. “We can’t just shut Australian Republic down whenever it’s a bit too hot - our economy would go broke. Of course there’s nothing wrong with bumming around the beach, but not while you’re being paid... How about we allow companies, rather than employees to decide when somebody is sick enough to stay home from work. That’ll put an end to their malingering tricks!”

Accept“I’m not a bludger because I take a few sickies,” complains William Zhimo, a surprisingly tanned data entry worker from his basement cubicle. “I mean cm’on, you can’t ‘spect us to work on bloody scortcha! Maybe you could make all places of work close down when the weather is really good, then we can go to the beach and not worry ‘bout it. I mean, what’s more important, a barbie and some beers with yer mates, or more bleedin’ work?”

Accept“Why can’t we just start working on beaches?” asks Buffy Rikkard, a bikini-clad beach beauty who persuaded your doorman to let her into the meeting. “I mean let people take the papers and printers and stuff to the beach and do the work there! Pay people for the work they do, not the hours they are in the office. Flexible workplaces are more productive, so you should be subsidising and encouraging with appropriate legislation.”

Accept“I don’t really understand what the attraction of sunny beaches is supposed to be,” notes dermatologist Dr. Gertie Scully, closing your blinds for you. ” People just need to be reminded that too much sunshine and beach-side indulgence can be bad for you. There’s skin cancer, sunburn and all sorts of nasty creatures, like sharks and jellyfish. Have you seen the size of their teeth? Sharks, I mean, not jellyfish. Here, look at this photo of this man whose skin fell off after he got stung. I’ve got that picture in a Public Health leaflet, you just need to distribute them...”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by: The Christmas Island Owners of Australian Republic
Editor: Candlewhisper Archive

That was fast.

[Australian rePublic]

Sick Days For Sick Waves

The Issue

At the height of an extremely hot summer along the Australian coastline, many workers have taken multiple ‘sick days’ to go to the beach and had the misfortune to run into their bosses, who have ‘taken work home’ to their seaside properties. Your chief employment analyst has estimated that the economic damage of the good weather has been significant, though he says he’ll get back to you on exact figures once he recovers from an unexpected bout of period cramps that are keeping him off work today.

The Debate

“We lost a whole summer!” says Ned Fellow, your Minister of Productivity, while adjusting his swimming costume. “We can’t just shut Australian Republic down whenever it’s a bit too hot - our economy would go broke. Of course there’s nothing wrong with bumming around the beach, but not while you’re being paid... How about we allow companies, rather than employees to decide when somebody is sick enough to stay home from work. That’ll put an end to their malingering tricks!”

Accept“I’m not a bludger because I take a few sickies,” complains William Zhimo, a surprisingly tanned data entry worker from his basement cubicle. “I mean cm’on, you can’t ‘spect us to work on bloody scortcha! Maybe you could make all places of work close down when the weather is really good, then we can go to the beach and not worry ‘bout it. I mean, what’s more important, a barbie and some beers with yer mates, or more bleedin’ work?”

Accept“Why can’t we just start working on beaches?” asks Buffy Rikkard, a bikini-clad beach beauty who persuaded your doorman to let her into the meeting. “I mean let people take the papers and printers and stuff to the beach and do the work there! Pay people for the work they do, not the hours they are in the office. Flexible workplaces are more productive, so you should be subsidising and encouraging with appropriate legislation.”

Accept“I don’t really understand what the attraction of sunny beaches is supposed to be,” notes dermatologist Dr. Gertie Scully, closing your blinds for you. ” People just need to be reminded that too much sunshine and beach-side indulgence can be bad for you. There’s skin cancer, sunburn and all sorts of nasty creatures, like sharks and jellyfish. Have you seen the size of their teeth? Sharks, I mean, not jellyfish. Here, look at this photo of this man whose skin fell off after he got stung. I’ve got that picture in a Public Health leaflet, you just need to distribute them...”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by: The Christmas Island Owners of Australian Republic
Editor: Candlewhisper Archive

That was fast.

Yep! Thanks to Candlewhisper

[Phydios]

once he recovers from an unexpected bout of period cramps that are keeping him off work today

That is absolutely brilliant!

[Drasnia]

It's nice to see one of your issues accepted, as well as satisfying to see some of my suggestions made it into the final issue

Hey, who says I can't have some ego?

[Christian Democrats]

I didn't get a name for Issue #574, but the other new issues have been added.

[Luna Amore]

I didn't get a name for Issue #574, but the other new issues have been added.

[New Birgland; ed: Nation of Quebec]

[Christian Democrats]

I didn't get a name for Issue #574, but the other new issues have been added.

[New Birgland; ed: Nation of Quebec]

The name of the issue, by which I mean the title. Sorry, I should have been clearer.

[Luna Amore]

[New Birgland; ed: Nation of Quebec]

The name of the issue, by which I mean the title. Sorry, I should have been clearer.

lol

One Small Step For Private Enterprise?

[Special Circumstances]

577: Second World Problems

Second World Problems

The Issue

The ongoing ideological struggle between capitalist and communist nations shows no sign of letting up. At a meeting of ‘second world’ nations, opinions vary on how international socialism can be best achieved. The Party has asked you to put your weight behind one of the more popular approaches.

The Debate

1. “We’re surrounded by a hostile camp of capitalist powers,” lectures the borderline paranoid Preeti Jefferson after preemptively surrounding her lectern with concertina wire. “The only logical solution is building a bastion of socialism impervious to any and all foreign aggression. Leader, with closed borders and an ever-increasing military budget, we will finally be safe from imperialist encirclement.”

2. “Come join the bloc party!” enthuses Sancho Levy while handing out BBQ to everyone in attendance. “We need to form a Solidarity Pact, committing our nations to mutual defense and strategic cooperation. By sharing administrative functions and industrial investment, we can create a group of communist countries with steadily increasing living standards, and isn’t that what socialism’s all about? Who wants a kebab?”

3. “We have a duty to publicize the wonders of socialism,” preaches socialist realist Freddy Bergman while coloring in propaganda posters with a red felt-tip pen. “People suffering under the dictatorship of the bourgeoisie need to know that true happiness, by which I mean their class interests, lies with the worldwide proletarian movement. After all, winning the battle of ideas is far more important than getting stuck in another arms race.”

4. “Hmmm, sorry what? I wasn’t listening,” says a rotund Party member with an expensive watch and the latest media tablet. “Perhaps we can get some sort of compromise between the economic benefits of private industry, alongside our ongoing socialist program. I mean, have you seen some of the cool stuff coming out of those capitalist countries?”

^{Issue by: The Pantransparency of Candlewhisper Archive
Editor: Lenyo}

[Golgothastan]

#578: Support Your Local Arms Manufacturer [Golgothastan; ed:Lenyo]

#578: Support Your Local Arms Manufacturer

The Issue
After the Conglomerated @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Arms Syndicate announced yet another setback in the development of a promised new fighter jet, the Hell-@@ANIMAL@@ 3000, the Ministry of Defense is considering the previously unthinkable: importing from overseas.

The Debate

1. “You can’t! If you cancel the order, we’ll go out of business, putting @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ workers out of a job,” pleads Conglomerated @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Arms Syndicate liaison, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “We couldn’t have reasonably anticipated the problems refitting the cockpit to make it windproof. We’ll have the jet finished soon; I swear. In the meantime, maybe a generous contribution to your PR campaign would help convince you?”

2. Commodore @@RANDOMNAME@@, Navy Chief of Procurement, is sick of the delays and cost overruns in the Hell-@@ANIMAL@@ 3000 project. “We were promised this plane three years ago, at half the price. This is getting ridiculous. It’s time we found a supplier who can actually deliver on what they promised - even if that means importing from one of our overseas rivals.”

3. “Why stop at fighter jets?” argues Colonel @@RANDOMNAME@@, who has recently returned from an officer exchange program with suitcases brimming with gadgetry. “We should be inviting all the foreign arms firms to come and bid to completely replace all the rusting junk our Armed Forces currently has to put up with. Just imagine our brave soldiers fighting with cutting-edge jet packs, thermal detonators, and knockout gas! Some would call importing supplies un-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@; I call it progress.”

4. “Do you realize how many jobs that would cost, you blithering idiot?” foams union organizer @@RANDOMNAME@@, diplomatic as ever. “Our arms industry employs people in every one of your marginal electoral districts, so you’d better listen to us... and if the fat cat bosses aren’t running things well, then maybe it’s time we re-nationalized! Under government control the factories will be churning out guns and ammo at twice the rate! And twice the price...”

[Australian rePublic]

once he recovers from an unexpected bout of period cramps that are keeping him off work today

That is absolutely brilliant!

That one was Candlewhisper's

[Australian rePublic]

It's nice to see one of your issues accepted, as well as satisfying to see some of my suggestions made it into the final issue

Hey, who says I can't have some ego?

Why thank you!

[Australian rePublic]

After the Conglomerated Australian Arms Syndicate announced yet another setback in the development of a promised new fighter jet, the Hell-Kangaroo 3000, the Ministry of Defense is considering the previously unthinkable: importing from overseas.

The Debate

“You can’t! If you cancel the order, we’ll go out of business, putting Australian workers out of a job,” pleads Conglomerated Australian Arms Syndicate liaison, Jacob Love. “We couldn’t have reasonably anticipated the problems refitting the cockpit to make it windproof. We’ll have the jet finished soon; I swear. In the meantime, maybe a generous contribution to your PR campaign would help convince you?”

Accept

Commodore Cortana Malik, Navy Chief of Procurement, is sick of the delays and cost overruns in the Hell-Kangaroo 3000 project. “We were promised this plane three years ago, at half the price. This is getting ridiculous. It’s time we found a supplier who can actually deliver on what they promised - even if that means importing from one of our overseas rivals.”

Accept

“Why stop at fighter jets?” argues Colonel Sven Garcia, who has recently returned from an officer exchange program with suitcases brimming with gadgetry. “We should be inviting all the foreign arms firms to come and bid to completely replace all the rusting junk our Armed Forces currently has to put up with. Just imagine our brave soldiers fighting with cutting-edge jet packs, thermal detonators, and knockout gas! Some would call importing supplies un-Australian; I call it progress.”

Accept

“Do you realize how many jobs that would cost, you blithering idiot?” foams union organizer Max Blair, diplomatic as ever. “Our arms industry employs people in every one of your marginal electoral districts, so you’d better listen to us... and if the fat cat bosses aren’t running things well, then maybe it’s time we re-nationalized! Under government control the factories will be churning out guns and ammo at twice the rate! And twice the price...”

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by The Banner Hunters of Golgothastan

Edited by Lenyo

[Luna Amore]

Australian Republic, please check the thread before posting. You've reported an already reported issue a few times now.

[Australian rePublic]

Australian Republic, please check the thread before posting. You've reported an already reported issue a few times now.

Sorry

[Zwangzug]

#573 is mine!
Name 4 was "Tim Colbert," which is probably a new random last name. Name 1 was "Shiberu Scully," which may both be new?

I got this again. I think the names (Shigeru Scully, Pete Hamilton, Coraline Song, and Tim Colbert) are all non-random.

If "Scully" is an allusion to Vin, you just made this LA-residing sports fan very happy

[Candlewhisper Archive]

#573 is mine!
Name 4 was "Tim Colbert," which is probably a new random last name. Name 1 was "Shiberu Scully," which may both be new?

I got this again. I think the names (Shigeru Scully, Pete Hamilton, Coraline Song, and Tim Colbert) are all non-random.

If "Scully" is an allusion to Vin, you just made this LA-residing sports fan very happy

You may want to believe it is, but actually we're a geeky bunch. It's an X-files thing.

[Drasnia]

I got this again. I think the names (Shigeru Scully, Pete Hamilton, Coraline Song, and Tim Colbert) are all non-random.

If "Scully" is an allusion to Vin, you just made this LA-residing sports fan very happy

You may want to believe it is, but actually we're a geeky bunch. It's an X-files thing.

I want to believe *X-Files music starts playing*

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

You may want to believe it is, but actually we're a geeky bunch. It's an X-files thing.

I want to believe *X-Files music starts playing*

Or it could be both! *X-Files music intensifies*

[Nation of Quebec]

#573 is mine!
Name 4 was "Tim Colbert," which is probably a new random last name. Name 1 was "Shiberu Scully," which may both be new?

I got this again. I think the names (Shigeru Scully, Pete Hamilton, Coraline Song, and Tim Colbert) are all non-random.

If "Scully" is an allusion to Vin, you just made this LA-residing sports fan very happy

All of those names are random.

As Candle said, we're a nerdy bunch. You're more than likely to spot several pop-culture references with the recent names that we added.

[Drasnia]

Can confirm all names on 573 are random. I got, in order, Mark Andersson, Katniss Trump, Gretel van der Berg, and Abraham Hernandez.

[Phydios]

Katniss Trump

"We are going to build this wall- and make the Capitol pay for it!"

[Australian rePublic]

Since we have @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ and @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, wouldn't it be wise to split the list into male, female and gender neutral

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Katniss Trump

"We are going to build this wall- and make the Capitol pay for it!"

Man, I know we're not supposed to use this thread for general chit chat, but that made me laugh a lot.

Say what you want about Katniss Trump's policies, but she's got great hair.

[NovaRain]

It seems no one posted #576 yet.

#576 - Light At The End Of The Tunnel

The Issue

A 33-year-old man, who has chosen to remain anonymous, has been refused state-sanctioned euthanasia by his doctors because of his diagnosis of severe depression. He’s pointing out that this his depression is exactly why he wants to die, and is asking that the right to merciful death be extended to allow his medically-assisted suicide.

The Debate

1. The patient in question, avoiding eye contact and speaking flatly, makes his case: “I’ve felt like this since I was a child, I’ve been through every medication, seen a hundred counsellors, even had ECT blasting my brain. They’ve all done nothing, nothing at all. I’ll take my own life if I have to, but wouldn’t it be better if I could end my life painlessly and comfortably?”

2. “You see where this slippery slope has brought us to?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, of lobby group 1stDoNoHarm. “You tell people it’s okay to kill themselves, and that’s what they’ll do. You tell doctors its okay to let people die, and that’s what they’ll do. What’s next? Murdering the learning-disabled or those with the wrong skin colour? Change the government’s message, @@LEADER@@. Choose life.”

3. “I sympathise with this man’s situation,” says neuropsychologist @@RANDOMNAME@@, showing no outward signs of being sympathetic at all, “but allowing suicide and banning euthanasia are both choices that are just running away from the bigger problem: chronic, intractable depression. We need a review of root causes, more mental health funding and a drive towards exploring experimental new treatments, like neuroaffective immunotherapy. Spend more on mental health and social services; cut other departments or raise taxes if you have to: this is a national crisis.”

4. “Well, life is pretty damn pointless,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of a new movement calling themselves the Self-Destructivists, “so why don’t we just end people’s misery once and for all? We humans have had a terrible impact on the planet and suffering is inherent to life. You should donate some public money to my crowdfunded “kill-starter”: I’m looking to engineer the perfect virus that will wipe out all human life forever. There’s a little fine tuning to be done, but in the meantime, you can buy access to my existing research, which will probably help you develop some biological WMDs, or whatever else you like to occupy yourself with. I mean, who cares? It’s all ridiculous, anyway.”

Issue by The Nomadic Peoples of Kievan Rusk
Edited by Candlewhisper Archive

The @@RANDOMNAME@@ I got in option 2, 3, and 4 are: Carmen Yeltsin, Shigeru Wu, and Nia Liszt. But I'm not sure if all of them are just @@RANDOMNAME@@.