NationStates Issues **SPOILER ALERT**

[Frenequesta]

And now: #529, "Attack of the Attack Ads":

he Issue

As an increasingly tense election season looms, candidates have already begun smearing their opponents with vulgar and offensive campaign advertisements. Politicians and pundits of all corners of the political spectrum have asked you to bring some civility back to politics.

The Debate

''Whatever happened to the good old days?'' cries MP Ivan Ruff, who saw an ebb of support along with a slew of negative ads targeting his large nose. ''Politicians used to be elected based on merit, but now the election process has turned into such a sham! One single ad-hominem attack is all it takes to tarnish an honorable politician's career. Not to be nosy, but the government should step in and prevent the media from advertising attack ads and political campaigns from producing them. I can hear the complaints now: 'blah blah free speech, blah blah censorship', but if that's the price to pay to restore honour to politics, then so be it."

''If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen,'' vents political strategist @@RANDOMNAME@@, who was the mastermind behind your most recent election victory. ''Perhaps the reason the MP lost support was not because of negative campaigning, but rather poor policies and performance. Attack adverts are as old as politics itself and are no more rampant or influential today than than they've ever been - leave them be. I've even taken the liberty of producing a smear campaign for you to use regarding your main opponent being an East Lebatuckese spy who is also part of an illegal organ harvesting cult.''

''Have you ever thought that maybe there's a good reason @@NAME@@ is gripped by the magic of attack ads?'' questions sleazy television executive @@RANDOMNAME@@. ''We love filth! We love drama! These issues like 'climate change,' 'corruption,' 'deteriorating relations with Maxtopia,' they're real downers and will they ever REALLY be solved? Surely @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ agree - politics is a spectacle and a blood sport, and one that needs to be drenched in more garbage, not less. We shall make the politics of @@NAME@@ the greatest reality show in @@REGION@@! Heck, we can even use that Question Period footage that featured the Opposition Leader getting egged and that random MP smashing a chair on the Interior Minister for our opening title!''

Issue by: The Socialist Federal Republic of Czechostan
Editor: Nation of Quebec

[Nation of Quebec]

And now: #529, "Attack of the Attack Ads":

he Issue

As an increasingly tense election season looms, candidates have already begun smearing their opponents with vulgar and offensive campaign advertisements. Politicians and pundits of all corners of the political spectrum have asked you to bring some civility back to politics.

The Debate

''Whatever happened to the good old days?'' cries MP Ivan Ruff, who saw an ebb of support along with a slew of negative ads targeting his large nose. ''Politicians used to be elected based on merit, but now the election process has turned into such a sham! One single ad-hominem attack is all it takes to tarnish an honorable politician's career. Not to be nosy, but the government should step in and prevent the media from advertising attack ads and political campaigns from producing them. I can hear the complaints now: 'blah blah free speech, blah blah censorship', but if that's the price to pay to restore honour to politics, then so be it."

''If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen,'' vents political strategist @@RANDOMNAME@@, who was the mastermind behind your most recent election victory. ''Perhaps the reason the MP lost support was not because of negative campaigning, but rather poor policies and performance. Attack adverts are as old as politics itself and are no more rampant or influential today than than they've ever been - leave them be. I've even taken the liberty of producing a smear campaign for you to use regarding your main opponent being an East Lebatuckese spy who is also part of an illegal organ harvesting cult.''

''Have you ever thought that maybe there's a good reason @@NAME@@ is gripped by the magic of attack ads?'' questions sleazy television executive @@RANDOMNAME@@. ''We love filth! We love drama! These issues like 'climate change,' 'corruption,' 'deteriorating relations with Maxtopia,' they're real downers and will they ever REALLY be solved? Surely @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ agree - politics is a spectacle and a blood sport, and one that needs to be drenched in more garbage, not less. We shall make the politics of @@NAME@@ the greatest reality show in @@REGION@@! Heck, we can even use that Question Period footage that featured the Opposition Leader getting egged and that random MP smashing a chair on the Interior Minister for our opening title!''

Issue by: The Socialist Federal Republic of Czechostan
Editor: Nation of Quebec

I can confirm that the character in option one is @@RANDOMMALENAME@@. It's not a given name.

[Frenequesta]

And now: #529, "Attack of the Attack Ads":

he Issue

As an increasingly tense election season looms, candidates have already begun smearing their opponents with vulgar and offensive campaign advertisements. Politicians and pundits of all corners of the political spectrum have asked you to bring some civility back to politics.

The Debate

''Whatever happened to the good old days?'' cries MP Ivan Ruff, who saw an ebb of support along with a slew of negative ads targeting his large nose. ''Politicians used to be elected based on merit, but now the election process has turned into such a sham! One single ad-hominem attack is all it takes to tarnish an honorable politician's career. Not to be nosy, but the government should step in and prevent the media from advertising attack ads and political campaigns from producing them. I can hear the complaints now: 'blah blah free speech, blah blah censorship', but if that's the price to pay to restore honour to politics, then so be it."

''If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen,'' vents political strategist @@RANDOMNAME@@, who was the mastermind behind your most recent election victory. ''Perhaps the reason the MP lost support was not because of negative campaigning, but rather poor policies and performance. Attack adverts are as old as politics itself and are no more rampant or influential today than than they've ever been - leave them be. I've even taken the liberty of producing a smear campaign for you to use regarding your main opponent being an East Lebatuckese spy who is also part of an illegal organ harvesting cult.''

''Have you ever thought that maybe there's a good reason @@NAME@@ is gripped by the magic of attack ads?'' questions sleazy television executive @@RANDOMNAME@@. ''We love filth! We love drama! These issues like 'climate change,' 'corruption,' 'deteriorating relations with Maxtopia,' they're real downers and will they ever REALLY be solved? Surely @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ agree - politics is a spectacle and a blood sport, and one that needs to be drenched in more garbage, not less. We shall make the politics of @@NAME@@ the greatest reality show in @@REGION@@! Heck, we can even use that Question Period footage that featured the Opposition Leader getting egged and that random MP smashing a chair on the Interior Minister for our opening title!''

Issue by: The Socialist Federal Republic of Czechostan
Editor: Nation of Quebec

I can confirm that the character in option one is @@RANDOMMALENAME@@. It's not a given name.

Hmm. Neither "Ivan" nor "Ruff" are on the name list. New ones then (or at least ones not listed yet)!

[Arendia]

Issue #524, name: Something Is Rotten In The State Of @@NATION@@

Issue by: The Unstoppable Force of Kainesia
Editor: Gnejs

[Keskinen]

Just got Issue #530 too.

Issue #530: Regenerative Permaculture Emergence
The Issue

Guerilla gardening - that is, illegal trespass onto unused or blighted urban land with the express intention of horticultural cultivation - is on the rise in @@NATION@@. Activists have in particular focused their campaigns against the properties of the largest and most environmentally destructive corporations.

The Debate

1. "This is a protest, dude, to draw attention to the abuse of Mother Earth with ad-hoc environmental entrepreneurship," explains self-professed eco-agorist @@RANDOMNAME@@, trowel in one hand and manifesto in the other. "We're taking back the land from those that despoil and destroy, and making life instead. Just turn a blind eye and let the counter-economy address these criminally polluting companies through direct action. Give peas a chance, man!"

2. "I had just spent millions of @@CURRENCY@@ on clear-cutting that manky old rainforest and putting up a brand new parking lot for my valued customers and employees, when these filthy garden-variety criminals came along. They used jackhammers in the dead of night and tore up my pristine asphalt sea!" explains oppressed big-business executive Buy Summers, while caressing the spine of an Ayn Bland novel like a pet. "Instead of a beautiful ocean of shiny automobiles on a plain of black tar, there's now ugly grass, flowers and apple saplings! Lock up these trespassers! Better yet, sentence them to hard labour putting things back how they should be."

3. "Look, everybody loves broccoli, but we can't just let people grow food without permission!" notes @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Agricultural Minister. "Forget the trespassing: these maniacs are growing runner beans that are sometimes a whole inch longer than industry regulations allow! What this country needs is strict new laws and more agents to enforce them in order to properly regulate this regenerative trend and ensure that any and all gardens being planted are conforming to official standards. These guerrilla farmers can't be trusted to act responsibly; only through wise cultivation under my agency's guidance can we properly manage agriculture."

Issue by: Esternarx
Editor: Candlewhisper Archive

I think I got all the macros here again, I'm not sure if the name "Buy Summers" is a random or not, I don't remember seeing "Buy" in the names list last time I checked.

[Christian Democrats]

Issues #524-530 have been added. In addition, I've added three first names (Daniel, Louis, Ivan) and one last name (Ruff) to the @@RANDOMNAME@@ lists.

[Australian rePublic]

Issue 530
Regenerative Permaculture Emergence

The Issue

Guerilla gardening - that is, illegal trespass onto unused or blighted urban land with the express intention of horticultural cultivation - is on the rise in Australian Republic. Activists have in particular focused their campaigns against the properties of the largest and most environmentally destructive corporations.

The Debate

"This is a protest, dude, to draw attention to the abuse of Mother Earth with ad-hoc environmental entrepreneurship," explains self-professed eco-agorist Buy Goethe, trowel in one hand and manifesto in the other. "We're taking back the land from those that despoil and destroy, and making life instead. Just turn a blind eye and let the counter-economy address these criminally polluting companies through direct action. Give peas a chance, man!"

Accept

"I had just spent millions of Australian Dollars on clear-cutting that manky old rainforest and putting up a brand new parking lot for my valued customers and employees, when these filthy garden-variety criminals came along. They used jackhammers in the dead of night and tore up my pristine asphalt sea!" explains oppressed big-business executive Emily de Vries, while caressing the spine of an Ayn Bland novel like a pet. "Instead of a beautiful ocean of shiny automobiles on a plain of black tar, there's now ugly grass, flowers and apple saplings! Lock up these trespassers! Better yet, sentence them to hard labour putting things back how they should be."

Accept

"Look, everybody loves broccoli, but we can't just let people grow food without permission!" notes Jacob Christianity, your Agricultural Minister. "Forget the trespassing: these maniacs are growing runner beans that are sometimes a whole inch longer than industry regulations allow! What this country needs is strict new laws and more agents to enforce them in order to properly regulate this regenerative trend and ensure that any and all gardens being planted are conforming to official standards. These guerrilla farmers can't be trusted to act responsibly; only through wise cultivation under my agency's guidance can we properly manage agriculture."

Accept

Dismiss This Issue

Issue by: Esternarx
Editor: Candlewhisper Archive

[Candlewhisper Archive]

You're making assumptions about what the game code allows for. Nation classifications can't be referenced, as far as I'm aware

That's weird, considering that many easter egg issues are triggered by the national classifications.

You're quite right, Sedge flagged that for me after I made that post.

However, I still don't think it'd be possible to identify nations as monarchies or not based on pretitle, given the many custom possibilities. An on/off flag seems a lot easier.

Anyway, we're cluttering the spoiler thread here. I suggest if you want to continue this conversation, we move it elsewhere.

[Annihilators of Chan Island]

Bit late to this train (RL got in the way) but I'm please to have a 6th issue in the game. It's one I quite enjoyed writing and it's pretty close to what I originally had too

[Kaboomlandia]

#532: Desert Island Risks

An anonymous whistle-blower has released thousands of documents detailing how law firms in the tiny tropical island nation of Manamana helped politicians and businesspeople from Kaboomlandia hide millions of Endorsements in undeclared income. The scandal, dubbed the "Manamana Memos" by the media, has rocked Kaboomlandia, as it involves several famous figures, including world leaders and public officials linked to your government.

The Debate

"This is clearly a law enforcement issue," muses Margaret Wu, head of the Financial Crimes division. "This is a reflection of the state of neglect my division finds itself in. We need more manpower, state of the art computer systems, new vehicles, maybe some snappy new uniforms, and of course, new legislation that gives us broader powers to investigate financial crimes, including the subpoenaing and wiretapping of suspects. Give us the resources we need and I'll have those fat cats paying their taxes in no time."

"Oh my Violet! What is this communist madness?" screams Alistair Sid, the blue-haired and googly-eyed senior-partner at one of the implicated law firms. "My clients are furious! What kind of country is this when you can't even have assets abroad without the press snooping on them?" He pauses to tear up a packet of chocolate chips, devouring all of them voraciously before continuing his tirade. "Me want you to make this go away, King Wulfric II. Journalists should have no right to publish private financial data of politicians and corporations; it's a breach of privacy and public trust! Prosecute all the journalists and so-called whistle-blowers responsible for this! Oh Violet, it looks like I picked the wrong week to quit dropping spunkmeyers, om nom nom nom."

"The problem is capitalism," argues social activist and Kaboomlandia's oldest politician 'Colonel' Ernie Flanders. "We wouldn't be in this mess if tax havens weren't allowed in the first place. It is outrageous! Multinational corporations and the top one percent can suck the wealth from our country dry and then take it offshore to some so-called financial paradise to avoid paying taxes. We need capital controls to prevent economic collapse so we don't end up in an economic mess like Bigtopia. We need to wage war against this corrupt system! Outlaw this practice at once!"

"The problem is government and King Wulfric II's incompetence," counters noted billionaire Edward Rump, who was coincidentally listed in the Manamana Memos. "People come up to me all the time and tell me that they take their money abroad because they are tired of dealing with the draconian tax code and endless bureaucracy in this country. In order for Kaboomlandia to be great again, we need to prosper and be wealthy. In order to be wealthy, by the way I love the wealthy, we need to simplify the tax code and lower taxes. Freedom will ring and it'll be amazing. So amazing."

Written: Hell Bovines
Edited: Nation of Quebec

[Barbarossistan]

we have #531 on deck!

The Issue

After a newscaster insulted the Crown Prince live on TV, saying that His Royal Highness was both fat and ugly, furious monarchists have demanded that lèse majesté laws prosecute the newscaster for defaming the Royal Family.
The Debate

"His Royal Highness weighs a modest 100 kilograms, not 200 like that Barbarossistan-hating swine claims!" spits court photographer Bharatendu Winters. "And the Crown Prince's eleventh finger and atypical jaw add character! It's right and proper that traitors like that newscaster be in prison. The Royal Family deserves everyone's respect, because an attack on the dignity of the monarchy is an attack on the dignity of the state. For the good of the Holy Red Empire, our reigning dynasty must be protected from all slander, even if said slander is technically true."

"Absolute nonsense," retorts miniature wargamer Ollie Crumbwell, setting aside his army of new models to speak with you. "Lèse Majesté laws are medieval and backward. People should be allowed to say whatever they like about the Royals. Their fancy titles and tiaras shouldn't protect them from criticism, because our leading political figures need to know what the people really think about them. Otherwise they'll become completely out of touch. That means Barbarossistanians have every right to mock the Crown Prince's hacking cough and missing nose."

Issue by: The Crowned Commonwealth of Nuremgard
Editor: Lenyo

[Eahland]

532 macros added:

The Issue

An anonymous whistle-blower has released thousands of documents detailing how law firms in the tiny tropical island nation of Manamana helped politicians and businesspeople from @@NAME@@ hide millions of @@CURRENCY@@s in undeclared income. The scandal, dubbed the "Manamana Memos" by the media, has rocked @@NAME@@, as it involves several famous figures, including world leaders and public officials linked to your government.

The Debate

1. "This is clearly a law enforcement issue," muses @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the Financial Crimes division. "This is a reflection of the state of neglect my division finds itself in. We need more manpower, state of the art computer systems, new vehicles, maybe some snappy new uniforms, and of course, new legislation that gives us broader powers to investigate financial crimes, including the subpoenaing and wiretapping of suspects. Give us the resources we need and I'll have those fat cats paying their taxes in no time."

2. "Oh my Violet! What is this communist madness?" screams Alistair Sid, the blue-haired and googly-eyed senior-partner at one of the implicated law firms. "My clients are furious! What kind of country is this when you can't even have assets abroad without the press snooping on them?" He pauses to tear up a packet of chocolate chips, devouring all of them voraciously before continuing his tirade. "Me want you to make this go away, @@LEADER@@. Journalists should have no right to publish private financial data of politicians and corporations; it's a breach of privacy and public trust! Prosecute all the journalists and so-called whistle-blowers responsible for this! Oh Violet, it looks like I picked the wrong week to quit dropping spunkmeyers, om nom nom nom."

3. "The problem is capitalism," argues social activist and @@NAME@@'s oldest politician 'Colonel' Ernie Flanders. "We wouldn't be in this mess if tax havens weren't allowed in the first place. It is outrageous! Multinational corporations and the top one percent can suck the wealth from our country dry and then take it offshore to some so-called financial paradise to avoid paying taxes. We need capital controls to prevent economic collapse so we don't end up in an economic mess like Bigtopia. We need to wage war against this corrupt system! Outlaw this practice at once!"

4. "The problem is government and @@LEADER@@'s incompetence," counters noted billionaire Edward Rump, who was coincidentally listed in the Manamana Memos. "People come up to me all the time and tell me that they take their money abroad because they are tired of dealing with the draconian tax code and endless bureaucracy in this country. In order for @@NAME@@ to be great again, we need to prosper and be wealthy. In order to be wealthy, by the way I love the wealthy, we need to simplify the tax code and lower taxes. Freedom will ring and it'll be amazing. So amazing."

Names are fixed except the first one. I'm not sure what Cookie Monster is doing in this issue, or why he's named Alistair Sid, but the others are clearly plays on "Colonel" Harlan Sanders and Donald Trump. (Is anyone else finding that they have knee-jerk hostile reactions to any option presented by Rump?)

I got "Mark Trax" for the random, which is another previously undocumented first name.

[Drasnia]

#534: Too Few Cooks In The Kitchen

The Issue

Following the most recent election, it has come to your attention that some politicians ran unopposed. Some ridings still remain without a representative due to an incredible lack of interest. As apathy rises, you have been called to fix what many are calling a "broken system".

The Debate

"I'm disappointed that people don't participate in government," sighs high school civics teacher @@RANDOMNAME@@ while trying to squeeze past your bodyguards. "We can't practice democracy if we don't have a choice to make! Here's my solution: elected positions should not be filled until there are multiple candidates. Why not funnel some funding towards encouraging people to stand for election? You could pay people a stipend for taking the time out to run for office, and have a pot of money to pay campaigning expenses of those too poor to fund themselves."

A retinue of burly guards clear out all the citizens from your office as the boisterous mayor of Boktor walks in. "The fact that I have won the last five elections because I was the only candidate means nothing. Actually, it means that the people love me too much to challenge me because I'm the best dang mayor this city's ever had! Don't fix the system, King Rhodar, because the system ain't broken. It ought to be left in the hands of people like ourselves who know how to get things done."

"Nobody wants to run for office because nobody wants to be in the government," replies your mother as she tries to make dinner plans with you. "Think about it. When was the last time someone who actually presented a challenge ran against you? When I was raising you and your siblings, I'd settle who got to play with the toys by drawing straws, and I think we can use the same approach. People from all over Drasnia could be chosen at random to fill a government office for a fixed term. As an added bonus, it would root out the corrupt career politicians and opportunists, since they couldn't run for office anymore. Sure, these new people aren't as qualified, but fair's fair, right?"

"Look at this cat video!" exclaims your easily distracted brother while showing you a video of a kitten being potty trained. "The thing is, Drasnians are too dumb to figure out the issues, let alone the right candidate. Do you really think the average Joe cares about the ongoing oil crisis in Maxtopia or increasing tensions with East Lebatuck? All they care about is making sure they have a slice of pizza while watching their shows. Wouldn't it be easier if you picked the candidates for your Party and screened out the undesirables? The Opposition can of course implement similar rules for their parties. Oh, look, a squirrel!" Your brother runs outside your office and begins to chase a squirrel around a tree.

"Ha ha! The kitty thinks it's people!" squees your rather shallow niece after picking up her father's phone. "Isn't it cute? Way cuter than any of those ugly politicians I was supposed to support last election. It would be so much easier for me if I didn't have to worry about voting. With all that time I would save, I could start a vlog!"

Author: Drasnia
Editor: Nation of Quebec

I got another issue accepted in the game!

[Trotterdam]

Well. A new issue has this effect line:

future leaders of @@NAME@@ regularly dismiss pressing political issues when available options don't conform to their worldview

Time to panic?

Then again, we can probably just dismiss it

[Drawkland]

Well. A new issue has this effect line:

future leaders of @@NAME@@ regularly dismiss pressing political issues when available options don't conform to their worldview

Time to panic?

Then again, we can probably just dismiss it

I can't wait to see this issue. I'd bet it's really meta.

[Phydios]

#533 spotted! I left the names as is, because I rarely know whether a name is random or fixed.

Hearsay Heresy

The Issue

In a recent high profile trial in @@CAPITAL@@, notorious mobster Maxine 'The Octopus' Barryotti was accused of murder, racketeering, grand theft, and jaywalking. The trial ended in acquittal on all counts after several witnesses - who had given detailed and damning out-of-court statements to police - failed to come to court. The prosecutor's office has now come to you demanding that @@NAME@@ review its laws regarding the use of out-of-court statements.

The Debate

"What a miscarriage of justice!" shouts disgruntled district attorney Haley Dent, as she flings a huge stack of police reports on your desk. "Look at all of these great statements made by a dozen witnesses, but now that jerk Maxine goes free just because they didn't personally show up. You know how hard it is to wrangle up a dozen witnesses for trial? Like herding bats! That trial should have ended in a guilty verdict after five minutes, but the way things are it's a coin-flip whether justice is done or not. If a witness makes a report to a cop, that cop should be able to testify to what was said."

"You can't be serious!" cries family attorney Tam Hagen, who defended Barryotti. "Don't you realize we have this rule against out-of-court statements for a reason? A person can only have a fair trial if they get to confront their accuser face to face in open court. Sometimes the reason witnesses don't show up to trial is that they know they were lying to police all along! Allowing in all of these out-of-court statements will mean more innocent people get convicted. Sure, sometimes a guilty person will go free... ahem, not my client of course, but some actually guilty person. But isn't it better a thousand guilty people go free than to wrongfully convict even a single person?"

"All of this is too complicated," interrupts Mark Commodus, an imperious-seeming minister, "and this right here is why people are so darn sick of all these courts and legal shenanigans. Seems like any way you slice it, dumb rules get in the way of justice. I propose a third way: bring back trial by ordeal! Let the accused wrestle with a @@ANIMAL@@, and if they win they didn't do it and get to go free. If they lose, we lock up or bury whatever remains. It's a foolproof system that our ancestors used for a thousand years, and I'll tell ya, they didn't waste a pretty penny on it!"

Issue by: The Pristine Utopian Republic of Losthaven
Editor: Candlewhisper Archive

[Nation of Quebec]

532 macros added:

The Issue

An anonymous whistle-blower has released thousands of documents detailing how law firms in the tiny tropical island nation of Manamana helped politicians and businesspeople from @@NAME@@ hide millions of @@CURRENCY@@s in undeclared income. The scandal, dubbed the "Manamana Memos" by the media, has rocked @@NAME@@, as it involves several famous figures, including world leaders and public officials linked to your government.

The Debate

1. "This is clearly a law enforcement issue," muses @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the Financial Crimes division. "This is a reflection of the state of neglect my division finds itself in. We need more manpower, state of the art computer systems, new vehicles, maybe some snappy new uniforms, and of course, new legislation that gives us broader powers to investigate financial crimes, including the subpoenaing and wiretapping of suspects. Give us the resources we need and I'll have those fat cats paying their taxes in no time."

2. "Oh my Violet! What is this communist madness?" screams Alistair Sid, the blue-haired and googly-eyed senior-partner at one of the implicated law firms. "My clients are furious! What kind of country is this when you can't even have assets abroad without the press snooping on them?" He pauses to tear up a packet of chocolate chips, devouring all of them voraciously before continuing his tirade. "Me want you to make this go away, @@LEADER@@. Journalists should have no right to publish private financial data of politicians and corporations; it's a breach of privacy and public trust! Prosecute all the journalists and so-called whistle-blowers responsible for this! Oh Violet, it looks like I picked the wrong week to quit dropping spunkmeyers, om nom nom nom."

3. "The problem is capitalism," argues social activist and @@NAME@@'s oldest politician 'Colonel' Ernie Flanders. "We wouldn't be in this mess if tax havens weren't allowed in the first place. It is outrageous! Multinational corporations and the top one percent can suck the wealth from our country dry and then take it offshore to some so-called financial paradise to avoid paying taxes. We need capital controls to prevent economic collapse so we don't end up in an economic mess like Bigtopia. We need to wage war against this corrupt system! Outlaw this practice at once!"

4. "The problem is government and @@LEADER@@'s incompetence," counters noted billionaire Edward Rump, who was coincidentally listed in the Manamana Memos. "People come up to me all the time and tell me that they take their money abroad because they are tired of dealing with the draconian tax code and endless bureaucracy in this country. In order for @@NAME@@ to be great again, we need to prosper and be wealthy. In order to be wealthy, by the way I love the wealthy, we need to simplify the tax code and lower taxes. Freedom will ring and it'll be amazing. So amazing."

Names are fixed except the first one. I'm not sure what Cookie Monster is doing in this issue, or why he's named Alistair Sid, but the others are clearly plays on "Colonel" Harlan Sanders and Donald Trump. (Is anyone else finding that they have knee-jerk hostile reactions to any option presented by Rump?)

I got "Mark Trax" for the random, which is another previously undocumented first name.

You'll have to ask Gnejs about Alistair Sid in #2 as he was the one who suggested that name.

As the editor I can tell you that 'Colonel" Ernie Flanders is actually three references in one name. The first, as you mentioned, is to KFC founder Harlan Sanders. The second reference is to Bernie Sanders (which is where the Ernie and social activist comes from). The third is a reference to our favorite animated neighborino Ned Flanders, although the last one is less obvious.

#1 is a random name.

[Trotterdam]

Editor: Candlewhisper Archive

Congratulations to Candlewhisper Archive for now having edited more issues than he's written.

That was fast.

I can't wait to see this issue. I'd bet it's really meta.

Unfortunately, it seems to be rather rare. So far I've only spotted it once, on Toastedmonkainia, who at least is not the original author, and also does not seem likely to be an editor's puppet.

EDIT: Now also spotted on Ballotonia, an admin. Still waiting to see what else the issue can do.

EDIT 2: Another option has been spotted on Almonaster Nuevo!

NationStates staff are easily recognizable by their gold-plated mansions

I should still emphasize that this is not and easter egg issue like #430. Or if it is, they forgot to tag it as one.

EDIT 3: I spotted a third option on the issue, but I'm going to stop reporting them for now. I will say, though, that it's even more hilarious.

[Frenequesta]

#533 spotted! I left the names as is, because I rarely know whether a name is random or fixed.

Hearsay Heresy

The Issue

In a recent high profile trial in @@CAPITAL@@, notorious mobster Maxine 'The Octopus' Barryotti was accused of murder, racketeering, grand theft, and jaywalking. The trial ended in acquittal on all counts after several witnesses - who had given detailed and damning out-of-court statements to police - failed to come to court. The prosecutor's office has now come to you demanding that @@NAME@@ review its laws regarding the use of out-of-court statements.

The Debate

"What a miscarriage of justice!" shouts disgruntled district attorney Haley Dent, as she flings a huge stack of police reports on your desk. "Look at all of these great statements made by a dozen witnesses, but now that jerk Maxine goes free just because they didn't personally show up. You know how hard it is to wrangle up a dozen witnesses for trial? Like herding bats! That trial should have ended in a guilty verdict after five minutes, but the way things are it's a coin-flip whether justice is done or not. If a witness makes a report to a cop, that cop should be able to testify to what was said."

"You can't be serious!" cries family attorney Tam Hagen, who defended Barryotti. "Don't you realize we have this rule against out-of-court statements for a reason? A person can only have a fair trial if they get to confront their accuser face to face in open court. Sometimes the reason witnesses don't show up to trial is that they know they were lying to police all along! Allowing in all of these out-of-court statements will mean more innocent people get convicted. Sure, sometimes a guilty person will go free... ahem, not my client of course, but some actually guilty person. But isn't it better a thousand guilty people go free than to wrongfully convict even a single person?"

"All of this is too complicated," interrupts Mark Commodus, an imperious-seeming minister, "and this right here is why people are so darn sick of all these courts and legal shenanigans. Seems like any way you slice it, dumb rules get in the way of justice. I propose a third way: bring back trial by ordeal! Let the accused wrestle with a @@ANIMAL@@, and if they win they didn't do it and get to go free. If they lose, we lock up or bury whatever remains. It's a foolproof system that our ancestors used for a thousand years, and I'll tell ya, they didn't waste a pretty penny on it!"

Issue by: The Pristine Utopian Republic of Losthaven
Editor: Candlewhisper Archive

Got the issue too on one of my puppets. None of the names are random.

[Santonilica]

#527!

The Body Politic
The Issue

DNA testing on the remains of King Oswyn V, the last king of @@NAME@@, traced his lineage to a local man in a poor district of @@CAPITAL@@. Flustered by the news, hardline republicans and medieval cosplayers alike have petitioned your office.
The Debate

1. "Momma! Momma! Git the whiskey! No! The gud kind!" says @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, the newly-found heir to the House of Ood. "Well, it's about time that my royal 'eritarge is recugnized! I declare myself the absolute ruler of @@NAME@@ as Yer Majesty King Rex! I will be the most high and most excellent king @@NAME@@ has ever had! @@LEADER@@, I want your house, and I'm turning it into a palace fit for roy-yal-tee." He then turns to your young secretary. "And darling, if you want to be a Queen, just hit me up."

2. "Uh... well, your majesty, that's a bit drastic," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a prolific jouster and part-time mutton farmer. "How about instead of an absolute monarchy, we install King... Rex as a constitutional monarch. That way competent politicians run the country, but we all have a national symbol to rally behind. And imagine having an actual king open all of the medieval fayres in @@NAME@@. My mutton sales will go through the roof!"

3. "Liberté, égalité, fraternité!" yells @@RANDOMNAME@@ from a soapbox outside the National Historical Museum. "Our foundation as a great country, our very success started when that tyrant Oswyn was violently ripped apart by blackout drunk peasants! To prevent reactionaries from poisoning the nation with outdated traditions, we need to denounce monarchy for the sham it is!"

Issue by: The Commonwealth of Free Equatorial Nations
Editor: Lenyo

What if Santonilica is already a Crowned Republic with a Doge instead of a King as the ceremonial head-of-state? How am I supposed to respond to this issue?

[Trotterdam]

What if Santonilica is already a Crowned Republic with a Doge instead of a King as the ceremonial head-of-state? How am I supposed to respond to this issue?

By dismissing it like it deserves.

Unfortunately, I come to you bearing tidings of another issue on this subject:

#531 Lèse Majesté Maladies

The Issue

After a newscaster insulted the Crown Prince live on TV, saying that His Royal Highness was both fat and ugly, furious monarchists have demanded that lèse majesté laws prosecute the newscaster for defaming the Royal Family.

The Debate

1. "His Royal Highness weighs a modest 100 kilograms, not 200 like that @@NAME@@-hating swine claims!" spits court photographer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "And the Crown Prince's eleventh finger and atypical jaw add character! It's right and proper that traitors like that newscaster be in prison. The Royal Family deserves everyone's respect, because an attack on the dignity of the monarchy is an attack on the dignity of the state. For the good of the @@TYPE@@, our reigning dynasty must be protected from all slander, even if said slander is technically true."

2. "Absolute nonsense," retorts miniature wargamer Ollie Crumbwell, setting aside his army of new models to speak with you. "Lèse Majesté laws are medieval and backward. People should be allowed to say whatever they like about the Royals. Their fancy titles and tiaras shouldn't protect them from criticism, because our leading political figures need to know what the people really think about them. Otherwise they'll become completely out of touch. That means @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have every right to mock the Crown Prince's hacking cough and missing nose."

Issue by: Nuremgard
Editor: Lenyo

So basically, this issue covers the same topic as #277, #275, #039, and #307, except specific to "monarchies".

Yes, the title has two non-ASCII characters. (Still in ISO-8859-1.)

Ollie Crumbwell is not a random name.

I haven't found #535 yet. That's the one I really want to see.

[Blargoblarg]

Found #535!

NationStates Destroys @@NAME@@ Economy

The Issue

Productivity numbers in @@NAME@@ are plummeting, while employees are found slacking off on the job playing online games. A game called NationStates is especially blamed for the loss of an enormous amount of man-hours per day.

The Debate

1."This game is an outrage!" says pointy-haired IT-manager Daniel Olaf Santos, who was recently permabanned from the site for repeated trolling and excessive picspam of phallic images. "Too many people waste their time playing silly simulation games and discussing LOLcats and transgenderism when they should be spending their time productively. Our economy cannot afford this nonsense; let us get rid of those online games, NationStates in particular!"

2."Oh, no... oh, no... You can't take away my NationStates! I've got to have my NationStates!" pleads @@RANDOMNAME@@, a prominent figure within the site's Conquer/Reclaim sub-culture. "Uhhh... I mean, uhhh... playing a game is just harmless fun, really, and it works great to reduce stress or helps one to get through a boring day at the office. What we need to do is improve the financial conditions for the people running the site, so they can give us even more features! That'll make all of us happier, and there's nothing better for productivity than a cheerful workforce, right?"

3."I'll have you know that NationStates can be used for all sorts of productive purposes," insists @@RANDOMNAME@@, who looks suspiciously similar to site owner and operator Max Barry, apart from the fake moustache. "It can be a useful educational tool if integrated in school classes on politics and civics, for example. Just imagine it: an entire generation of tech-savvy youngsters armed with first-hand knowledge on how to navigate complex political issues. @@NAME@@ would be the envy of @@REGION@@. What are you waiting for, @@LEADER@@, make NationStates a mandatory part of the curriculum in all schools!"

Issue by: The Free Democracy of Ballotonia
Editor: Gnejs

Not sure if I got all the variables correct, I may have missed a few.

[Trotterdam]

NationStates Destroys @@NAME@@ Economy

Are you sure about this macro? It seems like it should be "@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@" (or maybe "@@NAME@@'s"), so is that your mistake or the editors'?

Fortunately, answered issue titles remain visible in your notices (provided you didn't turn those off).

EDIT: Naturally, I also got some BBCode wrong while making this post.

[Luna Amore]

NationStates Destroys @@NAME@@ Economy

Are you sure about this macro? It seems like it should be "@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@" (or maybe "@@NAME@@'s"), so is that your mistake or the editors'?

Fortunately, answered issue titles remain visible in your notices (provided you didn't turn those off).

EDIT: Naturally, I also got some BBCode wrong while making this post.

Ha! Small detail that was overlooked. The issue was originally written in 2003. The macro just never got updated in the finished issue. Fixed.

[Blargoblarg]

NationStates Destroys @@NAME@@ Economy

Are you sure about this macro? It seems like it should be "@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@" (or maybe "@@NAME@@'s"), so is that your mistake or the editors'?

Fortunately, answered issue titles remain visible in your notices (provided you didn't turn those off).

EDIT: Naturally, I also got some BBCode wrong while making this post.

I don't know, my demonym is Blargoblarger, and it said "NationStates Destroys Blargoblarg Economy" when I got this issue.