[SUBMITTED MONTHS AGO] Vexing Vexillology

[Ransium]

I saw all the cool editors writing their own issues and wanted to join the party...

Obvious inspiration.

title: Vexing Vexillology
validity: all

text: It's a beautiful day and you find yourself curiously without anything to do. Nervously, you check the hallway for corrupt politicians demanding tax cuts to distract from their wrong doings, bloodthirsty Violetists demanding human sacrifice, or roving motorcyclist gangs with odd hats. Upon finding the coast clear, you call your secretary to see what far-flung locale you're scheduled to visit, but there's nothing on your schedule. Flummoxed, you decide to kick your feet up and listen to the radio.

option: "This is One Percent Visible, and I'm your host Greek Ares," the broadcaster narrates with soothing music mix in the background. "Municipal flags are often atrociously designed gaudy messes of city seals and ill-conceived symbolism. This scourge of bad flags must be fixed. @@NAME@@ needs a national committee to assure all local flags are simple, use meaningful symbolism, only have a few basic colors, have no words or seals, and are distinctive. It may seem frivolous, but a good flag is a banner for people to rally under to face more important things."
effect: city governments dread a visit from the central government's vexillological police

option: "Is there nothing the central government won't involve itself in?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Bureaucratic Reduction, who happened to overhear the broadcast while tenuring @@his@@ resignation. "Cities should manage city affairs and that's that. In fact, the central government should look for all the ways possible to devolve power to local governments. Let the people on the ground make the decisions that matter."
effect: individual cities have begun printing their own city-specific currency at the central government's behest

option: "The only flag we need is the @@DEMONYMADJCTIVE@@ flag!" cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, your overly patriotic cousin dressed in a one-piece, @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag emblazoned spandex-suit. "Ban all local flags! People should identify with @@NAME@@ and @@NAME@@ alone. Boosting city or regional identity only kindles counterproductive inter-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ rivalries that are a detriment to overall cooperation."
effect: the outlawed @@CAPITAL@@ flag is used as symbol of protest against the central government

[A Humanist Resurrection]

title: Vexing Vexillology
validity: all

text: It's a beautiful day and you find yourself curiously without anything to do. Nervously, you check the hallway for corrupt politicians, holier-than-thou clergy members, or roving motorcyclist gangs with odd hats. Upon finding the coast clear, you call your secretary to see what remote forest, bustling factory, or underfunded school you're scheduled to visit, but there's nothing on your schedule. Flummoxed, you decide to check your voicemail.

option: The first message is a sonorous voice, accompanied by well-mixed music, "Hello. This is (?)your voicemail, and I'm Greek Neptune. Municipal flags are often atrociously designed gaudy messes of city seals and ill-conceived symbolism. This scourge of bad flags must be fixed. @@NAME@@ needs a national committee to assure all local flags,are simple, use meaningful symbolism, only have a few basic colors, have no words or seals, and are distinctive. It may seem frivolous, but a good flag isis a banner for people to rally under to face more important things."
effect: city governments dread a visit from the central government's vexillological police

[who/what is "Greek Neptune" and why is it telling me I'm listening to my own voicemail? What's the connection that makes the topic of flags not completely random?]

[Oh, right. "Roman Mars." Let's go ahead and pretend that I intentionally didn't read the "obvious" inspiration so as to demonstrate how, once that link is unavailable in a published version of the issue, a lot of people might not get the joke. I watch/listen to TED pretty frequently, and still had no idea who this guy is.

And even if everyone knew who he was, "Roman Mars" actually does sound like a person's name. To be honest, "Greek Neptune?" Not so much.]

option: "Is there nothing the central government won't involve itself in?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Bureaucratic Reduction, who happened to have overheard the voicemail while tenuring his resignation,. "Cities should manage city affairs and that's that. In fact, the central government should look for all the ways possible to devolve power to local governments. Let the people on the ground make the decisions that matter."
effect: individual cities have begun printing their own city-specific currency at the central government's behest

option: "The only flag we need is the @@DEMONYMADJCTIVE@@ flag!" cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, your overly patriotic cousin who is currently dressed in a one-piece, @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag emblazoned spandex-suit. "Ban all local flags! People 's identities should be should identify with @@NAME@@ and @@NAME@@ alone. Boosting city or regional identity only kindles counterproductive inter-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ rivalries that are a detriment to overall cooperation."
effect: the outlawed @@CAPITAL@@ flag is used as symbol of protest against the central government

[Trotterdam]

It's a good thing that city flags are ugly. That way the good designs aren't taken in case an actual nation, whose flag you might reasonably expect to see more than once every four blue moons, wants to use one.

"This your voicemail, and I'm Greek Neptune.

No, Neptune is still Roman. The Greek equivalent is Poseidon

Also, does anyone actually start a recording with "this is your voicemail"?

@@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Bureaucratic Reduction, who happened to have overheard the voicemail while tenuring his resignation

Macros only work if you use them

And, umm, the stuff A Humanist Resurrection said. I'm embarrassed to admit I missed most of those corrections.

[Ransium]

Roman always starts his podcast with "Hello, this is 99 percent invisible, and I'm Roman Mars." Not sure I'm bothered by the fact that 99 percent of won't get this joke, but I'll think it over tonight.

[Caracasus]

How about an anarchist option? Completely doing away with flags?

[Ransium]

How about an anarchist option? Completely doing away with flags?

But unless we're deleting the nation's flag the option is clearly meaningless.

[Ransium]

I've made some alterations to try to ease peoples mild concern that nobody will have a clue what's going on in 1. I'll see if I can work more humor into this new structure later.

[Helaw]

The [desc] is, well, fairly redundant.

[Trotterdam]

How about an anarchist option? Completely doing away with flags?

But anarchists love flags! They're so flammable!

[Ransium]

I've made some adjustments to make the opening get to the point a bit faster while maintaining the overall tone and humor

[Pogaria]

I just wanted to say that I like this issue. The current text looks to be more or less finished.

[Australian rePublic]

I like this issue, but, some municipalities outside of America have kick-arse flags. Also, Ares is the God of war. I don't think that a radio DJ would name himself after the god of war

[Ransium]

I like this issue, but, some municipalities outside of America have kick-arse flags. Also, Ares is the God of war. I don't think that a radio DJ would name himself after the god of war

http://romanmars.com/

Also see link to ted talk in the 1st post.

[Australian rePublic]

I like this issue, but, some municipalities outside of America have kick-arse flags. Also, Ares is the God of war. I don't think that a radio DJ would name himself after the god of war

http://romanmars.com/

Also see link to ted talk in the 1st post.

I see

[Caracasus]

How about an anarchist option? Completely doing away with flags?

But anarchists love flags! They're so flammable!

Hell, if I can't burn a flag then it's not my revolution!

I was considering a sort of "why do we need flags anyway?" option. Although you're right - that would cause some difficulty.

[Yatzatz]

Maybe add an option for a non-Government commitee designing and approving the flags instead of the government.

[Fauxia]

Shouldn’t there be a comma after day in the description?

Please don’t DEAT me if I’m wrong

In any case, I like the issue a lot.

[Australian rePublic]

Option 3- why would an ultra-patriot oppose local flags?

[Ransium]

The issue has been submitted a while ago, let's just drop it and let whoever decides to edit it, if anyone does deal with the issue.

[Fauxia]

The issue has been submitted a while ago, let's just drop it and let whoever decides to edit it, if anyone does deal with the issue.

Can you update the thread title to reflect that?