NationStates

EDIT: I've submitted it. Thank you all for feedback!

Greetings! I'm writing an issue and would like some feedback on what I should improve on, or change the issue.

(Thank you to Cymrea for correcting the draft. ) (I've also changed the 'milk part' to "made from the milk of the @@DENOMYN@@ Cow and the validity to 'Nations that have not banned cheese')

Title: Cheesy Troubles

Description: After a recent scandal over the origin of the cheese and its name, DeliCo and local farmers of Ashburn County in rural @@NAME@@ are campaigning to protect their prime export. At the heart of the debate: one of @@NAME@@’s most famous cheeses, the @@DENOMYN@@ Red @@ANIMAL@@ Cheese, made from the milk of the @@DENOMYN@@ Cow.

Validity: Nations that have not banned cheese

[option]”Protect our beloved @@DENOMYN@@ Red @@ANIMAL@@ Cheese!” exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a farmer from Ashburn County and winner of the 290th @@DEMONYN@@ Cheese Production Contest. “These foreigners take one of our famous cheeses and slap some ‘ @@DEMONYN@@ ingredients on it! I suggest that we fine them if they insult our tradition of making fine cheeses. While you’re at it, give us a regional trademark for it so that no-one can abuse our cheeses.”
[effect]Foreign Companies are afraid to mention @@DEMONYN@@ in their products in fear of being fined by @@NAME@@.

[option]”Nonsense!” shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, while eating Bigtopian Blue Cheese with crackers. “We should have the right to use the word @@DEMONYN@@ for anything, really. Imagine a world where we can’t use foreign names for the fear of being fined! Think of the cheese businesses!”
[effect]The average consumer has trouble telling the difference from foreign and domestic food.

Brillnuck wrote:@@DENOMYN@@ Red @@ANIMAL@@ Cheese

Considering my national animal already has the adjective "red" in its name, this could look pretty odd

Edited for spelling and punctuation and some sentence structure.

Title: Cheesy Troubles

Description: After a recent scandal over the origin of the cheese and its name, DeliCo and local farmers of Ashburn County in rural @@NAME@@ are campaigning to protect their prime export. At the heart of the debate: one of @@NAME@@’s most famous cheeses, the @@DENOMYN@@ Red @@ANIMAL@@ Cheese, made from @@ANIMAL@@’s milk.

Validity: With nations with a high Mozzarella Productivity Index.

[option]”Protect our beloved @@DENOMYN@@ Red @@ANIMAL@@ Cheese!” exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a farmer from Ashburn County and winner of the 290th @@DEMONYN@@ Cheese Production Contest. “These foreigners take one of our famous cheeses and slap some ‘ @@DEMONYN@@ ingredients on it! I suggest that we fine them if they insult our tradition of making fine cheeses. While you’re at it, give us a regional trademark for it so that no-one can abuse our cheeses.”
[effect]Foreign Companies are afraid to mention @@DEMONYN@@ in their products in fear of being fined by @@NAME@@.

[option]”Nonsense!” shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, while eating Bigtopian Blue Cheese with crackers. “We should have the right to use the word @@DEMONYN@@ for anything, really. Imagine a world where we can’t use foreign names for the fear of being fined! Think of the cheese businesses!”
[effect]The average consumer has trouble telling the difference from foreign and domestic food.

Cymrea wrote:Edited for spelling and punctuation and some sentence structure.

Title: Cheesy Troubles

Description: After a recent scandal over the origin of the cheese and its name, DeliCo and local farmers of Ashburn County in rural @@NAME@@ are campaigning to protect their prime export. At the heart of the debate: one of @@NAME@@’s most famous cheeses, the @@DENOMYN@@ Red @@ANIMAL@@ Cheese, made from @@ANIMAL@@’s milk.

Validity: With nations with a high Mozzarella Productivity Index.

[option]”Protect our beloved @@DENOMYN@@ Red @@ANIMAL@@ Cheese!” exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a farmer from Ashburn County and winner of the 290th @@DEMONYN@@ Cheese Production Contest. “These foreigners take one of our famous cheeses and slap some ‘ @@DEMONYN@@ ingredients on it! I suggest that we fine them if they insult our tradition of making fine cheeses. While you’re at it, give us a regional trademark for it so that no-one can abuse our cheeses.”
[effect]Foreign Companies are afraid to mention @@DEMONYN@@ in their products in fear of being fined by @@NAME@@.

[option]”Nonsense!” shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, while eating Bigtopian Blue Cheese with crackers. “We should have the right to use the word @@DEMONYN@@ for anything, really. Imagine a world where we can’t use foreign names for the fear of being fined! Think of the cheese businesses!”
[effect]The average consumer has trouble telling the difference from foreign and domestic food.

Thank you!

Very good issue!

British Empire Strikes Back wrote:Very good issue!

Thank you.

Brillnuck wrote:Thank you!

You're most welcome.

Is there any particular thing I'm missing with ''Ashburn'' county? I'm afraid I don't get the reference....

Other than that I have nothing to observe. A solid issue.

Annihilators of Chan Island wrote:Is there any particular thing I'm missing with ''Ashburn'' county? I'm afraid I don't get the reference....

Other than that I have nothing to observe. A solid issue.

It's just something random, but I could change it to something more suiting to the issue. I'm currently thinking of alternate names for 'Ashburn Country'.

Brillnuck wrote:

Annihilators of Chan Island wrote:Is there any particular thing I'm missing with ''Ashburn'' county? I'm afraid I don't get the reference....

Other than that I have nothing to observe. A solid issue.

It's just something random, but I could change it to something more suiting to the issue. I'm currently thinking of alternate names for 'Ashburn Country'.

Fair enough. It's just that one of my favorite cheeses is ''Ashmore'', so I was wondering if that name was a reference to something similar

Apart from that, is there anything else that needs to be improved or changed?

Brillnuck wrote:Apart from that, is there anything else that needs to be improved or changed?

I think it looks good as is but if you like, you could trade out Ashburn for something more iconic to NS like "Bigtopia" or "Lilliput".

Cymrea wrote:

Brillnuck wrote:Apart from that, is there anything else that needs to be improved or changed?

I think it looks good as is but if you like, you could trade out Ashburn for something more iconic to NS like "Bigtopia" or "Lilliput".

I disagree. It'll be refreshing to have a new name or two in the box. Keep it as Ashburn County. It'll please a few Virginians too.

Looks good, flesh it out a little though and you'll be good, I look forward to doing this

Great issue!

Italios wrote:Great issue!

Thank you!

Xanama wrote:Looks good, flesh it out a little though and you'll be good, I look forward to doing this

Thank you. I'm looking through the current draft atm, just trying to improve some words. I'll post my 'improved' version up soon.

Okay. I've changed a few words to make them sound better. Should I go back to the draft in the main post, or is this okay?

Title: Cheesy Troubles

Description: After a recent scandal over the origin of the cheese and its name, DeliCo and local farmers of Ashburn County in rural @@NAME@@ are campaigning to protect their prime export. At the heart of the debate: one of @@NAME@@’s most famous cheeses, the @@DENOMYN@@ Red @@ANIMAL@@ Cheese, made from @@ANIMAL@@’s milk.

Validity: With nations with a high Mozzarella Productivity Index.

[option]”Preserve our cherished @@DENOMYN@@ Red @@ANIMAL@@ Cheese!” exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a farmer from Ashburn County and winner of the 290th @@DEMONYN@@ Cheese Production Contest. “These foreigners take one of our glorious cheeses and slap some ‘ @@DEMONYN@@ ingredients on it! I propose that we fine them if they insult our tradition of making fine cheeses. While you’re at it, give us a regional trademark for it so that nobody can humiliate our exquisite cheeses.”
[effect]Foreign Companies are frightened to mention @@DEMONYN@@ in their products in fear of being fined by @@NAME@@.

[option]”Nonsense!” shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, while munching Bigtopian Blue Cheese with crackers. “We should have the freedom to use the word @@DEMONYN@@ for anything, really. Imagine a world where we can’t use foreign names for the fear of being fined! Think of the cheese industry!”
[effect]The average consumer has trouble telling the difference from foreign and domestic food.

Brillnuck wrote:Okay. I've changed a few words to make them sound better. Should I go back to the draft in the main post, or is this okay?

Title: Cheesy Troubles

Description: After a recent scandal over the origin of the cheese and its name, DeliCo and local farmers of Ashburn County in rural @@NAME@@ are campaigning to protect their prime export. At the heart of the debate: one of @@NAME@@’s most famous cheeses, the @@DENOMYN@@ Red @@ANIMAL@@ Cheese, made from @@ANIMAL@@’s milk.

Validity: With nations with a high Mozzarella Productivity Index.

[option]”Preserve our cherished @@DENOMYN@@ Red @@ANIMAL@@ Cheese!” exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a farmer from Ashburn County and winner of the 290th @@DEMONYN@@ Cheese Production Contest. “These foreigners take one of our glorious cheeses and slap some ‘ @@DEMONYN@@ ingredients on it! I propose that we fine them if they insult our tradition of making fine cheeses. While you’re at it, give us a regional trademark for it so that nobody can humiliate our exquisite cheeses.”
[effect]Foreign Companies are frightened to mention @@DEMONYN@@ in their products in fear of being fined by @@NAME@@.

[option]”Nonsense!” shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, while munching Bigtopian Blue Cheese with crackers. “We should have the freedom to use the word @@DEMONYN@@ for anything, really. Imagine a world where we can’t use foreign names for the fear of being fined! Think of the cheese industry!”
[effect]The average consumer has trouble telling the difference from foreign and domestic food.

Yup, I think this one is a tad better.

Just something I noticed, not sure if it's showing up on PC users screens - quotation marks are showing up backwards in the beginning of the dialogue, if this is an issue for PC users to, I'd fix that. Sorry if that's a little too nit picky.

Italios wrote:Just something I noticed, not sure if it's showing up on PC users screens - quotation marks are showing up backwards in the beginning of the dialogue, if this is an issue for PC users to, I'd fix that. Sorry if that's a little too nit picky.

We always change smart quotes to regular quotes anyway.

As I understand this issue, it's about PDO, which is certainly a good topic. I feel the overuse of macros makes it a bit complex, though: many nations' @@ANIMAL@@s may not produce milk!

Golgothastan wrote:

Italios wrote:Just something I noticed, not sure if it's showing up on PC users screens - quotation marks are showing up backwards in the beginning of the dialogue, if this is an issue for PC users to, I'd fix that. Sorry if that's a little too nit picky.

We always change smart quotes to regular quotes anyway.

As I understand this issue, it's about PDO, which is certainly a good topic. I feel the overuse of macros makes it a bit complex, though: many nations' @@ANIMAL@@s may not produce milk!

Mhm.

Should I change the milk part? I could change it to 'made from the milk of the @@DENOMYN@@ Cow.'

Yes, that's make more sense.

Golgothastan wrote:Yes, that's make more sense.

I've edited it. As for the other draft that I wrote a few posts ago, should I use it or should I continue to use the on in the main post?

Should I submit this? Is there anything else that I should change?

For validity, should it be "high cheese exports" or just "hasn't banned cheese"?

Kaboomlandia wrote:For validity, should it be "high cheese exports" or just "hasn't banned cheese"?

Could be both or just 'high cheese exports' or 'has not banned cheese'. I think both might be better.