Hell's Bells S.E.I: Back in Black (Gates of Hell OPEN)

[The Stalker]

I know! And still no actual Cake discussion

Can you at least ensure me that there are plenty of goats in Hell?

Haha plenty for sure, and that song is probably a future issue tittle.

The tittle actually links to the song encase you never noticed. I pick a song for the tittle I feel embodies and adds to the spirit of the issue.

[Mallorea and Riva]

Your growth behind a password is impressive.

[Assanria]

I know! And still no actual Cake discussion

Can you at least ensure me that there are plenty of goats in Hell?

*whispers* the cake is a lie

[The Stalker]

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

March 22nd, 2016
Issue XV. Ace of Spades

Index
I. Line continues to grow in Underworld
II. Spotlight News
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. Embellishing Death: Embalming
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. The Superjesus Conundrum

Line continues to grow in Underworld
Article by, The Stalker


Through me you go into a city of weeping, through me you go into eternal pain, through me you go amongst the lost people...
~Dante's inferno

As if some demonic pilgrim, or maybe the sense that the end is near, lost souls gather in increasing numbers on the shore of Underworld in hopes to one day complete the trials and earn their passage. With six WA nations currently waiting for Charon's blessing, and an average of one to two WA nations joining a month the King considers raising requirements further, stating we can't just let anyone in here, this is Hell after all, we have standards.

Those wishing to join us, listen to me, what you're feeling right now is not death. It's life; a new kind of life. Open your eyes. See what I see, feel what I feel, and let's go take a howl at that moon...

Ye who enter, abandon all hope...

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker


Mad King ranked #1
In the World for Largest Gambling Industry!


If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man
You win some, lose some, It's all the same to me
The pleasure is to play, makes no difference what you say.
~Motörhead

With the recent update to the daily issues and ranking process the Mad King The Stalker has claimed the number one in the world for largest Gambling Industry! Further evidence that witchcraft combined with eating leprechauns makes you luckiest demonic whisper of nationstates, the only god I need is the Ace of Spades!

(Nations wishing to gamble their soul away should contact the Devil of Nationstates, The Stalker.)
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(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland


Dear Fredd,

Why is February such a short month? Then they though in some random extra day on occasion. It's Bullsh*t, I still have to pay the same amount of rent and monthly bills for a month with fewer days! Think about it, you divide your monthly bill to per day and February we all get robbed. I demand to know who's responsible!

Sincerely,
Poor

--

Poor,
No clue. I have a couple of guesses.
1. February got wet and shrunk. Like a wool sweater.
2. February was just the runt of the litter. All the other months used to pick on it and steal it's lunch money. Until one day, February got fed up, bought a .357 and blew away Fartober. Now there's no more Fartober and the rest of the months leave Feb alone. Because it's cold. And it has a big gun.

Fredd
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Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

Embellishing Death: Embalming
Article by, Imperator Ragnarsson, The Northern Satanic Imperium of Ingskalla


I’ve always been intrigued by and maintained a somewhat an eccentric affinity for the unorthodox and seemingly aberrant fields of the unconventional fringes of science. An individual’s genetic predispositions, lifestyle proclivities, unfortunate events, and a myriad of other pertinent variables are all determinants to one's own mortality death. Because life is transient in it's duration, a vast plurality of world religions, cultures, and peoples have speculated prospects of what happens subsequent to death of the individual. Death is uniquely perplexing because of humanity’s sentiments regarding this phenomenon ranging from astoundment, mystification, and fear. Death is essentially nature’s great equalizer as we will succumb to it inevitably, irrespective of the individual’s accomplishments, affluence, personality attributes, and credentials. The objective of embalming is not to masquerade death’s power, but to impede its corrosive decomposition of human cadavers.

With the profound diversity of the funeral ceremonies that humanity has and continues to engage in, to sanctify and honor the lives of our dead, to give consolation to distress over their passing, we are all commemorate death as the final bitter-sweet moment in the myriad of life’s odysseys. It is my career aspiration and passion to assist clients experiencing a loss to have a satisfying funeral service with their cherished one with the utmost presentability. Unfortunately due to common personal trepidation and uneasiness felt surrounding the prospect of one's own mortality, there are certain stigmas attributed to and apprehension toward to the funeral industry, the very ancient practice of embalming, and the phenomenon of death itself. To combat this psychological epidemic of "deathophobia", some international death acceptance organizations including the "Order of the Good Death", founded by mortician and YouTube personality Caitlin Doughty, actively seek to ameliorate the general public's aloof perception of death and bring it back into popular consciousness. In my vocational pursuit of becoming a licensed funeral director, I came to discover that the United States is unique in being one of the few major developed countries that customarily embalms their deceased. In Norway embalming may be required by various funeral homes if you’re planning a viewing or visitation however embalming generally not mandated if the body is buried or cremated immediately after death. Worldwide however, it is the professional duty of all morticians to be highly cognizant, scrupulous, and accommodating to the ceremonial requests of deceased's loved ones and that the body bears a discernibly similar state as they had once they were alive. The practice of embalming is physically invasive involving techniques, chemicals, etc that conveys the deceased in a placid tranquil condition.

The practice of embalming essentially bypasses the stages of biological decomposition, via phenomena of dissolution and oxidation. Typically there are the three most conventional embalming fluids which engender the following: Before injection and capillary washes which have an absence of formaldehyde and attribute a triple base, arterial fluids of various consistencies/firmness compositions, and regularly fumed cavity fluids. By injecting a corpse through either the common right carotid artery or jugular with anywhere from a couple to a few gallons of a chemical solution consisting of a highly reactive volatile chemical preservative called formaldehyde (CH₂O), an alcohol solvent called methanol, and other solvents, the embalming fluid enters the body as it displaces the blood which typically discharges through the incision or other orifices. The balanced chemical equation for formaldehyde is CH2O + O2 -> CO2 + H2O. Primary alcohols possess a singular alkyl group bonded to the -OH bearing carbon atom, in this instance being methanol. Alcohols comprise the-OH functional group and attribute the standard formula R-OH. Methanol, a common alcohol, known as is frequently used as a solvent. Formalin is utilized during embalming processes as a disinfectant and preservative. A powdered polymer form of formaldehyde, paraformaldehyde, is sometimes administrated upon a corpse in the embalming process. Features of the embalming procedure include being is relieved by a massage intended to prevent rigor mortis, the body being cleansed with a germicide-insecticide olfactant, the mandibles are locked shut with sutures, and diligent and scrupulous conductivity regarding deceased family's specific religious/ceremonial or personal requests.

The subsequent procedural approach of embalming is cavitational embalming, an instrument known as a trocar is inserted within close proximity to the cadaver's naval which is then used to puncture the interior anatomical organs and system such as the gastrointestinal tract and respiratory system: the lungs. The supraclavicular incision is performed in the epicenter third of the clavicle. These vascular arteries are midline, encompassing the anatomical location of the corpse’s trachea. Suction of bodily fluids and gasses commences when it is conjoined with a suction hose when another more potent stronger admixture of formaldehyde is injected into the trunks of the deceased (ESCO). Although the deceased individual experiencing embalming is no longer living, the reproductive extremities are obscured with a cotton loin cloth for the deceased dignity sake. In essence, the sanibalming is the objective of the embalming operation as it responds with anatomical microbes and their enzymatic properties.

Artwork of the Damned
"Blue"
Digital Art by, Siberian Districts

The Superjesus Conundrum
Article by, Zen Beatitudes

I know we've all thought it at some point. Did Jesus come from Krypton? How did Superman feed the masses with just 2 heat vision cooked fish? Well here a just a few of the similarities that point to an amazing hidden truth about biblical history and supposed fiction.
Superman IS Jesus.

The Canaanite religion predates the proto-Judaic religion. In the Ugarit belief system El Elyon (EL the Most High or EL of the Mountains) was the chief of the gods. He had a wife (Asherah), and had 70 sons, among which were Yahweh (God of Storms), just as Jor-El was a member of the Science Council of Krypton.
Superman's real name is Kal-El, son of Jor-El. The suffix El, of course, means “of God” in Hebrew, with Kal-El defined by some as “Voice of God.” Before Krypton's doom, Kal-El's parents put him in a Moses-like basket, sending him down the Nile of intergalactic space until he landed safely on Earth.

Lucifer the Morning Star was a General of the Rebel Angels, gathering the disaffected unto him in order to overthrow Yaweh. He fails and is banished to Hell with his supporters. General Zod too had ambitions to take over the planet Krypton. This rebellion was short-lived and the rebels were set to be executed. Jor-El appealed on their behalf, to exile them instead (because he, like Jehovah can be merciful). The council accepted this on the condition that Jor-El be the jailer. And so Zod, Ursa, and Non were imprisoned, and embittered against Jor-El, just as Satan was against his previous best friend and colleague.

Both Jesus and Superman were 33 years old when they began their personal crusades (cosmically adjusted for solar rotational discrepancies), they have only ever communicated with their fathers as holographic or 'spiritual' manifestations and they were both sons of menial labourers. This imparted similar fashion sensibilities with Jesus favouring the long flowing robe and Superman the long flowing cape. Another result of this de facto parental estrangement was a penchant for extreme environments, Jesus the desert and Superman the arctic.

Clearly there are more points of connectivity, but it should be obvious to all right thinking people that even though Superman is real and Jesus is not, the two are one and the same. Accept the Son of Krypton as your Lord and Personal Saviour today!

We hope you've enjoyed our fifteenth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details. Thanks for reading.

[The Stalker]

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

April 26th, 2016
Issue XVI. Red Right Hand

Index
I. King of Hell Campaign Recap
II. Spotlight News:
-The Satanic Cathedral joins Hell
-Hippiedom Freed
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. Luciferianism Part 1: Back to the Start
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. Easter Eggs Five

King of Hell Campaign Recap
Article by, The Stalker

Campaign Dispatch
Campaign Thread
Election Hub

The Mad King of Hell The Stalker entered the race for WA Secretary-General early March 31st, catching immediate fire among the most depraved and twisted individuals. A campaign promising a say, a virgin, and all the entrails you can eat, a most delicious offer.

Vote Crowley

Early support came from the Kennyites and Antarctic Oasis! Declaring their endorsement of The Stalker for Secretary-General! Other prominent support for the Mad King came out of The Satanic Cathedral, Hippy Haven, Middle Earth, Capital Wasteland, and The Bad Place.

One thing all candidates have in common?

Round 1 The Stalker would stake his claim with 1.2% of the total vote taking 18th. As his campaign picked up the madness of the king spread infecting others to enlightenment boosting Stalker's ranking round 2 giving him 2.6% of the vote landing in 11th place, overtaking a starting favorite "[nation=short]Edward Rump[/nation]". Round 3 would see Stalker's position held, but unable to climb to the top 5 in time, maintaining 2.2% of the vote and holding onto 11th place one again.

At the start of the General election The Stalker endorsed Caelapes, the already strong favorite to win. And would also do a shout out to The Salaxalans for second, who would in turn end up taking second.

Mad King Endorses Caelapes

It was a fun demonic campaign, and I'd love to do it again. One day I will rule you all, but for now I'll settle for whispering in your leader's ears, corrupting the hopes and dreams of your generation.

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker


The Satanic Cathedral joins Hell!

On April 15th long time supporters and friends of Hell, The Satanic Cathedral was annexed and incorporated as a subsidiary vassal territory of Hell, merging their community with Hell. Celebrations were had by Hellions all around welcoming their new satanic brothers Ingskalla and LaVeyan Inferno to the demonic pit.

Hippiedom Freed!

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.”
~Winston Churchill

Hippiedom was freed April 2nd 2016 after 4 years of being held by The Black Riders / Den. Taken when the community tried to refound. The community of Hippy Haven / Hippiedom has been overjoyed with the return of their homeland after all these years, calling it a miracle.
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(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland


Dear Fredd,
If an April fool fooled several fools on April fools, how many fools could an April fool fool fool?

Sincerely,
The April Fool

Fool
4.3

Fredd
------------------------

Dear Fredd,
I spilled some of my coffee on my cat, and he got really offended, wouldn't even let me lick it off. Do you think it be a good idea to start giving him coffee instead of water, strap on a top hat, glue on a monocle, and start calling him Mr Sir Buggles? Because I did.

Sincerely
Coffee Spiller

CS,
Great idea. Make sure your cat sleeps with you every nite. It'll help you two bond.

Fredd
------------------------

Dear Fredd,
I have the worse owner in the world, he spills coffee on me the other day and now recently got me this ugly hat and glued some disk on my eye I can no longer see out off! Only gives me coffee, I never sleep anymore. I'm planning on murdering him in his sleep, what is the best way for a cat to kill a human?

Sincerely,
Mr Sir Buggles

Bug,
Yeah, he sounds like a real loser. Wait till he's asleep and snoring, them ram your tail as far as you can down his throat. He should choke to death in a minute or so. Best of luck.

Fredd
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Dear Fredd,
Do people ever send you really dumb questions you can't come up with a proper reply?

Sincerely,
Joe Joeyson
--
Joe,
Don't think so. Not sure, tho. Let me check my files.

Fredd
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Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

Luciferianism Part 1: Back to the Start
Article by, Theistic Luciferia


As most of you know, i have been gone for some time and have been unable to write an article for the bells since november of last year, or October, I can't remember. Before my absence, I had been writing on topics generally related to Luciferianism and the Luciferian Philosophy as well as Luciferian and Occultic Rituals. Since it has been so long and many people have been gone some time, I feel it is time to restart my Articles on Luciferianism, so without further ado, I will discuss the questions commonly asked to Luciferians by those who have absolutely no idea what we are other than that the root of our name is "Lucifer"!

Q: Do Luciferians Worship Satan?
A: No, to worship Satan is to be weak. As a Luciferian it is abhorrent to bow before any entity or god in a manner similar to Christian Monotheistic Supplication. We are the only gods that are and anything outside the self, at the highest, is simply a guide or a teacher.

Q: Do Luciferians Believe in a Literal Entity Lucifer?
A: Some do, Others see it as a symbol. First off, Most Luciferians recognize ourselves to be Lucifer, or at least that is the ultimate goal, as Lucifer means "Light Bringer/Bearer" Light being an allegory for Knowledge. Luciferians regard Knowledge and Wisdom as the most important qualities in life and often spend most of our time acquiring as much as we can. Back to the question though, There are about as many forms of Luciferianism as there are Luciferians as there is no dogma, we do have common values that keep us in our own group, but anyone who self-identifies as a Luciferian and at least bears in resemblance a similar approach to philosophy and Non-Dogmatic Lifestyles is a Luciferian of their own accord. The main four types of Luciferians are Theistic Luciferians: who usually believe in literal entities outside of the self, and while these entities may hold higher power than us mortals, they are not gods, rather they are the blueprint of what we hope to become, and they are the teachers and guides that give us the wisdom and encourage our wills. Most Theistic Luciferians are Poly-Theistic as we observe many of the Old Gods of Civilizations ranging from Egypt and Mesopotamia to Celtic and Norse to the Various Roman and Greek Deities (by observe i do not mean worship, i mean that we may perform rituals and receive wisdom from those paths). There are also Atheistic Luciferians who believe in the Symbolism of the Fall of Lucifer and the meanings behind the name, the spirit being an allegory for the potential in life, and again, holding knowledge and wisdom in the highest regard. both theistic and atheistic Luciferians perform magick if they so choose, although, the atheistic luciferian will see everything in forms of symbols and melodrama (quite the same as the Church of Satan sees their rituals). Aside from Atheistic and Theistic Luciferians are the Agnostic Luciferians who may change their opinion back and forth between atheistic everyday life and Theistic Ritual life, or simply do not know what to attribute their beliefs to and instead draw on the symbolism while accepting the possibility of an external deity. Finally there are Cosmic Luciferians who do believe in a Singular Higher Power, although we have never met it, do not know if it is conscious and generally consider it to be the universe or multiverse itself. Again they still believe that worship is weak and ignorant and rely on cunning and wit to create their own destinies and remaining the gods of our own lives, but acknowledging that there may be an ultimate cosmic force that controls all that exists, with or without regard to us. Regardless none of us lower ourselves to worship or supplication, but rather choose our own destinies and take responsibilities for our own choices and the consequences that result.

- BAPHOMET

Artwork of the Damned
"Feel the Bern"
Political Cartoon by, Unknown

Easter Eggs Five
Article by, Buer the Demon AKA Dr George


#266: Breaching the Great Fourth Wall of @@NAME@@
Trigger: Economy reaches 100.

The Issue
After the recent eXtra-Kinetocam Cartographic Digital satellite survey revealed that @@NAME@@ is a surprisingly tiny section of land on a peninsula of a much larger continent, expeditions sent to explore these new lands have found a wide assortment other landmasses- all with new cultures and foreign civilizations. Of course, now people are wondering what to do with... or about... their newly-discovered neighbors.

The Debate
1. "Isn't it obvious? We must establish contact and trade with these other countries!" the CEO of one of the major mining companies notes happily, gesturing toward the XKCD survey map with a laser pointer. "The land claimed by Stalclaft is noted to contain a particular gaseous resource that could prove profitable for us! Never mind the report also says that the place is a war zone!"

2. "Are you insane? We're completely and totally vulnerable to attack!" declares General @@RANDOMNAME@@ while flailing at the new world map in a dramatic fashion. "We know nothing about these civilizations, what their intentions are, what they're capable of! Look at how massive that Cea-Dicee is, just to the south of us! What little we do know about them implies that they have SPACESHIPS! We need to strengthen our military to protect against these threats at all costs!"
3. "Don't mind the paranoid ravings of the General there." Noted scholar @@RANDOMNAME@@ states calmly, while tapping a spot on the map just offshore to the northeast of the peninsula. "We're simply expanding our understanding of the world and where we fit in it. The report says that the ancient ruins of Subspais are on the seafloor here, and I think it would be a most worthy endeavor to study them. It won't be cheap, but knowledge is the greatest resource we can have! As the saying goes, knowledge is power!"

4. "This hippie professor doesn't get it." Admiral @@RANDOMNAME@@ scoffs. "We have an opportunity here! For instance, this island of Uoeq to the west of us. They'd never see us coming; after establishing forward bases there, we could easily begin a campaign against Cea-Dicee and take their land and technology for ourselves! With that turned into a colony of @@NAME@@, the island of Sekonlif would fall easily, and we could seize Stalclaft's precious gas. Just imagine, eventually the entire continent could be under our control... or rather, YOUR control."

5. "Don't believe these lies for a minute!" Notorious and arguably very crazy conspiracy theorist @@RANDOMNAME@@ quickly unrolls a chart over the XKCD survey map before giving you what looks like a hat made of tinfoil. "These 'new lands' are all part of a conspiracy by the evil alien Bunny-Knights of Violet! I have evidence here that proves that these bunnies from space want us to THINK there are lands beyond what we already know. It's quite clear that this map is completely phony and that if we fall for it, we feed them our delicious mind-carrots! Forget this map of lies @@LEADER@@, for the sake of our mind-carrots!

NOTE: this one is not marked as an EE but it'll say you've found an EE once you answer it.
Comments: this seems rather straightforward in the POV of the various speakers. #1 is for business interests, #2 is for building a stronger military, #3 is the academic option, #4 is the hawkish option, and #5 is the extreme and religious option. I have not had this issue since the comprehensive data for each issue became available, but it seems rather straightforward which option you should pick depending on the needs of your nation.

IMHO, it is quite easy to grow your Economy to 100. Even if you answered economic issues at random, you would eventually reach 100—the game has a bias towards increasing wealth. If your Economy is persistently falling, it is because you are making choices that strangulate economic growth. If you want to have a green environment AND a good Economy, you will have to make smarter choices that foster growth without much affecting the environment. In this issue, for instance, you would choose option 1 without directly degrading the environment. You can appoint a Supreme Court judge who is pro-business. You can release SAL 9000 into your internet. You can allow children to gamble. You can relax certain regulations. You can resist the urge to nationalize your economy and instead permit the unrestricted growth of big business. You can subsidize your industries. You can allow corporations to make unlimited contributions to favoured politicians, etc.
If you do want to compete for the greenest environment in the world, you will probably have to strangulate your Economy entirely, as you discover that, for whatever reason, certain choices negatively affect your environment. I’m not arguing that the effects are necessarily particularly rational, but now that we have comprehensive information about the effects of choices, you can establish which choices are green (some), which choices are environmentally destructive (quite a few), and which degrade the environment just a little bit (very common). Unless you are within the world top 100 in most environmental rankings, you don’t want to do anything that would negatively affect your environment, but for most people, most of the time, having some measure go down by 0.05% (5 parts in 10,000) is not by itself a huge problem.

#375: Easter Egg: Keep Your Hands Off Those Lucky Charms!
Trigger: Have “gold coin” (or possibly other variations including “gold”) for currency.

The Issue
The sudden appearance of a bouquet of rainbows in the skies above @@CAPITAL@@ has bedazzled the city's natives. Initial investigations by amateur scientists have revealed the source of the phenomena to be a previously undiscovered ancient barrow just outside the city limits, apparently teeming with hoards of gold. Efforts to procure the gold, however, have been in vain, with rumours that mysterious men of a limited stature are mischievously playing tricks on would-be treasure hunters.

The Debate
1. "This is spectacular", squeals @@RANDOMNAME@@, presenter of popular entertainment show 'Us Nightly'. "All this GOLD for FREE! I can think of a thousand ways to spend it all. So what if there are a few weird dwarves - we could use all of this gold to fund the national budget! Let's blow that ditch to hell, grab the loot, and go on a shopping spree!"
“The nation's gold reserves are said to be somewhere over the rainbow “

2. "Gold? Dwarves? Rainbows? This is a travesty!" decrees @@RANDOMNAME@@, an infamous mendicant preacher who wandered into a live report on the lunchtime news. "These are no mere dwarves - these are leprechauns; demons sent here to deceive us! They are wicked, sinful tricksters, who have become manifest because of our tolerance of ancient pagan burial grounds on our sacred and holy lands. We must purge these abominations and destroy all that which is connected to this Plague; the leprechauns, their evil gold, and that unholy barrow!"

“Rainbows have been replaced by gloomy rain clouds as a result of the mass burning of leprechauns”
3. "Top o' the morning to you laddie!" says Patrick O'Malley, a twinkley-eyed leprechaun, all clad in green. "Ara, let's not be talking about blowing up this and blowing up that. Sure we'd just love to be friends, you and I and us. Now look a chara, how's about we come to a wee deal, aye? We'll swap some of our lucky Irish gold for a couple o'drops to drink. We do be dying of the thirst and wouldn't say no to an aul whiskey or two ... dozen. Just between us, mind! Our wee secret."
“Drunk leprechauns pelt countryside ramblers with gold coins”

This is one of the more difficult of EEs to get; it can quite literally take years of having “gold coin” as your currency before you encounter this EE. This is a fun little issue with #1 being the belligerent option, #2 being the religious option, and #3 being the higher freedom, more inclusive option. Most of my nations choose #3. Being an EE, you shouldn’t expect profound results from your choice, but I find it fun to have leprechauns cavorting with industrialists, LGBTQ people, people grown in vats, conspiracy theorists, alien abduction believers, aliens, persons with mind control capacities, sports enthusiasts, various Bigtopian and Maxtopian minorities, Violetists and various other religious bodies, and the rest of the cast of characters you might encounter in a given nation.

In summary, then, we have seen that these 10 Easter Eggs vary from quite easy to obtain to nearly impossible. If you manage to get 4 you’re doing well, 7 you’re awesome, and should there exist regular players who’ve gotten all 10, I would want to shake their hands! A few might impact your nation in a noticeable way, but for the most part, they’re simply fun to get. Happy hunting!

We hope you've enjoyed our Sixteenth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details. Thanks for reading.

[The Stalker]

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

May 31st, 2016
Issue XVII. Beat The Devil's Tattoo

Index
I. The Demon Hawks
II. Spotlight News:
- Hell Freezes over, gets Commended!?
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. The Hellfire Club
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. Counter-Productive Issues

The Demon Hawks
Article by, The Stalker


A plot by The Black Hawks to raid Hell for the upcoming RaiderCon event had been known by the Mad King for some time. A scheme stretching back roughly a year, the idea born during last RaiderCon to raid Hell for the challenge, the esteem, to try and dethrone the confident King. Throughout the year they began to sneak in nations one by one, a handful of devoted sleepers spent months just to get in, and months more waiting for an opportunity that would never come.

Months and months were spent endorsing and supporting the Mad King. Writing articles, becoming real members of the region on many levels. See the King has known for some time some of the trial nations where likely sleepers.

So long as the number of Hell Elders and Stalker loyalists outnumbered those who earned their passage from Underworld, an internal shift would be impossible. Balanced growth has always been the key, and the King is a master of numbers. This method makes raiders a helpful resource rather than a hindrance, putting the infiltration attempts of invaders to work for you.

Today we honor their efforts, both for their boldness and for their service to the inferno. Truly you guys have helped in the cultural development of Hell, increased our endorsement count and influence growth, and Hell thanks you. For this, I dub thee the Demon Hawks! You are all forever welcome in Underworld.

Former nation and known sleeper Nazgur spent from August 12th 2015 till giving up in February 21st 2016, and a few months more in Underworld, nearly 8 months of WA support for Hell instead of raiding.

Zen Beatitudes would serve Hell from October 2015 till April 2016 when the Predator punishments ejected them from the WA, 6 months of WA support, along with authoring articles for Hell's Bells.

Another known Underworld sleeper Assanria would author a few articles for Hell's Bells before being deleted during the Predator puppet sweep.

Azazal, would serve from mid January till mid May, 4 months of WA support and more in Underworld.

The Terran States, would serve from mid January till mid May, 4 months of WA support and more in Underworld.

Nivagard, would serve from March till mid May, 2 months of WA support and more in Underworld.

The mission would ultimately be called off mid May 2016 when it was clear Hell couldn't be taken. Probes for raiders within the region and a timely merger with ones of Hell's allies would be the final straws to end the Hawk's campaign.

Hell has faced some of the best NationStates has to offer and stands stronger for it. So to all the would be raiders of Hell, know this, you can try, I invite you to try, but in the end you will serve Hell like all those before you.

Never underestimate the King of Hell, darling.

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker


Hell Freezes over, gets Commended!?


Befitting the Hell frozen over theme taken up for the month of May, Hell was the surprising target for a World Assembly Commending. A resolution posted on Friday the 13th by Yokiria, aka Ridersyl, to Commend Hell hit the voting floor May 22nd. It would amount to a very close race for the bulk of the voting period.

Ultimately passing 9,673 (54%) For and 8,303 (46%) Against.

Hell would like to sincerely thank all those who voted for this, and Ridersyl for his efforts as author, you all have our sincere gratitude and it won't be forgotten. We really got a lot of unexpected support and it is truly an honor to have our region so recognized, we thank you all.
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(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland


Dear Fredd,

Hell has Frozen over and been Commended by the World Assembly, surely these are both signs of the apocalypse!? Is the end near? Are we all doomed? What does it all mean!?

Sincerely,
A Cold Guy

--

Cold Dude,
Hell freezing over is part of the global warming conspiracy. They siphoned all of the heat from Hell to warm up the Earth. They are fiendish bastards, whoever they are.

The Commendation is also a conspiracy to make us relax and let our guard down. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!!!

Who stole my tinfoil hat? Must be those environmentalist, transgender feminazis. DAMN THEM!!!

Fredd
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Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

The Hellfire Club
Article by, LaVeyan Inferno

“Do what thou wilt". This simple, yet powerful and revolutionary edict adorned the building that hosted the infamous Hellfire Club. The motto would again appear in Allister Crowley’s Law of Thelema, and it now stands as a symbolic commandment for those who pursue the principles of the Left-Hand Path. Composed of elites and rakes of English society, the Hellfire Club hosted a variety of libertine and taboo activities that gained it much notoriety, and earned it its name from critics. A world entirely of its own, the club was not only a den of debauchery, but served as a sanctuary for the blooming ideas of the Enlightenment Age. There are also indications that several members, including its founder, aspired for a revival of pagan culture and practices. Although much is uncertain about the exploits of this secretive and exclusive club, it is clear that it has served as a philosophical model and inspiration for later organizations of similar intent, such as the more recent Church of Satan.

The gentleman behind the inception of the Hellfire Club was none other than the prominent Sir Francis Dashwood (Topham). Little is known about his upbringing, other than that he was born into an extremely wealthy family and was educated at Eton University. Afterwards, Sir Francis moved on to become a politician by day and exercised insatiable hedonism as a rake by night. He achieved a highly respectable political career, holding positions as a Parliament Member, the Treasurer of the Chamber, Exchequer, and Postmaster General within the British government (Kemp). His strong passion for travel was evident, as he went on “Grand Tours” all over Europe. It was during his travel through Italy that he developed a strong distain for the Catholic Church and its rigid doctrines. This deep seated hatred would later motivate him to form a leisurely organization centered on the pursuit of indulgence and the mockery of Christianity.

He officially established the order in 1746 under the name of the ‘Knights of St. Francis,” more than likely a cheeky jab at the system of chivalry formerly exercised by the Church. The dubbing of the more recognized name “Hellfire Club” would later originate from his critics as an attempted insult, referencing to a previous club under the same name that was active from 1719 to 1721 (Topham). Initially starting out as a small gathering of members in the “George and Vulture” public house in London, the Hellfire Club grew in popularity and prominence, warranting the need for a more lavish, secluded space in which to meet (Topham). Sir Francis decided it would be fitting to relocate to Medmenham, formerly an abbey for the Cistercian religious order during the thirteenth century, long since abandoned (Topham). He probably chose this location not only out of personal convenience, as it was relatively close to his estate in West Wycombe, but also due to its religious significance. The dark comedian that he was, he likely viewed with sardonic pleasure the moving of his earthy and unholy order of “knights” onto sacred ground as an act of desecration.

The domain of the Hellfire Club chosen, Sir Francis faced the laborious task of refurbishing the dilapidated ruins of Medmenham. He wanted not only a mere meeting place, but a great pleasure palace of incredible finery, excess, and a cultic aura , where the true extent of the club’s potential could be realized. To help him accomplish this great undertaking was architect Nicholas Revett (‘The Hell-Fire Caves). Drawing greatly from the Neo-Classical and Gothic styles, the abbey was redecorated with such additions as arches, a tower, stain glass windows, and fresco paintings garnishing the ceilings (“The Hell-Fire Caves”). Of all such improvements to the abbey, perhaps the most significant of these was the Hell-Fire Caves. A grand entrance in the form of a Gothic Cathedral would welcome the members into a long winding passage covered in carvings and engravings. Within this cave was a Banqueting Hall, various chambers and even an Inner Temple, where Sir Francis and his knights were said to have performed rituals (“The Hell-Fire Caves”).

In fact, there was a chamber dedicated to the U.S. founding father Benjamin Franklin, who was a close friend of Sir Francis and who was an active participant in many of the club’s activities during his time in England. He spoke fondly of the Hellfire Club and of Sir Francis in a letter to his son, stating:

"l am in this House as much at my Ease as if it was my own, and the Gardens are a Paradise. But a pleasanter Thing is the kind Countenance, the facetious and very intelligent conversation of mine Host, who having been for many Years engaged in public Affairs, seen all Parts of Europe, and kept the best Company in the World is himself the best existing:" (“The Hell-Fire Caves”). And, from what is known about what went on in the depths of the infernal grotto, what a hell of a time he surely had!

Hellfire Club meetings were conducted twice every year, and are best described in the 1779 book Nocturnal Revels:

'They however always meet in one general sett at meals, when, for the improvement of mirth, pleasantry, and gaiety, every member is allowed to introduce a Lady of cheerful lively disposition, to improve the general hilarity. Male visitors are also permitted, under certain restrictions, their greatest recommendation being their merit wit and humour. There is no constraint with regard to the circulation of the glass, after some particular toasts have been given: The Ladies, in the intervals of their repasts, may make select parties among themselves, or entertain one another, or alone with reading, musick, tambour-work, etc. The salt of these festivities is generally purely attic, but no indelicacy or indecency is allowed to be intruded without a severe penalty; and a jeu de mots must not border too much upon a loose double entendre to be received with applause” (“The Hell-Fire Caves”).

Indeed, the club did engage in many indulgent, and often taboo, vices: fine wining and dining, gambling, and carnality with mistresses, to name a few. The members also partook in the arts, as is evidenced by various musical instruments and books on numerous subjects found within the chapter room (Topham). Most interestingly, Dashwood and several other members had apparently dabbled in various aspects of pagan ritualism, often mistaken for and misconstrued as genuine Satan worship.

Dashwood, being an avid student of ancient religions, seemed to hold a particularly strong reverence for the Roman goddess Venus. Statues of the deity of love and beauty can be found throughout Medmenham, and a painting of Sir Francis depicts him venerating the goddess in religious garments (Topham). Therefore, along with the conventional mock rituals that were merely meant to poke fun at Christianity, there may have indeed been some form of pagan worship in respect to the goddess. It would make sense that Sir Francis would focus explicitly on Venus, since she represented the emotion of lust which was quite prevalent within the ranks of the club, especially with its leader. Also, she signified a more artistic, intellectual side of the club, which held literature and the arts and how they, like a mirror, reflected the immaculate splendor of nature, in high regard.

The Hellfire Club, with its rampant infamy and often mistaken intentions, achieved a stunning accomplishment: freedom from the chains of Abrahamic suppression. The gentlemen of the Enlightenment Era within it, through their will and determination to live to the fullest, spit a seething flame in the face of god, and created for themselves a superior reality, if but for a brief moment in time. They stand as an inspiration to all who seek liberation from the mental prison of conformity: Satanist, Luciferian, Pagan, Witch, Thelemite, and Wiccan alike.

For more information on this fascinating group of daring deviants and its eccentric founder, I recommend the websites listed in the bibliography below.

With Promethean Flame, Hail Satan!

Bibliography:

Bloy, Marjie. "The 'Hell Fire Club'" The 'Hell Fire Club' Web. 18 May 2016.

Kemp, Betty. "History of Parliament Online." DASHWOOD, Sir Francis, 2nd Bt. (1708-81), of West Wycombe, Bucks. Web. 16 May 2016.

"The Hellfire Caves." The Hellfire Caves. Web. 18 May 2016.

Topham, Ian, and Alison Topham. "The Hellfire Club." Mysterious Britain & Ireland. Web. 16 May 2016.

Artwork of the Damned
"Fear and Loathing"
40x30 Oil Painting by, The Stalker

COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE ISSUES
Article by, Buer the Demon AKA Dr George

For this article, I’m going to be addressing a very specific way of answering issues: I am assuming you are at least an intermediate-level player with a good grasp of the issues; that you already have good Civil Rights and Political Freedoms and want both to go even higher; and that Economy, Economic Freedom, and Freedom from Taxation (i.e., lower taxes), and good environment are of secondary importance to you.

Ever since we were given the information on how our answers impact our nations, I have been dismayed at the large number of issues that have vastly more negative consequences than they do positive ones. In some cases, there are three times or more falling statistics than there are positive ones! If course, not all positives are good to most people, say Primitiveness, and not all negatives are bad, like Tax Rate.

So, over the past several days, I have assembled a list of the issues I’ve encountered that either do the opposite of what they were claiming or have more negative outcomes than positive ones. In some of these, the issue in question lowers Civil Rights or Political Freedoms, even when choosing the nominal high freedom choice.

I am guessing most readers will have one or more additional rankings that they would like to increase, even at the expense of others, say Cultured. Perhaps some of the following issues have overall negative consequences, but also happens to include a rise in Cultured, so you may choose it anyway.

I have deliberately excluded those issues whose primary aim is to lower taxes. Almost by definition, lowering taxes is going to include perhaps some very deep cuts in some areas as well as more modest cuts in other areas, so they will naturally have negative consequences outnumbering the positive ones.

One should take into account the variation of change. If issue XXX raises, say, Civil Rights, by 20% and lowers ten other things by .05%, you would do well to answer that issue, as the benefits vastly outweigh the consequences. Here are my (admittedly subjective) views on percentage change:

Change<1%: trivial
Change=1-5%: can be meaningful, especially in conjunction with an overall trend in the same direction
Change=5-10%: meaningful (especially as you rise in world rankings)
Change=10-100%: WAY significant
Change=100-1,000%: WOW
Change>1,000%: WOW WOW WOW!!!
To date, the highest percentage change I have noticed was 144,000%!

So, without further ado, here is a short list of issues I would dismiss if I were pro-CR, pro-PF, and secondarily pro-Econ, pro-Econ Freedom, pro-environment, and pro-Freedom from Taxation, based on choices that seem to favour high freedoms (I may update this list as I go through more of the issues):

2
5
16 (BOTH)
17 (BUT RAISES PF, EF, AND LOWERS TAX)
19
20
22
27
57
58
59
74
75
75
84
94
101
102
112
115
117
145
148
156 (BUT VERY GOOD FOR HEALTH & ENVIRONMENT)
175
180 (LOWERS PF & TAX)
183
189 (BUT RAISES PF & LOWERS TAX)
195
198
212
237
239
246
249
255
258
262
264
269
274
277
280
290
294
296
308
323
327
331
338
341
347 (CHOOSE #2, NOT #3)
369
379
412
414
417
429
431
440
442
446
448
452
456 (RAISES CR AND LOWERS TAX)
464
493
503
508
515
518

We hope you've enjoyed our Seventeenth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details. Thanks for reading.

[The Stalker]

This issue exposes a year long mission by the Black Hawks to raid Hell, and no ones got a comment? Surprising how much more feedback we get from the dispatch version.

[Ever-Wandering Souls]

This issue exposes a year long mission by the Black Hawks to raid Hell, and no ones got a comment? Surprising how much more feedback we get from the dispatch version.

What do you want? No matter what I say, you'll have a comeback I say you you named as many people who weren't raiders as who were, and you either wouldn't believe me or wouldn't care. I could say we still have folks left, or that the purpose we intended was achieved, and you'd either say I was bluffing or that you'll enjoy wasting more of our time. I could say you've got some basic facts wrong, like which orgs took part or when it started, and it wouldn't change anything and would just make me look petty. I could say many things, and few of them would have any consequence.

So I suppose I'll leave you with this - you're having a lot of fun thinking you led a bunch of folks around for a while, wasted a lot of raider time and effort, out-thought a ton of people, and were entirely safe the whole time. I suggest you don't get too caught up in that line of thought, and consider that there may be people who know you well enough to know that this is exactly the line of thought you'd follow, knew that certain folks leaked certain details at times, and knew that for the duration of Predator punishments, the manpower wouldn't exist anyways. Or am I just bluffing? I suppose you'll decide yourself one way or another there. Just remember - "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall" (Proverbs 16:18) .... though perhaps a biblical fall is the last of your worries there in Hell

[Benevolent Thomas]

This issue exposes a year long mission by the Black Hawks to raid Hell, and no ones got a comment? Surprising how much more feedback we get from the dispatch version.

We commended you, didn't we

Excellent work! I was too caught up in my own work to realize that this has taken place. Keep those efforts up as I'm sure you're more a target now than ever. You know how much raiders still like to mess with those who take opt-out precautions.

[Drasnia]

This issue exposes a year long mission by the Black Hawks to raid Hell, and no ones got a comment? Surprising how much more feedback we get from the dispatch version.

I just read for the issues stuff.

[The Stalker]

This issue exposes a year long mission by the Black Hawks to raid Hell, and no ones got a comment? Surprising how much more feedback we get from the dispatch version.

We commended you, didn't we

Haha true enough, this would have just made the third issue in a row we got no comments, and I was like really?...

Excellent work! I was too caught up in my own work to realize that this has taken place. Keep those efforts up as I'm sure you're more a target now than ever. You know how much raiders still like to mess with those who take opt-out precautions.

Thanks! And yea been getting that, Hell's more of a target now than ever bit, some people seem to have read this issue as a challenge, but it's more of a warning.

[Queen Yuno]

*random yun thought*
I'm assuming that since I'm in several raider orgs, I can't join Hell?
boo!

~yunyun

[The Stalker]

*random yun thought*
I'm assuming that since I'm in several raider orgs, I can't join Hell?
boo!

~yunyun

Well it doesn't entirely mean that, but ultimately the trials to join Hell would require you to give up raiding and prove your more loyal to Hell than said raider groups.

You're also more than welcome to have a nation hang out in Underworld, it's has generally been a bit of a raiders' hangout as it is. From there you can participate in Hell's activities, like Hell's Bells.

[Valrifell]

This issue exposes a year long mission by the Black Hawks to raid Hell, and no ones got a comment? Surprising how much more feedback we get from the dispatch version.

What do you want? No matter what I say, you'll have a comeback I say you you named as many people who weren't raiders as who were, and you either wouldn't believe me or wouldn't care. I could say we still have folks left, or that the purpose we intended was achieved, and you'd either say I was bluffing or that you'll enjoy wasting more of our time. I could say you've got some basic facts wrong, like which orgs took part or when it started, and it wouldn't change anything and would just make me look petty. I could say many things, and few of them would have any consequence.

Though I am offended Sicarius didn't get credit, I mean, the Hawks' were supposed to be support...

Oh no, I revealed too much.

Also you didn't nab my puppet

[The Stalker]

Sorry EWS I just saw your post, somehow overlooked it.

I say you you named as many people who weren't raiders as who were, and you either wouldn't believe me or wouldn't care.

I know that's simply not true mate, there is maybe one listed who wasn't, but even even him i'm pretty sure on, and the rest most of them confessed to it.

I could say we still have folks left, or that the purpose we intended was achieved, and you'd either say I was bluffing or that you'll enjoy wasting more of our time. I could say you've got some basic facts wrong, like which orgs took part or when it started, and it wouldn't change anything and would just make me look petty. I could say many things, and few of them would have any consequence.

I'm aware some details may be slightly askew, like when it began, may have been before the last RaiderCon. I also knew a few raider groups were involved, didn't know Sicarius was the lead though.

So I suppose I'll leave you with this - you're having a lot of fun thinking you led a bunch of folks around for a while, wasted a lot of raider time and effort, out-thought a ton of people, and were entirely safe the whole time. I suggest you don't get too caught up in that line of thought, and consider that there may be people who know you well enough to know that this is exactly the line of thought you'd follow, knew that certain folks leaked certain details at times, and knew that for the duration of Predator punishments, the manpower wouldn't exist anyways. Or am I just bluffing? I suppose you'll decide yourself one way or another there. Just remember - "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall" (Proverbs 16:18) .... though perhaps a biblical fall is the last of your worries there in Hell

Please, EWS, the dance is never truly done, I wouldn't want it to end, but who's leading who is hard to say. I know my numbers, and if you think one of your sleepers has my trust, your kidding yourself, i'm always two steps ahead. I am going to lead you and every other raider on the grandest goose chase NS has ever seen.

[The Stalker]

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

July 19th, 2016
Issue XVIII. Satan Lend Me A Dollar

Index
I. Taxing Issues
II. Spotlight News:
-New York joins Hell
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. Alchemy
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. Wetwork's History Unconvoluticized

TAXING ISSUES
Article by, Buer the Demon AKA Dr George


As I've started keeping systematic track of the issues and their answers, I've come across some unexpected results. The BIG THREE (Civil Rights, Economy, and Political Freedoms) don't appear any more often, for the most part, than more specialized rankings like Political Apathy or Law Enforcement. However, I have found that a rather large proportion have tax implications, up and down.

I am assuming that most high freedom nations also prefer lower taxes (that is, the freedom for citizens to spend their own money). With some careful balancing, you can have national healthcare, free college tuition, a minimum wage, AND no taxes! Who wouldn't want that?

This article is intended primarily for medium- and high-freedom nations. I make no claims about completeness; there are plenty of low-freedom options that also lower taxes that will not appear on this list. Also, I have not yet been through 100% of the issues, so this list is a work in progress.

Nor do I claim that the following issues will have an overall positive effect on you nation (i.e., have more positive outcomes than negative). Cutting taxes generally involves cutting services; that is particularly seen in issues whose primary aim is to lower taxes. I HAVE screened out those that also lower Civil Rights and/or Political Freedoms as well as those especially destructive of the environment.

So, here is a list of issues & answers that should lower your tax rate without hurting your CRs or PFs. Additional v signs indicate that this one cuts taxes unusually deeply.

17.1
23.2
24.4
28.1
29.3
30.3
34.3
35.3
48.2
50.1
50.2
52.3
56.2 vv
64.4
66.1
68.1
81.1
104.2 vv
119.1
124.2
128.2
141.1
144.2
160.3
169.2
178.2
188.2
189.1
190.3
193.2
193.3
201.1
201.4
209.1
210.1 vv
214.1
226.1
260.1
272.2
275.1
291.4
294.3
296.3
297.2
298.3
299.4
300.3
303.2
312.4
317.2
330.2
332.2
361.2
364.1
371.1
373.2
415.2
434.1
445.1
456.2
462.1
463.3
473.2
474.5
477.4
490.1 vvv
492.3
496.3 vv
501.2
504.4
511.4
511.5
512.4
519.2
526.4
532.4 vv
538.1
538.4
539.3
540.1

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker


New York joins the Kingdom of Hell


New York having fallen on hard times unanimously voted to join the Kingdom of Hell. The Stalker being a long time resident, co-author of NY's Constitution, and Head of Assembly organized the remaining residents and government officials into action after the region had fallen inactive. The region had become a regular target of tag raids, left tagged for months at a time due to the inactive founder and lacking a delegate at the time.

After some discussion, New York voted and passed The Kingdom of Hell: New York. As outlined NY has additional opted to take up a similar system like that of Hell's until the founder become active enough to read his telegrams.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland


Hey Fredd,
Who do think is the better act as a villain, Cameron Monaghan or Mark Sheppard?

Your Friend,
The Villain Lover

V L
Bela Lugosi

Fredd

Dear Fredd,
If you had to vote for Clinton or Trump, which would you choose and why? Do we get to roast and eat the loser? and should that be a consideration?

Hungry

Hungry,
Bela Lugosi? They're both losers. It tests my gag reflex to think about voting for either one. As far as consumption goes, they are both probably too old and gristly to be very edible. I'd try boiling them in a cauldron for a day or so, then throw in 50 lbs each of carrots, potatoes and onions. Boil for another hour. Viola! Loser stew. Salt and pepper liberally (or conservatively, if that's your thing) and serve to your enemies.

Fredd
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

Alchemy
Article by, LaVeyan Inferno


Among the many esoteric methodologies devised by mankind to bend nature to its will, alchemy stands as one of the most ambitious and practical. Evidence of its practice can be found across the globe in many diverse cultures, spanning throughout nearly two and one-half millennia. During that time, it underwent a number of distinct transformations, evolving from pure mysticism into a more tangible practice. When one refers to alchemy, the production of gold through the transmutation of cheaper metals, or the path to immortality, comes to mind. These endeavors have led many historians to view the subject of alchemy in a fraudulent light. However, in truth, many alchemists developed an incredible insight into the natural world, opening the door to chemistry over the course of their experimenting, and much of their work proved to be of great benefit to the civilizations lucky enough to host them. Utilizing the elements of the natural world, those who dedicated their efforts to this art laid the framework for what would later become modern chemistry, classifying elements and chemical processes that are well established within the realm of science.

A major aspect of alchemy was its thorough application of symbolism. Each of the 16 elements known to alchemists had its own unique symbol, and not in the same way that the periodic system that is used today assigns each element with a mere one, two, or, in rare cases, three letters, to identify it. Alchemists appeared to be more interested in characterization, of giving each of these elements a personality of its own.

Take sulfur, for instance. It was commonly signified by two main symbols. The Leviathan Cross, such as the one depicted in the image above, is one of them. The two crosses at the top signify the balance and harmony between the universal masculine and feminine forces in nature. At the very bottom is the mathematical symbol for infinity, symbolizing the continuousness and infinity of nature. This symbol was later adapted by Anton LaVey as Satanism’s answer to the Christian Cross. The other, less elaborate symbol is a triangle, symbolizing fire, with a simple cross protruding from the middle of one of its sides, symbolizing earth, accounting for two of the four “elements” that alchemists observed from sulfur during its combustion (which is very cool to observe, and I’ll provide a link to a video so you can marvel in the reaction for yourself!). Sulfur was defined as masculine in nature due to its dryness and its natural affinity for fire and heat.

Its counterpart, mercury, was considered the exact opposite. Mercury was viewed by alchemists as the feminine force, as it was associated with coolness and condensation. When it is heated with nitric acid, a thick, bloody red cloud of vapor is produced over the surface of the reacting liquids and radiant, crimson colored crystals precipitate to the bottom (another amazing chemical reaction!) (“Mercury”). It was commonly symbolized by a circle adorned in a pair of horns, with a cross jutting out from the very bottom.

Astrology also played a role in the characterization of the elements, and the seven known metals of alchemy were specifically associated with heavenly bodies. The list is as follows:
• Silver- The Moon
• Mercury-Mercury
• Copper-Venus
• Gold- The Sun
• Iron-Mars
• Tin-Jupiter
• Lead-Saturn

Surprisingly, there lies a cohesive pattern in this seemingly archaic method of classification, as there is a direct proportionality between the conductivity of the metal in question and the speed by which its corresponding heavenly body travels from the perspective of the observer ("The Metal-Planet Affinities"). Silver, for instance, was associated with the Moon, since it is the most conductive of these metals and the Moon appeared to move the fastest of the celestial bodies that were visible at the time. The farther one travels down the list, the less the conductivity and the slower the affiliated orbital movement (except for mercury, which, in fact, has a lower conductivity than any of the other listed metals).
The history of alchemy is spread out through a variety of different cultures. Alchemy formally established itself in a scientific and philosophical practice in two of the most advanced cultures of the ancient times, Egypt and China (“The Magic and Myth of Alchemy”). Much of what was known about early Egyptian alchemy was lost, thanks to a mindless band of rioting Christians who burned the great Library of Alexandria to the ground. From what has been discovered, however, alchemy had a variety of practical applications throughout Egyptian life, including the making of dyes, perfumes, metallurgy, and mummification procedures (“Alchemy”). A famous woman alchemist by the name of Maria the Jewess, made an essential contribution to the alchemical world, and therefore, the scientific community, when she invented glass apparatuses, allowing for experiments to be observed as never before ("The Magic and Myth of Alchemy").
Alchemy in the East originated from the mystical arts of Taoist monks, with the original purpose of discovering the secret of eternal life, as well as the production of medicines. Ironically, however, when in the 9th century Chinese alchemists inadvertently discovered gunpowder, such an invention would pave the way for many of the most deadly weapons of war (“The Magic and Myth of Alchemy”).

Other early examples of alchemy can be found in Greece and the Arabic world, which adopted many alchemical techniques from the Egyptians during their international dealings.

Alchemy gained some contributions from some of the great philosophers of Greece. Aristotle and Plato, for instance, while not actually practitioners themselves, added ideas of their own to the subject, thus becoming authorities for later alchemists ("Islamic Medical Manuscripts, Alchemy 1"). Another, Zosimos of Panopolis, who actively participated in alchemy, composed a Greek encyclopedia of alchemy, rich with manuscripts on processes such as distillation and evaporation ("Islamic Medical Manuscripts, Alchemy 1").

Arabic society adopted much of the Hellenistic texts regarding alchemy, and is highly regarded for the expansion of alchemy into Europe through both conquest and trade. Many of the Greek manuscripts on alchemy were translated into Arabic and the major contributors cited ("Islamic Medical Manuscripts, Alchemy 1"). Of the most noteworthy Islamic alchemists was Jabir ibn Hayyan, who enhanced alchemy through the implementation of the scientific method, and outlined an elements system which, as new elements were discovered, would expand into the periodic table used in chemistry to this day (“The Magic and Myth of Alchemy”). Furthermore, this revolutionary alteration encouraged further experimentation within the subject, and gained the interest of great scientific minds to come.

Alchemy finally spread into Europe around the 8th century with the Muslim invasions into Spain, and it was received with a somewhat mixed reception over the centuries. On one hand, the dominating Catholic Church initially viewed alchemy as an opportunity to expand upon its own theology, and many of the early European alchemists were also clergymen. However, restrictions were placed upon its practice, the first from Pope John XXII, who banned any form of alchemical counterfeiting, and another in the 15th century from King Henry the IV of England (“The Magic and Myth of Alchemy”).

Nevertheless, alchemy still managed to flourish, thanks in part to the severe economic depression that Europe was going through at the time. Rulers were desperate for a way to bring wealth back into their kingdoms, and saw alchemists as a golden opportunity (pun definitely intended!). Among them was a Franciscan Friar by the name of Roger Bacon, who was one of the first advocates of the scientific method, is also acknowledged as the first European alchemist (“The Magic and Myth of Alchemy”). However, unlike his colleagues, who were more interested in making gold for material wealth and fame, he held a greater interest in creating an ingestible gold that would prolong the recipient’s life (“The Magic and Myth of Alchemy”). His motivations behind this pursuit are unknown, but his work on the subject served as a great reference to alchemists later in history, including the famous British physicist, Isaac Newton who, evidently, spent a greater amount of time and interest pursuing alchemy than the scientific theories and laws that he is celebrated for developing.
The first signs for the decline of alchemy finally came in 1661 when Robert Boyle published the concise and humorously witty article The Sceptical Chymist, in which he affirmed the hypothesis that all matter is composed of atoms in constant motion in opposition to Aristotelian views on matter, and earned him the title as the founder of modern chemistry (Robert Boyle). With the further development of scientific theories in the realm of chemistry from other scientific giants such as Antoine Lavoisier, alchemy faded into obscurity.

Probably the most unexpected legacy of alchemy is that, in regards to producing gold from other substances, the alchemists were right all along, just not in the way they expected! At Michigan State University, an unlikely duo, Kazem Kashefi, assistant professor of microbiology and molecular genetics, and Adam Brown, associate professor of electronic art and intermedia, were able to achieve this remarkable feat through the use of bacterial life forms, Cupriavidus metallidurans, or “metal lovers” (“’Microbial Alchemy’ Produces Gold From Toxic Chemical). This organism, they discovered, is able to consume the toxic and largely useless compound, gold chloride, in much the same way as plants and animals consume air. The process involved filling a vessel with one and a half liters of water, removing the oxygen, and then inserting the bacteria, as well as a continuous yield of gold chloride to be consumed. The system resulted in the production of about 60 milligrams of solid, 24-karat gold within a week (“’Microbial Alchemy’ Produces Gold From Toxic Chemical)! While not cost effective, this great pursuit of the alchemist, one that was thought impossible by many, was ultimately fulfilled.
And who knows? Perhaps the second, more elusive pursuit of the alchemist, eternal life, is just around the corner. And perhaps, as with the discovered method of gold production, it will be in a way they could have never possibly imagined. But that is a story for another the another time.

YouTube Links
Heating of Sulfur: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dz1Au7Tm5I
Reaction between Mercury and Nitric Acid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AUFy23VxMo

Works Cited

"Alchemy - Crystalinks." Alchemy - Crystalinks. N.p., n.d. Web. 08 July 2016.

"Islamic Medical Manuscripts, Alchemy 1." U.S National Library of Medicine. U.S. National Library of Medicine, n.d. Web. 08 July 2016.
"Mercury." Periodic Table: Alchemy. N.p., n.d. Web. 09 July 2016.

"'Microbial Alchemy' Produces Gold From Toxic Chemical." Forbes. Forbes Magazine, 5 Oct. 2012. Web. 01 July 2016.
"Robert Boyle | Chemical Heritage Foundation." Robert Boyle | Chemical Heritage Foundation. N.p., n.d. Web. 09 July 2016.
"The Magic and Myth of Alchemy." , Lloyd Library and Museum. N.p., n.d. Web. 08 July 2016.
"The Metal-Planet Affinities." The Metal-Planet Affinities. N.p., n.d. Web. 09 July 2016.

Ave Satanas!

Artwork of the Damned
"The Fork ran away with the spoon "
14x11 Oil Painting by, The Stalker

Wetwork's History Unconvoluticized
Article by, Zen Beatitudes

It is July 20th, 1933. Hitler has been the German Chancellor since the 30th of January that year but is already reaching out to the National Socialist's morally affiliated international organizations. Fascist Renaissance Italy, Imperial Urotsujikogi Japan, the Argentinean Foreign Retirement Bureau and the Catholic Church.

While the National Socialists, Fascists and the Imperials eventually form the Axis of Awesome Authoritah, the Catholic Church (being more a Kool and the Gang kind of evil) wants its own little tête-à-tête. And so, the Plenipotentiary His Eminence the Most Reverend Cardinal Eugenio Pacelli has a tea party at a little kids table with Fred the Bear, Topsy the Clown and Herr Franz von Papen. They hash out an agreement whereby the Church said "Hey, we'll stay out of political crap and you let us keep spreading our established regimen of generational spiritual slavery." and the German delegation says "Sure, we'll totally sign anything cause we have nothing but good intentions. Mwah."

And lo, it was good on paper at least.

But then the National Socialists (Nazi was actually a derogatory term invented by their German opponents the Communist Bakers Collective), embrace the concept of the Welteislehre and sh*t gets way weird...er. Now apparently, after a vision had by an Austrian inventor and notorious candy cane addict named Hanns Hörbiger 30 damned years previous, science has been simplified and wholly reordered-
"I knew that Newton had been wrong and that the sun's gravitational pull ceases to exist at three times the distance of Neptune."

See? Simples. You can thank Himmler for the more odd tweaks, he was a big believer in... all kinds of weird pseudoaryan crap.

Anyway, if everything is made of ice, does that include heaven? And here we have the roots of a conflict unrecorded anywhere by anyone but more true for that fact. Nazi moon commandos (they colonized it in their search for Pure Aryan Ice, whiter and colder than 'unter-ice') are sent to secure the fabled Vatican Star Map (on which the Vatican City itself is architecturally based) from the Archivum Secretum Apostolicum Vaticanum. Opposed in this endeavour by The Pontifical Swiss Guard's elite haptic cyborg Nunbot unit, a battle of epically clandestine and totally undetectable ferocity took place.

In a running fight across the entirety of the second world war, these two mortal enemies who barely unofficially exist clashed again and again, eventually resulting in an undocumented stalemate.

An agreement was finally reached whereby certain planets would be allowed to be made of ice with Relativity being suspended in the space surrounding these orbs, while Heaven would not have a permanent ski season and swastika bunting.

The Church, in its infinite wisdom was opposed to a total galactic Ice Age for one simple reason. It is respite that renders torture effective. And if there's anything that the Catholic Church has down, it's torture.

Tune in next time when we decode the mystery of Zombie Jesus and why he loved to do 'miracles' to rabbits, like make them lay eggs!

We hope you've enjoyed our eighteenth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details. Thanks for reading.

[The Stalker]

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

August 30th, 2016
Issue XIX. The Seventh Son

Index
I. Funkadelia Interview
II. Spotlight News
- Department of the Seven Sins
- Longest Sitting Delegate record broken
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. The Cosmic Crack: Life through the Eyes of the Clown Prince
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. Wetwork's History Unconvolutecised

Funkadelia Interview
Interviewed by, The Stalker


1. In the beginning there was Funk, tell me about that, what is the origin story of Funkadelia?

Funkadelia was formed when the Starchild arrived to Earth from his Mothership to spread the holy Funk across the land. Starchild was an agent of Dr. Funkenstein, who is the intergalactic manipulator of the Funk, and is able to cure all of humankind's problems. As he said, "the bigger the headache, the pill, and [he's] the big pill." He left the secrets of the Funk in the Pyramids, and Funkadelia is the land where the followers of the Funk unearthed the meaning of the Funk Pyramids.

2. Recently elected to the position Chancellor of the Founderless Region Alliance, what vision do you have for its future? Will you be bringing the Funk?

I plan on bringing the elite defender illuminati across the entire NS World. I also plan on starting a gofundme campaign to buy NS from Max Barry so that I can become the founder of The North Pacific and make it my own personal colony.

Seriously though, I have plans to seriously improve the FRA under my charge. I plan on reinvigorating our Rangers and working with our member regions to help them improve, as well as helping our defender friends across Nationstates to develop.


3. When did you begin your defending career? What would you consider your favorite defending operation so far?

I started my NS career in the region Taijitu, and back in 2012 I asked to join the Taijitu White Army. Gulliver, the delegate at the time, directed me to the United Defenders League so that I could start helping out with some defenses. In fact, I just looked it up for the purposes of this interview. In June 2012, I joined the UDL, and I can't remember what the liberation was that we did, but I just remember Solm teaching me how to defend.

People frequently ask me what my favorite defending operation has been. To be honest, I have a difficult time remembering all of them because there have been so many! Every liberation gives me the same rush every time. I just really care a lot about the regions I defend and liberate. So I'd say the most recent one I'm really proud of is Singapore. It's rewarding to get such a great payoff from going around all day and organizing people and reaching out and pulling them into our operations. I love it.


4. Now as we're both apart of the GP elite we both know about shadowy organization known as the Empire bent on conquering the major GCRs through political manipulation and allegiances, who control roughly 50% of GCRs currently, what are your opinions on them? What about the equally shadowy organization known only as the Network, bent on rivaling the Empire and sabotaging them from within? Do you believe the Alliance is the last hope for GCRs and anyone wishing to avoid evil shadow governments? Would you like one of my spare tinfoil hats? They keep their mind control rays from getting in.

Oh, yes. I'm very aware of Empire. And the Network. They're very scary indeed. All I have to say is that those dastardly criminals ought to beware of our Alliance. We're coming for you and we'll protect everyone from your evil reign! I make my own tin foil hats, you can't trust anyone!

5. Why are you a defender? What is your personal philology you base your entire life off of? Are you on team Red, Yellow, or Blue? Does pineapple belong on pizza?

I'll tell you seriously, I have a lot of deep personal feelings about defending. I know it's popular to be edgy and say "I don't care about the natives it's just because I want to do it!" For me, though, I care a lot about helping people out who most of the time have no idea what's going on. I've seen so many regions utterly destroyed and communities busted because of an invasion. I think it sort of ties in with how I am as a person. I've always cared very deeply about helping people out wherever I can, and I think everyone should make efforts to help each other, rather than only think about their own personal gain or profit.

I'm actually on team Blue. It upsets my boyfriend because he's on team Yellow and everyone makes fun of them.

PINEAPPLE DOES NOT BELONG ON PIZZA. THIS DEBATE NEEDS TO END.

6. If you sold me, er, made a Faustian bargain with the Devil for your soul, what would you ask for?

I would ask for 1,000 endorsements so I can be as popular as Ravenclaw is.

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker


Establishment of the Department of the Seven Sins

Hell recently established The Department of the Seven Sins. A better organizing of all Hell's existing programs, and programs being developed. All of which will allow for greater sin production, give people the opportunity to get involved easier, and create a one stop shop for everything going on. It will continue to be developed in the coming months.
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Longest Sitting Delegate record broken!

The Stalker recently overtook the long held Longest Serving WA Delegate title, formally held by Cynical Alcoholics with 715 consecutive days, who also remains a devoted member of the region to this day. It is truly a marvel the continued collaboration necessary to make this feat possible a second time, to have held the seat consecutively for two years in Hell, and it is an honor to expand upon it.
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(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland


Dearest Freddbert,
Your answers to serious questions seem, how shall I say, glib. Are your answers to be taken seriously or to be viewed as entertainment only?

Perplexed

Perp,
My answers to reader's questions are to be taken most seriously. How seriously, you ask? Serious as death. Serious as bringing a marshmallow to flamethrower fight. Serious as your mom asking you for a condom. Serious as... nah, i make all that stuff up.

Fredd
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Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

The Cosmic Crack: Life through the Eyes of the Clown Prince
Article by, LaVeyan Inferno


Some men aren’t looking for anything logical, like money. They can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.-Alfred Pennyworth; The Dark Knight

With Gotham City as his playground, and its citizens merely his toys, the Joker has proven through his many adaptations to be, both psychologically and externally, the epitome of chaos. A pathological egomaniac with a background history as distorted as his mind, he is an enigmatic hybrid between creative morbidity and dark humor. It is these traits that have allowed him to endure and thrive through the ages, and he remains an icon of villainy. But what drives his madness, if there is even a method to it? How does he derive such joy from his reign of terror? Is it merely psychopathy, or is there a more complex reason beyond mental instability that makes him tick?

No matter the adaptation of his character, all of them have one thing in common: One bad day; one traumatic push that sent him tumbling through the escape exit of madness. Whether it was the vat of chemicals, the death of his wife, or his abusive father, once he crossed that threshold, he reached the point of no return. Either as a coping mechanism to sever himself from these negative emotions for good, or out of the need for revenge against a society he felt had failed him, he reinvented himself within a drastically short period of time. Much like how one would view the zany, slapstick shenanigans of cartoons like the Looney Tuns, the Joker seems to have adapted a third person perspective of himself and everyone else. A good comparison would be “The Fly on the Wall,” an untouchable, unknown observer of an event or chronology of events. So when Batman is pulverizing his or when he blows a hospital sky high, he views it all as comic antics. The disconnection he has from basic human instincts such as self-preservation and empathy has allowed him to deal incredible amounts of damage to others, and has enabled him to casually dismiss dangers and injuries with a gleeful cackle.

At his core, the Joker is undoubtedly philosophically similar to absurdism. From his scarring experiences in life, he has come to view the world, along with the suffering and tribulation that it produces, as totally meaningless. He takes this philosophy a step further, though, by not only embracing life as pointless, but finds hysterical joy in the emptiness. The randomness, and oftentimes, harshness of life is to him a spiteful gag directed by some invisible hand of fate. In short, life’s a joke. What gets him riled up even more is what he sees as ridiculous attempts by society to impose law and order upon the truly chaotic nature of the universe. This viewpoint is displayed well in his “Average Man” soliloquy from the comic The Killing Joke, in which he makes a fine example of Commissioner Gordon.

“Ladies and gentlemen! You've read about it in the papers! Now witness, before your very eyes, that most rare and tragic of nature's mistakes! I give you: the average man. Physically unremarkable, it instead possesses a deformed set of values. Notice the hideously bloated sense of humanity's importance. Also note the club-footed social conscience and the withered optimism. It's certainly not for the squeamish, is it? Most repulsive of all, are its frail and useless notions of order and sanity. If too much weight is placed upon them... they snap. How does it live, I hear you ask? How does this poor pathetic specimen survive in today's harsh and irrational environment? I'm afraid the sad answer is, 'Not very well'. Faced with the inescapable fact that human existence is mad, random, and pointless, one in eight of them crack up and go stark slavering buggo! Who can blame them? In a world as psychotic as this... any other response would be crazy!" - Batman: The Killing Joke

The Joker, expanding upon his perceived revelations of the haphazardness of life, sees the world as a card game and each life as an individual card from the deck, with its own identity and “suit,” or motivation: The heart, which represents emotion; the spade, symbolizing intellect; the diamond, symbolizing wealth; and the club, representing power. His analogy places people into two main categories: the numbers and the face cards. The numbers are the hoi polloi of society, the dull masses with little to no significance to him. The face cards are those select few that gain the Joker’s interest, those of prominence like Commissioner Gordon or Bruce Wayne, or those who have affected him in some way, such as Batman or Harleen Quinzel. The Joker, it seems, generally detests both of these “classes” in equal measure, the former for their insipidness and complacency, and the latter for continuing to play by the rules despite their higher status. This leaves the Joker card; one that is well known for its uniqueness and spontaneous nature. It is a wild card that often disregards the conventional rules placed upon the other cards. And thus, it is clear as to how the Joker perceives himself.

Reinforced in his conviction by the card which he bases his choices upon, he shuns society’s rules, and, in an engrained sense of superiority, executes this worldview in a demeanor quite befitting of his theatric appearance and name: that of a stage performer, a deranged artist essentially. His sought masterpiece is the distortion of the world around him to fit his vision and he pursues this goal through a variety of methods ranging from wanton violence to psychological manipulation. The mayhem he reaps is as much a statement as it is a stand-up routine for him; one of upsetting the established order by causing as much trouble for law enforcement as he can. Yet, even being the wild card that he is, at some point, he began to realize that with the rise of new enemies such as Robin and Batgirl that threatened to tip the balance, he couldn’t continue the fight for Gotham’s soul on his own. It dawned on him that in every card deck, there are not one, but two Jokers.

Enter Harley Quinn. A lovable bundle of crazy, she acts as the Joker’s stage assistant and companion. She’s the extra needed muscle and cunning to help him in his escapades, as well as an extra dose of comical mischief for fans. In the human comedy that the Joker performs, Harley is the Shakespearian accomplice; she’s the one who observes the trials of the protagonist and adds a greater layer of depth to his struggle. For the whole point of his “performance” is to fill the meaninglessness of life with a joke, however horrid it may be.

Gaining notoriety meets this end for the Joker as well, similar to the recognition desired of any ambitious artist. There are of course, the random onlookers, which again, are just numbers to him, and he only sees them as disposable pawns or impressionable puppets. His true target audience is, in essence, face cards. And this is somewhat contradictory to his initial view of such people of influence. On one hand, yes, he does view them as misguided in their beliefs. Yet, on the other hand, he needs their approval, or more often, disapproval, to validate his “artwork”. The confirmation he receives from them fuels him to make his next act more insane than before. And of these audience members, his favorite is none other than the Batman himself. A stark contrast is, to him, a blatant challenge to his worldview. He views the Batman as the sharpest of critics who just downright hates his style and guts.

Indeed, the enmity between these two characters is a practical Ying and Yang conflict; two opposite and opposing forces constantly clashing with one another, neither gaining significant ground over the other. And while Batman always thwarts the Joker’s attempts to turn Gotham City into his own personal amusement park, he fails to subdue the ideas behind them. The movie, the Dark Knight, portrays this impasse perfectly whenever Heath Ledger’s Joker fails to coerce the occupants on board the evacuation ferries into literally blowing each other out of the water. Batman then attempts to persuade him into seeing that he is wrong in his view that other people go down the same path of insanity when misfortune emerges, as the Joker did. But, in the end, the Joker won that philosophical argument, for he was able to take the most virtuous, moral man in Gotham, Harvey Dent, and turn him into a murderous sociopath.

In conclusion, when one compares the Joker with other super-villains, what makes him so much more dangerous and unique is the fact that he doesn’t outright fight against good. His ingenious strategy in defeating good is to infiltrate it and distort its very meaning. He challenges the moral framework of his audience by pointing out hypocrisy and incongruities he sees in those who deem themselves morally upright. It is his way of unraveling the madness that lies within the human condition.

Artwork of the Damned
"Cosmic Tree"
20x20 Oil Painting by, The Stalker

Wetwork's History Unconvolutecised
Article by, Zen Beatitudes


As we all know Jesus was crucified on the hill of Golgotha in the Aramaic tongue. What is not commonly known outside of the most clandestine of secret societies is that this Hill had a turbulent history for more creatures than man.

This was the site of the Great Pelt Fire of 129BC, when one clever rabbit living in the Golgothan Warrens accidentally discovered fire after scratching stone with his claws while a piece of flint was caught in them. Suffice to say it ended poorly for everyone but the local meercat colony of Lower Calvary who ate very well indeed for the following month. Also beneath this earth arose the great trace leader Quickthigh Khan who in antiquity led the invasion and subjugation of thousands of subterranean square miles across Europe and into Asia minor. He eventually died of a heart attack mid coitus and his empire shattered, never to rise again.

Then we have Jesus, who through his great and decidedly unnecessary murder makes the burrows sacred ground. The divine blood of the son of something people call a god, sanctifies the hill including the burrows beneath. Thus rabbits are made holy, their cuteness defence more potent, their fur warmer, their feet abnormal repositories of luck and their flesh even tastier by His sacrifice. He hath raised them like unto himself, for it is a matter of biblical record that Jesus had incredibly lucky feet and was in fact nailed through them to counteract this with Roman ‘bad luck’ nails.

What people who lived near Golgotha failed to realise in the years following Jesus’s resurrection and the subsequent undead rabbit plague, was that these rabbits, while seeming normal (although decidedly lethargic and oddly carnivorous) were in fact immortal. It’s hard to pick when a bunny goes rogue let alone zombified. The truth was only understood when Golgotha exhumed its long burnt dead which shambled around medium rare for a number of years. These specimens had a caramelized taste to them due to a high diet in natural sugars, though the eating of undead was generally frowned upon in polite society (it is a backwater province after all, not Rome where that sort of thing happens all the time).

The great weather god slash newly omnipotent Yahweh looks upon things and is very unamused. Who wants to be watching people excreting still moving zombie rabbits after all? It seems there is a downside to seeing everything that goes on under the sun. So in His infinite Capitalisation, He smiteth the varmints and lo, it was better. Or so He thought. While this did indeed alleviate the impending zombie rabbit holocaust down below, now heaven was inundated with the things. Jesus of course was stoked, its well known that prior to his carpentry apprenticeship he had several small pets, rabbits among them, and was considering a career as a vet nurse. Thus heaven becomes cursed with an undead rabbit plague and two out of three aspects of godhead are decidedly unimpressed. It’s at this point that Yahweh decides that he’s had enough and essentially unmakes them. It’s messy as hell and the cherubim are cleaning up the goo for weeks, but eventually heaven is restored to its bleachy sparkle. And again, it is better.

Jesus however is devastated, and gets grounded in his plane of existence for 3 millennia after a big argument with dad. But Jesus is a thinker too, so he sends visions of rabbits to St. Paul. Unfortunately Jesus also has a good memory so he remembers seeing the crispy zombie bunnies. This gets interpreted by St Paul (who never actually met Jesus) as chocolate rabbits. Let’s not forget that Pauly was getting an abundance of hallucinations at this point and it’s impressive that he was able to get so close to the mark. So Paul of the mentally unbalanced Saintness institutes the production of chocolate rabbits as being metaphorically representative of Jesus in some way that makes sense only to him and then only occasionally. Most people like chocolate though, so they go along with it, and this is in fact one of the early incentives to attend his rambling psychotic breaks slash ‘sermons’. Immersion is after all, key to a good story though so it’s no surprise he did so well in the end.

And there you have it- the cosmic truth about bunnies, chocolate, zombies and why a group of rabbits is also known as a ‘trip’.

Please address any article ideas and love letters to Zen Beatitudes, I look forward to you christian forgiveness.

We hope you've enjoyed our nineteenth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details. Thanks for reading.

[Benevolent Thomas]

The Department of the Seven Sins just sounds amazing. What a brilliant idea! Also, congratulations on becoming the most quality publication on the GP forum. While others have changed or disappeared entirely, Hell's Bells continues to improve with a mixture of international interest and regional showcase.

[Lord Ravenclaw]

Only a thousand, Funk? You'd still be about 40 below me.

[The Stalker]

The Department of the Seven Sins just sounds amazing. What a brilliant idea! Also, congratulations on becoming the most quality publication on the GP forum. While others have changed or disappeared entirely, Hell's Bells continues to improve with a mixture of international interest and regional showcase.

Thanks Thomas, your too kind.

[Sygian II]

I enjoy reading your updates! Like Mall said, your growth behind a password is impressive!

[Brunhizzle]

Keep up the great work!

[The Stalker]

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

December 3rd, 2016
Issue XX. When You’re Evil

Index
I. Rise of the Member 2016
II. Spotlight News
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. Race: Science's Taboo
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. Where the Hell is Hell?

Rise of the Member 2016
Article by, The Stalker


Deep within the bowels of Hell the Mad King sat on his throne drinking down a dark red member berry wine smiling softly and madly to himself.

“Sir,” interrupts a lanky demon with a clipboard and an air of duty, the King doesn’t look up and continues to stare into his cup. The demon continues, “Sin production is at an all time high my lord, too high perhaps, we should plan to reinforce the wall around Hell to keep out unwanted souls.”

“We change the password often enough, it’s not demontaco123 by the way” mutters the King vaguely.

“Sir?” asks the demon not understanding and waiting for a reply not given he continues, “see it’s a bit of an error in our soul harvesting department, in particular the Faustian bargain. Made a mess of the elections, Hilary sold her soul to win the Democratic primaries, and then Trump sold his soul to win the Presidential election. Yea big f*ck up there, turns out Hilary doesn’t have a soul and Trump already sold us his to save one of his failing companies.”

“Who’s gonna be the President?” asked the King coming out of his stupor.

“Trump, unless they figured out we rigged it,” replied the demon.

“So the Simpsons were right, I member the Simpsons.” Said the King smiling weirdly once more.

“Sir this is serious!” insists the demon, “Mousebumples has Resigned as Europeian WA Delegate! Benevolent Thomas is gone! They’re hosing native Americans down with water in freezing temperatures the week of Thanksgiving sir! Everything’s gone completely mad!!”

“Did you say MAD??” A deranged look comes across the King, “I just caught a squirtle in Hell! That’s MAD! But that’s the devils luck for you.”

“A what!?” asks the demon puzzled once more.

“Oh nothing you poor muggle. Not everything is so different my dear friend, why Cormac just retired again the other day and is already back at gameplay. You member Cormac?” asked the Devil.

“Yea I member Cormac.” Sniffed the shaken demon.

“Now do you have what I asked for?” asked the king.

“Of course my lord,” replied the demon pulling out a bundle of member berries and handing them to the king.
The member berries began chattering; “Hey member Star Wars? Oo yea I member. Member the 90s? Member Chewbacca? Member Pokemon? Member Member!? Member Nationstates!? Member Hippiedom? Member the R/D Conference? Member the promise of regional custodians? Ooo yea I member!” The mad King took a handful and began to squeeze them into his cup, the member berries began to scream, “Member Batman? Aghhh. Member no ISIS? Gurgle. Member Nationstates again?”

The King takes a big swig of his glass begins to speak, “I member Nationstates. It’s time to make Hell great again.”

Join the Member Berry Coalition today!

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker


Historical Icons of Horror Fall theme


Hell was visited by all the twisted deranged murderers and madmen of history for this year’s fall theme.

“One day men will look back and say I gave birth to the twentieth century.”
~Jack the Ripper

“The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague.
Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins?”
~Edgar Allan Poe

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.

Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore.”
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(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland


Dear Fredd,
I can't help but notice that Buer singled you out for having "sold your soul to the Devil." [In the current issue of Hell's Bells.] Did you indeed sell your soul to the devil? If so, is that something you're proud of or want to remain private?
Besides Bela Lugosi, how do you plan on punishing Buer for daring to invoke your name? Maybe by crucifying him and then starting a fire at the base of the cross?
Interested

Interested,
Buer has part of it correct. The “devil” (as an interesting side note, the devil is just a stage name, like Bono or Cher or Richard Nixon) does currently own my soul. However, he bought it off of a 3rd party (my whorish ex-wife, who I now know was a succubus) to try to convince me to return HIS soul. I won the devil's soul several years ago in a (mostly) honest poker game. I doubt I will trade back as I currently enjoy abusing the devil's soul and mine is pretty well used up.
As for Buer, I am only slightly annoyed with him for making this transaction public, so will only yank a foot or two of his entrails from his body instead of several yards the next time I see him.

Fredd
-------------

Freddy,
So how'd your whorish ex-wife get hold of your soul?
Piqued

Pico,
When I first met her, I thought she was sweet and angelic, with a body like Angelina Jolie. So I fell head over heels for her and told her I would give her my heart and soul if she would marry me. In most cases, that would be figurative, but she took it literally. By the time I found out she had a bulk discount card at Motel 6, it was too late.

Fredd
-------------

Freddo,
Forget the whore, I want to hear about that card game!
Lizardo

Liz,
For about the last 15 years or so, a group of heavy hitters would get together to play five card draw on the last Friday of the month. That particular night Bill Gates, Queen Elizabeth and Michael Jackson had other obligations, so it was just me, the devil and the pope. Now the devil cheats constantly, and I've been known to deal from the bottom occasionally, so the pope did most of the dealing that night. By about 2am, most of the chips were stacked in front of me with the pope and the devil pretty well tapped out. That last hand, I was dealt 3 kings and some trash. So I pushed most of my stack to the center and said “I raise $1 million.”
The pope looked at his cards and back at me and said” I'll see your $1 million, my son, with an indulgence.”
I frowned “Not enough.”
“Ok. An indulgence and a dispensation.”
The devil said “Nope.”
I smiled” How 'bout 2 dispensations, an indulgence and your pope hat? Not the little skull cap. The tall white one with the gold cross on it.”
The devil nodded. “I always liked that hat.”
The pope frowned, leaned over, grabbed his hat from the floor and put it in the center of the table. He scrawled a note that said “This note entitles the bearer to 2 dispensations an an indulgence. Signed, the Pope.”
I looked over at the devil. “How 'bout you, sparky?”
“My trident?”
“Not enough.”
“A night with a succubus?”
I shook my head. “I was married to a succubus for 5 years. No thanks.”
The pope leaned in with a positively evil grin on his face. “What about your soul?”
I laughed so hard I thought I would die.
“That's perfect! The pope trying to con the devil out of his soul.”
The devil reached into his chest and pulled out something that looked like a black tattered handkercheif.
“That's it?”
The devil shrugged. “It's had some hard mileage.”
I turned to the pope. “Gimme two.”
I looked at my new cards. The king I was missing and the ace of hearts.
The devil and the pope each took two also. Then we all called.
I tossed mine in and said “four kings.”
The pope swore like a sailor and threw in his full house.
The devil grinned and spread out his cards. “Four aces.”
I stood up. “Wait a minute. You can't...YOU IDIOT! You have two aces of diamonds!”
The devil looked down at his cards and said ”Oops”.
So that's how I won the devil's soul, 2 dispensations, an indulgence and best of all, the pope hat.

Fredd
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Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

Race: Science's Taboo
Article by, Imperator Ragnarsson, Ingskalla

Since our prehistoric predecessors migrated from Africa (geographically where contemporary Ethiopia is located) a paradigm is propagated and expressed in a number of disciplines (anthropology, genetics, psychology, philosophy of science) that the quintessential taxonomy (classification of organisms with similar morphological characteristics) of the Homo-Sapien races yields trivial and irrelevant significance. Prior to the tremendous international of emigration and demographic mobilization of humans during the last 500 years, populations were geographically isolated, exposed to climatic/environmental conditions and were reproductively sequestered from eachother. Since the departure from Africa around 60,000 years ago, this has been conducive for different subsets of humanity to evolve in separate directions, developing distinctive genetic, physiological, and perhaps even behavioral attributes. Conventionally, racial categorization is defined on the basis of haplogroups and the discernible physiological and anatomical attributes within human populations.

Europeans and West Africans, for example, differ in proportions of body fat, width of hips, thickness of thighs, bone density, and proportion of fast- and slow-twitch muscle, even East and West Africans differ in important ways. Morphometricians are physical anthropologists who analyze bones, focusing primarily on skull shape. By thoroughly measuring a skull, some morphometricians believe they can correctly identify its owner's continent of ancestral origin with up to 90 percent accuracy. Regarding Europeans, the nose aperture of the Caucasian skull has a narrower triangle shape; with a longer, thinner bony protrusion at the point where the nose comes out from between the nuchal ridge. Caucasian skulls also possess a nasil sill, Asian and African skulls don’t. Regarding nasal bridge, Africans tend to have an arching, ``Quonset hut'' shape, Europeans tend to have high nasal bones with a peaked angle, Asians tend to have low nasal bones with a slight angulation. Typically, Africans tend to have wide nasal apertures, Europeans narrow. In Zygomatic form, Mongoloid craniums habitually tend to have anteriorly projecting cheekbones. According to the Taiwanese Institute of Vertebrate Palaeontology and Palaeoanthropology, “Mongoloid features are a mesocratic skull, fairly large and protruding cheekbones, nasal bones that are flat and broad, a nasal bridge that is slightly concave without depression in the nasion, "the lower borders of the piriform aperture are not sharp but guttered", shallow prenasal fossae, small anterior nasal spine, trace amounts of canine fossae and moderate alveolarprognathism. Many American Indian incisor teeth have occlusal wear (older skulls that is). East Asians also have shovel-shaped incisors and in some cases they are turned slightly to the midline which is adept attribute for chewing. In Europeans and Africans, these face more laterally and the zygomatic recede posteriorly. In addition, cranial composition also includes the traits of the East Asiatic epicanthic fold and for Sub-Saharan Africans, the protruding maxillary prognathism of the jaw. The femur of Sub-Saharan Africans is less oblique, the tibia (shin bone) more curved and bent forward, the calf of the leg high and but little developed.

In the United States, the most frequently reported medical differences concern blacks and whites. It is well known that only blacks suffer from sickle-cell anemia, for example, a condition that helps the body resist malaria. Reaching sexual maturity and development of first and secondary sexual characteristics exist earlier in those of African descent than those of other races. Also, Sub-Saharan Africans have higher prominence of testosterone with East Asians having the lowest, a chemical hormone that contributes to aggression and libido. Historically, Mongolic peoples adapted to the cold by having their blood vessels be further in their body, giving their skin a more yellowish color than reddish color. This however left them vulnerable to heat, which is where additional sweat glands (from the gene EDAR mentioned earlier) came in to balance it. Bone density in black populations are resilient and whereas European-descendant peoples are more susceptible to fracture. Data from the Study of Osteoporotic Fractures (SOF) and the Baltimore Men's Osteoporosis Study (MOST) show that, in both sexes, blacks have higher adjusted bone mineral density than whites and a slower age-adjusted annual rate of decline in bone mineral density….” (Marc C. Hochberg). Negroids have one for them typical neotenic-infantile forehead shape (doomed/high). Whereas significantly more on average, Europids have sloping/low foreheads in combination with brow bridge. Regarding the forehead shape, Mongoloids are between Negroids and Europiods.

Genetic studies conducted within the past couple of decades have shown and indicated that humans of non-Sub Saharan African descent have between ratios of 1-5 percent Neanderthal admixture. Ethnic groups that are constituents of Mongolic category include: Han Chinese, Japanese, Mongolians, Koreans, Inuits, Native Hawaiians, Vietnamese, the Buryats of Eastern Siberia, to Polynesians. Caucasoid ethnic groups include Europeans (Germanic, Celtic, Slavic, Italic/Romance, Baltic, Finno-Urgalic descent, etc ) Near Eastern and Semitic, Berber, and inhabitants of the Indian Subcontinent. They tend to have longer dolichocephalic features (long narrow) in contrast to other races.

In conclusion, there are substantive biological and anatomical differences between human populations, this is corroborated by observations of forensic anthropologists, geneticists, evolutionary anthropologists, physicians, and other accredited medical and biology professionals. Egalitarian partisans and members of the status quo controvert a rudimentary but imperative aspect of human evolution and selectively obscure the reality of the valid phylogenetic differentiation, structural and genetic diversity in the human species. What shall be celebrated is the diversity and beauty within the human species. This article is not an endorsement or some form of patronage to any sort of supremacist ideology, but a brief dispensation of SOME of the facts on human biodiversity. In a subsequent article would like to expound more upon this issue, this being a two parter, diving into how race affects us on a societal level.

Artwork of the Damned
"Peirre the cat"
14x11 Oil Painting by, The Stalker

WHERE THE HELL IS HELL?
Article by, Buer the Demon AKA Dr George


Where is Hell? Early religious thinkers posited it was deep underground where the damned would be eternally swimming in magma. While certainly the interior of planet Earth is a hot, unpleasant place, it is hardly unique in that—the surface of Venus, the side of Mercury facing the Sun, and on the surface of the Sun or within it, or at the point of several different varieties of stellar phenomena, are all very hot, unpleasant places. I propose that if Hell exists at all, it is none of these places. Should you ever notice the headline in a supermarket tabloid proclaiming, “Astronomers Find Hell in the Constellation of Scorpio,” you don’t need to read the article to know that it is nothing but lies.

Hell, like Heaven and God and souls and much of religion, is a metaphysical entity, perhaps indeed just a metaphorical reality to us. There is no way to point to Hell because it does not exist in our universe. We often talk about someone or something being “Hell on Earth,” when we mean ‘tortuous’ or ‘extremely unpleasant.’ Mystics and poets and prophets paint very different versions of Hell, from Jesus’s “Lake of Fire” to Dante’s “Inferno” to C.S. Lewis’s concept that it is simply separation from God. Even assuming an infinite universe, everything within our universe has coordinates and is either a complete vacuum (i.e., entirely empty) or containing some variety of particles and/or forces. Thus, we could assign a value to all the infinite points in the universe of 0 for vacuum and 1 for ~vacuum. We do not genuinely know what Hell would be composed of, but I sincerely doubt it would fit neatly into our laws of physics and be some combination of 0s and 1s. Hell, being beyond our universe, defies any exploration by the scientific method or even probings by our imaginations. Hell is beyond. Hell is other than what we can know. It is unknown and unknowable.

Everything we do and can know is within our universe, even if it is too large or too small for us to visualize. We can go so far as to say that everything that we know exists is inside of our universe and is some kind of combination of 0s and 1s and obeys the physical laws of the universe. What laws exist outside of our universe are unknown; if there are persons or objects or places outside of our universe, we have no idea of what they may be composed. For all we know, there may be an entity outside of our universe known as “the Tooth Fairy.” It seems unlikely, but there is no way to prove or disprove that the Tooth Fairy is not there beyond the horizon of our universe. All we can say is that the Tooth Fairy does not exist in the here and now. We can say the same thing about Hell, Heaven, God, Satan, angels, and souls. Perhaps there exists some place outside of what there is that is a tortuous prison for the unfaithful, a place of infinite bliss for the faithful, an omniscient/omnipotent/good being that is completely aware of what is happening on Earth who occasionally intervenes in our history for specific ends, a being of enormous power eternally opposed to the former being, messengers of great power who convey the good being’s will, and beings that at the same time are quintessentially us that survive after our bodies die, etc. There is simply no way to know.

Most of us reading this essay were brought up, even if only culturally, with archetypes of Hell, Heaven, God, and the rest. I find myself amused when atheists (or people of religions outside of Christianity) say “Jesus Christ!” as a swear word or an adverbial intensifier. When we say things like, “The goddamned car won’t start,” I do not think most of us consider the vehicle to have been condemned by some almighty being, rather we are conveying our anger at the car and insulting it for not working properly. In this sense, all the familiar pantheons of spiritual beings and concepts emerge in our universe as metaphors for different ideas and situations. When a church-goer says, “I feel the love of Jesus in my heart,” she is clearly not intending to comment at all about the four-valved muscle that pumps blood through her circulatory system as if it had some kind of parasite, rather that she perceives a loving indwelling from beyond herself at the core of her life. When we say, for example, that Fredd has “sold his soul to the Devil,” despite what popular culture loves to portray as someone signing a contract with the Prince of Darkness using blood for ink, we are usually saying that Fredd has turned to evil/underhanded/unfair means to achieve some end (often a bad one). Similarly, there many other archetypes that dwell in our collective unconscious, like Superman, Harry Potter, and Sherlock Holmes. Typically, these archetypes signify (in order), enormous strength, magic-like abilities, and an uncannily perceptive person figuring out the complex solution to a problem. They’ve never existed in our reality, but they are like constant companions and belong these days more to common culture than the persons who happened to invent them. None of them are real in the sense of physically existing in our universe, but belong to us and are known to us and perhaps inspire us. In that sense, if no other, Hell is most certainly alive and well and among us this day.

We hope you've enjoyed our twentieth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details. Thanks for reading.

[The Stalker]

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

December 23rd, 2016
Issue XXI. Blackstar

Index
I. Interview with Caelapes AKA Misley
II. Spotlight News
-Hell Opens Embassies with The West Pacific!
-South Park Christmas!
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. NationStatesism. Gospel of The Stalker: Ch. 1. Genesis
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. Interview with Lord Ravenclaw

Interview with Caelapes AKA Misley
Interviewed by, The Stalker


1. Well known as one of NationStates champions of the left, tell me, how did your proletariat struggle begin? What is the origin story of Misley, aka Caelapes?

I was radicalized in the lead-up to—and aftermath of—the 2008 US Presidential election. We came out of the Bush era with hope for the future that was not satisfied by the Obama administration. I flirted with democratic socialism until I attended the inaugural Save Our Schools March in Washington, DC where I met an organizer with the Party for Socialism and Liberation who took the time to discuss democratic and revolutionary socialism with me and a couple of other march attendees. Since then, I've been a member of PSL and have worked to spread the ideas of revolutionary socialism throughout my circles, whether that means real life friends or here on NationStates.

2. The Internationale remains a thriving stronghold for leftist over the years and its changes, tell us a bit about your homeland and its history, what’s your favorite aspect of your region?

The Internationale was first formed in April 2009 on the ill-fated NationStates 2, a game based on NationStates that had war and other international conflict built in. The Internationale was formed as an "alliance" where leftists could find allies to fight against fascists in wars with other nations. In June 2009, it was formed here on NationStates itself by La Pasionaria. It remained under La Pasionaria's guidance until they were deleted by moderators in November 2013.

At the time, I was the elected Comrade WA Delegate. With guidance and support from officers of The Red Fleet, I locked and secured The Internationale and worked toward removing all nations from the region. This was successful, and in June 2014 I refounded The Internationale as its Custodian (Founder). When I was puppetswept in January of this year, we repeated the process and Proletaire, who was one of the original members of The Internationale back in its NationStates 2 days, took over as Custodian-Founder.

The Internationale has always been a highly democratic region, rooted in revolutionary anarchist thought and participatory democracy. Our consensus system and refusal to adopt bureaucratized citizenship systems sets us apart from other regions and is perhaps my favorite part. When our Comrade Members adopted an official offsite forum for the first time last year, I worked hard to establish a system where comrades could register easily and be eligible to vote on regional affairs just by having their nation in The Internationale, rather than needing to apply for citizenship and have that approved by a regional bureaucrat as in other regions. The fact that anyone can join TI and immediately voice their opinion is my favorite part of the region.

3. Now you lead The Red Fleet, the Commended anti-fascist military organization and scourge of Nazis for years. You recently set up a new gameplay thread for the Red Fleet, tell me what do you see for its future? What was your favorite mission of all time?

Actually, I have given up my command of The Red Fleet. I serve as Joint Squadron Admiral for the Durruti Squadron of The Red Fleet, one of four active Squadrons. I resigned my post as Fleet Admiral in January, when I was puppetswept, and gave that command to Timchiland and Proletaire. Proletaire has since similarly retired his post, leaving Timchiland as the sole Fleet Admiral.

Even so, I have remained active as a technical officer for the Fleet, being involved in its script team; and I am its de facto public relations officer, having authored the former and current Gameplay thread.

I see a bright future for The Red Fleet. We hit a low point in 2013 after La Pasionaria was deleted, because that single event led to the retirement of our entire officer corps. I resurrected the Fleet and our current leadership has been able to take the Fleet to heights never before imagined. With the split within Nazi Europa, I'm personally hopeful to see the Red Fleet ensign hoisted above that region at some point in the future.

As for my favorite operation, that easily goes to the invasion of The Greater German Reich. GGR was a notorious Nazi region, with its founder reviled interregionally for their recruitment spam and endorsement of Nazism. A former TRF sailor brought the vulnerability to our attention, and about six hours before update we put a call out to all of our allies telling them to bring all of their allies. We ended up with 40+ endorsements and effortlessly took the region, never to lose control and we ended up successfully refounding the region after completely destroying it. It was the biggest operation planned, organized, and executed by The Red Fleet, and I'm thrilled to have been a part of it.

4. You’re also a member of the Coalition Against the Ideology of Nazism, or simply CAIN, love the name by the way, sounds like something I would have picked, ah fratricide. Quite the multiregional powerhouse of an alliance, still a young organization how would you describe it? What is your role in the organization? How many Nazi scalps do members have to collect?

"Am I my brother's keeper?"

I am personally conflicted about CAIN. On one hand, I see it as an organization that essentially duplicates the already-existing mission and duties of Antifa, a long-standing organization dedicated to combating fascism and Nazism within NationStates. At the same time, I see it as an opportunity for us to include regions who feel like Antifa is a leftist organization (though I cannot be clear enough that Antifa is not a leftist organization) in fighting Nazis, which is very important.

My role in CAIN is limited to organizing leftist/antifascist soldiers for CAIN operations. As The Red Fleet's technical officer, I have also authorized the use of TRF's tools, including a sophisticated military bot, by CAIN. So far, we have collected a good share of scalps in our initial raid on The NSIA, which I believe is the largest interregional update operation in NationStates history with over 80 updaters called upon in the initial raid. I'm looking forward to continuing that collection.

5. But let us not forget! You’re our elected WA Secretary-General, a position you won last April, and that I’m not totally still jealous of having come in tenth place myself. As leader of the World Assembly how awesome is that? Does like everyone just do what you say? Personally I rely on Voodoo, now if you’ll just sign here we’ll make NationStatesism the official religion of NationStates.

Leading the World Assembly toward the inevitable establishment of FULLCOMMUNISM would certainly be more exciting if I could actually do that.

As it stands, my powers as Secretary-General are limited, as I have joked countless times, to answering telegrams asking what my powers are.

Maybe I'm a conspiracy theorist, but I have a feeling there were actual powers planned for the Secretary-General position that were spiked as soon as it was clear I would win. There was much less fanfare after my election than there has been for previous April Fools Jokes, or so it seems.

But that doesn't matter! No mods! No masters! FULLCOMMUNISM for NationStates!

6. If you sold me, *cough* sorry, I mean the Devil your soul, what could you possibly ask for?

Fully-automated luxury gay space communism.

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker


Hell Opens Embassies with The West Pacific!


Hell was pleased to have opened embassies with The West Pacific (TWP) this December 19th and looks forward to a lasting friendship with their new snarky friends in the West. Making TWP the first feeder to open embassies with Hell and third game created region.
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South Park Christmas!

Hell goes down to South Park to have themselves a time, taking up a South Park Christmas in Hell theme for the month of December.

String up the lights and light up the tree, we're gonna make some revelry! Spirits are high, so I can tell, it's Christmas time in Hell!
Demons are nicer as you pass them by, there's lots of demon toys to buy. The snow is falling and all is well, it's Christmas time in Hell!

Hell Radio:
Dreidel Song
Kyle's Mom's a B*tch
Mr. Mackey's Carol of the Bells
Let's Fighting Love
Dreidel Song

Drink deep the Member Berry Wine!
Member Star Wars?
Member the 90s?
Member Feeling Safe?
We member

God cast me down from heaven's door, to rule in Hell forever more. But now I'm kinda glad that I fell, 'Cos it's Christmas time in Hell!
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(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland


Fredd,
What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?
Curious

Curious,
THAT'S a long list. Maybe the time I got drunk and barfed in the Pope's lab. At a state dinner. Or the time I thought I was dreaming about going to school without my pants... but it wasn't a dream. I guess it was the time I rode one of the bulls in Pamplona for a couple miles and spilled almost half my martini. Never had spilled more than a few drops before.

Fredd
---


Fredd,
I would have guessed it was 40 years ago when I caught you losing your virginity to one of my goats.
Farmer Brown.
DAMMIT BROWN,
You are a dead man. I told you I'd kill you and bury you someplace nobody would ever find your body if you ever mentioned that to anybody. You won't see another sunrise.

Fredd
---

Fredd,
A goat? Seriously?
ROFLMAO

NEXT QUESTION!!!
Fredd
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Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

NationStatesism: The Gospel of The Stalker
Chapter I: Genesis
Divine scripture by, The Stalker


In the beginning there was Max Berry and his Book, from which the lord created the realm of NationStates. Now NationStates was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of Max was hovering over the possibilities of what could be.

And Mr. Berry said, “Let there be Nations,” and there were nations. Max created the nations in his own image, in the image of his book he created them, conservative and liberal he created them. And Max saw that the nations were good. And there was a minor update, and there was a major update, the first day.

And Max Berry said, “Let the Nations of world shape themselves.” So Max created daily issues for the nations to answer, and allowed Nations to choose their leader, religion, and more. And there was a minor update, and there was a major update, the second day.

And Max said, “Let there be regions throughout the world to separate nations from nations.” So Max made the feeders and sinker of NationStates, and gave nations the power to create regions of their own. And it was so. And there was a minor update, and there was a major update, the third day.

And Max said, “Let the Nations of NationStates have a place to convene.” So Max created the NationStates Forums for the nations of the land. And Max saw that it was good. And there was a minor update, and there was a major update, the fourth day.

And Max Berry Said, “Let the Nations of the world have a governing body to participate in.” So Berry created the World Assembly, separating the light from the darkness. The nations called the light “Defenderdom,” and called the darkness “Raiderdon.” And there was a minor update, and there was a major update, the fifth day.

And Max Said, “Let the realm of NationStates be watched over and cared for by [Violet] and her Angels.” So Max from the nations of NationStates crafted a select few wings of Moderation and admin power to shape the world. Giving rise to angels and demigods to watch over his creation in his stead. And there was a minor update, and there was a major update, the sixth day.

Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. By the seventh day Max had finished the work he had been doing, so on the seventh day he rested from all his work.

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Interested in NationStatesism? Let The Stalker Know! He’s building a religion,
a limited edition.

Artwork of the Damned
"Jai Guru Deva Om (Across the Universe)"
14x11 Acrylic Painting by, The Stalker 2009

One of my very first paintings.

Interview with Lord Ravenclaw
Interviewed by, The Stalker

1. Lord Ravenclaw, tell me, is that a Harry Potter reference? Because it should be, what is the origin story of one of the feeder regions most prolific politicians?

Well, the origin of my character is definitely a HP reference. For a long time I used to be a roleplayer in that fandom (not to be confused with the Fanfiction Author of the same name). That stopped around the time of me returning to NationStates in 2012 but from as early as 2009, it's also been the name of the ruler of my main nation (2008-14; the Imperial Crown, 2014-Present; Lord Ravenclaw"). I started roleplaying when I was really young - something I discovered randomly in the more wild days of the internet (back when we still had dialup) and I roleplayed as Lord Ravenclaw until 2012, although I still have a Facebook page for my character with nearly three thousand likes. From 2012, when I joined Osiris I originally went with "Emperor of the Imperial Crown" but switched to Lord Ravenclaw once I got situated within the community (before it went to hell for an eternal visit and liked it so much that it decided to setup shop there).

2. Why did you choose not to run again as delegate of The North Pacific? Far as vice delegates go, do you consider yourself more of a Cheney or Biden type? Just between you, me, and our readership, what do you really think of Plembobria?

Gosh, stop with the hard questions. My wife will kill me if I get this wrong. Hyacinth (McMasterdonia) had me revising policies for this like I'm about to do my 11+ again. Patrick (Plembobria) has some very unusual tastes, and even as a lad we had concerns about them. When he managed to traumatise and force into retirement a sprightly 74 year old Steward with his antics we considered sending him to his Grandparents in Balder but were worried that he'd drive them into retirement or mass murder as well! As to Cheney or Biden? Neither. That would involve doing work. In the twilight of my years, I prefer to leave the heavy lifting to others, and I've become fond of seagull management. Also, term limits are Flemingovia's way to say: "Oi. Take a holiday."

3. What is it you think that makes The North Pacific constantly maintain the highest feeder population with basically double the endorsement count of any other feeder region? It's rather absurd you have 1250+ while the rest have like 600-500. Do you spawn more nations? Or just have hundreds of players super interested in your forum?

Well, I don't know if I'm meant to share this secret but, truly, we invest in new blood and new life. In return, we ask these agencies to spread the good word about Flemingovia and The North Pacific to their clients. It's been a long term investment, but some of said clients are now old enough to get involved, vote and of course, continue our secret plan. More seriously, huge work goes on behind the scenes. We have a penuin and a turtle that we found excaped from a zoo one day and in order to pay for their food and essentials, we put them to work. The penguin has decided to kick several of our programs into overtime lately so we are having to double the rum rations to keep people calm and content. It's very stressful stuff.

4. Now we're both well aware of the shadow government known as The Empire that seeks to influence and control the GCRs, tell me, how much influence do they maintain in The North Pacific? Are you a member?

My wife will do more than run off with a communist if I answer this wrong. Were you hired by my wife? I know she's having a tantrum about the fact I took away the Black Platinum Credit Card after she tried to buy Osiris cheap during Black Friday.

4.5. No but really are you a member? *uncomfortable silence for 3 seconds.* J/k *cough*

5. You are also the founder of the Kingdom of Alexandria, tell me a bit about your Kingdom. Do your subjects sacrifice their first born in your honor?

Second and fourth, actually. The firstborns are segregated by gender and taken to the mountains between us and Albion where we train them into an ultra-crime fighting supersquad called the Bowerstone Avengers.

As for the Kingdom itself, well.

Hotel California is jealous: they keep calling to ask for our secrets, but alas, we're never in.

6. If you sold me, I mean that Satan guy, if you sold your soul to the Devil, what would you ask for?

<goes wide-eyed and starts shuffling through the cards in his hands quickly but comes up empty>
breathes quickly My wife would really like a lot of things, and as a good husband it is my duty to provide them for her. She would like to discuss the terms at her candlelight suppers, would the Devil care to attend so we can talk terms?
{See: Keeping Up Appearances}

We hope you've enjoyed our twenty-first issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details. Thanks for reading.

[Revall]

Definitely enjoyed Lord Ravenclaw's interview